#ONE OF THE MOST IMAGES OF ALL TIME
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Tsukikage when fans ask them to make a heart
#haikyuu#tsukikage#tsukkikage#tsukishima kei#kageyama tobio#hq#hq manga spoilers#I just think that Tsukishima hates this kind of fan service so he automatically picks the most low effort pose#kageyama is big heart cos its the one his fans taught him to do#so he does it all the time.#I like to think this image is Tsukikage walking and somone yells “TSUKISHIMA SENSHUU KAGEYAMA SENSHUU!!! MAKE A HEART PLEASE”#and they just stop and automatically get into these poses.#without consulting one another.
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The art of the sleeping sapphic
#this is my all time favorite trope#the intimacy of it all#not even about the clothes or lack thereof#it's just getting to see these couples finally rest and find comfort in each other#and ultimately that sleep is the most solitary of acts but the romance and trust of doing it together#also because I was watching affair and thinking about how sleep is such an important part of their trauma and ultimately healing#maybe I do another deep dive into that#but anyways it brought me back to juliantina#because I wanted to frame that first image#and that image from Gap was one that I loved#also this is absolutely the pipeline that I think a lot of us went down#amar a muerte#juliantina#barbarena#gap the series#monsam#freenbecky#affair the series#wanpleng#lmsy#thai gl#gl series
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thank you eulalie for the kofi tip!!!!! here's a kira nerys for you 🥳
#my art#ds9#star trek deep space nine#deep space nine#kira nerys#thank you doodles#image desc in alt text#not nart content#OUUUHHHHH. i love most of her haircuts but this one. the butchest one. ouuh#and her bajoran uniform latticed undershirt....OUUUHHH#and her d'ja pagh...god just. stylistically. shes endless to me#a lot of the bajoran clothes are kind of windowed you know? like theres a lot of like. carefully placed latices and lacings#and loosely woven knits#just. rotates her in my mind. second favorite star trek character of all time i think#thank u for indulging me i know u know about my category 5 kira moment HGDSGHSDHGSDHGHSDGH#i had another one just drawing this
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Only one way to stop him from spiraling again
#deltarune#spamton#dr spamton g spamton#dr jevil#doodles#Spiders#Spiders tw#Ask to tag#Drawing that tarantula was the hardest thing ever because I couldn't look at reference images without getting ITCHY#I'm in a weird gray area when it comes to arachnophobia where most spiders don't affect me#But tarantulas in particular make me really nervous when I see em#So drawing one (and in a relatively complicated pose no less) was a Choice. Definitely one of the choices I've made of all time#Also why is it so huge? Idk it's jevil he can do anything he can make the spider big
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ──
“when will you learn that it isn’t about you and your problems? this is about my name–the prescott name.”
“nathan is everybody’s favorite voodoo doll–kill the rich kid!”
“yes, he takes serious meds–but that’s not his fault, his family treats him like a total freak!”
“i prefer the term ‘manipulated’–i became a sort of father figure to nathan.”
“i think about him chilling out on the grass in the other timeline–i hate what he did, but i can’t hate him.”
“…my life is hell.”
#award for one of the most tragic well written antiheroes of all time goes to#nathan prescott#life is strange#life is strange fanart#nathan prescott fanart#nathan prescott edit#digital collage#lis#MY LOST BOY….#i can’t draw but nathan’s character makes me feel SO many emotions so here have this collage instead#i tried to tell a story without words using objects found in nathan’s room & visual elements that represent him#devil’s in the details fr#pls tell me it worked#for best results view from: top left > bottom left > bottom right > top right#all images used in this are taken only from either ingame screencaps or pngs on pinterest#caption inspired by the greatest nathan prescott edit on youtube ever#soyposting
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I was super lucky to win a commission from @nerdferatum and can't thank Sara enough for this absolutely gorgeous art of Kyrahlise and Shery! I'm in love with it have literally cried over it three times now! I really hope folks can see some of the romance novel cover art inspiration going on here, I thought it was what Shery deserves! Also, please zoom in on the full piece, because you can't see Kyrah's adorable freckles here with how much tumblr compresses the image, and that's a damn shame. Now please excuse me while I go stare at it some more!
Edit: In my excitement, I forget to tag @shepherds-of-haven because without the game there couldn't be this beautiful drawing!
