#Other bad things also happened on later birthdays but I won't get into those

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?

(🥒👌 to find later)

Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.

So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.

I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.

Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.

Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.

I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.

Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.

To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.

Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.

So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.

[lovewisegirl06]

ANDREIL HEADCANONS FOR THE SOUL:

- Neil doesn't like sweets (Canon fact) but he was willing to take baking classes in order to gift Andrew some chocolate cookies for his birthday (Among other things he learned how to prepare) If the foxes notice him walking funny the next day, Andrew's death stare kept them at bay.

- Andrew knows Neil's schedule and makes sure to remind him to take something with him to eat between breaks. Sometimes he makes small sandwiches and Neil dies inside every time he finds one in his bag.

-Neil leaves post it notes in the fridge when he goes out for a run and Andrew keeps them inside a small box (He also keeps there the receipts from every book Neil has gifted him and of the places they have gone to different dates.)

- When Neil has a nightmare and can't go back to sleep, Andrew tells him about the new book or series he's been paying attention to lately. As they get better with touching and casual PDA, Andrew lets Neil rest his head on his chest and curls his fingers through those red curls until Neil falls asleep again. (Somewhere down the line, this starts happening even when the nightmares are gone.)

- Once, Andrew took a class where he learned how to profile criminals. Neil helped him with all his assignments because damn is he good at figuring people out.

- Sometimes, when Andrew wants to mess with Neil before a game, he leans in and whispers in Russian "The amount of times you score tonight, it's the amount of times I'll let you score when we're alone" at first Neil doesn't get it, but later when they are...celebrating...well, while he's catching his breath and his tights are trembling and he's panting like he ran a marathon and Andrew asks him if he can give him a fourth one...How can he say no? (Kevin and later on Robin learned to make themselves scarce when Neil is determine to at least score five times during a game)

- When Andrew graduates and they are doing long distance, they make sure to call each other every night to talk or simply hear each other breathe. It's the only times Neil keeps his phone fully charged.

- Andrew once tells Neil how there was a cat on one of his foster homes and how much he liked the cat, especially since once that furball scratched and fought when his foster father entered his bedroom one night. Neil mentions how they should get one when they are living together after graduation and can't understand why Andrew kisses him with so much desperation (It's the fact he said When instead of If. But Andrew won't tell him that)

- During Halloween of Neil's second year, Allison wanted to win a bet and convinced Neil to dress up as a bunny (I'm talking about shorts with high tights and bunny ears, with drawn moustaches and everything) Andrew kept quiet the entire time at Eden's and Neil through something bad had happened. Later that night, when he was riding Andrew in their room at Columbia and he heard the "That's it, keep doing that bunny" he understood it was anything but bad. (And if the pet name stuck, it's between them and them only) (Oh my God, maybe I'll write a one shot about this? Should I?)

- Sometimes Neil lets out words in the different languages he knows because he can't remember the English word (Things we bilinguals know can happen) Andrew refuses to tell him the correct word and it's one of the few times something akin to a smile appears on his face.

-Andrew allows Neil to fight his own battles, especially regarding Jack. But after Neil punched the guy, Andrew made sure to carefully explained him what would happen if he ever made another comment towards Neil's appearance.

- Neil leaves scratches down Andrew's back when they're having sex. The first time it happened and he was about to apologize, Andrew pounded into him so hard he saw stars. Andrew won't say it, but he finds the tiny marks something interesting to look at after they're done (Plus, Neil only does it when he's about to come, so it's a great tell tale if he wants to edge him for a while. Scientific purposes)

[lucy90712]

Could you write a story about surprising pedri at one of his games? I really love your writing!!

A/n: my requests are open so feel free to send me more requests. 

wc: 1700

Lying has never been something I've been good at I always give away when I'm lying especially to those who know me well. Pedri always knows when I'm lying as he says I have a tell but he won't tell me what it is so that makes keeping surprises from him extremely difficult. Every time I have tired to do something as a surprise for his birthday or any other day he always finds out before hand but somehow this time I've managed to keep a secret from him. I have been planning to surprise him for a few weeks now as today he has a big match against atletico and has been asking me to come but I have said that I can't make it as I have to be at work to do some important things but really I'm going to surprise him. 

I'd like to think that I've just gotten better at keeping secrets like this but really it's because it didn't start out as a lie. To begin with my boss needed me in to get some really important work done but about a week later I had managed to get enough of it done that I didn't need to go in. My plan was to tell Pedri straight away but on my way home I decided not to as I thought it would be fun to surprise him as long as I could keep the secret. I think the fact that the story was true has helped me keep the secret as Pedri hasn't even questioned me he has just been slightly disappointed that I couldn't make it. It has been awful keeping this secret from him as I'm really not used to it but I kept telling myself it's not a big deal and he will forget about it when he sees me at the match. 

With the match being today I had to keep up the whole story going which meant getting up early and getting ready as if I was going to work which felt so strange to do but I did it anyway as at this point I'm in too deep to change my mind. I said goodbye to Pedri like I would on any normal weekday and got in my car not really sure where to go as I had a few hours to kill before Pedri would leave and I could go back home. I ended up driving to a cafe and sitting there to do some more work as I had nothing better to do. It was really hard to concentrate on any work as I was getting super excited and nervous about surprising Pedri, I'm excited as I know that he will be really happy to see me there but I'm also nervous as it's a big game and I don't know how the team will do. 

After a few hours when Pedri should have left I packed my stuff up and drove back home but I was careful to take backroads and check that his car wasn't parked outside before I parked my car and went inside. He had definitely left as the door was locked so I had to unlock it before I could do everything I had to before leaving for the match. I didn't have long as traffic gets really bad around match time so to make sure I don't miss anything I need to leave quite early. To get ready I changed out of my work clothes and into some jeans along with one of Pedri's Barcelona shirts as I always wear one of his shirts to a game. I also looked through all of my jewellery as for some reason I always wear this once bracelet to Pedri's matches as I happened to wear it when they beat Real Madrid 4-0 and have worn it every match since. 

When I was ready I grabbed all my stuff and got back in my car but this time I knew where I was going. Before actually setting off I text Pedri to wish him luck as if I can't go to a game I always text him so I made sure to keep up the act that I wasn't going. He doesn't always reply to my texts as he can be busy but this time he replied saying that he missed me and then sent a few hearts so of course I had to send some back. Although it was only a text I could tell that he really wished I was there but what he didn't know was that as long as traffic wasn't too bad I'd be there in about half an hour. Knowing that I was so close to getting to watch him play and surprise him made me so excited that if I could have driven quicker I would have but speed limits and traffic stopped me which was probably for the best. 

Once I arrived I ran in quickly to get to my seat in plenty of time and also to avoid being noticed by anyone because I know if anyone takes a picture of me here Pedri will see it and the surprise will be ruined. Getting here quite early means having to wait painstakingly for the match to start but it also means getting to talk to some of the other players partners and families which is always nice as they know exactly how I feel and often have more experience with this world than I do. When I got to where all the family sit a few other people were there like Lewandowski's wife so I spoke to her for a bit before going to sit down ready for the match to start. 

All the players came out onto the pitch and the match got underway which is when I really started to get nervous. I always find it hard to watch big matches like this one because I really want them to do well but of course that doesn't always happen. Despite my nerves my eyes were glued to Pedri and followed him all around the pitch so I could see how he was doing. He was doing really well out there but he kept getting fouled which was really annoying but I know it's just because they see him as a threat and will do anything to stop him. Despite all of that he was still doing really well and creating chances which didn't always come to much but he was trying and that's what counts. 

Barca were doing really well and had already scored a few goals and Pedri had got close a few times but was yet to actually score. That was until he was running to get in the box and the ball was passed to him and he must have seen an opportunity as he made a shot and it went straight past the goalkeeper into the goal. I was so excited that I couldn't help but jump up from my seat to watch him celebrate with the team. He was running toward where I was sitting but I wasn't sure if he saw me until our eyes locked and he made a heart with his hands so of course I did it back which made the both of us smile even bigger than we were before. After that I noticed a difference in the way he played he just seemed so much more confident and he was really trying to do anything he could to make a difference to the game. It was so heartwarming that he was playing better knowing I was watching and was trying harder to make me proud even though I will always be proud of him. 

They went on to win the game which meant Pedri would be extra happy so I was even more excited to see him. Just to be safe I waited for most other people to leave the stadium before I headed down to meet Pedri outside the locker room. As I waited so long to head down it wasn't very long before Pedri came out along with a few of his teammates but as soon as he saw me stood there he left them and ran over. He picked me up straight away and spun me round as he held me tightly to his chest. Eventually he put me down and kissed me all without taking his hands off my waist or losing eye contact. He had such a big smile on his face that I couldn't help but smile even more just looking at him.

"I thought you were supposed to be at work how are you here?" He asked 

"I may have lied slightly to begin with I was going to have to work but I got enough done during my actual hours and since I already told you I wasn't going to be able to make it I thought I'd keep it up and surprise you" I explained 

"Wow I'm impressed I thought you would have told me or given it away" he said 

"I nearly told you a few times but I kept it a secret" I said 

"I didn't even notice you lying you are getting better and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing" he laughed 

"Well I hated lying to you so I think we'll be fine" I said 

He laughed as he finally let go of my waist so that we could leave and go back home although we both had our cars so we had to split when we got outside so we could both get in our cars. Pedri got back first as I got stuck trying to get out the car park but when I finally got back he was back at my side within a second and making me go to bed with him to cuddle and of course I wasn't going to say no to that. Cuddling with Pedri is the best way to end a long and tiring day so that's exactly what we did.  

