#PLEASE I ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE DRAWING SMTH FOR THE FIRST TIME

[des-fangirl]

old hk sketches/memes <3

bonus: my very first @alecz-obssesionz 's modern au sketch I DIDNT WANT TO POST IT BUT WHY NOOOT ITS SO STUPID AND FUNNY AHWGEWH

[articdelilah]

Hello there (●’◡’●)ﾉ may I request a teen(?)! Belle headcanons. The ikemen princes see her as a little sister figure. Maybe she's 14 to 17. It'll be funny to see her act bratty and chaotic to them once she gets comfortable but she does know when to get serious. Loves fun, food, and maybe she finds smth she wants to do while being there. Maybe she wants to be like one of the princes and handle sword, or maybe a doctor. It could be anything tbh, just want to see little sister fluff.

✮ A Little Trouble ✮

Platonic! Ikemen Princes x Teen! Reader

Hi!! Thank you sm for requesting!! I love the idea and I’m sorry if I went a little off the topic of the request💞 I would have finished this yesterday but tumblr deleted my work :,(

I did take on a little more calm approach to the stories so please feel free to request again for anything more specific!

Foreign affairs faction

˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

Clavis can’t help but burst out laughing when he first saw the girl; giggling about “Is there no pure hearted adults left in Rhodolite?

His interest was peaked however at Sariel’s choice of Belle. This meant that Clavis became Belle’s unofficial guide for the first weeks of her stay.

It wasn’t very long until Belle realised how much Clavis loved to prank his brothers and now her (his newest victim). He loved how the girl could get so bratty and chaotic at times, she was simply so entertaining!

Belle endured the whole list of Clavis’ pranks. Potholes, jumpscares, eating cupcakes with horseradish in them (twice) and the list goes on.

It wasn’t until one day that Belle simply had enough. She screamed at Clavis to leave her alone before slamming the door of her bedroom in his face. It was only a couple seconds later that Clavis’ grin turned to a frown, slowly walking away from the girl’s room.

A couple of days went by without Belle seeing Clavis. It was strangely quiet. No pranks, no laughing and definitely no jumpscares. She started to miss the purple haired man’s light hearted pranks and contagious laughter.

Obviously Clavis hadn’t disappeared, he had to make sure that Belle was safe and comfortable so he watched from afar.

Shreds of colourful paper, markers and washitape sprawled all over the Belle’s bedroom floor. She laid on fluffy cotton rug, kicking her feet in the air as she doodled a drawing of a very familiar purple haired man in the decorated page. It wasn’t long before Belle caught a whiff of vanilla surrounding her and the sound of the door closing caught her attention. She looked up to see Clavis carrying a plate of heart shaped cookies, placing them on the ground next to Belle before plopping to lay down next to her. He started to rip pieces of coloured paper too, sprinkling glitter on every surface of that once white page. Clavis’ paper soon filled with messy handwriting, clumsy drawings and too much glitter and stickers to count. The girl couldn’t help but laugh “I didn’t know you knew other languages!”. Clavis simply chuckled “Clavese is the mosy rare language in the world! Only two people understand it. You can be the third.” Clavis didn’t have to finish his words as the girl’s eyes glistened with excitement and her head nodded quickly.

Chevalier was the most displeased. As you can imagine.

Chevalier had shown no interest in the new Belle. Since she was a teenager, Chevalier saw her as incapable. Going out of his way to ignore her, but Belle wasn’t giving up that easily . She followed Chevalier sometimes, or simply watched as he finished his work for the day.

The new Belle always remembered to ask about his day, if he remembered to eat and even bought cookies that Yves helped her to make for him. If he ‘forgot’ to eat, he would get an earful of why eating was important (as if he was a mere child who didn’t understand the importance of eating).

Chevalier admired the new Belle’s courage to scold the Brutal Beast over things so minor and soon he felt a weakness sprouting in his icy heart. His weakness being her.

He enjoyed how her voice filled the usually cold air of the faction’s office, her giggles and deep analysis over very minor things. She was the only one Chevalier allowed to ramble to him if she so desired.

He trusted her to invite her to his own private library, watching her curious eyes linger on the golden lettering of each book. Books about politics, romance, plays, novellas, poems and much more littered the shelves of the room. This was part of Chevalier’s little world that he was willing to share with Belle.

However, Chevalier didn’t allow Belle to slack at her new job. In fact, he made sure she did all of Sariel’s homework and read the books assigned to her. Sometimes coming into her room with an icy glare which told Belle all she needed to know.

The bright moon was covered by grey fluffy clouds, rays of its light peaking through the ashy curtain. The pink bedroom was dark, only the light of the brightest star shining through to illuminate its light on the yellowed pages of Chevalier’s book. Belle sat on the floor under the window. Earlier the same day, she had expressed her desire to want to understand Chevalier better; wanting to see the world through his eyes. She had asked the man to train her with a sword but she only got a glare in response. Therefore she had taken the liberty to take steal a book of his from his private library. It wasn’t anything she would normally read but it was the first book she grabbed. Her eyes were glued to the page, reading each word intently with furrowed brows. “Draconian? What does that even mean?” She muttered angrily; so focused on the stolen book that she didn’t realised her door was open revealed a tall blonde man standing in its frame. It was only when she heard a noise that sounded oddly like a snort that she looked at the doorway. Her eyes widened but before she could muster an excuse, Chevalier beat her to it and spoke with a small smile-

“Try reading a book written for your age.”

Luke made sure she was protected. I mean, you can’t blame him. A young girl having to live in a dangerous palace? THE SAME YOUNG GIRL THAT IS BELLE AS WELL?? He knew he had to do everything possible to make sure she was safe.

Imagine his happiness when the new Belle confessed her love for food and honey! That was the moment that really brought the two together.

Belle found the way Luke attracted animals as fascinating, trying to bring him to the woods to lure any cute animals or just have a look at them up close.

Due to this, Belle had taken a hobby of drawing the animals she saw around Luke and dreamed of becoming a veterinarian. She knew she had to work hard if she wanted to achieve her goal.

Luke tried his hardest to support Belle with her studies assigned by Sariel. He went as far as trying to study with her but ultimately failing and convincing her to take a nap outside instead.

When she told Luke about how she wanted to learn more about animals, he was very delighted. Due to his talent of attracting them, Belle learnt a lot about all kinds of forest animals.

It was a calm summer afternoon. Bees buzzed from one blooming rose to another, collecting pollen for their hives. As the bees were busy, Luke and Belle were doing quite the opposite. The two laid side by side under a tall oak tree, resting in the shade as if Belle wasn’t supposed to be in one of Sariel’s lessons right now. The golden beams of sunlight peered through the leaves, the sun directly on Belle’s cheek leaving a warm kiss on her skin. They weren’t the only ones resting under this tree however as earlier that day a dog had followed Luke to the palace. The big dog had chosen to spread its shaggy body and large paws on Belle’s lap, making her unable to get up even if she wanted too. “I had this weird dream where I was a bear and you were a bear too” the [H/C] girl began “We were in a cave and I was really cold. But you came and hugged me! I felt much better” she smiled at the sweet dream and Luke couldn’t help return the smile. It was times like these were life felt the way it should; Simple.

Nokto tried to stay away, mostly because of his reputation. He was fine with Belle and engaged in quick chit chat with her but nothing too long.

That was until he was strolling through the Rhodolite gardens when he heard soft crying. He simply couldn’t ignore the sound which led him to find Belle crying on a bench on the far right of the palace.

The 7th Prince sat on the bench with Belle, saying with his usual grin for her stop crying and smile. Belle simply looked up at the man before turning her head away, mumbling that he wouldn’t understand.

After a while of silence, Nokto asked more sincerely. “What’s going on?”. That was when the new Belle started to explain how, while she was happy to be Belle, she had to leave all her friends and family behind. She missed them and fortunately Nokto knew something about missing family.

“They’ll be there when you come back, no need to cry now”.

That day forwards, they started to talk more before kind of became inseparable. Just like twins, communicating by pulling silly faces across the round table or bickering over the best flavour of pie.

Nokto liked Belle’s chaotic personality, he enjoyed picking small fights and such. One of their favourite activities being chasing one another. Loud laughter filling the halls as Belle fell victim to Nokto’s tickling.

It was only when Nokto realised how close they became when he started to laugh. Belle had started to pick up on some of his habits like calling Chevalier ‘King Highness’ and trying to outfox Sariel (unfortunately that didn’t work). He was happy because she was happy.

However sometimes there were moments where no laughter was heard, no smiles shared and no trance of joy between the two.

Quiet steps filled the air of the palace, the sneaky fox trying to escape the place before a small voice stopped him in his tracks. “Nokto!” The voice called out. Nokto turned slowly to the voice, the red moon’s light casting his face in its bloody glow. A moment of silence passed before the cream coloured marble echoed loud clicking from Belle’s hard shoes which she had put on just a minute prior. When she reached the white haired man, the young girl wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. The Prince’s whole body tensed before relaxing and hugging the girl back. No words were needed to make them both understand. She simply had a nightmare, he simply had to stay.

Not proofread and I’m thinking of making a masterlist. Anyways,I hope you enjoyed!! Goodbye my Doves 🕊️

If you like my work, feel free to requests!

[enden-k]

it always makes me really happy to see artists that are more 'fandom-centric' by nature posting their OCs and other things along that line and getting positive feedback, which then in turn causes them to create and post more OC stuff tbh (this is meant 100% genuinely, i apologise if the way i phrased it is a little stilted or odd, i just love seeing non fandom content on my dash)

anyways, feel free to use this ask as a free pass to give us some random tidbits about your OCs and their stories! whatever is swirling around in there that you haven't been about to find a spot to talk about just yet would be great /gen

tbh i always drew my own characters and stories since childhood but started doing fanart when i joined my first big fandom back then (which was bleach in my teenage years); i kept drawing my own things until college between fanart here and there but the moment i made my art blog here i neglected my works more and more and did more fanart instead (for fgo back then). i havent drawn any of my comics again for 4 years or smth but now that my sister got back into hers again she motivated me to pick up my old stories again!!

i think bc ppl were so excited abt my fanart i always knew my own stuff wouldnt get as much reaction so i didnt even try and then just stopped working on it hhjhdfkj but yea, now that my sister gave me motivation and energy and now that i see ppl are actually liking my stuff its smth else aaaa. sry for rambling, i just wanted to clarify that im not fandom-centric by nature, it just happened over the time

anw idk what i should babble abt so uhhh have a fun fact:

not only is this specific story the first proper, planned through one i drew in my teenage years, its also the one that got me in trouble and caused a lot of serious pain bc my adoptive father snooped in my room back then and stole specific pages (like gore or smut scenes, yea i was edgy but also heavily traumatized and in a very bad place) and made up random shit about it to make fun of me, expose me by showing my friends and others and claim outrageous stuff. i tried to remake it later but always stopped with each version and never attempted to revive this story again bc it always filled me with shame and horror knowing he still owns these pages. me redrawing it now is lit the first time in YEARS that i touch it again and it feels very healing, like im seeing my teenage self again drawing this stuff with sm passion and not the person anymore who trampled on it and used it to cause me pain. bc that exact thing was what kept me from working on it again. i just couldnt do it.

(as usual w personal stuff, im just sharing this very dry like facts and i get uncomfortable when people send comfort so ye, reminder to not do that please)

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

My fam is having car troubles and it's preventing me from being able to go to school (frustrating bc I already have the attendance office on my chronically-ill ass 😭) so here's more mechanic Remus things with a little sprinkle of "Roman's his little brother instead of twin (remember that?)"

- he and Virgil don't come into contact super often for a while. This shits a slur burn. But eventually things just keep winding up wrong with the car and he keeps calling remus

- he calls Remus specifically (Remus gave him his personal number) (said all the other guys there were shady as fuck and Virgil was too cute for that bullshit) (also in case Virgil was interested)

- looooootta trips where Remus comes to Virgil's place

- awkward host Virgil who is like ".. do u want some water?" meanwhile Remus is just straight up under his car

- Remus coming inside the house with completely pitch black hands like ":D please turn on your sink for me. And maybe put some soap in my hands. So I don't turn your whole ass kitchen black." my dad always makes me do this it's so fun /j /lh

- Virgil DOES hang out w him outside though don't get me wrong I just mean that one time

- Virgil once went inside and then came out an hour later and saw his backseat completely removed and was freaked out (Remus needed to check smth. He put it back!!)

- once Virgil just kinda. lied. said he wanted Remus to check this Weird Noise the car was making. (There was no weird noise he just weirdly missed him)

- one time, different car, Remus mentions how their scheduled time is really close to when he has to get his brother. So like. When he shows up. Remus will not be alone.

- cue Fuck It™ and Roman comes with him

- what a day for Virgil, dude (Jesus Christ this kid never stops talking) (also Virgil couldn't spoil Disney for him?? Wtf Remus?? He has to learn eventually??) (it's fine whatever he's a good artist) (did call Virgil easy to draw, though... lil bastard—)

- otherwise, when it's just Virgil and Remus, they find out they have a lot in common! Interests-wise, but they def. bond over music at first. Gotta have smth going on in the background.

