#and its not a strong point anyway ... i need to constantly keep an eye on my lack of an internal clock and its exhausting

[ofcowardiceandkings]

i would like to stop obsessing about the dumb thing where i was scolded a little for being distracted but its a tangible single thing my brainworms can latch onto instead of the many many other shit things in the background that are objectively way worse or scarier

[fushiglow]

Vague spoilers for beyond where the anime is

JJK seems to try to be very ambiguous in a lot of its themes and which side of those themes it prioritizes as "the right side." This is done very much with the theme of selfishness versus selflessness. Where it seems that being selfish is the right choice, but every once in a while there will be something that complicates that reading. But I also think that JJK almost comes off as anti-cleverness/intelligence in some of its fights.

It is strange because Gege takes a lot of inspiration from HxH, and in that intelligence is extremely prized as the only way a character can defeat an opponent that is beyond them on a power-scaling level.

In JJK, first you have Toji defeat Gojo due to intelligence and planning. This is a point for intelligence.

But, like in the moment with Jogo deciding not to get into a domain expansion battle with Sukuna, or in Kashimo's fight with Hakari, where he views taking the clever and intelligent way to outlast his domain as cowardice, the narrative is seeming to view taking the pragmatic and intelligent way to win a battle rather than going all out and believing in your power, almost derisively.

You also have the fact that because the narrative mostly focuses on Gojo's students, none of these characters are actually "weak." They are Gojo's students BECAUSE they have strong techniques and altogether there is not really a character in JJK that relies on his intelligence so wholly to the degree that it is the defining advantage they have.

It is interesting because like many thing in JJK, it seems to subvert the typical tropes of its genre.

Anyway, feel free to ignore all of this if I'm not making any sense.

I definitely agree that Gege is keeping the answer to "Which approach is the winning approach?" ambiguous at the moment, but I do think (hope!) we'll arrive at a definitive answer to that question before the series is over.

However, I have to disagree that JJK derides intelligence and tactics in its fights. In the examples you gave, Jogo and Kashimo both lose as a result of their choices not to take the smarter option, so it objectively wasn't the right thing to do! Additionally, while it's true that Megumi has a strong technique, he's an extremely tactical fighter and I think it's his biggest asset.

In fact, I think Megumi as a character exemplifies the conflict you're describing! His lack of belief in his own strength is his biggest barrier to reaching the heights he's capable of, but he's fought multiple opponents with more strength and experience than him and won through employing tactical intellect — his Wiki page has a great section on this!

I also think the Fraudkuna memes were a result of Sukuna fighting strategically and tactically to gain an advantage over Gojō. Could Sukuna have won without the Ten Shadows? We'll never know! However, he didn't feel the need to fight "fairly" and go all out and earn his win on pure strength alone. Sukuna took the most sensible option available to him and reaped the rewards of that choice.

In fact, throughout the series, Sukuna has played the long game and it's worked in his favour every single time so far. He's a jujutsu nerd who is constantly seeking to grow his strength through acquiring more knowledge. Similarly, although Gojō was "blessed" with a powerful technique from birth, it's implied he's honed his skills to reach heights that no other Six Eyes user has reached.

I think Sukuna is doomed to lose this fight eventually, and I do think that his downfall could be a result of underestimating the strength of sheer willpower brought about by the intensity of love that Yūji feels for his friends. Through JJK 0, Gege has already set a precedent for "the power of love" being the key to defeating a stronger opponent, which seems a little like an "asspull" at first glance. However, it works within the mechanics he's established in the wider universe.

I wrote a long meta about this back in September, but almost everything about the power system in JJK comes down to binding vows. It's all about risk and reward, give and take, gain and loss — and that's how Yūta wins in JJK 0. He offers himself as a sacrifice in exchange for the strength he needs to defeat Getō: risking everything he is for the reward of winning, giving his own life in order to take Getō's, gaining the win but losing his life.

Of course, Yūta got lucky on this occasion because Rika didn't hold him to his end of the binding vow. However, it isn't an "asspull" because it stands up within the established mechanics of binding vows — and, after Rika's soul was released from the curse, Yūta wouldn't be able to use this same tactic to dodge death again.

So, in conclusion, I don't think you're wrong to say that going all out and believing in your strength can override intelligent fighting and lead to a win. I also think this is the ideology that the Heian era sorcerers demonstrate during the Culling Game — I'm thinking of Uro suggesting that Sukuna's "overwhelming sense of self" is what makes him an unbeatable "calamity". However, I think characters have been wrong many, many times in JJK and we can't always take their word as fact! Since the start of the Gojō vs Sukuna fight, we're seeing that self-belief and intelligence aren't in opposition. In fact, I'd argue that it's his abundance of both that have propelled Sukuna to such great heights.

Thank you for the food for thought, I really enjoyed thinking about this! ♥️

P.S. This got me thinking about how JJK is actually subversive in the way that it never suggests one way is right and the other is wrong — it's always about the execution! For example, I've seen some people suggest that JJK takes an anti-individualist, pro-collectivist stance, but I largely disagree. Gojō is at his strongest when he's alone, but he also relies on "weak" allies where it benefits him — think about how he asks Utahime to help him with the investigation, never mind the "boost" she and other allies provide to him at the start of his fight with Sukuna!

I'd argue that JJK never says one or the other (individualism vs collectivism, selfishness vs selflessness, self-belief vs tactics etc.) is correct, it demonstrates that the best sorcerers always find a balance between the two elements!

[yellowloid]

Why do you think Alex and Miles fought in 2018? In my opinion between two there is nothing but a simple friendship and nothing else

hi!!

the reason i think there was a falling out between alex and miles after the eycte era and ESPECIALLY in 2018 is because of how radically their interactions changed after the end of their 2016 tour.

if you only consider them as strictly platonic friends (which is completely fine) then you're probably not gonna agree with what i'm about to say - which, if you follow me on this blog, you probably already know lmao. and that is the fact that in my opinion the making of eycte and then specifically the actual tour was a turning point in their relationship, and it was clear even from an outsider's pov that something was going on between them. the actual nature of what was actually going on is and will probably forever be a mystery, but the way they interacted, the way they were constantly on each other in every way you could possibly think of, the way you could feel so many different kinds of tension between them, and the way you could see the utter fondness and admiration written in their eyes every time they looked at each other... that was definitely something. again, we'll probably never know what it was, but it sure felt like love. the visceral kind, rare and special and so intense they both got completely swept off their feet by how strong it was. the depth of their connection was almost tangible, romantic or not, and that is clear by just watching any 2016 performance.

sure, their friendship had already been going strong for years, but... 2016 was just different. it felt different, intimate and exhilarating and electrifying for the both of them. you could just see it in their eyes, in the way they smiled their most genuine smiles back then. in the giggles and whispers and constant touching and looking at each other like they were each other's biggest, most precious treasure.

and then the tour ended, and it was deeply emotional and sad and it really felt like the end of an era.

they came back to their solo careers, and they were seen less and less with each other. from what we know, they also both suffered from writer's block for a while. then 2018 happened, and am came back with a very concept-oriented album, where everything that might be related to alex's private life is hidden under ten layers of obscure metaphors - and even then, we have no way of knowing how much of it is actually real and how much is just part of the whole concept. the only songs where he is a bit more direct are either """"love songs""""" (and very sad at that: see golden trunks and the ultracheese) or very introspective and personal ones (see anyways). on the other hand, miles came back with a very direct, very much heartbroken breakup album. also an implicit coming out album. also an album where every song screams of alex (i don't even need to give examples. it's literally every single one. the whole fucking album.)

regarding their private lives, miles entered his slut era while alex seemed to slowly start wasting away. my dude literally had a mental breakdown and shaved his head, he was not well fr. this was probably due to criticism of tbhc + him cheating on taylor most likely for a while before actually breaking up with her + getting stuck into a very shallow relationship with louise out of 1) self-flagellation and 2) search for a safe space (keeping up his straight persona, denying his identity and literally burying himself into the closet).

the majority of the milex fandom - me included - seems to agree that if we assume there was something romantic going on between them during the eycte era (possibly even before, but it definitely got to its intensity peak in 2016), after the tour ended things got complicated: miles wanted an actual committed relationship, while alex - back to the routine and having "woken up" from the dream that was the eycte tour - was already struggling to accept his identity, and when miles got serious he got scared and chickened out. so then miles tried to forget him (hence the slut era, but to no avail) while still trying to be his friend because of course they never really left each other's side, and that probably hurt like hell. everything miles could do was watch as alex slowly got eaten away by his own regret, fear, repression and self-hate. what i always say is that by doing what he did, alex broke both their hearts.

their interactions became so weird, too - la cigale 2018 being a prime example of peak cringe content, with them awkardly sharing the mic and alex literally fleeing the stage to run backstage to louise as soon as the song was over. you can't watch a random 2016 performance, then watch la cigale and be 100% convinced nothing happened in between those two years. something definitely switched between them.

my guess is that they never really got over each other, but their friendship did recover after reaching an all time low in 2018. i think now it's in much better condition, though not back to how it was before. they probably never got closure and they probably never will. they just... quietly long for each other and do nothing about it because they're both dumb fucking idiots.

they were indeed seen hanging out during summer 2020 if i rememver correctly, and then they were both at zack and lola's wedding last summer (we were ROBBED of a photo) and then back in... late july? (early august? or was it earlier?) we got that pic of alex at a bar with a fan and miles in the background. ofc this is just the "public" evidence we have of them hanging out and being on at least amicable terms, and who knows what really happens behind closed doors. i do believe they hang out as much as their busy schedules allow them to do. and obviously things aren't the same anymore because they clearly went through something, but what they have now isn't necessarily bad. they're still friends, and that's all that matters in the end.

obviously we don't really know what happened. we probably never will, and that's okay - because that's how it should be. we're not entitled to know anything about their private lives that they don't want us to know. let them figure out the nature of their relationship for themselves. as fans, we admire them for their music and we all enjoy the essence of their relationship with each other - their public dynamic and personas. and i think that we can all agree on the fact that their relationship is something they both cherish so much, so unique and heartwarming and beautiful that it's impossible not to be captivated by it, be it romantic or platonic.

[astridspeckles]

Random thoughts and ramblings about the amazing film Nimona! Warning this is a huge tangent and does talk about spoilers for the movie and a bit of spoilers about the graphic novel (that I haven't read since my copy hasn't arrived yet) also I've tried to write this post like 3 times but it keeps breaking so oof.

Kudos to the creator ND Stevenson who I swear is a massive source of creativinies that I would absorb like a sponge if I had the energy to because everything they're apart of is something I feel like I'd adore if if I took the plunge. Also he identifies as enby transmasc (which, I am too, and I didn't realize how huge of a blow it was to realize that people like me exist). I really ought to look into She-ra and their other works at some point. Anyway, anyway, anyway - this is about Nimona!

I love that this obviously queer movie decided to be release during the later stage of June aka "Pride Month" because I feel like it gives people the chance to watch it with fresh eyes during July, which is Disabled Pride Month (I'm Australian so it isn't really a thing here as far as im aware sadly) which Ballister is such a fantastic and amazing character who is gay and disabled.

He is never portrayed as weak or lesser for his disability, I imagine for people that it'll actually be easy to forget that he is disabled as an amputee with how capable he's written. I feel like it might just go over peoples heads at some point because you never get to see stuff written so well unless if its poking you with it every few episodes or its extremely obvious at a glance. But with Ballister it 'just is who he is' and it moves on to focus on its plot like it has from the beginning.

And its never used as a plot set back or change the storybeat or anything of that sort of matter. Which is amazing. However it isn't just ignored either! He has a moment of weakness when he sees Ambroius again. He hesitates, he withdraws from reach out to him while looking at his arm (Oh, Nemesis!). It is still fresh and new and he's trying to handle it (you're doing great sweetie).

I'm not physically disabled (I do have a weak knee however) but a mentally disabled and experience fatigue constantly and I'm sure I'd have chronic pains if I didn't have a high pain tolerance. So while this sort of character isn't someone I can directly relate to it is someone I can connect with (Although I don't believe you need to be the same as something in order to connect/relate to it).

However I am at home a lot and I don't get exposed much to other people and that includes a lot of people with other cultures, beliefs, body types and disabilities. So being able to see people different than me on the screen is always awesome, and being able to connect with them is too. Which the Queen, Nimona and Ballister is fantastic for everyone and hopefully the Director will give the other sort of audience of this movie a time to think back and work through things.

But I haven't seen many disabled people in media, because I don't really have the energy to engage with much content for long. So I have a limited selection of characters who seem like fantastic representation - because while yes Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender is fantastic she has literal superpowers compared to the every day person so I love and praise how she's handled because everything she does is fantastic-

Seeing Ballister's strong and dedicated personality which still has that life to it made me instantly feel for him along side Hiccup from How to Train your Dragon (And before you ask - no, AstridSpeckles is not due to HTTYD, its inspired from Zelda actually!) And I just love how it was all written and displayed. In HTTYD it was to connect Toothless and Hiccup together in a beautiful narrative. Here they used his arm to make a beautiful narrative too - he uses it, constantly.

