#Our Hearts Were Young and Gay

[kwebtv]

From the Golden Age of Television

Our Hearts Were Young and Gay - NBC - February 15, 1954

A presentation of "Robert Montgomery Presents" "The Johnson's Wax Program" Season 5 Episode 25

Drama

Running Time: 60 minutes

Hosted by Robert Montgomery. 

Stars:

Elizabeth Montgomery as Cornelia Otis Skinner

Sally Kemp as Emily Kimbrough

Elliott Reid as Alistar Cochran

Cliff Robertson as Paul Smith

Marjorie Gateson as Mrs. Skinner (Maud Durbin)

John Griggs as Mr. Otis Skinner

Earl Hammond as Henri

Lucie Lancastor as Hawkins

Michael Dreyfuss as Ralph

Felix Deebank as Band Leader

Stafford Dickens as The Steward

Peter Pagan as The Guide

[ladyloveandjustice]

Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers

I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.

I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!

I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.

I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.

Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*

How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*

Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.

Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *

Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*

Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*

The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)

Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)

The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*

My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)

The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.

This Monster Wants to Eat Me: (A depressed girl who's been searching for death gets approached by a mermaid who wants to eat her...but the thing is, our monster mermaid is a gourmet who wants her to be as delicious as possible, which means she's going to make her happy first (as apparently that enhances her flavor), and fight off all the other monsters who want to kill her. This is TOP TIER yuri horror and a must read for any lover of monster girls, especially monster girls drenched in the blood of their enemies, it's so good)

I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *

I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*

Whisper Me a Love Song: (A girl named Himari sees her upperclassman, Yori, perform with her band and falls in love with her music. She confesses her love of Yori's music, and Yori mistakes it as Himari confessing to being in love with her. Yori falls head over heels at first sight. (if you don't like miscommunication, dw this is cleared up fairly quickly and new drama ensues) Has an anime covering early material)

Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)

Hana and Hina After School: (a cute three volume about a gyaru and shy girl working together at a shop after school and catching feelings)

After Hours: (A cool punk girl meets a girl who's been abandoned by her friend at the club, and she introduces her to the world of DJ'ing...and romance!)*

My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*

I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!

This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.

Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)

SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in early volumes, and a storyline in volume 7 that has implied incest and an age gap, though the older sister doesn't go through with it onscreen).

Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.

One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )

The Summer You Were There: (For tragic and doomed yuri lovers. A deeply depressed girl starts her journey to healing thanks to a girl who courts her and enjoys her writing. Unfortunately, said girl is terminally ill. The manga is a heart wrenching meditation on grief, redemption, and how being sick doesn't mean you can't still be loved).

Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.

[reddbuster]

I forget who made it but I saw a post the other day talking about how a lot of trans women come out much later in life than trans men tend to (and hence why “egg culture” tends to be mostly centred around transfemininity) and it really made me reflect on my experiences with queer spaces and how things have visibly changed as I got older. I’ve been pretty heavily involved in queer and especially trans spaces, both in-person and online, since I was a preteen. While spaces and events for people my age were much more sparse (and harder to attend while closeted) as a kid, they did exist. But one thing that always stuck out to me was the complete absence of trans girls even at events mainly aimed at trans youth. I met a good few other trans and gnc kids at these events, but all, literally every single one of these people were perisex and assigned female at birth. Not a single transfeminine person to be found. This changed as I got older. I started high school. Slowly but surely the circles I hung around in became more diverse. I met trans women. I met and befriended gay and gnc “boys” who would later come out as trans girls. Now, as a young adult, the ratio of transmasculine to transfeminine folks in my life is near equal. But even now, the demographic of trans girls in my life generally skews older than the guys. And of course this trend is very reflective of the effects of transmisogyny in general, how the media targets trans women as the scapegoat for their hatred, painting ‘trans girl’ as a shameful and deviant thing to be. It is reflective, more than anything, of how we all need to be more steadfast in our support of trans women both in our activism and in our day-to-day lives. But I also think that everyone needs to make more of an effort specifically to support young trans girls. Transfeminine kids, teenagers, even young adults. Because I have met so many women that I know for a fact would have enjoyed their teenage years so much more if someone, anyone had been there to tell them when they were young that it was alright to be trans. The first friend I ever lost to suicide as a teenager was a trans girl. And I live every day of my life with the knowledge that if I hadn’t been her one and only source of support, she probably still would have been here today. Believe me when I say that I understand the importance of respecting people’s boundaries. I do think that insisting every gnc person must be trans is a bad and counterproductive thing to do. But I’ve also seen firsthand what happens when trans girlhood is treated like it’s a downgrade, it’s very suggestion a taboo. When nobody is willing to be the one to say “hey, it’s okay if you want to be a girl”. I believe with everything I am that the life and happiness of a single trans girl is more than worth the discomfort of a million cis men. And if you disagree with that sentiment I think you either need to fix your heart, or you need to make peace with the fact that you are a thoroughly vile person and endeavour to shut your mouth about transgender issues forever.

[evilvillain123456789]

i can't stop fucking old people. it's seriously a problem. their hearts can't fucking take it. they know i'll kill them. but they never say no. i travel city to city with each conquest. i log onto tinder and meet a girl. three chances a year... one for easter dinner, one for thanksgiving, one christmas. she takes me to her house to meet the family. the grandmother and i lock eyes from across the table. grandfather has passed. shes here alone.. sad.. we make eye contact for a while until she excuses herself, and i follow her. sometimes the deed is done right there in the bedroom, sometimes i'm given the number to her jitterbug, to return to her later. she makes me go in raw no matter what i suggest. i break up with the girl shortly after i've achieve sexual contact with one or both grandparents. i've no family of my own. that's true, that's always the excuse. i got a reputation that follows me. that's why i'm always moving. the grandmother often catches a VD from our little quickie. her weakened immune system. she passes away a few weeks later. some time before her time. or maybe just in time. god forbid, she invites me over. i sit in her little rocking chair as she speaks to me. that was her husbands chair.. she eyes me. my presence awakens this within her. i make her feel young again. she leads me to her bedroom. i have no reason to restrain myself, nobody will find us. she comes, then she goes. i clean her up as she grunts from the remnants of her heart attack, and leave her tucked into bed. she lays there peaceful, like shes asleep. that's when i lock the doors on my way out, and head to the next city. the next city, where i'll lay low until the next holiday season. start chatting up some chicks while i'm at it.. god, and the grandfathers. unlike with the grandmothers, they dont need to have lost their love to want me. they always cheat. they always want to use me as a tool to cheat. they look at me in ways their wives havent seen in years, and their wives see this. but their wives remain subservient. they always let him do this. they pray for him, but none of them pray for me. they hate me. they hate me so much. they know what i'm doing but refuse to make it stop. i lead their husbands away and kill them. they know it serves him right. i leave them heartbroken. but they'll never say a word. they'll never say a word about how an ugly little gay boy stole their man and now he's paid the ultimate price. and so have they. they seethe until their death. sometimes i swoop in on them too. silence them. they want me to silence them. but usually its too risky. after all, there are simply some secrets, that one must take to ones grave no matter what. i have nothing to gain from doing this. what i do is completely legal. all are lucid. but i feel as if i'm moving through a dream. i feel the earth around me shift as though i were asleep. i can't settle down. i can't fucking stop it. i want to stop. i want to find love. i feel so guilty. how many women fell in love with me, only to lose me. lose one or both grandparents and i'm nowhere near to comfort her. by the time it comes to mourn, i'm already long gone..

But yes, i suppose you can apply this to your fucking little tomgreg or harry styles or whatever. Yeah dude. You fucked that old man.

[warping-realities]

Beautiful Things

Hey, everyone! This story is part of the Viral Transformation funfarre proposed by the one and only @occamstfs, in celebration of hitting 2K followers! Congrats, bro, you totally deserve it. He’s one of our top authors and never fails to bring the best stories.

Before I dive in, I gotta give you a heads-up that this is a story about corruption, where good people turn into the worst kind of folks. If that’s a sensitive topic for you, I’d recommend not moving forward. Trust me, in the original project, things were way worse, but after chatting with the MAN himself, who helped me with some edits, I softened the tone of the story a bit. If you’re interested in the original version, I can post it later, but this is the final cut.

That said, I hope you all enjoy it and join me in celebrating this awesome author!"

Alois was strolling mindlessly in the morning towards the student exchange center in Seattle, where a bunch of fresh-off-the-boat students from all over the world were gathering for the adaptation phase of their exchange semester. The eighteen-year-old Austrian was loving the experience of taking a gap year before diving back into his studies in Vienna, where he planned to become a doctor. As he walked down the busy street, on what should be the only sunny day of the year, he spotted one of those types he had seen around the city. They were all buff and tall, with wavy, well-groomed hair, and the big ol' mustache that defined them, giving off the vibe of some douchebag brotherhood or whatever. This one in particular was jamming out to music on headphones that looked straight outta the nineties, just like his outfit, which consisted of Levi’s jeans, a white tee, a dark jacket, and combat boots. The whole look cranked the douche factor up to eleven, making Alois's heart race a bit as a shiver of attraction ran through him. When the guy passed by Alois, he shot a look at the smaller red-headed man, dripped with arrogance while a smirk played at the corners of his lips, like he knew some secret that Alois was clueless about. To make things worse, the music blaring from his headphones was so loud that Alois couldn’t help but catch a snippet.

“Please, staaaayyyy…”

That stupid song again. At first, Alois thought it was kinda interesting, despite all the religious preaching in it, which rubbed the young atheist the wrong way. What he didn’t realize was that the singer was all about filming a lot of TikTok videos to promote his work, videos that inevitably flooded the social media feeds of a gay dude with an unfounded attraction to that type of guy. A type that seemed to be multiplying on the streets of Seattle every damn day. Sure, Benson Boone was from Monroe, just a few miles away, but still… Maybe he was looking at things from the wrong angle, maybe it was the singer who was cashing in on the style of the group he and his fellow exchange students had dubbed the Mustache Gang.

The fact is, after several months, the hype around the song should’ve died but apparently that was still far from happening. Trying to leave the discomfort aside Alois headed to the coffee shop that had quickly become his favorite spot during his short stay in the city. As he walked along, head down like most introverts do, he got lost in thought about what kind of work the exchange agency would hook him up with, until his daydreaming was interrupted when those familiar chords hit his ears again.