- Virgil can't get over the fact Remus looks hot though. It like becomes a problem for him. I can't blame him tho— greasy mullet mechanic in a tank top working on my car? Sweating and covered in grease?? Hello??? Shits hot. If virgil is weak I am too.

- their first date is when Virgil offers to buy Remus dinner for a really tight squeeze-in for a check on something. Remus takes him up on the offer and they schedule for that weekend. They have a really good time and then at the end Remus mentions how he kinda wished it was a date. Virgil realizes he did too. Oh Shit™.

- they kiss anysay

— 👑

Damn that sucks man hope everything starts working soon but Y E S Mechanic!Ree and lil bro Ro!!! I will never get over Vee constantly calling Ree specifically for his car even when there isn't an issue he's simply Gay for a chaotic man in a mullet and feels safer XD I'm cackling at the thought of Vee just making a snack for Ree and seeing the backseat completely gone and he just almost drops the plate jaw dropped and all XD Also the fact that Ro's lowkey a lil shit and Vee can't spoil Disney for him has me cackling Ree get your bro XD It's really nice to see the beloveds easily click and it all started because of Vee's car <3

[sk3tch404]

Nah seriously though what drugs did you add to make Jayce this amazing/handsome/ iconic / beautiful/ insanely hot / and more culturally significant than the renaissance

Trauma dumping and self projection /srs (This is why he is so miserable 😮) PLEASE THO IM OK- Shawty yk especially when im goin down the drain.

ALSO TYSM FOR ALWAYS SUPPORTING JAYCE AND HIS SHENANIGANS!!! I LOVE U TOO MUCH FOR THIS SHAWTY <33

And believe it or not, the only reason he exists is because of the OG mha designs. Emo Izuku clicked smth in me.

I needed to make a loser boy for myself.

I don't know how or why he is so cute. It just sorta... Happened. He just appeared. And I'm never letting go. He is OUR BOY.

Nah but jokes aside, Jayce originally was inspired by both OG deku and Sally Face. He had blue hair and pale skin that made him look half dead.

I really wanted him to look like Sal Fisher, but blue hair wasn't doin too hot with his design. I didn't want him to be blond because i felt as if I was being lazy and giving up. But it turned out I really liked it! I wanted him to have a little spice/accent to him so there went his purple streak!

Tbh I have little to no creativity for male fashion, so I just slapped on what I wear when I'm masc.

I just made him look like a loser junkie. Muahhahaha

I actually considered purple eyes bc I have a weird love for characters with them, but it in the end it would fight for attention with the streak and necklace.

His fav color actually isn't purple despite it being the color that grabs your attention to his design at first! It's Rory's lol. Not a huge spoiler, but it's smth that connects them 🤧 Gosh do I love their secret lore that hasn't been revealed yet...

And don't ask me abt freckles. I forgot. All ik is that they are so satisfying to draw and that he is hella insecure abt it.

Rory came out bc I had an OC sugar rush and boy am i glad he is here 😭 Jayce's lore would be 10x more boring without him.

I wanted Rory to be an bad boy emo little whiny bitch, but ugh, it totally just didn't click out. The hair was a issue within itself, the jacket wasn't very special, his tight v-neck shirt felt forced, his accs were troubling, but his little officer hat was very loved. ^^

He is Valentine inspired now! (Monster high) ain't that funny? Since Rory's route does revolve around Valentines day lol

Elliot came after Rory's sketch. I was gonna scrap it and do this mafia guy i had drawn in 8th grade, but it just felt lazy and not him yk? I was in my Tokyo Revengers Bonten arc phase with that mafia guy... 😰 what an interesting hyperfixation heheha...

Pinterest is DISGUSTING with them bro. I only look at em once in a good while to ruin my boring day.

And Maxim and Anton are just cuties I took my time with. So I don't have anything bad or too significant to say about them 😉

[littlest-dark-age]

We are fire

!contains suggestive material! Please do not read if you do not wish to read suggestive/nsfw material!

You'd known what you'd been doing to sirius, you had to. He couldn't imagine a world where you didn't know what you were doing when you slipped on his button down, which you stole from him the last night you spent in his dorm, instead of your own and tucked it into your skirt. Not even hiding your grin as you loosely done your tie. Oh, but that wasn't all was it?

No, of course not. Sirius figured it would be a much longer day then it usually would be when you slid his hand between your thighs and up your skirts in the middle of the second lesson of the day. Letting his hand wander to your panties to feel the oh so familiar texture of a specific pair of panties. The yellow cotton panties that he adored, the way they looked cupping your ass the way he so desperately wished he could at the moment. Sirius had to bite his lip to keep from groaning when you clamped your thighs shut to keep his hand just out of reach of dipping his long fingers into the warmth between your legs that he often wished he could be locked in at any given moment.

And then? What you did at lunch? He knew you were trying to rile him up then and unfortunately, it was working.

The way you kept pressing your chest against his arm, rubbing your thighs against his and sliding your hands over his half hard cock in the disguise of using his thigh to help you be able to grab something off of the table. Sirius had half a mind to smack you then and there, then he'd see if you wanted to do this little game again.

But now….after lessons which included more teasing and what felt like an entirely too long dinner, he had you.

Dragging you up the stairs as you let out soft whimpers at the pace he was angrily walking at, not able to stop the way he rolled his eyes at the sounds

"Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if you weren't a fuckin' brat all day, thought bout that pup?" Sirius can't help but to slam the door once he gets the both of you through it, making sure to lock it. Not that it matters, the boys were used to straying from the dorm when he was like that and seeing your...affections towards one another.

"Didn't mean it daddy, swear it" you pout and bounce onto his bed as sirius tosses you down to the mattress. Letting out a gasp at the swift hit to your exposed outer thigh that your skirt revealed when you fell onto the bed.

"I don't appreciate lying, now do I? Believe that's somethin' that's gotten you into trouble befo' hadn't it?" Crawling over you with a fire in his eyes that could rival even the sun's flames, wrapping one of your thighs around his slim hips whilst your other leg dangles off the bed.

He leans down to your face, his dark hair acting as a curtain around the two of you. Resting his forehead against your own as you try to lean up for kiss but stopping at the large hand that comes up to softly rub at your neck with a gentleness that sirius only seemed to show you. After a moment of rubbing the skin of your neck, his hand reaches down to tug off the barely hanging on tie and toss it to the corner of the room although he didn't seem to care where it lands at the moment. Shutting your eyes as you feel his slightly chapped lips replace the spot his finger occupied just a second ago before sinking his teeth into your sweet skin, pulling a small mewl from you. Pulling away and leaning back on his legs before rolling his hips briefly into your covered heat with a wide grin.

"Oh look at that pup? Can you feel what I've been dealing with for the past few hours? What you caused?" Finally flipping your skirt up to completely reveal your panties and the dark spot in the middle of them before pinning your hips to the bed.

Seeing your chest start to rise quickly and your brows furrow, free leg kicking about as a whine slips through your mouth at his teasing actions. Sirius's grin turns into a light scowl as he starts to take off your, his, button down despite how much he wants to just to rip the buttons off. Slowing his movements to tease you even more, causing you to try and lift your hips but getting met with a soft smack to your cheek. Drawing a huff from you causing him to laugh and mockingly pout at you.

"Yea, don't like when you get what you deserve now do you? Oh but m'love, you look so pretty like this. All splayed out for me to toy with…."

His head falls back to your chest, pressing kisses to it as he continues to unbutton your shirt until it's completely open. You sit up with his help, practically ripping the shirt in the process of getting it off and toss onto the floor. Once again not caring where the cloth landed, knowing you'll have to hunt them down later. Sirius reaches a hand to tug the zipper of your skirt down, dropping your thigh from his waist to help you shimmy out of it.

All you're left in now is your underwear, while he still has all of his clothes on causing you to whine and tug on his belt buckle. He rolls his eyes and smacks your hands away from it and starts to undo it himself. You can't help but stare at the way his hands move around and manipulate the metal, it's a sight you've seen a thousand times before but you can't help but stare every time. You know he knows, which is why he always does it so teasingly slow. Taking his time and drawing it out as much as he can. "Siriusssss hurrryyyy" unable to stop the whine from coming out, he raises a brow as if daring you to say more.

"First of of all, pup, sirius not my name right now is it? Second. You don't get to whine and complain about me taking my time when all bloody day you've acted like a little slut, yea?" He all about says fuck the rest of his clothes before deciding against it. He steps back and your legs occupy the space his own once was, making a show out of stepping out of his pants and shirt. Slowly starting to tug his own underwear, you can feel yourself start to practically drool at the thought of finally being able to see him completely. You're unable to stop the grin the creeps its way into your face when he finally sheds his final layer and returns back to the bed, crawling on top of you once again and forcing you to lay back.

"Your panties are practically swimmin' aren' they? This what I do to my baby's cunt huh? Make it all wet and sloppy?" Sirius bites his lip as he leans down, propping himself up on one hand that's beside your head. He shakes his own head with a soft laugh as you hook your arms around his neck and toss one leg around his skinny hips, rolling your own to tease his throbbing member with the warmth of your heat. Finally, he gives you a proper kiss as the hand not holding him up sneaks around to unclasp your bra expertly. Leaving your lips, he leads a train of kisses down your jawline and your neck. Following the valley of your chest before pushing the fabric of your bra up to reveal your soft nipples, they pucker slightly at the chill in the room although you know the two of you won't be cold. Continuing to leave kisses over your belly and down to your panty line, sinking down between your thighs. Sirius looks up at you from his spot and pressed the softest kiss to the damp spot in the yellow cotton, making your legs jolt and try to clamp down around his head. You feel the grip on your thighs tighten as he sits up once again, hooking a finger into the side of your panties and tugging them to the side.

"Aw look at that, my baby's pretty cunt. Weeping at the thought of m'cock fucking into it, if I weren't so generous….I'd just leave you here with tied hands so you couldn't even get yourself off. No no, that's what I do. Nobody else, not even you."

Taglist @plzineedhelp

Smth for @randomoutsiders

[babyboyregressor]

☆ A guide to being my cg ☆

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

These first ones will be kinda irl situations, some can also be long distance things but yea

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

So I almost always follow rules but I do need help remembering certain rules. Let's say I have a rule for no chewing on my hands or naisl, and I get distracted while coloring and start to do chew my hand, instead of being punished or gotten onto for it. I would need my cg to say smth like "hey angel let's chew on our paci/teether instead so we dont hurt ourselves okay?"and give my my paci. Having me chew my paci/teether is a win win, I dont tear up my hands or get in trouble and you dont have to listen to me scream for a hour because I had a meltdown bc you yelled at me and you get me to listen. Also notice how my theoretical cg said why I needed to chew my paci instead of my hands, bc I'd get hurt, if you tell/ask me to do something without an explanation I will probably do it again and again, again an example with my hands, if you said "benny let's use a paci so we dont chew our fingers" I would probably just chew my fingers later on anyways bc I dont know why it's bad. I need to know why I shouldn't do something.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

If you are busy doing something, for example doing work on your computer or drawing on your phone, please don't say "I'm busy go away" or anything like that if I bother you while youre busy, please let me know you're going to be busy beforehand so I dont bother you and give me something to do while you're doing your thing. Such as a coloring page to color or a movie. And sometimes I just wanna be around someone so if you're busy please lemme be in the same room as you, I wont bother you I jus wan sit across the room an color or watch tv with my headphones I jus wan be round you. As for long distance if you know you're gonna be too busy to text please lemme know and tell me what time you will be able to text again and if that time changes, if you can, please let me know.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Please please please never ever call me annoying or I'm bothering you. If I am distract me with something if you can, if I'm following you around and you want some space say smth like "hey baby, cg needs a break, do you wanna do this while I take a break?" Instead of "you're so annoying leave me alone" or "stop bothering me" and also never yell at me, especially when I'm regressed. Doing this while break trust and I will have to get a new cg or itll take a long time to gain that trust again. I have ptsd and yelling and certain things trigger my flashbacks and stuff.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Please talk to me about things, like what rules would be good for me and what rules I would need extra help with, or what triggers me and what are certain words that I cant handle. One thing I cant handle is being called a brat, not only bc of childhood trauma but because my experiences with a certain ex. Also because I try so hard to be good and to do good and being called a brat hurts, especially when I don't know why I'm being a brat. Going back to my hand situation, if I were to bite my hands and my cg told me to stop with no reason why and I did it again later and they called me a brat I'd have a meltdown bc I wouldn't know what I did wrong. Please never call me a brat, if I am doing something bad for did something bad dont call me a brat tell me what I did is bad and why and to not do it again.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

When I'm regressed never ever talk to me about big kid topics or rant/vent to me, I'm a kid I dont know how to respond or what to do with the information you are giving me and it stresses me out and I will most definitely cry about it. I cry about everything actually.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I've mentioned meltdowns before and I wnana describe that. My meltdowns arent me throwing things and yelling or stuff most of the time my meltdowns are me crying and going nonverbal and being unable to communicate. Sometimes I'll sob and have a squeal or two mixed in but that's only if smth really bad happened and if that does happen I need to be given a comfort item and some space. But most of the time its quiet crying and me going nonverbal and during that I usually just wann be held and rocked until I clam down enough to at least nod my head yes or no.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

That's all I can think of but I'll add more if I think of anything I thought this would be a cool thing to do if I get a cg again so they can read it and be warned lol

[spidersbane]

Hey if Harry Potter ships are still open can I have one please

I'm a 5'5 pansexual demigirl. I am kinda chubby. I have blue shoulder length fluffy hair. I am pretty introverted. I love drawing mostly people. I have a adoration for dragons. I overwork myself sometimes. I stay up later than I should. I sometimes a trouble controlling my anger. I sometimes make random noises that I pray no one is annoyed by.

