#Poor Ralphie

[ask-lotf-jack]

Post-canon on island? Hnnn what happened to Ralph after that hunting? 👀

Ralph - I stay in an area outside of the main camp. I’m considered a threat.

[msboutofcontext]

[lieutenantbiscute]

Things are getting wild for the elder Hamato and younger Hamato!! Leo finds out he’s one of 2(?) living future variants of himself, Ralphie causes a nose bleed, Leon has a possible new brother, Danny hates loud crowds rn, and Chompy and Michael as having fun!!@tmntaucompetition

Tm(n)t belongs to @nerves-nebula

Ghost in the Shell belongs to @bluepeachstudios

Mutant-Chompy belongs to @probably-not-a-rutabaga

Where Did the Years Go belongs to @iamheretemporarly

[artbybai]

H-Haiai?!

[carriagelamp]

A few days late, but I'm lazy...

My favourite books that I read during 2023!

I got really lucky this year, I read some ridiculously good books, to the point that I had a really hard time narrowing them down. And I cheated on a few and bunched them up so I wouldn't have to choose 🙃

I did more detailed assessments of the books in my month reviews, but for anyone that's interested in something I read, here's a quick description:

Annie: An Old-Fashioned Story by Thomas Meehan -- A novelization of the Little Orphan Annie story, close related to the film musical including references to the songs. A charming read that captures the enjoyment of the film but adds a lot more details into the struggles and hardships Annie would have gone through during life on her own in the Depression.

Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild -- Three girls from a poor family in London end up being welcomed to a ballet academy where they have the opportunity to learn not only how to dance, but to begin attending performances that let them earn money for their family. Follows the heart warming adventures of sisters with a nice balance of financial hardship and obligations during the Depression.

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle -- A possession horror based around religious trauma and sexual identity. Fantastic prose and genuinely chilling at points without ever feeling hopeless. Here the demons that start stalking people in this God-fearing Montana town are both metaphorical and literal.

A Christmas Story by Jean Shepherd -- A collection of radio stories that follow the childhood misadventures of Ralphie; these stories would go to make up the classic film A Christmas Story, and Shepherd's hilarious, clever prose makes it a very fun read whether you know the film or not.

Doctor Who: Scratchman by Tom Baker -- I actually read a number of pretty good Doctor Who novels this year (13 Doctors 13 Stories, Time Lord Fairytales, Silhouette) and even a Torchwood one (Skypoint) but Scratchman was probably my favourite of the lot. The Fourth Doctor, Sarah, and Harry find themselvese in a horror adventures as they try to defend a host of villagers against an invading force of evil, skeletal scarecrows that are attempting to infect the humans around them.

Dogsbody by Diana Wynne Jones -- The star Sirius is accused of killing another luminary and losing a powerful instrument called a Zoi. His sentence for this crime is to be stripped of his powers and cast down to earth, to spend one lifetime living in a humble, mortal form - that of a true dog. If he can survive and find the Zoi within that lifetime, he will be welcomed back to the cosmos.

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire -- A novella that explores the rehabilitation of children who had been chosen, who found a doorway and stepped into another, strange world. Adventures done, they now need to acclimatize themselves to living in the rigid confines of the real world.

Grandpa's Great Escape by David Walliams -- A hilarious and surprisingly heart-warming story about a boy and his grandfather who was a flying ace during the war. With his mind beginning to fail him, the grandfather is sent to live at a sinister and definitely evil old folks' home. Only Jack can save him.

Hazel's Shadow by Nicole MacCarron -- Hazel has always been plagued by strange visions - the ability to see and speak to ghosts, as well as the knowledge of a strange, nameless horror living in her grandmother's house. Things come to a head though, when a sudden, zombie-like illness explodes through her town leaving only a few left alive, too many ghosts to count, enemies at every turn, and the shadow waiting for them.

Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree -- (as well as it's sequel that came out later in the year, Bookshops & Bonedust). This was such a pleasant, low-stakes, domestic fantasy about Viv, an orcish ex-mercenary who has decided she's tired of fighting and would rather settle down and open a coffeeshop. One of the sticking points being, of course, that no one knows what coffee is.