[ciciciron]

Random Gen 4 Character Hcs cuz I'm Too Sick to Write Anything Good

Ya boy's got strep, gonna do every Gym Leader and the E4, some characters will have more cuz I'm autism but I'll write something for everyone

Roark;

He's the second youngest Gym Leader, like, 18 - 22 at most

That doesn't mean he's inexperienced, no, it's honestly based upon the timeline of whatever I'm writing but I think he's been a Gym Leader for a good few years

I get the vibe that he's just like really nice, like just a good, reliable dude who needs a break and is fortunately likable enough to escape his father's shadow

Gardenia;

She's afraid of like everything, beyond just ghosts, my girl is a coward

She's pretty close with every other Gym Leader because of this, got em all on speed dial to come get the Spinarak out of her house and all that

Such a cringe fail lesbian

Honestly I see her as such a Kobeni (csm) type character, she knows what you are

Maylene;

Girl is 9 get her out of here

My reasoning for that age is because in pokespe it's mentioned that she's younger than Platinum, who is like 12

She's not weak but like someone help this poor girl she don't know what's going on

Crasher Wake;

Bros like, really good with kids, great at entertaining them, they just think he's cool af

He's not very helpful but he definitely tries, like if you cried he would recommend petting Quagsire, which would probably help tbh

He just gives the vibe like he's the type of guy you'd call uncle your whole life only to learn later on he's just a friend of your dads and not at all related to you

Fantina;

She isn't actually French- I know, who would willingly act French? She would, her real name is Heather because I came up with all of this when I was going through my musical theatre phase

She's Jupiter's older sister, naturally they don't talk much anymore

She isn't very lucky when it comes to love, swears after the end of every bad relationship that she's going to give up and become a nun, she is not religious nor does she ever stick to her word

Byron;

Sometimes he just forgets he's a dad, not like- forgets who Roark is, just that if he got called to come bail him out of jail he'd be confused why he was the one getting the call

Himbo energy, not a thought behind those eyes

Wildly irresponsible but on accident

Candice;

Girl's an influencer, she's the only one of them who knows how to properly work Tiktok, she will send you Tiktoks that remind her of you and you WILL receive those links through Instagram DMs because she forgot to save your phone number or just doesn't have it

Adding onto that- she will post fit checks regardless of what is happening in the background, she doesn't care that that man is drowning, this ain't about him

She is really good at remembering things about her coworkers though, she's in charge of every birthday party, if you forget your birthday don't worry she remembered and she is in your house don't ask how she got in

Volkner;

I don't care if he's canonically just some skinny twink he's big to ME. Like- 6'4", at least 200 pounds, guy is just huge and bulky and built like a brick wall, tons of practical strength because,,,

This is more about his Luxray but his name is Oscar and he's massive, think an Alpha Luxray in Legends Arceus, that cat is huge, Volkner is only even slightly strong just to be able to lift him off of his bed at night when he's trying to sleep

Wildly irresponsible but on purpose, he thinks it's funny to endanger himself, no he won't seek help he doesn't believe in therapy because he wasn't properly helped when he was younger

He does care about Sunyshore though, spent a week fixing that black out that stopped you from visiting the city at first in DPPT, he claims it's Team Galactic's fault but like no one believes him

Sorry to give Volkner 5 I mean what to expect from the guy who named himself Volkner but he's related to like every Electric Type Gym Leader and also whoever I see fit. It's a very large family. He makes frequent trips to Unova to visit his only respected similarly aged cousin Elesa so they can trash talk their not respected similarly aged cousin Colress (Long story). Also yes I do believe Palmer is his dad and Barry is his younger brother and I'm deciding today that they all have a good relationship. (Also I want to elaborate on this all so much like smh I didn't even bring up the Shinx based ceremony but that's gonna have to be a different post)

I don't have biases what are you talking about anyways E4 time.

Aaron;

He may or may not be distantly related to this fellow green hair and prong having man named Ghetsis but that's more lore to unpack on my end and I don't want to explain my real life friendships that make Ghetsis relevant here.

He can't be in the same room with Gardenia for too long because she gets freaked out just knowing Vespiquen is there, they have to be cycled out intermittently at every League meeting

He's been in the E4 the 3rd longest despite the fact he's only slightly older than Flint and Lucian, everyone who doubts Bug Types is amazed

Bertha;

She's been here before Cynthia was Champion and was actually the Champion before the guy who came before Cynthia, there's no getting rid of her

The hair makes it obvious but she's related to Agatha of the Kanto Elite Four, sometimes they meet for tea and to trash talk every challenger they've faced as well as their coworkers

She's excellent at comforting people without even realizing what she said half the time, you'll thank her for the advice and she'll accept that without knowing what she told you to do, she was completely out of it

Flint;

He was the Oreburgh Gym Leader before Roark, however many years before depends on the timeline, but he was second choice to join after Volkner declined for reasons I don't actually have outside of my main au

He acts exactly like one of those straight boys pretending to be gay to make fun of gay people expect it isn't acting and everyone can tell aside from him (i.e. jokingly being incredibly affectionate with Volkner)

He's probably the most reliable friend one could have and is like always ready to throw hands, he has too much energy and just wants to punch someone in the face, please ask him to punch someone in the face he will happily do it he's begging you

Lucian;

Guys a fucking ass, like, he's just very rude. That's not because I hate him he just seems kind of stuck up. (I'm mad that he tells me about how much he reads whenever I talk to him in Pokemas because I can't read large paragraphs without my vision blurring and it feels like he's bragging, and also a specific decision I made for my general lore)

He's genuinely psychic, like, telekinesis style, it comes in handy at sorting books and throwing things at people because that guy ain't got an arm on him to save his life

I think that psychic power could be totally nullified by putting a hat on him. Battle tactic.

Cynthia;

Her father was Champion before her, she's a nepobaby, she would get upset if you called her that though because she worked real hard for her position and is tired of people devaluing her

Her slug is named Sharon and she hates men, specifically blonde ones. If you are near that Gastrodon as a blonde man you are about to be hydropumped. You can't out run Sharon don't even think about it just accept your fate.

Meanwhile her Garchomp is named Joan and she's just a large scaley puppy.

She definitely needs glasses but she's very stubborn

She also can't drive. Don't let her do it. She is going to hit another mythical Pokemon.

Cynthia is also incredibly shocked whenever she learns someone doesn't care about history as much as her. She's just like- in awe, she forgot people could have other interests and it's throwing her for a loop, she'll just kind of stand there with her mouth agape until you speak again and even then she'll never look at you the same again

Okay that's...everyone for today, I would do Team Galactic but at that point I'd feel like I have to write something for every single character in the game and I'm neglecting my homework too hard for that.

[azulatodoryuga]

All Right

Character: Brock Rumlow X Reader X Steve Rogers

Warning: Smut.

Note: This is present for @nekoannie-chan for birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It will also be published on my Wattpad. The english version will be exclusive for Tumblr.

—Something is wrong — Brock assures when his call comes back into the mailbox.

—If something bad had happened to him, we would know by now — Jack says, trying to calm his friend as he follows him — Now where are you going?

—Rumlow — Steve called him, and both men turned to him, who was addressing them — I need to talk to you.

—I have more important things...

—It's about Y/N — Steve said Brock stops talking when he hears your name — I can't reach her; do you know anything about her?

Brock denies.

—Not much has happened since we lost contact with Y/N — Jack points out — So I doubt anything will be done for the time being.

—We'll look for her first, and if we don't find her, we'll alert S.H.I.E.L.D.

Jack would take over some of Brock's duties, so Brock and Steve could look for you without any problems.

They go to your office to look for any files or documents that might indicate your whereabouts, but find nothing. They decide to go to your apartment. When they enter the garage of the building, they realize that your car is not there.

They go to your apartment, and Brock opens it with the key that you had given him—something that catches Steve's attention because he also has one, but later he would ask for it.

They look all over the place, and again, nothing

—I've had enough — says Brock, tired of the situation, taking out his cell phone.

—Who do you plan to call?

—I know someone who can help; he owes me some favors, so he won't refuse.

—Finger crossed.

Just as Brock said, his contact didn't refuse to help; they waited a few minutes until his contact called him back, and Brock put the call on speaker.

—It must be wrong; check again — Steve asked incredulously when he heard the address.

—I'm not kidding; we're right in that building!

—I'm serious; it's right there; in fact, as far as I can see, I arrived less than ten minutes ago.

After those words, the front door is heard to open, and both men become alert.

—Hello? — Your voice rings through the apartment. Not having a lock on the door, you knew that Steve or Brock was in your apartment, but you couldn't guess who exactly. The two men almost bolted for the front door.

—Y/N? — Steve asks quietly as he sees you standing at the entrance of the apartment. You're okay — he says, relieved, without stopping his walk.

Before you can ask anything, Steve pounces on you, hugging you protectively. A few seconds later, you feel other arms around your back, and you realize instantly that it's Brock, who hugs you protectively but also a bit possessively.

—Ah, mmm, thanks for the nice welcome, but... what are you two doing here?

—More to the point, where were you? — Brock claims, turning away from you a bit. You were about to answer, but Steve beat you to it, joining in the complaint.

—You didn't mention you were dating — Steve says, imitating Brock's action.

—Let's take it one step at a time — You try to move away so as not to lose your calm due to the nerves of having the two of them so close, without any success.

Neither of them seemed to want to let you go, and clearly, their strength was by far superior to yours. You sighed in surrender before you began to recount what had happened.

—I had to make a trip to another city; the problems started when I got back; my car broke down, and my cell phone had no battery. I was stranded for hours until someone finally helped me. But there was no signal to call a tow truck.

—What do you mean there was no signal? — Steve interrupted in confusion.

—There's no signal everywhere, Steve — you clarified. You knew perfectly well that this erroneous idea had gone through his head.

—What else happened?" Brock asks, curious.

—Well, we had to go to the city to get a signal and call the tow truck, then we came back, waited for the tow truck to arrive, got my car fixed at the shop, came home and found you, and now, can you explain to me: How did you both end up in my apartment?

—I couldn't reach you, and neither could Rumlow; we got worried and decided to look for you together.

You were speechless. You turned to Brock, who nodded, giving you the understanding that what Steve said was true. It was hard for you to believe that the two of them decided to look for you together instead of doing it on their own, even though they didn't get along at all.

—I'm sorry if...

—Don't apologize — Brock said, tightening his grip — The important thing is that nothing happened to you — he continued, and you smiled at him with a warm smile.

—Just out of curiosity — Steve started talking, so you and Brock turned to look at him — Since when does Rumlow have a key to your apartment? — You couldn't help but tense up at that question.

