#PERSONHOOD IS A LIE!!!
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I don't necessarily care for the ending (either 'good' or bad) but picking a 'route' is always hard on Durge playthroughs. It's a tough choice and I always keep coming back to it...
You can do what's best for your friends and the world and have a life for yourself and become a person and deal with all the incredibly distressing baggage under the surface that comes with being an artificial being, amnesia and the secondary identity crisis that brings, plus the paranoia of what lurks in the future for you as an apostate and the knowledge that if things had gotten a little different everybody will abandon you to a fate worse than death. Also asking if you're going to have kids and rubbing in the loss of divinity; why are we friends??
Or you can deal with none of that, seize divine power and the mind-numbing 'love' of your father and BURN IT ALL. Which is very cathartic, really: 'Nothing hurts anymore.'
But then your friends will be mad at you (except for the ones that got fucked up as badly as you did).
There is no satisfying ending. Which on one hand isn't an inherently bad thing, but on the other hand haunts me.
#I think about post game canon and the natural narrative consequences that should happen#I look at the feral ending#I think 'nah friendship is for the birds and love is bullshit: Vel SHOULD cause the apocalypse'#But I like the other characters and don't want them to suffer which poses a dilemma#(Vel at least once a tenday having a nervous breakdown and almost calling his dad or Bane to pick him up#LOVE IS A PRISON!!!#PERSONHOOD IS A LIE!!!#'...let's go kill something please')#babbling#/durge#edgelord hours#OCs#Vel#playthrough shenanigans#villainous nonsense
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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I can't stop thinking about the relationship between Jon and Helen as perhaps one of the most important ones in the entire show. They are narrative parallels for each other, and they both know it. They've both known it from the very start!
Helen walks into the Archives, paranoid, unsure of who to trust, and Jon sees himself in her. And he thinks "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." Then he can't save her. The next time they meet, she's a monster. They're both monsters. There was never any other way their stories could have gone, their fates entwined from the very start.
And Helen answers his original thought with one of her own: "Maybe if we can help each other, there's hope for us both." But Jon looks at her and sees everything that he fears becoming, and so he turns her away, and refuses to accept that their stories are still one and the same.
Helen went to the last person who was ever kind to her, the only person who both knew her as a human and had the context to understand what she'd become, and he hated her. He hated her because he liked Helen, and told her that she couldn't be Helen.
So she stopped trying to be Helen, and embraced being a monster. Reveled in it even. Then Jon wakes up from a six month coma, more monster than person, and tries so hard to cling to the things that mattered to him when he was human. Even with no support, even with the entire archives staff against him, he chooses humanity and compassion over and over again.
And this is a direct threat to Helen's world view. Their stories are entwined. If Jon can continue to be a person even after everything he's been through, then she could have clung to her humanity too, if only she'd tried a little harder. And that terrifies her! She wants to conceptualize herself as someone who was completely overwhelmed by forces beyond her control, who never had a choice but to become a monster. She want's to be an innocent victim. But Jon argues with his actions that they'd both had choices.
And, Jon, in turn, holds out hope that she might make better choices until the very end.
This is the conflict between them for all of season 4 and 5. Jon wants to prove that they can both be decent people, and Helen wants to prove that they were never going to be anything but monsters. This is why she's so devoted to trying to goad Jon into enjoying his newfound godhood. She knows that they are the same, and wants that to mean that he has a spark of evil inside of him, and not that she was always capable of doing good.
When Jon kills her, she loses her life, but wins the argument. Helen is nothing but a dangerous monster who needs to be killed for the good of everyone, and in the moment he decides that, Jon dooms himself to the same fate. Their stories are one and the same. "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." he thought. But he couldn't help her, refused to, even, in the one moment when it actually mattered. And thus, there was never hope for him.
#the magnus archives#tma#jonathan sims#helen distortion#my rambles#i am not normal about them#helen did nothing wrong in her entire life#(aside from being a real estate agent)#Her story is just so tragic to me#She could have been better#she had choices#thats the entire point#but the choice was between a thankless attempt at retaining her personhood#with absolutely no support and no one who cared about her#or giving into the comforting lie that she never had a choice at all#She had choices and she made them but i don't think anyone could reasonably expect her to have done any better
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three things can be true at the same time. 1, christian (and ex-christian) arab, muslim, etc cultures are all deeply steeped in antisemitism. 2, muslims, christians etc who do fight antisemitism come from that same culture but are some of the loudest and most cherished allies. 3, there are tons of christians and muslims who aren't antisemitic, don't give two shits about jews neither hate nor love, full stop, and treating all christians and muslims as suspect is racist as hell.
antisemites are not subtle, smart, ethical, truthful or just "misspeaking"/"well meaning" when they cover their antisemitism with antizionist talk. they tell you who they are in a million different ways and treating large groups like they are all antisemites for being born is as wrong as hating all woman, men, blacks, whites, etc for the same.
idk. i just don't want to end up funneling my anger at the media and the amsterdam pogrom and the many many attacks against jews around the world into bigotry. i have to periodically remind myself that most people are normal and the jew hatred I'm constantly exposed to is done by people who mean to do it and want me funneled into the same bigoted bullshit that they are steeped in. i never want to abandon my humanity to become a racist like that, especially not because racists attack me.
