#OF COURSE THE THING IS-- I talk a big game about 'and I've cracked the code on making this not stress me out heehoo'

[blujayonthewing]

life hack: make 'gets frequently misunderstood' a part of your OC's core concept on purpose so that when your fellow players immediately misunderstand him you can go 'ahaha yes, just according to keikaku' instead of feeling physically ill with stress and dismay

[metanarrates]

ive been keeping track of who counts as a "character" and who doesn't during this reread, and after chewing on it for a few days, I think I know why this (after the seeming destruction of murim) is the point where we first get explicitly shown that kim dokja now is considered a character. I talked a little bit in past posts about how he's acting more like the constellations lately and also about how being in a metaphysical superposition where he is both an insider and outsider to the story works as a metaphor for a lot of his psychological problems, but now I'm going to synthesize those. here is what him being a "character" now tells us:

-the previous arc was concerned with kim dokja's responsibility as both a literal parent and as a story creator, and now this present arc is concerned with his position as a constellation. putting him as a character further immerses him in the story as an agent of change - he's got problems accepting the ways hes already impacted the story, and this is just another pathway by which his impact on the world is cemented. he's now part of the framework that drives the scenarios. he is a constellation. and that makes him part of the story. which makes him a character.

- sort of a follow up to the first point: orv sets up a lot of dichotomies in its first act that slowly get deconstructed over the course of the novel. I've talked about it frequently before, and will talk about it.again whenever it comes up, but this is another crack in the face of incarnation/character vs. constellation/reader. the constellations have slowly been shown to not be as aloof from the stories as they appeared initially. by this point, its obvious that they are both agents in their own stories and are subject to the larger scenario system. by saying "kim dokja becoming more like a constellation is one of the things that reveals him as being a Character" the story is also saying "constellations are intrinsically part of the Story." this isn't the biggest instance of that dichotomy being deconstructed, but its worth flagging as one of the major undercurrents of pretty much everything having to do with the constellations. also goes without saying that this dichotomy is intrinsically linked to kim dokja's self perception as discussed above. theres metaphors on metaphors here.

-being a character previously has been shown to be contingent on someone no longer having knowledge of twsa. (in asuka ren's case, it was no longer having knowledge of peace land.) once the world of the novel has moved past your last knowledge point, you cease to become a reader and now become a character. I talked previously about how the revision texts have built on the theme of a story moving past your understanding of it, and since they're a big mechanical component of the story, it makes sense that we get the lack of understanding mechanically cemented now. its a big clear signpost that says YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND TWSA LIKE YOU BELIEVED YOU DID.

-all of this stuff is also fueling kim dokja's anxieties during this arc about who he is and what his place in the world is, which also got literalized very recently in the Who Is The Real Kim Dokja game. he's now a bit more secure in the idea that identity is not provable or immutable, but that security also prompts him to ask more questions about himself. and he gets a literal answer to those questions in the form of seeing his attributes window, but he also gets the most ominous fucking effect from it literally called Gazing Into The Abyss. one anxiety about his identity and place in the world cured! a bunch of newer and scarier anxieties now appear! he's inching closer to the monster at the end of the book: the knowledge of what exactly he is and what exactly his position in the world is. becoming a character just puts him another step closer to that truth.

-something else I've talked about before also is how the character/noncharacter dichotomy is something that tends to seemingly flatten and dehumanize the Characters in the equation. becoming a Character is usually framed as a loss. it's something kdj doesn't want to have happen to han sooyoung. because of that, you have another unsettling effect for the audience. kdj is perhaps The most humanized person in orv. what does it mean to suddenly be a character? what is he losing? is he actually losing anything? what are the effects of this? does the character/noncharacter dichotomy mean anything? these and further questions will also continue to drive the novel forward.

my general impression is that both the literal rpg-mechanics of orv and the plot don't seem to consider this a massive change in the same way that becoming a constellation or gaining a modifier are considered massive changes, but I wanted to highlight it as much as I could, for the sake of my own notes if nothing else. it's an interesting little element that fuels a lot of the various arcs at play in the story. I didn't want to skip over it considering how much attention I paid in my early notes to the idea of there being a character/noncharacter dichotomy. it's definitely a topic that will come up again in the future.

[condensed-ink]

I've been thinking a lot about #FixTF2 and I know that some might have their doubts about the movement, however, I've realized that, even if it does not succeed in getting Valve's attention, it will end up contributing towards an important development in recent years - the shift in the public perception of Valve.

If you are person who was growing up in the early 2010's then you obviously remember how Valve games were essentially the cultural zeitgeist of the time, how you would see pictures of King Gaben on every meme/YouTube thumbnail during a Steam Summer Sale. As I understand it, Valve essentially rode this wave of good will throughout the 2010's. Even when everyone was getting frustrated with the lack of sequels for games such as HL2 and L4D2, some people would just excuse it with "ah y'know Valve, not communicating and not doing anything is just their style, this is just probably part of Gaben's 5D chess - tier master plan". However, the cracks in this image have been slowly showing up for a long time:

Portal fans haven't had anything since Portal 2's release back in 2011. We have had some small VR titles but that's hardly any consolation.

Left for Dead 2 came out all the way back in 2009 with nothing afterwards. As of June of 2024, the game still has more than 10 thousand concurrent players yet it is also unplayable for a significant amount of people due to reported DDos attacks.

The suffering of Half - life fans at this point is a meme in itself. The only thing we got was HL:Alyx back in 2020 and, even though it's a very good game, it was inaccessible to a lot of people at launch due the costs and lack of VR hardware. We were left on a cliff-hanger AGAIN and four years later we have no news of any follow-up.

In my opinion, Valve to some extent could ignore these fandoms since they were smaller compared to their big earners. But it is the recent issues with these bigger titles that have started to test everyone's patience and tolerance for Valve's bullshit:

Team Fortress 2 - I mean what else is there to say: rampant cheating and idle bots, bot hosters doxxing and swatting people. The bots crisis has been destroying the game for the past 5 years. If we remember the original SaveTF2 movement, it had a more positive tone, i. e., people talking about how much they love the game and pleading Valve to fix it. Well, one shitty tweet and two years later the tone has gone from "Please fix the game" to "FIX THE FUCKING GAME YOU ASSHOLES" and rightfully so.

CS2 also has a myriad of issues. CS:GO became CS2 after the game jumped to the Source 2 engine, but the resulting game, by many accounts, is a downgrade. A lot of game modes and maps from the original game were not included and are still not present as of June of 2024. Cheaters are rampant. To what degree I cannot say but it is to an extent where a significant enough portion of the player base is affected. Also, the game hasn't had an operation (major content update) since 2021. The player count is still high, but a lot voices in the community have been chewing out Valve for this level of incompetence.

With DOTA 2 I cannot say for sure. Some people talk about neglect whilst others say the game is in a decent state considering the game still gets frequent updates and patches. At most I can say that there is a portion of players that are dissatisfied with the state of the game but most likely to a much lesser extent than in the previous cases.

HOWEVER

All of that is just one part of the double whammy, the second part is probably is much worse than the first - a lack of continuity for Valve's legacy.

I mean, let's think about it for a second here: most of us who grew with the Valve classics are probably in our mid-to late twenties at this point. Of course, I'm not saying that there aren't any younger fans but the bulk is the old guard. I'm pretty sure a lot of kids and teenagers don't even know a lot about these games and it's not their fault, they weren't old enough to experience them. The blame lies SOLELY with Valve because they have done NOTHING to boost the visibility of their older series due to the fact that they haven't bothered to make a single proper sequel for any of them.

And speaking of visibility, Valve's advertising strategy is non - existent and downright insulting . They really have this holier-than-thou perception of themselves, where they think "I am THE Valve softworks, makers of TF2 and Half-Life! How could you NOT know of us?!?!" and then expect everyone else to spread news of their games through word-of-mouth. Like, I'm sorry, Gabe, but we don't owe you shit. I'm not gonna advertise your shitty card-game and upcoming mediocre 5v5 hero shooter just because I had fun playing TF2 back in high school. Like, it's no surprise that you're not gaining any new fans when this has been your modus operandi for the past 10 years.

TO CONCLUDE

This is where we are right now: the old guard is either apathetic or straight-up hates Valve for their negligence, the younger generation barely knows about most of Valve's OG game series due to the lack of any meaningful output. At the end of the day, Valve isn't going to bankrupt, they're gonna keep taking their 30% cut from Steam and peddling gambling addictions to kids via cases. However, the era of good will is over, nobody is cutting them any slack anymore and, frankly, they deserve all the shit that's going to get thrown at them.

[lowkeyrobin]

hey! (just wanna say I really love your writing and especially the ones on mental health)

could I ask for more of the reactions to an Australian accent, but with the cricket crew instead? (those who are okay with x reader ofc)

tysm!!! have a wonderful day!

ah omg thank you 🫶🫶🫶 I've been working really hard esp on those ones + the fact I've always kinda struggled w mental health stuff so I rlly pour my heart out into those ; and he's of course!! sorry if I misunderstood you on that last one by the way LMAO ; gonna keep this as a oneshot tho because it was way easier than a preference format for some reason ; also I wish we got more freddie, tommy, tubbo & ranboo pics while we could 😔🙏

HANDSOME BROS ; australian accent

summary ; youre the only aussie in a group of british kids (and an american)

warnings ; language, lots of ball jokes (sorry tommy)

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

Showing up for Tubbathon 2024 was a wild one.

Having your hand duct taped to Tommy's was also a whole thing in itself. At least you weren't working with Ranboo, who had no idea how to cook, unlike their poor partner Freddie. Recipe For Disaster was probably a horrible idea to join.

You and Tommy, Green Team, versus Ranboo and Freddie, Orange Team.

You'd never really talked on stream before. You either communicated through Minecraft signs or in-game chats. If you did speak, however, you'd often use a voice changer to make you seem a little more understandable, as you knew your accent was a bit difficult to understand sometimes.

You'd also met with your friends in real life before, of course, but you made sure the entire trip you strained your voice to sound a little more understandable.

