#OH also i did test for covid and it came back negative. just for the record <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[writingwithciara]

Broken Bond ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: the stupid reason chris stopped talking to his best friend

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

word count: 4.3k

notes: allusions to sexual content, nearly toxic chris, sweet baby matt

masterlist

y/n and chris were inseparable from kindergarten all the way up to the summer between freshman and sophomore year. it was as if chris just decided he didn’t want to be in her life anymore. and that shocked everyone. but unfortunately for him, she was always going to be a permanent fixture in his life, whether he liked it or not because she was still close with nick and matt. they never felt the urge to get up and abandon her like he did.

but he believed he had a good reason.

the summer between 9th and 10th grade, chris noticed that y/n changed quite a bit. she had gone to florida to visit her grandma for a week and when she came back, her shorts were shorter and her shirts seemed to be tighter. every time chris saw her, he had an over abundance of unfamiliar thoughts. he didn’t like them so to cope with the change, he stopped talking to her altogether. he started going out of his way to make sure whenever she was at the house that he wouldn’t be.

and it broke her heart.

she spent the first week alone, afraid that matt and nick would also change their minds and leave her too. but on a cold rainy saturday morning, when matt showed up to her house with movies and snacks, she knew he wasn’t going anywhere. and for the rest of that summer, y/n spent all her free time with nick and matt, almost completely forgetting that chris even existed.

when the boys announced they were moving to la to move their career along, they invite y/n to come with them. she was supposed to go to school there anyway so she figured it would be easier for everyone. so they packed their bags and headed west.

when they got to town and the boys began their career, y/n found herself feeling alone again. especially when the boys had to leave to film a video. or when they went on tour. she joined them when she could but most of the fans were never happy with her presence, despite her blossoming career as a youtuber.

it was never matt or nick that made her feel alone though. they publicly defended her against the fans & spent whatever time they could with her. it was always chris who would make her feel unwanted. he just didn’t seem to care.

but he cared so much.

he could tell that basically abandoning her in sophomore year had really hurt her, both physically and emotionally, and he wanted to go back and change it all. but he couldn’t do anything about it now, nor could he get rid of the impure thoughts that littered his brain whenever she was around. she used to be his best friend and he shouldn’t have been feeling that way to begin with.

he couldn’t take back what he did in the past but he could try to make up for it in the present.

whenever he would see a fan comment something mean about her, he would send that person a message, completely defending y/n. but nobody ever knew about it.

so when the hate started to die down, chris felt like he did a good job. y/n was confused at first as to why she was getting fewer and fewer hate comments but brushed it off, happy they weren’t being mean to her anymore. it started taking a toll on her mental health. luckily for her, she still had matt. he helped her through her first everything and they were suddenly the inseparable ones. probably even more so than y/n and chris once were.

---

y/n was sitting in her room when nick called her. although she was confused, she picked up her phone and smiled. “why are you calling me when you live right upstairs?”

“y/n, i tested positive for covid so i'm stuck in quarantine until i'm better. and seeing as how you were just with me earlier today, i feel like you should get tested too, just in case.”

“oh okay.” y/n grabbed the text from her nightstand and sighed. she took the test and waited on the phone with nick. when it came back negative, she was relieved. she didn’t want to be stuck in her room all day every day. “i'm sorry you have it, nick. do they boys have it?”

“matt does but chris keeps testing negative.”

“so i can’t hang out with my 2 best friends but i'm gonna be stuck with chris? i would much rather have covid, honestly.”

“the week is going to fly by. i promise.” y/n smiled at her best friends optimism.

“i could always pretend i have it so i can avoid him.”

“that’s true.” nick chuckled. “but why would you do that?”

“i can’t be around him, nick.” y/n sighed.

“girl, it has been 6 years. it’s about time you bury your grudge.”

“i tried. but you can’t just get rid of several years of feeling every emotion. i loved him at one point and the fact that it was before he ditched me really hurts.”

“if it makes you feel any better, i could tell you why he ditched you, even if it is the most ridiculous reason ever.”

“you know?”

“not entirely. but i did read his journal entry from that date and although it lacked detail, it’s pretty obvious why he did it.”

“tell me.”

nick decided to describe the reason in as much detail as he could create. he painted a vivid picture for y/n but she didn’t seem to believe that was the reason chris stopped talking to her.

later that day, y/n was in the kitchen preparing a meal for the boys when chris decided he was hungry. he walked up the stairs and stopped at the top when he saw y/n at the stove. he could’ve turned around and headed back down to his room before she knew he was there but his stomach rumbled so he decided to walk to the fridge. y/n turned at the exact moment chris was reaching for the door, causing her to nearly slap him with the spatula she was holding.

neither of them said a word as they silently stared at each other. the tension was palpable and seeing y/n dressed in sweats with her hair up in a messy bun, caused chris to cough awkwardly. he shifted slightly as he tried to look anywhere but her face.

y/n was the first to break the silence. “what are you doing out of your room?”

“was hungry.” chris shrugged nonchalantly and opened the refrigerator. “need food too you know.”

“yeah but i figured you would’ve seen me and went back into your room, seeing as how that’s the way it’s been for 6 years.”

“my need for food was too strong.” chris turned but avoided her gaze. he looked down at the food in front of her. he went to grab some off the plate but she smacked his arm and pushed him away.

“this is for the 2 brothers who didn’t abandon me.” she looked at him.

“can you make me something too?”

“no.” she grabbed the plate and walked to matt’s room first. when she walked in, matt noticed she wasn’t wearing the mask she was supposed to.

“where’s your mask? i don’t want you to get sick too.”

“matt, i keep telling you that i don’t care. i'll be fine. and even if i do get sick, i know you’ll take care of me.”

“what makes you say that?” he asked, jokingly raising an eyebrow.

“okay fine. guess you don’t want this wonderful & delicious food i made you.” she picked up the plate and went to walk towards the door but matt’s whines stopped her.

“you know i'd take care of you. in sickness and in health.” he chuckled. y/n set the plate back on his desk and smiled.

“the way you’re talking sounds like we’re making a wedding vow.”

��that’s the deal, remember?” matt smirked, causing y/n to think back to their junior year of high school.

she had been in a relationship with a member of the lacrosse team for quite some time so when he abruptly dumped her with no explanation, she began to wonder if there was any hope for her. matt found her after a game and they had made the promise to marry each other if neither of them were in a serious relationship by the time they were 25.

“yeah i remember.” y/n smiled. “but i highly doubt that’s going to happen, matt.”

“and why do you say that?”

“because look at you. you’re…good looking and you have a great personality. plus, you’ve dated way more than i have. i think it’s safe to say that you’re more likely to be in a serious relationship at 25 years old than i am.”

“don’t sell yourself so short. you're good looking too, obviously. and you have the biggest heart out of anyone i know. your personality rocks and you’re going to find the right guy someday. gary just wasn’t the right one, of course.”

“you’re my favorite triplet, you know that right?”

“oh i am fully aware.” he chuckled and took a bite of the food she made. “don’t worry. i won’t tell nick.”

“i'm sure you will eventually.” y/n kissed his head and walked back to the kitchen. she ignored chris and took nick’s plate to his room. he was asleep so she left the plate on his nightstand and went back to the kitchen.

she had only been out of the room for 10 minutes and chris had somehow managed to make a huge mess.

“what the fuck are you doing, chris?”

“i'm trying to make myself some food since you won’t do it for me.” he rolled his eyes and focused back on the grilled cheese he was trying to make. or burn, y/n wasn’t sure what the endgame was.

“holy shit, you’re helpless.” y/n rolled her eyes and moved him out of the way. “go to your room and i'll call you up when it’s ready.”

“i don’t get room service?”

“don’t push your luck.” she pointed the spatula at him threateningly and smiled to herself as he retreated to his room in defeat. she began to cook his food and questioned why he was even talking to her, eventually chalking it up to the fact he was probably lonely without nick or matt.

when she finished cooking, she decided to bring it down to him. she knocked on the door and opened it slowly when she heard the faint ‘come in’. she set the plate down and was about to walk out when chris called out for her.

“wait, hold up.” he turned around in his chair and looked up at her. “thank you.”

“no problem.” she stood awkwardly as he stared at her. “can i go now? got a big mess to clean up.”

“yeah you can go. but, um, don’t worry about the mess. i did it so i'll clean it.”

“okay?” y/n was more confused now than she was earlier. she walked out of the room as chris resumed the game he was playing.

chris' eyes roamed the computer screen in front of him but his mind was running rampant with thoughts again.

“how am i supposed to get her out of my head?” he muttered to himself. he could hear nate laughing on the other end of the headset.

“still can’t believe you stopped being her friend just because she got boobs.”

“she got boobs and she got hot. all it took was one week.” chris sighed.

“and you’ve been in love with you since you were 8. in case you forgot, that was before she was hot. so why did her, um, development have to change the dynamic between you two?”

“i don’t know. it just did.” chris sighed frustratedly and looked down at his phone, suddenly coming with a way to get rid of the thoughts that wouldn’t leave. “i'm gonna go now. play later though, okay?” nate said his goodbyes before chris hung up. his attention turned to his phone. he picked it up and opened instagram. the first post he saw was a picture of y/n and he thought it was perfect. he took a screenshot and added it to his album filled with pictures of her through the years. chris swiped a few times until he settled on a picture of y/n that he always loved. he knew matt had taken it but he didn’t care. she was smiling and wearing an orange fresh love hoodie. it was right after he launched his brand and he gave them each a hoodie, purposely giving y/n the orange one, even thought it would drive him crazy.

and it was certainly driving him crazy. he hated that it didn’t take much for him to get excited but he also loved that it was only y/n that could do it for him.

y/n was watching netflix in the living room when she just happened to glance over at the kitchen. it was still a mess and she hadn’t seen chris in a few hours.

curiosity got the best of her and she found herself slowly approaching chris’ bedroom door. it was slightly ajar and she could see a faint light coming from the crack, along with some low music coming from his speaker. his voice could be heard but he was muttering something y/n couldn’t hear. she quietly pushed the door open a little more and her jaw nearly dropped at the sight before her.

chris was facing away from her but from the way his arm was moving, y/n knew what was going on. that didn’t bother her though. it was what he was getting himself off to that bothered her. there, right on his screen, was a picture of her. it took every ounce of self-control not to scream out loud or go over and berate him for using a picture of her.

she stood there, unable to move, and watched as chris finished himself off. he rolled onto his back with his eyes closed and y/n found herself finally able to make a run for it. too bad she suddenly lacked the coordination to do so and crashed into the wall. chris' shot open and he looked at y/n. she was trying to look anywhere other than him. he pulled the blanket up to cover himself and couldn’t find the words he needed to say.

“i just….i’m just gonna head out now.” y/n almost slipped as she stood up and rushed back up to the living room. there was no way she just witnessed that.

the week that followed was even more awkward than it had been before. y/n never went out of her own way to avoid chris before but how was she supposed to look him in the eye after what she saw?

when nick and matt both tested negative and were able to come out of their rooms, matt was the first to point out the tension in the air. nick brushed it off and told y/n she was going to be in their car video, giving her no time to argue as the 4 of them piled into the car.

matt took them to mcdonald’s to get food then drove them to an empty parking lot and they began to film. y/n wasn’t sure of what the topic was and the only thing she could focus on was chris.

“how are you guys feeling today?” chris asked, keeping his gaze on matt, fearing that if he looked to the backseat, y/n would disappear.

“i'm feeling fantastic actually.” nick threw a few fries into his mouth. “so glad i can actually taste things again.”

“yeah me too.” matt smiled and shoved some fries in his own mouth. “i'm also glad that you two didn’t kill each other or burn the house down while we were stuck in our rooms.”

“chris almost burned it down on the first day.” y/n stirred her mcflurry and looked at matt. “after i brought you your food that day, i returned to the kitchen and this kid was wither trying to consume a charred sandwich or was intentionally trying to burn the house down.”

“hey now.” chris spoke directly to y/n but caught himself and looked at matt. “she refused to cook me a meal.”

“i don’t blame her.” nick rolled his eyes and looked back at y/n. “but you should’ve known letting the kid in the kitchen unsupervised would result in a disaster.”

“did you end up making him food anyway?” matt chuckled.

“of course. couldn't let him attempt it again.” y/n attempted to joke and looked up to see chris looking at her through the rearview mirror. he looked away quickly. nick witnessed the awkward interaction and he shared a look with matt. matt stopped recording so they could address the tension in the car privately.

“what’s going on with you two? one minute, things are back to normal between you two & the next second, it’s like you guys were never friends at all.”

“yeah. what happened?”

“nothing happened.” y/n and chris said at the same time. nick shook his head, clearly not buying it.

“that’s fucking bullshit. the tension, as strong as it was before, has never been this intense. why is it so awkward? did someone see something they shouldn’t have?” nick chuckled and when they didn’t respond, his eyes widened. “wait, what?!”

“you’re joking, right?” matt glanced between them. “tell us.”

“i’d rather not. it was kind of embarrassing.” y/n looked out the window behind nick.

“so did chris see something?”

“no. y/n saw something.” chris sighed and looked back at y/n. “and i'm sorry.”

“it’s okay, chris.” y/n avoided eye contact and opted to look at matt.

“well, what did you see then?” nick questioned, getting more and more invested in the story.

“she caught me, um…..” chris glanced down at his lap, hoping his brothers would pick up on the hint. they did, immediately going crazy.

“what? no way!” matt couldn’t contain his laughter. nick on the other hand was too grossed out to even speak.

“told you it was embarrassing.” chris glanced out the window, hoping nobody would bring up what he was using to satisfy himself and thanking y/n for not mentioning it.

the rest of the video went by rather smoothly after the revelation. when they got back to the house, y/n and chris were in the kitchen while the other 2 went to shower. chris was focused on his phone and y/n was finally ready to ask why.

“i know it’s a week late but i was just wondering-“

“no, i'm not going to tell you why it was your picture. i don’t need you to hate me anymore than you already do.” chris sighed, not even taking his view off the phone as he answered the question she never finished.

“chris, i don’t hate you. and as much as i have tried to do it in the past, i just can’t. you may hate me but we’re clearly going to be in each other’s lives forever, whether or not we want to  be. so maybe we should just start at the beginning.”

“i don’t hate you, y/n. that’s the fucking problem.” chris set his phone down and finally looked up at her. she was scared of the sudden aggressiveness in his tone.

“then why the fuck did you stop talking to me before sophomore year?!”

before chris could answer, matt came out of his bathroom. his hair was still damp and he was attempting to dry it with a towel. he looked up and could feel the tension again. “what just happened?”

“nothing.” chris picked up his phone and went down to his room, slightly slamming the door.

matt just turned to y/n with an apologetic look. “i'm sorry.”

“not your fault.” she sighed and walked over to him. “let’s just go to your room.”

matt didn’t argue with her as they both climbed into the bed, passing out shortly after.

chris was not as lucky. he stayed awake for most of the night, trying to come up with a valid explanation for the picture.

when he finally managed to get to sleep, he was woken up by a soft knock on his door frame. he looked up to see y/n standing in the shadows. he sat up straight and looked towards her.

“we need to talk, chris. so please don’t brush this whole thing off. i'm being serious. don't change the topic when you know i want a clear answer. got it?”

as rare it was, chris loved it when y/n would get a little bossy. thankfully, it was dark and the blanket was hiding everything from view. “okay.”

“first, i need to know why you ditched me that summer. then i need to know why it was my picture you were jerking off to. and please don’t lie to me, chris. i know your tell.”