“I want you, I need you, oh God…”

But this time, someone had slapped a cheerful electronic beat onto the song, which not only butchered it but also made it even more annoying. Looking for the source of that cacophony, he lifted his head and glanced to the side. He could’ve sworn he saw a chubby dude coming his way, but now there was no sign of him, just another one of those big-mustached douchebags strutting around with the swag all of them seemed to have, along with the usual cocky grin. Dressed in a white tank that showed off his defined arms and hairy chest. There was no one else close to Alois on the street at that moment, which was a blessing, since his dick was starting to stir at that sight. But that also freaked him out. Where the hell did that damn music come from? Was he seriously imagining things now?

Distracted and worried about his sanity, he stepped into the coffee shop. At that moment, the place was almost empty; there was just an old dude, well past his prime, fiddling with his phone, looking like he was in a bad mood while he seemed to be listening to something that deeply disgusted him through the giant headphones he was wearing. Apparently, the use of those things was a trend around there.

Passing by the old guy, Alois headed to the counter and ordered his usual coffee with cream and sugar. As he made his way back to the exit, still freaking out about his mental state, disaster struck. Clumsy as ever, he tripped and faceplanted on the floor, coffee spilling everywhere and staining a good chunk of his clothes.

“Alois, du bist dumm…”

He said stunned in embarrassment, as he turned to the side, starting to get up. His view landed on black combat boots that ended in large calves covered in denim, leading up to thighs as thick as they come. But the old man was wearing a suit, no? Clearly not, since the Levi’s pants had been replaced by a black hoodie that concealed a massive chest, which the sleeves were stretched to the limit by powerful biceps. The grand torso gave way to a handsome face framed by wavy brown hair, and right in the center, the ever-present slick mustache that even the guy’s prescription glasses couldn’t diminish the douchebag effect. With his eyes closed and a focused expression, he didn’t even seem to notice what just happened right next to him.

But Alois couldn’t help but wonder, where the hell did that old guy go? While trying to figure out when the old dude left the shop and the Mustache Gang member took his spot at the table, the man seemed to wake up. Smiling and fixing his hair, he finally noticed that a kid was trying to get up from a puddle of coffee right next to him.

“Need a hand, little bro?” he asked, though not with a genuinely empathetic expression; on the contrary, the grin he shot at Alois did little to hide how much he found the situation hilarious.

“No, I’m good, thanks!” Alois replied, finishing getting up and bolting out of the shop as the guy burst into loud laughter behind him. Apparently, this dude wasn’t just rocking the look of a douchebag. Rushing to wipe the coffee off his hoodie, Alois continued his march to his destination. Luckily, no other mortifying events unfolded along the way. Upon entering the classroom, he passed by Charles, a French dude with long blonde hair and delicate features, who was checking something on his iPad while also rocking a pair of those old-school headphones. Not wanting to disturb his classmate, he didn’t say hi and headed further back in the room, where bis friends Arjun and Qian, hailing from India and Taiwan respectively, were hanging out. As he passed Charles, he heard that stylized version of Benson Boone’s song again.

“I found my mind, I'm feelin' sane

It's been a while, but I'm finding my faith…”

Apparently, he wasn’t going crazy after all. He quickly turned towards the source of the music only to find one of those big-mustached douchebags and no music font at all. But he could’ve sworn that… wasn’t there another person there? A kid with long, well-kept blonde hair? Well, his hair was definitely blonde and well-kept, just like the his mustache. Wearing a tank top that showed off his arms and staring at everyone in the room with an air of immense superiority that made Alois feel torn between attraction and disgust.

Resuming his path back to his friends, he discreetly adjusted his boner in his sweatpants while sitting down and trying to forget about that damn song.

“So, who’s the jerk sitting at the front of the class like he owns the place?”

“We’ve been wondering that too, man,” Arjun, the skinny Indian boy with long limbs replied.

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough,” continued Qian, who was more compact, as their teacher, Mr. Sizemore, spoke to the class.

“Guys, today I brought the manager of one of the establishments where you might work. Chuck works at a pub called Shooters; it’s an opportunity we typically offer to our students over twenty one. However, the place has expanded and now also has a Hookah Lounge, the Puff Palace. Although I must say the best option would be for no one here to inhale anything, this is still a decent job opportunity. Without further ado, here’s Mr. Chuck Morris.”

The guy smiled arrogantly before stretching and scratching his neck, causing the lightweight, almost see-through fabric of his tank top to expose his nipples, which didn’t seem to bother him at all. He took his sweet time getting up, like he was in some kind of private show.

But in Alois’s opinion, it would’ve been better if he had stayed seated and shut up, because the first words that came out of his mouth to the class raised a wave of utter dissatisfaction.

“Hey there, guys! Happy to finally leave your miserable countries behind and be in the greatest nation in the world?” The conversation didn’t get any better after that, and Alois was sure that whatever happened, he’d never set foot in that bar called Shooters.

After class, he was chatting animatedly with Arjun as they headed back to their dorm.

“I’d love to know what that illiterate would do if he knew he was talking to future doctors, engineers, journalists… while he’s gonna spend the rest of his life working in a bar serving people like him,” Alois commented.

“Probably nothing would change. People like him always think they’re superior just because of how they look and because they were born here in the States. Doesn’t matter if they live in a trailer and rely on government assistance.”

“True, ahhh, I want a coffee; I spilled mine all over this morning. Do you want one too?” Alois asked as they passed by his favorite coffee shop again.

“No, I’m good. I’ll go ahead; we’ll catch up later,” Arjun replied, continuing on while Alois entered the coffee shop. After carefully getting his to-go coffee to avoid a repeat of that morning’s fiasco, he turned and headed to the exit when he heard the synthetic chords again, accompanied by that familiar lyric.

“Don't take these beautiful things that I've got…”

This time, he saw where the sound was coming from—a Latino guy a bit older than him was listening through those giant headphones. Feeling sure he wasn’t losing it, Alois allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief, only to get a major scare. In the blink of an eye, where the guy had been, now sat one of those big-mustached dudes, this one bigger and more muscular than the others, but with the same wavy hair and infamous mustache.

Alois was stunned, staring at the man, who in turn pointed a finger at him as if to assert something and gave him a smile that freaked the young guy out to his core.

Not knowing how to handle that situation, Alois bolted from the shop, trying to make sense of what he had seen. Still in shock, he entered the room he shared with Qian in the dorm, where his friend was sitting on his bed, fiddling with his phone, still dressed in the button-up shirt and khakis he wore to class.

“Dude, you won’t believe what just happened. You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but… I... I forgot... How bizarre, I'm sure it was important Qian! Qian? Is everything okay? Qian…? You good?” he asked, realizing his friend hadn’t heard a word he said, just to see his face contort and his eyes roll back as if he were convulsing, and then… puff. Right in front of him stood another member of the Mustache Gang, wavy hair, slick mustache, a chiseled face and a muscular body on display.

“You good??? Qian? Who the hell is Qian? I’m Ken, you foreigner dumbass.” Said the young man of Chinese descent, the irony of using that kind of comment not even crossing his arrogant and brutish mind. “You’re here only because I couldn’t score with an American ass. But a hole’s a hole…”

“I… what…?”

“You just accept a quick hookup on Grindr man, It's not that difficult. Gonna act all shy now? Here in America, that kind of behavior doesn’t fly. Either you do what you came to do or bounce, but then you'll miss out on all this,” the guy replied, flexing his powerful muscles while giving him an arrogant grin. Alois was thinking about where exactly he was and what he was doing there.

“So ginger, what's it gonna be?”

.....

When he got to the dorm for international students  after getting his ass wrecked by the massive schlong of his Grindr hookup, who he discovered was co-manager of Shooters and Puff Palace alongside Chuck —those two even shared an apartment above the pub—he hated himself for getting into that mess just for a quick lay. Yet, at the same time, it was the best fuck he’d ever had. As he stripped down and got ready to shower and wash off the sweat and sex smell from his body, the distinct ping of a Grindr message caught his attention. Opening the app, he found a new message from Ken Lee.

“Hey ginger I think you’re gonna like this.” Ignoring all common sense, thinking it might be a nude, he clicked the link the other guy sent along with the message. Strangely enough, it was a clip from a podcast where a young woman interviewed a flamboyant man, who was wearing a bright and flashy suit, both chatting animatedly. Everything about them screamed obnoxious  starting with their shrill voices that didn’t stop talking for a second. Losing interest and wondering why a guy like Ken would send that to him, Alois let the video play as he headed to the bathroom in the room he occupied alone in the dorm.

“… so, Benson Boone? He’s such a total hottie, girl!”

“Don’t even get me started, Yasmin! I melt for a guy like that! I’d do him in a heartbeat.”

“Me too, Nico! But with that whole Christian boy vibe, I’m not sure he’s got the moves.”

“Girl, it’s just marketing. A guy like that, with that body? And anyone rocking a mustache like that knows exactly what to do with a girl… or a man.”

“Nico you slut, I heard some rumors…”

“I know, girl! I wouldn’t doubt he’s hooked up with more than a few, after all, a man has his needs, and to a guy like him a hole’s a hole like my brother used to say”

“Oh, my brother always said the same thing. What’s going on that there aren’t any more men like him in America?”

“I’ll tell you, I don’t get it either. Everywhere I look, I only see snowflakes and wimps. They say they are our allies, but this talk about toxic masculinity has turned all of them into whiners. Of course I prefer not to be attacked in the street by a bunch of homophobes, but sometimes all we want is someone to fuck us senseless And no one does it like a good douchebag, and don't come to me with that talk that this is a white, cis man's thing, yada yada yada... all due respect to the cause, but we need more men like this hottie, not less. Real American men, who know what they want and make it happen, I don't care what they do with their lives as long as they fuck me right. So I vote for more douchebags, of all races, creeds and sexual orientations, sis!

“True, Nico! I wish I could make that happen…”

“Me too, girl, but how about we listen to his updated song while we wait for the real American men to come back?”

“Sure, girl, this version is way better and more danceable, perfect for a man to sweep me off my feet. Play it!”

Then, the chords that had been haunting Alois all day started playing, and he quickly turned on his way to the bathroom to stop the video—there’s no way he’d want to listen to that on his own.