But, now cooking with one of your long-time friends, the big guy TommyInnit himself, you didn't seem as worried or insecure when you spoke. I mean, you'd barely spoken, but you were in a comfortable environment - Tubbo's house - and were accompanied by friends you'd known for a long time now.

The stream had started and Tubbo had explained your rules, leaving the two groups to get to cooking.

"Hey, mate, can you hold the bowl while I stir the eggs?" You kindly ask Tommy, wriggling a whisk out of the jar between the stations.

The blonde blinks in silence, staring at you, "Your accent went 0 to 100 very quickly, Y/n/n" He giggles.

"Wait, what?" You glance about, feeling a little nervous as you plop the whisk into the measuring cup, needing to stir the eggs.

"Not in a bad way! Like, I never noticed your fuckin' accent was so, like, heavy before? You didn't sound like that last time we met up, or talked" He shrugs as he explains himself.

"Oh" You shrug, watching as he secures his free hand around the handle of the glass measuring cup. You begin to whisk the eggs, poking at the yolks to make it go a little bit faster. "I mean, I usually use a little voice changer to make me a little more understandable"

"Ohhhhh, wait, that makes sense" He nods, "Ow! Calm down, I'm not trying to get surgery on my wrist now!" He quickly pulls his hand away, feeling something pop.

"Shit, I'm sorry! Are you alright?"

He bites his tongue, nodding as you reach for his hand. "I'm good"

You gently grab his wrist, quickly and lightly kneading the area for him.

Ranboo looks up, seeing you two distracted in your green aprons. "They're taking a massage therapy break already" they comment, tapping Freddie on the shoulder.

"C'mon, man up, Tommy! You'll be okay" Freddie lightly smiles, cracking a few eggs over the measuring cup, which they'd just struggled to find.

"Dude, I just had surgery on my crowned jewels, I don't think I will!"

"Good God, help me now" You chuckle

Ranboo and Freddie go silent for a moment before the boy with the red hair speaks up.

"You weren't kidding about the voice changer, were you?"

You shake your head no, "Why would I lie about that, mate?"

The two shrug, hearing Tubbo fake yell at them for cheating since they were conversing with you. The four of you jokingly plan a rebellion that you'd put into place for later, deciding to focus on the food right now.

"Tommy, Tommy, the plate, not the floor! If you drop that I'll actually kill you"

"It's on the damn plate!"

Tommy quickly sets the pan down to help you fold the guacamole together, using his one hand to hold the bowl while you rushingly mix it all up. From the avocados to the lemon juice, you got it to a nice consistency, and, with a struggle, get a dab of it on the paper plate you were given next to the burrito.

"I think he's gonna like it either way, considering most of what he eats, he orders." You shrug, setting the bowl of guacamole down.

Tommy lightly laughs, "Yeah, that's true"

You were finished before the timer, luckily, however, Freddie and Ranboo were still working, using each hand to do their own tasks to work a little faster.

"Tubbo, can you understand me with my accent this thick?" You shout into the other room, purposely making your voice and accent sound a bit thicker to try and mess wirh him.

It's silence until he answers, like he needed to translate your words. "Barely!"

You and Tommy laugh, chatting away while the other group works.

"What's Australia even like? Just like... giant spiders and kangaroos?"

"Holy shit"

"I'm serious! It's not like I'm going anytime soon"

"Well, it's not that. It's like the UK but much warmer, and yeah, kinda scarier. It's like a real-life Better Minecraft mod"

"You guys have armored skeletons attacking you??" Tommy laughs as he teases you.

"I hate you!" You laugh

"I love how you say 'you', it sounds so dumb"

"It sounds like how you Brits say it!" You smile, using your free hand to try and fight him in a playful manner.

"Dumb in a nice way! Dumb in a nice way!" He shouts, trying to use his free hand to protect himself from the cat fight. "They weren't lying when they said you Aussies fight like wild animals, what's next, you gonna kick the shit out of me?" He asks, egging you on.

"I'm gonna kick you in the crown jewels if you don't shut up!" You joke, making him scream in terror, probably killing the viewers' ears as well.

He yelps, falling back as he drags you down with him, having slipped on himself.

"Tommy!"

"Ow!"

"Jesus Christ, they've broken each other's backs off that floor, I heard it" Freddie lightly laughs, holding the paper plate up for Ranboo so they could put the food on it. "I think Y/n's dead"

"Tubbo! We need the ambulance!" Ranboo laughs, "Get Eryn back here, they actually can't get up! The tied hands have impaired them tremendously"

"Tommy, just stand up!"

"My balls hurt!"

"Then let me stand up, I can't when you're holding your dick together!"

Eryn quickly rushes over, helping the both of you stand up slash getting Tommy to release his tied hand from his crotch. You help him up and pat him on the shoulder with your free hand as Tubbo wraps up the time.

In the end, your groups nearly tied, you and Tommy one point behind Freddie and Ranboo. Honestly, they did deserve the win.

"I still can't believe you fooled us with the voice changer, even changing your voice in real life. I swear, you sound totally different," Freddie lightly chuckles, freeing himself from the apron.

"In a good way, though" Ranboo adds, "Your accent is really fucking cool, trust me"

You lightly smile, freeing yourself from Tommy's sweaty hands. "Thanks- ow, holy shit!"

"You think that hurt?" The blonde teases, having ripped the rest of the duct tape of your hands.

"Piss off"

After the stream ended, Tubbo turned on some music while you guys cleaned up. He and Eryn were sorting out the lights, cameras, and microphone while the four of you cleaned up the kitchen. You decided to clean each other's messes, trying to make it a little more enjoyable, which none of you minded.

The music, picked my Tubbo himself, was an early 2000s hip hop mix, titled something like 'Greatest 2000s Hip Hop Hits' or something. And of course, Ranboo and Tommy were getting down to it, mostly leaving you and Freddie to do the cleaning while you laughed at them singing and dancing along.

Tommy was bouncing around, not focused on cleaning whatsoever as he tugs on your hand, wanting you to join in.

"Y/n, Freddie, cmon!"

"This isn't High School Musical, dude" You reply

"You deserve a break!" Ranboo shouts, pulling Freddie into whatever fucked up dance trapezoid you guys had going on.

You sigh and set down the cups you were washing and turn the water off. You spray the water from your hands on Freddie, starting a war as you join their little dance party.

Freddie gasps and smiles, throwing the little bit of water in the measuring cup at you in retaliation.

"Australian versus Brit! Who will win!?" Tommy shouts with a little laugh.

"Hopefully not the American"

You fake shudder and nod. "Yeah, I agree with that, Ranboo"

[descendant-of-truth]

What I like about this scene is how it tricks you into thinking it's just here for a quick laugh when it's actually the beginning of a surprisingly deep look into part of Rockman's character - specifically, how he handles lying.

See, Rockman's never really... lied in this show before, I don't think. He doesn't usually have a reason to, but even then I would describe him as being honest to a fault.

But when put under the pressure to seem cool to Trill, a young child who idolizes him, he cracks and tells probably the most bold-faced lie of his life: that he was totally not scared by a monster movie. He's never been scared of anything! Hasn't even screamed once!

And it's. such a goofy lie to tell?? It works on Trill because he's like five years old, but to the viewer who knows him better than that, it just comes off as a funny, harmless thing to say.

Rockman does not see it as either of those things.

To him, it's not cute that Trill takes him at his word by virtue of being a young child who doesn't know any better. If anything, that's part of the problem; maybe if Trill didn't believe him and just teased him about it instead, he wouldn't have to worry about lying so much. But as it stands, Trill is believing a lie, and it eats at Rockman throughout the episode.

And at this point you kinda start to guess how the rest of it is going to go down. Rockman will eventually come clean to Trill, who's gonna say that Rockman is still cool even if he screams at scary movies, and they'll all have a big laugh and move on.

This is not what happens.

Instead, Rockman digs his heels into the lie further, stopping himself from screaming every time Trill tries to scare him (which is a realistic toddler thing to do if I've ever seen one), until he eventually loses his trademark patience and yells at him to cut it out.

And in a move that defies the usual expectation of setup and payoff, Rockman never actually. tells Trill that he lied. and there's a part of me that's bothered by that, but what we get in exchange is so interesting to me that I can't help but feel it makes up for it.

Something to note is that, throughout this episode, it's stated that Trill likely sees Rockman as an older brother, and so he's affectionately referred to as "big brother" by Roll a few times in a teasing sort of way.

It's all fun and sweet and par for the course; I think everyone knew that Trill was going to act as a younger brother to Rockman as soon as he was introduced, so having characters bring attention to it isn't unusual. And Rockman doesn't really comment on it either way... until Netto calls him that at the end of the episode.

This. this is the scene that really makes me go insane. just absolutely bonkers

Because like, okay. listen. this is only episode four of the season. it's not at all surprising that Rockman doesn't consider himself to be Trill's brother, because he's known him for all of three days and he's only been talking for one of them.

But that phrasing.

If he had just left it at "I'm not his big brother," we'd all have a nice chuckle and go "sure buddy, I'd like to see you say that by the end of this season." But he has a qualifier for WHY he's not Trill's brother, and it's because he lied to him. about not being scared of a movie.

And notice how matter-of-factly he says this, too. Remember how troubled he was earlier by the fact he had lied at all? Well it seems that, after perpetuating that lie for the rest of the episode, he's gotten past those doubts and reached acceptance in the idea that... he's lost his brother privileges.

Suddenly we've learned something very interesting about how Rockman handles lying, and it's that, while he's surprisingly capable of keeping a lie up, he finds that even one as innocent as this makes him disqualified from being Trill's family.

Which is Totally Normal and Not at All Concerning Behavior

But you know what. we can make it worse.

Imagine with me, for a moment, that all of the Saito Lore from the games remains true in the anime. If that was the case, then Netto still hasn't been told about it this many seasons in, making it a secret that Rockman keeps every day - a lie of omission.

What if the reason Netto hasn't been told about it for this long, the reason it seems so easy for Rockman to never bring it up, is because he's long since decided that he's not Netto's brother anymore.

"After all, I did lie to him."

