#Red Robin headcanons

[adddddiiii]

Tim Drake Headcanons

He loves sneaking late-night coffee dates with you, even if it's just in your kitchen with mismatched mugs

Like Dick, he always checks in on you through a quick text during patrol

Tim 💗: I'll be home soon, miss you already

Sometimes he falls asleep mid-conversation and you always drape a blanket over him and brush the hair out of his face

He gets so wrapped up in his work that you have to physically drag him away from his desk for cuddle breaks

With his super awesome detective brain or whatever, he remembers everything you like and things you'd simply mentioned wanting

And he gifts them to you at random moments

He has doodles of your name with hearts along the margins of his case files

Once, he forgot to erase them and Bruce side eyed him brutally

He sends you random photos of Gotham sunsets from rooftops

Sometimes he lets you paint his nails don't tell Jason, he'll never let him hear the end of it

He adores your voice so much that he has recordings of you humming or just talking, which he listens to when he's alone

His love language is making custom gadgets for you

"I know it's a bit overkill but it has a tracker, a panic button, and... okay, I added a flashlight because you lose your phone a lot and I don't want you stuck somewhere in the dark."

[incorrectbatfam]

The only acceptable trans Tim headcanon would be Tim introducing himself to the batfam as a boy from the get-go with such confidence that no one questions him. Then, his first solo case as Robin is investigating the disappearance of Jack and Janet Drake's "daughter," so he pretends to have a twin sister by forging a bunch of documents and photoshopping family pictures. He then fabricates evidence of her death, committing multiple crimes in the process, and holds a fake funeral at the end. Because if his previous name is dead to him, he's gonna kill it the Tim Drake way

[sleepy-cone]

Broke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian to stop them from fighting each other.

Woke: The batfam separates Tim and Damian because they both encourage the others' absurd logic to justify feral behavior.

...

Tim: "See when I can focus directly on a case with no interruptions, my success rate goes up exponentially." (Hasn't slept in 56 hrs.)

Damian: "Statistics don't lie"

Tim: "Statistics don't lie"

...

Damian: "When I adopt more animals, it makes me happy, and if I'm happy, I work better with a team."

Tim: "And you help an animal that needs a home."

Damian: "EXACTLY!"

Tim: "If anything, its irresponsible to let them roam the streets as strays."

Damian: "That's what I said!"

...

Tim: "So one of the executives of this firm has been stealing some stuff, but unfortunately, he also has the resources and status to get him off the hook with a light sentence. Which sucks."

Damian: "What if you add a more serious crime to up the charges?"

Tim: "...That is GENIUS! I have dozens of cold cases that I've solved, but the culprits have already died! Im sure one of them could easily pass as him! "

Damian: "I can help if you need any evidence planted."

Tim: "Sure thing! I'll let you know when i find the right felony to give him!"

...

Dick: "At least they're having fun and getting along?"

Bruce: "This is not better. Stop trying to pretend this is better."

[bats-and-the-birds]

I screwed around on a fake tweet maker for far, far too long to make this stupid post.

[demonicsuffrage]

The justice league sees Batman periodically updating a database of his, at the oddest of times, and naturally they think it's got something to do with his contingency plans or a dataset about the Gotham rogues, but in reality it's just him keeping record of his many children's changing tastes

Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?

Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."

"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."

"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."

"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."

"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."

"Damian watched Bluey for a total of 50 hours this week. Update to favourites."

[damianwaynerocks]

saw someone say months ago that the best cover story for jason coming back to life in the public eye is to say he was in witness protection. and i agree with that! but id like to add: jason would make a public statement saying that the reason he was in witness protection is “i saw joker kill robin”

[ahfrickenfrick]

nightwing being hurt in the field, and over comms he can’t get out what was wrong, nearly in shock, and jason puts on his best batman™️ voice and says “robin, report.”

and it snaps dick out of it enough to say concussion, possible broken ribs, and a gash in his side.

no one talks about it, and then a year later, damian does the same thing to tim

[spocks-husband]

In Bruce's phone, he keeps the contact photos for all his kids as their baby pictures (or the closest approximation that he has).

Dick's is a photo of him when he'd first designed his Robin costumes, smiling ear to ear as he proudly showed off his first hand-sewn prototype.

