#PERSONHOOD IS A LIE!!!

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[morganmnemonic]

I can't stop thinking about the relationship between Jon and Helen as perhaps one of the most important ones in the entire show. They are narrative parallels for each other, and they both know it. They've both known it from the very start!

Helen walks into the Archives, paranoid, unsure of who to trust, and Jon sees himself in her. And he thinks "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." Then he can't save her. The next time they meet, she's a monster. They're both monsters. There was never any other way their stories could have gone, their fates entwined from the very start.

And Helen answers his original thought with one of her own: "Maybe if we can help each other, there's hope for us both." But Jon looks at her and sees everything that he fears becoming, and so he turns her away, and refuses to accept that their stories are still one and the same.

Helen went to the last person who was ever kind to her, the only person who both knew her as a human and had the context to understand what she'd become, and he hated her. He hated her because he liked Helen, and told her that she couldn't be Helen.

So she stopped trying to be Helen, and embraced being a monster. Reveled in it even. Then Jon wakes up from a six month coma, more monster than person, and tries so hard to cling to the things that mattered to him when he was human. Even with no support, even with the entire archives staff against him, he chooses humanity and compassion over and over again.

And this is a direct threat to Helen's world view. Their stories are entwined. If Jon can continue to be a person even after everything he's been through, then she could have clung to her humanity too, if only she'd tried a little harder. And that terrifies her! She wants to conceptualize herself as someone who was completely overwhelmed by forces beyond her control, who never had a choice but to become a monster. She want's to be an innocent victim. But Jon argues with his actions that they'd both had choices.

And, Jon, in turn, holds out hope that she might make better choices until the very end.

This is the conflict between them for all of season 4 and 5. Jon wants to prove that they can both be decent people, and Helen wants to prove that they were never going to be anything but monsters. This is why she's so devoted to trying to goad Jon into enjoying his newfound godhood. She knows that they are the same, and wants that to mean that he has a spark of evil inside of him, and not that she was always capable of doing good.

When Jon kills her, she loses her life, but wins the argument. Helen is nothing but a dangerous monster who needs to be killed for the good of everyone, and in the moment he decides that, Jon dooms himself to the same fate. Their stories are one and the same. "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." he thought. But he couldn't help her, refused to, even, in the one moment when it actually mattered. And thus, there was never hope for him.

[kick-a-long]

three things can be true at the same time. 1, christian (and ex-christian) arab, muslim, etc cultures are all deeply steeped in antisemitism. 2, muslims, christians etc who do fight antisemitism come from that same culture but are some of the loudest and most cherished allies. 3, there are tons of christians and muslims who aren't antisemitic, don't give two shits about jews neither hate nor love, full stop, and treating all christians and muslims as suspect is racist as hell.

antisemites are not subtle, smart, ethical, truthful or just "misspeaking"/"well meaning" when they cover their antisemitism with antizionist talk. they tell you who they are in a million different ways and treating large groups like they are all antisemites for being born is as wrong as hating all woman, men, blacks, whites, etc for the same.

idk. i just don't want to end up funneling my anger at the media and the amsterdam pogrom and the many many attacks against jews around the world into bigotry. i have to periodically remind myself that most people are normal and the jew hatred I'm constantly exposed to is done by people who mean to do it and want me funneled into the same bigoted bullshit that they are steeped in. i never want to abandon my humanity to become a racist like that, especially not because racists attack me.

[angelofthemornings]

I feel like Finn's opinion of Rufus is that he knows Rufus can see right through him, completely, and you'd think this would upset Finn considerably but instead he feels more like "oh god I can finally rest"

[theoriginalbylergod]

Should I write a little analysis explaining all the reasons Will loves Mike and why it makes sense that he loves Mike and why Mike is deserving of that love and how Mike's individuality and character depth is what will make byler endgame a satisfying conclusion for both Will and Mike

[shadesofmauve]

I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.

Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.

He was really nice.

Yeah.

It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?

You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror — but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."

You didn't, loves, you didn't.

We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.

I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.

Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.

When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"

No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.

Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?

Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.

That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.

I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.

A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.

I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.

So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!

Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.

You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out — I don't actually think that's a bad thing.

I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.

