#Out of context D&d

[madfishmonger]

Quotes from Curse of Strahd

"I was too stupid to be a cleric, so I'm a bard and I sang in the choir at church!" - the bard

"Oooh, a cemetery view while you cook? Lovely." - the rogue

"I'd say come with me if you want to live, but the last guy I said that to got smooshed by a giant construct." - the bard

"I'm a good bard!" - the bard

"Maybe this place is a Playboy-Mansion style with a grotto." - the bard

"Hey! This is the rogue's section!" - the rogue

"I'm gonna die!" - the rogue

"Hey! That hurts! Why does it hurt so much?!" - the barbarian (raging)

"It's not like Strahd is going to die of old age if we take our time." - the rogue

"To the front with the beef!" - the GM

"Drugs and war go together." - the GM

"My legs feel like a spring-loaded chocolate bar!" - the bard

"Run! It's Godzilla-Strahd!" - the rogue

"Yeah! Weird-shaped room!" - the bard

"Can I look for prescription drugs?" - the wizard

"Swing by the Vampire Starbucks!" - the rogue "I want a pumpkin spice A+!" - the bard

[avkamfher]

Last nights D&D session had some good laughs the most notable were:

PC1: "Are mushrooms trees?" PC2: "Is that racist" In response to mushrooms blooming near them / being close to a tree root PC3: "I type in a drow accent" DM: "How do YOU type out an accent!" In response to being in front of a computer terminal

[malachite-iiarie]

In honor of my 2 year old DnD campaign ending next week here’s a mega list of our out of context quotes from this game

She wanted to be a princess, so I made her a puntable object

Wrong sack lesbian!

THE BOSS MUSIC HAS STARTED SO ITS TIME FOR YOU TO DIE

I am the god of literature. You’re dick is in me. Please take it out

Go white boi go

Your tits will wither of brain power

“I’m not a therapist-“ “You’re a DM it’s the same thing”

It smells like death, boiling piss and shame

THERE’S NOWHERE FOR ME TO STICK MY DICK

We worked on rebuilding the town, now called SEBASTIAN and set out to find the town's mayor, Bitch Boy, a mate as we headed to Koft.

How the fuck am I supposed to be a sugar mommy if I can’t get the wire deposit through?

Combat is officially over, I am not counting the angry turtle

I just fell asleep, I didn’t see the penis, pLeAsE

I rented out the bottom floor of the inn and had an impressive 16 person orgy that night while Aven looked for a collapsible bucket to sleep in.

Why do I exist, probably because two lizards decided to bone

I still owe that tabaxi a blowjob

I’m a Pomeranian with aids, roll to fuck the horse

Have you ever seen a horse fuck a Pomeranian

Is it performance or animal handling?

We traveled to the Temple of the Rider of the Storms, Goddess of Tempests, and I enjoyed a night with the holy bros who lived there.

THEY have ACCOUNTANTS

(Holds up gun) It flashes and bangs, just like my ex wife

I have fought many things in my life, but eating a mimic, hearing a man have sex with a horse, and then eating Sabaton’s dick is a new kind of fight.

destruction is gender neutral

Let’s make this bitch squirt…-blood

Roll to seduce the fucking closet since you want to go deeper

A weird man approached Ansiel today with a large box of some kind and called him emperor. I have decided not to look into this too much as I have been promised my future brothels will be able to go international.

I should make a note that I have had consensual horse sex before

“Why does it have a horn? Is it some kind of horny horse” “YES”

I’ll fuck the gate, how bigs the keyhole

[crazycat-dnd]

Xilus: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.  Allen: That’s a eel. ---

Heln: *out cold on the ground*  Allen: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?!  Maura, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Heln’s face* ---Xilus, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?  Allen: *half asleep* Xilus, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.

[fallingchips]

part 3 of 3 for the out of context dnd memes :))

[sweetlyfez]

Out of context d&d: "ahh a 6ft cat person doing a sarcastic curtsey, beautiful."

[krysmcscience]

I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.

Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:

Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao

this is so stupid :D

Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.

[magic-multicolored-miracle]

DM (habitually clumsy and getting injured in his job involving sharp objects): "Sarith is going to...bleed out a little bit and then probably do something."

DM's Significant Other: "Aww, Sean, he's just like you."

DM, in adorable equal parts affection and irritation: "Shut up."

[zorciarkrildrush]

"They made LSD from LSD Dream Simulator real? Pog!!!"

[omskivar]

Out of context D&D quote: I believe in the mind flayer!

[madfishmonger]

Quotes from last night's game

"Can I build the fighter a Bane-like rig that just injects healing potions into his veins?" - the wizard

"We don't kinkshame on this boat." The GM

"So if they put all the right ingredients in the right place they bake an evil cake?" - the monk "The evilest cake." - the wizard

"I didn't succeed, but I didn't fail the worst." - the monk on seducing the dragon

"Arriving on a strange ocean-going elven ship in a landlocked valley lake would probably raise a lot of questions with the locals." -the GM "That's very us, let's do that." - the monk & fighter

"We're in civilization, crew. No more being fuckwits like we are on the ship. Watch your six." - the rogue

"You know what? Disintegrate." - the wizard

"Team Net in the houuuuuuse!" - the wizard

"Do we want to just go in to this tavern full adventurer? Like, give us the Saving-the-World breakfast for five?" - the cleric

"So uh, injustice? Any injustice happening? Anything?" - the cleric

"So... you're trying to get into the Vault to kill Szass Tam?" -the Harper "We're feeling Szassy!" - the rogue

"Some of the Zulkirs are able to be swayed." -the GM "How are we going to figure out which, hand them a survey?" - the fighter "How would you rate your job satisfaction?" - the monk

"Did you make a ruckus?" - the Harper "We have a hard time NOT ruckus-ing." - the fighter

"If we're going to dress up like red wizards I can be an evil cleric." - the cleric "Do you just turn your robes inside out?" - the monk "Draw a red circle with a line through it over your symbol of Tyr." - the rogue

[dungeons-and-dumbassery]

"The emotion of an ogre would register differently on a dog, I feel."

@asymmetrical-palindrome OOC

[malachite-iiarie]

“To my friends-both those still alive and those dead-I apologize. I spent so long looking for my family, I didn’t realize when I finally found it.”-Dames (my dnd character)

[sualne]

first kiss

[crazycat-dnd]

[fallingchips]

part 2 of 3 for yesterday’s session’s memes