#Oh yeah I am Plural btw lol

[chaoticcutiewhirl]

Gonna do a big ol' post with all our Art Fight art at some point in August but I decided to drop one early here given Machinedramon here has some sick as hell OCs so its a boost but also I decided to draw their OC Heretic which can be found on Art Fight but also here >:3

-Lucinda 🌵

new year, new art fight card! let's go team purple stardust!

profile is here :3c

[kedreeva]

You're a galaxy brain omfg.

I agree with everything abt Steve and abt Eddie. Especially Eddie's pride, we see it in the way he prematurely judges people and puts them in boxes without realizing he's doing the same thing he hates people doing with him 😄

Though I gotta ask what do you mean that Eddie thinks he's so smart that he doesn't need others? And wouldn't his inability to let people close be something that shows he's not a relationship type of guy but wants to stay a loner? I'm not the anon who sent the relazionship question but I read your reply and agree and now I'm wondering how it matches with Eddie thinking he doesn't need others. This might sound stupid but I can't connect the dots here I fear, do you mean he thinks he doesn't need others as in their help, like Max? 😅 (I'm the anon who asked about the flaws 👋)

Btw I love how kind you are with everyone and I hope you're having a beautiful weekend 💙

Ah, he does do that eh? Importantly to being "fundamentally good" and still putting people in boxes preemptively, we also see he's willing to change his mind when presented with new info; telling Steve he's realizing steve is a good guy, and "you, nancy wheeler, have guns, plural" moments are good ones!!

As for relationships (as in interpersonals, not romantic), I think you answered your own question 😅 yeah he doesn't need the help of others, like Max. "Eddie thinks he's so smart and doesn't need others" - Eddie thinks he is this way. Clearly he isn't tho; and some part of him (one he's clearly not acknowledging) knows it because he's gathered people around him. He's in a band (a group), he leads a club (a group), he treats Chrissy with compassion and befriends her, he throws his lot in with the party (a group) when they give him the chance to. He doesn't want to be alone! He just thinks he's fine on his own, or maybe wants to be fine on his own (and god. that's a whole lot of heartache, because he's probably HAD to be fine on his own more often than not, let's dump some defense mechanisms on him, what can go wrong). Delicate balance, clearly easily toppled by supernatural murder ("easily" lol) throwing him into a grinder and making him realize oh shit he's NOT okay alone and DOES need other people. Doesn't mean romantically, just, you know. Humans need other humans and that's a slap in the face to a boy that thought he was different.

I am having a GREAT weekend, I LOVE character analysis and chatting :) I hope your weekend is similarly good 💜

[realcube]

waking up the hq boys at midnight to get ice-cream hcs🍦

characters: tsukishima, tanaka, nishinoya, ushijima, sugawara,  oikawa,  kageyama 

note: yes, this was very much inspired by that one tiktok sound where the girl wakes up her bf to get ice-cream- 

also, i use midnight as like..the middle of the night- not actaully 12AM lol

tw// fluff, sangwoo- 

Tsukishima Kei

you did not need to wake him up at 1AM to get ice-cream

man was already up, having just came off his phone and laying like this 😐 in bed as he either waited for himself to fall asleep or was thinking about an awkward interaction he had earlier that day 

anyway, as soon as you turned to him like ‘tsukki, do you wanna come with me to get ice-cream?’

he was suddenly 😴 fast asleep, fake snores and all

you were stubborn though, so you hopped out of bed up to go get ice-cream by yourself if he was just going to ignore you 

although, once you threw your coat on, tsukishima decided to start questioning your unusual behaviour, ‘why do you want ice-cream? it’s night; can’t you just sleep like a normal person and have ice-cream in the morning?’ 

honestly, tsukishima probably finds your nightly antics more endearing and cute rather than annoying 

he’d never admit it though- 

if you talk to him after midnight, on the outside he always looks displeased but really, he loves talking to you period

whether it is at 5PM or 1AM

you shrugged, without an explanation for your craving, ‘i don’t need to reason my midnight urges to you.’

with that, you turned on your heels to head out the door with the full intention of going to get ice-cream - this wasn’t a game 

tsukishima groaned as he finally deduced that you were being dead serious and not just doing this to irritate him

‘ugh, wait.’ he scoffed, forcing himself out of bed to follow you, ‘we have ice-cream downstairs, dumb-ass. don’t bother going out.’ 

you didn’t spare him a glance, continuing to venture to the front door, ‘yeah, but we don’t have strawberry.’ 

tsukishima glared at you, realising that persuasion would not work in this situation so he’d have to resort to brute force and trickery

‘ah, alright.’ he let out a sigh of defeat, ‘at least give us a hug before you go then.’

you paid no mind to how he referred to himself as plural, which is something he only does when he is lying or guilty as he is talking on behalf of his two faces 

also, you should’ve realised something was up when he actually asked for a hug instead of just expecting you to give him one

obliging, you wrapped him in a hug; allowing him to scoop you up into his arms, throw you over his shoulder and carry you to the kitchen

‘let me go, you whore!’  you squealed, lightly slapping his back as if that’d make him let you go 

tsukishima snickered at how childish you were being, ‘you can’t go out in the middle of the night to get ice-cream. you’ll die.’ 

‘i won’t die!’

‘you definitely will.’

anyway, he ends up making you both a bowl of ice-cream and eating it with you at the kitchen table while watching Spirited Away

and despite the fact he had some too, he’ll tease you about this for..the rest of your life 

like sometimes he’ll just wake you up in the middle of the night (during holidays ofc - he respects your sleep schedule) and whisper in your ear, ‘(y/n), do you wanna come get ice-cream with me?’

Tanaka Ryūnosuke

IORFHIEBGEGBO THIS MAN

ik most ppl would think he’d just go with you without a second thought or that he’d be the one asking you to go out for ice-cream but- no- 

well, yes; he wants to 

but when you wake him at 1AM 

(which he doesn’t mind btw bc  sometimes he accidentally wakes you up at like 3AM bc he’s ragin’ on Battlefield oop-)

and you’re all like ‘ryū, wanna go get ice-cream?’ *puppy eyes*

he’s like ‘sure!- but i ain’t got money so- no ❤’ 

then he goes back to sleep 

however, if you say that you’ll pay..he’s already standing with your bags by the door

so you’re definitely gonna have to fork up some cash for that good quality pistachio gelato for him if you want his presence 😌

but tbh, if you said that you were just gonna pay for yourself, he’d come anyway-

Nishinoya Yū

y’all go out at midnight for ice-cream at least once a week-

and it literally began bc you were watching ASMRs and Mukbangs together at 1AM during a sleepover 

and one person was having some lemon gelato and it looked 👌✨ immaculate

in that moment, you both looked at each other and neither of you had to utter a single word for you both to know that there was a mutual goal in mind; to get ice-cream, ASAP

so yeah ig you didn’t have to wake him up but you did need to awake the desire for ice-cream inside him

needless to say, y’all ran to the nearest ice-cream place 

and you made a race out of it 

(you won, ofc)

AND YOU BOTH SHARED A CUP OF GELATO AND IT WAS SO CUTE ! q(≧▽≦q)

and y’know the trope where you have food on the corner of your lip/chin etc and the person kisses you to get rid of it? 

yeah he tried to do that with the trope in mind but he deadass LICKED you IWFBVBBFRI

he was like ‘omg (y/n), lemme get that for you’ 😋👅

honestly, ig it depends if you are into that kinda stuff but ik some ppl would leave fast af ( ﾟдﾟ)つ Bye

Ushijima Wakatoshi

sorry i might have a bit of favouritism going on but i feel like ushijima would be a bigger bitch about it than tsukishima (at first)

but it’s like- solely bc you woke him up y’know?

