#Pitchfork Ben.

[whitesinhistory]

On September 11, 1895, South Carolina officials met to rewrite the state constitution with the express purpose of disenfranchising the state’s African American voters and restoring white supremacy in all matters political. The convention’s most prominent figure was Benjamin Tillman, a senator and former governor nicknamed “Pitchfork Ben." A well-known orator, Tillman spoke at great length during the convention.

"[A]ll that is necessary to bring about chaos," he warned the convention delegates, "is for a sufficient number of white men, actuated by hate, or ambition, or from any unpatriotic motive, to climb up and cut it loose, mobilize and register the negroes, lead them and give them a free vote and fair count under manhood suffrage." He continued:

The poor, ignorant cotton field hand, who never reaped any advantage, nor saw anything except a pistol, blindly followed like sheep wherever their Black and white leaders told them to go, voted unanimously every time for the Republican ticket during that dark period, and these results were achieved solely and wholly by reason of the ballot being in the hands of such cattle. Is the danger gone? No. How did we recover our liberty? By fraud and violence...How did we bring it about? Every white man sunk his personal feelings and ambitions. The white people of the State, illustrating our glorious motto, "Ready with their lives and fortunes." came together as one. By fraud and violence, if you please, we threw it off. In 1878 we had to resort to more fraud and violence, and so again in 1880. Then the Registration Law and eight-box system was evolved from the superior intelligence of the white man to check and control this surging, muddy stream of ignorance...

The delegates followed Tillman's guidance and enacted a constitution that effectively disenfranchised Black residents, with little federal interference, for nearly 70 years. Today, a statue of Tillman stands in front of the South Carolina State House and his name adorns a number of buildings throughout the state—including the main building on the campus of Clemson University.

[cessmaga]

hot take but I'm never really that big of a fan of rook, he's just ok and I never had any hateful grunge towards him

it's also the fact that I'm never really a huge fan of rook and ben's dynamic, idk it's just your typical opposite attract reckless and loud and level headed but they actually like each other type dynamic (maybe I'm just tired of the opposite attract tropes) and that pretty much about it

I actually like solo ben episodes because it shows how he actually interacts with the world and the situation around him without any guidance or a partner surrounding him

tbh I would actually like a solo ben show and maybe having a partner sometimes (I'm not gonna remove rook completely)

[minimitchell]

I think someone who spied the set recently said Mitchell was still on the Arches sign so if it does get sold, its short lived.

i need a more reliable source than the elstree campers for this, anon

[scarletspider2the2ndpower]

“Into the Grave: Part 1,” Scarlet Spider (Vol. 2/2012), #21.

Writers: Christopher Yost and Erik Burnham; Pencilers: Carlo Barberi and David Baldeón; Inkers: Terry Pallot and Victor Olazaba; Colorist: Chris Sotomayor; Letterer: Joe Caramagna

[hwasoup]

Tale As Old As Time

@kit-and-wolfe drew this for me in the server so, now imma use it :') Omg hi guys, Ik its been a while since I last updated but it's mainly bc I'm not ready to say goodbye to this series yet TT there's about 2 chapters left guysss so I hope you guys understand how much I'm edging it. Anywho the chapter is finally here !! I hope you enjoy !!

warnings: fearmongering, manipulation words: 1.8k

ch.6 | next

Chapter 7: The Mob

The days have passed since y/n traveled back to the village

Eddie was simply lounging around nearby Y/N’s home, as per Ben’s instruction from a couple of days ago to alert him if Y/N was home. He was just sitting by a bush minding his own business until he looked up and saw in the distance, a woman riding on a horse as fast as the animal could take her. He squinted a bit and realized it was Y/N. Immediately he got up and ran to where Ben was located, obviously in his tavern. 

Eventually after a bit of running, he manages to catch Ben before he leaves on a hunt. Gasping for air, he holds onto the cuff of his sweater. “She’s…. She’s back…” Ben stops in his tracks and smirks to himself “well then…. it's time to initiate the plan…” On the other hand, back at the humble inventor’s cottage. Y/N swiftly made her way back home and immediately into her father’s room. She looked at him and gasped at how sickly he looked. His eyes looked sunken, and it was clear that he hasn’t exactly been able to take a bite of food in a couple of hours. Y/N quickly walked to his bedside and grabbed the nearest towel and dunked it in some cool water that was in a bucket in the corner of his room. She wrings it out and proceeds to approach him and wipe his face, hoping that his fever would subside a bit. Mauricio’s eyes slightly flutter at the feeling of cool water drying on his face, he looks up groggily and mumbled “Mija?” Y/N’s heart melted, and she whispered “shhh, no te preocupes…I’m home.”

Mauricio took a minute to process her words. His eyes widened when he fully registered that his precious daughter was sitting right before him. He immediately adjusts his posture and tries to sit up to the best of his ability "…. I thought I would never see you again...” Mauricio immediately leans in for a hug. Y/N happily returns it to him and rests her chin on his shoulder “I missed you so much…” Mauricio tightened his hug with his daughter until he remembered a specific detail... “But…but the beast. How…how did you even escape!”

“Papa, I didn’t escape…he let me go..” She says fondly. Mauricio looked at her shocked “what? The Beast did ??” Y/N unknowingly smiles fondly at the thought of the man… “yes…Miguel let me go...” Mauricio raised some eyebrows “MIGU-” he started furiously coughing. Y/N patted his back to help him ease his lungs from all of his coughing. His voice was strained from his coughs, and he cleared his voice a bit. “That…ese monstruo ?”  Y/N immediately shook her head “not a monster…he’s different…he’s quirky, silly, and incredibly gentle..he’s…. he’s changed…” She bites her lip and looks up at her father until she hears a knock on the door. “I’ll be back papa.” She stands up from sitting on the edge of the bed and goes to attend the door. A man stood at the door with a menacing grin “erm…con que te puedo ayudar..” she says hesitantly. “Vine a recoger a tu padre” he says with an eerie voice. “Wait…my papa ??” she says in surprise. Y/N stands there looking at the man with confusion in her eyes, as well as worry as she hopes that her father didn’t do anything to further tarnish the broken reputation he has in the village.

“Don’t worry senorita..we’ll take care of him” the man says as he moves from her sight and shows her a locked wooden carriage, on the side saying Psiquiátrico de alocado. Surrounding the carriage, she noticed the villagers all surrounding it, with torches and pitchforks ready to use them as weapons if it comes to that point. Y/N immediately registered what was happening and immediately protected her father “MI PAPA NO ES UN LOCO” she said with fierceness in her voice. She was pushed aside by two villagers who barged into her home and forcibly dragged-out Mauricio and threw him inside the carriage. Y/N got up immediately and tried her best to try and get him out, but all she could do was just be pushed away. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as everything suddenly started to look hopeless. “Poor Y/N…it really is a shame about your father...” “Ben!” Y/N looked at him desperately as she held onto the hem of his shirt “please, you know he’s not crazy” Ben hummed as he played faux innocence “but you see Y/N your father… he’s been making absurd claims, but….I am able to…well clear up this small misunderstanding…if…” Y/N looks up at him desperately “If what!” Ben chuckles and grabs her by the waist making her body be pushed against his. “If you marry me” he says with a grin. Ben leans down and tries to sniff her soft hair “one small word Y/N that’s all it takes…” Anger bubbled in Y/N’s body, and she pushes him away, her nonverbal actions speaking in volumes as to her response to his manipulation tactic. Ben scowls at her and gruffly says “Have it your way then...” and he walks away to the crowd until Y/N yells “WAIT” 

“WHAT CLAIMS WAS MY FATHER EVEN MAKING” she yelled out. Ben turned to her and chuckled “oh…why about a Beast..” Y/N in that moment remembered she had the magic mirror in the pocket of her apron and she pulls it out “PLEASE ITS TRUE… I HAVE PROOF.” She looks down at the mirror and softly spoke to it  “Show me The Beast”

The mirror glowed a green color and rose into the air, a bright flashing light arose and projected an image on its reflective glass surface and revealed Miguel and his beastly appearance. Every villager, including Ben gasped at his ghastly sight. Even Eddie stepped back a bit after seeing it

In awe Ben ripped the mirror out of the air and approached the villagers “look at this sorcery, look at this BEAST!” He turned the mirror around to show the villagers “LOOK AT HIS FANGS, HIS CLAWS!”

Y/N’s heart broke at how people saw him and tried her best to defend him “No..please…don't be afraid…He’s gentle…and kind” Murmurs were heard throughout the crowd…but Ben…he was appalled…the woman he desired so much to be his wife…was calling the Beast KIND….words that she had never said to him. He turns to her in anger, anger that the Beast has clearly won her affections and in an accusatory tone pointed at her 

“The monster has her under his spell…. IF I DIDN'T”T KNOW BETTER I CAN SAY SHE CARES FOR HIM” “HE'S NOT A MONSTER BEN…YOU ARE” Ben’s face grimaced, but he had to mask it in front of the villagers “I’ve heard of the effects of Dark Magic, but never like this…” Ben decided on what to do. “THIS IS A THREAT TO THE BANE OF OUR EXISTENCE” The villagers cheered in agreement as they truly believed that Y/N was under a spell and that she is now a danger.  “WE CAN'T HAVE HER WARNING THE CREATURE, LOCK HER UP TOO !”

Y/N’s heart shattered as she was immediately grabbed by the arms of Ben, the man of the carriage opened the doors and allowed Ben to throw her inside the wooden box alongside her father as well and closed the doors of it as well. His face was filled with fury, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Eddie.. “Ben… with all due respect but-”

“SHUT IT OR YOU'LL BE WITH THEM TOO, AND FETCH MY HORSE”

Eddie’s voice reduced to a whimper and he looked down…He knew this was wrong…what was originally a menacing plan had now become just pure cruelty. He knew he couldn’t fight against an angry Ben so he stayed silent and left to do what he was instructed.

