#ONE DAY i’ll make a post about it that explains my thoughts waaaay better

[missus-paint]

mother of mine

[aerielz]

come and untangle me one of these days

- a dream. a mistake. company, to make it better.

This is for and because of everyone in the original Flower Shop!AU post notes, specially @claudiasjeancregg and @stars-on-the-cuffs-of-her-jeans. You guys went waaaay too fast and I’m still trying to put Donna in here let alone everyone else, but I do hope everyone enjoys this! Title from Come and Find Me, by Josh Ritter. I feel like everything I’ll ever write for this AU will be somehow based off this song, tbh.

fandom: the west wing pairings: JD, CJ/Toby wc: 2453 rating: gen tag: flowershop au

He wakes up at the crack of dawn, stirred by some weird dream he can’t quite remember — some bittersweet memory. The coffee he takes washes away the sweetness and he’s left with only the bitter of it, stuck to the back of his throat.

He leaves the house, then. The streets are still somewhat deserted, but, much like his hometown, DC never really sleeps. Toby walks the five minutes from his house to the shop, and watches as the sun comes up behind the Capitol dome.

Walking into the storefront proves itself a bigger hazard than his own mood, though, as he is almost run over by a flurry of blonde as soon as he steps through the threshold— “Wow.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!,” Donna is already there, crossing quickly towards a table under the wall-to-wall window with a spray bottle in hand and talking into a phone she holds with her shoulder. “Oh— no, no, don’t worry, that was just Mr. Ziegler. Yes, of course. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll let him know, don’t— tomorrow? That should be hard, how about Saturday? Okay. Okay, thank you so much, Dr. Bartlett.”

“Donna,” he says when she hangs up.

“Shouldn’t we receive a shipment of sunflowers this weekend?” She sprays a mist over an arrangement of daisies.

It's too early for this. Too early for and her energy and her incessant talking, but somehow Toby can never be mad at Donna. Even when she sends congratulatory arrangements to funerals by accident. Even when she turns around still spraying, causing him to find himself inside a cloud.

“Donna—”

“We’ll sure need them, Dr. Bartlett just called saying that Liz will be home for the weekend.”

"How many times I have to tell you to never call me Mr. Ziegler?"

"Should I call you Mr. Grumpy, then?"

"It's Mr. nothing, Donna."

"Oh, c'mon. Don’t be so harsh on yourself,” she jokes. But her quip lacks the bite and the sparkle, and Toby finally notices it — she was here before sunup, too.

He barely has time to register the conversation and that last fact when the bell above the door rings behind him. His heart skips a beat.

Donna looks up to check and her eyes widen, just a little bit. Just enough.

“Oh, God, no, not him,” he mutters to himself.

“Can anyone tell me what magnolias are supposed to stand for?”

Toby sighs, closing his eyes.

“This is a flower shop,” he says, turning around, “can’t say much about trees.”

Josh Lyman, arrogant extraordinaire, flashes a smirk, shrugging apologetically. "Maybe you should start thinking about expanding."

He swagger his way further into the shop, stopping just beside him.

“I—,” she says, putting a strand of hair behind her ear, “Well, actually flowers from magnolias are very common in bridal bouquets. They’re these beautiful, delicate, things, they’re supposed to be all about purity and nobility.”

This is why he keeps her here, Toby thinks. For every fact about flowers that he doesn’t know, Donna knows five he’s pretty sure no one but her knows about. But she looks down to the floor, and Toby thinks she sounds sad, somehow.

“Well, that..." Josh’s smirk quickly turns into a grimace. "That makes sense."

“The more you know,” he says, clapping his hands against his legs. "Well, you got your answer, then."

"Yeah, maybe... maybe we should focus on some other flower," Josh says.

Toby is more than ready to focus on showing Josh the door when—

The bell rings again.

Sam walks in, saying, "Oh. And here I was thinking I was gonna be the first."

Toby runs a hand over his face and takes a glance at his wristwatch. It’s barely seven. "Why are you all even up?"

"No reason," Josh answers. It's way too quick, but he's not about to question him.

"The magnolias, they..." Donna looks up directly at Josh, "Why you ask?"

"I— uh."

"Magnolias!," chimes in Sam, leaving his shoulder bag in a corner and sitting on top of the sales counter, right beside Donna, "Such pretty flowers! We're doing bridal bouquets, now? We should, the marriage stuff really is great business."

"Oh, God, no," Josh mutters.

"It really is!,” Sam continues, “There’s definitely money in the sector, and it’s not like it’s an unpleasant job. Donna here, for example, would love it. Anyone with a knack for romance would, really.”

“You work the afternoon shift,” Toby tells Sam, exasperated and already so, so, tired. “On weekends. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I have no idea, Josh was the one who called me.”

“And you came?”

"Absolutely," says Sam, almost triumphant. “I mean why not?”

“I can think of at least, I don’t know, twenty reasons.”

“Well, I like to help my friends when I can, Toby. For the same reasons I think we should really start doing weddings.”

“Unbelievable,” he cries out, “How did we even get to this point of the conversation, we are not doing weddings, what’s wrong with you?”

“I’m a romantic—”

“Yeah, that explains it.”

“—and you know what, I think you are one, too. I think most, if not all, of us here are. Or you're gonna tell me you wouldn't like the sight of the love of your life, surrounded by blooms and blossoms, walking her way towards you? Or, or— maybe doing that walk yourself, that would probably be quite an experience, right? C’mon, Donna, you look like someone who dreams about a big wedding, tell ‘em."

"I... really rather not."

"God, kill me. Right now," Josh mutters a bit too loud, "Just kill me."

Toby notices, strangely enough, that Donna seems to second that thought, but the impression barely has time to settle in because at that exact moment the door opens again. But instead of the light, almost quiet, chime of the bell, they hear a sharp shrill and a loud thud, from the door connecting violently with the wall.

"Joshua Lyman, I will have you hanged," a familiar voice booms.

"I didn’t mean literally," Josh whispers to no one.

"What the actual f— I mean, really, I am never leaving you in charge of the schedule again. Amy just called me asking for your head and I’m pretty sure Joey wants your nuts served on sterling silver — why the hell did you think it was a good idea to have everyone here at like six in the morning, Joshua?"

“Look—”

“Choose your next words carefully because in order for you to keep your internal organs on the inside of your body this will have to be really good.”

His answer ends up not coming in words at all, but in a pleading look — the wide eyes of a man who needs help.

The room awaits silently for Josh's defense, but Toby is looking at CJ, who, for some reason, seems to have a monopoly on his attention whenever she's in the room. And so he catches the moment when her gazes subtly travel to Donna's face. He follows just as carefully, to find her sniffling quietly, cleaning her eyes with the sleeves of her cardigan.

CJ swallows and tracks her eyes back to Josh. Something passes between the two, some understanding, that Toby is not privy to.

“Well." She sighs, rage completely gone. Everyone looks at her. "Since we’re here... maybe... we could all just have something nice to eat...? My treat.”

Josh is visibly relieved.

"I'll take you up on that," Sam says, "I haven't eaten a thing yet."

"You left home without eating?," Donna asks.

"I'm not used to waking up this early."

"Well, let's put some kind of food inside you then," CJ says.

"And coffee," he completes.

They all walk to the nearest café together, finding Bonnie on her bike on her way to work. She unmounts and joins them. Ginger arrives later, when they're all making a fuss over latte flavours, chipping in too. Seasonal spices are seasonal, that's why they're special!, cries out Donna. Nonsense, says Josh, what if I want pumpkin spice all year round, what's wrong with that?

Toby is equal parts impressed and not at all by Josh having an elaborate coffee order. He's hanging back behind the group, watching them have fun with nothing but their own friendship, when CJ finds him.

"What about you, Tobus, gonna drown yourself in cinnamon and allspice, too?," she asks.

He lets himself laugh, "I don't think I have it in me to drink something that complicated."

"A simple man, huh."

"You could say that," he tries and fails to hide a smile.

"I have just the thing."

She enters the line and comes back two minutes later, shoving a blueberry muffin into his hands.

"You didn't have to."

She's the one smiling, then. "I know."

CJ looks up ahead at the rest of their party and her gaze falls on Donna, going soft when she watches how openly the woman laughs while trying to argue some sense into Josh about something as innocuous as coffee.

“Why do I have the impression you know something about my own employee that I don’t...?," Toby asks, then takes a bite from his muffin. It's a bit too sweet for him, but it tastes good. It feels good, like replenishing something inside him.

“I... might.”

“CJ.”

“I’m not supposed to say anything.”

“Those flower arrangements, you like them a lot, right.”

“You don’t play fair.”

“It’s why I’ll never be a professional baseball player.”

“Could've had a chance with the Red Socks team of nineteen—”

“You don’t know anything about baseball, stop obfuscating.”

She sighs, sagging.

“She was supposed to be getting married today.”

Toby chokes on a piece of his muffin. CJ gives him a slap on the back.

“Married?”, he all but yells, between coughs.

“Keep your voice down!”

“What do you mean married?,” he whisper-yells, “You’re telling me she was supposed to marry that asshole?”

“We all make mistakes.”

“Voice of experience?”

“I’m a tattoo artist, Tobias, I have seen things.”

"Married," he repeats. "Married! She's, what, twenty-five? And she's supposed to be getting married to— to a guy who wanted her to throw her entire life away to—"

"I shouldn't have told you anything."

"—what, pay his bills?!"

He breathes in deeply and takes a big bite out of his muffin, knowing the sugar will help him cool down.

It must be quite a picture, his beard covered in crumbs while he munches angrily, because CJ looks at him like she’s about to burst into laughter.

“What?”

"I swear to god between you and Josh the girl’s got more protection than a mafia daughter.”

"Josh knows?," that explains a lot, he thinks. "You're not very good at keeping secrets are you."

"Listen pal, I am very good at it, I just... She needed help, okay?"

"And you think we’re the right people to help her?"

He's not being skeptical, he really isn't. But Donna’s far away from home, and she’s bound to be missing more substantial support. It is true that CJ has a way of making him feel better by just being there, though, and to be fair it is a general talent of hers. Regardless of his protests both her and Josh, they do this, somehow. They arrive, arguing over something tiny, and he forgets he’s worried about anything.

"Yeah, I mean," she shrugs, "isn’t that what friends are for?"

Toby looks up ahead at the people who came around the shop, and all the way here, too, just to keep each other company.

“I think it might work,” CJ concludes.

Between their party and the sugar in his system, he can’t remember what was it that upset him so much that morning.

They all sit on a big table outside the shop, still discussing seasonal lattes. Sam remembers some of his favorites, recalling one or two that never came back another year. Ginger and Bonnie share hot chocolate recipes, and Donna makes notes.

The sun settles itself in the sky and shines down warmly. The District starts moving faster, getting into the gears of the day.

Their regular opening hour approaches.

CJ rises from her place beside Toby and motions with her head for Josh to follow her.

“It's been nice to be robbed blind by a coffee shop chain for your benefit, but we better get to work.”

“Thanks for coming around,” Donna tells her, “I've been having a couple of rough days and…this helped.”

“You should come up to the shop, if it happens again,” CJ says. “Just to hang around. There's always someone there to keep you company.”

“Come today, even,” Josh completes, “I think Amy might not murder me if there’s witnesses.”

“Today's probably not gonna happen,” Donna answers, “We'll be doing some new arrangements, for a while, Dr. Bartlett called.”

“MD or PhD?”

“It’s a lot of work anyway, so does it really matter?”

Josh smiles, shaking his head, “I guess not.”

Is there someone he didn't call?, Toby thinks.

Josh and CJ bid the rest of the table goodbye and head in the direction of their shop. The conversation around them resumes, but Donna is chewing on her lips instead of jumping in to refute Sam's argumentation over croissants.

She steals a glance to watch their backs retreat on the sidewalk, but, before they can get too far, Donna bolts from her seat and stops Josh with a hand on his forearm.

“Josh.”

He stops and looks back. “Yeah?”

She hesitates. When she speaks, it is just loud enough for him to hear.

"Why did you ask about the magnolias?"

She notices she’s still holding him by his shirt and lets go of it, but Josh slides his hand into hers. "Someone came into the shop yesterday to get them done. They reminded me of you.”

He gives her hand a squeeze, that she returns. They share a smile.

“Maybe I could come around tomorrow?,” she says.

“Yeah,” he nods, “Yeah, I think I’d like that. See you tomorrow, then.”

A few steps behind Josh, CJ is watching them, too.

She finds Toby's gaze, when Josh releases Donna's hand to join her. And gives him a wink.

He laughs at the ridiculousness of it, at how warm it makes him feel. But something in the gesture between him makes him believe that there are better days ahead. For all of them.

He turns back to the table around him and when Donna sits down he finally gives in— “You’re all delusional, black forest is just chocolate and cherry, it tastes the same anywhere.”

—starting another round of protests that leads to laughter and lively conversation that lasts the rest of the day.

[datenoriko]

Wondering if I could request some reactionary Headcanons for the warlords where MC is a highly trained and skillful forensic scientist?

I’m so sorry this is waaaay overdue and writing-wise is still unsure of the style... I hope this one’s okay though~ TnT

p.s. I tried adding Kennyo & Motonari too, but brain won’t let me ><

p.s.s. Updated masterlist for my random shenanigans here!

*Every one of them thought MC would be scared of a dead body and multitudes of it on the battlefield and beyond it but...

ODA FORCES

Nobunaga

- “Huh, this fireball’s not afraid of the dead?” // “I examine them for a living.” Visibly impressed, a devilish smirk forms on his lips

- The Devil King is fascinated by you actively asking to take her to battles to study the bodies

- “Look at this! With that deep slice on his jugular vein, no wonder he’ll die pretty quickly due to all that blood loss.” // “On his what?” // “T-the blood vessel found on the neck, my lord.” // *is confused*

- Nobunaga considers this carefully and commissions the armour makers to improve their designs, and/or trade for more sturdy materials with the Portuguese (you know… aside trading for konpeito :3)

- Lets you examine more specimens to determine all possible deaths in battle, and then have it discussed at the next council. It’s a great help for them in terms of preparation & strategizing. After all, prevention and preparation is still much better!

Hideyoshi

- A worried mother hen as always, all he wanted is for you to stay away from the worst sights possible and definitely not going straight towards them! “What do I keep telling you?” // “Uh, stay away from the corpses…?”

- Just like how his lord would sneak away to have konpeito, you also tend to get around stealthily just to study “them”

- Being a highly observation person due to your work, you even know which wooden floor in Azuchi will make a creaking sound and by instinct you will avoid it

- But Mamayoshi is just as observant as you are, and he caught you one night

- “I know you were once this ‘forensic expert’ from where you came from, but you are a princess now and must behave like one!” Legend has it that the lecture continues...  

Mitsuhide

- Ah, he loves asking for your suggestions on how to get away with murder treason!

- I mean, he’s surely an expert but an additional piece of advice his little mouse wouldn’t hurt, right?

- “This place’s almost clean, I’d say.” // “’Almost’, little mouse? It scares me so that you have trained eyes for such matters. // “Is that a compliment? Anyway, I saw a strand of hair near the sliding door... and its color is much similar to yours. Care to explain?”

- Now he’s more careful than ever to leave any trace, knowing you can find him even with the smallest of clues

- The tables have turned for him after such a long time of being a sneaky fox

Masamune

- Oh boy, make sure you won’t overwork yourself by being with this man, being a battle-loving man that he is (meaning, more bodies and scenes to check out)

- At the same time, he finds it amusing that you proactively ask him to take you to his trips, campaigns and whatnots

- “It really is fun having you around, lass! Or should I say ‘partner’?” // “Damn straight, partner… now, let’s solve this case!” Cat-like grin commences for you two

- He sees you having fun hanging out at the scouts’ camp, chatting about experiences in the battlefield. your eyes would glimmer the more explicit they describe it. Creepy? Maybe a little, but at least he sees you happy about it… right?

- The One-Eyed Dragon will find this unusual, sure, but it certainly makes him want to know you more

Ieyasu

- Did he care at first? No, not really. He just wanted no involvement at first and to be left on his room alone, reading or eating extra-spicy food

- However, Yatsun gets curious when he finds you taking a peek at his medicinal work on a man he is a bit late to save :(

- “What are you doing here? You better not get in the way.” // “Oh no, poor man though… what’s the cause?” // “I am yet to find that out, if you’ll excuse me,---” // “Can I take a look?”

- He tries to pry you away from the room but being already in and touching the body leaves him no choice but to keep a close eye on you, making sure you’re not doing anything daft.

- “Huh, not bad.” Ieyasu says as you were able to identify the cause of death, deep inside he’s amazed of course. Later on he would let you join him in his post-mortem activities if the schedule allows to, but still keeping an eye on you to prevent any mishaps from happening

Mitsunari

- “Wow, MC-sama is unfazed as we all are in the battlefield! You truly are an amazing woman.” Did you see that sunny smile on his face as he says it???

- Your logical explanation as to identifying one’s death baffles the force’s cinnamon roll (because of the jargon used), otherwise it fascinates him

- Well, he’s never seen a woman who’s into dead bodies work-wise!

- Like some other warlords, he would ask you for advice when making strategies for the next battle

- When you went to his room one time to borrow a book, the first thing you said was “Am I in a crime scene?” when seeing piles of books around, untouched food and seeing a man unmoved in the middle of the room, reading and not even sensing your presence. “Ah no, just a normal room. I see.”

Ranmaru

- While in an errand, he sees you one day looking at a dead body about to be taken away. He is worried that the view might traumatize you for life… in the back of his mind he already has a plan to take you to a sweets shop and let you gorge in manjuu for the rest of the day

- “MC-sama, are you alright? You look shocked.” // “Yeah, I mean it looks to me that someone killed him when everybody says the opposite! I wanted to look into this so badly…” // “My apologies, but… what?”

- Of course it is never the answer he expected, but when you plead to help him solve it, this page is more than willing to do so

- Now both of you are going around the town looking for clues and asking who you think are involved; partners-in-crime!

- You did get to gorge on manjuu (and tea, lots of it) with Ranmaru when the case is solved!

