#PLS DONT MAKE ME A STATISTIC

[chaunceydollz]

Horrible time to have blue crutches like I chose this color before the election without it in mind pls 😭

[pathetic-gamer]

random, deeply unscientific poll time because I'm curious how well this website reflects the overall labor force lol

before you mark "unemployed," READ THE EXPLANATION AND INSTRUCTIONS

DETAILS AND INSTRUCTIONS:

*The number listed beside each category is the number of job positions available to the total workforce, not necessarily the number of people who are actually employed.

*Not having a job does not automatically make you "unemployed." Unemployed means you are a participating member of the workforce but don't have a job currently. To be consider part of the active workforce as defined by the BLS, you MUST be ALL of the following:

16 years of age or older

residing in the 50 states or DC

available for work

actively seeking employment in the last 4 weeks

not on active duty in the military

DO NOT select unemployed unless you meet ALL of the criteria above.

Examples of not having a job but not counting as unemployed: stay-at-home parent (I know this one is a bad reflection of reality, i know i know pls dont yell at me), a full-time student not currently working, a 25 year old who hasn't applied for any jobs in over a few months, someone with a permanent or temporary disability who is either not working/seeking employment or on FMLA.

Other notes and explanation:

This is a list of all non-agriculture industries that employ 10 million or more people, based on the most recent data from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics. The math might be way off bc I wasn't very careful lmao. If you have more than one job across more than one industry, pick the one that makes up the majority of your income.

A handful of familiar sub-industries that make up a portion of a larger industry but are less than 8 million people are listed in the "Other" category so that the much larger sub-industry can have its own line.

For example, healthcare belongs to "healthcare and public services," which is around 22M and includes childcare and social support services. Because direct healthcare delivery makes up such an enormous portion, I separated it out. The rest is fewer than 5M and thus does not get its own line, so they're included in "Other." (Insurance specifically is included in finance.)

More things included in "other":

Construction

Mining, quarrying, and oil and gas extraction

Utilities

Real-estate

[megumisgirl]

PLS PLS PLS make a part 2 of gamer bf gumi 😭😭 i really love your stories and this one made me cackle

gamer! megumi x fem reader part twoooo <333

megumi's twitch was blowing up. he was trending on twitter, youtube, and all the other social platforms because of what happened last time. he had to clarrify on his channel that what happened was a mistake and people ate everything he said. from his appology to his new videos, everything. the comments were now filled with, "bring the hot girl back," "she's so hot, makes me gay," "i could let her get me pregnant," yk? usual internet stuff.

"megs, look at these comments," you said, laughing your ass off as you read them out loud. "i bet she's with him because of his big-" you snorted mid sentense, clutching your stomach as your bent forward, laughing so loudly that it echoed through the big apartment. "your fans are amazing."

megumi kept a good job at keeping a straight face, but he's the most monogomous person ever. he would get mad if a guy just stared at you, and now that they were commenting all kinds of stuff just made him even more... furstrated. "yeah." he sighed, his face burried in his phone, reading the statistic reports of his account. you frowned, crawling to him and plopping your legs on his lap that he covered with his hand, caressing your thighs with his thumb.

"is something wrong megs?" you asked, twirling your fingers in his hair, and gently massaging his scalp. megumi wasn't nesessarily the most affectionate person. it took him two months to even kiss you, and even longer to have sex with you. the most affectionate he had even been was just cuddling you when you're on your period, or hugging you when your sad. other than that, his idea of affection was sitting on opposite side of the bed while you read a book, and he played call of duty on his phone.

he sighed, looking up from his phone to meet your gaze. he just nodded, looking at his phone once again. your eyebrows brunched together as you snatched his phone. "hey!" he groaned, you placed his phone on the coffee table as you stradled yourself on his lap. his hands automatically going to your waist and resting lowly, barely touching you, just grazing ever so slightly. his chin was tilted up to meet your soft brown eyes, his jawline sharp, almost slicing through.

"what's wrong?" you asked again, your hands wrapped around his neck as he sighed into the hollow of your neck. his cheeks flushed as his lips pursed into a thin line.

"it's a bit embarassing..." he sighed, you frowned, leaning back to look at him with concern and worry in your eyes, "no no, not that kind of embarassing." he stopped again, sighing deeply before closing his eyes and looking at you again. "i just don't like how everyone is fawning over you. it makes me..." he paused, "i dont know. it makes me uncomfortable, and very furstrated. i don't mean to be rude, but you are one of the smartest person i've ever met, but sometimes, you're so oblivious it makes me laugh." you gasped, making him chuckled as he wrapped his hands around your waist tighter, "but... this... it.." he sighed, his words not forming in his mouth. "i just dont like it when people just say things about you. it's rude and impolite."

you smiled at his words. megumi was usually very mean to you during sex, more dominant and rather aggressive and seeing him like this was new and... nice.

"it's not embarassing," you said, feeling his warm breath hitting your neck as he nuzzled closer to you, "hey, look at me." you sighed, "have you been feeling neglected lately?" you asked. his cheeks darkened as his eyes widened for a brief moment before his expression went back to normal. "megumi!" you said, stretching the vowel to immitate a mocking whine which made him tsk and push you off of his lap.

"stop, y/n." he said in a firm voice, "you're making fun of me and i don't like that. i'm trying to be open here, and you're..." he trailed off, making you sigh, "i don't know." he breathed out, running his hand through his silken raven hair. you got up, walking to him and hugging him from behind, tip-toeing to kiss his shoulder.

"i'm sorry, megumi. come on, i will help you feel a little... less neglected." you grinned. he turned to look at you with a frown, you bit your lip and kissed him lightly before you dragged him to the sofa. "sit here, and come in when i call you," you instructed, "okay?"

"what are you up to?" he asked with a big grin. you had a little something planned. it wasn't something special but just enough to make the both of you happy. you decided to wear your favourite lingiere to surprise him and then you brought your phone, setting it on the tripod and turning the camera on.

"megumiii!" you called him. your heart throbbed against your chest as you looked around the dimly lit room. the candles added a beautiful romantic vibe to the room. the sheets were clean and the room looked fairly beautiful, and with you in the center, it might as well be called heaven.

"y/n, i swear if it's something-" he swallowed his words as soon as he saw you. the seductive pose you striked was in no way shape or form seductive, to be honest, you felt funny in that position, but the outfit, matched with the light innocent make-up and loose hair. he was going insane.

"you said it made you feel furstrated that they were so focused on your girlfriend, right?" you asked, leaning in to grab him arm and pulling him onto the bed, but he just stood there. his legs encaging you, "why don't you take your furstrating out on me?" you whispered, your voice trailing up his ear, leaving goosebumps as his hands gently caressed your arm. "and show it to them." you pointed at the camera recording, and his eyes followed. his cheeks reddened as he looked back at you. he tilted your face by his fingers, placed firmly under your chin and kissed your deeply. your elbows behind you for support.

you felt his hand push you down onto the bed as he hovered on top of you. his hands slid beneath your thin lace dress, making you gasp from his cold touch, he took it to advantage and explored every inch of your mouth that was his. you pulled back for a second, taking his sweatshirt off as he panted again, his raven hair falling on his face, covering a slight bit of his flushed face. you breathed out deeply before you kissed him again, this time the kiss slower. more passionate. more intimate.

you moved your hands to trace his abs and bring his body closer to yours by pulling him with the strap of his pants. he breaks the kiss, looking at you with lust in his eyes and his mouth practically drooling at the sight of his pretty girlfriend all dressed up for him and the fact that it was recording, just added fuel to the fire. god knows, how many times he will jerk off to it.