‘ushijima, wanna go get ice-cream?’

he’s just laying there with his bed-head like :/

silently livid bc you messed up his potential 9 hours of sleep

‘no.’

pester all you want but that is the best you’re getting out of him that night

HOWEVER, the following afternoon (after practise ofc), he took you out for ice-cream 😊

and unlike some would believe (by ‘some’, i mean myself 2 secs ago.) i don’t think he’d be all ‘ice-cream is horrible for your health, (y/n)’ or ‘i can’t believe you’re eating that filth. your body is a temple.’

but that rather he’d just happily eat gelato with you; everything in moderation ig :)

OH AND HE’D PURPOSELLY BUY A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR FROM YOU SO HE COULD BE LIKE

‘(y/n), do you want a bite of mine?’ and give you a spoonful to try like the romance king he is  

Oikawa Tōru

you wouldn’t wake him up bc mf needs his beauty sleep

plus, it was during a sleepover at your house so ofc you didn’t want to wake up your guest 

but he’s a light sleeper so when you’re shuffling through your stuff at 1AM, sneaking around the house to find a jacket (trying to be as quiet as possible so you don’t wake him up); his eyes are open and he’s speculating that sangwoo is near

until he turns around to notice that you’re not laying next to him and he is in fact being spooned by a large pillow (probably a sangwoo body pillow smh)

after that, he hops to his feet and storms through the house in search of you so he can yell at you for ruining his sleep grr

however, once he finds you and realises that you look ready to head out, he feels inclined to firstly ask, ‘where are you going? you know it’s 2AM, right?’ 

you replied by explaining your plan to sneak out for ice-cream and he just stared at you, absolutely bewildered for a few moments

he stood like a statue with that stupid expression on his face for ages so you asked him if he was alright, to which he responded, ‘that’s such a stupid idea.’

‘so, you’re not coming with?’

‘of course i am.’

so you both ended up sitting with your ice-cream cones, in your pyjamas, on a park bench somewhere, admiring the moonlit sky along with the stars adorning it

oh, and that was actually the first time he said ‘i love you.’

Sugawara Kōshi

if feel like suga would be exactly like the guy in the sound/video: confused, tired and extremely reluctant but ofc inevitably he ends up standing outside of a dessert place, hand-in-hand with you

he’d wake up, weary from fatigue and he barely has the strength to argue with you during the day - so how exactly was he supposed to do it in the middle of the night? 

thus, he lugged himself out of bed and threw on a coat but as soon as the cold winter air bit at his nose, he was flooded with the energy and will-power to try convince you stay in with him

(It’s his parental senses) 

‘you’ll catch a cold, darling!’ (yes, he does call you that.) ‘and it’s night too, there’s probably a bunch of creeps out and around!’

at that point, it was just a battle of will

bc you both had each other’s wishes at heart

you wanted him to have peace of mind and he wanted you to have ice-cream

(and he was kinda craving some himself tbh)

so you both decided to stay in, tucking into the half-eaten tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge 

and after that, neither of you got any sleep bc you both stayed up watching movies and cuddling 🥺

Kageyama Tobio

he was wide awake at 2AM, laying beside you on the bed, practising sets 

so ofc the time wasn’t an issue

but kageyama wasn’t big on sweet treats so when you suggested that y’all should go out for ice-cream, you were shocked - to say the least - when he simply replied 

‘sure’

like why would he oppose? he was already awake. plus, he was kinda craving something sweet tbh

also, he could tell it’d make you happy and he’s whipped tbh

so you took advantage of this indifferency by immediately jolting up and dragging him to your favourite dessert place

the whole time, he acted as usual - it was as if he was just on a regular walk to school

when you got there, you both shared a sundae and he paid; what a king (❤´艸｀❤)

(it was bc you had forgotten your wallet/purse at home- but still a kind gesture 💕)

you both just sat in a booth, pecking away at the sundae while talking about anything and everything that came to mind as the low, distant R&B music from the shop’s speakers played in the background

 ‘it is flat. have you ever been on a plane before, (y/n)? did you see a single curve? no.’

you rolled your eyes, finding it physically painful how stupid kagyeama could be sometimes, ‘it’s science, kags. the earth is round! the curves are just very subtle.’

‘no.’

‘YOU CAN’T SAY NO! IT’S SCIENCE!’ 

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

What's your take on swearing as a christian? Also thanks for running this blog!!! i've weathered many a storm going through your FAQ and poetry tags,,,

i personally swear all the dang time!!! ...offline, that is. i say the f word at least 20 times a day haha. my opinion is this: if you choose to swear, be respectful in your swearing:

avoid swearing in front of kids, especially if you don’t know how their parents/guardians are choosing to raise them when it comes to swearing (you don’t wanna get them in trouble by teaching them a New Word lol) .

avoid swearing around people who have a reason to be uncomfortable with swearing (when i’m with someone new and am about to use a swear word, i’ll check in with them -- “are you okay with swearing?” If they aren’t, I don’t press them to tell me why -- I simply avoid swearing. Ya know, like a baseline decent human being) .

do NOT use slurs that aren’t aimed at an identity you belong to!! my white ass is never ever ever gonna use the N word. i also avoid the b word and c word because i’m not a woman. in my mind, slurs don’t even belong to the same category as swear words -- they’re way worse. (this should go without saying but ya know how people are)

i also recommend that you make a conscious decision about whether or not you want to swear at all and if so, in what situations. Don’t just sorta “fall into it” without giving it some thought, if possible. Do you want to be someone who saves swear words for Big Situations? Or do ya pepper ‘em into everyday sentences (like i do lmao) so that they lose a lot of their bite and are just kinda fun?

Gonna close this with a ~ Fun Bible Fact!!! ~ 

There are some swear words / instances of vulgar language peppered throughout the Bible!!

There is a word used in Judges 3:22 that is used nowhere else, and therefore scholars debate how to translate it. In the verse, my left-handed fave Ehud has just stabbed King Eglon in the abdomen, and הפרשדנה spills out from Eglon...whatever could that be? Some translate it euphemistically as “dirt.” But my seminary teacher (and I quite agree with her) argues that it is indeed a vulgar word for “shit.”  It makes sense that a vulgar swear word would be used in this passage because the whole story is dripping in irony and humor -- it’s a very irreverent story crafted to humiliate King Eglon. .

For more “shit” in the Hebrew Bible: I actually love this article from the Game for Good Christians site when it comes to the 6 uses of the Hebrew word peresh in the Bible. It does a great job of explaining how in 5 of those 6 uses, peresh ( “shit” ) is just used as like, a technical term -- talking about what to do with your bull’s shit (heh) in a sacrificial sense. But the sixth time, in Malachi 2:3, this word is clearly being used in a much more vulgar sort of way -- making it more logical to choose the word “shit” over “dung” or “poop” when translating it: “And now, O priests, this command is for you. If you will not listen, if you will not lay it to heart to give glory to my name, says the Lord of hosts, then...I will rebuke your offspring, and spread shit (peresh) on your faces, the shit (peresh) of your offerings, and I will put you out of my presence.” .

In Isaiah 64:6, meanwhile, the prophet laments that “our righteousness is like filthy rags” -- or so it’s commonly translated. However, that word “filthy” (or “stained”) is more specific in Hebrew: it’s about rags used during menstruation. So not a swear word, but pretty vulgar. .

Gendered slurs (like “whore”) are unfortunately pretty common among some of the prophets. i’m Not A Fan. (come AT me Hosea and Jeremiah i’ll FIGHT ya! Jeremiah you’re like 12, do you kiss your poor mother with that mouth!?) .

