#One does not simply end up in the Netherlands

[maivalkov]

Me: I'm going to visit a new country this year

Also me: What if I went to Belgium—say, Antwerp—then accidentally took a train north :v

[sleepyhollowtimburton]

Origins of the Headless Horseman legend

Despite the legend of Sleepy Hollow being one of the oldest American written horror stories, the origin behind the Headless Horseman is a lot older and originates in Europe.

Washington Irving first published the legend of Sleepy Hollow between 1819-1820. In this story, it is explained that the Headless Horseman was a German mercenary soldier, a Hessian hailing from the German state Hessen, who unfortunately lost his head during the revolutionary war after being hit by a canon ball to the face. It is interesting that Irving chose for a German origin for the Horseman in a Dutch town as both Germany and the Netherlands have legends of headless horsemen, talking decapitated heads, ghost riders in the dark that have its origins in pre-Christian times.

Here are some examples of the headless horseman myth from different countries in Europe:

Netherlands: The belief in the wild hunt was once quite important in pre-Christian times, it's in fact the origin of the modern Dutch holiday of Sinterklaas which was introduced in the USA as Santa Clause. As the days shorten and winter arrives, the Germanic God Wodan, or in some instances the Goddess Hel/Holle, rides through the sky followed by a horde of the undead. Anyone unfortunate enough to see the riders in the sky, would soon die and join the hunt. To please the hunt, people began to give offerings to the God Wodan and his horse Sleipnir, placing carrots in shoes, this tradition is still being done in the Netherlands until this very day. I am myself a Germanic Pagan and I honour the wild hunt by making offerings to Wodan and his horse and blowing the midwinter horn.

There is also a Dutch medieval song 'Heer Halewijn', the origins of which are assumed to be older, an oral tradition before being written down around the 15th century. This song tells the tale of a princess set out to meet Halewijn who in turn ends up being a murderer who decapitates women in the forest. The princess manages to decapitate Halewijn instead and takes his head with her to her father the king, Halewijn's decapitated head however continues to talk to the princess.

Ireland: In Irish folklore, the Dullahan is a headless evil entity who rides a horse while carrying his head under his arm. This spectre is perhaps the most famous and classic example of the visual origin of the Headless Horseman. Not only does the Dullahan carry his own head, he also wields a whip made out of a human spine. Whenever the Dullahan halts his horse, a death will happen by calling out that person's name. Some say that the Dullahan is the spirit of Crom Dubh, a Celtic deity who was worshiped by means of human sacrifices.

There is also the Cóiste Bodhar, a strange headless entity who drives a black coach. Bodhar is a harbinger of death who arrives to announce the passing of a relative or a loved one, quite similar to the grim reaper.

Wales: Now the country of Wales is home to quite a few headless mysteries. One of the more famous stories tells about a headless woman: 'Fenyw heb un pen' who eerily also rides a horse without a head. Another story tells of how Bryn Hall was haunted by a headless horseman until the horseman pointed towards a body which turned out to be the dead body of an illegimate child of Bryn Hall. This version of the Headless Horseman seems to have been more benign, rather than being a harbinger of death or a crazed killer.

Germany: Germany is also home to several Headless Horseman legends and is of course the home country of Irving's version of the Headless Horseman. Most of Germany's legends originate from the Rhineland area and were part of a morality tale. Many of these Headless Horsemen were doomed men, being punished for their sins on earth so they had to wander until they had atoned for their sins. Sometimes these Headless men would perform good deeds, most times however they would kill victims, not by decapitation but simply by touching them. Both Germany and the Netherlands believed in the Wild Hunt legend and it is alleged that many of these Headless Horsemen have their origin in the pagan wild hunt.

England: England also has several legends concerning Headless Horsemen, one of these is part of the legend of Arthur, the Green Knight. This knight challenged one man in Arthur's court to strike him down with his axe but the Green Knight warned the man he would strike the man back later in a year. As promised, the knight got decapitated, picked up his head and later decapitated the man whom he challenged. Another headless horseman legend originates from the Dartmoor area, nothing much is known about this legend other than that people have seen a headless man riding around the countryside.

In the end, the Headless Horseman has its origins in both Celtic and Germanic mythology and new versions of the legend keep on popping up throughout history, either as a bringer/omen of death or as a killer waiting for his unfortunate victims. Seldomly is the Headless Horseman a benign person helping people in need.

The legend found its way to the USA thanks to Dutch, Irish, English and German settlers and was immortalized by Washington Irving in his 1820 story 'the legend of Sleepy Hollow'. Washington Irving himself probably based the story on the old Dutch and German stories as he was familiar with them thanks to his travels. The retellings of German folktakes 'Volksmärchen der Deutschen, 1783 was especially a big source of inspiration for Washington Irving.

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form:

What would happen to the richest countries in the world these days because they export oil when my story takes place in 2400 and and the oil is all gone and these countries are where my story actually takes place. Where all the money is now is pretty much the countries that produce cutting edge technology.

Licorice: 2400 CE is 376 years in the future. 

Which countries were the richest 376 years ago?  That would take us back to 1648. The richest country in the world was China, with India not far behind. The Ottoman Empire was another superpower, and most of today’s Middle Eastern oil states were its posessions. The USA didn’t even exist. The British had barely begun building their empire; the Netherlands and France were both far richer and more powerful than GB, but the European powerhouse was Spain with its Latin American colonial empire pumping out seemingly inexhaustible supplies of silver and gold bullion, inspiring a golden age of piracy in the Caribbean. 

China, India, France: their wealth was based mostly on strong diverse domestic economies. 

Britain, Portugal and the Netherlands: they were too small and poor to build a China-type self-sufficient diverse economy. They grew rich on trade.

Ottoman Empire: a multicultural melting pot covering roughly the same geographic area as the Eastern Roman Empire, the Ottomans had it all. But they fell behind in the 19th century, and the empire was torn apart by the waves of nationalism that swept across the globe after the French Revolution. The Ottoman Empire no longer exists.

Spain grew rich in the same way the oil economies grew rich, by mining a single commodity and using it to pay for everything

A country like the USA is going to be as fine as anywhere can be after the oil is gone. Like China, India and the EU they will diversify into renewable resources and keep right on truckin’ because their economies are sufficiently wealthy and diverse, their population sufficiently  educated, and their governments sufficiently forward thinking to do this. 

Back in the 18th century, the measly little island of Britain took the wealth it earned from trade to invest in R&D, invented the industrial revolution, and used its tech advantage to conquer an empire the likes of which had never hitherto been seen. 

Spain, on the other hand, didn’t invest in itself. The gold and silver from the Spanish Main trickled through its fingers the way easy money always does with lottery winners. Much of the bullion ended up in China via British, Dutch, and Portuguese ships. Spain’s empire disintegrated in the 19th century.

In short, if you’re a country with a booming economy dependent on a single non-renewable commodity, and you are smart, you will use that wealth to build your competitive advantage in diverse areas of human economic activity. You will educate your population to be creative and entrepreneurial. This is more likely to happen if your government is some flavour of democracy.

If you’re not smart or if your government is controlled by a small clique of aristocrats or a dictator and his court with no accountability to the future, your elite will simply take most of the wealth for themselves, stick it into Swiss bank accounts, and leave the country impoverished and under-developed when they flee the inevitable coup. 

