#Roche: FIGHT ME THEN!

[scorching-passion]

@breathofthearth​ asked: “I’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know.” 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - ACCEPTING

He’s not entirely sure why babysitting this girl was even a part of a SOLDIER’s regular rotation, in fact, Roche was quite certain he’s being punished for something, though for the life of him he cannot possibly think which instance it could be which he hasn't already been reprimanded for. 

The last Human Resources get together was well over a month prior, and even that was for something relatively minor. 

But here he was regardless, sitting cross legged amidst an expansive and arguably beautiful garden space, and just watching this rather innocuous female pick flowers; surely his skills were best utilised out on the road. Most would argue that he had it relatively easy, but the Third was quite certain that if he concentrated hard enough, he could actually feel his brain liquifying and beginning to slip out of his ears. The boredom had never felt so intense as it did sitting here picking bugs off of his uniform, and wearing an expression vindictive of a hound chewing on a nest of hornets. 

Still, he cannot deny the sheer beauty of this place, a not-so-secret sanctuary nestled in an otherwise cobbled together shanty town beneath the Plate. Roche certainly cannot remember a place like this back when he’d called Sector 6 home - not that he’d ever been granted entry. Though it was as he was beginning to lose himself within the reminiscent fog that he could vaguely hear the girl making her own attempts at conversation, though it would seem that the blond had only caught the very tail-end of whatever it was she was saying. 

Bright eyes would switch back to her then, this Aerith Gainsborough - Gainsborough… it sounded so very familiar; wasn’t that the name of the old hag who tended to chase the boys from the path leading up to that vast house he could spy from this vantage point? So out of place here in the slums. Roche made it a point in that instance to keep mum about that one time he’d felt it a great idea to splatter old tomato’s along the gravel paving the way up to this place… Boy had he gotten in some serious trouble for that stunt… 

Instead, he takes the opportunity to simply lean back in the grass, propped up via the elbows and squinting with only subtle disbelief through a single eye at this pretty little thing informing him of her sweet nature, and supposed rage. Okay… and the water here didn’t stink of rotten eggs either. Then again, Roche was not one to judge a book by its cover. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need proof~” was all he said then, yet certainly not without a devilish smile only accentuating the deep mischievous glint to his eye.

[mortallyperfecttimemachine]

[definitely-not-iorveth]

100% sure that Roche is the type of guy who has the name of his mother tattooed on his biceps.

[fourthclone]

honestly, roche is so easy sometimes bc if you give him the smallest amount of praise and comfort he’s yours bc he’s just been that affection starved for a good while

[heavenlyascent]

me: this nibelheim portion can't possibly piss me off any more than it already has, like what else could they possibly do

ff7 rebirth: hey do you wanna play as CAIT SITH

me: no...

ff7 rebirth: with PUZZLES

me: NO

ffi7 rebirth: AND YOU GOTTA FIGHT A BOSS AS CAIT SITH BY YOURSELF

me:

[youmourn]

shinra manor is literally the worst level in the game by far the only thing good about it is that i got to see vincent

[thirdsonofeve]

As my life long dream is to be a medieval blacksmith I started making bits of chain mail like 2 months ago (the piece is now 4×9 inches it takes so fucking long and my hands get so fucking tired) and I just find myself staring at Roche's coat of mail once in a while bc it’s just so fucking stupid... he's waging guerilla warfare in the most cumbersome mail I've ever seen it doesn't even have a slit between the legs to ease movement he couldn't even ride a horse in that! How the fuck does he piss?!

And it must have taken so fucking long to make like I assume that it's sleeveless bc I would go mad if I found out it has sleeves but I don’t even wanna know how many rings that thing is made up of I don't wanna know what he Foltest had to pay for it. I don't wanna think about how heavy it is nor how annoying it would be to walk (or worse run) up stairs in it. Why is it so long that it covers the upper parts of his shin guards?? Your knees are, I hope, protected by the shin guards and the mail doesn't really give you any additional protection it's just in the way!