Love Beyond Body, Space & Time by assorted authors, anthology -- An Indigenous queer sci-fi anthology with a really excellent collection of stories, including an author I already knew and loved! The stories explore a wide range of gender, sexuality, magic, machines, and ways of being, I highly recommend picking it up!

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske -- Robin, a young baronet, thought he was being shunted into the most out of the way and miserable public servant position imaginable. He expected things to be tedious but necessary. He did not expect to suddenly learn that magic is real and to be tangled in its machinations in a potentially lethal way.

(MDZS) Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu -- Rejoice, because the feared Yiling Patriarch, the necromancer terror who slaughtered thousands, is dead! And has been dead the past decade. And is now very, very confused to wake up in a new body that isn't his, in a room he's never seen before, and to be thrust into the middle of a murder mystery where everyone would want him dead if they were to learn his real identity.

Moominland Midwinter by Tove Jansson -- Moomins hibernate through the winter, that's how it has always been for them. So when young Moomintroll wakes and finds the rest of his family still fast asleep, he's left feeling lost and isolated in this new, strange, snow covered world beyond his door.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers -- (and its sequel A Prayer for the Crown-Shy) A very gentle, compassionate sci-fi novel that explores a world humans have created post-climate-crisis. Life is different, the past distant, and a young tea monk never expected to run into an actual robot, who had so long ago left humanity to live their own secluded life in the wilds. Now they're both struggling to answer the question "What do humans need?"

The Radium Girls by Kate Moore -- (and Kate Moore's other book The Woman They Could Not Silence) The Radium Girls is a narrative non-fiction book that looks at the lives of the girls who were paid to paint luminous watch dials using radium paint. It explores the horror, exploitation, and suffering that came from work place negligence and the world's gradual learning about what exactly radium can do.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston -- Presidential son and British prince are forced together for the sake of publicity - to prove that they don't actual hate each other and aren't going to cause a diplomatic incident. They cause a whole new and exciting diplomatic incident by falling in love! Do not read this for the politics, but it did end up being way way better than I expected, this author creates quite compelling characters.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett -- Sour, spoiled, and ill Mary is sent to live with her distant uncle on the Yorkshire moors. Set to be as contrary and unhappy as possible, little by little Mary begins to come out of her shell as she experiences nature, play, and love for perhaps the first time in her life.

System Collapse by Martha Wells -- Newest Murderbot book!! Murderbot, ART's crew, and the humans from Preservation are doing their best to defend the colonists on a plant that's cursed with a strange, alien plague from being consumed by the more immediate threat of corporate slavery. Something, however, seems to be wrong with Murderbot and its worried that if it can't fix the problem soon, it may cost its humans their lives.

(TGCF) Heaven Official's Blessing by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu -- Xie Lian is a god. Was a good. He has ascended to godhood twice, and been banished back to earth twice. Once a favour among the gods, he is now a laughing stock, a scrap-collecting god who has been forgotten by almost everyone. So it is with some shock and exasperation to all involved when he ascends for a third time.

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone -- A ridiculous poetic novella written through improbable letters that are written between two time travels on opposites sides of a time war. Seriously, this is probably the most beautiful book I read this year, go read it, the hype is justified.

Wave Me Goodbye by Jacqueline Wilson -- As World War Two rages, Shirley, like many children of the time, is sent from her home in London to be housed by a foster family in the country in order to avoid the Blitz. Put up with two boys in the strange, mostly empty Red House, Shirley has to find a new life for herself out in the country.

When The Angels Left The Old Country by Sacha Lamb -- Uriel the angel and Little Ash the demon find themselves drawn from their usual lives when a young girl from their shtetl goes missing after emigrating to America. Both with their own reasons for wanting to leave the old country, they set off on a sea voyage that will change everything for them.

Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame -- The classic stories of Rat, Mole, and Toad. The story begins when Mole, venturing out of his little burrow, meets Rat and winds up living with him in his little home by the river rather than returning to his own, lonely, little hole. From there they have a variety of domestic adventures over the seasons, most notable being Toad's ill-fated obsession with motor cars.

