#OH NO IVE BEEN EXPOSED
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popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.
specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.
which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.
and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.
basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.
g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind
just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#i could also talk sbt furi here and how similar they r + how writing one of them influences my writing of the other#but anyway#ive been busy moving i havent had time to write unfortunately#but i do have time for tsaritsa! and furi. mwah#i just think its funny imagining tsaritsa trying to be polite snd cordial but ohh shes SEETHING. she hates you. she loves you.#she wants to kiss you snd kill you and devour you. a horrible mess of a woman who closed herself off snd suddenly she feels exposed#she hates it. wants to hate you but oh g-d you make her soft in the worst of ways. she'd destroy teyvat itself if you asked her to#shes like a cat you gotta work to earn her trust but oh lord when you do. velcroed to your side#she will say she despises you before kissing you so tenderly it makes you dizzy. between vitriol she brushes her knuckles against your cheek#longing and yearning so violently you will tear each other apart just to be closer.#is there anything so undoing as loving another so wholly it consumes you?#she swears she's indifferent but she pampers you and sends you extravagant gifts with no name attached yet it smells like her. you know.#oh to be in a horribly complicated relationship thats almost one sided enemies to lovers w the tsaritsa that consumes you both#like two stars wanting to be closer and yet..in doing so you undo each other when you inevitably collide. caught in an orbit that dooms both#this has been ur monthly tsaritsa ranting ur welcome and goodnight 🫡#when i say im crazy sbt the tsaritsa i am so serious. i AM her number 1 fan source me
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*Glances between Malenia Blade of Miquella Who Has Never Known Defeat and Dame Aylin The Nightsong and Daughter of The Goddess Selûne* I’m sensing a pattern here
i don’t know what you’re talking about
#IVE BEEN EXPOSED#look big strong women who protect you with their life and would also [redacted] you till you can’t walk?#guaranteed to have me on my knees wagging my tail is all i’m saying#but jokes aside i do have a thing for knights/guardian types who are loyal and protective#oh and are also shit hot with a sword#actually looking back the last 3 characters i’ve been into all pretty much fit into that category#i am nothing if not predictable#anonymous#answered
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i think that viewing the little hope relationships as just ‘family’ ( specifically : blood family, ones with traditional roles and relationships, one bred from a nuclear familial structure ) has a habit of dismissing them entirely. it is not blood that binds them together, nor is it family structures, and throughout every iteration of their lives things change. sometimes they’re merely neighbors with a slim portion of blood relation, sometimes they’re bound by flimsy paper or war, and sometimes they’re students at a college following their professor around. the nature of their relationships change, as do their circumstances and surroundings, but they ( as a mismatched unit ) are eternally bound and divided by a child and an inherent, unescapable tragedy. the important aspect of their relationships is that they are agonized individuals who are stuck together and wouldn’t like to be. the important theme between them is that despite their determined suffering, all the bad ways they clash, and in spite of a bubbling self loathing so awful that it literally kills them, they have found love and comfort in each other anyway, or perhaps have realized a love that has always been there. there’s no ‘i love you as a daughter’ between angela and taylor, just as much as there isn’t any ‘i love you as a sibling’ between dennis and tanya. they just love each other. even the clarke family, arguably the most familial bond they have, still isn’t traditional. none of them are blood and all of them are strangers inside their own home. they don’t look alike and they don’t share dna and they typically don’t care for the facade of a family either, more content to treat each other like roommates at best, and that’s fascinating because why would they care? why would standard labels matter to souls as ancient as theirs? it’s just another flesh they adorn, it’s just another pain they’ll carry and shape and hate. idk! i just think forcing titles on it all is rather boring in nature, and actively hinders the genuine relationships there, in an attempt to have a rulebook of sorts to follow. i also just loathe how the found family trope is constantly turned into a literal family, when it was made to spit in the face of a nuclear family structure. but that’s just me <3