Since the history of the years 2024-2400 hasn’t yet been written, it’s up to you to decide what the countries in your story are going to do. All of them are well aware that the oil bonanza will not last forever. You might find this useful: “How the Gulf Region is Planning for Life After Oil”. 

So, which of your countries will be smart and which will be foolish? Which ones will have the foresight to build a viable post-oil future for themselves, and which ones will slide backwards into poverty, ignorance, and oppression? You decide. 

[soopsiedaisies]

Hey!! Hey!!! Do you want to bake an easy snack?? Do you want something sweet and fruity, but not too sweet?? Boy have I got the thing for you

APPLEFLAPS

This is a treat that, as far as I know, is rather common in Belgium, The Netherlands, and some parts Germany. It’s one of the first baked goods that Dutch kids learn to make, shortly followed by peppernuts and apple pie and poundcake. It’s easy, only requires a couple of ingredients, and has quite a short baking time. You literally cannot go wrong with this I promise. Recipe under the cut

INGREDIENTS NEEDED:

Square puff pastry sheets, but round ones work as well. About 12cm by 12cm preferably (like 4 and half inches by 4 and a half inches). Each sheet will be one (1) pastry. If you get one massive sheet, cut it into smaller squares with like a pair of scissors. Idc I’m not your dad. 

Apples, for the filling. Ones you use for apple pie work best but any apples will do. Make sure you’ve got at least 4 large ones (you can eat the leftover filling by the spoonful) 

Lemon (or lime) juice, to prevent browning of the apples (and to prevent overwhelming sweetness, if the apples aren’t a bit sour themselves)

Sugar (to taste and for decoration) 

Ground cinnamon

An egg for the eggwash (if vegan or allergic to eggs or without eggs, water works as well)

Some lukewarm water

Optional: Vanilla sugar

Optional: (rum-)soaked raisins 

UTENSILS NEEDED

Baking sheet

Baking paper

Bowl (large enough for at least 4 cut-up apples)

Knife

Cutting board (covering my bases here) 

Spoon

Fork 

Lil brush for the eggwash

Your fingers

A fucking oven. 

To start

Preheat the oven to 175 Celcius, or about 350 Fahrenheit. If you got the kind of puff pastry that’s frozen, take that out to thaw a little bit. Line your baking sheet with baking paper. 

The filling:

Peel the apples. Cut them in half, then in quarters. Core them. Cut the quarters in half lengthwise, then gather a few together and cut these width wise: you want to end up with little triangles. The thickness of these triangles depends wholly on how chunky you want the filling to be. I usually go for about 5 millimetres, which means there’s still some chunk after baking. 

Throw the pieces in a bowl. Add a dash of lemon juice, maybe a bit more if the apples are really sweet and you don’t really like that. Throw in the (totally optional) raisins, add some sugar, and pound the bottom of the ground cinnamon jar. Mix with a spoon and give it a little taste. Not sweet enough? Add more sugar. Not cinnamon-y enough? Add more cinnamon. Is it too sweet, or too cinnamon-y? Don’t worry, if you’ve got another apple cut that one up and throw it in. Give it a taste. Still too sweet? Lemon juice. It’ll help. Not more apples? Just roll with it. It’ll taste great either way. 

You can heat the filling a little bit if you want, but it’s not necessary and will only result in extra dishes. 

Folding and stuff

Filling’s done, and puff pastry’s thawed? Great. Let’s get to filling and folding. 

The common shape of the appleflap is a triangle because we tend to use square puff pastry sheets. It doesn’t really matter what the shape ends up being, as long as it’s folded in half and forms a little pocket (you don’t want the filling to spill out a whole lot). 

What you do is grab one of the pastry sheets, put it down flat, and put a spoonful (a little less, a little more. It’s a bit of fiddling) in the middle of it. Avoid the edges. Then you use that jar of lukewarm water: using the brush or your fingers, wet one half of the edge of the pastry sheet. Then pinch the dry half and pull it a bit, folding it over. The filling shouldn’t burst out of the pocket or tear the dough: if it does only a little bit, it’s fine, but if it’s far too much simply peel the pocket back open and take some of the filling out. 

You’ll notice that when you press the wet edge to the dry edge, it’ll stick shut. Decorate/further secure the edge by crimping it with a fork. There. You’ve done it. That’s a fucking pastry. Carefully place it on the baking sheet, and just continue on until you’re out of pastry dough. 

(There will usually be some filling left. This is for you to eat, or for the kiddos you’re making it with) 

Finishing touches 

Stand before the overfull baking sheet and determine whether or not the pastries will touch as they bake. If they do, take some out. Two rounds of baking is also doable. It’s kind of like cookies. 

Brush the top of the pastries with the eggwash or water, then sprinkle some sugar on top. At this point you throw them into the preheated oven for about 25 minutes and just wait. Keep bit of an eye on them though, you don’t want them to burn. 

…and that’s it. That’s all there’s to it. They’re fantastic to eat when still warm, and they’re still fantastic when cold. The sugar melts and comes a bit caramel-y so the pastry is a bit tacky, yet the puff pastry itself is still fluffy and dry. The apple pie filling is just fruity goodness. Easy, fun. You can replace the apple filling with different fruits if you want (cherry and apricot is also brilliant). Enjoy!

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

hello! *Waves* I also grew up watching Top Gear! I still know nothing about cars, but it is still one of my favorite comfort shows. very difficult to watch given that I do not live in the UK, but we must persist in spite of the horrors

Brother! As hinted previously, I watched it religiously after school, and I think my stack of issues of the (mostly unrelated) Top Gear magazine makes even my other stack of issues pale in comparison. The show was buckets of fun, especially for a kid sometimes too little to realize how much of it was fake. (Upon understanding it, the idea of watching challenges with points scoring based on staged events made heaps less sense to me - I think Top Gear entertained the most when it executed silly ideas earnestly). And the trepidation with which I hunted down and devoured the magazines ridicules my current struggle to dear God read something. Growing up exposed to this constant stream of the most outlandish vehicles and stunts and fabrications did a lot for my creativity - I think it's where you'll find the roots of things like my Rice'n'Shine project. And I realize that those unfamiliar may read 'most outlandish vehicles and stunts and fabrications' as 'Ferraris, jumps, and clipshow-like segments pointing and laughing at tackily pimped cars', so, to exemplify just how far beyond that it got (and because I'm not getting a better excuse to bring this thing up anytime soon), here's a vehicle I've learned of from the show: the Bug Carver, or Vandenbrink Carver, or Carver One. The Carver.

No, it's not a contender for largest engine ever, quite the opposite. A mere 660cc turbocharged engine from a Daihatsu kei car, in fact, was housed between the rear wheels it powered. Most interestingly, however, is the whole assembly had pretty much only two solid points of contact with the rest of the body, which itself had a single wheel upfront.

One may expect severe issues with flex, but no siree. This car does not jiggle jiggle.

It folds.

And quite significantly, I might add.

One could consider it a motorcycle for those unwilling to give up a car's interior, or, considering the engine and rear wheels stay put and the lean is artificially induced by electronically controlled hydraulics, a car that wiggles its passengers about for funsies. (Well, mainly stability. But I can't imagine funsies weren't a factor.)

Some, instead, consider it a fighter jet for the road, or, more simply, buckets of fun. The most surprising thing, however, is what some consider it today, because while the Carver project did end in bankruptcy in 2009, it has recently been resurrected with an electric powertrain and an immensely uglier front.