#Sara was so wonderful to work with! they took all my vague ideas and made them so much better than what I'd envisioned!#and she perfectly captured the vibe I was going for!#this is now the background on my laptop!#apologies for no image ID -- I tried to write one several times and my brain was like “I can do words but not those words”#why? idk#hopefully I can add one later#shery acquell#oc: kyrahlise niriviel#shepherds of haven#shoh#commissioned art#okay weird minor head canons about this piece incoming:#it's set a few years after the main events of the game so Shery is more confident and secure in their relationship#is Shery reading a romance novel? of course! might parts of that romance novel get reenacted in a little bit? quite likely ;)#also I imagine Kyrah's life isn't quite so chaotic and violent as it was during most of the game or before it#so she's able to take better care of her hair resulting in it being nice and fluffy!#would her hair look like that during the game? no. she travels too much and doesn't have time to take great care of it
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Pine Face Jumpscare
Still got no idea where my fabric paints are, but here I am as (slightly scuffed) Kim! (Second shot mostly there to show off the belt.)
And below the cut here I'll have some other shots that kinda show the hair color a little more accurately
Second shot here had my hair combed a little differently to make it more poofy- meant to do that before taking these, but like... y'all will probably see me do this again. I originally wanted to do outdoor shots, so- next time!
Also bonus jacket I got the other day- kind of a good modern au stand-in for the normal Dia de Los Muertos party fit, right?
#i just had to fight so hard to get this formatted right. does anyone know WHY tumblr shuffles images around like a dickhead sometimes?#it's kinda ridiculous that it's been a problem for this gd long#anyhow. if i look awkward in these it's bc I don't like seeing my face very much and until this past week I hadn't owned a skirt since+#+- like- elementary school. i wore one for a chiaki cosplay that didn't leave my room a couple years back? but that's the most recent time#things I've discovered- i actually don't mind them all that much! so long as I've got tights and pockets anyhow#anyway. the grey skirt there was for the actual costume- black one was just something I snagged from spirit on closing day lol#cosplay#ooc#txt#scott pilgrim comic#scott pilgrim takes off#scott pilgrim vs the world#scott pilgrim vs the universe#scott pilgrim game#scott pilgrim fandom#kim pine cosplay#scott pilgrim cosplay#spto kim#scott pilgrim kim#spvtw kim#spvtwtg kim#sp comic#spvtw#spto#kim pine#i think that's good for tags? i certainly cant think up any more i might want anyway
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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"i don't know the artist i got the drawing from pinterest" WRONG !! I CAST 1,000 CURSES !!!!
#how hard is it to reverse image search#or like. GOOGLE the LITERAL SIGNATURE on the art#never happened to me as far as i know for the most part#i once ran into one of my own artworks on Pinterest#but some creators it happens to ALL THE TIME and it must feel so violating
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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god i wish they hadn't retconned maul's death. i get wanting to explore more of his character because he was, objectively, one of the coolest star wars characters to ever hit the big screen and didn't get much screentime prior to his death, but also his role was fulfilled perfectly within those constraints so i wasn't too upset by it.
but by retconning it and making it so he never died it's like. okay. what now? the whole point (well, to me, ymmv of course) of the theed generator fight was that it was the first ever fight between the jedi and the sith in thousands of years, and that in the end even though the jedi (obi-wan) won the fight, a jedi (qui-gon) and a sith (maul) still died. a master and an apprentice dying together to herald the start of a new age/the return of the sith. perfectly paralleling the way in rotj a master (palps) and an apprentice (anakin/vader) died together to herald the return of the jedi. in both instances, a father figure (qui-gon/vader) dies in the arms of their son (obi-wan/luke) as a sith (palps/maul) is cast down into the abyss to their deaths. (palps being alive in the ST and retconning his death in rotj is also annoying for this reason)
i mean i like maul. don't get me wrong. he's an incredibly compelling character and i enjoy seeing more of him... but there's always the thought hovering in my mind like "he should be dead though. he should 100% be dead. this wouldn't be happening if he was dead, but i honestly would rather it not if it meant that maul was dead."
like the tpm fight just doesn't hit the same knowing that canonically he's just. going to become a robot octopus at some point. (shoutout to palps becoming sith glados in the ST) it cheapens the moment for me. it was supposed to be a moment of triumph marred by the deep and soul-crushing loss of a loved one and it's just... not, anymore. or at least not to the same extent. AUGH i'm just. frustrated. wish star wars as a whole wasn't constantly reframing/retconning what's been established. just puts a bad taste in my mouth.