UESUGI-TAKEDA FORCES

Kenshin

- Oh boy, make sure you won’t overwork yourself by being with this man, being a battle-loving man that he is pt.2

- “How dare you try to even speak with MC; draw your swords. Now.” // “Kenshin-sama, even if I’m used to seeing the deceased, please don’t do that. You’re scaring your own men!”

- He has little to no problem in taking her along to the battlefield, too! One more way to keep her in sight at all times

- Sometimes when you two are drinking and think he had too much you just had to stop him, to his slight annoyance. You have seen many deaths due to alcohol poisoning and definitely wouldn’t want him to be in the list… Bunshin Lord Kenshin appreciates the thought though

- Like Nobunaga, he allows you to do some research on the dead bodies, anything useful for the ongoing war

Shingen

- How can an angel such as you be associated with death and decay? He thinks

- But this daddy needs to accept the fact that you are quite comfortable around such! However once your investigation takes a scary turn expect him to nearby, comforting you with soothing words, or a hug… or eating sweet buns as many as you’d like to calm yourself down

- At first he is reluctant to let you get near the deceased, however whenever he sees your expression light up whenever he makes a cheesy comment (albeit in a rather awkward place) he thought of going along with it

- “Hm, this job of yours is unfitting in every way.” // “Oh yeah? How so?” // “You are brimming with life that I do think you are a goddess who descended upon us men.” // “Ah, here we go again…”

- You have to admit, his presence help you keep your sanity as you used to work alone for long periods of time

Yukimura

- “I thought you might be running away now once you see these.” // “As if they’ll chase me! Unless… are they still alive?” // “Weird woman…”

- This tsun does admire how brave you are after even making such joke

- Along with Sasuke, you three are pretty much effective when doing some investigation at the enemy’s base with you giving them (modern) tips of not getting caught. Unusual hiding spots? Hidden weapons? Suspicious people? All checked and cleared! 

- He has been doing that for a long while now, but hearing your strange ideas do sound plausible… especially when ninja friend is highly approving it

- If Sasuke trusts you, he surely starts to trust you (and your skills) too

Sasuke

- Once again, be paired up with Yuki and you three would make a great investigation/espionage team

- When investigating, you and memelord ninja are speaking to each other in partly jargon, partly heavily-memed language

- Possibly having watched and/or read crimes shows or movie you two are getting along so well

- “So here’s our undercover story: husband, wife and husband’s best friend---” // “Wait, do we get cool names too?!” // “Yeah, I’ll get to that part later… or I’ll do it now. Miyako, Tsune and Chozaburo; sounds cool?” // “Noice.”

- As the conversation continues, Yuki is left by himself to wonder how on earth did he get friends like you, shaking his head lightly as your talk no longer makes sense to him

Yoshimoto

- This beautiful mailman sees you one day sketching and as a man of the arts he comes over to look at what you’re drawing

- What he sees is a detailed sketch of a man, possibly a random person. The facial structure, features are all spot on! He is in full admiration mode

- “My, such a lovely piece you are making there. Has someone commissioned you to make him a portrait?” // “Actually Yoshimoto-san, I am making this to be posted around town. A wanted poster of some sorts… he’s a criminal.”

- You explained to him your job as a forensic artist, and he listens to every single word of it. Yoshimoto would find himself asking about your style of sketching as you continue drawing

- When the posters are up he is one of those people who would look at it for a long time; for him it’s not for memorizing the perp’s face, but simply to appreciate the art, fanning himself ever so gracefully

[gilmesc1]

Do you have any thoughts on fictional portrayals of DID, like danganronpa, spl!t, and others?

Yes, I usually would take time to do research but lucky for you I already did XD

I looked into Danganronpa a while ago since we have 1 or 2 system mates from it, and in that case, prepare yourselves for a hot mess of my opinion and facts I got from a google fest.

So, to start out, I guess I might share spoilers?? So you hath been warned. Additionally I’m not going to sit here and rephrase the entire story so, honestly why am I even explaining this. Anon at least knows what’s going on XDD

So Danganronpa is a psychological mystery anime that focuses heavily on the themes of hope and despair, where in most versions of the story characters are forced into a killing game where they have to kill each other. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out on your own XD

One thing I like about it is that the characters overall are written fairly well. Many of them are complex multi layered gems of writing with good development and story arcs. One thing that I found interesting is the semi accurate portrayals of mental illness and how it impacts the characters in this insane situation.

So, let’s break into that. I focused on the portrayals of NPD and DID specifically, and I could go back and look into others, but we’ll focus on those for this post. And just going to throw this out now, I think it’s interesting and also kind of a bold move to tackle those kinds of things in an anime.

So let’s look at the DID portrayal. The character’s name is Toko Fukawa, and she is a fucking wreck. Confirmed emotional abuse gives a lot into her character, and we see her as this timid, deflective, honestly broken shell. Later in the series we are introduced to her alternate personality, I know, exciting.

However it’s a literal serial killer. So like. Yeah.

I don’t love that part. I mean, out of all of the portrayals for this alter, you had to go with serial killer? And not only that, but a really famous, generally acknowledged as insane serial killer. Thaaaanks writer.

To recap what a lot of tumblr says, this kind of portrayal is dangerous because the majority of DID portrayals are of crazy violent stereotypes. It was quite honestly disappointing, and I wish that the writers hadn’t used this as their big reveal.

But hey, neutral standing here, let’s look at why he did do that from a different perspective. Since the theme of the game/anime is killing, it does make sense plot wise to have a serial killer. Additionally, it’s a clever way to get said serial killer into the game in the first place. Plot wise and with a few things I’ll mention in a second, it does make sense in a twisted way.

But let’s get the bad out of the way first. One thing I really don’t love is her appearance. It’s like someone took the original character design of fukawa, took some drugs, and then drew a nightmare creature. Seriously, there’s crazy eyes, hair flying everywhere, and this freaky inhuman tongue that the alter has out no matter what she’s doing. Like whaaaaaat the fuck.

Firstly this spreads misinformation that we can change appearance at will. Like don’t get me wrong, I wish I could, but the best I got is changing clothes if I have the time. Also the tongue I really hate because it gives the impression of the alter being this inhuman monster. Also again with the impression that we can morph stuff when we switch. I mean, if I had that, I’d be having a lot more fun in my day to day life than I do now.

Do what you will with that information.

Additionally we do see Fukawa’s tongue, and it’s not a weird demogorgon kind of thing, so, yeah, the tongue thing is weird.

Finally her name. It’s Genocider Syo/Jack/Jill. Not a normal name, no the only name we have for her is her serial killer name which I feel serves to continue to show her as this inhuman thing where we all go, Oh god oh fuck time to be afraaaaid.

But hey, let’s look at what they did right.

The backstory of how genocider came to be is really accurate to how it works. Fukawa has a history of abuse at a young age, and genocider eventually comes into the picture to protect her.

Let me explain: So this is a theory on my part (Check out Weeby Newz’s youtube video, that’s where I got this) but Fukawa was revealed to have suffered massive emotional abuse at the hands of a boy who she had romantic interest in. Since he was moving away, she decided to confess her love to him in a letter before this happened. Turns out the boy pinned the letter in her classroom so everyone would make fun of her. Dick move.

I think genocider formed after this specific event, firstly because this is a huge defining experience for Fukawa. Additionally, the way genocider acts serves to prove this. Her target victims are boys, and her first victim was the boy who hurt Fukawa. I mean yeah, killing was waaaay extreme, but bear with me on this next part:

I’d say that genocider is a protector. A lot of her initial actions were to protect Fukawa from getting hurt in the same way, and protectors do have a history of going to the extreme to protect their hosts and systems. Even though she seems like a persecutor, I don’t think any of her actions have been directed at herself and Fukawa, they actually seem to have a decent relationship, and to end this theory that is completely non canon and just me pretending I’m smart, I’d call her a protector.

Next, looking at the relationship they have. Genocider at one point tells the protagonist that they have a “non disclosure policy” when they switch when the other is in the middle of something. (like murder??) And I personally really liked this, as it was a kind of realistic DID humor in my eyes. Take it or leave it, that’s my opinion.

And that’s really all I have on that behalf. Genocider really isn’t shown as a “normal person” often, which I guess is the point but also leaves me with nothing to evaluate. (Side note, this is only V1 of the series and I’m aware she changes but dear god go easy on me)

Finally, here are a few things that I find a little weird tbh.

At first glance when they switch, it’s a touch accurate, if over dramatic. Losing consciousness and coming to as a different alter is possible so I do like that, however they also have her constantly switching when sneezing, which is a little out there.

I mean, I think I’ve done that before, but for it to be a consistent theme, idk. Maybe overdramatized again.

Secondly, there is a voice change, which is accurate, but it really just serves to fit the crazy image, so I’m conflicted on that.

So that is really all I can say on that specifically, to end things I’m going to talk about one other character Fukawa has interactions with, Togami. (He has a first name but I can’t spell/remember it.)

So I gravitated towards him while watching the series because he reminds me of me, hence me saying that he seems to be a dead ringer for npd. Let me explain.

He’s very cold and distant from others and obviously feels superior, additionally he is willing to fight tooth and nail to consistently be on top and win in any situation, leading to him doing some fucked up things.

But like I feel for him. It’s like watching me XD

His past was a very competitive cuthroat environment, where he was taught that losing is worse than death. Additionally he was almost groomed to be this untouchable figure so it’s no surprise that he believes that. I might make a second post about him because there’s a lot more I can say, but I’m going to double back to Fukawa now.

So Fukawa gains a very unhealthy obsession with Togami, despite him wanting literally nothing to do with her. He’s verbally abusive to her and does go out of his way to attack her, but she thinks it’s a sign of love. Poor Fukawa.

This also kind of fits with NPD, because we can have some pretty gravitating personalities. I think the attraction has a lot to do with Fukawa’s mental state, but I just found it interesting that the emotional abuse victim gravitates to Togami of all people.

So I brought him up for that above thought I had, and also to compare this last point. So Fukawa was confirmed to have DID, like it was specifically stated. To my knowledge it was never stated that Togami has NPD, but I strongly assume that he does. (key word assume, I could be wrong.)

So I found it interesting that Togami has this very accurate portrayal of NPD without ever confirming that he has NPD, while Fukawa is specifically confirmed to have DID while having a semi accurate portrayal. I think the writer really wanted to include mental illness in his story line and I doubt he intended anything to be intentionally harmful.

Writing mental illness into a story is very very very tricky, and it’s practically impossible to satisfy everyone, but the fact that he did do it is in my opinion, very bold.

He made good and less good choices, but overall he did make very compelling characters. Genocider admittedly fits better in this plotline as a crazy killer than she would as a realistic alter, but this is fiction.

So final statements: Toko Fukawa is not a bad character. I like a lot about her and overall I think she is very well written. Genocider is very less developed and more of a surprise plot twist than a character, which is unrealistic. The writer made some very awkward choices from a realistic standpoint despite it fitting well with his story.

So overall, she really isn’t a good portrayal of DID. You can enjoy her character like I did, but the main takeaway here is to not take her as a realistic portrayal. I know it seems obvious but this is the kind of thing that forms unhealthy ideas in viewers.

I’m not hating on Danganronpa or Toko, I actually really loved both. I’ve tried to stop ranting about fictional works that I hate. I used to be a loose fucking canon but I realized that I had been bashing a few autistic friend’s special interests, so now I try to be hyper aware that a fictional work might mean everything to someone even if I personally disliked it.

But that isn’t the case here because again I loved Danganronpa XD

So friends, that about does it for me. I liked doing this kind of analysis so if you want me to do more, send them my way XD

My next post will probably be the syscourse analysis if I can get that done before I get an easier topic. So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, thank you for the ask anon.

And I’m now out of words. You all should be happy. XD

[shelikesthosefunnypeople]

Pls explain more abt the ancient history thing b I’m very interested

Hello anon!

I know this was sent in months ago and I should have replied to it then but I’m a master procrastinator and life has been strange (before coronavirus kicked off I was in the middle of preparing for exams). Anyway, I’m happy to answer this.

I made a post in the distant past, basically saying that I think there is a view that history before 1800 is somehow less intellectual and that this is rooted in sexism. That post is here. Allow me to explain and please bare in mind that this is all just my opinion and is based off my experiences.

Apologies for the length.

Firstly, I love history. I’m a complete geek for it. I think it’s important, interesting and with a bit of luck I’ll be studying it at university soon. Therefore, this isn’t a post where I try to claim that actually history before 1800 is superior... because that’s just dumb. History is history and while historians can have personal preferences over which period they find most interesting, that doesn’t make that period “better” than any others. Literally. I mean, everything leading up to the present day didn’t happen in isolated, distinct boxes and all of it is useful to understanding how modern society has developed.

It makes sense that there is a general interest in “modern history”. After all, it is interesting and we have more information about it thanks to technological developments. The 20th century was a time of massive change if you compare 1900 to 2000 - although, I’m sure it’s easy for us to see the difference, seeing as the 20th century wasn’t so long ago in the grand scheme of things and many people who are alive today lived through a part of it. I’m sure people living in the early part of any century probably thought (if they had access to history) that the start and end of the previous century were hugely different. Nevertheless, I agree that the 20th century is quite profound in this respect, at least at the moment. In 100 years, who knows?

The 19th century also offers us a lot more remnants than its predecessors and I think culturally is still viewed as important. Some people have a rose tinted view of the 19th century. In Britain, I’d say it is seen by those of a certain political persuasion (check out Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg) as a time of peak Britishness(TM) and nationalistic pride... although that narrative is simplistic and disregards the suffering of the colonies and indeed the working classes of Britain, who had to prop up all this “greatness”. Anyway, I’m sure if you found a stuffy 19th century bloke, he would tell you how his society’s morality has gone to complete shambles and that he yearns for a bygone era that only really exists in his mind. I guess that’s just what some people always do. Conservatives, eh?

I’ll actually get to the point now.

At my college, there were two history courses available: modern (involving subjects such as the Russian Revolution and Britain from about 1950-2007) and pre-modern (involving subjects such as the crusades and the English Reformation). I took the latter course and was in a class of 18, where there were 13 girls and 5 boys. Generally, the modern history classes were weighted in the opposite way, which simply suggests that at my particular college with my particular year group, boys had a preference for modern history and girls for pre-modern. I would argue that this preference appears to be more widespread in general, but that’s not definite.

The fact that this difference existed is not the problem. The problem is what people perceived this difference to mean.

I was told by a boy (not a nice boy, so not a representation of everyone) who was studying history that the course I was taking was “the gay version”. That, of course, is a puerile insult for 2020 and highlights his maturity level - all history is very, very gay and if you take issue with that then I don’t know what to tell you. Get your head out of your arse, maybe? But anyway... why did he feel superior about studying a different bit of history?

It wasn’t just him. A (male) teacher once told me that the history course I had chosen wasn’t as useful as the other one and that the only use it had was that I could apply transferable essay writing skills to my other subjects. Which was bollocks, might I add. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t a history teacher.

So, where were these views coming from? Why was the English Reformation - which was basically 16th century Brexit - seen as lesser than the Russian Revolution? The obvious argument one could make is that events that have happened more recently are more important and have more of an impact today. However, without the events of the years before them, would these events have happened either? Does the Church of England not still exist? Do we not have a statue of Richard the Lionheart in Westminster (because we like giving statues to tossers, apparently)?

In my opinion, the answer to this odd hierarchy of time periods lies in gender socialisation and the propensity of people to view history in the same way they view fiction. We know that the traditional male/female gender socialisation patterns are different: boys are socialised to be “tough”, “leaders”, “aggressive” etc. whilst girls are socialised to be “submissive”, “friendly”, “polite” etc. This is hopefully changing now but inbuilt, subconscious biases about the genders and what quantifies masculinity and femininity are still around. There is the stereotype of boys being interested in war due to the toys they were given to play with. Surprise, surprise - warfare in the 20th century alone was vastly different to anything that had come before it and, as I said, due to technology we have more archived about it. I’m not suggesting that only boys are interested in historical war - again, that’s a stereotype. Anyone can be interested in war, 20th century or otherwise. Despite this, I’m not going to pretend there still aren’t those guys who get waaaay into warfare and that their interest and knowledge in history is largely confined to that subject.

And that’s fine! You know, as long as you don’t start worshipping Hitler or anything equally creepy. People aren’t experts on every little bit of history and are allowed to have stereotypical interests.

Yet, that still doesn’t explain completely why “modern history” is viewed as more intellectual, just because maybe it appeals slightly more to men (apart from the obvious that anything men like is viewed as superior in some way).

As historical societies are notably different to our own - especially on the surface - and because there is so much historical fiction that seeks to romanticise it, it is not massively surprising that many people do see history as an extension to fiction. It’s gone, we live in the now, lots of people don’t even believe history matters. The fantasy genre has a habit of adopting historical (often medieval) settings for its tales. It’s an obvious example but Game of Thrones was a retelling of the Wars of the Roses, amongst other things. I think when fantasy is applied to history it makes it seem even less real than it may already and this can lead to it being taken less seriously (though please do watch Horrible Histories or Blackadder and take the piss out of all time periods because humans of every age have been fallible). Of course, it is far easier to romanticise and play around with times that are further from our own because they are further detached and therefore more fantastical. This plays into post-1800 being seen as more “real” and “intellectual”.

Some men who wish to keep women out of the historical circle accuse them of only being interested in history because of “romance” or “fancy dresses” - princesses and knights and fairytales. This is more a low down problem with internet trolls than actual, published historians but the issue still stands. If you view “pre-modern” history through this veil of fiction then it must seem rather childish compared to the stark brutality of the World Wars and the political rise of the New Right in the West. However, conversely, it could also be argued that the nationalism and legend attached to recent warfare makes it equally comparable to a story. Not a happy story but then, Game of Thrones isn’t a happy story either.

I don’t think anyone serious about history actually believes that the romantic, fantastical elements attached to any historical periods are 100% true. Hopefully, most people don’t see them as proof that being interested in a certain period makes you better than someone who is interested in another period. Any period can be romanticised, including the “modern” one - Titanic, anyone? Not to mention the frilly view we have of the Victorians (although that’s not silly because of the Britishness(TM), remember). Actually, using history in fiction and even making fiction about history isn’t even a bad thing and I certainly encourage it. I just think that the truth shouldn’t be conveniently forgotten by those with weird superiority complexes who think that because The Tudors was all about love trysts and fine clothing, the entire period is “girly” and a write off.