"this is going to be a long night, sweatheart."

—

ending in a cliff-hanger because i like it how it is and also cuz i'm lazy. sorry for not posting a lot lately, i've been busy with my finals :( i hope u guys liked this 💗 (p.s. thank you for all the messages!!! they make my dayyy!<33 and plus also, i love the star wars memes ya'll sended 😭)

[muffimtv]

tihesocyh

all of them except any youre uncomfy with i know its 40 pls

POEASE

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?- my friends, my relationship with gender, and my art

show us a picture of your handwriting?

this is the closest i got

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?- lego batman movie, hercules, jaws

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?- @fuzziecorpse it’s shakespeare’s fucking fault

what made you start your blog?- i had a lot of friends on tumblr and needed somewhere to post art

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?- best part is for sure just the fun of making content! worst is all the judgement i tend to get (especially being a furry)

what scares you the most and why?- abandonment, because i have anxiety

any reacquiring dreams?- not really

tell a story about your childhood- i LOVED the paris catacombs when i was a kid. i would SOB because my parents wouldn’t let me touch the skulls and when they made me leave

would you say you’re an emotional person?- oh yeah

what do you consider to be romance?- i have a bit of a weird relationship with romance! it’s very hard to describe where i draw the line

what’s some good advice you want to share?- uhhhh dont die?

what are you doing right now?- watcjing lego batman movie

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?- jump into a pool from the balcony

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?- my bedroom late at night or my partner

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?- i want to be more patient

name 3 things that make you happy- fandom, cats, art

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?- i think that it’s statistically unlikely we’re alone in the universe. as far as ghosts go i think they’re a neat concept but i don’t really believe in them

favourite thing about the day?- warm sun

favourite things about the night?- stars

are you a spiritual person?- not really?

say 3 things about someone you love- so so kind, so so silly, and makes me feel incredibly loved

say 3 things about someone you hate- homophobic cowboy piece of shit

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?- being a good sibling

fave season and why?- autumn, it’s the perfect temperature and weather almost always (side note: it’s literally my namesake)

fave colour and why?- purple, it’s beautiful

any nicknames?- muffi/muffin

do you collect anything?- books, plushies, fabric

what do you do when you’re sad?- play sad music

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?- my friends

are you messy or organised?- both. my space usually looks like a disaster but i know exactly where evrrything is

how many tabs do you have open right now?- uhhh 28

any hobbies?- all of the above (reading, drawing, sewing, bookbinding, making playlists)

any pet peeves?- that squeaky sound balloons make

do you trust easily?- yes

are you an open book or do you have walls up?- chronic oversharer ����🙏

share a secret- i don’t really keep any? see above LMAO

fave song at the moment?- save a horse (ride a cowboy)

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?- film cooper rn, he’s funny as fuck

any bad habits?- picking at my lips AUFH

[nine-fingered-entity]

it's been a bit because college and the horrors and actually yeah thats really all but. great ace attorney brain dump time. currently just met the 3 witnesses in trial day 1 of resolve case 4

i would like to buy ryunosuke a stiff drink (of tea. or sake. either works) this has been a week and a half or so of just. a lot. my man.

will admit it. i like van zieks. he may be the worst, but he's grown on me like some kind of mold. mold man. also i think ryunosuke likes him (begrudgingly) so its fine. (ryunosuke also might be too nice for his own good, but that's a whole other thing)

greg :(

he was going to go to Paris to protect Gina :(

the picture of him, Klint and Barok... smiling... :(

i think Greg is the first AA character death of a major character that does not serve as the opening turning point of a game (rip mia/kazuma (not dead but)) and so I was Stunned. Shook. Bamboozled. like you really get to know him. the epic highs and lows and then. he's Dead.

what was he doing though???? are we going to learn horrible dark secrets in this trial?????????

and why was Van Zieks investigating him...

i have a bad feeling about all this

okay. herlock. um. yikes.

he's been more unhinged lately. more douchey. i trust he has good? reasons for his lying and evasiveness and like. his attitude, but. y u like this bro. can you say one nice thing about ryunosuke without immediately making it about yourself?

truly the fics out there must... need to finish this game. do not ask who i ship.

also we still don't know his connection to the Professor Case. my crack theory is Mycroft. and Mycroft being another victim, but I have literally no evidence but vibes.

red hair herlock was kind of a look tho. go off.

ALSO

okay so the red haired league is one of the actual sherlock stories i kind of remember. in it, the whole job thing was a setup to get this ONE redheaded dude consistently out of his house, i think so they could search it??? okay i dont remember the reasoning, but. fascinated to see how it works out here.

Bepo -> Sandwich. I assume that's a consequence of his perjury? from the last game. got fired and such? idk

also okay these are disjointed but i have two facts

1. reaper thing is statistically real. and bad.

2. van zieks does not know what the hell is going on there (apparently)

fascinating. he quit prosecuting like 5 years ago-was it because of the Reaper? although he never seemed too bummed about the whole thing (till Albert. lol)

but the Reaper for McGilded was Audrey- so are all the rest of them connected? or not?

bleh.

KAZUMA WHAT ARE U DOING

ryunosuke is going thru it

kazummmaaaaaaaaa talk to your friends this vagueness is infuriating just... trust us. pls. man. stop the mixed signals :(

my thought is he wants to defend his father? clear his father's name?

other thought is that either He or Herlock will be the final defendant. i think???

Stronghart is the final villain and i will bet money on that. misguided sense of justice, woot!

im unsure if Genshin actually did it. i will not be surprised if the game makes him innocent in the end, but i honestly kind of think it might be more interesting to not take the easy way out. he did it. and now Kazuma and everyone else has to grapple with that. but idk. i think i trust them to do the path they pick justice

conclusion: dont know Shit. must keep playing

[bitternanami]

im really really excited by this idea, i think its brilliant. on reading this post it had me thinking, like. how much expertise would be necessary to produce something like that? what would it take to implement it?

if i may im gonna spitball a little on this. pls bear with me, bc im going into a fair bit of detail as to potential hurdles, but overall i dont think this is unachievable at all. it would help a lot of people enormously.

im also putting it under a cut bc it got Really Long. oops

(ill note im coming at this from a usamerican perspective, so im not sure how this would work globally, though that would obviously be the larger objective. more research needed.)

i think the main reason this might prove difficult is that a lot of the time, comorbidities with chronic illness can span across the fields of a variety of different specialists. specialists who absolutely Hate to talk to each other 🙄

depression borne of thyroid disease is a great example here. i would be surprised to run into a psychiatrist who even like.. knows that that is a thing that can happen, or at least has internalized it to the extent that its something they would honestly suggest. doing that would mean putting into focus the interconnectedness of human bodymind systems, which doesnt jive well with the way the health industry has compartmentalized our care into distinct little boxes at all.

and this obviously sucks. it leaves our hypothetical patient out in the rain, with no real recourse to learn what the actual problem is, short of doing all of these doctors' jobs for them, as is the case now. ideally it would not work like this at All, but if we assume that for our purposes here that we're maneuvering within the flawed framework as it exists, then it means giving practitioners across the board access to multidisciplinary information they otherwise wouldnt be bothered to look for themselves. in order to do that, one needs to compile it in the first place.