—Why should that matter to you, Rogers?" Brock asked mockingly.

—I asked her, Rumlow. Y/N," he said, turning back to you and waiting for an answer.

—Don't push her.

—I'm not pushing her.

“Here we go again" you thought, and sure enough, they started arguing, with you in the middle... again.

But this time you decided to leave them to continue their pointless discussion and escape. It was easier than you thought. You slipped away to your room. You needed to take a shower; it had been a long day.

You went to the bathroom, but before entering, you saw out of the corner of your eye the two men who kept arguing. You entered the bathroom and got rid of your clothes to enter the shower, relaxing at the sensation of the water running over your body.

You couldn't help but remember the arms of both men on your body, giving you an indescribable feeling of security and tranquility that only they made you feel.

From the beginning, you were in love with both men. Both are attentive and protective of you, but they are very different in many, many ways, and yet you felt the same way about both of them. The idea of dating both men was always in the back of your mind, but you doubted they would agree to have that kind of relationship.

You turned off the shower and rolled up your towel. You left the bathroom to go to your room. On the way, you noticed the silence of the place; Steve and Brock had already stopped arguing, but at what point...

You'd better worry about that now that you're dressed.

You went into your room and got a big surprise when you saw Brock sitting on your bed.

—What are you doing here? — you asked, confused.

—I was waiting for you to get out of the bath — he answers naturally.

—Is something wrong?

—Did you also give a key to your apartment to Rogers? — he questioned you; you weren't surprised by his question per se, but he looked annoyed. Although you hesitated, you nodded, answering his question.

—Why? — he asked, irritated.

—Because he is my friend — you say with difficulty.

—“Friend” — he repeats. You nod again, and he gets up from the bed — Good — he says, and he starts walking towards you, a little intimidating. Your nerves increase as he stands in front of you.

—Brock...?

And before you can ask any questions, he puts his arms around you to pull you closer to him so he can join his lips, or rather, devour your lips.

Your heart begins to pound, and you can't figure out if it's because of nerves or the excitement that begins to take hold of you. But only two options cross your mind: to stop him and ask him for time to clarify your feelings about him and Steve, or to let things take their course. Obviously, you choose the second option.

You place your hands on his chest and try to follow his kiss. Brock's hands run down your back over the towel that starts to fall.

You were about to take it off, but you felt a pair of hands do it for you, realizing something: Brock still had his hands on your back.

You abruptly pull away from Brock, breaking the kiss, turning back, and finding Steve with the towel that he drops to the floor the moment they connect gazes, leaving you completely exposed to them.

—Steve...

Before you can even say anything, Steve begins to devour your lips like a beast. His left hand rests on your right breast, massaging it to his liking, and with the other, he holds your left side, almost touching your other breast.

While Brock attacks your neck, filling it with kisses and a bite or two. His right arm has you wrapped around him, and with his left hand, he eagerly caresses your intimacy, concentrating on your clitoris, making you squirm from the intense pleasure.

You begin to feel a knot in your stomach. Brock realizes your soon-to-be orgasm and accelerates the movement of his fingers on your pleasure point so that pinching makes you reach your orgasm. You let out a loud moan that was stifled in Steve's mouth.

You pull away from him to catch your breath. But your slight rest was interrupted when Brock grabbed your neck roughly, making you let out a small moan.

—Let's go to bed — Brock whispers in your ear, making you feel a shiver down your back.

—You'll be more comfortable — Steve assures you.

Maybe not everything on this day will be so bad.

[selfshipgushing]

I have been enabled I am now going to overshare about an f/o

He's actually a friend's OC who (my oc/self insert for a game au someone made in a discord server) is dating. I didn't expect it tbh, but I ended up being so down bad for him. Even at first sight I became super interested in that guy that I eventually decided to make my character in that rp pursue him instead.

(I'm gonna use f/o to refer to friend's OC and s/i to refer to mine)

When f/o was first new in that place, he encountered s/i's best friend and it turned out they both knew each other already and he has been looking for her (s/i's best friend) for a year after she ran away

Anyways s/i reached out to the bestie and said "woah I didn't know you knew that guy" then she winged them by making f/o approach them lmao.

Some time after, either days or weeks, s/i visits f/o's office after work when he texts them when he usually ends work for the day. They go to his room for the first time, and when it gets late and they end up sharing a bed after he passes out on their shoulder because he hasn't slept properly in ages (horrible nightmares) and so they carry him to bed and all then sleep in one of the chairs. But little did they know they'll be spending almost every evening and night there soon, also because it just gets lonely. (For more context everyone here's currently stuck in a cult in the mountains and the cult followers get one room per person or smth, also it's hard to know who's loyal and who wants to get out there so far and s/i's best friend is cult married to one of the cult 'higher ups' but is also in love with said cult higher up she married. She wants to get out and live life again tho. S/I also trusted the bestie after being given and moving to her room and finding a note she hid somewhere that said she isn't loyal to the cult and wants to get out. She's married at that point tho and now shares a room with her husband that has guards watching her. And after that, it's when f/o enters the picture)

Something happens at some point and they needed to get sent to the infirmary. Also have I mentioned f/o is a doctor? So like, he helps them and since they now have an IV and need to rest and their room is a floor away, s/i then gets to stay in f/o's room. He carries them and then they offer to spoon him when he insists they sleep on his bed.

I didn't know it would take this much to share about the beginning alone so I'll keep the next bits short

So eventually they kiss but aren't a couple yet

Then weeks/months later (the timeline is wonky) it's the bestie's birthday, f/o and s/i bake together, get to know each other more, then bestie decides to send a picture of f/o to s/i that f/o once mentioned he's embarrassed of but bestie has the picture, f/o gets curious why s/i is acting how they're acting, finds out about the picture, gets flustered as well. Later on while they finish preparing the food to give to the bestie s/i asks what f/o thinks of being a couple and he says he'd love that. He gets dipped and kissed for a short time and low-key wishes it lasted longer.

Those two are a super domestic couple and also had a moment where they think of s/i with f/o's last name, or f/o almost sending an "I want to marry you" in his language after s/i attempts learning his language and saying "I love you" and a bunch of other sweet things to him

The problem now tho is they need to get out with the bestie (and her husband because she won't go without him) before a grand thing that the cult leader announces happens, that day is fast approaching so we'll see how it goes >:)

I had a dream I responded to this but ig not. this is very interesting anon.

[reneethegreatandpowerful]

Three Houses Pre-Timeskip Thoughts!

Just for context, I chose Blue Lions and Male Byleth.

-I understand why everyone is so crazy over Ashe now. He's an absolute bean. The game (and Hopes, too) really like to trash his feelings, though. :')

-Ingrid is cooler than I realized. She and Ashe have such wholesome little interactions. <3

-Edelgard is mean

-Hubert is way more chill and polite than I expected

-Linhardt is the worst, guy won't join my house despite all my hard work to lure him!

-I didn't like Catherine until she told my dude that he was good looking and now I want to marry her

-I also want to marry Hilda though so who knows if it will go anywhere

-I am really bad at tea time. So far, Petra, Claude, and Dorothea are the only people I've gotten perfect tea time with. AND I CAN'T EVEN RECRUIT CLAUDE. D':

-Rhea is twisted and evil and makes me want to play Crimson Flower so I can GET her

-Hapi and Yuri are my favorite Wolves by virtue of not being totally obnoxious

-Mercedes started out as a terrible unit and then rapidly became an absolute monster

-I was expecting Gilbert to be one of those characters where the general fanbase thinks they're bad therefore I like them, but my first impression of him was pretty bad. Go talk to your daughter, you big lug!

-Lorenz is great. Never change, my boy. If I were Female Byleth you would not be safe from my affections.

-Hanneman is great. It's a bummer I'm not sure I can recruit him this route.

-Manuela is terrifying. Help.

-If I ever do Crimson Flower I am gonna S SUPPORT YOU SO BAD MISTER JERITZA (If I don't get completely distracted by Hubert)

-I am the fishing champion. I love the music.

-Another song I really like is "Gazing at Sirius." It's one I hadn't encountered before playing the game, unlike some of the other songs I like, and it caught me by surprise! It's not a pleasant song, exactly, it's unsettling and mysterious, good for ancient ruins and Rhea schemes... 0_0 Ehehehe, it's so good! (Also it was stuck in my head while I was thinking about lots of broody Rufus stories while in the shower XD)

-I made Lorenz my dancer like the good Lord intended

-Sothis leaving is sad. :'( What do you mean you're going to become so much a part of me we will never talk or see each other again. Dory voice: "COME BaaaAAAAAaaaack!!!"

-The Goddess Tower event is actually pretty creepy. "WhAt if we KISSED professoR?" Byleth: "It's a mark of how awful this school is that this is not the most messed up thing to happen to me." (majorly side eyes Rhea)

-Have I mentioned Rhea is really weird and creepy? Well she is. Also I find her so infuriating that I was dying for a "side with Edelgard to kick Rhea's shiny heiny" button even though this is Azure Moon

-Tea time is probably the most stressful part of the entire game XD "If you don't know the exact time to nod or sigh you will ruin your student's birthday party"

-The academy phase is very very long when you're trying to recruit absolutely everybody possible. Maybe subsequent play-throughs would be less thorough and hence faster, but I don't know, man, I feel like not having an option to split off later in the game damages the game's replay value. ...And I think replaying is half of the game's point, so that's not super great. Anyways. Little actual review there.

-Speaking of recruiting, Ferdinand put me through PURGATORY trying to recruit him, I sacrificed an entire field's worth of flowers to him and he still didn't come over. RIP. (I didn't end up getting Caspar, either :'])

-As of right now, I'm probably gonna end up marrying Hilda, because her hair looks like candy floss and I find that very pretty

-I was aware of the existence of most of the chapter battles, but I didn't know there was an actual playable battle before the attack on Garreg Mach cutscene! It was very intense, and the music matched! :0 Dimitri died. (And have I mentioned that Robbie Daymond is a good voice actor? Well he is. His low soft sad retreating tones got to my Hubert loving heart)

Anyways, I'm in timeskip, now, and it's AWESOME!! Hehehe hoohoo. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. <3

[phoebe-the-autism-fairy]

Some Trixie Troubleby headcanons cause I posted this onto my old blog and she deserves more love

Trixie LOVES Korean BBQ, especially sweet/spicy pork ribs.

