#oh bugger ive been exposed

[wizardpigeon]

I do not swear that much alright no matter what my sister says

middle schooler obsessed with using perfect grammar online -> adult who uses like every text abbreviation possible

[ussjellyfish]

fic: the brink | philinda | agents of SHIELD | mature

Sex pollen, pon farr... May has to have sex or she’ll die, and Bobbi and Hunter are willing, but Phil has some pesky feelings about that idea. 

Total crackfic. Many thanks to @unrequited-ship for helping!

read on ao3

Sweat runs down her neck, down her spine. The temperature in the quinjet is relatively normal, even a little cold because night's fallen. She sits, watching her fingertips tremble and glow with whatever that golden dust is. She didn't even touch the oh-eight-four, that's what makes it so frustrating. She brushed against it, through her jacket but whatever it is, this contagion is crawling up her fingers, sparkling down her veins towards her heart. 

Can't wear the jacket now, too hot. 

"May?" Phil passes her the bottle of water, hovering. His tongue flashes pink as he licks his lips and all she can think about is how that tongue will feel on her skin. He should kiss her, then lick his way down her neck. 

Bobbi releases her arm from the blood pressure cuff, shaking her head. "Pulse is way too fast, blood pressure's up ten points from earlier."

"So I'm having a heart attack?" Melinda shouldn't joke. All their faces are far too serious in a huddle around her, but that means she has to tease them. She's dying unless they can figure out what this is. 

"Not yet." Bobbi sighs, glancing at the dark control panel. "Simmons would have a better answer."

"We don't have Simmons, Bob," Hunter reminds them. King of stating the obvious. "We've got you and the rest of us who are much better at shooting things than science. No offense, sir."

Phil holds up a hand. "It's fine. Biology is definitely not my strongest subject. History, I can do a little better, but it's hard without power or internet." 

"That EMP was pretty intense. The quinjet is fried. We either get rescued by the team or we hike out to the nearest road."

May shuts her eyes instead of focusing on how attractive the curve of Bobbi's neck is. The way her hair's up in a ponytail leaves her skin exposed and she's so beautiful. She could rip off that shirt and show her a very good time. 

She's not, this isn't, but even Hunter looks not like his normal absolutely unattractive self and something is wrong if she's fantasizing about his hand stupid hand touching her knee.

Shake it off. 

Don't have a heart attack.

Simple. Don't die. 

"What did the stones around the oh-eight-four say?"

Phil opens up his notebook, checking his notes. "My translation is questionable without the database but I'd guess 'blood fever'. Something in the oh-eight-four causes a medical condition that's resolved through the ceremony."

"The ceremony meaning the orgy thing we saw in those statues? Because I'm not an anthropologist but I totally got that one."

Melinda leans back. The fuzzy sort of ache behind her eyes has built into a pounding that echoes her too fast heartbeat. "My head hurts."

Bobbi touches her temples, fingers light and caring. 

If she says her thighs hurt will she...? Dammit. Concentrate. Think about anything but the warmth of Bobbi's skin and how close she is. She could just--

"Hey, her heartrate got better when you touched her, just for a minute," Hunter pipes up. 

"Really?" Bobbi pulls her hands away and backs up and it's as if Melinda's been doused in flame. Without Bobbi (anyone really) close to her her skin's on fire again. 

"Go back," Phil says, watching the monitors in the emergency medkit. "Touch her face."

Melinda can do better than that, so she grabs Bobbi and pulls her close, dragging her head down from the clouds to kiss her. This is right, this is what she's supposed to be doing, kissing, pressing their bodies together, feeling her tongue.

"Bugger me," Hunter whispers, staring with his mouth wide open.

"May?" Bobbi says as she catches her breath. "Are you okay?"

"I needed too--"

"Look at her vitals," Bobbi says, staring at the lines that are back into the green, for the moment. "Kissing me brought them all back down, even her temperature."

"So that was it?"

"No, they're getting worse," Phil says. Is he blushing? What's wrong with his face?

"The sparkles are getting worse too."

"Sparkles?" 

"Look at her hands, her arms." Hunter touches her arm, turning it over so they can see the golden sparkles work their way up her skin. "They faded a bit when she pounced on Bob, but they're coming back."  

