#im more disconnected from like. my sense of personhood now than i was then
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tbh probably a good thing tumblr freaked iut when i tried to post the post i just wrote bc i think i spiralled a lot in the tags
#the gist of it is im oretty sure i have bod ik everybidy is unstable after a bad breakup but. the way im reacting and rhe way in thinking#abt mysekf and the way i avted and thiught abt myself while in the relationship#and in the relationships (nonromantic) b4 that . matches up a lot with the stuff ive read abt in my bod research#and id rly like to discuss this with a therapist bc i clearly. cant work this out on my own. bc ive been trying to do thta for 3 months and#im more disconnected from like. my sense of personhood now than i was then#my identity disconnect has never been like. Stronger. than it is now..to the loint saying my and i feels like a lie because indont feel#like im an i i feel like im. idt. i fele like a concept i feel like everything is fiction and unreal. and its like. it doesnt make me upset#ig it just kakes me. so disconnected . and i dont want to be disconnected idt . idk#so i wann talk abt it with a therapist but i rly rly rly need a therapisr who can work with bpd patientseven if i dont end up having it i l#think the like. experience overlaps so much so im like. i think even if i dont itd be Incredibly helpful to borrow some of the strategies#yk. but im like. during my Research ive learned that a lot of therapists literally refuse to work with bpd patients . and mock their#colleagues who do . which 1. Thats disgusting 2. thats dunb as shit 3. thats terrifying so i hesitate to work with any therapist who says#anything kess than I have experience working with bpd patients i am well trained wirking with bpd patients. ykwim. but i can legit only#find fucking. 1. and shes out of network so its 150 per visit#abd ideally id do weekly visits but thats 300 per check 💀 and i am not making that much and once i get the apt itll be like. Bad bad.#finances wise. i could do biweekly but its still like aughghhh.
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