#Queue sera sera

[backstagecurtain]

victorian maiden capes (1/2)

[5ivebyfive]

whumptober day 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.” fandom: power rangers (2017) ship: trimberly note: Set vaguely in the universe of such a beautiful disaster. You don't have to read it to follow this, but you should! (and I'm gonna work on updating it) tw: drug use mention, super angst Kim had good days and bad days. Then she had very bad days. She was over the withdrawal of the drugs, but her mental health wasn’t good. It was like everything she had suppressed with cocaine was finally rising from the water. Trini could handle it all though. She loved Kim and anything Kim brought, Trini was there. But the very bad days were hard for her. It was like there was nothing she could do to console her girlfriend, and it angered her. She wasn’t angered at Kim, but at the whole situation. 

Kim going through withdrawal and starting life without drugs had taken a toll on Trini. She tried so hard to be strong for Kim, but some nights, when Kim was able to fall into a deep sleep, Trini cried. She mourned for ther Kim before the drugs, and she mourned for how broken Kim was still. But she powered through it, kept it to herself, and kept going.

Trini was sitting on the couch in the living room. Kim was taking an afternoon nap, and as much as Trini wanted to join her, she just needed a break. So she called Zack and listened to the phone ring.

“Yo, Trini,” he answered.

“Yo,” Trini replied with little energy.

“You okay?”

“I don’t know,” she said. She didn’t often talk about everything with Zack because it was Kim’s business. But sometimes she needed to let some of it out, and she couldn’t with Kim. So Zack it was.

“What’s up?” He asked in concern.

“I’m just…tired,” she said with a sigh.

“Are you sleeping?”

“It’s hard to sleep. I lay there and worry about her, and…it’s like, if I sleep and something happens…”

“You gotta take care of yourself, too,” Zack said.

“I don’t know,” Trini said. “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.”

“I say again, take care of yourself.”

“Yeah,” she said distantly. Then she jumped because suddenly Kim was in the room, and she didn’t look happy. “I gotta go,” she told Zack. She hung up and looked at Kim. “You okay?”

“I’m a burden on you,” Kim said softly. “You don’t sleep because of me.” Trini closed her eyes. Kim wasn’t supposed to hear that.

“Princess, you’re not a burden. Never.”

“You just told Zack I am,” Kim said with a stubborn tone.

“I didn’t.” Trini got up and walked towards Kim to take her in her arms, but Kim pulled away. “I don’t care if I never sleep again,” she said. “As long as I’m taking care of you.”

“Yeah,” Kim huffed. “Then you’ll pass out or something and it’ll be my fault. Just…forget about me, okay?” She turned on her heel and went back into the bedroom to slam the door shut behind her. Trini immediately followed and tried to turn the knob on the door, but it was locked. She started to panic. A locked door was bad. She knew Kim was clean and was working hard to stay that way, but a locked door scared Trini. She had no idea what was going on behind it.

Trini’s whole identity had become taking care of Kim. She was on sabbatical from work so she could be there 24/7. And all that time together often led to fights. At least, on Kim’s end. Trini tried to acquiesce and not fight back. She didn’t want to fight with Kim. She didn’t want to make things worse for Kim. So she felt like she was disappearing. Everything that made her her was gone, because all she was, was Kim’s keeper. And she wanted it that way, but it was difficult. She was overtired, burned out, and depressed. She just didn’t let that show in front of Kim.

“Kim,” she called through the door. “Open up. We can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk!” Kim shouted back.

“I need to talk to you.”

“To talk about what a burden I am?” Kim said with a growl.

“You’re not a burden!” Trini shouted, losing the control she tried so hard to have around Kim. The door swung open and Kim glared at Trini.

“Yeah, it’s my fault you’re not sleeping.”

“No, it’s my fault,” Trini argued. “I’m the one who makes myself stay awake as much as I can. I’m the one who’s in control of that. I’m the one who decides to do that.” Kim looked at the floor, crossing her arms. Trini tried to approach her again. She put a hand on Kim’s arm and looked at her, even though Kim didn’t look back. “I love you. So much. I just…can’t help worrying about you.” Kim kicked the floor with the toes of her foot and her frown deepened.