What am I saying amongst this rambling mess? The next time you see a girl going through her Ancient Egypt phase, don’t roll your eyes. Not if you wouldn’t do the same when you see a boy with an interest in WW2 tanks. Whichever way people come to their interest in the past is valid (apart from the creepy fascist worshipping I mentioned). A lot of things in our world are gendered when they shouldn’t be; history should be equally open to all and although there is a focus on the past 200 years (just look at the uni modules on offer), that doesn’t mean that if you are interested in the years before, your interest isn’t valid enough.

I hope I’ve managed to explain myself properly and have gotten through how gender plays into this sufficiently. I know this is a very niche thing to have an opinion on and I’d like to stress again that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree with me. That said, if you send me hate then don’t expect a proper response.

Thanks for the ask!

[thought-loop]

An Irresponsibly Long and Occasionally Corny Love Letter

Okay, so this is going to be a long one. I’ve found myself in a situation where my life is the best it’s ever been, and it feels so incredibly surreal waking up to it every morning. I’ve been wanting to talk about it for a while now, and I want to make sure I get it all down on record before the memory is too distant.

If you found your way here through a link I sent you, this is written for you in particular. This is an extended thank you to you, and I want you to know how you’ve touched my life.

Fall 2019 was my 7th semester in college. It was a dark time in my life. College burnout was hitting me hard, and my mental health suffered as a result. I routinely skipped my classes and slept in until 2pm. I felt like a stranger in my own college, and I dreaded studying. I had no friends in the CS department that I regularly talked to, and this made me feel like an island. My grades in the fall were abysmal, and my grades in the spring were even worse.  By the time May came around, I was in jeopardy of failing out after 4 years.

I was determined to finish what I started. I picked up 18 credits over the summer, and three of the classes were my third and final attempt to pass them. Summer of 2019 was do or die. I was in too deep to give up, so I kicked things into high gear.  When summer session began, I hit the ground running.  I spent the first few weeks getting waaaay ahead wherever I could.  I studied like I had something to prove, because I did.

As a result, I became an active member in class GroupMes answering questions and helping others (in addition to ranting and posting memes).  I had always loved these groups, and they made up most of my social interactions.  As an introvert, I generally have a hard time putting myself out there and making friends.  But these groups felt very approachable, and they gave me a place where I felt comfortable reaching out. I took better notes if I knew someone else would see them, and the study guides I posted were lauded.  Helping others in the class not only kept my understanding sharp, but it also energized me. I had inadvertently made a name for myself in these forums.  Around exams and project due dates, I was regularly getting 5-10 DMs a day from various people.  This was a massive and welcome change to how I’d been studying for the past year.  It made me feel like I had something to offer as a person.  For the first time in a long time, I felt valued and validated.

But it went a step further than that.  Eventually I wasn’t just getting messages from people with homework questions.  I was getting messages about everything. I know a lot of people who were hit with AI violations for McDaniel’s second project, because a lot of them reached out to me about it seeking advice and comfort.  I’ve had people consult me about switching majors before they spoke with an advisor.  Hell, I’ve been asked for relationship advice in a GroupMe DM from someone I had never met in the flesh.  I don’t know how or why, but somehow I had become a confidante for a significant number of people who I’d never even met.  And I was (and still am) always happy to talk with people about the things they’re dealing with.  As the daughter of a therapist, I feel energized by opportunities to help others with their problems.

In any case, I was taken aback.  It’s hard to accurately describe the gravity of what I experienced without coming across as factitious posturing, but it’s difficult not to when the people around me have made me feel like I’m on one.  I brought it up with other friends who were active in these groups, and they said they didn’t have this experience of having their peers message them out-of-the-blue to talk about their thoughts, problems, dreams.  I recognized that lot of people began to see me as someone they respect, someone they can trust with their baggage, someone who they can open up to _even _about their more embarrassing predicaments.  It felt like I was given a special role that no one else knew about, and one that was really hard to explain.

Even describing it now, it sounds like I’m blowing smoke up my own ass.  But I just want to make it known that this has been a borderline religious experience for me.  During the months leading up to this point I felt completely alone.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a waste of space.  I stopped taking care of myself.  When I started posting study guides and answering question in GroupMe, I was doing it for my own benefit as a last-ditch effort to stay in the major.  I had no idea that so many people would huddle around me in the way they did.  I’ve shed tears reflecting on the overwhelming amount of support and love I’ve received from people I’ve never met, DMing me spontaneously to just check in on me and see how I was doing.  It’s an incredible feeling knowing there are people who think of me and are looking out for me, and I’ve never experienced anything like it in my 23 years on this earth--at least anything of this magnitude.

So that was my motivation for writing this.  It’s a difficult experience to talk about (it doesn’t really work in casual conversation), but I had to find a way to let the people who’ve impacted me know how much they’ve impacted me.  I’ve had conversations with so many amazing people, and I want them to know how amazing they are in my eyes. My life has been changed in a way that I could never imagined, and I will think back on this experience fondly for years to come.

I want to take a moment to get sappy and name some people in particular, for various reasons, as individuals who I’m especially grateful for or that I have particularly fond memories of.

Nate:  You were the first friend I made in those forums back in fall semester, and even though we only briefly see each other, I still consider you a close friend of mine.  You were the only person I talked to in my classes for a long time.  You were there when I felt most alone, and I’ll always remember that.

Jimmy: Between you, Nate, and I, we’ve always been the Meme Gang in our groups, probably annoying the shit out of everyone else.  We’ve become sort of partners in crime in our classes this semester, and it’s been a wonderful partnership.  You’ve become my study buddy of choice if I ever need help because I know I can count on you.

Vernika: I remember you messaging me back before summer session even started to establish a friendship, and I’m so glad you did.  I would never leave my house if it weren’t for you inviting me over between classes, letting me sleep on your couch because of my nightmarish sleep schedule, and otherwise being an awesome person to hang out with.  If it weren’t for you I also wouldn’t have met Evelynn or Kyle who I literally owe giant chunks of my grade to. 

Ajinkya: We haven’t spoke in a while, but I still wanted to thank you in particular.  Back when I was doing McDaniel’s third project, you stayed up for hours with me helping me debug my code.  It probably seemed like nothing to you, but I still have fond memories of working with you.

Chris: When Evelynn first introduced us, the first thing you said to me was, “Wait, you’re not _the _Chloe are you? The one from the GroupMes?” You made me feel like a rockstar then, and you _always _make me feel like a rockstar to this day.   Even when I’m bombing hard, your positivity is infectious.  You have a unique style of communicating that motivates me to act and keeps me from being too self-deprecating.

There are so many more people I could talk about and so many other experiences that impacted me, but this post is already getting monstrously long and I’d actually like for people to read it.  But I just wanted to express how fondly I think of you all in particular. Most of you had stuck your necks out for me long before you had even met me and made me feel welcome in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

To those reading this, thank you for indulging me.  These are things that I’ve been holding inside for a while, and it feels good to finally get it out there.  If any of you ever need someone to lean on, even years from now, for whatever reason, you know where to find me.  I wish you all the best.

From me to you,

Chloe

[lovemesomesurveys]

Last day of the  d e c a d e.

First things first, did you have a good year? No.

How old did you turn this year? 30. D:

Do you feel your age? It’s weird cause I feel old in some ways, but also younger in others. Like... with my health, how I am with some things, and the way things are right now I feel much older. I also think it’s the number 30 that makes me like, “omg I’m so olddd.” But then I feel younger and like I’m almost stunted in some way if that make sense. Apart from the fact I pay bills, I don’t feel much like an adult. I still look around in situations where an adult is needed or something before I’m like, “Oh wait...I’m the adult.” I still take my mom to all my doctor appointments and look to her to explain things for me. I’m also still like a child at heart in some ways. I don’t know, it’s confusing. And anyway, how exactly should a 30 year old feel?

Did your appearance change in anyway? Thinner and paler. Roots are waaaay overgrown now. 

Post your favorite selfie. Nah.

If you traveled, where did you go? I went to the beach a few times and had a nice weekend getaway for my birthday.

Which fashion trends did you love? Which fashion trends did you hate? I don’t care about that. I just wear leggings and graphic tees with some Adidas stuff.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? All my graphic tees and Adidas stuff, which I got a lot of this year.

What song sums up this year for you? I don’t know.

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? There wasn’t one album that I listened to on heavy rotation. I have a big playlist with various artists/bands that I just listen to on shuffle. I like variety.

What was your favorite movie of the year? Honorable mentions: The Avengers: Endgame, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, It Chapter Two, and Joker.

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? I don’t think anyone new did, really. My love for Alexander Skarsgard is still going strong, ha.

Favorite new TV show? Not a TV show, but my top favorite new show this year is definitely The Mandalorian. Baby Yoda :D Love Euphoria on HBO. Also binge watched both seasons of You on Netflix. There could be others, but those instantly come to mind. Then of course there’s the new seasons of shows I’ve been watching for awhile as well. 

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? I got even more into Marvel films this year. Endgame really did got me, man.

What food did you try for the first time? I don’t think I tried anything new... I just eat the same few foods. I’m very picky and my appetite and other health issues has really changed what I eat and how much. I did get really into sandwiches this year for some reason, though. Not a new food for me, but a new food added to the rotation.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year? Hm...

What was one nice thing you did for someone else? That’s bad when nothing comes to mind... 

What was one nice thing you did for yourself? Nothing.

Did you develop a new obsession? I got into new TV shows and movies.

Did you vote? There wasn’t an election this year.

Did you move? No.

Did you get a job? No.

Did you get a pet? I didn’t get a new pet this year. I still have my adorable doggo, though.<3

Do you regret not doing anything? Yes. Another year where I didn’t work on myself or take care of things like I should have. I haven’t even taken the steps or tried to work on things. I just continue to waste away, doing nothing. 

Do you regret doing something? Yes.

Have you done anything that scared you? Yes.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? A lot of things. A lot of frustrations and irritability about my health and my life. 

Did you lose anyone close to you? No, thankfully.

Did you fall in love? No.

Did you fall out of love? No.

Did you start a new relationship? No.

Did you go through a break up? No.

Did you have to cut ties to someone? Not this year. That happened over the past few years. 

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? My loved ones are most important to me; always have been and always will be.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? --

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? Absolutely.

What was the best moment of the year for you? What was the worst? My birthday weekend vacation and the beach trips were good parts of the year. The worst was everything else. :X This year started out really bad and a lot of things followed throughout the year. There was the continuation of ongoing things that just carried over to this year as well, and in some cases got worse. 

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t? Not change me as a person, but I thought because of how bad things were at the beginning of the year, the aftermath was going to be a lot different. A lot worse, in fact. I thought my health had really taken a turn and that some things were irreversible. I had gotten so sick and was knocked down HARD on my ass for awhile and yeah, there were serious setbacks.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? I mean, my mental and physical health has had a huge effect on me. I’ve become someone I don’t recognize. Someone I hate. That’s been over the span of a few years, though. It’s just continued on through this year.

What are you most proud of accomplishing? I didn’t accomplish anything.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? I think more it’s been further confirmation of things.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better? Hmm.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? I don’t think so.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year? I don’t make them.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? --

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go this? Ha, today is the last day of the year and I have no way of getting anyway even if I wanted to. I’ll be spending it at home.

What do you wish for others for the coming year? What do you wish for yourself? Best wishes to you all for the new year. I hope 2020 brings good change for you.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Secrets part 2

Fandom: IT Characters: Reg, Vic, Henry, Patrick Relationship: Reg/reader Request: Awwww, this was cute. Stupid (reg, you're an idiot) but cute. A couple spelling/grammar issues but not enough to really RUIN the flow, just a couple hiccups. I'd love a "part two" where we actually see them walk into school holding hands+reg introducing you to the group. Oooooo... I kinda, also, wanna see how it all went down too! Like, the boys showed up and reader got shoved out the back. Reg said that Patrick went upstairs and discovered reader's clothes. I kinda wanna see Reg's thoughts from the kitchen scene onwards. Like he realizes the boys are here, kicks her out the back, he thinks everything's good, then Patrick goes upstairs and finds her underwear, Reg mentally freaks out before he explains, then the boys all "congratulate him on getting laid" and tell him they wanna meet her xP ... I just got waaaay too into this xD AN: part 1: http://littlebitoffanfic.tumblr.com/post/183504437734/secrets “You’re beautiful. “ He mumbled as he buried his face into your neck, enjoying the smell mixture of sex and him on your skin. The soft giggle that left your lips made his heart race. Not matter how many times he managed to make you laugh, he still took some form of pride in it. When you twisted in his arms to kiss him, it made his whole body tense up. He couldn’t even begin to count how many times you had kiss him but he cherished every one. Forcing himself to relax so he could kiss you back, enjoying how the kiss seemed to be a little more lazy and laid back than normal. It was normally a good sign that you were satisfied and happy. IN a moment, his world was perfect. But then he heard them. He snapped back from the kiss. They had never been quiet people. He could heard Patricks cracking from a mile away. Shit. His mind began to race as he froze up. He fought so hard to keep you away from the guys, but he never thought they would come to his house tonight. He didn’t tell them his mother was away and it was late. There was no real reason for them to come for him. He knew there was no point try to figure out why they were here when he heard your voice, pulling him back into the room. “Baby?” but then you froze, hearing what he had heard. Reg’s eyes fell on your appearance. Your flushed cheeks, the soft bite marks on your neck and shoulders that would have been gone by school, his shirt which draped off your shoulder and only really covered the bare minimum. He needed to get you out of here. Henry and Vic would be bad enough, but Patrick was something completely different. If they came in, saw you and even if they left straight away, he was sure the news would get around the school quickly. Sure, he would be fine, just getting a pat on the back, but you would probably be branded a slut. It was the way things worked at school. The guys gets the glory and the girls gets degraded unless theres already a relationship there and everyone knew about it. You were sweet and soft, popular to the point that you slipped under the radar of the gang for not being a loser but not popular enough for everyone to pay attention to you. And that’s how you liked it. He didn’t want to cause you any issues or to hurt your reputation. Reg did the only thing he could think off as he moved across the kitchen, away from you to grab some clothes. “You have to go.” Reg told you, not meaning to snap but he couldn’t take it back now. “w-what?” You gasped at him and he felt your eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. “Its dark and the middle of winter. It was fucking snowing yesterday. And im only wearing this!” You gestured to the top you wore as Reg started to pull on some of the clothes. “im sorry, I really am. But-“ He was cut off when the sound of the front door opening and Patrick called into the house. “Belch!” Fear flooded through Regs body as he did the only thing that made any sense in that moment. He moved quickly to you, grabbed your wrists and shoved you out the back door. Guilt flooded through his body when he saw the shocked and hurt in your eyes. he couldn’t take it, pulling the curtain across the door. It was partly so the guys wouldn’t see you, but also so he couldn’t. Maybe, if he had had more time, he might have been able to devise a better plan. But this was the best he could do. Before he could give any more thought to it, Patrick, Henry and Vic came into the kitchen. “We shouted on you.” Henry partly scolded but Reg understood why they were here. Henry had a new and particularly nasty bruise on his forehead and leading down to his eye which was blackened. His father had kicked him out again. “You want some ice?” Reg offered and Henry gave a single nod. If anyone else had been around, henry would have refused. Reg went to his freezer and pulled out a bag of ice. He grabbed a clean towel and took a handful of the ice, placing it in the centre of the towel. He wrapped it up and gave the cold bundle to Henry. He took it with a small nod of appreciation. “You’re mom not in?” Vic asked, glancing around. “No, she had to go away.” Reg shook his head. There was no point in lying. They would have seen her car wasn’t in the driveway. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Patrick whined, looking for any excuse to throw a house party even if it wasn’t his house. “She only decided to go today.” Reg lied. They didn’t need to know that he had known for a little over a week. “well then, I’ll go take a slash in the fancy toilet.” Patrick smirked, head to the stairs as Reg rolled his eyes. The downstairs toilet was small, having been fitted in an old cupboard. The upstairs bathroom, however, was big with both a walk in shower and a bath. Regs mom didn’t like people going to the upstairs one if she was in simply because it was right by the bedrooms and she didn’t want them sticking their heads in to her room. Reg leaned against the side while Vic told him about how Henry had nearly broken his window throwing stones to get his attention. the story caused some laugher from both Reg and Henry but then Reg heard that soft cackle from Patrick which he had learned to hate. Looking at the door to the kitchen, he saw Patrick was back with his hands behind his back. “You’ll never guess what I found?” Patrick looked at Henry and Vic with a raised eyebrow and smirk on his lips. “Belch’s mums pants?” Henry smirked as he joked. Reg rolled his eyes, flipping Henry off. It was a common thing between the group. no matter whos house they were at, it was vics mums dildo, Patricks mums vibrator ect. It was just a joke. “Well, I don’t think they are his moms.” Patrick pulled your pink, lace underwear and matching bra from behind his back. Regs face fell as he felt his heart sink. Patrick was right, they couldn’t possibly be his moms because you were so much smaller than his mom. They had also been on the floor in his room. The kitchen fell silent as all eyes moved to Reg. “Holy shit, dude.” Vic exclaimed, his voice showing shock and admiration. “Who is she?” “Fuck who she is. Where is she?” Henry asked, raising an eyebrow as his eyes darted to the kitchen table. “She left.” Reg chocked out, only because he knew they would tear the house apart to find you. “Without her clothes?” Patrick winked at him and Reg frowned. “No, she had a spare. Had to leave for an emergency.” Reg growled a little, angry and frustrated with Patrick who instantly picked up on it. “I just walked past your room and saw her clothes thrown on the floor. Not my fault you left the door open.” Patrick shrugged and Reg moved from the side to grab your underwear out of Patricks hands. “Congrats on getting laid!” Vic playfully punches Reg in the arm with a smile. “yeah, especially by whoever wears those.” Henry smirks, bringing the pack away from his eye to look at the underwear in his hand. “Thanks.” Reg couldn’t help but smile a little, however wrong it was. He was suddenly bombarded with questions from the group. “Who is she?” “Do we know her?” “Does she go to our school?” “Have you fucked her before?” “was she any good?” “When will you see her again?” “Can we meet her?” “Stop!” Reg demanded as he walked into the living room. They followed him and saw the small bag that was sitting beside the sofa. You had left it there when you had dragged Reg upstairs. He pushed the pieces of clothing into the bag and made a mental note to get the clothes you had left upstairs as well. When he straightened up, he knew he had to answer some of their questions. He considered lying, but then he remembered the day before. you had asked him if he would ever tell his friends about you. You wanted people to know you were dating him because you were proud of the relationship. You didn’t mind sneak about, but it would be nice to go into town together and go to the movies without having to go in separate. He knew you would be angry, but he decided that it would be easier to tell them now. “You know [y/n] from school?” Reg asks, glancing over his shoulder at his friends before turning to them. “the [h/c] girl? The one in your history class?” Vic asks, surprising Reg a little. Vic had always been the most perceptive of the group. “Yeah, its her.” Reg tell him, hoping the others knew who Vic was going on about. “Wait, [y/n]? Shes sleeping with you?” Henry raises an eyebrow and Reg understands what he means. You were hot, and no one would have put you and Reg together. You were the type that would end up with the football players. “Yeah, for a while now.” Reg nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Vic protested, seeming insulted. “Because I know what you guys are like. Shes real sweet and I didn’t want you guys to scare her off.” Reg tell them and Vic give a few nods, apparently agreeing with him. “Well, can we meet her now?” Vic asks. “Shes not here.” Reg frowns, thinking Vic has missed the moments in the kitchen. “No, at school? She can start hanging out with us, if you’s two are a thing.” Vic looks to Henry and Patrick who nod a little. Reg didn’t like the smile that Patrick had, but he knew the others were genuine and would want to meet you. “I don’t know. If things are fine between me and her, sure.” He nods, and the group seems to know that whatever he meant, they probably wouldn’t find out tonight. He would go round to yours in the morning, try and sort things out. He just hoped you would be able to forgive him. -----------time skip (after part 1) --------------- Everyone’s eyes fell on the girl who had stepped out of Regs car. It was almost like you were some celebrity who had just stepped foot in the school. Many of the students knew you, but never would have expected this. Reg walked round the car, a soft smile on his lips. “You okay?” He asks, still unsure if you should be back at school just yet, but you nodded. “Yeah, never better.” You smile. News got around that you had been sick, but no one had put your sickness and Regs absents together. Until they saw you walking hand in hand with Reg into the school. Your heart was hammering in your chest and eyes followed you in shock. But as you looked up at Reg, you noticed he had a new sense of pride in the way he walked iwhrt you by his side. before you even knew what was happening, Reg stopped in front of a group. It took you a moment to realize you were standing in front of the infamous Bowers gang. You had walked past them many times, but normally your eyes were drawn to Reg who would smile a little when he saw you. You never really had to look at the rest of them. now you felt like you were standing in front of the firing squad. “This is [y/n].” Reg took charge of the introduction which you were more than grateful for. “[y/n], that’s Henry, Patrick and Vic.” He pointed to each one respectively as he spoke. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of you then.” Vic smiles at you with a nod. “I mean, you guys saw my underwear. There isn’t much more to see.” You shrug, glancing over your shoulder just to make sure no one was listening too closely. But you were drawn back when the group laughed, finding your sarcasm humorous. You took a spot between Vic and Reg and slipped into the group with ease after that with no more secrets.

