#Okay rant over thank u
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umbra-borealis · 4 months ago
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Once again begging people to understand that 'aging up a character' does not immediately mean the writer is sexualizing them. There are other reasons, plot driven reasons for doing it and exploring the concept. Fiction and media does it all the time and it can in fact heighten our affinity for characters if we can see them literally grow and change. You can't tell me there wasn't a single thing you watched, read or played that had a jump in time, a sort of 'where are they now?' segment. How many times did these characters happen to be children who grew up and maybe even started a family of their own? A fact of life is that growing up happens to literally all of us and if you wanna stay in a lala-land where that doesn't happen, sure, you do you, but don't harass other people about it.
For some of us childhood was dogshit, we have trauma, we have problems and it can help to see a character we've looked up to as a child navigate the same, or similar problems. There's a sense of solidarity and comfort in that that sadly not a lot of real people tend to have for you. It's also super insulting to say things like 'get help' or 'get a therapist' as a snide remark because that isn't easy for everyone. I in fact did have therapy and was 'let go' because my insurance wouldn't cover anymore sessions and I 'wasn't bad enough' to keep on, nor can I afford to pay it myself. Just, think beforehand you say that stuff. We all cope differently, we don't ask have the same options.
And before you go and ask me 'why do you need to see minors in explicit situations' I'd first ask you to look up the definition of the word because it definitely doesn't mean 'sexual'. Its means 'clearly'. Then I'd ask you to look towards the source content. It matters a lot of the thing you're talking about is Gumball or Sonic because the latter has a grown ass man trying to *kill* what are essentially children then, doesn't it? That's pretty fucking intense already, so what's the difference? Their 'powers'? So what happens to the kids in 'Into the Spiderverse' is also okay funi cartoon violence? Callum being possessed in the Dragon Prince wasn't severely traumatizing? So then why do the writers of those series, movies and games want to 'put kids in harmful/adult situations' then huh? And if you can't answer that because you "don't like that kind of content' fair I guess but I scratch my head at folks who both interact with that media and yet turn a blind eye to how pretty messed up and severe those things are to a child, if not the character then the children seeing that. I have nephews and a niece, the youngest of which sat on my couch, mouth agape and asking 'Is he going to be okay?!' when Tails got knocked out in the second Sonic movie. It's hypocrisy to me. And don't come at me if you're one of those people on tiktok with brainrot going 'I wish there was a movie where nothing bad happened in it ever!!' Because I mean... there are, it's mostly for toddlers though and even in those shows there's a *threat* (swiper no swiping anyone?) You clearly have yet to learn that we are being raised alongside the presence of threats not to harm or traumatize us, but to teach us how to recognize those threats and what to do when we encounter them.
Children aren't stupid, stop treating them like frail figurines to be kept in a glass display case, you're not helping them with that. You help them more by teaching them the ways of the world through fiction, yes, even the fantasy stuff. Also, sometimes media featuring children isn't necessarily for children but rather just an epic tale about unlikely heroes who we see growing up into warriors and kings. Its not about the kids or the fact they're kids, it's about the world they're in, the people they meet that help shape them. The adults they become are pathworks of their childhood, their friends, their family and yes, the hardships they went through and overcame *just like we are.*
I've rambled on long enough but I think it's just genuinely sad that if I want to write a story about an alt future for some sonic characters, I get scared there will be 'consequences' when it's got not a single instance of sexualization in it due to me having my own trauma and finding it hard to write that no matter who the characters are, even if they're my own, adult, OCs. Especially for an audience. It makes me gravitate more towards Sly Cooper where the characters already are adults but you guessed it! That's a kids stealth game with instances of trauma and violence! The main character *sees* his father being murdered at 7 years old!
We writers don't put children and minors through difficult or grown up situations not because we're out to get you specifically (if you're not a fan of that stuff) but because of a multitude of complex little reasons that could all fall under the same umbrella of 'for the plot.' Whatever happened to a good origin story where grief, revenge, anger and pain are something that can drive both a hero and a villain forward but towards different paths? Whatever happened to showing kids a character they can relate to, who's cleverly outsmarting a bad guy or fixing a situation with their strengths? I don't want to live in an environment where artists and writers can't raise difficult questions and situations, where they can't write about their own childhood trauma through the safer medium of fiction to get people discussing the matter, you have no idea how it makes people, regardless of age, feel seen when it's handled with attention to detail and respect for the subject matter.
And if you disagree, if you don't like anything I just did or still can't find the reasoning in why it's one of the most utilized concepts in fiction without immediately becoming 'sexually explicit' then I'm sorry but that's a *you* problem. Don't take it out on other people.
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sxfterhearts · 4 months ago
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DROPPPP THE JIUNG SMUT FIC 😭💔😭💔😭💔 literally nobody writes for him anymore and it makes me sad idc if it’s fluff, angst, smut, etc. just need me some jiung tbh
OMG ANON!!! this is insane i'm literally SO HAPPY TO RECEIVE YOUR ASK UHM THANK YOU AND UH ALSO I LOVE YOU IG? 💗 sorry is that too dramatic
okay youre so real tho literally nobody writes for my love jiung........... except i USED to write only fluff (i think i have around 3 fluff fics in my masterlist) and im not even joking, i literally have not wrote a single word of smut in 4years. FOUR YEARS. can you imagine???? it took kcon and dfesta and hello82 CHOI JIUNG TO BRING ME OUT OF MY SMUT HIATUS. WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS TRIGGERRED I REALLY MEANT IT COS OHHHHHH MY GOD I FR WAS LIKE FKJEJNFEILJNR RAHHHHHHHHH 👹 haha ha im gonna rant below under the cut sozzz
anyways TL;DR: DW MY FELLOW CHOCOCHIP your girl's gotchu i SEE u and i HEAR u and i will be working on the smut fic in earnest tonight (wish i published it earlier but damn it really is harder than i rmb to write smut) so yes. it will be dropped sometime tonight if all goes well (aka if i dont lose my mind will writing my own smut fic) you have been warned !! get keen !!!!! also feel free to DM me if you would like me to add you to a taglist or notify you when it's published (i'm aussie so time diff wise it will probs drop at a time that is convenient for americans cos LOL tumblr is an american site fr) !!!!
thank you so much for this ask btw it has been received and much appreciated by this little piwon writer living in her own tiny corner of the internet <333333333333 like i say this all the time but anytime anyone interacts with me and reads my fics it legit blows my mind cos im like who?? me??? damn.. //blushes
also ur so right i think its crazy how the popularity of members in terms of fanbase vs which members people actually want to read fics for is like... so different like worlds apart omg JUSTICE FOR HYUNG LINE PLSSSS i need more hyung line writers omfg
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karamazovanon · 1 year ago
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Smerdyakov: 1,2,3 and 12 (for the character ask thingy)
(character ask game!)
AHHH SMERDYAKOV MY BELOVED THANK U 4 ENABLING ME TO RANT ABT HIM.