“Mm. Please stay. I want you, I need you, oh God…”

As he turned towards the source of the sound, he froze, hearing it as a feeling of numbness invaded his head and took over his body, barely letting him take a step back before being flooded with memories and sensations that weren’t his. His childhood in Austria was being replaced by one  in Virginia, time spent studying swapped for sports practice, the memory of a skinny physique giving way to a powerful, muscular body, atheism giving way to worship at church every Sunday, even if he spent most of the time distracted, checking out the girls present. And speaking of girls, nights of sex, just banging them in the ass to keep his virginity intact, and when a girl refused, there was always a twink willing to step in. After all hole’s a hole. Then there was the end of school five years ago and the move to Seattle, working as a personal trainer during the day and a bartender at Shooters at night, the apartment shared with Chuck and Ken, and all the possible and imaginable orgies they had . He knew that, as a good Christian, he’d eventually have to give it all up, settle down, and start a family, but until then, the single life was too good to pass up, and he was gonna enjoy it. And even after he gets married if the desire arises, well a man has his needs and one thing he has learned is that no one is a better bottom than a slut boy desperate for a fuck.

“No… no… what the hell…. This can’t be real…” Alois grumbled as he tried to move towards the phone that he now knew had to be the source of this whole bizarre situation. However, with every step he took, his muscles expanded. His skinny chest exploded into slabs of meat that are now pecs, below his abs form into six brick-like blocks, and his arms and legs thicken to a considerable size. His hair grew longer in well-kept waves, and that infamous mustache sprouted and grew on a more masculine and angular face. At the same time, the room he was in transformed, and he found himself on the other side of the city, in the place he had just left a little over 40 minutes ago.

When he got to the phone, Allen adjusted it, fixing the camera angle. That video was gonna be perfect for his TikTok, especially with that new version of Benson Boone’s song, one he’d used in a bunch of other videos, but this remix version was fire.

Fixing his hair and flexing his powerful muscles, he smiled at the camera.

“Yo, what’s up, fam? Today’s heavy lifting day and a wild night at Shooters. If anyone’s interested in what I’m packing here, just swing by or hit up the link to my OnlyFans in the bio. Only for the grown folks, are you really gonna miss out on this?” he wrapped up, crossing his arms in front of his body and flashing one of those grins at the camera.

“Damn, that looks so good!” he said, posting the video on TikTok and heading towards the living room of the apartment he shared with Chuck and Ken, not even bothering to shower. He had a new client coming to the gym in the next hour, so why waste time on more than one shower? “Tonight’s gonna be lit for sure, guys,” he said, talking to his roommates.

“Are you talking about the Indian skinny boy who’s training with you?”

“Ugh, definitely not. Dudes like him are for when there are no other options. But it wouldn’t be a Friday night if Big Al didn’t get some real action.!” He said grabbing his cock and balls over his shorts, laughing. "I can't wait to get some ass." He concludes while shaking his huge cock out of his shorts and making everyone burst out laughing.

“We’re all gonna get some, man. Chuck’s been spreading the word in an exchange class; soon, it’ll be packed with foreign slutty chicks and twinks looking for an American dick, and we can bang them all we want, Red.” Said Ken with a mischievous grin.

"And God bless that! "Chuck added beside him with an identical smile, which was also mirrored on Allen's face.

...

Allen was sitting on a bench in front of the gym, waiting for his new student, a scrawny Indian dude from the exchange program named Arjun.

“You coming, bro?”

“Sorry, I’m on my way. Got held up.”

“So, meet me in the gym locker room so we don’t waste time. In the meantime, check this out,” Allen said, sending the link to Yas and Nico podcast, she was a hot babe even if she seems as dumb as a rock. Not that he cared much about that at all; she was hot, and that was good enough for him, and that Nico had a very fuckable butt. He didn’t even stop to think about why he was sending that video; it just felt like something he should do.

.....

While he was chilling on a bench in the gym locker room, mindlessly scrolling on his phone, he didn’t notice the transformation happening to his student right behind him. The skinny Arjun was rapidly inflating with muscles and attitude without Allen even realizing it. It was only when he looked up and saw a dude of Indian descent with silky hair and the infamous mustache, wearing nothing but gym shorts, casually scratching his powerful pecs.

“Art, you still haven’t finished getting dressed, you asshole? We gotta workout, take some pics of our pump for OnlyFans and hit the bar shift afterwards.”

“Chill, Al, I’m getting ready. It’s not like your muscles are gonna disappear because of a five minute delay in your workout.”

“Five minutes is already too much,” he replied, flexing his arms and smiling arrogantly. “Tonight, I want the max pump in these Beautiful Things I’ve got.”

[devildomwriter]

Obey Me As Tumblr #23

Diavolo: What is “lore”

Mammon: Baby don’t hurt me

•

Mammon: Compliment me

Beelzebub: Barbecue sauce

Mammon: Thanks

•

Satan: Once a man now deemed a clown

Solomon: This is without a doubt the funniest description of the joker I’ve ever seen

Leviathan: This is an excerpt from my resume

•

Solomon: When you brush your teeth you are petting your skeleton for a job well done

MC: Smoke meth – Hail Satan

Solomon: What the fuck

•

MC: I haven’t cha cha slid since high school

Mammon: I’ve never seen the cha cha slide referred to in the past tense and I am fucking shaken

•

Leviathan: I’m so glad they removed the “nut” from honey Cheerios

Asmodeus: Now you gotta add your own

Leviathan: Why must you do this to my posts

•

Diavolo: What does it mean when someone says they’re pescatarian and vegan

Raphael: Land animals are innocent of crime but the fish have sinned

•

Thirteen: We only came to this site in the first place b/c we were gay and liked Harry Potter

Asmodeus: I actually came to this site because of onceler incest

Thirteen: Your just gonna say those words huh

•

Leviathan: When manga characters add a heart to their speech… I wish I could do that

Simeon: You can. Just put a little love in your voice. Smile, people hear it

Asmodeus: Moan

Barbatos: Duality of man

•

Simeon: “Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung” — P.T. Barnum

Leviathan: Pegging clowns???

Asmodeus: Pegging hung clowns???

Lucifer: This is why this website is worth negative money

•

Mammon: Pregnancy is a hoax the baby sprouts out of the ground I’ve see it happen

Mammon: People pretend to be pregnant for clout it started with one woman named dvd and people been chasing the same high since

Mammon: Meant eve

•

Leviathan: I wish I had an even more vague void than the internet to scream into

Satan: An abandoned Kmart parking lot just before Dawn

Leviathan: Jesus I didn’t say a whole different dimension

•

Belphegor: They’ve got me in some kind of secret facility

Belphegor: Doing experiments on me

Belphegor: I have powers now

Belphegor: I’m gonna fight the government

Solomon: Me when I’m an original character made by a 12 year old

•

Leviathan: I’d rather see 1000 graffiti penises than 1 product billboard. I’d live in dick city if it meant I could avoid advertisements in my daily life

Asmodeus: We built dick city

Mammon: We built dick city on cock and balls

•

Mammon: It’s fun to stay at the y

Mephistopheles: M

Leviathan: M

Thirteen: M

Simeon: *smacks the side of my boom box to get it to stop skipping*

Luke: C

Satan: Young man

•

Solomon: People in the 70s would wake up and be like I need to go hitchhiking right now

MC: Mfs be like good morning Susan! Another serial killer in the paper today, so not groovy! Welp, time for our daily car ride with a stranger!

Mammon: I’d reply to this post but I’m waiting for my Uber

•

Satan: Imagine searching your whole life for the chosen one who will destroy the matrix and save the human race and you find him and he’s fucking Keanu Reeves

Diavolo: YOU FIND HIM DOING WHAT

First • Last • Next

[the-moon-ate-my-stardust]

Okay literally no one asked but as a former Hobbit movie hater who has since experienced character growth, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the movies on my gay little blog.

Listen. There are legit reasons to be critical of these movies. They were made on a rushed timeline, at time where CGI overuse was the thing and there are definitely unnecessary moments. But despite those issues, these movies still have a lot of heart and character and some really wonderful acting! To compare them to LOTR, is unfair I think because LOTR was such an unimaginable success and I truly believe no other movie franchise can do what those movies did. To expect the Hobbit movies to be the same caliber considering the behind the scenes drama and massive difference in timeline is just not it.

Truly I think that the Hobbit could have been much more than it was and it’s sad to see the amazing moments and realize that we could have had movies that were maybe closer to the level of LOTR, but that doesn’t take away from all of the great things that the movies gave us! Despite what he may be like irl, Martin Freeman was a great young Bilbo, Richard Armitage was insanely good as Thorin (despite the change in age) and the other dwarf actors brought a great sense of loyalty, brotherhood and shared loss to their roles. The music is still dope as hell and there are some beautiful shots despite all the CGI.

This is way too long and I’ve not said anything that hasn’t been said before but honestly, I’m so glad that I stopped hating on these movies and have seen the special things about them. Nothing will ever compare to LOTR, but that doesn’t make these movies bad. They’re fun, they’re emotional, they have great characterization and it’s super valid to enjoy them.

Final gay thoughts because I’m obligated, but I struggle with people who argue against Bagginshield with the whole “why does everyone have to make everything gay?” thing. Because Hollywood is so deeply homophobic that we see so little genuine queer representation, so forgive us for enjoying the chemistry we find and making it our own since our society gives us breadcrumbs. If you’re not into Bagginshield, totally legit and fine, but don’t hate on other people (especially queer people) trying to find some romantic love in media that we enjoy. Also no one can convince me that Richard Armitage wasn’t at least somewhat intentionally putting his queer energy into this role, I will die on this hill.

Anyway, TL;DR there’s no shame in liking or loving the Hobbit movies despite their faults and there are lots of things to appreciate and enjoy and I for one, am glad to leave my LOTR purist hater days behind me

[hazeystar]

love (you), actually

Evan was standing in front of his door with a stack of white poster board in his hands, the first one saying 'Tell them it's carol singers.'

It's two months after the breakup, and Tommy opens the door to the romantic experience he's been waiting for his whole life

because tommy is our resident romcom lover and he deserves his moment! also s/o @bibibievansbuckley because this was born from one of our very late night ramblings because all we know at this point is tevan

wc: 2187, below the break and also on ao3

The knock at the door draws Tommy out of his thoughts. 

He was sitting in his living room, doing the only thing he really felt like doing these days: watching romcoms. Today’s pick was Notting Hill and he didn’t even have enough energy to stop himself from putting himself as Hugh Grant and Evan Buck as Julia Roberts. 

It was weeks since he walked out of that loft for the first time and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He knew it was stupid, in hindsight, the entire night almost reads like a fever dream. They were supposed to be going on a date and Tommy left heartbroken and empty.  