“if you know my tell, then how come you couldn’t figure out that i have never once had a bit of hatred towards you in my life? how come you didn’t figure out anything from the past? i don’t think you know what my tell is.”

“fine. i don’t. but i want to know the reason you dropped me like i meant absolutely nothing to you. are you gonna tell me or am i just going to have to go tell matt what you were using when i caught you?”

“fine. i'll tell you. just please don’t tell him. he’ll kick my ass for being a ‘pervert’ and i would rather that not happen.” chris shifted himself on the bed as y/n walked closer. she was wearing matt’s blue fresh love t-shirt and her legs were bare but chris knew she had shorts underneath. “the reason i stopped talking to you that summer was because when you came back from florida, you changed.”

“changed how? my tastes and personality were exactly the same.”

“no. i mean, um…” he hovered his hands over his chest and gestured them outwards. y/n quirked  an eyebrow before catching on.

“oh.” she looked down at her feet. “that’s the stupidest excuse i have ever heard.”

“i had to stay away from you as much as possible because when you came around, my mind was fully clouded with very impure thoughts and i didn’t want to keep them. plus, i didn’t want to be around when all the guys came out of the woodwork to ask you on a date. i figured with distance and time, i could stop myself from wanting to kick the crap out of every guy that suddenly decided you were interesting, just because you had boobs.”

“chris-“

“and then gary, the only guy i ever truly felt jealous of, asked you out and you guys dated for a while. i hated that so much. he didn’t treat you how you deserved.”

“oh, and you did?” y/n felt angry at this revelation. “you don’t get to stand there and tell me how i deserve to be treated when you didn’t treat me any better than those guys did. it's complete bullshit, chris.”

“i was a stupid teenager all jacked up on hormones. i didn’t know how else to deal with the feelings that were bubbling up inside.”

“that’s still no excuse, chris. do you have any idea how many nights i cried myself to sleep after, thinking i just wasn’t ever going to be good enough to be your friend? every fucking night, chris!” y/n tried to keep her voice down but she kept getting angrier. chris pulled her into his room and shut the door.

“will you keep it down? you're gonna wake matt.” chris let go of her shoulders and sat back on his bed as y/n began to pace.

“the way you’ve been treating me for 6 years is not fair. do you know how hard it was to get over you? it seriously fucked with my mental health.” y/n paused and looked over at chris. “so, were my boobs the only reason you stopped talking to me?”

“yeah. well that, and the fact that i had a terrible crush on you since we were 8. you should know that i'm not the best at expressing how i feel. i do stupid stuff all the time. for instance, i have an entire album on my phone filled with pictures of you and since i'm being honest, i use them sometimes.”

“for what?”

“seriously?” he looked up at her and noticed she was standing at the end of the bed. he could see the look of realization flash through her eyes.

“oh. right. that thing.” y/n shifted on her feet before sitting on the end of the bed, facing chris. “so why did you use my picture? why not use one of the other girls you find attractive?”

“i literally don’t find any other girl attractive.” he looked away from her and missed the look she shot him. he only looked up when he felt the mattress move beneath him. when he finally looked back at her, she was sitting in front of him.

“you’re lying.” she looked into his eyes and held the eye contact as he swallowed nervously

“no i'm really not.” he shook his head and his eyes flicked down to her lips. “you’ve always been the only attractive girl i know. and i'm sorry i could never find the proper way to tell you.”

“well you’re telling me now.” she looked at him. “the next time you need to ‘take care of yourself’ please come find me. i would be more than happy to help.” y/n climbed off the bed and made her way back to the door. “good night, chris.”

she walked out of the room, leaving chris no opportunity to beg for her help.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691

[aoife-okeefe]

Since this is my only anonymous social out there:

People need to know that there is a rare COVID complication that can cause genital ulcers that look like herpes.

I don’t have much of a sexual history (thanks purity culture!) I have a faithful partner. So when I get COVID this time and it coincides with discomfort in the genital area, first I wonder if I cut myself shaving. Maybe it’s an ingrown hair. After a day or two I get down there with the mirror and well… theres a vulvar ulcer, and a couple other herpes-looking spots. Of course I have to spend some time googling in a private browser to even know what a “herpes looking” spot is. Much googling later I learn that this is a potential very rare COVID complication that is possibly under-diagnosed. I did see one case that involved penile ulcers, but it does seem more prevalent in vulva-possessing folks.

Just to be sure went to the doctor once I finally tested negative for COVID to ensure all was healing well, went through the whole “I know you think it’s herpes, I am certain it is not herpes, by all means test me. Also here are peer-reviewed articles I found about COVID and genital ulcers.” Thankfully I go to a cool clinic and they listened to me, brought up the research right there and were like “oh, wow… yeah, okay this is a thing. Thanks for telling us. If your swab comes back negative we’ll just assume this is it. Also, sorry, that sucks, hope you feel better.”

Anyway, the swab finally came back (apparently it only took 2 days, they just never sent me the results until I asked) and it is negative. So, not remotely as sucky as long COVID and similar complications, but possibly the suckiest of temporary COVID complications one can get.

So, yet another reason to take precautions, wear masks, etc. protect your bits!

[joannaliangart]

Cat and Fish ceramics (2022) slipcast salt and pepper shakers, spoons, and bowl/mugs

---

General concept/theme with these is that the cat spoon goes fishing in whatever beverage/soup you put in the mug! And the salt/pepper shakers is the cat licking their lips satisfied with their caught fish hehe

Process details + photos under the cut:

made for my 2nd year ceramics class; Which was such. a pain. in the fucking. ass. Like good things came out of it but the amount of really draining work this class put me through was ROUGH

its also the time I got literally the sickest I've ever been, during a time where I had to be coming into the studio to work every single weekday just to meet deadlines. My cough did not go away for so long and when it did, a few months later it even came back for a while (only popping up near nighttime??) Until it seemed to finally completely resolve itself after like a YEAR. I'm 95% sure it was covid tbh... The test came back negative but I didn't trust those lil at home test guys very much considering how many variations were flying around orz ugh

This ceramics class was also a bummer because I went into it expecting to do at least some wheel throwing (as was on the course description...) But it was all slipcasting and plaster mould making and! I hated it!!! Don't get me wrong slipcasting is v cool, I just hated Doing it lol its hard fuckin work and working with plaster stressed me out orz

But! The nice thing about a ceramics class is you get some fun objects out of it which I always love...

Here's my sketches/ideation:

oh yeah also made some test tiles which was our v first assignment; used these throughout to test underglazes/glazes/colour combos:

Salt n pepper shaker maquettes! testing out two different designs:

Plaster mouldmaking my beloathed (salt/pepper shaker, Bowl, and Spoon+mug handle):

Slipcast the boys; drying before bisque. I'd have to redefine the details on the shakers and mug by hand because they weren't super visible right out of the moulds:

a Bunch o colour/glaze tests:

Also ran into a pretty major issue with the spoons... I 100% should have been putting a little hole in the top of the spoon handle so I could fire it via having it hang suspended in the kiln. Eventually I started poking holes by hand into the spoons, But having overlooked that from the beginning I had a good amount of spoons that were too dry to have a hole poked into and with the deadline so close... (and even with some new spoons I fucked up and broke a few spoons when I tried to poke holes augh) the techs in the studio said they could put em on lil stilts and fire them that way. And I thought ok that sounds good! But... I didn't realize I'd have to be sanding the lil bit of metal from the stilts off from where it gets stuck to the glaze... :((

(see that spoon on the far right with the hole on top? that's the ideal orz)

So I had to take like a diamond tip grinder sander thing and sand that off, but it was very difficult and unpleasant and loud and still left some grey blemishes. And I was still so worried that usability-wise, you'd put the dang spoon in your mouth and feel a sharp bit of metal cut the inside of your very delicate gums :((

Yeah so this whole class and all its projects were a big ordeal for me orz but at least I got some fun salt n pepper shakers out of it (I use the brown/white cat shaker to hold my cinnamon sugar now hehe)

Also storage was an issue, I had to get a locker space just for this class. I'd be cramming all my guys into my locker; kinda funny to open my locker and see a bunch of lil guys lmao:

I ended up giving 4 of my friends a mug and salt/pepper shaker combo each for Christmas that year! I hope they still use them lol but I'm not sure? The sad thing is that my own two mugs I had in my kitchen cupboard have. fucking vanished????? my parents say they don't know where they went n I literally have no idea either and it fucking sucks (if one goes missing it's like fine that sucks. But both of them?? What the fuck happened). I still have like two bowls (ie no handles) in my closet at least but those were the ones that I'm not sure were food safe lol

[stealtharchaeologist]

Hello Tumblr. I might be back. I've had a hellish few months with my chronic pain. Some things that happened:

Woke up with my neck hurting severely. Apparently this caused me to grind my teeth, because the next day I had a horrific toothache. Long story short, some of the most excruciating pain of my life for like five days straight and I waaaay broke my pain management contract trying to get it under control.

Roommates got sick but tested negative for COVID. We got complacent. It actually was COVID. I made it three and a half years and finally got COVID literal days before the next vaccine came out.

In rushing around to prepare for isolation, I fell and injured my neck AGAIN. So while extremely sick with COVID, and the rest of the roommates also sick, I literally could not get out of bed for more than 2-3 MINUTES at a time.

Imaging shows my neck is deformed (probably from the genetic disorder that fucked up my skull, too) aaaand I have arthritis and degenerative disk disease and bone spurs trying to encroach on my nerve pathways. Can't do anything about it right now, but I'm probably going to injure it again and it might need surgical intervention at that time.

Between these injuries and illness, I unintentionally lost 30 pounds in the space of two months. Because I literally couldn't eat. 🫠

Oh right - we all moved, and while moving, I developed horrible pain in my belly. Turned out to be a hydrosalpinx. Which eliminated my ability to get pregnant. And can only be corrected with surgery. So I asked why we couldn't just do a hysterectomy while we're in there.

THE DOCTOR SAID YES! I had my whole argument written out about how I've wanted a hysterectomy since I was a teenager and I have NEVER wanted children, but I barely had to get into it!!! She approved it and pushed it through insurance to get it done before the end of the year and my deductible resetting!!!

Thus, I got to evict my uterus yesterday!!! Also, ow, this hurts really bad right now, but my god, I'm going to be so much better!!!

In the midst of all this, it was made very clear that my pain management regimen wasn't working. So I'm back to taking hydrocodone, but mixed with ibuprofen instead of Tylenol this time. Which is REALLY hard to find. Most pharmacies don't even carry it. The one that did immediately got hit with a drug shortage. So that was fun.

So it's been a chaotic and very painful few months, but I do think I'm on the upswing, with the yeeterus done and having actually decent pain medication again. As long as the drug shortage doesn't keep hitting hydrocodone/ibuprofen.

Oh, aaaand nortriptyline is working some miracles with regards to fatigue and maybe pain, so that's good, too!

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Workshopping an idea below the cut, feel free to ignore, im mostly organizing thoughts for therapy lol.

Warnings for mentions of medical neglect, self deprecation, illness/COVID, and related stuff.

When I had COVID, it went bad. Not just because I was sick, although that was certainly part of it. High fevers and constant exhaustion are misery-inducing, let alone the amount of missed classwork I had to work on from my bedroom. But that’s not what I remember about having COVID. I remember going hungry.

COVID, until recently, was handled by my university differently than other illnesses. I think that’s rather stupid; I fully support masking and mandatory self-isolation time during illness, but I don’t think those should be COVID-exclusive policies. I should be guaranteed a rescheduled exam if I have strep or the flu, also. But, because of the ongoing pandemic, COVID was unique as far as enforced isolation policies. For five days after first symptoms (at the time I was infected), you were forbidden from attending class, and for the next five days, you had to mask. You’d get a doctor’s note from the clinic excusing you from all your classes for a few days, it was a whole thing.

I did not initially get diagnosed with COVID. I started showing symptoms on Saturday night, but on Sunday, my rapid test at home was negative. On Monday, my rapid test in the university clinic was negative, and I only got a doctor’s note for the day, with instructions to return if I got worse. That afternoon, my fever soared to 101 degrees, and I was so delirious that I forgot how to treat a fever. I had to cancel attending DND, even masked and socially distanced or online, because I was incoherent from exhaustion. The next morning, I was too ill to talk or drive, and had to use an AAC to ask my friend to drive me to the doctor.

Funnily enough, even in that state, I did not think to ask my roommates to drive me to the doctor.

Which is odd for a couple reasons, honestly. On Monday, I had been in the living room the whole afternoon, shivering under a blanket on the couch and staring at a wall for hours. My roommates both had schedules which had them passing me by several times. Neither interacted with me at all, until I went into the kitchen and used my AAC to try and talk to them. Even then, they often breezed past me or ignored me when I did use my AAC, and I left that conversation frustrated because I didn’t get enough time to type a sentence. I may as well have been a rock. A sweaty, shivering rock. But I had talked to them, and I had known I was going to need to go to the doctor, and they were right there. So why didn’t I ask them to help me?

I didn’t eat at all on Monday, as far as I recall. I know I woke up on Tuesday starving. I know the only thing I have evidence of me consuming is water and tea. I know I got stuck in the shower that night, laying in the tub, too weak to climb out. For a while, I couldn’t lift my head. I’m impressed I didn’t fall asleep there.

Tuesday came, and I was diagnosed with COVID after the third rapid test came back aggressively positive. There’s something to be said about not assuming a negative test means you’re not infected with COVID, but that’s a different discussion. To be safe, I was given a doctor’s note exempting me from class until Friday. I tried to be responsible, and so I told my friend, my roommates, and anyone I had been in contact with since Saturday. Most people said “oh, I’m so sorry you’re sick, feel better!” My friend mentioned they’d disinfect their car. My roommates told me not to leave my room. Don’t get them sick.

And that’s reasonable. I’d already planned on self isolating. We were all Honors students; because the university treated COVID differently, if they were considered infectious, they would also have to miss a week of class. But their concern had nothing to do with my health, or their health, or anyone else’s. Their only response was “don’t get us sick. We can’t afford to miss class. Don’t leave your room.”

And so I didn’t.

It’s funny, how not leaving your room gets very difficult after a while. For starters, I had to use the bathroom. That, I accepted, was a necessary quarantine breach. I couldn’t pee in my room. The landlords would kill me, but more practically, that’s just unsanitary and would make me getting sick more likely. I couldn’t hold it forever, either. At some point I was forced to leave. And that was fine, small dilemma resolved, I’d only go when I desperately had to use the bathroom. But what about leaving for other things?

I never thought to ask if I could leave to get my things from downstairs. That was frivolous, even if I wanted them. Or to go downstairs for my water, or snacks. Too risky. Common areas. My roommates had been very clear that any risk of them getting sick would be dire.

Which meant that when my sick body started having bodily needs, things quickly got very complicated.

That first day, after my appointment, I ordered chipotle. My mom had venmoed me some money when she heard I was sick, worrying that I hadn’t been eating. Which. I hadn’t. I asked my roommate to bring me my food, and after a while, she did. Perfect. The burrito would tide me over for a while, I thought. I’d be full for a long time.

Then thirst started to crawl up on me. I had juice at the doctor’s that morning (I was hyperventilating and they needed an accurate measure of my heart rate), but other than that, I’d had nothing. I needed water.

But I didn’t ask for any.

Instead, I waited until the dead of night, and then stole down the stairs, grabbed several waters, crept back upstairs, and chugged desperately while hoping my roommates didn’t catch me leaving my room.

Why did I do that?

Why didn’t I just ask for water?

Why did I feel ashamed, like I had broken some law?