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
oh man WHERE TO FUCKING BEGIN. he!! he's such a smug little shitlord and it's one of my favorite dosto psychological archetypes, a character who feels so different from everyone else & so isolated that they end up feeling better than everyone (e.g. smarter, like smerd's bit about the creation myth) while also worse than everyone (e.g. smerd's deep insecurity about his social standing esp compared to his brothers, idolizing ivan). he's just the Are you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shitt? meme a little bit. also he's just a weird little control freak. i love my lil bouillon boy.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
FAVORITE is hard omg. i really love that he plays guitar and sings in falsetto........ he's just a little guy!!! and the line. the fucking line. "I exterminate my life by my own will and inclination, in order to blame no one." what a raw fucking line. and such a concise statement of pavel as a character, who spends the entire novel fighting to exercise his free will and establish his agency as a human being in the eyes of everyone around him through any means possible, and then he only finally gets the power he wants so badly by weaponizing the societal perceptions of him he hates so much (at first fyodor pavlovich only gives half a fuck about him when he starts having fits, then later on he gets away with murder by affirming their views of him as epileptic/weak, stupid, cowardly, "just a lackey", etc etc ive ranted abt this before). smerdyakov get behind me. he did nothing wrong
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
i mean. it's gotta be the killing small animals as a child right. like we can agree on that. that's not cool baby pavel. (to be fair though. it's also interesting symbolically as a reflection of his power struggle throughout his lifetime—even as a kid he was looking for creatures with even less power than he so he could feel like he was in control of something for once, which then turned to obsession over food, arguing with his father/master, murder, etc. Wish he didn't have to kill cats about it though !)
12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?
oooooo hmmmmm. this probably doesn't count as a headcanon but i do want him and katya to talk shit about ivan just once. i just KNOW they'd get his ass. also not to be predictable but i absolutely hc him as gay and not even in the im just making everyone gay bc i am way, in a 100% serious this-is-a-valid-interpretation-of-the-text way. i just think his utter lack of interest in women, alienation from society, insecurity about being Born Wrong, distaste for religion (esp. how illogical it is), etc is so very gaycoded. also that line about fyodor pavlovich offering to set him up with a girl to marry: "'Perhaps you ought to marry some girl, do you want me to find you one?' But this kind of talk would only make Smerdyakov turn pale with annoyance, and he would not reply." (tr. mcduff) like that was me on thanksgiving when my aunt asked if i had a boyfriend yet im sorry!!
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shirogane-oushirou · 17 days ago
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
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[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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tetzoro · 8 months ago
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omg croc here i’m so dizzy 🫣
HES SO FINEEEE !! but i have to speak my truth … listen i am so sick of buggy im sorry . THAT SHOULD BE MEEEE !!!! THAT SHOULD BE ME 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i need to slide up in between croc and mihawk it’s my destiny but nooo .. this clown gets to live my dream instead .
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ranboo5 · 2 years ago
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Anyway [stretches] under a cut because it got Long as usual; tl;dr at the bottom
The thing abt c!Ranboo is his motivation and his actions don’t always align and that is bc of the eternal nature of c!Ranboo as living in a society and Balancing Priorities. He is always self-compromising in its relationships w/ others; more often than not when it agrees to do smth with someone it is doing it not bc it believes in the cause but because it has priorities it needs to mitigate. (Ranboo has not believed in any of the causes put forth by Someone Else in their life the closest they get is the Syndicate and even there it’s only reassured to bc it is reassured it can share opinions)
This starts off wayyyy early with it agreeing to help grief despite not really having a personal reason to do it, and with it collaborating w/ New L’Manberg even through things like the Butcher Army. It consistently does not want to be seen as In Opposition. It works with Tmmy and Techno in large part bc it doesn’t want to come off as opposed 2 them, and bc it has personal investment (+guilt) in Tmmy. Ranboo will literally act like this
- as self preservation - out of a desire to help+spare the feelings of ppl it doesn’t trust to negotiate with - especially later, so it can try to mitigate the parties it’s collaborating w/ -- if he’s involved in the effort, he has more traction 2 attempt to mitigate anything terrible it might do (even when most of the time he doesn’t manage to do this)
This is part of why he initially joined th Syndicate and this is why he worked with Wilbur over th course of the burger arc. Some combination of this is also why he works w/ Dream, smth that is frequently overlooked in Ranboo Analysis; Ranboo volitionally[1] collaborates w/ Dream despite, obviously, having a lot of Active Dislike for Dream and what he is doing, out of a combination of a) he would not want 2 frame himself as Opposed To Dream in any interaction w/ Dream, b) he is generally sympathetic and pitying, c) ideological agreement w/ some aspects of Dream’s goals, and d) desire to mitigate/stay close to Dream. Ranboo keeps his friends close and enemies closer 2 some degree
His relationship w/ Tbbo is not an exception to this it is part of the pattern. It’s just one that has much more present, personal, and consistent stakes. Ranboo complies w/ Tbbo the same way he complies w/ the Syndicate when he’s worried they’re threatening, the same way he complies w/ NLM, the same way he complies w/ Wilbur in the burger arc, th same way he complies with Tmmy early on, the same way he complies w/ Dream offscreen. This is a Known Tactic Ranboo pursues; their project is ultimately of survival and compassion and survival and compassion are both things they have to sacrifice to keep
Tbbo is a unique priority to Ranboo almost in the same way all of the aforementioned r slightly different, unique priorities; in Tubbo’s case, Ranboo is extremely invested in keeping Tbbo safe from others and from Tbbo’s own self with a particular fervor for a very long time. I’m not rehashing the entire beeduo meta here but Ranboo does have particular interest and a particular prioritization for Tbbo for a long ass time; arguably post-NLM and thru burger arc, Tbbo is its first priority bc Ranboo loves him and has convinced itself it’s the only one who can fix him and has also mostly-correctly observed that no one has really been looking out for him. Tubbo is an urgent target in Ranboo’s projects of compassion and of survival both
When those stakes r released, tho, in the burger van conversation (the “you weren’t happy before?”) Ranboo no longer has Tbbo at the same priority level irt the project of survival especially, and, despite how guilty and upset it makes them, prioritizes their 5D chess game with Wilbur instead (ironically sacrificing a solid chunk of its project of survival). Its motives @ the end of Ho16 r commonly cited as being abt Tbbo but that’s not entirely what he says and if it was Ranboo HAS the kind of analytical presence of mind to know that it Killing Himself doesn’t help Tbbo as much as it deals with Wilbur
Ho16 is abt Ranboo winning aforesaid 5D chess game; Tbbo is only part of the stakes 4 that and Mitigating Tbbo is no longer Ranboo’s top priority w/ that. Ranboo’s final monologue is more than anything reminiscent of his earlier arguments about sides and collateral. It’s part of the larger project of compassion, and it’s about the distorted version thereof tht comes with Ranboo getting stuck in its head and its machinations, too; like Tbbo is important to Ranboo and the carelessness abt Tbbo is something unacceptable but to claim Ranboo’s motivations revolve around Tubbo specifically is reductive of his other relationships and actual larger ideological motivations 
I have a problem w/ framings of this as positive/romantic devotion that amkes Ranboo better or as devotion at all bc repeatedly it is shown it makes him Worse, and is in fact the opposite of devotion it's disingenuous by nature. Ranboo is lying. This is so essential to all of this when Ranboo acts like he is in step with you specifically he is lying you are never guaranteed to be the priority. This is him at his worst, th project of compassion at its most compromised, and it’s a state that they explicitly don’t like. Ranboo does not like compromising itself and when they do that they Get Hurt (NLM and outpost arc having the most confabulation we’ve seen in Ranboo in general, Ranboo hating himself for this, Ranboo complying w/ shit like the experiments, Ranboo in all these environments where he is playing this being Constantly Markedly Afraid)
Even throughout the time period where Tbbo is technically priority #1 Tbbo is still . Priority Number One as opposed to like a genuine devotion. Tbbo having a handle on Ranboo in this way is not devotion it is fear and it is again not a mechanism tht Ranboo Only engages for Tbbo it’s just a mechanism, that again IS BAD FOR RANBOO BOTH IRT MENTAL HEALTH AND MORALITY, that has thru circumstance become one tht Tbbo is best at unintentionally activating. Ranboo Does This When You Are His Project. And When He Had A New Project Aside From His Husband That’s What He Did To Him
TL;DR
Ranboo does comply with Tubbo in various activities tht he doesn’t believe in but this isn’t ? Unique to Tbbo this is just Ranboo’s general socialmeta+ what allows it to move in the world the way it does
Ranboo cares about Tubbo deeply and this is relevant to his motivations but that’s only one part of his larger motivations
It’s also honestly not great to frame this complianceas romantic or good bc it’s actively smth that Makes Them Worse in multiple senses
It takes out a ton of Ranboo’s decision making and the negative effects thereof
Anyway stream
youtube
[1] No, one dumb as fuck line from Dream Of All People in that lame ass excuse for a finale does not negate All The Things In CRanboo’s Story including working w Dream being part of this consistent pattern, Ranboo’s story being abt agency responsibility and decision in such a way tht it is completely undercut by mind ctrl plots, Ranboo’s ideological agreement w Dream on some matters, the alliumduo parallels, and everything we do know abt the enderwalk as a concept and Ranboo how he acts in and out of it
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cloudy-cranium · 1 year ago
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What kind of wish list do you have? That'd be a great idea for me but I'm not sure how to organise one.