Really, he should have reached out by day two, maybe ask Buck to coffee like he did all those months ago but he couldn’t do it. He asked him to move in and Tommy basically took a sledgehammer to the idea and nuked his own heart in the process.  

Day ten was when he dragged himself back to therapy. At the time, he didn’t know why his gut reaction was to tell Buck no, but now, he realised it was self-preservation. Years of pent-up trauma were cause to this, especially from hearing that ‘my first isn’t going to be my last’ from not one, but two of the boyfriends he had in the years since he’d moved to Harbour. 

And then he threw those words right back into Buck’s face. Evan, the human embodiment of sunshine and a golden retriever, who stumbled over his words but managed to ask him to move into the loft (the fucking loft, which ends up being a 10 minute rant with his therapist because why in the hell would tommy move into a loft when he owns a house, what would they do with the cars, his Muay Thai set up, the garden that’s finally starting to look decent in his backyard-, he found some more underlying issues there as well, but also was told that particular thread was not his fault) and Tommy felt like someone had poured ice water on him. 

He’d seen this path before, only twice but two times is enough to leave a mark. The first time was probably enough as well, but the second time just dug a knife again into a wound that had just barely healed. So he did what he thought was best: act proactively. If he got ahead of the problem, if he got away from Evan before he could fall in love, then maybe it wouldn’t be as disastrous.  

How absolutely wrong he was. 

It felt so bad when he was walking away that he genuinely considered the possibility that it would have hurt less if he and Evan were living together for months and then they broke up. 

He wanted to go back, apologise, tell him he didn’t mean it but- Buck said he admired him. And it was those words that were on replay as he drove himself home. 

He admired him. Tommy, the guy who was so scared about being gay that at age 30, he was engaged to a woman. Tommy, who gave his heart out to the world because he wanted to feel like he was in Love, Actually, that he had someone who wanted him back just as fiercely and was sorely let down every time.  

So he let himself down this time. Better that than be hurt by Evan. Of course, by doing it this way, he hurt himself and Evan, but he could bounce back. He was young, and your first isn’t your last. 

It took two different sessions to beat that idea out of him.  

Sometimes, your first isn’t your last. But sometimes it also is. It just depends on when you find your person. 

Tommy found his person. He just didn’t realise it until he nuked the entire relationship. 

Two months later, he still didn’t reach out, not really sure where to even start. Evan didn’t reach out either, so maybe it was just a case of right person, wrong time. 

That was fine, Tommy could just imagine him in every romcom he watched. 

There was another knock at the door, this one a little more insistent. 

Right, the door. Tommy stood up, running a hand through the mess of curls on his head. Evan had liked them, was always sad when he cut his hair or weighed it down with gel. In the initial weeks of the breakup, he couldn’t find it in himself to get it cut, and then eventually he started to like the curls. Now they were here to stay. 

He opened the door and was not at all ready to see Evan Buckley on the other side. 

Two months had passed, and he still looked gorgeous. He looked tired; there was stubble along his jaw, bags under his eyes that were more prominent than he’d ever seen, even after a rough round of 48s for a week. His hair was curly, like he had the same idea Tommy did about letting it grow out. His eyes were still their clear blue, albeit a little sad but dancing with something else- hope maybe? He was wearing the hoodie he recognised from that first coffee date (so that’s where it went) and was holding poster board- 

What? 

Evan was standing in front of his door with a stack of white poster board in his hands, the first one saying, ‘Tell them it’s carol singers.’ 

Tommy blinked. “Ev- Buck, there’s no one el-” 

He shook the stack hard, giving a pointed look down at the cards before back up at him. There was a speaker set down next to him and the boards in hand... The entire scene felt familiar. 

There was no way- 

Evan wanted him to play along, he’d play along. He looked back over his shoulder, to the TV that still had Julia Roberts on screen. “It’s carol singers.” 

He turned back to Evan, who has fiddling with his phone until music began pouring out of the speaker. Silent Night started playing and Tommy felt tears prick the corner of his eyes. 

He knew this scene by heart. 

Evan dropped the first card, the second one reading ‘I’m sorry.’ 

He opened his mouth to speak, Evan didn’t need to be sorry, Tommy was sorry, but another look from him promptly shut him up. He nodded, Evan smiling back. 

The card dropped. ‘It’s been over 2 months since you walked out of my loft.’ 

‘So I’m saying sorry and I’ll say it again.’ 

‘Sorry for jumping right to moving in without properly talking.’ 

‘And saying to move into the loft (that was stupid, you have a house, we’re at your house).’ He let out a laugh at that, and got another smile out of Evan. 

This was really happening. Holy shit, Evan was standing in front of his house in the middle of August, blaring Silent Night from his speaker and holding up cards to give a whole silent speech. 

It was Love, Actually in real life. For him. Evan was doing this for Tommy.  

Tears were rolling down his face now, and he hastily wiped them away to read the next one. 

‘I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner.’ 

‘Or talk things out better.’ 

‘And I know you’re thinking that I’m saying sorry too much, and that you’re also sorry.’ 

He was, he so very was. And the look in Evan’s eyes told him he knew, he saw it. 

‘I know you are, and I forgive you.’ He met his eyes again, mouthing a very watery ‘I forgive you, too.’ 

Evan had tears in his eyes as well, as he smiled back and mouthed ‘I know.’ 

He itched to move closer, to pull him back into his arms, to hold him. But Evan still had a stack in his hands, and Tommy was touched and curious and seen. 

‘I know ‘admire’ wasn’t the right word to say back then.’ He sucked in a breath, remembering the whole speech vividly. 

‘Even though I do admire how you got to where you are now.’ 

‘I don’t admire you, Tommy Kinard.’ 

‘I love you.’ 

Tommy let out a sob then, knees almost buckling as he clutched the doorframe with one hand to stay upright. Evan loves him. 

He moved to take a step forward, but Evan took one back, shaking his head even though he looked like he wanted nothing more than to be closer to Tommy as well. He still had more to say. 

Tommy nodded, letting the tears run freely down his face. Evan loves him. 

The next card was full of writing and Tommy could barely read all of it. It was numbered though, and when Tommy dragged his eyes across it (cleft, Muay Thai, hands, beer knowledge...) the last number went to 50. 

50 things Evan loved about him. 

The card dropped and Tommy almost thought it was a repeat until he saw the last number. 

100. 

His jaw dropped, a broken sob leaving him. 

Evan wrote out a list of 100 things he loves about him. About Tommy.  

He ran because he was scared, that Evan was jumping the gun by asking him to move into the loft, that he didn’t actually love him, that he was just a place holder until he went and found something better. 

But here was Evan, standing here in the middle of August with cards that listed out 100 things he loved about him, reenacting his favourite movie of all time. For him.  

‘I love you, Tommy Kinard.’ A fresh wave of tears flowing from both of them. 

‘And for the love of God, please call me Evan.’ 

“Evan, please can I move now?” He whispered, watching as he dropped the last board and stood there, almost sheepishly. 

Silent Night was still playing on loop, and Evan was standing there in his hoodie, and he’d never looked more perfect in his life. 

He nodded, and that was all Tommy needed before he went rushing forward, wrapping his arms around him tight. 

To his credit, Evan only stumbled back a step, his own arms immediately circling around Tommy’s waist. 

It’d been two months too long. He wanted this every day. He wants this for the rest of his life. 

Tommy didn’t believe in soulmates, not really. He didn’t believe that there was someone out there with the other half of his soul. But then Evan showed up in life on a hurricane and everything afterwards just felt so right, like he was missing something before Evan came in. 

Evan was his person, through and through. He didn’t just love Tommy, he knew him. He knew that he was a romantic at heart, the soft soul he kept hidden away, and came out with the biggest romantic gesture anyone had ever done for him. 

“Thank you,” he whispered into Evan’s curls, feeling his arms tighten to pull him impossibly closer.  

“I love you.” He said it like a promise, a prayer, and Tommy melted. He pulled away just enough to look Evan in the eye. His face was splotchy and red with tears and Tommy had no doubt that he looked the same, if not worse. 

Evan Buckley loved him. 

He pressed their lips together, hard and desperate and passionate. Evan kissed him back like a man starved, and if he had any doubts about how he felt even after the board display, he didn’t have any now. 

They pulled apart to take a breath, and Tommy stared at his face. The one he knew by heart, the one he knew no amount of time would ever make him forget.  

“I love you.” The smile he received was blinding.  

Once it’s out in the open, it’s all he can say. It’s all he wants to say.  

He pulled Evan into the house, casting a look back at the speaker and the large pile of cards still sitting on the walkway up to the door.  

Evan brought him back into a kiss the second the door closed. His hands tangled in his curls, pulling Tommy down just a hair. This one was less desperate, and Evan was guiding him over to the couch.  

He fell back first, Evan settling on top of him. He broke away for only a moment, whispered “I love you” against his lips before diving back in again. 

This is the conversation they should have had two months ago. Tommy’s felt this way since the hospital wedding, hell, maybe even before then.  

And if the way Evan kissed him said anything, then he wasn’t alone in that feeling either.  

He pulled away this time, staring into Evan’s blue eyes as his thumb ghosted over his birthmark. There wasn’t a need for anymore conversation right now, Tommy will make sure to give his own apology later. 

But right now, with Evan as a comforting weight on top of him, a smile on his face as he moved impossibly closer into his touch, there was only one thing that needed to be said. 

“I love you.” 

[thinking-emoji]

Phannie acronym/initialism* dictionary

*no i'm not getting into what counts as an acronym or an initialism. I'm also not telling you how to pronounce any of these

Please refer to the original version of this post to check for updates!

7SC: 7 Second Challenge

AP: AmazingPhil

ATF: Above the Fray, former management agency

atiwttmotiimpaowwmtf: And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously, we were more than friends...