[mysticmylifeisamess-enger]

Requests open!!! Yay!! :D ok, what would be the weirdest thing MC would caught the RFA + Saeran + V doing? You can do it as a reaction or headcannon :) -Fish 🐟

this one took me too long, thank you for your patience Fish ^^ I’ll add V to this soon, I just couldn’t think of anything for him immediately and I didn’t feel up for writing Jaehee in this, hope that’s okay!

edit: I usually proofread immediately after posting, but didn’t last night cause I immediately passed out, but I’m so embarrassed that this one had some bad spelling errors and it got 80+ notes before I got to fix it oops

Yoosung:

playing lolol was always his go to in his downtime

but when he was playing today, he was thinking about how cool the armor in the game looked

and wondered what it could possibly be made of

‘probably steel or some heavy material,’ he thought

he then thought about how pots and pans are made out of that

which brought him to where he is now, staring at his creation in the bathroom mirror

he had managed to find duct tape and stuck the kitchenware he had to his clothing 

and as he gazed at his masterpiece, flexing and posing to make it look cooler, he hadn’t heard the front door opening

you made your way through the place, wondering where Yoosung could be, noticing some missing pieces in the kitchen before you saw the light coming from the bathroom

you thought that maybe he had left that on so you went to turn it off

only to find your boyfriend with a pasta strainer on his head and a baking sheet taped to his chest

what made it better was his pose, leg up on the counter while he flexed his arms, phone out as he took selfies that you knew he wouldn’t post anywhere

the look on his face as you made eye contact from the reflection was priceless

“So this is what my hero has been up to all day,” you teased

“Actually more like the last hour,” he retorted, although that didn’t help his case

“Well I’m supposed to start on dinner soon and could really use that frying pan on your shoulder,” you said 

“I’ll go put it all back,” he said, walking passed you in shame

Zen:

he found himself watching a lot of makeup tutorials on youtube

it just always impressed him to see the amount of work behind a full face look

he didn’t have much in his makeup bag, considering most of it was done on sets and not at home

but he knew you had way more

so as soon as he knew you were gone for the day, he pulled up a tutorial and your makeup bag

he tried to follow along as best he could, wondering how it could come out so great for them when he couldn’t even get his eyeliner wing sharp enough

his foundation was patchy, eyeshadow passed his eyebrows and contoured waaaay too dark

the only thing he was really proud of was how he applied his lipstick, it looked so plump and perfect with it’s deep red shade

looking in the mirror, he couldn’t help but admire his look

“Even when you mess up, you still look like a snack,” he said to his reflection, leaning in to leave a kiss mark on the mirror

but just as his lips pressed on the cool glass, he heard what sounded like a camera go off

turning to find you at the door, phone out and pointed at him

“Seven’s going to get a real kick out of this,” you said, running out the room only to be followed by him chasing you

Jumin:

“MC, I’m home,” he exclaimed, walking through the door of his shared penthouse only to get no reply

‘Odd,’ he thought, making his way through the place only to find your bra on the kitchen counter

he picked it up, smirking to himself as he thought back to the kitchen counter exploration you two had that morning

he continued examine the black lace fabric, thinking back on how good it looked on you

a thought popped into his head that he wouldn’t have expected from himself

‘What would this look like on me?’

since you were nowhere to be found, he stripped down his jacket and shirt, looping his arms through the straps only to look down and stop

something felt off about this as he stretched the fabric over himself

after a minute, you walked through the front door, security escorting you in as they helped carry your grocery bags

only to walk in on your husband, shirtless in the middle of the kitchen with your bra on

before you could say anything, he turned around, revealing the oranges he had stuffed in the cups

“Um, dear,” you started, “I was going to ask you to help me bring some more bags up, but you seem to be strapped.”

the bodyguards were holding back laughs at your comment, until Jumin shot them a glare

“Oh relax, don’t get your panties in a twist~”

Saeyoung:

he was hard to embarrass

over the years you had walked in on a lot of things

trying on your dresses, force feeding Saeran honey buddha chips, talking to himself in the third person, really the list really goes on

but one you didn’t seem to expect was right in front of you

he had been quiet for a few hours, which was unlike him, so you went looking for him

only to find him in his room, laying in bed with his legs crossed as he wrote in a pink little notebook with a small padlock and label on it that read ’☆707’s Super Secret Thoughts☆’

you plopped yourself down next to him, surprising him as he scrambled to hide his book, but it was too late

you had managed to grab it from him and run as he got up to chase you

“MC, give it baaaaack,” he whined as he tried to catch up to you

“Nooo, I want to know your secret thoughts,” you replied as you scanned over the page that was open, somehow outrunning him

he had scribbled down what seemed to be in-cohesive rambling, but upon closer examination it was poetry

“Saeyoung, I didn’t know you were such a poet,” you teased only for him to finally catch up and tackle you, pinning you to the ground as he took back what was his

“I’m not! You don’t need to see that,” he said, defensively

you pouted up at him, only for him to hand you the notebook back

as you looked through and read his words, you couldn’t help but audibly ‘aw’ so he wouldn’t feel self-conscious, encouraging him to open up to you more

at one-point, you had accidentally laughed at a spelling error and he yanked the book right back, retreating to his rooms and giving you the silent treatment

turns out, he was much more sensitive than you thought, taking you days to get him to give more than just one-word responses

Saeran:

he was really one to keep to himself

solving most of his own problems and debates on his own

but one day, he seemed to be having an intense argument with himself, talking to himself out loud in his room

it got so far, that he had actually set one side of his own argument as a defense and the other as a plaintiff and his impartial decision making as the jury

he had mapped out each side of the argument, bringing up pros and cons on both side

stating his own cases to himself and trying to be objective of his own points that he brought up

all while pacing back and forth in his room alone

or so he thought

he was so lost in thought, he didn’t hear you knocking on his door or walking in when he didn’t respond

you saw the mess of papers all over the room, looking as if he had been locked in here for years with only himself to talk to when really, it couldn’t have been more than an hour since he had gone to his room to think over your question

the question? “Hey Saeran, what movie do you want to see?”

you knew he was pretty indecisive, but this just seemed like an extreme

you coughed, gaining his attention as he stopped in his tracks, clearly annoyed at the interruption in thought until he realized what was around him

“MC, I can explain”

“It seems pretty clear,” you said, picking up a piece of paper from the “plaintiff’s side”

“So are you any closer to closing this case?” you jokingly asked

“No,” he sighed, sounding defeated, “both sides have very compelling arguments.”

“How about I choose the movies from now on, okay?”

[alexistitania]

TOKYO GHOUL ENDED AND I AM EMOTIONAL

Like, it legitimately ended. That’s it. No Part 3. I mean there IS material for potential Part 3 but this is the definitive closure to the story. 

AND GUESS WHAT? IT AIN’T A TRAGEDY?!

I know people are always gonna be divided on this, like I’m seeing actual hate in the tag, and I guess that’s to be expected, this always happens when a popular series is ending. But I don’t think this particular ending deserves so much hate, and hopefully there are more people who are happy with it. Personally, I will FOREVER be thankful for this chapter! It’s not perfect, but then again, no ending is. Yes, it could’ve wrapped up more loose ends, but I think it did enough. What’s more important is that it’s not bad (in MY opinion ok chill thanks). No, it’s SO far from bad! For me, it’s an overall GREAT ending, more or less along the lines of how I always imagined TG ending. I just never really believed it WOULD end this way, like I was legit afraid Ishida would go for the tragedy thing instead, but hey, thanks anime gods! 

I think most people expected a tragic ending with Kaneki dying and everything being hopeless or bittersweet at most, but we actually got an extremely pure and happy chapter, with a neat bow on top, and I for one am LOVING it! Because I’ve been following TG since 2014, and I’ve wanted a happy ending for Kaneki and all of these characters for so long, and now I’m finally getting the payoff for all those years of suffering, don’t TOUCH ME I AM FRAGILE! 

It still feels kinda weird though, seeing genuinely happy things happen in this manga, it’s like a dream I never thought would come true, but it did! Obviously, you can’t please everyone, and there will always be people who will hate this ending because they envisioned it differently, but I think at the very least the ending shouldn’t ruin the rest of the story, for anyone! Of course, people will have to take some time to recover before they decide exactly how they feel about the series after its ending, but I mean, we all stayed for the ride, didn’t we? And although this final arc - for whatever reason - felt rushed toward the end and stuff, I think Ishida made the most out of the final chapter, considering where the previous chapter left off!

So we have TSC instead of CCG now, and good riddance, I hated that organization lol, although I loved a lot of the characters who were a part of it. I really like how it’s emphasized in this chapter that nothing is really over yet, the fight still continues. The difference is that there’s a new enemy of both humans and ghouls now. As expected, for the two species to finally coexist, a mutual enemy was necessary. But even though a lot of ghouls are now living peacefully with humans, thanks to the two races’ joint effort, it’s not like everyone is willing to make peace. Speaking of peace, I like how we have the title “peacekeepers” now instead of investigators (it reminds me of one of the home worlds from the Spyro the Dragon game, but that’s just my own nostalgia speaking), although it’s just in Tokyo, because apparently, other branches of CCG are still active and fighting the ghouls that are disrupting the peace. Hopefully the investigators have a new policy now, and they don’t attack friendly ghouls nowadays. Of course, there are always gonna be bad feelings from both sides, but hopefully the hostility isn’t as strong anymore. I actually wish the chapter had gone into a bit more depth and explained the nature of an investigator’s job in this new world, since some of the characters we know stayed investigators, but oh well.

Basically, both species have obviously made incredible progress in the past six years, but it’s not all flowers and rainbows, not EVERYONE is happy with this new world. And that’s so very like real life. What I think is great about this chapter is how it builds this new society as broadly as possible, and tries to explain as much as possible from different angles, because so many things have changed, it’s practically entirely new worldbuilding. It’s surely only a glimpse of what this new world looks like, but I believe it’s as detailed as the 30-page format allows. And I actually LIKE how we aren’t given everything, I feel like that’s very much Ishida’s style, leaving some things open. Because, nothing is really concluded, this fictional world didn’t just magically reach Nirvana, nor did it completely crumble down; it’s just transformed, it’s still transforming, PANTA RHEI MY DUDES! The overall theme of this chapter goes perfectly with the message of Kaneki’s speeches about the world and the never-ending change. I just really, REALLY like how the chapter emphasizes that constant change. And I like how you get this sense of cause & consequence from the chapter, as it’s made very clear that, while the Dragon war was definitely horrible, it actually allowed for new technologies to develop, which ultimately led to a better world, a changed world. We’re definitely meant to see this chapter as a closure, or actually more of an afterword, but we’re also urged to realize this is not the end of the story; the story goes on, and we were only shown a fragment of it. Like, that’s real poetic stuff right there my man.

Now, I also have a few things to say about some of the characters featured in the chapter. There are so many, I can’t even remember half of what was said about most of them, although I reread the chapter three times. It’s just extremely text-heavy. So I’ll just list the things that were important to me personally, mostly the things concerning the main characters. Otherwise, this post would get waaaay too long.

We actually got these little notes about pretty much every character I can think of (man this manga has so many CHARACTERS), telling us what all of them have been up to during the six-year timeskip. My only real complaint is that there was no mention of Eto, even though the previous chapter didn’t really bother to explain what exactly happened to her. It would’ve been fine if she’d never even come back at all, but this way, it kinda feels like the author just forgot to mention her lol. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it, it’s probably just that when the Dragon died, so did she. I was also hoping for a Rize mention, since she was such an important figure in Kaneki’s life, but at least we got a mention of the Washuu clan. And that was actually really sad, but it’s a fitting outcome, the main branch going extinct. Because first Furuta died, and then Rize shortly after, although her destiny had already been sealed much earlier. The fate of these two, and especially Rize, foreshadowed this outcome; Rize & Furuta equals Washuu inside the narrative, and when they disappeared, the Washuu they symbolized had to disappear as well.

Ok, I lied, I have another real complaint, and it actually bugged me much more than the lack of Eto mention. And that is, we only got a cameo of Akira and Amon, and no textual explanation of what was going on with them. We actually didn’t even see their faces, when literally 384576 other minor characters made an appearance. Like, they’re super major characters, what’s up with that? I guess we’re just supposed to assume they got married and lived happily ever after, but other than that, what else? Like what do they even do these days? Even just one sentence for both of them would’ve sufficed, and I really hope it’s included in the volume version of the chapter. Like, it didn’t really ruin the chapter for me, but I kinda felt like I was left hanging. And they deserved to have their faces shown one last time for closure, why all the mystery? They were both pretty important in the final arc too. Maybe we’ll get an omake about them in the final volume, who knows, but they still should’ve been shown in the last chapter. Well, I’ll admit it IS kinda poetic how we only see their backs and how it’s implied they live peacefully nowadays, and this closure IS kinda fitting for them, but still, I’m a little salty. Another thing I felt was missing was a note about Touka. I was really looking forward to learning where she ended up, other than being a mother and a wife. I mean, it’s still amazing that she was blessed enough to be able to have a normal life with her family, but the girl also wanted to do things. So yeah, it’s another thing that I hope will be added in the volume version. 

Other than that.... I think pretty much everyone else was mentioned, but then again, I am not a machine and I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting a lot of characters already, so I’ll just talk about what really made me happy personally. I really liked how the narrator of this chapter was Hide, it allowed for a kind of outside look at the very end of the story. It wouldn’t be the same if it were Kaneki who was narrating, and anyway, having slept for weeks, he wouldn’t even be able to tell us the full story of the events that took place right after the Dragon war. Hide was the perfect choice for the narrator, because he’s so involved with everyone and everything. We even got Hide’s very summarized backstory, and although I believe he deserved to be exposed more thoroughly much earlier, I’m thankful Ishida didn’t completely forget about it, and that he told us basically all we needed to know. It would’ve been nice to know more, since Hide is one of the main characters, he could’ve been given a more meaningful backstory, but as it stands now, it seems that his story isn’t really crucial to his character or the series overall, so I guess I’ll take it. One thing that made me extremely happy about Hide’s ending is that he’s literally travelling and changing the world, he’s like some kind of hero history books will talk about. That’s the ending Hide deserved! And DAMN, he deserved to stay Kaneki’s friend for the rest of his life! They’re finally together, and together they’ll stay, and my heart is so full right now! Oh and another thing. I’m pretty sure the part of the translation where it says Hide was adopted by fatherS was just a typo or a mistranslation, since there is no plural form of nouns in the Japanese language (so you can’t always tell if it’s father or fathers), but it was nice believing Hide had gay dads for a while, even if it was a short while lol rip.