He fixes his arm with just one hand which is insane because its also his non dominant hand which wow thats amazing. And he doesn't shy away from using his arm for anything, he still touches people with it, still wields things with as much confidence as ever to do so. He reaches out to Nimona with it too in that scene. Also Ambroius reaches out to hold his hand in that scene too! So tenderly and without hesitation! Which if it was another case with other characters I reckon I'd be a little upset but you see how much they love eachother and how gentle and tactile and soft they are so it is just so beautiful to see here...

Also I don't really know where else to put this but since im on a tangent about Ballister ima just say it here. He is such a fantastic knight! He knew the moment his sword was handed to him that it was off. He knew it didnt feel right, the weight was wrong? Or it just felt off? He knows his sword. He knows his morals. He knows what he has to do to make things right. He never betrayed himself ever!

Also the eye sparkles change. At the start their diamonds, but Ballister's turns into squares as he gets more exposed to different views where Ambroius turns into a triangle as his views are being pulled (the director whispering in his hear, his own heart, and his love for Ballister).

Also he too is a fantastic knight! His life falling apart? Never lashes out. Never hurts those around him (Okay, cutting off an arm isn't a love language.) So yes that is a case where he did hurt someone but that is addressed in its own ways.

But he never hurts or lashes out at the people he's protecting. He could easily just take it out on them, stop caring, fall into a pit of despair at his own problems. But you actively see him dealing with this own issues and then instantly being a knight the next scene and he doesn't falter or fall.

He is also so strong and I love that he had these moments, would of liked some more though but he isn't a main character like Nimona and Ballister so I understand why he didn't.

Also back to Ballister for a moment because the moment he heard Nimona's not really handling the things she's carrying, that she was able to tell him about her most vulnerable, scary and intrusive thoughts after knowing him for so little, that his thoughts in an instant was to get her the hell out of there and go with her.

He would try to work things out with Ambroius I believe, but he saw the hurt of Nimona who he hasn't known that long over the love of his life and said this is my priority. That would be so hard for anyone to do, for example a parent knowing their child is queer and the other parent not accepting them - there are cases where the parents stay together because its too hard for them not too, and lose the kid or kick the kid out.

The fact Ballister in a heartbeat acted accordingly to keep this new precious person in his life to abandon (like they did to him) without hesitation is absolutely insane and I love it so much. Also that it wasn't a move out of malice or defiance. It could of easily of been written differently that they need to protect her and they have to leave right now. But no. He took action (he always takes actions!) and while he lingered on Ambroius, it wasnt hesitation. It wasn't to hurt Ambroius either. He put Nimona being at risk first.

So I've actually been aware of Nimona for a few years now. I've heard about its ups and downs and its eventually cancel to its amazing revival! But I was watching it as a passive observer, never interacting with it because I know I hyper-fixate, I didn't want too get invested and attached and because off the rollercoaster of it not coming to the big screen while being in the fandom at that time (im sorry you are all so much stronger than I am haha!)

However, it is alive and amazing! And I'm finally here in the fandom - I've finally watched it - I've finally decided to order the graphic novel like I planned to back during its first movie announcement so I can quote "Enjoy the movie and then read the book since the books are always better", so I can love both as much as I can, yknow?

From what I've discovered reading online here and there so far (and its likely that this is wrong so take this with a grain of salt since I haven't gotten my graphic novel yet) that apparently that the movie is leaps and bounds improved compared to the graphic novel (Note: Not better, improved.)

Improved origin stories, improved personalities, improved characterizations. So much of the voice actors provide life and inspiration to these characters bringing them to a level that the graphic novels didn't have the resource to do.

I also love how people also aren't going crazy (negatively) about the change of races to the characters - im so used to seeing discourse about this sort of thing but its so accepted here that it is so refreshing to see.

The graphic novel has a larger and looser timeline and I believe a darker story and not as much as a happy ending compared to the movie. I can't wait to read the graphic novel though it looks very interesting!

But the ending of the movie implies such a happier ending for everyone, since apparently I've seen that in the graphic novel Nimona visits Ballister while being shapeshifted as a nurse while he is in hospital and he caught on too late after she says goodbye and he never sees her again and is constantly reminded of her when she sees people with her hair colour and that is so bittersweet!

The fact we get her coming to him at the end with him going HOLY SHIT is because it is saying here that it doesn't end with that note. They are together still. And I really hope something more comes out after this because I need to see a bit more to know what is happening there.

I had written a lot more here but my post keeps breaking and doing ctrl+z is making me lose entire paragraphs and gifs I put in as text breakers so I'm gonna leave this here or maybe do another post when I end up reading the graphic novel, who knows. But yes. I love Nimona :D

[raedroid]

The Star Covers Meets The Soul Of The City

Part 3: Misguided Thinking

——————————————————————————

High above the grounds of Kissteria’s capital city, there is a large coliseum, floating by powerful black diamonds that keeps the coliseum strong despite its rough condition. It was used during various wars in the dimensions lifetime but has now been used by Kiss to train The Star Covers after they had received their powers.

“Alright girls! Bring it!” Paul called out. While Katherine and her group were already in England, the rest of the group were up with the famous rockstars, doing some extra training with their powers. As they were finishing their long training sessions, they sat to take a break and Hailey, the Flame Star as she is called in the group for her fire powers, started scrolling on her phone.

“Alright girls. I say you should head down to England soon. The tour is about to start up again.” Tommy suggested

“You say that and I can guarantee that they will be murdered in about five minutes.” Eric joked. The girls were notorious for getting trapped in dangerous situations.

“Says the guys who endangers himself like a wild cat.” Tommy teased.

“We should get going now though. They have a press conference today and the tour starts tomorrow in London.” Maya alerted

“You guys love England dont you?” Gene teased

“Not as much as Japan but yes.” Kelsey replied. “Sometimes I wish we could join them more often because something fun always happens to them when we’re not around.”

“You could say that again.” Hailey responded. She showed them her phone and they see a picture of Cassie spinning one of Bruno’s men with her ribbons. “Just got caught in a Guardian Slaying competition. It’s a battle to the death. Vote who wins down below lmao” Hailey read out the description underneath

“God why do they do this to themselves? I keep telling Cassie to not fling people around with her ribbons! Seriously does she not know how the body works?” Paul groaned, rubbing his temples

“That’s what you’re concerned about?! Not the guardian slaying competition?!” Hailey asked exasperated.

“Yeah we need to go down now.” Bella replied. “You guys keep tabs on us and if one of us dies, you can go down and start a riot!” Paul facepalms at her response

“Not a riot.” He groaned again and Bella looked at him annoyed

“Ok not a riot but send someone to help us anyways.” She retorted.

“I mean, we can just go with you guys.” Gene pointed out

“No! We’re going to die so you’ll feel bad!” Bella joked, leaving the others confused.

“Alright. Whatever floats your boat.” Eric replied, unconvinced. As they agreed, they flew away from the arena to get to the nearest guardian spire.

“Oh they’re dead.” Tommy responded as soon as they left

“Let’s see… 12-18 funerals. Plus their parents in case they get a heart attack from this. That’s gonna be a lot of money.” Paul estimated

“And time” Gene added

“And planning” Eric added as well.

——————————————————————————

The press conference was moving smoothly for the girls. For the most part. A man named Norman was interviewing each of them, giving them multiple uncomfortable questions and passive aggressive comments about them. The girls slowly were getting tired of it and started sassing back at him. However, Alex and his group had snuck into the building to look further into the people they are up against. Katherine caught Alex out of the corner of her eye, distracting her almost instantly. The others noticed them eyeing each other

“Hey Al, I think the purple girls got her eye on you. Maybe you should ask her out when this is over.” George teased him. Alex rolled his eyes and blushed angrily

“Please. I’m Asexual Aromantic. I’m not into that stuff. Why do you keep forgetting about it?” He denied

“You never know. You could be denying it.” Darien joked. Alex once again rolled his eyes and ignored his groups comments. His group constantly made remarks about him and sexuality. That combined with their belittlement made him resent them even more.

“Speaking of serving customers, Miss Peterson?” Norman asked, noticing Katherine being distracted. “Miss Peterson!” He called out, bringing her back to reality

“Sorry about that! You were saying?” She replied, standing up straight and hearing snickers from Alex’s group.

“We’re on the topic of dating. So aren’t you dating someone? I have heard that you are Bisexual?” He asked

“I am and I’m not dating anyone at the moment. Are you talking about the guy I was with at Starbucks one day?” She asked. The others were worried about how the conversation would go

“I think you two make a lovely couple. You in whiteface and him in-“ The crowd started to interrupt him by groaning, especially knowing that the girls were racially diverse. Katherine gave him an angry look then a fake smile

“Oh really? Norm, you wanna discuss outside? Is that what you want?” She asked, causing laughter amongst the girls

“Didn’t he come with you?” He asked

“No we’re not even dating! I was being taken out of context again!” She groaned

“Only on the odd occasion!” Veena joked, the girls laughing at her reaction. Even Katherine joined it. She trusted Veena because she knows that she’s only kidding around. While Norman made her uncomfortable, Veena made her feel safe, even loved. If only she could tell her that she wants her as more than a friend

“They don’t know what they’re saying. They’re just as clueless as you Alex!” Darien joked. As the three of them laughed, Alex smacked him across the face, causing Darien to glare at him. “What was that for?!”

“For being an asshole that’s what. Oh and being useless.” Alex answered.

“Listen here you little shit, I’ve done everything you told me to. I didn’t had to because I don’t see you as anything but a nuisance. You’re just not a good leader.” He deflected. Alex started getting annoyed and started shaking in anger

“Says the guy who beaten a guardian last night. I want the rods but I’m not gonna be ruthless about it.”

“Guardians are the ones protecting the rods in case you forgot somehow!”

“I know you’re an adult but you aren’t a good enough of a person in general. Don’t question me again.” They continue to watch the press conference, Norman continuing to embarrass himself more and more while Darien nodded to his three comrades. They had a plan for tonight and couldn’t wait to execute it.

——————————————————————————

Alex stepped inside the Cosmic Emporium, seeing Frank setting up items on the shelf and a small bundle of paint buckets, paintbrushes and rollers. Frank noticed him and stopped what he was doing

“Alex! Good to see you! Want some tea? Or anything?” He greeted warmly, surprising him

“Um… Cinnamon Brown Sugar Latte please?” He asked. He got behind the counter and began brewing the drink.

“Give me your opinion on wall colour for a moment. Should I go for Dusty Rose or Black?” Frank asked. Alex looked over at the paint buckets

“Um…. Dusty Rose?” He answered.

Excellent choice. I’m in the process of renovating this place and I’m sick of this disgusting moopy gray colour. You had a long night last night didn’t you?” Frank asked, looking over at Alex as he sat in his chair

“At least I won but I didn’t expected a group of rockstars coming in and beating us up. Why do you ask?” He answered

“Oh you know? Just looking out for you again that you need to watch out. Because next time you could end up in jail for what happened. It’s just hard to help you when you don’t listen to me and I’ve been covering your ass for weeks. Pardon the language.”

“I’m only following the rules of the competition. All I need to do is when against those girls tonight.”

“Ok that’s enough! Just because you haven’t been caught yet doesn’t mean that you’re let off the hook. Bruno and his group got beaten badly last night and I know they could come back to you. I’m the one friend you have. The least you can do is trust me.”

“Look I’m fine! I’m perfectly fine!” As he lied, Frank looked at his fingertips. Alex’s fingertips still fading to black and spreading quickly

“You’re building up your powers like crazy. It’s gonna get worse soon. That’s why you’re in so much pain.” Frank warned and sighed again, worried about the young man “Just forget about the competition and the rods ok? Do I make myself clear?”

“As clear as a bell.” Alex lied. Frank gave him his latte and Alex started leaving once again. He waved Frank off and saw him give him a pleasant smile. As much as he appreciated Franks concern, he knew he couldn’t keep that promise. He had to get the rods in order to survive.

In order to be wanted

In order to be free

——————————————————————————

Tagging peeps who may be interested:

@2hotintheshade @criminallyoverrated @namelessbutters-doodles @gh0stfl0ra @spacefoxy-irl @ladyshandioftheendless @ericcarrsworshipper

[writingwrittenwriting]

Night Light

A story of a demon answering a prayer

Muffled sobs broke the silence of the otherwise quiet night. A darkened room held her in cold disregard, her damp pillow the best comfort the young girl had against the world, against her own parents. Cold and wet against her burning hot face, her pillow was hardly a comfort at this point. Swirling darkness filled her room, like smoke blinding her to even the outline of her bed. It's strange how scary the lack of light appears to young eyes.

