#Parasocial Relationships

[spacecadetstef]

can we not share those photos of Liam's funeral? in fact can we stop sharing any celebrity's funeral. it's so gross and predatory.

[texaschainsawmascara]

[san-sebastienne]

With truly all the love and empathy in my heart: crying daily over the sexual assault allegations against Gaiman isn’t healthy. I’ve seen multiple people –especially fans of GO – saying this since they came out, and it’s really fucking concerning me.

I wonder if it has to do with the insidious ideas that 1) people are either Bad or Good, 2) Bad people can only do Bad things, and 3) liking Bad things or Bad people makes you Bad.

None of these things are true.

People are mixed up and incredibly complicated. Someone can be an incredible artist/friend/chef/ally against racism/drag queen and still be predatory/homophobic/antisemitic/never tips their wait staff. People do things that harm others in big and small ways all the time. You do too. I promise.

(Also the idea of anyone, even people who do genuinely insurmountable harm, becoming somehow less than human is an inherently fascist ideology)

The fact that you (yes, you!!) do harmful things doesn’t immediately make you Bad. There are certainly things that someone might do that causes more harm (say, assault) versus less, but that doesn’t somehow infect all the things they’ve done in the past with their Badness. Gaiman helped write Good Omens. There’s no way now to say “I was wrong and this book was Bad all along” or even “oh, all the parts I like were written by Pratchett, the Bad parts must have been Gaiman.” You didn’t miss an inherent evil by liking the book in the past. It doesn’t make you Bad for liking it now.

(It also doesn’t mean that people associated with Gaiman, like David Tennant, are also Tainted by inherent Badness. Tennant isn’t, you aren’t. Saying otherwise is also a slippery slope argument into dehumanization and fascist ideas)

By all means: if it feels right, stop giving Gaiman your money. Stop tagging him in your Azi/Crowley fanart. But do this as a way to disentangle yourself from parasocial relationships that are actively causing you grief and to vote with your wallet, not because unlinking yourself from Bad Art and Bad People will somehow absolve you and make you Good again. If you already have a copy of Good Omens or Sandman, whether you reread it is between you and your gods. Interacting with a text you find important doesn’t make you Bad or Good. It’s just reading. What you do with the stories is what matters (ironically, that’s the message of a lot of both Gaiman and Pratchett’s work).

Maybe take a peek at Good Omens and re familiarize yourself with its other core message: People are not Bad or Good. People do bad and good things.

Then maybe drink a cup of tea. You need to rehydrate.

[incognitopolls]

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[shitswiftiessay]

swifties are angry at joe alwyn for posting about gaza on taylor’s birthday, calling him “pathetic,” “manipulative,” and “evil.”

I wish I could tell you that this was all a joke, that these are all parody accounts, but they’re dead serious. and of course we get the conspiracy theory about HIS TEAM trying to make him look good, because anyone who comes online and says anything critical about taylor MUST be a member of joe alwyn’s PR team. 🙄

but yeah, swifties are convinced that joe was trying to SHADE taylor by posting about gaza on her birthday, because s hasn’t said or done shit regarding this issue. also, they literally cannot fathom that there is anything happening in the world that is MORE IMPORTANT than a billionaire’s birthday.

and these swifties really need to ask themselves: WHY does joe alwyn posting about gaza make them SO ANGRY? is it because they’re reminded that taylor has not done or said JACK SHIT about palestine because she’s too afraid to lose money by being too “controversial?”

“not to mention it’s a screenshot and it’s not even a donation link like…”

it’s a LINK TO AN ARTICLE and it’s still more than TAYLOR has ever posted?? y’all think he was trying to “shade” taylor on her birthday (even if he was, so what? she + her team + her stupid friends have been shading him SINCE APRIL) by bringing to attention her lack of care about palestine or really any issue that doesn’t directly affect her (or her “home state.”). and the fact is, taylor could VERY QUICKLY AND EASILY shut up the critics who say she hasn’t said or done enough regarding palestine, but she won’t. miss americana, the goth punk billionaire, who spent a whole documentary crying about how she wasn’t allowed to speak up on important issues, has suddenly become ALLERGIC to saying anything remotely political or controversial. and at some point you’re gonna have to ask yourself why.

[theweeklydiscourse]

Anytime you try to draw parallels between Chappell Roan’s current plight and past female stars who struggled and suffered because of the pressures of fame and scrutiny from the media, people practically fall over themselves to invalidate those comparisons. They’ll argue that “XYZ had it worse!” and mock Chappel for being “dramatic” and ungrateful while praising other female musicians/celebrities who, ironically, have also written extensively about the insane expectations placed on them by parasocial stans and the media.

It just goes to show that people learned NOTHING from Brittany Spears, Sinéad O’Connor, The Chicks and every other female star who’s been “failed” by the culture. These people will say ANYTHING to deny the fact that their behaviour is repeating the same history that people look back on and make a dozen documentaries about. It genuinely makes me seethe to think about how people will only reflect on the harassment and mockery Chappell experienced once the damage has been done.