#jumblr#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#sorry#i know this is my thousandth post like this but its important to me that i stay the kind of person i respect#the amount of anti muslim and anti arab media i get suggested for being pro israel is disgusting#it's one of the things that makes me so mad about leftists is that they expect me to support trump just because they hate jews and lie#humans deserve dignity and deserve to live#i repeat myself for myself and my personhood
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Should I write a little analysis explaining all the reasons Will loves Mike and why it makes sense that he loves Mike and why Mike is deserving of that love and how Mike's individuality and character depth is what will make byler endgame a satisfying conclusion for both Will and Mike
#just because people are being annoying about mike#and dismissing his importance because they think acknowledging it takes away from will#which is ironic because really dismissing mikes importance and individuality and personhood actually just#diminishes the beauty of wills love for him#which means you have to ignore a large portion of wills arc#so really you're taking away from will by taking away from mike#its extremely counterproductive and annoying#also “little analysis” is probably a lie because i get carried away all the time#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#mike wheeler analysis
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My best friend and I are watching the original series of Star Trek (I had seen some episodes of it that I mostly didn't remember) and having all kinds of thoughts and conversations. But it's really interesting that Spock often makes a point of identifying Vulcans as "my father's people," Vulcan culture as his father's culture, pretty frequently describes himself as half-Vulcan (or "half-Vulcanian") or makes a point of referencing his mother's heritage/existence in some way, despite basically everyone treating him as a Vulcan and his own deep roots in Vulcan culture.
Honestly, one of the female characters treated with the most pure pathos at this point is probably Amanda, even though she hasn't actually appeared. But there is a lot of sympathy in the references to her in "The Naked Time," of all episodes, when we see Spock briefly without inhibitions, and instead of space drunk!Spock being silly, he's anxious and upset about his mother's isolation, and about his own inability to express his love for her according to the norms of her culture, as well as ashamed at his relationship with Kirk. It's a lot.
#tos has a bit of the ... you know the rpgs that assure you at character creation that the setting has total gender equality#and your choice of gender will have no impact on your treatment in-world or anything#and then you play and realize 'oh that was a lie'#it feels a bit like this because they keep finding excuses for women to experience misogyny (or misogynoir in uhura's case)#while denying that it's actually built into the setting#so there was something very refreshing in spock worrying about his mother in a way that seems grounded in her personhood#rather than femaleness per se#i'm enjoying the show a lot actually but the handling of gender is definitely wobbly#and i enjoy it more when we get a powerful sense of a female character's personhood#person: jh#ch: spock#text: star trek#text: star trek the original series#ch: amanda grayson#isabel talks
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we should cut my head off I think
#You know I find it funny my face is the only part of me that isn’t conventionally hot#No acne anywhere else. Barely any hair#My hips are so wide if I lie down on my side under the coffee table they span from the ground to the bottom of the table.#I’m a little pudgy but still definitely skinny#Idk. That feels kinda. Symbolic. Something something. Personhood stored in the head. Something. Only being seen below the neck#rue rants
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i think its funny that i see myself as some kind of huge warlike hater with a short temper whos incredibly outwardly unpleasant and apathetic and even go as far as to purposefully portray myself this way because i think im just being honest when the real honest to god truth is that im a pathetic and only occasionally bitter loser
#i fuck up more actually when im trying to spare peoples feelings. which i do often especially if i like people#idk. i think i have a history of being .vilified? for my needs and personhood as a means to control me#so now whenever i have an emotion or thought that i think people wouldnt like im like. ahhh im so evil rn 😈😈😈#and then either i tell the truth (incredibly scary but trying to do this more often) or i lie to avoid hurting people (ethically bad)#(causes more trouble later on)#i dont like being visible or having needs or having feelings. jesus christ#not beating the serling allegations -_-
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i've been singing the same 9 words from a song all day. spinning in circles babyyy
#just me hi#this Can't be love!! beCause i! feel so Well!!#over and over and over again hbvhsbvh#i lobe it though <333#i've been listening to Jaayayayzz which is fun :D#//i listen to those video compilation ones that have multiple songs in one viddy#and there Happened to be louis armstrong in there#and Yes i love his music and bc my dad played it a bit when we were little it's kinda nostalgic#but my dad heard my music playing and was like '!!! i didn't know you liked louis armstrong!! i Love his music!!'#and i'm like '.‿. lol yea it's nice'#and i feel like i've told a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie#i didn't manually put that in there!! that was already there!!! i've told a FALSEHOOD#which i'm not completely averse to lying about SMALL things but listen. Listennn#i have these lil rules that goes like 'if you'll have to adopt a new personhood to upkeep this fallacy it is NOT worth it'#or 'if you'll need a dictionary of falsehoods to keep up with this later in life Don't'#or 'if it'll be embarrassing to admit to later Please Refrain At All Costs'#stuff like 'did you spill the soap' is a-ok though#mm. i feel like i went the wrong direction with those 'don't lie' talks/messages#/anyway i'm rambling. the point is is that my dad thinking that violates TWO of those and i'm going to DIE#the world is OVER oh WOE is ME and MINE#ok dramatics over. normal time :)#//man i wonder if my tags are gonna get cut lol#let's see!! [post]
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i disagree wholeheartedly. rest in piss to sol, jecki, yord, and every other pearl-clutching narcissist jedi out there. its not a genocide when it's a system of evangelical psychopaths who point unnatural at anything they don't understand. sure palpatine was an absolute nutcase and who wiped his ass with the legacy of the actually sensible sith & maligned the sith to the surface galaxy, but that doesn't erase the truth of the matter that the jedi, as a system, are an evangelical cult who starve for systemic supremacy, rip children away from their families under the illusion of choice (see anyone that the jedi want who tell them no if u dont believe me), tell them the very things that make them who they are are bad and wrong, "unnatural and corrupting", then they throw them away like trash when their worldview & view of the force doesn't align with theirs. just like the catholics.
the jedi had it fucking coming. i don't care about the younglings or jedha or palpatine's empire, that dude's actions are his own. from an indigenous sith who has never agreed with the jedi, never thought they were the good guys they said they are, and always saw all of the evangelical evil of the world in the jedi, fuck the jedi. even the younglings. they were so brainwashed & disconnected from existence at that point that they might as well have been considered dead before Anakin skewered them & clones swiss-cheesed them. i'm not sorry, fuck the jedi. rest in piss.