Despite being a tough cookie and acting like she never cries, she does sometimes, and sometimes when she's alone, or when she's with Stephanie, she'll have a private cry.

Her favourite sport is boxing; she even attends boxing lessons outside of town.

She also watches WWE-

She is half Filipino and can speak a little Tagalog but only the basic phrases.

She WILL beat her friends at arm wrestling, cause she's so damn competitive. Unless it's Sportacus.

That actually happened once, Trixie challenged Sportacus to an arm wrestle. Bad idea. She ended up pulling a muscle in her arm which she had to keep in a cast for a week after. Sportacus was SO GUILTY OMG-

It was like

Sportacus, with his face buried in his hands and with Robbie sat beside him: I can't believe I did that, I'm such a monster, what will the kids think of me now-

*Meanwhile Trixie is just getting everyone to draw random shit on her cast*

She actually loves hugs, and gives pretty tight hugs.

But she also has pretty bad anger issues, and sometimes lashes out. It used to be really bad but she carries around stress toys whenever she's angry. Sporty also has stress toys on hand in case Trixie, or any of the other kids, need them. Another thing Trixie does when she's angry is scream into a pillow or an empty space.

She really enjoys those disturbing PSAs and watches compilations of them late at night.

At sleepovers, she's the one awake at 2am either watching those disturbing PSA compilations on YouTube or drawing on her friends' faces.

But she's also not really a morning person and sleeps in later than the other kids so she's gotta watch her back.

Has a pretty high tolerance to spicy foods, and because of this, she sometimes challenges her friends to a spicy food eating competition. Ziggy always loses within like 5 seconds.

But as it turns out, Pixel is a regular consumer of those Samyang noodles so Trixie has some stiff competition there-

She's learning to belch the alphabet

Trixie is the only one who's allowed to bully her friends. If anyone else does it, she will END them. (Not in a literal sense, she'll just teach em a lesson they won't forget)

She'll be like "Hey Stingy, the 50s called and they want their crusty bow tie back"

And then some bully will be like "Hey Stingy your bow tie sucks"

And then Trixie will go apeshit on them

"What the FRICK did you just say about my friend's bow tie?! COME HERE YA LITTLE BITCH I WILL END YOU"

In spite of making snarky comments sometimes, Trixie really does love her friends, and will always make them personalised cards on their birthdays.

(I did post this on my old LazyTown blog, but I decided to post it again because Trixie is very underrated. Quite a few people in the fandom either slander her or forget her, which makes me kinda sad as she's one of my fave characters. So it makes me happy to see Trixie appreciation.)

[realityescapee01]

The Boy Who Holds The Sky In His Eyes (part 2)

part 1 here ,,,, part 3 here

Sebastian x Ominis | If things played out differently

School. Grades. Assignments. Problems of Sebastian's simple wizard life. So much to think about.

Good thing he has his best friend with him, to distract him from those problems.

But slowly, his best friend started becoming one of his problems.

Sebastian found himself falling in love with his best friend. The boy who holds the sky in his eyes.

Should he or should he not risk their friendship? Bury these feelings or actually do something about it?

"Garreth, no! I swear, you'd do more harm than good!" -Sebastian stopped Garreth

"Then what are you gonna do?"

"I don't really know. I'll think of something."

"You better think fast." -Garreth nudged him to look over at Ominis.

There is someone talking to Ominis. Someone 2 years older than them. The Ravenclaw quidditch team captain. And someone very popular. Everyone has that guy on their crush list.

Sebastian held his breath as he watched Ominis talk to the popular guy. Sebastian wanted so bad to know what they're talking about.

Sebastian was busy watching Ominis and the guy. That he didn't realized he was strangling Garreth in a choke hold.

"S-Sebby-" -Garreth was tapping his arm endlessly.

"??? Oh! I'm sorry, Garreth!" -Sebastian immediately let him go.

Sebastian was apologizing and rubbing Garreth back to life.

"Good morning, Sebastian. Garreth, what happened? You sound... out of breath." -Ominis was back.

"Ugh-I'm good, Ominis." -Garreth assured the sky-eyed boy.

"Sebastian, what are you up to now? I don't like our class today in herbology. I don't need you in detention!" -Ominis sounded so in distress.

"I'm up to nothing! Garreth just choked on his own. I won't leave you all alone in herbology. I promise, princess!" -Sebastian played, as always.

Ominis smiled. "Good. Let's get going then."

Garreth put up a thumbs up at Sebastian.

Ominis hated herbology. Because for him, Professor Garlick is not careful enough. The mandrake incident. And the devil's snare incident. That almost strangled him.

Good thing Sebastian was there.

The moment they sat in the classroom, Sebastian couldn't help it. He asked Ominis about the other boy.

"Oh, he's an acquaintance of my older brother. He asked to meet me in Hogsmeade."

"W-Why? And did you say yes?"

"He asked if I could help him choose a gift."

"Gift? What for?"

"It's my brother's birthday. He also asked if I could give it to my brother when I go home for semester break."

Sebastian isn't buying it. He knows it's a trick. To get Ominis to go with him in Hogsmeade.

"Why can't that guy choose the gift himself?!? Why can't he mail it himself?!? And you're going home this semester? I thought you hate your siblings? I thought you don't like going home? Why didn't I know this?"

Sebastian bombarded Ominis with these questions. And Garreth was behind Ominis, facing Sebastian, the Gryffindor was facepalming. Sebastian didn't mind him yet.

Ominis answered each question.

"He wanted the gift to be perfect. He wanted to make sure the gift reaches my brother on time. Yes, I'm going home this break. Of all my siblings, my brother is the only one kind to me. I was going to tell you about it later."

"Settle down, settle down now!" -Professor Garlick entered the room, stopping any ongoing conversations.

Sebastian couldn't focus. He felt so... left out. He always knows everything Ominis does and will do. And he is always with Ominis wherever he goes.

And now, Ominis made plans that he didn't know of. And is going somewhere with someone. Without him.

Garreth flew him a piece of paper.

-Stay behind after class. Urgent.-

The message was serious, and so Sebastian did. He made Ominis go ahead and stayed with Garreth.

"What is it Garreth?!? I have a big dilemma!"

"I'm trying to stop you from making it worse!"

"I don't have time for this!"

"Listen! What you did back there, you sounded so possessive! Controlling even! Don't be like that!"

"I was jealous!"

"It might drive Ominis away. I'm telling you!"

Garreth left him, rushing to his next class. Sebastian took his time walking to his. He thought about what Garreth said. So he didn't ask anything about the topic to Ominis all day.

But after classes, Sebastian followed Ominis to Hogsmeade. Under the disillusionment spell the whole time.

Ominis made his way into Hogsmeade, meeting that boy earlier. Sebastian followed them closely, fuming the whole time. The boy kept touching Ominis. Shoulders. Arms. Wrist.

Whenever that boy pulls Ominis with him, walking around town. And in the three broomsticks, the boy kept making Ominis smile and laugh with his silly jokes.

And before going back to Hogwarts, the boy bought Ominis a box of chocolates.

Sebastian hated it. Back at Hogwarts, Sebastian went straight into the Undercroft and released all his anger on the training dummy in there.

After all of it, Sebastian was tired. He slumped against one of the barrel. And then Ominis stepped into the room.

"Sebastian?"

"Hey, there."

"How was your trip to Hogsmeade?" -Ominis carefully walked towards him and sat near him.

"It was okay. Wait-You... You know?"

"Yes. I could hear your steps. I'm very familiar with it."

Sebastian swore he was walking as gently and quietly as he can. But Ominis' hearing proved to be formidable.

"Uh-well, I was just..."

"Why did you follow me?"

Sebastian felt embarrassed. So he lied.

"I have nothing to do. I was bored."

Ominis scoffed and then laughed it off. "Well, I'm exhausted. Let's head back."

"Me too. Alright, let's go."

That night, Sebastian couldn't sleep. He regretted what he said. Maybe he should've confessed then.

'Ugh! I'll try again tomorrow!' -Sebastian buried his face on his pillow.

---

Sebastian thought of ways to test the waters with Ominis again. His usual flirting doesn't seem to work. So he thought of more obvious ways.

Like giving flowers.

"Oh, thank you Sebastian. How do you know?"

"K-Know what?"

"That we need flowers for potions today?"

"We do?!?"

"Yes."

Ominis took the flowers and started crushing them and mixing them in the cauldron.

Sebastian couldn't believe it!

The next day, Sebastian thought of another way.

Chocolates.

In the Undercroft, Sebastian handed Ominis the chocolates. And Ominis took them... and ate them. All of it.

"Alright. No more evidence."

Ominis thought Sebastian stole them and needed the evidence gone.

Sebastian was dumbfounded. He was so frustrated that he needed a distraction. He took a treasure map from Arthur and solved it.

The map took him to the forest. A very romantic setting. Seats and table for 2, surrounded by fireflies. And floating candles. He asked Ominis to come.

"Ominis! Look!"

"Sebastian, I'm blind."

'Bloody hell! How could've I forgotten that?!?' -Sebastian scolded himself.

"What is it you wanna show me?"

"Oh, I got a treasure map from Arthur. I solved it and then I found this. Fireflies. They're beautiful. I got too excited. I wanted to show you, that I forgot about... I'm sorry, Ominis."

"It's okay, I appreciate it, Sebastian."

They went back to their dorm. Sebastian was frustrated lying on his bed. He messed up. Again.

The next day, Sebastian lay low. He doesn't know what else to do.

"Just sit him down and tell him: Ominis Gaunt, pretty pretty Ominis Gaunt, will you marry me?" -Garreth acted out so dramatically.

"That's a bit much! Ain't it?!?" -Sebastian.

"But seriously, why not just tell him you like him and ask him out?"