#my posts.#if you believe in the reincarnation theory than HOW can you only view the relationships through a family lense#in two out of three of the timelines we see — they are not family!! not all of them anyway.#they put on different titles but their bonds remain the same.#all the masks in the world cant change their instinctive feelings for each other. good AND bad!#there is a lot of ‘you cannot hide from yourself’ in lh and i do think that’s important#they are always themselves. no matter what time period they’re from or how they’re raised or how different they now are. etc#so viewing things as like ‘oh they’re father/son’ doesnt do much for me#joseph and abraham start out as equals and close friends despite their age difference. and you see that friendship between john and andrew!#at least more than a typical parent-child dynamic#daniel and taylor are lovers and it’s heavily implied their feelings for each other have always been intense and more romantic in nature#despite their original label as siblings#so on so forth. john and angela being married in past lives is sweet but it never becomes their main reason for caring about each other#angela ( even at the end of things ) still mocks the idea of being married to john and actively doesn’t care for it.#but that doesn’t negate her love for him — romantic and otherwise!#again idk!! little hope has some of the best relationships ive ever seen and i think its because of this aspect#at their core they’re soulmates in horror. which is a better way to view them as opposed to family imo#the group entirely is far from traditional and i love it!!! i love a love and pain that transcends time plot#and lh actively does it so well …#i could say more on this but im a bit hungover and stuff alas ugh#but. idk! in my eyes they are NOT a nuclear family lol. not even the clarkes were one#their characters and relationships are so profound BECAUSE they are stripped of labels in my eyes. they are all an exposed nerve of a thing
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Meeting Meteion was like encountering the second-hand blorbo of a friend after having finally gotten into the media they're really into except the second-hand blorbo is from my dad
#prior to me starting the game my dad would not shut up about meteion he REALLY likes her#thats his depression birb daughter#i know a lot about meteion i am absolutely NOT supposed to at this point lmaooo#but its okay shes cute and sweet#actually playing through ffxiv is really fun when ive been partially exposed to so many things over the course of many years#(courtesy of my dad and partially my big sib)#is really fun bc i had no context for any of it before#so now i get to see things and go#'OOOOH so THATS where its from'#or#'oh wait ive seen this before!!'#its so fun#especially since most of the major spoilers ive been exposed to are very disconnected#it means i usually dont have any idea when/how itll be relevent#srry for rambling btw my brain is all thoughts head full rn#meteion#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#endwalker#xander rambles#screenshot
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Shout out to my brain for convincing me that I'm still missing something in regards to preparing myself to start my new job next Monday, despite the fact that I've read a million "prepare yourself for work" articles and listicles and I have either everything already prepared or at least a plan to prepare that thing this week.
Its like when you're going on holiday and your brain is like "well what if you shit yourself every single day?? What if you pee yourself every five minutes even though you've never struggled with that at home?" Except it's my brain going "hey what happens if they expect you to bring your own phone headset?" Like???? They explicitly DONT, they have TOLD ME WHAT THEY EXPECT OF ME, can we STOP WORRYING OH MY GOD!???
#it doesnt help that the psych i found a couple weeks ago did NOT gel with me so im also on a psych hunt#which is now on pause til the new year because Im about to work 9-5 for five days a week for the first time since 2019#im not going to have TIME for therapy#im gonna maybe go do some helpful chores to shut my brain up and then play minecraft#which is not helpful because going to my partners therapy sessions has started helping me unmask#so its like im this banana thats been half peeled because oh! we were gonna start to make banana bread! (a metaphor here for therapy)#but then Ive realised I actually don't have the time or money or energy to make banana bread (do therapy) so ive had to just???#duct tape that unpeeled banana back together again#and the skin doesnt quite fit back properly so the flesh is poking through the holes and those exposed places are REALLY easy to damage#which like i know logically will be better in the long run for my banana bread but i have no sort of kitchen support at all#like the souix chef has fucked off the garbage boy never showed up for his shift the gravy kitchen hasnt worked in months#and the patisserie chef is way too distracted making eclairs out of chocolate laxatives to help with the fucking banana bread#anyway ive lost control of this metaphor which is actually a hilarious metaphor for my life and how im feeling about it right now#fingers crossed something comes of eventually getting on some sort of medication to help my brain because this genuinely isnt sustainable#especially with my brain going huurrr bdurr youre struggling??? heres a great way to regulate! *jazz hands* harm urself!!!!!#like fuck off kevin we both know thats not even remotely going to help#le sigh#okay thanks for reading if you got this far#im okay im fine im safe im just venting my feelings because journalling Just Wasnt EnoughTM this time#personal#raven rambles#work vent#mental health
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OMFG someone from this church that is known for abusing the kids that attend it tried to get me to join and I couldn't walk away in time so I thought just talking and walking away would work then the girl I was talking to was like i can't leave until I give her my number so I tried to give her the fake one i always use but it didnt work cause she dialled it immediately (I guess ppl give them fake numbers all the time) so she made me call her from my phone and now she has my number ☹️☹️☹️☹️
#ive blocked her number but i know they're gonna harass me later on cause they could just get someone else to call me#the church is called uckg they've been exposed for abusing the kids and teens that go there like oh my god#hate hate hate hate
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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#2 for the fandom end of year ask?
