#Okay so this entire post may be a /joke moment BUT-

[manipulatorkaleidoscope]

This is a P.S.A (about fictional characters)

If they have this exact default expression:

Then skedaddle (leave) the heck out of there because they are gonna try to be eVIL

don’t trust that “innocent boy 🥺🥺” smile they have. ITS JUST A TRAP. dONT TRUST THEM. They will do something (probably not that horrible BUT) ABSOLUTELY QUESTIONABLE 🤨

This has been a (fictional charather) P.S.A. If you have any other characters that fall into this category, feel free to add on so people are informed

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[lace-coffin]

Hello! Merry Christmas! I just read the post of Asa reacting to his victim being attracted to slashers and omg I loved it! You did amazing on it ^^

If your still taking requests I would love a post where the slashers reacting to their victim watching their movie and being attracted/lustful towards their character ^^ if it's okay with you :] thanks!

How would the Slashers react to their S/O being attracted to their movie? (Nsfw)

Slashers x gn!Reader

Requests are open!

Thank you for the request! I’m super glad you liked my other fic 😭💕

Bubba Sawyer

You made a movie night of it, bubba hauling the outdated tv into your shared room for some privacy away from the family. She was nervous for you to see this, they already knew you were aware of the film but..to watch it together in person was so much more intimate. What if you thought he was a monster? What if you decided you didn’t mean all the “I love you’s” you’d whispered into the crook of their neck on comfy quiet nights?

After giving him some reassuring kisses over his mask and taking his bigger hand into yours, you begin the movie, bubba’s eyes fluttering nervously between yours and the screen the entire time.

She braces when the gorier parts happen, uncomfortable but excited in her own way to be this vulnerable with you. He cracks an eye open and forces himself to gauge your reaction, no matter how horrified it may be. You look..flustered? Face hot and tinted a deep shade of pink, hands noticeably clammy against bubba’s, legs drawn to yourself just subtly pressing together. Were you into this?

Just as the screaming girl is manhandled back into the sawyer house on screen you swear under your breath, almost jealous of the way your partner roughly grabs at her. “Fuck..so strong, you need to pick me up like that sometime” you drawl, poorly concealing your want as a half joke.

No time like the present you guess as bubba suddenly stands, height difference somehow even more evident when you’re wanting like this. A moment passes where you look each-other over, both red faced and panting. This is cut short as he grabs you around the waist, leaving no room to escape. You squeal in surprise but it quickly devolves into excited giggles, doing absolutely nothing to help the ache between your legs.

Bubba beams up at you as if they could do no wrong as they throw you into the bed, wrestling you into the position they want like a helpless doll.

An hour and multiple orgasms layer she’s still plowing into you with no sign of stopping, warm wet seed leaking from your abused hole. You never finished the movie.

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas has seen his movies a few times before, he doesn’t really feel one way or the other about them, just viewing it as a documentation of his life. Sometimes Hoyt will throw it on the tv on warm lazy evenings, beer in hand, ready to find himself hilarious for the 100th time. Thomas doesn’t quite understand why you and Hoyt like it so much but he doesn’t complain.

It’s happened the last few times you’ve seen it, even if it’s just playing as background noise. Seemingly unable to tear your eyes from the screen for over half the movie, especially during the bloodier parts involving your boyfriend, you suddenly leave the room in a hurry. Thomas had thought nothing of it the first few times, just guessing you couldn’t hold your beer or something but sure enough it happens again this evening and he can’t bear the curiosity any longer. Thomas waits a few minutes as to not raise suspicion before following you the way you came.

What he finds does not disappoint. Backed against the bathroom wall your hand is clasped over your mouth tight, fingers working desperately under your half tugged down jeans to relieve yourself. This entire time you’d been turned on by it? By him slaughtering people? The thought of you wanting him so carnally stirs deep in his abdomen.

“I’m sorry Tommy it’s just, the way you take what you want and, and hold them down when they’re pleading..fuck, it does something to me”

The look of shock plastered against Tommy’s raised brows quickly transforms into a look of smugness. Your jeans are tugged down around your ankles uncaringly before you can continue to explain. Just enough room to Thomas to take what he wants, what you need. His hot mouth works over you roughly, not caring about technique as much as just having you in his mouth, claiming you, feeling all he can. You tug his hair into a death grip the closer you get to the edge, making Tommy groan in response and double his efforts. The orgasm hits you like a train, it’s sudden and rough and filthy, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Tommy removes himself from you finally, lips swollen and spit slick, dopey fucked out look on his face.

Asa Emory

It’s almost like a sick treat, this predicament you’ve found yourself in more than once, and probably will again in the future. Having a cushy spot in the collection as Asa’s favourite pet definitely has its perks, but in return you must admit you tend to get a little sloppy, bratty even. Getting too confident in your place and pushing your masters will. Obviously Asa doesn’t stand for this. This is how you find yourself placed in his lap on the black leather sofa, wrists cuffed together in front of you and legs spread either side of his.

In times like these Asa likes to show you what happens if you don’t behave, if you aren’t his beloved pet, If you’re a dazed fly caught in his web with no sign of escape.

The movie starts of slowly, you’re still a bit red faced from being cuffed down but relatively calm in your place on his thighs, finding it kind of cute seeing Asa in his exterminator gear on the sleek tv. Asa only runs a stray hand over your thigh for now, running close to where your thigh meets hip and dipping back down. Not enough to do anything but enough to get the cogs turning in your head and enough to get your legs squirming.

Your owners hands delve down to the centre of your thighs as the movie picks up, Asa roughing up victims on screen with such measured precision it’s almost erotic on its own. The gloved hand running over your clothed need doesn’t help either.

Eventually the torture scenes begin, Asa finally tugging off your underwear and widening his thighs, by proxy widening yours bracketed around them. Lubed up fingers work their way into your aching hole, other hand under your chin, forcing you to look at the screen. “Look at that cricket, these people were ill mannered and got what was coming to them, we’d hate for that to happen to you, hm?” The parallel between the writhing groaning victims on screen and you also writhing and moaning in a lewd way makes you feel disgusting in the best way possible. The only difference is you’re a willing victim.

You choke out a particularly loud moan as his long fingers hit a sensitive spot, wrenching your eyes shut in process. “I said look you stupid mutt.” Asa snaps, tugging your head back towards the screen. “I know you love it when I play in your guts but let’s hope you regain your manners so I don’t have to do it that way, yes?” He says coolly as a man is being disembowelled, slightly amused at the gore in-front of him.

The gore used to make you feel strange, not able to completely connect to it as it always seemed unreal through the tv, but it made you feel like you were prying, seeing people’s most hopeless and intimate last moments. It felt almost perverse to see this desperate side to someone at the hands of an uncaring god. After multiple occasions of viewing it and heavy petting from Sir during you’ve started to associate the sick acts on screen with pleasure at the hands of your master. Simultaneously causing pain to others and vile pleasure to you at the same time.

Asa edges you a few times during the more violent moments, waiting for the grand finale to let you finish, he revels in the way you moan for him, squirming and trying to get more whilst only being permitted what he gives you. It’s ironic how greedy you are for his touch while being shown on screen what happens when you try push him further then you should but he can’t help finding it endearing on you.

By the time the credits have rolled you’ve finally been allowed to cum once, and again, and again. Until your legs are shaking, trying to force themselves closed around your masters spread ones for some reprieve from the onslaught of overstimulation. “Didn’t that feel good? You see where being a well trained dog gets you?” Asa chuckles darkly into your ear before landing one last slap onto your abused hole. “Let’s keep it that way cricket.”

Billy lenz

You share the old mattress on the attic floor together, head laid on Billy’s lap. The picture on the tv in front of you isn’t amazing but it’ll do. You’ve seen black Christmas a few times so it’s not like it matters if you miss a few details, just happy to see your partner on screen and be sharing quality time together.

Usually with Billy’s attention span he ends up skipping over the bits that don’t include him much, complaining about the “pig bitches” on screen being boring. You’re not sure if he does this because he’s genuinely bored or if he just wants to skip to the parts that make you flustered. Occasionally you make it through the whole thing but it’s a rare occurrence.

As soon as your lover on screen starts spewing filth over the old rotary phone it’s over. Usually Billy would all but jump your bones, not now though. He loves to see the way you try act coy, like the disgusting words being thrown down the phone don’t bother you at all, in reality a familiar feeling is stirring between your thighs and Billy knows it.

One hushed low moan and a needy look is all it takes for Billy to pounce on you. You giggle and palm him over his trousers, trying to get him as riled up as you can before actually initiating anything. It works because in moments he’s grabbing your hair with force and pushing your face into his clothed cock. “Hurry up piggy, too.. too slow..teasing slut, need you on my cock”

Now settled with your head back in his lap and cock down your throat, you continue the movie, warming his needy cock as you watch the brutality on screen. It never fails to amuse you how Billy’s cock twitches in the murder scenes.

Jason Vorehees

Jason isn’t shy about his movies, he’s done those things on screen before and an uncountable amount of times offscreen too. To be honest there’s so many of the movies he doesn’t always remeber the plot of each despite literally being in them. He does however remember that the movie usually ends with his cock buried in you.

Jason doesn’t really understand why you find his acts of violence so impressive but, he’s not complaining. He can admit he looks pretty broad and strong in some scenes.

Since the movie marathons usually end the way they do it means Jason is already wound up before the tape has been pushed into the player. Dark mottled skin beneath his mask flushing even deeper. You both ignore the tent in his torn trousers for now, not wanting to ruin the illusion that you both don’t already know what’s going to go down.

After a grotesque on screen death Jason is guiding your hand to his wet clothed cock, head tilted down in embarrassment, his good eye wrenched shut in shame. This shame seems to melt away later on in the evening as you have two fingers slipped into your boyfriend’s desperate hole, fucking into his prostate with fervour. Jason almost seems like another person as he’s riding your hand greedily.

The credits roll but the movie had been long abandoned anyway, you have more pressing things to concentrate on. Like the way your lovers cock jumps and pulses, cum staining his shirt and dribbling down to mix with the lube between his legs.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms isn’t a massive fan of watching his movie, the scenes in it bringing back the painful memories way too vividly for him to handle. He will however watch it if you beg him enough, promising to skip the uncomfortable scenes and only watch the ones he doesn’t mind, and also the fact you bribe him with a mid-movie handjob also helps.

It’s really a battle of self control for Brahms, already pawing at you before the movie title even pops up, he’s here for one thing. Well two things, he loves spending time with his lovely partner, but right now it seems his brain is being controlled by his cock. You can tell him no and bat him away a few times, the dominance in your voice will only go straight to his dick anyway, kind of defeating the object but he’s not objecting by any means.

The push and pull of desperation and dominance eventually gets to much for Brahms, resigning to begging. “Please mommy/daddy/master I’ve been so good, did what you said, please, need it”

Tell Brahms how good he’s been for you whilst teasing his leaky tip, circling your thumb over his slit and hearing the pathetic whines he lets out. If you’re feeling really mean you can edge him during the duration of the movie, telling him to look at how bad he’s been on screen, like a dog who needs a muzzle. Your poor partners brain is essentially mush by the end of it, hazy and exhausted from reaching the edge so many times but being denied, a soft slap to the cock if he complains.

Michael Myers

Michael doesn’t understand the need to watch his movies, he was there and committed the atrocities on the tv, why does he need to see it again? He’s not against it though, by that I mean he won’t leave the room if you start playing it and he happens to be on one of the sofas. But he doesn’t really interact.

His attention never stays on the tv long, mostly trained on you and your reactions. It would probably be unnerving to most to have this prolific killer staring them down unblinkingly from across the room, but that’s just Michael. If anything it worries you more when you can’t feel his gaze burning into your back, almost strangely comforted by knowing he’s near.

You make a show of paying extra attention to his kills, pointedly commenting about how powerful and sexy he looks covered in blood like that. Michael knows you do it on purpose but he can’t deny it defiantly works to excite him, he’s not been used to a lot of praise in his life so he supposes it makes sense in some way that it would have that effect on him.

Despite what you may think Michael does have a decent amount of self control when it comes to you, he definitely does if it means he gets to watch you torture yourself by not touching, just rearranging your legs over and over in an attempt to relieve the pressure. Michael sees all the desperate looks he pretends not to notice.

Eventually he tires of playing his part as the none the wiser partner and stands from the sofa, briskly crossing the living room and slinging you over his shoulder. If you want to get fucked by Michael Myers then why wait? He makes a point of turning the tv off and grabbing his knife on the way upstairs.

The movie was dull to Michael but the way he’s bullying his cock into you definitely isn’t. The way you gasp and hiccup against him as he holds his signature knife to your throat is burned in his memory. Michael wouldn’t actually hurt you with it but if you happen to catch yourself a little he’s more than happy to lap it up from your neck as he fucks into you.

Yautja (female and male)

Female

Her movies are always a hit when she’s nesting, you spend hours cuddled up in the warm furs along side each-other anyway so you might as well revisit some old favourites whilst you do. Your mate is insatiable during mating season, never straying far from the nest nor your flushed body.

She adores the way your body reacts to the tv version of her, easily sensing the way your heart rate picks up when she thunderously bellows in pride after a kill. It’s also obvious in the way you can’t keep your hands off her during these scenes, you can’t believe the beast that’s all muscle, dominance and sex appeal on the tv is your girlfriend. The same girlfriend who lets you gently trace her mandibles and pet her dreads.

During this season she needs no excuse to fuck you into the furs anyway so it never lasts long before she’s pinning you to the nest floor. Her hips rutt into you with a primal want, the need to mark and breed, she knows she can’t actually put a pup in you but god is she going to try. It can go on like this until the movie is long over, more concerned in sliding against eachother as hard as you can until you’re both completely fucked out. She’s not satisfied until you’ve cum multiple times and are littered in bruises and bites from her sharpe mandibles.

Once she’s happy with the wreck she’s turned you into she’ll pull you close against her warm scaly skin, purring and clicking into your sweaty tired skin.

Male

Mating season hits and it’s it’s anyone guess what will set your mate off, something as simple as looking cute whilst cooking or admiring the skulls he presented to you can be enough to have your bent over and panting.

Today it’s watching his movie that does it for him, you only commented in passing how handsome and capable he looked taking down multiple trained specialists like it was nothing. You saw the effect it had on him and giggled mischievously, knowing how he gets this time of year. Your laugh must have translated to a challenge to him because it only takes a matter of seconds for him to slam you into the floor, snarling in your face, mandibles flared.

Your mate shows you who’s in charge by grabbing your hair in a death grip, forcing you to watch him kill on screen as he slams into you, bottoming out each time. You swear you can feel him in your stomach, trying his hardest to fuck all you can take into your stretched, lewdly squelching hole.

He demands you watch and tell him how much of a good mate he is as he finally pops his knot into you, stuffing you full and binding you together until you take all his cum, until his body decides he’s breed you thoroughly enough to make his seed take.

[sohnric]

SUGAR TALK — S. JAEYUN

pairing: jake x fem! reader

genre: childhood friends to lovers au, vacation au, summer au, fluff. a tinge of first love au. jake and the reader discussing their feelings. shy jake (somebody protect him)

wc: 1.7k

warnings: swearing, a sexual joke :(

a/n: thank u @csenke my beloved for beta reading and hyping me up into posting this i owe you my whole entire LIFE. also lowkey fuck u for dragging me into yet another fandom. anyways my enhablr debut :)) kinda nervous.... pls be nice or else ill cry

A midsummer night in Italy reveals many things you and Jake managed to hide over the course of your friendship—all over a quarrel about ice cream.

“Is it good?” you ask, pointing towards the ice lolly in Jake’s mouth, your legs propped up against the wall right next to where his back is resting. You’re currently laying on the floor– because the heat in Italy makes it unbearable to sprawl on the bed during summer, just the blankets laying under you being enough to make your body flood with sweat. 

“I asked you if you wanted it,” he grunts, taking his eyes off his phone screen and gazing at you through the hair falling into his forehead and shielding his vision, “and you said no.” 

“Okay, and? I’m not asking to have it, I’m just asking you if it’s good–”

“So you don’t want a taste, yeah?” he challenges you. A second of silence passes by as the two of you stare at each other wordlessly before he sighs, right as you open your mouth and utter out your next comment.

“I mean, you can just give me a taste, it wouldn’t hurt you–”

“I’m not sharing my ice cream with you,” your childhood best friend says, shaking his head at your greediness. 

“Why not? I was generous enough to let you have the last one, so you may as well share it with me in this terrible, terrible heat–”

“I’m not letting you lick my ice cream, that’s disgusting,” he mumbles. That comment is enough to have you snicker out loud– because even though you and Jake aren’t teenagers anymore, your brain is still somehow stuck in the age where everything sounds like a sexual innuendo to you– but you manage to make the situation even worse when you let out your next comment, shocking the boy.

“You’re saying that as if it’s the first time we would be exchanging saliva.”

Jake almost chokes on the ice cream, nervously licking his lips. You and him have been childhood friends– with your parents being in the same friend group since high school, it was only natural for them to want their children to be each other’s safe haven as well. And it worked, for the most part– you could never imagine a better person to grow up with than Sim Jake, the energetic boy that lived just down the street from you– but that doesn’t mean you and him don’t have your fair share of memories you rarely talk about.

One of them being you kissing Jake when you got drunk for the first time. You just turned seventeen and although your parents were mostly understanding of your bad life choices, showing up home after underage drinking still wasn’t the wisest idea, and so Jake convinced both of your parents that you were staying over at his friend Sunghoon’s house instead. That boy can be really convincing when he tries to, and with the phone calls done and the fake arrangements in place, you two spent the night together in the nearby park.

In your drunken state, you managed to say a sentence that stayed in his mind to this day and haunted him on some nights: “You’re too pretty. I could honestly kiss you right now,” said slurred and with a voice tired– and without asking for his thoughts on the matter, you leaned in and just followed your gut. 

He kissed you back a few moments later– messy and uncoordinated– and although young Jake wanted to talk about the matter while it was still at hand, you fell asleep in his lap on the top of a skating ramp shortly after, leaving him dazed and confused, watching over you until the sun rose.

It’s now 4 years later, and somehow, you thought that bringing it up on a family trip to Italy– in the middle of the night, sitting on the cold tile floor of your shared hotel room– was the best time to talk about it.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t remember it,” you joke, watching the boy get a little red in his cheeks. “I was the drunk one and I remember, so there’s no way you don’t.”

Jake gulps down the ice cream melting in his mouth, averting his gaze from you completely. “I mean, it was my first kiss. Of course I remember.”

The moment the words escape his mouth, you feel like cotton was stuffed into your ears and the whole world stopped spinning. Your throat goes dry and you momentarily panic– you had no idea that you technically took your friend’s kiss virginity until now. Guilt washes you over– because what if he wanted to save it for someone else? Someone more worthy, someone he liked? What if he wasn't ready? You made that decision for him, and suddenly, you feel insanely bad– wishing that the ground would swallow you alive.

“So that’s why you were such a bad kisser–” you say instead, trying to act nonchalant– to which you earn yourself a kick to your side, having the boy laugh in embarrassment.

“Hey! It’s not my fault you caught me unprepared,” he says, shaking his head at you.

“Well, for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry,” you hum in all seriousness. Now is your time to avert your gaze from the boy, pointing your eyes towards your legs resting up against the wall. There is a moment of silence following your sincere words, and just when you think the situation got too awkward to continue talking about the incident– which is why you never really brought it up in the first place– Jake speaks up again, breaking the quiet atmosphere of the hotel room.

“For what?” he asks, genuinely curious. 

“For kissing you without asking,” you say, furrowing your brows. “It was selfish of me. Had I known it was your first kiss, I wouldn’t steal it all for myself,” you snicker, feeling a little shy.

“Oh,” he hums just before you hear him laugh airly at your words. “I mean… I enjoyed it.”

“Did you?” you ask, allowing yourself to look back at the boy– noticing the softness of his eyes when he watches you, something in the air tensing, but making you feel like you’re floating, light. “Because you seemed pretty frightened back then.”

“That’s because I was embarrassed,” he explains, laughing. “I had a huge crush on you back then, so it was kind of a big deal for me,” he hums, a tint of pink appearing on the tips of his cheekbones, eyes glimmering a little in the low light of the room.

Now is your time to let out a dead-pan “Oh,” the shock of the new information still settling into you. With how long you’ve known Sim Jake, you thought you could read him like an open book– easily and clearly. Most of the time, you were really in tune with his emotions and thoughts, you could predict what his opinion would be on most things and how he’d feel about certain situations– leaving you checking in with him whenever you sensed he’d be down but wouldn’t outright tell you to your face. But maybe you were wrong to believe this assumption– maybe you couldn’t read your best friend as much as you thought you could. 

Because you would’ve never thought of this being a reality. 

“You didn’t know? I thought you knew, but you didn’t want it to be awkward between us so you didn’t mention it,” he laughs, taking in the situation with much more lightness now, seeing how affected you are by the simple confession. This is not how you imagined this conversation to go.

“No?!” you exclaim, baffled. “How the fuck would I know?”

“Now come on, Y/N,” he sighs, shaking his head at you in disbelief, “I invited you to prom. I think that might have been a clear sign that something was going on,” he snickers before he continues munching on his ice cream. After speaking the fact into existence, Jake seems to be less nervous about the topic– approaching it with almost utmost nonchalance, leaving you space to process with panicked thoughts instead.

“I thought you invited me because you had no one else to invite,” you said, blinking slowly as if rebooting your brain.

“You thought I had no one else to invite?” he laughs, now in disbelief at your words. “I was cute in high school, thank you very much. You think no one else would wanna go with me?” 

“Okay, don’t get all cocky on me now,” you grunt, huffing and pointing your eyes towards the ceiling.