BFTD: Back from the Dead

BIG: Basically I’m Gay

BWAGFEO: Basically We Are Gay For Each Other

BWYBMS: Better With You By My Side

COTY: Coming Out To You

D&P: Dan and Phil

DAP: Dan and Phil

DAPB: DanAndPhilBEATS

DAPC: DanAndPhilCRAFTS

DAPFTTT: Dan and Phil Finally Tell the Truth

DAPG: DanAndPhilGAMES

DAPGO: Dan and Phil Go Outside

DAPGOOSE: Dan and Phil Go Outside On Stage Event

DAPWEPINOF: Dan and Phil watch every phil is not on fire (sic)

DD: Dystopia Daily; rarely: The Drug Deal

DILM: Dan is leaving me

DINI: danisnotinteresting

DINK: 1. dumb twink; 2. double/dual income, no kids

DINKWAD: double/dual income, no kids, with a dog

DINOF: danisnotonfire

DINOK: Dan is not Ok

DITL: Day in the Life

DJH: Daniel James Howell

DnD: Daniel and Depression; in our circles rarely: Dungeons and Dragons

DnP: Dan and Phil

DNPB: DanAndPhilBEATS

DNPG: DanAndPhilGAMES

dnptwt: Dan and Phil twitter, the twitter phandom

DvP: Dan vs. Phil

DvPHTSD: Dan vs. Phil Hometown Showdown

ETVAHTCTE: Embrace the void and have the courage to exist

FDITL: Festive Day in the Life

FFVII: Final Fantasy VII

GDM: gays do maths

FFXIV: Final Fantasy XIV

GANP: Gay and Not Proud

GG: Guru Gossiper; old forum site with dnp threads

GTPWTW: Giving the People What They Want

GwF: Golf with Friends

HEH: Heart Eyes Howell

HL: Hard launch

HTBYFIS: How To Befriend Your Favourite Internet Stars

IDB: In Depth Bants

IGTOHGMMWGHTHBWPOTC: I got the octopus, he's gonna marry me, we're gonna have tentacle hooked babies with parrots on the crib

II: Interactive Introverts

IOM: Isle of Man

ISG: Internet Support Group

IT: InterTalent

IT2: It Takes Two

KTANE: Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes

LAP: LessAmazingPhil

LEL: Love Eyes Lester

M&C: Martyn and Cornelia

MINO: mullet in name only

NBSII: No But Seriously Imagine It

PCOU: Post Coming Out Universe

PGPIA: Post gay Phan in Australia

PHA: public horse announcement

PINOF: phil is not on fire

PMAVEDFAW: Phil makes a video every day for a week

PML: Philip Michael Lester

PPA: Phan Porn Addiction

PSL: Pumpkin Spice Latte

RPF: Real Person Fiction; rarely: Roleplay F...iction???

SAP: SuperAmazingProject

SGF: Saying Goodbye Forever

SSAYWD: some shit a youtuber would do (dystopia daily segment)

SWWTTY: Something we want to tell you

TABINOF: The Amazing Book is Not on Fire

TATINOF: The Amazing Tour is Not on Fire

TIIH: The Internet is Here

TIT: Terrible Influence Tour

TTLMT: Trying to Live My Truth

TTSTWMG: Trying to See Things Without My Glasses

UTA: United Talent Agency

VPDO: Viewers Pick Dan's Outfits

VPMO: Viewers Pick My Outfits

WAD: We’re All Doomed

WDAPTEO: What Dan and Phil text each other

WITL: Week in the life

WIQY: Why I Quit YouTube

WWWY: When We Were Young festival

YWGTTN: You Will Get Through This Night

Works Cited:

[grounded-parasocial]

For day 7-Free Prompt for young royals week 2025 @youngroyals-events

An Outside Point of View

…sometimes we are on the outside looking in 👀

Sometimes it’s a canon character, sometimes it’s an alternate universe, sometimes it’s news or an interview and sometimes it’s a companion piece to a bigger story- but in all of these stories- we are viewing Wilmon through someone else’s eyes.

Wilhelm & Simon: Interview With Swedens Young Royal Couple (T, 31K) @girls-are-weird

Other people’s secrets (M, 238K) @sflow-er

The College Break Up (T, 4K) @pagegirlintraining

Breaking News, Breaking Free (T, WIP 6K) @oneofthosebells

Husfar (T, 1K) @iwouldnevergetintofanfic

A Dutiful Welcome (T, 5K) @groenendaelfic

Password-Protected (G, 2K) @simonsapelsin

Take a deep breath and chase it with mine (T, 4K) @glassdollls

Happy 18th, Crown Prince Wilhelm (G, 4K) @gulliblelemon

Out of Earshot (G, 1K) by wrensandroses

Ace Of Hearts (G, 16K) by whiterabbit11

It’s been a long time since we last saw each other (G, 6K) @aledlastbestie

and i will make my home there (G, 1.5K) by witchjeons

Homecooked meals and sibling dynamics (G, 1.6K) @starvalisedham

International Relations (T, 1K) by QuarterMoonRising

Fucking Wille (T, 3K) @stretchoutfics and

Closure (T, 4K) @stretchoutfics

The Former Crown Prince Wilhelm (and His Cringe-Fail Husband) (GA 2K) @starvalisedham

A Hybrid- (wilmon & others)

SportLOVE (M, 23K) @piebingo

Reckless Abandon (E, 142K) @zee-has-commitment-issues

As Part of A Series

Nothing New (G, 1K) as part of the Is it Over Now?/ The Vault @iwouldnevergetintofanfic

We Don’t Talk About Bed Five (T, 3K) as part of Put Me Back Together By notalotgoingonatthisinstant

The Life of Simon and Wilhelm, the Most Famous Gay Couple in Sweden (G, 29K) as part of Red, White and Young Royal Blue @toffeelemon

Of Strategies and Harmonies (NR, WIP 11K) as part of Of Enemies and Symphonies/Hillerska Musikskolan @pagegirlintraining

(I want) Someone who energizes me (T, 6K) @prince-simon & by NerdGirl07 as part of i don’t feel like our love is brand new

Hot Royal Debut (G, 650) @prince-simon @toffeelemon as part of not if it’s you/ a bloom of jellyfish

Delicate (NR, 1K) as part of right where you left me (M) by YourDemiurge

Getting Away From His One That Got Away (T, 6K) as part of Yours to Keep by fitz_y

on wednesdays we wear pink (T, 6K) as part of …and they were third years! by pysanky

Rain and Shine (T, 8K) as part of Where We Left Off @gulliblelemon

*its a community, so feel free to add any stories I may have missed!

Thank you to all the amazing YR writers!! 💜

[lurkingshan]

hi!! i was wondering if you could recommend some good high school japanese (or from other countries) bls? all this time i avoided them cause i felt old and uncomfortable but yesterday i finally watched one and the pureness and warmth of these sweet kids experiencing their first love really warmed my heart and brought back memories of my own first crushes. thank u in advance and I hope u have a wonderful day!

Hi anon! I firmly believe we are never too old to be swept away by the nostalgia of a good high school show. There are specific emotional buttons that get engaged by a coming of age or first love story, and it's comforting to see both reflections of experiences that were similar to our own and fantasy versions of a high school experience we never got to have. I support you venturing into high school bl!

This is not a comprehensive overview of all bls with high school age characters, but a solid list of great shows that center that high school coming of age/first love experience in their stories, in a mix of moods and tones. I'll start with some favorites from Japan, and then include a few from other countries, as well. I hope you like some of these!

Japan

I Cannot Reach You

This is a classic friends to lovers first love story done exactly right. I don't know anyone who watched it only once, it's so satisfying.

If It's With You

A boy who is jaded before his time meets an earnest hottie when he moves to a new town and school. Feelings ensue.

My Love Mix Up

This one puts the com in romcom, with a confused bisexual chaos muffin setting off a comedy of errors as he tries to figure out who actually likes who among his classmates.

Takara-kun to Amagi-kun

A simple story of two boys trying to navigate their first relationship and figuring out how to go about dating and interacting at school.

Eternal Yesterday

On the tragic end, this is a story of first love that ends abruptly due to accidental death. The story is an exploration of the grief and stunted growth that results when someone so young suffers a loss so monumental. It's an absolutely beautiful show, but not a light watch.

Philippines

Marahuyo Project

This is a gorgeous show about a brash and loud and proud gay kid who gets sent to live on a small island after an incident at school, and decides to create an LGBTQ+ club at his new school. This one has a social education agenda, but it's also very funny and sweet.

South Korea

Light on Me

The story of a confident gay boy and his love triangle where you will actually like everyone involved! A rare gem in these drama streets.

Where Your Eyes Linger

And on the angstier side, this one is the story of two friends, one of whom has been raised to be a caretaker/bodyguard for the other, struggling with a realization of feelings between them. The power dynamic and social class divide between them feature heavily.

Taiwan

History 3: Make Our Days Count

Possibly a controversial pick, as this one has a tragic ending that is hard for a lot of people to stomach. But it's a great high school show that includes two first love stories, one between a beautiful himbo and the studious boy who catches his eye, and the other between his very sweet best friend and an older man he meets through his job.

About Youth

This first love story between two very nice boys struggling with school and family issues manages to be incredibly sweet while also dealing with some heavy topics, and features a couple amazing original songs that still get stuck in my head all the time.

The On1y One

This is such a pitch perfect high school story that I'm putting it on this list before it technically finishes airing. Two high school boys meet when their parents move in together and decide to get married, and begin to heal each other. This one nails the angst and yearning.

Thailand

My School President

Possibly one of the cutest high school romcoms of all time, and it features a student band so there are a ton of original songs. This is a story about a boy who runs for class president just so he can save his crush's music club. It's two nice boys who like each other and the shenanigans they get up to with their friends.

I Told Sunset About You

And for the completely opposite experience: the ultimate angsty coming of age queer awakening story. One of the most beautiful dramas I have ever seen, and so evocative and emotionally resonant that it is actually hard for some people to watch because it's too real.

[sapphicwitch]

This is massively AU — but you guys were keen for a pregnant!Agatha/Rio fic, so I thought I would give it a go. Don’t come at me for timelines or logistics, I’m just a gay girl.

To love that never dies

Set: Salem Agatha/Rio. Magical conception.

How death gave Agatha life before taking him away.

‘But take a breath

And dance with death

My love cannot be turned’

Agatha was sitting at the foot of an oak tree when she felt the first kick—her son.

At that moment, she knew she was with child, and she instinctively knew it would be a boy. A son. He would inherit her hair, her eyes and her nose, but he would always carry her darkness.

A baby conceived between life and death.

Agatha felt her chest tighten, knowing his fate was sealed the moment she granted Rio access to her body.

As she reflected on that moment, Agatha realised she should have recognised what was going to happen the instant she felt Rio's dark heart beating only for her while she writhed and moaned, melting into a pile of amber leaves.

It felt as though she had sunk deep into the earth. In many ways, she had been laid to rest in a ritual meant only for parted souls as Rio consumed her entirely. And yet, despite holding death's hand, Agatha Harkness had never felt more alive.

The young witch sensed that something magical would arise from the encounter.