[imanopossum]

my henry headcanons 🗣️ don’t be surprised if i update and edit this post as i come up with more so feel free to check back in every so often!!

-autism 🔥🔥🔥this one’s fairly obvious and widely agreed upon though even my MOM said he was autistic 😭😭😭

-his favorite art medium is charcoals

-if he was in band he would play oboe, and piano in front ensemble during marching season. i’m a band kid and i say so. oboes are all gifted kids but you can’t march oboe on the field and let’s be honest henry would not survive summer band practices unless he was in front ensemble who dont have to march

-epilepsy, specifically a subtype called psychogenic nonepileptic seizures or PNES. this subtype is seizures that are caused by psychological distress or ptsd. fairly self explanatory

-asthma, this one just feels right i have no evidence but i feel it in my balls

-he loves ovaltine. evidence: captain midnight sponsored ovaltine in commercials, think ralphie and his annie cipher in a christmas story, also bc he had captain midnight ciphers

-he would always win at hide and seek with alice, he is thin and lanky and would have no issue hiding in some tight little spot where alice wouldn’t find him

-former gifted kid (relatable), shadow brenner in the vr game and louis himself said henry is “too smart for his own good”. his strongest subjects are biology math and literature

-he subconsciously habitually rubs at the scar on his hand. (ahaha i do that. i’m totally not projecting guys)

-picky eater, virginia does not gaf and continues to cook stuff she knows he doesn’t like

-he’s actually an animal lover bc he clearly loved the puppy he got for his seventh birthday and he was petting claudia’s cat before the mind flayer made him kill it and was so sad when he accidentally killed the rat that he actually hugged brenner like what bro was that desperate for comfort he hugged his abuser (stockholm syndrome.)

-besides captain midnight his favorite superhero would obviously be spider-man

-he’s a pisces (emotionally intuitive, sensitive, artistic, intelligent) tbh a fall or winter birthday feels more right for him and february seems pretty fitting CHAT I NEED THEM TO TELL US WHAT HIS BIRTHDAY IS I MUST KNOW I DONT EVEN CARE IF IM WRONG I JUST NEED TO KNOW

-he’d listen to hozier, melanie martinez (anyone ever notice crybaby and henry align almost exactly. abusive home-> trapped in a facility-> dying?/transformed into something nonhuman), ethel cain, pink floyd, poor mans poison

-he would get a coverup spider tattoo over the 001

[msfbgraves]

Even TIG can’t get over Daniel. Every time there is an interview, he manages to bring up Daniel somehow. He doesn’t care about Kreese (hilariously Marty himself thinks super poorly of Terry haha). Marty is so pro Johnny, and TIG is Daniel’s number one fan. The writers just Don’t Get It. The Senseis adore their respective students.

I think we would have gotten something entirely different had TIG been allowed to write Terry and Daniel’s story. What a pity.

I think that Marty being pro Johnny is adorable, and as it should be, and both Marty and Billy understand those two characters better than the Trio. I have no issue with that. And I also feel that Marty, if the rumors that he didn't want TIG returning are true, knew that Terry Silver would take over the show. The Trio can't contain him and that is not what they thought would happen. They were desperate to have him back. So he came and took over the whole entire show. Da Eun whomst? Kreese - why? Johnny who? And kudos to Marty who played season 4 really well but he's no match as Kreese for the real Terry over the one who is in his head.

As for Terry and the Trio - I think they've soured towards him because they can't control him. We first saw that with the weird animosity they wrote for Da Eun against him. Dafuq's that about? It's not like she's that awesome a tutor. But I don't think all the writers hate him.

The Trio can't stand him because I feel that Thomas was heavily involved in shaping Terry. He's a writer with decades of experience and he's married to one. There is no way he wasn't because his Terry and Twig have nothing in common, and yet the transition from movie to series was one of the most flawless I've seen. So it's not the Trio's writing alone that makes this good and it's not the acting either because Ralph had to fight for a whole series to get to play Daniel LaRusso, instead of their disdainful version of him. Billy had less to fall back on, poor man. And yet. Terry in S4? Ponytail scene, there he is! I also feel that a lot of the staff writers have been binging some Silverusso fic. Every trope is right there.