Paul himself uses a vulgar Greek word for shit!! In Philippians 3:8 he explains that everything that came to him before Christ he now regards as σκύβαλα (the accusative plural of the word σκύβαλον for any Greek lovers out there who wanna know how to say shit in the nominative form. Oh, and in our letters that’s skubalon.) Translators often pick a nice gentle word like “refuse” or at the very most “excrement” for this word....but nope, it’s a much terser word, no euphemisms in Paul’s writing here. It’s straight-up shit -- alternatively, I do love this translation I saw here: “I forfeited all things; and I consider them crap so that I may gain Christ.” .

Jesus, meanwhile, uses a slur -- *gasp!!* -- but don’t worry, he only names it to condemn those who use it against others (whew): “But I say unto you...whosoever shall say to his brother, Ῥακά (Raca), shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Μωρέ (Moré), shall be in danger of hell fire” (Matthew 5:22). Scholars debate whether this term raca was A Very Bad Word or just a kinda mean one (similar to English words like “idiot” or “fool”). The Gospels are all in Greek, but this word raca is actually from Jesus’ own first language, Aramaic. And yeah, it seems to have mean something like “empty-headed.” Meanwhile that second term Jesus denounces, Moré, is in Greek -- the nominative form is μωρὸς (moros) and is where we get the word moron (a word that I avoid in English because it’s got a super ableist history, btw). Paul also uses this word μωρὸς in some of my favorite biblical passages, such as in 1 Cor 1, when he proclaims that God’s foolishness is wiser than any wisdom of human beings, etc. It’s good stuff but i’m just rambling now

[kpopwerewolf]

Oh boy. There's a lot. Rants under the break lol

Regarding Origins:

That we don't exist. For a while we thought we were endogenic, but within the past two or so months have accepted that we're more accurately mixed endogenic and traumagenic. If we had a nickel for every time we saw that "endos don't exist" or some variation, we'd be rich, and we've only been on here since June 2023! (the time of our syscovery) We even see stuff saying mixed origin is impossible! We just can't win.

Tied into that: That endos are faking. I would not have put myself through the concerns of schizophrenia or that demons were trying to possess me on purpose. I wasn't aware that it was plurality until fairly recently, and it irks me to no end when I see anti-endos say that endogenics are faking because my experiences were real, even if I didn't understand them at the time.

That endos have trauma they don't remember. While this didn't affect us personally, it can be very damaging. Seeing this can make some systems/plurals start searching for trauma, which they may not have (possibly then gaining false memories), or may not be ready to process. The only reason it didn't affect us when we saw this view was because we knew about and had already processed the trauma we'd experienced; we just hadn't connected it to our plurality yet.

Regarding Individual Members:

Having others assign parts language to us. (Fortunately it hasn't happened often.)

Assuming that I am the "real" one and that everyone else is my alter. (I'm the one who identifies most with the body.) I am no better or worse than anyone else here. We are all equal.

(Basically, just anything that implies that the others aren't persons as well.)

That switching means blackouts and amnesia. (Especially after we explain that we're non-disordered...) Tied to this: that others fronting is an indication of them "taking over" and that they can't do that because "[body's name] has to be in control." Like, yes. We are in control. I encourage the others to front because I know they like it. Switching/fronting is not a bad thing.

Treating introjects like their source. This is mainly an issue with one of our factives, who's source is a celebrity. There have been some interactions which feel like those interacting with him are viewing him as his source, rather than as himself. (As he said himself: "Like, yeah, I identify with source, but I still want to be seen as myself.") One of our fictives is so concerned about being judged by his source he has yet to reveal himself to anyone outside the system except the body's brother.

That our cat is the one who meows every so often. No. That's me. I'm a human. He talks like the rest of us, though in a rather stuffy and "elegant" manner. He can talk more casually (or "colloquially" as he puts it), but it's not as comfortable for him.

(Basically just, like, assuming speech or vocal traits based on who/what they are I guess.)

Conflating role with personality. While the person who did this was correct when she said that he was a protector, he chose that role and he chose it because another of us is emotionally vulnerable and he views her as a little sister of sorts, and from there he just ended up becoming a general protector.

That roles can only belong to/be found in disordered systems. While no, none of us came in with a role, some of us have adopted a role. This is personal choice. We're allowed to take up a self-appointed title if we feel it fits us. (All roles are self-assigned in our system, btw.)

That persecutors are inherently bad/should be feared/etc. We have two members who claim this titles and I've become friends with the one and am on good terms the other, even despite our rocky introduction to her. Have we needed to work a little harder to accommodate them? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. I care about both and have no fear of them fronting because we've found ways to let them express themselves in a way that doesn't hurt others or ourselves.

That gatekeepers are inherently a disordered role and cannot exist in non-disordered systems. Our 3 gatekeepers would like a word with that! Do they fulfil the same purpose as in disordered systems? I'm sure not, but they're gatekeepers all the same, each for their reason or another.

Other/Bonus:

We like to joke about the "voices in our head" to those irl who don't know about our plurality as a way to explain conversations we've had and such. But it kinda kills the mood when someone "the voices in their head [/neg; /mocking; /insult]". Not against us, but still. Voices ≠ inherently bad.

We use "alter" and "headmate" interchangeably to refer to ourselves. We don't really like how clunky "headmate" is, but in most places, using "alter" isn't a good idea as there's the whole debate regarding disordered vs. non-disordered language. We just want to be able to use the language we're most comfortable with, and most of us prefer to use "alter".

*deep breath*

Okay. Ranting over :)

Systems & plurals of Tumblr, what are common misconceptions and stigma you face as a system/plural?

systems of any kind can respond!! Including Tulpa systems, endogenic systems, self DX systems, proff DX systems, mixed origins, etc

This is for a video for our YouTube channel (the alterhuman home), if you're uncomfortable with showing up in the video, please state that in your reblog/comment)

Reblog for more sample size and more stigma gone!!

[thefloatingstone]

@noirandchocolate

Yeah I remember reading the post and thinking 'this sounds like it MIGHT be an adhd thing' but I didn't want to say that bc I didn't want to come of patronizing like 'oh hun your feelings are just your neurodivergence acting up.' Nevertheless even if it IS 'caused by' adhd that doesn't make the feeling less 'valid' or less shitty to feel!

Yeah XD; probably if you had said that right there and then, because I was angy, I probably would have just been grumpy about that being pointed out because for whatever reason I have this weird complex about "not getting listened to" which I'm pretty sure is thanks to growing up in the school system. (it also left me with the belief that nobody ever listens to ANYTHING I say and nobody puts any value into my words) so at that very second it probably would have just annoyed me.... but you right tho XDDD and honestly, Now that I'm not angry, it actually does make me feel a LOT better to have other people with ADHD go "oh I recognise that one. Yeah that sucks bro." especially since, despite the tone of the post, I really was talking about it to hear if this is what everyone feels and they're just not talking about it or not.

....so the typical ADHD experience. "Everyone probably feels this way and they just don't mention it."

btw I get this too though probably about different subject matter. For example I have to hold back from correcting people about legal topics when they're 'just making a joke' or even when they're outright spreading misinformation, bc I know no one in the 100k notes is going to notice and it's a waste of my time. And then I feel agitated for hours especially if the post goes by on my dash AGAIN.

Ah yeah yeah yeah.

My big triggers are misinformation just... in GENERAL really makes me angry. (Did you guys hear fucking Rubber Ross on yt tell his 300k followers that Herge "drew N*zi Propaganda because he was German" when Herge was BELGIAN AND HAD HIS COUNTRY OCCUPIED DURING THE WAR AND WAS PROBABLY TAKEN PRISONER TO DRAW PROPAGANDA ROSS O'DONOVAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?????)

