#One star reads

[satashiiwrites]

Nightmare Before Kissmas book review

Warning: I disliked this book so much. One star only because it did have it’s cute moments. Spoilers for book below.

Book title: Nightmare Before Kissmas (Royals and Romance book 1)

author: Sara Raasch

Overall rating: 1 star ⭐️ out of 5

Spice rating: 2 chilies 🌶️ out of 5

reason read: monthly bookclub pick for December

Where to start?  

 I’ve never read a mlm book with such a teenage girl protagonist?  

 I think that’s at the core of what I found so terrible about this book.  I get that this book’s audience is likely majority female, but the textual flavor of this book screams femininity from the rooftops when it’s written to be from a bisexual man’s point of view. 

 The mental dissonance was real the entire time. 

 I suppose the book is cute—like sugary spastic overloaded with cuteness—but overall I did not enjoy it.  The language and prose is simplistic, the ‘spicy scenes’ are PG13ish, and the maturity level of the main characters would be believable if they were in junior high or maybe early high school but is nauseatingly annoying as twenty-somethings supposedly concerned about adult issues like governing a holiday. 

 Maybe it’s the privilege that Coal has from his sheltered, royal life?  Either way, as a main character I did not find him compelling or believable in his motives.  He’s shallow, has no understanding of the world, and when he meet’s his love interest, Prince Hex of Halloween, it’s instalove in the way that makes my eye twitch. No slow burn here, just instalove and ‘oh you’re hot’ attraction of the type that feels like it will fade in days when they realize they have nothing to talk about over breakfast on their third date.

 Look, I’d happily trade this book in for the mountainly-est mountain man you can find.  The more bear-y the better because Coal, Hex and even Kris are the twinkiest twinks to ever twink. I get more about their looks and what they’re wearing than I really needed and the mental picture I come up with is basically an anorexic man without muscles nor facial hair, possibly wearing a corset. 

 (seriously, give me a deeply brooding prince of Halloween, his eyes flashing devil’s red, the faint hint of smoke and something old lingering about him, artful stubble on his cheeks to make you have beard burn and pale as a ghost (or a beautiful swarthy Latino given that He’s also has dia de muertos from his mother’s side) with an accent and mysteriousness given to indulgence in pleasures, a fondness for red wine or whiskey or maybe even absinthe.  Make the fucking prince of Halloween a mystery wrapped in an enigma instead of… what we got here.  Wasted opportunity.  I wanted more demon-y vampire/werewolf/evil sorcerer that may talk with the dead and got random jack-o-lantern manifestation.)

 (Also, Coal coulda been very Norse/scandinavian/viking mountain of a man—another wasted opportunity. Nobody got manhandled appropriately.)

 I’m not kidding about maturity levels in this book. The whole coup plot feels paper thin.  The conspirators involved have a plan that would make Wiley Coyote’s plans to trap Roadrunner look like something a mastermind developed instead of buying the best ACME wholesale he can get his paws on.  There’s holes you can drive Santa’s flying sleigh through.  No political/holiday leader/head of house adult in their right mind would throw their support behind Coal’s plan unless it was just to embarrass or weaken his father, Santa. Not with so much risk involved. If Coal’s goal is really to make Christmas feel less like plastic commercial junk… the book makes a good argument that Christmas really is just that commercialized and fake these days and has lost it’s meaning of hope, family gatherings and renewal in the darkest parts of the year. It’s Hallmark-artificial in all the wrong ways and I feel like I got a cavity from reading about all the sweets/baked goods.  Does nobody eat protein at the North Pole? Also, this book could have been fifty pages shorter if we weren’t constantly treated to Coal’s mental tirades that were repetitive and worthy of a twelve year old girl’s arguments about commercialism and how much he dislikes his evil™️ dad. 

 The coup climax falls flat and the conflict with Hex being told to go away really was unnecessary. I hate romances and their third act plot twists/breakup when they don’t actually play out well (spoilers: this one played out dumb when combined with the coup). 

 TL:DR?  It’s immature, instalove and holiday themed with a badly planned coup that shouldn’t and kinda doesn’t really work. Such a wasted opportunity of a concept imo, but if you love sugary twink-ish men who happen to be ‘princes’, we’ve found your book. Spice rating? Eh… two chili peppers 🌶️ out of five because it’s there, but not really memorable on the scale of spicy books (there’s a lot of euphemisms used). 

It’s 1130 AM and I’m going to go find myself a drink that has more maturity than this book.  

[chromaherder]

Been thinking about them lately.

[starry-bi-sky]

I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt

“Woah. You look like shit."

Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.

The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.

"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."

And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.

The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.

If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.

"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.

"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.

"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.

The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.

He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."

There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.

"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."

Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"

"Daniel? Is that you?"

His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

[insert poetic title here]

fun fact: this did not start out as isat fanart

(rambling in tags)

[eggdrawsthings]

The Nikto called the kid a “fledgling Jedi”, saying Din had no idea what he could “do”. The Armorer also called the Jedi “sorcerers” and though Din doesn’t know anything about sorcery, he does know there’s something magical about the kid’s hugs. Something powerful. They have the power to erase bad dreams and painful conversations. They have the power to heal hurts and pains and age-old loneliness. They have the power to make Din laugh like he is now.  If that isn’t magic, Din doesn’t know what else is.

Dream Child by @muchadoloo

[livelaughlovesubs]

Quick thirst before I go back to writing, I was craving something sweet

Imagine this….

Him, sitting in your lap, face buried into the crook of your neck, back bend as he meekly claws at your shoulders. Your entire focus on him and his body, on the way his fingers twitched, the way he squirmed in pleasure.

One arm is securely wrapped around him, holding him close, listening to each others heart beat. The other one feeling him up, teasing his weak spots or playing with his erotic zones. And every time you rub just slightly harder, you are met with his moans and whimpers ringing in your ears. His breath tickling your skin and his tears damping your shoulder.

And once he gets close, he whispers, “I’m yours.”

[nidbaesenpai]

Dare you say this love could just save you

[affixjoy]

[magnusbae]

Anakin being so unhinged he's no longer connected to the doorframe + bonus:

[lucabyte]

some thoughts on Claude

alt title: diversity win! this Butch Nun is crafting bombs in an unventilated room in her convent while actively courting Mother Superior! Do Not Give Them Access To Unlimited Power No Matter How Nice They Are

+ bonus

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

jesus christ

okay so i've finally dug my way into the price of the phoenix on the reading list and

WOW

wow

they uh. they weren't kidding about the nature of THIS novel huh

i may update this post with the selections that caused the worst internal screaming, if any of yall would be inclined?

[commsroom]

the u.s.s. horrible unending nightmare 💥 (once again from the incredible @hehearse)

[smokin-salmon]

Fuck it. *Makes the old woman cry*

[keferon]

The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~

Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍

[puppppppppy]

act 4 :(

@chipper-smol and i came to a realization

[hvezdnastreka]

A date with Cardassia