#personal#star wars is HUGE#there's a GALAXY'S worth of stories to be told#and we're always for whatever reason focusing on this ONE PARTICULAR TIME PERIOD#it's suffocating#this is partly why i'm so excited to see the acolyte#it's a break from the skywalker saga#i love the skywalkers. i love the skywalker saga.#but that's also why i want them to STOP ADDING TO THEIR STORY#sometimes a story has a beginning middle and an end and that's okay!#that's fantastic!#we don't need to see between the lines! or behind the scenes! what if we just LEFT IT ALONE#AUGH#anyways. i don't know. i'm just frustrated with the state of star wars as a whole#it feels so claustrophobic right now. just because the space is there and undefined doesn't mean it needs to be filled#this constant push to canonize the years leading up to an event with content is so frustrating#negative space in an image isn't a bad thing it just helps guide the eye to what's most important#otherwise it gets too cluttered. too noisy. too DISTRACTING.#this was supposed to be about maul being alive but it's really about my ongoing grievances with how star wars is cannibalizing the movies#i'm tired of it........ tired i tell you#anyways that's all. real old man yells at cloud moment rn lmao
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horizontober 2023 | 18: tarot
#horizontober2023#horizon forbidden west#hfw#hfwbs#aloy#pls don't come at me if this isn't a good interpretation of this tarot card bc i've never studied tarot T_T#but i looked it up and this is the one that spoke to me (that i thought i'd be able to do in photomode lol)#i actually got pretty into designing the border but it needs a lot more work and then i realized i saved my wip as a flattened image >.<#so....... all my layers are gone. fuck me.#still! i can recreate it without too much trouble (the pattern is an svg in inkscape)#and my quest to make svgs of the whole alphabet imitating the logo 'brushstrokes' on the horizon font continues#i think i've done most letters by now? just missing like q x y z and a few others#i also have a few variants (esp r/h/n) with different ascenders/descenders and some with the gaps in the vertical strokes#if anyone wants a word/title you're welcome to ask me and i'll see what i can do if i have time!
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thinks about the master & the doctor cuddling thinks about them cuddling thinks about them cuddling thinks about them cuddlign thinks-
#its a vrry specific flavor of cuddling its like.#its exhausted. first of all. and its lonely.#its the kind of cuddling that starts because one of you literally flopped on top of the other and wouldnt move#and then started squirming to become an even bigger hiderance than they already were if they were being ignored#its a puppy pile of two. they are in the weirdest most uncomfortable looking positions imaginable#you look at them and you think ‘this is how glass sculptures would cuddle if glass sculptures had feelings and were touch-starved’#its a cuddle that might end with one of them putting the other in a full body lock for whatever reason. either to keep them from running#or because they had a nightmare. they do have nightmares you know. and they aren’t fun to sleep next to. the best comfort is a good defense#its the kind of cuddling where one of them is awake for too long. breathing slowly so they dont disturb their partner and staring.#memorizing. taking note of every difference since last time.#its the kind of cuddling where even if you walked in on them at a point where while they were asleep theyd scooted apart and weren’t#touching anymore. you’d still notice that they’re practically mirror images. curled up the same way and facing each other. until one of them#kicks in their sleep and disturbs the illusion. but still.#you get me?#and also theres biting.
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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me when im supposed to be studying but instead im thinking abt mori and dazai again
let me go absolutely insane for a second (not a second. this is so long. i just checked mfer its over 2000 words. i need to be sedated. imprisoned. restrained. examined. smthn)
'a young man with a death wish once came to me and i wanted to rescue him but i couldnt' and like yeah. beast mori couldnt rescue him. but to a certain extent, canon mori sort of has (touch wood for long term but as it is, dazai is so much less intent on dying than he was in dark era).
and it just. i always wonder about the actual intentions of the mimic situation. because on the surface, it looks like what dazai calls it, then deeper than that, it looks like a very calculated long term strategy, and deeper than that, its just. kinda sad.
i just think its interesting that he plans the mimic thing the way he does knowing dazai will leave despite the fact that he doesnt want him to. and dazai himself reasons this as mori being afraid of him, that mori doesnt want dazai to kill him the way mori killed the old boss. but thats? not true? mori seems unbothered at worst and downright proud at best when he tells oda that dazai will probably kill him one day.
so. Why. did he do it knowing dazai would leave? it wasnt his only option; he could have set skk on mimic. like 5 second future vision isnt gonna do much when the danger is alr there (as oda says). and in the face of a massive black hole coming right at u or a building being dropped on you, five seconds really isnt gonna do much. so mimic cld have been removed without a casualty and the mafia could still have got the permit, and not lost dazai. (who is Objectively an asset to the organisation.) But thats not how it happens. Mori plans it exactly as he does knowing oda will die and dazai will leave. he also then makes it continually obvious that dazai would be welcomed back.
and ive been trying to think of other reasons for it, but across canon and insight from beast mori the only thing i can think of comes back to the fact that mori wants dazai alive. alive and aware that the pm is the best place for him, but alive more than anything else.