"Please god. Take me away from here." She whispered in her mind, praying for a cosmic force to free her from this miserable life. From parents who hated her existence, teachers who called her stupid and classmates who called her ugly. Every little thing of her life now felt painful. Constantly, her stomach was twisted and burning from the fear of whatever awful thing was to happen next. Breathing felt hard, as though she could never grab a full breaths. And now, even the sweet relief of sleep was beyond her grasp.

When she went to bed that night, she had turned on her little night light as always. A little ceramic ballerina with a sparkly purple dress that glowed just enough to keep the monsters away. But her father was in a foul mood that night, and entered her room to take it out on her. While she hid from him under her blankets, pretending to sleep, he spoke to himself. Knowing full well she was awake and listening.

"Well, if the little fucking princess is already asleep, I can unplug her stupid childish night light. No point wasting electricity. She shouldn't need a light to sleep anymore anyways, she's old enough to sleep in the dark." She knew better than to protest, better than to move or show any signs of being awake. No, she laid in her bed trying not to cry as the light went out. Not hearing the flick of the switch, she realized he was pulling it from the wall. With the faint light of the hall still coming in from the doorway, she watched him wind up like a baseball pitcher, then whip it at the wall. Jolting at the loud crash, she tensed and buried her face in her pillow.

"I knew you weren't asleep, you rotten brat. Your teacher called me at work and told me you were cheating on your math test. Do you know how embarrassing you are? How much it pisses me off when my boss hears how shitty my kid is? If you're old enough to cheat, you're old enough to sleep without a night light. Go to sleep, no breakfast tomorrow. Breakfast isn't for cheaters." Leaving the room, he made a show of closing the door and turning off the hallway light. Leaving her in that swirling darkness once more, lost in a sea of nothingness.

Sobbing in the dark, she used her soggy pillow to muffle herself from her parents angry ears. Eventually, silence told her that they were finally sleeping, but she dare not leave the safety of her bed to turn on the light. She'd likely get beat if she turned it on anyways. Such thoughts made her cry more,knowing how shitty she'd be treated for taking care of herself. Little quiet squeaks of attempts to breath escaping her, rising her fear of being caught. Monsters in the darkness would get her. Or worse, her parents would wake up and come. Staring into the swirling darkness in fear, she pulled her covers over her head, peering out as though she might see a flicker of light. A rush of movement or shifting darkness. She didn't expect what she heard, having seen nothing to indicate the presence of another.

"Oh, baby girl, why are you crying?" A gentle woman's voice pierced the darkness, soft as a whisper and smooth as a hummed song. Fear gripped her heart, but the kindness in the voice was more than she'd had in a long time. Even if it was fake, she wished nothing more than to reach out to it and escape into its promised safety. The battle of fear within her was strong, keeping her silent for a few stretching moments. Had she just imagined the voice? If she had... then speaking would cause no harm.

"Daddy broke the night light. It's smashed on the floor." There was so much more that was making her cry, but she couldn't express it all. She didn't know how to. Small shuffling noises came from beneath the bed, causing the girl to freeze in fear. Her blood ran cold and her heart pounded so hard she feared the monster would hear it. A monster from under the bed! Her father broke her night light and now she was going to die. Closing her eyes tightly, she prayed she'd be okay.

"Now now, little one"It's alright, kiddo. Here, let me help." Through her closed eyes, she could see the shift of light. Slowly she peeked her eyes open, seeing a soft pink glow. A glowstick! Behind it however... Two red glowing dots. Momentary relief and excitement at a glowstick quickly turned to horror. Her body froze again and her breath caught in her throat.

"Oh, shit, fuck, ah damnit I can't swear you're a kid. Okay, it's okay, I can still fix this. Don't say swear words." The soft voice frantically whispered, the glowstick being set on the girls stomach on the blanket. A small ball of purple light grew in the woman's hand, the same colour as the night light. At first, it lit her face in a frightening array of shadows. Once it brightened up however, she realized she was staring at a beautiful woman with soft dark skin, soft beautiful eyes, and a fluff of hair that would make a poodle dog jealous. The woman looked like a princess doll, a soft warm smile on her face.

"Okay I know this will sound really bad, stranger danger is important and you should never go with strangers, but your parents are awful. They do nothing while you're bullied. They hurt you so much, they don't feed you or take care of you. Your parents are miserable terrible people. You cry every night, kiddo. And that's not normal. That's not okay." Catching her breath in a sharp desperate gasp, the girl stared at the beautiful scary princess woman. She was... not understanding what was happening.

"I know you asked god to help you... But I can help you too, kiddo. Will you let me help you?" She held her hand to the girl, the bright light floating up from her hand to light the full room in a purple glow. Not knowing what to do, the crying child wiped her burning eyes on the sleeve of her sweater and reached her hand out hesitantly. A princess was going to save her, what little girl wouldn't go? Her small dirty hand hovered above the red-eyed woman's hand before settling down in the warm grasp of calloused fingers.

Rising to her feet, the woman encouraged the girl to get up out of bed. Cold little feet scrambled out. Dressed in poorly fitting jeans, a t-shirt, and a sweater much too large for her.

"There we go, kiddo. I know you're tired. I'll get you in a warm bed soon. You can call me Razi. I know it's scary, but I'm a demon. I'm not a bad demon, I'm a good demon. I'm going to help you." Help her. Someone was finally going to help her, and fix her horrible life. She just wanted to be free from her parents. But it'd be nice to have a kind mother like Steph's, and this scary princess demon woman was so kind to her already. Her life would be so much better without her parents, and she had nothing to lose by leaving.

Getting up out of bed, she carefully watched where she stepped, mindful of the broken ceramic on the floor. Looking down to see it, the demon woman gasped and scooped the girl up.

"Your feet! I can't believe he did that, you could get a cut!" Fuming, the demon woman balanced the girl on her hip and set about getting her school bag, shoving clothes into it, her plush rabbit from her bed, and her homework.

"Alright, that's all you need from here." She hummed triumphantly, pausing to look down at the broken ballerina laying in the dust of a shattered body on the carpet. Saddened by the sight, the woman shook her head and walked to the bedroom door. Without warning, the two walked through it as though it were never there.

Eyes wide with wonder and confusion, the little girl stared at the gently lit apartment they'd just entered. Her bedroom led to a hallway, not a home! They had entered a little living room with a long purple couch and black fluffy blankets. A coffee table covered in pretty candles, a TV set to a channel that just showed shooting stars, and shelves full of DVDs and knickknacks.

Jolting as the thump of her backpack hitting the floor caught her attention, the girl looked to the woman in curiosity. This room had normal white light, and in it she could see Razi had purple curls, and bright brown eyes like her daddy's whisky. Why did they look red in her room? The demon princess wore purple lipstick and eye shadow, a bright yellow shirt that tied around her neck, and black leather pants with a gold heart belt. Razi's big sparkly purple boots clomped on the floor as she took the girl down a hall and into a small bedroom. During the short walk, the girls head swivelled about to look at all the little things mounted on the walls. Mirrors, heart stickers, hanging flowers.

And then a princess's room! Razi had brought her into a room fit for a princess! There was a pink and purple bed with ruffly blankets, and sparkly curtains full of christmas lights. Glowing stars were spread on the ceilings and walls. Giant pretty flowers with butterflies were painted around the room. There were a dresser and rocking chair, both sparkly and covered in fake flowers and figurines.

"You're going to stay here tonight, you can keep the nightlights on, okay kiddo?" Razi whispered softly, setting the girl down on the edge of the bed. Looking around at all the pretty things surrounding her, the girl nodded almost numbly. This was good. She would happily sleep here.

"Your name is Monica, right?" That's when the girl looked down with a sad nod.

"Moni, I don't like Monica. I'm always in trouble when people say Monica." Razi nodded to the simple explanation, going to the dresser to pull out a nightie and grab a comb.

"Alright, Moni. Here, you didn't have any pyjamas that fit, so you can have this one. No one sleeps in their day clothes in my home." Moni smiled at the pretty nightie, it's purple ribbons and little butterfly embroidery. She quickly started getting out of her ill fitting clothes. Once ready, Razi help her into the pyjamas. Sitting beside the girl, Razi started gently combing her tangles free, holding the locks near the girls head so any tugging wouldn't pull her scalp.

"Mommy said I didn't need pyjamas, but I get cold when I sleep." Moni explained, relaxing as her hair was combed. It'd been so long since anyone had combed her hair, and never so nicely. Nodding to the girls words with a hum, Razi made quick work of the hair and tied it back.

"We'll get you a bath tomorrow and wash your hair, okay? Now, do you want an extra blanket to stay warm?" An offer made with a smile. Moni hesitated for a moment, Razi had already done so much for her, she didn't want to be annoying. But she did get cold, and Razi had offered.

"Yes please" Razi got her the blanket, and helped her under the covers. Tucking the child in, Razi sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the sleepy little girl. She was about to offer a bedtime story. But all Razi did was smile, and the kid was out like a light. So tired, finally being warm and feeling safe had been all it took for Moni to pass out.

Razi set to work. She had noticed this kid awhile ago, she'd seen the little girls parents blaming her for all sorts of bullshit in a grocery store. Accusing their daughter of eating all their money like a parasite. Witnessing parents accuse their child of being a punishment from god without throwing fists was not an easy feat. Instead, she had watched from the shadows to make sure it wasn't just a very bad day. The way Moni's parents treated her was despicable, and Razi had decided this little girl needed help. Deserved help. Every child deserves a good chance at life and a family that loves them.

When Moni woke up the next day, the christmas lights were turned off, and a purple glow came from a little ballerina nightlight plugged in next to the door. Squealing in delight, the little girl rushed to inspect it, surprised to see all the little cracks where it had been glued together piece by piece.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well? It's almost noon." Razi was in the doorway, leaning against the side and smiling proudly. Moni could have sworn there was no one there when she'd left her bed, but she was happy to see the kind demon princess!

"I slept really good! I was warm!" Moni shared happily, enjoying how kind the woman was, how she actually seemed to care what she had to say. Razi held out her hand and this time, Moni didn't hesitate before taking it. Guided to a little kitchen with daylight flooding in and a black table with brightly coloured purple place mats, the little girl looked around, taking everything in. Walls covered in pictures of happy kids, little cat ornaments hanging from hooks all over the place, heart, flower, and star shaped carpets of various colours set on the clean dark wood floor. Surely Razi had to be a princess to have such a fun pretty home!

"Alright, lets get you breakfast. What do you want to eat? Anything in the world except junkfood, okay?"

"Bananas!" Moni exclaimed in excitement.

"You got it, kiddo! Bananas are a good healthy choice, but we need more than just bananas. What else?" The young girl hesitated, unsure what to ask for. Unused to being given the choice of what to eat, nor the privilege of asking. She hummed and scrunched her little face up in thought, the bags under her eyes were from many nights without sleep. It'd take more than one good nights rest to fix them.

"How about french toast and bacon?" Razi suggested with a smile, earning an earnest nod from the child. She left the girl to sit at the table as she got to work, making the french toast and getting a great big cup of juice with a silly straw for the girl. It wasn't long until a small stack of french toast and a bunch of bananas were on the table, followed shortly by crunchy bacon. Two plates were set down and Razi served them both, heaping syrup onto their toast.

"All my kids get a big breakfast on their first day, enjoy it, kiddo." Already wolfing down a banana, the young girl looked to the demon, tilting her head. Mouth full of food, she asked.

"All your kids? You have kids?" Would she get to meet them? Did the bedroom belong to another kid? Razi laughed and shook her head, surprised at how easily Moni's whole demeanour had changed with a good night sleep and some food.

"Not quite, kiddo, none of my own. Maybe one day I will. No, my kids are all you lovely little sweethearts I bring home from bad homes. Your home was bad and you were hurting, so now you get to be one of my kids. I'm going to take you to a new family who really want a little girl just like you, and they're going to love you." Moni stared at Razi, chewing on banana and thinking.

"Will I see mommy and daddy again?" She questioned warily.

"Do you want to?" Razi asked in return.

"No"

"No" At that response, the little girls eyes lit up and she grinned. With excitement buzzing about her, she tucked into her breakfast.

"Do I have to go to school still?" She asked after a few bites of banana and french toast.

"Not your old school, but yes. A new school."

"Will the teachers be nice?"

"They better! If they aren't you just tell me and I'll make sure they stop being mean."

"Can I keep my night light?"

"Of course, baby girl! It's a gift for you, kiddo. You can take it to your new home and put it in your new room."

Moni quieted down, thinking and eating. When she finished, she slumped against the table and giggled.

"I'm so full! I never eat so much food!" Razi laughed and patted her own stomach in jest.

"A big meal is a good start to the day! You need fuel to run!" Getting up with a laugh, the woman cleared the table then clapped her hands together.

"Do you want a bath, or do you want to cut your nails first? Both are happening." Excited and guessing that she could ask for something fun, Moni hesitantly asked with a cheeky smile.

"Can I have a bubble bath?" Razi's eyes lit with a mischievous smile. Childish fun was always fun!