Months earlier, as she lay on the forest floor, she had narrowly escaped death while allowing Rio to make love to her.

They were entwined in the moss, connecting with the enigmatic green witch, just as the roots and spores had done for centuries below.

Agatha felt a deep sense of rightness in her actions, yet she knew that her mother, Evanora Harkness, would consider their union evil and repulsive. This act would have only served to heighten her mother’s shame and give her yet another reason to curse the day Agatha was born. Not that Evanora needed much of an excuse to resent her daughter. Agatha could feel that resentment weighing on her shoulders like a curse. Even in death, Evanora’s disdain lived on.

Agatha felt a wave of sickness at the thought. Her beautiful memories of being one with Rio, intertwined like vines, were tarnished by the shame she felt for what she had done, despite her needs and feelings.

Her mother’s judgment and harsh words stung deeply. As she tried to push her mother’s voice from her mind, she recalled how beautiful Rio looked as she emerged from the trees, as if she truly belonged there. She did belong. With a hood of green framing her face and dark eyes piercing into her like daggers to Agatha’s heart, for the first time, Agatha felt something other than indifference. She felt alive.

As Agatha allowed the pleasant memory of holding death's hand in hers to resurface, Rio suddenly appeared before her, as if summoned. Gently, she placed her hand on the roundness beneath Agatha's clothing, causing Agatha to gasp at the touch.

Rio understood the risk of being so close to the woman who had set her free, especially considering what had happened the last time they had made contact. It could interfere with her responsibilities, but she didn't care. Even those bound by duty had desires that needed to be acted upon, despite disaster etched in destiny.

For now, it felt real. It was real. Rio smiled as she felt their son kicking in rhythm with Agatha's yearning heartbeat.

“The boy is ours.”

Agatha nodded at Rio’s directness, softening at her touch.

Nicholas was their son.

[anjee0]

My brother's best friend

Chapter 4 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

B Rabbit x Female!reader. (Feel free to put an oc insert if you wish as well)

Description - In which Y/n starts to become friends and possibly more with her brother's best friend, BRabbit.

Warnings - ANGST, misundertandings

@tiny-gay-satan

It was dark and cold out and Y/n and Jordan were having dinner together. She wasn't listening to anything Jordan was saying because she was too busy thinking about someone else. And that someone else was definitely Rabbit. The past few days had consisted of them constantly going out on dates and flirting with each other every second they had. It was clear they both had feelings for each other but neither of them had made a proper move yet. Y/n started smiling like an idiot as she remembered the last date they went on last night. They snuck into the theatres like young teenagers and then stuffed pizza in their faces afterwards at a pizzeria.

“Are you listening to what I'm saying?” Jordan asked, making Y/n immediately snap out of her daydreaming.

“Uh, you were saying something about…” She thought carefully of what to say as Jordan furrowed his eyebrows and squinted at her. “You were talking about work.”

“No I wasn't. Rabbit said he doesn't want to participate in the battle next week.” Jordan replied.

“He doesn't?”

“Not after he choked. Listen, I know there's something going on between you and Rabbit-”

Y/n groaned as she threw her head back. “There's nothing going on-”

“Yes there is. I'm not dumb. And just so you know, I have no problem with it.”

“You don't?”

“No, I guess I'm fine with it. Anyway, I know there's something going on between you and Rabbit and I was just wondering if you can talk him into doing the battle. Please?”

“Fine. But you have to cook dinner for the next week.”

“What?”

“Come on! I always cook dinner. It's the least you could do.”

“Fine. Deal.”

The next day, Y/n had work again at the diner. She sat down mindlessly at the bar as she played around with the straws in the metal container. It was pretty early in the morning so there weren’t many customers right now. She sighed mindlessly until the bell chimed at the door. 

When Y/n looked up, she saw 2 girls walking into the store. And one of them caught her eye. The girl had short blonde hair that curled up the ends and some smudged eyeliner on. She also wore some bold red lipstick that matched with the jacket that she was wearing. She looked absolutely stunning.

“Morning.” Y/n greeted them.

The blonde girl smiled at Y/n and sat down at the table with her friend.

“Let me know when you’re ready to order.” Y/n said.

“We will.” The blonde girl replied as she and her friend started browsing through the menu.

Around 30 seconds went by until the bell chimed the tune again. When Y/n looked up, she smiled as she was greeted with the sight of Rabbit. His beanie was falling down his forehead a bit which made him look so adorable.

“What are you doing here?” Y/n asked.

“I just came to see you. Anything wrong with that?”

“Nah. Thanks for stopping by.”

“Thought I’d see you before my shift started.” Rabbit said as he settled down on the barstool.

“Actually, it’s good you came. I wanted to talk to you.”

“What’s up?”

“Jordan told me you’re not participating in the battle next week.”

“Is he tryna get you to convince me?”

“Yes but-”

Rabbit immediately sighed and groaned and leaned his head forward.

“Rabbit, look at me.”

He tilted his head up and looked at Y/n.

“You’ve got talent, okay? And you shouldn’t let it go to waste. Please do the battle.”

He sighed heavily and shook his head. “Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll do it for you.”

Y/n smiled happily as she felt a joyful warmth growing in her heart at Rabbit’s words.

“Thanks Rabbit.”

She quickly adjusted his beanie and dusted the top off before pinching his cheek gently. “Sorry, it was just bothering me.”

“That’s fine. Listen, since our shifts end similar times, I was just wondering if you could stop by my workplace after you finish. I’ve got something I wanna show you.” Rabbit asked.

“Alright, I’ll come over. What do you wanna show me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Rabbit glanced over at the clock behind Y/n and realised he was running late. “Shoot, I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you later, okay? Just meet me at the alleyway next to the building.” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead before shooting her a playful smirk and leaving.

The heat in Y/n’s cheeks rose as a distinguished pink colour appeared on her face. She couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. Maybe Rabbit was going to ask her the question she was waiting ages for.

“Excuse me, we’re ready to order.” The blonde girl called out, snapping Y/n out of her dazy thoughts.

“Oh yeah, of course. Coming.” Y/n replied.

When Y/n approached the table, she was immediately interrupted by the blonde girl. “Hey, I’m Alex,” She said.

Y/n couldn’t help but find it a bit odd how Alex had greeted her. It was pretty uncommon for customers to introduce themselves when they took an order. “Hi. I’m Y/n. What would you like-”

“Listen, Y/n. I have something important I have to tell you.”

“What’s up?”

“Are you dating Rabbit?”

Y/n’s eyes widened slightly at the mention of his name. “You know him?”

“We dated.”

“You did?”

Y/n suddenly felt her heart sunk in a deep pool of insecurity. Rabbit dated such a pretty girl like her, why would he even take interest in me? She thought.

“And listen, I mean all well when I say this but, me and him started talking again.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah, I mean, I had no idea he was dating another girl.”

“We’re not dating yet. Just at the talking stage.”

“Yet? No offence, but I don’t think you’re gonna get to that stage with him. I think he’d prefer me.”

Y/n’s blood started to boil and shocks of fury started to surge through her veins. “Get out.” She said sternly.

“What?”

“I said get out. I don’t have time to deal with your bullshit. Leave.”

Alex faced her friend and chuckled with an annoying, smug expression before getting up and pushing past Y/n.

“Sorry for telling the truth. He prefers me anyway.” She said before her and her friend disappeared through the doors.

Y/n scoffed and shook her head as she placed her hands on her hips. An expression of unbelief was painted on her face. She refused to believe what some random girl who she had just met was saying about Rabbit. She partly believed the fact they dated but refused to believe the fact that they were talking.

Rabbit let out a sigh of relief when his boss said he was done for the way. As he left the building, he couldn’t help but just crack a silly smile. Today, he was going to ask Y/n to be his girlfriend and he just couldn’t wait. He knew he liked her, he knew she would say yes but he still felt an aching feeling of rejection hanging in the air.

Since his shift ended a few minutes earlier, Rabbit decided to run over to the flower shop across the road. He thought that maybe flowers could help out a bit. As soon as he entered the shop, the fragrance of the soft and subtly sweet flowers travelled to his nose. It smelt absolutely delightful and he knew that he would find what he wanted there. He settled on a single rose as a bouquet was way out of his budget. He silently hoped it would be enough.

Rabbit went back to the other side of the road and waited in the alleyway next to the building. He bit his nails and tapped his foot against the floor in quick beats as streams of thoughts moved in his head. What if she forgets? What if she says no? What if she laughs in his face for even asking in the first place?

He heard footsteps from around the corner and mentally prepared himself. He stood up straight and held the rose behind him as he put on a confident smile. As the footsteps got louder, Rabbit grew more anxious.

“Hey Rabbit.”

His smile immediately dropped when he recognised the voice. A jolt of anger struck through his spine. “What the hell are you doing here, Alex?”

She strutted towards him and left little space between them. He could feel her hot breath gliding across her face. “I just wanted to see you.” She said as he played with his beanie.

“Don't touch me.” He snapped as he took a step back.

“Don't be like that, baby. I miss you.” She stepped closer.

“And don't call me that either.” He continued to step back until he felt his back against the wall.

“Come on, I know you miss me.” She pouted and stood right up in front of him. “I know I do.”

“I don't, okay? How did you even know I was here?”

“I was at the diner with my friend.”

“You were?”

“Yeah and I heard your little talk with that girl. What was her name again? Y/n?” Her eyes darted down to his leg where she saw a bit of the rose poking out. She immediately took it from his grip and laughed with a cocky expression.

“Is this for me?” She asked sarcastically.

“No, give it back.” He tried to grab for it but she pulled her hand away so he would be out of reach.

“Come on Rabbit, admit it. You want me back.”

“You were the one who cheated on me!”

“I was drunk.”

“Still doesn’t give you an excuse to hook up with some random guy in a bar. We’ve been over for nearly a year now!”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ve changed. I promise.” 

“Get away from me.”

Without warning, Alex grabbed Rabbit’s shirt and crashed her lips against his into a bruising kiss. Nothing about it was gentle or caring, it was rough and forceful and full of deceit and neediness. Rabbit stiffened as he struggled to move out of her gasp. His hands curled into fists as he felt every inch of his body screaming for him to move away.

“Rabbit?” A voice called out.

Alex pulled away as her and Rabbit looked to see who the voice was. His eyes widened as his eyes laid on Y/n, standing at the end of the alleway in disbelief as she felt her heart drop. Her eyes were filled to the brim of betrayal and anger. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. Her chest tightened at the sight, finding every chance to breathe more and more difficult. 

