#OH SO MUCH PAIN RN
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The whole things feels never-ending, eternal. She's dying for it to end, counting down every second, but the time fails to pass by quickly. In fact, it almost feels like time is slowing down as she's watching him. Scarlett knows to never be too sure, but she's given him everything she knows—she has nothing else to say.
Scarlett feels his foot connect with hers and she feels relief. She hides it, but it's like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder and then quickly replaced by another one at the thought of what might happen to Austin if someone finds out. She's biting the inside of her cheek, nodding at him. "Yes," she says, head down. "Please."
She watches everything else unfold, remaining seated. "Thank you all for you time." Something Scarlett says so often that it's ingrained in her brain, she doesn't even notice she's said anything to him. Still, she remains sat in the chair, lowering her head momentarily.
When Austin speaks again, Scarlett's head lifts slowly. "I don't—" She takes a breath. "I'll be fine," nodding slowly, mostly so as to convince herself more than anything. "I'll be fine, it'll be fine." And then she takes another breath, brows furrowing so as to ask 'right?'
Relief hitting him almost immediately when he can finally cross Scarlett off the list of being a potential suspect in this case. The idea she'd do something reckless when she takes her career seriously had him questioning just about everything, but she'd been truthful with him throughout all of this. That was something he could count on. Eyes are on glass, before they move to her as a silent brow raises.
There wasn't a way they could tell what he'd do under the table, right? But he drums his fingers along, pretending to think about his answer and averting his gaze to the name she'd written onto the notepad. The second he'd seen the name, in an attempt to be discreet he'd nudge her foot with his underneath the table. ''If your wish is to remain anonymous, we can make sure that happens.'' The name had been unfamiliar to him, but he'd be sure to dig to see what he could find. For now? It was time to get her out of here.
Scarlett sitting across the table was a sight he'd seen enough of & he'd be sure to try an attempt of making it up to her when he'd walk her out of the building. ''I.. do appreciate you coming in with the agents today and giving us a bit of your time. I..'' Trailing off, Austin stands from his seat with the notepad in hand & presses it to the glass. ''Run the name & give us the room. '' He mouths to his counterparts that had been on the otherside of the glass to speed up their process, but at the same time.. ensuring they'd be alone. After a minute or two of silence, Austin keeps his back turned to her before he's finally looking over his shoulder at her.
''This may turn out to be ugly, it may not.. I don't want you to be caught in the crossfire if there is any, Scarlett.''
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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I just had the most amazing visit with my best friend. I haven't seen her in like 2 years. It was so so so nice to spend a few hours with her. And I get to see her again in just a few weeks, we're going on vacation together!!!!!!! I'm so lucky. I don't really do physical contact with most of my friends/most people, which can leave me feeling pretty touch starved. But this friend is someone I do all the physical contact with, and it was just so so so nice. We hugged and cuddled and she brushed my hair and we held hands and we were basically touching for the whole visit and it made me want to cry bc it's been so long since I've done anything like that but it was so nice and I can have it again in just a few weeks. I'm so grateful for today.
#my post#text post#in less good news i have AWFUL cramps rn. i hate my period so much#but at least it'll be over by the time we go on vacation together in a few weeks#but yeah i'm tired now and sad that my friend had to go and in a lot of pain#time to curl up with a heating pad and hopefully a cat#oh also i met her boyfriend and i liked him which was a relief
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i love drawing characters doing cute things and just whisper-yelling "THE CUTIES. I LOVE THEM." in between brush strokes. giggling and kicking my feet at them every few seconds. simply can't contain myself
#sometimes its like physical pain bc of how much fun im having#i love art#i love drawing#i love being able to create things#this is so fun#i draw for my own enjoyment and boy oh BOY do i enjoy it#this particular post is in reference to the rom and leeta interaction im drawing rn. i love those two. the CUTEST CUTIES EVER!!!