"Of course! Who would want a bath without bubbles? Bubbles are mandatory here!" With the both of them laughing, it wasn't long before Razi had gotten the child cleaned up. Bathed, nails clipped and painted at her request, a fresh haircut to clear the dead ends, and new clothes, Moni was certain this was the best day of her life. Standing in the mirror in Razi's room, the little girl admired her new sparkly jeans and fluffy blue sweater. She was scared she was only dreaming, but everything felt so real!

"I love them! I want to stay here forever!" Moni looked back at razi with a face full of happiness. She could only laugh, then sadly pat the girls head.

"I wish you could too, I want to give you a good life and make you happy. But there's a lot of kids who need good homes, and I'm busy making sure they're safe. I found a nice family who want you to join them. They're going to be good for you. They'll get you clothes that fit, good meals, and a comfy bedroom. They're going to be even better than me, because they're going to help you grow up to be a good person." Moni pouted, but nodded. A princess who helped kids had to be very busy.

"So I'll have a new mommy and daddy? When do I meet them?" Razi knelt down to give the child a hug, then booped her nose.

"If you're ready, we can go now. But I need to tell you a few important things first. Are you ready?" Confused, the young girl nodded.

"You remember how I told you I'm a demon?" Moni's eyes widened, she had forgotten that, but how could such a nice woman be a demon? Unless demons could be good... Yes. Razi was a good demon.

"I'm going to bring you to a world where lots of magical people live. There will be demons like me, and fairies and witches. Many more, and humans too. Lots of different people. They call the world hell, but it's not like the people here say hell is. It's just a world like this one." More confused than before, the girl shied back a bit.

"Hell? But... Monsters live in hell. Scary monsters. Hell is where the bad people go." Sighing softly, Razi sat down cross legged and shook her head.

"There is a place bad people go, and it can be called hell too, but this isn't that world. There are monsters in the world, but they're nice monsters. They look scary, but they're like me. They're nice." Calming down, Moni sat down in front of Razi and reached for her hands. Complying, Razi held the young girls hands in her own and smiled.

"I can look like a monster too, looks aren't what make the person though. Remember your old mommy and daddy looked like good people when they went out? I look like a monster when I don't have my magic on. Looks mean nothing."

Moni nodded in confusion, and Razi got up. Bringing the child up with her, she gently rubbed her back.

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise. Everything will make sense once we get there. You go grab your backpack, and I'll open the door to the new world okay?" Nervous but excited now, Moni ran off to go grab her backpack. It would be sad to see the bright little girl go, but she had a mission. There were many like her, and they all needed guardian demons too. Not dwelling long on the thought, Razi left her room and closed the door, tracing shapes on it before chanting a small prayer.

"Today I leave the veil of light

To carry forth a wrong to right

I give this world a life to raise

And ask of you to clear the haze."

Just as the young girl arrived and took Razi's hand, the door began to hum with magic. Smiling down at her newest kid, she pushed the door open and they walked into a world of warm dry air and bright green plants with thick leaves and flowers that looked like their petals were filled like balloons.

They stood on a sidewalk, facing a house with a bright flowery garden. A normal looking house like one might see in a suburb. (Truly it must be hell to arrive in a suburb.) But this was a good house, with good people. Walking the girl up the pathway, Razi knocked on the wood and glass door.

"You ready kiddo?"

[quill-and-whetstone]

Thematic Throughlines

There’s a concept in drawing, specifically when designing a character in a pose, called a line of action. It’s a line–usually imaginary–that represents the movement or direction of the pose, its flow, its energy, its essence. Strong poses have strong lines of action at their core, conveying their dynamic elements easily to the eye. They’re useful to the artist as a guide for how to craft the character’s pose, and even though they aren’t directly visible to the viewer their impact is clear and distinctly felt.

This concept applies to writing as well, albeit not visually. For any narrative device whether it’s a character, an element of the setting, even a particular object that the plot might revolve around, you need to be able to distill it down to its essence in your mind. You want the most succinct possible description of the root of the idea that also implies the tension it will use to propel its own story forward. This is what makes it dynamic, and the story that springs from it interesting. It means knowing the core concept, yes, but more than that it means understanding the core significance...

Using an example from my own work, I once played a teenage sorceress for a tabletop podcast whose thematic throughline was this: she was 10lbs of magic in a 5lb bag. An extremely unsubtle metaphor lifted directly from my own struggles growing up with undiagnosed AuDHD, that core concept was the seed every aspect of her character grew from. Her origin story saw a magical grimoire of untold power get written into her head, her inability to control it causing constant disasters for herself and her family. The magic terrified her, spells constantly casting themselves through her any time her concentration slipped. On the outside she was a diminutive, shy, and awkward girl who could barely speak up. On the inside she was a maelstrom of potential pounding at the walls she’d had to build around herself. From the way she looked, dressed, and acted to the way she fought crime, everything related back to that throughline: the rich inner world always fighting its way to the surface and all the struggles that would cause.

So how do we craft one?

The process of honing a thematic throughline springs from the question why, but you can kind of go in two directions with it depending on how your inspiration strikes. Sometimes, I start with the throughline itself and sketch in the details around it. Other times I start with a vision in my head for the narrative device and from there dig for the throughline before I get too involved. This is a great spot to channel your inner six year old and keep asking why until you run out of road.

My initial example was a case of the former: I knew I wanted to write about my own teenage struggles and from there noodled on what a character who embodied them might be like. She was short, dressed prim, and spoke softly because she was always trying to make herself as unassuming and small as possible… but her hair was a copper mess that refused to be tamed because the struggle to impose control over herself was an eternal losing battle. She’d tell you that she was fine, actually, thanks for asking, as a stormcloud appeared over her head and drenched her with rain because she was allergic to drawing attention to herself even when her moods were obvious. I had the throughline, so I followed up with details that pointed right back to it.

As an example of the latter, in the first tabletop campaign where I played alongside my siblings I knew I wanted to play a tanky swordsman with a flexible backstory who could come in clutch if we were losing a fight but wouldn’t steal the spotlight from them. So I chased that idea down the rabbit hole. The easiest ways to make him taciturn and his backstory flexible were to embrace the wandering swordsman archetype, but that’s not a throughline it’s just a trope. So why was he wandering? Why was he such a grump? Why did he want to stick around with the party anyway? Why be a shield for them? While we’re at it, why a fighter in the first place? With those elements to address I crafted a character driven by the loss of his family, whose thematic throughline was his struggle to process a life-changing trauma. It synthesized the baseline things I knew I needed him to be, and it gave him a direction where I could build in more pathos and nuance than him being some dude with a sword.

So why does all of this matter?

Two words: narrative cohesion. The more you can center your story around your themes the stronger and more emotionally resonant both it and they will be. It’s like a picture with a pleasing color palette, or a song with a powerful melody. Thematic throughlines give your work clearer ideas to rally behind and communicate them more effectively. They help you layer in meaning and give your audience something to sink their teeth into and analyze.

Moreover, even after the planning phase of your work is done they stay useful during the writing itself or in roleplay! When you know what a narrative device’s purpose is, you’ll know that much easier what to do with it and where it fits in your story. If it’s a character you’re playing, you may find you can get into their head that much easier in a scene. Even when Narrating for a tabletop campaign, knowing the throughlines of your players’ characters tells you exactly what plot to run for them. You’ll likely get a better understanding of where their story has to end in order to be satisfying, but that’s a whole different can of worms I’ll get into in another post on Narrative Trajectory.

An easy way to practice this skill is to turn it into an analysis tool. Think about media you’ve consumed and pick out the thematic throughlines of its narrative devices. To my mind, the most useful examples for this are stories that started out strong but where elements of the ending have disappointed you. In these you can often find the initial throughlines easily, and then see exactly where the narrative or role they suggested wasn’t delivered on. Every time you find you can vocalize exactly what worked or didn’t work for you, you’ve strengthened your own creative skills that much more!

[leafyplantdreams]

robotic alien that started killing people. I look at my mom and sister and I tell them get in my car we’re leaving NOW and get all the food. For some reason my mom's mom is there too and shes really old and starts praying intensely and super loud in the middle of the street and I look at my mom and she says "uhh we can leave her here?" and I go "yeah she can stay 😅" she'd be dead weight/get us caught and we don't get along I don't think my family is too close with her either. So im checking my fuel level, theyr loading the random snacks and waters into the car, but also people start looting immediately, so now we're trying to avoid other panicking people who are also trying to get food and water and run and we're trying to be as fast as possible and i'm looking around thinking where on earth could i drive us that's safe or just to hide, when i hear people talking about the aliens and that they need grassy areas because they take the nutrients from the vegetation. Almost as soon as I hear that an alien (there's multiple now and different sizes) notices all of us inside the hotels like garage or something and starts trying to attack so I get my mom and sister and now my older sister is here and I take them far across this hill where people were running to and I was going to try and take them to a desert area but we left the waters back there so I told them all to wait for me (i hid them behind some shrubs and stuff) while I go get supplies and they listened. However when I went back most people were dead at this point, very few humans, mostly aliens floating around so I was very noticeable, and one of them locked onto me but it was smaller about 7' thank god, and i'm trying to avoid it and hide but there's literally no where to hide and i'm rounding corners and trying to duck and stay still and quiet but it easily finds me and pulls a laser gun out of its head and starts loading so I grab whatever I can find (im wandering through streets and neighborhoods) I throw a garden chair at it, random plastics, wood but this thing is like super strong and I have no weapons so I use this metal thing as a shield while it's trying to fire at me and getting much much closer at the same time. It never fires tho, and I'm lucky because in my dreams it usually never gets too dark, like I've never had my guts pulled out or shot at or arm cut off or something, I've had a sword go through my midsection and that hurt like hell but it wasn't bloody. Anyways so the alien is frustrated i keep blocking its aim of me and that i keep throwing stuff so it changes form to resemble a hot guy and I'm like 😏 but I’m also like 😰 this is obviously a trap but the trap is working and the hot alien guy tackles me to the ground and his eyes dude are the most mesmerizing beautiful soul searching eyes I’ve ever seen I am fall in love with this robot alien and have no idea how it did it cus the guy has me pinned to the ground and still has the laser pointed at me and trying to shoot me in the head point blank and i'm pushing the nozzle of the gun away but I can't stop staring into his eyes too and then, the dream completely changes. I’m back in a modern city now but things feel very off. Almost like there were clones of people or an alternate universe, like my older sister was some like big influencer now but she was constantly getting hacked it looked like and same with my cousin like he had broken up with his girlfriend but I know they’re still together in real life so I was like... did the aliens put us in a simulation? and try to make versions of us? and then I woke up and I was like wth, am I still dreaming? And in the dream I remember the alien race was called The Dipe but I looked it up and nothing came up. Now that I think about it, the aliens weren’t trying to kill us, I think they abducted all of us and put us in a simulated life of our previous life but there were little inconsistencies everywhere because it was such a complex task to recreate our lives exactly. Also my teeth were falling out.

[lollytea]

any huntlow miraculous au ideas ??

Disclaimer: I have not watched miraculous in nearly four years. I do not know what is going on in that show anymore and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

However the reason I did start watching it for a time was because I was intrigued by the concept. I liked this idea of different facets of your personality only on display depending on the identity you're presenting and how mixed up that can get when it's a romance between two people who know each other with and without the mask and how the relationships shift depending on that. It's very basic superhero trope stuff but idk it scratches the little part of my brain that's obsessed with psychology and messy convoluted character dynamics. So the idea of doing something like that with huntlow DOES sound cool. But I have no concrete ideas.

Me personally I don't like doing AUs with huntlow unless it keeps them in the Boiling Isles setting and it keeps their respective backgrounds as GG and half-a-witch Willow. So I'm not big on Human AUs. So I wouldn't think too much about a typical miraculous AU myself. I'll leave that to other people to have their fun with. I love the miraculous AU art they do 💕

But WHAT IF. WHAT IF WHAT IF

Okay okay okay. So what if we start off with the idea of Willow having a celebrity crush on the Golden Guard. Remember that AU? So lets say its pre-season 1. So Willow is still in the abomination track and is kinda a shrinking violet. So the Golden Guard happened to rescue her once and now she's all smitten over how cool and confident he is.

Anyway, Willow is forbidden from doing plant magic. However Willow loves to do plant magic. So her solution to this is to do plant magic in secret. One thing leads to another and now she sneaks out of the house every night and uses her magic to assist civilians in need. She's never really had a chance to let loose with her powers before. It makes her feel so cool and strong. Plus she really does empathize with how it feels to be vulnerable so she likes to help when she can. So she's developed a little bit of a superhero-ish alter ego.

The aesthetic of this is just making me go insane. Like the plant based superhero costume Willow would fashion for herself. It'd be so dorky and over-the-top. Im seeing shit like a poofy little dress, a skirt made out of giant flower petals, boots made of leaves, vines snaking all over her limbs. Fairycore vibes. I also really like the idea of using her magic to spread a cluster of tiny flowers around her eyes in the shape of a domino mask.