So I am partially pulling this out of my ass but plate armor (which is seen worn (at least in pieces) by both northern and nilfgaardian soldiers in tw3) is more effective against projectiles (arrows, not bullets) especially in open fields but less convenient for someone who has to dress himself and move long distances on foot and fight at close range (i. e. with swords or a fucking mace i guess) and a full plate armor is probably considered above someone of Roche's social status (given how plate was considered knight's armor in actual history). It can't easily be fixed while in the field or worn if too banged up so mail is probably the best choice for someone like Roche but the way it's done drives me nuts.

I just cannot stop imagining Roche getting the bottom of his mail stuck on low foliage while chasing Iorveth and just nosediving into the forest floor. His thighs and calf muscles gotta be so thick from carrying that thing around all day. And what's up with the top leather straps on his arms? They don't look like they hold the elbow-guards up? Is it just a kink thing? I do like the leather band at the bottom of the mail though, that's a nice touch. Don't get me started on the boots/shin guards though, they look like he'd use his legs the way wonder woman uses her fucking forearms why would you add weight THERE of all places?? It's relatively easy to carry weight on your chest/back/shoulders but fuck he has to be the strongest human character in this universe to wear full metal guards around his calves holy shit. Put on a fucking helmet and start taking your job seriously you idiot.

[domesticfluffsimulator]

In honor of FFVII rebirth making me ragequit 3 days in a row

[rad-roche]

okay i am actually replaying THUG 2 since i need a fun game on the backburner just to cope emotionally with brotherhood of steel and this is how gloria was meant to be experienced: dancing next to ben franklin and cracking her skull open in front of the cheers bar

treating my pet project with the respect and gravitas it deserves

[strayheartless]

Cloud: who broke it?

*guilty silence*

Cloud: I’m not mad I just want to know.

Angeal: it was me I bro-

Cloud: No, no you didn’t. Zack?

Zack: Don’t look at me, look at Kunsel!

Kunsel: What I didn’t brake it!

Zack: huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Kunsel: because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken!

Zack: suspicious.

Kunsel: no it’s not!

Roche: if it matters, probably not, but Genesis was the last one to use it…

Genesis: lier! I don’t even drink that crap!

Roche: oh really, well what were you doing over by the coffee cart earlier?

Genesis: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that cockroche!

Angeal: okay, okay, let’s not fight! I broke it let me pay for it Cloud!

Cloud: No, who broke it!

Zack: Cloudy? Sephiroth has been awfully quiet…

Sephiroth: REALLY?! Oh my goddess, you’re really going to call it like that huh?

*they all continue fighting for an hour*

Lazard: so who broke it? Did you find out?

Cloud: oh, I did.

Lazard: …???

Cloud: it burned my hand so I punched it.☺️

[hannahssimblr]

“You know what I could be doing instead of this?” Joe says. “Lying out on the grass with a can of cold cider and a big, fat blunt.”

“Yeah? On the other hand, you could be getting the shit kicked out of you.”

“By who?”

I shove a sudsy plate into his hands, and he scrubs it half-heartedly with a damp towel. “By me. If you don't cooperate.”

He snickers, “I could take you, Turner.”

“Why does everyone say that to me?” I wonder, dunking another mug into the kitchen sink and scrubbing the crust off the bottom. “Lads always yap on to me about how they’d beat me in a fight.”

“It’s wishful thinking.” Shane pipes up, slapping a mop about the floor, and thrusting it under the furniture with about as much enthusiasm as a drive through worker. “Because of your size. Everyone wants to be the lad who took down the big guy.”

“Well, I’m a peaceful person.”

“Right.” 

“What’s all this for anyway?” Joe grumbles. “We were fine with the house the way it was. Like, cleaning is such a waste of time. A waste of summer.” 

“Get over yourself,” I advise him. “Wrong cupboard, by the way. The glasses go in the one on the end.”

“Oh, sorry Hitler.”

“It is for the girl,” Kasper says. He is tying up yet another bag of rubbish. It jangles with aluminium cans. “Butt shorts.”