Melinda shivers when he touches her, moving closer. 

"Fuck."

"She finds me attractive," Hunter says, hands up. "That's not, I mean, I am, but not to May--"

"Okay, so it's some kind of libido enhancing oh-eight-four, maybe it was used in fertility rituals."

"Fuck or die?"

"It might be having a different effect on her, it's been hundreds of years, at least since anyone has touched that artifact."  

"Her vitals are worse again."

"My vision's getting blurry." Melinda waves her hand in front of her own eyes. "Kind of gold?"

"The sparkles are on your face, in your eyes." 

If Hunter's going to lean that close, she's going to kiss him.

Phil grabs her hand, and squeezes it. "We'll figure it out."

"I don't think we have much time." Bobbi looks at her vitals again, then crouches down to look at Melinda's eyes. 

"What can we try?" Phil says. 

She traces her thumb across his knuckles, and her entire being only cares about the touch of his skin to hers. 

"You're so warm." He releases her hand and she hisses. "Your fever's back."

"Those sparkles are getting pretty intense."

Bobbi and Hunter don't even look at each other, but somehow speak in unison.

"We have to have sex with her-"

"May needs a shag-"

"What?" Phil drops his hand from her forehead as if she's burnt him. "You can't--"

"Well, we usually share things," Hunter says, looking down a moment. "It's kind of our thing to do together."

"You and Bobbi are going to have sec with her."

Melinda peels off her boots, then reaches for her sweat-drenched t-shirt. "Great."

Phil's hands stop hers on her shirt. "Wait."

"We can't wait, Sir. It's amazing she hasn't had a heart attack already, or a stroke. If we don't do something to stop it, whatever this is, she'll die."

"Phil it's fine, Bobbi and Hunter are--" the hottest people she's ever seen right now in the moment and she shivers at the thought of touching them. 

"It's not fine--"

"It's just a little threesome, Sir, it's hardly our first."

"May?"

"Yes." She takes off her shirt, startling all of them as she stands up in her black bra. The sparkles have overtaken most of her skin, and they move within her skin, forming rivers down her belly. "I want them."

"Yeah, I get that." 

Bobbi and Hunter look at each other and start taking off their jackets and tac vests. Is Phil going to stay and watch? Is he going to join them?

Melinda looks at him, meeting his eyes, and with the clarity of fever dreams, she sees it. He wants her. That apprehension? He's jealous. 

Phil Coulson wants her.

Of course she wants him, she wants all living beings right this second, but he looks at Bobbi and Hunter and then at his feet and back at her and--

"Phil?"

"I'll just go look for the road-" he starts, but she stops him, catches his hand. Her fingers close around his robotic wrist and even that's enough for her to start fantasizing about knocking him to the deck and having her way with him. 

"You want it to be you." 

"I just want you to be all right"

"You're jealous of them."

"To be fair, most people are," Hunter says, but he looks at Bobbi and shrugs. "Coulson and her would work too. Kind of too bad though."

"Whatever we do, she needs to have sex as soon as possible, waiting could kill her."

Melinda touches Phil's chin, running her finger over his stubble up towards his lips. "What a difficult choice, let me have sex with them or admit you want me."

His eyes widen, and darken, and he feels it, he has to. "May--"

Her heart thuds in her chest, aching, burning, threatening... "Make a choice," she says, resting her hand on his chest. "You step up, or you step out of the way."

"May, you'll die if you don't--"

"I said Bobbi and Hunter are fine-"

Hunter smirks. "We're a little bit better than fine."

"Phil--" She rests both hands on his chest and looks up at him, melting into the idea of kissing him, standing on her tiptoes. "Just fuck me." 

Bobbi reminds him to keep the sensors on her temples, they need data. Hunter pats her shoulder and winks at Phil, then they're gone and she has her hands on his belt. 

"May--"

She doesn't have much left to tell him to hurry. Her control's sizzling away, burning as the gold sparks start to fill her vision. Tugging him down, she kisses him, hard and deep, nearly bruising her lips in her hurry. It helps, because with his tongue against hers, she can think a little. 

"I have to be on the brink of death before you admit you want me?"

Phil takes off his jacket and tosses it aside, then yanks off his t-shirt. "Do you want me to get Bobbi and Hunter back in here?"