She calls herself "Force of Nature" (or "Force" for short.) And honestly, the name suits the person she becomes. When she's taking on this identity, Willow's full chaotic side comes out. She's got a big personality. She's ruthless, she's talkative, she's mischievous, she's everything that's always been bubbling under her surface. I wanna say she even takes a little inspiration from the trademark Golden Guard dazzle.

Now Hunter is the Golden Guard and he believes it's his duty to help and protect people of the Boiling Isles. However, he begins to notice that Belos is constantly preventing him from doing so. Hunter keeps getting sent on tedious tasks to collect ingredients for his uncle's experiments or deal with business matters or WHATEVER. There is a distinct lack of helping going on here. And everytime he tries to respectfully point it out, Belos insists that the work Hunter does is important. Admittedly, Hunter is beginning to get a little frustrated. He certainly doesn't want to believe that his uncle is wrong (His uncle is never wrong.) Buuuuut maybe his uncle just isn't seeing the big picture correctly. Maybe he just needs a little convincing.

So this is when Hunter commits himself to sneaking out of the castle at night and helping all the people that the Golden Guard was too busy to help. If he used his GG persona, word would get around and he'd be in trouble for disobeying. So Hunter opts to carry out these deeds unmasked. He might have a special outfit for the occasion but his full face is on display. Doing these things has nothing to do with building Hunter's confidence, it's just to do what's right.

He keeps a journal where he documents all the good he's done while carrying out this secret job and intends to hand it over to Belos once it's full so his uncle will finally understand. The mental gymnastics are insane here. Deep down, Hunter knows Belos would kill him if he ever found out and he's taking this secret to his grave. But the journal helps him feel less disobedient so we'll let him have this.

Anyway of course Willow and Hunter eventually cross paths and decide to work together for the greater good. A friendship is formed and it does not take long before Hunter falls head over heels for Force of Nature. And because he's so transparently himself with none of his Golden Guard swag, he's a shy blushy mess around her. It doesn't help that she's one of the only people besides Belos to call him by name.

(He didn't tell her his name at first. It only slipped out after he developed a crush and he found that he had a really hard time saying no to her.)

Meanwhile Willow is very fond of Hunter. However, I feel like she's kinda blocked herself off from entertaining the idea that she might have feelings for him because of her crush on the Golden Guard. It's a very idealized crush and she's built it up so much in her head that it subconsciously prevents her from even thinking about anyone else in a romantic light. But I think some feelings for Hunter might be sneaking up on her without her noticing.

Anyway Willow has hung around Bonesborough often enough that she knows the exact times the Golden Guard shows up for patrol. She slinks around the areas where he's known to meet with people and discuss business. She'll wander around town on weekends just for the off chance of spotting him. However, though she's brave enough to march right up and say hello, she really hasn't a clue how to talk to him like a normal person so all that comes out is word vomit. (Again, this is pre-season 1 Willow. A bit of a nervous wreck.) Anyway she's stopped to "talk" with him enough times that he remembers who she is now. So that's a start!

On Hunter's end, there's this one schoolgirl who he usually meets in town and she's a massive stroke to his ego. She's clearly starstruck with him and he's eating it up. He's constantly playing up the GG persona for her to the point that it's almost flirtatious. He doesn't really notice that he's doing this and doesn't understand that she might take that the wrong way. Hunter doesn't have any strong opinions about Willow Park. She's sweet, she's a little awkward and he humors her whenever they meet. But he doesn't really form a deep friendship with her for quite a while because it can be very difficult to make connections when you're playing a character.

Anyway. There's a basic premise for your consideration. Hijinks ensue and whatnot.

[miraculouscontent]

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

[absolutepokemontrash]

happy 666! I really want to see some of the brothers arguing over how to 'properly' load the dishwasher / wash clothes / bag groceries / some other mundane thing that most people don't bother having an opinion about (but I do lol) if you're into it! if not, that's cool have a great day and congratulations anyway!! 🎉

👀 I love this- 

Lucifer

Lucifer knows he shouldn’t be getting into arguments with Levi about how to load the trunk of the car but this is getting ridiculous!

No Levi! You cannot just fit the bags in by size and shape, that bag has eggs it can’t be at the bottom- shit.

This argument happens every single time Lucifer gets the groceries and Levi is forced to come, all because Levi wants to play Tetris and doesn’t realize that Lucifer’s way of loading the car is 100% superior no questions asked.

MC needs to back him up. MC? MCCCC? He’s waiting.

Whatever. No one go near him when he’s stocking the fridge. He’ll kill someone if they put something in the wrong drawer or shelf.

What a drama king 🙄

Mammon

This man does not vacuum correctly according to Satan and it drives him insane.

Mammon’s obviously doing it right though because he’s vacuuming and… leaving.

All he needs to do is vacuum, alright?! He even went under the couch that time! What do ya mean he needs sweep before and then mop after?!

Apparently according to Satan, cleaning the entire living room does not just mean straightening some baubles and vacuuming. He needs to dust the surfaces too apparently.

He’s going to try and pawn off his duties on whatever poor sap next walks through the door- oh! Human! Hold this vacuum!

Only good thing about cleanin’ is that he might find some cool things to swipe- Ah shit hi Lucifer-

Leviathan:

With how meticulous Levi is when he cleans and sanitizes his figurines and other anime merch, one would expect him to be well versed in the side effects of improper air circulation when dealing with cleaning supplies.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

No no no no no, when Levi cleans the bathroom, the door stays closed. This really worries Beel.

Beel is constantly telling him, “the fumes of the cleaning supplies will make you sick :( keep the door open.” But Levi hates the idea of being perceived, so he keeps it closed.

To Beel, all the windows, vents, and doors need to be open during cleaning time. To Levi, he’d rather suffocate because he accidentally mixed chemicals and made chlorine gas.

He may die, but it’s whatever. The bathroom is still getting cleaned! Sure, some of the fumes got in his eyes and now his eyelids are grossly swelled up, but he’s not going to give Beel a victory.

Satan

Asmo is supposed to be separating the darks and the lights! What the hell is he doing?!

Satan is constantly nagging everyone to separate their clothes, but I guess everyone just wants their lights to get stained in the dryer or whatever the fuck happens when you don’t separate the colours!

Asmo makes a snide remark about how Lucifer said the same thing, and Satan seriously debates jumping ship and joining Team Don’t Separate.

He decides against it and continues to nag, he nags to the point of Asmo throwing up his hands and walking away, leaving the laundry to Satan.

Great… nagging wins him an extra chore… wooooooooooo…

Asmodeus

Everything has its own place and everything needs to be neat and tidy! Asmo’s attitude on cleanliness makes Mammon want to pitch over and hurl.

Asmo’s tried just everything to get his scummy big brother to keep his room clean, but Mammon claims that it is clean.

Ugh! News flash! Knowing where everything is does not make it clean!

Asmo’s tried the Marie Kondo thing, but apparently everything Mammon owns sparks joy, so nothing got tossed out.

Tsk, Asmo’s going to have an aneurism if he needs to take another look into Mammon’s stupid, smelly, gross, disorganized, disgusting, awful-

*several minutes later*

-Tasteless, brain dead, room!

Beelzebub

But Asmo… this is how Beel does dishes… he licks them clean… what do you mean that’s unsanitary?

Oh shit Beel just swallowed a fork- maybe Asmo has a point here.

Thing is, after hearing Asmo’s concerns about germs, Beel legitimately tries to not lick the plates but, there’s food residue on there! He can’t just let that go to waste!

Mmmm… food residue…

It gets to the point to where the entire house decided that Beel should not be trusted to do the dishes. The possibility of Beel getting everyone sick was just too strong…

Beel is sad to lose one of the chores he was really good at :( the rest of the house sure as wasn’t.

Belphegor

Bro TF? He doesn’t do things. And this gets everyone on his case.

“Belphie, why haven’t you done your chores?” “Belphie, why haven’t you unloaded the dishwasher?” “Belphie, why haven’t you vacuumed your bedroom?” “Belphie why haven’t you gotten off the couch in four days?”

You know, the usual shit.

Belphie is a necessary part of the household ecosystem because everyone needs to gang up on someone to feel like more of a team, and for once the scapegoat isn’t Mammon.

At least Mammon vacuums… Belphie just looks at the vacuum and tries to use the force.

It never works by the way.

With his little sibling privileges though, he rarely gets punished for shirking his duties… the little shit.

——————

This was actually super fun to do, thanks for requesting!!

[makeste]

but I just feel too tired to be fighting

this is a follow-up post to what I said in my recap the other day about this arc being the Deku Angst arc, as opposed to the Villain Hunt arc or the Deku SIXQUIRKS Exhibition arc. I feel like the fandom discussion tends to focus on the flashier parts of the chapters -- the sexy villains and the new quirk reveals and the Shindous -- each week, and so the quieter emotional beats sometimes get overlooked, especially since the character arc here is playing out in little bits and pieces over time rather than all at once.

this has always been a very reactionary fandom, and there’s a tendency to judge the chapters week to week without ever going back to look at how they all fit into the big picture. so I figured I would try to attempt that, and basically go chapter by chapter here to look at what exactly Horikoshi is setting up and how it all fits together.

so let’s start with the end of chapter 306, which is when the arc officially kicks off. specifically with the very last page:

this is imo one of the best pages Horikoshi has ever drawn. I got the sense that this was a scene he’d had in his mind’s eye for quite a long time, and that he was excited to finally get to this part of the story. it’s extremely effective as both a chapter-ender, and an arc-opener. like, look at this:

it establishes the initial premise of the new arc -- the world is in chaos, and Deku is now seemingly on his own

it leaves the readers with a number of questions. why did Deku leave U.A.?? is he really on his own now?? why does he look so beat-up and exhausted?? what is he up to?? what is the world like now that all these villains have been unleashed and the heroes have been decimated?? and most importantly of all, what the fuck is going to happen next??

it pays homage to some of Horikoshi’s comic book influences -- Batman in particular

it dramatically hits us with that “THE FINAL ACT BEGINS” and lets us know that shit is getting real now

that’s some good shit. so much so that I think people tended to overlook the other notable thing about this page amidst all of the initial excitement and discussion and speculation about where the series was headed. and that is the fact that the final panel in this chapter is NOT the panel of Deku standing above the city. the very last panel, the one that this chapter actually ends on, is instead the close-up of Deku’s face. his face, which is covered in shadow; and his eyes, which have dark circles under them and are prominently missing the usual flecks of light that give him his signature “sunny optimistic shounen protagonist” look.

not to mention this last line here, which is a call back to the very first time we saw the 14-year-old Deku way back in chapter one.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Horikoshi chose to throw this reference in. nor is it a coincidence that THIS is the scene he actually chose to end the chapter on. what this does is show us the drastic shift in Deku’s emotional state of mind, and his attitude towards being a hero. he’s gone from being thrilled and excited to being jaded and exhausted. he’s matured, but at a great cost. it’s always been his dream to be a hero, but “be careful what you wish for” is a popular adage for a reason. and right now he looks the furthest thing from happy.

and this is the emotional beat that Horikoshi chooses to end the chapter on. this is the panel that closes out the War arc, and begins the final act. to me the message could not be clearer -- this arc will be about the exploration of Deku’s character, and his struggle as he tries to live up to the expectations that have been placed on him as the Last Holder of OFA and quite possibly the World’s Only Hope.

it’s a character arc that builds on a lot of the things we’ve already learned about Deku over the course of the series, such as the fact that he is reckless, and that he focuses on others often at the expense of himself. but more importantly, it’s an arc that finally expands on the dark side of what has up until now been a net positive for Deku -- the power of OFA. up until this point, despite its ups and downs, it’s been a boon for Deku overall and has allowed him to pursue his dream. but now we’re finally reaching the point where the monkey’s paw part of the OFA blessing/curse finally starts to come into play. OFA gives Deku more power than he could have ever dreamed of, but it also comes with a built-in destiny that he can’t opt out of whether he likes it or not. AFO is on the loose and out there trying to destroy the world. and now everyone has pinned their hopes on this sixteen-year-old kid, and the question of whether or not the sixteen-year-old kid is ready is apparently not one that anyone feels inclined to ask (possibly because they’re afraid that the answer might be “no”).

he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. he has to do it, because there’s no one else who can. that’s the kind of pressure that is on Deku now.

and on that note, we begin the Deku Angst arc.

chapter 307

this in hindsight was mostly just a set-up chapter to better establish the current state of the BnHA world at large (spoilers: it’s not good), while also providing an answer for one of the big initial questions of the arc -- namely, “what happened to all of those villains that AFO released from Tartarus?” these are important things to touch on, but the pacing could definitely have been better, and the bulk of the chapter was dedicated to providing fanservice to all of the Shindou fans who spammed the most recent popularity poll (which, whatever lol). anyway, so this was the sole chapter thus far with absolutely no Deku development. thankfully the arc picks up from there.

chapter 308

on to the next one! this was the one and only chapter thus far which I think actually qualifies as an “exhibition fight.” this was definitely all about showing off Deku’s current powerset, as well as introducing us to another of the SIXQUIRKS. however, there was Deku development here as well, most notably in this scene:

this is the scene that got a lot of people speculating that this arc was going to focus on Deku hunting down all of the old villains. but I think people got so caught up in that speculation that they overlooked what this scene tells us about Deku’s mindset. and yes, there is new information being revealed here, and it’s not just a rehash of the stuff we already knew. like yes, we know that Deku was shaken up by the recent encounters with Dabi and Tomura, and we know that made him start questioning why villains become villains in the first place, and all that good stuff, and that’s great. however, there are two additional important things that this scene helps establish for us.

the upcoming battle with TomurAFO is weighing heavily on Deku’s mind. this is something that will become a recurring theme in this arc. Deku is thinking about this constantly. the question of what to do when he finally encounters TomurAFO again is knocking incessantly at the back of his mind, and this won’t be the last time it comes up.