And it just keeps going because if we decide to take that angle with it, then it suddenly becomes a lot more pointed that Yuuichiro is the one to assure Rockman that lying to your little brother is Sometimes Okay, Actually

Like of course he would say this, the guy who encouraged Rockman to lie to Netto in the first place in order to keep up the image of being a Reliable NetNavi

Don't get me wrong, it's a really interesting character trait for Rockman to have even without adding game context to it, but using Trill as a parallel to Netto in this scenario adds a special something to the whole thing that I'm never going to be able to stop thinking about

[heyitsspiders]

Bitten Apple ~ AdamsApple Fic - CHAPTER 5

Adam and Lucifer deal with their actions

Ao3 Link

a/n: AAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER! i've been getting back into a few games recently so i've been putting time into that and i've just also generally been less motivated to write so i can't be so sure when the next chapter will be out -- so please bare with me! again, so sorry this took forever

Aftermath

Lucifer panted heavily, chest heaving as he slowly came down from his high. He looked down at Adam under him, he was so fucking good like this with Lucifer’s cock inside him…

Wait…

Reality crashed onto Lucifer – he had just fucked Adam, the man who had hurt his daughter, destroyed her hotel and murdered one of his daughter’s friends. Oh good golly gracious he was the worst father ever. How would he tell Charlie this – should he? He looked back down at Adam, who had apparently fallen asleep, and shook his head – think later, remove dick now.

He carefully pulled his sensitive dick from Adam and began cleaning up and putting his clothes back on. Once they were no longer covered in cum, he stood there looking over Adam – what was he going to do? Lucifer didn’t want to just leave him here – he was the Devil, not a monster – nor did he just want to send him off to his own room alone. 

Lucifer face palmed, grumbling. How could he let this happen?  And why did he feel the need to be so nice to him now? Of course it could be just the aftermath of sex and wanting that comfort, plus it just felt wrong to have him wake up alone. 

“Urgghhhh,” Lucifer groaned before he waved his hand, comfy loose clothing appearing on Adam’s bare skin. Within another second they were both snapped into Lucifer’s bedroom.

He shouldn’t be doing this, this was a horrible man that had done so many bad things… But man, Adam had somehow had some good points in their back and forths. He had tricked Eve, even if he hadn’t meant to.

“I don’t care about them leaving me, I’m upset that you left me, dumbass!”

That’s what Adam had said, and definitely had meant it with how quickly he tried to retract that statement. Adam had missed Lucifer? More so, upset Lucifer left? He hadn’t even realized he had left the first man, he had Eve after all once Lilith got with Lucifer. 

Lucifer put a hand on his temple, it was too late and he was too drunk for this right now. He needed to sleep. He picked up Adam easily and set him on the far side of the bed and lazily threw the blanket over him before walking to the other end, put himself in his own pajamas and got cozy. It felt weird to have another person in the bed again but as Lucifer drifted to sleep, he quietly admitted that it was nice to no longer be alone.

Adam woke up the next morning from his bed dipping like someone was crawling out of bed – who the fuck was in the bed with him? He cracked open an eye and looked around. This was not his fucking room. Where was he??? He sat up, dull pain flowing through his body, and looked around.

“Goodmorning,” a voice to his left said, his head swung around only to be met with Lucifer’s dumb face. 

“What- why- what the fuck?” Adam stumbled for the right words, where was he, why were there so many fucking ducks around the room and why was Lucifer getting out of the same bed as Adam? Also, why were Adam’s clothes different?

“Do-” Lucifer started and quickly closed his mouth. He looked around again as if he was looking to see if someone was around before he spoke again, “...do you not remember last night?”

“No?” Adam scrapped his mind for the previous night's events, a hand to his head. 

“Well,” Lucifer tugged at the collar of some weird ass set of clothes that had fucking ducks on them? What was this man’s obsession with ducks? “I made you quite a few drinks and we both got really drunk.”

That sounded familiar, his memory was slowly trickling back to him. Lucifer made him some actually good drinks, they drank a lot, then they talked… He felt like he was missing a big important part that explained why the fuck he had slept with Lucifer. 

The last piece of the puzzle clicked – holy shit he had actually slept with Lucifer. His face grew extremely hot.

“Oh my fucking God, no, that didn’t- I’m not gay!” Adam protested. It was a bad dream, that hadn’t actually happened.

Lucifer sat on the edge of the bed, and cleared his throat, “uhm, yeah. It- it yeah it did happen.” 

At least Lucifer didn’t seem happy about this either – Adam couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing, like no he wasn’t queer but come on! He was Adam! Who wouldn’t like sex with the first dick! 

Lucifer avoided eye contact but still had that layer of calm – Adam couldn’t understand how when the man had literally been balls deep in him. Gross, Adam didn’t like that thought – “we can forget this happened.”

Adam nodded quickly, “yes, I agree. This never fucking happened, goodbye.” He swung his legs off the bed and made his way to the door – walking was really hard for some reason that Adam refused to think about for too long – before realizing he had no idea where his room was from here. 

Adam inhaled sharply, pissed. He would fucking figure it out on his own, he didn’t want to talk to Lucifer anymore right now. He pushed open the door and stormed off down some fuckass hallway, seething. Anger pooled inside of him as he recounted the previous night’s events, he was just so pissed off at Lucifer. And he was mad at himself too – why hadn’t he beaten Lucifer to a pulp? Why had he gone along with it? And the fucking noises he had made, Adam cringed just thinking about it. Worst fucking part was Adam had enjoyed it, even now he couldn’t deny how fucking amazing it had felt – but he didn’t dwell on that part for very long. He’d much rather not think about it.

He continued turning down hallways and going down the numerous stairways, shoving a few vases and lamps off their little tables to relieve some anger, until he finally stumbled upon a part of this maze mansion that looked familiar. Now he should just be able to take this left and – finally! His room. He shoved the door open before slamming it behind him, launching himself onto his bed and burying his head in a pillow.

Muffled screams echoed in the quiet room while Adam shouted into the pillow – this was all so fucking stupid. Stupid Lucifer, stupid drinks, all of it! He wasn’t gay, he didn’t like dick, he didn’t like men, he wasn’t a fag, he wasn’t gay– 

Fuck! Why did Lucifer have to fuck him? And why did Adam let it happen? Lucifer had given him an out, he had given Adam the chance to end that interaction… But he didn’t and he had no idea why. And Goddamnit he enjoyed it too! His face burned as he recounted how Lucifer pounded his ass so hard he swore he was in Heaven again. He violently shook his head and sat up, hands itching to destroy something. He was pissed and needed to take out his anger on something to take his mind off of Lucifer.  

Adam shoved himself off the bed and scanned the dirty floor for something he didn’t care about. His eyes caught on book – perfect, he didn’t care too much for reading. He wouldn’t miss it. He bent down and snatched it up into his claws, making quick work of tearing it into two. Pages fluttered down onto the ground as Adam continued ripping it, words becoming unreadable as they became shredded by Adam’s furious claws. Once the book was just a pile of scraps he moved onto another book, then another, and another. He wasn’t sure when he started shaking, maybe he had been the whole time, Adam didn’t know. His throat burned but fuck him if he was going to cry again – he’d done enough of that these past few days for the rest of his life. 

When all the books and other objects he wouldn’t miss were heaps of trash he finally stopped, panting and lightly sweating. His chest was heaving as his sharp eyes scanned the wreckage – this was so fucking stupid. Adam, reduced to a mere bitch for the Devil. 

Adam sat down on his bed, claws clenching the sheets. Was he gay? Did- did he like men? But he liked women! His children and time in Heaven proved that – he couldn’t be gay.. Right? 

It finally clicked – he enjoyed it because Lucifer was small and feminine. He didn’t like men, Lucifer was just woman-like. 

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he let out a sigh of relief. Thank God that issue was solved, though it did leave a lingering question:

Should he continue hooking up with Lucifer?

His immediate answer was no – why the fuck would he want to?... But also, fuck, game is game. Why shouldn’t he take free pleasure? Adam was stuck in this damn circus tent, might as well have a little fun, right? Plus, he didn’t have to worry about his actions making him a faggot – it’s a win-win in Adam’s book. Though a weird feeling lingered in his chest despite the reassurance of his straightness – is this really what he should be doing? Fucking the only person he has contact with because Lucifer looks close enough to a woman? Adam cringed, it sounded way worse when he thought of it like that – it sounded like he was some desperate whore for whatever dick he could find and Adam hated it. 

“Urrgh!” Adam exclaimed as he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes as he fell backwards on his mattress. Why did this have to be so difficult? Why can’t this just be over like some awful nightmare?

Fuck this.

Fuck Lucifer – not literally.

Fuck everything! 

This is all fucking bullshit that Adam shouldn’t have to be dealing with. He wouldn’t be dealing with this if that bitch ass maid didn’t stab him to death. 

Exhaustion from his totally-not-a-tantrum started to set in, but he really didn’t want to sleep – he literally just woke up. So he just laid there, looking up at the ceiling and he debated back ‘n forth on what to do.

Lucifer paced around his room, fingers passing through every part of his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts. Okay, he fucked Adam, huge problem. Bigger problem, he wanted more.

He stopped in front of his vanity mirror to look at himself. He had changed out of his sleepwear and now was wearing more suitable day clothes — a simple white collared shirt with black pants, Lucifer couldn’t be bothered to try today. 

“This is fine, it’s fine, everything is fine,” he lied to his reflection. Nothing was fine and he knew it.

“Things will return to normal, like it never happened. No one else needs to know.”

His own eyes bore into him as he stared hard at his reflection. He was pathetic. Lucifer sat down on the stool in front of the desk and leaned against his propped up hand, sighing. How was he supposed to look at Adam without thinking of his face contorted in pleasure and bliss? Lucifer’s face grew hot at the memory — Adam begging for more, for Lucifer. 

A sense of pride bubbled up in his chest — the self proclaimed “dickmaster” reduced to a whimpering mess under the very Devil he hated — It was too good. As the events replayed in his head and he laughed softly to himself, shaking his head — things would not go back to normal, and honestly? Lucifer didn’t care. He would enjoy this and he was sure Adam would too if his blissed out face was anything to go by. 