And I can assure you, millions of people (whether they noticed or not) saw a picture of it in a scammy banner ad next to the title "cheap electric cars for seniors". Which is such a hilariously baffling picture choice I can't even fathom how it happened. Surely not over someone involved actually knowing the thing, because I cannot think of a single worse use case for a Carver than someone you can't even trust with a normal car anymore.

Well, I can't, but don't worry, Carver could!

Yep. What better vehicle to deliver pizzas with than Tilty McTiltface. So if you've been in the Netherlands and your niets pizza met links rundvlees turned up as a niets pizza met overal rundvlees, well, we might have a theory in our hands.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

[adarkrainbow]

Did you ever watch Simsala Grimm?

How was it really like?

I only learned about this show by watching that video about the troubled production of Happily N'Ever After.

Did I watch it per se? Yes and no...

Simsala Grimm was one of those cartoons that was aired almost daily on television when I was a kid, so I knew about it, I knew about its opening, its main characters, thanks to often seeing this on TV even when I didn't want to or coming across it when switching channels. That's the type of "very popular" I am talking about.

However as a kid I never actually watched it because it did not interest me... As a kid I was not a fan of fairytales, as I think I said before - this interest only really came up during my teenage years and further on. I came across them again on Youtube because thanks to everybody uploading childhood cartoons on there you have a ton of Simsala Grimm episodes.

And... Now I need to do a serious, complete re-watch of the thing, but basically the thing that puts me off - not that it is bad, but my mind tends to fold away at the idea - is that it is the same principle as those "Tom and Jerry X whatever movie". The principle is that you have your two cute little furry critters that enter into a Grimm fairytale as it is about to happen, get involved in the story, and help it come to its happy end. As a result, while the episodes can be interesting in some times (especially when they deal with lesser-known Grimm fairytales) other times it has this bizarre feeling of for example those Tom and Jerry in, I don't know, The Wizard of Oz, where you wonder "What is it adding to the plot? Why not make a straightforward adaptation of the fairytale?"- even though sometimes the involvment of the protagonist does derail a bit the story as they themselves get trapped in one way or another...

I am not an expert or a long-time watcher of Simsala Grimm so I am not the best person to explain, BUT I will point out that this logic of retelling a Grimm fairytale but by inserting additional characters we follow the adventures of alongside the "regular" story that plays in the background seems to be a recurring German thing in media. I remember how "Six in one go" (that was simply called in French "The Grimm Fairytales") they had the habit of doing this regularly to - adding parallel plots and entirely new characters that are here just to wrap around the main story or pad a bit the time.

But yes, Simsala Grimm IS a pretty big thing in France, that aired everywhere and was unescapable for a while - I think it is even more famous in Germany and in the Netherlands? Though I can't say for sure, due to not being there - however Germany is its homeland and the quantity of Simsala videos in Dutch the Internet is flooded with lets me think it does have a certain popularity there...

[fireflowersims]

Death, dying and funerals in the Netherlands (pt 1)

Not even sure which tw's I should tag this with. Keep scrolling if you think it might be distressing.

So, your loved one has died and now you have to deal with the body. If you've watched YouTube videos about this subject before (like Caitlin Doughty/Ask a Mortician), you may have a certain (very US-centric) view on what comes next. Probably quite relevant to many y'all tumblrinas and all, but I'm not from there, our traditions in the Netherlands are very different. My dad passed away this monday and since we're in the midst of the process I may as well get detailed about how we do it here. I personally think it is a good way to go about it.

I'll make a few posts because it's a lot to cover and I'm trying to be detailed. This is part 1. I'll put a link to part 2 under the spoiler as soon as I've written it. There are no pictures. Only text.

So, tw on all of this: cancer, death, dying, corpses, handling corpses in various ways, funerals, undertakers, huge sums of money, insurance company (derogatory), religion

So there's a corpse in your house

Your loved one has just died at home. Perhaps of illness, perhaps an accident, who knows.

I will not go into detail about my dad's actual passing and the whole process of dying. It's anything but pleasant. In the end, he died of brain cancer. He passed at home, pain free, in his own bed. He will be buried.

The first thing you do is to call the doctor. You call your (or your loved one's) GP during their office hours. At night and during the weekend you call the HAP (Huisartsenpost aka the hospital GP).

If your loved one died as a result of a terminal illness (like brain cancer (glioblastoma) in my dad's case), they were probably under the care of at-home (palliative) nursing. You call them as well. Chances are they'll need to unhook some medical equipment.

After a bit, the doctor serving as coroner (schouwarts) will show up to your house to confirm the death. They will listen for a heartbeat and check the eyes for responsiveness. After they are sure the person is indeed dead, they will fill in some forms needed for the municipality. These forms will get picked up by the funeral home or you can bring them to the municipality yourself. You need those forms to get a death certificate.

After the doctor has filled in these forms, you can call your funeral insurance (often DELA or Monuta nowadays) and/or a funeral home of your choosing. The insurance stuff can get a bit complex and oh my will I elaborate on this later, but basically, as soon as you tell the funeral home/insurance that you want to make use of their services, they will ask for some details including size of the diseased and if you would like them to be viewed and if so: where? Also, how should the body be displayed? On the bed, on a gurney covered in a shroud, in a coffin (not a casket!) or even on a fake bed? You have options. We went for a coffin. The simplest model. Made out of untreated wood, cotton lining, no metal bits, fit for natural burial.

Once they know the details, they will then send people to your house to take care of the body. It can take a couple hours for them to arrive depending on the time and how busy it is. This leaves some time to pick the outfit they will be buried in.

The final care

When the funeral workers arrive, you get an often very emotional and tender part of the process.

In the Netherlands, embalming is illegal. It used to be possible to get a treatment called "thanatopraxie" which is a light temporary embalming that lasts no longer than 10 days, but last I checked this is currently not possible as it involves carcinogens or smth like that.

This means that almost all viewings that take place in the Netherlands are of unembalmed bodies. Simply said: my dad looks dead. He does not look like he's sleeping. He is very visibly dead. There is no mistaking it for sleep. The body is discolored to some degree, it is very much a corpse.

The body still gets "prepped" though. Mostly non-invasive.

In my dad's case he was upstairs and so he needed to be brough down the stairs for the final care. This involves a "bodypod": a type of mattress that they strapped him to for transport. We had to rearrange almost all the living room furniture to make room for this, the coffin and to be able to give him his final care. He's a big guy.

NOTE: We chose to initially keep him at home, then have him transferred elsewhere the next day. Chances are this process may be done elsewhere if you immediately want to get the body out of the house. I'm not 100% sure on this.

Next, the body gets laid on a gurney, a sheet below.

This is where the family involvement can really start. Almost all processes below can be performed either by the caretakers from the funeral home or by the family. In my dad's case, it was primarily my mom and I helping. With a minor role for my cousin.

The body gets undressed completely and cleaned. It is possible for family members to assist with this. I did.

First the genitalia gets cleaned, I opted not to do this. Then the body gets a diaper so that any leakage gets caught and won't cause any undue.... Issues. Then the rest of the body gets washed with a disposable washcloth (I did this). It is also possible to use deodorant or perfume if you wish to. My mom also shaved his face.

Then you dress the body. Underwear, top, bottom, socks. Jewelry is possible but may have to be removed before burial.

The caretakers will apply a bit of make-up on request. My dad only got a bit of BB Cream. The intention of the makeup is not to make the person look alive-ish. It is to cover any discoloration (like deep purple ears thanks to gravity pulling the blood down).