I like what Tsukiyama ended up doing, he’s helping rebuild the society and his family, basically being super important and leading the entire ghoulkind, more or less. The boy will go down in history! I knew he had it in him, his character growth has been incredible, and he’s finally getting the recognition he deserves! But I still think wedding planning would’ve been the ideal career choice for him.... Also, the way he spoils Touken’s daughter later in the chapter is ADORABLE! And he has different hairstyles in these two scenes, I like the second one better. And there’s Banjou, awww he’s also a really important figure now, I’m happy for him! Old man Marude got a new hairstyle too, and a beard, why am I not surprised? And he’s still the boss, so that’s cool. Ah, Kiyoko being such a forever single mood lmao. Ui boy’s doing his best and I am proud of him, but he’s missing his girlfriend rip... As for Hirako, damn, the boy looks so distant, I hope he’s doing ok. Well, he’s finally living a normal life, even if he’s detaching himself from his comrades. And wow Yusa really out here at the top of his game, both his career and his looks, damn. 

The Qs also got their own satisfactory endings, I believe. I nearly sobbed at Urie searching for Shirazu’s body, this boy’s amazing development and how he constantly goes back to Shirazu in his mind has seriously cost me a few years of life. And then him visiting Shirazu’s grave, with Shirazu’s sister there! I was hoping to see her, we finally know what her condition is, and can sleep peacefully knowing Shirazu would be so incredibly happy that she’s all up and healthy again! It’s kinda sad how Mutsuki seems to not be around as much, but at least he chose his own path that hopefully fulfills him. And it’s super sweet how he sends Touka apples, like I was totally not expecting that, but I am so glad they are on good terms now and Mutsuki is doing much better emotionally and mentally. Also, I was totally expecting like a Moment™ between Mutsuki and Urie but I guess not lol... I don’t really like actively ship it, but I like their relationship, they could have gotten more of a wrap-up, so there’s that I guess... And then there’s Saiko, who has just... become so beautiful? Like what the hell, she’s just so gosh darn pretty? And is apparently living her best life, so you go Saiko! And she’s such a CUTIE when they’re visiting Touken family, calling Touka “mama-wife” and everything, baby you are my ANGEL!

And then comes the Suzuya squad, and they’re all doing fantastic, bless. And then Suzuya and Shinohara and I jUST! I’ve been waiting for this scene for so long, and I am SO glad it didn’t just happen off-panel during the timeskip! We actually got to see it, got to experience it first-hand, the full emotional impact of it! And let me tell you, this is the scene that FINALLY made me sob! Wtf so many years of suffering paid off, and Suzuya crying at the top of his lungs, but out of happiness, paralleling that panel where he was crying out of despair in Part 1 of the manga? I’M CRYING! AND THEN! Suzuya’s also like the literal star of this whole TSC project, YOU GO LITTLE MAN! AND THEN! And then Naki and Miza, and just... WOW! Miza, how much D can you even take?? NINE KIDS??? I mean good for you, I love you both, but DAMN! Man, I’m just so happy they’re both alive, I seriously thought Naki was a goner until a few weeks ago, so seeing him and Miza happily together like this is so surreal. And then we have another very important ship, Nishiki and Kimi, and damn Nishiki is either having a bad hair day or that’s simply a bad haircut lol. Like dude seriously, go back to the fantastic hairstyle you were rocking before. But anyway, I’m so happy seeing him and Kimi together and MARRIED? BLESS! Been waiting for that for literal years! Kimi is doing such an amazing job, helping create a more peaceful society, even though she’s using her boyfriend as test subject in the process lol. LOOK AT MY GIRL CHIE YO! She be going PLACES! SEIDOU! DUDE! Why you gotta be an Edgelord like that, please come back! Well, he’s probably too broken to fit into this new society, so he’s working out ways to live his life the best he can, helping in his own way. But don’t make such a sad face Seidou! I was hoping to see a bit more of him, but I guess we’re not meant to know much. He’s a loner, a mystery even for the readers. 

And now... AYAHINA IS CANON MY DUDES! THAT IS ALL! Listen, I don’t even like... hardcore ship it, but it’s just plain obvious, it’s just right THERE! Hinami is playful, Ayato is tsundere, and love is in the air! PEACE! Also, Ayato sure saved his brother-in-law’s ass back there, just like we’d hoped he would, he really does care! Hinami is a teacher *sobs* Kaneki you taught her well, and Ayato’s this cool Main guy, look how far he’s come! I’m just so happy for both of them, I’ve been rooting for these kids for so long, Hinami is finally free from all her burdens and is genuinely Happy, and being Ayato is no longer suffering, can y’all believe??? And then we have Yoriko and Takeomi and a new addition to their family, how precious is that! Now, I would’ve liked for those notes about each character to say something about Yoriko’s relationship with Touka, I mean they were best girlfriends! And their friendship was kinda huge, I think it deserved at least a mention. Just something like “She visits Touka regularly” would’ve been enough. Ishida probably just forgot lol, the poor man, having to think about so many characters and their entire lives, I don’t blame him for just randomly forgetting to include some things. I just think this is one of those things that are kinda hard to forget, considering how meaningful this friendship was for Touka, and how it even played a big role in the final arc of the manga. But hey, maybe there’s hope that it’ll be included in the volume version lol. Or maybe in the omake! Ishida you have the opportunity to give us such pure, domestic omake, you’ve never failed us before, do your magic! 

YOMO!!! RIBBONS! YOMO WITH RIBBONS IN HIS HAIR!!!!!! This transcends all the levels of adorable of anything ever! We were right, Yomo is the most doting uncle in existence, and it’s all I ever wanted! And damn, he still bangable af. AND THE SMOL TOUKEN BABY! Well, she’s actually like six now, BUT BABY! THE TOUKEN BABY IS A GIRL is this Ishida spoiling the shippers again? And she looks like a tiny Haise, can y’all believe?! Even Haise practically made a cameo, through this precious child. Amazing. I guess she has no name, so we’ll just keep calling her Pleasure-chan, sorry baby, it’s your parents’ fault. And I guess the Clowns are just doing their thing as usual. Clowns always have the last laugh, so of course this new society has nothing on them, they’re just laughing at everything and gathering for drinking games on Friday nights. Uta is still the Sasuke to Yomo’s Naruto, I guess some things never change. 

AND THEN TOUKA MY LOVE! She looks so pretty, so beautiful, so dazzling, so fresh! I am so happy for her and so proud! She finally has a peaceful home and a happy family she’s always dreamed of having, IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES! And on top of that, she has all these amazing friends who come to visit her! So many good things for my favorite character, thank you Ishida for my live! Again, I would’ve liked to know more about what she’s doing in life, but I can still hope the omake will tell me that lol. I’m just satisfied knowing she’s living her absolute best life, after struggling so much through life, suffering from such an early age, having to deal with abandonment issues her entire life, and then selflessly waiting, AND IT PAID OFF MY GIRL IT ALL PAID OFF! 

AND THEN COMES OUR BOY! OUR BOY! The lonely boy who has gone through so much pain, lived his own tragedy for most of his life, never even imagining he would ever find joy or fulfillment or that he would ever heal. YET HERE HE IS! HERE IS THAT BOY WHO ONLY WANTED TO GO ON A DATE BUT GOT HIS LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN INSTEAD! And now his life is finally, FINALLY fixed and things are OKAY and he is so LOVED and has a FAMILY! And yes, he’s definitely not 100% ok, and he never will be, but he has matured so much and come so far in life, he’s able to at least be at peace with himself and live a somewhat normal life. IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES! Like, I know we were all expecting Kaneki to face the consequences of his actions. From the narrative point of view, it seemed logical. But looking at it now, it wasn’t really necessary. Kaneki’s already learned his lesson. And he’s not living a life free of burdens either. He’s still an active part of the collective effort to recreate the world, and the chapter gave us a glimpse into his mind and his feelings. He is still unsure and conflicted, and it’s frustrating not being able to do anything, but he has to live with it. Finally, Kaneki has to settle for “there are things I cannot do”. He has to settle for a new and different life, and learn to live with himself and everything his actions caused. The consequences follow him every day, in the form of this new conflict. He has already suffered enough, is torturing him more really that necessary, just because he’s “the tragic protagonists”? Characters have gotten away with worse things, just saying. Also, judging from the marks on his face and neck, it seems he’s still having some trouble with his RC levels and healing and stuff, I just hope it doesn’t affect his body in bad ways. I mean he’s damaged his body so many times, it would be unrealistic not to expect consequences, but at least it’s not serious. Otherwise it would’ve been addressed. I mean, judging from Touka’s round tummy, it appears he managed to fill her up yet again, so yeah, he fine. (All the condom jokes can end now, Touka and Kaneki are nothing compared to Naki and Miza.)

In the end, Kaneki’s story ends on a positive, hopeful note, although still somewhat bittersweet. And it pulls the whole narrative, with all the other characters’ individual stories, along with it. The cycle of tragedy is finally broken. And personally, I just couldn’t be happier! I’ve been hoping for this kind of ending for so long, I literally never really wanted a tragic ending! And don’t give me that “Happy ending = Bad ending” NAH! You can’t deny that happy endings can be good if written right! It’s true that the general profile of Tokyo Ghoul screams “TRAGEDY” but that’s exactly why I think this ending is a beautiful twist! You might have expected it, you might have not, but it’s certainly a neat contrast to the rest of the story, but instead of ruining the “vibe” imo it worked unexpectedly well! Now, if your problem doesn’t lie with the type of ending we got, but the execution of it, then I guess we’re just not on the same page lol...

Now, this ending certainly wasn’t 100% happy, which is GREAT, but it’s still very hopeful and kind of bittersweet. All in all, I’d say it’s a beautifully positive closure to an incredibly sad story. It gives a positive message, that things can sometimes work out even if life seems hopeless. We may not always have control over it, but we can damn well do our very best! And it’s not unrealistic, it’s just real life! And it’s not your typical “happily ever after “ type of ending either, because, as I said earlier, the story isn’t actually over! The author simply decided to stop telling it at this particular point. And by teasing some future events, he made this chapter feel not just like an ending, but also a new beginning, a very hopeful one at that. And one that leaves infinite possibilities for potential Part 3, if Ishida ever feels like writing one, though right now I doubt it. I think he’s done with this series, and what an amazing job he’s done, for seven years! 

Well, I think that’s probably all I wanted to say lol. My emotions are all over the place and I’m practically slamming my keyboard in excitement right now, so I’m probably forgetting a lot of other thoughts that were going through my mind as I was reading the chapter. But this encapsulates most of it, probably.

Tokyo Ghoul has been one of my main fandoms for four years now, and I’m so thankful for all the time and effort Ishida put into this work! It’s so unique and means a lot to me! It has helped me through some tough times in life (which is probably hard to believe since the story itself is sad but yeah...), so seeing that all the suffering wasn’t in vain, and that it all led to THIS, is just so amazingly fulfilling and satisfying!

Thank you for everything Ishida-sensei, get some rest now!

[camille-marshall-blog]

Birthday Ficlet Part #3

Alternately Titled: Wait For It

a/n: hi hi hiiiiiiiiiii!! And now we reach the final part of Marshall’s Birthday Fic Trilogy. This one mainly features @nathaniel-schreave , so thank you so much Claire for the RP!! Also, I forgot to thank @victoria-seaberg and @ladyaadamaier in my last post for coming to the party sooooo Thank you guys!!!! Making this a short author’s note so yeeeeeet. (also, you guys probably might notice that I’ve been using lyrics from Hamilton, so kinda would like to mention that they’re nice accompaniments to their respective fics lol) Anyways, Happy New Year’s Eve from my timezone to yours! Hope you enjoy! (3799 words)

“Woah… Ah.. Hi!” I greet, surprised to be seeing Natalie Nate at the door. It was getting late, and I wasn’t really expecting him to make an appearance tonight.

“Hey, happy birthday. I wasn’t sure what to get you so I kinda just guessed and got you this.” Nate greets as he hands me the poorly wrapped box. “Sorry about the wrapping, it’s not my best skill.” he adds.

“Wow!” I try to avoid eye contact for a second, feeling flattered by his gesture. “Thank you so much!”

This felt oddly… different, the whole receiving so many gifts thing- I mean. I try to shrug off the distinct feeling, focusing my attention on inspecting Nate’s wrapping skills. It wasn’t the worst I’ve seen, that honor belonged to my sister.  “The wrapping's not that bad, give yourself a break.”

He flashes me a look that seems to suspect my patronization, “a 5 year old could’ve done better.”

A small chuckle escapes my lips, “You're not used to wrapping gifts?”

“Nope, not a thing I have to do often.”

Of course he didn’t have to wrap gifts often, there were probably people who did that for him… but I’m surprised to know that he did take the time to wrap mine.

“I'm flattered that you took the time to wrap mine though.” I smirk, it was a thoughtful gesture.

“I’m not sure you’ll want to be flattered over that, anyway enough about the wrapping what’s happening in here?” Nate tries to catch a glimpse of the festivities happening inside, and I step aside to give him a better view.

“Truth or Dare, and a number of people that I theorize have had too much alcohol.” I answer with an amused tone, no way was I drinking tonight, but it was pretty funny to see everyone fool around as effect of the alcohol in their systems. 

“That’s what happens at parties.” He laughs and I laugh with him, then shaking my head disapprovingly.

“I wouldn't really know what happens at a party,honestly.” I shrug my shoulders, “But would you... want to come in...? Have some cake?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, stepping inside to get a full view of the party. “wow like all the girls are here.” he comments as everyone greets him and waves.

“I was just surprised as you were when Venus brought me here,” I shrug as we make our way to the cake.

“But everyone was sober and you weren’t walking in in the middle of truth or dare…” Nate jokingly replies with a laugh.

I snap my fingers and point to him, “Good point… so,” I say reaching the table, “Can I interest you with a slice of cake made by the talented Clara Éclair?”

Nate catches up to me, “Oh of course.”

“Here you go.” I say as hand him one of the plates that already had a slice of cake with a fork on it.

“Oh my gosh, just as good as the other one. I seriously don’t know how bakers do it.” Nate comments after taking his first bite.

“Baking is the closest thing we have to wizardry.” I laugh at his reaction, relating to how much I appreciated the cake- it was glorious.

“true, very true” he mumbles as he continues to dig into the slice of cake.

“So…” I start off, trying to make more conversation (I know, that’s a surprise even to me) “…how's your day been?”

I mentally face palm myself for using the worst conversation starter. Well, it’s not the worst to me, it’s actually something I would like to be asked every now and then- but I mentally berate myself for the lack of substance in my question.

“It’s been pretty well, how’s yours?”

“Well, you can guess that the day has been pretty eventful from this party alone.” I gesture to the girls still having a go at truth or dare.

“True.” he agrees looking to the group.

“I bet that you don't typically spend your birthdays like this…”

“Not really, my mom likes birthdays to just be family.”

“Really?” I raise my eyebrows, “So it's just you and your family together?”

Nate nods before giving his explanation, “the whole family together is always... something. Like I had to have a party for all the board members, other royals and important people of society because it was my 20th birthday and right before the selection. But my mom decides the actually birthday to just family, it’s really nice actually.”

“Huh, I remember watching a broadcast of that party- there was waaaay too many people for a party…” I remember watching that Report with the Bullets back in Fort Hamilton, when I was just a second lieutenant and my friends were still based in Illea, when everything was completely different.

I continue after being caught up in my thoughts for a second, “…but I guess that's the way things are for the Schreave's golden boy. It sounds nice that you got to spend your birthday with your family.”

A pang of jealousy strikes me at the thought of how united Nate’s family seemed, how it seemed like everyone really valued each other as member of the family, how stable they all were. I wanted that.

“Oh the golden boy?” he raises his eyebrow questioningly at me.

“You technically are their golden boy. Eldest son... heir to the throne... need I say more of your titles?” I explain to him smirking. Golden boy was just a nickname that naturally came to me, it described him perfectly quite honestly. He was golden.. That would have been a nice call sign if he were a pilot- though I’m pretty sure that the guards used something else when referring to him for security details.

“Oh I’ve heard Illeas Sweetheart from another selected,” he adds in good humor. 

“Ah yes, Illea's Sweetheart- and let's not forget ‘Nate the ideal Mate’.” I respond, remembering a magazine cover I had saw laying on one of the tables on the library, I found that title hilarious- though probably not completely disagreeable.

Nate rolls his eyes, “who could forget that one.”

“Everyone basically loves you- hence... ‘Golden Boy’.” I reason with a laugh, it was like he was a compliment magnet.

“Thanks,” he laughs.

“Don't let it all get to your head though” I smirk, “You'll lose your charm.”

“You do realize this isn’t the first time I’ve heard those names.” Nate claire-ifies with me. ((Love you Claire <3 Don’t kill me for this pun))

“Of course... a guy like you? You probably hear that on a daily basis.” I muse.

“I’d say more weekly. But yes.”

“Weekly basis... how oddly specific!” I raise my eyebrow. Did he actually keep track?

“Interviews…” he explains further.

“Ahhhh... I get it.” I nod in amusement, still adding a teasing tone in my voice.

“What! I have to do them..” Nate exclaims, probably trying to clear his own reputation to me, and I’m trying not to laugh too much.

“Of course, because you're the golden boy.” I tease, enjoying using the new nickname.

“Okay you can stop it with the names now” he declares and I relent my name tirade.

“Okay okay..” I jokingly raise my hands in defeat, “Enough about being the golden boy…” I couldn’t resist using it one last time and it earns me a glare from Nate that makes me snicker a little.

“How are you holding up with the ball?” I ask while making sure to change the topic and avoid the temptation of calling him another nickname.

Nate shrugs, “I’m fine, it’s one of those things where you have to just be there. You can’t prepare yourself for it.”

“Lady Collette's been saying the same thing- doesn't stop her telling us every single bit of etiquette we should practice throughout the entire thing.”

“She takes her job... very seriously” Nate agrees.

“She does... she should consider an alternate career as a drill sergeant though, she'd fit right in.”

“I’ll let her know,” he winks at me jokingly.

“She does a good job though... teaching us stuff. I've definitely improved my ability to ‘glide through the dance floor like a swan on a lake’.” I explain, putting air quotations as I use the same description as Lady Collette often mentioned during practices.