2. Favorite fic of the year
DOES THIS MEAN MINE OR SOMEONE ELSES AHHH
I'll just answer both bc I'm that bitch:
mine was said unposted undertale fic sdajkbhjvgdhbask if posted, I would said probably... either deeply whelved, or dead man's handle. Leaning more towards Dead man's handle, it unexpectedly gripped me.
IN TERMS OF OTHER PEOPLES FICS BOY DO I GOT A LIST
no shame. none at all. fuck it. yall deserve to have good reads and the authors deserve to not have their works hidden away in shame and embarrassment. I also will NOT be choosing one fic, bc i am not that bitch. yall getting SEVERAL.
DSMP
Swallow the Tide(pods) - merfic and kidfic. dsmp has a lot of those. Also very feral, and non-sexual size difference. There is eating of humans. There is also a mafia au element. It is mostly intense brooding instinct.
Evermore - A royal hanahaki au. It ends badly. That is honestly enough, in my book. It is long, it is painful, and there is no recourse. I grieved over this one.
The Secret of Being Colorful - Another wingfic, with a ton of brooding instinct. Forced adoption and consent issues in a very, very non-sexual way. Think of it as the "feral kitten grabbed hissing from the rainy alley dumpster" type fic.
POKEMON (specifically P:LA)
Alpha - Ingo's learning curve to being trapped in the past, largely his duties with Sneasler and how to keep the Highlands safe.
We Will Always Have Each Other - Takes place directly after Avalugg, as Hisui becomes distorted entirely. Ingo was taken prisoner by Kamado for being a risk as Akari was, only for him to vanish back into the future.
Next Stop, the Place Once Called Home - Emmet doesn't believe Ingo is dead, but he had to move on. Until a strange sneasel is spotted deep in the subways abandoned tunnels.
UNDERTALE (cmon. u got past the dsmp, hang on just a bit longer)
Ain't This the Life - The entire. fucking. series. every single part bangs. fucks, even. Severely. I can't even explain it. its a clusterfuck and its wild and its like 400k collectively and i reread it maybe 7 times in two months. I sent so many snippets of it to my boggers that they now recognize the style of the author despite having never read this fic themselves or even been interested in it. The writing is absurdly good. The dialogue is charged, funny, and tense. The sex is the least vanilla shit ever somehow even if it was missionary. There is so goddamn much going on. The stakes are so high and also so small sometimes. If I ever met this author I think I would burst into tears. Yes its sanscest. It's also one of the most intricate pieces of borderline straight up PWP ive ever fucking read. I can't even be ashamed of it. It's that good.
TMA
Take a Sad Song and Make it Better - This is in fact an ABO fic series, and also a poly!archivist team fic, focusing on subvocals role in relationships and society/culture. It’s also an excuse for me to read about everyone wanting Martin.
