huyaoxiaozi

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Hello friends, new and old, and happy ( late ) new year!! I got back from my trip and just started writing a lot here without saying anything ooc, so I figured I ought to do that now 😂 First of all, thank you so much for being interested in My Boy!!! It means a lot to me 🥺 This is the first OC I've made that I actually feel comfortable and confident in, where I feel like he really is mine, so he's really special to me.        All of his info and backstory is in his carrd HERE, so please give it a read if you haven't yet I worked really hard on it. He's paired with my partner's OC Matt ( @feilien ), who is an extremely integral part of Zane's story and the person he loves most. You should definitely give them a follow as well if you aren't following already. For that reason, but also ... just because they're incredible and I adore them and Matt 🥰        I'm gonna get back to the couple folks who approached me for plotting on my weekend, thanks for being patient with me!! I'm excited to share Zane with y'all ❤️

[huyaoxiaozi]

       The second Zane felt the man's grip loosen, he summoned all the strength he could muster and jabbed his elbow upward, hearing the satisfying crack of broken cartilage. Blood gushed from the man's nose and Zane was scrambling back, trying desperately to breathe through the tension — but as he watched one of the men fall to his knees and then collapse without anyone laying a hand on him, his instinct told him whoever had picked a fight with them was Grisha. Like him.

       Evidently the men rushed towards them — Zane only caught a glimpse of his apparent savior. Shu, but with unusual dark eyes. He was physically smaller than the others and he didn't look like someone who could take on four men at once, but ... Zane supposed he hadn't, either, when he'd killed his captors. He took the time to try to regain his breath, ease his panic and, once the muscles in his throat began to loosen, the dull ache it always left in its wake flooded his senses. It never stopped hurting in some way, but ... these episodes made it much worse.

       His mind was foggy with pain and hunger, but it raced nonetheless, trying to figure out why this stranger had decided to help him. Barely anyone had given him more than a second glance since he'd gotten here. Why was it different this time? Then, he made a connection that normally would've taken him mere seconds — this man was Shu. Was he a member of the clan? Had Xiao Dan figured out that Zane had survived somehow and sent someone after him? Was he really important enough for all of that effort? He couldn't fathom how he could be. He wasn't.

       Once the men who'd tried to assault him were dead, he took a closer look at the stranger in turn. With the sharper features and high cheekbones, he looked like he was from the east, but ... that didn't mean he couldn't be a part of the clan. Zane watched him closely, seeking clues of a hidden agenda, some kind of trick in the making. However, all he could see was that he seemed oddly genuine. Regardless, after everything he'd been through, Zane struggled with the idea of letting himself believe this stranger had no ulterior motives.

       Zane cleared his throat, fighting to stifle a wince at the prickling of sharp pain that followed. After all, any shred of weakness is dangerous. He tried his best to actually speak and much to his relief, his voice was distinguishable enough now, although hoarse and rough. ❝Now it's we? ❞ He rasped in Shu, followed by a small, brief shake of his head. ❝If there's something you want from me, I have nothing to give.❞ In Ketterdam, it had become abundantly clear that you could not get something for nothing.

The noise of Ketterdam had gotten easier to drown out. Tourists and locals filled the streets, pulling each other into dark allies -- some without even that much decency. Drunken feet that tripped over cobblestone as they yelled at each other, yelled at him. Each breath Yuki drew in tasted like coal, urine, the sickly sweet smell of rotting vegetables. But there were worse places to be.

The image of a dark brig, the barest hint of sunlight shining through metal bars, and the smell of decay forcing its way down his throat invaded Yuki's mind. The pain of knowing no more tears could come, of knowing he was alone. And the relief knowing he would join his family soon, there in that frigid water...only for that to be robbed of him as well. Yuki started to shake his head, and then --

Someone would pay good money for you.

He stopped. To his right were three men, strong and bulky, one pinning a Shu man to the wall while the others laughed cruelly. Yuki's body was still, his hands shaking, but not with fear. No, he was back on the top deck of a ship, surrounded by slavers built the same, who sounded the same, with their uproarious laughter and rough, vulgar Kerch. He was pinned down on a lumpy mattress where no tears would come, pretending he was somewhere else — someone else. Someone would pay good money for you.

Now he wasn't escaping. Now he was angry.

The hand signals came to him easily, the connection to one heart speeding up. He wanted to make it hurt. And with some satisfaction, Yuki watched the man fall to his knees, clutching his chest. But soon the others were on Yuki, trying to yank his arms behind his back. With a final push, the first man fell in a lifeless heap to the ground, and Yuki turned on the others, a knife in his hand.

He didn't get the same luxury of causing every man a heart attack, but feeling their hearts stop in turn would have to be good enough. The last one spit a curse between his teeth, before Yuki's hand clenched and his body hit the pavement.

They hadn't gone down without a fight. Yuki was covered in blood, a couple wounds of his own, and a bloodied knife in his hand. There was silence. Yuki drew in a breath before he carefully stowed his knife, looking over at the man.

"Are you okay?" he asked in Shu, his gentle tone contrasting the blood staining his clothes and face, the bodies laying in the street. When he man didn't say anything, compassion shined clear in Yuki's eyes. He turned to the stranger and took a better look at him. No wounds, at least nothing fresh. A nasty scar peeked out from the man's collar, surrounding his neck. Yuki frowned.

"...It's not safe for us here," he said. "We should go." Of course the man had to be Grisha, and Yuki felt another flash of anger at those words. Someone would pay good money for you.

But...was it safe anywhere?

[huyaoxiaozi]

Song Weilong for Gucci Ancora brand event

[huyaoxiaozi]

       A fluttering sensation sparked in Zane's chest, those implications making his own head spin with desire and longing. Things had certainly gotten heated between them more than once back then, but ... that had been the nervous and uncertain desire of teenagers. Now, they were adults who had some kind of idea what they were doing. Matt deserved to be overwhelmed with everything good Zane had to offer him. He offered a teasing hum of ageeement. ❝And if you want me to tie you to my bed post by then, that can be arranged ... ❞ He was joking, of course. Or was he?

       Each press of Matt's lips against his skin felt like a little electric shock that crackled throughout his entire body. Zane let his eyes fall shut as he tilted his head a little, giving Matt as much room as he desired, exhaling shakily. It took him a moment to focus on the other's words, but as he processed them, it left a painful twinge in his chest. Zane didn't want to imagine a world where this was all the time they would ever have — nor did he want to imagine that they'd be forever opposed. He understood that Zane's one experience wasn't enough for Matt to abandon the only life and family he'd ever known, even if part of him certainly wished it could be that easy.

       He would simply have to find something worse that Matt could not overlook, no matter how hard he tried. That would take a great deal of time and it would no doubt be dangerous beyond belief, but … it was the only way.

       ❝Come here,❞ Zane murmured, urging Matt to carefully slide into his lap. He just wanted him as close as they could possibly be. ❝ Careful, come on.❞ Once he helped Matt get settled, Zane wrapped his arms around his waist carefully, embracing him with a sigh, burying his face into the other's shoulder. He wished they could stay like this forever; safe, wrapped up in one another, basking in each other's warmth, the achingly familiar scent of Matt's cologne, along with the natural one that lingered underneath, encircling him. He pressed a kiss to the other's clothed shoulder.

       ❝I can't either — I won't.❞ Zane pulled back, but only far enough to press a soft kiss against the base of Matt's throat. He continued, pressing open mouthed kisses just above the collar of his shirt, trailing them up his neck. He considered saying exactly what he was thinking about their being opposed right now, but … Zane didn't want this tender moment that he'd been craving for so long to turn into an argument. Instead, he shifted his thoughts to solutions, even if they were temporary.