Ben then proceeded to initiate a riot with the villagers, to prepare to fight, to encourage them to kill the Beast. Each villager went into their homes and brought out muskets, pitchforks, knives, torches, anything that could be used as a weapon. After what seemed minutes, Ben led a mob of angry villagers and used the magic mirror to find where the castle was located and led them out and directly into the woods.

______________________________________________________________ Inside the carriage however Y/N was huddled beside her father as she tried to check on his health despite the severe conditions they were in. Y/N was scared for Miguel…she wanted to warn him desperately, but she also needed to watch her father. She thought long and hard until she decided that she needed to warn Miguel.

“Papa…I need to warn him..” Mauricio looked up at her and coughed “Ay Mija..but…I- I’m scared for you…It will be dangerous” Y/N crouched beside him and nodded “yes…it will be..but, he did everything for me…he even gifted me his library..” Mauricio’s eyes widened “a library ? How many books are there ?” Y/N chuckled “more than what this village can even hold, Papa..trust me…he saved me from the wolves and now..I must repay him..” Mauricio looked into her eyes and saw a look that he had never seen in his precious daughter’s eyes. He used to have that look when he was younger and when his wife was alive. He then smiled softly knowing that well…his daughter is all grown up now, even if she hasn’t realized it herself. “If it what your heart desires…then…I could try and pick the lock” Y/N smiled as she listened to her father ramble “After all, it's only just gears and springs” he reached his hand outside the bars of the carriage to get a hold of the lock. “ But..I would need something..” he turns to look at her “shar…p” Y/N was already holding a hair pin on the palm of her hand. Mauricio chuckled and took it into his hands “perfect” He then placed his hands back out of the bars and took a hold of the lock again and used the pin to start picking at it. He eventually finally opened the lock and pushed the doors of the carriage open, quickly getting himself out as well as y/n. He turned to her and ran with her to the stables and whispered to her “take Felipe as well as this coat and go warn your friend” Y/N nodded and whispered a small thank you to him as she quickly packed everything and immediately got on Felipe and rode on him, holding onto the reins as she prayed that the trusty steed would gallop as quickly as possible to the castle.

Maurico watched as she disappeared back into the forest and smiled softly, reiterating the thoughts he had before…

 his daughter was in love…even if she hasn’t realized or admitted it yet.

taglist:

@cupcakeinat0r , @miguelhugger2099, @mcmiracles,@xxsugarbonesxx,@codenameredkrystalmatrix,@deputy-videogamer,@lxverrings,@miguelzslvtz,@itsameclinicaldepression,,@ricekrisbris,@loser-alert , @thedevax, @uncle-eggy, @m4dyy, @freehentai, @synamonthy, @razertail18, @s0lm1n,

@badbishsblog, @faimmm, @keendreamknight, @texanadmirer, @stargirrls, @itzsab,@delectableworm,@jadeloverxd @pinkmistart, kishimiest,

[holdmytesseract]

Hi beautiful! I have a request!

Loki helping your through a high pain day! I have chronic pain and it would be great

Personal Painkiller

Loki Laufeyson x fem!Reader

Summary: When you have a high pain day, Loki knows exactly how to comfort you.

Warnings: chronic pain, fluff, liiiittle bit of thirst

Word Count: 1,6k

a/n: My friend... Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain. 🥺 I hope that I get this story right and especially that you like it. 💚

Also, have this quite sexy black suit Loki gif.

Tags |: @lady-rose-moon @huntress-artemiss @muddyorbsblr @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @chennqingg @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @theaudacitytowrite @jennyggggrrr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @eleniblue @asgards-princess-of-mischief @vanilla-daydreaming @loz-3 @valencia-rou @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @fictive-sl0th @bunny24sstuff @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @lovingchoices14 @linaax @mochie85 @goblingirlsarah @glitchquake @lokidbadguy @icytrickster17 @gruftiela @lulubelle814 @mandywholock1980 @november-rayne @chantsdemarins @lou12346789

Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist

You already felt it when your feet touched the carpeted floor of your bedroom... The dull ache in your left hip. Oh great, you thought. It's not enough that today is Monday and it's raining pitchforks outside, no... The osteoarthritis had to kick in, too.

You sighed and got up with a wince. After stretching your muscles a bit, you made your way to the bathroom - quietly, not to wake your boyfriend, who was sleeping peacefully on the left side of the bed; hands buried underneath his pillow and breath quiet and steady.

The way to the bathroom already turned out to be a challenge. You groaned softly as you sat down on the toilet; burying your face in your hands and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Today wasn't a good pain day.

It took you longer than usual to get dressed. Sure, it was a rainy Monday morning, six o'clock and you were without a doubt, tired - but the pain definitely didn't make it easier for you.

After getting through your morning routine, you had a few Lucky Charms for breakfast, packed in more pain killers in your bag than usual and then left the Avengers compound in order to get to work.

Working as a retail saleswoman was great, really. You loved your job. You loved the customer contact and everything else that came with it. Sure, it could get stressful from time to time, but you had a great boss and wonderful colleagues who made up for this.

You had early shift this week - meaning, a lot of groceries and other products the store was selling, which got through the arrival had to be checked and stowed away. That was, hands down, one of your favourite tasks - but not today. Today, it was rather torture. All the work your legs, back and hips had to do wasn't appreciated by your osteoarthritis. Normally, it wasn't a problem and you got along quite well, but when you had a high pain day it was awful - and this Monday was such a day...

So you went to ask one of your other colleagues - Benji, to switch. He understood, of course and was more than willing to let you cash, while he joined Alex. "Thanks, Ben." The blonde man smiled. "No probs. I hope you'll feel better, now that you can sit." "I hope so, too." "Fingers crossed!" Benji shouted while walking away.

"Hey, Y/N, you good?" Your shift buddy Alex asked, while ripping open another big package, which was filled to the brim with cheese. You shifted; trying to ease the pain by moving. "Not really..." Alex's brows furrowed, as she gave you a compassionate look. "High pain day?" "Yeps." You scrunched your nose as your hip told you that moving wasn't the solution either. "Like... Really high pain day. I feel like I can barely move." "Oh no... I'm sorry. Did you already take your pain meds?" You nodded. "Already took two..." "Oh fuck..."

You worked on for another ten minutes, but it just seems to get worse. Sure, the pain killers weren't probably kicking in yet, but nevertheless... It was not manageable. "Alex, do you mind if I try to switch with Benji? See if cashier likes my hip more?" Your buddy nodded. "Sure thing, Y/N/N. I hope it helps..." "Me too..."

Your colleagues good wishes unfortunately didn't work. The seating position was okay and welcomed for a little while; the pain ebbing away a bit, but after about and hour the dull ache came back full force.

So bad, that you weren't able to work any longer.

You smiled; trying to hide the pain. "Thanks."

Therefore, you spoke with your shift superintendent Diane and she sent you home. She knew of your illness and was very understanding and cooperative.

"Thanks, D. I promise I'm trying to go to work tomorrow. I know we have a lot of stuff to do and-" Your boss interrupted you immediately; lifting a hand. "Y/N... Please. You know I understand. Rest today, see if it is better again tomorrow and if yes, that's great and I'm happy to see you here - but if its not, don't worry. We'll make this a few days without you."

Diane smiled; gave you a nod and home you went.

The ride with the subway unfortunately made it worse. You had to stand, which stressed your legs and hips even more. It was honestly a blessing, when you saw the Avengers compound in distance. Almost there, almost there.

The moment the main door shut close behind you, you were utterly relieved. All you wanted to do, was curl up in bed now, with a nice cup of tea - and preferably sleep, so your brain didn't have to remember you every minute, that your hip was aching.

You slipped off your shoes and jacket, threw your keys on the little shelf beside the door and turned to walk the short hallway to the bathroom. But when you turned the corner, you collided with something firm, yet soft. You gasped - out of shock and pain.

"Darling?!" Two strong arms caught you from falling, so powerful was the impact. Loki. "Oh norns, apologies! Are you okay?" His concerned oceanic blue eyes wandered over your body; checking if the collision did any harm to you. But then his brows furrowed softly. "Why are you already back home?"

Only a few moments later, you felt the soft, comfy bedsheets of your bed underneath you. Loki gently let you down, before he worked on tucking you in. "B-But, sweetie, I-I'm still wearing my street wear." You mumbled in between sobs. The god just smiled at you lovingly, snapped his fingers and caused a green shimmer to run over your body; changing you into the most comfortable, fluffiest pyjamas you possessed.

At this question, you couldn't hold back your tears anymore. It was just a little bit too much. The pain, the frustration, that you had to quit work for today - everything.

"H-High pain day," was all you managed to say, before tears escaped the corners of your eyes. Loki reacted within seconds. He knew exactly what was going on and what he had to do. Without another word, he swept you gently off your feet and carried you bridal style towards your bedroom. That was at least what you anticipated, because your vision was blurry with tears. You clung to your boyfriend; wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your head against his black shirt covered chest.

Seconds later, you felt his soft lips press a lingering kiss against your forehead. "I'm so sorry your osteoarthritis is treating you bad again, my love. I'm going to take care of you." He whispered against your skin in a smooth, deep voice, which gave you the feeling of being utterly loved and protected.

"Tea, darling?" You nodded; trying to give him a smile. He knew exactly what you needed on such a day. "P-Please..." "Of course." He said; still smiling softly. "Did you already take some of your pain meds?" You gave him another nod. "Good girl." He leaned down to press another sweet, gentle kiss on your forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes, okay? Try to get comfortable and relax." "O-Okay."

While you tried to get as comfortable as somehow possible, Loki made you a cup of tea; returning with it only a few minutes later.

"There you go, my love." The god gave you the mug carefully and breathed another kiss on your forehead, "Thank you." before he started to unbutton his black shirt.

Loki was about to roll his black slacks down his legs, when you suddenly remembered something. As if struck by lightning, you quickly took a look at your alarm clock; standing on your bedside table. "Sweetie, don't you have a meeting in, um... Now? Go, get dressed again! You have to leave, unless you'll be late!"

You just took a sip of the tea, as you watched him undress with wide eyes. "U-Uh, sweetie, w-what are you doing?" A low chuckle rumbled through your boyfriend's chest. "What does is look like, angel?"