Now the Trio doesn't like him anymore so they are probably going to give Kreese some bullshit victory over him. And I'm really curious as to how that is gonna read. But probably not before he is going to torment his Danny boi a little more so Thomas is game. Hell, I think even Ralph is very much game. And some of the writing team too. TIG meanwhile lights up at the very mention of Ralphie and Ralph is still in awe. I mean Billy, Billy is his bestest buddy and hottest babygirl - these two adore each other - but Thomas is still so tall 😍 so intimidating 🥰 such control 😚 so careful😏 he almost hit me 🤪 but not really ☺️💕💋

[sundove88]

The Princess and The Frog Pokemon (The Princess and The Frog Parody) Casting

Hardworking and ambitious, Nessa dreams of one day opening the finest restaurant in New Orleans. Her dream takes a slight detour when she meets Prince Raihan, who has been turned into a Frogadier by evil Dimentio. Mistaking her for a princess and hoping to break the spell, Raihan plants a kiss on poor Nessa -- thereby turning her into a Politoed as well. The pair hop along on an adventure through the bayou to seek the help of Zecora, a powerful zebra voodoo priestess.

Nessa as Tiana (Pokemon)

Politoed as Frog!Tiana (Pokemon)

Raihan as Naveen (Pokemon)

Frogadier as Frog!Naveen (Pokemon)

Kaguya Houraisan as Charlotte LaBouff (TouHou)

AZ as James/Tiana’s Dad (Pokemon)

Jotaro Kujo as Eli LaBouff/Big Daddy (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Jolyne Kujo as Herself/Charlotte’s Sister (JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure)

Erin Yagokoro as Herself/Charlotte’s Caretaker (TouHou)

Ryme as Eudora/Tiana’s Mom (Pokemon)

Dimentio as Dr. Facilier (Super Paper Mario)

Affogato Cookie as Himself/Dr. Facilier’s Assistant (Cookie Run)

Chairman Rose as Lawrence (Pokemon)

Zecora as Mama Odie (My Little Pony)

Volbeat as Ray (Pokemon)

Feraligatr as Louis (Pokemon)

Serperior as Juju (Pokemon)

ChocoPearl Cookie (OC) as The Queen of Maldonia (Cookie Run)

Dark Cacao Cookie as The King of Maldonia (Cookie Run)

Chess Choco Cookies as Prince Ralphie (Cookie Run)

Dark Choco Cookie as Himself/Naveen’s Older Brother (Cookie Run)

King Hippo as Buford (Punch Out)

Various Pokémon as the Bayou Residents

Various Characters as The Citizens of New Orleans

Here’s your hint to the next casting (It’s Blue Sky):

🍃🌲🪷

[wrecking-sequels]

[Wreck-It Star]

"Nine feet tall, weighs 643 pounds, with freakishly huge hands and spiky hair, saved the whole arcade once.. That Ralph?" The president of Sugar Rush sat there, on one of the square trees, dangling her legs like the innocent angel she was supposed to be.

"Yes, that Ralph." Replied the blonde warrior as she rolled her eyes. "Nah, never heard of him." That definitely wasn't an innocent angel. Cammy just raised a brow, clearly not amused, and the candy girl apparently surrendered. "Uff.. Bigfoot's not here, I'm waiting for him myself. Say, whatcya need him for, anyway?" The muscular woman mimicked a few blows in the air, as if a player was controlling her. "I like to train after-hours and Ralph's a great sparring partner, no one can take a hit like he does!"

Vanellope couldn't deny it made sense. "Sooo basically you need a punching bag, I see. Listen, he's surely at Tapper's, I'd follow ya but they're baking pies." She pointed at the building behind them. "Bring him back in one piece, 'kay?" White gave a thumbs up, and in no time she was on the exit cart thanks to one of her epic jumps. It seemed she couldn't stand still for long. "Off to find my target! See you around."

About a minute since the train disappeared into the wire for Game Central Station, Ralph's head popped out the front door of Felix' apartment. "She gone?" Vanellope sneered and glicthed her way down to the grass, hands in her kangaroo pocket as usual. "Yeah yeah, coast is clear, Captain Scaredy Pants. But now you owe me one."