Another big thing that sets me off a LOT is when you see teenagers (almost always from the US) going on about how Communism is the bees knees just because they hate capitalism and you can just fucking tell they've never opened a single history book in their entire lives and lemme tell ya, the friends I have who actually live in the Eastern Block HAVE SOME DISAGREEMENT WITH THAT STATEMENT But as you say. What the fuck is the point yelling in a 100k notes post because all you're gonna get is a bunch of 16 year olds calling a "bootlicker" or sending you spicy memes of that stock image of that dude deep throating a doc martin and all manner of "wow you're a terrible person sweaty (:" in your inbox and it's honestly not fucking worth the longlasting consequences.

(Law stuff isn't the only thing that's just the most noncontroversial topic I could mention as an example, lol. But anyway I do get this feeling like 'ò_ó Now I'm mad but I can't do anything about it, UGH!!!' when I hold back from shouting at strangers on the internet about various things. Feels like being a frustrated, angry tiger pacing in a shitty zoo cage.)

A frustrated angry tiger pacing in a shitty zoo cage is 100% the feeling. And it can last for HOURS. as in PLURAL HOURS. And it sucks ass, man. (I was yelling at my therapist about Ross O'Donovan's showing his ass at his 300k subscribers which is probably the angriest he's seen me but forgive me if some popular asshole accuses a war victim of being a n*zi makes me just a little bit annoyed)

But honestly it IS, as always, a good feeling to have someone else go "it's ok. It's not just you. I know how that feels." even if it can't be right that very moment where I'm still being like

(Also as an aside please if you didn't have a very good history department in high school, I am BEGGING you to make some time to read up on your recent world history, people)

[hopeymchope]

hey, sorry to barge into your inbox despite being a total stranger (and feel free to respond to this privately if you want) but i came across some of your s/n/k critical posts and i just wanted to say i agree SO much. and i wanted to thank you for vocalizing this opinion because i know both i and some others agree with you. i've personally felt that everything after chapter 80 was a mistake (because i thought the whole serum fight over erwin vs armin was pretty fuckin stupid too) and it's kinda funny (i guess) to see the ending 100% validate my opinion completely. i can't believe every character was done this dirty for the sake of a very poorly constructed "both sides are bad" scenario that was also in VERY poor taste considering the explicit allegories to n*zi germany and a literal race war. like what's up with the jews - sorry, the "eldians" - once ruling the entire world via a bloodthirsty empire and also being inhuman creatures? gee, that sure doesn't sound like every antisemitic conspiracy theory i've ever heard. and way to rationalize oppression, too. the entire point of an oppression narrative is supposed to be "hey, the oppressor's prejudices have no rational basis and are literally mistreating this oppressed group due to their own selfishness and cruelty," not "oh btw marley's fear/hatred of eldians kinda makes sense considering eldians once enslaved the entire planet and can turn into giant man-eating monsters." is*yama SERIOUSLY should've just stuck to writing glorified vore lmao.

and while all the characters were either killed, turned into plot devices, or both, it hurts that EMA and the main protag himself suffered this treatment as well. i still think pre-timeskip eren is utterly irreconciliable with post-timeskip eren and the fact that both fans and the author himself try to make it seem like "hey he was ALWAYS a batshit crazy psychopath from the start!" is sort of pathetic to watch. like yeah, lemme just ignore the first 80 chapters of character development for this guy. or lemme pretend that the author didn't spend the significant majority of the decade making eren the most empathetic character in the entire series. or let me also pretend that eren killing those human traffickers to save a 9 year old girl from being a child sex slave is somehow evidence/foreshadowing/etc of him eventually growing up to destroy 80% of the planet. like, what? not to mention he even rebuked himself for recklessly killing those two men like that in chapter 17...so am i supposed to ignore that too?? and don't even get me started on the "eren went insane and accidentally caused his mom's death." bro. BRO. i've watched the entirety of game of thrones yet i STILL have never seen this level of "edgy plot twist for shock value with no benefit or relevance to the story whatsoever" in any media to exist.

well anyway...sorry for ranting in your inbox like this LMAO i really just wanted to tell you that i agree with your opinions about both the series ending and the series as a whole. i doubt i'll ever engage with this cursed manga ever again but at least pre-chapter 80 s/n/k will always be a thing and i can pretend they all got reincarnated into a modern AU where eren and mikasa are happily married and living with their bff armin in a nice condo or something. they alternate between visiting carla and grisha or mikasa's family on weekends. yeah that sounds pretty good. if you made it this far then kudos to you and thank you for reading lol

Thanks a ton for the kind words of commiseration. It feels like there’s a plurality of people who are unhappy, sure... but it comes off as still being a minority, and even among that minority, it seems like most people are still fine with most of the timeskip so long as they stuck the landing. But I think they were much too far off-course pretty fast after the Timeskip started to really correct it very well. It was possible, but the writing was on the wall. The intentions were already clear pretty early on after the skip. 

That said, I try to keep this Tumblr mostly positive and DR-focused, yet I still absolutely had to rant about SNK 139. The more I thought about it, the more I disliked it... and this comes from someone who was already unhappy for a while, obviously, so. Yeah. Of course I was gonna dislike it on some level, but I thought it’d at least provide closure to the Timeskip arc, even if I do think the Timeskip arc feels at odds with everything else the series was for 3/4 of its run.

And HOLY SHIT I literally forgot about the Eldians’ history of apparently being horrible, vicious rulers of a sinister empire. You know why? Because I NEVER BELIEVED IT. I was so 100% certain that it was going to be outed as bullshit propaganda from Marley that I never once thought it was plausible, so I just... pushed it out of my mind as soon as I read it. After all, all that kind of talk about the arch-conspiracy of Jews has always been total bullshit from anti-semetic monsters, so why would I put any stock in this kind of talk being applied to the Jewish race of Attack on Titan? 

But now, at the end of the story... yup, I guess he never DID go back on that! So it was fucking true?! The Jewish people in this WWII analogy were apparently an evil master race at one point?! Oh. OHHHHH. Go fuck yourself with a shovel for that one, Isayama. 

And yeah, Eren... god, what a sad story. He becomes unrecognizable as the same character thanks to the Timeskip, the new characterization is never explained or justified retroactively - it’s just opposite day now, forever - and he dies accomplishing nothing. I don’t know what to say, except I do know how much I loved that character and this series before things went south. I didn’t even mind the backstory for the Titans and the horrible story of Eldians in Marley... because it seemed so obvious that it was setting up a battle against a hateful, technologically advanced foe that was beyond the darkness of anything they’d fought before, y’know? Marley, as it was set up in the flashbacks before the Timeskip, is Nazi Germany if the Nazis had tech and scientific horrors and numbers far beyond what the Allies had. And nobody EVER feels bad for killing Nazis, so this was obviously going to be a final battle to destroy the Marleyan military, with Zeke likely to serve as a Final Boss who has totally 100% bought the propaganda and who hated everything Eren stood for. It was all RIGHT THERE. Maybe it was just too easy to tell that story, because instead, Zeke is suddenly supposed to be a gray character (very hard to accept given his backstory), and we end with the “uwu both sides were bad bc war is hell” message that is really pretty fucked up, as you already correctly pointed out.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