Blinking - and trying to not get lost in the delicate movements of his fingers undoing the little buttons, you watched how the fabric slipped off his shoulders; muscles bulging. "U-Um, I know, but..." You swallowed hard; taking another sip of the tea and almost burning yourself.

Your boyfriend only shook his head; smiling and kicked the suit trousers off his legs, before throwing them on the chair standing in the corner of the bedroom.

"B-But Steve hates it when you're missing out a team meeting..." He shrugged his shoulders, rounded the bed and slipped underneath the covers beside you. "So? You are way more important than Roger's unnecessary team meetings." "But-" "Ah.Ah. No buts, darling." Loki said; wrapping you up his arms; spooning you. "I'll stay with you. I want to help you as best as I can through this. Screw this meeting."

Your heart fluttered at his words. You couldn't help but to lean into his embrace; cuddling close. "Thank you, love." He nuzzled the crook of your neck; inhaling your scent. "No need to thank me. I am doing this, because I love you." Butterflies ran wild within your belly. "I love you, too."

The rest of the day was spent with cuddling, listening to the rain drum against the window panes and even more cuddling. He made you as much tea as you desired and even tried to ease the pain with his seidr - which really helped a bit.

In conclusion, Loki was the best, doting boyfriend you ever had.

[swan2swan]

I know it’s still a kids show so they can’t show guns but I’m surprised with how paranoid Ben got that he doesn’t own a gun

And Sammy is a rancher in texas, there’s no way in hell she doesn’t have several unregistered forearms

The raptors show up on her ranch and it becomes the “broke into the wrong rec room” scene from tremors lol

Ben knows that guns cause accidents. Also you have to register firearms and all that.

As for Sammy, first, that is an offensive stereotype. Just because she's in Texas....*shoves the magnets and wall decorations aside*...doesn't mean that she would have a plethora...*puts pitchfork outside*...of firearms.

*adjusts tie back to normal*

Actually, seriously speaking, that could also be used as the fracture point between her and her parents. Maybe they want her to have guns, Just in Case One of Those Scary Dinosaurs Shows Up, but Sammy already made peace with Not Shooting Dinosaurs, so she refuses.

[the-delta-42]

The Walking Dead Game What Ifs: What if Lee, Lilly, Duck, and Clem were the only survivors of the St Johns?

[First] [Previous] [Next]

We Lucky Few

What if Lee, Lilly, Duck, and Clem were the only survivors of the St Johns? Prompt Submitted by BetterThanBrainiac on AO3

Lee grunted as Danny knocked him down. Kenny burst out to tackle the cannibal, only for the other man to whirl around and shoot Kenny in the chest. Lee watched his friend gasp and fall back, before he could get up, Danny turned back to Lee, only for Lee to hit him below the belt. Quickly grabbing Danny’s gun, Lee cracked him over head with it. After making sure that the cannibal was out cold, Lee left the barn and ran into Ben and Carley.

“Lee, what’s going on?” Demanded Carley, “You and the others have been gone for too long.”

“They attacked us,” Said Lee, “Larry and Kenny are dead, and they cut Mark’s legs off and tried to feed them to us!”

“Jesus.” Muttered Carley, “What about the others?”

“Clementine’s with Lilly in the barn,” Answered Lee, “but they’ve got Duck and Katjaa.”

“Shit.” Muttered Carley, “I’ll go get Lilly and Clementine, Ben, go with Lee.”

Ben gave a shaky nod, as he and Lee started towards the house, they’d just reached the gate when they heard Carley let out a gasping scream. Lee spun around and saw Carley with the prongs of the pitchfork sticking out of her back. Without thinking, Lee rushed towards Danny, just as the cannibal wrenched the pitchfork out of Carley’s gut and drove it into her chest. By that point, Lee was level with him and tackled him. Lee spotted Lilly and Clementine, as well as Kenny slowly getting to his feet.

Growling, Lee hauled Danny up and shove him towards Kenny, with the Walker tearing a chunk out of Danny’s neck. Lee looked at Lilly and Clementine, “C’mon.”

Pausing when he reached Carley, Lee picked up her gun and looked up. He saw Ben struggling with Andy, the man keeping a grip on Duck. Ben was punched in the face and thrown onto the fence, Lee raised Carley’s gun and shot at Andy. Andy ducked and rushed over to the generator and turned it on, Ben’s dying screams piercing the night. Lee took aim again, only for Lilly to shoot Andy in the face.

Lilly looked angry, “Go get Katjaa.”

Lee nodded, rushing towards the house, only for a gunshot to emit from inside the house, with Brenda coming out with blood on her face. Levelling Carley’s gun, Lee shot Brenda in the chest. Hurrying forwards, Lee found Katjaa dead on the floor of the house. Sighing, Lee grabbed their weapons, as well as some of the St John’s supplies, and left.

Lee met up with Lilly, Clementine and Duck, “Let’s go.”

The group of four left the farm, as Walkers started to climb over the fence and into the fields.

WLF

They’d managed to get into the forest safely and gotten back to the motel, after explaining what happened to Kenny and Katjaa to Duck. Lee had noticed that there were tyre tracks in one part of the forest but decided to ignore it.

“Lee.” Lilly’s voice got his attention, “Got a minute?”

Sighing, Lee looked at Clementine and Duck and stepped out of the room.

“What—” Lilly slapped him, “Okay, I deserved that.”

Lilly glared at him, getting another sigh from Lee, “Anything else you want to do?”

Lilly, after a moment, sighed, “What do we do?”

“What do you mean?” Asked Lee, folding his arms.

“We’re not exactly in the best position to defend ourselves,” Said Lilly, “I, I know I’ve kept saying we’d stay here, but… we don’t have the numbers to protect ourselves or keep this place secure if we go on a supply run.”

Sighing, Lee looked around, “I think we should take our chances on the road; we can get stuff downtown when we pass through it. Hell, maybe we’ll find a working vehicle and get around in that.”

Lilly gave another sigh, “Where do we go?”

Lee sighed, “I don’t know.”

WLF

Lee managed to find a couple of backpacks in the motel, then they’d left. They were currently in a clothing store in Macon, Lilly was getting some warm clothes for them, with Lee keeping an eye out for Walkers.

“Right,” Lilly threw a bag at Lee, “I found that in the back, let’s get to the pharmacy.”

Lee nodded, watching out for the dead as they went. Making sure Duck and Clementine were close by, Lee and Lilly started gathering supplies. They’d just finished packing up when they heard screaming.

Lilly glanced at Lee, before he jerked his head to the side, the man signalling for them to leave. By the time they got around the front, the Walkers had gone towards the drugstore. Sighing, Lee started leading the others towards a road going out of Macon. They’d managed to stock up on some food, medicine and clothes, Lee managed to find a couple of guns and a set of hunting knives, which he’d given out to the group. Lilly walked ahead, making sure there weren’t any Walkers up in front of them, with Lee bringing up the rear. Giving Macon a final look, Lee sighed and silently bid goodbye to everyone they’d lost.

WLF

They’d been walking for about a week, Lee and Lilly took turns on watch. Clementine had her first Walker kill, Lee and Lilly had taken it upon themselves to teach the kids how to defend themselves. Lee used the knowledge he had from his brief time in the army to teach them how to use a knife properly.

“Lee.” Lilly got his attention, “Up ahead.”

Frowning, Lee looked in front of them and spotted a train blocking the road, “Huh.”

“Kind of glad we didn’t drive here.” Said Lilly, looking around, “Might be a good place to camp for the night.”

“Especially if we can get into the train car.” Said Lee, looking around, “C’mon, let’s see what’s here.”

They scouted the train out, Duck and Lilly looked around the perimeter, with Duck dealing with a Walker that was trapped in a car that had crashed against the train and finding a box of crackers. Lee and Clementine checked the cab, finding a dead body, Lee found that the body’s head was caved in. The two then went down to the boxcar and found an old man staring at them.

“Are you gonna kill me or steal?” Asked the man, making Lee lower his gun.

“Er… neither?” Lee glanced down at Clementine, “Clem, go get Lilly.”

“Okay.” Clementine left through the door, leaving Lee with the man.

“So,” Lee looked him up and down, “You got a name?”

The old man shrugged, “Chuck, Charles if ya fancy.”

“Okay… Chuck.” Lee nodded, “I’m going to talk to my group, don’t… don’t go anywhere.”

Chuck shrugged as Lee left, before looking through his things.

Lee winced as the light hit him, before he walked over to Lilly, “Clementine told you about the guy?”

Lilly nodded, “What’s he like?”

“You could ask me yourself.” Said Chuck, making Lee turn around, “Since you’re stomping around my home.”

WLF

Lee silently watched the road and tracks for Walkers, Chuck let them stay, even gave the kids some candy. Duck had been left in the cab and had pressed a flashing button, which led to them discovering that the train still worked. They had decided to work on it in the morning, Lee volunteered for first watch. It’d been just over a week since the farm, just over a week since Duck lost his parents, since Larry, Mark, Ben and Carley were killed. He should’ve gone with Carley, he should’ve killed Danny before the left the barn.

“Penny?” Asked Lilly, joining Lee on top of the boxcar.

“Thinking about the dairy.” Said Lee, quietly, “The people we’ve lost.”

Lilly sighed, “How’d you decide?”

“Decide what?”

“Decide to help Kenny.” Clarified Lilly, “I knew about your past, about that senator. I want to know how you decided to help kill my dad.”

Lee sighed, “I didn’t want to take the risk, sure, we could’ve saved him, but he wouldn’t have survived much longer. The cannibals would’ve triggered another heart attack, or the stress of walking through the Walkers or even the walk back to the motel.”

“You couldn’t’ve known that.”

“Maybe, but in my place, with Clem and not knowing your dad well, what would you have done?” Asked Lee, looking at Lilly, “I get not getting to say goodbye, I didn’t get to say goodbye to my parents or my brother. The closest I got was putting Bud down. I would give everything to not go through that pain again.”