I was not present for this part. Instead my cousin chose to stay with him during this process. According to her, they had issues getting his mouth open. The fact I got to him with a rolled up towel beneath his chin within minutes of his death before rigor mortis had set in (dead bodies move weird. There's no comparing it) may have contributed to this lol

Finally, the lips and eyes are closed. This is the most invasive part of it all and cannot be done by family. The lips especially can be a gnarly process as it is done by sewing them shut with a needle. For the eyes they will use silicone lenses with soft spikes on them. These may be taken out before burial.

After it is done, it is time to transfer the body to its viewing place.

In the Netherlands it's fairly common to have what they may call "home funerals". The body will be kept at home for an extended period of time before burial. Burials or cremation have to take place pretty fast. Within a week or less in most cases. But how do you keep the body from rotting? Simple. Cooling. You get an "ice plate". Kind of like the back of a refrigerator. It gets plugged into the wall and they put the coffin on top. It works so well that you can get ice at the bottom of the coffin. You also make sure to turn the heating in the room down.

Honestly, the key takeaway here is that it's fairly common and totally okay for family members to be directly involved in the care for the body. The workers will assist when needed. As there is no embalming happening, there is no reason to keep them from the body (unless it's a serious health hazard). The body will not be caked in makeup until it looks almost alive. Rather, it will be made neat, clean and presentable.

Once everything is said and done, the body is ready for viewing. You may wonder: is it distressing to see an unembalmed body? No. It is not. I saw how my dad changed from living to dying, to dead. How his body has changed little bits over the last couple days. His body will visibly keep changing until we will close his coffin and it is not distressing to me, my mom or my sisters. Truth be told, I did startle a couple times when he was in the living room. Like "oh wait there's a corpse. Damn dad, you startled me there!". It's just a bit unexpected to have a coffin there, ya know?

Truth be told, when I read a lot of American (funeral people's) opinions on viewing on unembalmed bodies, it seems... Odd. I think it would be more disturbing to me to see an embalmed body to be honest. It is okay for a dead body to look like a dead body. In a way, it helps you come to terms with the process. To advice the family against viewing their loved one because they aren't embalmed or to praise and advertise the techniques for how it "restores the body" just doesn't feel right. It's a corpse, it doesn't need to look alive.

Moving the body

What they don't tell you about moving dead bodies is the farts, the gasses, the stench. Decomposition starts pretty much immediately and even with cooling, you're gonna get fumes eventually, especially if you move the body.

Anyways, the process of getting my dad into the coffin involved me, my mom, my cousin and the two funeral workers all working together to grab the sheet he was on and on the count of three lift him up to move him into the coffin. This went well. The funeral caretakers then helped arrange his body so it actually looked presentable.

My dad was moved uhhh, more times than desirable to be honest partially thanks to the shape of our hallway and the size of him and his coffin as well as some other stuff. And it can get stinky. Corpse gasses be stinky yo. The stench is the most tolerable near the feet, but the people at the head and chest got a face full of corpse stink upon lifting him when we had to move him out of the coffin again.

First, off the bed, down the stairs to his coffin. Then, out of the coffin to the gurney to the mortuary. Then from the mortuary to the 24h room and into his coffin again. Not sure in which order the last move happened. Later on, he will be moved again, but that is on the day of the funeral which will still take a few days.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention the whole crematory fuckery. That will be for the next post. This one is getting pretty long. Spoiler alert: 90 FUCKING EUROS?!!??

Part 2

[notwiselybuttoowell]

In Europe, Pringles has 34 active flavours in seven can sizes (one of which is called “David” for reasons no one can explain). Not all of these flavours are available in every European country – prawn cocktail only really sells in the UK and Ireland, while bacon is found in most places except Belgium, the Netherlands and strongholds of vegetarianism Austria, Denmark and Sweden. Salt and vinegar has spread everywhere except Norway and Italy. “They don’t have the habit of doing vinegar on their crisps; they just eat them plain with salt,” says Julie Merzougui, lead food designer at Kellanova. If an employee in Italy wanted to explore bringing salt and vinegar to the market, they could – they’d simply have to ask. As of yet, they haven’t.

Multiple times a year, Pringles releases limited-edition flavours known internally as “insanely accurate analogues” – Merzougui and Peremans come up with these for Europe. “People think we have the dream job,” Merzougui says (she has dark hair, round glasses and an easy laugh, a personality akin to an experimental flavour – perhaps a chorizo Pringle). Peremans, who has worked at the company for 26 years, has a salt and pepper beard and a Salt & Shake personality. He speaks quietly and pragmatically, but has a subtle playful streak: “My young son, he wants to become my successor.”

Like Lay’s, Pringles starts with data – in Asia, the company uses a Tinder-like tool with 200 consumers at a time, asking them to swipe left or right on potential flavours. Lucia Sudjalim, a senior Pringles developer in Asia, says she does a lot of “social media listening”, observing trends among influencers and bloggers. Kellanova also uses AI, which Merzougui says can predict trends up to 10 years in advance. Things aren’t always this sophisticated though – both Lay’s and Pringles also look at what’s on the shelves in countries they want to break into, copying flavours and identifying gaps to fill.

Yet just because the world wants a flavour doesn’t mean it’s made. In December 2020, scotch egg sales soared in the UK after Conservative ministers ruled the snack a “substantial meal” (providing punters with an excuse to be in the pub under Covid-19 lockdown rules). Peremans was challenged to make scotch egg Pringles and pulled it off; Merzougui says they tasted “really authentic”. Ultimately, however, the potential order volume was not high enough to justify a production run. (This, incidentally, is why it’s hard to get Salt & Pepper Pringles in the UK, even though they’re delicious.)

Another unreleased flavour was part of a collaboration with Nando’s that petered out for reasons Peremans is unsure about. Sometimes, logistics get in the way: the perfectly blended seasoning might clog the machines or create too much dust, causing sneezing fits in the factory. Belgian legislation mandates that every seasoning has to be put through a dust explosion test – it is set alight in controlled conditions to ensure it won’t blow up.

Inside the plant, manager Van Batenburg shows me giant cube-shaped bags of seasonings that arrive ready to be cascaded on to the crisps. At the end of his video presentation, he made a passing comment that rocked my world. We were talking about other crisp companies, big name competitors. “In essence,” he said, “they’re using the same seasoning houses we do.”

I leave Belgium with the names of three seasoning houses Pringles work with. At home, I discover that their websites are obscure – they speak of flavours and trends, but don’t even mention Pringles. I haven’t so much stumbled upon a conspiracy as been invited into it, but I am still shocked. After two months’ cajoling by the Pringles team, two representatives from a seasoning house agree to speak – but only on the condition of total anonymity, in line with their contractual obligations.

“It’s quite secretive,” food scientist Reuben admits via Zoom, wearing a pink shirt and a thoughtful expression (the only crisp I can compare him to is a Quaver). “Everyone has their own crown jewels that they protect.”

As a marketer, Peggy has always found the company’s secrecy “strange”. She speaks clearly, in a way that is reminiscent of a teacher or a steadfast multigrain snack. “It’s always been a bit of a puzzle to me … I was like, ‘Why aren’t we shouting about this?’ But I was told, ‘Oh, no, we have to keep it very quiet.’”