I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity — and I won't know.

It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.

Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.

[metanarrates]

rambling again abt sensationalization of cults because this comes up whenever i discuss the fact that I was raised in one, but... like many other forms of abuse, i think there ends up being a popularly conveyed idea of an "outside world" where there's going to be unambiguous freedom. and don't get me wrong, being outside a cult or any other abusive environment is way better than being inside one, but you get outside and if you have eyes you notice the ways that society is abusive and coercive. you notice the ways your personhood gets curtailed by things by school & work & government. the idea of the cult being a sensational, unique outlier is at best a comforting lie told by people who don't want to notice parallels, and at worst, I can't help but see it as an intentional scapegoating of cults and of abusers to distance broader society from being implicated in having caused similar harm. don't fall for it. a cult is an intensifier of patterns that already exist. abuse is an intensifier of patterns that already exist. it is absolutely not unique lol!

[underwaterspiderbird]

i disagree wholeheartedly. rest in piss to sol, jecki, yord, and every other pearl-clutching narcissist jedi out there. its not a genocide when it's a system of evangelical psychopaths who point unnatural at anything they don't understand. sure palpatine was an absolute nutcase and who wiped his ass with the legacy of the actually sensible sith & maligned the sith to the surface galaxy, but that doesn't erase the truth of the matter that the jedi, as a system, are an evangelical cult who starve for systemic supremacy, rip children away from their families under the illusion of choice (see anyone that the jedi want who tell them no if u dont believe me), tell them the very things that make them who they are are bad and wrong, "unnatural and corrupting", then they throw them away like trash when their worldview & view of the force doesn't align with theirs. just like the catholics.

the jedi had it fucking coming. i don't care about the younglings or jedha or palpatine's empire, that dude's actions are his own. from an indigenous sith who has never agreed with the jedi, never thought they were the good guys they said they are, and always saw all of the evangelical evil of the world in the jedi, fuck the jedi. even the younglings. they were so brainwashed & disconnected from existence at that point that they might as well have been considered dead before Anakin skewered them & clones swiss-cheesed them. i'm not sorry, fuck the jedi. rest in piss.

I think one of the things I've found most frustrating about sections of Star Wars fandom since being more active in it (rather than just being a Star Wars appreciator) is that some folks are constantly looking for a reason that the Jedi "caused" or worse "deserved" what was coming to them with Order 66. It's hard and horrible to watch the Jedi get slaughtered in Revenge of the Sith, so people search for a reason that it was, in some sense, justified. But that's not what genocide is. No group can "bring a genocide on themselves." It doesn't matter WHAT mistakes they may make. The whole point of the Clone Wars all the way down to destroying Jedha City in Rogue One was to wipe out not only the Jedi themselves, but the memory of them, so that the empire can fully take root.

And this is why the end of the Acolyte finale felt so so so bad to me. It was meant to be, or so I believed, a show about how the Sith were getting closer to their goal of getting rid of the Jedi as we close in on the century before The Phantom Menace. I sat there, I waited for the narrative intention to set in, and that narrative intention surprised me by saying "ah yes, well, some Jedi made mistakes and it was fine for one to be murdered HORRIBLY as a result, and the subsequent cover up of all of it is just the Jedi wanting to avoid senate knowledge of what really happened because the Jedi are too powerful." It's like, nevermind that the SENATE is the power here, and the Jedi long-ago agreed to help them out but are being shouldered with more and more and more and they may have the Force but they are still only people (which the High Republic books show REALLY well). It's like, nevermind that Star Wars is about redemption and always trying to be a better person and learning from our mistakes! It wasn't a situation, when Osha kills Sol in a nasty and cruel way, where you see a person going corrupt and know the narrative behind it is like "oh shit, this is a bad turn for them!" It felt like the narrative was saying she was justified (at least to me) and that's just. Sad? Bleak? The end of the finale felt to me like "hey, some Jedi made some mistakes while trying their best once, and that's why these Sith get to do whatever and that's why the Jedi walked right into their own demise."