I think one of the things I've found most frustrating about sections of Star Wars fandom since being more active in it (rather than just being a Star Wars appreciator) is that some folks are constantly looking for a reason that the Jedi "caused" or worse "deserved" what was coming to them with Order 66. It's hard and horrible to watch the Jedi get slaughtered in Revenge of the Sith, so people search for a reason that it was, in some sense, justified. But that's not what genocide is. No group can "bring a genocide on themselves." It doesn't matter WHAT mistakes they may make. The whole point of the Clone Wars all the way down to destroying Jedha City in Rogue One was to wipe out not only the Jedi themselves, but the memory of them, so that the empire can fully take root.
And this is why the end of the Acolyte finale felt so so so bad to me. It was meant to be, or so I believed, a show about how the Sith were getting closer to their goal of getting rid of the Jedi as we close in on the century before The Phantom Menace. I sat there, I waited for the narrative intention to set in, and that narrative intention surprised me by saying "ah yes, well, some Jedi made mistakes and it was fine for one to be murdered HORRIBLY as a result, and the subsequent cover up of all of it is just the Jedi wanting to avoid senate knowledge of what really happened because the Jedi are too powerful." It's like, nevermind that the SENATE is the power here, and the Jedi long-ago agreed to help them out but are being shouldered with more and more and more and they may have the Force but they are still only people (which the High Republic books show REALLY well). It's like, nevermind that Star Wars is about redemption and always trying to be a better person and learning from our mistakes! It wasn't a situation, when Osha kills Sol in a nasty and cruel way, where you see a person going corrupt and know the narrative behind it is like "oh shit, this is a bad turn for them!" It felt like the narrative was saying she was justified (at least to me) and that's just. Sad? Bleak? The end of the finale felt to me like "hey, some Jedi made some mistakes while trying their best once, and that's why these Sith get to do whatever and that's why the Jedi walked right into their own demise."
When the scene with the senator happened, I thought, oh, interesting, we're going to see the prejudice against Force-sensitives here that leads to the senate clapping in the face of genocide. That leads to the safehouse in Kenobi where we see Force-sensitives carving messages of hope into the wall while they're being hunted down and killed. But that's ... not what happened. In the end, it felt like the narrative said, "yep that guy is right, the Jedi are a power-grabbing cult." It just felt bad, man. I thought this was going to be a story about the lineage leading up to Plagueis and Palpatine and I thought, interesting, I'd love to see that, but it just ended up being this messy thing with clunky writing and a bunch of loose ends that teased me with Jedi characters and then said "eh, these guys deserved it."
We got to see a kyber crystal bleeding for the first time in live action, and I can't even be excited about it! Did we ever really find out how Osha and Mae were created and what weird stuff the witches were up to? Nope! Just woah disappointing as far as even learning new stuff about how the dark side corrupts the Force, and that was one thing I was interested in as the show started to go downhill for me in later episodes.
(RIP Sol, Jecki, and Yord. You deserved better than that, and Vernestra, so did you)
#Star Wars tag#The Acolyte#jedi critical#pro sith#pro acolyte#anti jedi#indigenous sith#jedi critical indigenous#Acolyte Spoilers#the jedi were colonizers#the jedi were lowkey catholic fucking psychos#least the sith care about personal freedom & power#sure they got their flaws and some might end up finessing you but they at least warn you upfront#a jedi'll lie to u violate your whole agency & personhood &say theyre helping & demonize u & behind a halo once u confront them
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I decided that I liked the idea of the Blackreach AU being written with a handler-as-the-LDB better. Suna's a lovely dude but I think the story would probably make more sense with the chosen one™ being at the very most bottom of the totem pole.
#tesblr#skyrim oc#Blackreach AU#This fic is going to be a rough read I won't lie#Also I think the Paarthurnax dilemma would carry more weight to a former(?) Handler#This fic is about Skyrim's main quest line but it's also about one guy's struggle to attain personhood#After being groomed from age 10 to kill and maim people on the councils behalf without thought or question#Handlers are the Blackreach equivalent to guards except not that at all#Because on top of regular guard activities they also have to participate in weekly mass infanticide#And give up their very souls to the council to serve as ghostly guides for potential shrine maids
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mmmmm. y'know. actually.
if you're anti-endo and follow this blog, I'm making an official statement for you to get outta here.
you're following one and quite frankly you guys suck. we've been a system for 5 years now and god if we're not people at this point literally what the hell do you dumbfucks think is going on in here lmao. feel free to answer that actually that'd be pretty funny.
neutral's fine just don't be a dick.
#sniv says shit#i'm pretty thick skinned usually just#man. it's just like. running into you fucks in the wild#''dont even LOOK at me unless you denounce your own personhoods#the personhood of your partners#or lie about having serious trauma!!''#literally what in cod's name is wrong with you people#we exist and this is not. uh. negotiable.#when it's singlets too it's just like. mate. c'mon. c'mon
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tbh probably a good thing tumblr freaked iut when i tried to post the post i just wrote bc i think i spiralled a lot in the tags
#the gist of it is im oretty sure i have bod ik everybidy is unstable after a bad breakup but. the way im reacting and rhe way in thinking#abt mysekf and the way i avted and thiught abt myself while in the relationship#and in the relationships (nonromantic) b4 that . matches up a lot with the stuff ive read abt in my bod research#and id rly like to discuss this with a therapist bc i clearly. cant work this out on my own. bc ive been trying to do thta for 3 months and#im more disconnected from like. my sense of personhood now than i was then#my identity disconnect has never been like. Stronger. than it is now..to the loint saying my and i feels like a lie because indont feel#like im an i i feel like im. idt. i fele like a concept i feel like everything is fiction and unreal. and its like. it doesnt make me upset#ig it just kakes me. so disconnected . and i dont want to be disconnected idt . idk#so i wann talk abt it with a therapist but i rly rly rly need a therapisr who can work with bpd patientseven if i dont end up having it i l#think the like. experience overlaps so much so im like. i think even if i dont itd be Incredibly helpful to borrow some of the strategies#yk. but im like. during my Research ive learned that a lot of therapists literally refuse to work with bpd patients . and mock their#colleagues who do . which 1. Thats disgusting 2. thats dunb as shit 3. thats terrifying so i hesitate to work with any therapist who says#anything kess than I have experience working with bpd patients i am well trained wirking with bpd patients. ykwim. but i can legit only#find fucking. 1. and shes out of network so its 150 per visit#abd ideally id do weekly visits but thats 300 per check 💀 and i am not making that much and once i get the apt itll be like. Bad bad.#finances wise. i could do biweekly but its still like aughghhh.