       ❝This place is the closest safe house I have to you now,❞ he began, his lips having reached just bellow Matt's ear where he softly grazed his teeth against the tender skin there. God, Zane just wanted to take him apart piece by piece. ❝It's far enough from the city, so … it could be ours for now, if you want. When you're off on a job, you need somewhere to stay … ❞ he shrugged. ❝Somewhere to start, at least.❞

 “Hm… I suppose it does make me feel a little better, at least.” Although, of course, it’d be much better if neither one of them felt tortured. But that would probably be a state the two of them would have to endure and be content with. Given his current shape, Long Zhi doubted that he’d be in any state during his short stay to follow through with anything that could lessen the torture. There were other things, too, of course, that could make things more difficult.

 Not that he could focus on those things at the moment. Not when he could barely suppress a shiver as soon as Zane even touched his back, let alone grazed his nails along it. He’d forgotten just how good gentle touch felt, how it made him weak in his knees more than anything else ever could. A weakness Zane had used against him on many occasions, and which he clearly hadn’t forgotten about.  Not that he was complaining, of course. But it should terrify him just how easy it was to figuratively—and something literally—bring him to his knees. Just how little effort it required, if one knew how to push the right buttons. Good thing, then, that no one but Zane knew.

 Long Zhi looked up at Zane, parting his lips slightly, before they turned into a grin. “So what I’m hearing is that the offer still stands. For when I’m better.” His head was spinning with thoughts, with possibilities, with wants and with needs. And before worries and fears could follow, Zane was kissing him again and his mind was blank once more.  The only thing he could think of was him and his own pounding heart.

 “Likewise,” he muttered, taking the opportunity to kiss along Zane’s jaw. “I don’t know how much time we have, Zane. If we have any at all, besides these few days, or if it’s limited. Or if… If we can somehow figure something out.” I want us to. More than anything. I want more time. I need more time. He once again buried his hand in Zane’s hair, now slowly kissing along his neck. “I don’t know how we can figure something out. Or if we can at all. We’re on opposing sides. You want my grandfather dead, and I won’t ever let that happen. The odds are stacked against us and, realistically, we don’t stand a chance coming out together on the other side.”

 He pulled away, and let his hand slide down until it came to rest on Zane’s chest. “But, for some reason, I still want to try. I can’t— Now that you’ve reappeared in my life, I can’t just let you go again. I don’t have it in me. I never did.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Hello friends, new and old, and happy ( late ) new year!! I got back from my trip and just started writing a lot here without saying anything ooc, so I figured I ought to do that now 😂 First of all, thank you so much for being interested in My Boy!!! It means a lot to me 🥺 This is the first OC I've made that I actually feel comfortable and confident in, where I feel like he really is mine, so he's really special to me.        All of his info and backstory is in his carrd HERE, so please give it a read if you haven't yet I worked really hard on it. He's paired with my partner's OC Matt ( @feilien ), who is an extremely integral part of Zane's story and the person he loves most. You should definitely give them a follow as well if you aren't following already. For that reason, but also ... just because they're incredible and I adore them and Matt 🥰        I'm gonna get back to the couple folks who approached me for plotting on my weekend, thanks for being patient with me!! I'm excited to share Zane with y'all ❤️

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Zane was helpless to do anything but follow Matt's pull, scooting to the edge of the coffee table at first — then, since Matt was sitting up anyway and there was plenty of room, he opted to sit beside him on the couch. Another shiver wracked his frame with the feeling of Matt's fingers in his hair and he relished in the little sigh that had escaped him. It was leagues better than he remembered, as if kissing Matt were some divine experience his mind could never do any justice afterwards

       A shaking sigh escaped Zane as they parted and all he wanted to do was chase him for more, but — they both needed air, much to his dismay. A low, rumbling chuckle followed with Matt's words. ❝If it makes you feel any better, I'm torturing myself just as much as I am you.❞ He gave Matt's hand a gentle squeeze before letting go — only so he could slide his hand up the others back, then back down again, softly grazing his fingernails on the way down. ❝And, if I was making you an offer, I'd much prefer more room than this couch can provide.❞

       Dark eyes settled on Matt's features, studying and memorizing, like he always seemed to do now — and he softly brushed his thumb along the other's lower lip, tracking the moment. ❝Unfortunately, you've got a knife wound to look after, so ... you'll just have to behave and make do with limitations instead.❞ Zane met Matt's gaze once more, that crooked smile of his warm and teasing. His chest was tight, as if every ounce of emotion he'd ever felt for him in his entire life swelled within, far too much to contain.

       This time, when he leaned in to steal another kiss, Zane sought to deepen it. Slowly, carefully, but even the slightest taste of Matt after so long made Zane's head spin, his heart hammering against his chest. It was far too short a kiss, but there was a part of him that was almost worried that they were simply under some kind of spell and, at any moment, the slightest wrong move would shatter it. ❝You still drive me fucking crazy, you know.❞

 “Is that a threat?” he hummed, struggling to keep a grin off his lips while he fought the impulse to say those words, but ultimately lost. “Or an offer?” God, he had to stop. He knew he had to stop, or he’d make things more difficult and more complicated than they already were. Flirting, even if reciprocated, wasn’t helping. But how could he, when Zane made it so easy? When he responded to everything Long Zhi did or said by making things even worse as they made their way down this slippery slope?

 When he felt Zane’s hand shift underneath his own, he knew it was too late anyway. They had reached a point of no return and neither one of them seemed to want to turn around. After all these years, they still hadn’t learned. They still made stupid decisions in the heat of the moment. And Long Zhi was sure he’d regret it as little as he had back then.

 Letting out a quiet sigh, he shifted his gaze to their now entwined hands, and moved his own only enough so he could run his thumb along the scar. It brought back Zane’s words from a few weeks ago, and he couldn’t help but feel a mixture of guilt and white-hot anger. Right now wasn’t the time to be thinking about it, but he couldn’t seem to help it. It would haunt him every time he saw those scars, at least for a while if not forever.

 But all that anger disappeared into thin air—at least for now—when he felt Zane cup his cheek. It was instead replaced by the rapid beating of his heart, and a brief fight or flight sensation. That sensation disappeared as soon as he met those familiar eyes and was immediately reminded of who it was, and how he used to feel when touched like this—and with certain intentions. He’d almost forgotten. But in this moment he was all too willing to be reminded, retaught, and he could feel that fire being relit in the pits of his stomach. A fire he hadn’t felt since the last time they…

 Then their foreheads rested together and he knew for sure there was no going back. Even though Zane gave him every opportunity to put a stop to it, to pull away, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Didn’t want to. Right now, at this moment, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do less. All he could think about was the way Zane made him feel; had always made him feel. Fuck everything else. At least for now.

 Once their lips finally met, Long Zhi let out a quiet sigh, as though relieved, and reached up with his free hand to grab a hold of Zane’s shirt so he could pull him in. He wasn’t far away, but even that little distance between couch and table felt like too much. As soon the other had obliged he let go of his shirt and instead shifted to running his hand through Zane’s hair, stopping only to grab a fistful of it. He felt as though he was burning up, as though he could vibrate out of his own skin at any given moment. He hadn’t felt like this in years, and he’d completely forgotten how maddening it was. Even moreso now when he could hardly move.

 Still, he lasted for a while before he finally had to pull away. Both for some air, and to gather his bearings. “If your intention is to torture me, you’re doing a good job.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       ❝The few days that you do have, you have to rest, let your body heal. I will tie you to this couch if I have to.❞ The teasing was a means of distracting himself from the way his heart was pounding against his rib cage. The gesture was small, in the grand scheme of things, but Zane understood the nuances of it. He glanced down, once again hesitating briefly before he shifted his hand beneath Matt's, turning it palm up. It was an invitation and it was taken readily. The thick, jagged scars that cut across both palms was on full display this way, but Zane didn't seem to mind and it didn't deter Matt's seeking touch, either.

       There was a moment of heated silence and, maybe he should have thought longer about making the decision. Maybe he should have given thought to how this would irrevocably change things in a way neither of them could come back from. Maybe he should've been afraid of what letting himself show Matt exactly how much he still loved him could mean for him. Somehow, this time felt different — while they were still two people who loved each other fiercely despite the fact that some believed they shouldn't, neither of them were teenagers anymore.