If you need more information for it please tell me I'm not good with these thing. :]

hi @dragonhybrid456 thank you so much for your request ! so glad I could work on this for you sweetheart ! 

For Harry Potter (Marauders Era) - I ship you with Sirius Black !

first off, Sirius notices you by your hair, and it takes everything in him 9and Remus talking him out of it) to not go dye his hair blue 

when he finds out that you’re more introverted, Sirius takes it as a challenge to potentially embarrass you as much as he can, since he’s often the life of the party 

but in private, it’s a different story. he sees introversion as smth to be admired, bc introverts can still make a huge impact on ppl around them without being flashy, and to a point, Sirius envies that 

it’s when you’re both staying out a little too late, roaming the corridors, that he actually gets to talk to you, and his bravado slips and then y’all are close after that 

he would totally let you draw him, and he couldn’t get enough of it, the fact that someone has decided that he’s their muse. it’s the attention he craves, but for the right reason this time 

he’d literally figure out how to draw you a dragon as a thank you gift for being partners with him 

overall, he’s just a total softie and it seems odd that someone who appears lie his opposite is actually a good match for him, but he loves it :) 

For Harry Potter (Golden Era) - I ship you with Ron Weasley ! 

ahh Ronald, our precious boy, we really have no choice but to stan 

y’all bond after first year when you somehow find out that Hagrid has a baby dragon, Norbert

Hagrid letting you take care of the dragon, I’m soft 

but anyways, after Charlie Weasley comes to get him, you remember that you actually see Ron and bombard him with questions about Charlie, which normally you would never do but hey, dragons am i right  

you become another addition to the round of ppl who stay w the Weasley’s on holidays and spend ages talking to Charlie about it, and Ron is happy to have someone who blends in so well with his family 

Ron knows what overworking yourself looks like, and we see him in bits trying to help Hermione through it, and he’d totally do the same for you. whatever you needed him to do, like bring you tea or force you to take breaks, he’d do it

he would also let you draw him, but you’d have to do it in secret for a while at first. part of him is so used to having to compete for attention that he’s a little put off by the idea of posing for someone, like he’s their muse. but he comes around to the idea eventually, and when he sees how much attention you paid to his details, he falls even more in love 

overall Ron is a softie but in his own way, and he’d take care of you in any way he could, except you’d always somehow manage to get roped into the Golden Trio’s shenanigans 

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[paradise-creator]

Hello!! Um, if possible, may I get a haven box matchup for BNHA? I am having a hard time deciding between romantic or platonic but um..lets go with romantic? I am demisexual and bi-romantic!! My pronouns are she/they and u can call me um... 🐰 anon maybe? If its not taken!! Oh, and thank you in advance!! Take ur time, lovely!! 🥰🥰

So, physically, im kinda chubby and pear shaped. I have pink hair in a kinda scruffy pixie cut. Im a little tall at 173cm. I like pastels and dusty, faded colors, and my aesthetic is a mix of whimsical and comfort! I have blue-green eyes but tbh they look almost more grey, and theyre kinda droopy and sleepy.

I am..an awkward person. Like, I am really timid and softspoken. I stutter a lot, and I get nervous a lot, and I have trouble speaking up. A lot of the time I don’t say much at all because I don’t wanna talk over others. Um, well, I do have generalized and social anxiety though, so that probably contributes to my meek demeanor. I’m also very clumsy and perform poorly under pressure. Im a bit of a mess I guess, but I’m working on getting better, so I’m a bit proud of that at least.

I’m an infp and a cancer, and that combination is..pretty fitting for me. I’m very sensitive and emotional, and I am constantly daydreaming. My imagination is very active and I often have my head in the clouds, and I’m a bit idealistic. The anxiety I struggle with conflicts weirdly with how idealistic I can be, though, because I often find myself fearing for the worst while hoping for the best.

I care a whole lot about people who are close to me, though its only a small circle that really manages this. Im the token mom friend in my group, and I tend to take care of my friends and always try to be a support for them. Being honest, I can be kind of nosy when something is troubling someone, but it’s with good intentions?? Im sure it’s still annoying though.

I’m a lot more open with people I’m close to. When I’m comfortable around someone I’m a super goofball, and quite playful. I like to play small pranks and get up to mischief, but I draw the line at anything that is even slightly harmful, or anything that causes any emotional distress. I am very silly and I don’t mind being a goof if it makes people I love smile or laugh!!

I’m not very practical, and I’m not good at making decisions. I’m notoriously indecisive. Despite being kinda overemotional and timid, even I have times when I’m stubborn and headstrong. Specifically, when it comes to protecting my loved ones, my beliefs, or animals.

My interests lay on the creative side of things!! I do digital art, baking, embroidery, I play the ukulele, and I like to write! I also love self care and just taking it easy, so I often make my own bath supplies and candles. In particular, bath bombs, bubble bath, body butter, stuff like that!! I just like smelling nice and feeling clean and soft! I kinda have low self confidence, but that sort of thing makes me feel better. Also, I may seem a bit “uwu” I guess lmao, but im actually super into horror, angst, etc, at least in fiction! The music I listen to tends to be more along the lines of alternative rock, pop rock, and metal, but theres times when I just wanna chill to some indie or lofi too!

↬ ──:.⃗➹ +.*༉‧ᵕ̈°`*↷. ೃ₊✎⸙͎˚- ̗̀✧: ──↫

┊         ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊       ┊         ⊹

┊  ⋆｡   ┊       ┊   ┊    ┊        ┊      ⋆｡˚. ੈ

┊         ┊ ⋆｡  ┊   ┊   ˚✩ ⋆｡˚  ✩

┊         ┊       ┊   ✫

┊         ┊       ☪︎⋆                                      ⋆✩

┊ ⊹     ┊                     ⋆｡˚. ੈ

✯ ⋆      ┊ .  ˚                                   ⊹

           ˚     ✩

Dream catcher loading...

ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

□□□□□0%

■□□□□20%

■■□□□40%

■■■□□60%

■■■■□80%

■■■■□90%

■■■■■100%

*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *. •.°

┊┊┊┊           

┊┊┊☆                 

┊┊☁️　　

┊┊┊    

┊┊                  

┊☆　

┊┊       

☁️   

┊  

☁️

Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Old habits die hard

- Out of your shell we go!

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Uraraka Ochaco, Uravity

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Sun drops

- At first I thought of Deku (And Sugawara/Yaku but then I remembered they were in the wrong Fandom)

- I was going to pair you up with Deku but then I remembered Uraraka

- Then insert me having an indecisive moment as I choose carefully on who to pick

- Uraraka won! (obviously-)

- OKAY HEAR ME OUT THIS DYNAMIC WOULD BE ADORABLE

- Uraraka is a very bubbly and friendly, she will definitely help you with social situations

- She is good at reading people, this would definitely help

- with her around, it's never gloomy

- She would always be there to sit down and listen no matter what

- This right here is the "UwU couple"

- Uraraka and you would just Y E S

- Though she is very bubbly, she tries to help you cope with everything

- Like she will stay quiet just so you can talk

- She even tells her friends to let you voice out your opinion! (If she saw that you wanted to say smth that is)

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Old habits die hard

- When you first met her friends , she was so nervous that she acted like a robot at some point

- CUDDLES FOR DAYS

- She would often play with your hair and it calms her down

- CHEEK KISSES

- She loves to nuzzle herself in your arms

- Since she is shorter than you, she always finds herself back hugging you and attempting to put her head on your shoulder.

- This one time she tried putting her head on your shoulder with the assistance of her quirk but it ended up badly ckhdisbdjdihsbw

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Out of your shell we go!

“C’mon lovely! It’s just my friends,” Uraraka said as she wrapped her arms around her girl’s waist. “B-but, you know how I am with other people!” The taller female retorted. “And what if-“The green-blue eyed female started. “No more what ifs! They are really good people, they won’t judge us,” Uraraka then said as she held the taller’s hand. “If you are uncomfortable, I won’t force it,” She added as she smiled softly. As the taller female looked down at her with loving eyes, she decided what to do. “Fine,” She muttered. “Hmm? What was that?” The Auburn haired girl said. “I said, fine, let’s meet them,” She said a bit louder. Uraraka squealed and smiled brightly. “Don’t worry! There’s only 4 people. Just to keep it simple and all,” She then said as she hugged the pink haired girl and chuckled. “You sure though? I know how your anxiety gets, please don’t push yourself,” She added. “I’ll be fine as long as you are there,” Uraraka’s lover said as she wrapped her arms around the shorter. She then placed her head on her head briefly.

And soon enough, the Dekusquad was all together. “Guys, this is my girlfriend!” Uraraka said happily. But really, she is nervous. She was afraid of what her friends would think of her. Would they accept her as is? Will they leave her? Her fears were quite obvious to her lover. So, the green-blue eyes female held her hand as they waited for their reaction. “Ribbit! That’s so cute. Ribbit!” Asui started as she smiled. “I hope you two would have a wonderful relationship together,” Iida then stated with his robotic arm swing. “What Iida said,” Todoroki added. “I hope you two are happy always,” Midoriya said as he smiled. Uraraka was almost brought into tears as her friends supported her and her love. “I hope you all don’t mind me here,” The pink pixie said as she looked away. “Of course we don’t mind! Right, everyone?” Midoriya said. “Ribbit! You are always welcomed,” Asui said as she smiled. “Thank you all so much! This really means a lot to me,” Uraraka said as she hugged Tsuyu. “Yeah… Thanks!” The taller said as she joined in awkwardly.

“How long have you two been together, Ribbit! If you don’t mind me asking,” Asui said as she let go of the two. “A few weeks now,” Uraraka said with a smile.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

First off, Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you enjoyed this match up. Secondly, I don't really understand the whole demisexual and biromantic, so I apologize if this was not what you wanted. I can change it if you like- And of course you can be 🐰 Anon! I'm also a INFP-T and a cancer~

[theshinsun]

Hello again! Here I am sending more 😂 Do you mind doing character thing with Kasamatsu, Imayoshi, Wakamatsu and Otsubo? If it's too much, can you do with the first three? Thank you 💕

Hello again! ^^ (So sorry for the delay I was half done and then I got hit with homework and classes and didn’t have much time to do more analyses, but they’re done for the week now! I’m free!) 

I don’t mind at all! But if it’s alright with you, I probably will just do those first three, not just because it’ll be ridiculously long otherwise, but because I don’t really? think I have any strong specific feelings for Otsubo? Idk why, I like him I just didn’t connect that much with him I don’t think... but I’ll gladly talk about the others!

Kasamatsu

How I feel about this character

GOOD SENPAI. I love this guy so much and wish he got to interact with more of the cast, I really vibe with his character design (his eyes are just... damn, also SOCKS), and I love the relationship he has with his team. He’s ruthless but obviously cares about all of them working together well, and is just looking for the respect he’s due as captain. Boy puts up with so much bullshit from his team of chaotic flaky weirdos, someone needs to cut him a break.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Kise (KiKasa ftw, the character development Kise goes through because of Kasamatsu is excellent, and almost instantaneous after he joins the team [“I liked being Kise of Kaijo”]. it’s really easy to interpret his behavior toward Kasamatsu as a crush; there’s no denying they’ve got chemistry and work well together... and even tho Kise drives his senpai nuts, they obviously both care about each other a lot)

Aomine (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. They have one [1] interaction in canon, but that one interaction sold it for me. Aomine showing deference to someone and calling them “senpai”, helping him up after he got knocked down which seems... pretty unusual for him at the time, I’m so down for these two being in a relationship, it’s such a different dynamic than I usually see with pairings featuring Aomine, and there seems to be some legit respect to build off of there)

Imayoshi (I blame Lysapadin’s fic The Long Game for this, the way these two play off each other there and also canonically is... hilarious, the flirting, the Banter, please give me more quality captain ships I have a need) 

Hyuuga (MORE QUALITY CAPTAIN SHIPS. I talked about them a little in my list for Hyuuga, but I just love the idea of both of these tough, exasperated captains getting to be vulnerable with each other)

and this one is a crossover but

Oikawa Tooru (maybe because he reminds me so much of Kise, and Kasamatsu so much like Iwaizumi, I feel like they’d have a similar dynamic, but it’d be interesting to see how, unlike Kise, a hardworking somewhat self-destructive person and a fellow third-year like Oikawa would get on with this guy.) 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Hmmm.... I’m gonna have to say Imayoshi again, even tho they work together as a couple too. The way they interact is so good, whether it’s platonic or not, and I’d love to see more one-on-one interaction with them. It could just be because the way Lysapadin handles their respective personalities in multiple fics is so perfect, but if they’re not romantically involved I’d at least like to see them as snarky semi-begrudging basketball buddies. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t know? If I have one? Mostly bc I don’t really know what the fandom itself thinks about Kasamatsu, he didn’t get a lot of press even in KNB’s heyday. A random opinion/hc of him tho is he seems to be a bit of a pessimist. Whenever he’s commentating he’s just talking about how the team’s gonna lose, and even before his own game he seemed to just be thinking about how he lost before. Idk what else to give ya, just something I observed that I don’t really see talked about or portrayed for this guy.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

*deep inhale* MOOORE SCREEEENTIME. And not just as a commentator/attachment to Kaijo where Kise hogs the spotlight, give this guy some time to interact with other characters and flesh him out some more please! I know I’m a broken record but that’s the only thing I can think of to improve him.