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I saw a post a few months ago (and damn was it really months? In PLURAL?) that was a cracky dpxdc au where the LOS were making Damian clones but the clones kept getting snatched by ghost portals and dropped into Danny’s lap and Danny just goes “ok ig this is my life now” and takes care of each one until he has his own mini army of Damian Clones.
And I remembered it a few days ago, and now I've been thinking about it again. Because I love clone aus (see: clone danny au, the 'danny is thomas wayne' au) because it itches the part of my mind that loves exploring personhood and the exploration of identity and what it means to be clone.
(What do you do when nothing about you is unique? When your face, your eyes, your hands, your hair, your voice, all the way down to your heart, all belong to someone else?)
(When it comes to nature vs nurture what of you came from your environment and your experiences, and what of you was already programmed into you from the DNA that made you?)
(What do you do to make it unique? What do you do to make you unique?)
And if I could remember who made that post I'd @ them right now because it was their original post that inspired this, but I'm just thinking of if the au only had One Singular Damian clone that fell into Danny's life.
(a read more because im apparently incapable of making posts that are less than 1k words...)
One Damian who knew he was a clone and knew that he was to either bring the original back to base or kill him to take his place, who was being trained the same way but kept getting compared to his original over and over again. Like an older sibling who you can never match up to. Who is still a child who craves adult affection and validation and praise, and can't get it because nothing about him is original.
One Damian who, at six years old, in a twist of fate is sucked through a swirling portal and lands in Amity Park, directly on top of, in front of, or in line of sight of one Daniel Fenton, half-ghost extraordinaire and local hero.
What happens next?
Well, for one, Danny recognizes him immediately. He would recognize the face of Damian Wayne anywhere because his best friend was ranting about him all week about Damian Wayne's environmental stuff he does.
And for two, he would recognize that the Damian Wayne in front of him was not Damian Wayne. Because Damian Wayne was a teenager. And the Damian Wayne in front of him is a child. Six years old.
Getting this not-Damian but also-Damian to go along with Danny is not, not an easy task. The tiny Damian is aggressive, regal, and at this point in time, six years old, barely understanding english. He also has a sword.
It takes all day and a google translator to get this Tiny Damian to finally agree to go home with Danny. It's a miracle. Seriously. A tried and true miracle. And its also only when Danny has to fight a ghost does he finally agree, saying something in arabic that Danny doesn't understand.
Danny flies them both home, carrying Tiny Damian like a koala. The ensuing conversation in his room is not any better. It is tiring, long, and exhausting. Tiny Damian is six years old, and every single thing he says when Danny asks where he came from is met with a poorly translated "that's classified".
Danny keeps an eye on the news. There are no reports of Damian Wayne going missing, in fact he's been rather public. Bruce Wayne is not one to lie about his children going missing, and Damian's secretive behavior and young age draws Danny to one conclusion: Damian is a clone.
He doesn't know why Damian Wayne is being cloned. Frankly he doesn't really wanna know, because whatever organization that did it doesn't seem too pure-of-heart if tiny-Damian's immediate attempt of murder when they first met is of any indication. But he's too busy taking care of his city, that he doesn't have time to deal with whatever shady business Tiny-Damian was produced from.
In the end though, he decides that this Tiny-Damian is not going back to whatever place he came from. Tiny Damian disagrees. It is a long, nebulous problem of Damian trying to run away, Danny catching him, and Danny pulling him back home.
In that time, Danny downloads a language app and starts learning Arabic so that they can talk to each other properly. Damian slowly, slowly, starts picking up English.
In that time, Danny also has to inform his friends and his sister about Damian. Tiny Damian is not a fan of this. That is another argument they have. Tiny Damian does not like Sam or Tucker for a long, long while. He only really "listens" to Danny, citing something in arabic that Danny still cannot understand, but has a repeated use of the word "lieazir". It's the only word that Danny can catch in a sentence immediately, because its what little Damian calls Danny.
Tiny Damian, in that front, is very interested in Danny's powers and in his parents work. He finds tubberware of ectoplasm in the fridge once while they're down in the kitchen and calls it something with the word lieazir in it. The other word is something that Danny later learns means water in arabic.
It makes him feel even more uneasy of whatever place little Damian came from.
It takes weeks for little Damian to finally give up on escaping, and then a few weeks more for him to almost entirely lose his spunk. Danny isn't sure what started it. It was as if he'd been flipped with an off-switch.
(Damian had been so confident that the League would go looking for him after his disappearance. He was wrong, and he is crushed. He is still a child, alone, in a country very big and very busy, where nobody understands what he's saying. He feels powerless, helpless.)
(The lazarus boy who calls himself Danyal is nice to him in a way the league has never been, and he's making an effort to learn Damian's language. But he leaves for hours at a time and Damian doesn't have much else to do but wait in this house for him to come back.)
(He tried leaving, many many times, but he doesn't understand the street signs, the roads, the people. He doesn't know where he is, and he feels scared in a way that he's not felt in the League. Danny finds him every single time, hours later when Damian is lost somewhere in Amity Park)
(And he never yells at him. Never. The first time this happens, Damian puffs himself up and prepares himself for this strange lazarus boy to yell at him. Damian feels like he's tripped on the last step of the stairs when Danyal doesn't yell at him.)
(He can tell he's frustrated by the tone of his voice, but when Danyal lays eyes on him he just looks relieved. He gets scolded on the flight home, but Damian doesn't understand any of it other than Danyal just sounds worried. Not angry. He gets a proper scolding once they get back, with Danyal typing into the google translator and playing it for Damian to hear.)