Your brain takes on the challenge of projecting every single memory of Jake and your high school self together, seeing all those situations with much different eyes. You remember telling your friends about how sweet of a guy Jake always was– carrying your stuff for you, helping you with your Science homework, walking you home after your tutoring, buying you lunch– ‘any girl would be so lucky to date him!’. Your little advertisements never worked out, though, because your best friend never really cared about any other girl in the first place.

Now you kind of see why. And it leaves you wondering– are the late night calls you two shared when you’re away at university really just two friends missing each other? Does he get overly-protective over you because he wants to take care of you, or is it jealousy? That one time he called you ‘his girl’, was it perhaps something deeper that you missed?

“Are we talking past tense, though?” you hear yourself speaking out, and you don’t know why you’re suddenly holding your breath.

When you look at Jake, the popsicle is in his mouth and his brows are raised in question. Thinking he’s confused, you ask again. “Or do you still have a crush on me?” 

The boy chokes a little on the ice cream, making you laugh at his animated response. His cheeks grow deep red, and he seems to be avoiding your gaze. Now, you’re no expert at body language, but if you were asked, you’d say this was a telling sign. 

“You know what? Just keep the ice cream,” he says instead, the sweet, cold treat levitating in front of your lips now. Satisfied, with butterflies fluttering in your stomach and your fingertips tingling when they come in contact with his skin around the wooden stick, you take the popsicle into your mouth with the knowledge that you won. 

Mid-july, melting into the hardwood floor of your Italian hotel room, you feel like there is something within your storyline that is slowly coming full circle. Maybe after years of denial, you’re finally going to face the feelings left unsaid.

[copperbadge]

In the nicest way possible, you just got diagnosed? I have been a fan of yours for longer than you would prefer I tell you. I always assumed that my undiagnosed self found your fic through mutual neurodivergent energy and that's why I was so obsessed. I hope you find some peace and acceptance in yourself that you may not have had before. Also, though, you have always been my favorite writer and it's partially because your thoughts are so complex. You have always been wonderful ♡

Well, first, thank you, I'm glad you've been enjoying my work and my presence! (I hope it's ok to post this publicly, it's a very sweet comment and a lovely compliment.)

The diagnosis is not entirely new at this point, but I didn't even consider the idea prior to about 2018 and didn't get a diagnosis until April of 2022. The only reason I even thought about it was I made an offhanded joke about having ADHD and a bunch of people responded "Well yeah, were you not aware?"

I've always had a lot of friends who were somewhere in the neurodivergence buffet, but I assumed that was because I had two neurodivergent siblings I helped raise, so I was more comfortable around neurodivergence than a lot of neurotypicals tend to be who haven't had much exposure. Turns out as I said in another post recently, game recognize game.

On the plus, I don't really tend to...I mean I think we all judge ourselves, but I don't do it as much or as negatively as a lot of people I know, regardless of who they are or where they're at in life. There are certainly things about me and my life that dissatisfy me but I tend to think of them as systematic rather than personal failings, and I'm perhaps unhealthily self-sufficient but that does mean that I don't tend to look outwards for validation so don't suffer if I don't get it. Not having a diagnosis didn't make me blame myself for stuff outside my control, is what I'm trying to vocalize.

Having a diagnosis has been a much bigger help than I anticipated, as has medication, but I'm fortunate that while I have moments of anger and sadness about it, they're fairly passing, so I had already accepted myself in ways that it seems like many people find difficult. So you know, I guess all of that is to say I was doing okay and now am doing okayer :D And so I hope the same for you! (Both you specifically and you in the "y'all" sense of the word.)

[whyanne4]

Daylight

Part: 4/?

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Category: Social Media au

Summary: Follow the love story of a global pop icon and a monegasque F1 driver

Face claim: Taylor Swift (Singing) + others

Tag-list: @mindflay3r @karmabyfernando

Masterlist

2019

It's no secret that the former power-couple's relationship ended with bad blood as cheating allegations regarding Neymar leaked in January of 2018. The pair announced their split on social media two weeks later. However, it seems as if the Brazilian is not ready to give up on his ex yet. He has posted multiple instagram posts using lyrics from her recent album Lover which the singer wrote about current boyfriend, F1 driver Charles Leclerc. We have yet to get a statement about this from Leclerc or L/N.

A post uploaded by Neymar last Thursday captioned: "I'll save all my dirtiest jokes for you, meu amor😘"

When asked about these posts the PSG star responded

"I will always love her and she is an amazing woman. I've made mistakes in the past but I will do everything in my power to right my wrongs"

The world is understandably shocked by this statement seeing how the pop-star is in a one year long relationship with Ferrari F1 driver Charles Leclerc and even wrote an entire album stating her love for him. The couple is one of the most popular celebrity couples today and the fans love their romantic interactions on social media and in the F1 paddock.

What do you think? Is this Neymar simply being jealous of the love Leclerc is getting both from Y/N and the fans or is he serious? Follow E!News for more updates.

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, gigihadid and 2 304 583 others

charles_leclerc: She's mine. You may have had her once. But I got her all the time.

view comments:

leleleclerc: Show him Charles!!!

pieregasly: My man🐶

liked by charles_leclerc

- pierragazzolina: Pierre??!!

- titiwolff: what is with that emoji??😭

janelle_leclerzz: okay I get it Neymar. If I fumbled the bag that hard I would regret it too

y/nhouse: damn, Charles is really out here living my dream life😫

slaybastianvettel: the second pic🥵

arthur_leclerc: good work brother👍

liked by charles_leclerc

yourusername: always yours❤️

liked by charles_leclerc

yourusername

liked by: badgalriri, bellahadid and 8 493 392 others

yourusername: Baby, I just wanna be yours I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

view comments:

elitey/n: damn our girl really said Neymar who?

girlieprix: Charles and y/n are really squashing any speculations as they should!😤

y/ngirle4life: IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING IN THE LAST PIC???

- safetycar92: OMG IT'S HUGE!!!

- juniorlecclerc: In her material girl era💅

- y/nfanzzaccount: It's on her right hand guys. Chill down

charles_leclerc: You're so beautiful mon amour😍

liked by yourusername

- l/ny/nleclerc: and I can't even get a response back from my guy🥹

yourusername:

liked by charles_leclerc, harrystyles and 13 348 549 others

yourusername: All Too Well 10 minute version out July 1.

view comments:

formula_y/n: She really said: Let me just remind all of you what this man has done.💅

holly_leclerccc: she's an icon she's a legend and she is the moment!

eras_y/n: watch your back Neymar, watch your back😈

y/nwhereareyou: 10 MINUTES????

charles_leclerc: you❤️

liked by yourusername

pierregasly: you're working overtime huh??

- yourusername: always am😇

trulyleclerc: Y/N said: When they go low, I go LOWER

[cre8inghavoc]

What are friends for?

Note:

This is my first ever post, so please be kind! I've been working on this piece for a few days, and there will be more parts to come, but it may take some time to complete. The story will also include text messages between you and your friends (SMAU). I'll do my best to maintain a good length for the story, but there may be some shorter parts. Also, I'm new to this, so there may be a few errors, but I hope you enjoy the story! :)

Status: ongoing!!

Updates: Whenever I can, no set date.

WC: 2756

Description: Characters are aged up. Y/N's stuck in a toxic relationship with her controlling boyfriend, feeling lost and doubting herself. Now, she's facing a crucial choice: stay put or find the courage to break free and reclaim her independence. Pairing: megumi fushiguro x FEM!reader

Genre/Warnings: [18+] This story contains toxic boyfriend, cursing, name calling, self-doubt/hate, angst, breaking up, post-breakup, alcohol, drunk moments, new friends, dating!au, college!au, no curses!au, dark humour, dark jokes. SMAU.

Your friends have been telling you to leave your boyfriend for months now. They warned you about him, about his manipulative, controlling, and narcissistic nature, which contributes to his toxicity. They keep pointing out his flaws – how he always wants. No. NEEDS to tag along wherever you go, how he tries to control what you wear and who you hang out with. And don't even get started on the name-calling and arguments that seem to happen like every single day. But despite all their warnings, you find yourself wondering if maybe it's just his way of showing he cares… it was all out of love wasn’t it? If he didn’t care about you he wouldn’t act the way he does… 

Right…?

You're constantly caught in a loophole of conflicting feelings. On one hand, you can't help but notice the red flags they've been waving in your face. But on the other hand, there's a part of you that wants to believe there's genuine love behind his actions. He loves you?

Right…?

Still, you can't help but question: does all this make him a "bad boyfriend"? Sure, he's not physically abusive, but his mood swings leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells. As you grapple with these thoughts, you can't help but wonder where to draw the line between love and toxicity.

"Y/N!"

You snapped back to reality as Maki's voice cut through your thoughts, finding yourself now parked in front of Yuta's house, a 15-minute drive from your own.

"Are you okay? You've been lost in thought the entire car ride here," Maki asked, a mix of concern and confusion evident in her tone.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was just thinking about the exams coming up," you replied with a forced smile, though it didn't seem to convince her entirely. Luckily for you, she didn't question further. 

You made sure to silence your phone before heading out, knowing the argument that would likely occur with your boyfriend over your plans with friends. It wasn't news to you that he disapproved of your friendship with Yuta and Inukami, despite having plenty of female friends himself. Hypocritical isn't it. But today, you decided to take a stand. You were tired of the never-ending arguments and his controlling behaviour. It felt like you couldn't say or do anything without setting him off, and honestly, you were fed up with it.

You felt it was the right decision, even if it meant facing another argument later. You were determined to spend the day enjoying yourself with your friends, and if that meant upsetting him, then you were willing to deal with the consequences. After all, arguments had become a daily occurrence between you two, so what harm would one more do?

You didn’t quite know where this newfound confidence had come from. Normally, the thought of upsetting him would send shivers down your spine, making you hesitant to go against his wishes. But today was different. You were reaching a breaking point, tired of his behaviour and the constant strain it put on you. Mentally, you were drained. Ever since getting together with him, you'd been affected with a sense of unhappiness, a feeling that even your friends had picked up on. All they wanted was to see you happy again, but it felt like an impossible challenge to break free from his control and spend time with them. He dictated every aspect of your life, and you were beginning to realize just how suffocating it had become.

He felt like a never-ending storm cloud, hovering over you wherever you went, casting a shadow of negativity that left you feeling drained and miserable. It was as if his presence drained your strength, both physically and mentally, until you were left feeling defeated. You knew deep down that the only way to find a “cure” was to get rid of him, but it was far from simple. If it were that easy, you would've done it long ago, at the first signs of trouble.

Believe it or not, he wasn't always like this. That's why you were drawn to him in the first place. But as time passed, things only seemed to deteriorate. A part of you held onto hope that he would revert to the person he once was—caring, supportive, and loving. Yet, as months turned into nearly a year, nothing changed. If anything, it only seemed to worsen. 

Why? Why did he change? Was it something you did? Was it your fault? Did you somehow fall short? He always made you question your self worth. He made you believe that this was what you deserved—that you deserved to be hurt, to be broken. He convinced you that you weren't worthy of more.

You and Maki entered Yuta's house, using the spare key you both had. It was a common practice among your close group of friends; you all had keys to each other's homes. After all, you practically grew up together, so there was nothing unusual about dropping by unannounced.

Inumaki and Yuta greeted you warmly as you entered the living room, where they were too focused on a video game. As the hours passed, laughter filled the room, followed by playful teasing and occasional cussing at each other due to the intense gaming moments. You all talked about life, ate your favourite meals, and for the first time in a while, you felt a sense of happiness return. It was as if you were reconnecting with the positive, joyful version of yourself that had been buried beneath the weight of recent struggles.

"I'll be right back! Just need to use the bathroom," you announce before grabbing your phone and heading off.

"Do you want us to pause the movie?" Yuta offers, showing his consideration for your absence.

"No, it's okay! Keep watching, I'll be quick," you assure them with a laugh as you slip away.

Time flew by, and before you knew it, it was almost 9pm. Your peaceful day took an abrupt turn when you saw multiple missed phone calls from no other, your loser of a boyfriend. 

**5 MISSED PHONE CALLS AND MESSAGES BETWEEN Y/N & BF**

Luckily, Maki, Inukami, and Yuta were too engaged in the movie to notice your lengthened absence. However, tears welled up in your eyes as you read the messages, feeling the weight of self-doubt creeping in once again.

"I’m just a bitch. That’s all I am. I'm nobody," you muttered to yourself, your eyes red as you struggled to contain your emotions. You couldn't afford to show weakness in front of your friends. This shouldn't affect you, you reminded yourself. You knew this was coming, so why did it hurt so much?

Knock Knock

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted your thoughts. "Hey, Y/N. You okay in there?" Maki's concerned voice broke through your internal chaos.

Fuck.

Of course, Maki sensed something was wrong. She had picked up on it the moment she picked you up. She wasn't one to pry, though. She respected your privacy, and if you didn't bring up the issues first, she wouldn't force them out of you. That's why you cherished her friendship so much—she was the best friend anyone could ask for.

You wanted to tell her, you really did, but you knew all too well what her response would be, and frankly, you didn't want to hear it—not today. All you wanted was to be with your friends, to immerse yourself in their company and forget about your troubles, if only for a little while. You didn't want them worrying about you or your mental state. So you took a deep breath and plastered on a smile, hiding all the negativity like you always did.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was just on the phone with my mom," you said, forcing a smile as you opened the bathroom door, only to be met with Maki's skeptical expression. Her raised eyebrow spoke volumes, questioning your excuse without saying a word. But she didn't press further. Instead, she offered a soft smile and placed a comforting hand on your back.

"You're missing the movie. We decided to pause it when you didn't return after five minutes. Come on, let's go," she said gently, leading you back to the living room.

You both made your way downstairs and settled back onto the couch, resuming the movie with the others. After a few minutes, Yuta stood up from his spot and took a seat beside you, leaning in closer to whisper in your ear so only you could hear him.

"Hey, I know you haven't been feeling your best lately, and I understand why... But I want you to know that you can always talk to me. To us. We're here for you, no matter what." he whispered, his words causing your heart to stop for a moment. A soft smile spread across your lips as he leaned back, his eyes meeting yours with warmth.

"Thank you," you replied softly, leaning your head against his shoulder as the movie continued. Resting on each other like this was a familiar gesture among your group—it was something you all did since childhood, a sign of trust and comfort. So when you leaned on Yuta's shoulder, it wasn't a romantic gesture—it was more like seeking comfort from an older brother figure. Your friends have always been there for you, caring and supportive, much like older siblings would be.

Finally the movie finished, with the time now showing 11:16pm—it’s very late, thank god you guys had no classes scheduled for the next two days.

"It's getting late, Y/N. Are you ready to head back?" Maki asked, her expression soft with concern.

Before you could answer, Inukami jumped in with a hopeful tone, asking if you guys could stay a bit longer. You could tell he was really loving the reunion, bringing back memories of all the fun times your group had shared in the past… just like before you got into a relationship. 

"Yeah, come on, Maki and Y/N! We haven't had this much fun in a while. It feels good for the group to get back together again," Yuta chimed in, his gaze shifting between Maki and you. The collective attention turned to you, though you knew it wasn't intentional—they subconsciously understood that the decision rested with you, or rather, with your boyfriend's expectations.

Even though it was late, the idea of going home to an empty house, knowing your boyfriend would be out, doing who knows what, filled you with dread. You knew it would only trigger more overthinking and anxiety so with a reassuring smile, you decided against it. Tonight, you didn't feel like going home, and that was perfectly okay.

"Fuck it," you thought, smiling back at them. 

"Why don't we have a sleepover?" You ask, breaking the silence. Their eyes widen in shock, the suggestion catches everyone off guard. It's been a while since the last sleepover, back before you started dating your controlling boyfriend. They've tried to organize some since then, but you always declined, due to your boyfriend's disapproval.

Of course. Typical.

Their initial shock quickly turns into smiles and nods as they exchange glances before turning back to you.

"Let's do it!" Maki says with excitement.

All of them cheered in excitement, and the lively conversation continued throughout the night until exhaustion finally led to all of you drifting off to sleep on Yuta's spacious and comfortable couch. Despite the cozy setup, you found it hard to sleep as your mind continued to race, clouded by thoughts of him once again. Unable to find peace, you quietly slipped outside to the backyard, just to get some air.

Yuta awoke shortly afterward, noticing your absence. He got up from the couch, careful not to disturb Maki and Inumaki and began searching the house, half expecting to find you sleeping in his room. But you weren't there. He started to slightly panic as he considered the possibility of you leaving without informing anyone. How did you get home? Was something wrong? Why would you leave without saying anything?

As his mind rushed with worry, Yuta made his way to the backyard door and spotted you sitting on the stairs. Leaning against the door frame for a moment, he gathered his thoughts before joining you outside, silently taking a seat beside you.

"Hey," Yuta says as he settles beside you.

You jump at the sudden sound, caught off guard by his unexpected presence. "Omg, Yuta," you playfully shove his shoulder, "don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry," he chuckles softly, "didn't mean to scare you."

"What are you doing out here this late?" he questions.

"Couldn't fall asleep so I decided to get some air."

"Something on your mind?" He asks with concern.

I smile at him. "No."

"Come on, Y/N. I've known you for years; you think I can't tell when something's on your mind..."

You both sit there in silence for a moment before he speaks up again.

"Is it—"

"Mhm. But I don't want to talk about him. I'm here with you guys today, and that's what's important. Not him," you state, trying to change the conversation away from your boyfriend.

Yuta gives you a reassuring smile and nods, but then an awkward silence settles between you. It's unusual; conversations with your friends usually flow effortlessly, so why does it feel so difficult now?

After a moment, you decide to break the silence.

"Yuta..." you begin hesitantly.

He meets your gaze with a soft look. "Yeah?"

"I'm thinking about breaking up with him, you know," you confess.

Yuta's eyes widened in shock, a spark of excitement shining in him. As your best friend, he genuinely cares about your well-being and wants what's best for you. They all do, and they know that leaving your boyfriend will bring out the best in you, bring back the real you.

"Really?! How come... I mean, I already know why, but I'm just curious after all the times we've mentioned it to you, you never really pa—"

"Yuta," you interject, giggling at his enthusiasm.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and being here with you guys today reminded me of the times we used to have together before him and I got together. And honestly... I haven't felt happier and more relaxed in a long time until now. It's like when I'm with you guys, I'm constantly smiling, laughing, talking, and I never feel judged. But with him, I feel so... miserable. I don't even remember the last time he and I actually talked and had a laugh together. It's always arguments, and he's the one who always starts them over nothing."

Yuta places a comforting hand on your shoulder and gently wipes away the tears on your face. You hadn't realized you were crying. You tried your hardest not to cry for months, but while telling Yuta how you felt, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Shhh... it's okay, Y/N. I'm glad you feel like yourself when you're with us. You deserve so much better than that jerk," he reassures you, his words bringing a sense of comfort.

He never fails to make you laugh.

"Thanks, Yuta," you say gratefully.

"Hey, what are you guys doing outside?" Maki and Inumaki mumble sleepily as they stand at the door.

Yuta grins mischievously and glances over at them. "What's with that ugly grin?" Maki jokes, prompting laughter from everyone.

"MAKI!" you all shout in unison, teasing her.

Yuta can't contain his excitement any longer. "Y/N is planning on breaking up with her boyfriend!" he blurts out.

If Maki and Inumaki thought they were awake before, they're definitely wide awake now. They exchange shocked glances between you and Yuta, repeating the gesture several times. You can't help but smile; despite the gravity of the situation, you feel a sense of pride. Proud that you've finally gained the courage to do something you've been wanting to do for months.

"You're not messing with us, right? Because I swear to god Y/N, if I find out yo—" Maki begins, her voice tinged with concern.

You cut her off before she can finish her sentence. "I swear I'm not messing with you guys. I'm going to do it tomorrow night."

Yipeee!! Go Y/N!!! finally we've all been waiting for this moment.

im currently working on the next part so please be patient!

Also, thank you so much for reading!

[chiibinomonodamon]

WHO WANTS TO HEAR ME RAMBLE ABOUT GAY FURRY DEMON SEX? XD

(damn, there's a sentence I never thought I'd say....)

Okay...so I see some Stolitz confusion and bashing online and I need to type up a defense here because I won't be able to sleep otherwise lol

I consider myself to be a Ship Critic and someone who takes shipping rather seriously.

What I mean by this is, I like to analyze and break down romantic relationships between fictional characters because it's just interesting to write for me. I especially take delight in friendly debating with opinions that I strongly do *not* agree with.

Let me start off by saying I am NOT a "this ship is awesome because gay furry sex lol" type of girl.

FAR from it. I'm generally more passionate about hetero ships between human characters (because I can relate to them more) among other reasons. So if you wanna dismiss my defense as "shallow fangirlism", you can forget about that lame excuse.

I fell in love with Hazbin Hotel when it was finally released in February and suffered waiting for each new two-parts per week. During that time, I decided to watch Helluva Boss as well, after a friend showed me a particularly soul-crushing clip (Moxxie's childhood trauma about his mother).

Yes, I like funny sex jokes as much as the next goofy adult but scenes like this, scenes that carry a very heavy emotional weight are what really get me in the end, even moreso when VERY little dialogue is exchanged. I knew I had to watch the entire episode run after seeing that the creators had a talent for this.

I saw people asking:

"How did Stolas go from using Blitz as a sex toy to being painfully in love with him?"

Oh I can tell you. I can tell you the EXACT moment this is revealed. But it's not spoon-fed to you; it's quite subtle actually and this is why lots of people miss it.

See, one of the strongest talents Vivenne has shown me is that she REALLY knows how to get her characters to communicate their feelings to the viewers JUST from their expressions and body language. These can be 'blink-and-miss-it' teeny little scenes and it may require a couple rewatches.

But since people demand time stamps for all information others post here, I'll rewatch a few scenes from S1 E7 'Ozzie's' as I'm typing this.