The next day, I woke up starving. Which makes sense. I hadn’t eaten since noon the day before. I was sick. My body needed energy to heal and it didn’t have any. I complained to my friend that I was hungry and sick; they were very kind, and went to the grocery store for me, buying me popsicles and juice and Gatorade and other foods and medicine and such. Except, my roommates didn’t want any strangers in the house, so they delivered it on my doorstep. Which I couldn’t get to. One roommate collected the groceries, sent me a photo, and I was suddenly struck with guilt. Here I was, inviting a stranger to her to our home, inconveniencing her by forcing her to put away my groceries. But I was also very thirsty, so I asked for one of the Gatorades to be delivered to my room. She brought up the whole pack. Left it outside my doorstep. I waited until she was back downstairs. She didn’t bring up anything else; none of the medicine or food my friend had bought me. But in fairness, I didn’t ask her to.

The next 48 hours were marked by living off of that Gatorade.

I was thirsty, so I drank a Gatorade. And then I realized I felt less hungry afterwards, so I opened another one. Drank that one too. The fun thing is, I don’t actually like Gatorade? I asked for it because I was dehydrated and knew I needed electrolytes to replace the fever sweat. But usually, Gatorade is something I begrudgingly sip at.

I finished four bottles that day.

That night, I texted my roommates and asked if someone could microwave me some food. It was already precooked, I just needed it microwaved. I got back one roommate’s text: “I’m in class”.

Around an hour later, the other roommate stopped studying long enough to make dinner, and saw my text, and apparently felt kind enough to microwave precooked sausage for me. She didn’t really check it? It was still cold in the middle. Which. Was not great, given that I have major texture sensitivities surrounding cold food. But she had made it for me, and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours since then, so I ate it. Slowly. Forcing myself to swallow. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it, just *swallow*. You have no room to complain.

I was still hungry. So I had another Gatorade.

Thursday arrived, I was on my last day of quarantine, and I had a weekend of recovery to look forward to. I was egregiously sick of Gatorade. My teeth, in my phone’s camera, were pink from the red dye. The paper plate from last night sat on my floor, forgotten, still smelling of sausage. I caught up on schoolwork. One of my two labs had leftover recordings from 2020, so I could make that one up online, and I got an exemption for attending the other one. I was weak and shaking from low blood sugar and illness, but I had shit to do, so I did it. Was it my best work? No. Did it get done? Yes. I was too tired to care about scores.

My homework was done. It was 3:48 PM. I was starving.

I texted and asked for someone to make me a frozen meal from the freezer. Slightly more inconvenient than the microwave. It had to go in the oven. I winced typing it. My roommates were so busy. They didn’t have time to waste on me.

Return text: “I’m in band til 5:20”.

Coolcoolcool. I can wait. I’ll sip another Gatorade.

5:20 comes and goes. I hear the door downstairs open. Half an hour passes. No sounds of food making. Welp. She’s busy. Maybe she forgot, or class ran overtime and I misheard, or she just can’t do it.

I text: “Checking in on the food situation?”

Suddenly, in that moment, my roommates stopped caring if I got them sick by leaving my room. The third time I ate in four days was by dinner I cooked myself, sitting on the floor of the kitchen with a mask on, trying not to fall asleep and let it burn.

Honestly, I walked away from that situation feeling like I was in the wrong. Clearly I had misunderstood something. Every time I asked for something, there was a long pause, or I was told someone was too busy to help me. I was burdening my roommates with my needs, when they were trying to work on schoolwork. Maybe I should have known I could leave my room for water, or to cook, during the day. Nevermind that I was so tired that standing up made my legs shake. I could still walk. I could sit on the floor and wait for my food. I could have taken breaks on the stairs if I was tired. I’d been lazy and needy and presumptuous.

My friends had… a different opinion about that situation.

This week, I got sick. I knew I was likely going to get sick. I went to visit some close friends, knowing some of them weren’t feeling well, and that I was going to be staying in their house. It was a calculated risk for me. I wouldn’t be in contact with a lot of other people during the trip, and if I did get sick during the trip, I wouldn’t leave the house, and regardless of how I felt, I would wear a mask while outside the house. I knew I could easily self isolate when I got home from the trip, since my bedroom is across from the bathroom and right next to the kitchen. I thought that I could just sleep during the day and eat at night, and nobody would have to be bothered by me when I got sick. I love these friends very much, and for me, it was worth it.

Notably, I live in a new house now, and with new roommates.

I did get sick, like I predicted. During the trip, no less. The second half of my visit was mostly me sleeping on a couch, or trying very hard to stay awake on a couch. I was miserable a lot of the time. I cried several times over minor inconveniences. I felt lazy and needy and presumptuous; now my friends had to put up with me being sick and weepy. I wasn’t being helpful. I wasn’t being energetic and fun to be around.

The way they treated me was night and day, compared to my old roommates.

Every time someone passed me by, they asked if I was okay. Did I want tea? Did I want some Emergen-C? Could I be persuaded to eat something? Did I need ibuprofen, or perhaps some pseudoephedrine? We ran out of sparkling water, and my friend just. Went to the store and got me some more, and some chips I liked, and some candy as a treat to snack on. I misplaced a plushie, and started crying, and… someone got up and helped me find her. They also played video games and streamed it so I could watch it from my phone while resting. Someone made my favorite dinners. My sensory issues flared up halfway through eating toast, and suddenly I had multiple people helping me get food I could eat to take my meds with. When I needed to shower, I was given access to a shower chair. I was never more than a word away from help, even if it was just something I wanted and not something I needed to feel better.

And then I got home, and my new roommate did the same thing!

I went to self isolate in my room, fully expecting to be forgotten about for the rest of the day. But my roommate sat six feet away, through my doorway, just talking to me until I was laughing. They made me dinner, and then lunch the next day. They bought me groceries again. Told me I could leave my room whenever I needed to, and that I was allowed to get water and food, why was that even a question? Hey, come watch me play Baldur’s gate. Yeah you can sit in the living room; you have a mask on and we’ll be distanced enough.

And every time I said how nice someone was being, or tried to apologize for being needy or inconvenient, I got pushed back. No, we’re not “being so nice to you”, this is basic decency, Blue. This is normal. People are meant to take care of each other when they’re sick. Who would just abandon a sick person to starve? Why are you apologizing? Why do you keep asking if you’re “allowed” to take care of your basic needs?

I don’t know.

It’s easy to point to my COVID experience and say that’s what messed me up. But even when I was sick with COVID, I didn’t want to ask for help. The negative responses reinforced that I was being too needy, but that idea wasn’t new to me. I already didn’t want to ask. I didn’t ask for food multiple times a day. I didn’t ask for the food and medicine my friend had bought me. I didn’t ask for water; I stole it from my own minifridge in the dead of night. Why didn’t you just steal food too, Blue? Great question! I felt so guilty about getting the water that it outweighed my intense hunger.

And the whole time I recounted it to other people, I doubted my own experience of the events. My memory is notoriously shitty when I’m tired or sick. I lose chunks of time. It happens. Maybe I forgot when my roommates did help me. Maybe I was emotional and misremembered how they treated me. Maybe they did care, and did ask about me, and I was too feverish to remember it. But I do have text records of every conversation we had between that Tuesday and Thursday. Because I was in my room the whole time. And could not talk to people. I have timestamps for their responses, and I have what they said and what I said.

And from those brief texts, I can tell you that I was treated as needy. and lazy. and presumptuous. I can tell you that my needs weren’t met, and instead of being angry, I apologized. I can tell you that my roommates were quick to respond when I talked about the cat sitting in the bathroom sink, or where to find the pizza cutter, but when I asked for any help, it was radio silence or “I’m in class”. Any help I did receive in that time was delayed, with no verbal confirmation it was happening, and I was left in extended limbo wondering if anybody would help me or had even read my messages.

All that’s changed is, now I know it didn’t have to be that way.

These old roommates still call me their friend. I don’t really know that I want to be their friend anymore. My friends didn’t neglect me so much that I spent hours shivering on the couch ignored, or got stuck in a shower with no way to ask for help, or stole water in the dead of night.

[theliterarywolf]

Lit, you're doing Eldritch-God's work. I've been watching some videos from teachers, and why they left their profession over the past 4 years, esp during-after covid, and they had the exact same complaints as you. No respect from students, or the faculty, uphill battle with tests, and programs, no support from the faculty and parents. Students are allowed to do whatever they want basically, even lie, cheat, etc, and regardless of the situation, the teacher is blamed, in a lose lose situation.

And it's like... Obviously, teachers aren't complete innocent angels; sometimes, we fuck up. Especially in regard to entry-level teachers.

However, when school administrations want to act like, 'oh, if you fucked up once as well as you not falling into line with the whole 'deal with problem students yourselves thing, then you're not a good fit' that's already one negative line.

Then lack of support, especially when the same administration will go on Telemundo and proudly proclaim, 'We offer our teachers numerous resources of support here at our school'

Then just the kinds of kids I was teaching which... Look. I understand that most of the negative behaviors and shit-attitude cases I have in my classrooms are 85% due to the parents. However... When you have kids who just, out-and-out on their own, decide to go above and beyond in being assholes... There's only so much a teacher can do.

And I know some people will say 'oh, well that's just American education right now' But, really? No. The school I did my Student-Teaching (which is one of the steps you have to do before you get your teaching-credential) was also a lower-income school. But the bad cases there were heaven-sent compared to what I deal with at my current site.

Case in point: Most schools are supposed to have a Zero-Tolerance Policy when it comes to students being caught with/using drugs on campus.

Where I was Student-Teaching: One of the kids I was working with one-on-one got caught for possession and he was suspended for two weeks. It was actually kind of worrying since he was one of the students I wanted to use for my edTPA portfolio. But when he was finally allowed to come back to school, he came to me and was so apologetic and understanding of what he did wrong ('Ms. Lit, I'm so sorry for being gone so long. Are you still willing to help me in class? I can even come in during lunch if that works for you...')

Working at my Job-Site: Student comes to class reeking of marijuana. Contact campus security. They take forever and a day getting to my classroom. They take the student out of class, pat down their pockets, shake up their backpack a little, and then send them back to class as if nothing happened. Like, I can count on two fingers the number of students in my class who have actually gotten punishments for drug-use/drug-possession and what the school actually punished them for wasn't even the drugs. It was one constantly ditching class and the other getting into fights.

Funny note with the second one: they were actually supposed to be expelled, but the school said 'beep-boop, we can't read all of a sudden' and just plopped them back into my class rather than finalizing the paperwork.

[quirky-witshere]

A Tango Dance with Covid 19?

Hola!

You know, my life in the past few months, was like that of a bowling alley where my destiny was bowling away all the kind of problems on me, and where I personify myself is as those little white helpless BOWLING PINS!!! And with each roll of the of the problems by my stupid destiny was a 100% STRIKE. {{{(>_<)}}}

Some of the instances were that I didn't qualify in the NEET, had to face repeated setbacks and humiliations for not being able to do so, get jelly of my friends who enrolled in private colleges and were flexing their 'oh so amazing College life'; and stuff. (⁠ب⁠_⁠ب⁠)

When I think back the discomfort I face these days was nothing in comparison to the ones I faced during ISOLATION.

Well in my last post I had said that I might test positive for covid 19...... and HALLELUJA!!! I did test positive for it the very next day.

So why not dedicate a post on my oh so wonderful experience was it to be covid positive. (Note the sarcasm Folks!!!)

So as I had last time expressed in my previous anecdote that my father had already tested positive and was in isolation and so was I and the rest of my family. So we had been awaiting our my fathers reports to confirm the infection...... but who knew that nasty DNA particle had already checked into my body and was ready for a Tango dance which was a week long propaganda. Also, the great NEWS was my father was COVID POSITIVE by all means.

On hearing this declaration, he immediately consulted a doctor and was on the prescribed medicine. On the other side I was already turning weary, my knees were already buckling and I had already begun to run on high fever. On seeing my condition.... my parents were like, '' Aah.....The sensitive one has been caught, get ready to witness an overly dramatized enactment of this disease....'' (´。＿。｀)

So.... next day, just to confirm the infection (again!) I along with my mum had to go to the health center for my test. When I reached there I was registered for the test and then my sample was collected. My mother also took the test and fortunately later, she tested negative. But the drama doesn't end here..... you know there is a saying in our culture that if a son's feet fits into fathers shoe then the son now is capable of taking father's the responsibilities. But my mom doesn't believes this because she knew her beloved daughter is nowhere that mature that she could even hand over her sample... so.. the responsibilities are totally ruled out. So the situation was like this..... just picture it... my mother was still in the queue registering for the test.... And you submitting the sample on another booth. And after you submit it, you turn over, towards your mother to inform her that you are done with the procedure....but here is what you are greeted with, nothing but a deadly menacing glare that is clearly screaming......WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT FOR ME!!!!! YOU IDIOT!!! (of course I learnt about this glare's meaning later after the cold war)

And on finding my mum glaring on me with fireball in eyes an avalanche of an unknown worry had already claimed me. While I had been still wondering why had I been glared at so precariously........ came along was a strong hit on my head and my mom stomping away (still glaring furiously) towards the sample collecting booth.

And my dear audience, the cherry on the top was that the lady, who was collecting the sample had mysteriously disappeared after collecting my sample, leaving my mother hanging. So... there stood my mother, FUMING, trying to figure out when will the lady return to collect her sample. So finally an eternity later(approximately half an hour) my mother's sample were collected. So from that point of time began the COLD WAR of ignoring me until we reached home. But who knows the destiny had other plans. WHEN I, reached home I was already a steaming potato with a 101 degree fahrenheit fever. While I was feeling dizzy, that DNA PARTICLE must have been doing a stupid tango dance to commemorate its new establishment and was proliferating its kind!!

So..... by that time the volcano of my mom had already gone dormant and the most amazingly compassionate and caring lady took her place. I was immediately consulted to a doctor and a bag of medicine now sat in lap, ready to get popped open and pushed down my throat to my RESCUE. AND, what seems the end of the story was not actually ending that way.... down came trays and trays of bland food, water for steam, glasses of water for gargle and weirdly tasting orange candy medicine LIMCEE. ( I don't know why these brands claim to have flavored these medicines as of orange flavor when these tablets taste nothing but VOMIT!)

So.... the next day happened the inevitable.... came the POSITIVE REPORT. And I was still in isolation. My fever reduced a bit and for the next three days I was like, 'God all I am doing is lying around all day but why the hell am I still TIRED?!'

Wanna know the other side dilemma.... well, I was a Eleventh grade SCIENCE stream student, and was suffering from COVID 19 and also had morning lectures of Organic chemistry (reaction mechanism to specifically say) at my coaching centre that used to begin at 7.30 am in the MORNING! So guys TO... make you folks feel related to my pain a little bit I would say... you guys might have experienced the body pain and fatigue during flu but in COVID this thing is five times of what we experienced. AAAANNNNNDDDDD..... in such condition I used to wake up and ATTEND these lectures

<(＿　＿)>

AND... I didn't Understand a bit.😞

(#Flawed for life ✨)

You must have thought this might be the end of my misery..... but AHA I had a minor test coming up at the end of the week which was just of 480 marks (and fortunately I scored about 345 marks of it. Later got to know it was one of the toughest of all the tests I had given so far and also had 91.8 percentile.) *PROUD*

SO finally a week later my miseries ended and I was (am) fine as feather!!! （￣︶￣）

So FINALLY ending all this blabbering.....

Take Care everyone.....

Better meet next time.....

Till then....