When the scene with the senator happened, I thought, oh, interesting, we're going to see the prejudice against Force-sensitives here that leads to the senate clapping in the face of genocide. That leads to the safehouse in Kenobi where we see Force-sensitives carving messages of hope into the wall while they're being hunted down and killed. But that's ... not what happened. In the end, it felt like the narrative said, "yep that guy is right, the Jedi are a power-grabbing cult." It just felt bad, man. I thought this was going to be a story about the lineage leading up to Plagueis and Palpatine and I thought, interesting, I'd love to see that, but it just ended up being this messy thing with clunky writing and a bunch of loose ends that teased me with Jedi characters and then said "eh, these guys deserved it."

We got to see a kyber crystal bleeding for the first time in live action, and I can't even be excited about it! Did we ever really find out how Osha and Mae were created and what weird stuff the witches were up to? Nope! Just woah disappointing as far as even learning new stuff about how the dark side corrupts the Force, and that was one thing I was interested in as the show started to go downhill for me in later episodes.

(RIP Sol, Jecki, and Yord. You deserved better than that, and Vernestra, so did you)

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Ralsei has known what's been going on with Kris the ENTIRE time, and once you realise that, EVERYTHING he says and does around them makes a thousand times more sense. And you realise that, far from dismissing Kris's "true" self in favour of a copy, he has been working tirelessly to prop them up, to validate their most basic and fundamental choices, to keep them from the brink of despair, and perhaps even death.

We always thought it was strange, how Ralsei seems to baby Kris at times - how he offers heaps of praise upon them for performing the simplest of tasks, how he lets them express themself through violence while chastising Susie for the same thing, how at every turn he puts so much emphasis on Kris's choices, their talents, their intrinsic personhood, almost above the very prophecy he serves. We thought him mollycoddling and completely out-of-touch at best, and downright malicious at worst. We presumed he was encouraging the player to keep playing, and was in fact speaking over Kris's head directly at us. We presumed that the prophecy was all he cared about, and him encouraging Kris was simply a means to that end.

And we were wrong about all of it. Because we didn't know what Kris was truly going through until now. We thought that our possession was the worst thing that was happening to them, and that he was complicit in their suffering by trying to downplay it.

But Ralsei knew. Because Ralsei knows Kris better than anyone else - better than Susie, better than Noelle, and certainly far better than us.

Kris is hopelessly trapped, at all times. There is no hope for them, they cannot see a way to escape their bonds... not alive, in any case. Their suffering is so great, the pressures upon them so immense, that they have been hollowed out into a catatonic shell of their former self - unable to move except through great effort, unable to speak except through stilted phrases. They don't sleep or eat well at all. They don't try at school. They cannot tell anyone about what's happening, and they cannot make friends because of it. For all intents and purposes, they have given up.

But it's worse than that, because they KNOW that what they're being made to do is wrong. They don't want to do any of it, and yet they feel they cannot refuse. That knowledge eats away at them, to the point where they feel like they are inherently Bad, because only Bad people do Bad things, and they're doing Bad things all the time. They don't feel like they deserve the good things in their life because of it. They feel like they're living a lie. And no-one else knows - no-one else can possibly know.

But Ralsei knows.

Why does Ralsei go to the trouble of arranging a tutorial battle for Kris, when they've already demonstrated their capabilities fighting against Lancer? Because Kris doesn't know what they're doing during that fight. They're issuing commands, fighting alongside Susie, and they don't know how or why. They're scared, they don't know where they are, and the one other person they knew from school just ditched them. Through the tutorial, Ralsei breaks down each combat function step-by-step, walking Kris through each one with patience and restraint. And he lets them go off-piste up to a point - he'll let them attack his mannequin and say it's alright if they want to hit him too, he'll let them hug him several times throughout the tutorial, and he will show remarkable restraint throughout the entire endeavour, despite his obvious frustration at their uncooperativeness.

Seen this way, the Tutorial becomes less about the GAME teaching the PLAYER how to battle, and more about RALSEI providing to KRIS some semblance of structure and context to a new and frightening world. Both of them are literally starting at Zero, and have to establish the basics before anything further can happen.

This in turn establishes the framework for their relationship - not an annoying tutorial fairy lecturing an experienced player on things they already know, but a kindly tutor gently guiding a broken teen, one tiny step at a time. Not lashing out at mistakes, not admonishing when they try to assert themself against the established framework - he will let them fight, and let them command him to fight as well, because his desire to help Kris find themself again means he has to provide leeway for if they "misbehave". There have to be bounds, but they must feel like the choices they make matter - even if they actually don't.