“Oh is that what you’re supposed to do?” Nate exagerates with mock surprise, “I do more of a graceful elephant dancing on ice.” he smirks before chuckling.

“I'm pretty sure that elephants on ice still have a chance to be incredibly graceful.” I counter, though laughing with him. I’d pay good money to see his impression of graceful elephant dancing on ice tomorrow at the ball.

“Yeah okay. Are you all ready for tomorrow night?”

“Ready as I'll ever be,” I nod. “Well, I'm mentally preparing myself for all those... people that are gonna be there.”

It’s not that I hated people, I just felt overwhelmed by big groups of people and trying to not make a fool out of myself in front of all of them. Big groups of people always made it more difficult to observe things.

“It’s really only going to be the girls, guards, royal family and maybe a couple of board members. Nothing too crazy.” Nate reasons out, and I admit that it helps ease me.

“Nothing too crazy- yeah.” I try to shake my head, shaking off the unease. I shouldn’t be scared of some ball.

“Seriously they aren’t that bad. If anything they are boring. Unless all the girls get drunk,” Nate points to the girls, “which it seem like they might.”

I laugh, “I doubt it would be boring tomorrow but ... I wouldn't want to see everyone else get drunk. Some of us need to be the responsible adults.” I kinda felt the need to make sure everyone didn’t drink too much for tonight, it was my party afterall (well, it was hosted by Vee- but as the reason for the party, I felt the responsibility to make sure everyone was okay)

“It’ll happen, I’m betting it now.” Nate amusingly declares.

“And what would you exactly wage that all the girls would get drunk tomorrow?” I raise my eyebrow questioningly at him, surprised in the confidence of his statement.

“First of all I never said all of them. But at least…” Nate looks at the group, “7 of them. If 7 or more girls get drunk you owe me…”

I interrupt him with a scoff, “depends on what you'd be interested in getting from this…”

What he would want from me did intrigue me, honestly.

“Well how about this, if you win I can get you out of one day of lessons.” Nate offers with a raised eyebrow. One day off lessons, I’d love that- a day with no lesson or anything.

Now, I needed to offer my own proposal of what I’d do if I’d lose this bet. I didn’t have anything great to offer in exchange for that one day of freedom from lessons, and I doubt that Nate would be interested in getting flight lessons from me. Every action has its equal opposite reaction, and bets often worked that way too- with that I decide on my punishment in case I lose the bet (decide while mentally kicking myself, of course).

“Fine, if 7 or more girls get drunk… I will…” I roll my eyes at how stupid this was going to sound, “get as drunk as they are.”

“Seriously?” Nate raises his eyebrow in surprise.

“I'm serious,” I reply, looking him straight in the eye to prove it. “Unless you're interested in anything else?”

“Nope, I’m fine with you getting drunk. Deal?” he extends his hand out in front of him. Now or never, Marshall- the bet has been made, no backing out now.

I take his hand and shake it firmly, I’ll be damned if I backed out of a bet. “I can't believe my dignity is riding on everyone else's sobriety tomorrow.”

“No telling the girls about this. That’s unfair.” Nate adds in a serious tone.

“I'll play fair, your highness- don't sweat it.” I smirk. Scout’s Soldier’s honor.

“I’m not losing anything. It’s a win either way for you.” Nate smirks back at me before continuing, “but really you could get out of lessons. I wished for those days as a child.” he shares.

“I wish for them everyday,” I reply laughing earning me Nate’s accompanying laughter. As much as future queen duties were fascinating (well, not fascinating to me, but I’m sure that the other girls were fascinated), I often wondered what it was like for the king, the allocations for military budgets and resources, collaborating with the best generals for the country’s military strategy (a job my father briefly had served under here in Angeles)- a part of me was interested in knowing what it was like to handle those responsibilities, and an idea pops into my head.

“One more condition- If I get out of lessons, I want to spend it seeing what you actually do as a prince.”

I know Nate didn’t have the heavy load of tasks, seeing that he was still a monarch in training, but it was something different and maybe more of my speed and pay grade.

“Um…” he pauses to think for a moment.

“I’d have to ask my dad, but it’s also my dad so he’ll probably say yes, unless we have some big secret plan going on.” he smirks jokingly at me. “But you are mostly just going to be sitting there watching me do paperwork.”

“I'd take paperwork over sitting and getting lectured on the dos and don'ts for princesses-in-training.” It was all getting unnecessarily repetitive, honestly- a change in course topic would be refreshing.

“Okay then. It’s boring.” Nate mutters.

“Ahhh the burden of being royalty…” I say as I take a look at my watch to check the time.

12:07 AM

“Whoa, It's already Christmas morning.”

“Is it?” Nate proceeds to check his watch, “hm... it is. Well Merry Christmas.” he smiles.

“Merry Christmas, Natalie.” I smile back at him, leaning against the wall.

Nate rolls his eyes, “Another nick name from our very own Michelle.”

“Get used to it- Natalie's growing on me,” I laugh, “Or would you prefer Golden Boy?”

“Natalie is just fine.” he replies in exasperation.

Now that I knew it was Christmas day, a part of me wondered if Santa would show up in the palace bringing everyone gifts… gifts.. GIFTS! Speaking of gifts…

“So Natalie, On the topic of Christmas... how about you come with me for a while?” I ask, making my way to Vee’s door.

“Uh... sure…” he replies in a slightly confused tone as he follows me.

I lead him across the hallway, “We're just headed to my room across the hall, don't worry.”

“I wasn’t worried, more confused” he mutters.

“Let me spell it out: I'm getting your Christmas gift- hold on.” I open my door and leave the door open, “You can come in if you want.”

“Okay” he says as he walks right behind me, “what a nice room.” he comments.

“Thanks, I like to keep everything organized.” Well, it was a force of habit after living all those years in military school.

I open my closet and search for the present I had just wrapped a while ago after I picked it up from Shipka, who handled the mail. Ah, there it is. I pull out the small box.

“This just came in the mail today.” I explain as I walk up to him.

“I’m guessing that’s for me…” Nate wonders out loud.

“Indeed it is,” I offer him the present, “Merry Christmas.”

He accepts the box and starts to unwrap it, “You do know you didn’t have to get me something.”

“Nah, I figured that I wanted to get you something.” I shrug, if only he knew the day-long internal debate it took to figure that out.

“I asked Jace what you might want... and he said guitar picks and I know that you're a Potterhead from the others so... yeah I figured these.” I look down, trying to not make much eye contact- I wasn’t sure he was going to like the Harry Potter-themed guitar picks, “would be something you'd like.”

Despite my eyes downturned, I manage to see shock come across his expression before he smiles,“Wow, these are really cool. Oh my, thank you.”

“Yeah, I made sure to get a set.. cause I know that they're pretty easy to lose so yeah..” I laugh, trying to shake off my nerves- honestly, I shouldn’t be nervous, but I am and it building up inside of me. “Hope you like them.”

“I really do, thank you. Can I give you a hug...?” he says, and I’m surprised to hear him asking me that. Did he notice how I wasn’t the most comfortable with physical closeness? I’m astonished to say the least. Nate was beginning to earn more of my trust.

I rub my neck, thinking about it. I wouldn’t mind it… anymore. A hug felt like a nice thing to have right now.

“Yeah, sure.” I agree, opening my arms to him.

In a split second, I feel my nerves ease as he wraps his arms around me. It’s a sudden silence and heat that comforts me, the kind that made my heart leap. Being this close to him makes me realize how warm he was to hold, and I wouldn’t have minded basking in his heat a little longer.

“Thank you,” Nate gives me a one side smile as we break apart, and a part of me instantly misses his warmth. But the two of us resume that comfortable distance away from each other, and I’m thankful that it doesn’t feel awkward.

“I feel like I should be thanking you,” I laugh, pushing my hair behind my ear before I put my hands behind my back.

“Why?”

“You have no idea how worried I was if you'd like the gift or not.” I explain to him.

Nate laughs, “They literally are my two favorite things.”

“Good to know that I didn't mess up.” I smile, I’ve always liked getting people the right gifts, Nate was no different.

“Now I feel like my leggings weren’t good enough.” he shakes his head.

“What? No! I'd probably use them as much as I can.” The leggings Nate gave a while ago was actually really pretty (and they were navy blue too)

“Okay good” Nate lets out a sigh of relief.

I pat his shoulder reassuringly, “ I like them a lot, trust me.”

He flashes another infectious smile, and I’m starting to realize how much time we’ve spent away from the party. I check my watch and confirm my realization.

“We should be headed back to Vee's room... or I should at least be back at my own party.” I tell him, taking a step back from him and towards the door.

“Maybe, you are the guest of honor.” He replies.

“Duty calls,” I laugh. “Thank you for visiting the party, by the way.” I turn to him as we start walking to my door, “Too bad that you missed Taylor Swift.”

“No problem, happy birthday and now merry Christmas.” he says walking with me.

“You too Natalie,” I open the door for the two of us and walk out into the hallway with him.

“Have fun at your party. Tell all the girls bye for me,” Nate waves as I watch him walk away before going back inside Vee’s room and catch some of the girls still having a go at Truth or Dare where we continued to laugh and have fun throughout the entire night and into the morning.

[greatlove-keepsyouguessing]

Day Two: My Friends

They say your friends are the family you choose and my friends help shape me and challenge me all the time which I consider to be an immense blessing. Some friends I’ve known for half my life and some are new but are just as important to me. I love all my friends the same and I’d be nothing without them. 

My longest friend is probably Adrienne. We’re going on 12 or 13 years now., ’ve honestly lost count. We’ve pretty much seen each other through every fashion phase, boyfriend, hair style, family trauma or just family drama; we’ve worked together professionally, we lived together for a year in university, went to the same college and though we are wildly different people somehow our friendship just works. She is SO wise. Like, not just intelligent, which of course she is too. She is WISE. Like her moral compass always point due north and she has amazing values and intuition and just knows how to listen better than anyone I know and she gives the best advice. I think in another life she would have made an amazing therapist. If all that wasn’t enough can I just say how ridiculously beautiful she is?! I’ve never seen her look bad. Like ever. She has this natural way with fashion and can made faded black jeans and a plain black t-shirt look like a million dollars. We can talk about non sense for hours and never get tired of talking to each other and I don’t have a whole lot of friendships quite like that. We are also wildly different. She’s quieter, more introverted and a bit of a homebody. She doesn’t talk about herself personally with just anyone and when she does have a personal conversation with you, you know it’s special and that she trusts you. She is fiercely loyal and a little bit stubborn and I love her to death. She is also the first Swiftie I ever got to freak out about Taylor with. When we lived together in university, waaaay back in 2010 we would skip class so that we could get Speak Now tickets the SECOND they went on sale and would scroll through tumblr until 3am when we should have been studying for midterms. I’ve read articles that say if you’ve been friends with someone for longer than 7 years then you’ll be friends for life and I for one pray that’s true because it would be a privilege to have a friend like her by my side forever. 

Katrina is my next longest friend and probably the person whom I would call my best friend. We’ve been through some crazy ups and downs but we have a relationship where we challenge each other to be the best versions of ourselves and push each other to achieve all we can in life. I trust her with anything and she’ trusts me. She’s been through some insane shit that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and she is still able to find the positivity in life. She is a badass who doesn’t take any shit but she would do absolutely anything for her friends. She has this aura of beauty around her. It’s hard to explain, but for as long as I’ve known her she has just been a magnet for men. Men will line up for this girl and if she happens to be taken at the moment then they’ll take a number and sit and wait. She has been so hurt by love in the past but she is always ALWAYS open to it and I so admire her for that. She has taught me that when people hurt you once it’s okay to forgive them but if they continue to do it that it’s time to let them go. She’s also taught me that love is worth fighting for, even if you have to fight hard and that love comes in all forms and it’s not always convenient and the timing won’t always be right but saying yes to love is one of the best things we can do. I know I could call her at 4 in the morning crying and she would talk to me until I felt okay enough to hang up the phone. I know this because I’ve done it. And after working on a school project all night that I had to hand in at 8am the next day I got a call from her in the middle of the night and she asked me to pick her up. So I went and brought her back to my house and she slept in my bed with me and cried and I told her she could stay at my house as long as she needed. We would do that time and time again for each other no matter how many stupid fights we get into. My parents call her the third daughter they never had and my sister considers her to be like another big sister as well. She’s my soul mate and I don’t think I’d have it any other way. 

Tony and Graydon

I’m just gonna combine these two guys in one because they’re like two peas and I don’t have like a deep, meaningful friendship with them like I do with Katrina and Adrienne but I do know that these guys love all three of us and are always there for us. We’ve known each other since high school, Tony since middle school, but ironically we didn’t even become good friends until high school was over. Some of the craziest and most hilarious nights of my life have happened with these two guys and I know I can always count on them to make me smile. Our little crew wouldn’t be complete without them and no matter what life throws at them they seems to handle it with such confidence and ease. They are sensitive and strong and they listen to all our girl problems without complain and they call our exes douchebags with us when we’re upset about a break up and we play video games and eat pizza until 3 in the morning. We forget that we’re adults whenever we get together and I sincerely hope that never changes because I really think you need people in your life who keep you young at heart and these guys fit that description perfectly. They also notice when we get our hair done, even when we’ve lost weight or built muscle hustling at the gym, and they compliment us when our outfits are on fleek in a totally platonic way. Not to mention they are straight and their girlfriends are total angels who we are so grateful to have as part of our group. So much love for these guys.

My MAD LOVE SQUAD

Alright, time for some love for my Swiftie friends. We met 2 years ago on tumblr when everyone was creating squads. I put out a message asking if anyone wanted to be in a squad with me and these amazing people messaged me with an enthusiastic YES and it has been an amazing 2 years because of them. Their names are Daniela @ithinkim-finallyclean, Jess @mermaid-swiftie16, Jacky @oliviadibbleswift, Valeria @a-red-lip-classic-thing, Lisa @thatredlipclassicthingthatulike and Ashley. They live everywhere from California to Massachusetts to the United Kingdom and one lives here in Canada with me HAAYYY! Not only do we all freak the hell out whenever Taylor does ANYTHING AT ALL but we are actually really there for each other through everything life throws at us. We all recognize that life gets busy and we don’t always have time to reply to the group or give an update but if any one of us messaged the group saying “I need to talk.”, we’d all be there in a second to listen and help in any way we can. I actually got to meet Jacky in person at the 1989 Tour in Toronto on night one. It was so special and I never even thought I’d have internet friends through Taylor Swift let alone that I’d have the chance to actually meet them in person! I know Daniela and Jess have met too because they’re both in California and I’ll never forget the night when Dee when to the last Staples Centre show of the 1989 tour and she pretty much live streamed it for us. It was one of the best nights. We were so excited for her and we were so happy to feel like we got to share that with her. We are all in such different situations, have different interests, different careers, some are still in school, we have different families and different backgrounds but we have Taylor in common and that will always be enough to keep us together. 

So those are my closest friends whom I love to death and will protect with all my life. They make me who I am and not a day goes by where I don’t feel grateful to have friends like them in my life. It’s a wonderful thing to feel completely accepted by people. To know that they have seen you at your best and your absolute worst but that they still love you and are there for you no matter what. I’ll be doing a post later on about some of my other friends but they’re a different kind of friend... they’re like sisters ;) Until then!

[readingraebow]

Crazy Rich Asians Section Five

Part Three: Chapters 8-20

1. What do Astrid and Charlie confess to each other? What does Charlie insist they do about it? Charlie confesses that he hasn’t lived with his wife in two years. She was invited to the wedding but they live separate lives now. And Astrid confesses about Michael. She tells Charlie about the affair and how she thinks Michael fathered a child with this woman. And Charlie asks why she doesn’t know for sure. She says she can’t really check into it without raising suspicion. So Charlie insists that they go to Hong Kong right now. He says they can use his jet and she can stay with him so no one will know she’s there. And he knows the best private investigators since his brother’s kidnapping. He says they can easily find out if Michael has another child. And when Astrid protests because of the wedding festivities, Charlie points out that they’re both currently hiding from the party and no one will even notice if they’re there or not.

2. What happened in Paris 1995, when Charlie took Astrid shopping? So they went to a couture shop and the salespeople were super rude and didn’t believe they could really afford to buy anything. So Charlie called his bank to have them call the shop and confirm the purchase. And apparently the bank called the designer who called and chewed out his salespeople. Then Charlie told Astrid to buy at least 10 or 20 pieces basically just to prove that they had money. And the rest of the trip was spent much the same way. Charlie bought Astrid all kinds of designer items and introduced her to her love of shopping. She was raised by rich people who acted like they weren’t rich and were stingy with their money. But Charlie is a rich person who spent money like a rich person and enjoyed having nice things. And Astrid found she liked that way of life better.

3. What does Nick announce to his mother in chapter 11? How does she react? Nick tells his mother that he’s taking Rachel away for a few days and he plans to propose to her while they’re gone. And Eleanor basically freaks out and plays almost every card she has: she tells him Rachel isn’t good enough, she’ll never be accepted, Ah Ma will disinherit him, Rachel is from Mainland China. But Nick doesn’t accept any of this. He tells his mom that he loves Rachel and he intends to marry her and doesn’t need anyone’s approval to do so and then storms out. And then Eleanor heads off to Tyersall Park to play the last card she has left.

4. What does Rachael learn from Eleanor after she and Nick arrived at his grandmother’s house in Malaysia? Her mother has always told her that her father died in an industrial accident when she was two months old and that’s why her mother moved to America. But Eleanor reveals that her father is very much alive and in prison. It turns out he was the CAUSE of the industrial accident which killed 74 people and he’s been rotting away in prison ever since. Eleanor visited him and he had the audacity to ask for a huge dowry for her. Eleanor also shows them an article about a missing child (Rachel), who was kidnapped by her mother Kerry. And Rachel, of course knew nothing about this and promptly collapses.

5. What does Astrid learn about Michael’s affair when she confronts him at his mistress’s house? He confesses that he faked the whole affair. The woman is his cousin and the boy is her son. He says that he thought that creating an affair would be easier because it would give Astrid a reason to divorce him and it would save face for her family. He tells her that their marriage hasn’t worked since day one and while dating was fun, they never should’ve married. He says he’s never been accepted into her family and he’ll never measure up financially. And he’s just tired of living in her world. So he wants a divorce because he wants out, not because there’s someone else.