Underdog - Another ABo fic series, this time involving a hysterical pregnancy and more brooding instinct social catastrophe ❤️ i have a type
#depths' ask#fic rec#i really went buck wild this year huh#this ask is vry exposing jdsakhjgvdahsbk#ive done my best not to really let dsmp or undertale bleed into my public life#bc like. its seen kind of lowly? esp if youre not like. 13#but no im 22. i have nuance. there is beauty and complexity everywhere you look if you look hard enough.#incredibly skilled creators can be found in the strangest places#nilchance in undertale. wolfythewitch and SADist in dsmp.#yeah the fandoms and content may be considered cringey. a lot of it definitely is#i never even watched any dsmp actual content? just read fics and looked at fanart#but goddamn the sheer amount of it all? anything with such high density is bound to make some diamonds#and by god did i find quite a few diamonds#reminder that i build a literal personal library of all fandoms im in sdjkahjbahsd i have pages and pages of ao3 links#and yet i narrowed like 300 fics down to 3#same with undertale and ive got WAY more than 300#anyway sahdjbhdas ive been embarrassing enough i think bye bye#edited to add TMA bc i CANT believe i forgot tma oh my fucking god
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I do not swear that much alright no matter what my sister says
middle schooler obsessed with using perfect grammar online -> adult who uses like every text abbreviation possible
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The single day this week I don't have to take my family member to the clinic and I have my stupid flashback night terrors all of last night now I feel like ass and there's no way I'm going to the dentist like I planned to. Just going to call the insurance and bitch to them about my shit not being approved yet. Supposedly 😒 watch them tell me it got approved months ago and this place never bothered to call me and set up my appointment.
#wish I could time travel and kill whoever let me ingest fluoride as a child#Im trying to resolve this before 30 and Ive been dealing with it since I was 6 years old#they also wont consider it a deformity despite the first thing any dentist asks me being how long have you lived with this deformity#so what treatment options are available for this deformation. OH OH WAIT its totally not a deformation#you were just exposed to a toxic chemical as a small child and now your teeth are hardly functional#thats totally not a deformity its just cosmetic!#if there were no laws I would fucking stab you right now
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Asking for my ID!?! You've activated my TRAP CARD
#get it#because im a tranny faggot#anyway this isnwhat it was like everytime i got ID'd after I got my ID changed but before i started HRT#oh no ive been exposed! outted!
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started bed time with jasmine bc shes been getting very depressed and is just kinda giving up on moving around. i want her back legs to build up some muscle again and the only way to do that is to put her on a blanket and let her have to explore.
#i cant put a wheel or saucer in her cage bc she doesnt use it at all#i had a saucer in there for a while and she just burried it#and when your lungs are all irritated you dont want to move around and exercise a lot in general#im also going to mix up a bottle of doxy for her so she has both baytril and that#i really want her to beat this uri yall#shes had it for 10 months#for ten months ive been giving a mouse antibiotics#a mouse who HATES getting meds and bites me really hard#she only recently started somewhat cooperating with meds and it's bc shes just given up#in general#and i feel so bad#bc shes all alonee in a hospital cage for a year.#her last experiences with other mice were seeing her sister die and being bullied by the others when she got sick#and shes literally not getting better#i dont know what to do#vets only prescribe baytril and doxy so idk what to do.#i might try steam therapy and put chocolate in with her scatter feed#but like#it isnt going away#and i cant expose her to the other girls bc i dont want them to get whatever she has#oh also sushi and mochi are still biting clove.#like bad at this point.#so theyre going back in timeout next time i catch them.#i will fight them actually#clove is my baby girl#and even tho i love sushi and mochi#i dont tolerate this shit#it's gross behavior and it needs to stop.#they just pick one mouse to attack ruthlessly every week.#first it was ginger. then it was peaches. now it's clove.