creating an accurate, referable directory of comorbidities with the according sets of diagnostic checklists would have to be a multi-pronged effort, because of how varied and multifaceted the area of study is. so itd likely require the formation of several specific focus groups consisting of ppl from a range of bgs, most critically those with lived experience, as well as good-faith medical scholars. each of these groups could maybe develop a list of common symptoms, comorbidities that currently exist in patients, risk factors.. answers to the question 'what does it look like when you have both [x] and [y]?'

like, the answers to those questions Exist already ! the raw quantitative data isnt necessarily there rn--we're not currently recording a lot of these statistics outside of like. medicaid/medicare, which means the sample set is inherently gonna have some degree of bias, but even still thats Something to work with. we can use what we have to back up any findings and like. Tell people about them.

when it comes to pitching this resource to the established systems.. training existing practitioners as well as appending this information to medical curricula…. who has the authority to do this? legislature? national health associations? those are made of people, and like…. in theory we can talk to people, right?

i mean, im definitely being reductive abt the amount of bullshit youd have to wade through to enact this on a large scale; i know doctors are a standoffish, stubborn bunch on the whole, and therefore no doubt highly resistant to change of any sort. but the healthcare system has been improved before, yknow? it sucked to do and it happened too slowly. many many many lives could have been improved, saved, if the those treating us considered it a priority to listen to sick people. but if they dont want to do that, then there must be ways to make them.

upon implementation, the database would also require updating as we collectively learn things about chronic illness, in order to make a questionnaire/test directory like that a functional tool even as research progresses. so you need the resources to do that, to be up on the current medical texts alongside regularly repeating the initial fact-finding process, to see what, if anything, has changed over time. maintenance would comparatively be a lot simpler than establishing it in the first place tho.

like, its a large large project. it might be out of an individual's means but it really feels doable when i look at it as a, a grant proposal to bring to a nonprofit or patient advocacy group or something. id need to look into whats out there for chronic illnesses broadly, bc i know a large number of those are focused on specific diagnoses, but. i dont know!! am i way off base here ?? are there people working on projects like this already? is it embarrassingly naive to think theres a chance of actually affecting how this all works???

when you get diagnosed with a chronic illness they should automatically offer you free tests for the ten most common comorbidities.

bc chronic illnesses DO often come in bundles like that and people experiencing them often struggle with recognizing symptoms in things we’ve lived with sometimes for our entire lives meaning we have to a) identify that something we experience is a symptom of something that hasn’t been diagnosed and b) believe it’s possible/important/realistic to address that symptom AND c) communicate this to our doctors often/clearly/emphatically enough that we eventually can get tested AND, usually, d) figure out what’s causing it ourselves because let’s be real doctors often don’t care enough to figure it out themselves and will often just shrug unless you mention a specific possible diagnosis for them to check

and all of this could be made one trillion times easier if after someone did that ONCE and got diagnosed, if it was standard practice for the doctor to then pull out their handy dandy reference app and put in the New Diagnosis and be given a list of the most common comorbidities that they must now check you for.

like they don’t even have to run the lab tests if that’s too expensive! Just go over the diagnostic criteria and proactively ask, “Do you experience these symptoms?” and suddenly people will have adequate diagnoses and possible treatment options SO much faster

[missmysterious56]

god i dont know what it is but edwina really really really makes me eangry... (coming from me a very high individual who has been working on coding for statistics for hours)

edwina in fix be like : i wanna know something that i know will greatly upset and derail me for a month

kate concerned : are you sure

edwina : HOW DARE YOU KATE I KNOW HOW TO PROTECT MYSELF I AM STRONG I DONT NEED YOU TELKING ME WHAT I CAN AND CANT DO BABA WOULD BE SO DISAPPOINTED

in the show like being like :

oh look a man thats looked at me oh- hes i viscount.... I want that!!! mineminemine...ignores cinnimon roll who looks at her like she is the sun the stars and the moon for said grumpy viscout... DIDI I NEED YOU TO SEDUCE THE MAN I WANT BECAUSE YOU "HATE" EACHOTHER. I CAN TELL BY THE WAY HE WAS UPSET AT SEEING YOU WITH ANOTHER MAN

THE WAY SHE JUST SAT THERE WHEN THE SHEFIELDS WERE FUCKING LIKE ATTACKING KATE VERBALLY FOR NO REASON WITH A SMILE NAHHHH

NOT TO MENTION her AND mary getting upset at kate for what she did but like neither paid her like any mind during the series. the only time mary talked to her was to reprimand her like bruh

it reallt just got to me ... ya know

and these are just my opinions pls dont come at me 😭😭😭

[luvspence]

heyy wassup? i have a request, if that’s okay. could u do a spencer x reader in which reader and spencer flirt in a bar -like derek convinced him to go there but then he really enjoys reader’s company- and she goes away pretty early cuz she has a job interview. so like spencer is sad at work the day after, but he finds reader in the lift cuz she has an interview with hotch??? around season 10 pls. hope it’s okay. thank u in advance <3

omg yes! this is like lowkey greys anatomy vibes if you’ve ever seen it, i love this idea so much

——

“what else would you be doing?”

“reading”

“i think your books will be okay without you for a night”

spencer rolled his eyes as derek dragged him into the local bar

“kid look, if you hate it that much you can leave, but who knows maybe you’ll enjoy yourself”

“doubtful, i don’t even want to think about the staggering amount of microorganisms on these-“

derek cut in “then dont”

he took a seat next to derek at the bar, sipping on his glass of water, watching morgan flirt with the girl beside him

“derek”

he nudged his side

“derek!”

“and that’s when i kicked down the door-, kid what?”

spencer hated this experience, but derek was having a good time, and the way he was drinking he was gonna need a ride home. so he sucked it up, and did the good friend move

“nevermind”

he turned around and went back to talking to the girl beside him

spencer was spacing out, thinking about the saturation of carbon dioxide in his seltzer

“could i get a beer?”

he heard a voice to the left of him

soon he felt her presence, radiating next to him on the adjacent stool as she took a sip of her beer

she sat there staring down the bar counter tops, pushing her hair behind her ear and softly mumbling to herself

she then met his eyes

“h-hi, i’m y/n”

“hello i’m spencer”

“spencer, british, unisex, meaning administrator”

“w-well yes indeed! it also means steward, and peaked in popularity in the late 90s”

she took another big gulp of her beer

“do we have similar lines of work or do you just know everything?”

“well, not everything but i do know quite a bit, like your name for example”

he rambled on about the traditional meanings of your name, which led to a discussion about personal stories behind your name, which led to talk about parents

“well my mother died when i was young, what does that same about me spencer?”

“abandonment issues possibly, statistically, the death of a parent usually has a pretty severe negative affect on someone, higher risk of short schooling and mental illness, but as far as i can see you seem very bright and successful, so i don’t think you follow the statistical trends”

“why thank you, well i do have a job interview tomorrow so i think i am on the trek to beating the statistics”

“that’s great! i’m sure with your area of expertise you’ll be a valuable asset to any job”

spencer was being a lot more forward than usual, but it just seemed so natural, so fun

“oh geez you’re gonna make me blush, you’re quite the intellect, setting up a stark expectation”

he chuckled softly, staring into her big eyes

she swiftly looked down at her watch

“well i’ve got to get going, the interview and everything, it was nice talking to you!”

she said as she grabbed her jacket and hopped off the stool

“you as well! i hope to see you again soon”

before spencer said that last part she was already out the door

“who was that?” derek spinner around in his stool

“y/n, she seems really sweet, i didn’t get her number though”

“y/n... why does that sound so familiar?”