I glance over my shoulder at him. “Butt shorts?”

“Yeah, man, that’s what we call your friend Evie,” says Joe. “It’s ‘cause she’s always got those shorts on, and you can kinda see the crease of her arse cheeks in them.”

“Bit of a fucked up way to refer to a girl, do you not think?” I take another mug from the precarious pile. 

“No. Why? It’s just facts.”

“Mm?”

“I’m not saying I don’t like the shorts, man. I think any girl who has a pair of legs like that ought to wear them. More girls should, as long as they have the body for it, you know?”

I fling the mug at him and he examines it. “You missed a bit there at the bottom.” I snatch it back. 

“Are you ridin’ her?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Evie, like. Are you ridin’ her?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Do you think you will ride her? Like, at some stage in the future?”

I’m aware of Shane’s judgemental mopping in the background. “Like I said, it’s not like that. I’m not interested.”

“Right!” I pass Joe the mug and he polishes it thoughtfully. “Do you think she’d like me, then? Will you ask her?”

“No.”

“Aw, what? I thought if you didn’t fancy her, you’d at least set me up with her.”

“She wouldn’t like you.”

“She would! Girls love me, sure. Back in school they couldn’t get enough of my sexy bod.” He rolls his sleeve over his sunburned bicep and flexes it while Kasper wolf-whistles. Joe swings his hips in a circle while spinning the towel above his head to his friend's rapturous applause. I roll my eyes.

“You tell Evie that I know how to take care of a woman. She’d be a lucky girl to get a chance with Joe Roche.”

“Look, Joe–”

“A girl like that is wasted on someone like you. You think you can be picky, but you’re too picky for your own good. Well, I’ll tell you what I’d do to her…” 

He launches into a monologue, outlining things too vulgar to be said out loud around normal and respectable folk, but are somehow perfectly acceptable to say to me. He goes into specific detail about her legs, her lovely long legs, and the positions he’d like to put them while I scrub at a plate so hard that my hand starts cramping. 

“Jesus Christ, Joe.” I whirl on him, and the plate, still in my hands, slips, and shatters on the floor, sending shards of porcelain and blobs of soap flying in all directions. I falter, startled by the violence of it. He shuts up. The mop stops. The bin bags stop rustling. 

“Fuck sake, what is wrong with you? Why do you think everyone wants to hear your weird, perverted thoughts all of the time?”

He cowers against the draining board. “I thought you said you were a peaceful person.”

“Do you want to fight me?”

He makes a tiny sound, and I stomp further into his space. “Do you?”

“No.”

“Alright, then learn to shut the fuck up.” 

“Sorry.” 

“And don’t say that type of shit in front of me again.”

I spin back to the sink and scrub the cutlery at the bottom, hands trembling and shoes crunching on the shattered porcelain, while everyone completes their chores in complete silence. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[salternateunreality2]

Highlights of: Cloud was actually raised by wolves + Zakkura AU

TW: scary wolf pictures

from a conversation with the lovely @strayheartless

Angeal giving Zack the most bombastic side eye when Zack talks about Cloud's wolf traits.

He loves Zack so much because Zack GETS things.

Cloud lovingly chewing on Zack's shirt.

Zack accurately discerning what different grunts mean.

Cloud ducking his head to Zack and only Zack; in human, this is shy/flirty/awkward/cute/ashamed, in wolf it's respect.

Cloud's hair bristling. How he does this is anyone's guess.

Headbutts. So many headbutts.

Play fighting that looks completely vicious and feral to outsiders.

Cloud panting when he's nervous, so everyone thinks he's just hot all the time because he's from Nibelheim.

Cloud vibrating or sneezing when Zack walks up as a friendly move.

Cloud bopping people with his paws, er, gloved hands. He had to really concentrate and learn how to punch instead of bopping, but he's great at both now.

Cloud leaning on Zack instead of hugging him.

Sefikura's first meeting being extremely quiet and tense, but eventually they come to an understanding.

Zakkura's first kiss... They both lean in close, stars in their eyes....and Cloud licks Zack's teeth.