(This happens every single time until Damian finally agrees to stop running away.)
It's with Jazz's help that Danny finally realizes that Damian was depressed. It's with her help again that Danny tries helping with it. It's like trying to get a stray cat to trust him. And with everything else they've done, it takes a long time.
And it is so, so worth it when it all works out.
Tiny Damian doesn't really like Sam, or Tucker, but he likes Danny. And he finally starts calling him his name. His full name, but his name nonetheless. Danny doesn't bother correcting him. He's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. And it's endearing hearing Damian call him Danyal.
Damian in this time, also begins to take more initiative into learning English. And they teach each other words they know. Danny buys flash cards and writes the english alphabet on them, and then finds a book on arabic to teach himself and Damian. Sam and Tucker and Jazz start learning as well.
And then when Danny knows enough arabic and Damian knows enough english, and Damian trusts Danny, Damian tells him he's a clone. It's a quiet moment, late at night when Danny takes Damian up to the ops center to look at what stars they could see through the light pollution.
It'd be very easy for Danny to tell him, "I know. I could tell from the start.". He doesn't, it's not the time nor the place, and Danny's matured enough to know when to open his mouth and when to keep it shut. He lets Damian, almost seven now, tell him that he's a clone of Damian Wayne. Lets him tell him why he was made, what his purpose was.
(Danny will need a minute later to process the fact that Damian Wayne originally came from some kind of... assassin league with an obsession with immortality. But he's focused on Damian.)
In the end, he puts an arm around Damian Wayne's clone and pulls him into his side. Thanks him for trusting him, it must've been hard to tell him, that he's brave for being able to. And if he wants to, they can find a way to get into contact with the Waynes and let Wayne know about him.
Damian hides his face in Danny's ribs and holds him tight, and tells him he doesn't want to. Danny leaves it at that.
Perhaps it would be more morally ethical to alert Damian Wayne that there was a clone of him running around, that his... uh, grandfather was making clones of him. Hell, Danny would have liked it. But little Damian has asked him not to say anything, and little Damian needs someone to rely on; someone he can trust.
And in the end, its not that hard of a decision to make. Danny knows little Damian more than he knows Damian Wayne, and while Danny likes to think he's a good person, he knows he's not a great one. Nor a perfect one. He cares more about someone he knows than someone he doesn't.
If Sam tries to argue with him about it, then Danny will just double down. If Damian doesn't want to tell Wayne about his existence, then it's not their place to say otherwise.
There's a lot more to talk about over Damian's cloning, like what he wants to do moving forward. But that's a long conversation not meant to be one taken late at night. Little Damian is falling asleep at his side, seemingly much more relaxed than he did before, and Danny wasn't gonna ruin that.
And later he's right, it is a long conversation, and a slow one. Talking with Jazz about it helps him figure out what to do moving forward, and their best bet is to let Damian figure out what he wants to do. So he sits Damian down at the dinner table the next morning and tells him before breakfast that he doesn't need to be Damian Wayne.
He doesn't need to learn all the same things Damian Wayne did. He doesn't need to do anything that Damian Wayne does. And little Damian is seven, and he's smart, but Danny still has to word it in a way that's not too complex for him to realize.
And in the end, what he says essentially boils down to "You are not Damian Wayne, you are just you. Don't be anyone else but you." and it'll take more time to drill that into his mind when all he's ever heard and learned from is that he was a copy of Damian Wayne, and he must act like Damian Wayne. But it'll happen.
It's a hard task when Danny's the only person Damian really trusts and he can't be by his side all the time, but he starts to warm up to the rest of Danny's family. The Fenton parents know of him, it's hard to keep a six year old child a secret for as long as Danny did without eventually having to come clean about it. His parents, much to Danny's relief, are very welcoming to Damian.
Damian figures out what he likes. Slowly. He's six years old, almost seven, and nobody expects of him to figure out who he is immediately. No child knows who they are right off the bat. So like any child he begins to explore. His english is better but still rough, and he struggles to read said language, but the Fenton family are happy to help even if Damian learns words that no normal seven year old does. (Many of them scientific.)
Damian realizes he likes stars, even if said interest is influenced by the association to Danny. Danny is all too delighted to tell him all about them, and in the process takes him flying out somewhere where the light pollution doesn't reach and showing him where constellations are.
Damian is six-almost-seven, so he doesn't find all of them, but Danny helps him figure out the easier ones. He tells him the scientific facts behind them, and then tells him about the mythos of the constellations. Later on they make their own constellations and make up stories about what they are.
(Damian adores Danny out of anyone else in the Fenton Family. The name Danyal turns to Dany. If anyone asks, Daniel Fenton is Damian's big brother.)
(He still refers to Jazz as Jazmine, and Danny's parents as Mrs. and Mr. Fenton.)
He realizes that, like his original, he loves animals, and he becomes vegetarian too. Sam is smug and Tucker is disappointed, but Damian doesn't super care about their opinions. ...he's getting better at liking them, even if he thinks Manson is a bit snobby and Foley is too much at times.
Its inevitable that the conversation of school comes into play. Damian can't stay home all day and he needs proper schooling. So after a long talk with Damian, they agree to send him to elementary school.
...And before they can do that the Fenton Family goes through with legally adopting Damian into the family as Damian Fenton. It takes convincing to get the administration to enroll him into the first grade without a proper schooling background.
(On his adoption form, Damian asks to change his birthday to the day he met Danny. Perhaps its not the most responsible thing to agree to, but Danny wants Damian to find himself. And its not like they know when his actual birthday was.)
And despite where he learned it from, Damian quite likes sparring. And he quite likes sparring with Danny in particular. Danny makes it fun, something that was foreign in his old league training, and Danny never hurts him. It's a lot like roughhousing.
Danny tells Damian how he got his powers, and how his parents don't know. Damian wakes up late at night to Danny sneaking out of the room (their house is not big enough to give Damian an individual room, and Danny agreed to share his) to go fight ghosts.