(was originally an ask, then i rambled a crapload, so if u wanna skip through, just go to the bolded questions)

i am new to the fandom & just found your blog, just wanted to say DAMN its so detailed and everything, i cant wait to read it all! also i was so relieved to find that the fandom is still alive <3

side note im just rambling here, i binged sherlock all really quick and everything is like a blur (idk if im in a state of shock or something, but i do know i was super invested at s1 ep 2, then i finished s4 at 4am one day and i had to read me some johnlock fics to comfort myself and i really dont know how i feel about anything yet just that well, johnlock and i cried during sherlocks fake death even tho i already accidentally read spoilers, and i also cried when they just went to hang out at bars together and hhh and during sherlocks best man speech and sherlocks goodbye to john (…maybe goodbye should be plural)…also i was v mad at eurus and s4 was a hell of a rollercoaster gd), so just wondering, how many times have you watched sherlock? how was the experience each time? (can be about any season or eps or anything, also any snacks u liked to eat while watching or anything of that sort? just curious and thought that might be fun to answer)(apologies if you answered this already i tried to look for it but i got a bit overwhelmed)

btw u are amazing ^^ (also nice timer even tho it makes me sad) and MAD RESPECT for answering so many asks and like SO DETAILED-LY? (i cant grammar) and god ur metas and stuff?? absolutely fantabulous. im legit crying im so glad i found your blog. i know how much work asks take (and like i procrastinate on them for so long…mm months old esp for fic rec lists bc i know those take WORK) so like again, SO MUCH RESPECT thank you for all your hard work!! you are absolutely fantastic and awesome :D please make sure you take care of yourself too <3

ALSO you have a great profile picture + background pic (forgive me i have half a braincell (actually lets make it .7437 gave myself a tiny upgrade even tho i didnt do anything) i forgot what its called…background thing?? idk) i love them!!

if u read through all that tysm, if not thank u anyways for being so amazing, i have a habit of rambling so pls bear with me ^^

(also would it be possible to make this anon? if not feel free to delete this line ^^)

(Submitted by Anonymous)

--------

Hi Lovely!!

Always can make something Anon if y’all ask <3

First of all, SORRY for how long it took me to get back to you with this one. I’m a giant heap of trash and I’m surprised people still come here LOL

Secondly, WELCOME TO THE FANDOM! We love having y’all here, and I’m honoured that you enjoy my blog and content! Also will comment on your praise on my meta here: THANK YOU. I’m very proud of my meta, and especially the SHEER AMOUNT of it I have produced still boggles me mind. Y’all remember when I was creative and thoughtful??? LOL S4 dragged me hard hahah. I still try to write S4 meta, just not as much as I used to. I like speculating, I truly do, but I have so little free time these days because of the nature of my full time job, so I tend to just... do nothing LOL. I find Fic Reccing really relaxing when you have nearly 800 bookmarks. I’m worried I’m becoming stale though. Oh well. I’m just trying to leave my mark here. <3

Thirdly, HAHHAH Thank you for your compliment about my replies to my asks; I genuinely wish I could get more asks finished every day, but I tend to ramble, as you can see, and I just... don’t finish them in a timely manner. Honestly, it’s a relief when I don’t know something because I can then get the community involved to help me out AND I also get new fic recs that way too LOL. I also draft a TONNE of asks and when I do that, I tend to just keep adding MORE and MORE and MORE so I have to post them, LOL. 

And finally: My fave episode is TAB; it was the episode I studied the closest and my analysis of the trailer is my “claim to fame”. I just love it to bits. It’s the episode I’ve watched the most. S3 is my fave season, and it’s the SEASON I’ve watched the most, no less than 30 or 40 times. Season 2, then 1. I have only seen S4 like 5 times in full total, and horribly enough, TFP is the most-watched episode: I watched the Leak, the airdate, and I went and saw it in the theatres because I already bought the ticket before it aired so I just... didn’t care. And then at least 3 more times in Watchalongs. So yeah :| I still haven’t watched the BluRay I bought, but I hated having an incomplete set so I bought it when it went on sale fore 10 bucks LOL.

But yeah, S1 and 2 I watched together, and I LOVED the show. I joined fandom the summer before S3 aired, and S3 is when I REALLY got into the fandom. I’ve been pretty much here since then, about 7 years I think now. When I saw S4, it was incredulity and disappointment with it. That’s really it. I’m still a fence sitter these days about the series as a whole, but I’m leaning more and more to “no S5 for at least 3 more years” kinda thing. Just... everyone involved seems so disinterested in the show these days, minus Mofftiss to keep pushing the Sherlock™ Brand to make money.

ANYWAY. Thanks for writing to me!! This was such a joy to read when I first got it, and I just... have been really overwhelmed the past few weeks that I just have only been sticking to shorter asks. But I had some free time tonight when I’m answering this, so THANK YOU. 

I hope you’re still around, and I hope you still enjoy your time here! Don’t hesitate to ask me anything else!! <3 <3

[system-of-a-feather]

Day 8/30 of DID

No I am not making up for the fact I kind of missed a day. You are imagining this. I swear I’m not gaslighting. Don’t look at the post literally right below this one. Don’t be smart. :v

How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?

Uhhhh.... y..yes? It is honestly kind of hard to pinpoint for us to be honest. I don’t know how long Aderis, TA, and Aya knew they were plural, but I guess.... I really don’t know what would mark the point I “discovered” I was plural. 

((Not a fan of the term plural btw but Ill use it cos this question uses it))

Like, I think pretty early into my memories / existence, I have had Lucille around - albeit I didn’t know him as Lucille and didn’t think much about having some dude in my head that would randomly appear to discuss how we should go about socializing and building our social circles. Aderis sometimes refers to us as “twins” (not ‘the twins’ those are TA and Aya) since we were both split off around the same time and even without knowing it typically worked well together since the start.

But that was then and I just thought it was a normal way of planning to talk with this imaginary dude in my head cause “everyone talks to themselves right?” So one could comment that THAT was the moment I ‘discovered’ I was plural.

The other point I could have pointed to being when I “discovered” when I was plural was when I had my first like... co-conscious but not front experience with Aderis like six years ago. Some online dude had been outed as a sexist pedophile and was trying to emotionally manipulate me and she just kind of went ham and overboard with verbal attacks on the guy. I was a bit shaken cause I was present enough to be conscious of it but not in control so I actually was really afraid of her since she had even worse moral stances and was even more sadistic than I at the time. I brought it up with a friend and they brought up this thing called “median systems” and how they were like.. systems-not-systems and I just went “Oh I guess thats what this is. I don’t have DID I just am a median system”

That friendship went REALLY badly south and I kinda went “Oh nevermind I just made all these roleplay characters up because I had to for the friendship and wanted to be cool. Yeah that was so bad of me, I am so fake, systems don’t exist. This is unhealthy I shouldn’t try to fragment myself like this. Lucille you are right this has to stop. Can I trust you to shut it down?”

And between the extreme denial I went into regarding my system at the time (as I firmly felt it was malingering and “i didn’t have DID or trauma lol”) and the entire system kind of lost the ability to easily communicate outside of Lucille and myself. Lucille and I at that point had decided that if we let ourselves keep up this idea of having multiple selves that we would go insane. To the both of us, we thought it was something we could just pretend isn’t a thing, forget about, and stop doing that way. ((Of course, everyone instead just started acting independently without communication))

But technically THAT could be the point when I realized I was multiple, then decided I wasn’t.

Then everyone else’s existence became too apparent for us to ignore like two or so years ago and my first therapist went “wow that almost sounds like DID but not quite” so we considered it but everyone went “naaaaaaah” but I kinda kept it in mind?

Then I had a bit of an idea that I might have DID for the following year until I got my current therapist and got diagnosed to which I officially accepted and understood that I was plural and had DID.

To be honest though it did take me a while to fully accept it as I still had that “You are faking it just to be cool and snazzy” but honestly I really don’t think I can be - and if I am, I should get a job in acting tbh.

Anyways thats a bit of an extra story XD

From what I hear about the others, Aderis has kinda always known even if she couldn’t really grasp the concept of being multiple? 