       They were both strong, capable and dangerous men now and perhaps together they could forge a path through the dark, find the light at the end of a long tunnel. Hell, looking into Matt's eyes in this moment certainly felt like he was seeing a gleam of light in the dark, a beacon that could lead them both to some kind of salvation, some kind of happiness that could actually last.

       Zane reached with his free hand, slow and gentle to cup the other's cheek once more, his heart swelling with relief that Matt no longer flinched away from his touch. He watched him with a close intensity, seeking any kind of indication that Matt didn't want this, but ... he only saw what he always had. Love, depthless desire. It sent a shiver down his spine as electricity thrummed between them, luring Zane in, his eyes fluttering closed.

       Their foreheads rested together and he could practically hear his own blood roaring in his ears, his heart hammering. They were breathing the same air and Zane nearly felt lightheaded with how intensely he just wanted. He nudged against Matt softly, affectionately, giving him one last moment to stop him, to push him away — but he only leaned into him, drawn in like a moth to a flame.

       Zane kissed him and it was like being struck by lightening. He was still slow, careful, but he still managed a breathtaking intensity nonetheless. He wanted to press further, to go deeper, but he was closely attuned to Matt's reactions, figuring out how to navigate based on them. Nonetheless, he felt like he might simply shake apart with the effort it took not to simply let go and kiss Matt utterly fucking senseless.

 His eyelids felt heavy, and Long Zhi had to fight them every second to remain open. He didn't want to close his eyes; he wanted to take in as much of Zane as he could. Of his laugh, his smile, every little detail of his face that had changed, and even the scars. The scars he knew were his fault, even if Zane insisted they weren't. He wanted to kiss them as a silent apology for the things his grandfather had put him through. It wouldn't be enough and it certainly wouldn't fix anything, but... He just wanted to. 

 Zane's words pulled Long Zhi out of his brief spell, and he shifted his gaze away from the scars where it had unintentionally lingered. "A smile that could light up a whole room, huh? Impressive." He remembered those times all too well. He'd always been one easy to smile anyway, but had taught himself to dial it back a lot in favor of appearing more stoic. Otherwise Xiao Dan would chastise him for not taking things seriously enough. But once he'd picked up on how much Zane seemed to like it, he'd allowed himself to let go of those restraints. And they had always been genuine, filled with nothing but love and happiness.

 He let his head fall to the side, his eyes resting on his hand still holding on to Zane's arm. He let go, and let it slide down, which meant his hand was now resting on Zane's leg—and against his hand. Long Zhi didn't move it. I don't think I smile a lot anymore nowadays. There's little reason to since you've left. But those words remained unsaid.

 "A few days is all I have," Long Zhi repeated softly, eyes moving up to meet Zane's once more. "Regardless of what shape I am in. I'm going to have to finish the job, and return to Chinatown. If I don't, this—" he gestured towards the now neatly dressed wound "—is going to be the least of my worries."

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Dark brows shot up, a crooked, although disbelieving smile blooming across his features before he could stop it. Zane let out a breath of a laugh, low and quiet, but rich sounding nonetheless. He hadn't at all expected Matt to say something like that and he'd be completely lying if he tried to deny the way his own heart had stuttered in his chest. He averted his gaze and wondered, did he mean it, or was he stumbling through his own feelings blindly, just like Zane was, unsure of what he should or shouldn't be doing?

       ❝He wasn't all that bad,❞ he said, clearing his throat again softly, trying to dim the smile that still pulled at his lips incessantly. Nonetheless, he lifted his gaze, dark eyes smouldering with a different kind of warmth this time. ❝I guess he got better, but more importantly ... he had the best smile, lit up a whole room. It always drove me fucking crazy.❞

       Zane had never blatantly told Matt he felt that way, he'd just do his best to drag one out of him at any given time. He hesitated, briefly uncertain if he should say what he was thinking — but, if Matt was going to be so obvious, well ... he shrugged. ❝A lot like yours, now that I think about it.❞ He hadn't forgotten how well Matt had responded to praise and he found himself wondering if that was still true.

       He'd just closed the lid of the first-aid kit when he felt Matt's hand on his arm, seeking his attention. Ignoring the fluttering sensation it sparked in his chest, Zane stopped and glanced at him. Perhaps he shouldn't be shocked that Matt had lied to his grandfather, but ... it felt significant. He swallowed thickly and nodded.

       ❝You can stay as long as you want. Besides ...❞ he glanced pointedly down at his injury then back up, that crooked smile returning with a quick quirk of dark brows. ❝If you think I would've just let you leave like this, you would've been in for a rude awakening.❞

 Long Zhi couldn't deny the way his heart skipped a few beats when Zane implied they had dated during their high school years. They'd never had the opportunity to really define their relationship in any way and although there was no denying that they were deeply in love, Long Zhi had always felt guilty that they had to sneak around. That they couldn't be like the other couples who held hands in public, or could go on dates and be obnoxiously cute together. Zane had reassured him plenty of times, but that had never stopped him from wondering if Zane wouldn't grow tired of it some day. If he didn't want someone he could actually date and call his boyfriend.

 Apparently, he already had.

 "He sounds like a total loser, honestly. I can't believe you dated someone like that. You'd be better off with someone like me. You know, someone who kicks the loser's ass. Well... Usually, anyway. When I'm in decent shape." Why the fuck he was flirting, he didn't know. It was a bad idea all around and it wouldn't—couldn't—lead to anything anyway. But it came easy, and left his mouth before he could even think about stopping it. It was like breathing. It always had been with him. 

 He then nodded his head at Zane's words, and tried to sit up as much as he could in hopes of making it easier. His mind, too, wandered off to things it shouldn't be wandering off to. Not now, not ever. And yet, he wondered what would happen if he reached out and pulled Zane close. Would they fall back into old habits? Could they simply forget about everything that had happened between then and now, even if only for a moment? Or was the weight of the past too heavy to overcome? If it wasn't, did he even dare to have a taste, when he knew it couldn't be more than a brief one? 

 His brain said no. It wasn't worth the pain or the heartache it would leave in its wake. The years of progress it would undo. And yet, his heart and body screamed yes, It would be worth it even if it was only for a second.

 Reaching out, he rested his hand on Zane's arm before he could pull away after finishing up. "I made them believe I'm tracking those guys down in a different county. That gives me a few days. Then I need to find them and finish the job."

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Of course, Zane had to do everything as quickly as possible to prevent as much blood loss as he could. He finally removed the blade — which, that alone made Matt decide that biting down on the leather was in fact a good idea. Then Zane had to stitch up the wound and, by the time he was finished, his gloved hands were almost completely covered with Matt's blood. He'd changed the gloves once most of it was cleaned away and, when he heard Matt finally speak something coherent, Zane offered a thoughtful hum and a roll of his eyes.

       ❝Well, there was this guy I dated in high school,❞ he said with a casual air that he did not feel. They'd never explicitly said they were dating per-se, because of all the sneaking around of course, but … it certainly had been far too deep to be called anything else. ❝He used to get the shit beat out of him all the time, so I learned how to patch him up. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, I'm sure.❞

       Zane then busied himself with gently covering the wound with gauze and first he cleared his throat like he so often did these days before letting out a sigh. ❝I'm gonna need to get underneath you a bit so I can wrap this.❞ Now that he wasn't worried Matt was going to bleed to death, now that the dread and fear were finally gone, the electricity he always felt whenever they made contact was back to the forefront of his mind yet again.

       It was worse with skin to skin contact as he was suddenly hyper-aware of how warm and inviting Matt's skin was beneath his hands. How fucking good it felt to touch him. He involuntarily thought of sliding his hand beneath Matt himself, silently urging him to arch his back, pressing his lips to as much skin as he could. The memories of the way Matt would gasp beneath his touch came to his mind unbidden — and he shoved the thought away. Zane hoped Matt was too exhausted to notice the slight flush that had bloomed across his cheeks.