"Because what if he doesn't like me that way? He's my best friend. It would be awkward after the rejection. And then we'd talk less and less to each other. And then avoid each other. And then we'd drift apart and become strangers! I don't want that! I'd rather remain just best friends than lose him entirely."

"You don't know yet if he actually will reject you."

"I'm saying what if."

"And I'm saying what if not."

"Ah, Gryffindor through and through. Comes with the positivity too."

"I'm just saying! Besides, you're like a Gryffindor too. Being adventurous and all."

Sebastian turned quiet. He thought, what if he got sorted into Gryffindor? Could he have been friends with Ominis? Or will he be distant and wary of him? Typical Gryffindor vs Slytherin fashion.

And it saddened Sebastian. He wouldn't have known someone awesome like Ominis then. But he looked at Garreth. They're all friends. They don't care about the traditional rivalry. So maybe, he'd be friends with Ominis even in a different house.

Could he fall inlove with the sky-eyed boy then? Sebastian thought silly as he knows the answer would always be yes.

"Ugh! I've had enough!" -Garreth looked defeated but determined.

And Sebastian doesn't like that.

"What are you thinking? No, no, no. Don't do anything stupid!"

"I respected your plea to not interfere and look at where it got you? Nowhere! So, I'm taking things into my hands now."

"Weasley!!!" -Sebastian chased Garreth around.

-+-+-+ ( to be continued ) +-+-+-

part 3 here (would be the last chapter)

thank you. more on my master list here

I also have an AO3 account

my art/design shop here (for fanart and other things I do)

Like the gifs used here? See source under them. Reblog, do not repost. Thank you all gif creators here ❤️

[tillxthexearthxstartsxtoxcrumble]

Little details in The Phantom Of The Opera movie that I love so much cause I just watched it for the first time in years again and I will be mentioning my point of view now vs when I was a kid. Also this is in honor of it closing on Broadway today, it's truly an amazing musical

My mom had watched this musical since she was a kid and it's a favorite of hers so this is also one I watched with her and we shared things we liked throughout it :)

Just so everyone knows, as a kid I didn't understand anything bad about what the phantom was doing but I knew he was treated horribly and I sympathized with him a lot.

Warning: this is a very long post. I just started liveblogging at one point and never went back.

This was emobviously entirely intentional but the color coming back as it lights up in fire is truly one of the best things that could have ever been done with a movie and I will NEVER get over it. Best part of those flash forwards

Lot 666. The freaking chandelier falling. I'm just. Yeah. That's cool.

My mom saw a performance of this off Broadway but still in a big theater and they did light a fire and raise a chandelier for it and she mentions that anytime we talk about this musical. It was truly an amazing experience for her

THE TRUMPETSSSSSSS. I'm such a band nerd but I am gonna try and convince my band director to let us perform this cause we have a copy in the music library (also happy birthday to my band director cause it probably won't still be his birthday when this is posted but it is as I'm writing this)

She says she thinks of her as a daughter and yet she's aware of everything and lets it happen...

My mom said she didn't like Raoul until the movie and as a kid I didn't care for him (as I said, I cared for the phantom) but rewatching it now they're kinda cute with how excited they are when they recognize each other. More comments on them later, probably.

CHRISTINE IS GLOWING LITERALLY DURING THE PERFORMANCE. LITERALLY.

Because it's my current binging show and I'm emotionally attached, I have to mention- the actress playing Christine is truly incredible because I'm watching her in Shameless rn and it's truly amazing seeing her in both of these

CHRISTINE AND RAOUL SINGING TOGETHER AT ALL IS JUST THE BEST THING FOR THE EARS

SHE WATCHES HIM LOCK CHRISTINE IN WHY FORS SHE JUST STAND BY?! MA'AM I UNDERSTAND SYMPATHY, I HAD IT FOR HIM AS A KID TOO, BUT YOU'RE A GROWN ASS ADULT WITH A KID AND A SURROGATE CHILD. COME ON.

I mentioned this with my mom but I am really into color theory and white usually represents purity and innocence, which is why I find it interesting how his MASK is literally the color meaning innocene and then later on in the film he has a black mask when even Christine knows he is not the wonderful angel she though he was, and he doesn't get back his mask of innocence And the mask is even taken off. Which also, there is a beauty when reading into color symbolism how black represents evil and death and he has a black mask when going after so many people to kill and then she removes his mask and she has sympathy for him. Because while he is truly terrible for all he's done, he is a damaged creature that has never been shown love and she pities him. Doesn't change or make anything he has done okay but if there was much thought behind that, I love it.

Watched a Cinema Therapy episode on this (HIGHLY suggest checking them out, they're amazing!!! You can find them on YouTube!) But they mention how his lyrics are all very possessive and her love song with Raoul is all about sharing. I love it.

Time to acknowledge the elephant in the room cause the casting of Gerard Butler is very controversial apparently but my mom told me she read an article saying that they chose him because he was an untrained singer, as the phantom was meant to be. I understand both sides of the arguments on his casting, because while yes the authenticity of the character making it more realistic with singing ability, he was meant to be this amazing singer who literally sang like an angel so getting a trained actor may have been better but idk. I still love it

Sir get your hands off her you literally watched her grow up while you were an adult already.

The difference in perspective between Christine and what the reality was being shown is something that makes me appreciate it being a movie. There being rats and it being dark and damp as the reality vs Christine seeing it all lit up and beautiful and mysterious.

Nah man cause Christine is my favorite voice in this but I AM OBSESSED WITH RAOUL'S VOICE HOLY HELL

Nah man if I had literally seconds notice to play an unplanned song in band I'd lose my shit

The cinematography in this is just so beautiful oh my gosh

Okay more on the color theory a little bit with the masks. The masquerade scene- my mom told me the live performance was quite colorful during this but it was more black and white in this and it's interesting to me that they choose now to have the both black and white here. Because Christine sees through The Phantom mostly, but still believes him to be some angel in some form, and until she goes to the cemetery he will stay that way. The mask he enters with here, while still white was shaped much like a skull. Still the purity, but the death behind it that she now knows. It's also covering his whole face now.

He falls down into a firey pit. They're really not hiding the symbolism I just love pointing out the details

I hate people. I completely understand why he killed the guy and why she got him away. (I just don't like that she continues with it)

The song at the Graveyard is just. Yeah.

The red lighting is yet again making me think of color theory however I just can't get over their singing together in this song holy shit.

HE HAS THE WHITE MASK BACK WHEN HE WAS TRYING TO GET HER BACK AND SHE WAS GOING, IT WASN'T UNTIL HE FOUGHT RAOUL AND HURT HIM THAT IT CHANGED

Raoul I care for you a lot buddy but why share your plan when you know the man lives there and hears everything

They're covering their ears for his opera.

Yet again gonna mention the literal fire they have on the stage. Hell, but also passion and the danger.

Her straps of her dress are up before he shows up. One strap has fallen to her shoulder when he shows up and as she realizes it's him, both fall down. His play is titled "Don Juan" after the famous man who dedicated his life to seducing all women he could. Also this is Gerard Butler's best song vocal wise in my opinion

SHE LIFTS HER SLEEVES BACK UP THEN HE SINGS THE LINE "beyond the point of no return" AND THEN SHE LOOKS AT RAOUL AND HE REALIZES. Is this anything? Possibly not but it's 1 am at this moment

Her sleeves go back down when she turns back to him and sings the same lines as him.

Holy fuck their voices in this song too.

Raoul I'm so sorry my guy I saw those tears in your eyes.

She was acting along with everything he wanted but as he sang the song she thought was secret with her lover, she moved and started to tear up. Then she takes off his mask.

They fall down through the flames. I've already mentioned it but just... I love it

Okay idk if people will agree and I know there wasn't this much information on her in the Broadway performance but she stopped her daughter from going with them and brought Raoul down there. She has been shown to know his traps and the way out of them, where he hides and where he stays. She wouldn't let her daughter go, and stops, then sends him to go on alone and he ends up falling into a trap. She's shown that she is loyal to the phantom so far, who's to say she wouldn't try to sabotage Raoul?

I love how she isn't sympathetic at first, she was ANGRY and rightfully so. She sees a way out later and shows him compassion and love that he has never known

THE WAY HE SINGS "I fought so hard to free you" SO SOFTLY AS HE LOOKS AT HER BREAKS MY HEART MAN.

The fact that she mouths "I love you" to Raoul before she acts that way with the phantom.

He's shown love for the first time and it breaks him.

Okay further providing evidence of my theory that the surrogate mother (I forget her name ngl) wasn't so good- she was shown earlier to know the way that Christine was always taken there and that's the way the other people come in (as far as I could tell she wasn't with them) but she led Raoul the way that there was a trap door...

Going back to the white mask being the mask of the purity and innocence... the monkey was shown with him when he was a child. Not that exact one, I don't think, but a monkey was there and the white mask of purity (the way he was as a child) being left with it and him looking at it earlier on with no mask at all, after she shows him love and says that his face is not the monstrous side of him. Idk, I just loved that.

[gracefullou]

I know you won't post this because I'm correcting you but I'm sending anyway because it's annoying that you are making up things i didn't say. And it's funny how confidently you're stating info that's just plain wrong.

I didn't say Louis and Eleanor's breakup was messy and I didn't say that hooking up with Briana was disrespectful.

He started dating Briana six weeks after the split was announced (the day after Louis was papped kissing another girl). Not more than three months later, sorry. There are photos of them together.

He started dating Danielle in September 2015, not April 2016. I don't know where you got that random date from but you're completely wrong. He was dating her two months after briana's pregnancy was announced.

He did not get back with Eleanor in Feb 2017. They were spotted together in January and he and Danielle had still been together a few days earlier on his birthday and Xmas.

It is not delusional to presume that a man is hooking up with a woman he is photographed walking around holding hands with. Saying that it's as delusional as Larries just sounds stupid tbh.

I didn't make up a NYE trip. I didn't make anything up actually. You might disagree that it was messy or disrespectful but as I said other fans would disagree. I'm not a "Louis anti" just because I don't believe he's a "perfect boy" like you do. No boy is perfect.