When you're drowning in a world that has seemingly conspired to take your agency from you, and break you down into nothing more than a pawn that does what it's told and nothing else... even the illusion of choice is a life-preserver that you'll cling onto for dear life. The support Ralsei provides Kris in this capacity is what gives them the drive to protect Susie from King's attack - to make a choice to protect their friend, even if it wouldn't have meaningfully changed anything.

It explains his secret conversations with Kris too - while we are busy watching Susie, Ralsei is free to let Kris know that despite being literally controlled, the one controlling them is on their side, and that we will help them break free from the more insidious influence of the Knight. He has to tell them to trust in us, trust that we will do right by them to the best of our abilities. And indeed, by Chapter 2, they have become more willing to express themself through their tone of voice, through how they choose to interpret the instructions given to us, either to play pranks or to show their appreciation for the people who, despite everything, still care for them.

And even Ralsei's apparent dismissive attitude to Spamton NEO's effect on Kris can be explained through this prism. Kris is very very slowly starting to recover from the trauma of their situation, and literally EVERYTHING about Spamton is a huge trigger for them. It's not farfetched to say that Kris sees in Spamton a cautionary tale of how they will end up - used up, cast aside, wretched and desperate and bitter and broken. All of Ralsei's work building Kris back up could be undone in an instant, and so he has to tread extremely carefully - downplay its significance, offer nonthreatening proximity (he will hug Kris, but only if they hugged him on the boat ride prior to this), distract them from the immediate trauma with very basic "nice" thinks like cake, and warm/soft things. It seems dismissive at the time because we don't yet know what Spamton truly represents to Kris - not just the fear of being controlled against your will, but of being used up and broken down, and then tossed away like an unloved toy. It's only when we have that additional context that all of Ralsei's actions towards them start to make sense - not only make sense, but also show a level of care and tact that we did not previously assume him capable of.

And I suppose the last question is: why does Ralsei do any of this in the first place? Why go to this trouble when he knows he'll just be left behind, when he knows that if he succeeds, Kris will go back to the light world and live a full life without him? Well... look at the colour of his horns. If Ralsei is the horned headband, and Kris wore him for months, he would have borne witness to Kris's deepest, darkest fears about themself. It's possible that he might have seen the inciting incident that led Kris down this unfortunate path. Either way, he would have been so close to them that he'd almost be like an extension of them.

So, again - why does he do this? Because his purpose was always to guide them back to themself - first as a pair of horns to better fit in with their family, and then as a physical manifestation of those same horns to help them overcome the terrible harm that has been wrought upon them.

But more than this, I think it's because he loves them - the same way that they would have loved him when they wore him all those years ago. And isn't that what you do for the people you love - help them when they're struggling, comfort them when they're sad, gently challenge them to expand their window of tolerance, give them the tools they need to return to the light, to heal and grow back into themselves?

Ralsei knows Kris better than anyone else. And maybe we should start listening to him.

[bellamontwasright]

I decided that I liked the idea of the Blackreach AU being written with a handler-as-the-LDB better. Suna's a lovely dude but I think the story would probably make more sense with the chosen one™ being at the very most bottom of the totem pole.

[nomaishuttle]

tbh probably a good thing tumblr freaked iut when i tried to post the post i just wrote bc i think i spiralled a lot in the tags

[hollowistheworld]

One of my favorite changes the Murderbot show has made is to Murderbot's cubicle. In the book, this is a closed off area. It's in the security ready room with the guns and things, but it has a door (which is not see-through) and a bed (a plastic bed, so not very comfy, but still a place to lie down). We don't know if it locks, but at least anyone opening the door must be looking for the SecUnit. It's a mini bedroom. Not homey or comfortable, but it is private. It is somewhere it can, as it says, 'leak in peace.'

The show takes that away. The repair cubicle is completely open and exposed. Murderbot uses it while standing. If anyone needs to use the security ready room for any reason, they will see it, however injured and/or vulnerable it may be. It does not have the luxury of lying down. It cannot, as it does in All Systems Red, grab a blanket and snuggle down until it feels better.