Imayoshi

How I feel about this character

I didn’t used to have much opinion of this guy tbh, when I was new to KNB… but NOW, damn, I love him every time he appears. He’s hilarious, I love how sassy and clever he is, I love that he has an accent (tho it’s only pointed out in the manga), I love that he gets to have little tidbits, like that he’s bad at drawing but good at mind-reading, and how he wears slippers in a school environment and just goes around teasing everyone, whether they’re teammates or opponents. Love this guy. I love how extra he is and I’m living every time he’s on screen.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Aomine (ok I talked about this quite a bit already in my Aomine rant analysis, and I mostly blame Lysapadin’s A Firm Hand series, but I just can’t get enough of the idea of these two together… [also this comic ] Imayoshi taking Aomine in hand and knowing how to handle him when no one else does, and gradually warming up to him when he stops playing tough and finally shows his soft side. good shit)

Momoi (also probably bc of A Firm Hand, but I could see these two having a very interesting relationship. They’re both extremely smart, and good at understanding people, and I really like the idea of Imayoshi taking Momoi under his wing so she doesn’t have to suffer in silence and handle everything by herself. I feel like they’d be surprisingly sweet to each other, but lesbehonest, also a potentially terrifying power couple that I almost never see done)

Kasamatsu (again, just like above, a unique dynamic and a lovely rarepair that doesn’t get talked about enough. they didn’t get nearly enough time to play off each other in canon but what we did see was damn good) 

Hanamiya (ok so… I’m not immune to this ship. I’ve seen some art, a couple fics, and it doesn’t seem to be much of a thing anymore, but still, why the hell not. they’ve got history, they’re both smart slightly evil [or very evil] shits, and they’d be such a disaster of a couple that’s why I love them)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

If not Kasamatsu, then probably Susa. They only got a little time to bond in canon, but I do love their dynamic and how chill they seem to be with each other. They remind me of a team mom/dad duo (tho I couldn’t tell you which was which lol). I could probably be talked into shipping them romantically, but I also just like the way they get along as friends and teammates. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

This is more an argument I keep having with my sister… but I actually, genuinely like this guy’s design. She thinks he looks creepy and too evil and doesn’t like that his eyes are drawn closed, but esp in the manga, he looks really polished and I like that you can tell when he gets serious by whether you can see his eyes open. (or as I say to my roommate “oh shit he’s got eyes they’re in trouble”)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish we got to see more of him just hanging with his team. Idk maybe I’m biased, but I feel like Touou in particular doesn’t get that much time devoted to, like, practice and normal everyday shit (maybe bc we got to see Kaijo twice and Shuutoku got a whole training camp plus some, but all we get of them is the hot springs scene and a very short scene at the beginning and end of the show imeanwhat) I would’ve liked to get to know this guy better and see more of how he runs his very strange individualized team, but that could just be me.  

Wakamatsu

How I feel about this character

My dude puts up with so much shit. I mean the first we see of him he’s getting kneed in the stomach by a certain dickish first-year, and he just always seems… so done with what’s going on around him. When he’s not yelling about it, which… mood, tbh. He’s relegated to little more than a background character in the anime, and only gets a liiiittle more development in the manga (as well as lots of really good faces), but tbh I’d love to see more of him. I’d love to know what he’s like as a captain and see more of how he gets along with the team; he’s the kind of hotheaded noisy player they make into the protagonist of other shows and I want to know more about him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Momoi (k a couple of my friends @spaztictwitch and @hadenxcharm actually sold me on this one. It’s a really really rare pair, but now I can’t stop thinking about it and I really like the possibilities of them as a couple.)

Aomine (again I talked a little bit about this in my Aomine essay, but I’m a sucker for this kind of ship… the love/hate dynamic, I mean. that doesn’t get old does it. and yet I don’t think I’ve ever seen content for these guys together, maybe I should take it on myself)

Sakurai (hot-tempered senpai/captain and anxious apologetic mushroom, sign me tf up these two would be Hilarious as a pairing, oh my god. I love it)

Kiyoshi (k listen. LISTEN. yes all I’ve got is the fact that they’re both centers and they only interact, like, twice, but the idea popped into my head and I think I could actually totally see it. any takers?)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Imayoshi. I don’t know if I’d ship them as a romantic pair (tho like with most things, if someone made a good case for them I’d consider it), but I do like their canonical interactions, like Imayoshi explaining the exceptions made for prodigies in sports (“do you know the golfer Tiger Woods? How about Shaq?”), and passing the proverbial hat to him when he retires as captain (“no worries, you’ll do fine!” like he’s reassuring a new parent or smth lmao). They’re good teammates even if Touou is not really about teamwork, and I like the mutual respect in how they seem to get along.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Not just a one-note guy who yells all the time. I mean, yes, he does yell and he’s got a short temper, but so does Kagami and people don’t portray him as a guy with only one emotion and that emotion is Anger. I mean… usually they don’t. Idk maybe it’s because most of his screentime involves him butting heads with Aomine, but he seems to get along with the rest of the team alright. He respects his seniors and the spirit of the team too, he’s just an all-around good guy that seems to get the short end of the stick a lot.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I have a MIGHTY NEED to see how this guy does as captain, I want to know how he does things differently than Imayoshi and how he handles all the bullshit the team throws now that it’s all gonna be landing on his shoulders. We only got a tiny scene at the end of the show demonstrating his policy about Aomine, and we barely saw him at all in the Last Game, is he doing okay?? Is he ruling Touou with an iron fist or getting into screaming matches with his kouhai? I need to Know.

Thanks so much for asking, I really appreciate the show of interest! <3 Sorry again about the delay!

[anneapocalypse]

On Carolina, Epsilon, and Mutual Isolation

@blaze-edge​​ asked:

Okay, Anne, question abt your 'AIs always isolate their hosts' post. I've kind of been thinking abt it on and off since I read it, but was it Epsilon that really isolated Carolina from the Reds and Blues? I could totally be missing smth here bc my memory is bad but wasn't she the one that convinced him to go out and find the missing Freelancer tech? I know you said that Carolina didn't stop to get to know everybody until after Epsilon was gone but that was also after everything on Chorus was all wrapped up. No more mercs with Freelancer gear they shouldn’t have, no more Hargrove, no more civil war. Say, if after s10 they’d all actually gone back to Blood Gulch, do you think Carolina would’ve stayed isolated? Genuinely curious abt your thoughts here.

This is a good question and it’s going to be a complex answer, and a long one.

First, I feel like I can’t really answer this without addressing that elephant in the room, the authorial decision to leave Carolina out of the first half of the trilogy. I mean, I could but I’m not going to. Carolina’s isolation from the Reds and Blues during the first half of the Chorus trilogy can be discussed without addressing the decision to keep her offscreen almost entirely during that time, and I realize that they are two separate discussions; I just want to address both of them.

So, let’s get the Doylist side of things out of the way first. If you’re not here for that please feel free to just skip ahead to the Watsonian section, which will be loudly delineated for your convenience below!

Authorial Decisions and the Problem of the Epilogue

It’s entirely possible we wouldn’t be having this discussion at all if not for the season 10 epilogue. Watched in isolation, it’s incredibly obvious that the epilogue was written with no idea what season 11 would be about. The dialogue that leads into the epilogue suggests not that the Reds and Blues are stranded on a strange planet, but that they have gone home to Blood Gulch.

Carolina: What about your teams? What will happen to them? 

Church: Well there’s still one place we haven’t visited. Somewhere we can make a home. 

Carolina: Show me.

And when next we cut back Epsilon and Carolina, it’s the epilogue, now shot in Halo 4, in which Carolina and Epsilon are overlooking a vaguely Blood Gulchy looking canyon as the Reds and Blues run around below.

Carolina: Seems like they’re getting settled. 

Church: Yup. 

Carolina: So I guess everything is finally getting back to normal. 

Church: What passes for normal around here, sure. What can I tell ya? We’re home. I mean, they’re home.

So anyway, this didn’t happen.

There’s no plausible continuity in which this conversation actually takes place on Chorus after a devastating ship crash in which the Reds and Blues are the only survivors out of thousands, on a planet they know nothing about. The above dialogue has been retconned to the point that there is no way to reconcile it with the canon that followed. This scene was clearly supposed to indicate that the Reds and Blues had returned to Blood Gulch, and Carolina and Epsilon were about to leave on a new mission of their own, knowing that the Reds and Blues were home and safe.

It’s not a question of “Is this action in-character,” it’s a matter of “Outside of its intended context, a context that no longer exists, this dialogue straight up does not make any sense.” I am that obnoxious person who will go to just about any lengths to reconcile continuity for the purposes of my own writing, and I am saying here and now: as of season 12 canon, the above conversation did not happen. Like we’re past Recovery One and into season 9 trailer levels of did not happen.

So to answer one of your questions from an out-of-universe perspective: Yes, if the Reds and Blues had actually returned to Blood Gulch, Carolina and Epsilon would still have left--because that was the original intent. The Reds and Blues were going to be back in Blood Gulch, and Carolina and Epsilon were going to leave.

In spite of retconning all the content of that conversation that established the obviously-intended setting, tone, and context of that epilogue, the decision was made to keep the point of Epsilon and Carolina taking off and leaving the Reds and Blues without saying goodbye. (Without saying a word, and yet somehow Wash and everyone else seem to be aware they just ran off on their own, instead of being worried they might be, you know, in trouble, or dead.)

And thus we have a season and a half where Carolina and Epsilon are not only shoved offscreen and denied further character development, but the one piece of characterization we can draw from their actions paints them both in what is almost certainly a much worse light than that epilogue originally intended.

When they do return--well, we’ll get to that, but I think it bears remembering that Carolina on Chorus is so detached from the Reds and Blues onscreen that we have discussion spanning years in this fandom over which team she is actually on, because while blocking fairly clearly aligns her with Blue Team (yes, even on Chorus), she has so few meaningful interactions with other members of Blue Team that in the minds of a lot of viewers, she might as well not be there. And it’s no coincidence that Carolina’s season 13 subplot is almost entirely isolated from the rest of the main cast, and has very little to do with Chorus directly.

And by the time we get to season 13 and Miles starts consciously trying to give Carolina character development, he’s dropping things that, while Feels™-inducing, have not been properly planted throughout the trilogy. Carolina thinking of the Reds and Blues as family is planted very hastily in the beginning of season 13. Her physical gesture of comfort toward Kimball strongly suggests familiarity between them, yet this has not been set up at all, as they have barely shared screentime or even spoken one on one. And because these elements have not been properly planted, their payoffs are confusing, and become difficult to interpret in-universe, which we’ll get to in a minute.

Even Carolina fighting side-by-side with Wash in “Great Destroyers” comes very much out of the blue, when there has been almost zero interaction between them for most of the three seasons. And this, I think, highlights the greatest narrative tragedy for these characters, which is that neither Epsilon nor Carolina ever get any real resolution with Wash. There is no conversation about their histories, no sharing of their pain, no acknowledgment of the ways they have been hurt and hurt one another. Wash and Epsilon never discuss what happened between them in Freelancer, to the point that we, the viewers, still don’t really know--and Epsilon dies without the show ever giving them that closure. We don’t get to see Wash’s initial reaction to Carolina being alive, and so we don’t really know how he feels about it at the time. We see them fight together with near-seamless cohesion at the end of 13, but their relationship lacks a kind of emotional continuity that can only come from letting them acknowledge their shared history directly.

So all of that is why we are where are. From an in-universe perspective, then, what can we take from this mess?

ALL ABOARD THE WATSONIAN TRAIN, PLEASE MIND THE GAP.

Here’s what this post is actually about:

Carolina and Epsilon’s relationship during season 10 and the Chorus trilogy, and how, while they are positive forces in one another’s lives in some ways, they also keep one another isolated.

I say “keep one another isolated.” Two critical points here:

It goes both ways.

They’re both already isolated when they meet.