Lucifer chewed on the inside of his cheek, of course, there was the big possibility that Adam wouldn’t want that — which Lucifer could live with. At the very least he got to do it once and if that wasn’t Adam’s style then he can settle for just making him pay via other means. Lucifer chuckled to himself as he recounted how embarrassed Adam had been following his orders — oh yeah, he’d be just fine ordering him around until the first man learns that he isn’t as great as he thinks. 

He stood up, combing his hair slick back with his hands, he’d bring it up to Adam when he next saw him – which he figured wouldn’t be for awhile. He’d give him two days to recover, after that Lucifer is talking to him whether Adam likes it or not – Lucifer can’t be too nice to the bitch. Afterall, Adam deserved every crisis Lucifer was sure he was having.

The next two days went just about as Lucifer expected – he’d wake up, get changed, eat, and maybe even briefly see Adam, who would instantly turn tail when he saw Lucifer. It felt quite lonely and boring if he was being honest. He had grown to enjoy poking fun at Adam and watching him get all pissy but with this grace period he couldn’t do anything. Of course, Lucifer debated not giving him any mercy but he felt like this wasn’t something Lucifer could just bring right back up. Lucifer took to making another duck with his extra freetime – any resemblance to Adam was a total coincidence.

It wasn’t Adam! It was just a rubber duck with little lamb ears and curved horns and little spikes and okay yeah it was basically Adam – but it was merely because Lucifer was curious how he’d look as a rubber duck considering he is such a mashup of different things. You got some sheep, human, demon, bird and man-child. Quite the combination. 

By the end of the second day the basic shape was done – sure, he could just magic it complete but he really enjoyed crafting these small rubber ducks and adding every single little detail by hand. It made it all the more rewarding. It was late into the evening when Lucifer finally set the rubber work in progress down on his workshop desk to be finished at a later date. He stood and stretched with his arms above his head as he yawned. Tomorrow he’d talk to Adam and finally set this whole thing straight – or well, not straight depending on how things went. Lucifer rubbed his eye as he made his way down the halls to his room, eventually passing by Adam’s door and resisting the urge to barge in or at least knock. His hand reached out for the cool metal knob and twisted, the door hinges creaking every so slightly as he pushed the door open and walked into his own room. However, his room wasn’t as empty as he expected it to be, instead, there were a pair of brilliant golden eyes staring at him from his bed, causing Lucifer to jump nearly five feet off the floor – it was incredible Lucifer didn’t scream or blast the intruder’s head off.

He put a hand to chest as his eyes finally made out the figure on his bed – Adam. “Adam, what are you doing in my room?” He snapped.

Adam rolled his eyes, “calm down, bitch.” He folded his arms, “I decided I uh-” he swallowed, “that I didn’t want to forget.”

He blinked several times at him before speaking, “what?”

Adam scowled, ears pinned “I’m not fucking saying it again. You either heard me or you didn’t.”

Lucifer shook his head, waving his hands, “no, no, I heard you – I just, didn’t expect.. This?” 

He huffed, “the fuck does that mean?” 

“I didn’t think you’d want to as well, is all,” Lucifer said, shrugging.

Adam avoided eye contact, face growing a bit red, “so.. are we… gonna..?”

“Right now?”

“Well fucking yeah! Why else would I come into your dumbass room?” Lucifer grimaced – he didn’t like how commanding and entitled Adam was acting. He’d fix this.

He cocked an eyebrow, “and what makes you think that I’ll comply?”

Adam paused at his, mouth agape as if people saying ‘no’ to him or just implying they wouldn’t do what he wanted was new – which, it probably was. Lucifer shook his head, walking closer to the other man, “If you want me to fuck you then you have to ask nicely-” Lucifer hanked Adam’s horns, causing the man’s head to turn upwards, “-pet.” 

It was so much fun watching Adam swallow hard and try to recover from what just happened to him, his dazed and wild eyes, his burning red face, all of it like a treat for Lucifer’s eyes. He released his grip and shifted into sleepwear as he walked around to the other side of the bed.

“If you ask nicely tomorrow and behave then I’ll agree, but for now I’m very tired,” Lucifer stifled a yawn as he got into bed. “So, goodnight lamb.”

Adam just stared at Lucifer – for how long, he wasn’t sure. At some point Lucifer heard him slowly tucking himself in, grumbling to himself like a child that didn’t get the toy they wanted as Lucifer drifted to surprisingly peaceful sleep.  

Adam couldn’t sleep at all, his mind running five million miles a second with ideas and most notably regrets. He should not be fucking doing this, he should not have done this, he should have stayed in his room until Lucifer got bored and threw him out or something. Sure he wouldn’t last out there – much to the damage of his ego – but damnit if it wouldn’t be better than here… Right? 

He rolled over, now facing Lucifer – who was just somehow casually sleeping. For a brief moment he was back in the garden, laying next to Lucifer in the soft grass under the tall apple tree as the dark sky filled with bright stars, the gentle breeze flicking Lucifer’s golden locs back and forth. Everything was peaceful as they laid under the stars, Lucifer’s soft, warm hand in his until Adam blinked and he was back in the mansion, the stars, grass, tree, and peace gone in a flash.

Adam grumbled and rolled onto his back, a ripping sound behind his head shooting through his ears as he did – he fucking tore the pillow with his stupid, huge ass horns. He shoved the palms of his hands into his eyes as he gritted his teeth. Adam was suddenly hyper-aware of his new body – his claws, his ears, horns, fangs, hooves, everything! None of it was right, none of this should be happening… But it was and there was nothing Adam could do about it. He lowered his hands to his side, blankly staring up at the sheet that was draped above the bed.

There was nothing Adam could do.

Well, nothing Adam wanted to do.

He shouldn’t accept this, it wasn’t right and he shouldn’t stand for it!... But what other choice did he have? As much as Adam hoped, no one was fucking coming for him – they either thought he was dead and there was nothing they could do even if they knew he wasn’t. He was a sinner, a demon, nothing more than a piece of filth you eventually scrub off – but as much as he hated everything about Hell, it hadn’t been too bad all things considered. Even Lucifer, surprisingly.

Adam turned his head – much more carefully – and looked over at Lucifer again, still peacefully sleeping. Lucifer had been way less annoying recently and it was frustrating – it was making it harder to hate him when he was feeding and giving Adam a place to live. Maybe that’s why he had given in so easily, Adam wasn’t sure. There were too many conflicting thoughts in his head and he needed sleep that wouldn’t come to him – he was still fucking thinking about what Lucifer said to him. Adam hadn’t been sure what to expect when he told Lucifer that he did, in fact, want to have another round, but being fucking teased was not on the list. 

Before Adam knew it the light of the morning was creeping into the room through the small gap not covered by curtains. He groaned, he wasn’t sure if he had slept but if he did, it didn’t feel like it. His ears perked to the sound of rustling sheets to the side of him where Lucifer had been laying.

Ah, he was awake too. 

Adam could hear the other man sit up and yawn, presumably stretching as he did before sliding out of bed and walking to the connected bathroom. Adam sat up, rubbing his sore eyes. A headache was starting to form as his tiredness was starting to set in. Adam looked around the duck-covered room, it was almost impressive how many there were if it wasn’t a sad display. Adam jolted when the bathroom door opened once more, Lucifer coming out and looking at Adam.

“Good morning Adam, how’d you sleep?” Lucifer yawned.

“Like shit, hardly fucking slept,” Adam huffed.

Lucifer looked over him, “I can tell.” Adam opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Lucifer continued, “get some sleep.”

Adam blinked, “what?”

“Get some rest,” he simply restated. Before Adam could question his sudden tenderness he added, “you’ll need it.”

Adam stared at the other man, face hotter than the fucking sun as Lucifer just smiled at him. Lucifer clapped his hands together, his usual formal clothes appearing on his small frame, “Welp, I’m going to eat breakfast.” And with that, he walked out the room and was gone.

[scoreframes]

The Man in the Wall: Desperation in the Void.

(WHISPERS IN THE WALLS AND CAVIA SPOILERS BELOW)

The man in the wall. The murmur. Wally. A lot of names for the presence of a singular entity, a big mean mystery-he's haunting us almost constantly, and with new whispers in the walls update, we have a full confrontation for the first time, properly, where we have to indirectly deal with this thing trying to fight us. Freaky, right? Not just that, but it seems he's been slinking through the cracks in every reality, with the fact that he's now back in 1999, and with the presence of him in Duviri (with the mysterious laughing man in certain spot in different spaces of duviri depending on cycle, and the zariman tablets.) But what does he want? Why is he trying to get out? I have lots of thoughts on that, specifically-though it's perhaps a bit more on the sympathetic side than some might theorize. I've had a loose idea, since talking to Tagfer-and from the WitW quest-how we 'beat' him, in the end. It was, in specific, this: "Whatever Papa touched, the Indifference, the Murmur, I think it's lonely. It wants to be a part of what we've got going on. Only, it doesn't know that. And it does its best to join in, but it's clumsy. Ignorant. So everything about it is... skewed. Half-assed. You follow?"

It wants to be part of it-it wants to be among us. It wants to be 'part of what we've got going on', but it doesn't understand.

Now that got me thinking. Whether the manifestation truly came into existence from Albrecht in the void-brought from his feelings, his mind, his thoughts.

Something old, but something very, very new in consciousness, back in the first void experiments. So you have a new mind, brought into existence-a sapience, birthed from the thoughts, and mind, and personality of a narcissistic, vain scientist. An orokin, who sought answers, but was, in his nature, reluctant to admit flaw with himself at the time. It took him far too long to admit that his daughter did so much better than himself, to admit to Loid how much he was worth-to stop running away to save his own hide. You have a child, born from a narcissistic parent, who doesn't even view them as even capable of being human.

And yet, despite, this child is born from humanity. This child-mind is born from our raw feelings and instincts, our function.

It's unsettling. It doesn't understand how to be human. It appears to you, calling you terms of endearment that your parents called you-because from the point of view of an entity manifested or influenced from your emotions and memories, that was something that comforted. And, of course, the thing that makes it the most frightening on sheer appearance-it appears to you, not understanding, giving you the universal sign of a friendly greeting. A smile. It doesn't know when to stop. It doesn't know when friendliness becomes uncanny. It doesn't understand.

