#Practical help

[lazyscience]

Here’s another thing. If the immediate food need is covered, save those flowers, cards, and plans to provide food or take them out for some other random time during that first year. Everyone is there for the initial shock and bustle of the wake, the funeral, that stuff. But that isn’t the only time that’s going to feel very weird and hard and sad for the people who lost someone.

Grief and loss sneak up on you in unexpected ways. You find something months later that the person who’s gone meant to fix or return and didn’t, and it underlines that empty spot. An author you both loved releases a new book or a band a new album  and you can’t wait to tell them - and then realize you can’t. All those little things that make up the day to day of a relationship - gone. All those little hurts are still happening. But we don’t do Victorian mourning any more, shit is supposed to be OK and people go on like nothing happened as soon as you get back from the graveyard or scatter the ashes or what have you.  And you feel broken and angry and empty and wrong.

Those are the times when someone sending a card or calling makes the biggest difference. “Hey, I saw a new sushi place today and it made me think of X. Let’s go sometime.” lets the bereaved person know they’re not the only one who still misses their person and the little things they did together.  A box turning up on the doorstep with a big furry blanket and a bunch of tea (or whatever it is they like when they’re sad or sick) and a “You’re taking care of yourself and taking time to not be ok if you’re not, right? You would tell me, right?” note to show you don’t think it’s unreasonable they’re still hurting. Flowers “no reason, just thought about you” or if they’re not flower people cookies or Legos or some other frivolous happy treat, remind them they’re not alone.

hey since i’m occasionally giving out adult advice. anyone wanna know my very adult and very boring and very sensible suggestion for grief gifts for friends and family when someone close to them dies

[rachel-sylvan-author]

"Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion" by Gregory Boyle

Thank you @pagespawsandgauze for the rec! ❤️

[deremerstudios]

...BUT IS IT BEST?

How can asking the right question equip us, by God’s grace and through the Spirit’s power, to live a radical Christ-centered life? In this article, we explore what it means to live our lives by asking the question, Is it best?

How can asking the right question equip us, by God’s grace and through the Spirit’s power, to live a radical Christ-centered life? Back in the early 2000’s, when I was working at my first real job out of college as a lowly marketing guy, our company’s leadership encouraged us to read and adopt many of the flavor-of-the-day inspirational business books of that era. I learned about Good to Great,…

[albanenechi]

Drawing bases & pose references pt 50 ✨

3 extra 'mobility aid' poses for patrons!

[science-bastard]

y’know what? FUCK you. i’m putting your ass in the control group. *injects you with boring saline instead of the fun and exciting glowing green goo i originally had planned*

[writers-potion]

how do you write a liar?

How to Write Liars Believably

Language

The motive of every goal is the make the lie seem plausible while taking blame off the speaker, so liars will often project what they say to a third party: "Katie said that..."

Referring to third parties as "they" rather than he or she

In the case of a deliberate lie prepped beforehand, there will be an overuse of specific names (rather than pronouns) as the speaker tries to get the details right.

Overuse of non-committal words like "something may have happened"

Masking or obscuring facts like "to the best of my knowledge" and “it is extremely unlikely," etc.

Avoiding answers to specific, pressing questions

Voice

There's isn't a set tone/speed/style of speaking, but your character's speech patten will differ from his normal one.

People tend to speak faster when they're nervous and are not used to lying.

Body Language

Covering their mouth

Constantly touching their nose

fidgeting, squirming or breaking eye contact

turning away, blinking faster, or clutching a comfort object like a cushion as they speak

nostril flaring, rapid shallow breathing or slow deep breaths, lip biting, contracting, sitting on your hands, or drumming your fingers. 

Highly-trained liars have mastered the art of compensation by freezing their bodies and looking at you straight in the eye.

Trained liars can also be experts in the art of looking relaxed. They sit back, put their feet up on the table and hands behind their head.

For deliberate lies, the character may even carefully control his body language, as though his is actually putting on a show

The Four Types of Liars

Deceitful: those who lie to others about facts

2. Delusional: those who lie to themselves about facts

3. Duplicitious: those who lie to others about their values

Lying about values can be even more corrosive to relationships than lying about facts. 

4. Demoralized: those who lie to themselves about their values

Additional Notes

Genuine smiles or laughs are hard to fake

Exaggerations of words (that would normally not be emphasized) or exaggerated body language

Many savvy detectives ask suspects to tell the story in reverse or non-linear fashion to expose a lie. They often ask unexpected, or seemingly irrelevant questions to throw suspects off track. 

[hinamie]

sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/

[mail-me-a-snail]

couldnt decide which freak to give blu spy this time around so i drew all of his strange and offputting cross-faction loves ^_^ !!!!

based off the original pic under the cut !!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[kanarii-91]

silly critter doodle page

[oobbbear]

Did a small practice :]🌟

[foxstens]

andrew handpicks robin for the foxes and robin becomes the last official member of the monsters and andrew gives robin his bed and robin sits with andrew and neil on the couch and andrew gives robin his knives and nicky leaves robin a key to the columbia house and robin becomes neil's best friend in neil's fifth year and wymack makes robin vice-captain then captain

[deremerstudios]

A MODEST PROPOSAL

Wading into controversy... What is the nature of Biblical modesty, what is it not, and how do we apply objective commands to subjective convictions in a way that loves others and glorifies God?

What is the nature of Biblical modesty, what is it not, and how do we apply objective commands to subjective convictions in a way that loves others and glorifies God? Note: This post discusses human sexuality, and while nothing explicit is mentioned, it addresses sexual sin in general, and is probably not suitable for younger audiences.  Full disclosure – my standards of modesty are not…

[albanenechi]

drawing bases #18

stimming refs✨✨✨

[ichiro-artosaki]

ty to @/cronchy-baguette for this lae outfit des btw lil bonus w/ shads under the cut

no back talk from lae cuz shart is right