“Is that why you left Carley?” Asked Lilly, making Lee bow his head.

“I didn’t realise how much she meant to me,” Confessed Lee, “until that bastard shoved a pitchfork into her.”

They were silent for a moment, then Lilly spoke, “I wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t what?” Asked Lee, glancing a Lilly.

“I wouldn’t be able to put my dad down.” Answered Lilly, “And… I probably would’ve done the same as you.”

Lee let out a sigh, “Clementine’s parents are dead.”

“What?” Lilly looked at him.

“Clementine’s parents are dead,” Repeated Lee, “her dad got bit on the first day and her mom was with him. They left voice messages for Clem and her babysitter.”

“What happened to the babysitter?” Asked Lilly, getting a sigh from Lee.

“She got bit.” Answered Lee, looking in the distance. The pair sat on the roof of the boxcar in silence for the rest of the night.

WLF

They got the train and boxcar free from the rest of the cars, Clementine had a piece of chalk and managed to make the instructions for how to start it visible. From there, it was just a matter of knocking things about and twisting and flipping the switches and knobs. Lee and Lilly were taking turns to drive, not wanting each other to risk falling asleep at the controls. Lilly continued with the lessons with the kids, Chuck suggested cutting Clementine’s hair, which Lilly had done, before cutting her own.

Lee took over teaching the kids while Lilly drove, setting up a plan for when they got to Savannah, Lee promising Clementine that they’d look for her parents. Then the train came to a stop. Frowning, Lee poked his head out the side of the boxcar, and saw the tanker blocking the tracks, “Great.”

Hopping out of the car, Lee walked towards the front of the train with Lilly joining him.

“I don’t suppose you have a saw on you?” Asked Lilly, after a moment.

“No.” Sighed Lee, “I saw one, but I didn’t pick it up.”

After that, Lee had got up to a ladder and climbed to the top of the bridge. He met a couple up there, Omid and Christa. The two went down and introduced themselves to the group, while Lee and Clementine went to a nearby station to see if they could find anything that’ll cut the tanker down. They’d managed to get in and deal with the Walkers, Lee had struggled with one, prompting Clementine to kick the Walkers leg, sending it to the ground and allowing Clementine to easily stab it in the head.

Lee spotted a blowtorch and boosted Clementine into the cage to get the keys, which, of course, were in the cage. There was another Walker in the cage, that Lee dispatched with his gun. He and Clementine were just leaving with the blowtorch when Christa ran up to them.

“I heard a gunshot.” Said Christa, in way of a question.

“Had to deal with some Walkers.” Said Lee, looking at Christa, “We’re fine.”

Christa looked doubtful, before turning away with the three walking back to the train. Lilly had Chuck keeping watch on top of the boxcar, while she took Duck and Clementine into the cab. Lee took Omid and started cutting the coupling of the tanker, when Chuck alerted them to a massive herd of Walkers. As soon as the coupling had been cut, Lilly started the train, yelling at Lee and Omid to jump onto the roof. Lee kicked the still ignited blow torch down, before running to the other side of the bridge with Omid. The two braced themselves, before jumping onto the boxcar, Lee landed safely, but Omid hit his shoulder and rolled off the roof, injuring his leg when he hit the ground.

Lee swung down into the boxcar, as Christa jumped out and helped Omid up. The two ran alongside the train, with Lee grabbing Omid and hauling him in. Omid started to get angry with Lee, only for the man to reach out and haul Christa into the boxcar as well. Lee gave the two a look, before walking up to the cab.

WLF

Lee sighed as he watched Clementine and Duck sleep. They’d been travelling for a little while now, leaving the Walkers and the tanker behind.

“So, what do we do when we get to Savannah?” Asked Lilly, leaning away from the controls, “I mean, aside from keeping the kids safe.”

Lee looked at Lilly, “Clementine mentioned that her parents stayed at a place called The Marsh House, we could head for there and then plan our next move.”

Lilly opened her mouth to respond, when music started playing from Clementine’s radio. Frowning, Lee picked up the radio, just as the music cut out.

“I… I thought that was broken.” Said Lilly, looking at Lee.

“So did I.” Responded Lee, looking down at the radio.

WLF

Lee was glad that they were heading towards the Marsh House, instead of braving the streets. Omid was limping behind them, while Lee and Lilly were keeping an eye on Duck and Clementine.

“See anything, Clem?” Asked Lee, as the girl frowned.

“There.” Clementine pointed at a sign that read ‘Marsh House’ with an arrow pointing upwards.

“Not much further.” Said Lee, as they rounded the corner. There were a few Walkers, but Lee noticed Clementine freezing, “Clem?”

Following Clementine’s gaze, Lee’s eye settled on a pair of Walkers, “Oh, man.”

“Those are…” Lilly trailed off, getting a short nod from Lee, “Clementine. Clem, look at me.” Clementine looked up at Lilly, “I know you’re upset, but I need you to focus, okay?” Clementine gave her a shaky nod, “Good.”

They quickly guided their small group into the hotel, with Lee blocking the doors with a couple of chairs. Sighing, Lee turned around, finding Christa had gone off to search the place, while Lilly talked to the kids.

“I’ll be back soon.” Said Lee, taking out his gun and walking into the halls of the hotel.

WLF

After a couple of hours, Lee and Christa returned to the lobby, having not finding any Walkers in the hotel. Lee checked behind the reception desk and grabbing a set of keys, within the hour, everyone had claimed a room, with Lee and Lilly quietly sitting in a room, watching the Walkers mulling around outside, while sharing a bottle of whiskey.

“So,” Lilly looked at Lee, “what’s the plan now? I mean, Clem’s found her parents and we’re at a hotel…”

“I have no idea.” Confessed Lee, as Lilly took a swig of the whiskey. Lee gave her a shrug and wandered over to the bed, with Lilly following and holding the bottle out to him.

Dropping onto the mattress, Lee took a swig from the bottle.

“It is nice that we don’t have to worry about someone keeping guard over the place.” Said Lilly, swaying close to Lee.

Lee hummed, before looking at Lilly. The pair stared at each other, then, in a moment of drunken impulse, they both leaned towards each other and kissed, before they both fell onto the bed.

WLF

Lee frowned as he and Christa walked along side the river. They’d been out on a supply run, ducking into stores and houses, looking for food and medicine. Lee and Lilly had woken up together, their clothes scattered around the room and themselves entwined with each other. They hadn’t talked about it, they’d just gotten dressed in silence and went about the tasks they had.

He didn’t know what he’d call what he and Lilly had. He knew that he had feelings for Carley, part of him wondered if he was using Lilly as a rebound, but another part of him dismissed that. Sighing, Lee looked across the water.

“That’s the seventh time you’ve sighed in five minutes.” Said Christa, getting Lee’s attention, “What’s on your mind.”

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, Lee spoke, “Lilly and I slept together.”

Christa paused, before frowning, “Okay…”

“And you know about… how we ended up on the road.” Said Lee, getting a sigh from Christa.

“I know that you and some other guy killed her Dad after he had a heart attack.” Responded Christa, “I can see how that would make things awkward.”

Lee nodded, just as they rounded a corner and came face to face with a blonde girl working on an RV, “Er… hello?”

WLF

Lilly frowned as Chuck checked on Omid, while Duck looked up at her. Omid’s condition had started to get worse after Lee and Christa went on the supply run, then Duck told her that Clementine had snuck off somewhere.

Part of her was angry, some of it because Lee helped kill her dad, the rest of it because Lee left without saying anything. Another part of her was happy to feel something other than loss, and a third part wondered how they’ll move forward from this. She and Lee had to look after Duck and Clementine, they’d only known Chuck a few days and Omid and Christa even less. Sure, they’d proven that they could be trusted, but they had practically nothing. They had a couple of rifles and some handguns, plus the knives that Lee found, and their meagre supplies were almost used up.

Sighing, Lilly looked towards the stairway door, just as Clementine and Christa appeared, with a blonde woman, “What the hell? Who the hell is this?”

“Her name’s Molly.” Said Christa, glancing back at her, “Lee and I stumbled across her while we were out getting supplies. Found her working on an RV.”

Lilly frowned, before looking behind them, “Where’s Lee?”

“We got ambushed by Walkers,” Said Christa, “the rest of us got to higher ground, but Lee had to go through the sewers.”

“Molly gave Lee her icepick.” Said Clementine, getting Lilly’s attention, wilting slightly when the woman looked at her.

“Clem,” Lilly crouched down, “what were you thinking? We don’t know how dangerous the streets are.”

“She’s actually the reason I didn’t kill your friends.” Said Molly, “Crawford doesn’t allow children.”

Lilly gave Molly a blank look.

“Crawford’s a community, apparently,” Supplied Christa, “they’re not big fans of children, the elderly, or anyone with a medical condition.”

Lilly frowned, before sighing, “Right, Chuck’s looking at Omid, other than that, nothing’s changed.”

Christa nodded, stepping past Lilly to see Omid. Molly looked around, “You know, I don’t think Crawford’s raided this place yet.”

WLF

Lee silently sighed as he and Vernon walked into the Marsh House. He paused at the number of dead Walkers lying in the lobby, “That’s… not good.” Lee looked at Vernon, “You might want to—”

Chuck suddenly appeared, heaving a Walker out of a door and dropping it on the pile, before he spotted Lee, “Oh, you’re back. That’s good, Lilly and the others are cleaning out some Walkers in the kitchen.”

Lee nodded and strode past Chuck, leaving the two old men behind. Lee drew his knife and went into the kitchen, stopped when he saw Lilly beating a Walker over the head with a frying pan, with Molly using a cleaver to put down the Walkers. Clementine and Duck were watching them take out the Walkers.

“I… guess things are under control.” Said Lee, as they dealt with the last Walker.

Lilly looked over at Lee, “Yeah, turns out we’ve got a lot of food.”