—-

the next day spencer rushed into work, hair un done and he missed a couple buttons on the cardigan

he walked into the elevator and repeatedly pressed the button

he was fixing his hair when the elevator stopped short

“what even”

he pressed the button of his desired floor once more, but a woman walked in

dressed in a matching pencil skirt and blazer combo, she said

“6th floor please”

spencer nodded, they had the same destination

he looked down at her

“y/n?”

“yes oh hi! spencer!”

“what are you doing here?”

“this is my interview! i have a meeting with agent hotchner”

“no way, i work here, i’m a profiler for the behavioral analysis unit”

“oh my goodness why didn’t you mention that! that’s so cool i’m interviewing to join your team!”

they continued to chat until they reached the 6th floor

“well good luck! you’ll do great”

“thank you! and here”

she shuffled through her bag and took out a post it and wrote her number on it

“i wasn’t going to let an opportunity fly by me twice”

[lilietsblog]

so anyway im just going to scream about pgte queer representation again

cause guys we’ve got

- a bisexual most-definitely-aromantic-i-have-a-flipbook-of-evidence main character who’s the cutest blushing romantic to ever have eyes for approximately anything that moves

- her aroace-dont-@-me-i-also-have-a-flipbook-of-evidence-and-all-of-yall-saying-she-just-likes-flying-fotresses-better-than-sex-are-actively-proving-my-point enemies to vaguely-love-interests-maybe-i-mean-the-mc-literally-said-she-should-know-better-than-to-think-she-doesnt-love-her foil who uses flashing skin as a method of passive aggressiveness

- a cute as heck aroace autistic boi who’s in a romantic relationship

- with a heart-full-of-love very pan girl who respects his boundaries (once she gets to know him anyway. indrani pls dont pinch random ppls butts when you first meet them you’re awful)

- I am not talking about poly right now because it’s technically a separate thing from queer but the protagonist is also in a relationship (that is friends with benefits, where benefits include being disgustingly and adorably domestic) w/ said girl and stans her boyfriend and their relationship intensely, while the girl won’t stop shipping her / meddling in her Other Love Life because she wants her to be happy and is also terrible askdjfhaksjdh themmmmm

- a demiromantic demisexual disaster of an older man who’s a dad to one of the above, an uncle to another and technically if you squint a stepdad to the third, and killed the dad of the last one (not listed in order) (none of these people are related genetically to be clear, except for the dead one), and mentored his nephew about what being on the aro/ace spectrum is like bc having one (1) love interest does not make you not on the spectrum actually

While Papa had not been able to understand, not truly, for it was against the nature of an incubus to be as he was, his other father had seen in [him] similarities to what he’d once seen in his uncle. Enough to suggest a conversation. Not every kind of love involves bedplay or poetry, Uncle [that guyyyy] had told him. You can crave closeness with someone without craving them in other ways. Sometimes it just… fits. The intensity of it can be misleading, but you will learn.

- yeah so the autistic boi is also the adopted son of a warlock and an incubus. they are married. its controversial. incubi are not normally SENTIENT

- (this one is and they were the cutest couple as long as their son was single. now him & his gal take the cake)

- so. many. gay background and side characters

- unfortunately enbies and trans peeps are side character only but there is this vibe that like 3/4 of the side characters could be trans and we would never know bc guess whose business this is none of? anyone’s. maybe the big bad is trans. no-one in the setting has any reason to care

- also the one trans woman definitely mentioned to be such is currently off conquering her homeland. we stan a future empress. i mean imperialism is bad but so is obstructing a war effort to save the world so we stan anyway tbh

- using facepaint to indicate what gender you currently are in accordance with your homeland’s tradition? people who can read the facepaint use the right pronouns when you’re right there and everyone else / when you’re not there goes with “they”? that is happening

- “ma’am... please start a dynasty... get married... have kids... if u like girls better that’s fine we have the (miracle) technology just please... change your surname to something respectable and do a dynasty” “no”

- this is not even remotely close to everything that is happening

- i swear straight characters exist. i mean i mentioned one already (EDIT: turns out i didnt mention her. i removed that bullet point for some reason. tl;dr the protag had a ?crush? on her for a while) and there are no less than *counts on fingers* three others that statistically are shown to have interest in only girls/guys respectively

[softspiderling]

when you don’t want to be another statistics 😫

precious would rather die actually

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING S1 (again) and i’m lowkey fucking with topper (if he becomes an asshole later on dont tell me i didn’t watch it yet 😭)

👀 i aint gon' say nothing...

how did i miss this cute detail on the first read through 😭🥺

IDK you tell me🤨

why did i suddenly have the urge that i should be out partying

me

pause.

LMFAOOOOO

final thoughts 🤍 i’m literally in love with their dynamic, it feels so authentic especially bc this is exactly how i act w my guy best friend 😭 but i’m in LOVE with their banter and how they just bounce off each other so we’ll and witty. pls, elle, i beg give me ur talent 🛐 anyways, i remember reading this a while ago and am SO glad there’s more parts to read 😌

girl stop you're making me CRY😭 i love love love your annotations like your annotations are the real deal, ILY ZYA

illicit affairs - part one | r.c.

summary:

“I’ll be upstairs with Monique, a’ight?” he said, muttering in your ear. “Are you okay getting the drinks to the boys?”

“Yeah yeah,” you huffed with a wave. “Go on. Be safe.”

Rafe smirked at you, ignoring how Monique was staring daggers at you. “Come get me if anything’s wrong, you hear me precious?”

OR; Topper gets duped by a pretty “bartender”, Rafe (almost) has another hook up, and you're trying to tell yourself that this is enough.

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

warnings: mention of drugs and alcohol (weed!), this chapter has no smut, but the later parts will so 18+ MDNI!

word count: 2,5k

author's note: wait... is this finally the first chapter of illicit affairs?🤭 yes it is!!! ik i've been teasing it for so long but it's finally hereee!!! inspired by my own tom holland fic (don't talk to me pls) and it has evolved into a series... i hope you love it so much!!!

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part one: "don't call me kid"

Women and men can’t be “just friends”.

You had always hated that saying. Like, why the hell couldn’t men and women be friends? All three of your best friends were guys, and you didn’t even remotely want to be anything more than friends with any of them.

Okay, maybe you wouldn’t mind being more than friends with one of them.

Bane of your existence.

Pain in the ass.

Annoying as hell.

Your best friend, Rafe Cameron.

You tried so hard to not be in love with him, to only be his friend. Mostly because it would make your life so much less complicated, but also because you hated proving that saying right by being in love with your guy best friend.

“Hey, you still with us?”

“What?”

Rafe stared at you with a frown, before he plucked the joint from your lips.

“You nearly smoked the entire thing by yourself. What’s got you thinking so hard?”

He raised an eyebrow at you while taking a hit from the joint, barely pulling it from his lips before Kelce snagged it from him.