Elounor break up: beginning of March 2015

That Briana thing (they were never in a relationship, they just hooked up): May 2015 aka more than two months after his break up

Danielle: they were seen in December not September 2015 (not that it matters, he was single for months) and the relationship wasn't confirmed until later

The break up with Danielle and Elounor 2.0 have more than a month's gap (he probably broke up with Danielle before but they didn't announce it bc of what he was going through. First Jay was sick and then she passed away. Again this makes me so uncomfortable to discuss. Trying to imply he's a cheater with no proof when he was going through the worst time of his life is so low, have some shame)

I didn't see anything about him been spotted with Eleanor before his break up with Danielle was announced. But even if it happened, that'd be normal considering what he was going through and she probably reached out to him as a friend when she heard the news. I'm sure they weren't doing anything scandalous otherwise you would've mentioned it to me.

I didn't see him holding hands with any woman other than those three but even if he was in 2015, he was single man for months between March and December 2015 (and his relationship wasn't even confirmed with Danielle at the time, according to the media he was single until 2016) so idk what you're trying to prove here. Also, holding hands ≠ sleeping together.

In conclusion, you're either a Louis anti (probably bc you're trying so hard to make him as bad as the other losers from that band) or you have a problem with men and projecting on Louis. And yes, you said he was disrespectful towards women and had messy public relatioships. These were your words "Louis had a very public messy time with women before you were a fan so not every 1D fan would agree with you about him being "the only one respectful to women". They're all men, they've all had their moments" and even in this ask "you might disagree that it was messy or disrespectful..."

Stop using the 1D era fan card to mislead new fans. According to every scenario in here (even the ones created in your head), Louis was never in the wrong, definitely never disrespectful towards women. His exes don't have anything bad to say about him idk why you're trying so hard to find something controversial when there isn't any.

Finally, Louis is the most perfect boy (never given me a reason to think otherwise and so many reasons to think so 😘). Solve your boy/ men issues somewhere else <3

[chasing-posts]

Miraculous Ladybug Vlog: Crocoduel

Season 4, Episode 9

This is an episode with the good, the bad, and hands down the best costume the show has ever designed.

The. Drip. Is. Real.

So the episode starts off on Juleka's and Luca's amazing houseboat with Kitty Section playing the one and only song they actually know. It's not a bad song so I won't complain but you think the kids would try jamming to something else by now. For some reason Adrian is not there despite being a part of the band, and Marinette's not there for reasons the show inaccurately makes Luca state.

"Marinette's not coming around because she knows I love her."

This is downright incorrect. It's not about her knowing his feelings, it's because they broke up! If the show wants to recount old events, I'd prefer if they did it accurately.

What's even weirder is that once Luca leaves after hearing Rose's cover up, the show misses the opportunity to use Zoe to get across some needed exposition for those who missed the first episode. Please remember that Zoe wasnt there for the break up and shouldn't know anything about the history in the friend group because she just got there. So she could ask questions like "why wouldn't Marinette come because of him?" followed by an explanation

If you're going to introduce a new character, use them to your advantage! JUST BECAUSE SHE'S CHLOE'S REPLACEMENT DOES NOT MEAN SHE KNOWS WHAT CHLOE DOES BECAUSE SHE WASN'T THERE! THIS ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD WAY TO UTILIZE ZOE.

Though this creates another issue, that being that if Marinette's to embarressed to see Luca, than why did she bring Zoe to one of his music parties to introduce her to the group?

ALSO LUCA AND JULEKA ARE TWINS?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? For two seasons the show made it look like Luca was maybe a year or two older. Is this a retcon or just poor writing?

(just kidding. We all know it's both.)

Now at one point I was going to complain about the friends pressing Juleka to bring Marinette to the party. Or maybe them budding in and forcing Marinette to meet with Luca before she was comfortable, all of which is overstepping and rude... but then Rose kissed Juleka's cheeks and my negative emotions just...vanished. So I'll give it a pass due to them being the most lovely couple in the show.

I do like the scene with Marinette and Alya That Marinette quickly puts the plan together, how Trix and Alya interact. We also also, get confirmation that the magical charms can be given at any time and the victim does not have to be akumatized recently. Meaning she could give Luca a charm right away (and probably should do so for all Miraculous holders) and they would all be protected from Hawkmoth, giving them a strategic advantage for the time being.

However this scene does give way to another continuity error, when Marinette says:

"He got akumatized twice because of me." This is outright untrue. The first time Luca got akumatized was because of Bob the producer when he stole from his band. The second was in Truth when she refused to be honest with him.

"Continuity? Never heard of her." -Thomas Astruc, probably.

The next day, Marinette decides to make one of the most selfish requests she's ever made, and she asks Juleka to disinvite her own twin from their shared birthday party.

This is one of the most selfish, narcissistic, and disgusting requests I have ever heard from a fictional character. If it any other character from Miraculous Ladybug asked this, they would have been disowned from the friend group on the spot. I hate that Marinette can get away with this trash behavior, just because she's the main character. Maybe that's why they have her hiding behind a trashcan while she talks to Juleka. It's a visual representation of what the character is in this moment in time. And I don't care that she ends up apologizing later, she never should have done this in the first place.

The next scene involves her telling Luca while Jagged Stone makes an entrance, and the whole thing with Jagged Stone being their father is so clumsily done. There was not enough build up to it, and now his sudden want to be in his childrens lives make him look like a deadbeat, and father being kept from his kids simultaneously. It's really hard to tell what the real story between Anarka and Jagged is because the details we recieve, and both parents actions truly are telling two to three different stories!

Then the day of the party arrives and it's clear just how badly everyone has been treating Juleka. Everyone was trying to use her for their own wants and pulled her in so many directions, that she's reduced to tears in her own birthday. The only one who showed her any concen before she burst was Luca. And after he sees how badly his sister and Marinette reacted, he quickly put the situation together and was too sad to follow and comfort his sister.

(Also it may be a small detail, but I like how Luca and Jagged have the same way of calming down. When they get frustrated/ angry/ sad, they start strumming the guitar.)

And so begins the chronicles of Gabriel's failures. Were he tries a total of four times to akumatize someone, and just keeps messing up.

Luka is saved through the power of friendship

Marinette apologizes to Juleka for her impossible and selfish request. Allowing the two to make up.

Gabriel for some reason, thought Surprise" counted as a negative emotion. (because he's a moron)

And the final and most interesting shot, is when he witnesses Juleka and Jagged Stone's convesation.

To expand on point four and to give context, Juleka thought Jagged Stone only wanted to be around for Luca. She thought her father only loved her twin and that she was a mere oversight that freaked him out (as shown earlier in the episode, when he accidentally ignored her and jumped when he noticed her. But that was actually because she is just so quiet he didn't realize she was in the room with him.) and this thought seemed confirmed when it appeared Luca was getting an expensive bass from her father, and she was going to receive nothing, or a very lack luster gift in comparison.

However, it turns out the bass is actually for Juleka. Jagged learned they played bass and as a sentimental gift wanted to give her the first one he ever had. This is a huge moment for them because it shows that not only is Jagged NOT a deadbeat, but that he truly is trying to reconcile with both children. That he loves them, wants to share in their interests, be a legit part of their lives and recognizes that he was gone too long, and wants to make up for it.

This is very interesting because it mirrors Gabrial's relationship with Adrian. Supposedly, Gabriel "loves" his son Adrian, but he's hes been distant for years. Even before Emily's death. He's only been giving Adrian the same pen for the last three years, and in a way, his distance can be compared to Jagged Stone, who was also a distant/ nonexistent father until recently.

But the difference is Jagged is trying. ANd Gabriel feels that. He just felt through his own powers the reconciling and emotional bond these two formed in front of his own eyes. And afterwards there's no immediate monologue. Or disappointed gester like his last three failures, but almost... sad. Like if this was a good writer on board, they might have him silently reflecting on his own strained fther son relationship, and how literally this "dead beat rocker" just made more of an effort to be there for his kids in less than one hour, than he has for an entire year! Maybe longer.

Which maybe is why he makes a very irrational decion, when he finally has the chance to successfully akumatize Anarka and Jagged.

Did seeing what a good father Jagged was trying to be make him jealous? Did he intentionally or subconsciously allow Jagged and his ex to fight because it made him feel inadequate? There is no rational or logical reason to akumatize two people and have them fight each other, when his goal is to acquire the miraculous. If anything, it would make it more difficult would just tear the two apart. This was a horrible plan.

Chat Noir saving the day XD♡ I never thought I'd see it! Ladybug not doing so well until he arrived... I think this is the first episode that ever happened!!!

Luka knows what Ladybug is about to do. He KnNOWS he's about to make his sister a Miraculous holder... I'm sure he's surprised his help wasn't asked. But also, I kinda wish there was a moment with Adrian and Luca after he sees Luca's shocked face like... just a hand on his back or shoulder. Adrian doesn't give out the Miraculous' so he can't decide who/when Ladybug chooses someone. But he does KNOW Luca is the snake holder. He was the one he chose after all.

Oh fuck... Juleka's transformation, and outfit is SO cool... she might have the best costume in the show.

Pole dance to safety you two!!!

Actually this was one of the few episodes made and done tight so when a new Miraculous user is introduced, Chat Noir works WITH the new user and Ladybug as a great trifecta, instead of being over shadowed/ made to make mistakes.

And I said this before, if Adrian is good in the episode, the episode is good with me.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BETWEEN ANARKA AND JAGGED? This was big fight, something clearly went down between them but one yell from Juleka was enough for them to stop? THIS SHOW SUCKS AT PACING AND NOW I REALLY KNOW WHAT THE STORY WAS BECAUSE IT WAS BIG ENOUGH FOR THEM TO SPLIT UP AND BECOME A SINGLE PARENT UNTIL NOW. WHEN JAGGED CLEARLY LOVES THEIR KIDS AND WANTS TO BE A PART OF THEIR LIVES. PROBABLY DID FROM THE BEGINNING. WHAT. HAPPENED?!

Luca: You should tell Adrian how you feel... because I sure hella can't.