Oh I have several systems I use to make this time of the year less of a nightmare, I'd love to share! Unfortunately I do not have a "succinct" setting so here, sorry :) here's the short version, too much under the cut.
TL;DR: Steps to an easy gift list:
1, REUSE your lists each year.
1b, LONG LISTS! Yeah no. Longer than that.
2, Categories can help
2b, Steal gift ideas from others!!
3, for REAL change your options up
4, Be specific about what you actually want
Wishlists were a pain for me for a long time. Eventually I got lazy and then I got smart. I also listened to complaints people had about others' wishlists, and tried to avoid their issues. I've used like one list for I think the last 4 years now, just refreshed. I have it in categories mostly to help me.
Tip 1: Refresh it every year. Instead of starting from scratch every season, when people start asking for my new list I just pull up last year's and delete everything I received/bought myself/just don't really need anymore.
Tip 1b: Make your list long!! Too long to be able to get everything. That lets you refresh next year, but it also gives people more options to choose from (vital) and reduces their anxiety about getting you the same thing as someone else.
Tip 2: This is optional but I use categories. They help me get more specific ideas, organize my thoughts, can help people narrow ideas down or help with off-list gift inspiration, and can also help people add to their own lists.
**Categories: these are arbitrary and all include miscellaneous items automatically. It's just a tool. Mine are Dog Things, Hobby, Home/Personal, and Kitchen - the dog things are on their own because they don't fit anywhere else; 'Kitchen' has its own category because it's one of my biggest categories personally. Other than that, personalize it: Art Supplies. Programming. Sports & Outdoors. Tools. Books. Games. Whatever's good for you**
Tip 2b: ask all your family/friends to give you their list and then steal their ideas :) works like a charm. I'll add some of mine at the end.
Tip 3: VARIETY. IT'S IMPORTANT. Some people want to be able to drop a lot of money on something you'll definitely like - maybe all your siblings want to buy you that gaming system together. Include it (at least for inspiration). Ask for that weighted blanket you really want. Don't feel bad for including expensive options. Some people want less expensive things - you want a LOT of these, especially easy ones: candy or treats, bath bombs/nails/face masks, candles/wax melts/incense you like, stickers, fun note pads, socks etc. (When gifting, these are helpful to add with a smaller item so it brings a little extra bonus.)
Some people want to buy you something useful. Some people want to buy you something FUN! Some people want to help you by buying something you need anyway; some want to gift you something you can't justify buying yourself but still really want. Include all of these! Give people options!!
TELL PEOPLE WHERE TO GET GIFT CARDS YOU'LL ACTUALLY USE!!! These are such a helpful inclusion!!! Some people are just gift card people. If you don't want generic amaz*n/walmart/fast food gift cards, TELL PEOPLE what stores & restaurants you already go to, especially for things you enjoy. If they can give you 5 nice boba teas one one card, or gift you clothes by putting $50 on a piece of plastic for you instead of actually trying to pick out something you want themselves, they'll do it!
Tip 4: Specificity. Some things speak for themselves, but if you write one word per item on your list, expect to get some things that are technically what you wrote but definitely not what you wanted. To avoid this, list scents/colors/brands/qualities you like ('over-the-ear squishy headphones [noise-canceling?]' is better than 'headphones,' where once I got gifted a new pair of the exact set I hated and was trying to replace); the specific use of the item you need ('spice/food organizers,' 'room organizers,' 'closet organizers,' and several other things can't be substituted for each other); A LINK to an option you like (!!! I learned this from my sister-in-law, where every list item has "like this:" and a link to a model that she already likes. The links will also sho similar items, stores she trusts, more details than you could ever write down & more); okay I got tired of writing. You get the gist. BUT If you include CLOTHES YOU MUST INCLUDE SIZES. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS. SIZES. Styles too if you don't wanna get fucked over (or!! gift cards!!!!)
Those are the things that do the most for making my life easier. I'll drop a list of examples to steal! Sorry this got away from me lol thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!!
Examples of things in my categories: Dog Stuff (toys she likes, sweater size, things like a better leash or big toy or bed); Hobby (DICE. game accessories. yarn & fibre tools. hair dye things, hard-to-find niche parts, nice markers/paper, art tools, materials, fan merch, new hobbies you want to try, instruction books, instruments, cards, GIFT CARDS to places I already go); Home/Personal (speakers/headphones/other tech, books [please god be specific here], albums, decor/organization, a new vacuum, tools you find yourself needing, stuff for your window/deck/garden, along with clothes I might want and relevant sizes, yoga mat, coats/hats/clothes for the weather, memberships or subscriptions); Kitchen (replacement dishes, nice appliances, accessories, high-quality ingredients, more tools I'd like but can't afford)
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rapunkzle · 1 year ago
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bros i have been waiting like 10 years to finally properly address my likely bipolar with a doctor and i have an appointment with a doctor next week and i'm SO stressed and paranoid that he's just gonna blame my symptoms on adhd or some shit and say i have Regular Depression
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bugdogg · 1 year ago
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Post where I talk about my thoughts on what I want relationship wise cause no ones around to listen rn, I’ll probably delete this post later cause I’m a coward, warning for complaining, I complain a lot. Also uhh I like this picture I took, these flowers are very pretty, love seeing them
I hate feeling desperate, I hate having little needs that can only be fulfilled with another person, it sucks. I went through a whole thing of being someone’s caretaker, trying so hard to make them happy and thinking I could fix them despite being so messed up myself. I know how it feels to be so relied on, I don’t like being in a relationship because of it, I don’t want to feel needed but at the same time it feels nice (using a lighter word for it)
Ik neither is bad, independence and codependenc , if its balanced between the two, but I think the thing I get caught on a lot is that you don’t need one specific person, there are so many people out there why just stick with one for your entire life. It works for a lot of people and I’m happy it does but idk why it feels like it won’t work for me. I think of it like friends, I love my friends, I like being close with them and like helping them and feeling wanted as a friend. But I’m not gonna have just one friend, one person isn’t gonna meet my needs, at least that’s what it seems like.