"If you're going to be tentative about it."

"Tentative?"

She wraps her arms around his neck and tugs him close. "I might die in the time it'll take you to get me undressed."

Rolling his eyes, he kisses her, hard and demanding and maybe she might ive. His hands find her bra and when she bites his lip, he tugs it off. The rest of their clothing falls away, catching and sweaty skin, falling empty to the cold metal floor. She kisses him and he lifts her up, pressing her against the cold wall of the quinjet, her legs around his waist. He's inside her a moment later, desperately, drunk with worry but finally her heart starts to calm. 

Her vision starts to return as he stares into her eyes, filling her, thrusting up and in again and again. They don't have time for foreplay, and her first orgasm rushes up almost as an afterthought. Is she dead?

No, that wasn't a heart attack, though her chest is hot.

"Sir?" Bobbi's voice carries through the door. "Her vitals are better, but they're still--"

"Got it, thanks."

Melinda's feet rest on the deck and she laughs, pulling his hands to her breasts. "Maybe we bought ourselves some time for foreplay."

"I thought you didn't like it to take a long time?"

She tugs him close, her lips brushing his ear. "I just wanted you to touch me, and I hate waiting."

He sits her down on the bench, parting her thighs and rusing his hands up to slip inside of her. He wrenches another orgasm out of her with just his hands, and starts kissing her towards a third before she can even stop panting. 

It blurs after that. His skin, her skin, their breath and sweat. She gasps and cries and growls and moans. The sparks are in her and in him and behind her eyes and the last time she orgasms his inside her again, and over her and then she's on his lap, they're legs tangled together. 

The air shimmers above them and the gold rises from her skin as if becoming a mist. She sighs into his neck and the pulsing is gone. 

"Her vitals are stable," Bobbi says from the door, and there's a roughness to her voice, like she's been running. "We'll have to do some more tests."

"But she's stable?"

"Yes. Good work, Sir."

"Yeah, work, terribly hard work," Hunter teases.

"You thought he was sexy," Phil reminds her as she melts into his chest.

"I would have found any willing adult irresistible in that state."

"I'm flattered," he teases, brushing her damp hair from her forehead. "Glad I could be a warm body."

"You did all right." Her entire body tingles and she can barely move she's so content. "Good effort."

"Thanks."

"You're not going to say it?"

"What?"

"You rose to the occasion."

Phil kisses her forehead and groans. "I should have let you have that threesome."

"You couldn't."

"If that was what you wanted--" 

She holds his face, touching his mouth. "I wanted you."

His little smile is worth her brush with death. "Next time--"

"Oh there's a next time?"

Phil kisses her, this time soft and full of affection. "Oh yeah."

"Pretty cocky."

He groans as his fingers tease him and he twitches in her hand. "I might need a little recovery time."

"I think you earned it."

"I just saved your life."

Melinda lays back, her head on his chest beneath the emergency blanket. "You're welcome." 

[kiribbeanplays-blog]

Character Critiques - Oddish Family

There’s something about sentient plants that never goes out of style.

I can’t believe I love a simple plant bulb with stumpy legs. There’s so little to Oddish’s design, but it doesn��t bother me in the slightest. It think it’s because those tiny eyes win me over. Imagine bumping your foot on an ordinary vegetable, only to find a poisonous plant monster turning around to glare at you with its beady eyes.

Oddish’s simple composition benefits from its biography. It’s a nocturnal creature, only emerging from the soil when its leaves are bathed in moonlight. During the daytime, it buries its head back underground. For Oddish, having generic-looking leaves makes for perfect camouflage. And since they’re typically found in wide, open patches of grass, this concept fits the character perfectly.

Interestingly, a couple Pokédex entries have exclusive information on Oddish. If yanked from the ground, it screeches bloody murder at the offender. There’s no doubt that Oddish is supposed to be Mandrake! Or, as other people might remember them: those obnoxious plant buggers in the first Harry Potter:

With that in mind, Oddish’s “feet” are actually its roots! It’s adorable that a plant managed to evolve its traditional anatomy into more animalistic traits.