It's upsetting. Damian knows that Danny gets injured in those fights, even if Danny never comes home until after those injuries have been fixed up. He wants to help, and he voices it, and Danny shoots him down.
It becomes an argument, something that has happened less and less over the months.
Damian is experienced.
Damian is a child.
Damian knows how to fight.
Damian is mortal and fragile. He is a tiny, squishy human boy and the people Danny fights are ghosts who are near-indestructible. Who are intimately acquainted with death but also do not remember that humans are capable of it. Especially when they're fighting.
Damian says that Batman's rogues are capable of the same thing, that he lets his Robins help him fight.
And Danny says he is not Batman and he will not allow Damian to fight ghosts with him. Those ghosts will kill him and it will hurt. Dying hurts in a way that is terrifying and unimaginable and he will not risk Damian experiencing it. Not even Sam and Tucker help him in his fights most of the time, they are not able to. Not in the way Danny can.
Damian doesn't talk to him all day the following morning, but Danny does not budge on his decision. Damian tries to follow him out the next night, and Danny catches him and takes him back. Over, and over, and over again.
Until finally he gets intercepted by Skulker while taking Damian back home and is forced to fight him in front of Damian. (If it had been his choice, he would not have let Damian see it at all.)
It's not pretty. Skulker has new weapons, weapons that hurt, a lot. Danny is stuck between trying to take him down and trying to protect Damian from Skulker's attacks at him and from all the debris being created from the fight. It's with Damian's quick thinking and fast feet that finally helps Danny take Skulker out. But Danny is badly injured in the aftermath.
He doesn't have time to take Damian home and get medical attention. So he takes Damian with him to wherever he has his supplies stashed. He doesn't call Sam or Tucker or Jazz, and has to stitch himself up alone, with Damian watching.
Damian is quiet the entire time, he feels awful. Danny's not mad at him -- well, he is. But not because he had to protect him. He's just tired, and a little disappointed in him. Damian doesn't sneak out again. But he still feels helpless.
Danny tells him that that is why he doesn't want Damian to help him. Ghosts, his ghosts, are hard to fight. They are powerful, and his 'rogues' are mean. They will not care that Damian is a mortal child, if he picks a fight with them, they will fight back. And Damian is not immune to certain ghost powers like Danny is.
Damian is silent. He wants to help. But Danny is right: he is a squishy, mortal, living child. There is not much he can do to help Danny. Not without any gear to do it. Not without any powers to do it. He wants to help. He cannot.
Damian, almost-seven-years old, begins to cry. It is the last thing Danny was expecting, and for a moment he is at a loss of what to do.
Damian reaches for him -- in the Fenton family, physical affection is expected. Damian is getting used to it, but Danny is the only one he likes touching him -- and then stops, cringing away like he only just remembered that Danny was hurt.
He only cries harder.
Danny meets him halfway and pulls him into his arms, situating Damian between his knees from where he's sitting. Through his tears, Damian says he wants to help. He wants to help. He doesn't want Danny to get hurt anymore. He doesn't want Danny to fight ghosts alone anymore. He's scared that Danny will stop coming back.
Danny doesn't have anything to say to reassure him. Can't say anything to reassure him. It'll all just be lies. He's not going to stop fighting ghosts, he can't. He's not going to stop getting hurt, he can't. He's not going to bring Damian with him, he can't. He'd never be able to live with himself.
"I'll always come back." He says though, because that is something he can promise. Whether dead or alive, he'll come back.
When the tears finally stop, Damian doesn't say anything again. He sniffles, and presses his ear to Danny's chest, listening to the steady, slow heartbeat. If he puts his ear to his sternum and strains his ear, Damian would almost hear the low hum of Danny's ghost core, like a small dwarf sun.
"If you die, I'll drag you to the Lazarus pools myself." Damian mumbles eventually, his voice sleep-full. It's spoken in arabic, and Danny only understands half of it.
He laughs quietly, and smoothes his hand over Damian's hair. He hasn't had a haircut since he arrived, it's gotten long and there are curls beginning to form. "Okay."
Damian falls asleep shortly after, and with much consideration to his own injuries and Damian's sleeping form, Danny flies them back home.
It's hard to say, but not much changes in routine afterwards. Damian hovers close to Danny, more than usual. Danny still goes out at night, he still stitches himself up before going back, he still goes back home where Damian is waiting worriedly for him. Damian doesn't like falling asleep without knowing Danny is there.
Now the hard question is: when does little Damian finally meet the Waynes for the first time? There's plenty of ways to go about it, both easy and hard. Perhaps we go this way:
The Fenton family are visiting Maddie's sister in Arkansas. And Damian is dragging Danny around through the surrounding forest. It's his first time being in a forest this large since he moved in with the Fentons. Safe to say he is delighted by all of the nature, and he's dragging Danny along with him.
Danny likes the peace and quiet it gives him, he's found that he enjoys the rural area more than he likes the city. He's happy to let Damian point out every plant he recognizes, even if some of it is in arabic.
They walk around all day until Damian gets tired, and then at night when the sky is clear Danny and him go look at the stars. It's peaceful at first.
On the third day of their visit, Damian drags Danny out far from the house. It's slightly worrying, but Danny can always fly them back if it gets too late.
It's in the woods that Danny and Damian stray much too far from Alicia's house, and from there in the early evening that they run into Batman and Red Robin, both of them in rough 'just got out of a fight' shape.
Safe to say, it was the last thing any of them expected to run into. Damian and Danny had stopped at a small crik to rest, and the two vigilantes came through the tree line on the other side.
It was... quite the staring contest.
Damian, now seven years old at this point, forgot to mention that the Waynes were vigilantes when he told Danny he was a clone. But he was told that Batman was his original's father.
Before anyone can say anything, little Damian wraps his arms tight around Danny's middle and stares Batman and Red Robin down. His sharp edges have softened around the Fentons. But he makes no exceptions to anyone else outside of Danny's immediate social circle.