This is because – just as Van Batenburg hinted in Belgium – the seasoning house Reuben and Peggy work for provides flavours for Pringles and Lay’s, as well as other brands. When asked whether their clients know, Reuben says, “They do and they don’t.” “It’s just not really talked about,” Peggy adds. However, this doesn’t mean that a Salt & Vinegar Pringle is flavoured with the same seasoning as a Salt & Vinegar Lay’s. In fact, the seasoning house is strictly siloed to guarantee exclusivity. Reuben’s team work on the Pringles account; the team making flavours for PepsiCo is in an entirely different country. “So the recipe, if you will, of the Pringles salt and vinegar can’t be seen by the other team,” Reuben says.

[dailyanarchistposts]

The Path Forward

The human rights discourse that has hijacked the political left in recent decades has drawn us away from a framework of liberation and effective action. It is now clear that we must track back from liberal thinking in order to reestablish strategies that disarm and deconstruct power. The moral complicity with Israel’s crimes that is represented by the ICJ’s refusal to order an immediate cease fire forces us to do this. It offers a convincing argument that we all need to break with the current failed system.

On the other hand, reality will not wait for us to figure things out. We cannot simply take our time and wait to take action until we have developed and popularized new narratives and conceptual frameworks. We have to use whatever means are available to us to act right now.

Does the ICJ offer us any tools we can use? the ICJ is considered the highest instance of international law. Although it has no independent enforcement mechanisms aside from the United Nations Security Council, its rulings and case law are considered the bedrock of international law jurisprudence, and they are often incorporated into the rulings of national courts on these matters. Despite having ordered very few measures against Israel or the ongoing genocide being carried out, the court did determine that there is considerable cause to believe that genocide is taking place.

Because the court did not take any real measures against Israel, it should be evident that the responsibility to act falls upon us and our movements. Fortunately, the ruling might also give us some tools to use in the here and now while we are developing new frameworks of liberation. One such example is a recent lawsuit at a California federal court aimed at ordering the US administration to halt military support to Israel. The case was dismissed on the grounds that US foreign policy is outside the court’s jurisdiction, but it did determine that Israel is plausibly committing genocide in Gaza on the basis of the ICJ ruling.

The legal case that governments must refrain from complicity in genocide is not unsubstantiated in US law, as well as in many other countries. A Dutch court recently ordered the government of the Netherlands to halt the delivery of parts for F-35 fighter jets that Israel is using to bombard the Gaza Strip. It might be plausible now to force more governments to impose arms embargos, sanctions, or other measures through national courts.

However, such strategies still reduce us to relying on so-called experts; they will not help us build movements. The genocide will not be stopped from within Israeli society. Pressure to do so must come from outside. It is now time for direct action and bottom-up efforts, like community-driven boycotts on Israeli goods, vendors who trade in them, Israeli cultural and propaganda exports, and anything else that feeds into the global boycott, divestment, and sanctions movement. The blockading of the port of Tacoma or the actions of dock workers around the world who refuse to load Israeli ships and cargo and transport arms to Israel are examples of how we might be able to move forward, building towards a proactive grassroots movement.

We must do everything within our power to stop the genocide that is taking place now, but it is important that we approach doing so as a step towards promoting Palestinian liberation and the dismantling of Israeli settler-colonialism. The portrayal of Palestinians as little more than victims at the mercy of Israeli repression is sometimes well intentioned, but it erases their personhood and agency. While we strive to bring Israel’s war machine to a halt, we must articulate that this is part of the struggle to end Israeli colonialism, and center Palestinians as the protagonists of that story.

[coochiequeens]

A notorious German pedophile lobby group has endorsed the new gender self-identification law, stating that “trans kids” are “politically important” for advancing pedophile rights." Disgusting but at least finally honest that they don't actually care about the kids outside of how they can serve the interests of adults.

By Anna Slatz. October 7, 2023

A notorious German pedophile lobby group has endorsed the new gender self-identification law, stating that “trans kids” are “politically important” for advancing pedophile rights. Krumme-13, also known as K13, are also directing its members to watch a movie about an 8-year-old boy who is transitioned to live as a “girl.”

On October 4, K13 published an announcement on its website regarding a film that was set to be screened on television. The movie, Simply Nina, was initially released in 2022 and featured the story of a child “rebelling” against their body.

According to the film’s synopsis on the Hamburg Filmfest’s website, the 8-year-old main character, Nina, is “convinced that a mistake was made at birth” and “plucks up her courage and informs her family that she has always felt like a girl and would like to live as one.” Nina is portrayed by male child actor Arian Wegener.

K13 offers praise for the film, which they noted was being screened on television on October 6. They continue that “the issue of transsexual children is currently of great political importance,” and mention the newly-passed draft of Germany’s new gender self-identification bill. The bill is intended to make it significantly easier for people to change their name and sex, something they will be able to do once per year with no medical documentation needed to demonstrate the individual is transitioning.

In their announcement, K13 notes that “minors from the age of 14” will be allowed to change their name and legal sex with the consent of their guardians or, if their parents will not consent, the permission of a family court. But K13 suggests the age proposed for gender self-determination is too high.

“Why is gender identity also politically important for pedophiles/pedosophists?” K13 asks. “Gender and sexual identity does not only begin on the 14th birthday, when the so-called protection age limit ends. Children can and want to experience their childhood sexuality self-determined beforehand.”

The post continues: “Child sexuality as a whole must no longer be a taboo. Because pedosexual relationships are not conceivable without self-determined child sexuality.”

K13 was founded in 1993 in Trier, Germany by Dieter Gieseking, who was briefly imprisoned on possession of child pornography. Gieseking has been a vocal advocate for the legalization of pedophilia, and frames adult-child sexual activity as normal.

In a 2018 interview for the program Veto, Gieseking repeatedly refers to pedophilia as a “romantic relationship,” and insists that children can seduce adults. “On the forums and in my experience there are many times, for example, when a boy of let’s say 12, actually initiates the relationship,” he says.

Gieseking also made several references to the Netherlands, a country known for its prominent pedophile activism and which currently hosts the majority — 66 percent — of all CSAM sites in the European Union. He told the interviewer that Germany should follow the Netherlands’ lead and lower the age of consent to 12 years old.

“That is just the current zeitgeist, in the past studies have shown the many benefits (of sex with children) for children… The problem is that victim protection and child protection organizations have sprung up and influenced mainstream media,” Gieseking added.

As previously reported by Reduxx, Gieseking has filed a total of three petitions with Germany’s parliament calling on members of the Socialist Democrats, Free Democratic Party, and Green Party to agree to an amendment to Germany’s anti-discrimination legislation which would protect pedophilia as a “sexual identity.”

Gieseking frames his campaigning as an effort to defend “children’s rights” and to protect “sexual minorities” from discrimination. The two most recent petitions submitted to the government were lodged on February 14, 2021.

On July 2, members of K13 congregated at the Cologne Pride Parade, colloquially known as Christopher Street Day (CSD), and displayed a flag representing “minor-attracted persons” pride. They also carried signs opposing the “censorship” of the organization Queer.de and advocated for a “diversity of opinions” within the LGBT community. 

[redladydeath]

So, back in 2022 I came up with this alternate history idea I called “Bloody Mary II.” I don’t think I ever posted publicly about it, but the main idea was basically “What if the Glorious Revolution went horribly wrong?” Recently, I was randomly struck with some new ideas for it, so I figured I’d write some stuff out.