Angeal finding Zakkura sleeping in the cutest puppy pile ever.

Cloud sleeping with his limbs all twisted together or curled up into a tiny ball.

Cloud watching Zack eat fries out of the corner of his eye. Zack watching Cloud eat chicken the same way. Both of them instantly caving and sharing.

Cloud being a good Nibel boy and not wanting to come inside if there's even a hint of snow outside, and Zack being the "shorts, no shirt, all weather" frat boy.

Cloud being an escape artist and dragging Zack with him.

Lots of bite marks on people who try to steal Cloud's food.

Very shiny and sharp teeth.

These interactions:

Heidegger: look at me when I'm talking to you, cadet!!!

Cloud: 👁️👁️

Zack: shit shit shit shit shit *running across the room to de-escalate*

---------

Genesis: it seems your friend is friendly with me, he hasn't made a single growl at me! I can see his eye so clearly! And his posture is great!

Zack: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Cloud: 0.3 seconds away from biting

---------

Siren: wooooooo

Cloud: *looks uncomfortable*

Siren: wooooooo

Angeal: don't do it, I believe in you!

Cloud: *sweating*

Siren: wooooooo

Cloud: WOOOOOOOOO

Zack: WOOOOOOOO

Angeal: *sigh* maybe next time

-----------

Roche: your boyfriend has a cute smile

Zack: excuse me what

Roche: look, there he goes again!

Cloud: *baring teeth*

Zack: shit shit shit...

----------------

Angeal, Zack, and Cloud standing around a campfire, and...

Zack: ...

Angeal: ...

Cloud: ....

Zack: we should go pee in a perimeter to scare off wild animals and monsters

Cloud: *nodding*

Angeal: ...

Zack: *unzzzzziiippp*

Cloud: *starts wandering towards the perimeter*

Angeal: *finally stops buffering* WAIT NO

[marnasid]

Какая была бы жизнь у Роше в столице Нильфгаарда?

Ох и долго же я рисовала арт к этому вопросу: мне очень хотелось показать Нильфгаард во всей его красе

Так. Давайте будем рассматривать позитивный вариант развития событий, где Роше не убили наемники Эмгыра, который хотел бы избавится от подозрительного союзника

Думаю Эмгыр бы щедро отблагодарил Роше за его поступок: дал бы звание, нового скакуна, мундир, может даже подарил бы поместье недалеко от столицы Нильфгаарда. Но не думаю что Вернон был бы ему благодарен за это. Скорее наоборот: это выглядело бы как издёвка. Как объедки брошенные собаке, лишь для того чтобы она перестала лаять. Собака не понимает что в этом жесте хозяина нет искренности, а лишь демонстрация собственной власти. Но в отличии от животного, Роше видит полную картину

Темерцы никогда не станут братьями нильфгаарц��в, как и другие королевства завоёванные империей не стали. И именно Вернон орбек Темерию на долгие годы принижения со стороны Нильфгаарда. Именно он поставил ее в одно из наихудших положений в которое она могла попасть. Уверена, он думает что это был единственный выход, но в глубине души чувствует себя предателем и это чувство непрерывно грызет его изнутри

Но Роше не из тех кто теряет надежду. Он не сдался когда убили Фольтеста, а после когда убили его друзей и захватили его страну в первые же месяцы войны. Так что уверена, что он продолжит искать способы снова сделать Темерию свободной

К примеру, подрастает принцесса Анаис, и оказав должное влияние на нее и на власти Империи, лет через 10 на темерском троне может оказаться независимая королева и прямая наследница Фольтеста, активно борющаяся за свободу своей страны

What would Roche's life be like in the capital of Nilfgaard?