To expand on point 2, by the time Carolina meets Epsilon, she has been isolated for a long time. She watched her team fall apart around her in Freelancer, was betrayed and attacked by multiple teammates, was left for dead by her own father, and spent several years in hiding before resurfacing to find closure. Carolina’s relationship with Epsilon by no means creates her isolation. What it does is prolong it, by delaying the formation and reconciliation of other meaningful relationships in her life.

Equally important is Epsilon’s own isolation, though it’s a bit more subtle. @epsilontucker pointed out once that Epsilon coming to identify as “Church” following his reactivation by Caboose didn’t just happen--it was a process. Epsilon’s struggle is that he both is and is not Church. He takes on the Church identity as bestowed upon him by Caboose. He accepts Caboose’s stories as if they were his own memories (which creates its own problems, notably passing on Caboose’s dislike of Tucker and causing significant friction between Tucker and Epsilon). But he is not Alpha. Nor does he have Alpha’s attachment to the rest of the Reds and Blues, not right away. Epsilon spends most of season 8 figuring out his own identity and pursuing his own goals--most notably, recreating Tex from his memories--and as recently as the end of season 8, Epsilon says of the others, “You know, they’re not really my friends.” His time in the memory unit, while surrounded by facsimiles of the Reds and Blues, is devoting to resolving his relationship with Tex. And when the Reds and Blues pull him out of the memory unit, he’s not terribly pleased. He only really makes an effort to connect with the others in 10 out of a mistrust of Carolina and Wash, and that connection, as we will discuss, is tenuous.

I want to make it clear here that I don’t believe either of them at any point do anything deliberately to hurt one another. Epsilon loves Carolina. In fact I think he loves her as dearly as he has ever loved anyone--yes, including Tex. And I think Carolina cares deeply for him too. Relationships can have unhealthy elements without warranting that a-word. This is not an abusive relationship; I wouldn’t even go so far as to call it a toxic one necessarily, though it might have toxic elements at times.

I would characterize it as an intense and insular relationship, of the sort in which two people may both mirror and intensify some of each other’s bad habits--and in their case, these habits have an isolating effect on both of them. I’ll stress again that I think the effect in their case (and probably in the case of other human-AI partnerships too, but that’s another post) is reflexive. It’s not just one of them doing it to the other, consciously or otherwise; it’s the effect of their partnership on both of them.

It’s true that a lot happens on Chorus, and all the characters are kept busy. But that doesn’t prevent, for example, Wash from having significant moments with Caboose and Tucker, or the Reds having moments with one another. Carolina and Epsilon’s isolation is somewhat unique to them. And it begins long before Chorus.

Present-Day Season 10

Carolina and Epsilon first connect mid-season 10, when Epsilon, concerned about her plans for the Reds and Blues, covertly follows her to the site of York’s death in hopes of learning more. His plan backfires when he reveals himself accidentally and incurs Carolina’s very justified anger for invading her privacy at a deeply personal moment. But by sharing York’s salvaged logs, Epsilon is able to get Carolina to open up.

This encounter changes both of them. Carolina decides that Epsilon can be trusted, and starts making him her first point of contact. While her relationship with Wash is already rocky, this certainly uh, exacerbates it.

Once Epsilon gets close to Carolina, he discards the connection he’d begun to build with the Reds and Blues almost immediately. He starts riding around in Carolina’s armor and withholding information from the others just as she does. Far from bridging the gulf between Carolina and the Reds and Blues, Epsilon exacerbates the situation by simply jumping over to her side, becoming impatient with the others for not blindly following along. This culminates in the disastrous attempt at a mission briefing in the holochamber, where Carolina resorts to threats of violence to maintain control of the situation, and Epsilon viciously lashes out at the Reds and Blues, alienating everyone, even Caboose.

In this scene we see both Carolina and Epsilon react to a situation that brings up past trauma for both of them. The Reds and Blues rejecting her authority is reminiscent of Carolina’s old Freelancer team fragmenting, losing cohesion, becoming insubordinate, and in a few cases outright betraying her. His companions walking away from something so important to him clearly brings up something painful for Epsilon too, evident especially in the way he lashes out at Wash.

I do want to note a difference in how they react: Carolina threatens, but she’s straightforward. Epsilon fights dirty. When he’s angry at his friends, he dredges up whatever he can think of to hurt them, and I think this is again, a side effect of the fact that he both is and is not Church. He has the knowledge of their history, but doesn’t yet have the affection that comes with time and familiarity, and that can be a very ugly combination. Though Carolina is stunned to see Wash turn on her, it isn’t Carolina who drags up painful history to hurt him back. It’s Epsilon. Though we’re missing a lot of context for what exactly happened, we know that his removal from Wash wasn’t Wash’s choice, and so there’s a sense of something distinctly unfair about what he says.

“So that's it, you're just gonna turn your back on us? No, no, you're right. You know, I guess I should've seen that one coming. It's not exactly like you're new to the concept, is it?”

Carolina and Epsilon’s past traumas resurface in this scene, and they both react very badly, and hurt the people they care about and who care about them. This is the paradox, perhaps, of this kind of intense and insular relationship. Carolina and Epsilon find that they relate to each other deeply, as they uncover the shared pain of their histories with Project Freelancer and how those histories intersect. And in a very real sense, they do need each other--Epsilon needs a friend he chooses for himself rather than one attempting to mold him into the perfect best friend they want him to be. Carolina needs someone who will go to bat for her even when she is far from being her best self.

But neither of them, at this point, are healed enough or self-aware enough to recognize the harm they are doing others. Rather than balancing each other, they amplify each other’s pain and also each other’s displacement of that pain. They’re both Churches. They share some of the same bad habits. Like shutting people out emotionally, and like lashing out at people close to them when they’re hurt.

And so they lash out at their companions, including the one person in the best position to understand and sympathize with both of them, the one person who has been supporting both of them even when they’re hurting him, who does not object until he feels he has no other choice: Wash.

Wash understands what both Epsilon and Carolina have been through in a way the Reds and Blues simply cannot. Whatever he went through with Epsilon, we can only imagine it was deeply traumatic for both of them. Whatever his emotions about Carolina being alive after he thought she was dead for so long, it’s enough that it drives him to want to help her, right up until he simply can’t go along anymore, and we shouldn’t discount what it probably costs him to stand up to her. Wash needs resolution with both of them, desperately. But neither of them will allow that resolution to happen, because in clinging so close to each other, they shut everyone else out, including Wash.

Of course, it doesn’t end there. The Reds and Blues show up after all, and help Carolina and Epsilon make it to the Director. It’s made clear, though, that they’re doing this for Church, not for Carolina. It’s Caboose’s sadness over losing his best friend all over again that prompts Tucker’s change of heart, and then one by one the others follow. Even Wash, it’s pretty clear, goes along not for Carolina or for Church, but for the Reds and Blues. After all, they gave him a second chance, and if they’ve decided to make this their fight, then he’ll be at their side.

And though no one says it to her directly, Carolina surely knows this. She knows they didn’t come for her.

In some ways, Wash was lucky. The worst things he did were worse than what Carolina did--Wash, after all, actually pulled the trigger. Twice. But what he did was witnessed only by the Reds and Doc. And it’s Caboose who forcibly adopts Wash into Blue Team--Caboose who knows nothing of what Wash has done, and simply longs for a surrogate best friend. He puts Wash in Church’s armor and calls him Church. Who Wash is and what he’s done is basically incidental.

But everyone gets to see Carolina at her worst, and so she doesn’t get the kind of forceful adoption Wash does. And season 10 ends, not with Carolina having become one of the Reds and Blues, but with Carolina and Epsilon standing alone--and then deciding to leave.

I start from season 10 because I want to make the point that Carolina and Epsilon are not isolated on Chorus because they leave at the end of season 10. They leave because they are already isolated--because neither of them feel like they belong.

It’s true that it’s Carolina who suggests hunting down stolen Freelancer tech. However, I think what Epsilon says before she ever makes that suggestion is equally important. Even though practically speaking this conversation has been mostly retconned out of existence, it’s still worth paying attention to because it shows where both Carolina and Church are emotionally following season 10.

“What can I tell you,” Church says. “We're home. I mean, they're home.”

Even the blocking of the shot reinforces this sentiment. Carolina and Epsilon are standing alone at the cliff’s edge, watching the Reds and Blues from a distance, commenting on how things are getting back to normal for them. And however we might reinterpret or overwrite this dialogue to make it fit with Chorus canon, one thing is clear: neither Carolina nor Epsilon believe that this is their home, that they belong.

With Carolina, it’s easy to see why: she has not been a friend to them and she knows that even in the end they did not come for her. Epsilon is bit more complicated. Why, after his friends risked so much to come back for him, twice, does he decide to leave them? I think Epsilon, at this point, still feels that his position on Blue Team has been usurped by Wash. And after the way he treated his friends, I think he still feels a certain amount of shame. He’s not sure he belongs.

And so the two of them hang back. Neither of them so much as speak to any of the others after the confrontation with the Director. We hear them thank each other for what they’ve come through together, but not the others. They have a conversation in which they reinforce each other’s sense of not belonging, of being unwanted by anyone but each other. And then they leave, and don’t say goodbye--almost as if they don’t really believe they’ll be missed.

Which, as we later learn, is not true.

But I think the ways things end in season 10 leaves both Carolina and Epsilon feeling like they only really have each other. And this begins a pattern of them sticking to each other while keeping everyone else at a distance.

Season 12

We get a brief snippet of Carolina and Epsilon’s time wandering Chorus alone, and from these flashbacks we can gain a few insights about their relationship as well as how they’re doing individually. Epsilon’s bullet time sequence, in particular, tells us a lot. We learn that Carolina does not sleep well and has nightmares about Sigma--whose memory is still a part of Epsilon, with whom Carolina shares brainspace. We see Epsilon himself eager to brush off these difficulties, insisting to himself, “She’s fine, don’t worry about it.” We see that he can’t fully control the manifestations of his own fragments, as seen when he has to push away Omega. We see that he gets flustered by the many voices talking at once, even though they’re all him.

And we hear him say that he gets lonely sometimes.

Incidentally, there’s never any clear indication that Carolina knows Epsilon talks to his own fragments this way, or that she can hear him doing it. It’s also worth noting that she doesn’t actually take all of his advice in the ensuing fight (she vaults over the door and uses it as a weapon, rather than staying in cover behind it) but this might be just because they briefly lost connection.

All of this lays the groundwork for the cracks that will start to show in Carolina and Epsilon’s bond in season 13.

It is when Carolina and Epsilon return to the story, and to the Reds and Blues, that we see the continued effects of their prolonged isolation.

It’s clear they still do care about the Reds and Blues. The minute their intel leads them to believe their friends are in danger, Epsilon says, “We have to go back,” and Carolina doesn’t disagree. Yet as soon as they are reunited, Epsilon is calling Tucker a “whiny bitch” for being upset about being left alone and kidnapped by mercenaries.

Initially Carolina largely stays out of their bickering. Soon after they all reunite, she runs off with Epsilon to study the new weapons, rebuffing offers of help. She barely says anything in season 12 that isn’t tactical. The rest of Blue Team’s beef seems to be with Church, and Carolina largely seems to agree, not speaking up to take sides, and no one directs their anger toward her even though she left them just as much as Epsilon did. No one seems to have any feelings about Carolina, positive or negative; emotionally, it’s almost like she’s not even there.

But this is where we come back to Epsilon’s staggering lack of empathy toward his supposed friends. His behavior toward Tucker in particular is shitty in a way that Tucker absolutely does not deserve. The data transfer disaster at Crash Site Alpha brings the tension between Tucker and Epsilon to a head, when Tucker aborts the transfer early out of fear for all of their lives, and Epsilon explodes at him--insisting he knew that they only needed a few more seconds, even though a minute before, he said he didn’t know how long it would take.

(Tangent: Tucker’s comment about how Church couldn’t find the zoom on the sniper rifle could only be about Alpha, therefore Tucker is still trying to apply what he knows about Alpha to Epsilon, and he hasn’t fully grasped the fact that Epsilon has different capabilities than Alpha because Epsilon actually knows he’s an AI.)

It’s not just that Epsilon doesn’t know what Tucker’s been through while he and Carolina have been gone. It’s that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t try to understand, and when Tucker tries to explain, Epsilon insults and belittles him. Once again, Epsilon consistently hits below the belt when he’s angry, lashing out at people who care about him using whatever he knows will hurt them. And as soon as he realizes his behavior is making things uncomfortable with the whole group, he declares that “shit’s getting weird” and runs off with Carolina to avoid dealing with it. Even Carolina sounds exhausted when she announces they’re going to check the perimeter.

Tucker is then guilt-tripped by Caboose into apologizing for basically nothing, because Caboose always takes Church’s side (and the codependent nature of Caboose’s relationships with his best friends could be an essay in itself).