       He focused instead on wrapping the wound, careful now to only touch Matt's bare skin if it was strictly necessary. This was going to be a long few days. Zane was both relieved and disappointed to have finished, pulling his hands away as he started to clean things up. Letting himself give in to the feelings he still clearly harbored for Matt scared him — what would they do, if they found themselves in essentially the same predicament as they'd been in as teenagers? Would they always be doomed, or could it really lead to Matt freeing himself from his grandfather's clutches? The fact that he'd contacted Zane in his time of need instead of going back to the Clan, fully believing that he deserved whatever fate awaited him, was a good sign that maybe they had a chance.

       Maybe, just maybe, he could let himself hope.

 The light banter between them was a welcome distraction. So was seeing Zane all grumbly and huffy. It brought back memories once more, memories Long Zhi didn’t fight this time. Perhaps he even welcomed them, now that he knew the truth. It helped him focus on something else and although he could certainly still feel the pain, it almost seemed… Less intense.

 At least until they got him back to his feet. Then it became almost overwhelming and he could feel every little movement, every little shift of the blade. Holding on to it became a struggle, and there was a handful of times he genuinely considered just pulling it out. A horrible idea, of course—and Long Zhi was smarter than to give in to his impulse—but even just the thought of it brought a little relief.

 Eventually, they made it to Zane’s car, and he was thankful to be able to just… lay down. Sure, he could still feel every little bump in the road, but it wasn’t quite as bad as when he actively had to hold on to whatever it was that was causing him pain. He could also relax his body (at least as much as one could, laying in the backseat of a car), and instead finally let sink in what he’d just done. Not his repeated failure, but the fact he had lied about it, again, and the fact that those lies involved Zane, again. Although this time he hadn’t lied to protect Zane; hell, he hadn’t even lied to protect himself. He had lied, because... He wanted this opportunity. He wanted to be with Zane, even if only for a few days. Even if he didn’t know what would happen, or if there was anything left worth salvaging. And if there was, if he even could. It had been years, and things had grown too complicated, had become too much of a tangled mess. And yet, there was this quiet voice in the back of his mind that had nagged him since the day Long Zhi had learned that Zane had not, in fact, betrayed him: what if?

 “You should know that it’ll take more than a simple knife to kill me.” He closed his eyes in exhaustion, but the hint of a smile crossed his face.

 When he woke up, they must’ve arrived wherever it was Zane was staying. And after another few minutes that felt like something akin to torture, he finally found himself on a couch and prayed to whatever deity would listen that this was the last time for a while that he had to move. Though he knew the worst part was yet to follow, of course. Something only reinforced by the piece of belt dropped onto his chest. Long Zhi stared at it for a moment, debating if he actually wanted to utilize it or not. For now, he held it in his hand and let out a sigh. “No. But I don’t think that matters. Go on.”

 The next few minutes that followed quickly made him change his mind about biting down on the leather. He closed his eyes, tried to control his breathing, tried to hold as still as possible and make it easier for Zane to do whatever it was he had to do. He was fairly successful, but by all means glad once it was over. Long Zhi could feel the sweat on his forehead—and everywhere else, for that matter—but couldn’t muster the energy to wipe it away. He couldn’t even muster the energy to open his eyes. So he just kept them closed and let out a shaky breath. “It’s almost like you have practice in patching someone up. Have you done this before?”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       ❝Oh, I'm the one stressing you out, got it,❞ Zane grumbled with a huff. He supposed the fact that Matt could tease him about his reaction meant that he wasn't as close to death as Zane had feared, at least. He felt a little relieved, but he suspected the dread and fear thrumming through his veins wouldn't completely recede until he could get Matt patched up. Just like old times .... but much more deadly.

       Zane took hold of Matt's outstretched hand with one hand while he smoothly slid his arm behind his back for support. He met the other's gaze for confirmation and, with an exchanged nod, they set to the task of pulling Matt to his feet. The audible sound of his pain sent another twinge of terror through Zane, but now was not the time for it.

       Their progress to the car was a slow, painful process, but they made it eventually. Zane helped Matt lay back onto his back seat, only giving a passing thought to the fact that he'd no doubt have a lot of blood to clean up later. Once he was in the drivers seat and starting the car, he added, ❝Try not to die in my back seat, by the way.❞ It was almost like no time had passed between them at all — the old ways in which they'd affectionately bully each other came back to Zane as easily as breathing. It was oddly comforting.

       The drive back to the safe house in Oakland was another twenty minute drive, but it was a hell of a lot better than the five hours back to Los Angeles. Once they got there, Zane helped Matt out of the car and they once again made slow progress into the small apartment. He deposited Matt down on the couch before retrieving his first-aid supplies and quickly cutting off a piece of an old leather belt of his, folding it over a few times.

       When he returned, Zane dropped the leather onto Matt's chest. ❝You're probably gonna want to bite down on that,❞ he rasped, setting the kit down on the coffee table before setting down next to it. He popped it open, rummaging through for the supplies he needed. Once he had everything, Zane met Matt's gaze, dark brows rising with emphasis. ❝You ready? ❞

 I'll be there in 20. 20 minutes was a long time when you had a knife sticking out of you. But Long Zhi was tough, resilient, and had to endure much worse in the past. He just made sure to move as little as possible, and kept himself busy by coming up with a plan that allowed him a few days of breathing room so he could recover enough to return without arousing suspicion. 

 While he waited for Zane, he called his grandfather, claiming they had left the county by train and that he was going to follow them. They weren't aware of him, but there were too many witnesses right now for him to strike. He'd probably be gone for a few days, a week at most, since he'd be in unfamiliar territory and had to tread carefully. 

 It was a bold lie, a risky lie, should they be seen by anyone in the clan. But what other option did he have? There was no other way to explain his temporary absence, so he once again was willing to take that risk.

 Long Zhi had gotten off the phone maybe a minute or two ago when the door to the apartment opened up. He had just closed his eyes to try and focus on something else besides the pain, and apparently had been so successful that he sent Zane into a full-fledged panic when he saw him. "I'm not dying," he muttered, both annoyed and amused. "I know how to keep myself off of death's door, so calm down. You're stressing me out."

 Empty words, really. The second he'd heard Zane's voice, he was flooded with eerie calm and, for a moment, had wondered if he was indeed dying and made his peace with it. But no, he was certain he'd survive to live another day. "I can stand as long as you help me up. I'll hold on to the knife." Taking a deep breath, he steeled himself for the pain that was about to follow, and grabbed the handle of the knife with one hand, then held out his other for Zane to take. 

[huyaoxiaozi]

       I need you.

       Zane knew who the text was from even though he'd never gotten Matt's number in return. It had been weeks since their last encounter and, until that moment, Zane had begun to wonder if he really had pushed Matt too far. Perhaps the damage had already been done and it had been pointless to leave his number behind. Evidently, he'd been wrong and he was both relieved and terrified.

After pausing to input Matt's location into his GPS, he replied, Matt? I'll be there in 20. Hang on. Thankfully, Zane had finished a job just an hour ago that had brought him much closer to San Fransisco, so he wasn't forced to make Matt wait five hours. He'd stopped to get gas and a bite to eat — but now, he stopped the gas pump short and tossed his instant ramen into the passengers seat, forgotten. He drove into the city as fast as he could.