I considered polyamory but the issue is I don’t wanna feel like I’m tied to anyone, I don’t wanna have to run my life by anyone, I wanna freely be close with multiple people and it wouldn’t bother them if I worked like that. And Ik there’s people who just hook up and all that, buddies who you may be intimate with once in a while but I don’t know how to go about it and the only real way to experience it and experiment.
“We’ll if you wanna have that then go find people who-“ I know that, Ik I should just go looking but it’s scary as hell. I’m young, inexperienced with wading through the safe and dangerous people, I have a hard time finding people like me in the first place, and I’m easily overstimulated by everything so going out to meet people is a little hard.
“Well why don’t you just use an app to hook up or something?” … idk 😐 (I’ve run out of steam lol, I keep calling myself pathetic for my wants but Ik having them doesn’t make u pathetic. I’m just hard on myself ig…)
Anywayyyy, i think I should sleep…. Cause I’m supposed to wake up in 6 hours to go paddle boarding.
Don’t fuck up ur sleep schedule like me, beee betttterrrr
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revvywevvy · 2 years ago
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:(
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like-wuatafauq · 2 months ago
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Raise your hand if you're a first generation who grew up with the absolute fear of being separated from your family but now you plan to not see them for holidays because the thought of facing them alone makes you hyperventilate and you could only face them if you had someone in your corner who could make sure you're okay. So now you have to deal with the thought of not having that family even though their safety in that country depends on you so if you're not perfect and show up for them it will be your fault if something happens and you feel guilty because your family did a lot to get you to said country. So you should be grateful.
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causenessus · 5 months ago
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omg i lowkey meant like a DIFFERENT separate reader as atsumu's best friend in question (obviously this would probs be harder to work into the main story so i meant more as an offshoot etc) but also like .... s*kusa is riiiight there hehe whatever you do just thought it was a fun idea im also just biggest atsumu apologist alive <3
OMG RIGHT I DID READ THAT PART AND THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT 😭 sorry anon BUT THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA THANK YOU okok there's something cooking here I'LL GET BACK TO THIS AT SOME POINT AND I'M WITH U I have this idea for like a little headcannon type thing that's literally just me defending atsumu against anyone who thinks he'd be a bad bf and I need to get around to writing that too
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the-magicians-ravens · 9 months ago
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shit i hate having thin walls... i just overheard my roommate say through tears "i told you what happened with [other roommate] last weekend [¿something else mumbled...?] and now i just don't really want to be around them"
i'm good friends with both of these people and i definitely shouldn't have eavesdropped that long (it was only for maybe a minute but i was just processing something now-crying roommate had said before she retreated to her room. so...) AGH. idk what to do it's probably not even my business but i just want everyone to be happy lol
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planetpedri · 10 days ago
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franco colapinto where he’s talking about something and hasn’t stopped since buuuuut reader doesn’t seem to mind at all and only shifts her focus when something interrupts, like a phone call? love u and ur writing 🤍
Company — Franco Colapinto.
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Pairing: Franco Colapinto x Fem!Reader
Summary: Your boyfriend is a talker, and you were a listener. Unfortunately, people seem to need you at the worst moments.
Word count: 390+
Disclaimer/s: fluff , franco yapping
A/N: AHHHH i love talkative!bf x listener!gf tropes.. my second franco post in 1 day hi!
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You loved winter nights. You certainly hated the weather, but the nights themselves where you were laid up in bed with hot coca and a Christmas movie on? They were the best. Even better, was when your boyfriend was keeping you company.
One small downside to it was the movie got paused every two minutes due to Francos absolute need to talk out everything (not that you really minded).
“The thing I don’t understand is why he has the maturity level of a six year old, you know?” The brunette taps his lips as he speaks, his eyebrows furrowing. “And! How did they not kick him out of the North Pole faster just because of how annoying he is?”
You were watching Elf.
He was complaining about Elf.
And you let him. Because hearing your boyfriend speak was the best gift the world had ever granted you. The movie had been paused twenty-five minutes ago, yet he still hadn’t stopped.
A small, amused smile graced your lips as your head resting on his shoulder, tilted up to meet his gaze. You nod in understanding, humming a short, “right?”
“And the fact that they even allowed him into their home is unbelievable, I would never do that.” He was getting passionate now, his expression turning seriously distraught.
Just as he went to start speaking again, your phone rings on the bedside table. Franco’s mouth shuts, and the lack of speaking has a frown replacing your smile.
Letting out a huff of annoyance, you reach over to grab your phone. “Sorry, it’s my mom..”
“It’s okay, answer it.” He nods his head in the direction of your phone. “I’ll go reheat our cocoa.”
“Thank you!” You grin, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before pressing the green button.
Seven minutes pass before Franco returns and you end the call with your mother. He slides back into bed, handing you your mug, “what did she need?”
“Just asked me how I was doing, I forgot to text her today.” You chuckle, “anyways, continue your rant?”
The brunettes eyebrows furrow, “Rant?”
“Uh, yeah, about Elf? Buddy?”
The faintest hint of recognition flashes across the boys eyes, “oooh! I forgot what I was saying. Hit unpause?” Although a bit disappointed, you do just that, cuddling into Franco’s side as his arm wraps around your shoulder and the movie began to play.
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Likes , comments , and reblog’s are all appreciated. Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future posts specific or all.
DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby !
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taurasiluvr · 5 months ago
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SEE YOUR MAN IS A MAN BUT HE AIN'T ME / SEE THAT * CAN'T BE WHAT HE CAN'T BE ── BUECKERS⁵
how you can help palestine part one part three
★ i got a couple requests for a prequel for my paige fic, so here it is!! ★ "queen u should do like a prequel to ur paige fic where u show what happened when the mc and bf was on break. ur writing is amazing btw 😘😘" /// "hey girlie, could u do a part two to the paige fic but like it’s sorta a prequel? like what happens when the reader and her bf were on a break. ur an amazing writer, thank u for ur service 🫡"
 ⠀ ── ⠀warnings ;; nsfw under the cut, mdni. fingering, oral (r receiving), more cheating, mentions of alcohol, ugly ass bf (ewww)
 ⠀ ── ⠀word count ;; 4.7k
 ⠀ ── ⠀rylin's notes ;; requests are open for those who want to send them in :p
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"that's what i fucking said!" you shouted into the phone, frustration evident in your voice.
you glanced at your nails, trying to keep your temper in check as your boyfriend's rant continued on the other end of the line. his shouting about god knows what was getting on your nerves, especially since you were at paige's place, getting ready for a party.
paige leaned against the doorframe, her eyes full of concern as she watched you. she could hear your boyfriend's muffled yelling from across the room and raised an eyebrow in silent question.
you sighed heavily, running a hand through your hair. "look, i can't do this right now. i'm at p's right now, and we're about to head out. we'll talk later," you said, trying to end the call.
"don't hang up on me!" your boyfriend snapped, his voice loud enough that even paige could make out his words. she frowned, pushing off the doorframe and walking over to you.
"my god, this shit is exhausting!" you said, exasperation coloring your tone. "we're on break, okay? this is the exact reason why we are on the break in the first place, i'm tired of you!"
paoge reached out and took your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. she mouthed, "hang up," and you nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude for her support.