Deku is using these villain encounters as test runs. can Tomura be redeemed?? is he just being stupid and naïve?? or is this really something worth attempting?? the interesting thing about this is that Deku’s resolve to save people is usually so strong and unwavering that it’s more than enough to overcome any doubts that he might have. but this time it seems like the repeated objections posed by the Vestiges and Gran Torino have really gotten to him. it’s possible I’m just reading way too much into things, but to me it really feels like Deku’s recent attempts at Talk no Jutsu were meant to do more than just show his growing awareness that the line between heroes and villains is thinner than he once imagined. they’re also serving as trial runs for the real test, when it finally comes. if he can “save” even a villain like Muscular, there’s hope for him being able to save Tomura as well. and so that moment when Muscular rejects him out of hand is all the more disappointing to him, even if it wasn’t really unexpected. basically it wasn’t the answer that he had been hoping for.

aside from those little notes though, like I said, this was unquestionably an exhibition fight first and foremost. which is fine; we needed to establish where Deku is currently in terms of strength, and it was also just fun to see him kick some ass, ngl. in terms of story purpose this chapter was similar to 219, which showed us how Shouto and Katsuki had powered up after getting their provisional licenses. people who don’t care about those characters might argue that these fights weren’t necessary, but as someone who stans all three characters hard, I would disagree! but anyways, moving on.

chapter 309

in contrast to the previous chapter, this chapter focuses more on establishing Deku’s current mental state, as opposed to his physical state. and this is what we learn:

(1) Deku is ~technically~ being shadowed/accompanied by All Might and the Hawksquad (but in practice he’s avoiding them).

(2) it was Deku’s own decision to leave U.A., and he did it because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt in order to protect him.

and finally, (3) Deku’s game plan is to stop Tomura and All for One before they reach full power.

this last part is very important, because it means there’s a countdown in effect. as far as Deku is concerned, there’s only a finite amount of time before TomurAFO becomes unstoppable. which means that he’s not only under “gotta get stronger” pressure, but time pressure as well. he doesn’t have the luxury of taking his time and training in safety. he’s being rushed now; this is do-or-die.

this chapter is also the first in this arc in which we get to see Deku’s expressions without the hood covering up his face, and what we see is very telling. as previously stated, the light is gone from Deku’s eyes. he keeps his expressions very neutral, and the only time we even see a hint of a smile is when he hugs his mom in the flashback, and it’s clear from the dialogue (“it’s okay, I’ll come home to you”) that he’s doing it for her sake in order to comfort her.

but aside from that, this is very much not the Deku we’ve grown accustomed to. this is the chapter that really establishes his current mental state imo. above all else, he’s afraid that more people will get hurt because of him, and so he’s distancing himself from everyone around him. and he’s also morbidly preoccupied with the inevitability of having to face TomurAFO again, and soon. the chapter ends on the flashback of Gran giving him his cape, and telling Deku that “killing can be another way to save someone.” there’s a lot on this kid’s mind, to say the least.

chapter 310

this chapter opens with a gang of civilians who are trying to open fire on a nice fox lady whose only crime was walking around in the rain at night. Deku intervenes to save her, and it’s the first time in this arc that we see anything close to the “old” Deku, who just wanted to save people with a smile.

but it’s bittersweet, because all the lady can talk about is how scared she was, and how horrible everything is right now. and so Deku, who feels responsible in a lot of ways for everything that’s happened, just feels that much more pressure to somehow make things right again.

there’s also this extra throwaway line which is especially heartbreaking:

“I can’t afford to be around anyone.” fucking ouch. just reinforcing once more how incredibly isolated Deku is right now -- not by choice, but because he feels like it’s not safe to let anyone else get close to him. and so he’s out here running around this dystopian cityscape in the middle of the night in the pouring rain all on his own, and neglecting himself to the point where All Might practically has to force a bento on him.

but does he complain? of course not. because his focus is never on himself. instead, when he settles down to eat, his thoughts immediately drift back to, guess who...

it’s that time pressure once again. “unless I draw out One for All’s full power, I can’t stop any of this.” it’s just nonstop, I have to get stronger, I’m running out of time, I have to do better, and constantly thinking about that inevitable confrontation.

Deku is a thinker, you guys. and when left to his own devices he will overthink, every time. his mind will run in endless loops while he mentally works his way through all of the possibilities. and that’s one of his greatest strengths, don’t get me wrong, but at a time like this it’s also one of his greatest weaknesses. it’s just so fucking easy for him to get stuck in his own head, in his endless rambling thoughts and analyses. and without anyone else there to help distract him, or help him focus, he’s become fixated on his mission, and it’s slowly consuming him.

this, incidentally, is also the chapter in which we finally see Two and Three’s faces, and learn why Two in particular is so reluctant to lend his power to Deku. he appears to be the lone holdout at this point, so stay tuned on that, because I don’t doubt this will wind up being crucial to Deku’s future development, however it winds up playing out.

chapter 311

this chapter flips back to the Hawksquad for the first half, so we get a brief respite from the ongoing Dekuangst. right before we switch back though, we do get confirmation of something we had pretty much already guessed:

like, that much was already apparent based on what we’d seen (the bags under his eyes; the fact that he refused to sit still in any one place for very long even at night), but it’s always nice to get the official confirmation so that people can’t dispute it lol. so yeah, Deku isn’t sleeping much. and not eating much either, if all he’s getting is the occasional bento from Dadmight. so basically not taking care of himself at all, huge shocker there. but this is something that’s important enough to the story that Horikoshi took the time to point it out in the dialogue, in addition to all of the visual clues we’d already gotten.

and just in case we needed to drive that point in any further, this chapter ends with the appearance of Lady Nagant! like yeah, no shit Deku isn’t getting much sleep, what with him having to fend off racist civilians and hired assassins every five fucking minutes. smdh. can he live??

chapter 312

so this is the chapter that properly introduces Lady Nagant, who maaaay or may not be one of the primary antagonists of this arc?? like, it’s really unclear right now tbh, but she gets hyped up by Hawks and AFO, and has a flashback and a mysterious past and a weird trump card (where did you go, Overhaul) and all that good shit, so yeah? one can hope at any rate.

but anyway. so to his credit, Deku’s first thought is to retreat, but he quickly abandons that plan once he figures out Nagant’s location. this is played off like a logical strategic decision at first, but the subsequent chapter quickly makes it clear that Deku’s decision to take the fight to Nagant is less rational than he might have you think.

chapter 313

so yeah. last but not least, the most recent chapter, in which Deku’s real reason for targeting Lady soon becomes apparent:

what’s more, it quickly becomes clear that he miscalculated and probably would have been better off following Hawks’s advice, seeing as he promptly gets himself shot, and subsequently realizes that AFO gave Nagant an extra quirk, something he hadn’t taken into account. but instead of cutting his losses and running at this point, he doubles down instead and not only breaks out Smokescreen, but also the Third’s quirk which he has never even used before.

it’s worth noting that both En and the Third start telling him to chill at this point, and warn him that what he’s attempting is too dangerous. but tbh if they were expecting him to listen, they haven’t been reading the same arc I’ve been reading. once again, Horikoshi makes it clear that Deku has one thing and one thing only on his mind right now.

of course. once again it all comes back to this. hunt down AFO. it doesn’t matter that he’s exhausted. it doesn’t matter that he’s just been shot twice. it doesn’t matter that Hawks, despite knowing what Deku was capable of with his OFA abilities, specifically warned him away from this one person only. it doesn’t matter that even the Vestiges are trying to tell him you’re going too fast and you’re trying to do too much and it’s too dangerous.

he just doesn’t care. long story short, the only thing that matters to Deku right now is tracking down and defeating TomurAFO. and as the person who knows him best once so aptly put it, “he doesn’t take himself into account.” and therein lies the major challenge of this arc.

and so this is where we’re currently at now. and this has been a very long post, but if nothing else, I hope I was able to get this one point across: there is absolutely no way that Deku will be able to defeat TomurAFO as he is now. not a chance in hell. somehow he’s managed the uncommon feat of waging a war of attrition against himself, which is really quite an accomplishment. he’s not taking care of himself, and he’s refusing to listen to sound advice from the people surrounding him, and is trying to skip ahead to the final boss battle before he’s ready, because the guilt and pressure from feeling responsible for the current situation are eating him up. the only way that the world can go back to normal is if he can defeat AFO; therefore he has to do it as soon as possible, because time is running out and everyone is counting on him. this is who Deku is. and this is what inevitably happens when his saving mentality is taken to extremes, and left unchecked.

anyway so to wrap up this post now, I do think this arc is a lot more cohesive than it’s gotten credit for thus far, and Deku is the glue holding it all together. I for one am loving the exploration of his character and all the subtle little angsty touches as we build up to the big moment, whenever it finally comes. just keep in mind though that if his decisions right now seem reckless and short-sighted, it’s because they’re supposed to seem that way, because Deku is not in a good mental state right now. the cracks are finally showing in our perfect protagonist, just like everyone has been wanting this whole time. he is just a kid. he is doing his best. he is trying far too hard to do his best, and it is hurting him so badly, but he doesn’t even realize. this arc is not an endorsement of the Angsty Nomad Hero lifestyle, lol. it’s the exact fucking opposite, and I think it’s being wildly misinterpreted with all of the emphasis on “oh look at that, he mastered another quirk with no effort”, as opposed to “oh look at that, he is shutting down emotionally and is a few more missed nights of sleep away from a complete and total breakdown.”

tl;dr the overarching storyline of this arc is all about Deku slowly falling apart due to his trauma from Jakku, and the subsequent pressure that was put on him by the Vestiges with their whole “GUESS WHAT, YOU’RE THE LAST USER OF OFA, THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S ALL ON YOU BUDDY” pep talk. and mark my words, things are not going to go according to plan. something is going to go terribly wrong here. whether it’s something happening to All Might, or AFO setting up a trap for him, either way Deku is being set up to fail in a major way. unless of course, someone (or a group of someones) manages to intervene first, and possibly stage an intervention or something. it’s what he needs right now, but idk if Horikoshi is going to make it that easy.

anyway, but in other words, the point of this arc is not to show how much stronger Deku has gotten and how he doesn’t even need his friends anymore. it’s the exact opposite -- the point of this arc is to show that Deku needs his friends now more than ever. that in spite of OFA and all of its mystical trappings and fancy SIXQUIRKS, Deku can’t do this alone. he needs his friends. that’s the core message. and right now, we are at the “I can get by on my own” part of the story. and the part we are all waiting for, but which is coming -- I guarantee it is coming, you guys -- is “the thing is, you don’t have to.”

and that shit is going to slap hard you guys. and I for one can’t wait. but until then, enjoy the angst.

[teddyduchampsglasses]

To be more specific for the Charlie comforting the reader ask, comforting the reader when they’re sad, anxious, or having a panic attack, something of that sort.

I kinda put those backwards but you get the point :)

How Charlie Dalton Comforts You

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being by your side at any needed moment is Charlie’s job. Well, according to him that is. If you even show a bit of sadness, unhappiness or sorrow, he just seems to randomly appear.

Flattery and physical affection are his go to’s. He compliments you every chance he gets. From your clothes, to your hair, eyes, smile, the way you blink, move, and even breath. Anything you can think of, he’s definitely complimented at least once in his life. His sweet words never fail to make you blush and bring a small, brimming smile to your lips.

On the physical affection note, like I’ve said before, Charlie loves to cuddle, so being in his embrace while upset is the most therapeutic thing out there. For both you and him. If you don’t want to talk about whats on your mind but still want to fix the problem at hand, that’s totally okay, and Mr. Dalton knows just the trick. Long cuddle sessions. His arms wrapped around your waist or your head on his chest, what ever is the most comfortable and will make your pain go away, he’s down for. Nuzzling close together and keeping warm, your heart beats syncing together and your quiet breaths becoming one is like heaven.