When Zane made it inside of the apartment building, he hadn't known what exactly he was going to find — but when he glimpsed a body laying on the floor in a pool of blood with something sticking out of their abdomen, the flood of terror and dread hit him like a truck. ❝Oh, fuck,❞ he breathed and, as he got closer, he saw it was indeed Matt. His heart was pounding and suddenly, it was difficult to breathe again. ❝No, no, no.❞

He fell to his knees, trying to focus on Matt and control the tightening of his throat at the same time. ❝Matt,❞ he rasped, patting at his cheek to get him to open his eyes. Mercifully, he did, and Zane let out a tense, ragged breath. ❝Oh, thank god. Hey, you still with me? Come on, let's get you out of here. Can you stand? Of course, your first time reaching out to me is when you're fucking dying, you idiot.❞

{♚ x @huyaoxiaozi x}

 He hadn't been ready. His movements were still sluggish, not where they were supposed to be. He wasn't as light on his feet as he usually was, either. His reflexes, too, were slower than usual; his aim not horrible, but certainly off. And none of that took into account how slow his mind seemed to work lately. It was almost as though it was lagging behind by a few seconds in nearly everything he did.

 He hadn't been ready. But it didn't matter.

 When Xiao Dan finally entrusted him with a job, another target to eliminate, Long Zhi jumped on the opportunity to prove himself. That he had learned his lesson and wouldn't make the same mistake again.

 The odds, however, had not been in his favor. It was two against one. Not usually an issue—when he was in better shape. The first throw was off, getting stuck in the wall next to the first guy's head, instead of in his forehead. The first mistake. Of course, they were immediately alerted to his presence and clocked him nearly instantly. A fight ensued only seconds after; Long Zhi hardly had the opportunity to draw another blade.

 At first, it seemed as though he might win. But then one of them landed a hit to his ribcage, rebreaking one of his only recently healed ribs and taking the wind out of his sails. It was all downhill from there and ended with a knife to his abdomen. The only saving grace was that they thought that was enough to kill him, and hauled ass, leaving him behind to bleed.

 Long Zhi knew better, of course, than to pull the blade out. He left it exactly where it was, while he stared up at the ceiling, wondering how he could get himself out of this dilemma. Perhaps he should just pull it out, after all. If he returned back home after failing yet again, death would probably be much kinder to him, anyway.

 But then he thought of Zane, and the piece of paper he had found in his pocket that night. He hadn't dared saving the number, let alone text or call it, but he'd carried it on him ever since. Arguably dumber and riskier, but... But it was like a lifeline he'd held on to ever since.

 He pulled out his phone and typed in the number. For a moment he debated if he wanted to call or text, then if he wanted to do it at all. In the end, after about five minutes of arguing with himself, he finally typed a message.

 I need you. [LOCATION]

[huyaoxiaozi]

        ❝It wasn't your fault, Matt,❞ Zane rasped. He knew Matt well enough to expect him to blame himself. After all, how could someone be wrong if every terrible decision they made was your fault? ❝Your grandfather made the decision to try to kill innocent people for no good reason. The only person at fault is him. I didn't tell you what happened to me so you could sit here and blame yourself for someone else's actions. That's what he wants — he can't be held responsible for things he does to make your life a living hell if you're too busy thinking it's all your fault instead. Don't give him that satisfaction.❞

      ❝Besides,❞ he shifted his gaze to settle on Matt's features. Again he gave Matt a nudge with his shoulder, intensional this time. ❝Hey. Look at me. Even if I knew exactly what was going to happen, I'd do it all over again. I wouldn't trade my time spent with you for anything.❞ Zane took another brief glance at the exits before he reached for Matt again.

       To his surprise, Matt didn't flinch away, despite his preparing for it. He didn't much take it as a good thing �� it was obvious Matt was overwhelmed, his mind having shut down in some way to cope with everything. He cupped the side of Matt's face like he'd wanted to so badly before. Zane smoothed his thumb over his cheek, relishing in the familiarity, of the warm electric current that traveled through his body with the contact. He found himself desperately wishing he could lean in and kiss Matt again, but ... he knew it would be a hollow thing if he did. A low sigh escaped him.

       ❝So … shut your fucking mouth.❞ Zane said with a teasing, light tenderness, just like he used to. The faintest upward quirk of his lips followed, brows lifting with emphasis. He let his eyes roam over Matt one last time, once again as if he were memorizing his features — then he let his hand drop to Matt's shoulder where he gave it a gentle squeeze. Zane rose to his feet. ❝If you decide to be brave one day and leave this place behind, take your life back, I'll be right by your side ... as long as you want me there, anyway. Try to at least get some sleep after they leave.❞

       He made his way to the fire escape, the ache in his chest unbearable — he hated to leave Matt like this, but … he was right. Their time was nearly up and all of this would've been for nothing if he was caught here. Not to mention, Matt would once again be severely punished for Zane's actions. As he quietly dropped down onto the fire escape, he hoped Matt would eventually take advantage of the folded piece of paper he'd slipped into his pocket.

       Written in Zane's familiar scrawl was his phone number and, just bellow, it read, You're not alone anymore.

 While Zane told his story, Long Zhi just sat there silently, taking it all in. He didn’t react or move in any way, not even when he felt a shoulder bump into his own, once again bringing back memories he had buried deep down a long time ago. ( Would they ever leave him alone? Or was he cursed to carry them with him forever, yearning for times long gone every time something even remotely reminded him of what they used to have? )

 There was, of course, a good chance that Zane was lying. That it was all part of a bigger plan to bring down the clan by using him as a tool. Destroying it from the inside, if you will. Except… Long Zhi knew Zane wasn’t lying. They might’ve been apart for years, their bond broken, but that didn’t mean he had lost the ability to read the other entirely. He still had tells, still gave himself away if one looked closely enough. It had gotten more difficult, but not impossible.

 Whatever Zane was saying was the truth. There was no doubt in his mind.

 Somehow, Long Zhi felt both overwhelmed, and completely numb at the same time. It was almost as though his brain was struggling to process everything he had just learned, while his entire body had just shut down so he didn’t have to feel the pain he should no doubt be feeling right now.

 “I’m the only reason this happened to you, to begin with.” His scars, his father’s death—none of that would’ve happened had it not been for him crossing paths with the clan’s heir. If the clan’s heir had never fallen in love with him. It all could’ve been avoided if Long Zhi hadn’t been so desperate for someone’s attention and affection that he clung to the first person who willingly gave it to him. It all could’ve been avoided if only he had focused on what he was supposed to focus on. Instead, he had to wander off, fall in love and make someone’s life a living hell. Good job.

 “You should probably leave. It can’t be too much longer until they decide to check up on me again. The last thing you want is to be spotted up here. I suppose it would ruin your revenge plans.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       It was a hollow victory, painful and bittersweet — Zane hated seeing Matt like this. He hadn't come here to break him down, but the only way Zane knew how to help him was to push him to a breaking point. Otherwise, he couldn't see what the reality was, that it wasn't whatever his grandfather or the clan told him. They'd made it nearly impossible for him to actually think, exhausting and practically starving him to keep him compliant. It was all by design.

       Zane let out a long, wavering sigh, his shoulders drooping, before he made his way over to Matt. He settled down beside him, shoulder to shoulder — although he faced the opposite direction, unwilling to let those exits escape his line of sight. In case he needed to bolt. He let their shoulders brush, giving Matt's a gentle nudge without thinking; it was an old habit of his, an attempt to offer even a tiny bit of comfort, maybe even affection, even though he wouldn't be surprised it Matt leaned away from him.

       Matt had asked him, so Zane told him. He started with his suspicion that someone must have seen them together and told Xiao Dan. He told Matt about the job, although all he knew of the details was what his father had told him, which was the bare minimum. He never talked to Zane about the work he'd done for the clan, but he knew his father had done everything that had been asked of him, even if it had taken a heavy toll. They were to relocate to Shanghai and the job required discretion, so they could tell no one. He'd said he'd arranged a flight for them, that they would have somewhere to stay when they arrived. Everything had been taken care of and it was effective immediately. Zane barely had an evening to pack up his entire life.

       He went on to describe how they'd been abducted in the airport parking garage by four clan members — his voice began to sound tense and ragged again as he spoke about what had happened to his father. A knife to the stomach, how he'd bled to death quickly and Zane had been helpless to do anything but watch … he hadn't freed himself fast enough.