"bye, i'll talk to you later." you said firmly, ending the call despite your boyfriend's protests. you dropped your phone onto the bed and took a deep breath, trying to calm the anger bubbling inside you.
paige stepped closer, her hands gently cupping your face. "you okay?" she asked softly, her eyes full of concern.
you nodded, though your frustration was still evident. "yeah, just... sick of his shit. he's always yelling about something."
paige's thumbs brushed lightly against your cheeks. "you don't have to put up with that, you know."
"i know," you sighed, leaning into her touch. "it's just... complicated."
paige gave you a small, understanding smile. "it doesn't have to be."
you looked at her, searching for comfort in her steady gaze. "let's just get ready for the party, needa forget about him for a while."
paige nodded, her smile widening. "sounds like a plan."
you both continued getting ready, the atmosphere lightening as paige started making jokes and playfully teasing you. she helped you pick out an outfit, her eyes lingering on you with a mix of admiration and something else you couldn't quite place.
"if he saw me wear this, i swear he'd lose his shit," you laughed as you eyed yourself through the reflection.
paige rolled her eyes. "you know this is a free country right? he's just an insecure fuck."
you laughed as you glanced at the blonde, you could see her gaze lingering on your ass for a little longer than a friend should have. you felt your cheeks heat up as you licked your lips, choosing to ignore it. paige had always admired you; she's never hid the fact she thought you were hot from you.
"you're just saying that 'cause you have better taste," you teased, adjusting the hem of your shirt.
Paige smirked, her eyes meeting yours in the mirror. "damn right i do. and you look amazing."
your blush deepened, but you tried to play it off with a laugh. "thanks, p. you always know how to make me feel good."
"that's what i'm here for," she replied with a wink.
the sound of your phone buzzing interrupted the moment. you glanced at the screen, seeing a long text from your boyfriend. you sighed, feeling the weight of his constant questioning pressing down on you.
"let me guess," paige said, her tone laced with sarcasm. "nother 'concerned' message from mr. clingy?"
"yep," you replied, tossing your phone onto the bed. "it's like he can't let me breathe."
paige grabbed your phone, skimming through the text before scoffing. her expression was amused as she met your gaze before you both burst out in laughter. "fuck," she just swiped the message from your notification center before glancing up at you.
as you finished getting ready, you could feel the excitement building. the prospect of a night out with paige and your girls was exactly what you needed to escape the stress and tension. paige handed you a pair of heels, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
"these will complete the look," she said, helping you slip them on.
you stood up, wobbling slightly on the unfamiliar height. paige steadied you, her hands warm and reassuring on your waist. "careful there, cinderella."
you laughed, feeling a genuine happiness that had been missing for a while. "thanks, prince charming."
she chuckled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "anytime, princess."
with one last look in the mirror, you grabbed your purse and headed out the door, paige by your side. the drive to the party was filled with laughter and easy conversation, a stark contrast to the earlier argument with your boyfriend. by the time you arrived, you felt lighter, more carefree.
the party was in full swing when you walked in. music pulsed through the air, and people filled every corner of the house. paige stayed close to you, her presence a comforting anchor in the chaos. you spotted your girls in the crowd and waved, making your way over to them.
"finally!" aaliyah exclaimed, pulling you into a hug. "we thought you were never gonna get here."
"sorry," you said with a laugh, returning the hug. "had some... complications."
nika raised an eyebrow, glancing at paige. "complications, huh? everything okay?"
"yeah," paige answered for you, her hand resting lightly on your back. "just some boyfriend drama. but we're here to have fun, right?"
"right!" aubrey agreed, handing you a drink. "let's forget about the drama and enjoy the night."
as the night went on, you found yourself relaxing more and more. paige stayed by your side, her playful banter and easy confidence helping you forget about your earlier argument. at one point, you caught her looking at you with a soft smile, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest.
"thanks for being here," you said quietly, leaning in so she could hear you over the music.
"always," paige replied, her eyes sparkling with sincerity.
you felt a rush of gratitude and something deeper, something that made your heartbeat a little faster. for the first time in a while, you felt truly happy, surrounded by friends and free from the weight of your boyfriend's constant demands.
as the party continued, someone suggested doing body shots. the idea was met with enthusiastic cheers, and before you knew it, you were being pulled towards the center of the room. paige's eyes lit up with excitement as she nudged you playfully.
"come on, it'll be fun!" she said, her grin infectious.
you laughed, feeling a mix of nervousness and thrill. "okay, okay! who's going first?"
aubrey handed you a shot glass filled with tequila and a slice of lime. "why don't you start, and paige can go next?"
you glanced at paige, who winked at you. "let's do it."
you lay down on the makeshift bar setup, feeling the cool surface against your back. the room erupted in cheers and whistles as Paige leaned over you, her eyes locked onto yours. she sprinkled salt on your stomach, her touch sending shivers down your spine.
"ready?" she asked, her voice low and teasing.
"yeah," you replied quietly, your heart racing.
paige licked the salt off your skin, her tongue warm and soft against your flesh. she quickly took the shot, her eyes never leaving yours, and then bit into the lime that had been in your mouth.
"your turn, princess," paige said, her voice a little breathless as she helped you up.
you switched places, your hands trembling slightly as you poured the tequila and placed the lime slice in her mouth. paige lay back, her eyes watching you intently. you sprinkled the salt on her stomach, your fingers brushing against her skin, and felt the tension between you intensify.
"go for it," paige encouraged, her eyes dark with anticipation.
you leaned down, licking the salt from her skin, the taste mingling with the warmth of her body. you took the shot quickly, the burn of the alcohol mixing with the rush of adrenaline. as you bit into the lime, you looked into paige's eyes and saw the same heat and desire mirrored there.
the room around you seemed to fade away as you finished the shot, your focus entirely on paige. she sat up slowly, her face inches from yours, and you could feel her breath on your lips.
"that was hot," paige breathed out with a chuckle.
you licked your lips as her eyes kept glancing to your lips, a smirk evident on hers. the moment was charged with unspoken tension, the air thick with possibilities. for a second, you thought paige might lean in and kiss you, but the spell was broken by the sound of laughter and cheers from your friends.
"who's next?" aubrey called out, oblivious to the moment you and paige had just shared.
you stepped back, your heart still pounding, and forced a smile. "yeah, yeah."
paige's hands found your hips as she led you away from the crowd, her touch lingering a moment longer than necessary. she followed you, your mind racing and your body still tingling from the shared intimacy of the body shots. the party's noise and energy seemed to blur into the background as you both made your way to a quieter corner of the room.
"that was fun," paige said, her voice low as she glanced back at you.
you nodded, your breath catching in your throat. "yeah, it was."
paige's eyes softened, and she gave you a small, reassuring smile. "you okay?"
"yeah," you replied, your voice steadier than you felt. "haven't done body shots in a while," you forced out a chuckle as paige kept her eyes glued on you.
paige chuckled, her thumb brushing against your side. "yeah well maybe we needa do more, huh?"
you laughed as you nodded, paige joining in a few moments after. the two of you stood there for a moment, the party continuing around you but feeling distant and detached.
the party continued and you found yourself drinking a little more than you should have. the buzz of alcohol dulled the edges of your anxiety, making everything feel softer and more manageable. paige stayed close by, her presence a steady anchor amidst the chaos of the party.
you felt lighter, freer, and more attuned to the warmth of the people around you. you stole glances at Paige, noticing the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed and how her smile seemed to light up the room.
someone suggested playing another round of truth or dare, and the group eagerly agreed. you and Paige found yourselves back in the circle, this time sitting even closer, your legs brushing against each other. the game began again, and the dares grew bolder and the truths more revealing – you didn't expect anything less of college aged people.
when it was your turn, you hesitated for a moment before choosing "dare." you were feeling bold, the alcohol giving you a boost of confidence.