“Greedy bitch,” Rafe huffed before he turned his attention back to you. “You tired, precious? Want to leave?”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname - despite the long tradition of it - and shook your head. “Nah. It’s not even one. And Topper hasn’t made a fool of himself yet.”

“Fuck you,” Topper shot back immediately, moving his cup out of the way when you reached for it. “No, no drinks for mean girls.”

“Come on, don’t be such an asshole,” you whined, smacking your mouth a little to get rid of the dryness the joint has left. Making grabby hands at the cup, you annoyed Topper until he finally gave in, handing you his cup. You took a big gulp, before you pulled a face, pushing the cup back into his hands, barely able to swallow whatever the hell he was drinking.

“Ew, what is that?”

“Some girl in the kitchen made it for him,” Rafe told you, snickering. “I don’t think he was even watching what she was pouring into his cup. Too entranced by her pretty eyes.”

“She said she’s a bartender,” Topper said defensively and you only snorted. He made it far too easy for girls to mess with him.

“Top, I love you,” you said, getting to your feet and straightening your clothes in the process. “But please, you can’t keep falling in love with every pretty girl who pays attention to you.”

“But I’ve been in love with you for six years precious,” Topper proclaimed as he clutched his chest melodramatically, “When will you give me a chance?”

You only scoffed at his antics, twisting your hair up before putting a hair clip in it. “You wish,” you said, slapping his hands away. “I’ll get us some new drinks.”

“I’ll come with,” Rafe offered.

“Can you get me one too?” Kelce piped up and you pinched his cheek, making him wince.

“Vodka soda?”

Kelce gave you a dirty look, rubbing his cheek before he nodded petulantly. You gave him a thumbs up, grabbing Rafe by the wrist to drag him inside.

It was incredibly packed as soon as you entered the house from the backyard, the body heat from about 50 drunk people raising the temperature indoors and it smelled like the inside of a beer keg. Rafe kept his hand on your lower back, to not lose track of you as you carefully weaved between the people on your way to the kitchen. You tried not to get distracted by how his hand occasionally brushed over your exposed skin whenever your top rode up. He had always been this way. Running a hand through Topper’s hair to annoy him, clasping Kelce’s shoulder whenever he drank too much and was hanging over the toilet, squeezing Wheezie’s arm in a quick hug, and keeping his hand on your lower back whenever the two of you were walking somewhere crowded. He liked to show affection the way his father failed to do. So you refused to overthink it when his hands splayed over your skin, despite your heart racing whenever it happened.

Losing yourself to your thoughts for a second, you didn’t pay any attention when some guy walked into you, too busy talking with his friend to watch where he was going. You nearly went flying face down on the ground, but Rafe’s hand quickly found your waist, steadying you.

“Hey, watch it!” Rafe snapped at the guy, who only raised his hands in defense.

“I’m fine,” you insisted, gently pushing his hands off of you. “We’re nearly there, don’t start a fight.”

Out of the corner of your eyes, you could see Rafe giving the guy a stink eye before you reached the kitchen, where it luckily wasn’t as cramped, with only a handful of people mingling and talking. Grabbing four cups off of the stack on the kitchen island, you pursed your lips as you let your eyes roam over the options, rows, and rows of alcohol.

“Do you want a beer or something harder?”

“Beer, I think I might have to drive us home,” Rafe replied, grabbing the vodka bottle that was on his left, and handing it to you.

You unstacked the cups on the counter and poured vodka into three of them. Rafe reappeared by your side - not that you had noticed him leaving, you were too focused on making sure there was an equal amount of vodka in all the cups - sipping on a beer, a jug of cranberry juice in his other hand. You grabbed the jug out of his hand, wordlessly, filling your cup to the brim.

“Where’s the club soda?” you asked, glancing at him over your shoulder. Rafe only shrugged.

“Couldn’t find it.”

“Here’s club soda, Rafe,” a flirty voice suddenly said, and Monique Colver batted her long, fake eyelashes at Rafe.

“Thanks Monique,” Rafe replied with a smirk, taking the bottle to give it to you, which you accepted wordlessly.

Here we go.

“Call me Moni.”

“Moany?” you muttered under your breath while you filled the other two cups, barely wincing when Rafe gave you a side eye, acting like he was listening to every word that left Monique’s lips.

“- but I told my dad I really wanted to travel a bit so he got a me a trip to Europe.”

“Oh yeah? What countries you tryna see?”

Ugh.

You downed your entire cup in one go, already refilling it when you heard “show you” and “upstairs” and you rolled your eyes. You lifted your cup to your lips, basically putting your entire face in it, really, anything to remove yourself from this conversation, only pausing with drowning yourself when you felt Rafe’s hand on your lower back. Again.

“I’ll be upstairs with Monique, a’ight?” he said, muttering in your ear. “Are you okay getting the drinks to the boys?”

“Yeah yeah,” you huffed with a wave. “Go on. Be safe.”

Rafe smirked at you, ignoring how Monique was staring daggers at you. “Come get me if anything’s wrong, you hear me precious?”

You flipped him off and he took that as a sign to leave, following Monique as she dragged him upstairs.

“Bitch,” you muttered to yourself, grabbing the three cups on the counter and heading back outside to the boys.

It was a miracle that not a single drop was spilled on the way, probably because you were too busy trying not to imagine what was going on upstairs.

“There she is!” Kelce greeted you. “Almost died of thirst. What took you so long?”

“Don’t ask,” you muttered, handing them the drinks and Topper eyed you suspiciously. Acting like you didn’t notice it, you plopped yourself into the empty seat next to them, taking a big gulp from your drink.

“Where’s Rafe?”

“Where do you think?” you said with a sigh, giving him a look.

You weren’t jealous.

Okay, you were.

But it wasn’t the main reason why you were so annoyed.

You just hated it when the girls Rafe hooked up with always treated you like you were their competition, like you would take him away from them.

Which, fair, you could if you wanted. If you faked an injury or being sick, Rafe would immediately drop them to get you home.

But he’d never want you the way he wanted them. Yes, you knew he loved you, and yes he was your best friend, but you couldn’t help but want more. Maybe that was selfish. You let out a small sigh, leaning your head on Kelce’s shoulder, missing the way he glanced at Topper. Lucky for you, they decided against pushing it. Taking a sip from your drink, you tried not to think about Monique and Rafe. It didn’t help that the vodka and the joint were starting to work, spreading into your system, making you feel all warm and woozy, your head cloudy.

Your eyebrows shot up when Rafe suddenly appeared, squeezing himself between you and the armrest, his hair disheveled. You were still stewing, looking at him with a crease on your forehead.

“That was quick,” you noted. “Where did you leave Moany?” You couldn’t help but ask, putting emphasis on her nickname.

Rafe only shook his head, plucking your cup out of your hand to take a big gulp.

“That man is traumatized,” Kelce pointed out, nodding in understanding like he didn’t need any further explanation.

“Wait, Monique Colver?” Topper asked. “She’s pretty, isn’t she?”

Rafe held up his hand, stopping him. “Yes, but that wasn’t the problem.”

You rolled your eyes, already knowing what was coming. He was such a drama queen sometimes.

“What did she do?”

Rafe didn’t answer, taking another sip of the drink, before he winced. “She told me to call her precious.”

“What?!”

“HUH??”

“Ew!”

“You know what’s the worst?” Rafe groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t even get off.”