i think he wants dazai as his heir bc he knows dazai is enough like him to manage it, but i wonder if it also comes back to the fact that mori is trying to rescue him, and i imagine his own reason to live (and lord knows he suggests he needs a strong one in fifteen) is probably tied down to legacy and responsibility for the city. mori devotes his life to the mafia because he wants peace and appreciates that control (rather than eradication) of the worst of yokohama is the way to keep that peace. and thats enough of a reason to live for him. but it isnt for dazai.
dazai doesnt give a fuck about the mafia as a concept bc his motivations dont rest on ideals the way moris do. dazai only ever does anything because of the people he cares about. everything we see him do, EVEN in pm era where people claim he was some emotionless rockman, come back to his friends.
its why hes never at the centre of the plot. he cant be, because he never does anything for himself. fifteen, in which he is a titular character, is a plot that rests vastly on chuuyas back story. dazais original motivation prior to meeting him is just to khs, and only upon meeting chuuya and them having their whole weird Thing and dazai deciding to be an obsessive freak, does he actually have personal stakes in the job. then in stormbringer, its all abt chuuya again, and dazai is only involved bc he cares about him (whatever he actually says aside). tdipud is driven by odas storyline, and so is dark era. dazai is only active in them bc he cares abt oda.
even when he has more idealistic motivations come canon era, they come back to the fact that hes doing it for oda. anything Above And Beyond that promise is bc hes acting to save the agency, who are his Friends. his motivations are deeply personal in complete contrast to moris, and it is perhaps the only place they really differ.
now ironically, it seems to be that the only decisions mori makes influenced by personal feelings are because of dazai. which takes me to the fact that i think he let dazai leave because he recognises thats whats best for him (at least in the short term - and we'll get to That in a second). and its not really a loss for the organisation because dazais too practical to ever dismiss the mafia, and he still gut responds with their methods. so its an easy sacrifice, a justifiable one.
then theres the contrast with the kouyou&kyouka thing. kouyou doesnt want kyouka to taste the light only to have it sour on her tongue when she realises she cant actually have it because of what she is. because kouyou believes anyone tainted by darkness the way they are can never be free of it. (because she couldnt get out herself).
i wouldnt be surprised if mori thinks the same way, certainly in regards to someone like dazai who Is naturally built for the mafia in a way kyouka really isnt. mori at least believes dazais blood is mafia black and whether or not this is true is irrelevant. he Does have to actively fight his impulses in order to do the Right Thing even now. And even doing that, he still falls into their methods when its practical, or when he's paranoid or unsettled enough to need the comfort of habit, hence the way he treats aku even four years removed from the mafia. hence the way he treats atsushi immediately after Q appears (the way he so instantly latches onto his older self literally slapping the self pity he detests in himself and in his former kouhai out of his current one). hence the way the parallels to mori spring up most when dazai has just been shaken by something.
so i wonder if mori let dazai walk into the light knowing (or believing) he wouldnt fit there, and would come back with a stronger commitment to the mafia as a whole because it may be a concept of sorts, but its one that embraces him in a way the light doesnt, and while dazai does things for the people He cares about, its a mutual thing - he feels responsibility for the people that care about Him too (which probably ties in to the desire for a quiet suicide without bothering anyone, and also to the disgust he has w the sheep - because it Isnt a mutual exchange there).
i think it was always intended as a temporary thing (five years away from the mafia maybe. the 'five years' right before dazai comes to take moris place). give him a taste of the light and let him come to his own conclusion that he doesnt belong there, and eventually turn back to the mafia where he does belong.
(despite suggestions that dazai Doesnt really belong there - smthn smthn cat/dog symbolism - though people suggest this implies he belongs w the ada and i dont think thats true either esp given the way hes omitted from the group so often. i think the cat symbolism w dazai likens him more to natsume than atsushi&fukuzawa esp given the way theyre shown tgthr so often. dazai doesnt belong to any organisation or rigid group, he just fits in line w whoever he cares abt and wherever he decides hes content to stay. v much like a cat actually.).
anyway, moris idea seems to be that dazai wld realise the mafia is somewhere he is cared for, and he cares for the people within it in return. though it doesnt seem to have really turned out that way (maybe mori j underestimated the power of the ada's one specialty: forced integration into its found family. lmao)
so you could see it from a practical perspective: mori sending dazai out to show him he really belongs w the mafia and shld come back to them when the time is right, thus mori secures his legacy by leaving the pm to dazai and the mafia is led forward by someone who could handle it the way mori has.
