#Not worth the trouble of eating

[askbloatedbellyblog]

When an SNL skit makes you think of Zapp Renfro vs the Chicken God of Death.

[azfellandco]

like it's very complex but also it's very simple: Aziraphale and Crowley love each other because they are not very good at being what they are supposed to be.

[serene-ly]

“If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

― Bob Marley, Bob Marley: Guitar Chord Songbook

[asinglesock]

I slept so much today AND we're falling back tomorrow so I get even more time to sleep AND I'm only working at caregiving job this month so my work is going to be contained to regular business hours <3 <3 <3

[everysongineverykey]

so-called doomerists when "If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends. And if you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot... no, imagine a sneaker, laces trailing, kicking a pebble; imagine a stick, to poke at interesting things, and throw for a dog that may or may not decide to retrieve it; imagine a tuneless whistle, pounding some luckless popular song into insensibility; imagine a figure, half angel, half devil, all human... Slouching hopefully towards Tadfield. ...for ever."

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[david-watts]

been developing even more of a restricted diet because of that one devilish medication (can't eat beans, certain junk food, capsicum got upgraded from 'don't like but can eat' to 'can't eat', certain cheeses, and frozen fish fillets anymore) but the worst one is curry. the smell of it makes me want to vomit :(

[necromancy-savant]

So here's what happened: I went in, panicked for 24 hours straight, cried so much the skin around my eyes is now red and raw, paced back and forth on the verge of screaming for help due to all the noises and all the people with no stop to it, and I dropped out and went home. I still want to stay sober, and I'm considering calling tomorrow to re-enroll in the outpatient so I can just go during the day and go home to my apartment at night

[notfknapplicable]

god fucking DAMNIT some of my homegirls wanna go out to eat on a weeknight and at first they wanted to go to an overpriced steakhouse for restaurant week (their rw menu only has ONE option and it's a 5oz sirloin for $45 - fuck outta here!) and I vetoed that but now we're gonna be sitting on the patio of a really expensive Italian restaurant during some of the worst summer heat in world history. Honestly I just do not want to go. All they're gonna do is humble-brag about shit that doesn't matter and talk shit about other women and make me be outside during the worst of the summer heat. But now I have to go because I made them change the reservation. Also I just paid my rent and I really don't wanna blow money like this before my next paycheck, but that's literally the following morning so I guess that works. But fuck. These three love pantomiming as rich bitch mean girls and I simply do not fuck with it.

[cxpperhead]

Fruit is one of the things Copperhead loves eating the most but one fruit in particular is as troubling as it is delicious. That fruit would be none other than fresh pineapple, a delicacy that tastes incredible but also has the nasty drawback of burning his tongue and screwing with his Jacobson's Organ. After consuming pineapple, Copperhead will be unable to pick up scents for a few hours until his tongue has recovered from the acid burns, making it a rare and risky treat.

[bumblingest-bee]

im going to be so real i loved watcher but i was not parasocially attached enough to them to be upset about them ditching youtube so im eating metaphorical popcorn reveling in the instant karma of it all. i would give anything to see steven lim's face right now

[korattata]

it is so so unfair that pulling an all nighter as an adult makes you feel like you're literally dying.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Wtf even is self care when you're chronically ill? What do you do when everything hurts you and you can't get help?

[todayisafridaynight]

if i think bout ichi going to jiro kasuga's grave and arakawa accompanying him Maybe At Least Once i just might explode

[disengaged]

Hey pegs! I hope you’re doing well and feeling better💖

I know a lot of Metallica fics over the last 2-3 years have had a very recurring “cannibalistic/horror/gore” theme to them. It seems to be a fan favorite as well seeing how many kudos these types of stories would get! I know I am not opposed to them at all. But I guess my question is: what are your views on “cannibalism as a metaphor for love”?

Hopefully this serves as a distraction to some degree, and once again I hope you feel better soon!

cannibalism as love ... well! it clicks for me, it makes some kind of intuitive sense. the experience of love (i.e. the act of loving another) is so often conceived as being utterly all-consuming, it makes logical sense for media depictions to extend to literal consumption. i see it as symbolism of the ... somewhat-necessary loss of the self/parts of the self involved in such an emotionally-involved affair (?), but also ... it's an exploration of what it means to give oneself to another. the vulnerability, the intimacy, the power exchange—it's devotion, it's sacrifice, it's mutual complicity in tumbling down the rabbithole (the taboo, the Other; to eat your lover is a freakish thing to do). it can be tender, loving, cruel, brutal, abusive, or any combination of the above, but any way you shake it, it's ... perhaps the most extreme version of dedication. easy to romanticize, easier to eroticize.

i'm speaking mainly about consensual cannibalism here, but i think it goes without saying the non-consensual murder kind has endless potential, too.

[widevibratobitch]

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