       Zane explained how Matt's training had saved his life — because without it, he wouldn't have stood a chance of surviving their attempt to strangle him with a metal cord next. He'd known all the weak spots to hit, how to use his momentum in his own favor while using theirs against them. Once he'd escaped, all he could find was broken shards of glass and he'd had no choice but to kill all four of them by himself. Zane only remembered bits and pieces through his rage and pain, but he'd managed it. Once he was alone, he'd wondered if Matt had been in on it, but … the training was what had given him hope that it wasn't true.

       Lastly, He told Matt about his long, dangerous journey to Los Angeles where he eventually joined the Red Fox Clan. Zane only touched on his throat trouble — it was difficult to trust anyone with how bad it really could be.

       ❝That's it,❞ he said once he finished. ❝I didn't abandon you, Matt. I didn't betray anyone. Your grandfather tried to kill me. You're the only reason I'm still alive.❞

 Long Zhi just sat there, listening. Why hadn’t he asked? He wasn’t sure. Maybe because it didn’t matter what Zane had to say, because what was he going to do? Take a betrayer’s word over his own grandfather’s? Believe a stranger over his own family? Or was it indeed because he was scared of what he could possibly learn?

 He hadn’t really had the time to even think about the implications of what it would mean if everything he had been told about Zane’s disappearance was a lie. How it would make him feel. About himself, about the clan, about his grandfather and everything that had happened in the wake of it for the past few years. His life had changed drastically, abruptly, and he had never recovered from it, not really. He had just… moved on, nursing the wounds that refused to heal every single day while also making sure to hide them from view. After all, he was never meant to love a boy. So he couldn’t show his grief, his pain, when, in everyone else's eyes, he had never lost more than a simple friend at best who’d occasionally taught him some English.

 If it came out that it all had been a lie, what then? What would he do?

 Nothing, a voice in his head replied. Because what could he do? It wouldn’t change anything, would it? Even if whatever Zane had to say was the truth, and he hadn’t just turned on the clan like Long Zhi was led to believe, what would it change? Everything. But in the end, it wouldn’t matter. Because he would still be Liu Long Zhi, heir to the Black Dragon Clan, and he would still be Min Zi Xin, traitor of the Black Dragon clan. There was no happy ending, no resolution. Their lives were no longer meant to be intertwined, regardless of how much the mere thought of it hurt.

 “I will cope with it the same way I cope with everything else. By burying it deep down and continuing on with a head held high. Because that’s all I can do, that’s all I’ve ever been able to do.” That’s all I’ve ever been allowed to do. His voice was quiet now, calm even. As though a switch had flipped in his mind and all the anger and pain had somehow disappeared. In truth, he was simply too exhausted. Too drained by both physical exertion and mental overload. “Tell me then, Zane. Tell me what happened.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       ❝You haven't asked me what happened, Matt,❞ Zane insisted with the name, ignoring his words — that wasn't fucking true and they both knew damn well. ❝You told me what Xiao Dan said happened, but you haven't asked me. Not fucking once.❞

       He turned to look back at Matt, further ignoring the unbearable pain in the chest at the sight of him on the ground, his fingers dragging through his hair. It was difficult to remain furious — the corners of his eyes stung and he swallowed thickly, squeezing his eyes shut briefly.

       All this time, Matt had blindly believed that he'd simply abandoned him, that he hadn't loved him so fiercely that he hadn't stopped thinking about him, not once, even after all these years. Zane would be long dead, just as Xiao Dan had wanted, if it weren't for Matt.

       ❝I'm the one who lived it, survived it, although fucking barely. I think you haven't asked because you're scared about what you'll hear, scared that you'll stare into my eyes and see that I'm telling the truth. What will you do, if you learn that your grandfather, your precious clan, did something unforgivable? How could you cope with that? ❞

       Zane let out another ragged breath — he still kept a close eye on the exits, even though they certainly still had plenty of time before the usual two hours was up. With a painful tenderness, he continued. ❝Ask me what happened and I'll tell you. I didn't leave by choice and Xiao Dan made sure I couldn't say anything to anyone, including you — I couldn't even say goodbye. If you want to keep believing I'd just up and abandon you without so much as a word, then go ahead, but ... if you actually want to know the truth, ask me.❞

       He stood there motionless, waiting. Say something, he begged Matt silently. Ask me what happened. Please, ask me. Zane was exhausted, too — exhausted of this rift between them, this misunderstanding that Xiao Dan had wedged there on purpose. He didn't want to fight anymore, he wanted to tell Matt everything.

       More than anything, he wanted Matt to believe him. Zane dropped his gaze before quietly adding, ❝I would have stayed with you, if I'd been given the choice. No question, no hesitation. That's all I'd ever wanted.❞

 "Congratulations, you've successfully learned how to surveil someone and their surroundings. Yes, all of those things are indeed true and accurate." Not that any of that changed things. His statements still held true—Zane was a fool for remaining in dangerous enemy territory. It didn't matter that he knew where the exits were, or just how many men were tasked with keeping an eye on him. All it took was one brief moment for someone to see him, to recognize him. Things could happen in the blink of an eye, no matter how well prepared you were. Long Zhi knew that one from experience.

 For the entirety of Zane's speech, Long Zhi remained silent. In part, because he was unsure what exactly to say, and in part because it made him seethe internally. Why exactly, he wasn't too sure. Was it because Zane had no right to speak on things he had no idea about, or was it because he could potentially be right with the things he said? 

 No. No, he couldn't be right. He wasn't right. What the hell did he know about anything? He'd never been a part of the clan, never had to live up to—and fail—expectations. Long Zhi knew what awaited him if he'd failed again, and yet he still lied to protect Zane. If he hadn't been such a failure so many times before, the punishment wouldn't have been this severe. He had no one else to thank but himself. That was it. He was the heir to this empire, expectations should be high for him. Why should they be content with an incompetent leader? Why should Xiao Dan be content with handing off his empire he had built from the ground up to someone who didn't deserve it? He didn't need Zane to understand; he didn't need anyone to understand. 

 The sudden coughing fit, or whatever this was, did briefly worry him. But that worry didn't last for long and was instead replaced with anger at Zane's words. Long Zhi was now fighting to keep his calm, to keep up this carefully crafted mask he'd learned to hide behind over the years. It was the only security blanket he had, the only defense to keep him safe. 

 But that mask cracked the second Zane's shoulder met his own. He spun around, shaking with barely contained anger now. "Stop fucking acting as though you care, Zi Xin! You fucking left! You disappeared without a fucking word and left me behind, wondering what I did wrong. Wondering what I did to not only push you away, but betray me as though I never meant anything to you! Now you come back, acting all high and mighty, as though you're better than my own clan, my own family? At least they never abandoned me. Yeah, they might be a bit tough. Yeah, their methods might not be... completely right, but they work. They make me stronger, tougher." Less me. "I don't expect you to understand. But stop acting as though you're better than them when they could never hurt me the way you have."

 Suddenly, he felt tired, exhausted. As though it all came crashing down on him now. Turning around, he once again made his way back to the dummy, even if he wasn't entirely sure how he'd muster the energy to continue. For now, although aware of the possible consequences, he let himself drop on the ground, and ran his hand through his hair. "And stop calling me Matt. Matt died the day you left."

[huyaoxiaozi]

       The kick rightfully knocked the wind out of Zane and he staggered backwards — he'd expected Matt to maybe tear his arm from his grasp, to recoil from the closeness once more, but he hadn't expected the kick. Maybe he should have by now. He said nothing, however; this was the answer he'd been seeking this whole time. Aside from the insistent desire to check on Matt himself, he'd needed to know for sure what had happened when he'd returned to Xiao Dan empty handed.