Oh, it took me a long time to draw art for this question: I really wanted to show Nilfgaard in all glory

Ok. Let's consider a positive scenario, where Roche was not killed by Emgyr's mercenaries, who would like to get rid of a suspicious ally

I think Emhyr would have generously thanked Roche for his action: he would have given him a title, a new horse, a uniform, maybe even given him an estate not far from the capital of Nilfgaard. But I don't think Vernon would be grateful to him for that. Quite the contrary: it would look like a mockery. Like throwing leftovers to a dog so that it stops barking. The dog does not understand that there is no sincerity in this gesture of the owner, but only a demonstration of his own power. But unlike an animal, Roche sees the full picture

The Temerians will never become brothers of the Nilfgaarians, just as the other kingdoms conquered by the empire did not. And it was Vernon who orbecked Temeria for many years of humiliation by Nilfgaard. It was he who put her in one of the worst situations she could find herself in. I’m sure he thinks that this was the only way out, but deep down he feels like a traitor and this feeling constantly gnaws at him from the inside

But Roche is not one to lose hope. He did not give up when Foltest was killed, and then when his friends were killed and his country was conquered in the first months of the war. So I'm sure he will continue to look for ways to make Temeria free again

For example, Princess Anais is growing up, and having exerted the necessary influence on her and on the authorities of the Empire, in 10 years an independent queen and direct heir to Foltest, actively fighting for the freedom of her country, may appear on the Temerian throne

[fourthclone]

❝ 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑰𝑰𝑰𝑰𝑰𝑰𝑵𝑲 𝑭𝑨𝑺𝑻 ~ ! ❞ he's got his sword drawn as he speeds forth like a gust of wind . he's grown tired of stagnating ; bound to the ground . he's itching for some excitement ⸻ damn dire consequences .

[liesmyth]

do you (or your followers) have any recs for fics that handle the day(s) when the original lyctors ascended?

OOOOOOH okay I'm throwing this into the main tags in the hope that others have more to add but here are some recs:

Approaching the Roche Limit by @cadmean — John/Augustine. "Every time Augustine closes his eyes, he sees his brother. John would really rather he didn't."

Ascension by @rnanqo — Mercy/Cristabel. "Mercymorn is on the brink of cracking the ultimate necromantic theorem. She has no time for parties--unless it would delight her cavalier to go. And Mercymorn would do anything for Cristabel."

The Construct Fight Portion of Your Lyctorhood Ascension by FortyninePalm — "A myriad ago, at Canaan House, Cytherea the Seventh and her cavalier have some questions."

lux perpetua luceat eis by skvadern — G1deon/Pyrrha. "YOU SAID, I AM SORRY, DESTROY ME AS I AM, BUT I WANT TO KISS YOU BEFORE I AM KILLED."

rip my ribcage open (devour what was hers) by @darlingofdots — Mercy/Pyrrha. "Sometimes you just ate your cavalier, the love of your life, and you just need to feel something, anything."

the river of insufferable sins by @quadrille — rated M, Augustine&/Mercy. "In the first few days after her second rebirth, with Cristabel’s heart beating like a furnace in her chest, her hatred of Augustine burns like a supernova."

the truth is dark and it makes us bleed by @countingnothings — Augustine & Mercy. "Adrift far from God's light a few short years after ascension, Mercymorn and Augustine unsuccessfully try to avoid the fact that, to each of them, the other is an eternal reminder of transgression and guilt and grief."

Two Slow Dancers by apredatorywasp — Mercy/Cristabel, Mercy/Cytherea. "Mercymorn maintains her beautiful rose gold hair, and Cristabel helps. It's the night before they all ascend, so it's certainly emotional. A myriad later, Mercymorn and Cytherea enact the same ritual, with some siphoning thrown in."

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

What did the Roche/Ciri ship do to you? Why is he bad? Is his existence simply an insult to you?

okay, anon, you've won me over.

i've written a roche/ciri fic just for you. It's about fighting injustice, realising the world is so much bigger than you ever realised, bonding over feeling different, finding love in unexpected places even when everyone else is against your relationship, and a shared love of music.

I've put it under the cut because its quite long. Enjoy!

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second.

Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead.

I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? -

A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know.

But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone.

Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow!

Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power.

More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative.

Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there.

- Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. -

Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! -

It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves.

Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. -

Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no!