"i dare you to go into the closet with p for seven minutes in heaven," they declared, their eyes dancing with excitement.
the room erupted in cheers and laughter, and you felt your cheeks flush with a mix of embarrassment and anticipation. you glanced at paige, who raised an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at her lips.
"well, shall we?" paige asked, extending a hand to help you up.
you nodded, your heart pounding in your chest as you took her hand. the group continued to cheer and tease as you and paige made your way to the closet. once inside, paige closed the door behind you, and the noise from the party was muffled, leaving you in a small, dimly lit space with her.
the air between you was charged with tension, and you could feel your pulse quicken. paige leaned against the door, her eyes locked onto yours.
"guess we have seven minutes," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
you swallowed hard, your mind racing. "yeah, seven minutes."
paige took a step closer, her gaze intense. "what do you want to do with those seven minutes?"
you laughed, shaking your head. "you're such a horny fuck, paige."
"me? never," she laughed but her eyes didn't leave your face. "you're just really hot, i mean... look at what you're wearin' princess, i can't help it."
it seemed the alcohol had also given paige a boost of confidence, making her bolder than usual. she took another step closer, her body inches from yours, the heat between you palpable.
"really gonna blame it on what i'm wearing?" you teased. "pretty sure you've been looking at me like this all night."
paige's smile turned mischievous. "maybe i have. what are you gonna do about it?"
your breath hitched at her words, the challenge in her eyes making your pulse race even faster. you felt a surge of bravery, fueled by the tension and the alcohol in your system. stepping closer, you reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, your fingers lingering on her cheek.
"i think i'll do this," you murmured, leaning in and closing the gap between you.
your lips met in a slow, deliberate kiss, the world outside the closet fading away. paige responded eagerly, her hands sliding around your waist, pulling you closer. the kiss deepened, and you felt a rush of heat spread through your body, the intensity of the moment consuming you both.
paige's hands roamed over your back, her touch sending shivers down your spine. you lost yourself in the sensation, your fingers tangling in her hair as you pressed your body against hers. the kiss became more urgent, a release of all the unspoken feelings that had been building between you for what felt like forever.
breaking the kiss for a moment, paige's forehead rested against yours, her breath warm on your lips. "you have no idea how long i've wanted to do that," she whispered, her voice husky with desire.
"wonder how your little boyfriend would feel about this, huh, princess?" she teased as you rolled your eyes.
"shut up," you murmured, a playful smile tugging at your lips.
you captured her lips again, silencing her teasing with another passionate kiss. paige's hands tightened on your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened, your bodies pressed together in the small closet.
the intensity between you was electric, each touch, each kiss fueling the fire that had been smoldering for so long. you could feel paige's heart beating against yours, the rhythm matching the wild pace of your own. her hands slid down to your hips, her fingers gripping you firmly, grounding you in the moment.
she pushed you against the table that was set behind you, a groan leaving her lips as she did so. the edge of the table pressed into your back, but the discomfort was overshadowed by the intensity of paige's kiss. her hands gripped your hips, holding you in place as she deepened the kiss, her tongue exploring your mouth with a desperate need.
you wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her closer, the heat between you building with each passing second. paige's hands roamed over your body, her touch both gentle and demanding. she trailed kisses down your neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin, leaving a trail of fire in her wake.
"paige," you breathed out, your voice barely above a whisper, your fingers tangling in her hair.
she lifted her head, her eyes dark with desire as she looked at you. "wanted this for so long," she confessed, her voice husky and filled with longing.
"me too," you admitted, your heart racing. "i've tried to ignore it, but i can't anymore."
paige's lips curved into a small smile, her hands sliding under your shirt, her fingers brushing against your bare skin. "then don't," she murmured, her lips finding yours again in a searing kiss.
as the kiss intensified, paige's hands moved to the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your head and tossing it aside. her eyes roamed over your exposed skin, her gaze filled with admiration and desire. she leaned in, pressing kisses along your collarbone, her hands exploring every inch of you.
you arched into her touch, your breath hitching as she trailed her fingers down your sides, leaving a path of tingling sensations. paige's lips found your ear, her breath warm against your skin as she whispered, "you drive me crazy, you know that?"
you laughed softly, your hands sliding down her back. "good," you replied, your voice laced with a mix of teasing and sincerity.
paige's hands moved to your waist, her fingers slipping under the waistband of your pants. "can i?" she asked, her voice filled with a mixture of hope and hesitation.
you nodded, your heart pounding with anticipation. "yes."
with a swift motion, paige unbuttoned your shorts, sliding them down your legs. her hands caressed your thighs, her touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. she looked up at you, her eyes filled with an intense longing that mirrored your own.
"need you," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
you cupped her face in your hands, pulling her in for another kiss. "'m yours," you replied, the words spilling from your lips without hesitation.
paige's eyes darkened with desire, her hands moving to your underwear, sliding them down with a slow, deliberate motion. she kissed her way down your body, her lips leaving a trail of fire as they moved lower and lower. the sensation was overwhelming, your body trembling with anticipation.
she quickly straightened up, lifting you up into the table easily. her hands found your hips, and she pulled you forward, your bodies pressed together in a feverish embrace. you could feel the heat radiating from her as her lips traveled back up your body, tracing a path of desire that left you breathless.
when her mouth found yours again, the kiss was hungry and desperate, a reflection of the emotions that had been building between you for so long.
paige's hands roamed freely, exploring the contours of your body with a reverence that made you shiver. she took her time, savoring every moment, every reaction she elicited from you. her touch was both tender and commanding, a perfect balance that left you craving more.
as her hands moved to your breasts, you gasped, arching into her touch. paige's mouth followed the path of her hands, her lips and tongue teasing your sensitive skin. the combination of her touch and the cool air of the closet sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, making it hard to think about anything other than the woman in front of you.
"paige," you breathed out, your voice trembling with need. "please."
she looked up at you, her eyes dark with desire. "tell me what you want, princess."
you bit your lip, trying to find the words. "i want you... no.. i need you to touch me."
paige's smile was both tender and wicked as she complied, her hands sliding down your body with a slow, deliberate motion. when her fingers finally found your wet pussy, you let out a soft moan, your head falling back as the pleasure overwhelmed you.
she moved with a skilled precision, her fingers teasing and exploring, driving you to the edge with every touch. the sensations were almost too much to bear, your body trembling with the intensity of it all. paige's name fell from your lips in a breathless whisper, a plea for more.
and she gave it to you, her movements becoming more insistent, her touch more demanding. the world outside the closet ceased to exist, leaving only the two of you in this moment of raw, unrestrained passion. every caress, every kiss, every whispered word pushed you closer to the brink, until you were teetering on the edge of oblivion.
"fuck," you gasped, your hands gripping her shoulders as you felt yourself reaching the peak. "'m so close."
paige leaned down, ignoring your pleas and spread your legs further. her lips found your cunt, her tongue delving into it as she began to devour you like you were her last meal. your hand found her hair, your legs wrapped around her head as you cried out.