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

You think you can hurt me? I have unhealthy parasocial relationships with THEM:

You cannot hurt me more than I have already hurt myself.

[screampotato]

Parasociality is not a weird internet illness, it's normal human behaviour. It's part of how we organise ourselves in groups, where a leader has to hold emotional sway over the whole group, even though the whole group can't be close enough to them to form a true interpersonal bond.

So if you find yourself becoming attached to a public figure you don't know, it's not anything wrong with you. It is, however, an urge that can lead you astray, just as it could throughout history, when people would swear passionate fealty to faulty leaders who would lead them to disaster, or become embroiled in destructive cults.

Just moderate it. Use your head as well as your heart. Challenge your less rational thoughts, thoughts like "but they would NEVER do something like that" - you don't know what they would do, because you don't actually know them.

Restrain yourself from calling them by their first name or a nickname, as that encourages the illusion that you know them personally, and makes you more vulnerable to the pitfalls of parasociality.

Even if you do all this, it will still hurt if your hero falls. But it won't drive you to despair, or worse, to blindly saddling up in defence of someone who does not deserve it, and possibly harming the people they have already hurt.

[netscapenavigator-official]

I think the reason that social media has become as toxic as it is, is because a lot of people view accounts as the person, and not just some journal where the person occasionally jots down an incomplete thought.

Like, not every post is an eternal, declarative manifesto. Some of us are just thinking out loud, Mary.

Just because you have a window into my soul doesn't mean you know the entire floor plan.

[the-uncanny-dag]

Comes out of the parasocial relationship covered in blood & filth saying "you should see the other guy ;)", meanwhile the other guy is posting my weird ass anon messages to their followers, exhausted with my shit & perplexed as to why someone would say that to strangers

[plasmalink]

the thing about parasocial relationships is that if you jump on them their wings fall off and they just become social relationships

[drifting-in-otter-space]

I love a good hyperfixation as much as the next person, but can we all chill the fuck out about actual real people?

Or at the very least afford them some decency by respecting their boundaries?

Parasocial relationships are scary, man.

Go off on your fictional blorbos, that's hurting no one.

But please, please don't blur the line between the fictional character and the person who plays the fictional character. Because you don't actually know that person, at all. Just their public persona... and you're entitled to nothing from them.

[nqueso-emergency]

Convinced some people have never had a coworker before based on the takes on Lou/Oliver/Ryan.

I have coworkers that I am completely neutral on- and honestly I would guess that’s how Oliver and Lou are. I don’t hate them but we aren’t best friends. We get along when we work together but I’m not hitting them up to hang out after work. “Well Oliver and Lou don’t follow each other on insta” okay Oliver doesn’t follow Tracie either even though she follows him. Guess Oliver hates Tracie. “Well Oliver thinks the cameos are weird”. Okay? I have coworkers that do weird shit that professionally, I wouldn’t do, but at the end of the day it doesn’t affect me or my ability to do my job so why would I care.

And Ryan and Oliver have worked closely together for YEARS. Ofc it’s more likely that they’re going to be closer friends.

And we also have no evidence of any of that.

Oliver has never mentioned Lou's cameos.

But, like you said, who cares??

Oliver hangs out with John (the actor that plays Albert) and he doesn't follow him either.

People should check their own follower list and rid it of the homophobic spewing dicks that they enjoy before attacking anyone else for their social media actions.

[shitswiftiessay]

What a bunch of fucking word salad, just to justify why your fave’s new album is getting dragged.

[lumoskillercrispin]

I think another reason Joe is getting so much hate from Taylor and Swifties that isn’t talked about is…

He is proof Taylor is the problem.

When they started dating it was doing the time everyone was calling her a snake. Which she might not have deserved it when it came to Kim and Kanye but she is still a snake. She always has been because she will attack anyone that she believe she is justified to.

Anyway, Joe and her staying together for so long allowed Taylor and Swifties to tell the world that she was never to blame for all her failed relationships.

Even when she wrote songs about how she causes/caused problems in joe and her relationship him sticking around meant that all those other men were terrible for not putting up with it.

Now that the relationship is over she and her fans are back in the same position they were before him. Were non Swifties are once again proving Taylor is the problem. This has caused her and them to have to try harder to convince the world she is only a victim.

Taylor won’t take personal responsibility for her actions ruining her relationships and her fans, cult honestly, refuse to see her true colors so they are all taking it out on Joe.

Honestly this is disturbing behavior.

[positively--speculative]

I, again, cannot help but think of my days as an early 20-something having a crush on Tom Hiddleston and thinking how cool it was that he was so open and friendly with his fans both online and in person and how some people had to be weirdos about him until he slowly started to pull back and they all wondered why and eventually ended up blaming Taylor Swift.

I have my problems with Taylor Swift, but you're delusional if you think it didn't have more to do with just how bold some of you were long before she came into the picture lmao.

People need to get a grip. Celebrities are strangers to you. They don't owe you shit.