That said I love Luca and Marinette becoming friends. He's such a sweet boy open to his feelings. I love it.

Opinion of this ep as a whole: mixed!!!

[audtreegrace]

Birthday Calamities

I still remember all the things I used to do when I was the resident zombie slayer at Som’s factory. These would include, but not be limited to, factory “sweeps” to make sure there weren’t any zombies in or around the factory, rooftop lookouts, digging hole traps, listening to the radio, making all kinds of soups, learning guitar, building pillow forts in the gaymes room, sleeping huddled up together on a giant Once-ler bed, and most of all, changing bandages.

Space and time are warped out there, though, so I don’t even know who all still remembers those times anymore, but I hope they’ll at least stay with me forever. I...wouldn’t be the same person without them.

And for the record, I know two Soms. The other Som is the one from my alternate beach life, whom I officially got reunited with shortly after I arrived at camp. He's also very dear to me, so at least I still have him.

What else was I going to say..oh yeah. Does anyone else ever get the jitters on certain days of the year, due to bad things having happened on those days in the past? I hope that’s a totally normal thing. For me, it’s unfortunately always when September the 16th approaches..

[9tzuyu]

eat the cake

note: the way i could only come up with something for my 20th birthday and its tied to my mental illness </3. i'm so sorry i haven't uploaded in awhile, i haven't had much motivation for anything really. but i am going to try and push myself a little more.

also, this isn't very good but i wanted to kinda get something out as a gift for myself even though i won't ever read this again.

anyways, hope you guys are okay and i will try to work on requests asap!!

oh and this fic has wanda in it cause that's gf fr.

warnings: ed fic + semi proofread

. . .

wanda and natasha had been great throughout your recovery process. they always knew just how much to push you and when to leave you be, though not without a few trial and errors.

slowly, things got better. you could eat three meals a day without lying about it, control became less of a battle, and guilt faded more and more as the days passed by.

however, all of this didn't mean you were immune to have bad days or slip ups.

today just so happened to be another one of those days - because it was your birthday.

both wanda and natasha could tell that you were off a week prior. they knew what was coming up. meals were met with a little more resistance than before, time was spent away from them, and your favorite snacks hadn't been touched once in the past five days.

in your mind this was what had to be done in order to celebrate your birthday the 'right' way. you were compensating for the dessert no one else seems to have a problem with eating.

yesterday had been a day wanda and natasha hadn't experienced in awhile. you skipped both breakfast and lunch, only agreeing to dinner because your stomach wouldn't quit growling. but even then you only consumed about a third of your plate.

the night finished off with your back turned away from your girlfriends. you flinched at their touch, too grossed out by your body to have either of them spoon you.

. . .

wanda brushed a few stray hairs away from your face before placing a kiss on your cheek.

"happy birthday my love." she kissed you again, causing your eyes to flutter open ever so slightly. you smiled at the sight of both sets of green eyes staring down at you.

"up!" natasha cheered, "we've got a fun day ahead of us."

you groaned, "what if i just wanted to stay in bed all day with my beautiful girlfriends." wanda giggled. "well that's too bad now, isn't it? now rise and shine! up, up, up! it's your birthday!"

natasha wanted to take you shopping, much to your dismay. but you ended up enjoying the time spent and (very) reluctantly agreed to let both of them buy you a piece of jewelry that cost more than your rent. you knew there was no changing their mind though, no matter how much you told them the only thing you wanted was to spend time with each other.

"okay i have a little request..." you trailed innocently. "natasha might hate it, but wanda i think you might have fun with it."

natasha stood with her arms crossed, a smirk plastered on her face. "is it that photo booth you've been eyeing for the past ten minutes?"

you sheepishly nodded, "it's okay if you don't want to though, natasha. i know it's not exactly your thing."

the older redhead frowned, cupping your face in her hands. "whose birthday is it?"

"mine."

"so it doesn't really matter what i think about cheesy stuff right now, does it?" she smiled, easing your state of mind. "but just so you know i'd be happy to go in that photo booth over there and take silly little pictures with you - both of you." she emphasized.

and so she was.

all three of you took a series of funny pictures, some with bunny ears, a few with your tongues out. but your personal favorite was the one with wanda and natasha kissing both sides of your cheeks, your face scrunched in a fit of laughter.

all three of you left the booth with nothing but love on your mind.

that was until you remembered what day it was. the impending fear of what was to come later slipped back into your mind, resulting in the smile on your face falling down to nothing.

natasha caught on rather quickly and took your hand in hers, bringing it closer to her face to place a kiss on the indentions of your knuckles.

“you’re okay, i promise.”

wanda rubbed your back softly as a means of support. you peered up at her, “lunch?”

both wanda and natasha nodded, sympathy pouring from their eyes knowing lunch wasn't something you'd been overly excited about lately.

but surprisingly the meal went smoother than any of you expected. you chose to focus on wanda's laugh and the way natasha teased her about the movies she liked.

even afterwards you didn't have time to think of getting rid of the meal. your girlfriends had a way of distracting you so that your attention was held on them and not the overwhelming guilt flooding your mind.

. . .

the day slowed down in the evening, all three of you resting on the couch until wanda got up and made her way to the kitchen. you looked at natasha curiously, to which she shrugged her shoulders.

wanda came back with a pink homemade cake in her hands before setting it on top of the coffee table. she hurried back into the kitchen to get a few plates and a knife.

"i know how rough this week has been, but what's a birthday without cake?" she attempted to lighten the mood. "i also know this is going to be difficult for you, but at the very least we just want you to try. if you don't try now, there's a chance you might never try again and we all know what that would mean for you."

wanda was met with silence.

she wasn't wrong though. if you were to go into a full relapse there wouldn't be any coming out of it.

you were too comfortable, you needed to challenge yourself by doing this.

because it was just cake. that's all it was.

it was not the monster you'd created it to be in your head. it was a treat, a way of celebrating your life on this earth, a way of showing you that you'd made it another year.

it was just cake.

and if you didn't have it now then you might miss the chance of ever having it again.

so you nodded your head giving wanda permission to light the candles.

natasha kissed your temple. "you got this," she encouraged softly.

your wish was to be at peace for the rest of the night.

seconds later natasha cut a slice of cake for you with a hopeful smile on her face.

natasha was the first eat with wanda following suit. you could tell they were waiting on you although they tried their best not to show it.

your hands were shaky, but after the first few bites it got easier.

"is it good?" wanda questioned. you nodded, "very good. but anything you make is bound to be delicious."

"what about you, nat? do you like it?"

"how could i not?" she teased, sending a wink in wanda's direction.

when you finished, natasha gathered everyones forks and plates into a pile before putting them in the sink. she came back and scooped you in her arms, carrying you into the bedroom.

wanda crawled up next to you shortly after. her face rest comfortably in the crook of your neck looking up at you. "happy birthday, we love you more than you can even imagine."

"and we're proud of you for not only trying, but doing." natasha added. "now do you want to watch something or go to sleep?"

you thought about it for a second, "you can put on whatever, i just want to stay sandwiched between you two."

"well we can make that happen, right nat?"

"i wouldn't want to do anything else."

[running-in-the-dark]

I really wish gaslighting wasn't one of those terms that gets misused to the point of losing its meaning.

I need to vent and this is going to be long, so -

I just watched a long video about gaslighting. it was by a psychologist and it was pretty in depth. and it basically confirmed that my mother has been gaslighting me (and the rest of my family) my entire life.

she always invalidates my feelings (I have no reason to be upset, I shouldn't be crying, I'm not hurt, nothing happened so I have no reason to be angry). she lies about doing or not doing things. big things, but also small, insignificant things. she also has a very, very good memory. I don't. she knows the birthday of everyone she's ever known, everyone's phone numbers, what she did on a specific day 40 years ago, everything. I can barely remember what I did last week (I just tried, I honestly have no idea).

so it's always been hard to argue with her about this stuff. proof doesn't matter. other people confirming my experience because they were also there doesn't matter. she says she has a great memory, she remembers everything exactly as it was, how could she possibly be wrong?

it doesn't matter that I know I'm right. it doesn't matter that often, other people can confirm I'm right. it doesn't matter that we all often talk about her doing this, so it's not just me. I still can never believe my version of things. not just with her, with everyone. even on my own. I can't trust myself because I've been conditioned to believe that I must be wrong. she won't listen, she won't admit I'm right, so I must be wrong. it's the only logical explanation.

why else would someone do this? why would they keep insisting on their version of things if it's not true?

for the longest time, everyone else just always believed her. I was a 'difficult' teenager (= severely depressed, neglected, suicidal) so of course I was just being dramatic and argumentative for no reason. why would my mother lie? it's absurd, of course she wouldn't. so I had to be a liar and a bad person.

there's things that I know - KNOW - she is lying about. like the time she disappeared to live with her boyfriend in the Black Forest for several months. I was 10 or 11, so I didn't even remember how long it was exactly, my dad told me later. all I knew was: she disappeared, I didn't see her for so long that when I did finally see her again, it was like meeting a stranger. it doesn't matter to me where she was that entire time. I know there was at least a year where I did not see her at all (my brothers did, I remember that, but I definitely didn't. that moment of seeing her again is not something I'll ever forget, the feeling was.. extremely unsettling).

but I can never talk about that. she gets ... furious if I try. says my dad made that all up, or his then-girlfriend, or I'm imagining, exaggerating, misremembering. my dad's dead, so he can't confirm it (and he never did when he was alive either. no one but me ever directly contradicts her about anything). my brothers were too young to really understand any of it, and they've lived with her much longer than I did. she's talked to them about it enough that they wouldn't believe me.

I think the reason I felt so much better when I was in therapy was that it meant there was an outside person, someone objective, who could confirm that my thoughts and feelings and experiences weren't irrational. that my mother's behaviour isn't normal. it doesn't matter that *I know* it isn't - I'm wrong. it doesn't matter that the few friends I've talked about this stuff with told me it isn't - they like me, so they must be lying to me. that's what she's always said, after all. so it must be true.

the thing that makes this all much more complicated now is that I think my mother might have dementia. she's in her late 60s, and she's been forgetting things. not things she'd have any reason to lie about - nothing she could use to manipulate anyone. she forgot I have a tattoo that I've had for years. it was a big deal when I got it, she wouldn't stop being mean about it, so I definitely remember that I showed it to her at the time. my husband and my brothers also remember (she really made a big deal out of it). she was clearly distressed when we kept insisting she knew this. there's been other things she forgot that we've definitely talked about. and my brothers have mentioned she keeps telling them the same stories again as if it's the first time - they don't seem concerned about this, just annoyed.