Fighting💜

Lots of luv, quirky-witshere🫰🏻

[thewirewitch]

I posted 1,157 times in 2022

That's 1,074 more posts than 2021!

74 posts created (6%)

1,083 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@softichill

@calagua

@reffiespace

@regardsandregrets

I tagged 1,151 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 1,051 posts

#text post - 141 posts

#reblog game - 133 posts

#my stuff - 90 posts

#video - 70 posts

#important - 70 posts

#birds - 43 posts

#tw caps - 41 posts

#tw swearing - 39 posts

#gif - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#the disappointment is immeasurable when i check out an album and find only one song has the right sound to it from that band

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

That post I just reblogged reminded me of how much I hate the color salmon, especially when I try to sort items by color, specifically Silly Bands.

I collected Silly Bands as a kid (still have them by the way) and there was this one...just this one that was salmon. Pretty sure it’s a fire extinguisher, but I would end up putting it in the pink pile, then the orange pile, then the pink, then the orange, and I just couldn’t accept it in either pile so I left it all alone which also made me unhappy because it was the only one that didn’t have any color matches.

Salmon is too orange to be pink and too pink to be orange.

7 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

#4

Gonna talk about some serious stuff.

If you’re not up to hear about sickness or hospital or personal stuff, please don’t read under the cut because that’s what I’ll be talking about and I’ll be giving some details which will probably be tmi (to much information) but I wanna let those who want to know what’s up some detailed stuff about what’s been going on.

If you don’t want to read all that: I haven’t been feeling good for about a week+ now. I have been trying to get a diagnosis. I got nothing so far.

For the past...a few days over a week now, I’ve been waking up feeling pretty bad. Rapid heartbeat, cold chills (usually), uneasy stomach, weakness, diarrhea, dehydration, it hasn’t been fun. It’s been hard for me to get into the right mood to eat something even when I’m hungry, and recently I’ve also been unable to tell when my bladder is full and also the past two days when I woke up my feet were halfway asleep. This has never happened before and it’s been worrying me.

I went to an Urgent Care three days ago. They took swabs for covid and flu. Both were negative. They took a urine test, and they found nothing. They want me to bring them a stool sample, which I hope will give them the answers that they need to help me feel better, but some issues came up where that day I barely ate anything, then next I was able to eat, and this morning I incorrectly got a sample because they originally gave me the wrong stuff (AKA not enough stuff) and no instructions.

Yesterday I went to the hospital’s emergency room to get some stuff done. They took blood samples, urine samples, and did a covid swab. All came back without any answers. I thought I may have been low on iron, but they said that my iron levels were fine, I was just dehydrated.

I have a doctor’s appointment in 7 days. I hope either Urgent Care figures out what’s going on or I feel better before that appointment. I can tell I’ve already lost weight and my energy levels have been pretty low. I don’t want to have to wait that long to possibly get an answer.

8 notes - Posted September 15, 2022

#3

Today is my birthday.

I know it’s 8pm and I could have posted this a lot earlier but I was distracted by getting and later eating cake.

9 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

The fun thing about listening to radio static for hours on end is that you begin to hear things that aren’t really there.

Voices, music, patterns, indistinguishable tones. You catch small glimpses of these sounds, small scraps of something that never was.

You hear the ghosts of stations you’ve listened to, frequencies you’ve picked up in the past. But it’s just you and the sound of undead air.

10 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Oh shoot it's National Throw Short People Day.

Have mercy on me!

(⊙_⊙;)

12 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[the-shakesperience]

Ok so I got pretty fucking sick and tested negative for everything and looking back it was probably a covid variant (I’m immune compromised so I get sick easily) and of course it was during finals week and I literally had to be at school so I was wearing a mask cause I’m not a heathen and this dude that I was working with on a student government thing (don’t do student government, just don’t) came up to me and just out of nowhere asked, “so you tested for covid?” And I responded with excuse me? Hoping that he would realize that that wasn’t appropriate and he did not and just said the same thing again so I said yes hoping that this would be the end but nooooope he looked at me with a HORRIFIED look on his face and loudly said “you tested positive???” And to tell you that I was seething would be an understatement so I had to say “no it was negative but I don’t want to walk around coughing everywhere like a dick” and luckily he FINALLY got the hint and was like oh yeah that makes sense and I just walked away so yeah please for the love god wear a mask when you’re sick but also don’t just assume that everyone wearing a mask has covid because people wear them for wildly different reasons and all are VERY valid

we are on like covid variant #100037 and rsv/flu/pneumonia cases are rising and people will show up unmasked and be like “yeah i’ve been sick for days :/” like. ok. Get the fuck away from me then? why are you out here breathing on everything. the very least you could be doing is masking. NOT hacking into open air every two seconds.

[minniweekss]

sit your ass down this is a long one

idk what the fuck has been wrong with me lately but all i ever feel is rage. everything pisses me the fuck off. mom woke me up at 10:30, bad mood. yesterday i woke up at 1:30pm, pissed tf off. also dropped my coffee on my new shoes yesterday and then proceeded to knock my entire 24ounce tumbler of coffee off my desk and all over my fucking carpet so now im even more pissed off trying to clean this fuck shit up with stupid ass paper towels knowing that my carpet is now fucked forever.

now heres the embarassing part. my mom witnessed my entire rage fit. screaming, flailing, throwing shit around my room and quite literally destroying my room just because some coffee spilled on my run. quite literally was my last straw.

now lets throw it back to the 26th, my birthday. I wake up with fucking covid (didnt know it was covid until the 28th). My mom leaves for NC that morning. we were supposed to do a birthday breakfast but since i was sick she just straight up left and we didnt do anything. so i spent the weekend alone with mike. Friday night i spent alone in my room with my little piece of cake and Love Island. then i went to work the next day (with a mask ofc) and worked a 9.5 hour shift while swaying and seeing black spots. oh lemme mention it was opening weekend of the new deadpool movie so it was fucking busy to say the least.

Anyways this whole weekend im literally alone. me myself and i. mom comes back, suddenly mike is sick. guess what? she buys him soup, fruit, juice, medicine, literally anything he needs. When i told my mom i had covid and was taken off the work schedule for the rest of the week she told me i should have said my test was negative so i could work anyways. ma'am im fucking sick with a very contagious disease are you fucking fr. while you're letting mike sit here and act like hes on his fucking death bed. suuuuuure.

now lets back it up even more to the weekend before my birthday. i had to celebrate that weekend bc i couldnt get the weekend of the 26th off bc of, you guessed it, deadpool. anyways. we were taking this blacksmithing class that i had my eye on for MONTHS. now im the one in the group to be known as the fantasy/medieval lover. i was quite literally writing a book about a blacksmith so. I was extremely excited for this class and i was trying to keep up with pics and videos of the progress cuz it looked like none of my friends were taking videos. I noticed a few here and there but didnt really think of it cuz i was so focused on making my knife. we get out of the class and back home and im sending all the pics and vids that i took and they did the same, and there were a lot more videos than i thougt. not a single one was me. i dont want to sound like a bitch saying like oh record me im important, no. But i was very excited for the class and i was trying my best to get videos of my own progress and they literally saw me doing that and didnt think to get a video of me making it? every single person that was in my group got a nice video of them tinkering away, while im seen in the background of the videos.

like quite literally one of them got a video of her doing each fucking step. why tf was i being ignored. they were barely even talking to me dude they were all talking to each other and im over here like ok i guess ill just focus on my knife then. there were a lot of cool tricks i was doing with the instructor, but i couldnt take a video bc blacksmithing needs both fucking hands. and i was too embarassed to ask for a video. i feel like i shouldnt have to ask..... the trick we did was called a double strike. the instructor did it with one of my friends and literally everyone whipped their phone out for a video. then a few mins later he came up to me and asked if i wanted to try and i was so excited. it was making me feel like a orc in mordor or something i thought this shit was so fucking cool. anyway we start, and i look around and not one person is even watching. cool.

idk i usually really dont like photos or videos of me cuz i hate the way i look so much, but this is probably the one thing i wanted a video of and didnt get one. i should have fucking asked them to take videos but i didnt think about it until we were home and i noticed that everyone else got a video of themselves. i was like "oh!" so i couldnt really post for my birthday cuz i didnt fucking have any pictures to post. literally all i got is a group picture with the instructors.....

to be fucking honest it felt like i was the third wheel when it was my planned event. not even just an event, but my 25th birthday. i feel like ever since then ive been agitated and annoyed all the time, especially with my friends. im becoming short tempered with them now. i dont think its a direct correlation to the blacksmithing at all i think its cuz my attitude has been so sour lately.

this post is all over the place so bear with me ok. im gonna jump around a lot. another thing that sets me off is when i text my friends either questions or plans i need them to confirm and they take 5 fucking day to respond to me, like shit i dont fucking need it now. idk i just cant be friends with someone who wont answer my messages like how the fuck are we supposed to talk if you dont even respond. im talking to myself at this point.

and my close close friends do this to me too so its making me become more distant with them because my biggest mode of communication is through text. because realistically i NEVERRRRRRRR see my friends. its a once every three months event okay. so you cannot judge me for being a big texter and wanting my friends to respond to me. i really dont want to feel like im fucking begging for your attention. i shouldnt HAVE to beg for your attention. I pretty much have two friends i send everything to and they're both out of state so... i cant even get my fucking in state friends to talk to me.

all of this to say im angry and lonely. im always angry in some form, im like the fucking hulk bro it takes the smallest fucking thing to set me off. and im so lonely all the fucking time cuz as you can tell, my friends dont fucking text me, i dont have any siblings either so its like wtf do i do. The only time i get human interaction is at work with stupid fucking customers. also dont have a partner cuz i didnt experience romantic love in high school or college so i fear its over for me. 25, havent been in a single relationship. not even joking bro not 1. ive had maybe 3 people like me before: my friend in HS when i wasnt even romantically processing things yet, a dude from work who only wanted to fuck, and a friend from college who iced me out when i said no.

idk i think thats SO comforting only having 3 people in your entire 25 years to be interested in you. that i know of at least. but out of those 3, only 1 asked me out so its like ok. even when i go out with friends they're the ones that get approached or flirted with by everyone. like at blacksmithing dude the cute instructors were flirting w all my friends and then when they got to me they'd be talking all business... cool thanks i get it im ugly as shit ok. i dont think theres ever been a girl or guy in public thats even checked me out. girls dont even go for me so thats fucking great. idk dude this type of shit makes me feel like im genuinely ugly. i know thats probably not true but thats how i see myself and how ive seen myself for years. i have never liked my face. ever. its always been my biggest insecurity. when covid first started and we wore masks i was fucking thriving having half my face covered. i looked so much better.

cant even try dating apps bc im demisexual so i cant even build a connection like that. and this time is all about hook up culture and friends w benefits its like i dont want that shit bro. i want an emotional connection with someone first before it gets physical because im fucking scared. I already hate myself so why would i let some stranger see my gross naked body bro ew. i cant do this dating shit brother i am genuonely about to be single for the rest of my goddamn life. which might be the end of me considering no one can fucking afford to live by themselves anymore and i REALLY dont want to live with a friend and their partner cuz that would just make me fucking depressed about my own love life.

screw the fucking world. im over this stupid ass shit dude, people fucking suck. relationships suck. friends suck. work sucks. life fucking sucks. cant afford to do anything, 25, still living at my fucking moms house. its like im stuck int he same spot and not moving forward. time seriously stopped in 2020 cuz what the fuck do you mean im 25 and not 20. i lost sooo much time to the pandemic and it made me worse. it made me more anxious, more depressed, more scared to go outside and enjoy life. like i used to be so productive. I was going to school and working 40 hrs a week. and now im only working 42hrs a week and i can barely get out of bed on my days off.

as i get older it just seems like life gets worse and worse. like i dont see this picking up at all. i literally only see a downward spiral from here.

life is absolute hell that is only sprinkled with good moments. idk if the good moments are enough to outweigh the bad at this point. idek if i want to make it to 30. im so miserable here. i dont even have any family in this stupid state except my mom. llike i dont have siblings and i barely have a fucking family either. dont talk to my aunt or cousins, dont talk to my oma cuz she hates me, barely talk to my other grandparents bc they're insane. its like i literally only have my mom. ,everyone else i know can go swing by their cousins place and hang out or spend the night. ive never been able to do that. my aunt left the state two months before my mom had me. like literally everyone related to me has moved away. like if i was close with my cousins at least thered be SOME family i could actually talk to and be close to. nah dude. its just me and my mom, literally. that is so fucking sad.

god help me bro

[cancioh]

Coachella 2023

Where do I begin with this one. I guess we can start with a little back story before we get to the actual event. We’ll probably have to go back to Coachella 2022. I was so excited about this trip when I was invited to go. The year had just begun, and things were going so well for me. As time went on, things started to fall apart, and I found myself in a low and dark place. Few knew of that situation but to keep it simple, my heart was broken. I needed to get away and luckily Coachella was right around the corner.

The day arrives, and of course, with my luck, I start feeling under the weather. I’m already in a bad head space but now it’s also physical. I took medication and we’re on our way. Hello LA, hello Palm springs, we have arrived. I call my sister to show her the place and she suddenly gets serious. She asks if I’m alone and then tells me that our mother has covid. Hearing this, my body just sinks. I make sure she is fine first but then all these thoughts run through my mind. I’m already feeling sick, maybe I have covid too. I was around her the whole time until I left. What do I tell everyone? Do I have to quarantine and miss everything? I’m starting to go into a panic and eventually I tell Nick what’s going on. Luckily, they have a test on hand and it’s negative. At this point, it’s too late, I’m already in my head.

First day of the event comes, and for the most part I’m clocked out. I don’t want to miss this opportunity so I take more medicine, hydration fluids and we make our way to the grounds. It was a great experience but again, I’m not totally there. One thing though, we did catch Madeon that day and I will forever remember that performance. In hindsight, that was the performance that showed me the potential of what this event can do for me. Madeon will forever hold a special place in my heart. We catch a few more sets, I believe we close out with slander and then we head back home.

The second day came, and as I awoke my body and mind was like, no, not today. My overthinking got the best of me, and my body just shut down. Still tried to push through, but eventually I had to just call it. Told Nick I wouldn’t make it out today. I literally just slept all day and just tried to move on. Luckily that was enough for me to recover enough to make it to day three.

Day three was tough as well. Traffic was crazy just trying to get to the grounds but we eventually get there. Not even sure who we saw but I do remember the closing set, Swedish House into The Weekend. Although it was a bit of a rocky weekend for me, that closing set was also a great experience for me. The festival ends, and we’re back in LA. I’m processing everything and examining all the highs and lows. I came to the realization that the lows were all on me, all self-inflicted. I had to redeem myself, and had to wait a year to do so.

Coachella 2023 is approaching and to be honest, I did not prepare for it at all. I said I would, but I was just lying to myself. I had no expectations for this trip and was kind of going through the motions. The only thought I had was, just go out and experience it. I think that was the best decision I could have made because it ended up turning into everything, I needed it to be. I fly out a day earlier just to get better situated and just have an extra day. It was just the four of us (Jase, Lee, and Lex) and it was just a chill vibe. The next day comes, everyone’s flying in and we make our way to the house. I can’t explain it, but for some reason I was just more comfortable with everyone. Last year, maybe because I was in my head so much, but I felt like I was walking on eggshells with everyone. This time around, I was more carefree. I still didn’t talk as much, that’s more so how I am, but I did talk much more than last year. I was just present and not lurking in the background.