I think it's an excellent way of showing the degree of non-personhood given to SecUnits. It doesn't need privacy. It doesn't need comfort. Your phone doesn't give a shit where you plug it in as long as it has a power source.

[hawkepockets]

1 of my da:v opinions is that. ok. “eldest daughter/people pleaser raised in a land strange to her people” is an awesome core character concept. it’s just not at all who i thought harding was based on her inquisition dialogue? in veilguard, harding talks abt how she learned to butter people up and take up less space after being harrassed as a little dwarven girl in ferelden; in da:i, she said the same experiences taught her to be rough-and-tumble and to aim for the balls. even her minstrel song is about the vindictive glee she feels in battle while “cutting men down to size.” it calls her the “inquisition’s bloody prize.” she’s a violent person! violent enough to inspire ballads! by fereldan standards!

it’s not that she couldn’t have learned both behavior patterns, but since we don’t rly see them contrasted in harding’s da:v characterization, it feels more like an overwrite to say she’s gentle now.

she’s also just never been a people pleaser! her role in da:i was straight talker! she was one of the few npcs the inquisitor could trust to give a blunt report on the terrain and political situation in a new map. in “jaws of hakkon,” she had the clearest, frankest, most compassionate but also harshest insight about how their personhood was being eclipsed by their reputation and titles—

she’s forthright, without illusions, and also one of the most uncompromised & uncompromising believers in the inquisition’s cause. NOT one of the many followers courting the inquisitor’s favor & backing for their own agenda. absolutely not a pushover or a kissass.

and what’s the significance of calling harding an “eldest daughter” with implied negativity when her ma doesn’t appear in the game and their relationship is drawn as wholly positive?

so i think maybe harding & taash could’ve switched roles, with harding being the clear eyes of the party who tends toward the blunt, crass, and fanatical but will never lie or fawn, and taash being the heart, the people-pleasing eldest first gen immigrant daughter who gets in touch with their masculinity, individuality and fire during the story—while still retaining harding’s warm, naturalistic speaking voice & taash’s clipped commentary, and the contrast between their personalities that attracts them to each other.

the addition of younger siblings, whose relationship with shathann is not strained in the same way taash’s is since they are neither adaari nor the children shathann left the qun for, could also add depth & complexity to taash’s questline, more cultural ties for them to untangle (or - my preference - to realize don’t need untangled) and another contrast with only child harding, whose heavy responsibilities are all taken on by choice and not inherited�� or so she thinks until her own personal quest.

maybe taash could even have another mom, who isn’t fridged?

just a notion!

[popp1n]

General Notes, Ideas, & Potential Scenes for Ghosting the Government

• Danny's Midwestern accent thickens when he's nervous or excited (as a human.) In ghost form the same happens with ghost speak.

• Dog audio buttons or a soundboard for lbm dani

• Jason and Danny meeting over text due to Tucker getting his code crossed (he's trying to piggyback off of a secure line. It's the batcomputer/oracles system.)

• Dan living a corpse au with his clone body. He has a pacemaker-type device regulating his nervous system visible on his person, it's integrated into his fake background. He doesn't go ghost often, being in Wisconsin and not wanting to fade out of the timeline, but it's useful for when he forgets he's not a ghost and does need to do things like breath.*

• He and Dani are vlad's heirs to Dalv.co. Dan and Dani have rocky relationships with each other, but ultimately care for each other like a sibling. Danny views the both of them like cousins. (Dani is that annoying younger cousin at family gatherings y'all). Dan and Dani also have rocky relationship with Vlad, but it's improved now that Vlad is making an effort to be an actual father rather than pursuing Maddie. (Clockwork scared him.)

• Vlad still makes comments about Maddie just to piss off Danny. It amuses him. Vlad will always be a bit in love with her.

* - when he goes ghost in public, to outsiders it looks like he passes out. If he's able to, Dan will plonk himself down somewhere inconspicuous like a bench, but sometimes he forgets that his human half separates, so he'll just quickly drag his body to a corner. Unfortunately, he's had enough incidents of funny sleeping spots and positions that it gets small time news coverage. (Checkpoint - "Danny's" face in a news source outside of Amity connecting him to Vlad.)