"fuckfuckfuck, please," your makeup was running at this point but you didn't care anymore, you just needed to cum.
as soon as her tongue became flicking your clit, the coil in your stomach snapped as you let out a sob of pure pleasure. "oh my god!"
when the waves of pleasure finally began to subside, you collapsed against her, your breath coming in ragged gasps. paige sat up as her arms wrapped around you, holding you close as you both tried to catch your breath.
for a moment, there was only the sound of your breathing, the world outside the closet a distant memory. then paige pulled back slightly, her eyes searching yours with a mix of tenderness and concern.
"you okay?" she asked softly, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.
you nodded, a smile spreading across your lips. "more than okay. that was... amazing."
"aw, sweetheart. does he fuck you like that?" paige joked as you rolled your eyes. her finger swiped below your eyes, removing the mascara that was running down your face.
you playfully smacked paige's arm, trying to suppress the laughter that bubbled up. "shut up," you teased, feeling a mix of embarrassment and exhilaration from the intimacy you'd just shared.
paige chuckled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "hey, just curious. gotta know how i compare," she said, her tone light.
you rolled your eyes again, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. "you're impossible," you muttered, but your smile gave you away.
paige's finger gently swiped beneath your eyes, removing the smudged makeup. "there," she said softly, her touch lingering on your cheek. "all better."
the moment was tender, filled with unspoken words and shared emotions. paige's thumb brushed against your skin, her eyes locking onto yours. for a second, the world outside seemed to disappear again, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of newfound intimacy.
but the bubble burst as the closet door opened suddenly, and nika stood there, her expression with urgency. "guys, sorry to interrupt," she said, glancing between the two of you, "but your boyfriend just showed up."
your heart dropped at her words, the elation from moments before evaporating instantly. "what?" you exclaimed, stepping away from paige.
nika nodded, her brows furrowed with annoyance. "yeah, he's here, and he looks pissed. he was asking about you."
paige's expression darkened, her protective instincts kicking in. "great," she muttered, running a hand through her hair. "just what we needed."
you took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. "guess o have to go talk to him," you said reluctantly, the weight of reality crashing back down on you.
paige stepped closer, her hand finding yours and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "you want me to come with you?" she asked, her eyes filled with concern.
you hesitated for a moment, then shook your head. "no, it's fine. i need to handle this on my own." You squeezed her hand back, grateful for her support. "but thank you."
you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the confrontation ahead. with a final look at Paige, you stepped out of the closet, nika leading the way to where your boyfriend was waiting.
he was standing in the living room, his face a storm of emotions. as soon as he saw you, his eyes narrowed, and he strode towards you. "where the hell have you been?" he demanded, his voice laced with anger and frustration.
you squared your shoulders, trying to remain calm. "i've been at the party," you replied evenly. "what's your problem?"
"my problem?" he echoed, his voice rising. "you've been ignoring my calls and texts! and now i find out you've been hiding in a closet with paige?"
"first of all, it's a game!" you shot back, using the same tone he was. "ever heard of seven minutes in heaven?"
"that sure as hell was more than seven minutes, babe." his eyes flashed with anger and hurt, but he took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself. "but you didn't answer my calls or texts. what's going on with us?"
you sighed, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you. "i told you, we need space to figure things out. this break was supposed to help us do that."
he stared at you for a moment, then looked away, his jaw clenched. "i just... i don't want to lose you," he said, his voice softer now, tinged with desperation.
your heart ached at his words, the conflict within you growing. "don't want to lose you either," you admitted, your voice breaking slightly. "but we need to work on our issues. we can't keep having these fights all the time."
he nodded slowly, his expression softening. "okay, i get that. but seeing you with paige... it just messed with my head."
"nothing's happening with Paige," you lied, trying to reassure him and keep the peace. "it was just a game. you have to trust me."
he looked at you, searching your eyes for the truth. after a moment, he nodded again, though his expression was still troubled. "alright. i trust you. but we need to talk about this. really talk."
you nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and guilt. "we will. but not here, not now. let's just try to enjoy the rest of the night, okay?"
He took a deep breath and then reached out to take your hand. "okay. but promise me we'll talk soon."
"promise," you said, squeezing his hand. "we'll figure this out."
with that, the tension between you seemed to ease slightly. you both turned and headed back into the house, the noise and energy of the party a stark contrast to the heavy conversation you had just had. as you reentered the party, you spotted paige watching you from across the room, her eyes filled with concern.
you gave her a small, reassuring nod, and she responded with a tentative smile. you knew this wasn't over, and there would be more conversations, more decisions to make. but for now, you were trying to hold on to the fragile peace you had managed to create.
throughout the rest of the night, your boyfriend stayed close by your side, his presence a constant reminder of the complexity of your feelings. paige didn't really give a fuck, she was still by your side, her hand always seemed to be on your shoulder or arm (she knew she'd get her ass beat if she touched your back or hips, where her hands usually would be).
when the time came to leave, your boyfriend offered to drive you home. as you said your goodbyes to your friends, paige pulled you aside for a moment.
"you okay?" she asked softly, her eyes filled with concern.
you nodded, though your heart felt heavy. you glanced behind you, looking at your boyfriend whose gaze was stuck on you and paige. "yeah, i'm okay. thanks for everything tonight."
paige gave you a small smile. "anytime, princess. just... take care of yourself, alright?"
"i will," you promised, giving her a hug. "we'll talk later."
paige's arms embraced you tightly, as she gave you a kiss on your head. she looked up to meet your boyfriend's eyes, giving him a smirk before she licked her lips, her eyes finding yours again.
"i love you," she muttered.
"i love you too, p." you managed a smile as you both leaned away.
paige looked up to see your now, seething boyfriend. she gave him a smile as she waved all in the mask of politeness. god, how she loved pushing his buttons.
your boyfriend's eyes narrowed, his jaw clenching as he returned paige's wave with a curt nod. you could see the storm brewing behind his eyes, and you knew that once you were alone, there would be a lot to talk about.
"let's go," your boyfriend said tersely, his voice barely masking his anger.
"yeah," you replied, glancing one last time at paige. she gave you a reassuring nod, her eyes softening with concern.
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if you enjoyed, any interaction is greatly appreciated!
with love, rylin 𝜗𝜚
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loveyouprongs · 10 months ago
Text
are you awake?
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prompt: "are you awake yet?" "no." "oh, okay sorry." remus lupin x reader
upcoming content: fluff! pls lmk if u think i missed anything. 1.8k words
authors note: despite any photos used in the header, it’s important that people of all races can identify with my work so please let me know if any of the descriptive language i use is exclusionary, i’m trying my best!
masterlist
you had no idea what time it was, your phone abandoned on the night stand atop remus' book. he had come over in a huff, one hand holding his cellphone, keys, and book all at once, the other holding a warm cup of hot chocolate he had picked up along the way.
"rem, is that you?" you called, fumbling with wrapping a towel around your just washed hair while keeping the other towel tucked under your arms. you weren't expecting to see him today at all, he had, in his own words, a fucking shitload of reading to catch up on and planned on spending the entire weekend holed up in his room.
you understood, having just finished your own finals, so you planned on spending the evening watching movies and finally removing the old nail polish that decorated your toes and repainting them. an easy, uneventful night.
“yeah, it’s me dove,” remus said, bending down to untie his laces, “sorry for just barging in on you like thi- did you just take a shower?”
he snapped his head up and drank you in, your body still damp from the hot water and the ends of the towel wrapped around your chest fell apart against your thigh revealing more of your smooth skin. your face was free of makeup or the tendrils of hair that constantly fell between your eyes that remus always brushed away.