Day one comes, and oh boy did we start off right. Everything was just a vibe, and everything was just right. It didn’t matter if we left a set early, cause whatever set we went to next was still a banger. I’d be damn why we leaving already only to be like, yo, this sets fire. I’m already vibing but when we go to see Metro Boomin, everything just opens. I simply walk over to Nick, I walk over to Lee, and just tell them, I’m feeling it. I was in my own world and nothing mattered anymore. Metro fucking kills it and we go to see bad bunny. I’m not even a fan and that guy killed it. Even with the difficulties of trying to bring post out, he still put on a show. Day 1 ended and I’m excited for the rest of the weekend.

Day two comes around and its more of a relaxed start to the day. I decide to do some merch shopping first at the grounds and then continue on with the festivities. We catch a couple lit sets, eventually split up to watch what we wanted, and I ended up going with Blackpink. This was truly a dream come true for me. I thought this would never happen, I would only just see them on youtube or the Korean shows I watch but nope, there they were, right in front of me. It was everything I thought it would be and more. There set ends and again, I’m vibing. Calvin Harris is next and luckily he’s playing at the stage I’m already at so we just settle in and I just lay there looking at the sky. Our group eventually comes back together and Calvin goes on. Another banger to close the night.

Last day, lets go. There weren’t many sets I was interested in this day outside of Porter Robinson. He played a bit earlier but nonetheless, great set. Not only that, he brought out Madeon for shelter. Remember what I said about Madeon earlier. I think that was the climax for me. I was set for the whole trip now. I got everything I wanted and I couldn’t be happier, but we still had more to go. Everything after this was just bonuses. Catch a few more sets until we get to Jai Wolf. That set took everything out of me. I left it all during that performance. We leave and all that’s left is Frank Ocean. He was a huge disappointment but I won’t let that take away from my experience, Coachella 2023 was a fucking hit.

Festivities are over and we’re all heading back to LA. All the emotions are hitting me at this point. I was so happy and all of a sudden it was all over. I was so thankful to everyone, I was sad it was over, happy to experience all that I did, and tears just came down. I excuse myself to let everything out and I just want to say thank you to Nick and Lee for checking up on me. That truly meant a lot to me. Its now our last day in LA and people have already started flying back home. Its just a few of us now and we decide to go get some food. Afterwards, they wanted to go to the beach but I had already made up my mind after the first day to get a tattoo to remember this moment for the rest of my life. I told Nick and Lee that day, I know what I’m getting. We split up and I go get my tattoo. Now every time I look at it, I will always remember this weekend and these people. This truly has been the greatest weekend of my life.

Again, I just want to say Thank You to you all and Thank You, COACHELLA.

[heartoferebor]

I cannot stop thinking about what happened last night this is literally one of the funniest things I have ever experienced, tumblr user @stand-up-and-fight-daleks​ has truly been blessed by Apollo

[Image description: a screenshot of a conversation between two people. User 1: “my condolences on England winning. maybe stay inside for the whole week :///. User 2 (in all caps): “Funny that you should say that because I just got a message from Test & Trace that I was in direct contact with someone who has tested positive for covid and need to self isolate for five days”. Image below the text is a meme of a child throwing a ball at three of their friends, the child is labelled ‘Apollo’, the ball is labelled ‘the gift if prophecy’, the friends are labelled ‘randome internet users just trying to be comedic’. /end id]

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

Chapter Two: Wild Ride

Chapter 2 here we go!! We have so many things happening and I know you guys are excited for some of them to come! I'm really sorry it took this long to post, but I hope from the bottom of my heart that the wait was worth! Also I wanna give a huge shoutout and thanks to Andrea from @behindmygreyeyes for helping me proofread, you really don't know how much it means to me 🥹✨ Come talk to me after you read and tell me what you think! All the love 🤍 Mar

Click on the visuals to enhance your reading experience!

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

TW: Mentions of Sex, not too graphic but feel free to skip it

January 14, 2022 – February 13, 2022: Month One

January 17, 2022

Harry. New York City, New York. 12:30 PM.

It had been over a week since my family had left and I was proud to say we had been able to get into a routine. Pippa was growing too fast for my liking, but I swear I fell more and more in love with her everyday. She started to look so much more like her mumma. I am also very excited because we have the ‘all clear’ from our pediatrician to travel to London in a few days.

I have some work commitments and we both agreed that it would be nice for my family and some friends we have there to meet Pippa, so after a lot of planning on our end as well as on Jeff’s end, we had managed to fix a schedule. We will be leaving in five days and staying there until after Valentine’s Day.

I know I won’t tell Y/N this, but one of the reasons I am so excited to go to England is that we will be able to have either Gemma, or my mum babysit Pippa so I can take her out on a date, we were supposed to go on a date a few days ago, Ellie and Nate were supposed to babysit for us, but a winter storm had them stuck in Denver until further notice.

Upon hearing this, Richard had agreed to babysit for a few hours and after a lot of planning everything was set to go, until yesterday when he had tested positive for Covid. That left us where we are now, in a car waiting for Y/N to deliver a care package to her dad and ready to head home for the evening.

I was pulled from my thoughts when she opened the door and climbed on the back seat with Pippa, I smiled at her, “Hey, how did it go?” She removed her mask, put on some antibacterial and smiled at me, “Good, I just left in on the door and walked back, he looks good but was so bummed he couldn’t see this little bean before we leave”, she then cooed at the baby in her car seat

“I’m glad he’s okay, love”, I squeezed her knee before turning back and starting the drive back home. Once we got there, Y/N unbuckled Pip before handing her to me. I kissed her forehead before turning to look at my love, “I’ll get her ready for bed and I’ll meet you in the nursery afterwards, okay?” She nodded and kissed Pippa’s head before making her way to the living room.

I turned the lights on in the nursery and started humming to Pippa, “Let’s get you ready bunny”. I removed her knitted outfit and she let out a little whimper. “Oh no, no tears it’s okay yeah?” I changed her diaper and reached for the lotion since my little girl’s skin was pretty dry, and as I lathered her skin I started humming a song I had written for a special project, If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you, you'd be the spoon, dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you

After rubbing her body with lotion, I grabbed her long-sleeved onesie and tiny socks and once they were on, I grabbed the sleeper and dressed her up. “Look at you baby! You are the prettiest tiny baby, my heart!”. As I was brushing her hair, Y/N came in.

When she saw us, she smiled. I walked to meet her halfway and handed her Pippa. She started cooing before whispering to her, “Are you pretty hungry, tiny miss?” She kissed her head before turning to look at me, a mischievous look on her face. Before I could talk, she said to me, “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll come get you once you’re done”. I smirked at her “Why?” She laughed, “Just do it please?” I nodded and kissed her forehead and then Pippa’s and left the room.

I knew she would normally take up to forty minutes to feed and put her to sleep, so before jumping into the shower I checked some emails ranging from the special project I would announce soon, our trip to London and our trip to California for Coachella. About twenty minutes later, I went into the bathroom and got through my shower routine.

I was just finishing putting my laundry away when there was a knock on my door. I walked to open it and found her there. She had changed into some pajamas, face cleaned and a top bun on her head. She reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze before pulling me towards the living room. When we entered, I could feel a warmth fill me up.

She had hung up some fairy lights all around and dimmed the lights, there were pillows and blankets all over the floor. Two bowls of steamy alfredo pasta were set on the coffee table along with a basket of our favorite goodies and some hot chocolate. The perfect ending to this though was the snow that had started falling a few hours ago.

I turned and pulled her into a hug, I squeezed her and kissed her neck multiple times before pulling back. She smiled and said, “I know we were supposed to have another date, but we had to work with what we had”. I shook my head, “Baby this is way better than I could’ve hoped for, thank you”. She kissed my cheek and we sat down to eat.

While we ate, we pressed play on the movie she had chosen, which was Encanto because she was a Disney girl at heart. After the movie ended, I went and made some more hot chocolate and sat down next to her. One of my favorite things to do was talk to her about anything and everything.

“I wanna do something different.” I nodded while she continued to speak. “I want us to talk about what we did after we broke up and before you freak out, I think it is important in this new journey for us”. I sighed and gave her a smile. I said, “Are you sure?” She nodded and I cleared my throat before speaking up, “So, do you wanna go first?” She nodded her head.

“After Glenne picked me up from the house, we went into Whole Foods and bought some wine and dinner, then drove to Abalone Cove Shoreline Park. We sat on the beach and I cried for hours. I threw rocks as well as sand and cursed whatever I saw. After I finished, she dropped me at my hotel. I ordered some more champagne and some chocolate covered strawberries, and cried some more while watching the Mamma Mia movies before falling asleep”,

I kissed her cheek, she pulled back and shrugged her shoulders saying “I also paid with your card, Jeff sent it”. That had me laughing out loud before taking a deep breath, “How on Earth did I not find out, huh?” She gave me a childish smile, “That’s a secret we’ll never tell; how about you?” I cleared my throat before speaking up.

“After you left, I think I cried for a few hours, then… then I wrote you a song”. She sat up straighter, surprise written all over her face, “What?” I smiled, “Wanna listen to it?” She nodded and I stood up and grabbed my guitar before starting to play the song I had written to her. When I did, I could see the tears in her eyes which made my heart break. As soon as I was done, she pulled me into a hug before kissing the shell of my ear and whispering, “I love you, thank you”

“I love you more, and I know we still have to address the elephant in the room, but I’m still working with Patricia on it”. She shushed me, “Whenever you are ready, we will baby, there’s no rush”. I nodded and reached to pull her into my arms.

January 24, 2022

New York City, New York. 11:00 AM.

It was crazy to think that the last time I came to Betty’s office, I was still pregnant. Harry opened the door and we walked in. Randy smiled at us and said, “Hello you guys! Welcome! Oh, please let me see the baby!”. Harry and I smiled before stopping the stroller in front of her and pulling up the cover we had. She cooed before turning to look at us, “Good Lord she gets prettier and prettier each day!”

We laughed a little and turned to look at the door where Betty was coming out from. “There they are! Oh, it’s so good to see you three!” She hugged Harry and then turned to pull me into a hug before turning to see Pippa.“Well look at those cheeks! How are you, Miss Pippa?” She pulled back before turning to look at us, “Shall we?”

We nodded and followed her to her office. “So how have we been since the last time we spoke a few weeks ago?” Harry helped me remove my coat and sit down on the table, “It’s been good, we have been taking it pretty slow” She smiled while making her way to where I was. “That is pretty good”, she started taking my vitals and then helped me lay down so she could examine me.

“Has your bleeding stopped?” I nodded, “Last week” she nodded, “That’s okay, on average, new moms bleed from four to six weeks, so it doesn’t worry me. Everything is returning to it’s place and your uterus and cervix looks great”, I nodded, “How has breastfeeding gone?” I sighed, “It has been an up and down ride, there are days where feeds go great and others that leave us both crying”.

Betty frowned a little, “Are you pumping?” I nodded, “In between feeds” We moved to sit at her desk. I noticed Harry looking at me intently, I knew he would have something to say later on. Betty then cleared her throat and turned to look at me, “And… emotionally? How are you?”

I smiled and cleared my throat, “It has been a wild ride for sure, it has been a big adjustment, but honestly? I have not felt like I’m drowning”. I sniffled before reaching out to squeeze Harry’s hand, “He has been my anchor, and our families too; I mean I do feel some anxiety sometimes, especially when I think of her growing up”.

Betty smiled, “That’s normal darling, we all do, I remember with my babies I didn’t even leave my house for two months except for essential things”. I laughed, “Don’t get me started, that has me a little anxious?”, Betty gave us a questioning look, “We’re leaving for England in a few days, Harry has some work commitments and we’re visiting family”.

“Oh, how fun! It is normal for you to feel anxious, just please don’t keep it to yourself, like you said you have a tribe who will listen to you”. I nodded and felt Harry kiss my temple. She turned to my chart and started reviewing again. “Have you thought about birth control?” I nodded, “I wanted to know if I could go into the ‘minipill’? From my research I saw that it was the safest option while breastfeeding”. She nodded, “Oh absolutely, I will write a prescription for you”.

Harry and I nodded. “So the last thing to address, exercise and sex”. We both tensed at that and my heart leapt out of my chest. “I see no issue for you guys to engage in such activities, but please take it slow, I truly cannot express enough how important this is okay?” We both nodded before Harry squeezed my hand and spoke up, “I will take care of her, whatever her decision may be”. I turned to look at him and gave him an appreciative smile.

After Betty finished making notes she handed me the folder back and we said our goodbyes. When we left her office, we got into the car. I sat in the back with Pippa and once Harry sat down in the driver’s side, I reached to kiss his cheek. He turned and gave me a smile, “What was that for, huh?”. I shrugged, “Just because”. He nodded and turned back to start the car so we could leave to run our errands.

January 28, 2022

London, England. 12:30 PM.

The trip to London had been hectic to say the least. I never realized just how many things we actually needed to bring, that we could not buy in London. Once everything was packed, we made our way to Teterboro where we met Jeff, Tommy, and Harry L. because they were all traveling with us.

The flight itself had been pretty good, Pippa behaved like a champion and her father was the worst traveler of the group. After we landed in London, we made our way to Harry’s house. Both Anne and Gemma had already visited and helped us by getting us groceries and some meals since Pippa was having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the time change.

We had agreed that Harry’s family would meet Pippa once we traveled North for Harry’s birthday, but there was a visit that had me so excited, and that day had finally come. Florence Pugh, Gemma Chan, and I had bonded while H was filing ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ and stayed in touch since then. As of right now, they both were here in England getting ready to start some new projects, so we had agreed to have them come and meet Pippa.

As soon as I opened the door, I was pulled into a bone crushing hug by two of my closest friends, the three of us let out squeals of happiness and we swayed a little before pulling back. I moved and let both of our visitors come in, the girls having removed their shoes and coats, and we made our way to the living room.

Before we got there, Gemma piped up “Love where is your bathroom? I want to wash my hands before meeting the baby?”. Flo chimed in, “Yeah me too!”. I smiled and took them to the bathroom and let them know I would go to the kitchen to grab some things. Harry had helped me bring in the heavy stuff before going upstairs and getting Pippa up from her nap, so I just had to carry the teapot.

Gemma and Flo were standing in the living room looking at the photos Harry had displayed. They turned when I walked in and gave me a smile. “Come on sit down, do you want some tea?” The two of them nodded and took the seat on the loveseat closest to the window before Flo spoke up, “Can you please explain to me how the hell you look so hot after giving birth just one month ago?”

I laughed while Gemma nodded. I could feel my cheeks turn red before answering, “Breastfeeding, truly it is keeping me very occupied, and my pilates, little by little I have been able to get back to it”. Gemma nodded in awe, “Well darling you look amazing”. Before I could answer, Harry cleared his throat and the three of us turned to look at him and the little swaddled bundle in his arms.

Both Flo and Gemma gasped and squealed when they saw the baby before Flo screamed-whispered, “Look at that tiny baby!”. Gemma laughed before speaking up, “Look at that smile, there’s the proud dad!”. Harry handed me the baby before walking to where they were sitting and pulling them into a hug.

When he pulled back, he came to stand next to where I was and squeezed my hip. I cleared my throat before speaking up, “Ladies, there’s someone who is very excited, who wants to meet her aunts”. Before I could take a step to where they were sitting, Gemma put her hands up in a stop motion, “Wait! Let us put our mask on and some antibacterial gel”. Harry spoke up, “Hey, it’s fine if you don’t wear them”.