6. What sacrifices does Eleanor confess she has made for her son? She says that she knew Su Yi never approved of her so she moved out of Tyersall Park so there wouldn’t be two competing Mrs. Youngs. Then she positioned Nick to be the favorite grandson. She left him to be raised by his grandmother and always left his grandmother come first in his life so that he would be closer to her. She wanted Nick to be the heir to Su Yi’s fortune and to Tyersall Park but now it’s all been for naught. Eleanor says that Su Yi never forgives and Nick angered her greatly.

7. What does Rachel’s mom tell her about her past life in China? She explains that she ran off with a guy who was six years older than her because she'd lived a more ~sheltered life. Well, the guy was from a rich family and he turned out to be an alcoholic and horribly abusive. At first, they lived with his grandparents and all they wanted was a grandchild. When Kerry failed to give them one, they made her life hell. So Kerry and her husband moved into their own apartment but that's when he started getting abusive. Kerry ended up meeting a guy who was a year younger who lived in the apartment directly below them. He saved her on many nights when her husband was beating her. She started having an affair with him and got pregnant with Rachel. So he's truly Rachel's father. But she broke off the affair when they almost got caught and then, when her mother-in-law discovered Kerry was pregnant (assuming it was her son's child), Kerry and her husband moved back in with her in-laws. Well, the grandparents hired a fortune teller who said Kerry would have a boy. But then Rachel was born and since there was a one child law at that time, Kerry had failed her in-laws. However, if a child was born with a defect, a family could have another. So the in laws were planning to pour acid in one of Rachel's eyes to make it look like she was born blind in one eye. That's when Kerry took the baby and walked out. She called Rachel's father who helped her make it back to the village where her parents lived and then she escaped to America. She doesn't know what became of Rachel's father-- the man she truly loved and who never even knew he was Rachel's father --or really anyone she left behind. Though she does know that her parents died young. But she saved Rachel and she escaped and she knew she couldn't look back, only forward.

8. Did you like this book? Do you think you will continue with the series? I liked this book a lot! It was a really fun, interesting read. This entire world is absolutely fascinating. I love how, deep down, really rich people are the same no matter where you go but it's the culture and the customs that are different. And that was really fascinating. So I enjoyed this book a lot and I've already asked for the next two for Christmas so I'll definitely be continuing with this series!

  Section Five Reading Journal

Wow okay. So that last section was waaaaay different than the movie. So Nick and Rachel aren’t engaged??? There was no reconciling with Eleanor. Rachel’s father is possibly still alive. And Michael faked his entire affair. Are all but the last thing from a different book? Did the movie take parts of the second book??? I am so confused.

I also definitely need to rewatch the movie because there when times when I was like “wait was this in the movie and I just don’t remember???” So I’ll definitely be rewatching that and doing a comparison. But yeah. The beginning of this book was pretty much the same but this last section was waaaay different.

Also when I was like ten pages from the end and Kerry was still telling Rachel about her life in China and Nick hadn’t proposed I was like “okay there isn’t enough book left here for everything that I remember happening at the end of the movie.” So yeah. That was different. ALSO ASTRID AND CHARLIE. There wasn’t enough Charlie in the movie and I’m upset. Because wow was there a lot of Charlie at the end of this book. I need more of their relationship. So I hope there is a second movie because there are definitely things it needs to cover, haha.

So. That was another great read!!! And I can’t wait to read next months! (Though no idea how long it will take me to post the questionnaires for that since I’m currently posting this from my hotel room. We don’t have internet yet and I also don’t even know where the book is, hahaha. So hopefully I won’t get too far behind!)

[childofthesmoke]

I was tagged by @afewhandshakesaway (thank you so much, by the way! :) ) ages ago in a quisetions thing, and it was still in my drafts when I checked a few minutes ago, so I supose I never actually did it?

I got some new followers recently since I started posting my drawings more and also it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything with information about me, so I thought it might be interesting for someone, who might have kind of forgotten me or for anyone who has followed me recently? idk

Rules: Answer the following questions then tag 20 people (I’m not gonna tag anyone, because I don’t know who to tag and the people that come to mind have most likely done this already...) 

•How tall are you? 
I haven’t checked this in a long time, but about 160cm. Maybe a cm or two shorter? or 1cm taller? probably like 159cm. idk :D Relatively short. :) •What color and style is your hair? It is dark brown, curly (I’ve even given her a name - Flyufie, which comes from ‘fluffy’ of course) and it’s a little below shoulder length, but shorter than elbow length. I’m trying to grow it as long a possible currently, though. It grows very slowly, so there isn’t much of a danger of it getting too long anytime soon :D •What color are your eyes? 
very dark brown as well. •Do you wear glasses? 
no •Do you wear braces? No and I never have. •What is your fashion sense? Hmmm. Well for pants I usually wear things that are more form fitting than baggy (I don’t like very baggy pants), I like dresses and skirts, though I only have a few and actually don’t wear them as much now that I think about it... Most of my clothes are either one colour or have just a bit of “decoration”, which is either in the form of a plaid shirt, a pattern of black birds in flight on this one gray sweater/blouse I have or this one rose filled skull on a red sweater/blouse I have (which interestingly I didn’t like at first and thought was waaaay out of my style but it’s one of my favourite clothes now. The nice red colour also has a lot to do with it though). Uuuumm. Idk how to explain my style. It’s nothing too flashy and it’s not especially girly I guess. To me it’s kind of cute, regular urban style. Most of my clothes are  blue, white, red, black or pink I’ve noticed.  •Do you have any siblings? Yes. I have an older sister, who is 5 years older than me. And I also have a half sister, who is over 10 years older than me and we’ve barely ever seen each other ever. So I usually don’t really count her much to be honest... •What kind of student are/were you? Currently, in universiy, my tuition is quite high, so I’m trying to get scholaships and that has a role in me trying very hard to have the best grades possible. so I’m not very ‘free’ to be the kind of student I feel like being... So for thins I will try to explain high school me.  I was a good student. Mostly had very good grades, though occasionally had some not as good times. I tried to take part in the classes I was interested in and most of what I learned, I learned it in class. I didn’t to my homework very strictly, but I still tried to mostly do it. When I was bored in class I would usually doodle and in the cases where I could get away with it - listen to music. Radiohead only, lol (Not even kidding. The only variety was either AMOK or The Eraser). I tried to be quiet if I was talking to my friend and if I wasn’t paying attention I made it so as not to bother anyone with my boredom. I really hated the people who would talk loudly and make it everyone’s business that they were bored. And who would act rude to the teachers. That’s not to say I didn’t have a couple of times when I wasn’t as quiet... Speaking of teachers, most seemed to like me and say I’m a good kid. My friend who had worse grades than me used to tell me I was smart and good at subjects, when actually most of the time I didn’t put too much effort into studying. So in my eyes I thought I was an average/good student, who tried to be on a good level, but since most of the people around me didn’t bother much, I ended up being one of the best in the class. And in a few subjects especially. English was one of the subjects I was best at, actually. And tumblr was one of my main ways to practice. Not that I set it as goal or anything, but it just ended up being this way, so I thought I should credit it :D •What are your favorite subjects? If I had to choose from the ones I had in high school, I would say english, biology and sometimes literature and physics. I got into art on my own. School didn’t do anything to make me interested in it. But I remember that this one time in music class the teacher played something on the piano, and that had an impact on me wanting to try it out myself. •What are your favorite tv shows? If you’re asking about shows I watch regularly, than the anwer is that I moslty watch anime. It had a big part in me deciding to pursue animation (and with that, art... though I wanted to draw since I was little. I just didn’t have anyone to teach me and I thought it was all “talent”), so yeah... But there are shows, which I would watch if I catch them on tv or something. I remember binge watching Doctor Who a few years ago and I liked it a lot, though I barely remember anything from it at this point. W.i.t.c.h. is an all time favourite of mine. Naruto is my anime bae, due to being the only thing I’ve watched for like 5-10 years and growing up with it (and also it’s just good. Despite the counltess fillers and some little flaws). I’m enjoying Boruto, too. Ummm... Avatar was also quite great. (both the series with Aang and with Korra). Mmmmyeah, I guess these will do. •Favorite books? 
I don’t know. I don’t remember tittles and authors and I haven’t read that much anyway... But the last one I read was Hotel by... aaahhh, it was this famous author, I’m sure google search would do the work, but this exactly what I meant by not remembering authors. But yeah, it was a good read. •Favorite pastimes? Walking around when the weather is good, drawing, watching anime or stuff on youtube. And if I’m at my boyfriend’s place, cuddling and talking about stuff. And laughing. Laughing is always great. •Any regrets? Not really. I like the person I am and I’ve gone through periods in which I’ve changed and gotten to know myself better and it all feels logical and right. For the longest time I used to regret not gathering up the courage to tell my first big crush (5 years. from 3rd grade to 7th. And a few years after, getting over him) that I liked him and asking him if he ever felt anything for me. I would regret not saying ‘fuck it’ and not care what people think of me, like myself more and not try to fit in so hard and just face him. But regretting that is pointles, and also it would be me blaming past me for not doing something she just wasn’t able to do. I had to go through all the stuff I’ve gone through to get to where I am, so I don’t think I regret anything. I guess I wish some things hadn’t happened, but oh well. I’m still curous what would have happened ‘if’, but I guess I’ll never know. •What is your dream job? Working for the animation studio of the people, whose course I’m currently taking. They are so nice and such cool people and I get hyped about animation when I’m there and they explain well and they’re still a very young studio (also the people there all seem to be quite young!) and they have this project for an animated series, which just looks SO. COOL. and I want it to be successful and I want the studio to be successful and just be part of it all and help and have some part in that success. And yeah. I still don’t know which position to aim for, but I know that’s the place I want to be at and those are the people I want to work with. And it actually seems like it could happen, so that’s really great. •Do you want to get married?
 Yes. Some day. In the future. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety, though. Mostly because of having to organize everything and having it be a super special day, that I’m scared there might be something to make it not as perfect... And other reasons. But yeah, in theory, yes. I like it as an idea I think. Though it still feels a bit weird. I guess I just feel too young for that. •Do you want to have kids and how many? Yes, two. •How many countries have you visited?
  I don’t know. Not countring my home country (Bulgaria) that would be Greece, Macedonia, Romania, Italy, France, Serbia... And a few more, but mostly just the Balkans. The furthest I’ve gone is France and I’ve only been in Paris for 6 days, so I don’t feel like I’ve seen much of the country at all. •What’s the scariest dream you’ve had?
 Hmmm... Well there was this one time I had a dream that I was in a cave and I was going out through a hole when suddenly the cave formed around me and I was stuck and couldn’t move at all, the rock was sooo hard. That was pretty scary, especially since I have claustrophobia. But also any dreams with snakes are hella scary for me. I’ve had a few where there were snakes everywhere and I had to try not to step on any but they were all over the place. That’s always really horryfying for me. •Do you have any enemies? 
I don’t think I do. I usually try to be nice to everyone and if someone doesn’t like me, I doubt they have a reason to hate me enough to be my enemy. •Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. <3

[eos10transcriptions]

102 - Hi, I’m Ryan (transcription)

102 - HI I’M RYAN

Transcribed by: @taylorswiftscolonexploded

Read on google docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ESIQ4Vjns0riRSQCCWW6Cpp_ZqmuCZoEfGy5x_6Ct9s/edit?usp=sharing

SCENE 1 (CREW STACKS)

SOUND: HUMMING NOISES, BEEPING

JANE:

Dr. Dalias?

RYAN (sleepily):

Yeah?

JANE:

Sorry to wake you.

RYAN:

No…

SOUND: BANG

RYAN (CONT’D):

Ugh! Dammit!

JANE:

What was that?

RYAN:

My head. I’m...in the crew stacks and just...forgot.

JANE:

Why are you in the crew stacks?

RYAN:

I’ve not been assigned quarters yet.

JANE:

Well, what’s taking so long?

RYAN:

The quartermaster said if all the regular maintenance to the upper habitat ring is

finished this afternoon he’ll have them ready whenever he damn well pleases.

JANE:

That sounds like him.

RYAN:

He might die from being pushed out of the airlock. Just saying. So, what do you

need?

JANE:

I think you should come to the promenade.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 2 (PROMENADE)

RYAN:

Hey, so, what’s up?

JANE:

Dr. Urvidian. Waaaay up.

RYAN:

Is that-?

JANE:

Yep.

RYAN:

How high is that?

JANE:

Fourth level, so about 60 meters? And nothing but vacant shops up there. He’s

been hanging from that railing for the better part of the past half hour.

RYAN:

Doing what?

JANE:

Waiting, apparently.

RYAN:

For?

JANE:

You.

URVIDIAN (distant):

Dr. Dalias! This is what you wanted!

JANE:

Sooo is he’s-?

RYAN:

Sober? Yes.

JANE:

For how long?

RYAN:

Well...let’s see...I left his office about 7 hours ago, so… 7 hours and 10 minutes?

JANE:

Oh! Well, he’s doing much better than I would’ve thought.

CUT TO: THEME

SCENE 3 (PROMENADE)

URVIDIAN:

You mustn’t get too close, Dr. Dalias.

RYAN:

Why, are you gonna jump?

URVIDIAN:

No, but I am going to push you.

RYAN:

Here.

URVIDIAN:

What’s this?

RYAN:

Metalaxiton. It’ll help ease the withdrawal symptoms.

URVIDIAN:

I know what metalaxiton does. Tell me Dr. Dalias, do you have anything that will ease the soul magnum tedium of everyday life?

RYAN:

Yeah. It’s called alcohol.

(PAUSE)

Sorry. Bad joke. Here, you take this.

URVIDIAN:

I don’t want it.

RYAN:

Why the hell not?

URVIDIAN:

Because addiction is not just physical datament. If i’m going to end my

dependency, it’s going to come from willpower and strength of character, not a

pill.

RYAN:

(SCOFFS)

Willpower and strength of character? You’ve been sober for half a day and you’re

hanging off a ledge 60 meters above the promenade.

URVIDIAN:

Momentary setback. And, hello, Mr. Supportive. Are you not supposed to be

encouraging or something?

RYAN:

Yes. That’s why I’m telling you to take the metalaxiton.

URVIDIAN:

And I told you I don’t want it.

RYAN:

You’re showing all the signs of withdrawal.

URVIDIAN:

Am not.

RYAN:

Are too.

URVIDIAN:

Am not!

RYAN:

Are too!

URVIDIAN:

Shut up, cretan!

RYAN:

Really?!

URVIDIAN:

Just...help me off this ledge.

RYAN:

Fine.

(PAUSE)

You okay?

URVIDIAN:

How humiliating.

RYAN:

What?

URVIDIAN:

Do you see the crowd that’s gathered?

RYAN:

Well...can you blame them?

URVIDIAN:

All to watch me plunge to my death.

(PAUSE)

No, actually.

RYAN:

You are legendary. Like it or not.

URVIDIAN:

Stop patronizing me.

RYAN:

No, seriously, some of them even made signs! No way they would’ve gone

through that trouble if you were just some dockhand or engineer.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, yes. I particularly love the one anticipating joy over my freshly cracked skull.

RYAN:

You can read that from up here?

URVIDIAN:

You can’t?

RYAN:

No, I was just hoping you couldn’t, y’know, you being so ollll- oh I like the glitter

on that one, don’t you?

URVIDIAN:

Oh, yes, it’s spectacular! That is not, however, how you spell “Jackass”.

RYAN:

I’m guessing English isn’t his first language seeing as how he’s a giant insect.

(DEEP BREATH)

Will you please just take the Metalaxiton?

URVIDIAN:

NO! No! I’ve decided on the matter, and I will thank you not to bring it up again.

RYAN:

Do you like suffering?

URVIDIAN:

Yes. Stubborn, thing, are you not?

RYAN:

I’m not doing anything I wouldn’t do for any-

URVIDIAN:

What?

RYAN:

Nothing.

URVIDIAN:

Patient. You were going to say patient!

RYAN:

No I wasn’t!

URVIDIAN (laughing):

You think I’m your patient?

RYAN:

Well….

URVIDIAN:

Well, what?

RYAN:

You’re kind of my patient…

URVIDIAN:

Oh, I am nothing of the kind I assure you!

RYAN:

Fine. Fine! I’m not your doctor, you’re not my patient! Physician, screw thyself!

URVIDIAN:

It’s ‘heal’. The phrase is “Physician, heal thyself.”

RYAN:

I’m just trying to help.

URVIDIAN:

Your medical advice is completely unnecessary. There’s nothing you can tell me

that I don’t know.

RYAN:

Probably true.

URVIDIAN:

Definitely true.

RYAN:

Okay, so, you won’t take the metalaxiton out of some perverse need for

self-flagellation, whatever, your choice. But, then, if that’s going to be the case,

there is something else I want, though, something maybe even more important.

URVIDIAN:

And that would be?

RYAN:

Uhh...there’s...a group that

URVIDIAN:

Noooo! No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo, no, no.

RYAN:

You don’t even know what it is.

URVIDIAN:

If you think I’m twelve-stepping my way across EOS 10 just to keep a post where

I spend my days asking aliens to turn their heads, sometimes plural, and cough,

you’re out of whatever passes for a brain behind that huge, shiny forehead.

RYAN:

Would you just-?

URVIDIAN:

No! Noooo! Good day, Dr. Dalias.

RYAN:

It was. And then I woke up.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 4 (INFIRMARY)

LEVI:

Dr. Dalias!

RYAN:

Hi, Levi.

LEVI:

You have to help me!

RYAN:

What’s the matter?

LEVI:

I’m dying!

RYAN:

No, you’re not.

LEVI:

I am! The Interface told me so!

RYAN:

The Interface told you so?

LEVI:

Yes! Interface?

SOUND: BEEPING

LEVI (CONT’D):

Am I dying?

INTERFACE:

Yes.

LEVI:

You see?

RYAN:

Interface, what is he dying of?

