#Puzzles of the Paladin

[gamesatwork]

e458 — Generative Podcast

AI thought experiment on replacing all music with Taylor Swift covers, AI software engineers, engaging talks at Monkigras & NASA’s game “The Lost Universe”

Photo by Eric Nopanen on Unsplash Published 18 March 2024 Michael M and Andy get together to talk tech while missing Michael R – focusing on AI thought experiments, engaging talks at Monkigras and NASA’s tabletop game “The Lost Universe”. Starting off with an article from NewScientist, Andy and Michael M engage in the thought experiment of whether an AI could replace all music (ALL music) with…

[chibishortdeath]

I was playing Undertale a while back, but also Funger at around the same time, so uh, something happened 💀💀💀

Younger Undertale fans who may see this post! Be warned! Funger is not for kids! Don’t go looking it up!!! There’s nothing inherently adult in this post, but the game is very inherently adult and graphic horror!!!

[natjennie]

IN FACT I'D LIKE SOME EXAMPLES OF ANY TIME CURIOSITY HAS HELPED THIS FAMILY! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1- LET'S SOLVE THE PUZZLE! AND LEAVE FOREVER!

[geekwithajeep]

think this is what it felt like when they finally cracked the rosetta stone?

[whoisnotmyname]

had to downgrade a bit for a one shot this weekend

[3gremlins]

i foolishly started another playthrough of bg3 in the early access even tho the game comes out for realskies in like a week or so and i'll have get to make more characters/new pts anyway.

trying to make myself not be a pretty wood elf/half elf druid so rolled drow paladin (i'm def going to play a druid first once it's out for real tho b/c talk to animals is my favorite larian studios skill and i'm so sad without it. i just want to talk to all the animals and also wild shape!) and it's actually been pretty fun to just be tanky and whack things.

npcs are super rude to drow tho, it's real da elf and skyrim khajit/dunmer flashback hours (i don't love it? the fantasy race racism stand-in in rpg games always feels not terribly thoughtful? i realize it's b/c the source material has it but still idk there's got to be a better way and wotc/dnd is historically still not great at it)

i keep attempting to play a different type of character (i usually start to swing chaotic good no matter where i start lol), but it's difficult and also it's real hard not to flirt with astarion even if he disapproves of my kinda do-gooder paladin atm lol (i think b/c a character disproves sometimes my contrary nature takes the better of me b/c i'm like oh no but i want *them* to like me even tho everyone else approves or maybe b/c everyone else approves XD i've already romanced him & shadowheart tho, gotta try someone else's arc or proto arc as it were lol. BUT FLIRT WITH HOT KINDA STANDOFFISH ELF!!! i am weak T.T)

still wish you could set up the "what do you desire" character to be genderfluid and appear as both masc/femme forms. like my characters are all bi/pan! they're attracted to lots of people- idk if they've said anything about this? i haven't been watching *too* many dev videos b/c i don't want to spoil myself too much but i did some searching to see if it was mentioned anywhere yet and couldn't find anything (i did see that they'll have more body types for your tav at least in the final which is another small thing i dislike about the early access cc- even tho you can pick non binary as an id, you're still stuck w/ very binary body choices)

[spotlightstudios]

Magma from last night w/ @neonsix67 !!!

I drew a bunch of my bg3 Tav, Ormand. (He's a handful. I thank Neon for letting me be a menace with this man on her team.) Some dca content (Sun, Being!Eclipse, and Fool from gitm). And then some oc stuff with N-8 (Nate) my beloved son, the computer program.)

Neon drew her pumpkin-head spooky season oc, Eyefil (beloved batdr oc♡) and Moon! Along with the lil Iris and Light's in the edges w/ commentary hehe~)

[ridiasfangirlings]

I kinda love the idea of the S4 alphabet squad playing D&D or something like it with Munakata as their GM. Fushimi being forced to play but then getting really into it is also cute to me!

Imagine this starts as just the alphabet squad and then Munakata finds out and Fushimi just gets dragged in against his will because Munakata doesn't want him to feel left out. Like I can totally see Enomoto being something of a fan of role playing games and maybe he and Fuse convince Hidaka and Gotou to come have a game night with them. They end up having a good time, Doumyouji finds out and quickly joins up. After a few more sessions he brings Kamo along (someone needs to make the snacks) and eventually even Akiyama and Benzai get pulled into it. With the whole group it's too crowded in Enomoto's room so they have to find a new space, deciding to just set up their next game on like a weekend in the common area. They know it's risky, there's the chance that a certain person might catch them, but they think it's worth a try – and then of course Munakata somehow senses people are bonding without him and shows up wondering what fascinating game they are playing.