And then Albrecht leaves, in terror. Vanishes, severing the entity's finger and leaving it in the void. Alone, on the other side, banging on the walls. For quite possibly hundreds of years, a child banging on the door of the closet they're locked in, going let me out-let me out, it's cold in here, please let me out, can you hear me, please-I don't want to be alone. Please. And then the Zariman accident happens. And each and every time it tries to reach out to the adults, their fear gets the better of them-and it twists them. And it twists the entity. And it starts to learn, in the wrong way.

People only interact if they have something to gain. People only reach out if they benefit off of it. They take, and then they hurt the entity, and then they leave, fleeing the void.

It doesn't know any other way. Deals, bargaining, treating pain like a game. It's a child that wants attention, and if it gets it by frightening people? By being a threat? It's still attention..isn't it? It's anything away from that lonely, cold silence of the void. And then they meet the operator. And make that deal. For once, they talk to someone and the person doesn't run-doesn't go mad-doesn't hurt them, or flee. And, knowing only the way they've been taught by influence of adults...they make a deal.

And, once again. It backfires.

Part of the thing that made me think of this, as well, was the tablets-it reinforced this idea. Zariman tablets scattered around Duviri, that you can find, with different questions-that eventually bleed into Wally asking where their finger is-saying we had a deal.

One of the answers you can pick, however, is this:

The phrasing here is defining. Not 'free me'. Not 'let me out'. Not 'unleash'. Save. "I never said I'd save you." Some part of it wants to be saved. Some part of it, struggling to conceptualize sapience and humanity thrust onto it, wants to be saved.

It wants to be rescued, some part of it. But we forsook it before, just as everyone else did. And in Whisper in the Walls, it doubles back onto that attention seeking-not understanding, lashing out-the massive form that attacks the labs, trying to thrash free-trying to get out, not understanding that its' influence could spell the undoing of everything. And how we stop it? This thing that now lives off pain, expecting us to attack, expecting us to hurt it? And it's quite easy to assume, many people went 'oh, we're having a titan fight!' when we jumped into that secondary skin. But no. We put a hand on its' face. We comfort it. We reassure.

I'm here. You're not alone. That, is how we stop it. And Wally doesn't understand. They don't understand. The way that anger turns into pain, into confusion. This isn't how it goes. Something is wrong. Why is it nice? Why does it hurt, somewhere, in my chest? Much like the warframes, something abused and hurt and confused-lashing out, violent, and upset. And we, the tenno, reach out, past it. And we offer comfort, to something-to someone-hurting. And reassure them. You aren't alone, anymore. So it runs. It runs, back out into the void, in that terror and confusion-leaving the vessel behind, with a remnant heartbeat. The man in the wall's statuesque form above the labratory from the outside, its' smile briefly turned to a grimace. Warframe as ever is a game about new beginnings-about breaking cycles-and about kindness to those who are suffering-who need help, but don't know how to reach out for it. I think-I hope-that it does, in the end, turn out that we can reach out. Because, as ever, this game is about reaching out a hand. Even if they don't take it--it's still worth it, to reach a hand out to those struggling. Wally doesn't realise it...but I genuinely, genuinely feel that reaching out to it will help. Because, in a way, it is struggling. And I think that we will find a way to combat this through slow, perhaps difficult, process of understanding. And reaching our hand out to someone that needs it, without knowing.

[khttrpg]

Cracks knuckles.

Alright team. Let's talk the next few months.

The short version is I'm going to have a basic version for v0.3 out by mid-September. The current plan is to finish work on it through June, finish privately testing it by mid-August, and then do a closed playtest with Patreon supporters through the rest of August. I'll make any further adjustments, playtest one more round if needed, and then throw it out to The People!

This is going to be a more compact initial release than previous versions. The version of the game to release will be through about level 21 (out of 100 levels). Unlike V0.2, though, it will be playable at release - no waiting to learn how to make enemies. There are several reasons for this smaller release, but the most important is changeability: this way, instead of needing full years to adjust everything I've made if something about the base game is completely off course, it'll only take a month or so. Quicker turnaround for adjustments!

I'll be sitting down to do a sort of psuedo-Q&A on Friday, June 28 on my Twitch at 7 PM EST- playing some Kingdom Hearts, answering questions as they come up, talking about what I've been up to and longer-term plans. If there's anything in this post that you don't understand or want elaboration on, send an ask, and I'll answer it on that stream!

Some of the big changes you can expect in V0.3, under a cut for brevity (some of the details and names may be subject to change still!):

Combat Stats. You know, in retrospect, there was no good reason to not use KH's existing ATK/DEF/MAG stats and just directly translate abilities using them. The new version has the actual stats used in KH games connected to the more roleplay-oriented Stats from previous versions - e.g. ATK being connected to Body - but ultimately separated in terms of usage.

Sword, Shield, Staff. This will appear in very basic form in this version, to be elaborated on once the core game has been adequately playtested. I've wanted to include the chance to "choose your path" since day 1, but could never find a way to integrate it; the addition of Combat Stats provided a clean opportunity to try it out!

Dice. This was something that got brought up relatively early on in the Discord, but at the time I didn't have the experience to handle it. Now I do! Attacks have a more standardized pattern and there's no longer going to be a situation where you can hit and do 0 damage. Not unless you intentionally do some really bad numbers. I can't stop you from that.

Job Classes -> Job Paths. There was a consistent issue in the first two versions, where the intent of job classes - to be loose guidelines rather than strict classes, with lots of mixing and matching - was unclear. They've been re-contextualized as sets of Abilities, with one feature being a prerequisite to the next. My hope is that this will allow people to view them closer to as intended, on top of some other interesting things that have opened up to do with them.

MP. I really wanted to stick to KH1-style MP because I love the low numbers and wanted so badly to make them work. But ultimately, the MP numbers from KH2 and KH3 were easier to deal with. There's just no #/5 equivalent to 12/100.

Hordes. Yes I've reworked them again. I'm so happy with them this time though!! I think I finally struck a balance to make it both quick and large. Hopefully. Playtesting permits.

Memories. Will finally be a full part of the game! There'll be ~5 options minimum at time of initial publishing. I'd REALLY like to get it up to 7 for that sweet sweet number symbolism, but that won't be a priority for this initial release.

Leveling. There will be a way to calculate the EXP for level ups, and that leveling is simpler to understand.

And other stuff! Some of it in too early stages to talk about for this release, some of it is just formatting, some of it is hard to explain quickly.

I will not be updating monthly, because after trying to make myself do that for several years now, I'm forced to accept that I'm not capable of doing so on a for-fun project. But I will make a concerted effort to be more present here and to keep everyone appraised of the Big milestones, like when I open up playtesting for patrons.

Thank you all so much for your patience, as always! <3

[laconic-void]

Sandlot Fic: Part Four

Note: "Tigers" is the name of Phillips' little league team

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Benny POV

Timeskip: one week later

All of the guys have been working hard training for today's game against the Tigers. I'm not too worried about Scotty, but it can't hurt to get him up nice and early just to make sure.

7 in the morning and I'm all dressed. I knock on Scotty's window and he slowly wakes up. He still wears his silly cartoon pajamas to sleep.

"Smalls, are you ready for the big day?"

"Benny, the game's at noon." Scotty sat back on his bed.

"Yeah, but you haven't played in a week. Come on, we can't waste any time!"

"Okay, I'll get up," Scotty mumbled.

...

"See Smalls, Yeah-Yeah is ready! He's been coming here extra early for the whole week!"

"Yeah-Yeah, ready for the game!"

"You look more ready to sleep. When did you get up?"

"Five."

"Okay, an extra hour today wouldn't have killed you. Save it for tomorrow when school starts." I rolled my eyes. I think there is more going on than Yeah-Yeah is letting on, but we'll have to talk later. I just watched as he put several pieces of bazooka in his mouth. The others arrive a few minutes later, in similar tired fashion.

"Hey Smalls, welcome back!" Kenny said. "How'd it go with your old man?"

"Not too bad," Scotty replied. "I had to do extra chores, but it was rewarding to see my hard work."

"That's the nerdiest thing I've ever heard. Maybe you can come to my house." Bertram joked, slapping him on the back. "My mom might give you a few quarters."

"Not a bad offer, but let's talk later. What are we waiting for? Let's play some ball!" Now that's the kind of stuff I like to hear from Scotty.

...

Time passed pretty quickly, and soon enough, we found ourselves at the Tigers' stadium. It is nice, I have to admit. They've got a whole scoreboard and everything. Makes me feel like I'm in the majors.

I looked over the opposing team. I don't talk to these kids, but I do know most of their names. There's Phillips, of course, and William Peffercorn, the lifeguard's younger brother. He only wants to torment us more after the pool incident. Now that I think about it, that's probably why we're here. I don't really mind being banned from the pool because I never really wanted to go anyway, but it's kind of stupid that we all got banned over some girl, especially since Squints was the only one who did anything. She's attractive, yeah, but drowning yourself just to kiss her? These guys are something else, man.

I'm up to bat first, and it's nobody's surprise when I hit a home run. Kenny follows suit, then Ham. The rest of the guys bat with no issues. The first inning is complete and we're up by three points. The Tigers have improved, though. I try to compliment them, but they aren't really fond of good sportsmanship. Ham can take it from here.

"I don't know how you got so ugly," Ham started harassing the batters immediately. "Must have been from your dad, because your mom is pretty sexy." I rolled my eyes as the others stifled a laugh. It's effective, though, because the next three batters strike out. I guess they hadn't worried about focus as much as they should've.

Scotty's up to bat next, and I can't help but look at him, admiring how much his stance has improved. CRACK! That's a home run for sure. He rounds first base. Then second. Then thi-

Scotty falls to the ground. I look at third base again. William Peffercorn. That slimeball hit Scotty. I run over immediately and push him aside. "Scotty! Are you okay?" I look at his face, and his eye is starting to bruise, resembling when I first spoke to him.