Flo scoffed before speaking up, “Of course we will, she’s a tiny baby and we have been with a lot of people, and sadly we’re not sure if everyone is vaccinated, I mean we are but I don’t wanna risk anything”. We both nodded and once they were ready they nodded. I walked to where they were standing and whispered, “Look Pip, these are your aunts; auntie Gemma and auntie Flo”.

Gemma reached to run a hand down her hair while Flo sniffled and placed her hands on her chest, “Look at her, she’s so beautiful, thank God she looks like her mumma”. That had Gemma and I laughing while Harry whined and pouted, “Come on Flo, I thought we were friends”. She shrugged her shoulders, “We are, but I need to speak the truth”. He scoffed, “Okay I’ll give you that”.

Gemma cleared her throat before whispering, “Can I hold her?” I nodded and transferred the baby into her arms. Gemma started swaying a little and cooed, “Hi Pippa, hi lovie, God look at you!” Flo was running her hand down her hair while also cooing, “I cannot wait until you’re old enough and I can take you to get a piercing”. Harry groaned again and Gemma and I laughed at her.

Gemma then motioned to Flo so she could let her hold the baby, Gemma carefully handed her Pippa and then came to give me a side hug before going to stand next to Harry. She turned and smiled, “I’m sorry to tell you pal, but she is all her mum’s beauty”. He shrugged his shoulders, “I cannot deny that”. She then gave him a small smile before telling him, “I’m proud of you Harry, of how much you have grown and who you are today”.

He sniffled before pulling her into a side hug and kissing her head, “Thank you Gemma, for being such a good friend even after everything that happened, I’m so happy my kids have you as an aunt”. Florence pipped in, “Kids?! Mate, you’re getting way ahead of yourself”. We all laughed at that before he turned to look at me, a sincere smile, “Just wait and see”.

Florence then spoke up, “Oh! Before we forget, we got the little miss a present”. She pulled out a box from her bag before handing it to me. I unwrapped it and found a box. I opened it and saw there was a little pendant with her initial engraved and on the back was her birthday. Gemma spoke up, “We know she is still small, so we thought of a gift she could grow with”.

I nodded and gave them both a teary smile, “Thank you girls, this is a gift I want for her to treasure forever”. Gemma handed Harry the baby and she made her way along with Flo to pull me into a group hug, and after a few seconds I heard them both whisper to me, “Congratulations mama”, “We are so proud of you”.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 8:30 AM.

I was awakened by someone clearing their throat. When I groggily opened my eyes I smiled, my girls were standing there in front of me, Pippa in her arms, she was wide awake which led me to believe she had just fed her. “Well good morning, ladies”. Y/N handed Pippa to me and started walking back, “Wait I’ll be back in a moment”.

I nodded and sat up a little turning to kiss her little forehead, “Hi little Pip, what a great way to start my birthday huh?”. Y/N cleared her throat from outside the room and said “Can you close your eyes for a second?”. I laughed while closing them, a few seconds later she spoke again, “Are your eyes closed?”

“Yes, my heart, they are closed!”, A few seconds later I heard her come in and sing ‘Happy Birthday’. I opened my eyes and my heart started beating a thousand miles an hour when I saw her with a cake and a candle. She sat in front of me and as soon as she finished singing, she said “Wait wait! Before you blow let me take some pictures”.

I nodded, and after she was done, she said, “Okay then, close your eyes, make a wish, and blow your candle!”. I did as she asked me and blew out the candle and she gave a little cheer. I pulled her in and pulled her for a kiss. We pulled back and I brought her again before she whispered “Happy birthday baby”. I said “Thank you my love”.

She ran a hand down my cheek and said, “Your mom just finished preparing breakfast, shall we go down?” I groaned and pouted “I wanted to cuddle my girls”. She laughed and kissed my pout before saying, “We’ll cuddle after breakfast, yes? I’m so glad you convinced your mom to cater today’s food”. I laughed too before we both stood up and made our way downstairs to where my mum was finishing breakfast.

When she heard us come in, she gave me a big smile before speaking up, “There he is! Happy birthday baby boy!” I handed Pip to Y/N and pulled my mum into a hug, “Thanks mumma! I love you!”. We pulled back and my mum went to say hello to Y/N and Pip.

We all sat down to eat breakfast and talked about the plans for today. Y/N then cleaned the table while mum disappeared for a second and returned with a gift in her hands which she placed in front of me. “Mum you didn’t have to!”. She shrugged, “It’s nothing, just open it”. I pulled the lid off the box and reached in for the item which turns out was a polaroid camera. My mum spoke up

“I know this lovely lady has your old one, so I wanted to gift you one so you could have it with you always”, I smiled at her and pulled her for a hug, “Thank you mumma”. She kissed my cheek, “You’re welcome darling”.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 12:30 PM.

I was pulled from my slumber by a tiny whimper coming from the travel cot at my bedside. Harry was cuddling me, so I carefully pulled out to grab Pippa. When I did, she started crying, “Oh hey, no need for that missy, I know you’re hungry, my boobs are making sure I know”, Anne had been so nice to bring one of her loveseats here so I could breastfeed, so I sat there to feed Pippa.

About twenty minutes into the feeding, I heard a pull of air and turned to see Harry waking up, he started looking around the room and smiled, “There they are! Hi, my loves”. “Hello birthday boy, how was your nap?”. He stretched and laid down again, “It was good, but I missed you guys”. I smiled at him then I remembered something.

“Hey, there are two packages inside my suitcase, could you please grab them?” He nodded and went into the closet. When he came back, he was trying so hard to keep a straight face but was failing miserably.He placed the gifts on the bed before making his way to where I was finishing feeding Pippa and setting her up for a burp. “I thought we had agreed on no gifts missy”.

I shrugged my shoulders and told him “It’s your birthday, you deserve to be pampered, and the truth is one is mine and the other is from your little girl”. He kissed the back of her head and my forehead before going to sit on the bed. “Which should I open first?” I pointed to the square box and he nodded and started unwrapping it.

“That one is from Pip”. He smiled and removed the paper as he he pulled out a personalized book from Pippa. I could see him tear up and looked up at me, “Baby…” I smiled, “That way, you two can have your special bedtime story book”. “I cannot wait to read it to her, thank you”. He walked to where we were sitting and kissed me.

“I’m glad you loved it baby”. He then made his way back to the bed and grabbed the other gift. When he opened it, he pulled out a box full of vouchers I had made for dates, massages, dinners, kisses, and more. He laughed and turned to look at me, “When can I start redeeming them?”, “Hm, when we return to London”. He groaned, but nodded.

I stood up and started swaying with Pippa. He came and hugged us telling me“Thank you for my gifts baby, I love them so much”. I kissed his lips, “I’m glad you do”. I turned to see the time and sighed, “We better start getting ready, everyone will be here in about an hour”. He groaned but nodded, “Are you ready for them to meet her?” I nodded excitedly, “Especially Thea and Ella”. He smiled, “Me too love”.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 4:30 PM.

I was pretty thankful that this birthday I had all of my family here with me to celebrate. The food mum had ordered was delicious and everyone was so happy to meet Pippa. I was currently seated on the floor playing with Thea while Ella was holding Pippa. She turned to look at me and gave me a smile.

“I cannot believe that just a few years ago we were joking about coming to your mum’s house for Christmas with our babies and we are here now”. I laughed, “I know, still feels like a dream huh?” She nodded, I turned to look at Thea who gave me a gummy smile, “Oh look at that smile! You are gorgeous darling!”, Ella smiled, “And this lovie! I’m so impressed by how much she looks like her mumma.”

We sat there for a few minutes in silence just cuddling the babies before Ella spoke up again, “I’m proud of you H; you chose a great woman to be your partner.”, I gave her a smile, “Just like you and Ryan”, I reached to squeeze her knee, we both turned to the door where Gemma entered carrying a cake while my family started singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

After they were done, I blew out the candles and my mum started cutting the cake, sharing a piece with everyone. I sat down next to where Y/N was sitting talking with my auntie Dee who was holding Pippa. She smiled at us, “She really is a beauty Harry, oh I cannot wait until you two get married!” We both laughed before I squeezed her hip before answering my aunt, “Soon Aunt Dee”. Y/N kissed my cheek in reassurance before answering, “All in due time”.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 8:45 PM.

After we said goodbye to the last guests, I went into the kitchen where Anne was waiting for me. She made sure Harry was not near before she pulled out a wrapped gift from the cabinet and handed it to me, “Here darling, everything is ready for you guys”. I smiled and grabbed the gift, “I really cannot thank you enough”.

She shrugged her shoulders, “You guys deserve a night off, and I am really excited about having one-on-one with my babe”. I reached in and pulled her into a hug, “We’ll see you tomorrow, yes? Please if you need anything call us, but milk is pumped and measured for you, and I left everything you might need out”. She squeezed my arms, “We’ll be okay, and you guys will be a fifteen-minute drive away”. I nodded and jumped a little when I heard someone clear their throat.

I turned and smiled when I found Harry standing there, “What are you ladies up to huh?”. I smiled and while Anne excused herself Harry made his way to me. He pulled me into his arms, settling his hands on my lower back and kissed my lips before speaking up, “Hi lovie”. I laughed and then whispered to him, “Hi birthday boy”.

He pouted his lips and squeezed my love handles, “Heeey”., I laughed and kissed his chest, “Hi love”. He gave me a boyish grin before reaching down to pull me into a kiss. Before we could get carried away, I pulled back, which he was not happy about and he started blowing raspberries on my neck.

I was laughing so hard but managed to tell him in between laughs, “Wait! Wait! I have one last birthday present for you!”. He pulled back, a soft smile decorating his face, “You didn’t have to, you have given me so much already”. I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s your birthday, and I wanna make up for the birthday I missed”. I grabbed the box which was on the counter next to me and handed it to him. “Open it”.

He smiled and unwrapped the little gift and came across a box. When he pulled off the lid, he found a key and grabbed it, “Did you buy me a house?”. I shook my head, “Not really, but I did get us a place for the night, just you and me”. There was a twinkle in his eyes I hadn’t seen in a while. He leaned and whispered, “Will I need my birthday suit?” My heart started beating so fast at his comment before whispering to him, “Maybe…” 

I kissed the shell of his ear and walked away to the living room so I could cuddle Pippa, who was lounging on her bouncer. Before we left, I picked her up and started swaying while kissing her head. A few seconds later, Harry came into the room and pouted when he saw Pippa. He came to where we were standing and ran a hand down her head.

“Are you okay leaving her?” I nodded, “We need some time for us H, she has been the center of our Universe for the last two months”. He nodded and smiled at his mom, who had just walked into the living room. He pulled her into a hug, “Thank you mum”. Anne hugged him back and kissed his cheek before pulling back, “You guys deserve this, Pippa will definitely be okay yes?”, I nodded and turned to look at Harry and gave him a reassuring smile.

Harry asked “Can I hold her?”, I nodded and handed the baby to him, who immediately cuddled into his chest, her favorite place. He smiled and swayed a little before kissing her head and telling her, “Please be on your best behavior for Nana yes? Mumma and Daddy will be back before you notice it, but if you miss us too much just tell your Nana and she’ll give us a call.” Anne and I let out a laugh, God this man was very much in love with his baby.

He then handed her to me and turned to hug is mom bye, while I squeezed Pippa a little before whispering to her, “I’ll miss you sweet girl, I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?”. When Harry and Anne pulled back she made her way to me. I handed her the baby and she pulled me into a side hug, “Enjoy yourselves darling, we’ll be fine”. I nodded and kissed her cheek before making my way to where Harry was standing, I pulled the overnight bag from the closet and we left the house before we both cried.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 9:10 PM.

When we closed the door, my heart started racing with excitement. I was so thankful for all the surprises I had gotten today, but this topped pretty much everything. As I was about to get into the driver side Y/N pulled me to the passenger side. I obliged and smiled at her, “You’re driving huh?”

She smiled and nodded her head, “You just have to relax and let me do my thing okay?”, I smiled at her, she then grabbed a blindfold from her pocket and turned to look at me, “May I?”. I nodded and she carefully came over to where I was seated., I put my seatbelt on and once I was settled she placed the blindfold on me. Before she pulled back she placed a kiss on the corner of my lips.

I whined a little and she laughed before I interrupted her, “Stop teasing!” She squeezed my arm, leaned into me and whispered to my ear, “Don’t worry, there’s so much more from where that came from.” I shuddered and sat up a little straighter while I heard her make her way to the driver’s side.

She turned on the car and when the radio came to life I smiled, “Is this our playlist?”She hummed in agreement, “It is baby, thought we could make our fifteen-minute drive a little bit more entertaining, what do you think?”,“I love it, I love you.” She reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze, “I love you more.”

The ride itself went really fast. Once she parked the car and turned off the radio, I heard her get out the door, and a few seconds later I heard her come to my side. She opened the door and removed my seatbelt before helping me get out of the car. Once I was out, she closed the door and made her way to the boot to grab the overnight bag.

I heard a thud which meant she probably had dropped the bag before squeezing my arms, “Okay, you ready?” I nodded eagerly and she laughed as she removed my blindfold, I waited for a second before I opened my eyes and was in awe at the little cottage in front of us. I turned to see my girl and gave her a smile, “Where did you find this?”

She shrugged before answering, “I have my secrets.” I laughed and pulled her into a hug before whispering, “Thank you my love.” She squeezed me before pulling back, “Come on, there is more inside.” I grabbed her hand and scoffed when she did not let me help her with the overnight bag. We stopped at the front door and she nudged me to open and go inside.

My heart was beating so fast, I truly did not know what to expect. I opened the door and immediately smiled at the sight, the cottage was lined up with fake candles and sunflower bouquets. I continued to walk inside and stopped at the kitchen where I found a little banoffee pie with a candle.

It was then that I noticed that the living room was filled with balloons that had pictures of me with all my favorite people, including her and Pippa, and in the middle of the room I found a book addressed to me. I kneeled down and started tearing up when I realized there were letters from people in my life, friends from high school, people from my One Direction times, my filming crew and some cast mates, a drawing from Otis and Daisy, and at the end my closest friends which included letters from all four boys.

As I was looking, I furrowed my brows when I noticed that Y/N had not written me anything, but just before I could ask her why, I saw that the last page had gotten stuck and when I turned I let out a sob when I found three of my favorite pictures of all time, I had taken it when we were at the hospital when Pippa was born, one of my girls snuggling in the very early hours of the morning, the last one was of the first belly pictures she had ever sent me, which had also been my lock and home screen until Pippa was born.

And the third one, a picture of us cuddling on the couch, with our hands resting on her belly. I remember I took it just a few days before Pippa had made her arrival, and back then I swore I could never ever love the woman laying with me more than I did, turns out I was wrong. I smiled when I found her handwriting, I knew she wasn’t a big writer, but her message conveyed everything I knew she wanted to say: Thank you for finding your way back to me <3

When I turned and stood up I started tearing up again when I saw her standing there with the cake and candle turned on, she started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me once more and once she was done, I laughed and leaned down to blow the candle, I pulled her in for a kiss before I felt her smear some of the whipped cream on my cheek.

I nuzzled myself into her neck making sure that my cheek full of whipped cream was rubbing her, and God I swear her laugh could make even the angriest man laugh. “Stop! H, please stop!” I kissed her neck and pulled back a little before smiling at her and reaching to peck her lips. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, before gaining her momentum again and saying, “Shall we eat this pie?”

I nodded in agreement, and although I did want to eat the pie I knew that was not what she wanted to tell me, but I would respect her and wait until she was ready to say what she wanted to say. I sat down on the chair and pulled her into my lap, “Thank you baby, I loved the book”. She smiled while eating her pie and feeding me some. She swallowed and then answered, “You deserve it H”.