'Ozzie's' remains to be not just my favorite episode of HB...but probably my favorite episode of any adult-targeted animated show outside of Japan (aside from S2 E7's Mid-Season Special)

It has this huge reveal for both Blitzo and Stolas.

We'll first address Blitzo's irrational, stalkerish behavior of Moxxie and Millie.

He's obsessed with them. He finds both of them very attractive, fantasizes about threesomes with them and is constantly inserting himself into their personal lives.

Why?

Because they have everything that he badly badly wants for himself.

They have the perfect marriage and he is trying to live THROUGH them.

This was hilarious to me at the beginnning of the show but it's slowly revealed that it's one of the most tragic and depressing things I've ever seen. And it's scarily realistic too.

But you know this already so let's move on...

Blitzo follows the couple to Ozzie's but he can't get in without a date. So he calls up Stolas and yes, this is very low but he doesn't realize how much this means to Stolas (hell, I'm not sure even Stolas realizes it himself!) but the owl man is giddy with joy, he rushes over and they enter Ozzie's.

When Ozzie and Fizz mock Moxxie for being so sappy towards his wife, this strikes a chord with Blitzo (because they're his IDEAL relationship) and he speaks up to defend them.

NOW PAY CLOSE ATTENTION; THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART:

Fizz, still holding onto his past grudge turns on Blitzo to humilate him:

"Some nerve you got commenting on a relationship"

Time Stamp: 11:37

As Fizz says "-ship", Blitzo VERY QUICKLY makes eye contact with Stolas who has a look of panic on his face. Blitzo is seeking VALIDATION from Stolas in this sharp, subtle second of screentime, as if to ask

"Well, ARE we in one?"

And then what happens next...Stolas remains silent, Blitzo's ex joins in to announce how selfish Blitzo was in bed with her, tearing him down further. Stolas stands up like he's going to put a stop to it but then Ozzie notices him and interrogates him about sleeping with Blitzo.

Blitzo looks incredibly ashamed and guilty as Stolas blushes with similar feelings...and hides his face behind his menu; HIS BIGGEST MISTAKE IN THE SERIES SO FAR.

Time Stamp: 12:24

The look on Blitzo's face as he grits his teeth and darts his eyes away basically says

"Yeah, I should have known...boy am I an idiot for trusting him to stand up for me".

(look how SHOCKED he is...wow, this hurts fr ;_;)

This is a silent betrayal on Stolas's part. Afterall, his reputation is on the line, so if he were to defend Blitzo, it confirms they are in fact, dating. He chose his pride over Blitzo and Blitzo is crushed by this betrayal.

Moxxie finishes his song and kisses his wife tenderly. Stolas watches this and also wants to have an affectionate moment with Blitzo (who is rightfully glaring daggers at him) and tries to reach for his hand.

Blitzo rejects his touch and suggests they leave. As they do, Blitzo still looks furious and hurt. Stolas is now realizing how badly he screwed up with a "What have I done?" face (13:41)

He even looks disappointed with himself.

After Blitzo drops Stolas off, he thanks him and tries to smooth over the awkwardness with sweet talk but Blitzo just rolls his eyes in disgust and pulls on his face like "I don't want to hear this bullshit".

He responds coldly and curtly, "Yeah." Stolas makes more suggestions to spend time with him, which just makes him even angrier and he snaps

"I'm not fucking you tonight, okay!

I'm really just..." (14:28)

he pauses to wipe a tear because at this point he can barely hold it together (top notch voice acting and animation directing btw)

"...not in the mood, Stolas."

Stolas still tries to talk him into doing couple things unrelated to sex.

Blitzo's face switches back to anger and frustration because Stolas isn't getting the message so he goes for the blunt tactic;

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but YOU wanting ME to fuck you, okay?"

(14:42)

"You make that really clear all the time."

(again his voice sounds like he's about to break down)

"But I-I just can't do it tonight, okay?"

(Finally meets his eye)

"...I'm sorry."

I believe this is code for "I'm sorry we're even in this situation and how your reputation got damaged. " Or, more painfully, "I'm sorry I'm such an embarrassment to you".

Stolas replies "Okay" and takes a deep breath to compose himself. They say goodnight and depart.

An important note here is that Stolas calls him "Blitzo" instead of "Blitzy" to show more respect.

As Blitzo zooms away coldly, Stolas looks up at the sky with tears in his eyes, surprised at how much it hurts.

He then sits down with his head in his hands in anguish...because he's getting that

"Oh...no. These feelings are real" epiphany.

And as if this wasn't enough angst, Blitzo collapses onto his couch at home, goes through the memories on his phone and starts sobbing.

I'm going to be real with you; this is the most heart-breaking shit I have ever seen in an adult show of this type. It's also the first time a show of this type got me to cry.

The last six minutes have revealed so much information without spoonfeeding it to the audience because the show RESPECTS its audience.

To recap:

*Blitzo takes Stolas on a first official date to use him

*Stolas is extremely happy about it

*Blitzo gets humilated and looks to Stolas for validation

*Stolas betrays him and breaks his heart

*Blitzo snaps that their relationship is nothing more than lust-driven sex

*Stolas realizes he's actually in love with Blitzo and it's a huge problem because (he believes) that it's unrequited.

*Blitzo breaks down because the ONE person whom he thought would protect him didn't do so.

So these two are convinced that neither one loves the other...while the irony is, it's quite the opposite.

Because if Blitzo REALLY didn't feel anything towards Stolas, he would not have gotten this emotional.

Yes, they are both lonely...but I really don't think that's all there is between them.

So..........we know WHEN they started falling...now the question is why;

I think the answer's quite simple; single-target affection.

It was mentioned in S2 that Stolas and Stella did sleep together ONE TIME...but Stolas didn't enjoy it at all. He is stuck with a wife who hates him so much that she put a HIT on him...and a daughter who thinks he's a loser. Blitzo is pretty much the one person in his life who is able to make him happy. That one small, bright spot. He enjoys the sex with him but he also simply enjoys his company, as shown in Ozzie's episode. He is thrilled to simply talk to him about his day...and do anything else that couples do. They're complete opposites. Stolas is an intellectual but naive and sheltered. Blitzo is poorly educated but cynical and street-smart. Opposites attract...though this is likely more from Stolas's POV than Blitzo's.

In other words, Stolas is into bad boys xD lmao

In Blitzo's case, Stolas is the only character who shows him physical affection which he desperately craves. He's pretty tsundere about it most of the time...but I think he actually does enjoy that attention...especially when he's always getting disrespected by Moxxie and Loona..and quite a lot of people around him. BUT he's too scared to get serious with anyone because of past trauma and he also believes that no one could possibly love him as a person. :(

Reasons I Think This Love is Real

Aside from what I pointed out in the Ozzie's episode...there's quite a lot of evidence, esp from Stolas's POV.

After he realizes he's in love, he goes to Asomodeous for an ALTERNATIVE method for Blitzo to use so they will no longer sleep together. He wants to set Blitzo free. Which means he DOES truly love him because love is about being generous to the other person. He COULD be totally selfish about it but he isn't.

Asomodeous mentions how against love potions he is and Stolas agrees. He thinks that's out of the question.

'Look My Way' music video. Lol I don't have to say anything more.

In S2 E6 OOPS

This exchange at 16:57

Fizz: Seems your taste has gotten more 'regal', lately?

Blitz: Yeah, well unlike you, I fuck who I want WHEN I want. I'm not gonna be tied down to some big blue-blood asshole.

Fizz: You coulda fooled me the way Prince was cozying up to you at Ozzie's.

Blitz (gets very defensive) HEY! Stolas only cares about have a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress, okay!

It's nothing...(gets hesistant and looks away)...you know...

(Fizz gives him a 'bitch please' look xD)

"it's nothing else."

Fizz: Then why were you even there?

Blitz: OTHER very important reasons of course.

Fizz: Whatever. I don't actually care.

Blitz: Stolas is just a loud, thirsty BITCH!

(Fizz is rolling his eyes again)

Blitz: He loves feeling the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class.

It's a novelty to him.

Fizz: LITERALLY just said I don't care!

Blitz: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was!

And he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos laugh at my jokes...

Fizz: (Smirking) OH! That's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit!

Blitz: I KNOW, RIGHT??

Fizz: (Making a 'What in idiot' expression, shaking his head)

Blitz: HE'S JUST A FAKE, PRIVELEDGED ASSHOLE...

Fizz: Sounds like you just hate him for being a prince!

No one (laughs) and I mean NO ONE pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay.

All right. IF ANYONE knows what real love is like, it's Fizzaroli...who is in a very HEALTHY relationship with Asomodeous. He recognizes the signs because he's IN that place. He sees it...and he's annoyed that Blitzo keeps denying it and brushing it off...yet clearly can NOT stop talking about Stolas (amusing irony)

To sum up (this freaking essay lol) 'Stolitz' ABSOLUTELY has the potential to be pure and true...these two just need to communicate...or Stolas has to PROVE to Blitzo that he's serious about his feelings in another way.

There is no doubt that this ship is 100% endgame and is a case of the 'Earn Your Happy Ending' Trope. I look forward to the rest of the journey. Ron is putting my feelings about Stolitz in a perfect phrase:

[lemotmo]

Okay I'm going to partially tell on myself. I am new, as in the Buck/T kiss showed up all over my dash, as did all of Oliver's interviews and I just thought he was the yummiest most delightful human being I had ever seen and heard (my god is accent is heaven) new. And I thought that first kiss was really well done. It was a great scene. Now, that being said, I didn'twant to jump into a show that was seven seasons into the story with zero context, except the stuff I had been seeing on my dash for years. So I started from the beginning, with the full intent and excitement of getting to T in season 7. Imagine my surprise when he popped up occasionally in earlier seasons. His only good part was when we were supposed to believe that Chim could lift him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, haha. That was great.

Anyway by the time I made it to season 7, it was too late. I had just watched 5 seasons of Buck and Eddie. There was zero room for T to compete on any level. Which is why the behavior of some is so confusing to me. Let me say first that I do not think the show always intended to put Buck and Eddie together, I don't think that's been the intention since the beginning. There is however a very good case to make that Eddie's introduction was Buck's actual Bi bell ringing moment though (*what a man plays in the background*). I do however agree that the writing has trended, increasingly so, in that direction. The writers do not hold all the blame however, Oliver and Ryan have kind of acted them into a corner. There are several scenes, multiple scenes, where the acting choices the two of them made were interesting, to say the least (looking at you 'go for the title' kitchen scene I love. Buck was flirting on every possible level in that scene).

Sorry, I got off track, back to my point. The people like me, who came in after the kiss popped up everywhere, being all in on T is somewhat fine. The problem would be the ones who are deliberately refusing to go back and watch the entire series before pontificating on B/T being destiny and all that other nonsense. There is an argument to be made that they're avoiding it because they know most of the history dismantles their current ship fixation. So as a result those people can be easily dismissed because they have zero context to any of their opinions. The ones who were with you all for 5 seasons though, yes I've seen their posts, who lost their shit over 2 pairs of lips touching, is what I cannot wrap my brain around. I completely understand the excitement behind that first kiss. It was a much anticipated moment for BUCK. He was the important person in that scene.

But confusing, or deliberately misinterpreting, Buck's revelation and sigh of relief at finally figuring out something pretty significant about himself, as being about him finding T is a gymnastics act I did not expect to see from so many long haulers. I mean, it should be obvious but T wasn't important in that scene. His gender was what was important. Which is why they have barely bothered to show him since that episode. And the interactions they have shown, minus the hospital kiss, that they made sure to show Eddie's reaction to btw, have all been red flag scenes. Little things that show this relationship isn't really that different from his previous relationships. Buck may have figured out the gender part but he's still making the same relationship mistakes. It's why the few scenes they've had together, and it's the bare minimum of effort, have been about Buck trying to initiate some level of communication and emotional connection and him being dismissed or having it turned into a daddy kink joke. I also think Oliver's enthusiasm dipped drastically by the end and it showed.

Which brings me to Eddie. The show, and more so, Oliver and Ryan have already done the hard part. The emotional connection, which is way more difficult to pull off than a physical connection, is already there. Their chemistry is already established.They're partners in every way but physically. As a result it is not a huge character leap to eventually bring a physical relationship into it as well. That will not be a shocking character development for either character. It goes back to the way the two have been written and they way Oliver and Ryan have interrupted those scenes. I won't touch their interviews because I think it's pretty clear, at this point, they seem to agree it's the way to go. There's more story to explore with them learning how to navigate an actual relationship than there is in bringing in other, lesser characters, to firstly try to compete with that connection, and then try to establish endgame status. I don't know. It's not about any two pairs of lips touching it's about the right two pairs of lips touching. Because when it's the right couple the characters get that sigh and exhale of finally! But the audience gets their sigh and exhale of finally as well. That is the point.

Sorry this got looooong 🤣

Ooooh Nonny, you speak right to my heart.

First of all, thank you for going back all the way to season 1 to actually sit down and watch the show. We aren't just making up Buddie. It has been there since the beginning. I'm so glad you got to witness their beautiful history together and that you realised just how right they are for each other.

I can't speak for the people who suddenly turned 180° and dropped Buddie for BT. I have been shipping Buddie from season 2, so I don't understand their reasoning or motivation either. It like you said so beautifully:

"It's not about any two pairs of lips touching. It's about the right two pairs of lips touching."

And that is what it comes down to. We can be content with a lackluster, meaningless relationship for queer rep. Or we can be exhilerated with an amazingly complex and years in the making relationship, which will be so much better for queer rep. It will be revolutionary in so many ways to make a slow burn queer ship canon.

(Before anyone comes at me for talking about queer rep. I have slowly been figuring myself out over the last couple of years and, looking back at my life and relationships, I've come to realise that I definitely belong somewhere on the ace spectrum. Not sure where exactly, I'm still searching for the right label, but it feels right to me. This is actually the first time I said this on a public forum for people to read. Kinda scary to be honest.)

I know what I would choose for myself if I was faced with these two options. Why wouldn't we automatically choose this for Buck and Eddie as well? It's mind-boggling really.

So yeah: queer Eddie and Buddie canon in season 8! All the way!

Don't apologise for your great post. I loved reading it. Feel welcome to drop in whenever you want. :)

[burningvelvet]

I finished Moby Dick. So, to continue my former post(s) documenting my thoughts, here we are (spoilers ahead):

captain ahab: i am once again asking hast thou seen the white whale

Narrator, for the 5 millionth time describing captain ahab: "MONOMANIACAL. MONOMANIAC. MONOMANIA."

I was thinking "the homosexual themes everyone talks about are really exaggerated apparently…" and then I got to the chapter about sperm squeezing

Stubb meeting with the French in chap 91 had the exact vibe of a filler episode on a comedy sitcom

there are a lot of moments that reminded me of The Office ngl like i could just imagine stubb in the little interview chair just talking. so much meme material. he's seriously just doing his own thing. the little random characters like the blacksmith and carpenter just talking shit and side-eyeing ahab in the background lmaoooo

Saint George didn't kill a dragon, it was a whale #THETRUTHREVEALED #WHALETRUTHERS

It would have been hilarious if the British people told Ahab that they already killed Moby Dick already before he could get to it. I was so hoping that would happen. Bonus points if it was the Rachel after he'd turned them away.

Ahab discusses the topic of madness a lot. It's almost like he's… mad...

I vote Ahab for the most Byronic hero to ever Byronic… Heathcliff and Rochester have nothing on him… The origin of the Byronic hero, Byron's titular character from the narrative poem Childe Harold, is literally mentioned by name in the novel and had to be a blatant inspiration - it could not be more obvious! (I have yet to encounter the famed Byronic heroes of Russian literature, most notably Eugene Onegin, a work where Byron is also blatantly name-dropped).

Everyone thinking Queequeg was dying and having a coffin made to his measurements and filled with grave goods at his direction and then him literally climbing into the coffin to test it out and then waiting silently to die…. then all of a sudden getting better and saying he chose to recover bc he remembered he had something on his to-do list….. iconic

Ishmael referring to Queequeg as "my Queequeg…" omg. Queerqueg

Queequeg drawing figures like the ones on his tattoos omg… au story where Queequeg is an artist/tattoo artist when???

I was literally saying "AWWWWW" out loud when Ahab and Pip were having their little moments

The irony of Ahab abandoning the Rachel then it coming back for Ishmael… the coffin lifeboat… etc… good stuff…

okay ahab is my man but yeah he was an asshole to the captain of rachel.

also feel bad for tashtego. he wanted that gold doubloon so bad and ahab was like SIKE, MOTHERFUCKER! umm tashtego did not get cut out of a whale by queequeg to deal with ur shit ahab!

Once again wanting a Black Sails/Moby Dick AU… I found this essay about the similarities between Flint/Ahab https://ijms.nmdl.org/article/view/22389/14361

They only have like 2-3 little moments together but like… Starbuck/Ahab kind of outdoing Ishmael/Queequeg there for a moment… chaps 132/134… oh my godddddddddddddd whyyyyyyy

Captain Ahab's moments in chapters 36/37 AAAAAHHHHH you will see me being normal about this

I noted some of my favorite Ahab moments/chapters and they are 36/37/41/70/99/108/109/113/115/116/119/125/129/132/134/135. Like I may seriously just re-read those chapters (no offense to Melville's whale facts, Stubb's jokes, & Pip's insanity)

the end is kind of similar to the great gatsby in the sense that you finally realize the entire novel was actually written for him to cope with his grief-related trauma & then suddenly it all makes sense. the lingering, the sentimentality regarding seemingly insignificant details or people, the meandering/digressing/procrastinating getting to the end, etc.

there are actually several moments -- i don't know if he actually referred to ahab or the others in past-tense specifically, but there were several moments where i felt like i kind of thought he was giving away the end before he did (it wasn't a shock to me bc i read about the end prior, but still)

[why4anne]

Daylight

Part: 4/?

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Category: Social Media au

Summary: Follow the love story of a global pop icon and a monegasque F1 driver

Face claim: Taylor Swift (Singing) + others

Masterlist

2019

It's no secret that the former power-couple's relationship ended with bad blood as cheating allegations regarding Neymar leaked in January of 2018. The pair announced their split on social media two weeks later. However, it seems as if the Brazilian is not ready to give up on his ex yet. He has posted multiple instagram posts using lyrics from her recent album Lover which the singer wrote about current boyfriend, F1 driver Charles Leclerc. We have yet to get a statement about this from Leclerc or L/N.

A post uploaded by Neymar last Thursday captioned: "I'll save all my dirtiest jokes for you, meu amor😘"

When asked about these posts the PSG star responded

"I will always love her and she is an amazing woman. I've made mistakes in the past but I will do everything in my power to right my wrongs"

The world is understandably shocked by this statement seeing how the pop-star is in a one year long relationship with Ferrari F1 driver Charles Leclerc and even wrote an entire album stating her love for him. The couple is one of the most popular celebrity couples today and the fans love their romantic interactions on social media and in the F1 paddock.

What do you think? Is this Neymar simply being jealous of the love Leclerc is getting both from Y/N and the fans or is he serious? Follow E!News for more updates.

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, gigihadid and 2 304 583 others

charles_leclerc: She's mine. You may have had her once. But I got her all the time.

view comments:

leleleclerc: Show him Charles!!!

pieregasly: My man🐶

liked by charles_leclerc

- pierragazzolina: Pierre??!!

- titiwolff: what is with that emoji??😭

janelle_leclerzz: okay I get it Neymar. If I fumbled the bag that hard I would regret it too

y/nhouse: damn, Charles is really out here living my dream life😫

slaybastianvettel: the second pic🥵

arthur_leclerc: good work brother👍

liked by charles_leclerc

yourusername: always yours❤️

liked by charles_leclerc

yourusername

liked by: badgalriri, bellahadid and 8 493 392 others

yourusername: Baby, I just wanna be yours I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

view comments:

elitey/n: damn our girl really said Neymar who?

girlieprix: Charles and y/n are really squashing any speculations as they should!😤

y/ngirle4life: IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING IN THE LAST PIC???

- safetycar92: OMG IT'S HUGE!!!

- juniorlecclerc: In her material girl era💅

- y/nfanzzaccount: It's on her right hand guys. Chill down

charles_leclerc: You're so beautiful mon amour😍

liked by yourusername

- l/ny/nleclerc: and I can't even get a response back from my guy🥹

yourusername:

liked by charles_leclerc, harrystyles and 13 348 549 others

yourusername: All Too Well 10 minute version out July 1.

view comments:

formula_y/n: She really said: Let me just remind all of you what this man has done.💅

holly_leclerccc: she's an icon she's a legend and she is the moment!

eras_y/n: watch your back Neymar, watch your back😈

y/nwhereareyou: 10 MINUTES????

charles_leclerc: you❤️

liked by yourusername

pierregasly: you're working overtime huh??

- yourusername: always am😇

trulyleclerc: Y/N said: When they go low, I go LOWER

[morning-star-joy]

burned out flames should never reignite, but I thought you might take me home

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 13

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: When Tommy realizes you've been sleeping with someone, you agree to let him set you up on a date to get him off your back. Joel witnesses you on your date, and shows up at your house later that night for a familiar midnight call—but this time is a bit different than the ones before.

Chapter Warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ Only MDNI) fingering, praise, drunk sex, unprotected p in v sex, possessiveness, jealousy, dirty talk including mild degradation, alcohol use, language, some angst

A/N: Full version of burned out flames should never reignite. We're almost caught up to ao3! In other news, I set up a kofi! No pressure at all to leave anything, but if you feel like it, a coffee would be greatly appreciated. The link is in my bio! Love y'all so so much!!

Wordcount: 15.1k

chapter 1 || chapter 12 || chapter 13 || masterlist

ao3 link

“You fall, and you crawl, and you take—no,” you pause your singing to shake your head, mumbling to yourself before starting over, “No, that’s not it. Uh—you fall, and you crawl, and you break…”

You spun in your kitchen, a smile breaking across your face as you sang the lyrics to the song that had lingered in the back of your mind for two decades. Once Tommy had gifted the cassette to you, you had taken it upon yourself to memorize the lyrics, listening to the song on repeat whenever you had the chance to.