-Riku (Host)

[bittenappletv]

Mobile Suit Gundam NT Narrative Fathom Event Review

Last Tuesday night I saw the anime film Mobile Suit Gundam NT Narrative IN A MOVIE THEATER OH SNAP! It was in theaters for one night only, at 7:00 PM Eastern dubbed in English and no other times and screenings were available UGH! But since I am a HUGE Gundam nut I had to see this. So this will be my review of the screening event itself and everything that is shown prior to the movie starting. I will review the movie in a seperate post. There will be very slight spoilers, even with me just talking about the pre-screening goodies but I will keep things as light as possible.

FREE advice. If you ever attend one of these Fathom Event screenings do yourself a favor, carry a book bag or a bag of sorts and bring some rubber bands because much like comic book conventions they love to give you FREE posters and expect you to magically get them home in perfect condition. Well I came prepared and got a FREE two sided poster! One side was a poster of upcoming Gundam figures - the Gundam Unicorn, the Gundam Wing 01 (No giant fairy wings SUCK IT ENDLESS WALTZ lol) and the original Gundam. The other side had Gunpla stuff. Later when I got home I hung up the poster featuring the side that did not have Gunpla stuff. ROFL more power to people who mess with that stuff but I'm not building a Gundam ever again! I mean I still have Krazy Glue nightmares from messing with models back in the day. Now that's a young person's game but my FREE advice is that you should always make your Gunpla models based on TEEEEEEEEEEEEAM MARVEL and TEEEEEEEEEEEEAM CAPCOM characters and then you're sure to win prizes in Gunpla contests yup yup! #ImAnthonyAndImNotJustAnAnnoyingGundamFanboyImAlsoThatWayAboutMarvelAndCapcomTooHaveWeMet :P

Before the movie or even the previews began we were treated to images on the screen that detailed the major events in Gundam's Universal Century timeline! So they covered the original Mobile Suit Gundam, Zeta, Double Zeta, Char's Counterattack, Unicorn and even the plot of this movie, Mobile Suit Gundam NT Narrative! They did leave off all of the other OVA and spin off series since. BTW, in the movie itself they do mention Colony Drops on Planet Earth, yes DropS as in plural. Now we are always hearing about the Colony Drop on Australia AKA Operation British. It even plays a huge part in Mobile Suit Gundam NT Narrative. However we rarely if ever hear about the second drop in Mobile Suit Gundam 0083 Stardust Memory. So this might be the first time it's actually been referenced. Well, I did watch the dub but if this is an addition to the dub and not in the original Japanese then it's a cool addition. With all that, it's too bad that Stardust Memory was not shown in the footage of the Universal Century timeline, since to me it's one of the most important Universal Century OVA series. Cool that it was acknowledged in a small way though.

Onto previews! Most of these were for other Fathom Event special screenings. So if you want to see the black and white flick To Kill a Mockingbird on the big screen well here you go! Hey I'll even go with you! Ooops no wait sorry I'm busy that day. What day was it again? :P Ha well seriously we did get one anime trailer for Fate/stay Night Heaven's Feel 2 which will screen on March 15th! I still don't have a ticket for that yet but will try to get one next paycheck. Like the first one it will screen in Japanese with subtitles hooray! MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM NT NARRATIVE WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT? ROFL!

So people who prefer to watch anime dubbed and refuse to read subtitles, you thought you were going to attend this screening without having to read? HA HA HA HA HA YOU GOT OWNED HOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!! Well not really but kinda ha ha! Prior to the film there's a few mini interviews with the team who created this anime movie. Even though I hate dubs in almost any and all formats, it's strange to invite people to a dub screening and have them read subtitles at any point in time. Honestly all you need is an ADR director to read out a translation of what the people being interviewed are saying. If it's important for us to hear the staff's voices, then you let the audio play out before you speak over them. This sort of thing is done all the time. Well it's not a huge deal that it wasn't done, but it does make for an odd presentation. I mean I'm sure this is a DVD extra and no one went to any great lengths so it's somewhat understandable.

So the staffers behind the show said that the NT in Gundam Narative stood for either 'Newtype' or 'Narrative.' This movie is supposed to start a new narrative and a new series for Gundam. Hmm I'm not sure it actually accomplishes that, but I'll go into that when I review the film.

And just when the people who hate reading subtitles were about to riot, WABAM! English! We got mini interviews with the English dub actors. Griffin Puatu who plays the lead Jona Basta, and Brianna Knickerbocker who plays Rita Bernal. Brianna is cute BOING OING OING OING OING! As for Griffin, he spoke about how his character wears lots of heavy clothing so he would walk around his house wearing layers of clothes just to get in the mindset of the character ha ha!

Overall this was a fun way to experience a Gundam movie IN A MOVIE THEATER WORD so I give the event itself 4 Viewtiful Joes from the Capcom video game Viewitiful Joe out of 5! I will review the movie itself next week. Well yeah sure I'm going to write a lot because I SAW GUNDAM IN A MOVIE THEATER!!!! IN THE U.S!.!!! IN MY HOME STATE!!!!!!! Man I remember having Gundam VHS tapes in straight up Japanese with no subtitles and I just watched them to see robots fight. Mankind's come a long way. NEWTYPES ARRIVING IN THE REAL WORLD IN 6 MONTHS PROLLY yup yup! ~_^ - Anthony

[starlitsea]

So I did a liveblog for Star Trek: Enterprise 4x17 Bound since that’s a thing I’ve been doing and, to NO ONE’S surprise, did a ridiculously long Trip x T’Pol analysis of the final scene. So, yes, I still love them a ridiculous amount. Cutting to spare you all. But if any of you like TnT, feel free to read! (Ilovethem.)

Ahahaha, dragons. Now, is T'Pol making a joke or not?

Don’t go aboard his ship, Archer! Oh good, you’ve learned your lesson.

Shit, spoke too soon.

At least he’s going with some MACOs and Malcolm.

Kelby is so maaaaad.

Trip is like: Why so mad, bro?

Kelby is PISSED.

T'Pol’s thinking I told you so but doesn’t say anything. Just offers to help out with the engine and Trip doesn’t hesitate because he knows she’s good at what she does. Total confidence here.

But she has to ask him about the “daydreams.” “They would involve me.” Just go for broke there, girl.

That pleased as pie smirk on his face. LOL. “You’re wondering if I’ve been having any daydreams about you?”

The face that could curdle milk at having to admit it. LOL. “Essentially.”

“Well, let me think.” Pretends to think. T'Pol’s hanging on his reply. “Noooo, nothing comes to mind.”

She’s just annoyed now. She’s sure she’s not just fantasizing about Trip because she’s missing him, but there’s ALWAYS THE CHANCE THAT SHE IS. “Forget I mentioned it.”

“Have you been having daydreams about me?” Like a dog with a bone, he cannot let this go. LOL. He is so pleased.

T'Pol: “It’s not important.” A non answer if I and Trip ever heard one.

“You gonna tell me what this is about?” We all know that he is LYING so he does also want to know what’s up with her line of questioning. But the fact that he’s not really concerned about the daydreams probably means that he does, in fact, daydream about her ALL THE TIME. OMG TRIP.

“No.”

Welp, that killed his good mood right quick.

Dude, this Orion has a needle stuck through his face.

Welp, here come the dancing girls.

Jonathan and Malcolm, behave yourselves!

Archer, wipe that smirk off your face.

Please, let’s punch the Orion man in the face.

T'Pol wants to know what the catch is. Also, she’s wants to know why he is talking to her if he doesn’t want her advice and has also agreed to this whole mining enterprise (does he even have authority for this?).

Archer: Well, I might have done a thing.