WLF

Vernon had taken a look at Omid, while Lee and Lilly talked. He told them that Omid needed medicine, and the only place they could get it was in Crawford. So, they’d decided that Lee and Christa would go to Crawford, with Molly and Vernon showing them the way. Chuck, having found out that he was a doctor, was going to stay at the hotel with Lilly and the kids watching over Omid. Molly said her RV needed a battery and gas, which Lee was going to help her get.

After seeing them off, Lilly went and checked on the kids, they’d been given the task of putting down some of the smaller Walkers, ones that didn’t have full bodies, and she found them covered in Walker guts. With a full Walker standing near them motionless, until Lilly walked in, when it turned and started limping towards her. Sooner than she’d’ve liked, Lilly found herself grappling with a Walker, before it suddenly fell to the floor and Clementine and Duck drove their knives into its head.

“What,” Gasped Lilly, “the hell happened?”

“Walkers can’t see us if we’re covered in them!” Grinned Duck, “And Clem and me kicked it’s legs making it fall!”

Lilly sighed, “C’mon, let’s get you two cleaned up.”

“I’d like that.” Said Clementine, “I smell gross.”

WLF

Lee and the others got back a few hours later, with Lilly filling them in about the kids’ discoveries. Christa had gone straight to Omid with the medicine and Lilly going with Molly to the RV, watching her back as she fitted the parts.

“How much longer until it’s ready?” Asked Lilly, looking at Molly.

“We just need to fill her up,” Said Molly, “and you can drive us outta here no problem.”

Lilly frowned, “Why am I driving?”

Molly suddenly looked embarrassed mumbled, “I don’t know how.”

Lilly blinked, before closing her eyes and sighing, “Just… just fill it up.”

There was a click behind Lilly, making her slowly turn around, coming face to face with Vernon and his group, “What?”

“This isn’t anything personal,” Said Vernon, pointing a gun at Lilly, “but we’ll be taking that RV.”

Lilly looked around the small group, finding that Vernon was the only one armed. Glaring at them, Lilly said, “No.” And pulled the trigger of her rifle, hitting Vernon in the gut, before pulling out her handgun and shooting the others. Lilly felt a pang of regret, only to get shoved by Molly as Vernon fired at her. Molly let out a cry, crumpling to the ground, while Lilly killed Vernon.

Rushing over, Lilly grabbed Molly and lifted her into the RV, before she searched the bodies of Vernon’s group and took what supplies and weapons they had and finished filling up the RV. The RV pulled up in front of the hotel, with Lee guiding the others out towards it.

“Christa, you’re driving.” Ordered Lilly, rushing up to Lee and Chuck, “Vernon’s group tried to jump us, Molly’s been shot.”

Thankfully, the RV was rather spacious, allowing Lee to put the kids and Omid a decent distance away from where Chuck was working on Molly. They watched as Chuck examined Molly’s injury, hoping the girl would be okay.

WLF

Molly bled out in the back of the RV. Vernon’s bullet had knicked an artery and lodged itself in her spine. Lee stabbed the back of Molly’s head to prevent her from reanimating, before Christa pulled over and they laid Molly to rest. Lilly didn’t say it, but it felt like they were laying the other members of their group to rest as well.

Lilly looked up at Lee from where her head was resting on his shoulder, before sighing and deciding to get some sleep. Omid was asleep while Clementine and Duck played a game, with Chuck joining Christa up front. Lee glanced down at Lilly, before looking around at the group, before finally settling on the massive stain of Molly’s blood. Closing his eyes, Lee decided to get some sleep, he’d need it if he was going to drive.

Next Story: What if Clem found out AJ was at McCarroll Ranch before she met Javi?

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Christian Themes in Ben 10

Before people light the torches and grab their pitchforks, this is not me making Ben 10 into evangelical republican propaganda, nor am I some moralistic Bible thumper like that person who called Steven Universe “anti god”. As someone who was raised Christian in a Christian culture, these were just things I picked up on while watching the series. This is an examination of the Christian motifs and themes present in the story, whether intentional by the writers or not. These elements are most prominent in UAF, particularly the Highbreed and Dagon story arcs and the episode “The Ultimate Sacrifice”. Ben 10 isn’t unique for having Christian themes or imagery but it’s seldom talked about, possibly due to being viewed as just a campy kids show meant to sell toys.

I think Ben 10 appeals to me because it’s fairly vague on pushing any religious ideas compared to SW and allows for different interpretations. The characters aren’t explicitly religious, allowing people to form their own headcanons, and aliens are shown to be behind the existence of the universe like with the Forge of Creation or Sir George getting Ascalon from Azmuth as opposed to God. That said, a story can create an atheistic universe while also containing allegories and references to real life religious stories.

Christian imagery and allegories can be found in many stories. Other cartoons and animes I enjoy like Neon Genesis Evangelion, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Princess Tutu and Steven Universe are often cited as examples of this. With Evangelion and SU, the creators have denied there to be intentional Christian metaphors but many viewers have interpreted them that way. Steven is sometimes viewed as a Christ figure, as are Ahiru, Shinji and Madoka, with Pink Diamond being compared to God, although Rebecca Sugar cited Hillel the Elder as an inspiration for Steven, not Jesus, and was raised Jewish. This makes me wonder, could some view Ben this way too?

Ben is not the first person people would point at as a Christ figure which, again, may be influenced by how people view the series and his character. He is far from flawless which goes against the biblical narrative of Jesus being a perfect being, but also makes him more human. Despite that, one can find some similarities between him and Jesus. While less so than Steven, Ahiru or Madoka, Ben is a very compassionate and altruistic person who even at his most selfish wanted to help people. The first time we saw him was him attempting to defend a bullied peer. He also showed compassion for the Kraken when most would have seen it as a monster. While handsome, Ben is fairly plain looking compared to the long haired, pretty boy Kevin like Jesus being described as having a lack of beauty in Isaiah’s prophecy and is fairly average as a human compared to Gwen or Kevin.

Alien Force is where more of the Christian symbolism comes in. Ben befriending Kevin and offering him another chance may be compared to the disciples Matthew and Judas. Matthew being a tax collector, similar to Kevin being a criminal but offered a chance to change despite what he’s done. Kevin did betray Ben in the OS and in Ben’s perception he did it again in UA when absorbing the Ultimatrix. Unlike Judas, it wasn’t out of greed but self sacrifice to stop Aggregor and the team was able to save him and was quickly forgiven by Ben.

The biblical parallels don’t stop there. Azmuth compared the Omnitrix to Noah’s ark and Ben to Noah during the Highbreed invasion. The Omnitrix being a tool meant to bring different beings together can also be seen as very Christian in nature. There’s also Ben healing Reinrassig and the entire Highbreed race despite everything they did. Most would see them as unworthy of redemption or help but Ben still chose to save them. A lot of people, including those who claim to believe in restorative justice, forget that redemption isn’t meant to be for those who “earn” it and even those who’ve done bad things can be capable of change. Also, while a coincidence, like Greg and Blue Diamond from SU, I do see some similar imagery between Big Chill and the Virgin Mary, especially in “Save the Last Dance”.

Moving on to Ultimate Alien, the Dagon arc is filled with references to Christianity. The name Dagon comes from the god the Philistines worshiped in the Old Testament and was also a short story by HP Lovecraft. The writers had wanted to do a Lovecraftian story for AF s3 before CN interfered but got their chance with UA. The story of St George and the Dragon is retold by Driscoll with the in universe Sir George and Dagon being the inspirations for it. The Flamekeepers’ Circle is also meant to be a commentary on real world cults like Scientology and Mormonism especially with their charity outreach in impoverished nations and preying on people with good intentions like Julie.

I think “The Ultimate Sacrifice” is the most obvious biblical allegory in the series. Ben quips after waking up in the Ultimatrix that if he’s dead, “the place with the fiery red light” is not where he wants to go, a clear reference to Hell and eternal damnation. Then there’s the sacrifice itself. Ben accepts having to die to set the Ultimates free from suffering and forgives them for attacking him while giving an emotional goodbye to Gwen. For his selfless act, he is given another chance at life by the Ultimatrix. All of which people can compare to the resurrection story.

The themes of Ultimate Alien with Ben’s arc about power are very Christian as well. Ben accepts that he can’t be in control all the time and can’t determine people’s fates. “Duped”, while poorly executed, had a good message about how trying to please everyone pleases no one. He chooses not to kill Kevin after spending the whole arc angry over his failure to save the andromeda aliens and stop Aggregor, plus the aforementioned sacrifice of him giving his life for the Ultimates. Then there’s the final test that proves him worthy of the completed Omnitrix. He’s tempted to wipe out all evil which can seem appealing but realizes that he’d be stripping away the free will of every being in the universe and gives up the power.

I know this seems appalling to a lot of people here on Tumblr with how “give up control” have been weaponized by conservatives and what Christianity has become in our society. But Ben 10, for all its flaws with the writing, presents an idealistic view of the world regarding second chances, accepting differences and letting everyone, even the villains, have free will. It, as well as the other shows I’ve mentioned, can be seen as an example of a show with religious themes that doesn’t preach or condescend to its viewers and can be enjoyed by a broad range of people with different backgrounds.

[rainparadefromhell]

How Never Have I Ever Uses Music to Hint at the Future

 I’ve always loved the way music tells a story, especially in movies and tv shows. These things usually go unnoticed unless you’re a college student trying to ignore homework on a Tuesday afternoon. I have been aware that NHIE has been whispering a secret story through its soundtrack for a while now but never had time to actually compile it into one monster of a post. So I’m doing it now!

This is where I try to convince you that the show has been hinting at Devi ending up with Ben all the way since season one. There are over 100 songs in the official soundtrack and of course, I can’t go through them all so I’ll just stick with the most important moments from all three seasons and lyrics that I think encapsulate the core message of the songs.

 SEASON 1

 The Pilot – Introductions

Paxton’s intro song (Dancing On My Own – Robyn) makes a lot of sense for both characters. It talks about trying hard to get someone’s attention and failing at it. It is a song with a dramatic, pulsating beat that plays over Paxton’s big entrance into Devi’s class.