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im gonna be real i was convinced his name was doctor who until i watched the show and was hit in the face with the information that its just 'the doctor'
#do you know how many years ive been vaguely exposed to this franchise for#and i never picked up on thay#doctor who#my post#im kinda sad about it. doctor who is a fun name. you go oh whos doctor who? and he goes. hehe. me :]
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betty grof is they might be giants pilled to me
#listening to my childhood tmbg songs and being like YEAHH BETTY#its just her vibe she gives off. weird and silly#serena.txt#oh context for first tag ive said this before i think but my entire childhood was like dominated by they might be giants#probably some of the first music i was ever exposed to. their kid albums and the spine were some of the only cds i had access to#and i would listen to them on loop on my glittery pink cd player when i'd go to sleep like every night#ive been specifically listening to the spine a lot the past few days. literally bcuz of her
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/ (if you know me in person, read at your own risk)
#im just#oh so tired#over the past few years ive come more into myself#but as part of that. this house im living in is no longer mine#and now one of my most dysphoric activities is on display for the whole house#everytime i sleep at my most comfortable (naked) i am at risk of being exposed to my youngest sibling because my door will randomly get#opened to let the dog in#and im developing new dysphorias (yay) after the only informed consent GP has closed their books due to massive influx#and im still not sure if i want to look into that as an option but its struggljng to get out and i cant let it in this place that is notmine#i live in the room of someone who is not me#and part of that is i have not unpacked since moving house months ago#ready for the next one? im so tired of feeling temporary in peoples lives. and thats on me. but i feel if i just walk away and start again#one or two people might look for me. but also they might just assume i need space. ive had space. 18 years of it.#i sometimes feel like im just around to help others heal. im so lonely and isolated.#if i dont maintain the converstation 24/7 they will never message me first#if i take a break everyone will drift away. no one checks on me rabdomly. no one will show up at my door randomly. or invite me specifically#the last week ive been listening to self love off the spiderverse soundtrack on repeat. i feel like a drifter#a permanent hermit#(also with the transition stuff im caught in a bunch of unknowns. there are some things about my body i love. but more and more that keep#popping up that never were a problem before)#im just so#caught in the middle of everything#hiding parts of me away#i want to learn how to write music but now is never the right time in my life yknow?
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ⵌ ׄ ۪ 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒 ⁰⁰ ׄ ⑅ TW ˖ ֺ ᰮ
— DESCRIPTION ੭ just some fluff of toto forever adoring y/n and has been saving her a seat for years.
— PAIRING ੭ toto wolff x platonic!reader.
— FILE ੭ social media au (request)
— WARNINGS ੭ none.
— FACE CLAIM ੭ liz of IVE.
❪ main masterlist | f1 masterlist | toto wolff masterlist ❫
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ynusername
📍Shanghai, China
liked by zhouguanyu24, georgerussell63, and 988 243 others
ynusername (late) Shanghai dump ! Thanks again Zhou for showing me around 😊
(晚)上海垃圾场!再次感谢周兄带我参观 😊
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user1 ya'll, in here chinese trans she called zhou "big brother zhou" 😭😭, that's so cute
user2 if it was anyone else, toto would have never let them post that picture of him 💀
↳ ynusername 😛
zhouguanyu24 always a pleasure y/n ! and btw, ur chinese is getting much better !
↳ ynusername well, I do have the best teacher :) [ liked by zhouguanyu24 ]
↳ mercedesamgf1 she's off limits guanyu.
↳ user3 you can't tell me this ain't toto talking 😭
↳ zhouguanyu24 I...
↳ mercedesamgf1 don't need her coming back home reeking of sauber. back. off.
↳ ynusername 😦 (the woman was too stunned to speak)
user4 poor zhou was just tryna be nice and toto just had to go all papa bear on him
ynusername added to their story ! • 1hr
seen by lewishamilton, georgerussell63, and 977 243 others
user1 replied to your story !
girl, u underestimate ur power 💀
mercedesamgf1
🎧 That's My Girl – Fifth Harmony
liked by georgerussell63, mickshumacher, and 1 232 334 others
mercedesamgf1 our silver arrow princess 🫂.
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user1 how much ya'll wanna bet that toto posted this ?
↳ georgerussell63 he did indeed, and I totally saw him smiling like a fool doing it too
↳ lewishamilton and I thought I had toto wrapped around my finger, but bro praises the ground she walks on practically
↳ mickshumacher the girl gives the word "princess" a whole new meaning
↳ user2 help not the merc boys exposing toto 😭
ynusername merc 4 ever 💋 [ liked by mercedesamgf1 ]
user3 toto is literally yn's dad. prove me wrong- oh wait, u can't.
user4 so no one's gonna talk about the song choice ?? okay 😭
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anon: Silver Arrow Princess, please 🥺 ! Toto Wolff looks like he would be more like girl-dad instead of boss.
#f1#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#smau#toto wolff#mercedes amg f1#ive liz#ive#liz ive#kim jiwon#kpop#silver arrow princess#lewis hamilton#george russell#mick shumacher#zhou guanyu
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