#Real-life examples

[daisywords]

One of my biggest nitpicks in fiction concerns the feeding of babies. Mothers dying during/shortly after childbirth or the baby being separated form the mother shortly after birth is pretty common in fiction. It is/was also common enough in real life, which is why I think a lot of writers/readers don't think too hard about this. however. Historically, the only reason the vast majority of babies survived being separated from their mother was because there was at least one other woman around to breastfeed them. Before modern formula, yes, people did use other substitutes, but they were rarely, if ever, nutritionally sufficient.

Newborns can't eat adult food. They can't really survive on animal milk. If your story takes place in a world before/without formula, a baby separated from its mother is going to either be nursed by someone else, or starve.

It doesn't have to be a huge plot point, but idk at least don't explicitly describe the situation as excluding the possibility of a wetnurse. "The father or the great grandmother or the neighbor man or the older sibling took and raised the baby completely alone in a cave for a year." Nope. That baby is dead I'm sorry. "The baby was kidnapped shortly after birth by a wizard and hidden away in a secret tower" um quick question was the wizard lactating? "The mother refused to see or touch her child after birth so the baby was left to the care of the ailing grandfather" the grandfather who made the necessary arrangements with women in the neighborhood, right? right? OR THAT GREAT OFFENDER "A newborn baby was left on the doorstep and they brought it in and took care of it no issues" What Are You Going to Feed That Baby. Hello?

Like. It's not impossible, but arrangements are going to have to be made. There are some logistics.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[compayur]

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When it comes to your health, financial security should be a top priority. In India, medical insurance plays a crucial role in providing individuals and families with the necessary coverage to safeguard against unforeseen medical expenses. In this blog, we will explore the importance of medical insurance, the regulatory body overseeing the industry, major players, healthcare systems covered, TPAs…

[ask4write]

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[ariaste]

Me: [sees everyone talking about how Assad Zaman was "literally" coming up with RPF about himself and Eric Bogosian in an interview]

Me: ah, fandom's doing its little "interpret an innocent comment in Some Kind Of Way" thing again, let's go find the video and do our own critical thinking about what was actually said here--

Assad: What would happen if I said-- [words that cannot be interpreted as anything but RPF fanfic]

Me:

Me: ok fandom gets a pass on this one actually

[dfmapa]

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[bvthomas]

"The Unravelling of The Mystery of Iniquity: Exploring the Roots of Evil in Human Nature"

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[shittysawtraps]

having anxiety is a lot like having an imaginary jigsaw in your brain. hello amanda your friend was a little annoyed when you made that joke about them being bad at texting back. please grovel yourself in front of your friend until they decide to forgive you. like fuck off cunt.

[thetorturedlovergirl]

Twelveclara and the big soft puppy eyes they make specially for each other in moments of pain.

[elucubrare]

looking up scots gaelic naming traditions & one of the wiki examples is "An Caillteanach ("The lost one"), a man who had become lost, causing the entire village to spend the night looking for him," which is rough for that guy. the night he inconvenienced everyone in town, memorialized forever.

[mxtxfanatic]

The common thread tying together how mxtx treats all her well-rounded character across all her works is that a character's past is as real as their actions. That means that a character's tragic past is a key part of their character and should be considered while analyzing them. It also means that their actions are also their own and must be considered when analyzing them. One does not negate the other. The trauma that a character experiences in the narrative is not erased by their shitty actions, but those experiences also don't redeem their immoral behavior. Everyone must live with the consequences of their chosen actions, regardless of what drove them to make those choices. That is the lesson.

[aardvaark]

im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.

[waystarresourceco]

Kieran Culkin on Roman's playboy image and the way the actors/writers understanding of backstory fits together. (x)

[the-way-astray]

is shannon messenger hiding LEFTIST ANTI-GUN PROPAGANDA in her CHILDREN'S series for KIDS???? UNACCEPTABLE!!!! be a TRUE PATRIOT and STOP the WOKE LIBERALS from trying to TAKE AWAY our SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS today. 'MURICA!!!! RAH RAH CUH CAWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #cancelshannonmessenger

[unamzi]

True fresh is poisonous.

Let me explain!

So first, the persona fresh puts on.

Fresh often wears colourful/neon clothing, one that is very visible. We can all agree on that.

Fresh also puts on a very friendly personality.

Now, true fresh.

True fresh in itself is colorful. Bright purple, with a colorful red and yellow eye.

It also has a disadvantage with its vision, considering that the eye is on its tongue, which would make it harder for it to see.

So, what's my point.

Where else do we see colourful beings?

Frogs. Frogs, are known to be colourful.

Which frogs specifically? That's right, poisonous ones.

So, the reason poisonous frogs are colourful are because it's like a "warning". It's almost a way to indicate they're poisonous so predators will chase after them less.

Same would be with Fresh. His species didn't develop the need to camouflage, and it bled into his clothing.

How is fresh poisonous.

Fresh feeds off of souls.

He feeds off of the souls of his hosts. Now, all souls contain determination (it's just that for a human soul, it'd be a 40/100 of a soul is determination on average, while for monsters it's around 10/100.)

Now, what happens when people get injected with too much determination for their bodies. That's right. They melt.

Fresh's diet of souls would both make him have an evolutionary tolerance of high levels of determination in his body, and make his body poisonous to ingest because of the determination.

Kinda like how the diet of a species of frogs (a kind of beetle) makes them poisonous, Fresh's diet of souls make him poisonous too.

[woad-ink]

If the sequel has even half the comedic writing of this one it'll easily be the funniest game of the year. This is all G O L D.