T'Pol (just resigned, so resigned): What have you done, Captain?

Malcolm is talking all the ladies around the ship. Good self-control bisexual Malcolm.

T'Pol: The Orion women’s presence is becoming disruptive.

Archer: Yeaahhhhh, boy. Um.

T'Pol: Please let’s deal with this issue. Also they think they’re your slaves and slavery is a no-no.

Malcolm and Travis: Let’s put ourselves in as much pain as possible to stop being hormonal idjits.

Travis: We picked up some Deltans with engine trouble once when I was 15 and I had a sexual awakening that I repressed by weight training.

Orion woman busy seducing Kelby.

Hoshi: I have a headache.

Hoshi and Phlox’s friendship is so underrated.

Yikes, when the doctor needs a doctor.

Trip: That’s probably the issue … WTF are you doing flirting in engineering?! Please do your job and don’t give away secrets to aliens?

Kelby: I hate you, Dad! I do what I want.

Trip: Get out of engineering. You’re grounded!

Archer: Slavery is wrong and bad. You’re not my property.

Archer, you are so weak.

T'Pol with the cockblocking LOL. Orrrrr not.

T'Pol: Why did it take you so long to get to the Bridge? Are you OK?

Archer: Use phase cannons and destroy this other ship.

T'Pol: Let’s not. They will go away.

Archer: Malcolm, blow them up!

Malcolm: Not gonna blow up this random ship.

Archer: I’m gonna blow them up anyway!

Never mind, they left.

Kelby, OMG, just bitching about Trip. So much resentment. So whipped.

Trip is like: WTF, the engine made a weird noise. KELBY, WTF ARE YOU DOING?

Fist fight!

Kelby, you know why everyone thinks Trip is better than you? This. This right here.

Kelby is ranting. Archer is about to choke a bitch.

Trip is so confused by why everyone is acting bonkers.

Phlox is just stimulating himself to stay awake.

Trip and T'Pol are totally unaffected. Trip is so confused.

The Orion women are just chilling in the decon chamber. Archer is so messed up.

Orion women: Your intimidation game is weak.

Archer: I KNOW!

Orion women: These are not the droids you’re looking for.

T'Pol: You’re super weak-minded, aren’t you?

Archer: Go help Trip.

T'Pol: UGH, OKAY. (Yes, seeing the man you love while being at odds sucks, T'Pol. Just make up with him.)

Yay, Trip and T'Pol working together.

Random crew members brawling. Trip: STOP IT! That’s THREE times in the last hour. Glad I’m not totally off my rocker like everyone else. BTW, T'Pol, why am I immune?

T'pol spills the beans about the shared psychic bond.

Trip is all like, “We didn’t MATE.” (What we had was a night of passionate lovemaking, not rutting like animals.)

T'Pol: Uh huh. (Yeah, Vulcans mate for life. Didn’t think it would happen with a human. Surprised me too. Deal with it.)

Trip: So those daydreams. That I was totally lying about having. (So daydreamS. Plural.)

T'Pol’s A-HA, you were lying to me, moment.

But Trip is still confuzzled. If we’re bonded, then I’m immune, and you’re making me immune?

T'Pol: Uh-huh.

Trip: I don’t know whether to be relieved or … really worried. (Yeah, now you and T'Pol are joined at the hip, so to speak.)

That’s right, say the Orions, we’re totally attacking you.

More power to the thrusters! TnT on the case.

Yup, you are being towed.

That’s right, the men are the slaves.

The way TnT see exactly the same thing at the same time and know what to do. That doesn’t require a psychic bond. That’s just all them.

They’re so good at what they do.

The Orion women are out and about. They should have set a lock that only Trip or T'Pol had the code to release. Everyone is messed up.

Hoshi: You’re stupid. Don’t do it!

Archer: Malcolm, arrest T'Pol!

Malcolm: Okay.

Trip just shoots everybody. LOL. I forgot about this part and can’t stop laughing.

Ahaha, they’re trying to seduce Trip and failing so hard. THIS I remember. LOL.

“Save it. Archer is in charge of the ship.” Trip looks at T'Pol and tries to suppress the thought, ‘And T'Pol is in charge of me.’ In Trip’s mind, there’s no woman that can go up against T'Pol and win, lbr.

Archer: Well done, you two. You saved the ship, YET AGAIN.

Look, T'Pol is making a joke. I still think the dragon thing in the beginning was a joke that fell flat. But everyone picked up on the joke this time.

Trip is smiling so hard. He is so happy at her joke. She makes another one and he is basically over the moon. This cutie.

Archer’s all: You must be picking up Trip’s bad habits.

T'Pol looks so affronted because it’s TRUE. Trip can’t stop laughing. This is the best thing he’s ever heard.

Trip: “I guess we proved it again.” (It’s so good that he’s initiating the conversation!)

T'Pol: “Proved what?” (Trying not to seem too overly invested in what he has to say.)

Trip: “That you and I make a hell of a team.” (C'mon, you know that’s what I was talking about. We’re perfect together!)

T'Pol: “We do seem to work well together.” (Trying to agree smoothly.)

Trip: “Even more, now that we’re in each other’s heads.” (So yeah, about that psychic bond thing … You were saying we’re soulmates?)

T'Pol’s little inhalation as that hits her and she doesn’t know how to deal. Yeah, he’s her soulmate and he’s LEAVING. Why did he finally decide to be so nice?! OMG, feelings, NO, BAD, MUST REPRESS. She’s trying desperately to address it. “You’re returning to Columbia?”

Trip going all, Yup, I’m in high demand. Everyone wants me desperately. LOLOL.

T'Pol responding with, But stuff’s still broken HERE! Where I am! You know, in my general proximity and stuff! Look at her trying to tell him not to leave without saying it.

Trip’s not buying it. Kelby can handle it. (Look at the skeptical look T'Pol makes RIGHT as he says that.) He’s decent when he’s not trying to blow up the ship so your protests are falling on deaf ears, Commander.

Yeah, Kelby is OK but we all know he’s not as good as you-

Trip is just done now. So done. So so so so done. No more games. “Why don’t you just say it?”

T'Pol’s face is amazing. She knows what he’s driving at but she doesn’t want to admit it to him. She also doesn’t want to admit it to herself. “Say what?”

“That you want me to come back.” The way he says it … he needs to hear her say it. It’s not a plea. It’s not a demand. It’s not a request. It’s just a fact. He just needs to hear it from her.

T'Pol’s so uncomfortable and she’s doubling down. “I believe I did.”

Trip’s face as he looks away and knows he’s not gonna get what he needs. He can’t even listen to her bullshit right now. The disappointment is palpable. Nothing’s changed.

T'Pol knows this isn’t going to work but her defenses are up. It’s her pride that’s driving her now. How can she back down and admit the truth? “I believe your presence here would be extremely beneficial to our operations.”

Connor Trinneer’s acting in this scene is so good. Like, damn. Watch his face go from that, I can’t believe the bullshit I am hearing right now expression, to the cold, hard, 1000% done: No.

She makes this hurt face in response.

But Trip’s voice softens just a little bit and he gives her one more chance, because, dammit, he loves this woman more than life itself and he wants to make this thing work. She’s stubborn, and prideful, and dense, and stubborn, and reactive, and jealous, and did he mention stubborn as a mule? All WAY more emotions than he ever would have thought to ascribe to a Vulcan, but there we go. That’s T'Pol. And she’s developing a sense of humor. And she’s damn fine at helping him in engineering and smart as a whip and she always has his back and is his best friend and the one he can talk to about grief and loss in a way that he just can’t with Jonathan. And she just fascinates and surprises him. Everything about her is a constant puzzle that he wants to spend the rest of his life solving. They could be so good together if ever their timing was right and one of them wasn’t dead or married or in denial or what have you. But he just needs her to give him this. He needs her to let her guard down and tell him, so he asks, his voice gentling just that little imperceptible bit, but he knows her ears can hear it: “That you want me back.”