“I don’t want you to worry about me so much,” she said quietly.

“Well…I do,” Trini said.

“You don’t have to,” Kim said. “I can go stay somewhere else and you can sleep and…not think about me.”

“You’re not leaving,” Trini said thickly.

“You can’t make me stay,” Kim replied. “I’m an adult.”

“You want to leave me?” Trini asked, sad fear in her voice. Kim looked up, her gaze clouded.

“Wouldn’t it be better for you if I did?”

“No! You can’t…would you really do that?” Trini asked. Her brows furrowed and she shook her head. Kim didn’t say anything. “After everything I’ve been doing for you?” Trini was starting to get mad. 

“You deserve a break from me.” Kim glanced up.

“I don’t need a break from you. But I do need you to stop assuming what I need.”

“You’re doing too much,” Kim murmured. “I’m draining you.” Trini sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, you are. But I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m tired of being…like this,” Kim said, her eyes welling with tears. “I want us to go back to normal. Before…everything.”

“So do I,” Trini said. “But you still need time.”

“I need time…away,” Kim said, looking away again.

“You’re still in a place where you could relapse,” Trini said.

“I won’t.”

“How will I make sure of that?”

“You don’t have to,” Kim said. “I can take care of myself. I’ll stay with my parents.”

“Kim…” Trini felt hopeless and her heart was breaking. “What…what does that mean for us?”

“It means…we need a break. I need a break. And I think you do, too.”

“I don’t!”

“I’m going to go pack and call my mom,” Kim said, turning to the bedroom door.

“Kim!” Trini moved closer to grab her, but Kim pushed her off. Then Kim went into the bedroom and closed and locked the door. Trini deflated. She stumbled over to the couch and fell onto it. A break? She couldn’t handle a break. She couldn’t handle how much she was going to worry with Kim so far away. She leaned her head back on the cushion and closed her eyes as silent tears fell down the sides of her face. She loved Kim more than anything else in the world. She didn’t care what happened to herself if she could just take care of her. But it was difficult. It was draining. Loving Kim in this period of their lives felt…like she was being pulled in multiple directions while her tooth was being pulled. It was killing Trini. She knew it, but she couldn’t say it. She didn’t want to say it. Kim was going through so much and Trini couldn’t fix it. She often felt like she was drowning. Like she couldn’t breathe. She walked on eggshells around Kim, hoping not to upset her or guide her into falling back into drugs. It was so hard. It was straining their relationship. It felt impossible.

But Trini didn’t care. She would let Kim grind her down into nothing, as long as she could be there. And Kim wasn’t letting her. Kim was shutting her out again. Trini shifted and laid down across the couch, eyes still closed. She curled into a ball and cried. She cried for all the fear and pain she had been through with Kim ever since everything had been off while Kim secretly did drugs. She cried for not being a good enough caretaker which was pushing Kim out the door.

She heard Kim come out of the bedroom and didn’t look at her. The air was thick between them. Trini just wanted Kim to go already. She couldn’t take it. Then, she felt Kim climb onto the couch behind her. Kim’s arm went around Trini and pulled her back against her chest. Trini wanted to pull away. She was sad and angry about Kim leaving. But Kim hadn’t held her in so long. Trini leaned back into Kim. Kim kissed her neck.

“I love you,” Kim whispered. “I’ll be back.”

“Don’t,” Trini begged.

“Ssh,” Kim hushed. She curled into Trini. Trini couldn’t fight it anymore. She stayed silent and sniffed, her face itchy from drying tears. She squeezed her eyes shut and just let herself be in the moment. Kim pressed her lips to Trini’s shoulder and held them there. They lay there silently for a long time, Kim just holding Trini, until eventually, Trini fell into a deep sleep.

[misskriemhilds]

wip

[littleragondin]

✨💛🐰🍪🌼🦋🧡🐸🌿 (you could say i'm curious or you could say i'm nosy and you'd be correct 😄)

Oh you spoil me!! Also as someone who is terminally curious, always delighted to meet a fellow Nosey Person ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

✨Do you have any nicknames? 

Well originally my username is an irl nickname. Other than that, not really (not since high school). My name doesn’t lend itself to much shortening (or they are really super fucking ugly and I refuse to let people call me that lol).