"YOU PIECE OF CRAP!" Ham tried to run over to fight, but Bertram, Kenny, and Squints held him back.

"Yeah," I said, trying to hide my anger. "Game's over."

"What? Benny, it's okay," Scotty protested.

"No it's not. Come on guys. We're leaving."

"Ha! You guys forfeit after all!" Phillips taunted.

"Benny, I'm fi-"

I cut Scotty off. "You're not fine. You're hurt. And call it whatever you want, Phillips. But deep down you know you lost, and you played dirty. We won't be coming back here." I was expecting the others to be disappointed about leaving early, but they were staring at the Tigers and shaking their heads. Those guys screwed up bad, and they're gonna know it.

...

We got Scotty some ice for his eye, and I was hoping he would feel better, but he understandably just wanted to go home.

"You'll be okay tomorrow, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course. Missing the first day of school would be stupid."

"Alright. Just take it easy, okay? And if you need to reach me, the walkie talkie is in my back pocket."

"Okay." Scotty lightened up and grinned at me. "See you at the bus stop tomorrow, Benny."

I watched as he walked towards his house. Before he rounded the corner, he turned around and gave me a thumbs up, and I returned it, like we always do.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Hello all three people in the sandlot fandom! Just a disclaimer that while I am planning to add Benny and Smalls romance to the story, my main goal is to flesh out the characters more as much as I can, so it will take a while. This story will (hopefully, as long as I have the motivation to write) follow the boys to graduation, after all.

Also this chapter was inspired by the events of the second movie as well as a fanfic I saw. Thanks for reading!!

@fairiiboy444

[local-writer]

So, who all here plays tower of god new world? Idk much about the game other then the snippets of lore I've seen (bc I don't have the proper device to play it cries), but if there is something to be spoiled then be cautious! There will be spoilers in this post for the game, and minor spoilers for the webtoon if you squint.

So, let's start with this bit of lore from new world

Now, I'm not sure if this is 100% true, but if it IS, then omg do I have this wild theory. What I get from this is that the residents of the tower (regulars) are the ones being referred to as the small humans, and the big humans being the irregulars.

So what if Jahad, the family leaders, Arlene and V were sent inside? Like, it wasn't just about the adventure, they came in to tear the place down from the inside for their goddess.

But I also have a theory that the tower corrupts people, and that's why Jahad decided to lock the higher floors. Or in other words, no longer carry out their given mission. Originally I had wondered if there was something malicious on the higher floors and that's why Jahad had locked them, to keep this entity sealed away. But now I'm having second thoughts.

Honestly, this is such a big lore bomb and I REALLY hope it's true because that would make the story of tog so much more interesting.

Now, next I wanna talk about Rachel. Credit goes to Dr. Bonehead on youtube for this theory, I'm only sharing my thoughts on this. Let me know if y'all want a link to the video if you wanna watch.

The possibility that Rachel was from the outside of the tower didn't really cross my mind, but now, I can see it being possible. How would she know about the stars, or what life is like on the outside? Of course there's the possibility that she's heard stories from someone (possibly Arlene), but what if it's because she once lived outside? It would explain why she wants out of the tower so badly, because she just wants to go home. I've been coming around since getting back into the tog lore, but this theory is what finally made me crack and gain a soft spot for Rachel.

I also really like the idea of Rachel being Arlene's maid or someone that assisted her, because we still don't know why or how Rachel knows about Arlene, so this is a theory that has been stuck with me since watching that video.

What if Arlene really did force Rachel to look after Bam? I mean, Rachel clearly did not want that, so I can see that being a possibility.

Tower of god is just so interesting and I love the theories about the lore, so don't be afraid to share your thoughts with me!

I hope siu will start focusing on more interesting things after the marriage (*cough* harem *cough*) arc is over, like Jahad and the family leaders for example. I'm so interested in them and what they were like back then and what they're like now! I also really wanna see Khun Eduan 😭

Anyways, until next time ✌️

[midnightsun-if]

*cracks fingers* we need more lore

(Disclaimer I've been trying to keep up w/asks; but your pretty darn active (tytytytyty soo much for that!) and I might have missed something)

Assumption: vampires can enjoy food and not just liquids (otherwise our sis might be torturing us with the smell of cookies; ooooff) Is a vampires sense of taste also enhanced as it goes hand in hand with smell?

Assumption: Vampires can cry, is it normal tears in the game or blood? (Down for either tbh just curious at this point)

Is silver something a vampire or a werewolf should generally avoid? (Does it burn the skin, does it cause a unique reaction in their blood, does it somehow weaken them ect)

Werewolves; I do not believe anyone has asked what happens on a full moon? Is it just "a legend"? Do they have to transform that night? Or do they simply get grumpy, or anxious, or irritated, ect?

A lot of lore has elemental beings such as Phoenix's being weak of the climate of there opposite element(aka North Pole bad). Do Phoenix's experience this? Or is any race weekend by climate for that matter?

I am also assuming Phoenix's do not just...burst into flames and rebirth when very injured based on other questions about immortality/races/C?

Speaking of my favorite RO! How large is their bird form more or less? We know that the wolves are literally big enough to put a saddle on apparently; flames aside, would a Phoenix theoretically be able to carry a person? Even if its LoTR style eagles in claws?

Regarding the Shadow-Kin, are they more rogue/spy vibe....we talking full on DND assassin stabbystabby or more corporate espionage?

I’m always willing to give you more lore whenever I can! Of course, things are subject to change as I flesh things out, but I’ll try my best to give you most concrete ideas I have!

I enjoy interacting with you all as much as I can! It’s something that brings me tremendous joy, especially when you all include little blurbs about my characters and what you’re excited to see. I truly appreciate all the support that Midnight Sun has acquired. ❤️❤️❤️

Vampires can enjoy food, not just liquids?

Correct. Though I wouldn’t say they enjoy it necessarily. Vampires can definitely eat human food but it doesn’t really do anything for them, and some vampires find the taste absolutely revolting or just muted so they don’t see the point of doing it. Most of the time, for the vamps that do eat human food, and actually wish to enjoy it (somewhat), and get sustenance from it, blood is added into the mix. So you’ll have things like blood cookies, or blood suckers (lollipops), and various other things.

Is a vampires sense of taste enhanced?

It is in a sense, but not in a way that you’d be able to pick out every single ingredient individually, which is another reason why the vampires that find human food revolting stay away from it. For the ones that don’t it just adds a little kick, but nothing that’d be considered detrimental to the “experience”.

Vampires can cry— is it normal tears or blood? Something else?

It’s actually broken down venom! As you’ve probably noticed a vampires venom is of great importance— not just because it’s the thing that changed them/keeps them still kicking, but it offers a lot of other bonuses that wouldn’t otherwise be available. Vampires, and the venom in a sense, try to copy humanity as closely as it can (with some obvious differences) due to the fact that humans used to be the main food source, it’d made hunting easier and blending in a smooth transition.

Hence vampires being able to “bleed” if a wound is deep enough. As the blood a vampire drinks not only satiates their hunger but it also flows through their veins to give a semblance of… being alive, I guess. It’s why if a vampire hasn’t fed in a while they start to turn colder (in a temperature sense), look a bit more pallid, and generally look a bit worse for wear. (Of course, the blood that you’d bleed isn’t actually yours but that’s just semantics.)

Is silver something that vampires or werewolves should generally avoid?

Not at all! No one truly knows how that myth started up— some suspect it was just a ploy to make Hunters think they had the advantage when they actually didn’t— but it’s not the case in the slightest.

In fact, when the Voltaire Family has to host the annual unity ball (let’s just call it that) wherein Hunters attend, Scarlett wears silver everything (necklaces, rings, etc), because it’s a long proven myth that’s been debunked but is still a wound in the Hunters ego. She has a blast every time she sees their faces. (For those wondering why Hunters would be allowed near other supernatural species, it’s because since the supernatural world has tried to integrate with humanity they haven’t really needed to be in supply. They’re more bounty hunter type things now, going after criminals and the like.)

Does the full moon have an influence over werewolves like in the myths?

Yes and no. Younger wolves, that haven’t really learned control, or haven’t been trained accordingly, can be swayed a bit more by the moon, but it doesn’t force them to shift, nor does it turn them into mindless hunting machines. However, the legend does have a kernel of truth on why the myth started in the first place. Centuries before, when the supernatural world was still hidden, werewolves typically had big hunts on the night of the full moon, as it gave off more light, and one pack in particular was quite… ruthless. Stories spread of it, of that pack and it’s unrelenting intensity, and the werewolf myth with the full moon began.

Some wolves do get a bit grumpy during it though. Not because the moon is doing something, but because people always have something to say about it. (Sloane has never had a good time.)

Are Phoenixes weakened by the cold? Are there any species that are?

Phoenixes are quite hardy, they have to be, but do they enjoy being in colder weather? Not particularly, but it’s not something that’d be of great detriment to them. Are they comfortable? Not really. Would they be able to survive? Yes. It’s something that they could do, in a sense, but wouldn’t particularly enjoy. Though Ice Phoenixes feel the exact same way about fire.

As for other species? The underwater species tend to avoid heat, at least an excessive force of it, due to the fact that it feels like they’re drying out (though it just depends on the different types), but I’ll have to go back through my notes to look at specific species! I’ll have to remind myself to make a post about that!

Do Phoenixes get reborn?

They used to. It’s a gift that has since been lost. For reasons that you’ll uncover within the game.

How large are Phoenixes?

Phoenixes, at least when you’re talking about the shifters, vary in sizes from a Peregrine Falcon to a Martial Eagle.

However, actual Phoenixes, where the name was derived from, were much bigger and would easily be able to carry a person. (Like with Dragon Shifters, actual dragons are always bigger.)

Unfortunately, Phoenixes have gone extinct and only the ones that had been blessed with their gift are left.

How big is C’s shifted form?

C is quite large for the typical Phoenix. They have a wingspan of about, roughly in any case, 13-14 feet.

Shadow Kin specification?

It’s more corporate type espionage, at least in the scope of Midnight Sun, but afterward, you can HC your MC taking various other paths!