 I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh

I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh

I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooh

I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)

 Ben is introduced with a softer melody (Rubia – Juan Wauters). It is in Spanish, a language I don’t speak as well so I won’t try to translate it but I will leave you with this Pitchfork review of it written by Steven Arroyo :

“Rubia” still succeeds wonderfully on these terms, a longing love letter to someone with a memorable nose in a far-away country…

 Te guardo un lugar en mi corazon

No quiero irme, chequeo hora son

Me iré pensando que

Muy pronto contigo yo estaré

 There is an important moment near the end of the episode when Devi goes to talk to Paxton (and asks him to have sex with her) in which Playing Games by Anna of the North plays.

 I've been playing games with your heart

Left you thinking in the dark

Just to make you feel unsure

Then I know you want me more

 This whole song is very interesting to me. The singer seems to describe a situation in which she has the upper hand in a relationship.

I’ve been playing games with your heart, so I know I’ve made my mark is a lyric I think perfectly shows Devi’s desire to enter a relationship. It is not because she actually likes Paxton. In fact, she doesn’t even know him yet. I think it tells of Devi’s reasons to have a boyfriend – to make a mark not just on him but the school, and her peers as well. She wants to stop being “invisible” as to somehow regain some power over her situation in s1 (the death of Mohan) as well as distract herself from it.

 Episode 2

The song Dancing on The Limit (by Prizes) plays as Devi dreams of Paxton coming into her room to have sex with her. It is the first “love song” of Devi and Paxton which I find genius since it doesn’t actually depict reality.

I'm never gonna quit it

Back in love within a minute

We're dancing on the limit

But I love the way you're making me move

 It is a fantasy, something Devi feels when she imagines what would be like to be Paxton’s girlfriend.

 Episode 6

In Ben’s episode we get so much more insight into who he is, and not just that shell of an obnoxious overachiever he built for himself. We also get insight into his feelings for Devi when he is having dinner with the Vishwakumars where after choosing not to “nuke her back”, he actually has a fun time with her family as the song (Call Me by Sarah Rebecca) in the background goes :

 Call me angel, I could save you

I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you

 At the very end of the episode when Devi Venmos Ben so that he never has to “accept food from a pedo again” another love song can be heard (Lost – Boy Harsher).

 I’m the one that holds you

In the middle of the night

 I'm the one that wants you

Forever til we die

 Episode 7

In this episode Devi and Paxton kiss for the first time to Fire For You by the Cannons which at first seems like a really sensual song… until you actually read the lyrics.

 I could've died for you

How could you not know?

I was alive with you

But you brought in the cold

Was I being lied to? Wish I never met you

Started to regret you

  Episode 10

 Boys Like You -  Kids at Midnight

We’ve reached my favorite NHIE song. I love the synths. I love the 80s vibe. I love everything about it (No wonder why that Malibu kiss got an MTV nomination).

Certainly the most interesting thing about this song playing during this scene is right as the camera lowers on Devi’s phone, we cut to Paxton leaving a voicemail with these lyrics in the background :

 She said, "Boys like that should be in second place”

Now do with that what you will but this is the most intentionally placed lyric in season 1, in my opinion.

 I know it hurts right now, one day you'll realise

There's no need to hide yourself from the world

All my life I've been hiding myself

Just waiting for a boy like you

SEASON 2

 Episode 8

In the scene we see Devi apologize to Ben about the cheating when the song Up All Night by The Undercover Dream Lovers starts playing. The song is seemingly about second chances and not letting someone go. I thought the theme of driving was interesting considering Malibu.

 Caught up on the freeway

You test my patience all the time

Find another exit, ooh

Blocking you from mine

 Episode 9

Heat Waves – Glass Animals

 During Paxton and Devi’s kiss Heat Waves plays and I have to admit the song as well as the scene are amazing. However, I’ve seen this song misunderstood by Daxton fans so much, probably due to the scene trending (mostly on TikTok where people enjoy quick content without much context).

The writer of the song, David Bayley says this about what it means, mentioning another song called Your Love : “They're both definitely two of the songs that are about relationships and sort of knowing that they're doomed,"

Bayley uses the term Heat Wave to represent an illusion of a highway mirage (the air that rises off asphalt on extremely hot days making it seem like the road is wet).

So the love that the writer describes is just like the heat waves – an illusion.

 Now I gotta let you go

You'll be better off in someone new

I don't wanna be alone

You know it hurts me too

You look so broken when you cry

One more and then I say goodbye

 Episode 10

GOLDEN – Running ; Ben comes into the girls bathroom to try and make Devi feel better after she is rejected by Paxton. As he is saying “When are you gonna to realize that that dick doesn’t deserve you” the lyrics playing are :

But I get these feelings

That I can't explain

It’s in my veins

being the underdog all the time

 Hello Pongo – Summer Love

Another love song that plays when Ben and Devi see each other at the dance.

I've been lookin,

for you my summer love

forever summer love

Sam Smith – Love Goes

This song is – do you wanna guess? Not a love song. It is a sad one.

I hope you understand that I have to send you away

You may not understand, but I know that you will one day

You're broken, I know this

And if you knew it, you would love me a whole different way

But that's how love goes, goes

I also think it’s funny how just as Devi and Paxton are about to slow dance the DJ plays a different, more upbeat song which tells us they aren’t really that compatible with each other. They just never manage to catch that love song!

 I wonder if season 4 brings us a Ben and Devi slow dance…

SEASON 3

Episode 1

 Josha Daniel – Dream of You ; We finally get something close to a love song for Daxton in the first scene of season 3 even though it it pretty vague and repetitive.

 We are never gonna waste our time again

I can't sleep when i dream of you

I can't sleep when i dream of you

 Ilo Ilo – Clementine ; Devi and Paxton almost have sex

Clementine

Trying to erase you from my spotless mind

Hit fast-forward but I'm stuck in rewind

 Episode 3

Afternoon Bike Ride – Before The Fall ; Devi tells Nalini she and Paxton broke up

After an autumn of ends lеd to silence

Winters cloak covered the tracks of the tyrants

Spring couldn't bring on the promise of June

With no voice to sing and nothing to bloom

I found the mention of June interesting even if it wasn’t intentional because it almost seems like an answer to Heat waves (Sometimes, all I think about is you, Late nights in the middle of June).

Mel Blue – Finding You; Ben tells Fabiola Devi broke his heart

I lost you love

You lost you too

I lost myself

I’m finding you

Episode 5

Carla Morrison – Eres tú ; Ben and Devi say goodbye to each other after their bet at the coffeehouse

(I found a translation for this one)

Today I woke up wanting to kiss you

I have a thirst to caress you

Entangle myself with you and not let you go

You're so intoxicating

It's you

 Episode 10

“Because I’ll miss you. A lot.”

“Wait. There’s the stomach knots.”

Jaguar Sun – Car Keys

Oh, how you've grown

Look back now

And move on

Don't worry, about a thing

Just grab those car keys

And drive into the rain

Another song involving cars, driving… I’m starting to think all of this makes sense! Also I love how the song mentions growth because Devi did grow so much in season 3.

 Prinze George – Take off

 Saw you in the living room

You were wild with light and I wanted you

Tried to do the woman thing

I was eager, young and abandoning

I would force you to love me

I would force you to stay

I would force you to love me

I would stand in your way

And you can't take off without me now

After Boys Like You this has to be my favorite NHIE song. It also has an 80s vibe to it and the two songs feel very much connected in my mind. The lyrics talk about standing in a lover’s way. Preventing them from leaving you and closing that chapter of their life.

I am still in your way

This lyric that appears later in the song shows that after everything that happened to them in season 4, they are still in each other’s way. They can’t forget about each other even after actively pursuing other people.

 After analyzing so many songs, I really have to give credit to the show. Most of these were chosen so carefully to fit certain moments. You can really tell the show was made with a lot of intention and love, at least soundtrack wise.

 As far as proving who the main couple (endgame couple, whatever you wanna call it) in season 4 is, to me that is pretty obvious even without the support of the soundtrack. I’m very curious about the songs we’ll get to hear in the new season and I also wonder if we will hear some old ones again.

Let me know what you think!

[dendre]

Pitchfork Annual Tippmix 2023

Ahogyan az már régi hagyomány, dallista után, albumlista előtt szánt szándékkal eltalálom a könnyen belőhető, pontosan mégsem meghatározható év végi picsfork top 10-et.

Még sose sikerült 10/10-re (a top 10-ben lévő lemezeket kell eltalálni, nem a pontos helyezéseket), mert bármennyire is kiszámítható az internetek zenemagazinja, azért mindig van egy kis csavar. 

Idén folytatódott az elmúlt években szokásos gyalázatos lemaradásom (lemezhallgatás, zenei világ követés, tippelési hatékonyság). És szinte sorminta, hogy annyi dolgom van, hogy szinte véletlenül veszem észre, hogy megint kikerült a kislemezes lista, tippelni kell. Jó, azért idén is ránéztem néhány naponta az új megjelenések miatt a Pitchforkra, és azért hallottam is ezt-azt. De nagyon hasraütésszerűen fogok tippelni, őszintén szólva fel is merült, hogy hagyom a fenébe.

A lista:

Noname: Sundial

billy woods & Kenny Segal: Maps

L’Rain: I Killed Your Dog

Sufjan Stevens: Javelin

SZA: SOS

Caroline Polachek: Desire, I Want To Turn Into You

ANOHNI and the Johnsons: My Back Was A Bridge For You To Cross

Wednesday: Rat Saw God

Lana Del Rey: Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd

Olivia Rodrigo: GUTS

Az utolsó kettő elég random tipp, ha a kislemezlistán nem úgy szerepelne Rey, ahogyan, nem jutott volna eszembe, meg Rodrigo több helyezése is lehet megtévesztő, és csak a slágereket emelték ki, a lemez meg 39. lesz. Leginkább André 3000: New Blue Sunján gondolkoztam még, hogy az top 10-es lesz nekik, lehet ki is kéne cserélni Rodrigóval. Ááá, nem tudom. Ha Rodrigo nem lesz és Andre lesz top 10-es, azt fél pontnak számolom. Vagy negyednek.