Danny's arm automatically goes around Damian's shoulders, and he looks between both Red and Batman uneasily. If they were here then it meant that there was something unsafe nearby. Danny did not fight the living, and he wasn't going to put Damian in the crosshairs of anything that does.
"Should... should we leave?" He asks, brows knotted together with a frown. He stands. "Is there something going on nearby?"
Batman suddenly grunts, and looks at him. "It's been handled." He says, and his voice is gruffer than Danny imagined it. Lower. Danny is not all that comfortable with that answer.
"Do you guys live nearby?" Red Robin asks, and Danny can't help but notice that he keeps looking at Damian. Warily. In fact, so is Batman.
He pushes Damian behind him slightly, and Damian's grip tightens on him. "Not... exactly." He says, his eyes narrowing slightly. "My family's visiting my Aunt and my brother wanted to explore since it's his first time out of the city, I guess we wandered too far away if we're running into you."
There's no visible indication of whether or not both Bats reacted to him calling Damian his brother. But he can all but feel little Damian preen at the title, it makes Danny's mouth twitch into a smile as his hand finds Damian's hair.
"Would we be able to go back with you?" Red Robin asks, startling both Danny and seemingly Batman, who looks at him instantly.
"Red Robin." He growls out, and Red Robin throws Batman a look of annoyance.
"We are lost, B. They jammed the comms and our trackers back there and it hasn't come back on yet, his aunt may have the signal we need to let the others know where we are."
They end up walking back with Danny and Damian. It's silent, and awkward, and Danny has Damian walking on his opposite side so he's not near the vigilantes. Red Robin is fiddling with a phone but still can't get a signal.
Batman is silently brooding.
Red eventually gives up and shoves the phone into a pocket on his belt, then turns to make conversation with Danny. "I never thanked you for letting us walk with you. Thanks, by the way."
Danny blinks at him, and smiles awkwardly. "No problem, man," he says, "I'm uh, Danny." He glances down at Damian, who looks up at him with big green eyes, and Damian nods quietly.
He looks back at Red Robin, and says, "This is my little brother, Damian." And Damian peers over his side and glares at Red Robin -- and Batman, who looks over when Danny says his name.
"He looks like Damian Wayne," Red Robin notes, head tilting like he's inspecting him.
Danny huffs dryly, "We get that a lot."
Red Robin smiles at him, its a tilted thing. It makes Danny uneasy. "Where did you say you were from?"
"I didn't," Danny says bluntly, and he really doesn't want to tell them where he's from. Not when Red Robin was acting strange, but they're vigilantes and notorious for their detective skills. If he's suspicious, they'll look into him. "But I'm from Amity Park."
Damian in that moment, peers around Danny again and scowls at Red Robin. Full on scowls at him, as if it were the first months when he met Danny. "You're being nosy." He sneers, his hand squeezing Danny's.
"Damian," Danny hisses, suppressing a smile. Damian jumps like he's been startled, and looks up at him with big green eyes. "He's just being curious."
(He lets his smile slip through briefly, just to let Damian know he's not that upset. A tension leaves his little brother's shoulders.)
"But he is." Damian continues, a whine leaking into his voice. Danny jabs him in the ribs with his fingers, and Damian jumps, swatting away his hand with a squeak.
"Would you rather have us walk in dead silence, Dames?" He goes for Damian's ribs again, a grin stretching across his face as Damian jumps back again and swats his hand. "Hm? Hm? We could just walk in awkward silence for the entire trip back, I know you just love awkward silence, little brother."
(It's funny, saying little brother always sounds so uncomfortable when he reads it in books and watches it on tv. But Jazz always makes it sound so natural when she does it, and Danny finds that he sounds the same too.)
Damian continues to bat away his hands, but it's not enough to prevent him from squealing with laughter when Danny gets a good hold on him and starts tickling him. Danny's grin only gets bigger, and he swoops Damian up with his arm and holds him like a football.
"Is that it? Huh? Me, you, and two vigilantes walking back to Aunt Alicia's cabin in complete, utter silence." He says, "You won't get to hear any of my amazing jokes."
Damian's wriggling, trying to pound on Danny's ribs, he's giggling uncontrollably. It's the best sound Danny's ever heard. "Your jokes are awful! Laeazir! Put me down!" He cries, grinning from ear to ear.
(From the side, both Red Robin and Batman tense up.)
Danny chuckles, and through a short series of flips, has Damian sitting on his shoulders. "I will not. You're sitting up in air jail for insulting my hilarious jokes."
Damian tugs on his hair in revenge, harrumphing at him but making no move to get down. Danny squeezes his ankles playfully, and looks back to Batman and Red Robin.
Both vigilantes look at him like he's grown a second head.
....Red Robin looks at him like he's grown a second head. Batman just stares, and then looks away. Danny tilts his head at them, his smile waning. "You guys look like you've seen a ghost or something."
(Damian tugs on his hair again. A silent boo at him.)
Red Robin jerks, "Oh, sorry." He says, not sounding all that sorry. "It's just... I've lost count to how many times I've saved Damian Wayne from the occasional kidnapping and he's always been very... serious. It's just weird seeing a kid that looks like him be... not serious."
From his shoulders he feels Damian hide his smile in his hair, that's another thing they can put on their "Things That Damian Does That Damian Wayne Does Not" list. It started as a joke, but it's been surprisingly helpful for when Damian is questioning himself.
However, Danny is not a fan of the comparison, and he smiles widely, perhaps a tad passive-aggressive. "It's a good thing that my Damian isn't Damian Wayne then." He says, giving him the slight stink eye.
Red Robin picks up on it quickly, and nods.
The rest of the way is spent in idle conversation. It's oddly casual, even if most of the conversation is Danny talking about himself. It's annoying, but he unfortunately understands the reason. Secret identities and all that.
