#RelationshipEducation

[relationshipsway]

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

There’s a relationship “secret ingredient” that a man craves in order to feel intense, committed love. Without it, he will always keep one foot out the door.

I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly – with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself.

There’s a relationship “secret ingredient” that a man craves in order to feel intense, committed love. Without it, he will always keep one foot out the door.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment – of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment – of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually – by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together – to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an “attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

There’s a relationship “secret ingredient” that a man craves in order to feel intense, committed love. Without it, he will always keep one foot out the door.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!

[relationship21]

 Respect is one of the basic human values. As it applies to people, is defined as

an attitude of admiration or esteem for a person. This feeling is generally a

result of a person's achievements. While all people deserve respect, not many of they receive this.

[discoveringpolyamory]

Compersion isn't some impossible to achieve nirvana, only achievable by the greatest masters of polyamory.

You can find it hard to know your partner is having fun with someone else while, at the same time, feeling happiness and joy that they are experiencing something wonderful.

It's important in polyamory to recognise that you and your partner(s) are separate people. Your feelings for them don't have to mirror your feelings for yourself.

You can be happy seeing them happy while still feeling insecure or envious about your situation. Because in a healthy relationship, you will be able to communicate this to them so they can take steps to help you through your insecurities. 

(Discover more at DiscoveringPolyamory.com)

[precisionrxtelemed]

Sexual education, often a topic surrounded by societal taboos and hushed conversations, plays a pivotal role in shaping individuals' understanding of their own bodies, relationships, and sexual health.  we delve into the multifaceted world of sexual education, exploring its history, purpose, controversies, and the ever-evolving landscape in the digital age.

[relationshipsure09]

The Missing Link In Every Relationship

Sex? Communication? Romantic Dates?

All these things are important, but a breakthrough new video reveals the surprising factor that can make ALL the difference in a relationship and few, if any women (or men) are even aware of it!

The key is understanding men on a deep emotional level, and how the subtle things you say to a man affect him much more than you might think.

If you're frustrated with your man going cold, losing interest, or pulling away, then this video is a must watch:

Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But They Could Never Tell You.

[joyful-daddy]

Youth Conversations: Understanding Sex

[askwholehearted]

Some look forward to Christmas all year, but for an increasing number of others, stress, pressure and the inability to ever feel like you’re measuring up can cast a dark cloud over the whole season. Today, we are going to be speaking directly to those issues, so stick with us as we answer just how the Gospel can lift the burdens from your holiday and your life!

[thegoodloveproject]

5 Common Projections of Monogamy

So last week I wrote about 5 common assumptions or misconceptions that many monogamous people have about polyamory. Well turnabout is fair play and there are a lot of stereotypes that get projected onto people that practice monogamy. I’m starting to think we need to create a Mono/Poly Alliance, similar to the GSA (Gay/Straight Alliance). Projection 1) Monogamy is about Ownership Reality: Healthy, conscious monogamous relationships are based on mutual dedication with a focus on one person. That’s all.  Remember in my last blog when I compared intimacy orientations to belief systems? Take a look if you missed it.

Yes, many people in monogamous relationships experience jealousy and possessiveness (guess what so do poly people).  One difference is that poly people actively work on releasing jealousy. I believe monogamous people would benefit from this practice as well!
 Projection 2) One person can’t possibly satisfy all my needs Reality: Why are we looking to others to satisfy our needs at all?  Whether mono or poly we should all be working to be self-sufficient, fully actualized individuals.  Whether or not one person can satisfy your desires on the other hand… well that depends on what you want. Personally, I could be monogamous with my husband and be completely happy AND I love that I have the freedom to be open to what flows into my life.

We are not vessels for love waiting to be filled up. We are conduits for love to move through! Projection 3) You can’t handle poly because you’re insecure/emotionally immature/co-dependent.