Top 10 esélyek még: Amaarae: Fountain Baby Joanna Sternberg: I’ve Got Me Fever Ray: Radical Romantics boygenius: the record (se pontszámban, se dallistán nem kiemelkedő, de pont olyan középút, amit sokan top 10-be tesznek és végén itt is kijön ez a matek).

Ja és idén nem vertek át, tudom hogy ér 2022-es decemberi lemez is, szóval SZA ott lesz.

Amúgy viszont idén tényleg nem izgat, már az 5/10 is oké eredmény lesz, de ez az újság tényleg annyira kiszámítható, hogy 5/10-nél kevesebbet elérni is nehéz.

Hogy milyen volt 2023 új zenékben? Azt nem annyira tőlem kell kérdezni, a Slowdive szeretete nem hiszem, hogy túl releváns, se PJ Harveyé. Laurel Halo, Kali Uchis, Sofia Kourtesis, Universal Harmonies & Frequencies, Speakers Corner Quartet, Nourished By Time, Inward Cirlcles, még valamelyik bar italia is tetszett, ilyesmik, de inkább már nem is mondok semmit. Viszont ehelyett abban biztos lettem, hogy a leginkább alulértékelt magyar elektronikuszenei lemez a Sonic Age máig szuper house The Albuma 1998-ból. És Mikrofunk senki által nem ismert 2000-es lemeze is alaplemez magyar elektronikában, de erről később sokkal többet, nem olyan sokára.

Ja, még 2023: a Lankum elsöprő kritikai sikerére természetesen én sem tudom a magyarázatot. Nincs.

Tippeljen más is, ha van kedve!

Az előzmények:

a 2022-es tipp és a végeredmény (6/10)

a 2021-es tipp és a végeredmény (6/10)

a 2020-as tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2019-es tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2018-as tipp és a végeredmény (7/10)

a 2017-es tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2016-os tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2015-ös tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2014-es tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2013-as tipp és a végeredmény (7/10)

a 2012-es tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2011-es tipp és a végeredmény (6/10)

a 2010-es tipp és a végeredmény (8/10)

a 2009-es tipp és a végeredmény (9/10)

a 2008-as tipp és a végeredmény (9/10)

a 2007-es tipp és a végeredmény (7/10)

meg volt a 2010-es évek tipp és végeredmény (5/10) :(

meg volt ez a félévtizedes hülyeség, ami ilyen lett (7/10)

meg volt a hatvanas évek, ami ilyen lett (7/10)

és volt az utólagos 1998, ami ilyen lett (6/10).

[beardedmrbean]

So there we have it. Laid bare for all to see, the pernicious effect of our national fixation with “diversity, equality and inclusion” (DEI). Aviva’s chief executive Amanda Blanc this week told MPs on the Treasury Select Committee that there is no senior “non-diverse” (white male) hire made at the company without her personal approval. There is no need, she implicitly admitted, to sign off on the appointments of non-white people and women. Most people would call that clear evidence of discrimination.

But don’t expect the Left-wing mob, usually so vocal in its condemnation of racism and sexism in all its ugly forms, to sharpen its pitchforks this time. Social media is not awash with calls for Blanc’s resignation, nor have demands for a boycott been issued. Others have suffered obloquy for far less: advertisers refused to be associated with GB News due to concerns over “bias”. McDonald’s was targeted after a location offered free food for the Israeli military.

Performative progressivism, as has long been suspected, doesn’t extend to campaigning against discrimination against white people or men. Perhaps we should thank the exquisitely named Blanc for giving the game away: rarely is the true purpose of DEI – not to, rightly, fight against hateful racism and sexism, but to position us all on an intersectional pyramid of victimhood, white men placed bottom – put so bluntly.

We have been drip-fed stories about “values” and “diversity”, when really those espousing it mean “conformity” with a particular worldview. Underpinned by the Equality Act, arguably one of the worst pieces of legislation foisted on the British public, DEI has marched through our institutions, stifling freedom of expression and stymieing economic growth along the way. Entire sections of annual reports are now devoted towards these activities: HS2’s 2022 statement was 52 pages long, much of it keenly explaining how many men had been excluded from the doomed project.

And make no mistake: the DEI industry is doing all it can to avoid becoming a victim of its own success. Thus, despite the clear evidence of the massive progress made in recent decades, we are warned ad nauseam that the country has never been so bigoted: English cricket is systemically racist, along with constabularies, the fire brigade, our criminal justice system and virtually any other area of public life. Women are still widely described as victims of the patriarchy.

Often, this is based on demonstrably false assumptions. Feminist activists noisily complain that the gender pay gap is widening, while other groups try to steal their oxygen with such absurdities as the “gender obesity penalty gap”, the “gender sleep gap” and the “gender play gap”.

Anyone who bothered to look at the gender pay gap data would observe that it is now negligible for those aged 22-39, with men pulling away later in life largely because of compensating differentials and free choice. Some women go part-time when they become mothers, many opt for less dangerous work, which is why workplace injuries are suffered overwhelmingly by men.

The average male life expectancy is 79 years, compared to 82.6 years for women. Less than 5 per cent of those in prison in the UK are female. When Tory MP Ben Bradley tried to ask an “equalities” question about white working-class boys in Parliament in 2020, he was warned that it may be turned down because it did not appear to be a question about protected characteristics. Yet this group are more likely than any of their peers to achieve less in school, less likely to go on to higher or further education and less likely to secure a well-paid career.

And now we discover that those who do buck the trend might not make it past the filters of the Diversity Queen at Aviva. This isn’t to argue that we should extend equality legislation to take in ever-wider groups, though the DEI gang are certainly trying, with “neuro-diversity” and “social class” their newest frontiers. Rather to insist that companies stop the smug virtue signalling and focus on the bottom line.

One could ask whether such granular involvement in recruitment is the best use of Blanc’s time, as boss of a FTSE 100 company. Is this the level of commitment to shareholder returns they were expecting, given there is little evidence of a causal link between diversity and profit?

Neither skin colour nor reproductive organs determine business acumen. Bosses should hire the best people for the role, irrespective of identity. Those who don’t are in the wrong job.

[cosmic-ships]

Oops :) Gets real under the cut. It's nothing bad though! <3 turns into a gush post near the end~ It's a little long so I get it if no one reads it but I like to voice my thoughts that's all.

Top of the list he goes. He deserves to be there. Not only are his scenes at the end of IX helping me to overcome my fear of thunder and lightning. There's something else.

A few years ago I lost a certain spark. Every ounce of creativity and passion I had shattered. I was always chasing the next "big f/o" that would spark that passion again, that creativity. I never found it and I got depressed for a little bit because I thought I would never find a love as grand as I had before. So my storytelling became nonexistent, I stopped drawing, and the endless thoughts I used to have were replaced with an endless emptiness so I went quiet. I gave up trying to chase something that I thought would never happen again. I was slowly losing myself

I spent a last few years yes, self-shipping and yes don't get me wrong I love all of my f/o but there was something missing, I didn't feel the need to scream every two second about how much I love them, there was just something "off" with myself. I couldn't voice it or the anons would come with their pitchforks "You don't really love your f/o" plus it was hard to put into words. How can you love your f/o but still feel that something is missing?

cut to my sick ass lazing on the couch in the present time. I get an idea, "Hey I haven't watched the Star Wars movies in like...forever- maybe I'll re-watch them all.. then there are the newer ones I haven't seen yet." So I start watching the movies. I had a few interruptions when I was watching VII and VIII but I kept on watching. I thought Kylo Ren's lightsaber was so badass but at the time thought nothing much of Ben himself.

As the days went on I decided to rewatch VII VIII and IX because of said past interruptions be it people or my sick ass having to take meds and stuff. As I do with most things I watch the second time I really consume it. I noticed something. Something different. The very first time Kylo took his helmet off I felt it the feeling that started in my chest and radiated to my stomach.. butterflies? He spoke and there was no distortion from his mask as he wasn't wearing it and I felt my heart skip a bit. what the hell?

the more I watched the more I learned, the more I learned the more I started to fall in love. Do I condone some of the things he's done? No. Do I still love him? Absolutely. After the movies I sort of just sat there on my couch, looking at my own reflection of the tv. "wow, I like Ben huh?" I said to myself then I shrugged. "Ah, fleeting crush and maybe an f/o" Throughout the rest of the day however I couldn't stop thinking about him. Everything from his appearance to how he talked and how he carried himself.

So I decided to run with it. Would it be one of those f/o where I say I'm crushing and nothing happens? Or maybe it will be like my other recent f/o Alex? Talk about him for a little bit but then the fixation dies almost as quickly as it started?

Neither of that happened. I got flooded with endless thoughts, and ideas. Ideas for moodboards, playlists, art.

I got attached to Ben so much, it's hard to explain it but I feel connected to him in a way that I never thought was possible for me ever again. He makes me genuinely smile and I don't mean just smile with my mouth but makes me smile with my eyes. He makes me blush and laugh and feel like I'm on top of the world in such a euphoric state. I actually feel like we're together- like actually. I know it sounds insane but I have every bit of real emotion for Ben. I feel well- in love.

I said I love all my other f/o too and its true and this might sound terrible and believe me I've thought myself as a terrible person but the love I hold for Ben is higher and so much more different than the love I have for the others..

I thought he'd be like a shooting star. A moment of fun but he'd fade away just as fast as he came into my life.

I'm thankful that wasn't the case. He managed to do what I thought wasn't ever gonna happen to me again. He reignited my spark and love and appreciation. I can't say the last time I smiled this much irl and how much I've had my heartbeat fast and the tint rise to my cheeks.

I guess in short...

Ben makes me feel like I'm alive again.

<- I'm trying so hard not to cry as I talk about this but I mean it's true, I've had so much bullshit happen in my life. I've survived so many hardships and awful people. I forgot what feeling alive was, I thought my new normal was to not expect happiness because it will be met with tragedy and I'll be back at square one. Alone and fighting demons in my mind.