“Y/n, it’s not what it looks like.” Rabbit said as he pushed past Alex in a hurry.

Alex smirked at Y/n from behind as she played with the rose in her hand. Her face was stupidly smug with a self-satisfied grin plastered across her face. She knew the effect she had on Y/n and it was thrilling for her to watch, like a game. 

“Wow, Rabbit, I really didn’t expect this from you.” Y/n murmured as tears slipped down her cheeks.. Her voice was fragile like glass, ready to shatter at any moment. 

“No, Y/n. Please, listen to me-”

“No, Rabbit. I don’t wanna listen and I don’t wanna see you again. Have fun with her.” Her voice was hollow and laced with pain. She felt that horrid lump, tightening in her throat. She tried to swallow it away, but it stayed there like a cork, trapping everything.

With her final words, she walked away as her steps echoed in the alleyway. Rabbit’s feet were attached to the ground, he couldn’t move a muscle. Beads of tears ran down his cheek as he saw Y/n turn the corner. He could feel his heart shattering into tiny pieces, like a delicate china cup. Alex pushed past him and shoved the rose into his chest, making him stumble back. She looked at him with an arrogant and self-centered grin as she walked away with egoistic confidence following behind her.

Y/n entered her house, her expression sour and her face dried with tears. Jordan was on the sofa, watching TV. As soon as he saw Y/n, his brotherly instincts turned on and he knew something was wrong.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked in a soft tone.

“I’m fine.” Y/n replied with no emotion.

“No you’re not. What’s wrong?” Jordan switched off the TV and stood up, concern growing even further within him.

“I told you, I’m fine Jordan.”

“No you’re not.” He slowly approached her and placed his hands on her shoulder gently. “Look at me. What’s wrong?”

The moment Y/n met her eyes with Jordan’s she shattered. She buried her face into his chest as she let out choked sobs full of despair and sorrow. She left bitter pools of tears on his shirt, as she cried uncontrollably. 

Jordan sat Y/n down on the sofa as he held her close. “Alright, tell me. What’s wrong?”

“Rabbit. He- he was with another girl.” Her voice hiccuped with each word, making her struggle to even form a sentence.

Jordan’s eyes hardened and his expression went stone cold. He looked dead into Y/n’s eyes and she couldn’t tell if he was mad, upset or maybe a bit of both. “He was with a girl?”

“Yeah. I don’t, I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey, I’ll talk to that idiot, okay?”

“No, no. Please don’t. I don’t wanna make anything worse.”

“Y/n, he was talking to another girl behind your back-”

“I don’t care. Please. Don’t.”

“Fine. But if he tries bothering you, I’ll bother him back, alright?”

Y/n stifled a broken chuckle as she wiped her tears away. “Okay.”

“Hey, don’t cry. You got me, okay?”

“Thank you Jordan.”

“Come on, go take a shower. We’ll talk afterwards.”

[aziraphales-library]

Hello, I’m looking for fics where Aziraphale has religious trauma specifically around sex. I wanna see him and Crowley working through it to have a healthy sexual relationship. Preferably on the shorter side like 20k ish or less but not super picky about that part. Thanks!

Hi. Here are some fics in which Aziraphale has religious trauma and explores sex with Crowley. Most of them are on the longer side, sorry...

Snake Lessons by chamyl (E)

“That’s the point, Crowley!” Aziraphale snapped. “I’ve never done this before. I couldn’t. They kept track of what we did with our corporations, and I’m sure Hell doesn’t care, but Heaven was very much clear that angels are not supposed to indulge in sex.” Crowley didn’t know how to respond to that. He tried to start several sentences at once, producing an array of incoherent sounds that made no sense at all. When he finally regained control over his tongue, he asked, “Not once? In six thousand years?”

in your own time by ineffabildaddy (E)

Aziraphale and Crowley grew up together as next-door neighbours on Hogback Lane, classmates at the local Catholic school, and inseparable best friends. By the age of eighteen, both were hopelessly in love with the other, despite the knowledge that they were doomed to live apart, as Crowley aimed to pursue university study in London and Aziraphale committed himself to remaining in Tadfield, dedicating his life to the Church. After almost twenty years spent away from his hometown, renowned botanist Crowley decides to come and visit Tadfield again at a moment's notice; the purpose of his visit is to speak at a Careers Day for the school he and Aziraphale, now a beloved priest and a frequent helper at the school, attended. The twenty-four hours that follow will change both of their lives for ever.

Night and Day by wyrmy (E)

Aziraphale Engel, black sheep of his strictly religious family, lives a quiet and monkish existence in the middle of London, trying to avoid the many temptations of the flesh and do his bit for the church that his father founded. But his quiet, untroubled, and unhappily narrow existence is about to come to an end, and he will be faced with the choice to give up even more of who he is or to survive in the real world.

Ink Stained Bleeding Hearts by WillowTea (E)

Ready for a fresh start, Anthony J. Crowley opens shop across the road from a lovely tattooist, Aziraphale Fell. After everything he's been through, Crowley is not ready to fall head over heels for Aziraphale, but he can't stop himself. The two navigate their new friendship and budding romance while addressing past hurts.

Out of Suffering Into Love by Slow_Burn_Sally (E)

Aziraphale is a sexually repressed man who grew up in a religious household. Crowley is an artist with a sordid past. Both of them are afraid to love and be loved.

Hired Heart by GayDemonicDisaster (E)

As a result of his sheltered upbringing, Aziraphale made it to 50 without exploring his sexuality or coming out. After 50, all that changed - he's gay, he's out, and wants to find love. He also wants to have sex. He's a tad nervous about that. His friend Agnes suggests he consult a professional and get some no-strings practice and advice, and build some confidence. And her friend Tracy runs an agency… Crowley has quite the breadth of sexual experience: he’s a high class escort. He’s been in his line of work for a long time, though in this industry, that’s not exactly an advantage. He likes his work, but the more he’s reminded that he’s not as young as he once was, the more he contemplates his exit strategy. When his bookings manager and friend Tracy gives him a new, nervous client, Crowley finds him unexpectedly captivating. In fact, Crowley can’t seem to get him out of his head. A Smitten Crowley is also a very silly Crowley, so prepare for giggles and fluff along with your love story and smut... This fic is sex worker positive, disability positive, & a variety of genders and sexual preferences are referred to in back story.

- Mod D

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching reading. Today's choice: 死亡万花筒 / Kaleidoscope of Death.

Kaleidoscope of Death is a 2018 Chinese webnovel about two young men who fall in love while basically playing a whole bunch of horror-themed escape rooms that can for-real kill you.

This novel was gripping. I could not put it down. It started out fun and ended up ripping out my heart several times. It does a good job getting the ball rolling with a series of adventures in weird worlds, then turns into a meditation about grief and loss and what it means to have something to lose in the first place.

This is the first time I've ever done a book rec! I'm doing it in conjunction with a rec post for the Spirealm, and originally I was just going to do this as a bonus section for that post. However, I felt they both deserve whole different posts, because they both have very different things to recommend them. I also think Kaleidoscope of Death a 100% necessary read if you've seen the show, because it provides some context that the show simply cannot include -- but it's not a necessary read before you see the show.

Therefore, I'm going to give you five reasons I think you should sit down with this one, and not a single one of these reasons is going to assume you've watched the Spirealm! The book is great and deserves to be read on its own merits, and then if you then start watching the drama afterwards, so much the better.

1. All the Cross-Dressing

(Yeah, I'm going to punctuate this one with screencaps from the Spirealm, because otherwise it's just a wall of text.)

I'm not going to tell you why the male characters frequently dress and pass as women, since the book explains the practicality of it better than I could. You just need to know that they often do, and it's never not kinda hot when it happens.

When you first meet Ruan Nanzhu, it is as Ruan Baijie, a stunningly beautiful and noticeably tall woman. Lin Qiushi, our POV character who is extremely confused for a number of reasons, spends the first whole arc talking and thinking about Baijie like she's a girl. In fact, one of the cutest things about sweet, earnest Qiushi is that he clocks Baijie several times, and every time he's just like, oh, she's so flat-chested, how unusual for a girl, anyway...

And this isn't even just dressing up! Stepping into the door worlds changes you physically based on your clothing and cosmetics. Nobody inside looks the same as they do outside, and nobody looks the same inside as they did last time they were inside. The rules that govern these transformations aren't even clear to the characters themselves! So, you know, have fun with that.

I'm going to say it's not an out-and-out trans thing, in that we're not dealing with an AMAB egg who will crack someday. Ruan Nanzhu is a very male-identified, penis-having man! He's just also pretty entertainingly comfortable with performing whatever gender makes him the most fuckable person in any given room. Lin Qiushi is not so inherently genderfluid, however, which means that when his gremlin sort-of-boyfriend makes him pretend to be a girl, it's a completely different kink.

Therefore: If you like it in any way when boys dress up like girls, you owe it to yourself to pick up this one. And if you like a fandom that likes it when boys dress up like girls, baby, welcome to the world inside the doors.

2. Those boys GAY

This is a textual romance. Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu are in love. This is a danmei novel about how they fall in love. There is kissing and there are fade-to-black scenes that explicitly acknowledge that the two of them have sex with one another. We even know that Ruan Nanzhu (usually) tops. This s not just me pointing at them and saying gaaaaaaaaaay. This is actual gay.

And it is gay that takes its fucking time. They do not actually hook up until well over halfway through the book, but they are physically affectionate from almost the get-go. Ruan Nanzhu is such a trickster and a liar that Lin Quishi finds it hard to believe that anything he does is sincere, which leads to nearly lesbian levels of wondering if it means anything when a guy demands you kiss him on the mouth when he's pretending to be your girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ruan Nanzhu is over here being the Kate Beaton comic about sitting here consumed with lust all evening.

Even once they both acknowledge what they're feeling for one another, they don't get together right away. After all, they're playing a game of life and death where they lose friends left and right. Every time someone goes inside the door, there's a real chance they won't come out again. Is giving your heart to someone worth how much it will destroy your entire life when you lose them?

(Yes, says the book. Yes, it is worth it.)

The slow burn of their relationship is delicious, in part because the physical (though not sexual) aspects of it predate the romantic ones. It also has the fun hot-and-cold aspect where Ruan Nanzhu is incredibly affectionate inside the doors, then icy outside of them. Poor completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed Lin Qiushi does not know what to make of any of this. He can barely manage parenting a cat. He does not know how to handle a boyfriend who is also a girlfriend who is also (spiritually) a cat.