She suddenly stood up and went into the little fridge and pulled out a bottle of non-alcoholic wine before coming back to me. I asked “We’re doing it out of the bottle?” She nodded and smiled, she then offered me the bottle before giving me an apprehensive look, “I’m sorry it’s not alcoholic, I know- “

I shushed her by placing a finger on her mouth to silence her, “Baby don’t apologize, I know how much breastfeeding means to you, and I wouldn’t ask you to pump and dump just because of my birthday.” She nodded, a small appreciative smile on her face before encouraging me to take a sip, which I did. We passed it back and forth, and as we drank our wine and ate our pie I could feel something in the atmosphere shift.

While I was dishing the last of her pie, she cleared her throat and I turned to give her a smile. When I ran a hand along her thigh, she had that look again, and I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it meant, but this time her look did not falter. “Do you remember when we went and saw Betty?” I nodded, “Yeah, about a week ago, why?” She was playing with her fingers before she answered me, “Do you remember what she said about…us?” Ahh, so this is where she was going huh? Maybe I’ll tease her a bit.

I nodded, “I do baby, she said you were doing so well with your recovery and that she was happy to see you.” She nodded, “Yeah, and what else did she say?” I pretended to ponder for a moment before turning to look at her, a serious expression in my face, “That was all wasn’t it?”, I could see her start to blush while she whined and hid herself in my neck.

I laughed and kissed her cheek before whispering to her, “I know what else she said, I just wanted to make you sweat baby.” She pulled back while imitating me and then wrapped her arms around my neck before kissing my nose and speaking up, “You think you’re so funny huh?” She kissed my nose again before sitting straighter and clearing her throat, I could tell she was nervous, and for some reason I started to feel nervous too.

“In all seriousness, and addressing the elephant in the room”, I nodded and squeezed her hip letting her know I was listening to her, “Six weeks are up”, I nodded, “And... well we have gotten in between second and third base so far yeah?” I chuckled and nodded. She sighed before continuing, “What if… what if I told you I was ready for a home run?” My heart started beating so fast and I took a deep breath before speaking up.

“Baby…” She placed her finger on my lips, “I know where you are heading so let me reassure you; no, it is not just because it is your birthday, I genuinely want you to make love to me, I trust you enough to know you will take care of me.”

I squeezed her hips. “Baby this is like your first time all over again.” She nodded, “And I want it to be with you.” I was still apprehensive, I knew how important this was for her and truly, I did not feel like I deserved to be the one it happened with. She kissed my temple before whispering into my ear, “I know what you are thinking, you do deserve it baby, I would always choose you, my best friend, baby daddy, love of my life.”

She pulled back and gave me a smile, there was something in her look that made me feel like butterflies were roaming my belly, something that screamed I love you, I trust you. After a few moments I nodded, “Are you completely sure?” She laughed, “Man, if I knew how hard it would be for me to undress you I wouldn’t have asked.” We both laughed before I grabbed her face and squeezed her cheeks to get her attention.

“I’m sorry, I just really want for you to be sure, I feel honored you want this with me baby, and yes, I promise I will take care of you.” She nodded before reaching to kiss me and after a few seconds she pulled back before whispering to my lips, “Take me upstairs?”, I hoisted her up by her thighs and as we continued to kiss, we started making our way upstairs, but not before making sure the door was locked.

I put her on her feet when we got upstairs, I was in awe, the room was full of candles, the air had a smell of citrus which reminded me of our trip to Sorrento when it suddenly dawned on me and I pulled back, “Wait… is this the scent the hotel in Sorrento we stayed in used?” She gave me a cheeky smile and nodded her head, “You know what happened in Sorrento, I thought we could relive old happy memories.” 

I smiled while shaking my head, “You are something else baby, God, I love you” I walked to where she was standing and kissed her, then I pulled her into a hug and while she nuzzled into my neck. I told her again “Thank you for trusting me with this baby, I promise it will be special.” She pulled back and gave me a small smile, her eyes were full of fear and her hands were trembling, if she could hear and feel how fast my heart was going, she would be so surprised.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 10:05 PM.

My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating about a thousand beats per minute. He reached to grab my hands and brought them to his lips, “Baby, you’re shaking so much, we really don’t have to do anything if you don’t feel comfortable or ready.”, I smiled and shook my head, “I want to, it’s just my nerves talking.”

He gave me an apprehensive nod and a smile, “We can stop whenever you feel like it, okay? I’ll go slow.” I smirked, “I should be the one undressing you, it’s your birthday after all.” He laughed, grabbed my face and kissed it, “Well, the birthday boy wants to be the one who undresses you.” I smiled and nodded.

I let out a shuddering breath., hHe pressed his forehead to mine and nudged his nose with mine before whispering, “Hey, it’s just me my love.”, I nodded and reached for his lips, and while we kissed, he pulled my sweater off my torso and I thenI reached to remove his coat, not caring where it fell.

While he ran his hands down my body, I started unbuttoning his shirt. Once I finished, I pulled it off his shoulders while and he removed the tank top I had been wearing today. I got so nervous I pulled my hands over my body, but he kissed my forehead and removed my arms, and told me “You’re gorgeous and I’m obsessed with your body baby, don’t hide it.” He patted my thighs which I took as a sign to jump into his arms while he walked us back to the bed.

He laid us down and started placing feather soft kisses on my neck while I played with his little curls. The familiar feeling of trust was finally starting to settle in, I felt him reach to pull down my leggings. I pulled one of my hands from his hair to try and unbuckle his pants, and before we knew it all of our clothing had been discarded.

Both of us sat up and were panting, looking into each other with eyes full of lust and love, and an appreciation for being able to find us again. Harry placed his hand on my cheek, and I did on his chest, which God I had forgotten was my weakness. His eyes were so ever reassuring, wanting to have my permission before doing anything else. I nodded and reached to pull him into a kiss, and when he squeezed my side I opened my mouth and moaned when I felt his tongue slip in.

His hands started caressing all the dips and valleys of my body, while his lips never left my face and neck. A squeeze to my thighs had me turning to look him in the eyes, lust written all over them and a question of whether he should continue or not, when I nodded, he started kissing his way down my body to where I craved him the most.

With rolling eyes and a panting chest I welcomed the haze and euphoria he had managed to vest upon me. Soft sultry whispers of his name fell off my lips, a squeeze to the hand he had pressed in my direction wanting to remind him how good it felt and how much I trusted him. I really did not know how much time had passed, the burning was growing bigger and bigger by the second until it had me arching my back and screaming his name as I let myself go.

And as the haze disappeared along with the newfound lightness, I felt him kiss my belly before I looked down and gave him a lazy smile. Oh how I had missed this feeling, the feeling only he knew how to give me. I leaned on my elbows and gave him a smile, still panting and trying to hold on to this feeling before he spoke up, “Still got it huh?” I laughed and nodded, “I swear it was even better than before.”

I pulled him up by his hand and we laid down next to each other, words would never be enough to describe the love I felt for this man. He nudged his nose with mine as a way of making sure I was still okay. I nodded and kissed his lips before pulling back and resting his forehead with mine. hHe caressed my hair while I played with the little curls that fell at the back of his head, hoping that I was able to convey everything I was feeling right in that moment.

I love you, I missed this, I missed us

He started placing pecks all over my face, and that was enough for me to understand what he was trying to say

I love you too, I missed us, I missed you more than life itself, I’ll always take care of you

If there was something I loved, it was seeing Harry blissful and happy, just like we are now. I started kissing his neck and shoulders before kissing his chest. I swung a leg over his torso and settled there, his hands reached to squeeze my thighs, a lazy, sexy smile adorning his face. I kissed his temple, then turned to his lips, chin and below his ear.

As his breath quickened, I continued to place some kisses on his chest, pecks, over the butterfly that adorned his belly while also slithering down to settle in between his legs; once I saw the ferns, I took my time loving them before moving to the tiger which I had honestly missed so much. His moans were increasing in volume and his hands were searching for something to hold on to before finally settling on the comforter.

And as his abdomen contracted, I could see his face start turning red, sweat dripping down his temples and more soft moans falling from his mouth, moans that increased in volume and were accompanied by my name and his favorite nicknames, until suddenly it all stopped and his sigh of relief was the only thing I could hear. A triumphant smile decorated my face while I straddled him again and kissed his nose before asking him, “Hey, you still with me?” A lazy smile all over his face before nodding and answering in a hoarse voice, “You are trying to kill me”

The stamina was still going strong, and the desire had only grown, and as I caressed his curls, I felt his hand roam all over my torso, heart rate slowly rising and sweat starting to fall in the dip of my back. As he laid kisses on the crevice between my neck and chest he blew a raspberry. I laughed, and a second later his laugh met mine.

He settled his hand on my hip giving it a squeeze hoping to get my attention, I turned to see his face adorned with a smile, silently asking for my permission to allow his hand continue south down my body. I placed a kiss on his chin before nodding, his fingers swiftly moving along, silent moans exiting my lips.

I closed my eyes and colors exploded behind my eyelids, the mix of his fingers moving, the spark that we both shared combined with the anticipation had me squeezing his bicep and leaving fingernail imprints on his skin. My loud moans and terms of endearment filled the vast room until all of a sudden, I could only see white.

We laid there in silence for a few before I cleared my throat and whispered, “Harry?” He hummed, “Yes, my love?” He turned to look at me, I nudged his nose with mine before whispering to his lips, “Make love to me” He gave me the sweetest smile and nodded, “You don’t even have to ask”, and before I could react he had pulled me to a straddle in his lap and was now lovingly kissing my chest and collarbone, a tingling overtaking my feelings before he stopped and turned to look me in the eye.

“We’ll stop whenever you feel like it okay?” I nodded and he started kissing my neck, ear and cheeks, before stopping on my lips and whispering, “I love you” All of a sudden, the connection, feeling and warmth that I had missed and was also terrified of experiencing again was there, but God I had been so wrong, this felt so right for both of us. Both of our pants and moans intertwined with the warm light decorating the room.

As we tried to find a rhythm there was laughter, there was a clumsiness that came from the nerves we both had and the desire to please each other to the best of our capabilities; and all of a sudden there was bliss, stolen kisses and whispers, there was thrill and excitement, there was surprise with the laughter, there were memories and above all there was love, there was a recognition of the love we shared and the reminder that this love had given us her, the one who held our heart.

As my heartbeat raised and the burning and eagerness grew, and as we both started panting even harder, there was a need, a climb to reach the highest point possible. Harry turned to me and desperately whispered, “Whenever you’re ready my love.” I nodded and started kissing his neck, and just like the last time, there was a release, a relief full of happiness and bliss. I am not sure how long we laid there cuddling, my head over his heart listening to the beating slow down, his hand running down my arm.

A recognition shared between us through love in our eyes and relaxed smiles. This was so worth the wait, I would wait for you forever.

After we were both calm, he turned to look at me and whispered, “Forever and always?” I smiled and pulled him for a kiss before pulling back a little and whispering to his lips, “Always and forever.”

February 2, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 7:35 AM.

A tickle in my nose pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes to find my love sleeping with her head resting where my heart was and her hand tangled with mine, and for a few moments the only thing I could do was stare at her.

She was beautiful, she was light, she was magic, she was more than I ever could hope for in a partner, and everything I would ever need and more. As we laid there, I took the opportunity to study her, she was the same girl I fell in love with four years ago, but now she had some eye bags that came along with the territory of being a new mum.

Her freckle I loved to kiss was still there, she had some wrinkles but against popular thought she got them from laughing rather than aging, her hair was changing like crazy from postpartum loss and new growth. I wanted to let her rest so I quietly got out of bed and made my way downstairs, where I started brewing some coffee and sat down to sip it while watching the morning roll in the field behind the cottage.

It was crazy to think how different this birthday had been from last year. Yes, I did celebrate with friends and Olivia, but my family missing it was a huge downer; and truthfully, I was still grieving my breakup with Y/N. It was around that time Patricia and I started working on how those feelings affected me.

If you would have told 27-year-old me that this birthday he would have spent it cuddling the love of his life and their teeny tiny baby girl he would’ve laughed, because how on Earth would the woman who broke his heart in an effort to mend her already broken heart forgive him? And especially agree to raise a baby with him? Nah that was surreal to even think about, but then again, here we are.

I was pulled from my thought when I felt a pair of arms hug me from behind. I smiled and placed my cup on the table before pulling her arms so she could sit with me. Ipecked her lips multiple times before muttering against them, “Good morning my love.” She smiled before replying, “Good morning, slept well?”

I nodded and continued to peck her lips, while getting ourselves comfortable so that we could cuddle for a bit. She had brought a blanket with her for us to be warm.After a few seconds of silence she started laughing. I turned and gave her a questioning look, but she started getting bashful before replying, “I just remembered I had another surprise for you for yesterday, but I was so nervous I forgot.”

I laughed and kissed her neck before muttering, “Maybe you can show it to me now??” She laughed and shook her head, “Nah, I think I’ll let the anticipation grow”, I rolled my eyes but nodded. We settled again for a little but there was something in her eyes, a thought that was troubling her.

“Baby? You okay?” She nodded her head and sighed, “Can I ask you something?”, I nodded, “What does home mean for you?”, I pondered a little before answering, “You and Pippa, the thought of coming home to you too every single day”. She nodded and then asked, “Is there any place that makes you think of home?”, I answered “You two, I truthfully could be in London, New York, LA or China for all I know, but if you two are with me everything will be okay, why?”

She sighed and turned to look at me, “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about it a lot, about what home means to me and where do I see my home, and much like you, home is Pippa and it’s you, it’s knowing that at the end of the day you two are with me, but a home also means community, means having a support system.”

She gave me sad smile before continuing, “We don’t have that in New York H, yes my family lives there but they all have their life, and the times you need to be away for work will start the need for the support system will be greater.” I squeezed her hip, “What are you saying baby?” She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe… maybe we could think about moving… back here?”

I sat up a little, “To Holmes Chapel?” She shook her head, “Maybe London? I know you have work to do in the city and Gemma lives there and we have friends, and your mom is also close”. I cleared my throat, “What about LA?” She shook her head, “I don’t wanna raise Pippa there, where paparazzis lurk in every corner.” She had a point, London was the place I was papped the least, if anything it was fans who would ask for pictures and it would be easier to ask them for privacy.

“I though you loved New York baby?” She gave me a melancholy smile, “I do, I love it with all my heart, but my heart has another person whose safety and wellbeing comes first, she deserves stability, having family close by, being able to go to a park without the fear of getting papped”, I nodded.

Before I could answer she spoke up, “It’s just something to think about, yes? We don’t have to make a permanent decision over it”. I nodded, “Yeah, we have all the time in the world.” She gave me a passionate kiss before pulling back a little and muttering, “We do.”

February 13, 2022

London, England. 22:30 AM.

Pippa was turning two months old today and I was in denial. How can my baby be so big already? Time needed to slow down a little please. To celebrate, Harry and I had decided to go out for Sunday brunch at The Mandrake, and afterwards we would go to the British Museum.

Brunch was amazing and now we were making our way to the museum when we stopped at Whittard so I could buy some tea. Harry following behind me with Pip asleep in the carrier, smelling all the teas. After making our way to the cashier, he paid for my tea, his excuse? A gift for being a mom for two whole months.

I laughed and kissed his cheek, “Thank you baby.” He kissed my forehead, “You’re welcome my heart.” We left the cashier and started making our way to the exit. As soon as we did, I crashed into someone and almost went tumbling when a hand stopped me.