Jason's is a picture Alfred got of the boy sitting on Bruce's shoulders while they went over a case.

Tim is him fast asleep in the middle of taking notes on his first real mission (he wanted to impress Bruce really bad).

Damian is a polaroid he got from Talia of him when he was about a year old, teething on a mango seed as he sat on the floor of his mother's room.

Cass is entirely blacked out except for her big bright eyes that can be seen in the darkness-- Bruce thinks it's the cutest photo ever.

Even Babs has hers set to a photo of her with her first computer, grinning happy as she probably hacked into a federal database somewhere. He got that photo from Jim.

Likewise, of course, Alfred's (very bareboned) smartphone that he barely uses has Bruce's contact set with a photo of him playing in the snow as a little boy.

[redhoodisgod]

Bruce and Dick having an actual break down because Damian just told them then he has another brother.

Bruce: Is he still living with Thalia?

Damian: I think so, the last time i saw him he was in the league with me.

Dick: And how old is he?

Damian who just take in caunt the years Jason have since he came out of the pit.

Damian: like 3.

Tim: Only shit. But wait his father is also Bruce?

Damian: Obviously.

Bruce all ready thinking of a thousand plans to get his new son out of the league of assassins.

Damian: I don't understand your confusion, he seemed to already know who all of you are and he doesn't have a single drop of affection for you. I would say he hates you all.

Bruce starting to get alarmed because how does his son who he doesn't even know already hate him?

In other part of the city an angry Jason is planning his revenge but suddenly a sneeze make him have chills

Jason: I feel like someone is talking about me and i don't like it.

[t2316m]

Tim Drake has a hatred for Sherlock Holmes, has he ever read the books? No but his dad used to insultingly call him Sherlock as a kid when he was being too nosy or curious and now even when people say it as a compliment it just irks him

Jason being the resident classic literature nerd is dead set on at least having Tim read the books so he can either A. Actually like the books and accept that Sherlock is actually a pretty cool guy to be compared too, or B. Give actual tasteful criticism and insults based on the contents of the book

Jason could care less which happens he’s just tired of Tim ranting about his hatred for Sherlock despite not knowing a thing about Sherlock

——

Tim: Sherlock this, Sherlock that, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stupid hat

Jason: The hat really isn’t even mentioned in the books, You’d know if you read them

Tim: I’m not reading them, they really can’t be that good in fact Sherlock was so bad even his literal creator wanted nothing to do with him

Jason: Your dad wanted nothing to do with you and you’re still a pretty good detective

*Cue Dick yelling at Jason cause “that wasn’t nice”

[confused-wanderer]

Dick: Hey Bart! How’s it hanging?

Kid Flash: We accidentally travelled back in time like ten years or so

Dick: what else is new

Kid flash: .. Tim ran into his younger self

Dick:

Tim *walking past them and muttering under his breath*

Tim *mimicking*: Look at me! I’m so young and dumb! Such an annoying kid my god no wonder our parents were always trying to get away

Dick:

Tim *mimicking*: I’m so happy I’m smiling!

Kid flash: He-

Tim: Just suffer like the rest of us you coward

Tim *mimicking*: That’s not fair!

Tim: oh! Look at that! LIFE’S not fair dumbass

Dick:

Tim: Waah I’ve been hurt! I want love! Please don’t leave me!

Tim: Fool. Shut up and carry on with that pain in silence like the rest of us. Pathetic I was never like that . People are overrated and crying is underrated.

Tim *mimicking*: Oh! Batman’s awesome! And so is Robin!

Tim: Batman’s a goddamn idiot. Robin.. well okay true for the first one. But the second? The second one is a BITC-

[olailamajnoon]

Bruce, who has a problem expressing emotions because he was teased for them in school as the "crazy Wayne kid"

Bruce, who used to clutch Alfred at night and wet himself due to his nightmares.

Bruce, who got flashbacks till his mid-twenties everytime he walked down an alley.

Bruce, who would hug a weeping Dick Grayson and stay with him until the night terrors were over, humming a soft lullaby that Bruce's mother sang for him

Bruce, who hardened his mouth and his life to keep the anger in check after Jason, because he knew if he didn't every criminal would pay.