Enomoto hesitantly explains the whole thing to Munakata, who listens intently and asks many pertinent questions and it's actually weirding Enomoto out a little because he's probably used to people tuning him out when he talks about his hobbies. Imagine Munakata not so much asking to join as hinting very obviously that he would like to be invited and finally Enomoto can't handle this anymore and asks if Munakata wants to try a game. The good side is they quickly figure out that Munakata's favorite role is being GM which as it happens the squad had been trading off because none of them really wanted to do it. He does a decent job for a newbie and the squad breathe a sigh of relief, until Munakata happily notes he will be seeing them next week to play again.

A week later they're all summoned to the common room and there's Munakata with a very grumpy Fushimi at his side, ready to start a new game. Imagine Munakata's so excited too, he spent all week refining his scenario. Fushimi clicks his tongue and grumbles about being dragged into this, like why does he have to participate in this at all. Munakata thinks this will be a splendid bonding experience and he wanted Fushimi-kun to enjoy it too, Fushimi is absolutely not planning to enjoy anything thanks. Enomoto gets to help Fushimi make a character sheet and Fushimi lets him do half the work because Fushimi isn't intending to play seriously at all. The squad all brace themselves, certain that Captain's scenario is going to be super complex and this is going to be a miserable experience.

Except as it turns out Munakata is a great GM, his scenario is clever and he keeps the game moving and soon the squad are actually having a great time. Fushimi of course keeps trying to do as little as possible but imagine he starts to get drawn into it, I imagine him going from half-assing everything to being unexpectedly transfixed by it. The squad can tell even Fushimi's enjoying himself and imagine them all smiling a little at each other, I bet Akiyama and Hidaka in particular are happy that Fushimi is finally enjoying doing something with all of them. After this the games become a regular thing and Munakata is just so pleased, like at last they are all bonding in the manner of his dreams.

[impossible-rat-babies]

me wanting to put paladin as eyrie canon but only the specific kind of paladin I want to make up because I want to flesh out Lore

[dndtreasury]

Puzzle Ring of Vitality, Life, & Power

[dante-and-dragons]

I think TMA is bleeding into some of my D&D worldlore. Some of my gods are more like... people who have committed themselves so much to a concept/ideal (eg. luck, ambition, family) that they became the gods of those things. And then some of them are just... the raw, unfiltered/unworshiped ideals themselves.

For instance, there isn't really a god of war, but there is just straight up War, an entity, or the essence of war itself, which... exists.

I guess to some extent, the more concrete/person-shaped gods could be taken as avatars of the more essential forces/ideals.

I'm still not sure exactly how I want to do my pantheon, to be honest. I have a few gods developed, and some have names and take on physical forms, but others are... thereish.

[esperproject]

Esper wields the new D7 Hammer

[yourplayersaidwhat]

*After two hours into a "combat" encounter deep in a dungeon*

Elf Rogue: Agh, my health! I'm 3 points away from death!

Orc Fighter: My weapons are broken! My armor's been torn! Cleric, I need you!

Human Cleric: I've no more spells! I had to reattach my foot after that last fireball, thank you wizard!

Goblin Wizard: Hey, I was trying to finish the fight! Not my fault this thing is so strong!

Teifling Bard: *Is unconscious*

Dragonborn Paladin: Here Bard, my last point of Lay on Hands. Ugh, I'm out of spells as well.

Genesi Sorcerer: Foul Demon! You have broken us down, and you have bested us! Tell us, what are you, and what do you want?

Statue, that hasn't thrown one attack: Hello, I am your friendly dungeon helper. I am to either give you a hint on the next rooms puzzle, or summon a trolley to take you back to the entrance safely. Which would you ask of me?

Orc Fighter: ... Trolley?

Genesi Sorcerer: Trolley.

DM: Wise choice.

[nysscientia]

today I am thinking about how wonderful it is that Wyll Ravengard is unquestionably Good but he also has flawed judgment

like, there are several little moments throughout the game where you can earn his approval by doing things that have consequences he would NOT want

(minor Act I spoilers) he approves when you defend Auntie Ethel from Mayrina's brothers, even though evidence is starting to stack up that she's not what she appears to be. and if you do, it starts a fight with them—with innocents who are just trying to help their sister.