        ❝You've got three clan members that keep an eye on you in shifts,❞ Zane began with a ragged breath, ignoring the way his heart was pounding away in his chest. He'd suspected Matt had somehow evaded telling them what really happened, who he was, but … it was another thing entirely to hear him admit it. What's more, to hear him openly admit he'd been trying to protect him. 

       ❝They check on you every two hours or so, maybe three if you're lucky. There's two entrances and exits to the rooftop of this building and I've kept both in my line of sight. There's a fire escape,❞ he tilted his head to his right, past Matt towards the edge of the roof that either of them could reach in seconds if they ran to it.  ❝It leads down into the alley bellow. There's another one on the opposite side, there,❞ he gestured across the way with a nod of his head.

        ❝I started surveilling you as soon as possible. I couldn't be sure they wouldn't drag information out of you somehow. Of course, I noticed it was easier than it should've been. That tipped me off to the fact that they must still be in the dark. Then I see you moving like you're in pain a few days layer, the wounds, the bruises … you haven't left this place since. You've been doing the same damn routine over and over. This is the only place you go where you get some privacy for two or three hours, so that was my only window. I can't operate on an assumption without knowing the facts.❞

       Coming here at all was a risk and reckless in its own right — but Zane had taken every precaution he reasonably could to avoid bloodshed. To avoid forcing Matt to make a choice he wasn't ready to make. 

       ❝When was the last time you slept, Matt? When was the last time you ate something, more than just the bare minimum to get by? Have you ever wondered what excessive sleep and food deprivation does to a person and why they've been using it on you? Do you really think it's normal to be stripped of your agency and freedom on a daily fucking basis? ❞

       Zane had used the same tactics himself to extract information from people. It caused their critical thinking skills to deteriorate, made them deeply susceptible to manipulation and control. That was the whole point. Matt was better than this, smarter, and it filled him with rage to see him just laying down and taking it. Had he just let them beat him half to death without a word of protest? How many times had Matt endured this punishment?

        ❝If you—❞ Zane was cut off abruptly with a searing pain and tension in his throat. He briefly lifted his arm to let out a couple battered coughs into his elbow, took another ragged breath that sounded badly strained. When he managed to find his voice again, he spoke as if his throat were coated in razor blades, his sentences fractured with the effort. ❝If you want to stand there … and lie to yourself, lie to me, about how you deserve to get tortured … for having a beating heart in your chest, then … be my fucking guest. Who am I to stop you? ❞

       Zane cleared his throat roughly, exhaled shakily. He shook his head then. ❝Sorry for caring about you in a way that actually fucking matters,❞ he rasped, the dig fully intended for those in Matt's life who either actively tortured him or let it happen. He strode towards Matt once more — but this time it was just to physically shoulder past him, heading for the fire escape behind him. He ignored the electricity that followed every damn time they made any kind of contact, angry that even the slightest touch made him feel like he'd been struck by lightning. Why him? He thought.

 “You are, if you think this rooftop is deserted. You don’t think you just managed to sneak up on me, did you? The only reason you took me by surprise is because I expect to be watched; I just didn’t expect it to be you.” No, Zane certainly wasn’t a sixteen-year-old boy anymore, that much was obvious. But he sure as hell was acting like one, taking unnecessary risks and apparently not thinking things through. Hell, sixteen-year-old Zane had been smarter than this. It was irritating, infuriating even. Zane might be the enemy, but that didn’t mean Long Zhi wanted him harmed, let alone dead.

 I came here for you. He hated the way those words made him feel. How they instantly made him weak all over again, willing to throw caution into the wind and give in to whatever it was they used to have. He wanted it again. More than words could ever describe. But he, too, was no longer a sixteen year old boy. Instead, he was a grown man who still paid for the mistakes he’d made back then. Who still paid for the mistakes he made now. Xiao Dan’s patience would run out eventually, if Long Zhi didn’t wise up and act the way he was supposed to act. He couldn’t keep falling into old habits, even if those old habits had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, and probably ever would. He had top stop falling into this trap. He wasn’t supposed to be prey, he was supposed to be the fucking predator.

 When he felt Zane’s hand around his arm, Long Zhi froze for a second. It felt as though he was struck by lightning, and for a moment he was willing to be struck again. But then he came back to his senses and, after turning back around to face Zane, spartan kicked him with more force than necessary to put distance between them. He needed it to keep a clear head, to stop making stupid decisions that would only make things worse than they already were.

 “What do you fucking think, Zi Xin? Do you think you could ‘keep tabs on me’ if I had told them anything at all? Do you think you could prowl around the way you are if they even had an inkling you’re back? I know you seem to think you’re this big, invincible badass now for some godforsaken reason, but you’re not. You’re one man against a fucking army. We have numbers. And a lot of them are skilled fighters, skilled killers. If they as much as even picked up your scent, you’d be surrounded before you knew what happened.”

 Taking a step towards the other, Long Zhi balled his hands into fists to hide the slight trembling of his hands. Trembling from anger, from pain, from all of the emotions Zane’s reappearance had violently brought back to the surface after Long Zhi had so carefully buried them all as deep down as he could, aware he could never truly get rid of them no matter what.

 “You want to know what I told him? What I told Xiao Dan? Nothing. Because, despite everything, I was stupid enough to want to protect you. I looked him in the eyes and told him I let my target get away. I told him I was incompetent, a failure, and I paid the price for it. I paid the price for nothing at all, because you insist on acting like a fucking fool. You will get yourself killed, Zane. And me right along with you.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Matt's scolding was frustrating to listen to and Zane offered nothing but a roll of his eyes. Matt didn't know that Zane had been forced to viciously kill four of the Black Dragon Clan's men alone when he was sixteen, nor did he know of all the people he'd killed since. He wasn't about to tell him, either — Zane had nothing to prove.

       Aside from that, of course he wasn't stupid enough to let himself get caught in enemy territory. Despite how many people he may or may not believe he could hold his ground against, he wouldn't risk it. His death meant he couldn't give his father the vengeance he deserved and that simply wasn't an option.

       He watched Matt closely as he disengaged, seeking a towel and his forgotten shirt. Zane took note of the way he moved, the areas he seemed to favor, every inkling of weakness. He was trying to figure out where the worst of the damage was. Part of it was a habit, a means of survival that he'd learned to hone on the streets. It was in case Zane was forced to use Matt's injuries against him, but ... he was also trying to put together the string of events in his minds eye.

       He felt both relief and disappointment when all that skin was again shrouded from view. However, when their eyes met and Matt saw a flash of what Zane was truly capable of, he'd taken a step back. Good, he thought, ignoring the painful sting in his heart. He should be wary of me. If Matt ended up giving him no other choice but to treat him like an enemy, his fear and weakness would be useful.

       The mere idea of that made Zane sick to his stomach.

        ❝Despite what you think, I'm not an idiot, Matt. That's why I'm standing here, on a deserted rooftop, talking to you. I'm not a fucking sixteen year old kid asking to be taught basic self defense anymore.❞ Zane hadn't intended to argue against Matt's scolding words, or his apparent belief in Zane's percieved incompetence, but ... it was difficult to hold back when Matt kept making the dig.

       No one did anything to me that I didn't deserve. Like hell, Zane wanted to argue. Matt deserved a hell of a lot better than whatever controlling, torturous nightmare he was currently living. A heavy sigh escaped him and he shook his head, eyes briefly closing. ❝I came here for you,❞ he rasped, instantly regretting the way it sounded. I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you're not okay and I hate feeling helpless all over again. ❝You found our safehouse, I have to keep tabs on you now. I noticed something was wrong ...❞

       Zane gritted his teeth and closed the distance between them, one hand shooting out to curl around Matt's arm before he could go back to what he'd been doing. Again, he sought Matt's gaze and again he was far too close, closer than strictly necessary, but ... he wanted to be closer still. ❝Listen. I need to know what you told them.❞ Given they hadn't hunted him down yet told Zane that Matt hadn't said much, if anything at all, but ... he had to know for sure. Again it sparked a painful blaze of hope in his chest.