Damian interjects a few times, some parts to talk to Danny, and other parts to throw shade at Batman and Red Robin. Mostly Red Robin, who seems begrudgingly used to it.
("I'm surprised you haven't asked me much about myself." Red Robin says at one point into the conversation. Over his shoulder Batman glares at Red Robin. "A lot of civilians do when they're able."
Danny stares at him. "You're a vigilante." He says, frowning, "Isn't it superhero 101 that you don't ask superheroes for their secret identity?"
"You'd be surprised."
"Huh. Well, no. I'm not gonna ask you about yourself. I quite like talking all about me.")
When they finally reach the cabin, it's late into the night and Danny has moved Damian from his shoulders to his front in a koala-like carry. Damian's fast asleep with his head on Danny's shoulder.
His family was also frantically searching for him, and Jazz sees him first. She immediately turns behind her and yells "I FOUND HIM!". And then sprints over to him, his parents thundering not too far behind.
Both vigilantes are subsequently ignored as Jazz dotes over him and Danny, and soon enough so is his mom and dad. They're all talking all at once, asking him where he was, they were worried sick, did he know how late it was.
He shushes all of them, loudly. And whispers that Damian is sleeping. His family then immediately quiet themselves, and go back to yelling at him in a more appropriate manner.
"Me and Damian walked too far by accident." Danny finally says when he can get a word in, and then he jabs his thumb in Red Robin and Batman's direction. "We also found two superheroes who need assistance."
The speed of which his family all snap their heads over to the direction he's pointing is almost comical. As is all of their expressions of shock.
His mother is the first to regain her senses, and she sighs at him. She sighs! "Only you, Danny." She says, and Jazz snorts into her arm.
#dpxdc#dpdc#dpxdc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danny phantom au#dpdc danny fenton#i am incapable of making short posts it seems. heavy sigh#this post is open to add ons if anyone's interested 👉👈#this entire au is essentially the song 'Strange Sight' by KT Turnstall from the Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast#This post mostly goes into how danny and damian's relationship develops because i think that's the more important part of the au#also damian's like six i firmly believe he wouldn't know much english#no no he's learning arabic first and then english LATER. if he would ever even get there with the league#iirc all the damian clones liked Danny so i wanna explore how their relationship got to that point. Like what happened for Danny to get eve#getting one Damian clone to like him enough to go up to bat for him? that takes time and patience and i wanna explore that lol#danny's in his late teens here btw.#Clone Damian is a 7yo child and I'm writing him as such because its fun. I thought about having Clone Damian change his name but nothing fi#little clone damian is also A Tad Clingy. Danny is the First Person to have shown him a kindness and Damian Imprinted On Him Like a Duck#i love clone aus and clone aus love me#clone damian and danny are bROOOTHEERSS#i thought about making clone damian's name damon bc its close to the name damian but also i like the idea that clone damian keeps the--#original name and then makes it his own. something about taking the name you were given thats not really yours and MAKING it yours
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while i'm still on my bullshit about VAL siltverses can we talk about the body horror of being a saint that she bears. like okay it's not the cronenbergian videodrome-esque transformations of human into conduit of godly power undergone by the majority of other saints, but it's still a massive violation of her autonomy and personhood. she tells us that her skin is branded with marks overlapping marks that shift and spread with each new lie she tells. the implied double meaning of "branded" in a world like the silt verses, where corporate gods are the most ubiquitous kind, only further emphasises the indignity of what was done to her. if she were ever to question what she is, who she is, she would find herself undefinable by nature of her very existence as the embodiment of a liar's god. and she's retained self-awareness enough to question her personhood in the first place. her body is not her own, but that of the woman who was tortured to death to create her. what would she see if she looked into a mirror? would she even be able to recognise her own reflection?
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The Fires of Raven, or Why I Side-eye anyone who claims it's the "good ending".
I keep on seeing takes about how the Fires of Raven ending is the Actual Good Ending and not gonna lie it makes me kind of sick. Partially because "Wow do you literally just believe the first thing people tell you? No wonder propaganda works as well as it does."
The other is that as far as I'm concerned, Coral is a People. Not human by any means but personhood is hardly the kind of thing that's exclusive to humanity. If it can communicate, if it has a culture, if it has agency and emotion, then it is a people. It's basically the concept of a nonhuman person. Coral is depicted as having clear sentience. And at that point I think it's essentially just a people.
It's why I think the idea of AI becoming self aware is one that we're not prepared for, not because of paperclip factories or skynet (which is an inane fear as far as I'm concerned) but because we will have made a person, and we're not ready for that ethical question. Not by a longshot.
The initial Fires of Ibis weren't a spontaneous Coral event. It was a deliberate act; it's why Walter brings up the story in Chapter 4. The story of the man who burned it all who, as we come to learn in the logs, was Professor Nagai. Coral Collapse is a consequence with a scary name but it's one that is not defined; we don't know what Coral Collapse actually entails.
This isn't a mistake on Fromsoft's part; it's a deliberate choice. That ambiguity is part of the point. The lack of a known quantity to Coral Collapse is a big driver of the fear behind it. It's a fear great enough to cause Nagai to burn the stars, in favor of the world that is.
And yet the world that is was also the one that lobotomized C4 621.
The world that is has a company like Arquebus wage war against civilians. Send them to re-education camps which, if you know anything about real world re-education camps, you would know that they are an abomination, and there is no exception on Rubicon.
This is a world that saw Rubicon, a planet of endless possibility and natural beauty, and built towering, continent-sized oil rigs to suck it dry.
Coral was allowed to live for eons before Humanity fucking colonized it. Coral was allowed to grow, to exist, to evolve into its current form until humanity began to shove it into a container.
And Coral was allowed to live before one of the colonizers decided a people was too dangerous to let live based on a chance.
This sounds like an excuse that I have seen too many times.
#armored core 6#armored core#armored core 6 spoilers#fires of raven#ending spoilers#colonialism#space colonialism#or spolonialism#if you will
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