This is the first time (and the only time in season 12) that we see Carolina bring up Epsilon’s behavior. She doesn’t quite call him out, but she does express incredulity that Epsilon never actually apologizes to Tucker, despite his own conscience (in the form of Theta) telling him he should. Epsilon deflects this super hard with the whole “We’re dudes” thing, which Tucker then goes along with. Playing his refusal to apologize as a sign of masculinity is, intentionally or not, really manipulative and really effective against Tucker who is struggling hard with his own insecurities in season 12.

It’s really no surprise that Tucker has already started leaning on Wash as an emotional support as soon as they’re reunited--despite the tension between Tucker and Wash back at the crash site, and despite how he has missed Church. Tucker misses Church right up until he remembers what the present Church is actually like.

Which brings us back to Wash, whose distance from both Carolina and Epsilon is perhaps the most glaring of any character. Of course there’s no guarantee that he would have a real conversation with either of them even if they weren’t joined at the brain--he is, after all, not great at “emotional stuff.” But it certainly makes it more difficult.

When Carolina chastises Wash for accepting Freckles from Locus, Epsilon joins in, neither of them quite understanding what Freckles means to Caboose, and what getting him back for Caboose meant to Wash. There’s no question that Carolina and Epsilon care about Caboose; we see this in the way Carolina (and presumably Epsilon since he runs her armor mods) springs into action on a wounded leg to save Caboose from a pirate. It’s not a lack of caring. But there’s a disconnect there all the same.

In episode 17, Carolina and Epsilon lay out three options for their next step with both armies converging on the capital for a final fight to the death. It’s Wash who comes up with the fourth option of putting the Reds and Blues on the ship home while he and Carolina stay behind, an option Epsilon and Carolina hadn’t yet heard, suggesting the three of them didn’t discuss these plans all together.

Carolina and Wash seem to have no problem working together, and Wash doesn’t even particularly seem to avoid Epsilon (note how he follows Carolina off to patrol the perimeter after Epsilon’s outburst in 12.16, knowing full well Epsilon is with her). They just don’t talk. And we see firsthand with Tucker just how impossible it is for anyone to talk to either Carolina or Epsilon privately.

There’s an additional significance to the option Wash presents, in that it very likely represents a worst-case scenario for everyone. While we can’t know for sure, this option seems incredibly likely to get everyone killed--the Reds and Blues by walking straight into a trap, the Freelancers and Epsilon by simply being outnumbered and outgunned. I think there’s a really important message we can take from the fact that they consider that option, and reject it. “Never split the party” is an adventure game truism for a reason. The first half of the Chorus trilogy involves the party being split into multiple pieces and while we get some great character development out of that for the Reds and Blues, ultimately the goal is to get everyone back together because together they are the strongest. This is an important theme, and comes up even more prominently in season 13.

The cooperation between Tucker and Epsilon to entrap Felix at the end of 12 is a high point, and shows that, however incomplete their reconciliation might have been, their teamwork is vital to their success. It’s the first time Epsilon rides with anyone other than Carolina since season 10. And I think it’s worth noting that it was Tucker who reached out to smooth things over, not Epsilon--and if Tucker hadn’t done it, it probably wouldn’t have happened at all.

Still, season 12 closes with Epsilon and Carolina celebrating their victory alone, down at Kimball’s thinking spot and away from the others, for no apparent reason.

It’s clear that Carolina has developed some positive feelings toward the Reds and Blues, but it’s also clear she’s still holding them at a distance--that she still doesn’t really believe herself to be one of them. As for Epsilon, he really seems to consider her his team, even more than the Blues. Both of them seem to believe, genuinely, that they mostly work better on their own.

It isn’t inherently a bad thing that they’re close. But it also make it very easy for them to emotionally shut everyone else out--after all, they always have each other. They are literally in each other’s heads. Carolina struggles to open up as it is--why should she make the effort to express her feelings to anyone else, when Epsilon already knows what she’s thinking? And Epsilon seems to feel the same, remaining so closed off in his conversation with Tucker that even Carolina notices.

But even if they do only open up to each other, is that really a problem? Well… yeah. For both of them, and for the rest of their team. Epsilon’s friction with Tucker has real consequences. Perhaps if he and Carolina were actually communicating to the others what the two of them pass back and forth automatically in their shared brainspace, Tucker wouldn’t have panicked and aborted the data transfer early. What they’ve missed and what they do not share creates a rift between them and the rest of the team, and that affects how they all work together.

We see even more why it’s a problem in season 13.

Season 13

Early in 13 we finally do see Carolina forming some connections with the Reds and Blues--not just running missions, but laughing and joking with them. (It’s also worth noting that this is the first time since the reunion that we see them form squads for missions not based on their Red and Blue teams; Carolina’s out working with Sarge and Tucker.)

This scene shows us that Carolina is getting more comfortable with the group but still has a long way to go--particularly evident when her attempt at a joke goes over like a lead balloon. All this time since season 10 and she hasn’t actually been around the Reds and Blues long enough at a stretch to have picked up on the fact that “bow chicka bow wow” is Tucker’s personal catchphrase. Her sense of humor and desire to be playful is emerging, but she hasn’t worked out all the social dynamics of this group yet.

We can see right from the beginning of this season that something is eating at Carolina. That she’s still pushing herself hard in training might not be particularly noteworthy, but there’s more than just her usual perfectionism behind it. In season 12, she doesn’t really let on just how rattled she is by Felix getting the jump on her; it’s in 13 that we start to see that it’s still really bothering her. She sounds uneasy when Wash talks about them taking care of the mercs, and at the portal she’s eager for a rematch even with a construct of Felix. She needs to find her confidence again.

It’s Carolina’s experience inside the portal that highlights just why she’s so rattled. Separated even from Epsilon and forced to watch all of her friends new and old die, Carolina is forced to face her greatest fear, and face it alone. It’s not just a fear of failure. It’s a fear of letting everyone down, losing everyone she loves.

That fear closes Carolina off. From everyone, including Epsilon. When pressed about what she saw, she responds with her primary defense mechanism, anger. Though she and Epsilon share a certain amount of brainspace, it’s clear they don’t share everything, because it’s not until much later that Carolina tells him what she saw.

Epsilon is able to keep things from her, too--despite everything we, the audience, learned about him from his bullet time sequence in 12, Carolina herself does not seem to realize Epsilon is having processing issues until late in 13.

And it’s these things, the things they have kept both from each other and from everyone else, that cause problems for Carolina and Epsilon at a critical point. The intense, insular partnership that has allowed them to shut everyone else out has also allowed both of them to avoid introspection--to avoid being honest even with themselves and with each other. The portal fractures Carolina’s already shaken confidence, and it takes only a few strategic words for Sharkface to seed doubt in her mind. While she and Epsilon argue over strategy, it’s Dr. Grey who comes up with the plan that saves them.

This tension culminates in the disastrous confrontation with Sharkface on the mountain, when Carolina takes his bait and leaves her team behind. I want to recall their season 12 dynamic here--both in the flashback episode and directly following the fight with Felix. In both cases, Carolina and Epsilon both blame each other for what goes wrong. There’s a playful, teasing element to that, of course. But we can hear a similar tone in their smug banter after Carolina knocks Sharkface down the first time, when Epsilon chides her for stroking her ego and Carolina retorts, “Oh please, like you’re one to talk.” Neither of them are particularly wrong there, either. But they’re both so busy ribbing each other that neither of them notice Sharkface rising out of the snow--and he gets the jump on both of them.

And as the tide of the battle turns, Carolina panics. I don’t think there’s any other way to interpret her calling for all of her armor mods at once--especially since some of them, like the adaptive camo, don’t really do her any good in this situation. She overestimates Epsilon’s raw processing power, and yes, she absolutely pushes him too hard. Certainly no harder than she pushes herself. But being made out of numbers means Epsilon can’t push through the pain of an injury and deal with the consequences later. When his memory space is gone, it’s just gone.

And thus their teamwork breaks down, Epsilon fails at a critical moment, and Carolina falls off a cliff.

This, a near-death experience, is what it takes to get them to share their deepest struggles even with each other.

To Carolina’s credit, she’s the one who pushes for a serious talk, and even then, she has to pry it out of Epsilon. He puts up one hell of an effort to avoid the subject and deflect with humor, something Carolina has never appreciated at tense moments. (You see the same thing with York during the Freelancer seasons.) There’s something heartbreaking about how difficult they both find it to open up like this, because when you come down to it, what’s holding them both back is the very same thing.

They’re scared. That’s what it comes down to for both of them, just fear. They won’t be able to protect the people they care about at the critical moments. They’ll fail. Everyone they love will die, and it will be their fault. Carolina still can’t let herself be emotionally vulnerable in front of the Reds and Blues or even Wash, yet she is so terrified of losing them that instead of standing with them and fighting alongside them, she throws herself at danger like a human shield.

Carolina’s always been a doer and not a talker. There’s not a lot of setup for her calling the Reds and Blues family. But from another angle, we might say it’s been there in her actions, in her almost reckless protectiveness of them. The only way she knows, perhaps, to show that she cares.

And Epsilon’s not so different. But his terror, I think, is of losing her. Carolina isn’t really anything like the Meta, nor did Epsilon really know much about either the Meta or Maine. But underneath that comparison is simply his fear of losing her--of being unable to keep up, unable to protect her. And this fear makes a lot of things about Epsilon fall into place--his defensiveness, his fudging numbers, his pushing his friends away--even the abandonment issues we hear in his outburst at Wash all the way back in season 10. Epsilon was created by loss. It is woven into the very fabric of who he is. He can’t lose Carolina too, and he can’t admit how scared he is of exactly that--not even to himself.

This scene is, without a doubt, a huge step forward for both of them. It’s a harsh wake-up call, a sign of how much growing they both still have to do.

And it doesn’t fix things all at once, either. Here’s a hot take: Carolina’s entire second fight with Sharkface is tactically unnecessary. Hear me out. When Sharkface finds her in the city, Carolina is flanked by Wash and Kimball. It’s true they’re in a hurry. But if we look at what happens in the very next episode, we get a perfect demonstration of the fact that Kimball and Wash could take down Sharkface on the spot with a few seconds of concentrated rifle fire. He’s well within range. Instead, Carolina deliberately sends them off, choosing to confront Sharkface alone.

I think the real reason for this is less a need to defeat him on her own, and more a desire to apologize and offer mercy. But this also suggests that she doesn’t think Wash will go along with that. A chance to confront their past together could be really powerful for Wash and Carolina, especially if they could agree to try and end it without killing him. After all, both of them fought Sharkface and his grudge is ostensibly against both of them. But Carolina still believes she has to face him alone.

So Carolina and Wash don’t get to share that moment, don’t get to face their past together, and ultimately Sharkface doesn’t accept her mercy and dies anyway.

There’s something really sad about that.

The ride out of Armonia to escape the nuclear blast serves as sort of a do-over for their stalemate at the portal site. It demands a moment of seamless teamwork from Carolina and Epsilon, in order to save themselves and their friends. They succeed, but not without cost, as Epsilon crashes after performing the maneuver.

In a way, this scene also validates Carolina’s feelings as expressed earlier--they cannot afford not to push themselves, not with so much at stake. Just as Carolina saved Caboose without hesitation even at the cost of reopening her leg wound, Epsilon helps her use the bubble shield to save all of them, even though it pushes him past his own limits. It’s complex moment, one that validates their worst fears, but also their capabilities. And of course, it foreshadows the ending to come.

“Great Destroyers” is a turning point. At long last, Carolina and Wash fight side by side, and their teamwork is near seamless. Though we haven’t seen them talk, or demonstrate much emotional vulnerability to each other, there’s a deep sense of camaraderie and trust in the way they move together as a team, proving themselves a match for the mercenaries. It’s significant, I think, that Carolina doesn’t rely too heavily on her armor enhancements during this fight--though Epsilon is with her, his presence is understated, taking a backseat to her connection with Wash.

It’s a powerful demonstration of the value of teamwork and trust over high-tech equipment, one of the major recurring themes of Red vs. Blue.

Following the destruction of the Purge Temple, Carolina sends Epsilon with the Reds and Blues to the Communication Tower. It’s the last time she ever sees him.

It matters that Epsilon’s sacrifice is not to save Carolina, but to save the Reds and Blues. I think if push came to shove he absolutely would have done the same for Carolina alone, and that’s not in itself a bad thing. But Epsilon, like every iteration of Church, has a tendency to hyperfixate on one person. Like I said above, his greatest fear isn’t losing everyone. It’s losing Carolina. And probably his greatest flaw throughout his arc, in season 10 and in the trilogy, is the way he treats his friends, especially Tucker. That’s why his ultimate resolution comes not from saving Carolina, but from saving Tucker and the rest of his friends--while trusting Carolina to be okay on her own.

The victory at the end of season 13 comes not from Epsilon and Carolina working alone, but from both of them connecting with their other teammates--Carolina with Wash, Epsilon with Tucker. They win not by working as an isolated pair, but by working with their team. That victory comes at great cost, as all their victories do. But it is still a victory.

Conclusions

Overall I think the biggest thing to be taken from from Carolina and Epsilon’s whole arc is that as strong as their bond is, shutting everyone else out actually weakens it, and weakens both of them in turn. They are at their best when they don’t isolate themselves, but form and maintain connections with their whole team.

