#OR IS SHE SERIOUS?

[janeyjhoward]

@atomiqueen replied:

lucy vc: this is my brother norm, he's only two apples tall — norm: please stop telling people that.

​janey vc: yeah. he's at least two and a half apples. ilovehimsomuch.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[cowboybeebonk]

And then she did. Happy pride.

(Alternate versions under cut)

[maniaeofmadness]

I am a firm believer that Stan and Mabel are not the "dumber" twins. They just aren't as interesting in 'nerd' stuff like Ford and Dipper are.

Stan was able to rebuild like 90% of the portal with only the 1 of the journals, most likely having to teach himself advanced mathematics and scientific theories to even understand what the thing is. It barely took him a few weeks to get the portal up and running after getting the other two journals. Not to mention how he was able to create a business and keep people entertained at his day job. The man is smart.

Mabel is able to create sweaters at the drop of a hat. If you don't know anything about knitting, it takes a lot of math and planning to be able to make a sweater, and Mabel is constantly making them for everyone around her. She made a full 2 act puppet shows with musical numbers and sets and well made puppets in like a week. She may not be interested in the 'nerd' stuff like Dipper, but she's creative and thinks in innovative ways.

Both of them are amazingly charismatic. They can make friends and bond with those around them easily, whether it be for business purposes like Stan or simply childlike positivity like Mabel.

They aren't dumb.

[bruciemilf]

Alfred honestly can’t say shit about Bruce bringing in strays, because what if the Waynes got him the same way?

I genuinely can’t recall HOW Alfred, British special forces extraordinaire, ended up working for Gotham’s (scary) sweethearts.

In my mind, he came to them bleeding.

There’s a tang of bitterness pooling in his gut. Soldiers don’t have friends. They have guns. And he’s all out.

Just when Alfred thought all is in peril, a tiny little hand gently covers a nasty bullet hole on his abdomen.

The first thing Alfred thinks about is: ‘Jesus, this kid has scary eyes.’

“Hi, Alfred.”

“…How do you—“

“Bruce! Jesus FUCKING Christ, I swear, I’m not paying for your ransom next time you run o—…What the fuck is that?”

If there’s one thing about Thomas that Alfred will never forget is his voice; The bass , so chasmic and powerful it could shake the whole world, and the burning care in his eyes despite his vulgarity.

Bruce, — who’s the tiniest bundle of a boy Alfred witnessed, is yanked up by his father’s strong hands, squeezed to his chest carefully. “Hurt,” he says. There’s a tiny, red handprint on Thomas’ shirt.

“Yeah, I didn’t notice,” Thomas mumbling, looking around.

Maybe local gangs? The bullet point is too precise, too calculated. “Who the hell are you?”

Alfred, with his raspy breath, says, “I’m the terribly rude bloke dying on your doorstep, I’m afraid. Alfred Pennyworth. At your service.”

For a guy who’s about to bleed his last, he sounds awfully sarcastic.

“Yeah, wise guy, no one’s dying on my kid’s birthday. Bruce, tell Dotty to prep up the basement. And tell your mama to get my Budlight out of the cooler. Jesus Christ.”

Alfred ends up hoisted on this man’s back. Thomas asks if he has anyone he wants to call? Anyone that’ll come pick him up? Anyone to bury him, if it comes to it.

Alfred whispers he does not.

Thomas sighs. “Well. Kid‘a been asking for a playmate.”

[chimchiri]

gideon & harrow OR rd and sf as cowboys please please please

It's the cowgirl necro and her gunslinger cav! Who is so damn extra she's got three guns: one left, one right, and one in pole position! (She swears the ladies love it!)

[noodles-and-tea]

i had an idea but idk its a little out there. dipper is smart, but i was like him once and i think he’d get burnt out fast. mabel has been shown to be smarter than she lets on, as well as curious and interested in the strange and unusual.

relativity falls where mabel fell into the portal and dipper had to clean up and run the shack. mabel would adventure around space & time, surprisingly making lots of friends. theres a little short comic about how mabel went to the mabel dimension and allied with them to defeat evil mabel, so i think she’d be really good at making allies wherever she goes. also i’d really like to see mabel jumping over some frog dude as she runs from the time police.

dipper would be stuck at home, trying so hard to bring her back, while running the mystery shack, trying to balance all of these things and it overwhelms him to the point where he becomes a shut in, and nearly like a cryptid or urban legend he’d read about.

also your art is so gorgeous and cozy!!! i love it so much :D

IM SORRY I DIDNT DRAW MABEL JUMOUNG OVER A FROG DUDE

[puppyeared]

renaissance dogys

characters belong to @canisalbus

[opikiquu]

iknow my comics are ugly please just hear me out

[aurvxina]

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 352

“Mother, I crave violence,” a small child interrupts the video call, practically clambering up into Nightingale’s chair. They look around five or so, with white hair and red eyes. Albino perhaps? 

“Ah, apologies, let me take care of this real quick,” Nightingale turns the microphone off when he gets a few acknowledging noises, picking the small child up and moving them from the room. 

“Cute kid,” Barry acknowledged from behind his coworker’s head, having been helping move things. Actually, the kid looked kind of familiar, though from where, who knew. Hard to remember everything with how fast his thoughts usually went. “I didn’t know Nightingale was a father…” 

Then again the specialist was notoriously private, and set most meetings online thanks to some sort of medical conditions. So he supposed it would make it easier to be a stay at home dad if he was there already…

[laz-kay]

Shut up I’m obsessed with the besties😭

[yuri-puppies]

k2 was ally beardsley's accessibility accommodation so they could get the unhinged energy out of their body while also giving kristen the maturation arc she deserves

[glaxierr]

me when i walk into the tragic character contest and my opponent is jinx arcane

[introspectivememories]

was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Not beating the allegations.

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