It had elicited laughter from Dina more than once, the girl playfully judging you for your mumbled, off-tune singing until you sat her down and forced her to listen to the song with you.

“Okay,” she had said as you shared the headphones, her foot tapping to the beat as she nodded to you, laughing again as you swayed and sang along. “I get it now. It’s good.”

Eventually, you listened to the entire album, but you kept going back to that one song. It helped alleviate the pain from a dagger you had never managed to remove from your heart, giving a sense of comfort that you needed as autumn rolled closer to Jackson.

The shift in seasons brought forth a memory that you would rather not recall, but you knew you would be forced to remember once the days got shorter and colder. So you held onto this happiness, this rare feeling of peace, for as long as you could.

A knock sounded on your back door, and you jumped, caught in a rare moment of being completely taken aback as you stared at the small window on the door, seeing the perpetrator who had intruded on your moment.

You sighed, crossing the short distance to swing the door open, arching an inquisitive eyebrow at the man leaning against your doorway, the same way he always did.

“May I remind you of Rule #1, cowboy?” you teased as you leaned against the open door, to which Joel rolled his eyes.

“I’m here for the friend part of the arrangement,” he mumbled, and your lips twitched into a nearly unnoticeable smile.

“Not the benefit part?” you drawled, and he sighed at your sultry tone as you shifted to allow him into the house.

“Not right now,” he said simply while he moved past you, the brushing of his body against yours causing a spark of electricity to shiver through you that you blamed on the activities that you were alluding to.

“What a shame,” you sighed playfully as you closed the door behind him, making sure to cover up the window; blocking the early morning light out, as well as protecting you from any prying eyes of potential nosy neighbors.

A laugh almost escaped you as you watched Joel head right for the cabinet where you kept the mugs. He pulled down the engraved mug without hesitation, grabbing another mug to slide down the counter towards you before he turned towards the coffee tin that you had just recently replenished.

“Did you move in when I wasn’t looking?” you joked, eliciting a scoff from the gruff man as he prepared the coffee, placing the pot on the stove as you reached for your matchbox.

“Shut up,” he muttered, the usual response both of you tended to give when you didn’t have a clever response to something the other one said.

You merely hummed as a reply, blowing out the match after you struck a flame that lit the stovetop under the coffee pot.

Your relationship with Joel had begun to settle over recent weeks. The two of you ironed out most of the awkwardness in your new, tentative friendship, though you both still felt more comfortable partaking in each other’s company in private than being seen together in public.

No mention was ever made of the night you had patched Joel up in his home. There was no reason to dig up the grave that memory was buried in, and you were at peace leaving that moment to rest.

Absolutely no part of you was curious about the feelings that Joel had stirred from you when he held on to your hand for longer than he needed to.

No, there was no fiber of your being that still lingered on the memory of the sight of his bare back before he pulled a shirt on.

Or his soft thanks before you ran away.

Rules, you reminded yourself sharply, shaking the memory out of your head as you realized it was clawing its own way out from where you had laid it to rest, six feet under in your mind. Nothing personal. No taking off clothes. No bedrooms. 

You glanced back at Joel as he poured himself a cup of coffee when it was ready, licking his lips in anticipation before he brought the mug to his mouth for a sip.

Nothing personal. No kissing.

That specific part of the rule passing through your mind unexpectedly made you jump, and you glanced away quickly as you tried to deny to yourself that the urge had been there, no matter how brief.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched his shoulders relax as a quiet sigh of content left him from tasting the bitter drink before he put his mug down, and your stomach flipped before you forced yourself to look away again.

Nothing personal, you repeated internally, the words becoming a familiar mantra whenever moments with Joel like this arrived. Nothing personal. No—

Your mug being pushed towards you again caught your attention. Looking down, you saw that it had been filled with coffee, and your heart thudded against your chest when you realized it was prepared the way you preferred it.

When you reached your hands out to take it, your fingers were trembling slightly, and you steeled your nerves as you grabbed it. Swallowing thickly, you pushed whatever the fuck was happening in your mind deep down under the surface as you brought the mug up to your lips for a sip, trying not to let out a noise of satisfaction at the perfect taste.

You didn’t thank him, and Joel didn’t ask you to.

Familiar silence descended on you both as you drank your coffee together in relative comfort. In the middle of a sip, your gaze landed on your little dining table, and the memory of Joel’s face between your thighs as you spread your legs for him on it flashed through your mind so quickly, so suddenly that you choked on your drink.

Joel glanced at you from the corner of his eye at the sound, and you spun away from him, clearing your throat loudly a few times until you recovered.

“You doing okay there?” he asked, and you stiffened as you heard the question had more of a hint of smug teasing to it than real concern.

“Oh, just dandy,” you drawled, using sarcasm to cover up how flustered you were just from the memory of Joel going down on you.

Fucking hell, the man had fucked you so many times you had lost count, so why did the act of him eating you out get you so riled up?

You paused, going over the thought you had just had again as the first part of it sent shock rippling through you.

Jesus, you had fucked Joel so many times you had lost count.

Sure, you hadn’t exactly been a blushing virgin before Joel. You had had your fair share of sexual encounters, including a few one-night stands with individuals in Jackson who you still ran into from time to time. But those had only ever been one, maybe two nights.

But Joel, you kept going back to.

And now the way his hands gripped your hips was familiar. The way he licked and bit just below your neck, in a spot you could easily cover up any sign of a mark, was a sign that he wanted you. The way his head tilted back, his face contorting in pleasure as his movements became unsteady—you knew that meant he was close, that he was about to give in to it. 

Give in to you.

“You sure about that, sweetheart?” Joel’s voice came as a smooth murmur in your ear, his hand spreading across your hip as he gently tugged you back into him, and a soft, audible exhale left your lips as your back pressed to his chest.

Fuck, you thought, your eyes closing, mouth falling open as his hand continued to slowly move across the hemline of your sleep pants before dipping down under it.

“Mm, no panties?” Joel mumbled, lips pressed against your ear, and you gasped quietly as his fingers lightly traced along your folds. 

His digits were wet—oh, fuck, he had probably licked them before he snuck up on you when you were lost in thought. Joel had walked over here with the intention of finger-fucking you while you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

“Uh—” your breath hitched, any dry remarks lost before they could leave your lips as his fingers spread you apart before finding your clit.

You bit your lip, a needy whine escaping your throat as one hand leaves the mug of coffee you were still holding to grab his arm.

“I thought—” you broke off with a harsh exhale as he began to trace circles around your clit, biting down on your lip harder before you finally managed to stutter out, “Thought maybe you’d show up last night. Figured I’d make it easier to access.”

Joel chuckled against your ear, the rumble of his smooth baritone sending shivers down your spine as you melted back into him. He began to slowly rub your clit from side to side, and a soft moan slipped past your lips as you rolled your hips into his touch.

“Don’t you have such a pretty way with words,” he drawled, and you moaned as you realized he was actually teasing you—in your kitchen, drinking your coffee—and, god, you were more than happy to let him.

You hissed as the coffee sloshed from your mug when you nearly dropped it, dodging the drops of hot liquid before Joel easily grabbed it from you with his free hand, setting it on the counter next to you to be forgotten. He then spread that hand across your stomach, reaching up to grip your breast in his palm, thumb flicking over your nipple until it grew hard through the fabric of your tank top.

“Fuck, J—” you bit your lip, just cutting yourself off from moaning his name.

Even though you had already whimpered it more than enough times when he went down on you, suddenly your stubbornness was flaring up. A determination not to let him see how much he got to you after your thoughts earlier.

But then his fingers began to slow, his thumb slipping away from your nipple as he rubbed your clit achingly slowly. You whined as you tried to roll your hips against his hand faster, even as he kept the slow pace.

“What was that?” he whispered, his nose pressed against the nape of your neck, and you exhaled sharply because, fuck, that nose was gorgeous, the strength and slope of it and—

Wait, gorgeous?

What?

“Fuck,” you gasped, trying to pull yourself away from him, but he easily pulled you right back against him, his grip firm where his hand was still cupping your breast.

“The other part,” Joel murmured smugly, apparently still caught on your words from earlier, and not your sudden hesitation.

“I—”

His thumb flicked your clit and you gasped, back arching as he held you tight in his grip. Still, you shook your head stubbornly, keeping your lips sealed even as he flicked your clit again, causing a whine to become trapped in your closed mouth.

“Say it,” he whispered, urging your lips to part with his command as his thumb began to suddenly rub quickly over your clit again, and your mouth dropped open with a sharp gasp. “What, you’re shy now? After you couldn’t stop moaning it when I made you cum three times on that table?”

“Fuck you,” you snapped, though the words lost their edge with the pleasure of the sudden fast pace of his rough, thick fingers stimulating you.

“Working on it,” he grunted, a whine escaping your throat at the words. Joel’s lips found your ear again, his teeth grazing the shell of it, tongue flicking out along it as he hissed, “Say. It.”

When one of his digits slipped easily through your wet folds and sunk into you without warning at his order, you nearly cried out from the sudden intense fullness, your head tilting back onto his shoulder as you gasped, “Joel!”

You could hear the smirk in his voice, could feel it against your skin as his lips grazed across the edge of your jawline from where your head rested back on his shoulder, “There it is. Good girl.”

A whimper left your throat, his name leaving your lips again as his finger continued to thrust into you, again and again, pulling another moan of his name out with it each time. Eventually, he sunk another finger in to join the first, and you lost complete awareness of your surroundings except for his fingers inside you and on you, rapidly stimulating your clit as he whispered filthy things into your ear.

“That’s it, darling,” he murmured, and you shivered from the sound of his Southern accent wrapping around the term he called you, your chest heaving from your rapidly approaching high as he continued to tease your orgasm closer with his words, “You’re such a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” you whispered, nodding desperately as your hips rolled with his fingerfucking, his free hand moving to stimulate your other nipple. “Yes, Joel, yes.”

“I know you wanna cum,” he mumbled, tongue flicking out along the edge of your jaw before he bit down on the skin underneath it, and you gasped as your hips bucked into his touch.

“Yes, please, please,” you begged, losing any sense of coherence that would make you hold onto your stubborn pride, instead losing yourself in submitting to him completely in this moment of approaching ecstasy.

“Then do it,” he drawled, lips moving up to graze against the top of your temple as he commanded almost gently, “Cum for me, sweetheart.”

With those words, it only took a few more thrusts of his fingers and a last, delicious circle against your clit for you to do as he told you. You gasped as your hips jerked forward, your body falling back so hard with the intensity of the orgasm that Joel had to grab you tighter, holding you up against him as you shook with the pleasure that rocked through you.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasped, your eyes finally flashing open, vision still blurry from the euphoria of release. “Fuck.”

When your vision focused, you saw Joel looking down at you, his face mere inches from yours as your head still rested back on his shoulder, and your heart stopped.

Your eyes, glazed over with the haze of pleasure, searched his dark ones from where they watched you from above. There was an intensity to them, a familiar desire, and something else that made your lips part subconsciously.

Joel’s eyes flashed down to your mouth at the movement, and your breath caught in your throat. His brow furrowed, staring for a few seconds longer before meeting your eyes again, and you licked your lips as you tried to bring yourself fully back to the present, still lost in the afterglow of your orgasm.

“I—”

You weren’t sure who had started to speak, but whoever it was got rudely interrupted by the sound of a knock on your front door.

For a moment, you and Joel just froze—probably trying to figure out if you had just hallucinated the sound, or mistaken something else for it.

But then there was another knock, and you swore under your breath as you jolted out from Joel’s grip that had loosened on you from shock.

“Shit.”

“Fuck.”

You and Joel began to hiss a variety of swears to yourselves as you tried to fix yourself up, making yourself as presentable as you could as he darted towards your back door. He stopped when he reached it, casting a panicked look back to you, and you sighed before waving him off.

“Just go,” you whispered, and the man had the gall to give you that stupid fucking smug arch of an eyebrow as he glanced over you.

“You’re a mess,” he mumbled, his hand coming up to push a stubborn strand of your hair away from your face as you walked forward to shove him out the back door, and you ignored the skip of your heartbeat by scoffing at the remark.

“Yeah, thanks for that,” you rolled your eyes, biting your lip as you took one last look at him standing on your back door steps. Your mouth opened to say something, stopping when you realized you didn’t know what to say, before shutting the door in his face with a sigh.

There was nothing more to say, you told yourself. You continued to comb your hands through your hair, adjusting your sleep pants as you hurried to the incessant knocking on your front door.

“Yeah, alright, I’m coming,” you snapped, adjusting your clothes one last time before swinging the door open with no small amount of exasperation. “Who the actual fuck—”

You stopped short, your stomach dropping as Tommy grinned at you from the other side of the door.

“Hey,” he greeted happily, holding up a small tin in his hands. “Came across some more coffee in a recent trade. Figured I’d drop some off since I remembered you were low on—”

Tommy stopped suddenly, his eyebrow slowly raising as he leaned back, his gaze moving up and down your body as you shifted awkwardly at the analysis.

“What?” you tried to snap, but it came out as more of a mumble before trying to grab for the coffee tin, which he quickly pulled away.

Laughter began to spill from Tommy’s lips, both his brows lifting now as he asked bluntly, “Alright, who are you fucking?”

You scoffed, a loud laugh of surprise leaving your own lips as you couldn’t help but give him an incredulous grin.

“You can’t be serious,” you said disbelievingly, but his smug grin told you all you needed to know. Rolling your eyes, you tried to grab for the coffee again, though your faint amusement quickly turned to exasperation as he kept holding it out of your reach while he shifted past you. “Tommy—”

“Are they still here?” he asked with a grin back at you, clearly getting far too much entertainment at the expense of your exasperation from his sudden jump to conclusions.

Which, well, he was right, but Jesus fucking Christ you didn’t need Tommy to know you were having regular sex with somebody, of all people to figure it out.

“Nobody’s here, Tommy,” you replied, your voice clearly showing your annoyance as you followed him around your living as he swept an analytical gaze around it, apparently searching for any sign that somebody else had just left in a hurry. “Have you ever heard of masturbation?”

Tommy laughed loudly, pointing at you with the coffee tin as he began to move into your kitchen, and you sped up your footsteps to try and catch up with him.

“Really?” he asked incredulously, ignoring your nod before he gestured towards your jaw. “Then how’d you manage to do that to yourself?”

Your hand flew up to your jawline, pressing your fingers down along it until you winced at a sensitive spot, and you held back a groan as you remembered Joel’s lips and teeth on that spot.

“Seriously, Tommy,” you groaned as you walked up to where he stood in front of your counter. “Nobody—”

You stopped short as Tommy held up a mug with a familiar engraving, still half-full of black coffee, and he looked smugly at you when you fell into stunned silence.

“That means nothing,” you said quickly, folding your arms over your chest, too stubborn to let him believe he was right even as he set it down to pick up your own mug next to it.

“Damn, even sharing your coffee with them?” he teased, a glint in his eyes as he shook the tin he had brought in his hand before setting it down at your small, humble coffee station, along with your mug. “You gonna bring them to dinner next?”

You coughed, lifting a hand up to cover your smirk of amusement, because you really shouldn’t be entertained by the thought of the person Tommy was alluding to bringing to your monthly dinner being somebody who already attended it.

“It’s not a big deal, Tommy,” you sighed once you were finally able to wipe the smirk off your face, dropping your hand to your side while he looked at you in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed, waving his arms before gesturing back to the two mugs on your counter. “You’re drinking morning coffee with someone! That’s huge!”

You shifted awkwardly, glancing away from him as his words cause unease to build inside of you.

“It’s not like that,” you tried to explain, lifting your hands in exasperation as you tried to find the words. “It’s just sex. Really.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” he drawls with a roll of his eyes, leaning against the counter with a smug smirk and his arms crossed. “So, who is it?”

You spun away from him with a frown, picking your mug back up to take another sip of your now cold coffee.

“Why would I tell you?” you covered up your trepidation with a sigh, sending an unamused look at his mock look of offense at your next words, “So you can interrogate them?”

“I mean, someone has to,” he said with a shrug and an easy smile, to which you shook your head in disbelief.

Tommy stared at you, his gaze searching yours, and after a moment where you didn’t budge, he deflated slightly, amusement faltering with a heavy sigh.

“Alright, fine,” he muttered as he waved his hand dismissively. “Keep your secrets.”

Even though he let it go, you could still see the curiosity in his gaze, and you were proven right when after only a few moments, he opened his mouth to ask, “Can you at least tell me how long it’s been going on?”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as you could feel a headache coming on from the situation that you had found yourself in.

“A few months,” you half-lied, deciding to leave out the fact that the first time that it happened was more than a few months ago. He opened his mouth, probably to ask another question, and you raised your finger to point at him as you quickly added, “No more questions!”

Tommy raised his hands in a defensive gesture, shrugging casually even though you could tell his curiosity had not been sated.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed as he pushed himself off the counter, but not without sending another sweeping gaze around the kitchen, as if he was still expecting to find your mysterious casual sex partner lurking around the corner. “I get it, you want privacy. You don’t wanna tell your best friend that you’ve been fucking somebody for months. That’s fine.”

You groaned, rolling your eyes at the melodramatics as you placed your hands between his shoulders to begin pushing him back towards the front door.

“Because you’d make way too big a deal out of it,” you said as you pushed Tommy out of the kitchen and through the living room, even as he tried to hold onto walls and plant his feet into the ground to halt your progress while he laughed.

“You sure they’re not lurking about somewhere?” he said over his shoulder, grinning at you as you managed to wrestle him back to the front door. “I’d like to get a look at the mysterious individual who stole the heart of my dearest friend.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the words, even as the truth of the ‘dearest friend’ comment made you soften slightly.

“It’s just stress relief, Tommy,” you sighed as you swung the door open, leaning against it as you gestured for him to exit, which he did with a heavier sigh that outmatched your own.

“Sure, sure,” he drawled sarcastically, his Southern accent strong with the words as he walked out onto the porch. He spun around, walking backwards towards the porch steps as he threw a charismatic grin towards you. “So you wouldn’t be opposed if I set you up on a date, then?”

You glared at him, wanting to deny him as you always did, but you knew that he wouldn’t stop pestering you about what he had discovered this morning unless you agreed. So you threw a hand up in the air and snapped, “Yeah, go ahead! Sounds great, actually.”

Tommy’s eyebrow raised as surprise flashed across his face, but he quickly recomposed himself, his grin returning with an air of glee at your agreement to the idea he had been pushing on you for years.

“Alrighty then!” he shouted, drawing the attention of the early risers down the street, and you glared at his overabundant enthusiasm. 

A laugh nearly escaped you as he nearly fell down the porch steps from walking backwards, but he caught himself on the railing, recovering quickly from his brief stumble before directing the grin back towards you again. “Just you wait, I’m gonna set you up with the perfect match.”

“Yup, I’m sure,” you said sarcastically with a roll of your eyes as you began to close your door.

Tommy’s grin grew mischievous, a glint of something akin to mayhem in his eyes as he added, “Then we’ll see if your mystery suitor will appear from the shadows to—”

You shut the door in the middle of his sentence, shaking your head as you heard his laughter echo even through the walls that now separated you from him.

A groan escaped your throat as you sank against the door, your back sliding down it as you combed your hand through your hair.

“Motherfucker,” you muttered, though you weren’t sure if it was directed towards Tommy, Joel, or even yourself. “What the fuck did I just get myself into?”

Joel glared half-heartedly at his brother as he was dragged by the younger man to The Tipsy Bison, his brows furrowed at Tommy’s cheerfulness that almost left a bounce in his step as they walked under the streetlights.

“Is there a reason why you’re in such a good mood?” Joel drawled, though his tone was playful as he arched an eyebrow at Tommy’s annoyed huff.

“Just doing a little recon,” Tommy muttered with a sly smirk, which only increased Joel’s cautious curiosity when they walked through the doors to the bar.

Joel only had made it a few steps into the bar when Tommy’s hand clamped down on his shoulder, pulling him to the side, maneuvering on the outskirts of the room to find a table in the back.

“Now you’re just being weird,” Joel muttered, to which Tommy rolled his eyes as he sat at the small table and got the attention of a nearby waitress, greeting the woman by name and exchanging a few pleasant words before ordering their drinks.

“Been that way for a long time, big brother,” Tommy replied smoothly, sending a wink towards Joel at the older man’s annoyance, to which Joel scoffs.

“Yeah, sure,” Joel mumbled, his brows still furrowed as he glanced away out towards the room, as if he could ascertain why Tommy had been so eager to come out tonight.

The bar was less busy than it was during the height of summer, but there were still a fair amount of people out tonight. They were probably trying to catch those last warm nights before autumn fully arrived, and Joel’s fingers tapped against the table as he scanned the groups and individuals for anything out of place.

His search was interrupted when the waitress returned, placing glasses filled with familiar amber liquid in front of them. Tommy thanked them kindly, and Joel’s nod and quiet murmur of “thank you, ma’am” was followed by a blush on the waitress’ face, her gaze lingering on Joel a bit longer than necessary before she left to the next table.

Joel noticed it, but he ignored it, lifting his glass to his lips for a sip, even as Tommy smirked at him.

After a moment where Tommy’s smirk didn’t waver, Joel sighed, glancing up at his brother with an annoyed, “What?”

Tommy shrugged, leaning back in his chair as he lifted his own glass for a sip.

“Nothing, nothing…” Tommy brushed off, and Joel shook his head, deciding to ignore his brother’s cryptic smirk until the younger man spoke again, “I mean, you gotta know that the ladies around town are curious about you, right?”

“Shut up,” Joel replied bluntly, taking another sip of his drink as Tommy let out a bark of laughter.