Season 13 sees both Epsilon and Carolina confront their worst fear, one they share: failing to protect the people they love. And so it’s important that the season closes with both of them overcoming their fear, and successfully protecting the Reds and Blues. But it’s also important that their biggest obstacle in doing so--both facing their fears, and protecting their friends--has been the way they have allowed their relationship to isolate them from their friends in the first place.

Epsilon finds his resolution in sacrifice. Carolina’s isolation does not yet fully resolve in the Chorus trilogy--which is okay, because her story isn’t over. It took us until season 15 to really see Carolina acting like family with the Reds and Blues, and to see her share a moment of emotional closeness with Wash. But she does get there.

Her relationship with Epsilon is important, and no doubt has affected her profoundly. But it’s not the only important relationship in her life, and shutting everyone else out has limited her growth. Taken as a whole, I think Carolina’s emotional journal from season 10 to season 15 shows us that her healing cannot be complete without her opening herself up to genuine connection with others as well.

[system-architect]

anyways u will still be getting my obnoxious web based posts since i have a crusty old chromebook that sometimes blacks out for brief periods of times but is overall questionably operational, so 2 pass the time heres a fun ‘about me’ style meme i stole from @garbagesura

Age: 21! turnin 22 this summer...

Birthplace: mmmichigan, not too far from here...

Current time: 11:07 PM.. watch me take 20 minutes to answer this somehow

Drink you last had: water bc im healthy ((im not))

Easiest person to talk to: sasha.... im gay

Favorite song: i have a lotta faves and it shifts around a lot but i think my current fave is fall out boy - where did the party go (im a normie i kno..)

Grossest memory: thats an awfully personal question my guy

Hogwarts House: hufflepuff/huffleclaw,,,

In love: Hell Fucking Yeah

Jealous of people: i get insecure sometimes but i think its a bit different from like. envy. and i think jealousy is more like an insecurity thing whereas envy is like, the thing ppl think of where you think ur better and deserve smth more. so i mean i guess sometimes but i try to rlly not let it get to me and i balance it out with logic but its like, its a human thing to feel sometimes u kno?? anyways theres my #realtalk of the night thanks

Love at first sight or should I walk by you again: uhh i dont think you really can fall in love based on first appearances or impressions but i think as you get closer and closer to the right person they draw you in and you draw them in and it feels very good and organic and you will be able to Tell in a natural true way that they’re the one

Middle name: valentine!! like the saint. and the holiday...

Number of siblings: i have one younger bro whos a blood relative and one younger (slightly less younger) adopted/chosen bro and one chosen older sister!

One wish: i wanna live happily and comfortably with sasha and be able to provide for ourselves but also be able to help out and get to see my friends and family often

Person you called last: i had to call sasha at like 11 pm my time for some reason and i cant remember why. it lasted 8 seconds and we didnt talk bc it just prompted him to discord msg me jkhgdfkljdkfghkjd. aside from that does the local pharmacy for emergency refills count

Question you are always asked: i think i have a spiritual sign over my head that says “pls come to me if u have troubles” bc people pull me aside to chat about life advice and ask me stuff like “hey can i talk to u about smth real quick”/”are u free to talk” etc a whole lot... its rlly heartening, i like bein able to give people advice to the best of my abilities,,,,

Reasons to smile: i have some very cute dogs and i get to talk w a cute boy every day and im gonna start gardening this summer and grow some fun vegetables, also im really happy with my art and characters lately, and my guild is full of such nice wonderful ppl who always leave rlly lovely messages in the discord every day and are super lovely to be around n chat with

Song you sang last: mouthed the lyrics of NIN’s ‘head like a hole’ except i was singing them to the version where its mashed up with carly rae jepsen’s ‘call me maybe’. its an absolute fucking banger just ftr

Time you woke up: 8:30 am??????

Underwear color: meme please no one wants to know this. but i will say every item in my wardrobe is goth or goth adjacent. im gay and have mental illnesses so its just like that

Worst habit: bad at self care esp physically but im tryin rlly hard to get better at it!

X-rays: ive had EASILY over a dozen xrays in my life, probably like. way way way more. i was born w hip dysplasia and went thru a lot of surgeries, casts, braces etc, and had yearly xrays until age 9 i think plus all the others they did in the surgery processes n whatnot, and then stuff later on at checkups and looking into shit like ‘guess what u have minor scoliosis’ and so forth. this is going to be a wild way to end this paragraph but theyre kind of fun

Your favorite food: this is tough.... my favorite food shifts a lot, rn i really like egg on toast or cucumber on toast/cucumber sandwiches!

Zodiac sign: cancer sun, taurus moon, sagittarius rising!! also gemini mars + gemini venus and cancer mercury

I’ll tag: im so bad at tagging aaaaaa pls do this if you want to!!!!

[freigaeist]

aloha y’all, absolute sweetheart @dimplesbts tagged me for yet another tag game and this time I won’t procrastinate I’ll procrastigogo so here we go:

Rules: Answer the following questions. then tag other people you’d like to get to know better.

How tall are you?
180cm-ish

What color are your eyes?
blue

Do you wear contacts and / or glasses?
glasses yes!

Do you wear braces?
not anymore but used to until 9th grade

What is your fashion style?
everything I’m feeling? I’m not settled or permanent in a style; people who know me will say “this is so you” (especially my flatmate has some mad intuition going on) but idk man. my favorite color has switched from a dark yellow to dark green recently....

When were you born?
1995

How old are you?
22

Do you have any siblings?
ya two younger ones, a boy and a girl

What school / college do you go to?
none at all I’m working! but considering going back to studying yea

What kind of student are you?
when I’m interested I’ll even raise my hand and voice if I’m not interested I won’t even get it in my head gOD it’s hard sometimes

What are your favorite subjects?
i always loved it when it was abt imagination and group work with people you get along with and can focus on a subject with; I liked languages, art, music, gym and history the most

What are your favorite movies?
god you really don’t want me to shut up here but an all-time-fav would be Stoker and the Lotr Series and another one I just discovered some time ago was Collateral Beauty

What are you favorite pastimes?
scrolling through astrology blogs, watching documentary and conspiracy theory shit, scribbling and drawing away whilst music is playing and just snuggling up..... yea

Do you have any regrets?
not joining the swim team back then? but not for the sake of going Olympic or so but I wonder what kind of impact I’d have had on my body and mind? but I’m also afraid I would’ve gone a slightly different part and I like my life as it is so I wouldn’t want it any other way

What is your dream job?
I’d like to continue working in the social field; maybe connecting it with something creative or writing later on or going deeper into children’s psychology or supervising teams and companies? Yea smth like that

Would you like to get married?
mhh not really but that is probably the result of being a divorce child? we’ll see!

Do you want kids? How many?
two? three? Don’t know but I guess I’ll be a mother yea

How many countries have you visited?
Denmark, The Netherlands, Sweden, Norway, South Korea, Santorini/Greece, Djerba/Africa

What was your scariest dream?
dude there was this one where I would walk into a dark room from a corridor, walls all red stone outside and when the door behind me fell close I waited in the dark before a flashlight shone onto the face of a woman from down below and she just screamed at me, full force, loud and angry and I was so shocked but couldn’t even hold my hands over my ears and then I was at the starting position again; standing in front of the door my sub-conscious could tell there was probably that woman behind that door yet dream-me confidently walked in and not so confidently flinched when the woman appeared out of the dark and screamed again?? That happened overall three times before I woke up in cold sweat and idk, the scary part wasn’t her bc it was an average looking, even pretty woman but that she yelled full force directly into my face was VERY unpleasant hAH

That was just one of many though bc I tend to have VERY confusing and rather disturbing dreams on a nightly basis hah

Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend / significant other?
a kind, interesting man and I decided to call one another our significant other so yes a boyfriend happened recently

Put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping list the first 15 songs.
1. Libertine - Sevdaliza 
2. Foundations - Kate Nash 
3. Horror Show - The Birthday Massacre 
4. Please please please let me get what I want - The Smith’s 
5. Gold Finger - Primary ft. Suran 
6. Help I’m alive - Metric 
7. I don’t know (R. Tee Remix) - FIESTAR
8. Can you feel the love tonight - Lion King OST
9. Magnificent Desolation - WoW OST
10. Phoner to Arizona - GoRiLLaZ
11. I’m a lady - Santigold 
12. Spaceman - The Killers 
13. Pow Pow - LCD Soundsystem 
14. FIRE - BTS
15. Shake Baby Shake - Gemma Ray

..well doesn’t that tell you lots about my troubled and twisted persona hAH anyways I’m tee-ta-tagging the following sweecakes: @grumpytth @ksjknj @rapdaegu @flap-monster @minyoongihoseok @daegucrew @kittaee @mytaeddy @nevermindbyjin and whoever wants to do it! Honestly just do it 💪🤓

[fanciful-follies]

burramy who grew up together and, as teenagers, go to a playground at the elementary school they went to (like during summer so no kids) and talk about memories and shit and then it starts raining so they hide in those plastic tunnels and first kiss?? or smth idk i thought it was kinda cute i guess

(thank you for sending a prompt that fits perfectly into my vague undefined Burramy verse)

Bellamy tilts his head back to look up at the sky, squinting even though the sun is hidden by a mountain of gray clouds. The air is hot and muggy, his clothes sticking to him, and he can feel sweat at his temple and nape of his neck.

But he breathes out a content sigh anyway, his legs swinging back and forth from where they’re hanging over the edge of one of the platforms on the playground. 

It’s empty, quiet, no sound except for the occasional car driving by, and Bellamy loves it. Loves the calm and the summer heat and the strange sense of freedom he feels sitting there, feet dangling and head thrown back. It’s perfect.

Something sharp hits him in the back, and Bellamy jumps, twisting to look behind him, his eyes landing on Aaron, who is sitting a few feet away, a wood chip in his hand and a smirk dancing across his lips.

“I still don’t get why you wanted to come here,” he says, letting the other wood chip drop now that he has Bellamy’s attention. “It’s hot as fuck, and this is just a dirty old playground. We’re probably gonna get some kind of disease.”

Bellamy smiles, turning around fully so he can look at Aaron. It’s a better view. “It’s not that dirty. We played on it all the time when we were kids.”

“Yeah, and I also ate play-doh as a kid.”

Bellamy just laughs, his shoulders rising and falling a shrug as he looks around. “I think it’s nice. There’s memories here. Remember we used to play lava? And would always get in trouble with the recess aides?”

“Because we refused to get off the playground even when recess was over?” Aaron finishes, giving Bellamy a fond look. “Yeah, I remember. I got a lot of detentions because you of.”

“Worth it,” Bellamy tells him with a grin. Cause they were. “We met here, too, you know.” He goes silent after that, watching Aaron as he holds his breath for some reason, as if breathing too loud would cause him to miss Aaron’s reaction.

And Aaron glances away, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “I remember,” he murmurs, hand dropping back to his side. Then he raises it again, pointing over to the slide. “It was there. You ran into me.”

Bellamy’s breath stutters in his chest when he finally allows himself to breathe again. He remembers. Almost ten years later, and Aaron remembers. Bellamy didn’t think he would. But maybe that day is jus as important to Aaron as it is to him.

“You were sitting at the bottom of the slide,” Bellamy says, continuing the story. “On the ground. Counting the wood chips.”

“Organizing them,” Aaron cuts in, turning back to look at Bellamy. “Not counting.”

Bellamy nods. “Either way, not a smart thing to do when sitting at the bottom of a slide.”

“I think it turned out okay.”

Butterflies flutter in Bellamy’s stomach at those words, and it’s like Aaron knows, because he smiles, lips curving up in a way that makes Bellamy want to melt. 

“Well,” Bellamy continues after a moment, having to look away. “I just hope your organizing of the wood chips was worth me barreling right into you when I came down the slide.”

“No harm was done. You were pretty scrawny.” Aaron smirks. “Still are.”

Bellamy sticks out his tongue, which makes Aaron laugh, the sound filling the air around them and making Bellamy shiver despite the heat. “You just stared at me after,” Bellamy says, the scene replaying in his mind. “Didn’t get mad, or cry, just stared.”

Aaron hums, the noise drawing Bellamy’s attention back to him. His eyes are distant, like he’s remembering it all, too. “You apologized. Then helped me reorganize the wood chips.” He chuckles, eyes meeting Bellamy’s. “Although now that I know you thought I was counting them, you must have screwed up my system.”

Bellamy grins, and his eyes stay on Aaron’s, the air around them seeming to become impossibly hotter as the seconds go by, neither of them saying anything, content to just inspect the other. 

After some time, Aaron’s expression shifts, and Bellamy watches as he swallows thickly, his throat working. His eyes are still locked on Bellamy’s. Then he’s opening his mouth, getting ready to say something, and Bellamy feels the hair on his arms rise. 

Then something wet hits his nose. Then again on his neck. Then the rain is coming down hard, the drops splattering against his skin and clothing, and he finally rips his eyes away from Aaron’s when a flash of lightning brightens the sky, thunder rumbling seconds later. 