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizziepop Take: Let's talk about Millie's fight scene in "Exes And Oohs"

So, I saw a post talking about Millie's fight in "Exes And Oohs" and how it was kinda annoying because it followed clichés that every badass fight scene follows (like Millie coming out unharmed at the end or her being able to dodge very shot or bullet that came her way). While I don't know the original poster of this argument, I do have some thoughts on it, so lets get into it!

So the post in question stated something along the lines of the scene was cool but cliché and seemingly overdone in that sense, claiming that it takes away from the badassery of her scene because she comes out on top and unscathed and her opponents seemingly do nothing but take it up the ass (quite literally in one part).

I disagree. I mean, yeah, the badassery can have a greater effect when our protagonist comes out at least a little messed up, but we're talking about literal demons; of course, they'll have different skill sets and abilities that aide them in things revolving around destruction, death, etc. Not to mention, Millie is from the wrath ring where violence is an occurrence so normal that no one bats an eye at her having a body count over the festival games or Sallie Mae dragging a body through the background of that same scene, meaning that her and those in her family likely have multiple stories involving violence to that degree, on top of her job now being murder for hire so she's likely never had an extended period in her life where violence wasn't a big part of normality to her. It makes sense for her to have the skills and ability to come out on top and unharmed more often than not if that's true.

Now, because violence has been such a major influence in her life, our lovely little imp's attack was not only vicious, but it was quick and she did most of it with a smaller knife or her bare hands, even using a dildo as a weapon at one point, as well as her boss at another. Given the fact that Millie moved with a feline-like precision and the speed of a puppy with the zoomies on crack as she ripped the skeletons out of the shark demons she fought or split them crotch to skull, I don't think anyone had much of a chance to stop her once she and Blitz drove through that wall.

In all honesty, Blitz only jumped in to help her once (twice if you count her using him as a weapon at one point) so it was essentially one little imp against at least a dozen other demons and it shouldn't have been possible for her to win. But she did. And I think the reason Millie came out on top, aside from just her sheer rage over the situation her husband was in, was because she was underestimated by everyone there. Crimson himself even shouting, "She's a dame! She's a broad, kill her!" when his much larger, primarily male staff couldn't contain Millie as she used their size and lack of speed and agility against them until only she was left standing. And while that was probably the most badass thing I've see from her in this series, I don't think that's actually what this scene was supposed to be about.

I think the point this scene was trying to make with each cliche trope it contained was packed into the end of the scene and solidified by the last scene in the episode. Why? Because after killing at least a dozen demons, most larger than her and toting far more weaponry, Millie didn't touch Crimson or Chaz. She could've killed them both for what they did but instead, she grabbed her man and threw him over her shoulder before leaving. And what's more interesting is that Crimson let it happen. He let it happen because he knew that despite being 'a dame', she could end him the way she ended every one of the men he sent her way, and that just didn't sit well with him.

Crimson letting the group leave was huge because it was an admission of defeat, a show of weakness at the hands of the someone he's always seen as the weaker sex, and it left him open to become a reoccurring character later in the series. After having his plan fucked up by a woman and an idiot in a car, and almost being scammed by a broke, sex obsessed shark who can't fuck, he'll feel a need to redeem himself when he comes back, meaning the next scene we see him in may involve a lot more carnage because now he knows he has to account for the fact that Moxxie has at least one person who care about him enough to go absolutely ballistic over him being put in any kind of danger, so if he's gunning for his son, he has to get through Millie at the very least. And after seeing him put a knife through a picture of his son's head, we know he's most definitely looking to take him the fuck out. And for all of us who are getting tired of seeing Moxxie only being a damsel in distress most of the time, a storyline like this could mean he finally gets the chance to not only save the others, but stand up to his dad on a more equal playing field than he had in his childhood home where he was promptly tazed, tied up, and forced to stand at the alter with someone who betrayed him once already.

Though I could definitely be reading way farther into this than I need to, this one action packed scene where Millie absolutely killed the game (pun very much intended) could set up so much more because of the clichés that were used to convey something more than actually outright stated. I feel like that type of thing is very much on brand for Vivziepop and hope our next scene featuring Crimson as our antagonist shows the anger I think was fueled by this loss and a plan to try to come back from it because it would be a great watch. Regardless of my take on it or if any of my thoughts hold any truth, I'm excited to see the direction the next episodes take us.

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Could we get some more Captain America vore with gut crush? Maybe involving him eating Spidey, but either way!

Oh he's a good one for that!

"Yeah, sure kid, I can show you how I keep my body fed," Captain A.merica says casually. That S.pider-Man guy is a walking fanboy, it seems, or at least seriously looks up to the heroes. So when C.ap got cornered by the guy with questions about his diet, he just couldn't pass up the opportunity. Those 'S.pidey senses' don't do much good once the web-slinger's head has been shoved into C.ap's drooling jaws. Lean meat like this is always good for the body, C.ap figures, and he doubts that anyone's going to miss the kid enough to investigate him. S.pider-Man does his best to struggle, but thick gulps slurp the smaller male down with ease, that spandex suit only making it so he slides right down the hatch with no problem. Cap's abs bloat out in front of him as he tanks S.pider-Man. Feisty thing, too, doing his best to squirm around even in the tight confines of the super soldier's gut. C.ap places a hand on the bulge his meal's head makes. He can feel the vibrations of the poor guy talking but nothing's getting through at all. "As you can see, my body needs a pretty steady dose of protein. I've figured out that nothing quite hits the spot like human meat does." S.pider-Man yells something and he can feel the hero's hands pushing out as much as they can against his gut. It doesn't do much. "In fact, my body's gotten so good at it that..." C.ap presses his hand down and flexes his stomach. S.pider-Man lets out a loud scream, followed shortly by several cracks and crunches of his body being eviscerated in seconds. A meaty belch rumbles out of C.ap as he pushes all the air out, along with S.pider-Man's mask, which splats against the wall and sticks there. Already, C.ap's abs are back, as if nothing had ever been inside. He gives his gut a lazily rub as he gurgles and licks his lips. "...all it takes is a single flex to pump a fully-grown man into fuel. Too bad guys can only see it in action once..." He pats his stomach a few times and lets out a content sigh. Tasty kid...maybe he'll snack on a couple more heroes. He's always wanted to try it...

Captain A.merica is hardly the only big eater on the team. If anything, he thinks T.hor and H.ulk might outclass him with the way they eat. He's willing to put it to the test, though. He has the two of them agree to a little game the next time they go out together--see how many civilians they can mulch in an hour. Highest score gets the prize. There was hardly any hesitation from the other two and they went off to eat. C.ap knew how to win this though. H.ulk is a big brute, but he's not subtle, and smaller people are usually able to get around him if needed. Thor has charisma on his side but he's also a show-off that gets easily distracted. C.ap knew that if he was meticulous, he'd win, so he made sure there was a system to it. He used a mall as his personal hunting grounds, slurping down shoppers and workers alike. They'd disappear into his gut, get maybe a second to realize they're fucked, and then his abs flex and they're dead with a belch. With that system in place, C.ap far exceeds what the other two are able to do. H.ulk prowling the streets left a few empty cars around, and the trashed bus gave him a handful of meals, but he only got half of what C.ap was able to. T.hor took on bars and was able to empty a few out, but he took too much time showing off and wasn't able to win. In the end, C.ap came out victorious, his gut demolishing over fifty men in just an hour with barely an inch of pudge to show for it. He got his congratulations from the other two and, of course, the question of what he's won. The easy answer--a couple of massive meals. H.ulk went down first, a sore loser to the end as he tries his best to fight back. He was strong and bulky, but C.ap was able to gulp him down after starting with his fists. He roared a lot once he was tanked and it took C.ap a few tries, but eventually, that massive brute started breaking down with each flex. Thick bones snap and crunch, powerful muscles get mulched down into slop, and H.ulk lets out one last defiant roar before C.ap lets out his own in a massive belch that snuffs out the last of his meal's fight. Through it all, T.hor just watched. He didn't seem too worried about what happened, thinking his godhood would keep him safe from C.ap's gut. So he didn't resist at all when he was greedy slurped down by his teammate and left to stew in what remained of H.ulk. T.hor was right, at first, with C.ap's gut flexing over and over but not doing any damage for a while. But that resistance didn't last when C.ap presses his gut against a wall and flexes with all his might. T.hor let out a cry, followed by a series of crunches as his body is forced to compact. A thick belch escapes C.ap, shaking the building he used to flatten his teammate down to its foundation. He proved himself the superior predator and it felt good. He'll have to find more people to do this with.

"You can't do this to me!" T.ony demands as he tries to thrash around. His hands are stuck in C.ap's gullet, though, and he's only sinking deeper with each gulp. T.ony didn't think they'd lose this badly, but C.ap proved him wrong. Everyone who had tried to fight on his side was sent down the hatch and pulverized by the hero's powerful stomach. T.ony was the only one left, and he was going down, suit and all. C.ap's jaws close over his mask and he's sent down with a final gulp, forcing him to curl up inside the hero's stomach. C.ap belches thickly, patting his gut a few times. Not the tastiest meal he's had, but sometimes that's not the point. "It didn't have to come to this," C.ap says to his stomach. "But you forced my hand. They're all dead because of you...and now, you are, too." His stomach flexes. Metal twists and crunches and he can hear T.ony yelling in his gut. Another flex and it gets more compact, less recognizable as a person. C.ap's stomach was capable of handling anything after all the engineering that was done on him and T.ony is finding that out firsthand as his suit folds and breaks around him. With another flex, T.ony screams as his body starts to fold as well. C.ap takes a deep breath and flexes one last time, the sound of crunching echoing from his stomach. He belches deeply, a dented helmet flying out of his jaws and bouncing along the ground. His stomach is half the size now, no sign of T.ony or his suit visible from the outside. C.ap wipes his mouth and grabs the helmet. A lot of heroes died this day, each one compacted down in his stomach. But hopefully, something like this won't have to happen again. Well...even if it does, his stomach can handle it.

[midnightkolrath]

Oh boy, its thinking time again.