• Oracle notices them (Team Phantom) first. Duke first clocks them as out of towners as signal and gives some advice. Jason meets jazz at a bookstore (she was buying college materials). Damian first meets them (after a series of events and interactions he hears about in the batfam groupchat. He was so jealous for a while.) when they are taking lbm dani for a stroll.

"Why is this small creature in such a state? Why don't you have them properly leashed) ect. Ect."

"She's a rescue." (Danny panicked. It isnt a lie. They did rescue her.)

Damian is obsessed with this intelligent little mysterious creature (he is not a stranger to mythological/supernatural creatures. Goliath anyone? That dragon he has???).

Dani is obsessed back because this kid has a sword, smells yummy (junk food ectoplasm), and is respectful of her personhood while in this tiny, mentally and physically impaired form.

Masterpost

[gazelles-gazelles]

Adora is the perfect image of good girls in misogynistic systems. Being good and right and correct, being obedient, doing as she’s told and doing it well, thinking that since she’s doing good she will get good, that the income would match the outcome, that her hard work in the present would translate for the bright future, cause and effect, a perfect just-world fallacy, guaranteed success and glory and happiness. In the horde, that’s what she was was taught so that’s what she learned and believed, she was working and training and studying hard, being the perfect soldier, yes there were cracks in the steps but what’s at the end of the path is what matters. And then as she-ra, her world changes from the outside but remains the same from the inside, she carries that mentality with her, and she-ra herself with all her power and love is enough proof that Adora is on the right path. That she’s doing good, a lie that’s been told over and over and over again. And the final sudden and absolutely haunting tragedy is in the heart, when she realises that it was all in vain, that she was doing everything not only bad but the facade of goodness was actually making it worse for her, that her obedience erased her true self, her body never belonged to her, her strength and intelligence was meant to serve another’s vision and not a proof of her own merits, that her niceness and politeness and oh-so-goodness was just to make her a better and easier tool to use. That she was nothing but a sacrifice, a lamb to the slaughter, that her death the way her life was is not about her own. That she had been forcibly married to the war and the battlefield, and there’s no question for a divorce. That she had been everything, a tool, a doll, a weapon, a goddess, a statue, a mural, but never a person. And this realisation that feels like an execution, that her entire personhood or at least what she think of it as was built on something bad and wrong and incorrect. How can one even begin to stop and step back and erase it all and start over? How can anyone fix it?

[mikansei]

we know jade's cornerstone can read people's desires, and there's no visual indicator on her person that gives away when she's using it. it only makes sense she'd use it to interrogate the suspect in the egyhazo case, especially since she was asking into his motive. her cornerstone would give her a way to either verify he was truthful or catch him in a lie.

(she ended this interaction by telling him "may your schemes be forever concealed," by the way.)

point being, she had the means to know - really know - his deepest desires.

egyhazo was an elaborate scheme to land himself in front of someone powerful, to wager his life in exchange for a chance. he said as much. he even said why: to ask for a measly 30 tanbas, and use that symbolic pittance to rise to even greater heights. what he didn't say is that he didn't want wealth and power and status for its own sake - even if it wasn't a full-fledged plan at the time, everything he wagered, everything he gained, he wanted to use to help the avgins. to repay their faith in him. to lead them to prosperity like he was supposed to.

and jade had to have known what he wanted - what he desired - too.

jade gave him the chance. she took him under her wing, guiding him through the corporate ranks all the way to missions like iymanika, the test for obtaining his own cornerstone. it had to have been some time between the interrogation and iymanika - between being a prisoner in rags with nothing to his name, not even personhood, and sending a warlord into financial ruin and subsequently pulling off the double indemnity gambit with jade - all the while aiming for the status being a stoneheart would grant him to save his people.

but he found out from jade that the avgins were gone only after he'd been given the aventurine stone.

all that time, jade knew they were gone - and deliberately hadn't told him so.

after all, if he'd known beforehand that his goal was unachievable, he might not have wanted to become a stoneheart anymore - and then her investment in him would never pay off.

is it any wonder his voiceline about jade is "be careful, her kindness always comes with a price"?