Bruce, who sees Damian chopping up shrubbery and thinks "I was far worse as a child inside, it's a good thing he's letting it out"

Bruce, who can't walk by a homeless child in the street without calling his special Wayne Foundation liaison (who he keeps on speed dial) and asking her to find "one more spot"

Bruce, who sees Selina petting kittens and robbing the rich and thinks "if I could have had a life with her, that would have been nice"

Bruce, who looks at Cass' x-rays and sees her knit bones and swears to god he will break the bones of whoever's responsible for her upbringing

Bruce, who gives Tim projects that he himself can do faster because he sees attention-starved Tim trying to please him

Bruce, who looks at Clark smiling and thinks of what he can buy for his birthday to make him smile just like that.

Bruce to his parents in their graves after not being able to catch a criminal: I'm sorry. I've failed you. I'll try harder.

People who don't know Bruce: why is that man so unfeeling.

Bad DC writers: idk just that way i guess

[redactedrem]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[bats-and-the-birds]

So, when the Batkids get hurt, like, seriously hurt, they logically know that they best place they could go is the batcave. Fully stocked infirmary, the most updated medical technology possible, and Alfred to give them tea and sew up all of the wounds that they can't quite reach.

However, if any of them are even mildly beefing with Bruce, which they almost always are, they'll be damned if they're gonna face The Disappointed Bat Glare (tm) while also bleeding out, much less the speech that will inevitably follow.

This leads to either

A. The batkids sneaking into each others apartments and safehouses to get help, aka

Tim: -humming to himself as he flicks on the lights of the common room at Titans Tower-

Dick: -slumped on the couch dripping blood from two stab wounds- Hey, Timmy. Could you get your med kit?

Tim: -brief high pitched scream- FUCK!!! -long silence- Yeah, sure.

Dick: Great. Also, Bart heard me calling for you in the dark, and he thought I was a ghost of some sort. I think he ran to Mexico to get away, so you might want to track him down.

B. The batkids attempting to sneak into the batcave and patch themselves up without Bruce realizing they were ever there, aka

Jason: -sneaking through the medical bay in the dark, trying to silently open drawers when the lights suddenly come on-

Alfred: -standing by the light switch- Master Jason, may I inquire as to what you're doing here?

Jason: -actively gushing blood from his side- ....Nothing.

Alfred: Do you require stitches?

Jason: ....No.

Alfred: -actively pulling out the supplies to stitch up his wound- If you say so, Master Jason.

[demonicsuffrage]

Headcanon that when the batkids are mad at Bruce or just, mildly annoyed, they deliberately use last names that piss Bruce off, a lot.

Kidnappers over the phone: We have Richard Wayne in our custody, if you want to see him again-

Dick, mad after Bruce made him throw out the discowing suit, in a muffled voice: It's actually Richard Grayson-Kent, get it right

Bruce, on the verge of a heart attack: Chum Please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barista at Batburger: What would you like your coffee cup to say?

Tim, not mad, just mildly annoyed at the way Bruce did the reports last night: My name is Tim Jordan-Gardener-Cruz-Scott

Bruce, clutching his Jokerized fries so hard veins appear: You're grounded

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author, at a book signing event: And who should I address this to?

Jason, after Bruce had let the Joker live yet again: To Jason Dent, please

Bruce, standing in line next to him, whom Jason had brought along to pay for the signed copy: I should make Harvey pay child support

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcer: And the award goes to, Ms Cassandra Isley-Quinn!

Cass, mad because Bruce missed another one of her recitals, walking up to the stage:

Bruce:

Bruce, signing to her: You're killing me, you know that? You're killing your father

Harley, sitting next to Bruce along with Ivy: Yes! That's our daughter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duke, calling some shady Gotham lawyer right in front of Bruce after he lectured him a little too much about keeping up secret identities: Hi, how much to legally change my name to Duke Thomas-Queen?

Shady lawyer: About 50$

Duke: Got it. Hey Bruce can I borrow 50$?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steph doesn't use the Wayne name anyway, but sometimes she uses it for Benefits™

Damian would much rather die than adopt the last name of anyone in the justice league or the batrouges or anyone except his very infamous lineages, because he doesn't want to associate with incompetent people

[damianwaynerocks]

my friend just told me that she thinks billy batson would be in both the teen titans/young justice/sidekick groupchat and also the justice league groupchat and that he would send the kids groupchat screenshots of justice league drama