 Reality: Sorry to tattle on my Poly peeps, but we do have a habit of playing the “more evolved-than-thou” card.  Does it take confidence, strong boundaries, heightened awareness and emotional maturity to make a Poly relationship work? Certainly!  Same goes for a fully functional, happy monogamous relationship! Projection 4) Don’t be a Cowboy/Cowgirl! Reality: Monogamous people are not plotting to steal one of your partners away with you! Really, they’re not! I promise! This pejorative term is highly judgmental and one I hope poly peeps start to move away from using. Does it happen? Yes, sometimes people want who they want and they will pressure and manipulate their object of desire into the relationship style they want (and it goes in both directions).  That does not mean every time a Poly person explores monogamy that they have been “cowboyed” or “converted”. 

Let people have their own lives! Projection 5) Monogamy doesn’t work, just look at the divorce rate!

Reality: I will say this again: Occasional dysfunction does not correlate innate pathology! 
 Monogamy works for a lot of people! Whether this is due nurture or nature is a whole other debate of course; but the fact it there are thousands of very happy monogamous couples in the world.  There are a lot of draw backs and problems too. That doesn’t mean that everyone should give up on monogamy, there’s just work to be done. And being sex positive, accepting and compassionate people means we accept you as you are whether you prefer to love one or many!

I would love to see more discussions develop between Mono and Poly folk, we can learn a lot from each other.

[rachelsextherapy]

Sometimes we take on responsibilities that are not ours to take. This graphic should make this easier to understand #RelationshipEducation #SelfCare #selfawareness #locusofcontrol https://www.instagram.com/p/BsDoCwXj6D6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ztu6zhuo33j7

[relationship21]

"You are killing US with YOUR jealousy"

To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. They eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to you, (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what you are saying and accusing them of.

[discoveringpolyamory]

If there is one standout benefit polyamory has brought into my life, it's a brand new level of open communication.

Communication is vital in successful ethical non-monogamy. But once you embrace it, you will realise how much strengthening your communication muscles benefits every aspect of our lives.

Communication is one of the most important parts of life. But it's also something a lot of us take for granted.

But successful polyamory forces us to actively work on our communication skills. And once you know how to better communicate with other people and yourself, life gets significantly easier to navigate.

(Discover more at DiscoveringPolyamory.com)

[precisionrxtelemed]

In our ever-evolving world, where information is at our fingertips, the necessity of sex education cannot be overstated. The lack of proper understanding and awareness about sexual health can lead to a myriad of issues, ranging from unwanted pregnancies to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. It's time to shed light on why sex education is crucial in today's society.

[relationshipsure09]

The Missing Link In Every Relationship

Sex? Communication? Romantic Dates?

All these things are important, but a breakthrough new video reveals the surprising factor that can make ALL the difference in a relationship and few, if any women (or men) are even aware of it!

The key is understanding men on a deep emotional level, and how the subtle things you say to a man affect him much more than you might think.

If you're frustrated with your man going cold, losing interest, or pulling away, then this video is a must watch:

Click Here To Discover What Men Secretly Want, But They Could Never Tell You.

[peacheycelia]

Always doing the inner work so I can be a joyful humane being in the outer world🙏🏻🌎🌳🌻🌍🌲🌹 A snippet of the numerous notes📝from Anna Garcia's relationship course a while back. I promised to share my learning & I shall in bits and bytes. I believe it important to integrate realisations before passing them forward. #lettinggo #relationshipeducation #passionateaboutbeingthechange #liveyouroptimumtruth #inneradventures #ultimatealchemist👁🦄🌈🙏🏻🎨💞😘✨

[rachelsextherapy]

#boundariesarehealthy #SelfCare #boundarysetting #relationships #RelationshipTherapy #RelationshipEducation https://www.instagram.com/p/BsDnwLzjZcS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2967atw5x2w7

[relationship21]

1. “My heart beats faster as you take my hand, my love grows stronger as you touch my soul.” – A.C. Van Cherub