Though this time, I'm thinking about Mainline Dante and the "Black Sheep" for most fans, DmC Dante. Personally, I don't mind him and he grew on me in some cases. As much of a mess DmC is, playing through it recently after several years....I've seen crumbs of what could've been better than what we were given.

Of course, there's other things about the game that fairly rubs off on hardcore fans and I'm not gonna excuse the bad parts...[ahem] but there's things I like. The world building, parts of the lore....what they were trying to do with Dante as a character in the world setting...alas, I'll probably go on a talk about that stuff another time.

On topic of what I was going to talk about though. I was thinking back on the common reception of DmC and the fanarts of Main Dante beating the shit out of DmC Dante and I got to thinking...what if they actually DID meet each other? Would they respond similarly to these fan vent interpretations accordingly to their characters?

The answer, I think, would be a yes.

Not in the violent and aggressive "I hate you immediately" way, though. For this, I'm going to use DMC5 Dante for Main Dante, for the sake of how I've proccessed this inner question for myself.

For those who've played DmC and know of that Dante (and have paid attention to the story despite the icks), we know he's a fighter. He's been raised in the world that way due to his tragic and shitty upbringing. Same with him having anger issues amongst other things. He shares the impulsive nature Dante used to have back in Pre-DMC1 and DMC3, but cranked up abit.

He'd likely see Main Dante and purposely try to start shit cause he is a little shit like that. He's a teenager who's been through so much shit that he does not meld with people at all at first. He hates authority, is full of spite...yeeeeah....

I think Main Dante would entertain him and be willing to throw down with him because hell, man also loves a good fight and knowing this kid is another version of him? He'd be all over that to see just what the kid's made of.

Though I'd take this fight as Main Dante also trying to help the kid let off some steam, similar to how he handled Nero back in DMC4 when he was steamed and keen to rescue Kyrie and helped him regain a cool head before continuing on his quest.

The big difference between Nero and DmC Dante though, is that DmC Dante has even BIGGER anger issues. He's more violent. More spiteful. Fueled by how much worse he had it growing up. Had to watch his mother's heart get ripped out by Mundus, got seperated from his twin brother and had his memory sealed away....then he also had to deal with being in an orphanage ran by demons, in several foster homes and correction facilities (also, no surprise, ran by demons) so he went through alot of abuse growing up. Its how he knows the usual procedure of being detained and tries to give Kat advice as she's being arrested later on in the game.

He spent his entire life basically having to fight for it with no other choice.

As much of an edgy mess DmC is, it had so much messed up backstory for Dante himself...like aside from all the painfully forced edge of the setting most of the time....I can appreciate what they've molded in the cracks for the setting. Its fucked because the world he's in is fucked.

Anyway. Main Dante would probably let him get so much venting out through fighting, maybe try and try and help him work out his issues. Especially if this is seasoned DMC5 Dante. He's done it with Nero, he would do it again. It'd take alot and I mean ALOT of time I'd feel and I think Main Dante would even snap at DmC Dante over a few things, buuuut....I also feel like it'd eventually simmer down to a mutual understanding. Hell, Main Dante would likely see abit of his Pre-DMC1 and DMC3 selves in him. Kid's just abit more messed up and would need things drilled in more, but it IS stated that DmC Dante has a big heart buried beneath all that he displays. Hell, he shows it a few times in the game. He has a few moments.

I won't try and change minds on how people see him because I know DmC is a touchy subject for most hardcore fans and I get it, but you know. Personally, with it being an alternate reality at this point now that's still recognized by Capcom officially, I see it as harmless nowadays. We got mainline DMC swinging back, so its pretty much just there, haha.

I won't go into powerscaling (because that's a whole other beast of a rabbit hole I don't wanna poke into yet, even if I do think our Mainline Dante would win...the details of it will be thoughts for another time), but considering the circumstances of their characters and how situational it may be.....its just a thought. I dunno, the braincells just decided to think about this topic tonight, lmao.

[blackjackkent]

I've been thinking a lot about that disapproval that Karlach gave when Hector asked who we were fighting after we got pulled into the Stone Lord/Nine-Fingers battle. I'm still not sure what the actual intention behind that disapproval was, but decided to take a stab at rationalizing it, at least for Hector's playthrough specifically.

----

"Something's bothering you, love..." Hector comments to Karlach as they begin climbing wearily back up towards Rivington from the beach.

"That obvious?" she asks with a slight, wry smile.

"Maybe not," he says mildly. "But I pay attention."

She nods and is quiet for a moment, thinking. "I don't like this. Us making friends with that group, out of nowhere."

He nods slowly. "I can't say I was overly pleased with it either. The situation snuck up on us a bit."

"Yeah." She frowns. "The Guild's nothing to mess around with. People usually don't end up in bed with them by accident."

He nods slowly. "A dangerous game - and one where we can't see all the pieces." He pauses and tilts an eyebrow up at her curiously. "But... forgive me if this is an indelicate question, but weren't you with such a band of criminals yourself, before Avernus?"

Her eyes flick away from him and he watches a brief ripple of flame roll along her skin. "I was, yeah. Gortash was no big patriar when I knew him. He was black market smuggling, arms dealing. And I kept him safe." She smiles bitterly. "Until I didn't anymore."

He knows this is a difficult, sensitive subject for her, so he chooses his words carefully. "I might have thought this Guild group would seem like familiar ground, then."

She shakes her head sharply and scowls. "That's the problem, Hec. All too familiar. I've seen what that life does to people. It makes people like Gortash. It makes backstabbers and traitors and liars, who rip up someone's whole life for fun, for a deal, even though all they ever gave was their best--!" Her voice cracks abruptly and she comes to a halt in the middle of the path, her shoulders heaving with sudden sharp breaths.

He stops next to her at once, reaches out to take her hand and hold it while she calms. "I'm sorry," he mutters. "I shouldn't have brought it up..."

"It's fine," she answers shortly, but then she's quiet for a minute or so, steadying her breathing, staring down into the rough sand below their feet.

"I've seen how that shit changes people," she finally says quietly. "And I don't want you to change too."

His eyes narrow in understanding and compassion and he interlaces his fingers tightly with hers.

"You're always trying to do the right thing," she goes on. Her tone eases a little, though her eyes still look haunted by the memories they've called up. "And trying to get us to do the right thing too." She manages a slight grin. "Even Astarion, against his will." She draws a slow breath, lets it out shakily. "You start working with the Guild, in the underbelly... I've seen how fast people lose the good in them."

He nods, tugs her hand to his lips and presses a kiss to her knuckles. "I'm not going to just stand here and say, 'Of course I won't,'" he says after a moment's thought. "Because what you're talking about is serious, and I know it is. But I will watch for it. And we'll watch for each other." He smiles slightly at her. "The smoothest journey comes from neither horse nor cart but from a friend on the same road."

He's relieved to see a slight grin in answer. "Monk proverb?"

"I heard it from a traveling merchant who passed the monastery, actually," he says mildly. "Wisdom grows in all places." A pause. "We both want to see this through - to do the right thing. So we will help each other stay on the right path, while we navigate these darker routes. And I promise you I have no interest in what the Guild can offer me, beyond information about our greater enemy."

She nods slowly. He sees her shoulders relax, the tension starting to leave her eyes. "Good. OK." She squeezes his hand. "Thanks, Hec."

[mdhwrites]

10 Years In And My Biggest Mistake As a Writer

I let my writing fear the void all of me is terrified of.

This isn't going to be a fun one about cancelled works or bad ideas. This is your reminder that I've been a writer for ten years. I've been in therapy for 8 3/4s and depressed for roughly half a year before that. But if I look upon the failures of me as a writer, especially with how I am now, it's kind of impossible to ignore.

I fear silence in all things. I compulsively check everywhere I post when I post because my brain is terrified of having done something wrong. For this to be when I lose everything because of a mistake. It perceives everything I do as a mistake waiting to collapse in on itself. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and that's just kind of a part of that. I am a MUCH more scared person than I probably come across as in these blogs.

With my writing though... The only fanfics I've written since getting on Ao3, with the exception of one I want to convert still, I haven't posted are because I have to brace myself when I post my works and for these works, I just never found the strength despite liking them. It was so bad at one point that I would be in essentially meltdown mode for an entire day after posting something because of the standards my brain had for what should be a success. What even could be a success. What meant that the work had not been thrown into the void.

What meant the time had not been a waste and only done more damage. And yes, this has affected my content. I've talked in my Discord about how it's MUCH harder for me to even consider writing erotica because that's not the audience I have. I know if I made a big erotic work again and was really open about it, pushed it like my other books, I would lose a not insignificant amount of people with 'NSFW DNI' in their bios. The silence I'd get is almost as terrifying as the backlash I'd potentially get, even if I have ALWAYS had this twin nature to my writing.

So how do I ever fight that? Well... Essentially with manic energy. I have described most of my books as having been written in sprints. These periods where an idea is so strong in my head that it fills the void. I don't hear it because ALL of my being needs to be working on the project. I have trouble doing literally anything else and just work and work until the story is done. Of course, any crack during these time periods becomes MUCH worse as it's holding back the void, not eliminating it. My worst nights always come when I'm manic.

And in terms of my analytical blogs, well... There's a reason I do TOH mostly. I can get emotional enough talking about TOH that even if it doesn't always come across in the blog, that annoyance and anger manages to block out the void as well. To help me remember that I know what I'm talking about and can do something with that fact, just like I know I'm a good writer who people enjoy when my inspiration for a story takes hold. But have you ever wondered why I don't do more blogs for Star Rail? I just feel so much more uncertain, for a lot of reasons, when it comes to my opinions with that game and don't usually have the fervor to help coalesce those into something more concrete or strong enough to get on the page without panicking and shelving it.

And I want to make something clear about all of this: It is good to understand your audience. It's good to be open and inviting to criticism so as to make yourself better at what you do. You shouldn't let that make you afraid to do what you want to do. You should meet your creative passions with the enthusiasm of a fanfic writer just wanting to explore the thing they love, regardless of reaction or attention or reward. You should be happy to be cringe in your creation as that will set you free.

I just wish I knew how to make it so my mind could accept that wisdom instead of saying, "Okay but not for you."

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.