It wasn't until after taking a couple more looks towards the exit of the game, that Wreck-It came out of hiding and focused on his answer. "You wouldn't make fun of me if you had a round with her." True. "Really Ralph? A beast like you is scared of some Street Fighter chick?" Countered Von Schweetz, seriously amused by all this.

"Well DUH, you have no idea what her legs can do!" Man, just the memory had his neck hurt. "Your fault, you shouldn't have-" He didn't even let her finish. "Oh no! No no no! I agreed to block her moves ONCE, and she took the liberty to unleash combos on me ever since!" Poor guy. "Eh, maybe it's Cammy's way to say I like ya big boy." Winked the candy girl, only to see in response a gigantic hand waving dismissively.

"Almost forgot, on my way here I met the folks of Dance Dance Revolution kinda begging for us to join their saturday night party yet again." She then added with a lower enthusiasm. Her interest was lost weeks prior, upon beating all possible scores. "Oh and the hedgehog says he lost the ring you signed him, wants a new one.."

"It's hysterical, maybe I liked it better when everyone avoided me." Chuckled the goliath, even tho of course he didn't mean it, no one would miss days of loneliness and rejection. There, his tiny bff showed a genuine grin. "Quit whinin. You are on top of the world like a true hero, Ralphie. "

She wasn't wrong. A lot had changed for Ralph since that fateful day of near apocalypse, four years earlier. The guy was now quite a renowned personality. He could still remember the thrill down his spine when those same eyes that had passed over him for thirty decades finally gave him a curious glance. "Don't get me wrong, I like the attention, but there's this thing called 'me time', you know?" Celebrity life..

"Ay, enough chit-chat, my dear hobo. Let's go check out that new game they plugged in!" Van interrupted. "Sorry kid, I'm not moving." Oh he didn't just say such a thing in front of her. "What?? You wanna hide from blondie until the end of time?" His answer came quick. "I told you yesterday, some of the guys from bad-anon are coming over."

"Aww come on!! I wanna see what it's like!" Her best buddy simply shrugged before heading to the courtyard where he would set the table for the meeting. "Go for it." The little girl hesitated, but after a heavy snort, she followed good old Stinkbrain. "Is that Satan guy gonna come?" Of course that was her favorite of the bunch. "It's Satèn."

[numba1ma]

omg what kind of animals??? :D puppies? kittens? rabbits? mice?

anything miscellaneous

whats like- the STRANGEST animal Ralphie brought home?

They mostly have dogs at the shelter but one time he brought a little gecko home! I can’t remember what kind but he said they just left the little guy in a tall glass vase! Poor guy…

He did bring over a cat but our little pup wasn’t too much of a fan

[fatherbearfreddy]

Something is wrong, these feelings shouldn't happen.

Could we visit the DJ? I haven't had a chance to speak with him in some time. He may know more about Bonnie.

Hey Freddy

Do you wanna go to El Chip with me

Alright.

[puella-peanut]

First of all Tumblr made me unfollow you somehow? Sorry about that and rectified stat! If you get a follower notification from me...

But what I wanted to ask: are you actively trying to get people into the Cuba and His Teddy Bear fandom? 😂 How have they hurt you, to make them live with that amount of frustration? I am beyond saving at this point but tell me at least it is for the greater good of raising money for a CaHTB related con with Ralphie giving a 5 hour plus interview. Please. Why else make people suffer like that? Or are you trying to speed up time travel so we can be there in 1986 Broadway at the Public Theatre? Yes, alright there is this

but should we inflict that upon the blissfully ignorant?

Ought we not show some mercy? 😉😆 Since the tape has as yet not been granted to us, poor sufferers?

Here's my deep, dark secret: I am always actively trying to recruit people into the Cuba and His Teddy Bear fandom (or lack thereof). You never know if, in doing so, one might come across someone who might catch Ralph Macchio's eye with a Twitter post. Or even be in the process of building a time machine to access those legendary days when this play was preformed. (Perhaps with the hindsight of bringing along a camera to record the play for future, depraved purposes.)