During the advance on London, William is fatally shot by a random, independently-acting king’s man. Mary is in pieces when the news reaches her, but finds herself the new focal-point of the whole affair. William’s murder is an international incident; the invasion fleet is in disarray, unsure of whether to return home or press on, England is in chaos as the people struggle to make sense of what is going on (whether the aimless foreign army occupying their land is a good or bad thing, was the assassination justified or not, is war about to break out, what should be done about James, etc.), the Dutch want James’ head on a pike for killing their prince (James did not actually want William killed, but no one is willing to believe him at the moment), and all eyes in Europe are now on England. Despite her intense grief and lack of confidence in her abilities, Mary feels obligated to take up the reigns as the revolution’s new head.

She begins directing the invasion fleet and, once William’s body is returned to the Netherlands and she is able to lay him to rest, she sails to England to lead them in-person. She is driven by an urge to honor William’s memory and a burning desire for revenge upon her father for taking him from her. Despite her fairly swift arrival, the invasion has already been blown way off course; the English citizenry has become divided in their support for the revolution and James has had enough time to throw together a decent defending army. Instead of a bloodless coup, a full civil war breaks out between the two opposing sides. Mary truly wants no part in all this, but continues in her campaign because she feels that she must do what needs to be done.

Over the course of a year or so, Mary and James wage war against each other, despite both parties’ misery at “having” to do so. Eventually, Mary’s forces manage to push James out of Britain; he simply does not have enough support to keep fighting her indefinitely, despite her own unpopularity for leading a foreign army and instigating a second civil war. Mary is crowned queen while James and his family take refuge in France. However, the country remains unsettled and James continues to make attempts at regaining his crown, so Mary has her work cut out for her.

Parliament urges her to remarry in order to bring in more support and hopefully produce an heir, but Mary refuses to even entertain the possibility. Now that she no longer has the distraction of constant danger, her grief, combined with her pre-existing depression and the stress of having so many people relying on her to make decisions, is all-encompassing. She feels that remarrying would be a betrayal of William’s memory (despite him giving her permission to do so before leaving with the invasion force) and she decides she will never love again. She becomes an almost Queen Victoria-like figure, determined to stay in mourning for the rest of her life. Her unwillingness to compromise on this causes her reputation to take another hit, as she’s dooming the country to another succession crisis once she dies. Anne is still suffering her obstetrical problems, so there's no clear heir to the throne and many fear that the Dutch may attempt to sway Mary one way or another, as she is still closely involved with them despite not holding any power there.

Through the stress of navigating war and queenship without any preparation, Mary comes to rely heavily on Bentinck for support. He swore to William on his deathbed that he would protect and aid Mary and, in his own grief, has fully committed to that task. The two of them end up forming a somewhat co-dependent, but purely platonic, relationship, united in their grief for William. The English are highly skeptical of Bentinck; they already want to removal all Dutch influence from Mary’s court and his intense closeness with her has everyone convinced that they are having an affair. Some think that he's the reason she refuses to remarry, others that he’s manipulating her and is the real power behind the throne. None of it is true, but it does even more damage to Mary’s public image. After several years and several attempts to remove him through various means, Bentinck asks Mary to allow him to return to the Netherlands. She refuses, as she’s remained relatively isolated at court during her time as queen and she’s come to rely so heavily on his support and advice.

Eventually, during one of James’ attempts at invading Britain, a young James Francis Edward is captured by Mary’s forces. He is brought to her for her to decide what to do with him. Upon meeting him for the first time, Mary is struck with the horrible realization that this is indeed her brother and that the whole invasion that ruined her life it was predicated on a lie. Despondent and throughly emotionally exhausted, she is unsure of what to do with him and simply keeps him with her at Hampton Court. He’s young enough that he doesn’t completely hate her yet, and thus the two form a detached, but somewhat caring relationship. James and Maria are absolutely besides themselves, trying to get their son back, and Mary’s advisors are urging her to come to a decision about what to do with him, but Mary, exhausted with playing the political game, refuses to make a decision one way or another, content to simply sit still for the first time in the years. What happens next has yet to be seen.

All of this chaos and Mary’s extremely mixed reputation result in her going down in history as “Bloody Mary II.” She’s a figure of some sympathy on account of her horribly tragic life, but the English people simply could not forgive her for dragging them into a second civil war only 40 years after the first.

[just-joe-goldberg]

Hello again,

I was beginning to think you were ignoring me. But then, you wouldn't ignore me, would you? Because you know I see you. You know I know you.

Have you ever read 'My year of rest and relaxation' by Ottessa Moshfegh? It's a terrible book about a woman who attempts to sleep for an entire year by taking a lot of drugs. Unfortunately (and unsurprisingly), she just starts to lose time instead. She does all sorts of things she doesn't even want to do, and this is how she ends up at the funeral of her best friend's mother. It's arguably an event she should be attending anyway, but it's also one she really did not want to attend.

The thing is, as bad as the book is, I do think life is sort of like that. Sometimes, you find yourself doing things you didn't even want to be doing, completely on autopilot. Because arguably, you simply ought to be doing them.

This is why I watch you, Joe. Because I have to. Because arguably, it is the thing I need to be doing, wether I want to be doing it or not.

But I do want to watch you. Because we are the same.

See you soon.

Of course not, I would never ignore you when you have so fully captured my attention.

I do think you know me. And now that you’ve taken off your mask, perhaps accidentally, I think i see you too. Correct me if I’m wrong but…you’re from the Netherlands. You speak English and Dutch. Most of your posts are in Dutch and I don’t have enough time to translate right now…

So tell me, how do you feel about Muse?

To answer your question: No I have not read that one, but I do understand the sentiment. I do often feel like things happen with a pull beyond my control, and losing time has not been unusual for me lately.

I assume that she did not want to attend the funeral because she felt guilt of what happened when she lost time.

See you soon.

I will be looking for you.

I will be waiting.

[nyaheum]

My Annual Eurovision List - 2023

Completely based on music videos until we actually see some staging. Don’t come at me.

37. POLAND

Solo – Blanka

LMAO fuck TVP. Jann would have been my winner.

36. LITHUANIA

Stay (ČIŪTO TŪTO) – Monika Linkytė

Bleh. I know some people really like this song, but...bleh. There’s nothing here that sticks with me. The song was over and I forgot what it sounded like. I don’t know, I’m used to more from Lithuania.

35. IRELAND

We Are One – Wild Youth

This is the point where I feel like too many bands are hurting this year. They would have been fine any other year, but comparing them to the other bands this year, they’re quite weak. I also expect them so sing “We are Young” every single time...what is fun. up to anyway? (hiatus, apparently.)

34. AZERBAIJAN

Tell Me More – TuralTuranX

Uh...it’s a song. Their name reminds me of Duran Duran. Remembering the name of Duran Duran was the main thing I did while listening to this song. I abolutely HATE spoken word, oh my god. And apart from that, this sounds like one of those songs from an average to slightly bad romcom. Not even the ending song, but the one from the middle, the part where the producers knew that they wanted to convey the passage of time so they simply chose to do a montage.

33. ALBANIA

DUJE – Albina dhe Familja Kelmendi

The guy singing in between is absolutely taking me out. Definitely would’ve liked this more if the chorus hit harder, like this it’s just...kind of sad? But not the good kind, the melodramatic kind (which I can appreciate, to a certain extent, but not to THIS extent.)