“That’s your biggest problem??”

He rolled his eyes at you, shifting on the sofa. “Pretty big, yeah.”

“Ugh.”

“Can we get back to Monique wanting you to call her precious?” Kelce interjected. “Did Rafe call you precious in front of her?”

“Yes, very clearly. There’s no way she didn’t hear,” you replied.

“Maybe she hates your guts and she wanted to roleplay being you while Rafe abuses her in a sex-way.”

“Kelce, literally never open your mouth again,” you groaned, covering your ears with your hands, while Topper cracked up, Rafe only pulled a face.

“It makes sense,” Topper insisted. “Like, precious is the only girl who’s been around us, or well, Rafe, constantly. You know, apart from Sarah and Wheezie. Maybe that was Monique’s way of telling you she wants to be your girlfriend.”

“What?” Rafe asked, his forehead creased.

You snorted, shaking your head. “You’re giving her way too much credit, I think she’s just weird.”

“You’re biased,” Topper pointed out, reaching behind Kelce’s to boop you on the head. “I don’t think you’ve ever liked any of the girls Rafe hooked up with.”

“Ugh, what’s there to like? They either act like I’m invisible or are passive aggressive bitches,” you huffed, smacking his hand away. Rafe snickered, throwing an arm around your shoulder to pull you close, pressing a kiss on your head.

“They’re jus’ jealous, cuz you’re the only girl I keep around.”

“Get off me,” you grumbled, your cheeks warming regardless. Rafe knew how to make you feel special.

Kelce yawned, stretching his arms, laying one of them on top of Rafe’s arm around your shoulder. “This party sucks. And I’m starving.”

“I’m so down for tacos right now, do you think Mateo’s still open?” Topper asked, sitting up straight because if there was one thing he took seriously, it was tacos.

“It’s two am on a Saturday,” you pointed out, and his shoulders sagged. You exchanged looks with Rafe, a grin growing on your face. “His truck is definitely still open.”

“Alright!” Topper cheered, jumping up. “Let’s go then!”

He dragged the rest of you off of the couch, herding you through the backyard and to the car, all the while laughing and joking around. You ignored the dirty looks you received from others as you got into the passenger seat, Rafe getting into the driver’s seat of his truck.

It didn’t take long until Rafe pulled up into the parking lot where Mateo’s food truck was parked, the four of you tumbling out of the car, Topper nearly falling flat on his face as he sprinted to the food truck. The light was still on, with faint Spanish music playing in the background.

“If it isn’t my four favorite Kooks,” Mate said, wiping the counter with a towel, before throwing it over his shoulder, eyeing you expectantly as you stood in a row in front of him. “Can I help you?”

“Do you have any carne asada tacos?” Kelce asked, peering over the display.

“Even four would be enough,” Topper added, wringing his hands nervously.

Mateo sighed and you’d already come to terms with having to go to bed with a taco craving, before he grinned at you, shaking his head fondly.

“Grab some drinks and have some patience, I’ll feed you in a second.”

Ten minutes later, the four of you were chowing down on some tacos, washing it down with ice-cold cans of coke.

“Fuck, I so needed this,” Topper moaned, biting into his third taco and you rolled your eyes at him, dabbing at your mouth with a napkin.

“Get it together Top.”

Rafe nudged you with his knee, giving you a look. “Give him a break, I know you’ve been craving some tacos as well,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, which made you pull a face.

“Eurgh, please use a napkin you slob.”

You pushed the stack of napkins in his direction and he only grinned at you, picking up some off the stack to wipe his mouth.

“What would I do without you?” he teased, but you only rolled your eyes fondly, picking up some nachos.

“Whatever, eat your damn taco.”

Rafe squeezed your wrist with his clean hand, and you only leaned your head on his shoulder, starting to zone out when they started talking about some new boat, just enjoying their company. Honestly, you were glad you had them. Even if they were boys, incredibly dumb, and lacked a little tact sometimes, you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You glanced down, where your legs were pressed against Rafe’s as you sat next to each other on the picnic bench, just like always.

Maybe, you thought to yourself, maybe this was enough.

“You good?” Rafe asked, raising a brow at you, taco halfway into his mouth.

“Yep, ‘m perfect.”

It had to be.

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author's note: tell me what you think pls!!!

🏷️list: @maybankslover

[neverdoingmuch]

I’m here for the ‘swords not as pets’ agenda. Swords as cars: solid, get you from place to place, potentially dangerous, customizable, something people name. Wwx losing his license taking the fall for a mistake jc made (idk, dui maybe?) and just choosing to mod the hell out of a self-balancing scooter or segway or something so it goes dangerously fast. Alternatively: spending 3 months inventing the first functional actual levitating hoverboard, with an insane top speed. 3 months in the (1/2)

sawdfert this is delightful!! i saw segway and i immediately started wheezing,, there was no time for laughing i went straight to the wheezing. i think it would make more sense if wwx lost his car and got a motorcycle? like hoverboards and segways are cool but motorcycles have that big reputation of being dangerous and there’s the whole ‘rebellious teen gets a motorcycle and becomes a delinquent’ thing? like motorcycles are fast and if you crash it’s so much worse than if you were in a car and there’s no airbags or anything. but also?? wwx rocking up to school on a segway while playing his flute like the shittiest entrance ever? iconic. but let’s stick with chenqing as a motorcycle/scooter (motorcycle-esque scooter not the ones that try and take out your ankles).

okay so all the major sects are super rich so in a modern au it would make sense for all the sect heirs to get cars. i’m not saying that jc and wwx complain about jzx being stuck-up bc he was given a porsche for his birthday even though they were also given cars for their birthdays,,, but i am. at first it would have been this major point of contention between yzy and jfm bc wwx isn’t even their son so why is he getting a car too but wwx is like ah it’s so i can drive jc and jyl to school! you wouldn’t want their cars being left outside the school all day would you? someone in my maths class had their car get keyed and it was super expensive to fix,, and yzy is like yes wwx may have a car only to protect my children from parking hassles,, also wwx must pay for his own parking. so wwx and jc both get given cars for their bdays.

now wwx gets bored easily,, so you could translate him being a cultivation genius to him being really good at driving. im talking that jc is still getting the hang of switching gears and wwx is out there casually drifting around corners. (this does mean he has to get new tyres really frequently but he’s friends with wen ning, whose family runs the mechanics that wwx likes to go to so he just helps around the shop for a bit and gets a discount (yes its the family discount)). anyway wwx really enjoys driving, also! he just rocks up to wen ning’s place one day and is like dude, i wanna pimp my ride, wanna help and wen ning is like heck yeah. so wwx pays for some upgrades with his own money and he spends hours doing some custom work to make it look cool,,

it’s all going well until wwx and jc go to wen chao’s party one night and jc gets absolutely sloshed,,, like completely hammered. wwx had walked in, grabbed a cup of lemonade or something and was gonna hang with his friends but lwj was there for some reason so he spent the entire night talking to him in the back garden. which means that when jc wanted to leave he saw wwx hanging out with lwj and went ew gross and just decided to drive home himself. he crashes and when wwx comes home the next day jc gets super pissed at him bc he was meant to be the designated driver and if he hadnt been screwing around with lwj jc wouldnt have tried to drive home and now his parents will be super pissed and wwx is like woah chill my grandmother is a mechanic and she can fix this up just give me a couple of days. 