but. hes never pushy abt dazai coming back. hes downright polite abt it (contrasting to the way he treats yosano), and he puts an awful lot of effort into saving dazais life. (kinda funny that he sends chuuya to pick dazais ass up every five seconds with no reward for either of them - chuuya post dead apple literally asks and moris just like ? uh the safety of the city?? bragging rights😁👍? - but when he sends chuuya to save the agency as a whole the price is Heavy like. exchange of a member is crazyyy.)
dazai is always very much considered One Of Their Own. his seat is still empty waiting for him to come back, he and mori post guild are Always cooperating (despite the kinda petty way dazai talks to him during the reunion - the whole 'i burnt the coat' thing - its almost childish, spiteful in a way that speaks to personal hurt that undermines any control he might have had of their kind of distant passive aggressive exchange. but. im too insane abt that interaction that my interpretation cld be entirely bs.)
they communicate through this ridiculous game of chess, and rely on each other to keep both their organisations afloat. when anyone else from the ada tries to pull the same thing, mori pulls out contracts for their damn souls but when its dazai hes just like ? oh ur bf needs to save you again? of course i can spare him to go pick you up from european prison yeah not a problem! ill even glue his vampire cosplay teeth in!!
in connection with that, even with dazais commitment to Doing The Right Thing, he does not do it in the right way. hes perfectly content to use mori-typical underhanded methods to get the ada to the right place. he sends aku To His Death Knowingly for the sake of saving atsushi and by extension the rest of the agency (and he may have known that the vampirism wld sorta bring him back?? but he still sends him to die), and its sorta similar to mori sending aku out to deal with hawthorne and mitchell while hes in rlly bad shape.
anyway dazais methods always make me think of that cunty exchange sskk have in dead apple 'thats not the way we do things in the detective agency' 'was that a bad joke😘 ur too much weretiger🌈✨💖'. but like. dazai Doesnt work the way the ada does. at least not when things get tense enough to drive him back to habit.
i think people like to interpret dazai as being a better person now, and i think in some ways he is. because hes always influenced by the people hes around most. but also, his motivations havent really changed from pm era. he still does what he does for his friends, they just happen to be on the right side now.
anyway. mori puts more work into keeping dazai alive than any other character (bar perhaps chuuya - but thats because mori saving dazai runs hand in hand with chuuya doing it given hes the one sending him) which is. aurgh.
mori and the wish to save people is just interesting in general. the fact that he became a doctor in the first place is telling on its own plus the unhinged way he deals with yosano - of course someone obsessed with saving people would want a cheat card for sending Death packing - but maybe i could believe it was just a power thing, more to his sense of control. playing with life and death so that he can play god. and i think that probably is just a little bit part of it, esp during the war.
but theres also the way he treats doctors within the pm (sb calls it respect for his former position but it may also be knowledge that the better treated they are the more people they will save). And the only reason he works w the tripartite agreement is bc he loves yokohama, wants its people, including its underground, alive and all that (honestly it probably links back to war stuff - hes really intent on peace).
so hes already someone that is intent on saving people (and beast mori makes this obvious w the way he treats atsushi) but theres a personal edge to it w dazai, possibly bc dazai is so much like him, and asgr is kind of obsessed w the saving your mirrors bc you cldnt save yourself thing (sskk. atsushi&lucy. chuuya with his clone. beast akutagawa siblings. beast atsushi&kyouka. i could continue).
im frothing at the mouth but basically, mori does everything for practical reasons in line with his ideals, his grand vision for the PM, but that doesnt mean he isnt making any emotionally charged decisions. its just that theyre always justified by their practical outcomes. (Especially where dazai is concerned). so he can pretend that theyre not driven by personal feelings but IM WATCHING U MORI U CANT HIDE FROM ME.
yk i sometimes wonder if i see him too sympathetically for a guy thats as so sucks as he is but someone has to counterbalance the 75% of the fandom that thinks hes pure evil for no reason and has no thoughts outside of Being Terrible so. here you go have this from the depths of my brain.
#i appreciate most of this sounds completely unhinged u just have to roll with it#god the fact that dazai rlly doesnt. know. at all. makes me insane#he knows moris reluctant to let him die obviously bc he trusts him to save his ass all the time but the extent of it is lost on him#he knows everything and yet he thinks mori forced him out if the mafia bc he was scared of him#meanwhile real image of mori talking abt dazai killing him one day:🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩👍👍👍👍👍👍👍#im sorry guys im actually not normal about them#i think abt mori&dazai more than i think abt skk. which is. completely bizarre for me#i dont think ive ever given more attention to a non romantic duo before bc im so ship brained but. lord.#dazai osamu#mori ougai#bsd#bungou stray dogs#analysis#also.#nyxis hate posts#<- posted this in the first place cos i was filled w rage by how tt talks abt mori lol
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