I've been thinking (worrying) about that a lot lately, and it's made me realise how fucking complicated this is because of... the way she is. it's basically impossible to explain my worries about this without explaining 'actually she does just lie about things all the time, or she really remembers everything completely differently, who knows, so it's difficult to know if this is just part of that somehow'. that's not normal. no one understands that.

unfortunately, the more I think about any of this the more I feel like it's probably all in my head, and actually everything is probably just all in my head. she keeps saying our childhood was good so maybe it was.

maybe she didn't disappear, maybe she really never yelled, maybe I was a horrible child, maybe it was my fault somehow. maybe I am selfish. maybe I really was horrible that one time when I called her a bitch because swearing is bad and disrespectful (doesn't matter that I said it because she yelled some horrible, disgusting things at me. and that I was 14/15. it was 15 years ago and she still brings it up as an example of how bad I am). maybe I was a monster for biting her a couple of times when she wouldn't let me leave the room and wouldn't stop yelling and I was in a corner and I was scared (but she definitely never slapped me in the face so hard that my lip started bleeding and then wouldn't let me get out of the car and go to my dad's place, so I was stuck in the car for over an hour while she went to her dentist appointment. I just made that up and then never told anyone about it for.. reasons, I guess).

maybe I made up the time she laughed in my face when I was sobbing and asking her 'why can't you just be nice like other mothers?' and she said 'you should be grateful that I don't look or dress like the other moms in [her village]' because apparently her looks are more important than the way she treats me. maybe all the times I wrote her a letter explaining why the way she treated me hurt me, only for her to read them to everyone and then laugh at me, are just in my head too.

I wish I was exaggerating, sometimes I really do wonder if I'm just a horrible lying monster who is mean for no reason. I always think everyone I talk to must know I'm awful and a liar. all the time. sometimes I believe her when she says my brothers are even scared of me because I'm so horrible all the time (doesn't matter that I know it's not true).

even in therapy I could never fully explain why I can't believe my own thoughts even when I know I'm right, and why no amount of being told 'you're right, this isn't okay' changes anything about that. I still can't. I need external validation for the smallest things and I don't think I ever realised just how much that affects my life.

[bestruction]

Getting high with them for the first time

N/A: If you do drugs do it safely

My masterlist

- Eren Jaeger

He's not the type of guy who pressured you to use, let alone say you're immature or coward for it. When you decide to try it, it's genuinely your idea, and who better than your boyfriend to teach?

That's how you end up in his room, with the door and windows lock to make sure the smell doesn't catch his parent's attention. You sat on the carpet while he carefully rolls the joint so that the cigarette holder doesn't fall.

“Tighten your lips like this and take a deep breath through your mouth” He took a short drag before releasing the smoke “But not too long since this is your first time your throat is not used to the smoke”

You nod and accept the cigarette doing as he said. You feel the smoke warm your mouth, watch it hoover before your eyes after blowing and wait for...Nothing. No different sensation, no tingling, literally nothing.

"I don't think it worked"

“It is not like a switch. Wait a minute, babe ”

You talk a little about the day-to-day of the two and then go to play something new that he had bought. After a few games and a few more huffs, you still don't feel any difference or anything. You even try to hold the smoke in your mouth for a longer time, which results in you coughing incessantly and Eren laughing in your face. Hearing him laugh has always been one of your favorite things. The way he bends his body and laughs out loud without shame until he blushes always makes you laugh together with him, like now.

You laugh, laugh until your body asks for air and needs to alternate between laughter and breathing. You feel calm, relax as if you had lifted a weight off your shoulders. You lay on the carpet feeling the softness of the fabric against your skin ... Was it always that soft? So silky? So comfortable? You close your eyes and rub your hand over the texture, and then the smell of Eren's citric perfume invades your nose. When you opened your eyes, jade eyes were watching you closely.

"I think it has taken effect now, huh?" He says stroking your hair. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" He asks, getting on top of you.

"A few times"

“Then I’m going to tell you again: you’re beautiful” he kisses your lips “So damn beautiful” He kisses your chin “Every single part of you” And now your jaw.

You two spent the afternoon making out on the floor and praising each other. Not because you were high, I mean, not only, but because being so sensitive brought it even more evident how much you wanted each other.

- Levi Ackerman

You had a horrible week. It seemed that everything that could go wrong over the course of seven days had made a point of happening even worse than you imagined. When you got home even after taking a long hot shower and lying in bed, you're unable to relax.

"If you keep turning from side to side, I won't sleep either" Murmured Levi.

"I know. Sorry"

"I'm not complaining. Come here" He pulls you to lie on his chest "Better?"

"A little bit"

"Just a little bit?" He smiles softly "You can try what I do when I get like this"

"Do you mean the mushrooms?"

"If you want to"

You two get out of bed and go to the kitchen. He takes a clear plastic bag from the fridge and places it in front of you. Levi is not the type of guy who gets high all the time. It's more like an escape for when his stress is too high, like yours. He already used it when you met him, and even if you didn't, you never saw a problem with it.

"Just it?"

"I can make tea if you prefer"

"Why don't you use weed like everyone else?"

"Too much work. To roll, check for purity. With mushrooms, I just need to buy and chew them ”

"Well, bon appetit"

You two eat the frozen mushrooms. The taste is not so bad, but it is not a good thing and the smell reminds you of something that had been removed from the forest, which makes sense. Levi suggests that you lie down on the sofa in the living room to watch a movie. There was no need to worry about tomorrow as it would be a day off for both of you.

Lying on Levi's lap and watching the TV, the colors start to shine before your eyes. You didn't remember the white wall looking so vivid, or the pixels on the TV seeming to slow down when you focused on a specific point. It was your house, but it didn't look real. You felt inside a peaceful dream, and inside that dream, you fell asleep forgetting about your nightmare week.

- Armin Arlert

It's your idea. It's Mikasa's birthday party, and Connie had taken some ecstasy pills from whoever wants to use them. So you take two, drag your boyfriend to the bathroom and lock the door.

"You don't have to do it with me if you don't want to, Armin"

"I'm curious too," He says, staring at the little pink pills on your hand.

Armin swallows one, and you do the same after him.

Armin swallows one, and you do the same after him. You want the experience to be as safe as possible. Then both sit in the bathtub and wait for the effect while talking. About half an hour later, you notice how dilated are the pupils of the blond in front of you. Your hearing is a little muffled, and you feel happy and light for no apparent reason. A slight tingle comes and goes through your body, like a wave spreading that sensation across your skin.

You go over to Armin and sit on his lap. He smiles at you, and more than ever, you want to kiss him until you're out of breath, and he's not different from you.

Armin takes your hand between his and brings it to his mouth. He spreads small, short kisses on your hand. You focus on the feeling of his lips running over your skin. You are so damn sensitive even his breathing makes you shiver.

As if a magnetic force pulls you both, you two kiss, letting that soft cloud of pleasure envelop you both. When Armin presses you against his body, deepening the kiss and tasting your mouth, you want to break the laws of physics and be able to occupy the same place as him. You want to become one with him.

And the two of you may not be able to do it, but you certainly tried A LOT in that bathroom.

- Jean Kirstein

Jean is handsome, tall, friendly, and intelligent. So when he starts to be invited to every possible party in college, you’re not surprised. You two have been dating since high school, and you don't feel jealous if he goes to parties alone but he always finds a way to convince you to accompany him with some excuse. Like,  that it would be a lot more fun if you're next to him.

Today, this is one of those times when he convinces you. It's not that you don't like parties kind of, but a party full of strangers doesn't seem like the most attractive thing to you. Then after dancing and talking to people for a long time, he drags you to one of the rooms in the house to give you a well-deserved break.

"Thank you for coming with me," He said, hugging you from behind after closing the door.

"I'm going to want some compensation for that, Kirstein," You said, sitting down in an armchair that was there.

"How about ... That" Jean takes a bag with two white pills out of his pocket and tosses it towards you.

"What is it?"

"LSD"

"What kind of people have you been involved with?" You joke “If your mom knew what you've been up to, Jeanboo”

"Shut up" He sat next to her "If you want to try, I try"

It wouldn't be his first time getting high, he used to smoke weed with Eren in the basement since high school, but it would be yours. As I said, Jean is smart. You knew he had been wanting to try acid for some time. So of course, he had researched on.

Honestly? You are curious but afraid after so many speeches “don’t do drugs, kids”. Jean would never propose anything that could endanger the two of you, which is exactly why he only suggested it when you were alone, and if you said "no" it would be like it never happened.

"Is it just swallowing?"

"Put it under your tongue and let it dissolve"

You lie down on the floor and take it at the same time. It tastes bitter, but unlike any medicine, you've taken in your life.

It takes some time for it to start taking effect, but when it finally did you know. The sound of loud music, muffled by the walls of the room seems to be inside your head now. The colors tremble in front of you, mixing, moving, becoming more intense. You raise your hand towards the ceiling, and you don't feel like that's your hand. Everything seems surreal. You feel calm but active. It's like being very drunk, but the other way around.

Jean pulls you into his chest, and you can hear his heart pumping blood at full speed, like yours. You feel your throat dry, your body sweat, and your hands get cold.

If I could define that feeling with a word, it would definitely be intense.

You spent the night like that. Watching the furniture move and change shape, lying on the floor and without detaching from each other. At some point, you ended up sleeping, and after having the weirdest dream of your life, you woke up with Jean calling you carefully. The sun had already risen, and the house was silent, indicating that the party was over a long time ago.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, helping you to stand.

“Hungry and hungover”

He mumbles something about also being, and you go out to eat at the nearest cafeteria.