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Me after lightly burning myself: Ow that sucked but whatever
The burn: *is a second degree burn*
#i talk#Getting my ass kicked rn#It was only the upper part of my ring finger too for like 2 seconds!!!#Burns suck but nothing compares to that horrific burn I got while making those SquidGame crackers for my little cousin's Birthday party#That was ages ago but some of the hot sugar syrup dripped onto my hand while I was doing it#and I was like ''Uh oh''#It sucks because like it takes a minute or two to fully kick in#like bro c'mon stop biting me#burns are rough#I got burn cream but it's not doing much so doing the old standby (finger on cold / cool thing then reapplying cream)#Being a writer is terrible because any time something awful or really bad happens to me#a small part of me in the back of my mind is writing everything down like a scientist taking notes to refer to for future use#Like. My guy I appreciate the committment but can we focus on what's happening rn#anyhoo I'm gonna go back to rewatching FMA#✌️#It's so dumb because burn pain radiates to the rest of the body like wtf do you mean my OTHER hand hurts#bro you arent even damaged!!! Relax!!!
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my baby boy had to get an ultrasound at the vet today and they shaved his belly and sedated him and now he’s back home and so drowsy and shaky and oh my god i’m gonna throw up i feel so bad
#[𐐪— rheya talks. 𐑂]#tears in my eyes when i look at him#i feel so strongly when anything happens to him#he’s just a lil baby#and he never ever barks or complains about anything so i cant even tell if he’s in pain#just sitting here staring at him#he’s fast asleep rn i think those sedatives really put him through it#i feel so bad oh my god#he couldn't even hop in the car <///3#sobbing i love my baby so much
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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RAIZO WAS THERE THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME????
#OH MY GOD?? WHAT? HELLO???#I'M USOPP RN. Y'ALL ALMOST DIED. BRO. WHY DID YOU DO THAT.#They endured so much pain and suffering just to protect one of their friends 🥺🥺🥺#I bet Luffy appreciates and respects that that more than anybody else#MAN....MAN.#One Piece#Shima speaks#The minks: We'd rather die than sell out one of our friends!!#Luffy: 🤝 MOOD
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Okay, I was going to explain a possible path for a worm of the string au with Sparrow complaining one day that the puppet can't leave the chamber to relive the fever of being in one place and that her thesis being rejected and then Caper reading the thesis and iterating that idea and then he somehow manages to get off the string.
But getting off the umbilical without reason or explanation is more funny!
Imagine if that starts happening to the others iterators?
Pls tell me his face is priceless! More so if it is a red lizard (do train lizard exist in your au?)
Also, how would Notos and Haboob react to Sparrow?
Now, you mentioned that when Sparrow killed the red centipede she was not in the respawning cycle. What is the age that the Ancients enter the cycle?
staring like a deer caught in headlights GSDLKMCLK this man should either have internal bleeding from a Red Liz bite or bad damage in the coconut and Yet he's 👌 how puzzling n yah! train/hurricane lizards Are real in the Serotonin Take!
as for Notos n Haboob, assuming it's in the off string post-ascension thing too:
they'd like each other! :D
and the respawn cycle is entered once the etheric body is finished growing which is around like.... 20-23 years old
#Spot says stuff#rain world#rw#oc tag#// gun //#oc: boreas' blessing#oc: three sparrows#oc: biting notos#oc: inhale in haboob#for lil added context the idea is that BB saved Sparru from the green liz actually. and then went on a tirade bout how she should go Die#oh boreas you are so sensible and know exactly what you want from people </3#post-mass ascension off string with sparrows is fun cuz. shes fuckin Alone in the whole world. n the iterators have been hurt by the-#-ancients leaving so its a whole mish mash.. on one hand boreas recognizes her as his lil sister. on the other hes too angry n bitter to-#-face that familial tie rn. yea he was glad when the ancients left cuz no more vemon injections! but everythin became so much harder#not to mention other not self-sufficient iterators are on thin ice from then on. he also doesnt want euros to see her again cuz like...#what if the poor kid will have to go through the pain of losing her to old age again thats horrible. so the worry n protectiveness is back
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experiencing any level of joint pain for longer than a day or two has only reinforced my belief that ppl with chronic pain are actually the strongest motherfuckers on the goddamn planet