 “You’ve dealt with plenty of clan members on their own, Za— Zi Xin,” Long Zhi corrected, both Zane’s statement and himself. “If they catch wind of you being here, you won’t just have to deal with one or two. It’s going to be half an army, and you know that.” Not to mention that he himself would be forced to be a part of that army. He couldn’t just stand there and do nothing, let alone fight by Zane’s side—even if he knew that was what he truly wanted to do. In the end, he’d have to choose the clan. Like he always had. Like he always would.

 Once he noticed how Zane’s gaze started to focus on his body, Long Zhi shifted uncomfortably, suddenly reminded of how blatantly obvious some of his injuries were. He knew it was too late now, but he still grabbed a towel to dry himself off, before throwing his shirt back on. The damage was done already, of course, but it still felt easier to explain away if the injuries weren’t on full display. His mind was already trying to come up with excuses, even though he knew it was none of Zane’s business to begin with. And what did he care, anyway?

 ( And why, for fuck’s sake, did it give him a glimmer of unwanted hope? Why did the thought of Zane possibly still caring, however little it may be, make his heart pound inside of his chest? Why did it bring back memories of Zane tending to his wounds after one of their countless sparring matches had turned a little too heated and intense? Why did Long Zhi want him to care? )

 When Zane’s gaze finally met his own again, Long Zhi was startled by the sudden intensity of it. It was almost unsettling, and he involuntarily took a step back in an attempt to escape it. In their time together, Zane had looked at him plenty of ways, but never like that—and it reminded him that he hardly knew the person he had once loved with all of his heart. He was naive then, a teenager head over heels in love with someone he shouldn’t be in love with. A love made all the more tempting and thrilling by the secrecy and sneaking around. Young love. Stupid love. Never meant to last forever. Never meant to be at all.

 Turning away, Long Zhi shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a bottle of water sitting next to the dummy. “No one did anything to me that I didn’t deserve.” After taking a few sips, he set the bottle back down and made his way back to the dummy to resume his training. “Why are you here, Zi Xin? What is it you want, besides getting killed? If it’s my grandfather you’re looking for, I think I’ve already made it clear that I’m the last person to help you enact your revenge, or whatever it is you have going on.”

[huyaoxiaozi]

       Zane pressed his lips together tightly, resisting the urge to smile, to laugh as one of the wooden bars collided with Matt's head. It was a stupid thing to find funny, but ... somehow, he still managed to be deeply, painfully endearing without even trying. He averted his eyes — and, with Matt being shirtless yet again, it was difficult to decide where to look.

       His words, however, drew Zane's eye again and he felt a twinge of annoyance. While Matt had been the one to teach Zane how to fight, he'd long-since evolved since then; he'd learned how to survive through pain, fear and gritted teeth and that was what had truly woken a monster inside him that he hadn't known was there.

       There was a reason he was often referred to as a demon, after all.

       A quiet scoff escaped him as he met Matt's eyes, trying to ignore the way his heart practically stuttered in his chest. ❝I've dealt with plenty of other clan members before they sent you after me and yet, here I stand.❞ Zane tucked his hands into his pockets, the gesture maintaining his casual facade as he purposefully let his gaze slip from Matt's to sweep over his body.

       He studied the wounds and bruises more closely, now that he wasn't so far away. Taking a couple steps closer, Zane began to circle him thoughtfully — he cleared his throat once more, but it was more of a compulsive thing to ease the tension there. The emotion Matt invoked in him challenged the careful control he'd worked so hard to maintain over the muscles in his throat.

       ❝Your movement is slow and stiff,❞ Zane went on to say, the statement not at all sounding like criticism, just ... an observation. An undercurrent of concern lingered there instead and it softened the rough burn of his voice. With his hands in his pockets, it was a little easier to stop himself from falling back into the old habits of casual touch. Still, he yearned for it — Matt had flinched away from his touch before, but ... what if he'd persisted? Would he cave, would he shove him away?

       Did it matter when Zane believed he knew better than to try such a thing, after their closeness had nearly cost him his life? Did he truly care, as long as he got to experience it all one more time? He traced the scars on his own palms with his thumbs, the gesture hidden from view. A reminder. ❝You didn't get those wounds from a proper fight, either ...❞

       Zane's gaze snapped back up to meet Matt's as he came to a stop in front of him. There was a blazing heat that resided in those dark eyes of his that had never been there before his life had been torn apart. It was a vicious thing, dangerous, but it wasn't aimed at Matt specifically. It looked as though Zane were ready to rip whoever had laid their hands on him to shreds. It looked like he'd succeed at it, too. ❝What did they do to you? ❞

 Just as Long Zhi had predicted, his failure hadn’t been taken lightly. He didn’t even have to say anything; the moment he stepped through the doors to meet his grandfather in the office, he already knew that Long Zhi had failed. How exactly his grandfather had known, he wasn’t too sure. Perhaps one of his many birds had told him, or maybe it was just something about his posture or behaviour that gave it away. Whatever it was, Xiao Dan wasn’t happy. This wasn’t just any usual target, but someone who had actively caused trouble on their turf, and for the clan. Long Zhi’s failure meant disgrace, and, above all, opened the door for others to do the same while thinking they could get away with it.

 When interrogated about why he had failed, Long Zhi lied. He didn’t know why he lied, he just did. The easy thing to do, one that might’ve saved him some trouble, would’ve been to tell Xiao Dan that Zane was back, intentionally causing trouble on their home turf, rather than just in Shanghai. But Zane’s name never left his lips. Instead, he concocted a story of how the target had simply slipped through his fingers. How he had waited too long to strike and by the time he was ready, there would’ve been too many witnesses. That it had been too dangerous and not worth the risk. That there would be another chance and that he would strike then.

 Xiao Dan’s expression never changed, but Long Zhi could tell he was seething by the way he gripped the arms of his chair.   He was scared.

 The punishment didn’t follow immediately. But he was stripped of all of his duties and privileges for the time being, making him less than a grunt in all but title. It was the humiliation of it that was the true punishment, he knew. No one dared to disrespect the heir to his face, but that didn’t mean Long Zhi didn’t catch them whispering or snickering once he walked past, leaving him to wonder once more how he was expected to lead men who had seen him disgraced so many times before picking up the proverbial crown. It didn’t matter how skilled or deadly he was when he couldn’t retain respect from his own men.

 The physical punishment followed a few days later, when he walked into the room he was meant to train in with his new sifu, but found a handful of the clan’s most skilled fighters instead. This wasn’t the first time, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last time unless he finally stopped failing. He didn’t bother trying to defend himself, knowing damn well that it would only make things worse in the long run.  He wasn’t meant to come out of this unharmed. The goal was to remind him of his failure with every little movement he made for the next few weeks. While he studied, while he trained, even while he walked his fucking dog. And he better not dare slack off because of the pain—it wouldn’t end well for him. A lesson he only had to be taught once.

 There was also no more spare time. Not that he ever had a whole lot, to begin with, but he used to be allowed to take a breather from time to time when he did have some. Now? Now he better not be caught sitting down, let alone getting some sleep. The only compromise that was made was that he was allowed to train on the roof, by himself. It wasn’t much, but being away from everything and everyone even for an hour was like a breath of freedom.

 When he heard footsteps behind him, Long Zhi didn’t think much of it, and figured it was just someone sent by his grandfather to make sure he was indeed keeping busy up here. It wasn’t until he heard Zane’s voice that he froze, and promptly got whacked in the head by one of the wooden branches. Turning around, he rubbed the side of his head and stared incredulously at the other. “It is still the only place that allows me some freedom.” Taking a step towards him, Long Zhi dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes. “Are you fucking insane? Do you want to get killed tonight, showing up in the heart of enemy territory? The second they see you—” All of my lying will have been for nothing.

 “I figured you were stupid, fucking with the clan. But I didn’t think you were this fucking stupid.”