When I got my footing back and let Harry know I was okay, I turned to see the person with whom I had crashed. Oh boy was I in for a surprise, “I’m so sorry I was not looking where I was- Mathew?” He stood up straighter, still as tall and handsome as I had remembered, but having aged a little and looking pretty surprised, just as I was before he muttered, “Birdie?”

@adoredeanna @alienorknight @be-with-me-so-happily @beachwoodcaferryy @behindmygreyeyes @cherrylovesblog @clarawolf22 @dayxoxodreamer @dirtytissuebox @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @goldenlouvr @groovychaosavenue @harrysficreblog @harryspirate @hoya122 @imaginesofdreams @i-got-the-cinema @infinitely-yellow @irelilien @itsgabbysblog @itsgigikay @jgoff717 @kathy522 @kaitieskidmore1 @last-saturday-night @michellekstyles @msolbesg @qualitygiantshoepsychic @shawnsblue @spicyscorpsag @sunshinemoonsposts @tinydeskwriter @tinydestinybear @tpwkstyles1d @voosa @watercolorskyy @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry

[ricciardoswife]

Pregnant?

Summary: daniel and y/n find out their going to be parents

Warnings: pregnancy

Endless love masterlist

Daniel and y/n had reached the next stage in their life where they were ready to add to their little family. A dream both daniel and y/n had from an early stage in their relationship was to at some point have children. So for the last couple of month that's what the couple have been doing. Both of them enjoying the love making side of it alot.

That's how they both find themselves standing in the bathroom of their hotel room in Saudi Arabia the day before qualifying. Y/n has been feeling miserable for the past couple of days and after taking more than the necessary amount of covid tests to make sure that she hadn't caught the virus, both herself and daniel had came to the conclusion that maybe she was pregnant they did factor in the point that she was late to but sometimes y/n is late so they couldn't really base it of of that. So now their both in the tiny hotel bathroom laughing and giggling as daniel watchs y/n pee on the third test.

"Are you sure your peeing on it correctly like how long does it take for the results to come up" Daniel asked giddily. Y/n couldn't control the laughter that came out as she placed the third stick on the counter pulling up her trousers and walking over to where daniel was standing looking at her confused. "Okay firstly yes I have peed on all three of them correctly and secondly you have to be patient it takes a couple of minutes" she replied. "Oh" Daniel said back laughing.

Y/n could swear it was only thirty seconds when Daniel asked "can we check them now" "no Daniel we have to be patient we have only been waiting for thirty seconds my phone will go off when we can" y/n replied. To pass the time the couple returned to there bed where the TV was playing on a low volume though neither were actually paying attention just being okay with being in each other's presence as they waited for the timer to end.

Y/n was both nervous and excited with the idea of becoming a mom. She was nervous that it wouldn't be postive and she would be letting daniel and herself down though deep down she knew that is nowhere near true. She was also nervous about having a kid the idea that she might not be a good enough parent scared her, though the excitement of the test possibly being positive and a new chapter was starting where they would both be parents outweighed all the negative thoughts and deep down she knew both of them would love their kid with everything they had and they would be good parents.

With that both y/n and daniel were dragged out of their thoughts when her phone rang signalling that the three minutes were up. They both looked at each other when Daniel spoke "does that mean we can check now". Y/n just simply nodded her head with a huge grin plastered on her face it was mirroring the one daniel had on his face as they both took of for the bathroom.

"If this is negative we will be okay" Daniel says to her as the both look at the back of the test not turning them over yet. "I know we will" y/n simply replied. With that they turned over the tests.

"OMG YES" Daniel shouted excitedly as he turned to y/n tears forming in his eyes. "There's a baby in my tummy" she replied excitedly also as the tears were now running down both their faces. Daniel engulfed y/n in the biggest hug she swears she ever got off of him. "We are having a baby" he said happily "we are having a baby" she replied excitedly. All of y/ns worries had just disappeared the moment she saw the words pregnant.

Daniel placed his hand on y/ns stomach as she mirrored his action placing her hand on top of his. "Hey little bean we are your parent" the both said at the same time with smiles on their faces no one could wipe off.

Authors note: I hope you guys enjoy this i really enjoyed writing it. In regards to the poll telling their families was most voted for so thats what I'll write next. Hopefully it eill be out soon but if you haven't noticed already I am a very slow writer 🤣🥰

[writing-in-april]

Any Iteration

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: Reader is nervous that this new iteration of her won’t be something Spencer will like.

A/N: This is my first fic for my 1250 follower celebration!! If you want another fic with nipple piercings check out my first smut ever- Surprise Pretty Boy. It’s also based on this request that my amazing girlfriend @spencers-dria gave me- also please go send her some love she just tested positive for covid 🥺 Also again thank you all for 1250 followers- I can’t believe this is my 4th follower celebration!! I’m planning to continue to do them every time I hit another milestone (every 250) however- if I hit one while I’m doing my 30 fics in 30 days for April I’m going to find an alternative way to celebrate besides my usual 7 fics in 7 days- let me know what y’all would be open too (maybe a bunch of fic rec lists or maybe a writing contest 🤷‍♀️ idk send me an anon if you have an opinion on what would be the best option!) Thanks for reading and requests are open!

Warnings: 18+, Non specific dom, Nose piercing (F), Nipple Piercings (F), Lots of nipple play, Unprotected sex, Slight bit of cockwarming at the end

Main Masterlist Word Count: 2.1k

Spencer wasn’t one to get angry about anything, disappointment or frustrations were the most extreme negative feelings that he normally felt towards someone that had wronged him. I was dreadfully afraid to see the look of disappointment on Spencer’s face.

We hadn’t been dating for long, only about three months of official dating. We also hadn’t gotten much further than a heated makeout session so he wouldn’t have seen any of the other piercings I had hidden under my shirt.

I had other piercings that weren’t visible to the naked eye that didn’t help quelling the fear that I felt. He had never taken off my shirt before as we had decided to go at a relatively slow pace in our relationship. I wondered in fear if he would also be disappointed with the barbells that were pierced through both of my nipples or- would he like them because they were not as prominent as the ring that was proud on my face.

I had said I’d meet him at his apartment to watch some Dr. Who and eat whatever take out we were feeling like that night. My nerves were lit with worry as I stood in the elevator after he had buzzed me up.

When he opened the door to his apartment to let me in I held my head slightly down as I walked in not wanting to have the conversation about the nose ring while I was in the hallway.

“Do you like it?” The words slipped out immediately when I turned to face him, not even letting him get a good look at me before speaking, my voice meek.

“Like what?” He was still confused, until I pointed to the ring that was pierced through my nose. “Oh- of course I love it!”

“Thanks, Spencer.” I fidgeted with my fingers a little still feeling nervous even though he had said he loved it.

“Why do you look so nervous?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.” My admission made Spencer frown and silence fell between us for a second while he pondered my words.

“I’d love any iteration of you.” There was no hesitation when he spoke. He always had such a way with words, including when he was ranting and of course his stuttering when he was embarrassed or nervous. His eyes were wide with adoration as if he’d never consider thinking you were anything less than gorgeous.

A rush of boldness came through me, wanting to show him what else I had hidden. My fingers danced along the hem of my shirt, maybe this was moving a bit faster than what we had spoken about earlier. But, I wanted to show him, to either let it lead to something more or to let him know what he was looking forward to when we made that step at a later date.

“Well- if you like this one I have another piercing that you might enjoy…” My voice was still holding a bit of tension, he may have liked the nose ring- but would he like the others?

When I pulled off my top his eyes went wide, his pupils expanding into black pools, he did not stop me. Then when my bra went off finally exposing the barbells that sat under my clothes everyday he was stunned speechless. I withered a bit under his gaze, fearing that my boldness had scared him. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

He cut me off by speaking quickly, “N-not too much- just ummm- shocked??”

“Do you like them Spencer?” My confidence had returned a bit since he had confirmed that he did in fact, like them, but I still was holding back a bit.

When he gasped out a little ‘yes’ I decided to stop holding back, stepping closer towards him.

“You can touch them Spencer, that’s part of the reason why I got them.” I leaned in to press a soft ghost of a kiss to the shell of his ear making him shudder, I then whispered, “it makes them more- sensitive.”

A groan from deep in Spencer’s chest rose up quickly taking me by slight surprise. His large hands then rose up to finally palm my breasts, his hesitation had been whisked away by my words.

When he was no longer satisfied with palming my boobs he reached up with one hand to pinch my left nipple slightly. The slight sting sent a shock of pleasure down my spine in an instant, my panties dampening further in quick response.

A moment of silence passed, the tension suspended thick and heavy in the air before Spencer spoke, “Did you like that?”

I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I still answered with a slight whimper in my voice, “Yes!”

The confident smirk on his face was something I hadn’t seen much of from Spencer, but I was thoroughly enjoying it. He pinched them both this time- and much harder too. The moan I let out was almost pornographic which spurred Spencer on to continue to pinch them, rolling the buds between his fingers before pulling again.

When he moved forward to wrap his lips around one of my nipples I felt like I had gone to heaven. As he laid kisses all along my chest I couldn’t help but try to grind my hips up into him, however I couldn’t from the position I was in.

I was tired of not being able to touch Spencer in the way I wanted, I wanted to give him some pleasure too. I pulled his mouth off of me momentarily so I could push him down to sit on the couch to be able to straddle him properly. He had whined a bit in protest at first, but when my legs that were now stripped of their clothing slung over his lap his complaint died in his throat.

My core rested right over the prominent bulge in his slacks now. I smirked cheekily a little bit before grinding down onto him.

His lips captured my nipple again, this time the one that had been slightly neglected. This time he also decided to bite his teeth down slightly and nibble a little.

“Harder, please!” I gasped as I continued to rock my hips over his clothed cock. He thankfully obliged me by taking my perked nipple and slightly sawed it back and forth between his teeth. The pleasure that came through me from his actions far outweighed the pain, the moan that came falling from my lips was a sign of that.

A squeak then fell from my lips as I was suddenly lifted up and then set on my back. I guess he had gotten impatient from my teasing.

“You’re needy.” I commented with a smirk. He had been unbuttoning his pants when I spoke, but paused when the words came out of my mouth. He then pinned my hands above my head with one of his own and dipped the other between my folds.

“Who’s really the needy one here?” I definitely liked the little taste I was getting of this side of Spencer, that was firmly evident by the amount of slickness was evident on his fingers when he brought them up to my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his fingers eagerly before he could pull them away bobbing my head as much as I could in my constricted position pinned underneath him.

“Fuck-“ He swore which was another normally uncharacteristic thing for Spencer, it spoke to his own neediness. Though I could not make a remark about it as his fingers were still far down my throat.

When he removed his fingers he also lessened his grip on my hands that had been pinned. I wiggled out of his grip to help him get his slacks out of the way. I didn’t care if I was needy as he had said, I was tired of the teasing and my arousal was so prominent I could feel it dripping down my thighs.

He didn’t need any preparation either, his erection looking almost a little painful. ThoughI was more caught up with observing how beautiful he looked- which wouldn’t normally be the adjective someone would use, but it perfectly described Spencer’s cock.

He filled me slowly, letting me feel every vein and letting himself feel every ridge. After he filled me all the way to the hilt he stopped for a moment, just to relish in the feeling of being impatient. I however was too impatient.

“Please move, Spencerrrr…”

“And you say you’re not the needy one…” He commented with another smirk that was now becoming a staple on his face, I never wanted it to leave. I moved my own hips, squirming underneath him to try to coax him into moving.

When he finally obliged me by snapping his hips quickly up into me I couldn’t help but involuntarily make a desperate moan.

It wasn’t long until he had created a steady rhythm along with me. The pace we had set wasn’t rushed, but was still desperate in a way. His thrusts were deep and quick, but he always paused a minute moment at the end of each thrust to appreciate me fully.

Our hands couldn’t stop exploring each other while he kept up our pace. From the amount of time Spencer was lingering to play with my boobs you’d think he was obsessed, maybe he was just a little. He also made sure to pepper kisses all along my neck, jaw, and face. He even made an effort to kiss the tip of my nose, making everything much more sweet.

I however had decided to rest my hands on his hips and ass, sometimes pushing him forward slightly when I felt our pace faltering slightly. When he started to pick up the pace I could feel my pleasure starting to come to its peak. I was going to fall over the edge soon and fast.

“I’m gonna cum!” I gasped, almost so whispley that it was barely sensical. Spencer was able to still understand my words, pitching his hips to hit at my sweet spot more intensely. Then he moved his dexterous fingers down across my boobs pinching my nipple on last time before he spoke,

“Go ahead, I want you to cum for me.”

My hands wound their way into his hair trying to grasp onto something as my orgasm washed over me in waves of pleasure. Spencer too wasn't too far behind, his own triggered as my walls clamped down tightly around him. We rode out our highs together, our heavy breaths mingling in harmony as we started to come down.

Spencer’s gaze was still heavily fixated on my body as we both caught our breath again. His eyes were glanced down at my naked chest, pupils still wide with wonder as he got to fully take in the sight without being clouded by lust. I couldn’t help but want to tease him a little.

“Hey, my eyes are up here, mister.” I said cheekily, though I could tell that he had definitely missed my joke by the look on his face.

“Sorry!” His little squeak was adorable and he started to move his way off of me with averted eyes until I stopped him.

“Spencer- I was joking.” The smile that was prominent on my face then morphed into a coy look. I moved my hands down to cup my own boobs before continuing while I pinched my nipples like he had done, “You’ve got permission to look anytime you want.”

His shoulders slumped a little as they always did when he was relieved, I was happy to see his own smile back matching mine.

We had no desire to move from our position, at least for a little while until I had to get up to clean myself. But, I was content to bask in bliss with Spencer for a while.

He brought me out of my thoughts by booping the tip of my nose with his pointer finger, my nose scrunching up a little in response. I giggled a little bit, moving my own pointer finger up to boop his own cute little button nose.

“Maybe you’d also look good with a nose ring.” He snorted loudly into my ear, making another fit of giggles erupt from me. At least this time my joke was caught by Spencer.

“Maybe so, but no. I’d like it better on you anyway.” His goofy little smile brought me such joy. In hindsight I should have never worried about Spencer loving my piercings, he’d think I was beautiful no matter what iteration I was. The little kiss he left on my nose was a testament to that.

—-

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[iamvegorott]

I don’t know what I did in this world that this happened but I’m gonna vent on what happened the past several hours. When I was coming back, we got a call from my aunt saying that my uncle was in the hospital because after testing positive for covid after he came back from Vegas with my mom (she tested negative) he started getting worse after a month until yesterday. His oxy levels were down and he had to be admitted. I also found out yesterday that my cats cyst in his back was actually because of a bite mark and it ended up rupturing while I was away. I took him (after arriving back home) to the emergency vet and now he has two gaping holes on his lower back. I had to pay almost 500 dollars. They said that if I hadn’t taken him there, he would have died. After coming home with medication for my cat and instructions on what to do for the rest of the month that he heals, I start crying and my mother tells me, “how come you don’t cry for your uncle, but you do for your cat?” And I just fucking broke down. I bawled. I told her that not only was I crying for my cat, but for my uncle, worrying how in going to pay back my credit card, school and having to take care of my cats open wounds, and lastly, I’m still recovering from my wisdom teeth surgery. I still have to take care of my other cat cuz she got spayed on Friday. I don’t know what to do. I’m so stressed.

Oh geeze!

Im so sorry that's happening!

You can always feel free to message me if you ever wanna just chat to help distract/get it off your chest

I always offer really bad puns and memes 💕💕💕