She slumps. Her whole body slumps, and she lets out a simmering breath. She’s seething a little bit because he’s putting her on the spot and she feels like he just wants to get one up on her. She knows that this is a point that they can’t turn back from. If she actually admits that she misses him, that she needs him, they will actually have to do something with this thing between them. She can’t hide behind excuses anymore. And so she says, steely and a little huffily, her eyes quivering, her lips pressed together repressively: “I don’t know what you mean.”

The way he looks away and the gravelly soft way the words come out.  “Well, my mistake.” This is a DEVASTATED man trying to hold his shit together. This is worse than when she took him home to meet mother and then married another man in front of him.

Then the soft and oh so gentle way he finishes with: “See you around.” This is his goodbye to her. He supposes this is all those four years amounted to in the end. A mistake. Have a good life, T'Pol. I hope you’re happy.

And this, this is the face of a woman who knows that she’s screwed up. Like, not a little bit. A MONUMENTAL screw up. The little furrow between her brows. She’s struggling with herself right now, but she finally wins over herself. Can she really let him go like this? Can she really let him go at all? What do you think?

“Wait, Trip!”

And the speed with which his head whips around like he has been hoping against hope to hear those words. The carefully neutral expression on his face that still can’t hide a hint of hopefulness, because he knows he’s got her now. She wouldn’t call out his name otherwise.

She takes a breath to prepare herself. Then: “I want you to come back.”

He takes it in, nodding a little, feeling a tad bit cocky, but there’s not enough in the way she says it to be what he needs. He could read so much into it, but he doesn’t want to do that to himself. He doesn’t want to keep hoping when there’s no hope. To keep deluding himself by thinking she will ever want him the way that he wants her. But even so, he can’t stop himself from hanging onto those words as a lifeline. He’s so in love with her that he’s drowning in his feelings and he is grabbing on hard. But he can’t let her get the upper hand now or everything will just revert back to the way it was. So he doesn’t quite meet her eyes and acts as aloof and cocksure as he can. “And I’ll think about it.” Then he turns to go.

(Also, BTW) this light fixture looks like a heart? AHAHAHA.)

And T'Pol, T'Pol, T'Pol. I’m just shaking my head here. She CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE IT. She can’t. She just forced herself to admit that she wants Trip to come back and he’s JUST GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT? There is a definite element of panic going on here. She can’t lose him. She CAN’T.  And she’s also a little appalled. He STILL might walk away from her?! And then she just throws logic out the damned airlock. (Well, not quite. I’m pretty sure her brain weighed the pros and cons of losing Trip and went OH HELL NO, DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO, GIRL.)

“TRIP!” She goes after him and he turns with a long suffering look and sigh, STILL UNABLE TO MEET HER EYES. OMG, Trip, you know that if you really look at her you will cave IMMEDIATELY, but TOO BAD, SON, T'Pol is DONE playing around. He clearly thinks that she is going to do some more talking at him, but, uh, no, that puzzle that is always surprising you? Here she goes.

She full on GRABS HIS FACE so he can’t get away and kisses him, caressing his neck (she does it to the non-injured side of his face too, very logical). And he LEANS IN and kisses her back. Fuck aloofness, that has never been his style. He’s not a Vulcan.

And here it is, his confirmation. She does want him. She needs him. Dare he dream, that she loves him too? But yes, T'Pol has given him the upper hand for once and he is going to milk this for everything it’s worth. BTW, his lips are pressed together and he’s licking them. The taste of her kiss. He is so smugly enjoying this, ahahaha. And then the thing he does with his thumb, tracing his bottom lip. Tracing the feel on her mouth on his, LOL, boy, T'Pol finds that so distractingly sexy and you know it.

And then he drops the bombshell with the air of a man making a confession. And look at how he looks at her with so much love as he says it. “Three days ago I told Captain Hernandez that I wanted to transfer back to Enterprise.” So really, HE WAS READY TO GIVE UP, BUT SOME PART OF HIM COULDN’T THROW AWAY THEIR RELATIONSHIP. HE WAS READY TO STAY BY HER SIDE AND BE HER COWORKER EVEN IF SHE DIDN’T LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE JUST COULDN’T STAY AWAY. THAT’S HOW FUCKING MUCH HE LOVES HER. Like, don’t get me wrong, he cares about the ship, and Jonathan, and Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis, Phlox, and even dumbass Kelby too, but he LEFT BECAUSE OF HER. She is LITERALLY the reason that he left because he could not keep his shit together around her. But he realized that being apart from her was EVEN WORSE than being platonic friends and fearing for her safety all the time. Like how much worse is it to be daydreaming and worrying about her when he’s NOT THERE TO MAKE SURE SHE’S OKAY?! And probably some part of him was thinking that they DID end up together in an alternate timeline, so she doesn’t HATE him. He knows that she cares about him on some level. He just doesn’t know how much or if she does reciprocate his feelings and he can’t make her love him. She either does or she doesn’t. But him? He’s gone.

But also, this means he totally was flat out lying to Kelby about his position, UNLESS he was going to come back any way he could, even if that meant not as the Chief Engineer. Damn, Trip, you do love her.

T'Pol’s FACE. Like WTF, TUCKER, YOU LITTLE SHIT. The deadpan way she says, “Three days ago” kills me EVERY TIME.

And Trip is just playing with her now. But he is looking her RIGHT IN THE EYES. “I realized this is where I was meant to be. And that this, um,” gestures back and forth between them, “thing between us? Inn’t that big of a deal.” He is playing this off so casually. The EXACT WAY THAT T'POL WANTED TO. But she failed. Like, they BOTH saw how HARD she failed to keep her cool. It is known.

And she has to give it to him, because now her pride is reasserting itself. Part of her is also sort of impressed by him. Equal parts impressed and infuriated probably. But tempered by overriding relief that he’s STAYING. All tamped down with Vulcan repression, though since this is T'Pol, it does leak through. “Agreed.”

His face as he looks her in the eyes is no longer that cold, bitter, reserved face he’s had on since coming back. It’s the old Trip face. The face of the man who loves her, the man she loves. A man secure in his position in her life and who knows that they have just overcome a VERY BIG HURDLE. This was the turning point and they are past it now. Now, they are in uncharted territory, but he is very much looking forward to the journey.

“Guess we got a lot of work to do.” He says it so cheerfully. He’s not talking about the ship repairs. He’s not talking about their duties. He is talking about “this thing between us.” This is a work in progress. This is something that is going to take a lot of time and work and effort. But they are a “hell of a team” and they are going to prove it again and again and again. They’re “in each other’s heads” and they’re a part of each other’s lives in a way that no one else can touch.

And T'Pol takes a moment to take it in. Really take it in. And understand his words and the meaning behind them. And Jolene is so good here. She goes from contemplative to a ‘that doesn’t sound bad at all’ face that I LOVE. And she’s not mad anymore. She’s okay with it. She’s looking forward to it.

And I’m sorry not sorry that this went from a quick liveblog to some goddamned wordy analysis of how much I love these idiots, BUT I CAN’T HELP MYSELF.

This is my OTP that got screwed over by the creators in such a way that I thought nothing else could ever be as bad again (then IchiRuki happened). But it has a happier ending in that EVERYONE WENT: The FINALE IS BULLSHIT. So the novel sequels are actually just a GIANT FIX IT 'FIC and I love that EVEN the publisher just noped the fuck out on the ending.