INTERFACE:

Progressive cellular senescence.

LEVI:

Oh god! It sounds horrible!

RYAN:

Levi, it means aging. Senescence is aging, a perfectly natural, normal biological

process.

LEVI:

How is that again?

RYAN:

You’re fine. You’re growing older, just like me, just like every living thing in the

universe. You didn’t think you’d live forever, did you?

LEVI:

Most days I don’t believe I’ll live to see dinner. It’s always such a surprise.

RYAN:

Trust me, you’re going to be here for a very, very long time.

LEVI:

Can you ballpark this for me?

RYAN:

Uhhh… 2…. 250 more years? On the low side.

LEVI:

That’s it?

RYAN:

How old are you now?

LEVI:

128.

RYAN:

That’s already more than the average human’s life span.

LEVI:

Oh. Oh, I see. You wretched species! I do have sympathy for you. Thank you,

Doctor! This does...put things in perspective.

RYAN:

Glad I could help.

LEVI:

Tell me, how do you deal with your ephemerality?

RYAN:

One day at a time. Unless you’re Dr. Urvidian, excuse me.

URVIDIAN (distant):

No no no no no no no no.

RYAN:

What is going on in here?

URVIDIAN:

She is interfering with my work!

JANE:

I’m just accompanying the doctor on rounds.

RYAN:

Is that unusual?

URVIDIAN:

Yes, when she also follows me into the bloody bathroom!

RYAN:

Okay that’s a little weird.

JANE:

He asked me to do a bioscan and the next thing I knew he’d slipped down the

hall and raided the pharmaceutical closet behind my back!

URVIDIAN:

Slanderous little witch!

JANE:

Hey!

RYAN:

Guys!

URVIDIAN:

She makes it sound so treacherous.

JANE:

Then why’d you try to distract me?

URVIDIAN:

By asking you to do your job? You would find pushing a few buttons on a scanner

mentally challenging, wouldn’t you?

RYAN:

Okay! Enough!

URVIDIAN:

I simply needed to retrieve an antibiotic course for Lieutenant Commander

Hargon, he’s contracted a nasty case of microbial encephalitis which I suspect he

received from a Terulian prostitute. Perhaps you know her, Nurse Johns.

JANE:

Hey!

RYAN:

That’s it?

JANE:

Check. His. Coat.

RYAN:

What?

JANE:

His white coat! When I saw him down the hallway something was weighing down

the left pocket.

URVIDIAN:

That’s absurd.

RYAN:

Let me see the coat.

URVIDIAN:

It’s nothing.

RYAN:

Then let me see it.

URVIDIAN:

No.

SOUND: RUSTLING

URVIDIAN (CONT’D):

Stop!

RYAN:

What are you afraid of?

URVIDIAN:

I said no!

RYAN:

This… what is this?

URVIDIAN:

It’s rubbing alcohol.

RYAN:

You were… going to drink this?

URVIDIAN:

No. Of course not. Don’t be so ridiculous! The door slid open and I… I was… you

wouldn’t... you wouldn’t understand.

JANE:

Got that right.

RYAN:

No, no! That is...that’s not...you’d be surprised what I might understand.

URVIDIAN:

It was...it was just staring at me. Mocking me.

RYAN:

What was?

URVIDIAN:

On the container. That word.

(lowly) Alcohol. A-l-c-o-h-o-l al-co-hol. I had to have it, I had to take it. I panicked.

(Normal) There. Are you happy? Do you have enough insight into my personal

psychopathy now? Or shall I share more, would you like to hear about medical

school and my trouble hiding erections in the cadaver lab?

RYAN:

Um...not really.

JANE:

Wow that explains so much.

URVIDIAN:

If you’ll excuse me.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

JANE:

I totally get it though.

RYAN:

Yeah, addiction, alcoholism, they’re horr-

JANE:

No, I mean the cadaver thing. I totally get that!

RYAN:

One issue at a time, please.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 5 (BAR)

RYAN:

Hey.

URVIDIAN: Oh goody. I was hoping my day would get worse.

RYAN:

How’s the drink?

URVIDIAN:

I don’t know yet. I haven’t tasted it. How’d you find me? I told the Interface to

withhold my location.

RYAN:

I put myself in your place, thought about what I would do if I were you. And here

we are. Level 9 bar.

URVIDIAN:

So. Less than 24 hours playing nanny to a drunk and you think you have some

marvelous insight?

RYAN:

I wasn’t wrong, was I? If you want to underestimate me, that’s fine, but I think you

know you’re doing it.

URVIDIAN:

Wrong, Dr. Dalias. It’s not you I’m underestimating, it’s your estimating the

situation that I’m concerned about which only appears on the surface to be

underestimation of you, the person, instead of what it is, accurate estimation of

your own estimating ability.

RYAN:

You… sure you haven’t had anything to drink today?

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been staring at this one. Imagining its exquisite effervescence, dreaming of

its vivacity, yearning to put it to my lips. And cursing myself for being a

weak-minded ninny.

RYAN:

It’s not just about willpower. But c’mon, when is the last time you’ve gone this

long without a drink? You’ve made it more than 12 hours.

URVIDIAN:

Is that cause for celebration?

RYAN:

It’s proof that you can do it.

URVIDIAN:

Do you know what I’ve been doing in the last 12 hours?

RYAN:

Aside from hanging on a ledge above the promenade?

URVIDIAN (quietly):

Yes.

RYAN:

No idea.

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been hoarding.

RYAN:

Hoarding?

URVIDIAN:

Those 12 hours I’ve managed to stow away my last 12 bottles of Cerliac Ale in

various strategic locations across the station.

RYAN:

Okay, but-

URVIDIAN:

Also, 48 bottles of vodka, 223 cases of wine from the vineyard on Neptune, 117

bottles of Tresian rum, 26 liters of champagne, 116 bottles of amarattle including

a Dieresian vintage, 17 varieties of whiskey from across Quadrant 3, three of the

last known bottles of Corona beer,(deep breath) and as you know, one bottle of

rubbing alcohol.

RYAN:

Umm… well.... that…

URVIDIAN:

As I explained earlier, Dr. Dalias, I panicked.

RYAN:

But, you haven’t had a drink.

URVIDIAN:

I dislike you.

RYAN:

Especially when I’m right, apparently.

URVIDIAN:

I’ve been thinking.

RYAN:

Uh oh.

URVIDIAN:

About- shut up- this troop of weak-minded namby-pambies you mentioned this

morning.

RYAN:

I’m pretty sure I didn’t say “weak-minded namby-pambies.”

URVIDIAN:

If one wanted to, say, observe this group in an academic sense, of course, where

might one find them?

RYAN:

One would find them in the habitat section, level 8, community room alpha at

1900 hours.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, that’s unfortunate.

RYAN:

What is?

URVIDIAN:

I’m busy then.

RYAN:

Doing what?

URVIDIAN:

Things.

RYAN:

Things?

URVIDIAN:

Yes.

RYAN:

What things?

URVIDIAN:

Important things. Once in a lifetime things.

TRANSITION TO: SCENE 6 (COMMUNITY ROOM)

FEMALE VOICE:

Hello? Hi, come on in!

URVIDIAN:

Thank you. I...I’m just here. I’m...in the wrong room apparently, I-I’ll just be going.

FEMALE VOICE:

If you’re looking for the SAA meeting, this is it!

URVIDIAN:

SAA?

FEMALE VOICE:

Substance Abuse Anonymous. We try to be all inclusive.

URVIDIAN:

Oh, well, then maybe...perhaps I’m in the right room.

FEMALE VOICE:

Have a seat! We’re just getting started with the introductions!

SOUND: DOOR OPENING

RYAN:

Hi! Sorry, sorry I’m late.

FEMALE VOICE:

No problem, we’re just getting started!

URVIDIAN:

This is completely and totally unacceptable! Just because central command sent

you here to babysit me does not mean you can completely and totally invade my

semblance of privacy that I have left.

RYAN:

Doctor-

URVIDIAN:

No, you listen to me  you neandertal. I’m putting up with your ham fist intrusion

because that’s what’s required of me. But at this, I draw the line. These meetings

are not public spectacles for slack-jawed gawkers! I will not have you reporting

my confessions back to the council.

FEMALE VOICE:

And you, in the back?

RYAN:

Oh, uh, sorry! Hi, um, everyone, I’m Ryan.

SOUND: (SCATTERED “Hi, Ryan”’s)

RYAN (CONT’D):

And I’m an addict.

URVIDIAN:

Jackass.

CUT TO: END THEME

[bosstoaster]

Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I am a huge fan of your characterization, pacing, plot, and even your evil, evil cliff hangers. Your writing style flows very organically and I find myself reading and re-reading your work. 800 follower prompt: Shiro/Matt and either pointless angst (2, 15, etc) or shenanigans (14, 31, etc). Or writer's choice. Basically just Shiro/Matt. :-)

(Thank you so much dude you are waaaay too kind.  

(Wondering what this is?  This is the 800 Followers Special!  Find out more here.  These requests are now closed.  Don’t wanna see these because there’s a lot of them coming over the next couple of weeks?  Blacklist ‘800 Followers Special’.  Hate reading on Tumblr?  These will be going on AO3 as ‘This Paradox Place’ a couple of days after posting.)

No no, we aren’t breaking up! You didn’t let me finish. I’m gay for YOU. (And I’m queer for math!)

“We need to talk,” Matt told Shiro plainly.  “Honestly, this was long overdue.”

Pausing at the unusually flat tone, Shiro glanced back over his shoulder.  His shirt was still tangled around his arms as he yanked it off, and he let both hang in front of him.  “What kind of talk?”

Matt tilted his head up, jaw set.  It was an expression he usually used when he was steeling himself for something.  “One we should have had weeks ago.”

Well, that was straightforward.

Something about Matt’s expression made Shiro tense.  Maybe it was just that he was so unused to having it directed at him.  At least, not in months.  Years, now.

It was like Matt was trying to figure out how to break some bad news to him.

At first, Shiro’s mind whirled back, jumping through their day, and then the past few weeks. Was anyone hurt?  Had something gone wrong?  Why was Matt telling him this now, in this tone of voice?

The only reason Shiro could think of that Matt would say something now was if it wasn’t exactly business.  If it was just between the two of them.

Which meant there was something wrong with them.  With their relationship.  Something that had been stewing for weeks, now.  Which would be most of the time they’d been together.

Sitting down on his bed, Shiro still didn’t pull his arms out.  Instead he met Matt’s eyes and waited.

Under Shiro’s direct gaze, Matt started to shift, moving his weight from foot to foot.  “Right.  Um.”  He paused, visibly looking for a joke, anything to defuse the heavy atmosphere.  After a few moments of struggle, he gave it.  “It’s not- it’s not a bad thing.  Not really.   Usually with us it’s awesome, but some stuff is just… it’s hard to deal with.”

Shiro’s heart sank, dropping as heavily as if it was made of metal too.

“Is it something we can work in?” He asked carefully, keeping his expression neutral.  No need to make this harder on them both.

Matt was free to end this anytime he wanted.  Obviously.  There was going to be no guilting, no carrying on, no making this a problem for either of them.

But it hurt, too.  Shiro had so little that was stable.  And Matt… well, stable probably wasn’t the best word for Matt.  He ran off with his ideas, running high on theories and anything that sounded fun.  And he fought back fiercely, passionately, refusing to let anyone treat him as anything less than an equal.  Not after what he’d been through.

Shiro admired it all desperately.  And more, he’d loved having that all aimed at him, that interest and curiosity and passion, the refusal to be shut out.  Matt had dug his way in completely.

Their relationship, however, was stable.  It was good.  They matched, they evened out, they fought but made up easily.

Or, so he’d thought.

Something must have shown through his expression, despite his best efforts, because Matt drooped.  “I don’t-” he winced.  “I don’t think so.  It’s not your fault, but I don’t think this is something you can fix, or else you would have already.  I’m sorry, Shiro.”  He sat down next to him, brow furrowed.  “It’s not going to change anything, you don’t have to worry.  I’m just too tired to keep going like this.”

Really, Shiro shouldn’t have been freaking out.  They were friends, still, and they could be friends after.  There was nothing wrong with that, nothing less about friendship.  He knew that.  Or he thought he had.

Absurdly, horribly, Shiro’s eyes ached and heated, and he looked down at his lap to avoid meeting Matt’s eyes.  Then he saw his arms, still stupidly tangled, and he ducked down to pull his shirt back on.  It wasn’t like he could hide his scars from Matt again, but it made him feel less vulnerable.  As if the shirt could have helped at all.

Nothing he could fix, and not his fault.

The PTSD had been too much then.

That was fair.  Shiro hated dealing with it, and he didn’t have a choice.  What right did he have to ask someone else to manage it, too?

“I’m sorry,” he managed, mostly keeping his tone flat.  It didn’t sound right, even to his own ears, but he couldn’t do better right now.  He needed space to right himself and lick his wounds, then he could sound normal.

A hand settled on his shoulder, warm and heavy.  “You okay in there?  You, uh, you’ve kinda gone quiet.  I haven’t even said anything, yet.”

“You don’t have to,” Shiro replied, closing his eyes completely.  “I get it.  I’m not going to give you a hard time.  If you want, I can explain to Pidge and Sam.”

There was a moment of silence.  “Explain what?  What the hell do they care about this?”  

Shiro flinched.

The hand tightened, and then Matt shook him.  It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but it was startling, and Shiro uncurled himself as he jumped.  “What the hell are you on about?” Matt asked.

Confusion warred with hurt.  Matt sounded honest, but the cruelty in making him say it and not just letting him take the hit felt like an insult.  Shiro tucked in on himself and looked away.  “Well, your family would probably want to know that we’re breaking up, so-”

“We’re what?  When did this- just because I wanted to change some things up?  The hell, Takashi?”

Shiro froze, then glanced back over.  “What?  No.  No!  I’m not-”  He paused, then swallowed hard.  “You’re not breaking up with me?”

Mouth falling open, Matt stared at him.  Then he leaned back, eyes distant as he mentally reviewed the conversation.   “You thought- well, fuck a duck, that explains a lot.  God, I was wondering why you got so nervous over a talk.  No, I’m not breaking up with you.  Why the hell would I?  I’m physically tired.  As in, we never sleep well in the same bed.  I was going to say we should start sleeping in our rooms together, so we stop waking each other up all the time.  God knows you don’t get enough rest as is.”

That was-

Oh.  Oh.

Matt was right.  They were horrible bedmates.  Shiro woke up every time Matt shifted, and Shiro’s metal arm and tendency to twitch and move in his sleep had smacked his boyfriend awake more than once.  And left a couple of bruises that Shiro still felt awful over.

“You had to put it like that?” Shiro burst out.  “You were acting like this was some huge, awful deal!”

Matt threw out his arms. “I didn’t want you to feel bad!  You have nightmares so you toss and turn and defend yourself.  Hell, you practically fell over yourself apologizing for the time you thumped my chest.”

Scowling back, Shiro crossed his arms.  “You were hurt.”

“Oh, I had a little bruise.  I’ve left worse on you from hickies.  I’m not going to burst into dramatic tears because you left a mark on me.  It wouldn’t have hurt at all if that arm of yours didn’t weigh as much as a small child.”  Matt rolled his eyes.  “I’m very sorry for trying to take a change to our relationship seriously.  Won’t ever happen again.  I’m gunna sleep in my room after I bone you.  We good?”

Taking a deep breath, Shiro nodded, short and jerky.  There were still so many emotions running through him - relief, frustration, anger, hurt, fondness - that had nowhere to go.  But that was fine.  Honestly, it was the smart option.  Under normal circumstances, Shiro would have been good.

There was another huff, and then Matt reached around, grabbing Shiro and tugging him into an embrace.  He dropped a kiss on top of Shiro’s head. “You absolutely moron.  I’m not dumping you. You kidding me?  Setting aside the whole ‘brilliant, amazing pilot, dorky leader and savior of the universe’ thing, you are a fine piece of ass.”

That finally seemed to break something in Shiro, and he let out of a bark of laughter.  “Well, glad we have our priorities straight.”

“Nothing straight about me when it comes to you, Beefcake,” Matt replied cheerfully.  “I’m gay as hell for you.”

Pulling back, Shiro offered Matt a smile, the tension slowly melting out of him.  “You’re gay for everything.  You’re gay.”

“Nope.  Not true.  I’m gay for your and queer platonic for math.  And paleobiology.”  Matt pressed their foreheads together.  “And you’re very pretty, but very dense.  It’s okay, I’ll be the brains of the operation.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Shiro replied, shoving Matt back so he laid out on the bed.  

Matt only laughed.  “Nope, I’m a dick.  S’okay, you like dicks.”  He shot Shiro a pair of finger guns, grinning.

So Shiro felt no qualms about pushing him off the bed and listening to his grumpy complaints.

But he also invited him back in as soon as he was up.

Shiro didn’t need for Matt to apologize.  Because he had his own ways of getting even.  So he pinned him down by his shoulders and smiled down at him, warm and sappy.

“Oh no,” Matt replied.  “Are you about to- Shiro, c’mon!”

“I love you,” Shiro replied heartlessly.  “You’re amazing and you’re passionate, and you’re one of the strongest, greatest people I know.”

“I’m calling the police, this is abuse.”  Matt’s face went blotchy red, and he squirmed under the direct gaze.  

Shiro only raised his brows, because what police?  “You’ve survived so much and came out the other side so strong.  You exceeded every expectation and you turned all those hurts into wonder at the universe, and I love you so much.  Maybe I won’t wake up to you anymore, but I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Covering his face, Matt whined.  “I give up. You win.  Stop!”

Shiro took pity, leaning down to kiss over Matt’s neck, then flopping out comfortably over him.  It took a couple of minutes for Matt to recover from the onslaught of sincerity, and when he looked down at Shiro his ears were still red.  “You know that all applies to you too, right?”

“Maybe,” Shiro replied, resting his chin on Matt’s chest. He had to curl up to stay on the bed like this, but it was worth it.  “But I still love you.”

Matt smiled and reached down, running his fingers through Shiro’s hair.  “Same to you, Starshine.”

And that was enough.

They were enough.

It was all Shiro wanted.