32. CYPRUS

Break A Broken Heart – Andrew Lambrou

Did you know that Andrew actually wanted to participate for Australia in 2022? Yeah. I googled this while listening to the song because it has nothing that pulls me in. It’s fine, don’t get me wrong, he has a great voice, but...eh.

31. GREECE

What They Say – Victor Vernicos

Why is he a child. I like the chorus, kind of, but that’s pretty much it. Very meh.

30. LATVIA

Aijā – Sudden Lights

Another song that really takes its time to build up to nothing noteworthy, which is a shame, because in its basics, I quite enjoy it. It’s just a little...frustrating when the chorus comes and goes and nothing in me has changed? Idk lmao.

29. SWITZERLAND

Watergun – Remo Forrer

This is my grandma’s favourite song this year, yay? For some reason I keep reading his name as Ferrero Rocher. The letters barely match, I think it’s just because this is Switzerland. (yes, ferrero is italian, idk.) Oh, the song? It’s fine. It’s not his fault he’s not Gjon.

28. ICELAND

Power – Diljá

It’s fine. Feels very generic, but doesn’t hit hard enough to justify it. Specifically considering it’s Iceland sending it.

27. ARMENIA

Future Lover – Brunette

Surprisingly good in theory, but in the end I only actually like the middle part. The beginning is well sung but a little too slow for me, and I don’t really enjoy the end in general? I’m very unsure with this.

26. NETHERLANDS

Burning Daylight – Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper

I don’t find any joy anymore either, dude. We’re so in synch, damn. Why does the first chorus do that thing where it teases a nice build up for half a second just to drop immediately? And then the second one doesn’t even properly redeem it. Ruined the whole song for me, genuinely. Not that I liked it a lot before, ehem.

25. DENMARK

Breaking My Heart – Reiley

I listened to this and kept thinking that it sounds like a song I already know, but...turns out it was just this song the whole time. Apparently someone at my local radio station really likes it. I don’t, really, I feel like I might be too old for this type of music. Talking about this...you’re telling me Reiley is OLDER than me? What the hell.

24. ITALY

Due Vite – Marco Mengoni

Second year in a row where Italy doesn’t really do it for me, damn. At least it’s a lot better than whatever was going on last year with Brividi. I still liked Supereroi a lot more and think it should have won. Meh.

23. SAN MARINO

Like an animal – Piqued Jacks

Certainly a song. All I could think about while watching this is one Youtube comment simply saying “He is a little hot” because...they’re not wrong? The song itself just doesn’t hit – but I have the fleeting suspicion that this might be fixed by having the sound mixing done by literally anyone that ISN’T San Marino. I don’t even dislike it or anything.

22. ESTONIA

Bridges – ALIKA

I know that everybody loves this, okay? It’s good enough. Perfectly good ballad. It’s not her fault I dislike most ballads. I do like the last minute though, it picks up a lot, I enjoy that.

21. AUSTRALIA

Promise – Voyager

I love how Australia is really going through the classic Eurovision evolution. My right ear also likes the song. I watched the music video, and I think the left one just didn’t get invited or something. It’s actually REALLY off-putting.

20. SLOVENIA

Carpe Diem – Joker Out

Please don’t come for me, but why does everyone love this SO much? Like, I like it a bit too, but not as much as everyone else seems to? I genuinely feel like I’m missing something here.

19. BELGIUM

Because Of You – Gustaph

This is so groovy, I don’t know why everybody hates it. (I mean, I DO know, but apart from that...it’s not that bad.) It’s not the best thing I’ve ever heard, and the aspect ratio of the official music video freaks me out, but it’s very camp – which is a good thing, obviously this is Eurovision after all!

18. UNITED KINGDOM

I Wrote A Song – Mae Muller

I had no expectations for the UK, mainly because I missed all of the teasing they did, so I’m completely fine with this...it just feels like a lot of songs this year sound similar to this? Maybe I’m going insane. But it’s nice to listen to. I wouldn’t turn the radio off if it came on.

17. GEORGIA

Echo – Iru

Imagine how much more this could have slapped if it was in Georgian. Just imagine. It��s fine like this too, and I’m sure it will be elevated by the staging, but...just imagine, honestly.

16. ROMANIA

D.G.T – Theodor Andrei

Okay, let’s ignore the performance for a bit, and just judge the song. I quite like it, actually. His voice is nice, it’s absolutely something different, and I always give a native language bonus.

15. MALTA

Dance (Our Own Party) – The Busker

The revamp did good things for this song. I like a good saxophone, and I feel like this is quite underrated in the community. It’s fun(ky), I think they will be great live, and the music video is definitely worth a watch while you’re at it.

14. SPAIN

Eaea – Blanca Paloma

I feel like I shouldn’t talk about this song without my lawyer. It’s growing on me, very slowly, but there’s still only select parts of the song that I really like, while the rest is just something I have to go through to reach them. Like the salad you get when you order a steak with fries. (I also just liked Agoney a lot more.)

13. PORTUGAL

Ai Coração – Mimicat

After a song I absolutely couldn’t stand last year, Portugal absolutely delivers again. Feels very authentic to Portugal, I really like her voice, it’s quite fast-paced, I really enjoy it.

12. SWEDEN

Tattoo – Loreen

It’s a song. I don’t know, I don’t care about it, it’s good, sure, but it’s absolutely not a winner for me. Also, the pre-chorus sounds so much like another song I know, but I cannot figure out which one and it’s driving me insane. (I have to admit though, rhyming pain and rain IS true lyrical genius, and whoever wrote that part should win an award.) I like the studio version more than the live version by the way. Yes, even with the performance. Don’t ask me why.

11. MOLDOVA

Soarele si Luna – Pasha Parfeni

I love that as long as we have Moldova, Eurovision will never be boring. This is genuinely nice, too, and fills the void Fulenn left in my heart last year perfectly.

10. FRANCE

Evidemment – La Zarra

C’est très...French. Obviously. Good French, but French nonetheless. Groovy, though. I can appreciate that it’s not really a chanson chanson.

9. UKRAINE

Heart Of Steel – TVORCHI

It’s completely fine. Quite good, even, but I just don’t think that it lives up to the songs Ukraine sent the past decade or so...which is understandable, not only because of their situation, but because the song sent by the winning country never really is. I still really appreciate it for it’s modern tone and the bass. (still preffered fiinka though sorry)

8. CROATIA

Mama ŠČ! - LET 3

This is my absolute guilty pleasure this year. I even rather like it musically, I quite enjoy it away from all the chaos. Of course, the chaos is the main reason I like it. What would Eurovision be without these songs, seriously? BRRRR, TRAKTOR.

7. ISRAEL

Unicorn – Noa Kirel

I know people don’t like this because it sounds like three songs mashed together, but I quite like it. Why? Probably because I listen to K-Pop, I’m used to the mashed-together-sound, and I quite like it. Apart from that I enjoy the song, of course, although I’m purposefully ignoring the lyrics.

6. SERBIA

Samo mi se spava – Luke Black

I listen to music like this quite a lot, so I obviously enjoy it...I’m just very afraid that it won’t really land at Eurovision, not with the juries and not with the televote. But I’ll be optimistic and delude myself into thinking that there’s no way it won’t at least make it out of the SF. (And I would absolutely believe it if it was in Semi 2 instead of Semi 1.)

5. NORWAY

Queen of Kings – Alessandra

She, Queen of the Hype! For good reason though, this is GREAT. Very Eurovision, very European in general, I love good party music.