But other than that--why not? It's an important chapter in the book(s) of Macchio studies offered by the tumblr university. The play is a simple thing (until it's not), hardly more than a hundred pages poured from the underbelly of slimy and grimy and incestuous (oops) NYC in the 1980s. It's a slice of life, a tale of poverty and despair. Fathers and sons and the ghosts of wives and lust between them. Drugs and sexual abuse both imagined and acted-upon. As well the soft, deep cuts of mental and physical violence, and a love as sharp as knives and heroin needles.

...Plus, Ralph as darling Teddy looks so very soft and fawnlike and pretty it actually physically hurts to look at him. (But those pictures of him during this era also gave me a face for certain Daniels in Silverusso land, so I consider this a win on multiple levels.)

No, read it. Recruit people. Suffer.

It's worth it.

[piastrinorris]

Do you think there will be a time (maybe in... 3 years) where he adapts a "normal" (our modern) language? Where he doesn't say OH FIDDLESTICK everytime he cums?

okay, in ralphie's defence, he's never CANONICALLY said that in the bedroom 😂😂😂 poor sod can't catch a break lmfao

but yes, eventually (i'd say it starts within the second half of his first year), his stubbornness wears down, his accent starts to dissipate and he starts learning basic slang terms. the gang have a "pro-swear jar", where every time ralph manages to successfully swear in a conversation without begging for the other person's forgiveness, everyone puts money into the jar and they use the money to buy ralph a lil something nice to try and incentivise him into swearing as casually as they do lmao

it's a busy streets and busy lives-themed sleepover night! :)

[melfi4boss1999]

hold on is this kid actually shot? Are they doing a boromir bit???? what the fuck????

I feel so terrible for the boys. poor babies. HOLD ON WHAT IS THE FAMILY TREE HERE ARE THOSE RALPHIES STEPKIDS????

[personal-blog243]

I know that I can be extremely sensitive about certain things, but there are certain scenes in “A Christmas Story” that are hard for me to watch because they portray child abuse, which is hard to watch even though I know it’s considered the “normal” way to treat children.

There is a scene where Ralphie is in trouble for saying “fuck” even though he learned it from his dad. His mom wouldn’t accept that as an answer so Ralphie is forced to blame a friend and the friend’s mom has to be told over the phone. Because apparently mom just won’t accept that the dad swears in front of the kid??? Or doesn’t care and won’t blame the dad for some reason??? You then hear the other kids mom hysterically screeching like a wild fucking BANSHEE and frantically BEATING the ever loving SHIT out of Ralphie’s poor friend over the phone. Also Ralphie has his mouth washed out with toxic soap.

It can be genuinely hard to watch when you are surrounded by republican boomers laughing about their childhood abuse stories and talking about how it’s so much better than the way kids are treated now (even though child abuse is still rampant and absolutely nothing at all has changed in the way kids are treated).

Im not advocating censorship of the film I’m just saying it can be hard to watch in a certain context with people who overtly agree with treating children that way for a non violent non criminal behavior like saying “fuck”

[lieutenantbiscute]

See now I’m thinking of the funny scenario of our poor baby Leon always somehow being around when there’s flirting happening

He is very much not happy about this development and would like it to stop please and thank you (“I even said please and thank you I thought that was supposed to work”-Leon at some point)

He claims very early on that he’s never gonna be like that with any girls ever. Of course everyone just laughs fondly and tells him to wait till he’s older

It’s not until he almost walks face first into a pole looking at a guy that they’re like “ah, he wasn’t kidding”

(Just got off work and reading this is great—!)

‘Oh how the mighty fall’ is what Danny says once Leon tells him about the cute guy he saw, Little Mikey definitely teases Leon about it once he finds out too. Raph and Mona give the best advice they can, though it mainly revolves around ‘fighting to see who the stronger one is’ since his dear old parents met during a fight—

Leon plays it cool when he can and definitely puts on the loud obnoxious ‘cool guy’ act when his crush is around. Though it all falls to shambles when they ACTUALLY start talking. Ralphie is just here for the ride, baby brothers in love?? Good for him!!