#marzi speaks#hi. my knees r still kinda fucked up. at some point a few days ago i hyperextended my elbows#so now those have been hurting#my traps r fucked bc i’ve been stressed and those are prone to holding tension in me#my knee pain made me walk wrong for a little bit so now i’m trying to fix that to alleviate the foot and ankle pain#oh yeah. my thumb is still tender for some reason despite the tendonitis having been healed as well#the only part of my body that hasn’t betrayed me as of yet is my spine and pelvis#i am so sick of moving and having it hurt#and like i can go about my day n shit. and have a good time#but it is always there and it is fucking annoyingggg#and ppl with chronic pain just live their whole lives like this.#and they don’t blow up and attack anyone who treats them shitty about it#and i am amazed#bc i talked to my dad abt maybe going to the doctor abt my knees to see what’s going on#bc i don’t remember injuring them at all and i don’t really feel too much improvement on a day to day#and he just gave me a stretch to do about it#now the stretch helps. but my knees still hurt. so like. what do u want from me#if i were to bring it up again he’d probably say it wasn’t a big deal. he’s seen me hobble around the house n how slow i’m moving rn#i normally run around my house. i have been walking at a pace that pisses me off bc i’m impatient#even just having like. worries that are probably exagerrated get dismissed like that has kinda made me wanna kill him a little bit#and this is something that i know is gonna heal and get better#ppl with chronic pain don’t Get That. and they are still dismissed constantly#how do you not like. murder everyone around you. the infinite patience. genuinely the strongest among us#i didn’t mean to complain in these tags as much as i did (my knees r actually doing pretty ok rn and my ankles are getting better)#but i suppose i am bitter
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what if i faked my own death
#i bet life would get so much easier... no more debts.......#i wonder if grandma would be sorry for saying all this mean shit to me#i know it's a very childish and petty thought but i just can't help it#'oh grandma am i too fat for your liking? well guess what now i'm DEAD under mysterious circumstances and they never found my body!!'#'do i look good enough for you now?? am i finally beautiful in your eyes grandma??'#god i don't even know why do i care so much!! i shouldn't give a fuck abt her opinion#but it's so painful#she used to be my best friend#my second mom if you will#she taught me so much she shaped me as a person i used to adore her and want to be like her#but now it's only constant judgement#we don't even have much to talk about#i'm grieving the person she used to be before grandpa died and everything suddenly changed#...why does it feel so good to vent in these tags. what kind of magic is this. i like it#anyway thanks for coming to my very sad ted talk#i'll be alright i'm just on my period and i'm very sad and angry rn
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80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.
#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha#I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours...#''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months#Like#Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death#But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky!#I worry a lot about wasting my life#I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death#Or a painful one#I suppose I've always been gerascophobic...#But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately...#I haven't been great I guess#I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!!#And I've been going nowhere.#:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think#Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me.#*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol#😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old#🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent#working on some different stuff for a bit.#ANYWAYS#I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️#oh or day if it's day for you lol
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BOUGHT MY OWN CANE SO NOW I DON’T HAVE TO USE MY GRANDMA’S!!!! WHAT SHOULD I NAME HER!!!!
#HEHEH SO HYPE#I also wanted a collapsible one bc I don’t always need it#rn im flaring so bad it’s like oh wow worst pain of my life#so. def needed rn!! BUT HYPEE#I wanna decorate it……#also the handle on my grandma’s is soooo bad lol this one is much comfier!!#THX FOR ALL THE LOVE YALL HELPED SM
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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kind of astounding how innocuous conversations with my younger siblings can make me feel like dogshit... what are the good things about being the oldest kid supposed to be again??