so wwx goes to baoshan sanren mechanics (which is just the back entrance to the wen sibling’s mechanics) and spends the next three days getting rid of all of his customisations and mods so his car looks exactly like jc’s. does he cry when he has to spend like five mins spraying the inside of the car with axe body spray to get the jc stench going on? maybe a little. but he does it and returns the car to jc! and jc is like oh wow my car is fixed, your grandma is a miracle worker and wwx is like haha yeah (:

anyway wwx mysteriously and suddenly discovers a passion for public transport,, it’s a good way to stay humble jiang cheng, he says, also i used all my petrol money buying porn from nhs or whatever. anyway wwx is doing the whole pt to school thing but then one afternoon wen chao and wzh find him and idk maybe the party got too rowdy so the cops came and wc got in trouble with his dad? he assumes wwx called the cops on him so he shoves wwx into his car and drives him out to the middle of no where and dumps him in the burial mounds scrap metal recycling place or whatever. 

the train line isn’t running that day and there’s no phone service either so wwx is stuck there overnight. he gets super bored. so what does he do? he finds an abandoned scooter and starts scavenging for parts. he’s not expecting it to actually work but by the time the sun rises he’s found some actually decent parts and he thinks that he could get it working. tbh he kinda forgets to go back home and just walks into town to buy some food and then goes back and continues fiddling with the scooter. he doesnt live there for the three months but the people in yiling just accept that this random teenager has all but moved into their scrap heap and adopt him anyway. so he goes and visits the burial mounds every day after school so none of his friends or family really see him anymore. 

until! one day he rocks up to school on his scooter. scooters,, are kinda like sad pathetic motorcycles,, but wwx mods his scooter with like a powerful engine and new steering and everything so people see it and go oh! a motorcycle! even though it’s not actually (can you do that with a scooter? idk but suspend your disbelief pls). so lwj is like hnnngg wwx in a leather jacket on a motorcycle but also wei ying, stop riding a motorcycle, *enter statistics about motorcycle crashes here* and wwx is like no! you cant take chenqing away from me. and jc is pissed bc they were meant to be brothers and have matching cars and be able to work on them and give them cool paint jobs together! but now wwx has this bike which has been modded to hell and back and refuses to drive his car bc it’s not as cool as his bike. so we get to have the whole ‘everyone thinks wwx is doing something dumb and dangerous’ bc he has a motorcycle and why isnt he just driving his car anymore? but we also get to keep some of the nuance of the demonic cultivation bc yeah it’s more dangerous than driving in a car but wwx doesnt have a car anymore and scooters are a loottt safer than motorcycles (if my two seconds of research is correct).

so! wwx won’t abandon chenqing and he did most of his work using scrap parts so he goes back to the wens and is like wen ning my best bro check her out and he’s like oooooooh and they start modding chenqing together. wen qing doesnt know why wwx is constantly over at their shop all the time but jc keeps arguing with wwx and wwx grows more distant with his family and friends bc he’s making ~bad decisions~ and a motorcycle is a gateway to idk teen delinquent shenanigans like smoking and doing graffiti so he’s kinda ousted from respectable rich people society and wen qing is like i have two (2) brothers now and they’re adorable not that i’ll ever tell them that. and wwx modding chenqing got him a reputation in yiling like everyone saw him walk in one day and then drive out with this sexy sexy bike so people start coming to him for mods and stuff and wwx earns the title yiling patriarch and wen ning, his trusted best friend and helper, gets called the ghost general bc idk he helps a lot but the customers never meet him. so they become some dynamic duo for car and bike mods!

anyway,, yzy delivers him an ultimatum one day: the car or the bike (or more accurately: the family or the bike) but wwx can’t drive the car anymore so he just gets quietly disowned and drops out of school. (we’ll save jzxuan the suffering in this au he can keep his car). he goes to the wens and theyre like hey whats up? wait no you cant live in a scrap heap,, not even if you buy a tent,,, just live with us please. and then wwx gets adopted by the wens and idk i want them to have a happy ending so wwx and wn go off and do some actual mechanic and modding training with some expert (sqdcfgt imagine if it was the real baoshan sanren who just happened to be in the market for some apprentices and saw wwx and wn’s work and was like them and then later realised it was her grandson). so they get their apprenticeship and they disappear off somewhere for a year or two - when wwx had been disowned he’d deleted everyone’s contacts and was like if they text me i’ll add them back but im not gonna have a contact list cemetery. (no one contacts him). 

eventually the 13 years pass and wwx has been helping the wens raise their little nephew a-yuan who is showing a real aptitude for being a mechanic even though he’s just a kid and just generally enjoying the quiet life of being a mechanic while doing fun mods and lil baby projects. then one day lwj’s car breaks down while he’s driving through the area and he calls up the local mechanic and guess who rocks up? it’s wwx. and then we get to have them dance around each other and wwx being like lwj doesnt trust me, he’s just sitting here and watching me work all day ): and lwj is like dont let him go dont let him go dont let him go,, and eventually they get their romance but this is way too long already so im im gonna end this here

i didnt mean to make this an entire au but i adored your idea so much anon so i kinda had to!!

[redrosecarnage]

v v v personal pls dont reblog

my brain has suddenly decided to remind me of him. maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s because i’m lonely, maybe it’s because my birthday is coming up. i still can’t fully blame him. i still don’t dare call him an abuser. i still can’t believe how naive i was to trust him. i still can’t accept how i put myself in that position - the perfect prey. remembering all of that makes me sick but i’m glad he never touched me - of his own volition of course, he wasn’t dumb like me, who constantly teased him. 

the completely innapropriate teasing during class. the public humiliation of making me flustered. the light brushes of hands and gentle touches on the shoulder that disarmed even the tallest walls around my heart. the sheer manipulation that led me to believe i was totally in control, even when things were clearly spiralling down. the thought of seeing him being enough to brighten up my entire day or week. the winter break that almost killed me because i missed him - saudade. the countless nights spent face down on my pillow, silently crying myself to sleep. the way i’d brag to my friends about it, as if it meant anything. the fake character i created and couldn’t keep up with, devoted entirely to him and his desires. the combined factors of dealing with a suicidal friend and my late sexual awakening - for lack of a better word - that destroyed any possibility of a healthy mental state, therefore making his work even easier. the sadistic side of knowing he had me under his thumb. the masochistic side of letting him crush me, because i could handle the pressure. the sexual, violent, romanticized process of self destruction that i so much adored and worshipped and later learned, face first, how shitty it actually was. the way it all backslashed in my face years after. the misogyny of being complimented while engaging with it and then ignored once it was over. the surgically precise words he’d carefully choose to lure me in as bait and that i’d fall for every time. the body language and endearing fake intimacy that kept me coming back whenever the rational part of my brain decided to show up. 

i wish he had touched me. at least, i would have some evidence of what happened. external evidence. court evidence. all i have left now are foggy memories that keep suppressing the bad parts and how disgusting it all was. he did this on purpose - he admitted doing that on his first week at school - so he wouldn’t ‘face charges’ later on. we (girls) all brushed that off as just another pretentious teacher and that’s probably exactly what he wanted. i can’t even fully blame him. i can’t call that abuse. as depressing as it sounds, this is unfortunately a rather common girlhood experience. being groomed is normalized as this inescapable part of being female and, as a result, no one pays you any mind when that happens. it just turns you into another statistic. my friends were sick of me talking about how fucked up he was so i stopped - but somehow, it still hurts. i worry. i definitely worry for his younger girl students and the countless generations of women that will go through even worse things than me. 