OR (slightly bigger Act I spoilers) he approves if you take revenge on Kagha over Arabella's death, even if you haven't uncovered the Shadow Druid plot. and challenging her openly like that, without first calling into question her authority, causes violence to break out in the Grove—hurting many of the tieflings he's trying to protect.

this is not at all to suggest that he has "bad" judgment, because I don't think he does. it takes precious little for him to realize that Karlach isn't the monster he expected, even with lots of voices telling him that she is (Mizora, the 'Paladins of Tyr') and a perfectly reasonable justification for dismissing her own self-advocacy (devils lie). I actually think he's very discerning in a lot of situations—like his insights into Raphael and Mol. or an even more direct example (Act III spoilers): the hero's tests with Ansur, where he can just tell you the answer to all but the lanceboard puzzle. he knows what he's about! he's been making these calls on his own, in the frontiers, for seven years!

so part of why I love those moments of imperfect judgment is because I think they're an incredible window into his interiority. they come up in moments where his sense of justice has been activated—where he feels a need to protect; to face down a threat. he's a little more hasty, a lot more willing to gamble, when he feels like the safety and wellbeing of someone innocent is on the line.

and I have no reason to believe this is on Wyll's mind in those moments, but it's certainly on mine: how would his life have been different, if 7 years ago there had been someone around willing to make a foolish mistake for the chance to protect someone who might be innocent?

because when Wyll looked at Ulder, no cultists or battlefield in his wake, wrapped up in a devil and offering no explanations—

Ulder used exacting judgment to protect his city, and banish an infernal threat. he made a call that Wyll himself considers utterly reasonable.

but what if he had done something a little stupid, and gambled on his son?

... so. this post is a love letter to Wyll being the hero that he himself needed, and all the complicated ways that both hinders and helps him

[give-ginoza-some-bread-and-sleep]

We're literally the only fanbase who is dedicated enough to be so good at solving puzzles that the creators EXPECT us to solve a puzzle in two weeks, but we barely take one (once we got going). All that effort by so many people to get 3.28 minutes of (heavily Dema-censored) lore. I'm so proud to be a clikkie. Stay strong, frens! Paladin Strait is right around the corner.

[vixstarria]

'Erotic misadventures'

Hello, I wrote this for an April Fools challenge, and now it is your problem.

Challenge terms: The challenge is simple - write something spicy that uses the worst possible terms for body parts, sex acts, and so on!

AO3 link

So I've always had this headcanon that Tav and Astarion perform readings of really bad erotica for the group at camp. This is a depiction of one such evening.

All origin characters.

18+, humor, banter. Is this actually smut? I don't know. I hope not.

Content warnings: ...Yes.

Approx. 1,800 words

It was, without a shadow of a doubt, the best piece of fiction they’d ever come across.

Meticulously handwritten in a tidy script, the text filled a sizeable journal. “Her Highness’s Erotic Misadventures” read the title. “Thank you for beta reading, Harpy Quinn”, it said at the bottom of the title page, whatever that meant. 

Despite both of them having a professional interest in lewd literature, neither Astarion nor Tav had ever come across this piece before - they doubted it had ever been published. They doubted it could ever be published, for that matter. However, it must have gone through many hands privately - on flipping through the journal it was discovered that the end contained a multitude of little gushing reviews in other people’s writing.

The author must have been one strange individual, with even weirder friends. How embarrassing.

The gang had called it a day and were gathered around the campfire. Astarion and Tav had been taking turns reading from the manuscript, to their companions’ amusement (and, in Gale’s case, vexation).

Despite being seasoned experts in the genre, Wyll and Shadowheart were visibly perturbed (albeit also intrigued) by the piece. Karlach hung on to every word, and even Lae’zel had stopped tending to her weapons to listen to the strange tale spun by the anonymous author. Volo, whose unwarranted presence continued to be tolerated, although no one could quite pinpoint why, was silent, furiously scribbling notes in his own journal. And as for Gale, well…

“This is deplorable,” said Gale, weary disappointment and disdain in his voice. “The only reason I am still here is because none of you can be trusted with the pot.”

 Astarion ignored him and continued to pace around the fire, reading aloud from the journal.

As the title suggested, the story depicted a series of obscene misfortunes which had befallen a hapless princess and her loyal knight. After several chapters of delving into the princess’s tragic and salacious backstory in (frankly bewildering) detail, the narrative had at last moved forward to a scene in which the princess’s knight came to her rescue after she had been kidnapped and taken away to a cave by a dragon. The knight faced the said dragon (who had then taken a dragonborn form for some reason) and its two harpy henchwomen.

“‘Its weak spot is its bussy’, the princess cried out from the cave,” read Astarion. “What in the hells is a ‘bussy’..?” he asked, lifting his head to seek counsel from his companions. 

Everyone around the fire just shook their heads, equally perplexed. 

“Hmm… Well, it seems our hero doesn’t know that word either...” Astarion continued reading.

“‘Puzzled, the paladin took a shot in the dark, cramming her manhood-’ Wait, what? I could have sworn...” Astarion shuffled through the pages. “…Oh she’s got both sets. How convenient… Anyway. …‘Cramming her manhood into the dragonborn’s meatgrinder’.” Astarion frowned again, sitting down next to Karlach.  

“Is the ‘meatgrinder’ the dragonborn’s mouth, or..?” asked Shadowheart.  

“I… think so? There’s not many contextual clues here, it just says that the ‘meatgrinder swirled around her pork sword, stunning her and nearly making her forsake her oath of propriety’.” 

“Well keep going, we’ll figure it out,” Karlach said, impatiently.

“The two harpies swarmed the stunned paladin. A hand deftly shed the paladin’s breastplate, exposing her pearls, whilst another grabbed her by the neck, clawed fingers shredding the remnants of her clothing, as two hands groped and teased her milkbags. She felt a hand creep up the back of her thigh while another hand pulled on her hair, as another crept to her moistening oyster-” Astarion stopped, with an exasperated sigh. “How many hands do these bloody things have?! I’m losing focus.” 

“And the mention of pearls…” Wyll said, thoughtfully. “It’s peculiar, you would think a pearl would be inside the… never mind”.  

 “Shadowheart, could you and Tav assist us with a visual, perchance,” asked Astarion. “I can’t be the only one who can’t keep track.”

“Perhaps I could also be of assis-” started Wyll.  

“Perhaps you could sit right back down,” Astarion warned with a glower. “I'll step in if needed. Where was I..? Ah yes, the err… the milkbags. So there’s definitely two hands there.”  

Both Tav and Shadowheart giggled as Shadowheart stood to join Tav by the fire and reached around Tav to lightly place her hands over the other woman’s breasts.

“Nice,” said Karlach. 

“The harpy pinched her pearls, and pulled her into a deep, ravishing kiss,” Astarion read, looking up expectantly at Tav and Shadowheart.

“Uh… That is not in the book, soldier,” said Karlach, reading over Astarion’s shoulder.  

“Spoilsport,” muttered Astarion. “I was just trying to set the mood before moving forward - the author’s pace is almost too relentless even for me. But fine.” 

Astarion cleared his throat and continued. 

“Then one of the harpies used her hands to pry open the paladin’s clam.” He looked up again. “Well come on, Shadowheart, pry open Tav’s clam.” 

Shadowheart simply laughed and returned to her spot across the fire. 

“If you’re not sure how - we could show you later tonight, if you like,” Astarion called out after her. 

“I’m sure I could give you some pointers on dealing with clams, Astarion,” retorted Shadowheart. 

“Is that so..?” he purred. “Interesting… What about you, Karlach, are you adept with clams?” 

“You know I haven’t had any clams in a decade, fangs!” Karlach groaned. “But before that… They used to just fling themselves at me, already opened, yeah.” 

“Fascinating. Lae’zel?” 

“There are a number of women who have survived bedding me,” the githyanki responded, deadpan. 

“I am… in equal parts concerned and aroused at the thought,” Astarion mulled over her words. 

“I wish anyone could survive bedding me,” grumbled Karlach. 

“There there, darling…” Astarion reached out to carefully pat her on a horn. “Now we all know Gale doesn’t know the first thing about clams…” 

“I’ll have you know, in my ethereal relations with my goddess, our connection was so profound that not only have I experienced her ‘clam’, I have interconnected with it on such a sublime and intimate level, been woven so deeply into it to myself have become part of the clam.” 

Gale’s outburst failed to have the effect he had desired, as the group struggled to contain themselves, wheezing and huffing for air. 

“Thank you, Gale, I don’t believe I’ll be able to get that image out of my mind anytime soon,” Astarion continued, trying to maintain his composure. “Wyll..? How fare you with prying clams open?” 

“Well…” The warlock began, with a smile. “I find, that the best way to go about it is to allow the clam to open of its own accord, from heat. From it getting sufficiently… steamy, if I may. I would never simply invade one with my blade.” 

Astarion was about to say something but just chortled instead. 

“Wyll, you rapscallion, every time I think I have you figured out-” 

“What happens next with the harpies?” Came an impatient call from Lae’zel. 

“Yes, give me that, you’re taking too long,” said Tav, snatching the journal back from Astarion. She continued to pace around the fire as she recited: 

“The dragonborn stood before the browbeaten paladin, reveling in her anguish. Even had the harpies not had a firm grasp on the paladin and her unmentionables, she would not have known how to approach the dragonborn – the loathsome creature was covered in impenetrable scales. Its mouth sported rows upon rows of sharp teeth – the only reason it allowed the paladin’s mutton machete out unscathed must have been because it had worse yet torments in mind for it.

The creature turned its back on the paladin, to roar tauntingly at the princess somewhere in the cave. 

‘Behold, as I turn your valiant saviour into naught but a pathetic cumdumpster!’

As it turned its back, the paladin glimpsed a narrow, pink orifice beneath its tail.” 

Karlach and Wyll gasped in unison.  

“The bussy!” Lae’zel hissed in a hushed whisper. 

“The paladin drew on the last of her divine power to throw the harpies off, smiting them unconscious, and plunged her hand into the dragonborn’s puckered hole.” 

“I am going to be sick,” moaned Gale. 

“The dragonborn cackled and flexed their beef ring, tightening its grasp on the paladin’s hand. The paladin reeled in horror, as the dragonborn’s poop chute seemed to suck the paladin’s hand further in, like fleshy quicksand, whilst threatening to snap her wrist.”

A tear of anguish slid down Gale’s cheek.

“It cannot be! Was the bussy a trap?!” came an outcry from Lae’zel.

“No! It could not end this way. Her entire life and all her training had been preparing her for this,” Tav read. “What in the hells, really?” she muttered, before continuing. “In that moment, she knew that the only way out - was through. The paladin took a deep breath and PLUNGED her arm deeper into the dragonborn’s vile cavity,” Tav exclaimed, throwing her own fist in the the air, to the sound of Astarion’s uncontrollable giggling and everyone else’s gasps.

“The dragonborn yelped and tried to expel the paladin’s arm from their pulsating dirtbox, to no avail. The paladin was now elbow deep in the mud dungeon. The two continued to wrestle, the paladin’s arm pumping deeper and deeper into the dragonborn’s dank portal.”

“I fear I may need to tap out soon,” warned Wyll.

“Weakling!” Lae’zel and Shadowheart said in unison, before glaring at one another.

No one, including Karlach herself, could tell whether she was laughing or crying.

“At last, the dragonborn seemed to accept its fate, quivering and taking the paladin’s arm nearly shoulder-deep. The creature grunted and groaned, before stilling, only to unleash an earth-shaking roar, finally forcefully expunging the paladin’s arm in a spray of gooey, milky spunk, as it collapsed on the ground, convulsing, clearly too incapacitated to be of any further threat.”

“Supper is ready,” wept Gale. 

“Shall I take over while you eat?” Astarion asked, to Gale’s immediate renewed protestation.

“That’s alright, I think we should take some mercy on Gale and pause here for the day,” said Tav. “Although let me peek ahead, perhaps it’s tame enough.” She took the journal and flipped forward a few pages. “Oh my…” came a surprised murmur from Tav. “You’ll never guess what happens to the princess and her knight… This may be a problem if we want to continue to visualise this masterpiece properly.” 

“Oh? Dare I ask..?” Astarion was giddy with anticipation. 

“Well… There are now… Five… Six… No, seven! Seven dwarves, who have appeared in the cave.” 

“Goodness gracious,” lamented Astarion. “We will never keep track of all the body parts… Perhaps if Withers steps in to help..? Would you prefer to be the princess or the knight, darling? You can choose, I’ll take the other role.” 

“I am going to use that journal for kindling tomorrow,” said Gale. 

“NO!” came a collective shout from the rest of the group. 

~~~~~

Sorry about the psychic damage, come check out my other work if you dare.

~~~~~

Tagging the usual plus some people who I think might also be doing / were interested in this:

@littleenglishfangirl @something-pithy @darlingxdragon @tallymonster @tragedybunny @spunky-89 @acourtofpenandpaper @yoonshope @lariatbunny @whiskeyskin @spacebarbarianweird @brabblesblog @littlejuicebox @icybluepenguin @snowfolly @pursuitseternal @comatosebunny09 @kittenintheden @bardic-inspo @tavyliasin