Ben has reignited my heart and I am forever grateful for him, I love him so much already and I hold him so incredibly dear. He makes me feel strong, and loved, and passionate- I love him with my entire soul. So deeply that the love extends past the words themselves. It's so much deeper.

If you read this far thank you <3 It means a lot to me. Thanks for listening to me coherently ramble for once.

[liviavanrouge]

Alive AU: Missing

Trey: Cherry, Ben, come-

Trey: *Stares in shock, finding the room empty, his siblings nowhere in sight* GUYS!!

Cater: Trey?

Trey: THEY'RE GONE!!

Che'Nya: Nyah!! What!??

~~~

Riddle: *Carries his pitchfork, walking back to the base*

Vil and Rook: *Drags a man and woman's body after him*

Riddle: *Stares, finding the others ransacking the place*

Deuce, Rollo, Leona and Floyd: *Throws stuff around, letting out hissing and growling noises*

Riddle: Li...vi...a?

Leona: *Looks at Riddle* Go...ne...

Riddle: *Grips his pitchfork, rushing out*

Leona: *Grabs a pitchfork, the others rushing out after him with their own pitchforks*

Riddle: *Stares at the town below* Ki..ll..all, fi...nd....her...

Leona, Vil, Rook, Riddle, Deuce, Rollo, and Floyd: *Runs off in different directions, going on a murder spree*

@queen-of-twisted @yukii0nna @zexal-club

[calebwittebane]

btw i had a dream a movey had come out that was a comedy where the main characters were clearly meant to be ben shapiro and jordan b peterson except with slightly changed names, and they were getting into rly stupid situations and proving themselves to be absolute losers and succumbing to their own hubris in increasingly convoluted ways. like i rember there was this part where jbp ended up in like, a small belarussian village, and he managed to anger everyone and mess everything up so badly that he got chased away with pitchforks even though my understanding is that he had found the village after wandering alone for days and this big family there took him in and everyone was very welcoming at first. he cried a bunch obviously he was like crying 24/7. idk the movie was fun and everyone liked it but ben shapiro decided to sue the producers. dont remember the outcome of the court case

[walker-extended-universe]

We Go Down Together, Chapter 4

Relationship(s): Cassie Perez & Cordell Walker, Ben Perez & Cassie Perez

Tags/Warnings: Trauma, Aftermath of Torture, PTSD, Breakdown, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Summary: In which Cordell tries to connect and Cassie tries to explain and nothing goes right

Written for @whumpuary prompt 14- Breakdown

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

------

Adjusting after all that time in captivity had been rough. Cordell was more than ready to put all this behind him and get back to normal. But life wasn’t that simple, unfortunately.

He was required to take the time off work and attend mandated therapy sessions. He appreciated the theory behind it. Being a ranger was serious business and they needed to make sure everyone wearing the badge was of sound mind and it was fair to say that anyone who had been kidnapped and tortured was probably more than a little shaken.

But in practice, what Cordell really needed was to get back to normal. He wouldn’t feel right until he was back in the office, doing what he did best.

Regardless of his needs, there were rules to follow, paper trails to lay, i’s to dot and t’s to cross and all that. So he went to his mandated therapist's office and gave all the right answers to his questions and did the homework and the breathing exercises like a good ranger should. And every week he heard that he was making great progress and would probably be going back to work soon and his chest felt less tight at the end of it.

And if he saw his family’s eyes brightening every time he came home from a successful therapy session, that was just a nice bonus.

Honestly, the thing he was struggling the most with was Cassie. He tried to talk to her. He did. He texted her almost every day (because she never answered his calls) and struggled to get more than one-word answers out of her. He tried to set up times for them to meet and catch up, but she always seemed to have other plans. He’d tried talking to Ben about it but he was just as tight lipped.

“Do you think you can talk to him?” he asked Liam one day while they were shoveling out the stalls.

“In general? Yes. About the issue you’re having with Cassie? No.”

“But-”

“Cordi.” Liam set his pitchfork against the side of the stall and crossed his arms over the top of the wall between them. “I get that you’re worried about Cassie. I am too. But me pestering Ben on your behalf isn’t going to make her better. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like her healing journey just doesn’t involve you and you need to respect that.”

“I get that,” Cordell said, even though he didn’t. “But how does getting a coffee with me interrupt her healing journey? I just want to have a conversation with her before we get back into things, that’s all.”

Liam sighed. “Look, I know your big solution to getting past your trauma is to just get back to normal. And that’s fine and valid and it works for you. But Cassie isn’t you and this is her first time dealing with something like this. It’s only natural that her needs are going to be different than yours. Maybe what she needs is a little distance to sort things out on her own. For all you know, her therapist recommended it. I’m not saying you have to be happy about it but if that’s how she wants to handle it, then you’ll have to accept it.”

Cordell huffed and went back to mucking the stall. If Liam wasn’t going to be helpful, he’d just have to find another way.

A few weeks later, when he was given the stamp of approval to go back to work, he found his opening. Smiling as he exited his therapist’s office, he texted the family he’d be late coming home and went to the store for some of Cassie’s favorite snacks.

It was time to celebrate.

—----

“Hey, Cass….” Ben’s hand landed lightly on her shoulder. She tried not to flinch when she felt it. “Walker’s at the door. He wants to talk to you.”

Walker. She hadn’t talked to him in a while. They exchanged texts but apart from that, she hadn’t seen or heard anything from him for the past few months. She wasn’t trying to avoid him, exactly. She just didn’t feel like they had much to talk about. Cordell was off living his life, slowly getting better and better, and Cassie….

Cassie wasn’t doing much of anything.

Sure, she went to her therapist appointments. She tried to do them right, being honest enough to not get in trouble but not so honest that she’d get her badge taken away. She went out for a daily walk with Ben in the mornings before the parks got too busy. She ate at least once a day, when she could stomach it. She tried about a billion different breathing techniques to scare off the panic attacks and random flashbacks.

She just felt stuck.

And, okay, maybe she was avoiding Walker a bit because it hurt to see him doing so much better without even trying. Maybe it was easier to avoid those dangerous comparisons her therapist warned her about if she kept him at arm's length. And maybe part of her was pissed at him for his shitty advice.

But now he was here. And she wasn’t sure if she wanted that.

“I can tell him to leave if you want,” Ben said.

Cassie sighed. “No, it’s fine. He can come in.”

“Are you sure? I can-”

“It’s fine,” she insisted. “You know he’ll only try harder if you scare him away,” she joked.

Ben chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. Just let me know if you want me to kick him out.”

Cassie smiled for real for the first time that day.

Walker came into her apartment, smiling, carrying a full paper grocery bag. Cassie could see a bag of her favorite chips peeking out of the top. He brought a peace offering. Good start.

“Hey, Cass! You ready to celebrate?”

Less good start. “Celebrate what?” she asked cautiously.

“Getting back in the game! I got the stamp of approval to put the badge on earlier today. Have you had that talk with your shrink yet?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, we- we talked about that.” Clearly they’d had a different version of that conversation. “We talked yesterday, actually. But-”

Walker’s smile got bigger. “That’s great! So, when are you back in the office?”

“Uh, I’m not-”

“Oh, it’s probably the same day I go back. I wonder if James missed us while we were out. It was probably boring without us. So-”

“She’s not going back,” Ben said coldly, glaring at Walker from the other side of the kitchen island. “Her therapist recommended she take some more time off, which Cassie would’ve already told you if you didn’t just steamroll over her.”

Walker looked between her and Ben. “Cassie?”

She shrugged. “She doesn’t think I’m ready to go back yet. And… I agree. This whole thing has been…. A little rough on me.”

“A little- Cassie, you’re one of the strongest people I know. I know what happened to us was crazy but that’s no reason for you not to get back in the field.”

“Walker, that’s not-” Cassie tugged on the end of her braid and tried to think of the words. “Look, I’m not a trained marine like you. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before. It’s not so easy for me to just bounce back, you know.”

“I get that, I do, but-”

A spark of anger flared up in her. “Do you? I don’t think you do, Walker. If you did, you wouldn’t have barged in here ready to celebrate.”

Walker’s eyes widened and he held his hands up defensively. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just thought-”

“Well, you thought wrong,” she snapped. “I’m not like you. I can’t just shove all my feelings down and wait for my trauma to go away. I’m glad it worked out for you though.”

Walker balked at that. “Woah, Cass, I- I’m sorry this is tough for you but I don’t get-”

“You know what I don’t get?” she said, her voice breaking. “I don’t get how you’re so okay. I-I can’t understand that. Because I am the furthest fucking thing from okay. I barely get sleep because every time I close my eyes, I have nightmares. I can’t take sleeping pills because I still have nightmares but then I can’t wake up from them. I can’t eat food that comes out of a bag because it reminds me of the food they gave us and I just throw it up later. I flinch every time someone comes within two feet of me. I have to ask my brother to check if the shower water is the right temperature because touching cold water gives me a panic attack. I had to change all my alarm sounds because they reminded me too much of the ones they used when they-.” She shook her head and furiously wiped away her tears. “I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do. I go to the damn therapy sessions, I do the homework, I’ve tried every coping technique I can find. But nothing- It never works! I just- How the fuck are you so okay? And why am I still a fucking mess?”

Walker’s face softened and he reached out to her. She really tried not to flinch. “Cass, I-”

“I think it’s time for you to go,” Ben said sternly.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“Doesn’t matter. Thank you for the snacks, but you need to go now.”

Walker looked like he had more rebuttals but wisely kept them to himself. “I- Right. Sorry for bothering you. Bye, Cassie.”

Ben marched him out of her apartment, slamming the door behind him. Then, he rushed over to the couch. “Cass? Are you-”

“No, I’m not fucking okay,” she muttered, still wiping away tears. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said gently. “Do you want me to turn on Hawk’s Shadow?”

She shook her head. “I think I’m just gonna take a nap. Maybe later.”

“Okay. Whatever you need.”

She smiled weakly and shuffled to her bedroom for a fitful rest.

She was starting to wonder if she would ever be okay again.