4. CZECH REPUBLIC

My sister’s crown – Vesna

PLEASE PLEASE LET THEM BE GOOD LIVE. I can’t take another Austria 2022. This is SO good. I love it musically, I love the mix of languages, I might have a small crush on their rapper, please let them be good live. Please. I beg you. (I have a bad feeling, though. Especially the chorus just seems very hard to replicate life. I’ve seen the NF, I know.)

3. GERMANY

Blood & Glitter – Lord Of The Lost

I’m still so...in awe that we’re actually sending something good this year? Like, how did this happen? Who did we sacrifice for this? (Answer: Electric Callboy.) This kind of music just feels very German, even if they’re singing in English. My only critique is that I want him to growl more, but if their Eurovision stage is anything like their winners performance at the NF, I’m not worried.

2. AUSTRIA

Who The Hell Is Edgar? - Teya & Salena

No, seriously, who is Edgar? I only know Teya & Salena. This is such a bop – WITH a message, damn. Easily moved into my Top 5 immediately after it came out. Probably my most listened to song this last week. It’s REALLY addicting. What the hell, Österreich? Not both of us going through change right now, aww.

1. FINLAND

Cha Cha Cha – Käärijä

This song came out, I heard it once, and decided it’s my winner this year. Only Gladiator could have possibly challenged it, but we know how that went, so this is my undisputed first place. Please, juries and televote, do not rob our small king.

[toffee-and-tandoori]

13, 24, 66

hi nat - thank you so much for your questions!

i'll put my answers below the cut! i wanted to give thorough answers to your questions but as a result, i ended up writing a lot for the first one. that's honestly very typical of me - i am a wordy person! so sorry about that and hope you enjoy <3

13. which driver do you like the most: pierre gasly or esteban ocon?

i have to go with esteban because i adore that stringbean <3. i think i've said this before but i have to thank you for introducing me to the glory of esteban. not only did i learn to love a ratboy whose equal parts the ultimate dork and an absolute menace who angers entire countries for simply existing, i gained so many lovely online friends because of it.

when it comes to pierre, i honestly like him a lot and i think he's a very talented driver. i love that pierre tends to wear his heart on his sleeve and is very open with his emotions. i love that pierre appears to be someone who loves fiercely - he seems like a wonderful and loyal friend. not to mention he's a fellow aquarius! i have a number of absolutely lovely and kind mutuals that are pierre fans and seeing their pierre posts make me smile.

unfortunately, some of the cruelest people i've encountered on f1blr (who i won't name and have blocked) were certain pierre blogs. to be clear, these were blogs who viciously insulted alex's mom because they felt alex was insulting pierre when he was actually just defending himself - that is toxic behavior that i'm not okay with. it wasn't about them making fun of drivers i like - i make fun of the drivers i like! as a result of those people, sometimes i find myself annoyed with pierre. except it's really not pierre that i'm annoyed with but the fans of his who use what he says to belittle esteban's abilites and character time and time again.

for example, i was a little irritated with some of pierre's comments where he implies that he got a poor result because the team favored esteban (e.g. japan, abu dhabi) while never acknowledging when the opposite happens (e.g. australia, netherlands) or the unusual circumstances that led to the decision that appeared to benefit esteban (e.g. las vegas). in all honesty, this is something that every driver does due to post-race frustration and it's never actually a big deal and it blows over after a few days. the problem is that pierre's comments (like fernando's or checo's or max's) are used to fuel the bullshit narratives of 'esteban is a shitty teammate' and 'no one on the grid likes esteban' that i am so sick and tired of.

24. underrated ship you like?

i can't believe bono/lewis is as underrated as it is! i love the endless support and affection that those two have for each other. i love that they've experienced the ultimate highs together and now they're currently fighting the lowest lows together. i love that lewis, who has spoken openly about feeling alone in the sport, has someone that he knows will always have his back.

66. if you had to add a track in a country of your choice, which country would it be?

as long as it's safe for the drivers to compete, the construction of the track is ethical, and it's not a burden on the nation, i would love to have a race in egypt! i think that f1 should definitely have more races in africa and the history of egypt is so interesting. in an ideal scenario, i think a night race near the pyramids would be stunning!

[randomvarious]

Phaedrus - "Tesla" Welcome to the Future 1993 Techno / Acid Techno

Plays: N/A on Spotify // 25 on YouTube

Got another pretty obscure dance banger for you all today, with this exclusive off of a 1993 compilation from Dutch techno label Djax-Up-Beats called Welcome to the Future. The song, "Tesla," is credited to Phaedrus, which is an alias of an eclectic London-born guy named Justin Billinger, who moved to the Netherlands at age 11. Billinger is a classically trained musician who graduated summa cum laude with a degree in composition electronics from the Royal Conservatory of The Hague, and that education has seemingly enabled him to have quite a diverse output of his own, with stuff that ranges from the avantgardist modern classical all the way up to gabber.

But Billinger doesn't appear to have ever had much of a solo career himself, especially in the dance realm. According to Discogs, most of what he's released was made with at least one other person named Michiel Marsman, until his 2018 solo album, Mindfulness, which isn't dance either.

So, that ends up making this song, "Tesla," a doubly rare one, because not only does it currently have just *25* plays on YouTube as I'm writing this post, but it also appears to be the *only* solo dance track that Billinger's ever released in his entire career. And with how good it still manages to sound 30 years later, it might have you wondering why he never released more 🤔.

This track is such an unforgiving, twisting-and-turning journey of early 90s techno intensity. And on top of that, it's a pretty chunky groove too, with deadly combinations of melodic acid—both roundly stabbed and flutteringly wavy—an acid bassline of jagged blurps, and a whole lot of percussion, including a foundational four-on-the-floor kick-drum and the things that really end up making this untamed beast whole: snares and open hi-hats that simply mash. Plus, some quietly placid string pads underneath it all to provide a light contrast to all the rest of the madness, and a little bit of very unexpected hand drum in the second half too.

So, a real foot-stomping, kaleidoscopic acid raver's delight in this tremendous and very unknown techno jam here, which turns out to be the only solo dance tune that this eclectic musician's ever had released. And three decades on, it still goes so satisfyingly hard 😤.

Always love to hear what a formally educated musician can do with dance music and Billinger absolutely dazzled with this one.

[grandhotelabyss]

Have you read Joseph O'Neill?

I skim-read Netherland when it came out to rapturous reviews back in the day—James Wood etc.—and remember dismissing it in high-leftist dudgeon (I was in my first year of grad school) as prettily written but dull neocon propaganda. (I recall an Ian McEwan-like performance of tormented ingenuousness about the merits of the Iraq War. The Iraq War had no merits, but even some bloodthirstily bellicose tract would be aesthetically preferable to the love-me-I'm-a-liberal routine of exquisitely self-regarding nescience.) Then Zadie Smith used Netherland as her exhibit of "lyrical realism" in contrast to Tom McCarthy's avantist proto-autofiction proto-theoryfiction Remainder in "Two Paths for the Novel." Both paths turned out to lead to a dead end, but she was certainly right about which sensibility would prevail in the near term. (I read Remainder more closely and completely than Netherland, which is simply to say that I read it, but I didn't love it, and I don't remember it.) Anyway, I didn't keep up with his career after that. Apparently he became a #resistance person and published a book called (one vomits) Good Trouble. But if he does have literary merit, and doesn't just capture the successive ideological trends of each moment in attractive prose, please let me know!