Sometimes, you’ll just go to him with tears in your eyes and that’s how you find yourself napping in his loving arms. No words are said or shared, he just lets you cry. Sometimes even joining in. relieving some of his own pain. Being able to be completely vulnerable in his safe embrace is relaxing and quickly makes you forget about all of your past troubles. Even only for a little bit.

You can also count on him to play with your hair if you're laying in his lap. It’s almost a force of habit at this point. Even humming a little tune as he does so. 

But on that note, spoiling you is his favorite thing, basically a hobby at this point. Sense words aren't exactly his strong suit.

Charlie will do what ever he can to make you happy, so spoiling you plays a huge role in your guys relationship. And it’s even worse when you’re upset. If you want to go on a walk, he will drop what he’s doing and bring you on a walk. Want to go shopping? So does he! And gift giving is very common. When you’re upset, what ever you want, you’re getting.

CANDY! When you’re feeling down in anyway, you better expect to return to your dorm, after a long day, and find it over flowed with your favorite chocolates and sweets. He wont admit this, but its obvious that he also expects you to share a bit with him. So, you can always look forward to a little date on the roof of Welton while you eat candy and watch the clouds, pointing out what they remind you of and talking as you do so.

Once you’ve calmed down a bit, maybe stopped crying and are able to brighten up, jokes, jokes, jokes. Once you’re stable once more, he jumps straight into focusing on the task of lightening your mood. He will just not let you leave until you’re constantly laughing or smiling. He has a very easy way of making you all mushy. And if he can’t think of any good jokes, he will resort to tickle fights. So you better keep your guard up.

Even though he’s not too good at the whole “talking about our feelings” part, he will always try his best to cheer you up. It hurts him when he sees you hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[emmyhem]

always (l.r.h) part two

a/n: hi everybody! here is always part two, this is actually one of my favorite writings and one that I was looking forward to writing and posting a lot. it’s another angsty piece but with a sappy happy ending :) also it’s unedited but what else is new. i’ll probably post again tomorrow either a bestfriend!calum piece or a roomate!luke piece that are titled in my masterlist. i hope everyone enjoys and is having a wonderful day. i definitely am after that livestream today. (i would say that i didn’t cry because of how good and happy they all looked but that would be a lie) anyway i hope you enjoy and as always my messages are always open to chat or whatever and feedback and comments are always appreciated. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader 

summary: it’s time for you decide whether or not luke’s mistake is worth losing the love of your life. 

warning(s): mentions of alcohol, cursing, angst (but with a happy ending), self doubt, insecurity, mention of throwing up 

word count: 2.9k

pt. 1

The longer you watched the window the more you were convinced mother nature was taunting you. The rain droplets that cascaded down the glass mirroring the tears that hadn’t stopped falling since you left Luke speechless in the driveway. It had to be for your benefit, I mean it was Los Angeles. California was in a drought for god’s sake. 

Despite the fact that nature was mocking you, you couldn’t dare pull your eyes away. The alternative was to face the endless voicemails waiting for you on your phone that glowed dimly beside you. You knew you would have to hear them eventually but right now you knew that even a breath, let alone full sentences from Luke would break you in every sense of the word. You feared the sound almost as much as the content behind it.

 You weren’t ready to be okay, you needed to wallow in your pain for a bit longer. As bad as that sounds you knew it was the only way you could convince yourself to let him back in, to forgive him. It was also the only way you could forgive yourself. Your body needed to feel how tortured you were without him, how much you needed his affection, his love, and him. Not his money. 

Part of you knew deep down that Luke didn’t mean what he said, the part that awakened the butterflies that had taken permanent residence in your stomach since he had entered your life. The part that caused all your senses to align when Luke kissed you the night you finally understood what it meant to love someone with everything you have. The same part that was clawing at your heart right now as your mind replayed the look of pure devastation that was painted on Luke’s pretty features as you drove away from him. That part was itching for you to run to him, to cuddle into his embrace and say “I forgive you. I’ll never leave you again. Love me?” 

But, it was the other part of you that was causing the problems right now, the part that snuck up on you each time you felt secure in yourself and tore it all down in seconds. The part that told you there was no way you were good enough for your boyfriend when you stared at your reflection in the mirror for even a second too long. The part that Luke was typically the one to silence when it overwhelmed you in a crowded room, with just a tender kiss to the forehead, or squeeze of your hand. The same part that constantly craved for Luke to be proud of you the way you were of him in anything he decided to pursue. That part was completely shattered last week when, whether intentionally or not he showed you that not only was he not proud, but also felt burdened by your lack of brilliance. 

“Y/n,” your friend called, breaking you from your self-loathing thoughts as she approached your brittle body, enveloped in every single fuzzy blanket you could get your hands on. 

“Hi.” you croaked, pulling your stinging eyes from where they had settled on a particularly large rain droplet that had stolen your interest as you wondered how much more water it could withstand before it burst from its flawless embodiment and shattered to the sill below. You wondered the same about Luke, how much more of your insecurity and emotional baggage would it take for him to burst. How much more of your mediocrity could he compensate for before you began to strip him of his excellence? 

“Have you talked to him yet?” she inquired, eyes going soft as she looked at you with sympathy. 

“No.” you groaned, pulling yourself up. “Do I have to?” 

She shook her head, dismissing you. “You know that you’re welcome here as long as you want, but anyone could tell that you’re completely miserable without him, even if he is being an epic prick.” 

You sniffled and wrapped your arms around your best friend.

“Am I an idiot for wanting to forgive him?” you spoke into her hair. 

She returned the embrace and settled next to you in the bed, “I think if he really is sorry then you’re incredibly strong for it. And you’re never an idiot, that would be your blonde haired beau.” 

You laughed softly at her innocent dig, the giggle catching slightly in your throat as it had only been releasing pathetic pleas, and broken sobs for the past few days. 

Y/f/n handed you your phone, the photo of Luke and Petunia sitting by the pool being almost completely covered by all the missed call notifications that had taken over your lock screen. 

“I think you should at least hear what he has to say babe, for your sake if not for his.” 

You let out a heavy sigh and accepted the phone, wrapping your favorite blanket around your shoulders and dragging your feet to the bathroom for some privacy. 

You took a seat in the empty bathtub throwing the blanket across your body. You reasoned it was the perfect place to listen to the messages because as soon as Luke’s voice flooded the room you would be completely submerged in him and you didn’t trust your legs to hold you up. 

You clicked the most recent voicemail, time stamped from 1:28 am last night. As you selected the speaker option you allowed your eyes to fall closed and without noticing or trying you held your breath. 

“Y/n,” 

Only one word in you could immediately tell two things without a trace of doubt. One, he’d been crying, and two he was drunk. If you had to guess you would say tequila, it had always been his favorite and he had a bad habit of nursing his wounds in the liquor cabinet. It shattered your heart to think of him broken, and vulnerable and as he continued to speak you found yourself wrapping your arms around your body for comfort. 

“I miss you and I’m sorry. I-” his voice cut off as a sob played through your phone. You released a matching one while squeezing  your eyes tighter, a shaky hand bringing your phone closer as if it would bring him as well. 

As he continued, your mind began to paint a vivid picture. You saw him sitting on the kitchen floor, an old ratty sweatshirt struggling to keep him warm, damp tear stains spoiling the sleeves. There was a half empty bottle to his side and the tip of his nose was red as it peeked out from the hood. You shook your head in an attempt to rid yourself of the image that felt like your personal nightmare.

“I-I can’t live without you, really I don’t think I can. I need you and I love you. I love you so much. Just please come home to me, please baby.” he spoke through gasps of breath that caused worry to spread across your body.

You paused the message as a dull ache creeped up from the bottom of your stomach and to your throat which was tightening by the second. You tossed your phone onto the blanket which you had kicked off as your body heated up, and sprung out of the tub landing firmly in front of the toilet. Gathering your hair into a makeshift ponytail in your hand you hunched over and retched into the bowl. Y/f/n burst through the door as you gagged and coughed repeatedly, she took your hair from you and rubbed soothing circles on your back as you tried to focus your breathing through your nose. This wasn’t the first time you had cried yourself into throwing up during your stay so she knew what to do to calm you down and settle your stomach. 

As you finished the glass of water she had poured from the sink while you brushed your teeth she held your car keys out to you. 

“Please go see him. I can’t see you like this anymore.” 

You nodded accepting the keys reluctantly and made your way to your car.

 Once outside you noted that the rain had started coming down harder, it seemed fitting as your situation reached its climax. By the time you got into the car your hair was wet and stringy, dripping onto Luke’s shirt that you had been wearing since the night you left. You quickly tied it back and drove away, hoping the sound of the rain could calm your nerves before you got back to your house. 

When you got there the sun was setting and the rain was still falling steadily, you grabbed a jacket from the back seat and held it over your head as you ran to the house. The jacket didn’t give you much protection from the water and you were soaked by the time you reached the door. Taking one big breath, in through your nose, and out from your mouth as you had been repeating the whole ride there, you raised your quivering hand and knocked three times. 

Expecting it to take a few minutes for him to reach the door you were shocked when it swung open in just a few seconds. Your heart sunk as you took in Luke’s appearance, although you were sure you looked just as bad if not worse. Deep dark circles sat beneath his bloodshot eyes, his stubble had grown in a bit longer than he typically liked it and his lips were chapped and bitten down. Guilt panged in your chest, how awful of a girlfriend were you to let it get to this point? The thought made you question if he would even want you here. 

Apparently the time apart had completely fucked with your ability to read Luke’s face because even frozen in shock, his eyes began to fade into that special soft color of blue they only got to around you. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from his chest and just as it had been since the moment you left the only word running through his head was “y/n.” 

He didn’t see your messy, wet hair or the ratty tshirt that swallowed your figure. He didn’t see your eyes puffy from crying or your bitten down nails that you were bringing back up to your mouth in that moment as your nerves got the best of you. All he saw was y/n. His y/n. You came home to him and as far as he was concerned you looked like an angel. Warm, sweet, and perfect. So fucking perfect. 

Your eyes ran over his face anxiously, waiting for him to say something, or invite you in, or even slam the door in your face. Anything. After a minute of silence you gathered up the courage to speak first. 

“Sorry I never called you bac-'' your words were knocked from your mouth when Luke took a step forward and wrapped you up into the tightest hug you’d ever experienced. Your limbs fit together perfectly, and the second your bodies met you felt recharged, as if everything was in place once again. And Luke felt like for the first time in a week he could breathe. 

“I don’t deserve you.” he sighed as you pressed your nose into his chest deeply breathing in the smell you could only describe as home. “Thank you for coming back to me, I don’t work without you.” 

From your position in his arms you could see the mess splayed on the floor behind him. It was just as you had pictured it earlier, a thin blanket and scratchy throw pillow were scattered on the floor in front of the sink, a bottle lying on it’s side just next to them. Guilt inched up your spine when your eyes made contact with a framed picture of the two of you on top of the blanket. 

“I’m sorry.” you sobbed into his chest, your hands clawing at the material of his sweatshirt. 

He pulled back quickly, keeping his hands on either sides of your waist, “No baby, why’re you sorry. This is all my fault, I was awful. You...you’re perfect.” he pressed as you shook your head in distress, unable to stop your tears. 

“N-no I stayed away for so long, even when I knew I wa-wanted to forgive you. I was embarrassed and...and selfish.” you struggled to speak over your tears while Luke looked down at you sad and confused. 

“What’re you talking about, love?” 

You sniffed and dropped your hands from Luke’s chest, “I j-just wanted you to be proud of me.” the end of your sentence was nearly lost in your sobs but Luke understood. And in that moment he regretted going into music instead of engineering, or science, or whatever would’ve helped him to invent  a time machine so he could go back and beat the shit out of whoever or whatever had possessed him last week. 

His hands moved to cup your cheeks, his thumb tracing lightly over your bottom lip. 

“I am proud of you baby.” 

He leaned in slowly, and hesitantly, almost as if he was testing the waters, like this was new. As if he hadn’t kissed you thousands of times before. You looked up at him through your lashes littered with unshed tears and nodded your head slowly. He still had so much left to say, you still had so much left to say but you both had been needing this for as long as you’d lost it. He pressed his lips to yours gently, afraid that even one wrong move and you would decide that you had made the wrong choice in coming back. He wouldn’t survive that, he couldn’t lose you twice. 

As he went to pull away you snaked a hand around the back of his neck pulling him back towards you. This time when your lips collided his body sagged into it, both arms wrapping around your back and lifting you up to the tips of your toes. Your eyes drifted shut and you reveled in the feeling of him pressed up against you like this. When the kiss broke you kept your faces close enough that your noses were touching, and opened your eyes to see Luke’s still closed, his eyebrows furrowed as he pressed his forehead to you. 

“You’re what I’m most proud of.” he exhaled, his eyelids still shut lightly. “My greatest achievement is getting you to love me and I can’t believe I almost blew it.” 

You brought a hand to his face and stroked his cheek lightly, the feeling of his overgrown stubble foreign to your fingers. 