💛Do you have any piercings?

Just a second hole in both earlobes!

🐰What do you think says the most about a person?

I answered before but I will add: how people behave with kids. Like them or not, that's not what I mean, but if you're purposely an asshole with kids? eesshhhh tells me a lot about you.

🍪If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

Here's one I truly had to think about lol but I'd probably be a Madeleine. It's a typically French cookie, it's soft and round, it usually has a light citrusy flavor and like. It comes from where my dad's from so ^^

🌼What’s the last thing you said out loud?

"let him fuck off to Japan" (maybe I'm a little glad my boss is gonna be away for two weeks ok ok ok)

🦋Describe yourself in three words.

Oof that’s a difficult one. Maybe tall, dramatic, funny?

🧡A color you can’t stand?

The Pantone 104/111/118/125/132 diagonal. Those brownish greenish yellowish shades just make me cringe. 

🐸Describe your aesthetic.

I think "30-something nerd who got stuck in their college student phase" encompasses the most of it for like, my fashion aesthetic. My place is more like "a color blind, cartoon obsessed nerd threw up all over that book/stationnery shop!! - also put on some fairy lights I guess"

🌿Describe your favorite outfit. 

Skinny jeans, black shirt, glittery black Doc Martens, my red jacket with the huge, baseball bat carrying wolf on the back of it!

[littleragondin]

@benkaaoi

[backstagecurtain]

source

[5ivebyfive]

[misskriemhilds]

another sketch

[5ivebyfive]

LET KIMBERLY SAY BITCH

Naomi Scott about her favourite line that got cut out of the movie (x)

[littleragondin]

For the ask game! 🙃💜📷 :D!

Benka! ♡ thank you for asking (*¯ ³¯*)♡

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know? 

Somehow my mind draws a blank (when I know for a fact it stores far too many weird stuff) so I will go with a weird fact related to my field of study! When hearing two sounds simultaneously under very specific conditions, your ear will produce a sound back. That’s because the cells in your cochlea that are responsible for detecting sound vibrations are also vibrating themselves (look at that video of a "dancing" hair cell!). That “ear-produced” sound is used in hearing tests because not only can it give you info on the person's hearing abilities, it is also specific to those cochlear cells - so it also gives you info on where the problem might be happening. 

💜 I can’t find this one in the list I’m sorry! So uh I went with what looks the closest in the emoji list? 💙Relationship status?

I'm single. And for the other -ships, working on keeping it up across oceans mostly and despite the saboteur brain! ♡

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen? 

After a long run with dragon!Mangkorn (I’ve had them for months), I have succumbed to the ‘To Sir, with love’ brainrot so now I have JamFilm's MV poster >

[tomatoart]

when ur circle small but yall crazy

[backstagecurtain]

meta gobelin blouses (1/2/3)

[5ivebyfive]

"Idiots to lovers" works best when the idiots in question are extremely intelligent

[5ivebyfive]

[misskriemhilds]

quick sketch while i try to survive finals

[littleragondin]

🎧🌼👖🦖!!

Ohoho thank you so much!! (⌒▽⌒)☆

🎧 Headphones or earbuds? 

I have both for technical reasons (battery life and a forgetful mind), but headphones. I don’t like spending much time in complete silence (but also can’t impose my music taste to everyone in the lab lol) so I need something I can wear for hours on end without it hurting the shell of my ears - which earbuds do consistently after a few hours- so headphones it is for me. 

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud? 

At the time of writing this… “Ah mais non mais fuck merde là, not shīfu!” - tonight’s episode has been a little rougher than I hoped lol and while I was a little prepared for the sad part at the beginning I was NOT prepared for the shīfu induced sadness later on.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants? 

I know it’s not gonna get me the favors of the crowd but jeans, all the way, no hesitation. I, and I know it’s gonna sound not at all like I want it to, appreciate having my legs a little restrained in my day to day activities. And sweatpants fabric just doesn’t do the trick for me on that front. Keep that soft flowy thing for bedtime thank you very much. 

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

I answered once already but extinct animals are so cool so I’ll give you my all time favorite dinosaur: ☆*:.｡.o The Triceratops my Beloved o.｡.:*☆