#N posts stuff#two of my siblings are currently in college and they both talk about it in ways that. hm.#my sister did an accelerated program to graduate high school and go to college Early so she's got kind of an...#'i am the most put together teenager on the planet' attitude a lot at the moment. so. she talks shit about her peers like#'if she'd stop spending money on Product and just Grow UP nd get an apartment and move out of her parents' house already'#and she's like. ragging on a kid who's only Maybe 20 years old and i'm sitting at the table at almost 30 still here like '......'#and my brother has been picking my brain lately about the shit i did in college and how the classes benefitted me and all#bc i went to art school for illustration and he's getting a music degree so it makes sense#but he's like 'was college challenging for you?' and i'm like. trying to figure out how to talk around the fact that i didn't necessarily#have trouble with the Classes but was trying really hard to juggle like. being in so much pain i couldn't walk or like..#trying to do homework while in the midst of a psychotic break or having meltdowns in public restaurants like. that kind of stuff#i don't really like talking about that stuff explicitly bc. idk. it doesn't really go anywhere good. not Bad necessarily#or no worse than overhearing my mom talking to them about the validity of my autism DX behind my back at least.#but i don't talk about it. no one really takes me seriously already so. no need to exacerbate that.#i might crack jokes about it in passing but i don't Talk About It. idk what any of them think about like. any of it. or about Me i guess#idk it's weird. it's Weird bc like.. in a very general sense i feel liek i'm Doing Good. not Fantastic but better than i used to.#and like. OK w the day to day of my life; like i could Keep doing it and have A Future even if i still can't figure out what it'd BE exactl#but then idk. sometimes i hear them talk and it feels like it's just. highlighting everything that i Can't do and it just. feels ugly.#like idk where to put it. idk how to reconcile feeling stupid and small for how i live my life with the fact i otherwise feel like#generally pretty Good about my life. i spent my whole life from elementary school to like. 24 thinking i'd be dead by 18.#and it's like Just Recently i'm like 'oh i actually have a Whole Life ahead of me and thats a Good Thing' but.#like idk how to phrase it. i don't feel Bad about it but it's like i guess i'm stuck wondering if i Should be. is it Bad that i'm content?#like i can't ask the question 'is there something wrong with me' in earnest bc Yes there is but. idk#it all feels like puzzle pieces that don't fit together. 'lets see you take a crack at it wise guy' idk what i'm doing or feeling rn lmao
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holy SHIT eclipse federation is so cool oh my gosh. this zam stream is SO GOOD. hes their sun their guide he keeps them grounded and reminds them what they fight for and what is right. AAAAAAA. vitalasy and subz could be gods and zam is mortal and hes there to question them they WANT him to question them AAAAAAAA. gay people. i NEED to draw fanart.
also like. the glitch?? WOW. flying like creative mode flying in SURVIVAL. and vitalasy is ALSO responsible for poopies along with spoke? wow!! AND THE PLAN. the plan! wowww. i need to draw some fucking fanart of like full godmode subz and vitalasy with zam. woww. minecrafters are sooo gay.
and like! its so good! theyve been thinking about him for so long and when zam brought up his anxieties they were so receptive and told him so much they literally. they. they care! about him! so much!! they wanted him there specifically so that his worries will keep them grounded and remind them of what the normal players of the server want!
and like. theyre trusting each other! they communicated! communication!! theyre all opening up to each other mcyts are SO gay fr. and zams got his Issues still be hes tryign hes trying to communicate with them and theyre being sooo receptive and AAAAAA. and and and. i just.
gay people. i need to create fanart i need to draw them i need to read fanfic i need to TALK ABOUT THEM . but noneee of my usual friends i go to to info dump watch lifesteal aaaaa.
WAIT WHAT. i just switched over to the vitalasy stream and he said if he wanted he could literally use this glitch to shut down hypixel?? oh my gosh
and like. also going back a bit WHY was that sign labeled lifesteal season 5?? and also what was in the other 64 pages of the journal?? and theres another book too??
i just. AAAAAAAAAAAA. i need to draw them. i am sooo incoherent except not really bc i just wrote a lot of words actually. um. WOW. wow. i am experiencing a catagory 5 autDHD moment right now. oh my gosh. i fucking love minecrafters this is so cool
#lifesteal smp#liveblogging#eclipse federation#princezam#vitalasy#itzsubz#hoooolly shit i am shaking rn#been having an awful day and these streams are making me feel so much better#oh gosh you know that post where its about people worrying when they info dump about fave characters bc what if they misinterpreted them#thats me rn. i am not having a great time for unrelated reasons and i also have memory problems and issues interpreting peoples meanings#sometimes. so like i am soooo anxious what if i am accidentally spreading misinformation right now that would suck i would cry#i already almost cried earlier bc wisdom teeeth are causing pain i dont wanna cry again
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