Game Freak loved to throw the Poison typing on a bunch of Pokémon in the first generation. Outside of an explanation I can only guess as, "Because poisonous monsters are cool," it didn’t always make sense right away. But for Oddish, it may tie into the real-world mandrake root. In ancient times, it was thought to be great for medicinal purposes, but in truth it’s a highly toxic plant. Vomiting, hallucinations, and asphyxia are just a few symptoms caused by ingesting the root. It’s amazing our ancestors still used it anyways.

It would have been cool to see Oddish take a more humanoid approach, considering how mandrake roots vaguely look as such. But I love that it looks more like a harmless radish that you definitely do not want to mess with.

Ah, now there’s a more humanoid appearance! Gloom just grew spindly arms and called it a day, but it works.

To this day, Gloom is the only Pokémon to have nectar that oozes from its mouth like drool. It makes for a striking and memorable feature. Gloom may have gotten its namesake from its sullen expression, but to me it looks like it’s enduring three nights of sleep deprivation.

It’s worth noting that Gloom does still have eyes. They seem to only widen when surprised.

I’m not sure how this thing walks around with them closed most of the time.

With nectar and pistils pungent enough to curl noses, Gloom is without a doubt a rafflesia arnoldii. It’s interesting that the first generation got two Pokémon that represent this one flower (the other being Venusaur)! And even though they both follow the same base concept, they each take their own spins on it!

My biggest critique on Gloom is that I don’t like its flower bud being a bunch of spheres. They look more like coconuts. I wish they were a little more organic like Ivysaur’s bud. Other than that, it looks nice with the rest of Gloom’s design.

Apparently, I have serious issues with geometrically perfect shapes.

Here’s a little random trivia: male and female Gloom have visible differences on their buds. Males have the classic speckled pattern, while females - as of generation IV - have single, large spots.

Only a handful of older Pokémon designs were given subtle dimorphism in Diamond and Pearl. It may be a tiny detail, but I’d love to see more instances like these again in future games.

When exposed to a Leaf Stone, Gloom matures into the full-fledged flower monster it was teasing at.

Not much has changed to Oddish’s body throughout its evolution. Rather, there’s a heavier emphasis on how the flower changes. While I’ve often complained about certain Pokémon for barely changing when they evolve, Vileplume doesn’t bother me.

I suppose that’s because the flower contrasts with its body. Vileplume’s family has one point of interest, but it takes that concept and fleshes it out as much as possible. It’s much more visually striking compared to simply changing the entire character’s body a little bit.

I only have one question on my mind: why, oh why did Vileplume drop the drooling face? Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing the return of those tiny, vacant eyes. But Gloom’s nectar drool was an excellent concept, and it’s a shame that it was dropped upon evolution. I don’t care that Vileplume is designed to look “prettier” than its predecessor. I feel that rafflesia arnoldii are flowers that are half beautiful and half grotesque.

Game Freak shouldn’t have held back on combining those two ideas into Vileplume’s design.

Digressing from my small rant there, I do still like Vileplume. Taking an “uglier” flower and putting a “pretty” spin on it is a solid concept. The flower atop Vileplume's head does still emit an immeasurably foul odor, so that hasn’t been abandoned. It’s like a “femme fatale” with its beautiful flower hiding a deadlier secret.

I still think Vileplume could have been refined or experimented with just a little more, but I’m happy with the final product.

Generation II rolled around and gave Gloom a branching evolution, separate from Vileplume. If near a Sun Stone, it has a complete identity crisis in the form of Bellossom.

Bellossom is such a “meh” character to me. Nothing in its design looks garish, but nothing particularly stands out, either. Bellossom isn’t the first humanlike plant creature out there, and that might be why it feels so lackluster. So many other designs have more of a punch in comparison.

The only ties this Pokémon has with Vileplume are that its tiny head flowers might be another species of Rafflesia. The Pokédex doesn’t really touch on them, so they could just be average flowers, for all I know.

Instead, the only information on Bellossom is about its ritualistic dancing. But not even that is fleshed out very much. Nothing about its movements or performances. Nothing hinting at its Hawaiian dancer motif. Bellossom just dances… and that’s all the time we have talk about it, apparently.

Bellossom feels like an early-game Grass type that got tacked onto the end of Gloom’s evolutionary tree. Personally, I think it would have done better as a standalone species.