Bellamy keeps his head tilted up for a few moments, letting the rain wipe away the sweat on his face, but then a hand is tugging at his shirt, and he looks back down to see Aaron standing in front of him.

Bellamy stands, too, taking Aaron’s hand and dragging him over to the blue plastic tunnel that is connecting their platform to one on the other side of the playground. Bellamy slides in first, Aaron sighing behind him as he crawls in as well.

Then they’re both getting situated, Bellamy’s legs barely fitting as he puts his back to one side of the tunnel. And Aaron rests his back on the opposite side, facing Bellamy with a disgruntled look on his face.

“I told you it was a bad day to come here.”

Bellamy just shrugs, shaking his head and sending droplets of water flying through the air. “Well, too bad it isn’t your birthday. I wanted to spend mine here.”

“I still don’t get why,” Aaron grumbles, wringing out some of the rain from his shirt, the water pooling on the floor of the tunnel. 

And Bellamy just stares, the dimness of the tunnel making him less worried about Aaron noticing how much he’s staring. Everything is tinted blue, and that combined with the rushing noise of the rain outside makes Bellamy feel as if he’s under water. Like he’s floating.

“I already told you,” he murmurs. “It’s where I met you.”

Aaron’s hands stop their movements, his head jerking up to stare back at Bellamy, expression shocked and open in a way that it rarely is. “What?”

Bellamy takes a deep breath. “That’s why I wanted to come here,” he says, “because it’s where I met you. It’s where we grew up, where I…” 

He trails off, not knowing how to tell Aaron that it’s the place where he felt warmth up fill his chest for the first time, all because Aaron had cheered him on when he finally got across the monkey bars. Or the second time after Bellamy had picked up a dandelion and given it to Aaron, the smile Aaron gave him in return making his heart leap. 

And that warmth kept filling him up, time and time again until he knew what it meant. Until he knew that warmth was because of Aaron, was because of the way Aaron made him feel, was because he loved Aaron. Years later, and that warmth is still there.

“Sorry,” Bellamy says, laughing and looking away, his face heating up. “Being silly.”

He can feel Aaron’s eyes on him, but he keeps his gaze down, not wanting Aaron to see what’s going through his mind. He’s never told Aaron, not in words. But he’s sure Aaron knows. Aaron knows him better than anyone.

The sound of Aaron clearing his throat causes Bellamy to look back up. “If I had known coming here would make your birthday that special,” he starts, “I would have brought you here every year. You’re easy to please.”

Bellamy chuckles, grateful for the change in topic, not sure how much more his pounding heart could take. “Don’t think this gets you out of getting me a gift.” He smiles at Aaron, who is giving him a thoughtful glance. “What?”

“Close your eyes,” Aaron tells him, sounding strangely determined.

“I…what?” 

“Close your eyes,” Aaron repeats, his voice firm. He stares at Bellamy, waiting, and Bellamy swallows, his throat dry.

“Okay,” he whispers, eyes fluttering shut. 

The sound of rain seems to get louder, and Bellamy strains to listen, to pick up on what else is happening, to hear something other than the way his heart is beating in his chest.

He thinks he hears Aaron moving, and that thought is confirmed moments later when he feels Aaron’s hand rest on his knee. Then gentle fingers are cradling his cheek, angling his face up.

And Bellamy holds his breath again, scared that any noise or movement he makes would break whatever is about to happen. So he holds still, and he waits.

A gentle pressure on his lips makes Bellamy inhale, and he feels Aaron’s fingers shake slightly against the skin of his cheek, but then there’s more pressure, Aaron moving in closer, and his fingers steady themselves.

The kiss is soft, hesitant, nothing more than a barely there press of their lips. But Bellamy’s chest is filling with warmth anyway, spreading all the way to his toes, and he wonders if Aaron can feel it under his fingers, how warm he is. 

He doesn’t touch Aaron back, doesn’t try to push any further, doesn’t try to get more. This is enough. This is more than enough. 

Aaron deepens the kiss for a moment, his lips firm against Bellamy’s, unpracticed but insistent, and his fingers stroke over his cheekbone, making Bellamy shudder, humming deep in his throat.

Then Aaron is pulling away, and Bellamy has to force himself not to chase after him. 

He takes a deep breath as he opens his eyes, blinking as he takes in Aaron’s face, which is surprised but thoughtful, confused, and Bellamy knows he’ll go home and think about what just happened until it drives him crazy. Wishes he could spare Aaron all of that worry. But he knows he can’t.

So he smiles instead. “Was that my present?” He asks, and Aaron nods, tongue darting out to run over his lower lip unconsciously. “You Burr’s think mighty highly of yourselves, don’t you?” Bellamy teases, grateful that Aaron smiles back, his expression growing softer, less distracted.

Aaron reaches his hand out, fingers slowly twining with Bellamy’s. “Happy birthday, Bell.”

And Bellamy hums, staring at their hands and wondering if Aaron can see the blush that he knows is on his face. He squeezes Aaron’s hand, knowing that’s all he can do for now, all he can do until Aaron is ready. But he doesn’t mind in the slightest.

Aaron is more than worth the wait. 

[ravenvsfox]

I know you have already done a lot of the ship posts (and they are all phenomenal and accurate af) but can you pretty please do Jesper and Wylan from six of crows/crooked kingdom? Xoxo

I’m SO sorry this took so long, you’re such an absolute sweetheart and also christ I’ve never been called an inspiration before holy.. god

also heck i love wesper this is a treat

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU… 

who is more likely to hurt the other?

don’t.. do this

they’re genuinely so good neither of them would ever TRY to hurt the other, and they’re both so tender and apologetic if they ever do. I think I’m gonna have to say jesper though just because. he’s still a little stirred by his addiction (to trouble! to bringing two guns to a gun fight! to gambling! to love!) and he’s got some jealousy and sensitivity baked into him, bless him. I feel like he’d run a risk and break Wy’s heart by accident, a little bit

who is emotionally stronger?

a genuine toughie bc they’ve both survived and persevered so MUCH. I think in terms of immediate reactionary instincts, Jes is better at letting bad vibes roll right off of him. He’s made of smiles. He’s trouble and a good time rolled into a waistcoat. If you insult him he only gets stronger. Wy was raised in silk and champagne but he was raised BY an absolute monster so. he’s a very bruised peach. criticism pierces him v easily. Though in a more fundamental way, wylan has fashioned his past trauma into a shield. by the end of ck he’s building himself new emotional strength with his bare hands

who is physically stronger?

ohhh man. They’re both noodle boys. Wylan is too smart for exercise. Jesper does his fighting at a 20 metre distance from his target. Jesper is bigger than wylan but most of his size is gangly and delightful and awkward. I think jes could probably still beat wylan in a pinch, but I’m more caught up in how funny it would be to see them try to fight it out

who is more likely to break a bone? 

man I’m tempted to say jesper just bc he seems like he would be...... brittle. I think he gets into scrapes a lot. I think wylan starts to get into p frequent scrapes by nature of being the sixth crow. I think the both of them are so busy worrying about each other’s fights that they neglect their own and trip off a building or smth

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

I think wylan can be a nasty piece of work when he’s pissed enough. like he may be a silk eared puppy but he’ll chew your shoes and track mud around if you forget to feed him. jesper doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body man, I think he’s a sarcasm queen and a joker but he’s definitely not mean

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

I think jesper’s constantly assuming he did something wrong and he sits down with wylan 100% serious like ‘babe.. im so, so sorry. I never wanted to be the sort of person who made you look sad like that, we’re past that, I truly made a promise--’ and wy would be like ‘what no I was sad bc a screw on my flute is loose and I couldn’t practice today’. but also yeah if it’s a serious fight they make up in a rush, and they laugh at themselves, and they use their energy for something better

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

here’s the thing about the crows man, they’re always sustaining minor injuries as a team and it’s a win if they live, right? All I can picture is the roar of activity when they pull off a job and they come back limping and bleeding and swearing and crowing w joy, and jes and wy take their seats opposite each other and clean wounds, kiss foreheads, smooth back sweaty curls, squeeze hands, make promises. the routine, u kno

who is in constant need of comfort? 

uhhh both of them (it’s always both my guy jot that down). Wylan has 16 years of shitty imposed self loathing to unlearn, and traumatic experiences all over him. jes has lost a lot (including his mom) and he struggles with addiction so like. yeah they both need comfort. they both wake up w the phantom feeling of a mother’s arms around their shoulders. they’ve both seen the very worst of humanity. They’re just two nervy, high stress kids trying to figure things out

who gets more jealous? 

lmao WYLAN VAN ECK did y’all read his scenes in crooked kingdom that boy is NOT SHARING. he glared real holes in kuwei’s head guys. jesper tbh is a terrible flirt and a HANDFUL and wylan is happy. to have his hands full. no one else.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

mmm nahhh

who will propose? 

u bet ur ASS it’ll be jesper. Imagine wylan’s blushing face...... he’d do it for that alone. tbh there’s probably a point in their relationship where jesper’s outrageous flirting isn’t enough to get that pretty blush from wylan like he’ll roll his eyes and shove jes in the shoulder and w/e but they have to have increasingly ridiculous conversations about kinks or w/e until that blush comes out. jesper’s like ‘dang. guess I gotta step up the romance. what’s the most romantic thing? marriage? marrying wylan? son absolutely where do i sign’

who has the most difficult parents?

lmao lm a o lmaooo Lmao LMAO lmao

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

I feel like depending on the social climate of Ketterdam, hand holding might not be on the table?? especially for two criminals associated w the bastard of the barrel like idk man I can’t picture it. they don’t want to draw attention to themselves (well i mean. jes wants to. but they can’t). I think they’re all about sly glances and the most obvious smirks you’ve ever seen, and brushing shoulders!! brushing shoulders are their makeouts

who comes up for the other all the time? 

they’re always together man bf’s that blow shit up together and live together stay together so like they rarely have the opportunity to talk about each other. howEVER jesper probably mentions his boyfriend in the middle of a hand of poker w an inappropriate smile or gushes to w/e prisoner he’s breaking out of jail or makes Kaz’s day weird by trying to confide in him

who hogs the blankets? 

wylan is exhausted w luxury and jesper is a child who wants to be held so he rolls over and then over again so that wy always wakes up to a lapful of boyfriend and a roll of blankets and he has to wait for jesper’s heavy sleeper ass to arise so he can get up to pee 

who gets more sad? 

booooth -- jesper is understated sad with a side of unnerving frowns, wylan is a wobbling mouth and clenched fists. Sometimes they stay in the Wylan Van mansion and lock the doors so the maids can’t come in, and they bring the lavish decorative pillows into a heap on the carpet and feed each other sweets and rub each others backs and laugh and laugh the darkness away. wylan sketches. jesper poses. there’s scheming & kaz impressions. jesper is a storyteller and he imagines out loud what nina or inej are up to at that very minute, controlling gravity and hearts and the sea and their lives 

who is better at cheering the other up? 

see above ^^ they both go pro at the comfort olympics. Jesper is that little bit better though. He’s a sweetheart with all the right words in his pockets. He knows how to chop wylan’s dad down like the overgrown dead tree that he is. he knows how to flirt a smile onto wy’s face. he maybe lacks delicacy sometimes, but he’s so fun and wholehearted and warm that he can’t really go wrong

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this is canon y’all, jesper is a lecherous bastard and wylan is equal parts disdain and delight. he absolutely will slap a boy

who is more streetwise?

god bless wylan but he knows a hell of a lot less about the streets than jes. He’s learning fast by the end of ck, but he’s still very sheltered in a lot of ways. Jesper has a few years under his belt, and he’s.. like tbh he’s a part of a gang so. He’s seen a lot. He’s participated in a lot. He has a pretty steep list of kills, same as every other survivor out there. He’s detached from the deaths but he’s been on the other side of a lot of bullets that have crumpled people up and thrown them in the trash. He knows his business, too. He knows Ketterdam. Well. Wy knows the half of it Kaz wants him to see.

who is more wise?

Wylan is utterly brilliant and Jesper is wholeheartedly here for it. What was that line again? ‘you’re cuter when you’re smart’? Wylan can think his way out of just about anything, the world belongs to him. jsyk

who’s the shyest? 

Wylan absolutely what a sweetie. I mean a lot of it stems from unfortunate self esteem issues and a history of being burnt but a lot of it is pure soul deep candy sweet embarrassment and not knowing what to do w his own cute face. He doesn’t know how to deal w people a lot of the time. he knows sheet music & formulas. he does not know how to look at a boy with beautiful lips all curled up at him and not pass out

who boasts about the other more? 

jesper is loudmouthed usually and he’s that much more loudmouthed when he’s in love, catch him talking to anyone who will listen about wy’s stupid face 

who sits on who’s lap? 

jesper would definitely try it, don’t even test him, he would fold all his crane limbs into wylan’s lap and say ‘hello peaches’ and wylan would have to slide both of them onto the floor to escape his embarrassment. on a good day, jes’ll scoop wylan into his lap and he’ll feel quiet, for a while