I also find it charming how much the gay part of it both is and isn't an issue. It's not that Lin Qiushi has a problem being in love with a man; however, the fact that Ruan Nanzhu is a man does mean the heteronormally indoctrinated and relationship-inexperienced Lin Qiushi takes much longer to realize what exactly those feelings he's having are. The book's world is one where heterosexuality is the assumed default, while queerness is unexpected but everybody's still pretty cool with it. Besides, no one's going to judge Lin Qiushi's gay yearnings, because who doesn't want to fuck Ruan Nanzhu?

3. HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA HAKO ONNA

So as I was reading through @zintranslations' earlier chapters, I kept seeing translators' notes down at the bottom about being so excited to finally get to the Hako Onna arc. Okay, I thought, this is a lot of hype; I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Friends, it does not. This is the arc I was reading while screaming into a pillow. It's thirteen chapters long, tied for the longest arc in the book with the first door. It is a fucking nail-biter. It does the clever thing of taking all the things you've learned about what can happen inside the doors and combining them for a worst-case scenario.

The setup is pretty simple: There's a bunch of boxes. One has the exit. Most are empty. Some have things that help you. Some have things that hurt you. The more things you find that hurt you, the more things there are to hurt you. And you have to open the boxes.

All the door arcs are pretty well-written, so that you can more or less play along with their various adventures. Hako Onna, however, is exceptional. It's so complicated, but you can actually follow it. And you need to be able to follow it, because the multiple emotional gut-punches that happen in this arc all depend on understanding how the rules of the game have just been leveraged to fuck someone over.

Now I really want to play the board game -- which I was pleased to discover is a real board game! And speaking of board games...

sidebar: Betrayal at House on the Hill

I know this isn't technically related to the novel at all, but if you like board games, horror, and being incredibly dramatic, you owe it to yourself to try out Betrayal at House on the Hill.

It goes like this: You and several other horror-movie archetypes wander through a mansion, "building" it as you explore it, so the game layout is different every time. At some point (and it's based on so many random factors that you never know when it'll be) someone triggers a condition, and the haunting begins. All the players then get the rules of haunting explained to them -- except for one player, the one picked to do the titular betrayal, who gets a different set of instructions and becomes the antagonist. From that point on, the game is about either surviving or completing the haunting, depending on which side you're on.

I have played this game before with normal board game people, and they were like, eh, this is fine. I have also played this game before with theatre kids who RP and LARP, and we all had a fucking blast. So I'm going to warn you that you have to choose your crowd carefully. This is a game for people who do improv and voices.

4. The art of losing isn't hard to master

The book has a high body count -- higher than the show's, in fact, though that's related to how the book also has more characters than the show does. When you meet someone who can go into the doors, be careful how much money you'd lay on their survival.

Death after the doors comes so quickly, too. There's barely any time to say goodbye, if there's even any time at all. Often there's just a phone call telling our main characters that one of their friends or allies or enemies is gone.

Everyone who gets the chance to go through the door worlds is only able to do so because they're dying already. The more doors they pass, the more they get to kick that death further down the road -- but the more doors they enter, the more chances they take that they might die inside one. So really, none of the players can be that resentful of being forced to play a game that can kill them, since they're already playing it on borrowed time.

I will say, somewhat cryptically, that the book has a positive ending that leaves open the possibility for other positive things. The path to that positive ending, though, leads through some pretty wrenching takes on living through grief. It's not even all rah-rah and it-gets-better, either -- the text acknowledges many times over what it means to have someone that life isn't worth living without.

And that's maybe not what you expected from a BL horror adventure webnovel, but it's what you're gonna get! Ha ha!

5. What He Is

Which is the title of the first extra chapter, which is not extra at all, but is in fact a necessary explanatory piece that whacks you upside the head like a two-by-four and recontextualizes the entire story.

...Yeah, that's all you're going to get from me about that. You'll understand when you get there.

Have you put it on your reading list yet?

The way you have to read it is a little convoluted: @zintranslations has chapters 1-17 and 63-end + extras. Taida Translations has chapters 1-62. So no matter where you start reading, you're going to have to switch sites at least once.

There are also apparently Portuguese, Indonesian, Russian, and Spanish translations too? And the original Chinese webnovel, of course. And some audio dramas and subs linked to from this Carrd, which helpfully has other information, like content warnings for specific chapters, in case the horror aspect of the story gives you pause.

Anyway, once you're done reading it -- or even before you're done! -- you should absolutely go watch the Spirealm. I think it's clear from both rec posts that I definitely like the book better, but I appreciate having the drama to bring so many scenes to life, and I think the casting is great. Also, I don't think reading the book makes you like the drama less! Rather, I think reading the book gives you insight into the awkward and sometimes terrible choices the drama had to make to survive -- which in turn gives you the ability to see through those choices, on to what the show always wanted in its heart to be.

I do find it funny how "Kaleidoscope of Death" and "Death's Kaleidoscope" technically mean the same thing, but they sure read different, don't they?

[cassiebones]

I was talking to somebody about how Agatha came about having Nicholas. His last name is Scratch, so maybe he did have a father who was initially involved in his life, but I'm pretty sure Agatha and Rio were in an established relationship by the time he came into their lives. Maybe they had a deal with a gay male couple and used a "donation" in exchange of the name being passed down. Maybe Agatha straight up stole a baby idk.

But I like the thought of Rio coming home one day, carrying an infant in her arms, a flabbergasted look on her face. Agatha asks (only somewhat jokingly) if she brought home dinner. She peers down at this fresh-out-the-oven infant in her wife's arms. The kid is kinda cute.

Rio tells her that there was a teenage girl, a witch, who'd gotten pregnant. She told nobody about it, ashamed of herself, and then went out in the middle of the woods to give birth, where nobody could see her, hoping to put it all behind her, including the baby.

Agatha's heart aches at that, looking down at the abandoned newborn. She asks if she belonged to a coven, but Rio shrugs and says, "not anymore. She's dead. Died from hard labor. The fact that this little one survived is a miracle." She looks down at the baby and he lets out a little noise, content in her arms.

"Did you reap her?" Agatha asks, still looking at this child. His eyes are half-lidded, but she can see some murky blue. He's a handsome little guy.

Rio nods. "She was pretty talkative, too," she says. "Begging forgiveness for her sins, for me to take her son, for me to bring him somewhere safe."

"And you brought him here?" Agatha snorts, as if it's ridiculous.

"I couldn't imagine a safer place," Rio responds, honestly. "I mean, I could just have left him out there to die in the woods, but I hate ferrying young souls; they have no good stories to tell."

Agatha snorts at that. "Well how are we going to keep him alive?" She asks, taking him gently from Rio's arms and cradling him against her chest. "What do babies even eat?"

"Milk," Rio says, eyeing Agatha's chest.

"These are empty," Agatha says, turning away. "And they shall stay that way. Go get him some goat's milk or something. And STOP looking at me like that."

Rio's gaze is hungry, her tongue slipping out to wet her lips.

"Cariña," Agatha says, using the pet name sure to get Rio's attention. It is, after all, one of, like, twenty spanish words she's been taught. The others are not appropriate in this situation. "Go get the baby something to eat, lest you WILL be ferrying him into the next life before long."

Rio rolls her eyes and disappears with a snap. She comes back a few moments later with a bottle full of milk. Agatha is impressed.

"That was quick."

"Our neighbors have a newborn who won't breastfeed. We should have a steady supply for a while."

"Mamí is a thief, isn't she, Nicky?"

Rio's face flushes. "Mamí?" She asks. "Nicky?"

Agatha flushes next. "Oh, right. Sorry. I should have asked. We never spoke of..." She looks down at the baby, who is suckling greedily at the bottle of milk. "We never discussed children, but I...well, as long as we have him." She shrugs, flushing more as Rio studies her. Then a smile spreads over Rio's face.

"Okay," she says, "I'm Mamí. Are you...Mama?"

Agatha shrugs. "We'll see how I do. I didn't exactly have the best role model when it came to mothering."

"You will be ten times the mother Evanora ever was," Rio huffs, spitting on her mother-in-law's name.

"Ten times zero is still zero," Agatha retorts.

"Math?!?" Rio gasps, exaggeratedly, "Methinks you a witch, madam!"

Agatha cackles as she brings their son to the couch, sitting carefully so as not to jostle his meal and cause him to choke.

"My wife is even witchier than I," she says, smiling up at Rio as she follows. Rio sits next to her and puts her arm around Agatha's shoulders and looks down at the baby in her arms.

"Why Nicky?" Rio asks after a long moment of just staring at this little being.

"After my father, Nicholas," Agatha explains. "If he even existed at all."

Rio furrows her brow at that and Agatha shrugs. "Mother said he died before I was born. She said it was because he was weak. I think he just couldn't stand living with her, anymore. She refused to give me his last name, too, so I became another Harkness. How fortunate for me."

"Very," Rio snorts. "You never spoke of your father."

"You never asked, Agatha points out, then sighs. "As far as I know, he never even existed. Mother didn't speak of him until I was nearly grown. Always about how my father would be so ashamed of me, how he would have killed me eons ago, about how I was weak, just like him." She gave Rio a sad smile. "At that point, I knew I couldn't trust her word, so I imagined my father as a sweet, romantic man. One who courted my mother with flowers and handmade jewelry. He was strong, physically, bringing her wood for the fire and good cuts of meat to keep her nourished. Why he loved my crone of a mother, I'll never understand, but I hope that he loved me. Even though we never met."

"I could find out for you," Rio offered. "Shouldn't take long."

Agatha smiled lovingly at her and leaned in to kiss her lips, sweetly, before pulling back.

"Some things," she says, "are just better left to the imagination. You know?"

Rio nods. "Okay," she says, quietly, clearing her throat. "So how about his last name then? Harkness or Vidal? Both? Vidarkness?" She waggles her eyebrows. "Sounds very...witchy."

Agatha laughs, a deep gutteral sound, but not meanly. She reaches for Rio's hand and brings it to her lips, kissing her fingers.

"Scratch," she says, "like my father. Nicholas Scratch."

"Good, strong name," Rio agrees, leaning forward to press her forehead against Agatha's. "Nicholas Scratch. Nicky." She turns her gaze to their son, who has let go of the bottle and is dozing in Agatha's arms now. "Welcome." She runs a finger down his downy cheek.