“y’don’t have to do that every time, remus,” you said on your fourth date when his fingertips danced against your forehead once more that evening.
“you have to be able to see, darling, i don’t mind,” he replied as if this was something he was doing as a favor to you and not because he was so desperate to touch you in any way.
you looked beautiful, he thought.
“thank you, baby,” you let out, giggling at the sigh of your boyfriend still bent half over himself, looking up at you as if you would disappear if he wasn’t.
“did i say that out loud?”
“you did.”
“well, it’s true,” he had since walked over to you, setting his phone, keys, book and cup on the table and grasped at your shoulders, stamping a kiss to your forehead. in this moment, he felt all his tension wash away and reveled in the feeling of your warm skin under his and the vanilla scent of your shampoo wafting around him. he didn’t even remember why he was in such an annoyed mood earlier until you asked him how come he came over.
“ugh, i have to move out!” he exclaimed. this is something remus said maybe four times a week, seven if it was really bad. when james left his dishes piled up in the sink for too long, “i have to move out!” remus would say while ranting to you over breakfast the next day. when they went on a trip for a few days and sirius forgot to pack any underwear so he took it upon himself to borrow remus’, you woke up to a text from your boyfriend that simply read “i have to move out.” sent at 2:18 a.m. then “good morning” at 2:19 a.m. and “you better not be awake right now, dovey” at 2:20 a.m.
“what happened this time?”
“was trying to study ‘til those idiots had the bright idea of rolling bottles down the stairs, i mean who even thinks of that?”
you had to bite your lip to keep in your laughter. you had seen that trend all down your social media so you knew exactly where they got the idea from. but your sweet remus who had no profiles whatsoever, -unless you count the facebook page he made when james told him he had to have one at least-
“what do you mean it doesn’t count? you can share photos and talk to people.”
“it’s facebook! only mums use it. i’m making you a BeReal.”
“you’re making me be real?”
“oh, nevermind.”
had no idea and believed this was just another stupid activity his roommates shared brain cell came up with.
“i don’t know, remmy, people are weird,”
“right? anyway, i sat through listening to ‘clunk, clunk, clunk, smash! again, again, again!’ for about fifteen minutes before i had to get out of there so i thought to come here.”
a warmth started growing within your chest and spreading throughout your entire body. he thought to come here, to your place. your lanky, fluffy haired, nerdy boyfriend who you loved so so much thought to come to you. the smile that had spread across your face was so wide you knew remus knew exactly how you were feeling.
“don’t go all moony eyed on me now, sweetness,” he began, “i’m here because i still have a lot of work to do.”
“of course”
“with no distractions, at least for the next few hours,” he was looking down at you with a familiar look in his eye and you couldn’t even bother to feign cluelessness. the image of remus bent over a book, concentrated look on his face and glasses slowly slipping down his nose was irresistible to you and when you two studied together, it caused a lot of assignments to go untouched.
“alright, i’ll leave you be. but i expect some form of compensation for my good behavior.”
“hence the hot chocolate, for you dove,” he handed you the tall paper cup he had brought in with him and you smiled as it was still warm enough to drink.
“oh wow, my boyfriend and a hot chocolate? it’s like my birthday!” you laughed as remus rolled his eyes and started setting himself up at your kitchen table.
“you can’t say that whenever i get you something, you need to have higher expectations for your birthday silly girl, or i really will just get you a drink and that’ll be it.” he said and the last thing he heard was you laughing down the hallway.
hours had passed and your hair was dry, toe nails now a light peachy color, and one and a half movies had been watched. you mainly kept to your room, only coming out to get a drink and set some biscuits out for remus who hadn’t even looked up. you were sure a bomb could off in the building across the street and he wouldn’t notice. he was so concentrated that all you wanted to do was press your fingers to his temples and relieve his pretty face of the wrinkles, surely his eyes were sore as well, but you knew better than to bother him.
it wasn’t until it was dark out that remus had finally slumped against your bedroom door and trudged like a zombie to your bed, face planting right into your lap. his calves were hanging over the edge so you grabbed his face and shuffled yourselves closer to the headboard. remus was laughing, the feel of his lips tickling your stomach, and with that information he only began to blow raspberries on your belly button.
“remus stop i’m serious!” you let out and lifted his head up, your hands pushing his cheeks up causing his lips to reach up into a smile. he looked so soft, and happy, but obviously tired.
“‘m finished with all m’reading, dove,” his speech was slurred, surely from exhaustion.
“i’m very proud of you baby, you’re so hard working.”
he wrapped the comforter around both of you, and flipped onto his side, pressing his back to your front. he must have been really out of it because he never let you be the big spoon.
“but don’t you like being held?”
“i like holding you. besides it just makes more sense that way, i’m much taller.”
“there’s no sense to cuddling!”
“there’s sense to everything!”
“i am hard working! and they don’t care, all they care about is smashing things and making lots of noise. i have to move out.” he grumbled.
you ran your fingers through his hair, letting him mumble on, knowing he’ll soon fall asleep.
“well, you’re always welcome here, my love.”
he sighed and pressed a kiss to your wrist, “i know,” he spoke softly, the two words so full of content he could hardly stand it. he thought every day how lucky he was to have you in his life. a love full of soft kisses and hot chocolates and intertwining under moonlight. “i love you so much.”
“i love you too, now get some sleep.”
the night had come and gone, remus sleeping away in your arms and the sun was shining through your curtains. you slowly lifted your arm off him and felt around for your phone, careful not to disturb him. the screen flashed 10:15 a.m., meaning remus had been sleeping for close to twelve hours now.
it made sense due to how tired he was yesterday, but you had done nothing but relax, so your body was ready to get up and start the day. you answered a few messages telling marlene you’d had to get back to her about if you and remus could make it to brunch in a few hours and sending a rolling eyes emoji to james who sent you a number of videos of bottles rolling down the stairs.
remus shifted, unconsciously flexing his back, and you froze. it wasn’t until he began cracking his knuckles individually that you knew he was awake, you still asked though.
“are you awake yet.”
“no.”
“oh, okay, sorry.”
“mmm.”
two minutes passed, “are you awake now.”
“are my eyes open?”
“no, but you are speaking to me, and this isn’t what you usually say when you sleep talk.”
“i don’t sleep talk!” he let out, craning his neck to look at you perplexedly.
“got you to open your eyes, didn’t i?” you said with a wry smile. his look of confusion morphed into annoyance that you both knew was fake and he fully turned so you were both facing each other now.
“i haven’t slept that good in a long time,” he said lowly, his voice still rough from sleep.
“finals are over now, rem, you can sleep for as long as you want.”
he smiled and tangled your fingers together, opening his mouth to say something back when his stomach rumbled loudly.
“that wasn’t very sexy, was it?”
you giggled and shook your head, finally throwing the covers off yourself.
“nope, but that’s okay, marlene wants us to meet her for brunch in thirty minutes, so we better get a move on, sleepy head.”
remus groaned and reached for his designated dresser from the bed and pulled out whatever shirt and bottoms were on the top of the piles. the two of you got ready in comfortable silence and while you were sitting on the floor, pulling up the zipper on your boots, remus realized that he really could see himself moving in here. always doing his course work at your kitchen table, picking up a hot drink for you at the coffee shop two streets away, not because it was on his way to you, but because it was on his way home.
“ready, baby?” you asked, now standing at full height, holding your hand out to him.
i’m ready to wake up here every morning. “ready,” he said, wrapping his hand around yours.
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