“It would take a lot more to get rid of me.” you assured. “I think m’too in love with you.” 

He opened his eyes, locking them with your own, and spoke firmly but with a softness that was and would always be reserved for only you. 

“I want to make it clear that you do not in any way leech.” he dragged the last word out, laced in disgust as if it were hard for him to say. “I lucked out. I actually just seem to keep lucking out, my job, my life, and you.” He placed a hand across your jaw and tilted your chin up before continuing. “I completely lucked out with you. I have lots of money, more than I need actually and it makes me feel fucking incredible that I can take care of you. That’s all I wanna do for the rest of my life.” 

Your mouth broke into a smile hearing him verbally commit to a lifetime with you. 

“But, with that being said I know you don’t need me-” 

“I do need you.” you interrupted. 

Luke threw his head back at your words, a toothy grin overtaking his face before he pressed a chaste peck to your forehead. 

“Y’know what? You’re too fucking cute. I meant financially baby, m’trying to apologize here.” 

You nodded for him to continue, struggling to contain your own beaming smile. 

“Anything you decide to do occupationally or otherwise could never, ever let me down. You’re physically incapable of it. I’d be a lucky guy if you let me stick around for it all and I promise to never forget that again. I’m sorry I did in the first place.” he took a deep breath before finishing his rant. “M’only able to give you the world if you let me. Let me?” 

You answered his question by attaching your lips once again, desire and need radiating off of the place where your lips met. As your taste buds reacquainted themselves with Luke’s mouth you wondered how you had gone even a day without him. 

Luke felt like he was flying and he couldn’t wrap his head around how anyone in the world could live without, seeing you, knowing you, and kissing you. He also knew that he would do anything to ensure that he never had to go a day without you for the rest of his life. 

“How long does it take to get an engagement ring sized?” he wondered to himself. 

If he could’ve read your mind he would’ve seen white gowns, tiered cakes, and little blue eyed, curly haired monsters running amuck. 

“I want everything with you, the whole world.” you affirmed when you pulled apart for air. 

“Yea?” he responded. 

You hummed against his lips, “Always.” 

[yourtamaki]

all yours

kirishima x f!reader

word count: 2.4k 

warnings: size kink, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), spitting, one ass smack, one bite from shark boy, creampie, slight breeding kink, slight dumbification

being a hero meant you were constantly in the public eye

there was no escaping it when the missions you were assigned were directly tied to your public approval

more people liking you meant bigger, flashier missions

and if they didn’t, well…

at least there was never a shortage of paperwork to be done

you’ve been doing well though! raising through the hero ranks faster than your agency anticipated 

faster than you anticipated 

it was great! it was everything you’d worked your whole life for

it…it was exhausting 

not only did you have a sudden influx of missions to complete as your agency tried to capitalize on the exponential growth

you had also been instructed to have near daily interviews

smiling for the camera was fine until your cheeks started hurting from the strain

it was no wonder that by the third straight month of the endless pattern of gruelling missions followed by repetitive interviews you were physically and mentally drained 

your boyfriend did his best to make sure you were taking care of yourself, cooking you lunches and texting you throughout the day to check up on you though there was only so much a fellow pro hero could do with his own busy schedule to attend to

kirishima knew exactly what you were going through and his heart broke whenever he could catch a glimpse of you before you passed out in bed

so when it all came to a head one day, he was more than ready to catch you 

just open the door. you were stood frozen in front of the door of your apartment, keys in hand. that’s all you had to do. twist the knob, open the door and he’d be right there. your eiji. he would take one look at you and know exactly what to do to make you feel better. love and comfort were a few steps away and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

the day had beaten you down more than you thought possible. everytime you blinked you could see the flash of bulbs, hear the shouts of reporters or was that the screams from your rescue today? it was all starting to blend together. you were an open wound, pulsating and bleeding vulnerability. how could you let your boyfriend see you like this? weak and broken and barely holding it together. it wasn’t just embarrassing. it was shameful. eiji had been living this life longer then you had, had risen to heights you could only dream of and he did it with ease. meanwhile, a few months had left you a shell of yourself. 

you didn’t know a hero could be this pathetic.

just as you were about to turn and take a walk to clear your head, the door swung open. eiji’s head was tilted to the side, his long crimson hair falling over his shoulder loose from its usual ponytail. you couldn’t bring yourself to look in his eyes, afraid of what you’d find. you let your gaze drift upwards, focusing on the small scar above his eye. what if he was disappointed? red riot deserved a partner as strong as him and you did not fit the bill. not anymore. 

“i’m home.” you willed your voice to not shake as you crossed the threshold into your home. 

“baby.” 

“did you eat yet? i’ve been craving pizza from the place down the street we should put in an order.”

“babe.” 

“or did you already cook? you’re right no point in spending money if we don’t have to.” 

“y/n.” large hands held fast to your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face to face with eiji and being forced to stare into the eyes of the love of your life. “please. talk to me.” 

a beat of silence as you bunched the front of his shirt in your fists, vision blurring from unspilled tears. then, “‘m so tired, eiji.” 

he wrapped his arms around you and you told him everything. what your agency had demanded of you, the unending stress, the poisonous thoughts that ate away at you everyday. eiji held you together through it all, clinging so hard you could feel his body shake as you spoke.

“we’re gonna talk to your agency tomorrow. they’re pushing their best hero too hard and we’ll tell them to cut the publicity. the people already love you, you don’t have to put up with this.” 

“you’ll come with me?” you sniffed. eiji pulled back enough to cup your cheeks, lifting your head up until your watery eyes met his. 

“of course i will.” he said, wiping your tears with his thumb. “we’re in this together, you don’t have to go through this alone.” 

you leaned into his touch, covering his hand with yours and marveling at the size difference. it never failed to fluster you how much bigger eiji was then you. your definition of safety started and ended with these hands, with the man they belonged to who had loyalty etched into his bones. 

he held you like you were something worth protecting. 

“i don’t deserve you.” you said, kissing his rough palm.

“don’t say that. don’t ever say that.” he leaned down until your foreheads pressed together and whispered, “do you know how much you mean to me?” 

“i know.” 

“let me remind you anyway.” with that he surged forward, closing the ever shortening distance between you as his mouth closed over yours. 

every kiss with eiji was full of passion, even the chaste goodbyes you shared before heading to work but this one blew them away. he kissed you like he was trying to stitch together all your broken pieces. he kissed you as though he wouldn’t mind if this moment lasted an eternity. he kissed you and he kissed you and he kissed you. 

and with everything you had left to give, you kissed him back. 

when you broke apart, you had to bite back a moan at the sight before you. eiji looked sinful, red hair falling into his face, lips swollen and eyes locked on yours, dark and half lidded. 

“we don’t… we don’t have to… you just got home you’re tired.” he said. 

“eiji.” you whined, wrapping your arms around his neck to whisper in his ear. “i need you.” 

the world blurred as he lifted you up, legs locking around him on instinct as he carried you to the bedroom. a moment later you were dropped onto the soft mattress, feeling it dip as eiji settled over you. a familiar shyness tinged lust set in as he hovered above you. he was just so big. he was caging you in without even trying, he was that much larger than you. your breath hitched as he bent close to kiss your neck, looking anywhere but at him, something that didn’t escape his notice. 

“where’d you go, pretty girl? eyes on me.” his voice left no room for disobedience and you complied, keeping your eyes on him as he asked. “there you are. tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” 

“i like… being under you.”

eiji smirked, sharp teeth on full display. “yeah? what do you like about it? use your words for me, baby.” 

you could tell how much he was enjoying making you squirm. he knew, of course, the effect he had on you. this was far from the first time your size difference came up in the bedroom but he loved making you say it nonetheless. 

“i like that you’re bigger, eiji. you make me feel so safe.” your voice cracked at the honest. 

he kissed the corner of your mouth. “always. i’ll die before i let you get hurt, understand me?” 

he waits until you nod before snaking his hands under your shirt, removing it in one move. open mouth kisses trails down your neck to the valley between your tits. as much as you loved the foreplay he usually dished out, you were far too needy right now. you grabbed a fistful of his hair, guiding him lower down. 

“baby, please.” 

“so impatient.” he teased. he grabbed hold of your pants and panties, tugging them off before settling between your legs, one thrown over each of his broad shoulders. 

“oh love you’re soaked. who got you this wet?” you let out a small whine of embarrassment, hoping he’d get the message and let you off the hook. a sharp sting on your inner thigh had you trying to close your legs around his head but his grip was too strong to do so. he bit you. eiji must’ve been as riled up as you were, he was always so mindful of his sharp teeth. “i asked you a question, didn’t i?” 

“you! you did ‘s all for you eiji!”

“good girl.” he rewarded you by licking a broad stroke through your folds, ending with a flick on your clit that sent pleasure shooting through you. he pressed two fingers inside you with little struggle, scissoring you open to prep you for his cock. you desperately wanted to rock against his face but with one arm pinning your hips down, you could do nothing but take what he gave you. 

you were close — so close and eiji, who knew your body better than you did, could feel it by the fluttering of your walls, the arch in your back. it was under his heavy gaze you came undone, thighs shaking as he rode you through your high. if you thought he looked sinful before, now he was downright pornographic, the evidence of your orgasm glistening on his face. he licked the remnants of your arousal of his fingers and grinned. 

he pulled away long enough to remove his clothing while you took the time to unclasp your bra and admire the view that was your boyfriend stripping. he caught your blatant stare and winked as he pulled down his briefs, hard cock springing free. 

“see something you like?” he said crawling back over you to kiss you, the taste of you still fresh on his tongue. you could feel his dick pressed against your thigh and you grinded against it, earning a delicious groan that spilled into your mouth. “fuck can you ride me baby please? wanna see you fuck yourself on my cock.” 

when you nodded, he wrapped one arm beneath you and rolled, flipping you both over so you were straddling him. gripping his shoulders, you lined yourself up with him, slowly sinking down around his girth. eiji’s cock, like the rest of him, was stupid large and the stretch was always there when he entered you. but you relished the feeling all the more, a sense of pride bursting inside you when he managed to bottom out. 

you closed your eyes for a moment until the uncomfortable burn dissipated and you were left feeling full, complete with him buried in you. when you opened up your eyes once more, eiji was looking up at you with the softest expression, one you’re familiar with but that made your face warm nonetheless. he looked at you with nothing but love and awe, the corner of his lips quirked in a small smile. 

you held out your hands and eiji laced his fingers with yours, helping you balance as you began to bounce. 

“there you go.” eiji grunted. “take what you need, i’m all yours.” 

“all mine?” you clenched at the thought and he threw his head back at the feeling. 

“all yours this cock belongs to you, pretty girl.” 

the need to mark him as yours bubbled to the surface and you leaned in close, so close you were sharing air, panting into each other’s mouths. 

“eiji.” you moaned, cut off when he bucked up suddenly. “f-fuck eiji i wanna spit in your mouth.” 

he opened up without hesitation, tongue lolling out and waiting to receive you. you let the fluid trickle out, watching with fascination as it mixed with eiji’s. he swallowed and showed you his empty mouth.

“dirty girl, so fucking lewd you drive me crazy.” you were grinding your hips against his now, nearly crying from the friction against your clit. 

“‘m gonna cum ‘m gonna cum.” you whined, powering through when your thighs began to shake from exhaustion. eiji placed his hands on your hips, guiding them back and forth. 

“cum for me baby cum all over your cock.” his words were your undoing, tipping you over the edge as your orgasm washed over you. though you felt boneless after your high, you continued to rock against him. 

“wanna feel you fill me up.” you said. “eiji please fuck me full of your cum.” 

eiji knew everything about you but you knew him just as well, knew what words would stoke the fire in him and make him lose himself to the feeling of your tight cunt wrapped around him. and sure enough, he shifted to anchor his feet to the bed, wrapping his arms around you until your tits were pressed against him. he began to fuck up into you hard and fast, the wet smack so loud it made you hide your face in the crook of his neck. 

“i got you baby i’m gonna pump you so full of cum you’ll be leaking. that's what you want, huh? wanna walk around with my cum dripping down your leg?” 

you could only moan in response, the quick pace turning your brain to mush and eiji seemed to sense it. 

“did i fuck you dumb, pretty baby?” a smack landed in your ass and you yelped. “answer me.” 

“i want your cum want it so bad, please eiji please.” 

“that wasn’t hard. good girls get what they ask for.” he bucked up once, twice, three times, liquid heat spilling deep inside you. you shuddered at the feeling of his softening cock slipping out of your, a mixture of both your cum dripping onto eiji. 

for a moment you were both quiet, basking in the warmth of each other’s presence. he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “‘m gonna get us cleaned up, love.” 

“in a minute i just wanna stay like this for a little bit. is that ok?” 

“anything you want.” together you lay, eiji tracing shapes on your bare back, an eternal gratefulness for the man beneath you washing away all the negativity of the months prior. you knew as long as eiji was on your side, you would always be okay.