“Come on, I’m being serious!” Tommy grinned, leaning in to rest his elbows on the table, meeting Joel’s unamused expression with one of pure entertainment at the topic. “Maria has heard them whispering, especially after your little date with Esther. They think you’re hard to get, and some see that as a challenge.”

Joel scoffed, shaking his head again as he glanced away from Tommy’s gaze as it became curious at Joel’s quick dismissiveness. 

“Well, they ain’t gonna win that one,” Joel found himself muttering, his grip tightening around his glass as a familiar face flashed through his mind, and he stiffened before taking another large sip of his drink.

When he turned back, Tommy had only grown more curious, but Joel cut off whatever his brother was about to say quickly as he asked, “So what exactly are we doing recon for tonight, baby brother?”

Tommy scoffed, muttering an annoyed “pendejo” under his breath, though his tone was affectionate before his gaze sweeps across the room.

“Ah,” Tommy exhaled, a satisfied smirk spreading across his face as he looked back at Joel, gesturing with his head in the direction of whatever had caught his attention as he muttered, “at your three o’clock.”

Joel’s frown grew, suddenly feeling uncertain at Tommy’s clear smugness as he followed the direction given to find whatever his brother had been looking at.

And when he saw it, his entire body tensed up, grip tightening around his glass as his blood ran cold.

Joel didn’t know what he had been expecting to see, but he certainly hadn’t expected it to be her.

The crease between his brow deepened as his eyebrows furrowed, gaze flickering over the small scene that was almost unnoticeable in the grand scheme of the bar that night; but now that Joel’s attention had been brought to it, he couldn’t see anything else.  

Her back was almost completely to him from where she sat at a small table diagonally opposite from their corner in the bar, holding a similar glass to his own in her hands, her gaze focused on the person opposite her. There was a small smile on her face as she nodded at something they said, her legs crossing under the table, the movement drawing Joel’s attention to them, and he froze.

Joel’s gaze slowly dragged up her bare legs, to where the skirt stopped just above her knees, and he felt a sudden flare of an emotion he never thought he would feel again at the sight.

He quickly looked away, straightening in his seat as he glanced back at his brother, thanking God that Tommy was too focused on the pair himself to catch Joel’s reaction.

It’s not like Joel hadn’t known it was coming; she had told him about the situation she had gotten herself into the next night they had been together, after that early morning he showed up and broke part of their first rule by fingerfucking her in broad daylight.

Neither of them had mentioned the slip-up in their carefully followed rules, or the near disastrous situation of somebody almost finding them like that, until she slowly brought up the consequence of their actions.

“So, uh…” she had hedged as she leaned back, hands placed on his chest as she rode him on his couch, the words coming out between quick breaths, “I’m going on a date.”

Joel had paused, his hips no longer rolling to meet her movements, hands tightening their grip on her hips as his gaze shot to her and he grunted out, “What?”

She shrugged—actually shrugged, like it was the most casual topic in the world—as she rolled her hips faster, earning another grunt from Joel, but his tight grip on her waist didn’t falter as she replied, “Well, Tommy—”

Joel groaned out of annoyance, running a hand down his face as he muttered through it, “Please don’t mention my brother when my dick is inside you.”

She had the audacity to chuckle at that, the sound breathless and sending shivers through Joel, and he parted his fingers on his face to glare at her through them.

“Okay, well,” she huffed, sliding her hands down to find better leverage on Joel’s torso as she began to bounce on him, and Joel nearly lost himself in just watching her like that. His eyes were glued to her breasts through her thin t-shirt, wondering how they would look if they were bare when she bounced on him, before her next words brought him sharply back to the topic again, “somebody came in after you left. They saw your mug and—”

“What?” Joel interrupts harshly, pushing himself up to a sitting position so he could catch her eye.

The new position made him grunt though, his hand finding the small of her back to steady her as she also moaned at the new pleasure this pose caused.

“I—fuck, hold on,” she gasped as she reached her hands up to place on his shoulders, adjusting herself until she slammed back down on him, hard, and when she nearly cried out from it, he knew she had found just the right spot for him to hit her with each thrust in.

And, God, she looked so fucking gorgeous when she was completely coming apart from it, but he needed answers.

So Joel reached up, wrapping both arms around her waist to keep her still, eliciting a glare from her when she looked down at him.

“Joel—” she shook her head, digging her fingers into his shoulders through his shirt, her glare hardening further as she tried to move again, but he wouldn’t let her. She finally stopped when he didn’t budge, letting out a huff of, “Seriously?”

“What does he know?” Joel said in a hard tone, his gaze serious, and she sighed.

“Not much,” she shook her head, pushing her hair from her face, Joel’s eyes following the movement of the strands falling into place before he snapped them back to her face. “I told him it was casual. He doesn’t know it’s you.”

Joel snorted, shaking his head as he muttered, “Well, that’s comforting.”

She rolled her eyes, sighing as she smacked him in the shoulder. “Relax, would you? I agreed to this date so it would get him off my back.”

Joel’s eyes darted between hers, searching for any deceit in her words, even as a voice in the back of his mind was asking why he didn’t want it to be a lie.

“That’s it?” the words slipped from his mouth quietly, before he could stop them.

Her gaze was locked with his, a look he hadn’t seen before wavering in her eyes as her breath escaped her in a soft exhale. She watched him for a moment longer, Joel’s nerves increasing as she did so, before she finally nodded once.

“That’s it,” she confirmed, and Joel let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

“Alright,” he murmured, moving his hands back to her hips, and she let out a sigh of relief, starting to lift herself up on him again.

“So can we please get back to—fuck!” she interrupted her own words with a gasp as Joel bucked up into her, hard, finding that same spot from earlier that drove her crazy, and he continued to hit it relentlessly until she came with his name on her lips.

Joel tore himself from the memory back to the present moment, blinking rapidly as he looked in front of him to see that Tommy was still watching the pair with a smirk on his face.

“She finally let you set her up, then,” Joel found the words slipping out of his mouth, and he cursed himself for it, lifting his glass to busy himself with drinking so he wouldn’t say anything else stupid.

“Yup. She had to, once I finally got her number,” Tommy said confidently, leaning back in the chair and draping his arm across the back of it, his stance casual and confident.

Joel looked back at him, finally lowering his glass. He knew exactly what his brother meant, but he saw the opportunity to find out just what Tommy’s theories were, so he could keep the second rule maintained. “What do you mean?”

Tommy took a long sip from his glass, looking far too smug for Joel’s liking, and he finally began to understand what she had meant when she had thrown the ‘stupid, smug Miller look’ accusation.

Finally, Tommy lifted his glass to gesture towards her with it, and Joel’s gaze flashed back to her, his hand on the table clenching into a fist as he saw that she was still smiling.

“She’s been seeing someone,” Tommy said simply, and Joel’s eyes widened a fraction at the unexpected word choice as they flashed back to his brother. “For a few months, apparently. She denies it, but…”

He trailed off with a shrug, looking back to meet Joel’s gaze just as the older man managed to put his guard back up, revealing no hint of how much the words had thrown him off.

“How'd you figure?” Joel asked, forcing his tone to remain neutral, his posture casual as he watched his brother’s expression closely over the top of his glass.

Tommy only smirked before cryptically replying, “I have my ways.”

Joel tried to suppress the chill of trepidation he felt at that response. He told himself that it was fine, that Tommy hadn’t caught on to the fact that Joel was the one seeking her out. 

If Tommy had figured it out, Joel was sure his younger brother would be jumping across the table by now to strangle him for fucking his closest friend.

“I think she likes them, though,” Tommy spoke softly, and Joel had to lean forward across the table to hear him clearly over the loud conversations surrounding them in the bar.

The words caused a strange feeling to stir within Joel’s chest, but he ignored it for the time being in favor of continuing his line of questioning, caution be damned in that moment.

“Why do this, then?” Joel asked, jerking his chin towards the table where she sat. Her head was tilted to the side now, her chin resting in her hand with that small smile still on her face, and Joel’s stomach twisted unpleasantly before he looked away again.

“Well, either it’ll weed them out…” Tommy started casually, glancing around the room as if he expected to find whoever was the culprit of capturing her attention when, unbeknownst to him, that person was sitting across the table from him now, “...or it’ll confirm my suspicions.”

“Suspicions?” Joel repeated in confusion, glancing back to the man seated across from her, and Joel’s gaze shot back to Tommy as he said in disbelief, “What, Mike? You think she’s been seeing Mike?”

Tommy shrugged, looking over at the serious patrolman who was seated across from her now, a rare smile over the man’s face as he talked to her.

“Well, he’s kind of a hardass, which falls in line with her type,” Tommy chuckled, and Joel stiffened as he looked back down at his cup.

“I suppose based on whatever her…” Joel trailed off, hesitating as he turned the glass in his fingers, “...previous relationships are, you’d know best.”

“Relationships?” Tommy repeated with a laugh. “No, no, she doesn’t do relationships.”

Joel’s brow arched as he glanced back up, his attention now fully captured.

“I only know from her flings,” Tommy explained, waving his hand dismissively. “I know she’s had a few here and there, but she doesn’t pursue anything serious. She’s goddamn stubborn on that matter. Probably left more than one broken heart in her wake”

Joel slowly shifted his attention back to her at the words, his gaze moving along her body as that old familiar feeling stirred again at the revelation that she’s had flings here in town.

When was her last fling? Joel found himself wondering, his grip curling around his glass tighter and tighter as his line of thought continued. How recent was it? Who was it? Did he know them? Has she had one since they started their arrangement?

“Yeah, she likes them too serious for their own good,” Tommy sighed, pulling Joel’s attention back to his brother, and he quickly loosened his grip on his glass as he realized he was starting to hold it so tight that it was close to fracturing. He lifted it for a sip right as Tommy’s next teasing words hit him out of nowhere, “You know, like you.”

Joel choked on the alcohol, coughing loudly into his fist as the glass clattered back down onto the table. He looked back at Tommy in surprise, fear flooding his body as he wondered if Tommy had actually finally put two and fucking two together to figure it out, but he was merely laughing at Joel’s expense in a way only a younger sibling could.

“Relax, I’m fucking with you,” Tommy finally managed to get the words out between his cackling, and Joel scoffed as he sat back in his chair with a hard glare. “Hell would freeze over before you two stood in the same goddamn room together by choice.”

Joel’s gaze flashed back down to his cup, a frown flickering onto his face even as he muttered, “Yeah.”

Tommy’s laughter came to an abrupt halt after that, the man quickly shifting in his seat to face the other way as he hissed under his breath, “Shit, look away.”

“What—”

“Look away!” he repeated in a harsh whisper, staring at the opposite wall, and Joel shifted with a frown.

Despite Tommy’s urgings, Joel did what any true older brother would do, which was the opposite as what their younger sibling told them to do.

Glancing back at the table, he saw her gaze was honed in on them, and Joel quickly shifted, his head whipping around to face the opposite wall with Tommy after making eye contact.

“Fucking hell,” Tommy mumbled, glaring at Joel from the corner of his eye as he accused in a harsh whisper, “you looked, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” Joel hissed, glaring daggers at the wall ahead of them, both their bodies turned away from her table as much as they could, but surely it was pointless.

There was no doubt that she had seen them now, and Joel was sure both he and Tommy now dreaded whatever hellfire she was about to rain upon them for snooping on her date.

Joel half-expected her hands to come slamming down on their table any moment, her glare deadly as she faced them down from above, but nothing happened.

After another long moment, both brothers shifted awkwardly, glancing at each other nervously before looking back towards her table.

She was gone.

And so was her date.

They began looking around the room, trying to figure out where the pair had gone, when Joel caught a glance of the fabric of that goddamned skirt flaring out from the corner of his eye.

He shifted slightly, following the movement to where she was striding towards the doors, not looking back once as she exited the bar with Mike’s hand on her upper back.

Joel’s blood had run cold by the time Tommy sighed, and he didn’t look back at his younger brother as the man mumbled, “Well, she’s gonna have it in for me for at least a month, now.”

Yeah, Joel couldn’t help but think to himself with a wince, even as his stomach continued to twist uncomfortably while he stared at the now empty table where she had been sitting, smiling, drinking and laughing in a fucking skirt on a fucking date. 

Yeah, that probably made two of them.

You sighed heavily, slamming your door shut behind you before reaching your feet up to begin pulling off the stupid shoes you had worn tonight.

“Heels,” you muttered to yourself, pulling one off by the ankle strap and letting it fall to the ground in your entryway before shifting your weight onto that foot to pull the other shoe off. “Fucking heels. What was I doing?”

Given, they weren’t that large of a heel, only an inch or two. But you had pulled them out of the back of your closet anyway, the place where you had buried them when Dina had given them to you as a birthday present—although she also had to guess the date, just like Tommy—last year.

The heels would have been enough of a statement, but you just had to go and wear the stupid skirt too.

You groaned, rubbing your temples to try and stave off a growing headache as you walked barefoot down the hallway towards your kitchen. 

Why had you even done it? Why had you gotten so dressed up? You had been dreading the date enough, you didn’t have to make such a big deal out of it.

Maybe you had wanted to convince yourself that you could do it. Convince yourself that you could shave your legs, wear pretty skirts with heels and go on dates.

You slammed your drink cabinet closed after pulling a decanter filled with whiskey out, pulling the stopper out and taking a large drink.

But why now? Why were you trying to do those things now, when you had never given a fuck before?

You collapsed on your sofa, kicking your legs up on it to rest your feet on the other end as your head leaned back against the armrest. Staring up at the ceiling, you took another long drink from the decanter before letting out another sigh.

“God fucking dammit,” you muttered, running a hand down over your face and smudging the lipstick Dina had convinced you into letting her apply before you went out tonight.

That was probably the reason. When you had let slip to Dina that you had a date, the girl had been so excited that she was practically shaking. She had persuaded you into letting her help you get ready, so that’s all there was to it. You were making her happy.

Still, the headache wasn’t easing, so you took another drink. 

And another. 

And another.

With a groan, you turned onto your side. Your vision was starting to get a bit blurry if you moved too fast, but you were still coherent enough to think back on how stupid you had probably looked tonight.

It’s not like you hadn’t expected the…audience, for lack of a better word. In fact, you think that in the back of your mind, you had been counting on it. 

When you had told Joel about the date, there had been a hint of…something. A look you hadn’t seen in his eyes before, glinting behind his careful, cold exterior. A crack in the armor. A chip in the walls between you.

Some part of you knew that deep down, you had wanted him to see you like that. Even if you would never admit it to anybody, least of all yourself, you had wanted to see that crack grow, to take another chip at that wall. To see what may be hidden behind the stoic calculation in his dark eyes, to hear an undertone in his words, loud and clear.

You wanted his reaction, his…

His what? You think to yourself with a self-deprecating scoff. Jealousy?

God, it was stupid. So fucking stupid. 

What would he have done? Would Joel have stormed over and pulled you away? Would he have taken you home with him instead of another man?

Did you want him to?

You shook your head sharply, clearing the question from your head before you could panic over a subconscious answer. It didn’t matter now. Clearly he didn’t do any of those things.

And now here you were, looking amazing and getting drunk on your sofa.

Alone.

Your eyes landed on the familiar framed drawing on the fireplace mantle across from you, and you let out a quieter, more somber sigh as you gazed at it.

Eventually, you push yourself up, rubbing your face again as you mutter to the drawing, “You’d be proud, Little Star. Got all dolled up tonight.”

Reaching down to rub at a callous that had begun to form on your heel from the shoe strap, you grew even quieter as you mumbled to yourself now, “Didn’t do me much good, though.”

You were about to flop back onto the couch and probably drink until you passed out when a sharp knock sounded, and you shot up in an instant.

“What in the—”

You began to mumble to yourself as you glanced towards the front door, when another knock cut you off, and you realized it was coming from behind you. Stumbling to your feet, you took a moment to steady yourself, placing the decanter on the coffee table before heading to your kitchen, towards the back door where the knocking was originating from.

The window on it was covered by habit from receiving your nighttime visitor, and your heart thudded against your chest, hand shaking as you reached out for the handle. You took a deep breath, composing yourself enough to fall into your usual armor of confidence wrapped in a barbed wire of snarky cynicism as you swung the door open.

If you were a more sentimental person, you would’ve sworn your heart stopped when you saw him standing there.

But you weren’t, so you didn’t. Still, you froze, eyes widened as you glanced over Joel. He leaned heavily against your doorway, his hair a mess and a light flush dusted across his cheeks.

You were sure you were imagining that last detail, so you blinked rapidly, expecting your vision to clear so you’d see the regular stoic-faced Joel standing in front of you.

When you refocused on him, you realized that he was still as stoic-faced as ever. If anything, he was actually glaring at you right now.

But that slight pink to his cheeks was still there.

“You gonna invite me in, or stare at me all night?”

You snapped out of whatever stupor you had fallen into with a scoff at his blunt rudeness. Your eyes narrowed into a glare, stepping to the side and gesturing dramatically for him to enter.

“After you, Mr. Miller,” you drawled sarcastically, watching him stiffen considerably at your words before stepping into your kitchen, and you let the door close behind him.

You turned to watch him as he paced further into the kitchen, keeping his back to you as his hands clenched and flexed at his side. Your head tilts, gaze dragging over his tense shoulders as you realize that he almost seemed…restless? Certainly not an emotion you had seen from the calm and collected Joel Miller before.

“There a reason why—”

“What the fuck were you doing?”

Joel’s voice interrupted your question, his tone revealing irritation, and your eyebrows raised in surprise as you rolled back onto your heels at the sound of it.

“Excuse me?” you asked, your voice betraying your own growing irritation as Joel walked further into the room.  

Why the fuck was he so prickly tonight?

Despite your best intentions to keep your friendship as amiable as you could, the way he was speaking and the alcohol pumping through your veins was quickly dissolving your patience.

He rested his palms against your kitchen counter, still facing away from you. It annoyed you further, the way he wouldn’t look you in the eye.

“Your little show tonight.” His tone was almost biting with the accusation, and you bristled at the word choice, leaning forward now as your annoyance quickly turned into anger.

“Excuse me?” you repeated the same question, your voice lower, conveying that he was venturing into dangerous territory. 

You had thought your voice was warning enough, but he didn’t stop.

Because it was Joel Miller, of fucking course he didn’t stop once he had set his mind on something.

Stubborn old man, you think to yourself as you can see the muscles in his arms flexing with the sleeves of his flannel pushed up, and you hated the desire that it caused to surge through you just at the sight of his carefully contained strength.

“You know what I mean,” he muttered, his large hands curling around the edge of the counter. 

Your nostrils flared at his persistence as you took a step towards him.

“No, I’m afraid I don’t, Joel,” you snapped, speaking his name with contempt, and you felt a sick form of pleasure as his shoulders tensed further at the venom in your voice.

You were getting him as riled up as he was making you.

Good.

“My show?” you repeated his word choice, your voice rising as your anger continued to simmer, each word you spoke feeling like you were nearing a boiling point as you walked closer to him. “What the actual fuck, Joel? You knew about it. I told you what was happening. So please explain to me exactly what my show entailed—”

You placed a hand on his shoulder once you got close enough, and apparently that was Joel’s breaking point.

He whipped around, his hand flying up to catch your wrist, the action cutting you off in the middle of your sentence. With a few large, steady steps forward, Joel pushed you against the wall of your kitchen, your back hitting it as he glared down at you.

His hand lifted to pin your wrist that was still in his grip above your head, his glare not wavering as he met your stubborn gaze with his own.

“Your show was this,” Joel snapped, his other hand wrapping around your knee, pulling it up so the skirt fell back to expose more of your skin. “Wearing this slutty little skirt and flashing that coy smile at another man, like you didn’t know exactly what you were doing.”

Your breath caught in your throat, eyes widening as you stared up into Joel’s intense gaze.

“Another—”

“Acting like you wanted him,” Joel continued as if he hadn’t heard you begin to speak, his voice lowering to almost a snarl, his chest almost brushing against yours with each heavy breath he took. “Walking out of there with his hand on your back, like he could take you home. Like he could fuck you and leave you satisfied.”

Your breathing became heavy with each word he spoke, a familiar desire coiling in your stomach, but there was something else growing. Another heat, a different intensity unfurling between you, and you couldn’t help but lean into it even as you met his glare with your own.

“And this,” Joel breathed out, hooking your leg around his waist before he reached his hand up to grip your chin.

His thumb flicked across your lower lip, and your breath hitched.

Those familiar brown eyes—a color that had become almost comforting at times—were blazing as he looked down at the lipstick that had smudged onto his calloused thumb.

“What were you planning to do?” he murmured, his voice heated as he tilted your chin up, looking down into your eyes.

Your heart was pounding in your chest now, the anger melting from your bones as you began to lean into his touch. Anticipation somehow made you both tense and relaxed at the same time, eyelids fluttering as his rough thumb brushed across your lips once more, his breath fanning across your face.

When you smelled the alcohol on it, you froze.

“You’re drunk,” you muttered, trying to shatter the moment with your words, but you still struggled under the weight of it as he didn’t pull away.

Instead, Joel watched the way his thumb almost slipped into your mouth as you spoke, his own lips parting as he murmured, “So are you.”

A soft breath escaped you. 

The words were so similar to those you had exchanged months ago, before you started down this road together. But now you had switched places—you were accusing him this time, warning him—and the situation felt so strangely unfamiliar, so different from the dynamic between you so far that it made your mind spin.

Still, you found enough sense to shake your head, even as the next words slipped from Joel’s lips as a taunt, “Were you planning to wrap these pretty lips around his cock?”

You slapped Joel’s hand off of your chin with your free hand, your other one still pinned in his grip against the wall above your head. Your glare returned with full-force as you snapped angrily up at him, “Fuck you, Joel.”

“I’m trying to get you to,” he groaned, moving his hand that you had slapped back to your leg that was still wrapped around his waist, snaking it over your knee and up your exposed thigh.

Your breath stuttered again, even as your glare didn’t waver.

His eyes didn’t meet yours, though; they remained fixed on your lips, which parted again as you hissed, “You’ll regret it in the morning.”

Finally, his eyes flashed back up to meet yours again, that new intensity simmering between you. He didn’t ask what you meant, but apparently he understood as he murmured, “Why do you care?”

You marveled at the familiarity of the question, the simple question taking you back to the first time you had met him, that winter day when you had placed a hand on his shoulder as he leaned against a streetlight.

Who are you to care?

His voice had been colder, so much colder then. He didn’t know you.

Did he even know you now?

Does the kindness of a stranger mean nothing to you?

You heard your own voice reply to his in your mind, reeling at how much had changed since then.

Was that all you were to each other? All you had ever been?

Just two strangers who met each other in the night, again and again?

But then why is he looking at you like that now?

Shaking your head, you wondered if he really understood what you were trying to say, your heart pounding against your chest. 

You also wondered if you even wanted him to understand.

“I want you to still be able to look at me when the night’s over,” you exhaled heavily with the words, the confession taking all your breath with it, and Joel froze.

His gaze flickered back and forth between your eyes, as if he was trying to read you, trying to find something that you weren’t saying.

After a moment of being frozen like that, Joel exhaled, pulling his head back so your faces weren’t merely inches apart, even as his hand remained wrapped around your thigh.

“Just let me fuck you,” he whispered hoarsely, a shiver going through your body as you saw the desperation in his eyes. It was a pure, raw need you had never seen from Joel before. But you held onto that stubbornness, right up until he added in a groan, “please.”

Then you broke.

Words failed you in that moment, so you only nodded, and that was all the permission he needed before he dropped your wrist from his grip, wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you fully against him as his lips descended on your neck.

You moaned, tilting your head back as he pressed heated, open-mouthed kisses along your neck, teeth scraping and tongue swirling against your skin. His hips rolled forward against yours, his erection pressing right against the fabric of your panties that had grown damp during your argument, a betrayal of how much you had wanted him to do just this.

“Fuck,” Joel grunted, continuing to grind against you as he bit down on your neck. You gasped, hands flying up to grab at his shoulders as he bucked against you. “I fucking knew you wanted this. I knew you wanted me.”

A whine left your lips at what the words could also mean, what was left carefully unsaid, as he rutted against you. 

Joel’s lips moved up your neck to press along your jawline, and you gasped as your nails dug into his shoulders through his lightweight flannel, earning another grunt from him as he bucked his hips against yours again.

“You—” you gasped, losing your ability to speak momentarily as he slipped a hand under your skirt, pressing his fingers against the damp fabric of your panties so he could really tell just how wet you had gotten. He rubs his fingers over your covered clit, and you moan again before finding the words you had wanted to say, “You’re a bastard, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Joel muttered, his lips finding your ear as he hissed against it, “but that’s your type, isn’t it?”

You moaned again as his hand slipped over your thigh to your ass, giving it a hard smack before he pulled you off of the wall when he took a step back.

His hands moved down to unbutton his jeans, his eyes still on your askew skirt as he murmured, “Were you going to let him into your bed? Let him fuck you in it?”

Your breath hitched in your throat, watching as he slowly unzipped his pants, and you found yourself nodding at the question.

“Yes,” you whispered, even though you couldn’t remember if that was true or not. You couldn’t think about anything other than this moment, couldn’t see anything past the way Joel was looking at you, with a need more fervent than any you had ever seen from him before. “I was.”

Joel actually groaned, his gaze darkening with intent as he spoke in a low tone, “Show me.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, only understanding what he meant when he gestured towards the back of your house by jerking his chin towards it.

“Show me where you were going to let him fuck you,” he clarified, and your eyes widened when you finally understood his intention.

In retrospect, you should have stopped it there. You could have stayed in the kitchen, or even moved into the living room to fuck.

But there was a new look in his eyes, an emotion that almost looked like passion, and you were helpless to turn that look away as you began to back up towards the hallway that led to your bedroom.

You turned your back to him as you continued down the hallway, your heartbeat accelerating with hot anticipation. Your hands moved down to the hemline of your skirt, starting to shimmy it off to tease him, when his words stopped you.

“Don’t take it off,” he said in a low, commanding tone. “I’m going to fuck you with that slutty little skirt on.”

You bit your lip as the words made your pussy throb, your hand raising to push open the door to your room when you reached it.

The light was off, but you didn’t move to turn it on, and neither did he. You moved in the dark, walking the familiar path to your bed with Joel on your heels, not even bothering to close the door behind you.

You wondered if he was trying to look around your room, but when you turned back to face him, his eyes were fixed solely on you. He watched as you sat on the edge of the bed, crawling backwards on the mattress in a way that made your skirt hitch up, and Joel’s breath audibly caught in his throat before he climbed on the bed after you.

He hovered over you as your head fell back against the pillows, and you found yourself marveling at how different this felt—so much more comfortable, so much more space to move—before his hands slid up your thighs under the skirt to brush against your panties.

Joel stopped, his fingers brushing along the lace edges of the panties, and you swear you saw his gaze flash dangerously in the dark as he stared down at you.

“You wore lace?” he groaned, his fingers curling around your thighs tight enough to bruise and, god, you hoped it did, as he leaned down closer to your face. “Really?”

You shrugged, a smirk growing on your lips as you watched his jealousy grow with sick satisfaction.

“I—”

You broke off, your eyes widening as the thought repeated in your mind, and you finally realized what this was, what Joel was acting off of.

Jealousy.

He was jealous.

This was what you had wanted—for whatever sinful, godforsaken reason—and it was actually happening

Apparently, Joel didn’t even catch that you were about to say something, instead busying himself with the task of pulling your panties down. The black, lacy fabric rolled down your legs, and he groaned at the sight of it brushing along your skin before he pulled it off completely.

“What, no ripping this time?” you found yourself teasing, your humor a deflection from the weight of what you had just realized, eyebrow arching in question before his next action made your eyes widen.

Joel balled the damp fabric up in his fist, pushing it into the pocket of his jeans, the bastard watching you with clear satisfaction as your hips lifted towards him subconsciously at the sight.

“Joel—”

“I should punish you, you know,” he murmured lowly, and you bit your lip, a pleasurable shiver running through you at the connotation behind the words as he began to push his jeans down his thighs. “For what you put me through tonight.”

You laughed breathlessly, brows lifting in surprise as you repeated, “What I put you through?”

Joel paused his movements, placing his hands on the mattress and leaning forward so his lips were beside your ear, his breath fanning against it as he murmured, “Do you have any idea how it felt? Seeing you from across the room, helpless to do anything but watch you smile and laugh so fucking easily at another man’s jokes?”

Your breathing became heavy, eyelids fluttering as that term—another man—appeared again.

There was the same jealousy in his words, yes, but something else; that new intense heat, and you placed your hand on Joel’s chest, fingers curling around the buttons of his flannel as you whispered breathlessly, “Joel—”

“Fucking hell—”

You paused as Joel cut you off with murmured curses, blinking out of your haze to look down, and you had to hold back a laugh as you saw Joel was struggling to get his jeans off, having forgotten in the haze of his drunken lust that his boots were still on.

“Shut up,” Joel muttered, sending a glare back at you as he had to roll off of you, pushing himself up to lean over and tug the laces on his boots until they were loose enough to pull off.

But you were already laughing, your cheeks hurting from the smile that your giggles pulled from you as his boots fell to the floor beside your bed, his jeans soon following.

“Stop it,” Joel muttered, glancing at you from the corner of his eyes, but a small smile was flickering on his own face as your amusement doubled at his exasperation.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you said between gasps for breath, wiping at a stray tear that was falling from your eye. “It just kinda ruined your whole dominant thing for a moment.”

Joel continued to glare at you, even with that small smile growing on his face as a few giggles continued to slip past your lips.

“Shut up,” he groaned again, pushing his boxers off to fall on the floor next, and the sight of his fully erect cock being freed from the fabric did effectively shut you up.

“Get on all fours,” he said roughly as he pushed himself up, and your skin heated further at the realization of how he planned to take you before you rolled onto your stomach.

You placed your palms against the sheets, pushing yourself up onto your hands and knees, listening with satisfaction as Joel groaned at the sight. The mattress shifted under his weight as he moved behind you, his hands pushing your skirt up until you were fully exposed, and this time he moaned, the sound long and shameless, just from seeing you like that.

At the unabashed sound of his desire, you bit your lip so hard you nearly drew blood, but you didn’t care at that moment. You were too focused on the way his hands slid over your hips, moving up to your ass to squeeze it before sliding back down to spread your thighs further apart.

Your hands reached up to grab onto the headboard as you felt Joel swipe his dick along your folds, collecting your wetness and making you moan with the sensation.

“That’s right,” Joel murmured, clearly pleased by your sounds of pleasure as he guided himself along your folds again, pushing past them so he rested against your entrance. “You’re going to be moaning my name tonight, darling. Not his. Mine.”

Maybe you would have said something clever in response to that, if it wasn’t for the way that Joel slammed into you without warning, all the way up to the hilt and making you cry out with the sudden fullness.

There was a bit of pain with the thrust, yes, and your grip tightened on the headboard as you focused on breathing through it. Joel didn’t move yet, instead leaning over you, his lips finding your ear as he whispered in a surprisingly soft voice, “You alright?”

Your breath caught at the intimacy of the question, something in your chest squeezing at the surprising comfort of it. You took another moment to breathe, waiting for your cunt to adjust to the size of him before nodding.

“Yeah,” you murmured, licking your lips as you nodded again. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Joel waited for another moment, his lips brushing against your ear in such a gentle way that it made you shiver, before he began to move.

His thrusts were slow at first, almost languid, and you moaned quietly at the feeling of his cock rolling in and out of you. Head tilted back, you began to roll your hips back to meet his thrusts, and Joel moaned, his hand sliding up your back until he grabbed your hair.

He wrapped it around his fist to pull your head back as he began to thrust harder, his other hand grabbing your hip underneath your skirt to hold you in place. Your room was quickly filled with the sound of your bed frame rocking against the wall along with skin slapping against skin, the scent of sweat and sex thick in the air as Joel fucked you with a desperation, a feverish need that you had never experienced from him before.

You were moaning as he picked up the pace, lips parting with heavy pants as he leaned down, biting on your neck hard enough to draw another cry of pleasure from you.

“Say my name, darling,” he murmured after sucking on the mark he must have left on you. Joel’s hand tightened around your hair, pulling your head back further as his lips moved back to your ear. “My name. Mine.”

“Joel,” you gasped, your eyes falling shut as he bucked into you. A groan of satisfaction rumbled from his chest at the sound, and you continued to moan his name with each thrust, spurring him on to pick up the speed even more.

“Good girl,” he groaned, and you whined from the praise, panting heavily as he began to mumble almost to himself, “That’s right, mine. Mine. Mine.”

You could feel the shift in the meaning behind that word as he began to chant it. You could feel the possessiveness in the way he gripped your hip tighter, pulling you back to meet every hard thrust, and you whined loudly at the thought of it.

Being his.

“Oh god, Joel,” you whimpered, rolling your hips faster, searching for friction that you desperately needed against your clit to get you climbing towards your high. “I need—”

Joel’s hand slipped from your hair, your head falling forward suddenly as he dropped it, and you nearly cried out again just from the pleasure of his fingers finally finding your clit. He knew exactly what you meant, exactly what you needed, expertly playing with you in a way only he knew how.

“Fuck, yes,” you gasped, losing any coherence as your back began to arch, the combination of his hard, steady thrusts with his fingers rubbing quickly against your clit hardly leaving you any time to breathe before your orgasm.

You couldn’t remember what had happened in that moment for the life of you, but you think you might have screamed when you reached your climax. Hell, you might have even screamed his name, but there was no way to know as you were helpless to do anything but ride the intense waves of pleasure as they rolled through you.

Your entire body trembled as you leaned heavily on your arms, trying desperately to keep yourself up as you felt Joel grab your hips, pulling you back to meet his thrusts as they became unsteady, and a tired smile grew on your face as you knew exactly what it meant.

“Joel—”

“Mine,” he interrupted you in a hoarse gasp, and whatever teasing words you were going to say died on your lips as he suddenly grabbed you, pulling you up so your back was pressed against his chest, his lips pressed to your ear as he groaned, “You’re mine.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, your mouth falling open as you found yourself at a loss for how to respond, but you didn’t have to.

A moment later, Joel grunted loudly as he pulled out, his release coating your inner thighs. You stayed in his tight grip, pressed back against his chest as it rose and fell with heavy breaths that you could hear clearly from where his mouth was still pressed against your ear.

When his grip finally loosened on you, you slumped forward, collapsing onto your bed in the quivering mess that he had made you. Joel leaned forward, catching himself on his hand before falling onto his back next to you. He continued to try to catch his breath, and you did the same from where you turned to lay on your back.

You stared up at the ceiling, and even though it looked the same as always, it felt different.

This felt different.

Joel shifted beside you, and you half-expected him to be getting up to leave when you looked over at him. And, hell, maybe he was, but he froze the moment your gaze landed on the side of his face.

You let your eyes trail down his side profile for a moment, over his strong brow and the sharp slope of his nose, before you looked back up at his eyes, even as he stared stubbornly at the ceiling.

“What, no urge to run off into the night, cowboy?” you tried to tease, wincing when you felt how hoarse your throat was.

Jesus, how loud had you been?

“Do you want me to?”

Your attention was brought back to the man lying beside you at the words he drawled, your brow furrowing as you glanced over his face again. He was still staring at the ceiling, but when you remained silent, he finally turned his face slightly to glance down and catch your gaze.

Joel’s eyes searched yours, looking for an answer that you didn’t have.

When you offered none with your words either, and the two of you remained quietly lying next to each other for a moment, Joel pushed himself to the edge of the bed with a sigh. You watched his back as he leaned over to grab his boxers before you turned back to gaze at the ceiling again, so that you didn’t have to watch him as he got redressed.

Your chest tightened as you told yourself that you shouldn’t have let this happen. You shouldn’t have let him convince you to move into the bedroom. 

This was a mistake.

Fucking hell, you had even stopped him from ki—

You closed your eyes, trying to block the world out as you heard the bed creak when he stood back up.

This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. You didn’t want him to run out into the night again, like this was a crime. Like he did something wrong.

Like you were wrong.

After he left the room, you turned onto your side, facing away from the spot that he had left.

I want you to still be able to look at me when the night’s over.

Your own words taunted you cruelly within the dark confines of your mind, and you took a deep breath in, trying to calm the emotions that started to rage inside your frame—begging to be freed, begging to be felt, for once.

The only thing that pulled you out of internally chastising yourself was the brush of rough fingers against your shoulder, and you looked back over that shoulder in surprise to see Joel staring down at you.

“Why the face?” Joel asked, his brow raised as he glanced over the poorly concealed shock on your face from the realization that he was still there. “What, you really thought I was running off?”

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, trying and failing to find a response. Eventually you settled on your old, familiar crutch of dry humor. 

“Well, you do have a bit of a track record.”

Joel snorted quietly, but he couldn’t argue with your point. Instead, he patted you gently on the leg and murmured, “Come on, turn over.”

A confused frown spread across your face, but you did as he asked, turning over to face him as he sat on the edge of the bed. Only when he lifted his hand did you finally notice the damp washcloth in it, and your breath caught in your throat as the warmth of the rag touched your thigh.

You stayed silent as Joel began to clean your legs. He kept focused on his task, as diligent as the time you had watched him clean blood and grime off your skin. You kept your gaze on his face, flickering over it as you tried to catch a glimpse into what he was thinking in that closed-off mind of his.

“Why did—”

“I don’t—”

You both stop abruptly as you had begun to speak at the same time, looking at each other in faint surprise before a laugh slips past your lips. It was almost a gentle sound, unlike any laughter you had had in a long time—if you ever did have laughter that sounded like that—and the furrow between Joel’s brow smoothed out at the sound of it.

He quickly looked back between your legs, finishing his task of diligently cleaning you up before he pulled the cloth away with a quiet huff. 

“I don’t…” Joel tried to start again, rubbing a hand over the side of his face as he appeared to struggle to find the words. A rare sight from him, and you slowly sat up as you watched him finally find them, “I don’t know what came over me. I—”

He stopped again, moving his hand over his eyes to rub at them, and you chuckled quietly.

“You were drunk and horny,” you try to dismiss with a wave of your hand.

Of course, you didn’t know why exactly he had gotten drunk—even though you started to have a theory—but you decided not to pry.

In fact, you were trying to do the opposite of prying. You were trying to give him another out, an easy excuse to leave now and not look back.

Why did you always do that?

But when Joel finally looked back at you again, a look of determination in his eyes that you had grown to recognize from the man, you realized he wasn’t taking it again.

Why did he always do that?

“I just wanted to…” he trailed off, shifting awkwardly before finishing quietly, “...apologize, I guess.”

Your eyebrows shot up at that as surprise flooded you at the apology, quickly followed by confusion.

“Apologize for what?” you asked, shifting slightly so you were leaning closer, trying to catch his eye when he looked away again. “Joel, we do stuff like this all the time. It’s a kink. It’s hot. It’s not a big deal.”

While it was a kink, and it was hot, the possessiveness definitely was not something you did all the time.

And, in a way, that was a big deal. It dealt a blow to this strange relationship you had, shaking the foundation in a way nothing else had before.

This was new territory you were in. The grounds your relationship was on had shifted yet again. 

You went on a date. Joel got jealous. 

You had sex unlike any you had had before, in your bed.

It was the second rule you had broken in just under a week. The first rule of ‘only at night’ was broken when he had fingerfucked you that early morning a few days ago, and you didn’t even know what to make of that.

And now there was this. A blatant violation of your third, and arguably most important, rule.

Glancing over the way Joel’s face was scrunched up in thought right now, you guessed he didn’t know either.

But he wasn’t running away like he always did. 

Neither were you.

And that…that meant something, somehow.

“It’s just…” Joel sighed, rubbing a hand along his thigh, and you looked at the scars on his knuckles that had begun to heal over again after he had rescued you. “You’re not a possession. Or a slut. You never were, even when we started…all this. And I—”

“Joel,” you interrupted with another laugh. It wasn’t a cruel laugh, but rather one of surprise, drawn out of you without a choice as you glanced over his face, realizing that it wasn’t scrunched up because he was just in thought.

It was because he was nervous.

Something in your heart warmed at the sight, and you quickly glanced down to fix your skirt so that you were completely covered up. You didn’t care if Joel saw you exposed like that—he’d seen it plenty of times before—but you were feeling almost…vulnerable in that moment, and you wanted to get rid of that unfamiliar emotion as quickly as you could.

“I know that,” you found yourself saying in a voice softer than you had known yourself capable of. Your face was still downcast, gaze fixed on your skirt as your fingers played with the hem. “I mean, I know you know that. It’s not—”

You sighed, brushing a hand through your hair, pulling away from the strands in mounting frustration as your fingers got caught in the tangles Joel had caused from grabbing it.

“It’s not a big deal,” you finally repeated quietly, twisting your hands in your lap, avoiding Joel’s gaze as you finally felt it focus on you.

For one moment, you were both silent in the darkness of your bedroom, Joel watching you as you avoided his gaze.

“That’s the third time you’ve said that.”

Joel’s quiet remark pierced the stillness, his words finally pulling your face up to glance at him in surprise. He wasn't just talking about tonight—he was referring to the moment you hadn't dared to talk about, when you had treated his injuries.

“Is it true?” he murmurs the question, his dark eyes fixed on yours. 

The brown depth of his gaze was shining in the moonlight that filtered through the cracks in your curtains, and your breath caught in your throat.

Different answers, different excuses, began to race through your mind. You tried to settle on a reply, but none felt right. None of them felt enough like the truth or a convincing enough lie.

So eventually, your mouth opens to admit in a hushed tone, “I don’t know.”

Joel’s gaze searched yours, but for what, you didn’t know. When he glanced away, you wondered if he had found it, or if he had given up trying.

“I don’t know either,” he replied just as quietly after a moment of you wondering, and your heart thumped in your chest loudly before your gaze darted away from him.

While you remained quiet, your mind was racing so quickly you almost felt dizzy with the thoughts rampaging through it. Most of them were incoherent, a mashup of many colorful curse words directed towards both him and yourself.

When you felt the heat on your face, you lifted up your hand, pressing the back of it to your cheek to feel the warmth there. You rubbed at it subtly, trying to get the blush to go away, even as you knew you were probably just making it worse.

Clearing your throat, you turned back to say something to Joel, to try and brush it all under the rug like you usually did. But you found yourself at a loss for words, your heart leaping into your throat as you saw he had already been looking at you.

You swore in your mind again, mortified that he may have been watching you the whole time during your inner panic.

“Can we just—” you stop with a sigh, throwing your hands up in the air in exasperation before trying to find the words again, “can we just move on from this? Like—”

You cut yourself off again, shifting on the bed, arms crossing over your chest as you avoided his gaze.

“Like nothing ever happened?”

You turn back at his offer, relieved that he had found the words that had escaped you. A sigh of relief escapes you, and you nod, even as your arms tightened across your chest.

Even as a part of you wanted him to say no.

Joel opened his mouth, then closed it.

“I can swear at you, if you like,” you finally found your snark again, leaning heavily into the defense mechanism as you let a smirk cross onto your face. “We can have a huge argument, watch it all blow up in our faces. That would make it easier, wouldn’t it—”

The words died in your throat, your breath leaving you in a surprised rush as Joel reached out to you. 

He brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek—gently, more gentle than you would have ever expected him capable of, at least with you—before he tucked a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

“I don’t know,” Joel murmured again.

His thumb brushed against your cheek, against the scar that lay there, your heart skipping a beat at the feeling. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, his eyes searching yours, his gaze almost…uncertain.

For a moment, you wondered if he was going to do something…more. You didn’t know what, exactly, but it caused your heart to thump in your chest as your gaze locked with his.

Joel's hand twitched, his rough, large palm grazing against your cheek, as if he was going to lay it there.

Then he pulled back before it could happen.

The silence that fell was not as tense or awkward as those that had fallen between you before.

But it was something different.

Fragile, you realized silently as Joel shifted, his eyes still locked with yours—still as wide, still as haunted by things unspoken.

It was fragile.

When you finally looked away from him, you did it slowly, as if not to shatter this delicate moment you had both found yourself in. You cleared your throat gently, grabbing the fabric of your skirt tightly as you searched for what to say now.

What the fuck could you say now?

“I, uh…” Joel cleared his throat, shifting to face away from you. “I guess I should go.”

You swallowed thickly, ignoring the small voice in the back of your mind that began to chant a single word quietly in response.

But it wasn’t a thought you could acknowledge consciously—at least, not yet—so you found yourself nodding instead.

“Yeah,” you murmured, unclenching your fist to smooth out your skirt in your lap. “Yeah, probably.”

Still, Joel paused for a moment, almost as if he was waiting for something. 

Waiting for you to say something.

But you didn’t, and so he leaned over to grab his boots from where he had discarded them, pulling them back on before slowly rising to his feet. 

Your eyes flashed to him as he walked away, his back to you as you watched him exit the room.

You listened closely to his footsteps echoing down the hallway.

You brushed your fingers across your cheek, tracing the movement his own fingers had made as you heard him sigh in the kitchen before the back door quietly closed behind him.

Finally, you collapsed against your pillows, staring back up at the ceiling the same way you had before.

But again, it was different.

So different.

Your fingers danced over your cheek again, eyes fluttering shut as you let yourself believe that maybe you hadn’t both fucked it up for good this time.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Meet the Parents Part 1

Okay! So, someone requested to talk about Gwen’s scenes with both of Miles’ parents, and I thought it would be nice to do something a bit more light.

As always, we start a bit early.

(Also, this post has been needed to be redone THREE TIMES because tumblr keeps thinking I want to delete the entire post while I am just trying to delete a screenshot or a line.)

This part is something I wanted to mention here because 1) I don’t have that much to say about it to make it a post, but still wanted to mention it, and 2) I just think is nice.

Gwen quickly apologizes to Miles about snapping to him like that. I think this is great because while it is a small thing, I feel is nice and realistic that Gwen can quickly admit that she shouldn’t have done that. I feel in any other piece of media Gwen would had stayed mad or made Miles apologize (or maybe one from just a few years ago, I am traumatized by the stuff I watched as a kid.) But she doesn’t have that kind of pride, which I like.

Besides, I think Gwen didn’t want to waste time on stuff like that. The watch is fine, nothing happened; she wouldn’t want to ruin the mood over this.  

Yeah Miles didn’t really seem to care that much anyways, and of course I notice Miles looking at Gwen lips. And considering where Gwen is looking, I believe she may have notice that too.

Do I think he was going to go for it? Maybe, I think he would have definitely tried if they had a few minutes together and didn’t think anybody was watching, I don’t have any strong evidence for this one other that I do think he was trying to get closer not to try at that moment, but maybe find a way to get close enough to do it.

No idea if it would had happened or not, I think even if I believe Gwen is trying to not start something between them (not today at least,) I am not sure Gwen would had refused. Again, the girl is whipped.

Oh boy, I can't never watch this scene without feeling so bad for Miles and Gwen, to be honest I don't know which one I feel worse on this scene.

Obviously Rio and Jeff aren't trying to mess up stuff on purpose (At least I don't think neither of them expected Miles to care this much, or for Gwen to needing to leave as she did.)

But imagine being in the position, going with the assumption that they were having a moment (that may or may not lead to kiss, I think they needed just a few more moments for have the proper mood, but that's just me.) And then your mom/the mom of your crush pops in out of nowhere.

Little sidenote, does neither of them have super hearing?

Perhaps super hearing is too much, but for what I remember their sense are heightened, including sound.

This has been showcased in other spiderman properties in other ways, and part of the reason I thought they had it (or at least Miles,) was because later, when Spot is whispering to himself that he is going to be much more than a villain of the week, Miles hears him.

And this is with Gwen and Pavitr screaming as they hit the shield who also makes noise when hit.

For me when I saw that scene I was like "Wait how did he- Oh yeah, super hearing."

Maybe it was just for a joke and I am thinking this too much, but for me it meant that their hearing is better than average.

Which leads me to...how lost in their own world were these two that they didn't Rio coming in; specially since I think because is not a regular staircase but a ladder, being talking quietly to themselves, they should had hear it.

Guess they were too busy focusing on something else.

I literally watched this multiple times in slow motion to make sure I wasn't imagining things, and then a couple of times at regular speed to make sure this was something that you were meant to catch.

You know? Something funny that happens in a lot of these posts, is that I do an analysis because I thought may be fun or someone requested it, but I think to myself "It will probably be boring, what is there to analyze or catch on this one?"

And then I start looking things at slow motion and be like no fucking way.

I love this because you can actually see that Gwen is actually nervous around Miles' parents.

Yes this isn't necessarily new information, specially watching the rest of the scene; but I what I liked about seeing this in slow motion is that you can see how Gwen goes from the surprise, to trying to act as if she didn't get spooked, to preparing herself to present herself to Miles's mon.

That's really the part that I found most interesting, how Gwen looks down for a second in what it seems she is taking a deep breath before smiling and presenting herself to Rio.

I also love how during all of this Rio doesn't stop looking at Gwen (After all I am sure this is the first girl Miles had brought,) and Miles is just lamenting this is his life.

Another thing I want to bring up while we are here, is that while in another previous scene Rio and Jeff were judging Gwen (I think it was just overprotectiveness, even if I don't think it was nice or fair for them to do so,) in these shots when Rio is trying to meet Gwen, she is trying to smile very friendly and act as normal as she can while looking so awkward.

While she probably still is judging a bit in this moment, I think she was trying to at least act nice and warm because first presentations are important.

Then Gwen puts her foot in her mouth.

Okay, story time.

I am from Latin America (not Puerto Rico, but there are some cultural similarities in certain aspects;) and I remember an american friend of mine, who didn't really understand what was the big deal about Gwen using Rio's first time.

Me, and another latino friend (he was born in America but his background is Mexican,) were just mildly horrified and not just because this was established earlier (which honestly? Smart move from the movie really.)

Here is the thing, how this works depends from the culture, if the parents are immigrants themselves, children of immigrants, and also the type of environment they grew up and how they are as a person.

But for me, my friend, and a bunch of other latine people I know, you would either need to say Mr or Mrs (last name,) or (First name.) In my case, using a last name or first time depended from where I knew this adult (friend of the family, the parent of one of my friends, coworker of one of my parents, etc.)

Considering Gwen is a teen and she is "friends" with Miles and just meeting him, growing up for me I would had needed to use Mr and Mrs Morales until they told me to call them something else, if that got to happen. It would be important that I wait for them to tell me so or I would have my mother chiding at me for being disrespectful.

I am bringing this up because again, my american friend didn't know why Miles's parents were being so hard about this, but for me it made this scene all more investing by the fact that I was on the other side of this cultural discussion.

(Again, take this with a grain of salt. Rio looks like she moved from Puerto Rico to New York a good while now, and for what I gather Jeff and Aaron were born and raise in New York. So how they do things may still be different that what I can talk by personal experience.)

Also I brought those frames of Rio because 1) We see the exact moment Miles knew Gwen fucked up, and 2) While still smiling and looking cordial, we can see the shift in Rio's face.

This is important because Gwen is trying to talk warmly and excited, how she has heard so much about her and knows her first name even if Miles never officially present them.

Meanwhile Rio is probably thinking that 1) This girl cannot just be calling her by her first name just from minute and 2) Oh yeah knows her so well and doesn't know she and Jeff hate that.

Small thing, but I like how Miles goes beside Gwen as soon as he gets his mom properly standing on the water tower.

Yes, it makes sense because this is the "friend" he is presenting and he of course wants to make sure everything runs smoothly with his parents because, feelings aside, one of the friends he always talks but never shows up is finally here and he doesn't want any issues from either side.

I still adore that he went to get beside his girl as soon as possible.

We already talked about Gwen messing up by calling Rio by her first name, so I will not dwell into that.

Something I like about this scene is that when Rio and Jeff first realize Miles isn't in her room, Jeff storms up but Rio stares at the sweater. I believe this is because she was the one who notice it was from someone else while Jeff thought Miles just dipped.

Which brings me to Miles and Gwen's expression here.

Is not a huge reaction but if you watch this scene close you can realize Miles and Gwen were mildly surprised by Rio bringing this; now while it could be just at Rio having the sweater, my theory is that they are both thinking into

1) Gwen's hero costume is probably in Miles' room, considering she has a shirt showing her arms she actually is going to change to her suit later rather than having below her regular clothes like Miles.

2) They are realizing that they got into the room at one point that they didn't know, meaning they could had been caught when Gwen broke gravity for a few moments to open the portal.

3) They are both wondering if Miles' parents may think there is more going on between them because hey how often do you find clothes in your son's room of someone who you don't know, while not knowing how long that garment has been there?

Maybe there are more options that I am not thinking but for now this is what I am going with.

Brief side note but Jeff, what are you doing.

We saw Rio come from the centre, where we later see Miles go down a ladder; meanwhile Jeff instead of using that one (Even if Rio isn't on the ladder anymore and could just come behind her.) is going by one of the legs of the water tower.

He even hit his head while doing this.

I am starting to understand where Miles got his half-second thinking that normally pans well enough but not all the time or working all the way in some cases. Jeff you cannot talk shit about your kid you are the one that when having an available ladder decided to pull a Rambo and climb.

Jokes aside, is interesting how in a way, this confirms neither one here knows what to do in this situation.

Gwen is nervously trying to act out as a responsible nice girl without realizing that cultural differences can make you look disrespectful even when you are trying to be friendly.

Miles is watching this as passively as he can while probably thinking to himself that maybe Kingpin killing him didn't sound so bad right now (I know that would be my thought process if I was in his shoes.)

Rio came almost out of nowhere while looking at Gwen non-stop in a way that makes her look a bit insane when you see it closely.

And Jeff apparently needed to establish himself as someone who doesn't need to use a ladder and is completely fine after hitting his head with a random tube; is okay it was all part of the plan.

Nobody here knows what they are doing but pretend everything is fine, is hilarious.

Gwen still doesn't catches onto that being a no-no and Miles is just looking at the situation unfold but no idea what to do.

I think this is a good time as any to mention something that we all notice but I am still thankful for it: More Gwen screen time.

In the first movie, we got to see Gwen get awkward, but because the focus was mostly on Miles and Peter B, as well as being a significantly shorter movie than this one; the only significant time we see Gwen being kind of a mess while when she was trying to pretend she was a student.

This altogether makes sense because regardless if she has been Spiderwoman for two years now, she probably has never needed to infiltrate in a school and spend some days there. For me it felt plausible she was overall a collected and cool character that only stumbles in really out of there situations that no one would be sure how to do without warning.

This movie? Oh no, Gwen is just that awkward.

I think is important to highlight that 1) She didn't have too many friends, we only get multiple mentions of Peter from her past, not other friends, meaning she probably only was close to Peter and anyone else was just in o-kay terms for school but not much else, and 2) Since she has only needed to deal with May Parker; she isn't sure how to present herself when talking to the friend's parents.

Let alone the guy she is currently crushing on.

(I bet anything that at this point Miles was thinking "Oh is just downhill from here isn't?")

We talked about Gwen, let's talk about Rio and Jeff.

While I do want to have a post about them and what they do in this movie; I want to preface this by saying that while I don't approve how they are behaving here, I can get it.

Is not the worst I had seen (specially in real life, I had seen presentations like Gwen's go SO much worse.)

Rio and Jeff have no idea what going on with Miles, they notice there are lies, he is missing classes, and being unreliable; they don't know what to think. And the fact that he mentioned a bunch of names of people he claims to know but are never around, makes it look like Miles is making people up just to keep them distracting.

And then one of those mysterious people show up.

Miles is 15, and has been Spiderman for a year, while struggling to balance his personal life and his hero life. Regardless that he is head over heels for Gwen, I think is safe to say Miles never attempted to bring a girl or talk about a girl before this, because even if the girl he is crushing on wasn't in another dimension; there is no way this boy found time to date.

Which makes the other viable conclusion that Miles has been hiding this girl because she is up to no good; and doesn't help that she looks older.

(Canonically, she is 15 months older than Miles, meaning she is 16 or 17 at the latest. I think Rio was being catty when she said Gwen looked old enough to vote, but she is not that far off that range, and I could believe Gwen looks older because she is stress out for obvious reasons.)

Is not nice for Jeff and Rio to assume Gwen is automatically the reason why Miles is doing the things he is doing, but is not the craziest of conclusions.

And like they both admit later in the movie; neither Rio nor Jeff are sure how to take care of Miles now that he isn't a kid but is not an adult either.

Everyone is struggling here really.

For me, this a very face palm moment in a way, but I also think is just makes sense.

Once again, Gwen thinks she has this in the bag; her dad is a captain, she probably has met her dad's coworkers before and get along well, she probably had this exact joke with the previous Police Captain. And it was never an issue because they met her in the quality as the daughter of one of their coworkers.

But Gwen is not being judged by those standards anymore, and her dad's coworkers don't behave the same way Miles' parents do.

So I think Gwen is just trying to be chill and do the things that had work in the past, but really she isn't sure what she is doing (and I do believe Gwen is noticing this is not going smoothly,) and trying stick with the usual is somehow making things worse.

Miles finally talks in this conversation (Earlier he was just saying something to himself,) and trying to salvage this the best he can.

You know? After seeing Gwen trying to act casual and failing, Rio coming out of nowhere, and Jeff trying to act tough in ridiculous circumstances; Miles is probably the most normal one here.

He has also stuck up with Gwen's fake name; I wonder if he is trying to keep this consistent in the case Gwen used her fake name with other people in this universe and the teachers at the academy may remember her with that name.

(I don't know what's worse, that the teachers didn't notice a complete new student that came out of nowhere, with no records or similar. Or the fact that Gwen decided to use a fake name despite not being from this dimension, meaning there is nothing tracing her back; at best she was trying to avoid being linked with this universe's Gwen Stacy.)

Couldn't catch a good screenshot because this was movement, but before she said those words she was nodding a little; which I interpret as "Oh thank fuck he remembered that lie because I am not sure what to say anymore with them."

Guess who, once again, put too many images and made the post way too long. Yep.

I swear I don't know how I keep doing this.

Will post the second part of this particular scene today, hope you guys enjoy it despite how long it is!

PART 2

[autistichalsin]

I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Cameos & Familiar Faces

Entirely subjective yadda yadda. Organized by favs in each category. No numbered lists anymore, tumblr be buggn'.

End of Aug Start Sept 2023

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Sat iQIYI) 8fin - Oh the DRAMA. Why does the insane ex (my true love) remind me of the cartel leader from Romancing the Stone? Even the sides got HEA! It was fucking great!!!!! Charn remains a bonkers spoiled evil murderous brat with a cruel smile beloved by his one true paladin. Also: post it love note trope! Been a long while my old friend. NO SINGING!!!!! I do love that wedding jacket frock coat cape thing Charn wore. 

In conclusion: This is a great gay suspense thriller with several solid couples, fun plot, killer characters, queer rep, and a happy ending. Charn may be my favorite lead character of 2023. However, this show is not entirely BL, more on the fringe, like Manner of Death. Add that to several "singing incidents" and pairs being a little weak in the chemistry arena, and this lands safely in 9/10 territory. It’s tons of fun tho: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. 

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Sat grey) ep 3 of 12 - This show is getting more and more lakorn each ep. Apparently the straights are having a class divide arranged marriage crisis. Who cares? Our boy is ALWAYS in trouble. Crazy that he has to save the people who betrayed him in a previous life - but I guess he chose revenge! That's unexpected.

Had to switch to grey and couldn’t find a working rip. It was frustrating and I wouldn’t have bothered except I like this show so much. Still, it means no screen caps because the rez is naff.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 3 of 12 - Uh oh. Kang wants to save Sailom and be his hero. The fact that K’s Pa puts no pressure on him whatsoever, makes me wonder if K's Ma committed suicide or something? It’s definitely the opposite parental dynamic we normally see in BL. I have to say, the pacing is great in the show. And the acting is on point. It’s really great. 

Hidden Agenda (Sun YT) ep 8 of 12 - these two just kiss well. I mean not "rip your clothes off Taiwan-style," but sweet young boyfriends-esk. Joke wants to be claimed so bad. It’s great. I enjoyed this ep, unfortunately it looks like we have a manufactured angst drama drop in the next episode. Is this a 10 episode arc? I thought it was 12. It’s odd to have doom happening next episode already.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 4 of 10 - Back story time! Ray and Mew are HARD to watch. Incestuous friend group gay is the worst. Omg I got such QAF vibes from this ep. Nick Boston Sand chats = very throw back 90s gay soaps. 

Location game moment: Top's hotel room is also Chan’s apartment in Laws Of Attraction. 

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 1 of 8 - Ooo. Est is back! Hi handsome. Head of security suits you. Please lead out the new Waterboyy remake? You’re perfect for the role. (If it must happen.) Yi’s Pa is GREAT. Please give daddy a nice boy? Could that be our secondary couple for this series? 

Meanwhile, with the leads (sorry I was distracted by daddy) we got us an arranged marriage, run away bride, and an amnesia trope. Put in a secret baby and it's squarely 1980's Harlequin. Will there be Vikings? Sex herbs? Pirates? Dub con?

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 9 of 12 - Again with lovely sex scenes, it’s just the plot stringing them together is frayed. Also don’t fuck in an onsen. Both yech and ouch.

That goes for all y’all.  

Wedding Plan (Wed YT & iQIYI) ep 7fin - Trash watch here! Honestly this was an okay ending, I’m not mad at it. If you can tolerate Mame and liars (kinda the same thing) you’ll be fine with this show.

Summation: An innocent wedding planner falls haplessly and hopelessly in love with a groom who relentlessly pursued him, even though he’s about to marry someone else. A somewhat lackluster mame offering with less of the usual stellar chemistry, but all of the usual lies and manipulation. 7/10

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - I skip everything to do with Tammy and it’s fine. There’s only about 20 minutes of fine but that’s more than enough. On the bright side. So far. No singing.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 24 eps - Cassanova Begins Part 2. Aw. It was sad. Another variation on the “my ghost boyfriend” trope (usually sad). 2/10 I don't do sad BL.

Next up is Merry Go Round featuring the pair from Destiny Seeker (we likey) who want to marry each other, but end up fake engaged to the same woman. Beard squared? Looks silly.

Crazy Handsome Rich (Sun Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - There are 2 things I like about this. I bet you can guess what they are.

Lee Long Shi

The whipping boy trope

There wasn’t enough of either in this first ep. ALSO the captions, sound effects, and voice over are truly next level bad. Utterly atrocious.

The 2 leads fucking around in the end credits was the funniest part of the whole show. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Jun & Jun (Korea Thur Viki) ep 7 of 8 - I am confused and frustrated about what the communication delay is between the two Juns. It feels artificial and narratively manufactured. But since this is a short form KBL and I know it will be resolved quickly, I’m not as annoyed as I would be if this were Thai BL. Still it feels audience manipulative. I also feel sorry for Simon. BUT it looks like it’ll be a sweet boyfriends final episode.

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 10fin - Omg they’re so cute!!! Taiwan the purveyors of ultimate sappy gay domesticity. I am going to miss having these to nonsencing all over my dash.

This show was an interesting take on the "ghost boyfriend" trope. About a boy who is tormented by hearing the dead, except when he is around one other boy - desperation+proximity = love. Unfortunately, the story was erratic and waffled about. While the leads turned in solid performances and the sappy domesticity was off the charts, it never really had the strength of the narrative convictions such a strong concept should have supplied. Highly rewatchable and enjoyable for that sappy domesticity but not a whole lot more. Still I always give extra credit for the diabetes-inducing sugar content and rewatch capacity. 8/10 

Kisseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) eps 3 of 13(?) - I love the punching thing - there is a lot of violent flirting in this show. I’m not mad about it. Ugh, poor thing has real abandonment issues. And now trust issues. I see why we’re getting 12-14 eps. This gonna be MESSY.

Meanwhile, does EVERYONE have a guest cameo? Not that I’m complaining. Hi BLIHID boys! Now I need to rewatch that show. 

Love Class Season 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 7-8 of 10 - Oh my God the next morning w/ couple 2 was so darn cute. They are all such terrible flirts with each other. Honestly, this show makes me laugh more than any other BL currently airing. I’m not sure it is meant to be as funny as I find it. While couple 3 (the mature characters) is by far my favorite, I actually think they don’t work with the other two pairs, they feel superfluous to the show. I like the show better because they’re in it, but it feels like two different BL‘s stuck together. KBL certainly can’t handle more than two couple threads at the same time. 

Why R U? (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 3-4 of 8 - Ugh. I am such a sucker for the FighterTutor dynamic. Why so good? Uh oh. Real kiss! KBL you're spoiling us. But, isn’t sad-seme-hyung dating some chick? Argh. Poor Sunwoo. This show is even worse at repping Fighter's character sympathetically. Who knew that was possible?

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - The date episode! Even Japan is doing it now. And these two who have been living/fucking together for ages still dance around each other like junior high kids. I gotta say, I watch this one twice because Vicki has different subs from Gaga. I feel like it’s easier to understand if I watch two different translations of the same script. But it’s still quite a taciturn piece. 

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - Sides are great. It was mostly a cute ep with tiny bits of Progress and a proper Confession. I miss Shin’s siblings. And then… the much loathed amnesia trope. Really?

Everyone say it with me: Must you, Japan? 

Stay Still (Hong Kong Tues YouTube) ep 5fin - It ended happier than I was expecting. Optimistic for one couple, and most likely optimistic for the other.

Summation: What to say about this offering from Hong Kong? It’s different, a mix of early CBL, Taiwanese shorts, and Pinoy visuals. It felt like the story was 2 independent shorts that had been lengthen and then stuck together, and I wish they'd been approached as separate and tighter entities. Nevertheless, this was a complex little piece,  interesting in a sweaty grungy way, with a certain aura of queer authenticity that made it simultaneously tense, unpredictable, and refreshing. I’m not sure I would necessarily call it BL, but any county’s early foray into the genre usually starts out this way, so perhaps nascent BL? Worth watching, especially if you enjoy stuff from the Philippines and Taiwan. 7/10

In case you missed it

Dinosaur Love ended its run but the final 2 eps are behind a paywall. Word on the street is they aren't good anyway (shocker) so I'm marking it as DNF and moving on with my life. If I can find em grey I'll watch 'em merely so I can give it a rating, but I can't imagine it will get more than 5/10. Seriously, do not bother.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Coming September

9/15 You Are Mine (Taiwan Gaga) Secretary has to deal with grumpy boss.

9/15 Bump Up Business AKA Bump Up Project (Korea movie) suspected cinema release? I don't know much about what's going on. Last status update. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity from the same agency. Kpop boy group OnlyOneOf has signed up to star in this idol-based BL (based on a webtoon). They’ve been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV series in this post. It’s from Idol Romance who will do sad but can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You).

9/26 I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan ????) - Adapted from the manga, childhood best friends: The cool, smart one who’s good at everything, and his average, dorky friend who struggles. Always by the other’s side, but not together in the way they truly want to be. No matter how hard they try, their hearts cannot reach each other.

9/27 Absolute Zero (Thai iQIYI) - from 2021, Studio Wabi Sabi and New Siwaj finally bring us this “time loop to prevent tragedy” romance. We don’t always get HEAs from them, so I'm on my guard.

9/? Venus in the Sky (Thai iQIYI) 10 eps

9/? Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam YouTube?)

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Hidden Agenda hitting us up with a hug + lap + kiss. Very nice.

I think these two might be GMMTV's best cuddlers.

Boys, I think your JoongDunk is showing.

(Last week) 

[betweenbreaths]

something to get used to (zoro x reader)

Summary: Both you and Zoro are afraid to lose each other and take too long to finally admit it.

Rating: G

AO3 link is in the replies to this post! I am a complete sucker for character A getting angry and avoiding character B at all costs, so here is an entirely self-indulgent fic and I hope you enjoy :)

***

Zoro had screwed up. Royally. 

It wasn’t exactly new for him, but this time, even he could tell it was a big one, seeing as it had been days since she had last spoken to him. 

At some point, Nami, who usually kept her nose out of things like this, had snapped at him for being an “insensitive ass”. While he certainly hadn’t appreciated the brutal honesty or choice of words, he knew she was right. Even Robin had intervened, telling him in that usual nonchalant tone of hers that he should probably do something about it soon. 

The thing was, he was trying, okay? It wasn’t like he was sitting on his ass and doing absolutely nothing. He had been trying to approach said crewmate for days now, but each time he tried, she would deliberately avoid eye contact, ignore his calls of her name and would be out of his sight within seconds of him spotting her. How big was this ship, anyway? It was starting to get ridiculous, the fact that it was this difficult to track down a single person, even if she didn’t want to be found. 

Frankly, the whole thing was starting to grate on his nerves too. How was he supposed to apologise to someone who was clearly not interested in being in the same room as him? Just this morning, he had spotted her in the kitchen talking to Sanji, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t get annoyed at how she was chuckling at the love cook’s shitty jokes and bad pick-up lines. He’d tried to approach her, but before he could even get close it seemed she had sensed that he was there, and before he knew it, she was already on her feet and scuttling out of the room with her head down. Sanji could only stand there, stunned by the abrupt end to their conversation. 

The cook had promptly shot a glare in Zoro’s direction, which the swordsman returned evenly.

All in all, Zoro was at his wit’s end here, and he was running out of ideas. And patience.  

A sudden jerk on the boat had him nearly losing his balance, and shouts coming from the deck snapped Zoro out of his thoughts. From the crow’s nest he looked out the window, where a huge fleet of navy ships had gathered and which were quickly approaching the Sunny. Looking down, he noticed that the entire crew was gathering on the deck, including her. 

Without a moment’s hesitation, he rushed out of the crow’s nest and leaped down, landing smoothly on the deck with the rest of the crew, right next to her. Again, she didn’t acknowledge his presence, her eyes fixated stubbornly on the enemy in front of them. 

A small sigh escaped him as he readied himself for what was coming. He supposed the apology would have to wait for now. 

***

You were being petty, and you knew it. 

You should have already known the kind of person Zoro was by now: strong, fiercely loyal, and brave in the face of danger. He may be rough around the edges, his words often curt and harsh, but otherwise you knew that he was really a softie at heart and would do anything for his crew.

And it was precisely that part of him that worried you to no end. If it came down to it, you knew Zoro was prepared to sacrifice anything, including himself, as long as his friends were safe. 

That was why you had ended up losing your temper at him, after the crew barely managed to get away from Kizaru and Akainu after a recent brush with them. He had suffered severe burns in his attempt to help the crew escape, and because you hadn’t managed to duck out of the way in time. You should have been the one to suffer those injuries, but instead Zoro’s right arm had nearly been burned all the way through. It would have been worse than that if Franky hadn’t managed to refuel the ship just in time for a coup de burst then, that allowed all of you to narrowly escape. 

Thankfully, Chopper was able to save Zoro and fix his arm — the little reindeer had told everyone that if the injury had been any deeper, he wouldn’t have been able to use his arm like before. 

You had stayed behind in the men’s quarters to wait for Zoro to wake up. You had thought carefully about what you wanted to say, to ask if he was doing okay, to thank him for saving you or you might have been dead. 

But when he woke up and relief flooded you, your thoughts went haywire and the only thing you blurted out was: 

“Why did you save me? You shouldn’t have done that.” 

You hadn’t meant for it to come out that way, or to sound that angry or frustrated with him. Zoro had done you a huge favour, but you were reacting as if he had wronged you somehow. 

It was no wonder the swordsman had responded the way he had: frowning, his tone frigid as he snapped at you to leave him alone and that he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

By then you weren’t thinking anymore, moving and speaking entirely based on the emotions you felt: a storm of worry, regret, frustration, anger coursing through your veins. You had never been one to be able to hide your emotions well, and it all showed in your voice and tightly clenched fists that shook by your sides.

The argument rapidly escalated, and it didn’t take long for the crew outside to hear the raised voices. By then the both of you were going at each other without restraint, and Usopp and Chopper had to hold you back while you yelled at Zoro for being stupid and senseless in battle, for thinking that he could protect the crew all by himself. 

That seemed to trigger something in him, and you could see his eyes turn dark as he went livid. You knew you had gone too far then, and you were about to apologise, except that you were swiftly interrupted by his next words: 

“That’s my business, not yours. Just stay out of my way.” 

Silence. A deep, heavy silence filled the room. 

You knew that it was just Zoro mouthing off in the heat of the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that the words had cut you deeper than any blade could. The inexplicable pain that bubbled up deep within your chest had you flinching, your words dying instantly on your tongue. You knew what was coming when you felt a familiar lump in your throat and moisture gathering in the back of your eyes. 

At that moment, you didn’t really know what else you could do, other than run. So without another word, you had shrugged Usopp’s grip off your arms and fled the room, the sound of the closing door cutting off the cries of your crewmates for you to wait. 

A few days had passed since then, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye, or even be anywhere near him. It felt like you might burst into tears if you did, and crying was the last thing you wanted to do in front of him. 

Deep down, you knew that Zoro was right. What happened to him wasn’t your business at all, and if he wanted to protect his crew at the cost of his own body, it was his choice and you couldn’t change that. Nor was it your place to tell him what he could or couldn’t do. 

The rest of the crew obviously had their share of concerns for him as well, but it seemed they had already come to accept that Zoro wouldn’t change. The stubborn swordsman had his own set of values that were pretty much set in stone and he wouldn’t budge on them. 

So fine. You would stop caring. You would stay in your lane and not give a shit about what he did with his life. After all, that was what he wanted, right? 

Except, you couldn’t, and you knew damn well the reason why. 

Zoro may be dense, but you were no fool. You knew what those butterflies stirring in your abdomen meant whenever you saw that trademark, cocky smirk of his. You knew why you would find yourself breathless and lightheaded when you got a bit too close while training with him in the crow’s nest. And you knew perfectly well the reason you had been so deeply hurt by his words, by the implication that he wanted nothing to do with you, or you with him: 

You had fallen hopelessly for this man. 

…and you didn’t know what the hell you should do with these feelings. 

For now, burying it was the only answer you could come up with. It was clear enough that romance was far from Zoro’s mind. From what you could observe, it looked like the only things he really had any interest in was training, getting stronger, protecting his friends, and his ambition to become the strongest swordsman there was. That, and drinking lots of booze.

Romance? It would only slow him down, no doubt. Serve as nothing more than a distraction from his dream. And even if romance was on the cards, Zoro clearly felt nothing for you; that much had been made clear by what he said to you a few days ago. 

In any case, you had no time to dwell on these things. It was only distracting you from the huge fight at hand. A whole fleet of navy ships had finally caught up to the Sunny, and from what you could tell, Kizaru and Akainu were back, fully intent on achieving their goal of nabbing the crew after failing once already. 

You were occupied with fending off a whole crowd of marines. While they were lower-ranked, their numbers were slowly but surely pushing you back, and before long they had already encircled you, trapping you in. 

No one else was free enough to help, each of them engaged in their own battles at the moment. From the corner of your eye you could see Zoro, struggling to keep up with the pace of Kizaru’s attacks. His movements were duller than usual, no doubt because he still hadn’t fully recovered from the last battle. It was clear that Zoro was losing ground, however, and all you could think of was that you had to back him up as soon as possible. 

Just as you fought off another few dozen marines, sending them flying into the sea with your sword, a bright gleam of light caught your attention. 

You turned in that direction, and instantly the colour drained from your face when you saw Zoro on his knees, bleeding out and his swords nowhere in sight. Kizaru loomed over him, his raised foot glowing with a blinding yellow light. 

Time seemed to move in slow motion then, and the cries of your crewmates of Zoro’s name faded into the background, muffled as if you were underwater. Mustering strength you didn’t know you possessed, you knocked back the rest of the marines in your way, clearing the path towards Zoro.

Your body acted on instinct, moving before you could even think or register what you were doing. All you knew was that you had to get to him, before it was too late. You couldn’t lose him. You just couldn’t. 

Even the thought of it was too much to bear. 

Zoro was the only person in your line of sight as you surged forward, bolting through the air with such speed that the wind fiercely resisted in your face. You dove for the floor then, shoving Zoro out of the way as far as you could. He was heavy, but you managed somehow. 

The next thing you knew, you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen, which quickly spread to the rest of your body and you couldn’t hold back the scream that tore from your lips. You had been hit, your body breaking through the wood of the deck and the sheer weight of the force knocking the wind out of you. 

It felt like an eternity before you finally took in a sharp gasp of air, and when you did, a white hot pain surged through your body and you had to bite down on your lip to keep from screaming again. 

You couldn’t muster any strength to move, only able to let out a pained whimper when you felt a pair of strong arms grabbing you, dragging you out of the broken wood and holding you against a warm chest. 

Your vision was blurry now, everything a haze, but you could still make out green hair, and that annoying face that had occupied your mind for days now. It looked like he was shouting something at you, but you couldn’t really hear him. Your consciousness was fading, and you tasted the metallic tang of blood before spitting a mouthful out onto your shirt. 

There was a hand on your cheek now, and Zoro was shaking you to keep you awake. The jerk was only making the pain worse. Still, it worked for a few seconds. 

Then the exhaustion came like a tidal wave, and you found yourself rapidly succumbing to it. 

Just before your eyes slipped close, through the small slit of light left you kept your gaze on him, offering an upward twitch of your lips — hopefully that would make things right with him, after you had chickened out of a talk with him for so long. He deserved better than this, but this was all you could offer. 

A final cry of your name rang in your ears, and then your world turned black. 

***

It had been two days. Two days since they managed to get away from the navy, and she was still in a coma, showing no signs of waking up. Chopper had to do a blood transfusion for her seeing as she had lost a lot of blood, but for some reason she still hadn’t woken up. 

Zoro was practically losing his mind from worry, and resentment at the fact that he had been stupid enough to give Kizaru the chance to attack him like that, and that she had nearly been killed while trying to save him. 

For all that training, he was still too weak to protect the people he cared about. All he could do was stay by her side while she rested in the women’s quarters, hoping that she would wake up soon. The rest of the crew was worried too of course, but they seemed hopeful enough that she would recover in no time. One by one, they had taken turns to tell him the same thing, and while it quelled his anxiety just slightly, it didn’t take away the heavy, suffocating weight on his chest each time he looked at her sleeping face. 

“Staying here and not eating isn’t going to make her wake up faster.” Nami’s voice came from the doorway, and Zoro frowned in her direction.

“Later. I’m not hungry.” 

He heard her sigh, and then the sound of her approaching footsteps.

“She’ll be worried if she sees you like this too, you know.” She stopped by the other side of the bed, placing her palm on the sleeping woman’s forehead. “I’ll watch her for now. Go get some air, and take a bath. You stink,” she added as an afterthought. 

Any other day he would have barked right back at her for that, but Zoro didn’t have the energy to argue with Nami right then. Knowing there was no way he could out-argue her, he got up and left the room, but not before casting a lingering stare at the sleeping woman over his shoulder.

He supposed he would have to wait a while before making things right with her. He just hoped it wouldn’t take too long. 

***

When you woke up, you were greeted with the familiar sight of the ceiling of the women’s quarters. Your head throbbed with a dull pain, and you winced, trying to recall what had happened.

The last thing you remembered was passing out in Zoro’s arms after taking one of Kizaru’s hits. How long had it been since then? Were the rest of your friends okay? 

Was Zoro safe? 

Remembering the state that Zoro had been in just before you dove and pushed him out of the way, panic seized you and you rushed to sit up. You weren’t able to get up all the way though, pausing when you realised your hand was caught in something.

Your eyes dropped down, widening in surprise when you realised that your fingers were interlaced with someone else’s fingers. Your gaze trailed upwards, and found Zoro resting his head on the bed, sound asleep while seated in a chair that he had placed next to your side. 

What… What was he doing here? And why the heck was he holding your hand? 

You tried pulling your hand out of his grasp, but found that his grip was a little too tight. Had Chopper assigned him here to make sure you didn’t get out of bed? 

You didn’t want to wake the man though; suddenly your bravado from before had vanished. Without the adrenaline, you were back to your pathetic, cowardly self who was too afraid to talk to him, in fear that he might discover your feelings for him. Not to mention, you didn’t want to cry; at least not in front of him. It would only make him feel bad for something that wasn’t his fault. 

Carefully and gingerly, you tried to lift his fingers and extracted your fingers from his hold, one by one. With each finger that you lifted you noticed how calloused and rough his skin had become, no doubt from the countless battles and hours of gruelling training he would subject himself to every day. You were already smiling to yourself without realising it, chest swelling with the hope that he would one day be able to achieve his dream. If it was Zoro, you knew he could do it. 

It took a few minutes, but you were eventually able to get most of your hand free without waking the swordsman. He looked exhausted, and was probably recovering from his own set of injuries as well. 

It was just when you were about to get your last finger free that his hand suddenly grabbed yours again, and then you found yourself staring into a pair of piercing brown eyes. 

Your breath caught, and you practically forgot how to breathe when Zoro sprang up, the sleepiness completely gone from his eyes. His eyes were on you, and his grip on your hand had become tighter. 

“Zoro—” You could barely get a word out, before you felt his arms encircling you, and crashing your body to his chest. 

He was warm. Big. And everything felt right. 

His hold on you was tight, caging you in completely and leaving no room for you to wriggle away. Your hands were on his chest right next to either side of your face, and against your palm you felt his strong pulse, beating about as rapidly as yours was. 

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said, and it was the first time you had ever heard his voice waver. Zoro, the man who was always confident, sure and brazen, had never sounded more raw, more vulnerable to you in that moment, and for a while you didn’t know how to react other than to stay still and listen to his shaky breaths. 

“I didn’t understand until you took that blow for me,” he went on, and as he did you felt his arms tighten around you, pressing you closer to him. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s… It’s not your fault,” you replied, as tears gathered in your eyes. Damn it, this was why you didn’t want to talk; you just knew this would happen. Thankfully, him holding you meant he couldn’t see your face, but it did mean that he would easily feel your tears through his shirt. It took every fibre of your being to hold them in. 

“I overstepped, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way when you just wanted to protect us, and I didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it until now, even though I know you were trying. Sorry.” 

“Quit saying that. I’m trying to apologise to you here.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Zoro was just as grumpy as ever. 

“Why’d you do that? I could have taken it.” He was referring to Kizaru’s kick. 

You could only shrug in response. “I don’t know. My body was moving before I could think. I just… didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

“The same goes for me, you know,” he said, and those words filled you with some kind of hope. Hope that maybe he had the same feelings for you. But that was instantly crushed when he followed up with, “We’re nakama. I don’t want you getting hurt for me either.” 

It was like getting a bucket of cold water to the face. Of course, you had known it all along: Zoro only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. At least now you knew, so your feelings could stay buried until they eventually disappeared with time. 

“But, it’s not just that.” 

You felt him pull away then, to hold you by your arms and look you in the eye. His expression was serious, and you felt your face begin to heat up under his intense stare. Instinctively, you looked away. 

“Look at me.” 

His words were commanding, and you obeyed, meeting his gaze once more. They were burning with an emotion that you couldn’t quite identify. 

“That day, when I saw you nearly get cut down, I… was afraid.” His fingers dug into your arms, and he looked downwards briefly. “I was afraid of losing you.” 

You swallowed, not quite sure where this was going. In your head, this was easy enough to rationalise. “Well, that’s because we’re nakama.”  

Zoro shook his head, the skin on his forehead crinkling with a frown. “I’ve been with the crew for a while now, and each time we had a close shave like that, I was afraid of losing them too. But this time, it was different.” His eyes returned to yours, locking onto your gaze and your parted lips. “It was different, because it was you.” 

You didn’t know what to make of that. Or rather, you knew, but you were afraid to draw that conclusion on your own, lest you get disappointed once more. 

“What… are you saying?” 

“What I’m saying is,” he responded, his lips turning up into a gentle smile, one so tender that it made your heart melt, “I have feelings for you.” 

Your heart may as well have stopped then. You blinked at him, doing a double take as you tried to register his words. Feelings? You? But what about nakama—

“I don’t expect you to return them, so don’t overthink things,” Zoro continued, cutting off your frenzied train of thought. He must have been able to tell from the confusion written all over your face. “Nothing’s going to change.”

A beat of silence passed, with neither of you saying anything. 

Eventually, Zoro found it awkward enough to clear his throat and to release your arms from his grip. “Anyway, I should get Chopper in here. He told me to let him know when you woke up.” 

The sound of the chair legs scraping against wood was the only sound in the room as he got up to leave, but he was swiftly halted in his tracks as your hand grabbed his wrist to hold him back. 

He watched wordlessly as you got off the bed, and you held back a grimace at the pain throbbing in your abdomen. You’d be an idiot if you allowed him to walk away after saying all that. His confession had been short and straight to the point, exactly the way Zoro was.

And, just like Zoro tended to do, it had also pissed you off a little, and that anger was stirring up in you a boldness that you couldn’t muster before. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” 

He seemed to be taken aback at the sudden ferocity in your tone, and didn’t seem to expect to be manhandled when you grabbed him by the collar without warning and yanked him towards you, until your noses were barely touching. His eyes were blown wide, and you could see his face begin to turn red from the proximity. Up close like this, you could feel his warm breaths on your face. 

“You didn’t ask me what I think,” you told him in an almost-whisper, and you watched as he swallowed, uncertainty swimming in his eyes. 

“What do you—” 

You pressed your lips to his then, cutting off whatever stupid excuse he had to say in his defence. He always did this, assuming things on his own and jumping to his own conclusions. 

Then again, you had gone ahead and done the exact same thing, so you were probably being a hypocrite. 

Not that you really cared; all that you could focus on then was his lips against yours, gentle and tender and soft. You had released your grip on his collar by then, instead resting your one hand on his hard chest while the other wrapped around his neck to pull him closer. 

Zoro didn’t show any resistance; in fact, he quite eagerly leaned into you, arms snaking around your waist to press your curves against his body and to deepen the kiss. Things slowly grew bolder, more daring as you felt his tongue sweep across the seam of your lips. You obliged, parting your lips for him and your knees nearly buckled when his tongue entered your mouth, sliding against your tongue and swallowing the soft moan that had unwittingly escaped you. 

“Zoro…”

You felt his fingers in your hair then, and with a soft pull he tipped your head back, angling your face so that he could deepen the kiss with renewed vigour. You couldn’t help but be swept along with his pace, allowing him to kiss you over and over and over, each kiss an affirmation that his confession was real, that he had wanted you just as much as you had wanted him all this time. 

The realisation had your chest swelling with joy, and there was no stopping the big smile that your lips spread into, which forced him to pull away from the kiss. Breathing heavily, Zoro rested his forehead against your head, allowing your noses to touch. 

“So tell me again, nothing’s going to change?” you taunted, licking your lips and smirking at the man. 

“Heh.” With a chuckle and a devilish grin that made you almost forget how to breathe, Zoro lowered his lips towards yours once more. 

“I guess this is something I could get used to.”