[bubblesxo]

a psa to parents

i don’t think that parents understand that no matter how supportive they seem to be, trans and gay kids will always be afraid to come out.

its because homophobes and trandphobes can hide easily, and trans and gay kids will probably grow up hearing either a.) bad things about us from the ppl/society around them, b.) absolutely nothing, making this a toss of the dice, or c.) copious amounts of trauma coming from other trans and gay ppl, whether it be irl or online (by this, i mean that we are barraged with knowledge that a friend got hatecrimed, a follower on insta’s mom kicked them out, a mutual is being deadnamed and misgendered and is suicidal, a person in a gc is being bullied, etc, etc, these are all things we deal with)

back to being afraid of coming out: need i remind you of the statistics proving that we are more likely to end up homeless? our life expectancy even drops

(also, just to remind y’all, black trans women have some of the shortest life expectancy in the usa. support them, pls. the lowest life expectancy per state is 74.4 years, but black trans women have 35.)

my mom assures me that she loves me, but a small part of me will always say “what if she finds out you’re trans, gay? what about your father, will he say those things that he says about other people about you? i know she said she wouldn’t kick you out, but would he? is she going to search your phone and out you? do you need to become more secretive?”

adults and parents: this is how we live. you don’t know if your kid will be gay or trans, but it’s always a possibility. to combat this, teach them from a young age that 1.) gender is a social construct, 2.) we do not have to adhere to society’s strict rules and regulations, and 3.) that you will accept them no matter what.

some other points: give your kid privacy, so that they don’t start to hide things from you; get and keep up to date about common terms and be able to understand what we mean if we reference something; do not pressure us or even imply that we might be gay and or trans, it’s scary and it makes us retreat into ourselves; trust us to know ourselves the best; don’t assume that we are or are not, never say for sure if we haven’t explicitly told you; remember that preferences can change over time, including names and pronouns; don’t question us on things when we come out; remember that we DONT have to come out to you if we don’t want to, we control if we do; and finally, remember that we control the ways you address us and if we decide that you’re not allowed to call us certain things, then you’re not allowed to—no, you cant misgender your kid because it “feels normal“

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them ) 

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances. 

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay! 

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years. 

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe. 

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost. 

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc. 

[spaceysp]

on a scale of 1-10 which ccs in the dream smp do you think will survive an apocalypse? also pls give reasons as to why, im trying to make a statistics graph for school

OooO! sorry for not getting to this whenever you sent it, but hopefully you’re fine with having it now! ill be going from least to most likely to survive (also fair warning, i dont know alot of these people all too well so in doubt i will be reading their wiki page and im gonna cut out ppl i dont know at all ((also also im gonna be talking about them IRL, not their smp characters because that seems like what ur asking for but i can do another for that if thats what you meant)))

EDIT: I AM AN IDIOT AND DIDNT NOTICE “on a scale of 1-10″ IM SORRYRJSDHKJAESF IMMA ADD THAT

least likely

tommyinnit- okay listen, mans is a child, and from the few live-action vids that ive seen, doesnt seem to be very handy with tools. i couldnt even find that he has any hobbies outside minecraft, so unless he can MLG clutch irl, i dont think he has much going for him 1/10

purpled- basically the same as tommy, idk much about him and i couldnt see that he has any extra hobbies. the apocalypse will not be merciful to minecrafters 2/10

ranboo- see above, he’s higher because of that height and height alone 2/10

niki- i may get some shit for this one, but i think she wouldnt do well because shes too sympathetic, she might try to save those left behind or share, leaving her in more danger than before for the sake of kindness. she also is sensitive to light apparently so thats also a disadvantage 2/10

karl- idk alot about karl either, but im pretty sure he loses, like, every mr beast challenge i think thats like his thing, so even if idk wtf those challenges are, imma say that sets him up for failure in my eyes irl 3/10

quackity- the dude got tired from wii sports. i dont know if he has any irl abilities, so imma have to do him dirty with this one 3/10

fundy- hes a coder, a really good one at that, so while that may help him in the logistics and planning department, i cant say the same for physical ability 3/10

antfrost- idk what hes done irl while being a server admin for years, but hes read warriors, which although may mean he didnt get out much as a kid, it also kinda tells you about herbs and plants?? idk if its accurate but its something 3/10

tubbo- same logic, hes a kid, i think kids are automatically gonna function worse than adults, however, apparently he used to be a trampolinist??? that at least means that he has good stamina and at least a bit of strength, so i think if he didnt let his emotions cloud him he could kick at least a little bit of ass 4/10

eret- he seems to be willing to do almost anything to get things to turn out his way in the smp, but irl he seems very charitable, so idk how that would translate in an apocalypse scenario. hes gonna be about midrange because i cant say what theyd do 4/10

technoblade- im sorry techno but he only plays minecraft and reads literature, i think he might have enough disconnect in order to sacrifice other people’s needs for his own, and i wouldnt put it past him to take what he needs from others, but i cant give him much more than that 4/10

skeppy- you may think ive put him too far up, and yes, this dude somehow managed to run a 20-minute mile. yes, he only has 3 shirts but still has two cars, yes, i dont think hed be able to sacrifice someone else in a pinch. however what everyone is forgetting is that he has connections to the weirdest assortment of people i know, and could probably convince them to help him out. alone? f tier, dead in 3 days. with his car gassed up and knowing where his friends are at? he could last a while i think 4/10

sapnap- he apparently said his worst fear is being alone and losing his friends. which? i mean, i think both of those things would happen in this scenario. he does have jock energy though so hes lower-middle range 4/10

george- geroge is gonna be the complete center on which everyone else is judged. i dont know anything about this man irl. for all i know he could be a gold-medallist weight lifter. he seems to be fairly quick-thinking and independent, so i could see him doing fine maybe 5?/10

wilbur- a wildcard like george except what i do know about him seems way more powerful and also unhinged. everything i learn about him irl scares me i think he could live on being a sneaky little theif bastard 6/10

captain puffy- uhh idk its just her vibe. i think she could do well 6/10

punz- he looks like he could and would kick my ass 7/10

awesamdude- dudes really smart, and 6′7?? he has the reach to knock zombies or whatever TF out   6′7/10

schlatt- he lives in new york, owns at least one glock, and im sure is willing to betray anyone in order to get to the top, i think hed do pretty good 8/10

badboyhalo- okay listen this may be partially favoritism but this is by no means a professional list. he can shoot guns and throw knives and axes, knows how to cook and has beaten up someone at least once. im gonna say his only weaknesses are being a bit forgetful and overly sympathetic, but whatever i think he can get past that 9/10

dream- man, i really didnt wanna give mans the dub here, but i think i have to. 1. its known that all florida men are a different breed, and dream is Peak florida man. hes one of the only ones i could find that ever played an actual sport, and his quick-thinking skills displayed in manhunt is pretty much unmatched. he also shows a hint of cold logic in his actions, doing whatever it takes to gain popularity on youtube in the beginning, and i think that could translate to real life as well. overall, i cant say i was expecting this result, but i think its what i have to do 10/10

most likely 

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl