#Not the first time I've had shit like this happen too

[judesdrabbles]

The Cure (part IV)

As you agree to go home with Vincent after a rough night, things unfold differently than you thought they would.

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

A/N: this is the last part of the series! I’ll continue to write other one shots / headcanons / series for Vincent and other oc’s, so if you have any suggestions or commissions don’t be afraid to ask! <3

Also, this is the first time I’m writing smut / nsfw stuff, so I hope you guys can enjoy it hahaha. For this part it’s important to read part 3 first!

word count: 2.5K

warnings: nsfw!!, obsessive tendencies, sexual themes, misuse of power position, foul language, afab reader

The hum of the car engine was a low, soothing backdrop as Vincent drove trough the quiet streets. You stared out the window, watching the city lights blur together. The adrenaline from earlier had faded, leaving you with a hollow ache in your chest. The remainder of the alcohol in your system was wearing off, too. In summary: you felt like shit.

Vincent glanced at you, his knuckles tight on the steering wheel. 'You're quiet.' He says. 'Are you alright?'

You hesitated, biting your lip. 'I don't know if 'alright' is the word I'd use. Tonight was embarrassing. Humiliating.'

His brow furrowed. 'You have nothing to be embarrassed about. What happened tonight was out of your control.'

You shook your head, still staring out the window. 'No, it’s not just that. It’s the whole reason I even went out tonight, you know.' You pause. 'Vincent, I've been stuck in this.. rut. So I thought, why not? Go out, have a few drinks, meet someone, and well, maybe even-..' You stopped yourself, your cheeks heating up as you realized what you were about to say to your own psychiatrist, none the less.

Vincent's eyes flicked to you briefly before returning to the road. 'Maybe even what?' He asked. He knew exactly what. He just wanted to hear you say it.

You exhale sharply. 'To- uh.. get laid. Forget everything for a while.'

The silence that followed was deafening. You glanced at him, unsure of what to expect. His jaw was clenched, and his hands gripped the wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. He didn’t speak for several long moments, and when he finally did, his voice was low, almost strained.

'And, did it work?' he asked. 'Did you.. find what you were looking for?'

You let out a hollow laugh. 'Obviously not. I ended up in a dark alley with a creep instead. Guess that's what I get for being desperate.'

Vincent didn't have a lot to remark. You didn't expect him to.

The rest of the drive was oddly quiet.

'We're here.' Vincent said after a while, parking his car in his driveway and turning off the engine. He led you into his spacious house, a place so pristine and meticulously arranged it almost felt cold. Every detail was flawless: the lines of the furniture, the faint scent of wood polish in the air, the sharp angles. It felt like him- controlled, ordered, and yet, beneath it, something kind-of human, if not a little fractured. 'I'll get you some water. Go sit, I'll be back.'

The hollow ache in your chest tightened up again as you look at him walk to the kitchen.

Why did he care so much?

It was like everything hit you all at once.

He was just your psychiatrist.

Why did he even invite you in the first place? Fight that random man? Why was he quiet whenever you talked about your love life? He always seemed to go out of his way for you. He was a cold and stoic man. Then why does he care so much? He wasn't supposed to.

You sit down on his couch as you stare at the walls. You feel like you could burst open.

And then was that guy, that guy from the alleyway.. Why didn't you do more? Scream louder? Why did you freeze back there?

'Here is your wa-'

'I let it happen. Why did I just let it happen?’ You blurt out.

Vincent stops in his tracks, standing still with two glasses of water in his hands.

'I'm sorry?'

'I let it happen- I..' You stand up. 'I didn't do shit. I could've screamed, I could've kicked. I was frozen. I was useless.. What kind of person just.. lets that happen, Vincent?'

Vincent puts down both of the glasses on a nearby coffee table. Then, he walks over to you.

'Don’t do this. Don’t twist this around and make it about something you did wrong.' He says sternly, his voice piercing trough you. 'You didn't let anything happen. You were scared. That’s normal. That’s human.' He drags a hand through his perfectly combed hair, mussing it in a way that looked unnatural on him. 'You’re not a machine, Y/N. You don’t have to be perfect, to know exactly what to do in any situation.’

'Perfect.' You echoed bitterly. 'That's funny coming from you.' The words tumbled out before you could stop them. Vincent expression shuttered, his lips forming a thin line.

'I know what you're trying to say.' He says, his voice tight but still calm. 'And, yes, you're right. I.. do like to have everything.. perfect. I used to think that was the only way I could keep everything under control.’ He glances around the neat room, the perfectly arranged books in the bookshelves; the tables empty, no dust; everything spotless like no one lives in his house. ‘But it doesn't work like that.'

You feel tears bubbling up. No. Not now.

'Why do you even care so much anyway, Vincent?' You let out. 'You're my psychiatrist, for Christ's sake. I'm not supposed to be here. Were not.. supposed to have this conversation.'

Vincent's eyes flickered with something, and for a moment, you thought he was going to walk away.

'Because I care about you, Y/N.’ He says after a while. ‘Not only during our sessions. Outside of it. More than I'd like to admit. More than I should. And more than is.. appropriate. I wish I could have control over that instead. But I don’t.’

Your breath caught in your throat, his confession hanging in the air. You furrowed your brow and stand up, walking over to him. You look up at him. He looks down at you. And for the first time since you met him all those weeks ago- you see something else in his eyes.

Insecurity.

'Oh..' you let out softly. Everything suddenly made sense.

You let him see you- know you. Week after week, you had laid open your feelings, all your secrets, bare to him. Only for him to unfold. Only for him to hear. And he was always there. Not only during your sessions, but after. When your car broke down, when a shady guy followed you, when you needed him- he was there.

'Y/N.' Vincent whispers softly, as if trying to pry you away from your thoughts. 'Will you let me show you how much I care?'

You were dumbfounded, but on the other hand, relieved. The hollow ache in your chest slowly disappeared on itself.

You nod slowly. ‘Okay.. Show me.'

The words seemed to break something in him. He got rid of the only space left between you, raising one of his hands and resting it softly on top of your cheek. His thumb brushed across your skin, holding you like you were something fragile.

This is what he had wanted. You were so perfect.

His resolve crumbled as he leaned in. His lips were tentative at first, brushing against yours as if testing the waters. But the moment you responded; tilting your head and getting closer, something in him snapped.

He cradled the back of your head as he pressed his lips against you. It was warm. Persistent.

With an undercurrent of desperation.

You kiss him back, clutching on his shirt as his other hand rests on your back, his thumb tracing soft circles against your skin, anchoring you to the moment. When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his breaths ragged. 'Tell me to stop,' he murmured, his voice hoarse. 'If this isn’t what you want, tell me, and I’ll stop.'

You shake your head. 'Don't stop. Please.'

Something in his eyes lit up when he heard you say 'please'. In that sweet, sweet voice. It was dangerous.

His hands tighten on your waist as he as he pushes you softly on the couch with him. You had never expected him to be this gentle.

But he was.

Only for you.

He kisses you again, and this time deeper, more insistent. With one hand cupping your cheek, he breaks the kiss apart to look at you. He was hovering above you, while you were basically melting into his touch.

'Y/N.' He says softly, as if tasting your name. 'You are so beautiful like this.' His fingers brushed over your cheek; you were getting red, panting softly.

There was so much that you wanted to say, yet you couldn't. Vincent's dark hair was disheveled and looming over you. He had always been handsome. You just never let yourself accept that.

'I don't know what to say, I-..'

'Shh, shh.' He said, pressing a finger to your lips. 'Then say nothing, sweetheart. I'll take care of you.'

His lips find your neck, nipping softly at it as he draws out a moan from your mouth. His hands find the hem of your sweater, slithering under it to grip on your soft flesh. His fingers were so gentle- so skilled. His eyes find its way back to you as his hands go higher, up to reach your breasts. He brushes softly against your nipple, as you let out a whine. Shit- It had been way too long since someone touched you. But no one ever touched you like this. Looking at you like you were literally the last woman on Earth, like there was only you. Time seemed to blur, the world outside fading away until there was only Vincent- the way his body fit against you, the way his whispered assurances made you feel like maybe, just maybe, you could let go of the doubts and let yourself be wanted.

'You're so gorgeous when you moan for me,' he says as he gets bolder, pinching one of your nipples between his fingers. He never wanted to let go. Never wanted to get off off you again. What did he do to deserve such a perfect woman, right here, on his couch?

'Vincent- fuck..' You let out when he rolled your nipples between his fingers again. 'Please don't stop- I.. I really.. want you.'

'Hmm?' A smirk on his face appeared. A genuine smirk. 'You're begging already? That's so sweet.' He leans in, bites softly on your earlobe and then whispers: 'I won't stop, okay? I'll make you feel so good. You deserve it.'

One of his hands stayed clasped around your breast, fondling it and teasing it while the other went out from under your sweater to your pants, unzipping them. 'Up.' He just says. You comply, and he takes off your pants until you're left on his couch with only your underwear covering you.

His other, warm hand disappear from your breasts and you're left with a cold feeling. 'Vincent..' You didn't care that you were sounding whiney. You wanted this man.

'Shh, I'll come back. Don't you want me here, too?' He says, smiling as one of his hands cup your heat. You blush; you were already basically dripping, and he didn't even touch you properly yet.

'Mhm..'

'Good.' He presses a soft kiss on your forehead, then lowers himself to line up his head between your thighs. He looks up at you, his dark eyes piercing trough you like knives. While planting soft kisses on your inner thigh, he lets his hand roam to your pussy. He was not pulling your underwear back. Not yet. He finds your clit and start to rub circles trough the fabric.

You moan loudly, feeling embarrassed as you try to cover your mouth He knew exactly what he did.

'No, no, no..' He says, taking your hand away gently while continuing to rub your clit. 'Don't. I want to hear you.'

The wet patch in your underwear only grows as Vincent finally decides to take it off, to stop the teasing. 'May I?' He says as he slips it off, hovering over your heat with his mouth.

You nod quickly. 'Yes, please.. you make me feel so good.'

A low groan escapes Vincent's mouth. 'Darling, you have no idea..' He delves in, starting to suck on your clit while tasting you.

You tasted so divine- How could he go his entire life without seeing you like this, melting under his touch, moaning under him? Where were you all this time? Oh, he'll make sure to make up for the lost time. It's the least he could do for you.

His mouth latched onto your clit. It made you tense, pleasure building up as one of his fingers start to tease your wet slit. He ate you out like you would expect him to: methodically, rhythmically. All the while keeping eye contact. Staring at you with dark, lust-filled eyes.

Two of his fingers push past your slit as your walls clench around it. You felt so warm- so good. Whenever his tongue wasn't lapping up your juices, he would repeat quiet praises to you.

'You are doing so good for me, sweetheart. You're so beautiful. You'll cum for me, hm?'

And then you felt it approaching, rapidly, like a dam breaking.

'Vincent- I'm gonna cum..-'

'Cum for me, sweetheart.'

You pant as your walls clench around his fingers. You cum all around them as Vincent continues to eat you out to prolong your orgasm. It was nothing like you had ever felt, and when you came down from the high, you felt your muscles relaxing and you let out a long sigh.

Vincent kisses your inner thigh before licking off your juices from his fingers, savoring the taste. He then sits down next to you on the couch, his hands wrapping around your waist, tilting you up to sit on his lap. Your wet cunt stained his perfectly neat pants, but he didn't mind. Not if it was you.

'I could get used to this.' You say after a while as he runs his fingers trough your hair. You hesitate, but then you lay down on his chest, your arms wrapped around his shoulders.

'Mmm. You better.' He says, his voice low. He had you. Finally. Right where he wanted. In his arms. In his home. Together. He kisses the crown of your head.

'Never knew my stoic doctor would be such a good kisser. On both lips.' You tease softly, feeling a certain something grow in his pants.

'Oh, yeah?' He gently tilts your chin towards him. 'Well, there are more things I'm surprisingly good at. Let me show you, hm?'

He wasn’t done with you yet; far from it. He was only done when you were a limp mess on his couch, and then he would continue to finger fuck you while you whimpered desperately on his lap. He wanted you to think of him, and only him, nothing and no one else.

‘Ah, hush, sweetheart. You can take more.’

[wardingshout]

Since I didn't draw anything for like half of 2024 I did an updated colour wheel instead! featuring only the newest of stuff I could find that fit.

I have also compiled a dump of many thoughts I want out of my head, like a little text post dump I guess. the tldr I guess I will just make "thank you".

Putting the most important thing first here which is. Every single time I catch myself thinking "no I need to draw smth other than alttp" a couple of very specific tags and messages pop into my head and I get so fired up to draw more alttp !!! the power I feel from that!!!!!

IIIIII feel like there used to be a way to do linebreaks but I can't remember how so my new text bit divider is random crap I can find lying around in my files

Ok here goes me being dramatic about something that only matters to me but feels so very important to get out for the sake of others too. I guess the gist of it is that tumblr is a rly important place to me and I'm so endlessly grateful for people always being so nice. at the end of the day I don't think I really care about much else in life than drawing and getting to share it with others makes it a much less lonely experience for me. I mostly just for myself, but I'm so grateful for the extra joy associated with posting it online too.

I feel a bit bad I can never seem to give back the kind of nice energy you guys give me. despite how much joy this place brings me, I'm just a naturally anxious person and I often chicken out of doing things myself. I'm so endlessly happy that people still bear with me or at least stick around to look at my art.

thanks to people's kindness I often find myself breaking out of the anxiety and getting a lot closer to initiating stuff myself, but I always get run over by some kind of irl issue instead, usually mental, but recently also physical health. I had so much fun on here this summer especially and I was so certain that this was the time I would make it last only for irl stuff to yet again show up and knock me out completely. every time that happens I feel like I have to rebuild whatever social bravery I had aquired from the beginning again and at this rate I won't ever get anywhere.

after weeks of very few work days, I feel like I'm finally rebuilding the courage to post and the concentration to manage drawing at all. it's not a lot of progress but I can feel it growing. from tomorrow it's back to full time work with no other breaks in sight and I'm scared my groove will be cut short already... I like my job but I've acknowledged I just can't thrive with full time work. I can bear it fine though, but it doesn't leave energy for much else in life.

I think the point here is. I know it's just social media but I've had so many good experiences on here and they're really precious to me. I hope one day I can be well enough to be that kind of influence for others too. my activity with art and presence online has become surprisingly reflective of how well or bad I'm doing irl, so I never I never want to give up on become a more present person.

the most important thing is art though, so finding the courage to get back to posting even if it's all I do, makes me happy too. thank you so much to everyone else who posts are too. I'm endlessly excited about all the cool things I get to experience and see online, thank you!

it is absolutely absurd how many drafts I have of just very frustrated moments where literally all I type is "if I have to be sick one more time I will lose my absolute mind holy shit" and having just been sick again? really feeling that !!!! it's also like. frustrating to feel you're making progress mentally and then you constantly get knocked into bed by phsyical health instead like come on I'm finally learning how to get Out of that place... and then every time you get sick, routunes have to be rebuild all over after, it suuuuucks....

I finally got a PC which has been absolutely life saving, However. I am still drawing on tegaki only... I'm so excited I can get back to bigger works on csp but I've gotten so used to seeing only my tegaki stuff, I'm scared of how much I'll suddenly hate my art when I see it differently again... hating your own art is probably a feeling that will never disappear but even so. I think I'm at a pretty content place right now and I'm worried about shaking it up. I can't let something like that knock me down when I'm only finally getting back to drawing regularly again... I already copied over the palette for some comfort so hopefully I can find a brush that feels similar too! at least I'm super excited about getting to pick some more colours !

and a very belated tag game thing !! I completely lost the original post by now but it was from @lele5429 and I've had it in my drafts this whole time, so better late than never to fill it out!

Last song: Alt Hvad Jeg Vil by Von Quar

Fav colours: warm yellows or light oranges!

Last book: switching between Assassin's Quest and Our Wives Under The Sea!

Last movie: The Princess Bride I think?? it was long ago so I feel like I'm forgetting something else though...

Last tv show: my roomie and I binged Twin Peaks season 3 as well as most of True Detective over christmas break we went Ham

Sweet/spicy/savoury: sweet !!

Relationship status: not interested

Last thing I googled: "nosferatu rats"... I see.....

Current obsession: alttp auish shenanigans... this one has not changed since I first drafted my response to this... on one hand I feel like I'm just filling out the gaps between games, but on the other it's getting very close to full au stuff... I always wanted to draw comics but had no ideas and for the first time in my life I'm drowning in ideas and fully held back by fear and skills haha

Looking forward to: actually surprisingly nothing at all? I'm looking forward to whatever good times I can create for myself I guess. the last few things I was looking forward to didn't go so well, so maybe it's nice to have nothing but the most normal and boring daily life ahead haha

[stars4noah]

HALLEY'S COMET- two.

{WARNINGS}: swearing, arguments, drinking, smoking weed, a soft noah moment, self-depreciating thoughts, cheating, abuse

w.c- 3,536

a.n- chapter 2 is out!! i'm slowly getting more ideas for this story and learning how to make it last longer and stuff like that. feedback is welcome of course! enjoy :)

if you would like to be added to the taglist, please comment.

{TAGLIST}: @lacy1986 @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

"what the hell happened?" a voice spoke, snatching away my attention. i looked up from my spot on the ground, being met with a worried and confused noah.

"this idiot-" the stage tech began, but noah cut him off. "first of all, lower your volume. and don't call her an idiot. [y/n], what happened?"

i bit my lip, nervous for his reaction. "i was walking to my place at the stage in ran into them. he spilled his coffee all over me, now my camera is fried and the lens is broken. which means no pictures tonight."

noah seemed to tense at my words. no pictures? he never just had no pictures. he sighed, running a hand over his face.

"you don't have a spare?"

i rolled my eyes. "not everyone is a millionaire like you, noah."

"drop the attitude." he said, and i tried to ignore the way arousal shot through my body with his stern tone.

"right, well, no pictures for you tonight."

"what, you can't take them on your phone or something?"

i looked at him like he was insane. "you can't be serious. the camera quality of a phone does not even begin to compare to that of an actual camera. i can't just waltz out there with my phone in my hand-"

"yeah, yeah, i get it. stop your rambling." he interrupted. "i guess we just won't have pictures tonight. you can sit in the green room until the show starts, just don't get in the way."

i furrowed my brows. "you're not upset?"

"of course i'm upset, but i've got other shit to worry about right now. you're not at the top of my priority list. we'll talk about it later."

i nodded, and without another word i walked out to the green room with some ruined clothes and a broken camera.

"woah, what happened to you?" nicholas asked as i walked in. "don't wanna talk about it." i said, throwing the camera on the couch and grabbing a drink from the fridge. white claw, of course. it seemed that's all noah ever drank.

"dude, you need some new clothes." he said.

"they're all back at the hotel." i countered.

"i'll get you some from the merch stand."

i turned around to look at him. "nick, it's really not that big of a deal."

he raised an eyebrow. "it's the middle of december, [y/n]. i'm not gonna let you freeze to death with coffee all over your clothes. stay here, i'll be right back."

i sighed, sitting down and placing my head in my hands. how could so much go so wrong in such a short span of time? it seemed impossible. and so incredibly frustrating.

nick came back with a change of clothes for me. a hoodie and some sweatpants. the rest of the show went by well. a lot better than usual, for some reason. but who was i to ask? just the photographer. just the photographer who fucked up the one thing-

"earth to [y/n]." folio said, waving his hand in front of my face.

"hmm?" i looked at him.

"i said we're heading to a bar soon. you gonna join us?" he asked. "oh, i dunno. i'm pretty tired, i might just head back to the tour bus."

"come onnnn! it'll be fun!" he said, throwing an arm over my shoulder. "please?"

i sighed, running a hand over my face. "fine, whatever. but you're buying my drinks. i think i lost my wallet."

we soon arrived at the bar, heading straight for the vip section. i sat down in a booth far away from the others, staring at the wall and sipping on my drink until someone sat down in front of me.

"what's on your mind?" noah asked, crossing his arms over his chest, and i tried my best not to stare at them for too long before looking back up at his face. "nothing." i lied.

"you suck at lying. talk to me." he said.

"why would i talk to you about my problems?" i asked, a little more attitude in my voice than what i meant to let out.

noah furrowed his brows. "i'm just trying to help you. put some effort in. come see me when you got your head out of your ass." he said, and then walked off.

i groaned, laying my head on the table. today has got to be the worst day ever.

i drank a little more than what i meant to, stumbling and laughing as we walked back to the tour bus, nicholas having to hold my arms so i didn't fall flat on my face.

"damn, princess. you're shit faced." noah laughed.

"fuck you." i spat.

"still being a brat, i see." he said, and i rolled my eyes. "don't have to point out the obvious."

"c'mon, lets sit down before you fall." nicholas said, and i reluctantly sat down with a huff.

"so, what were you thinking about earlier?" noah asked. "you first." i replied, he furrowed his brows.

"earlier today. you declined a smoke. you never do that."

he made an 'o' shape with his mouth, trying to decide if he wanted to tell the truth or not.

"don't lie to me." i said, noticing his hesitance.

"i've just got some personal problems going on. nothing big."

i snorted. "what, your girlfriend break up with you or something? wouldn't be surprised." noah clenched his jaw. "i said it's nothing."

"oh, shit. she did!" i laughed. "damn, how's it feel to be humbled?"

noah groaned, throwing his head back. "can you drop it? i don't want to talk about it."

"nah, i'd rather make fun of you instead. give you a taste of your own medicine."

noah was starting to become increasingly frustrated, his fists clenching at his sides. that should've been my first sign to stop, but i was relentless.

"[y/n], give the guy a break." nicholas said.

"no, he needs to know how it feels to be nitpicked at and made fun of over every small thing." i said.

"can you not be a bitch for five minutes? i dunno, show some empathy and compassion for others for once?" noah snapped.

"i dunno how you expect me to be nice to you when all you've ever shown me from day one is disrespect and anger!" i said.

noah laughed bitterly. "are you fucking blind? i try to be nice to you all the time. i try to show you that i'm trying to change and all you do is push me away!"

"and you expect me to believe that you're 'trying to change'? really? i'm not stupid, noah." i slurred.

"obviously you are. drinking that much. you ruined the fucking show tonight, you know that? you screw up everything all the time. no pictures, no media announcements, nothing. it's a wonder i haven't fired you." he spat.

he was a little drunk too, not completely understanding of the words that he just spoke to me. the words that nearly brought me to tears. but i wouldn't allow him to see them.

"good thing you don't have to. i quit." i said, storming out of the bus.

"[y/n], wait-" nick began.

"save it." i spat, drunkenly walking off down the sidewalk to only god knows where.

i ended up taking an uber back to the hotel, hastily packing my things while the others tried to talk me out of it. all of them except for noah. he was probably in his room or something, hooking up with some girl from the bar. why did i care?

"come on, just think about it. you're both drunk. it'll blow over by morning. please don't leave, [y/n], bad omens isn't bad omens without their photographer." jolly said.

i rolled my eyes, zipping up my suitcase. "i've dealt with this shit for ten years, jolly. tonight was the final straw. i'm fucking done. i quit. find a new damn photographer."

and with that, i stormed out.

weeks after the incident, my phone was blowing up non stop with messages from all four members. i was back home in LA, searching for other jobs.

i saw on instagram that they had replaced me with some 'temporary' guy named bryan, which i'm sure he would end up taking my place entirely. he did his job, and better than i did. his editing skills were immaculate, and the angles he could get were insane.

i would never be like him.

photography never was for me, anyways. i wasn't creative enough. every time i couldn't get a shot or edit a photo correctly, i would break down. i needed to perfect, and i was never even close to achieving that goal. nicholas always assured me that practice made perfect, but couldn't nearly 10 years of practicing be enough?

i shut off my laptop, giving up on my job search for the day, and checked my phone. more messages from the group. great. one message had caught my eye, though. from noah.

'[y/n], please come back. i didn't mean any of the shit i said, i was shit faced and talking out of my ass. you're incredibly talented, you shouldn't need someone to tell you that. you should be able to see it for yourself. i know you've seen that we got a new photographer, but he doesn't even compare to you and your skills. we need you, princess.'

i rolled my eyes, shutting off my phone and ignoring the message, just like i had with all the others. with a bottle of hennessy next to me, i lit up a joint, taking a few hits as i turned on the tv.

since i left, i'd been drowning myself in weed and alcohol. not really a good mix, but i wasn't in the right mindset to even care at this point. the only thoughts in my mind were self-depreciating ones. the ones telling me that i would never be good enough. that he was right to say all those things to me. i felt tears well up in my eyes again, and then there was a knock at my door.

figuring it was just a package or something, i ignored it. until it came again.

i groaned, putting out the joint and shuffling over to the front door before pulling it open.

"christ, [y/n], you look like shit." noah said, looking at me and grimacing at the faint scent of alcohol and weed.

"oh, gee, thanks." i said, moving to shut the door again, but he blocked it with his foot.

"wait." he said. "i want to talk to you."

for a brief moment, i considered letting him in. i wondered if the others had knocked some sense into him over the past two weeks. yeah, he was going through a lot himself, but that didn't give him any right to treat me like that. i huffed, remaining stubborn on keeping him out.

"i don't want to talk to you. go away." i said. "give me five minutes. if i can't change your mind, i'll leave. forever."

the thought of him leaving made my heart clench. i didn't want him to leave. i needed him to stay. for some reason, my life felt emptier without him. so i sighed, opening the door again and moving to let him in.

why was i feeling this way?

we sat on the couch, and i prayed he didn't say anything about the countless empty alcohol bottles and joint butts.

"first, i want to apologize. i know me being drunk isn't a proper excuse. hell, there's no excuse for the way i treated you, that night and over the years in general. you don't deserve that, [y/n]. and you were right to want to quit. but that doesn't mean you should. you are the most talented photographer i have ever met in my life. you're- you're beautiful, and funny, and its like you can make photos come to life. i know i said a lot of shit, but you have to believe me. i didn't mean it. any of it."

i finally looked at him. "you're such a liar."

he shook his head. "i'm not lying. you don't have to trust me. you can hate me all you want. yell, scream, cry and hit me. whatever makes you feel better."

i really was gonna take him up on that offer, but decided against it. "what do you want?"

"i want you to come back. you're like family, [y/n]. tour isn't the same without you."

i clenched my jaw. "and what, you think a half assed apology is gonna fix it? everything you said, everything you did? you broke me down all these years, noah, and now i have to pick up the pieces myself. fuck you."

"[y/n]-" "get out."

"what?"

i looked at him. "get. out. i don't want you here."

he sat stubbornly. "i'm not leaving. you're not in the right mindset, i know, but you can't just quit. we need you. we miss you."

i crossed my arms. "prove it."

he furrowed his brows. "what? how am i supposed to prove it?"

"prove that you're sorry. that you're willing to change for me to come back. because i won't be coming back to deal with your sour attitude for longer than i have to. i'm tired of it." i said, and he nodded.

"okay. i'll prove it."

noah canceled the next few shows, which i repeatedly told him was not necessary, but he refused. he was going to show me he cared.

he started off by helping me clean my house. at first, he started by himself, but i refused to let him do it himself. plus, there were some things that needed to be done a certain way or else it wasn't right and i'd have to do it all over again.

"jesus christ, how much did you drink? it's been like, two weeks." noah said.

"too much. i've had the world's worst hangover for the past three days." i said, and noah threw me a water bottle and a bottle of painkillers. "take those and sit down. you'll feel better soon."

"but-" "don't argue."

i sighed, taking the painkillers and washing it down with water before going to the couch and sitting down.

noah continued to clean, throwing away the takeout boxes and empty bottles and even going as far as to mop the floors for me.

maybe he really is trying to change.

i shook away the thought. he could be trying to manipulate me or something. make me think he's nicer and then immediately go back to being mean.

even though there was that nagging worry in the back of my mind, i fell asleep in the couch with the thought of maybe he really had changed. maybe there was a chance at actually being happy.

maybe i had a chance with him after all.

i woke up what i can only assume was hours later, only to find noah no longer in my home. no note, not text, nothing. i should've known better.

a thought crossed my mind. my house was already so clean. there was no use in dirtying it up even more. maybe i could try a different outlet.

so i grabbed a paper and pen, scrambling off random words onto the paper. just random things that came to my mind.

I don't want it. And I don't want to want you. But in my dreams I seem to be more honest. And I must admit, you've been in quite a few.

it wasn't a lie. often times, he would show up in my dreams. i couldn't remember what was happening, but i knew he was there.

silly me to fall in love with you.

falling in love with a man who wasn't available. how stupid could i be? it wasn't going to happen, anyways. even though he was single now, he was a prick. he hated me. i can't believe i ever thought i had a chance.

NOAH'S POV.

i knew it was wrong to leave her there like that. but i couldn't stop myself. when i recieved the message i had oh so desperately been waiting for from alyssa, my feet seemed to move on it's own. my thoughts drifted back to conversation i previously had with nick as i drive to her place. the place we used to share.

"she what?!" nick yelled.

"calm down, dude." i said, my eyes red with previously shed tears.

i'd just recieved a picture from a good friend of mine, keaton, of my girlfriend and some random dude kissing in the mall while i was out on tour. part of me felt relieved. i knew it was wrong, but over the past couple years, i'd been growing feelings for another woman. [y/n], to be exact. why did i feel this way?

"god, dude, i wish she was a man so i could beat her ass."

"i know. just.. stay. i don't want to be alone."

i met alyssa when i was on tour at the very beginning of my career. i bumped into her when i was on a coffee run for everybody, and the way she carried herself, her voice, and generally just everything about her had me to my knees immediately. she didn't know who i was. and frankly, it was a relief. i didn't want to date some crazy fan, so i asked for her number.

we hit it off almost instantly. the first date i kissed her. everything was going fine for the first couple months, and then she started disappearing more. leaving the house more and staying out later. she always assured me that she was just going out with friends, but deep down i knew it was something more.

and really, everyone could see it but me. she was borderline abusive. sometimes physically, but i would play it off as jokes and fun. it was obvious it wasn't when she started leaving bruises. mentally and physically. telling me i would never be enough. that i wouldn't be anything without her. when we argued, she would put me down so far that sometimes, it was hard to get back up. but i managed. i always did.

it might sound absurd. a large, 6'3 and well built man being abused by a woman. and though i looked like that on the outside, it was all just a front. i never wanted to hurt anyone. i never wanted to be mean. i just wanted to be held. to be loved. i wanted her to love me. i wanted her acceptance, because that was all that mattered to me.

that soon proved to be a mistake.

i sighed, pulling into the driveway and sitting for a moment. this was wrong. so horribly wrong. but i couldn't find it in me to leave. i needed to know why she did this. why she left me. was i not good enough? what did the other guy have that i didn't?

i walked into the house and she greeted me with tears, shocking me.

"noah, please. i'm so sorry. i-i didn't mean to, please. i need you, you're the only man i love, i swear!"

my heart jumped at her words, though i knew they weren't true. over the years i'd been with alyssa, i knew she was cheating. lying. but i hated change. and i couldn't bring myself to leave. but keaton giving me the cold hard proof was all i needed to make the final choice.

"you cheated, alyssa. you did that. not me. you have no one to blame but yourself."

"so what, you came back to rub it in my face? tell me it's over for good?" she scoffed, the tears almost immediately disappearing and being replaced with a scowl.

"yes." i said simply.

"fine. he's better than you, anyways. richer, hotter, and he's bigger."

"whatever, alyssa." i sighed, grabbing my keys. i knew this was a mistake. "you walk out that door, and don't you ever call me again!" she shouted.

so i did.

i debated on whether or not i should go back to [y/n]'s apartment. after a few missed calls, i decided against it. she must still be sleeping. so i wen't to nick's house to crash. i'd go back to her house tomorrow, but for now, i just needed sleep.

READER'S POV

i found myself laying in bed, staring at the wall. once again, that void was in my chest. the void that could only be filled by him.

he called me numerous times, but i declined them all. he really had the guts to call me after he left? just left. without a single word. why would he do that?

tears flowed freely from my eyes as i remembered all the past experiences with the band. i missed them. i missed my friends. but i couldn't afford to get hurt again. i couldn't go through that again. so once again, i drifted off to sleep with the thoughts that lingered in my mind, despite my efforts to push them away.

halley's comet comes around more than i do. but you're all it takes for me to break a promise. silly me to fall in love with you.

[blossoms-phan]

✨philm club✨ rewatch - october 19th, 2015

liveshow - notes/thought yaps under the cut!

i love how they’re explaining how they do their individual liveshows to each other like im not saying they were just sat in the other room twice a week watching the other persons liveshow but like surely you have some idea of how it usually goes lmao

“im quite mellow today we’ve been in a car for a while” phil does seem like he has more mellow/chill energy in this one i imagine they were tired but also so go go go at this point resting for a second would only slow them down more

6 year friendiversary and dinof anniversary! It's so insane to me that it was only 6 years atp like this dnp was not too long after i became obsessed with them and i blinked and now its 15 years

dan “reassess your lives” and phil “i think you should be thanking them”- i think this is fascinating and ties into how today dan still automatically goes “im so sorry” when people say i've been watching you for x years and it makes us all want to shake him by the shoulders and say don't apologize silly man!!!!!!!!! take the compliment we mean it with love!!!!!!

dan exposing his ass to audience in leeds and years later during wad great stuff 

phil smacking his head on stage wow some things really don't change 

“calm down” in a silly voice from dan always reminds me of the cLaM dOWN airplane northern voice live clip 

i haven’t rewatched a liveshow in so long so much hair adjusting 

they sound so british sometimes 

“dan do you know what yaoi is” this is so funny to me you are asking the poster boy for yaoi day in 2024

looking at pics of p!atd on tumblr COME BACK TO ME TUMBLRINAA they r right btw i love pretty odd 

“dan choke me with your legs” why r u reading that. whore. see in 2015 knowing that a literal child probably said this its kinda cringe but also me with sister daniel and like all the Thigh in general these days so who am i to speak

“i like being remembered because that doesnt happen often with the celebrity folks”  :( this is sweet i know this time was A Lot and in general the radio stuff wasn't for them in the end and they appreciate that it was cool and fun but dan also mentioned how it was annoying to just be brushed off or being in a position where you're just forced to chase after all these big named people that dgaf about you but its just nice to see they noticed when they were remembered and the 1975 mention i could write an essay about 2018 dan and the album abiior

phil stopped the bus for fish and chips hehe i literally had fish and chips today this is cray. i hope they actually had them for dinner this day i would love to have a parasocial fish and chip night with them

you are pal creators :’) 

editing tips mention they are so unserious 

i am so emotionally attached to the london apartment but referring to it as “the house” when they have an actual House now is really getting to me 

aww talking about tabinof :’( i cant remember if i've talked about this before but there was hugee “drama” back in the day when it was first announced of people accusing them of selling out or some dumb shit when this wasn't another copycat youtuber ghostwritten book they poured their hearts into it as silly and fun as it was and the way dan talks about it really shows that i hope they were proud of it and still are

dan you don't really have the same hair but ok 

talking about the australian today show and they were just on it last month!! why does that make me so emo 

bitten right on the florida

bakeee offfff mention this is why i loved liveshows like just yapping about the shows they watch and cry over together

dan self aware get over it crashing out “so what he enjoys a themed drink” he is so silly dfjfkdfksfkj i love this part

can i live in that autumn moment?

rare what phil has been listening to! movie soundtracks ok king

dan being a little pretentious talking about their differing tv show opinions and phil just mocking his hand movements and giving a 2 word review their dynamic is so dear to me

Is this an unpopular opinion idk i can’t stand 3d movies  

black and blue as always

phil’s laugh and look and dan going “you cheeky little bugger” at him putting “phil and dan” on the chair page<3

hearing them talk about tour in the tatinof days when it was their first go and things like how its amazing hearing people sing to the preshow playlist in the context of like right now is soooooo as a longtime fan who yearned to attend tatinof while it was happening but couldn’t and finally actually experienced them and the magic of a dan and phil show and things like singing hot to go with phannies just a few months ago god im going to miss this era sm

the apocalypse/ai/technology tangent is scarily relevant right now and from nearly 10 years ago wow hashtag we’re all doomed

susan boyle after the amazingdan reaction video lmaoo

they were really doing the most during this era like omg so many promises of things coming soon among the tour and spooky week and book and they were literally just home for one day after being in a car for hours earlier that day like they seem in good spirits in this one and i know its just chill chatting for an hour but boys! take a breather! 

overall i enjoyed this one! i don't rewatch old liveshows a lot but this is a fun way for us all to commit to rewatching and discussing one a week bc there's always so many fun little forgotten details and i think it would be fun to continue even post break! i was very tired while watching this and somehow still wrote out this very long yappy list of notes which are really just a stream of consciousness which no one will read probably but i humbly present them anyways <3

[rius-cave]

It’s a bit strange that you only added “pro shipper” to your bio after someone felt uncomfortable that they spent money on your rape fetish comic without realizing that’s what it was (after which you literally blamed them for not assuming it was, despite no content warnings being anywhere, which was the only thing they wanted when they messaged you anyway)

You also only added it on Twitter, not here… I assume because you know Tumblr doesn’t like that. If you’re going to be in a community known for enabling abuse and pedophilia by allowing real abusers to go undetected in your circles because you all think fantasizing about abuse is normal, at least make it public everywhere. People deserve to know who they are talking to, especially since these are such touchy subjects.

Literally anyone you know who are into these things could be for real about it and you would never know unless you were too. There is no excuse for wanting to be part of any community that allows that to happen, and I don’t find it fair that people are being mocked with “respect your own DNI” as if that was the problem. They would have followed their DNI if they had known it applied to you… what they asked you for was putting a rape warning on StOP. Which you still didn’t do

I know a lot of proshippers are victims. But a lot of others are too, and we don’t appreciate being thrown under the bus in the name of “fighting purity culture” as if it’s the same as being anti-kink.

Anon I don't know if you're my ex-patreon supporter or if you're a friend of theirs or what, but it's funny to me that they kept saying they didn't want to start any trouble with me and then this happens lol ok I guess.

You also failed to mention I refunded all the money they gave to my Patreon and apologized for the confusion, I don't know how else I should apologize to them, if you or they want me to stop drawing StOP, that's not gonna happen 🤷 I've said everywhere, multiple times, that StOP is a fuck or die comic, whether you want to take that as dubcon or noncon or not is up to you. The way I write is not really that way because all parties are VERY MUCH into it by the time they start doing anything, but I am AWARE that I can't call it completely consensual just by the nature of the fuck or die scenario. Maybe this person just wasn't aware that fuck or die = noncon, that is.... Not really my fault, it literally comes with that label, I'm sorry :/

Also, my bio has ALWAYS said I'm proship lol I don't know what you're going on about.

It's not a thing I have on my Tumblr bio because before Hazbin, I didn't post any of that stuff to *this* Tumblr, now I've stopped giving a shit but just didn't think to add it to my bio because idk *shrugs* I didn't care that much. You want me to add the proship label here too? I will, I have no issue with it, I am not trying to hide and it's not because "Tumblr doesn't like that" I couldn't care less lolol.

And my friend, sighs, anti circles are known for having more real predators than proship circles. I can't even begin to tell you how many teenagers were groomed in anti circles because they thought it was a """safe space""" while adults in proship spaces literally want nothing to do with minors. I am open about who I am and what I like, I am not afraid to say it because I am not ashamed even if I get people like you in my inbox lmao

My tag of "respect your own DNI" is because people will think proshippers are gross and want nothing to do with them but they'll... Still be the first people to talk to you once they find out.... You're proving my point right now lmao

[freyascoffee]

You always come to the party

College!Ellie Williams x reader

Summary: 3 months after your breakup, you and Ellie have been seeing each other around more recently. Do you think she deserves a second chance to prove her love?

Author's note: this is my first time writing one of these so bare with me :) Also posting this late because I've been meaning to write this for ages now

December 12th

The silence of entering your dormitory after boring lectures was probably the worst part of your day. You and Ellie broke up to 'focus on yourselves' yet it was hard to focus at all when the polaroid pictures of the two of you hang upon the golden fairylights above your desk. That stupid dinosaur keyring she won for you during your date at the arcade jingled every time you grabbed your keys. The guitar pick she accidentally left on your window sill collected dust; nonetheless, it was left untouched, as if waiting to be picked up again.

Everything reminded you of her. You procrastinated the decision of putting yourself out there because you didn't want anyone else. A distraction would be useful- hell- it was a need. The need to forget about that internal conflict and question what you did to deserve the sudden cold shoulder from Ellie. She was in the wrong. She chose to be dismissive of your feelings the few weeks before your breakup. It was nothing like the Ellie you knew, but you had to put yourself first.

Repetitive and monotonous cycles of talking stages chased you throughout the next 3 months. 'What's your favourite colour?' 'What's your favourite food?' The questions were so vague, only reminding you of the silly conspiracies you and Ellie made up during your smoking sessions, or when you gazed at the stars from a grassy hill close to the campus. The philosophical questions you'd debate just for shits and giggles overlapped the strangers' voices when they asked the generic 'what superpower would you want to have?'.

You only wondered if Ellie felt some sense of remorse for her neglect in the end, or if she was too busy hanging out with Dina, who seemed to cut contact with you after the breakup, and Jesse, who still reached out to you every couple weeks.

"Earth to Yn!" Jesse waved his hand in front of your face.

"Sorry, you were saying?" You asked, tilting your head to face him reluctantly.

"..The party" Jesse raised an eyebrow, implying that you should catch on what he was talking about, if you were listening.

"Absolutely not" You mirrored his raised eyebrow in a 'Are you serious' way.

"Come on, you'll meet some new people. Show yourself off a little, maybe make certain individuals jealous. " he nudged your elbow at the last word. He was completely aware of what happened between you and Ellie, having most definitely hearing both sides of the story.

A narrow glare from you, shot up at him before averting to your textbook, which looked brand new, despite owning it since the beginning of the school year. The spine wasn't even cracked, knowing Ellie, she would've begged you to let her crack it for you. "...I'll think about it"

"Don't give me that," he insisted, leaning forward as he covered the pages of your textbook with his hands. "How long has it been since you got a little drunk? A little cray-cray?"

"Euh, never say that again" you groaned, dropping your head into the palms of your sweating hands. "I might just never go to a party again out of spite"

"I'm just saying, you should go. I'll take you there and we'll will leave any time you feel like it" he pursed his lips into a thin line, mocking your dad's convincing expression.

"Is she gonna there?" You mumbled, gently pushing his hands away from the book and flicking through to the next page, a soft crackling sound cutting through the short silence between the two of you.

"Who?..ohh- nah, she said she'd rather stay in and judge people's instagram pics from the party" Jesse shrugged. "Dina will probably stay with her"

"Right" you rubbed your temples in circular motions, easing the aching sensation of your head.

"Do you want her to go?" He smirked, grabbing his phone from his brown leather jacket, a loud zip of his pocket cutting through the quiet library. "Because I can get that sort-"

"Shut up- I was just asking" you hushed, looking around awkwardly to ensure nobody was giving the judgemental look of disapproval.

"And I was just offering" Jesse was annoyingly quick with comebacks, and you were often reminded of that. "So, the partys December 18th, Margaret's beach house, there's gonna be food, drinks, music, you know, basic party stuff..and a pool"

"Anyone willing to swim in a pool in December?" You winced "..whatever- and what if the cops come because of complaints?" You added. A criminal record was not on your Christmas wishlist whatsoever.

"you were on the track team for a reason" he laughed, looking back up at you from his phone. "If anyone knows how to run away from problems, it's you"

"Was that seriously a secret diss? That's low, Jesse." You scoffed with a goofy smile, propping one leg up on your chair and fiddling with the chain of your locket.

December 16th

The party was only two days away and you had no idea what to wear, you thought as you stood in front of your wardrobe full of clothes. Point was, none of it was essentially party-worthy, basic tees and jeans were all you had since your sister decided she wanted her clothes back. In that case, she should consider that her Christmas gift.

You mindlessly walked through stores, looking for a simple dress, but a lot of the racks were stuffed with outfits that were rave-appropriate at most. You eventually left the mall, and decided to go to your favourite store, TJ Maxx, it had all anyone ever needed.

The glass doors slid open, and the faint echo of a 2010s pop song rang through the building. You made your way towards the dress section and you only found silver sequen dresses which went down to your ankles, so that's a no. You pulled your phone out from your pocket and opened Pinterest, typing 'Christmas party outfit simple'.

You scrolled for a moment before finding a cute top and skirt combination. TJ Maxx definitely had this. It was a skirt and a fitted sparkly long-sleeved top along with tights with patterns. After a couple laps through the aisles, you found everything you needed and made your way to the checkout.

As you exited the store, you were notified of 2 missed calls. Jesse. You audibly sighed and clicked the green telephone icon. It rung once before the other line immediately picked up. "Listen, oh my gosh, okay, so come to my dorm right now, we're trying to build a gingerbread house and I thought, who'd be better to help than Yn? Get your ass here right now"

You heard Ellie's voice in the background, talking, you weren't sure whether it was to Jesse or someone else but you weren't sure if you were ready to see her again. "Uhh..who's with you?" You asked, knowing the answer, but just seeking confirmation to emotionally prepare yourself.

"Ellie and Dina" his voice cut of between syllables. Probably just your data running low again, why did your renewal always have to be at the end of the month?

"Oh I'll try and-" you spoke, before the call ended. Shit. Now you're gonna have to go because it seems like you agreed. You weren't opposed to the idea of building gingerbread houses, but you were definitely against the inevitable tension you'd face when you got there.

After reaching your room, you dropped your shopping bag onto the bed and checked yourself out in the mirror. Fixing your eyebrows and reapplying vaseline onto your lips, winter dryness was the worst. You looked yourself up and down one more time before slipping on your sliders and taking the stairs of the flat down to Jesse's dorm.

You knock quietly, a swift and recognisable pattern you always made against the door of room 47. You heard Christmas music from the other side of the wall and chuckling as the sound of footsteps drew nearer. You twirl a lock of your hair awkwardly whilst waiting for someone to answer.

Oh.

"..hey" the freckled auburn mumbles between the cookie she looks like she just stuffed in her mouth.

"..hi" you smile awkwardly, not moving any closer towards the room, as if hesitating to even enter. You were already regretting coming at all, the sound of Dina's voice further in the room intimidated you.

"You coming in, or are you stopping by to sing Christmas carols?" Jesse called out from his seated position on the floor. "You're letting the warm air out"

"Right- sorry" you nodded once, slipping under Ellie's arm which was propped against the door frame. "So what did you need help with exactly? This looks fine"

"We needed a fourth contestant to make a poll on instagram, you know, see who's gingerbread house looks the best and all" he grinned "come on, it'll be fun"

You scratch the back of your neck awkwardly, realising Ellie already shut the door and sat beside Dina. "Okay okay" you reluctantly sit beside Jesse, crossing your legs and scanning the ingredients. "Shit, where'd you get all this?"

"My mom got it for us, she wanted us to keep the Christmas tradition while I'm away" Dina admitted. Her tone was calm and neutral, maybe that secret amnesty you thought she felt towards you was just overthinking. You nod slightly, a loud silence growing in the dorm. Only the music from Jesse's phone brang a sense of ease to the group of you.

"Let's get started, I'm starving" Ellie groans. "I like the outfit, by the way" she nods in acknowledgement in your direction.

What was supposed to be a subtle smile unfortunately turned into a wide grin, you quickly mask it with a light chuckle. "Thanks" you meet her gaze, it felt more genuine and nostalgic since the last time your eyes locked..months ago. You knew better than that, though.

The day was filled with laughter and 'remember when' stories. You and Ellie spoke frequently within the group, yet direct interactions between the two of you were strictly Ellie asking for you to pass the icing...and also a significant number of exchanged glances, and catching each other looking longingly at the other.

"..kay, mines done" Jesse announced, his country accent slipping slightly. "When are you losers gonna finish?"

You suppress a laugh, avoiding eyecontact with him. The house looked like a five year old made it. The icing was dripping on the sides, the windows were crumbling off, and the roof was asymmetrical. "Is that it?" Your voice trembles. He looks up at you with a confused expression, gesturing his hands at it. He picks it up, as if to pretend he's going to drop it on purpose.

"N-no it's nice..oh..it's so nice" your voice shook with hidden laughs. You look at Dina, who's covering her mouth with her hand, giving you a thousand yard stare. Ellie bursts out into laughter. "Isn't your dad an architect?" You ask, trying to distract yourself.

"What about it?" He frowned, also seemingly holding back a smile. He placed the gingerbread house down on the floor again, the sweet roof collapsed inwards as he did. "..yeah okay."

"It's fantastic, babe" Dina mumbled, tears swelling in her eyes from laughter. "..so beautiful I could cry.." a muffled chuckle escapes from her lips.

"Oh okay I see how it is" Jesse rolls his eyes, taking a piece of the roof and shoving it into his mouth. It made his mouth look rectangular which only brought another round of giggles.

December 18th

Red Solo cups were scattered across the wooden crates and sands. The flickering of strobe lights painted the trees and fences of the backyard with splashes of color. You lost Jesse in the large groups of people and chose to make the most of it. You were drunk, you didn't know anyone, nor did you have to, just make the most of it.

Strangers you danced with flashed into fragments of a familiar girl's face, the fast rhythm of the bass guiding your heart to race along with it. The ginger girl you laughed with as you jumped to the music momentarily twitched into an image of a short-haired auburn, before morphing back into her usual state. The rays of lights illuminated a plaid pattern on her jacket, imitating a recognizable flannel.

"Cannon ball!" A guy, pretty sure his name was Tyler, jumped into the freezing pool. A group of students around you cheered and pushed past you, causing you to accidentally tug along with them before finding your balance. Dropping cans and sliding their shoves off, they sprinted into the water, are they stupid? You slowly made your way to sit on a nearby decorative rock, and watched them in their pre-hypothermic states.

Your gaze shifted to the group of girls singing along to a Shakira song by the campfire. They swayed their hips and lifted their green bottles of booze, followed by a loud cheer for a girl taking chugs from her drink. She then threw the bottle to the side and squealed, good for her.

A cold sensation splashed against your face. You looked up, alarmed, only to see some jock shaking his wet hair like a dog, that was completely unnecessary. Although, it had minimally sobered you up, you stood up and instinctively reached to adjust your locket, it was a habit of yours to awkwardly play with your necklace.

...Where was your necklace? That familiar weight of your golden locket was missing. Your fingers fumbled at the fabric of your jacket, to your hair, to your shoes. It had felt like time slowed down, just for a split second. Your gaze flickered around the rock you were sitting on. The locket was something precious to you. You couldn't lose it, not like this.

You heart raced as panic set in. You had to find Jesse. You frantically pushed through the crowd, trying to stay calm, you were always a collected person but this was unknown. You didn't know where to begin looking, he could be anywhere, the lake was packed. People blended together like blurry smears, faces lost in your clouded vision of alcohol.

"Woah there, you okay?" Your breath hitched, looking up at the familiar voice. It was Ellie. This was a bad time. You were too panicked to let her see you like this. Her and that dark green winter coat. You weren't ready to talk to her.

"Have you seen Jesse anywhere?" You said, just loud enough for Ellie to understand your words above the booming sounds from the speakers. "Is he still here?"

"What wrong?" She asked softly. She gently placed her subtly calloused hands on your forearms to stop you from anxiously fidgeting. You averted your gaze to Dina, who was sipping juice from a silly straw.

"Nothing- I just need to find him, okay?" You hissed. Flickering your gaze back to her, a pleading glimmer in your eyes.

She nodded at Dina before guiding you inside the building. The music was muffled, or at least less painful to listen to. She occasionally looked back at you to ensure you were still following her in the busy hallway.

Jesse was sat on the sofa, laughing with a group of unfamiliar faces. As soon as he noticed the two of you, he stood up and approached you. "You alright?"

"No you are all left" a guy from behind you chuckled, placing hands on yours and Ellies shoulders and peeking between your heads.

"Dude, get outta here" Jesse sighed, pushing him away by his forehead. "You okay?"

"This is really inconvenient, I know, but I-I lost my locket and I can't find it, can you help me? Please?" You bit your bottom lip anxiously, awaiting a response.

"Okay..take a deep breath" he inhaled deeply, gesturing you to mirror him "..and out..is this the locket you always wear? The little gold heart, right?" He smiled reassuringly. You nodded quickly.

"Listen, it's nice n chill in here, look, you can stay right here until I'm back, and I promise we'll find it. You don't leave until I come back because we both know how that's gonna end. If you feel sick, just go to the sink, it's right behind you, alright?" He patted your back. Your gaze followed him until he reached a pair of girls, fuck drunk vision.

It felt like ages had passed, your dizziness had thankfully faded, but the pit in your stomach suggested you weren't going to find that locket. Ellie and Dina walked past you, giving small sympathetic smiles as they went down the hallway and to the front porch. Ellie's clothes were drenched and a scent of chlorine followed behind her.

You closed your eyes for a moment, fiddling with the hem of your top, praying that Jesse would return soon. Your locket dangled in front of your dazed expression. You looked up at the raven-haired male. "Thank you so much." You stood up and hugged him tightly. You pulled away and took hold of the locket, clipping it back around your neck. The locket was cold, and droplets of water trickled along your collarbone from the chain.

"Come on, let's get you back" Jesse mumbled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to support your swaying legs. He guided you to his jeep.

December 19th

You extended your legs as far as you could in the comfort of your warm, morning mattress. Memories from last night flashing through your mind, remembering how pretty Ellie looked. The freezing feeling of the locket around you. The slight shivering of Ellie's lips when she smiled at you last night. Dots slowly connected in your exhausted brain and a sudden realisation hit you like a brick.

Ellie was the one that found your locket. The moment you saw Jesse speak to two girls, was the imaginary picture comparison of the colours they were wearing. Although you couldn't depict their faces, one was wearing all black, and the other was wearing dark green and dark blue; this matched Dina and Ellie' outfits from your previous interaction.

Ellie's hair and jeans were drenched from what you could remember when she was leaving. Her coat was dry, she must have taken it off, implying she looked in the pool. Plus, the necklace was wet when Jesse gave it back to you. Stop it, you're spiralling and overthinking it. You could only ask Ellie to find out the truth.

So there you were, standing in front of room 51, with a warm smile and handful of questions, knowing your signature pattern. Why were you doing this? You and Ellie were over. She stopped caring in the end. It was too late to turn back when the door had creaked open, revealing a pale Ellie with a weighted blanket draped over her shoulders.

"...this looks like a bad time. I can come back la-" you reassured awkwardly, stammering over your words as your gaze struggled to hold hers. She just stood there, intently watching you.

"Shut up, it's fine, come in" she cut you off. She opened the door wider, exposing the messy dormitory, and softly lit salt lamp which brightened the dark room. "Make yourself comfortable"

How was she being so casual right now? Was it casual? Were the feelings one-sided now? Stop analysing, just talk. "..hey..so..I figured maybe.. we could talk?...if I knew you were sick, I wouldn'tve bothered you"

"What do you wanna talk about?" She dropped onto the bed, resting her head against the bedframe to face you. "This isn't about the gingerbread house dm right? Because that was Dina, she took my phone when I was in the bathroom"

"I didn't see it..I came to ask about.. everything that happened..before.. and stuff " you pursed your lips to the side, twisting the golden chain which rested on your neck.

"..right right.." she nodded "I've been meaning to reach out and all, I was gonna talk to you last night" she scratched her lip "then I saw you super panicked and drunk so I..didn't"

"And between the 3 months of not talking either?" You raised an eyebrow, provoking her to continue.

"Listen, ever since we got together, you were so kind..and funny and cool. It made me so..afraid of losing that. It was selfish, I know. I just didn't want you to go, not like everyone else in my life, not you" she admitted "..that day..when we argued, like- for real argued- I hated every second of it. I hated facing the consequences of my own actions. I still hate that I was stupid enough to leave you like that"

Your eyes were wide in surprise. "...and you didn't think to try and tell me?" You were being reasonably confused, communication is key to a relationship.

"I felt too guilty, I didn't want to make you feel obliged to stay with me out of pity" her hand trembled subtly as it lay on her lap. She leaned her head on your shoulder.

"It still made me feel guilty" you murmur, resting your head on hers.

"I know, and I'm so sorry for that. Uhh...I- I'll do whatever you ask me to, just to prove my remorse. I'll post something really embarrassing if you really want me to." She muttered, lifting her head from your shoulder to look at you. "I'd do anything"

"..are you sick?" You asked, scanning her face. You noticed the darker circles under her eyes, and the box of painkillers on her bedside table. "Did you go in the pool, you idiot?"

"Hey-hey now- I was actually in the pool for you, idiot" she mocked your insult. "Your locket was at the bottom for whatever reason...so..yeah"

"What did you get fucking hypothermia looking for my stupid necklace? Are you serious?" Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but the smile on your face couldn't be restrained. "You're kidding"

"Does the medicine receipt on my desk look like a joke to you?" She grinned "it was no big deal, it was whatever"

"Not to me it wasn't. You found my locket. How'd you even know it would be there?" You let out a half-laugh.

"Guessed" she shrugged with a stoic tone, but the glimmer in her eyes said otherwise. "Well I guess I kinda saw it glowing under the lights in the pool. This is gonna sound corny as hell, but that locket kinda made me realise how much I needed to fix...so I I'll say it again, I'm really sorry."

"I forgive you, I do, just please promise that if you ever have a problem like that again, you talk to me. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose that." You stutter "you have a lot to make up for, you know" you smile softly.

"Can I start my redemption now?" Her smirk deepens, those green eyes meeting yours again. "Just a small head start?" You let out a deep breath and nod, eyes flickering down to her lips before returning to her eyes.

You adjusted slightly to face her. She leaned closer. Her lips brushed against yours, ghosting a soft kiss. She pulled away slightly, your stupid smiles mirroring each other's. "Chat is this rizz?" You mumbled shyly, a pink hue tinting your cheeks.

[cads-the-cat]

Some stuff on the ToG Graphic Novel Shipping situation because I'm annoyed

Why this wasn't done in this case is beyond me. They knew even before announcement that it would probably be very popular PLUS THEY KNEW HOW MANY LIMITED BOOKS THEY HAD FOR TIER 3 AND 4 SO THEY KNEW EXACTLY HOW MANY SLIPCASES THEY NEEDED FOR THOSE!! Usually when you plan a book, even before it is finished, you calculate how many you will likely sell etc. and then you book a printing slot WAY I ADVANCE to get stuff printed in time. What went wrong here?

I work in book publishing. Depending on where stuff is printed, it is usually printed MONTHS in advance. For example, stuff that is set to release sometime summer 2025 was printed in December 2024!!!! And even if you print locally/nationally and do not import you still print months in advance to avoid such disasters AND THAT INCLUDES EXTRAS LIKE SLIPCASES!

Now I understand that stuff can happen like printers breaking down (I think that's what was once said about this situation).

However, from what I've gathered is that both Killer Merch and Sumerian are absolutely shit at communicating. Don't know when Killer Merch communicated there would be a delay for the first time, but according to sumerian they continued to not handle communications well so that's why we never got a real update on shipping.

But it's not only Killer Merch who is to blame for bad communication. Sumerian isn't better. How did we first find out that they wouldn't be shipped from 20th November and instead a week later? I and a few others did when we checked the website and they changed the date. Since then we got one email tailing the shipment plan and then one a week AFTER tier 2-4 was supposed to ship that there was a delay. Since then we got absolutely nothing.

And the worst thing is that Sumerian constantly complains about the high volume of emails about the shipping. IF YOU SENT OUT REGULAR EMAIL UPDATES TO INFORM PEOPLE WAITING ABOUT THE CURRENT SITUATION YOU'D GET LESS! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO REPLY TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON INDIVIDUALLY

Instead, people either email them and wait months for a response because they're so overwhelmed (I feel sorry for the people in customer support because it's very unlikely that they have anything to do with the situation as they don't make the choices etc. And have to deal with way too many emails) with requests or people have to @ them on twitter to get some half assed response and people like me get to find out the state of our orders through the Screenshots of this (at this point I want to thank the folks who share the stuff here on tumblr so I know where the hell my order is🙏).

I know this is a big release and stuff but planning and communication are 0/10, do not recommend

If you want to be seen as a respectable company who delivers good products, you can take the two companies as a negative example of what not to do. PLEASE LEARN TO COMMUNICATE PROPERLY WITH ALL PARTIES INVOLVED. IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD, ESPECIALLY IN TIMES OF THE INTERNET

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[ra-archives]

Hey so I was working on art for today's + yesterdays post but I got up to get a snack then came back and heard my door creak open but problem is I wasn't in there and haven't been for a few hours and no one else is awake + my cat is asleep on the chair so IDK what the fuck that was and I'm not stupid enough to go find out. This is not the first possible paranormal experience in that part of the house so REALLY not liking this

Anyway I have a WIP for today but whether or not it comes out depends on if I can work up the courage to brave my room.

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[unma]

Cats

What's not to love about these lovely creatures? Honestly, growing up I was always a dog person (even despite the fact that I was attacked by one when I was young). But then I realized I wouldn't be able to take care of a dog for, well, a buncha reasons, thought about how it would be to have a cat, and thought, yeah, it would be nice to have one. For so many reasons. The eternally lethargic me could never take care of a dog properly. A cat, though? I probably could.

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

[naivety]

have to go pick up a washing machine tomorrow a coworker snagged for $75 [!] and lug it all the way upstairs [....] to hook up before somehow draining the old one [...] because it broke mid-cycle washing sheets not once but twice thrown up on by cat [...] and we can't even get it to drain [....] 🙏 and hopefully finish putting together a 2 weeks late little birthday gift box for my sibling because i literally forgot until the night before and wanted to die. and get my axle looked at cause it might be bent. day off ❤️

[tittyinfinity]

smoking a sativa strain while drinking my coffee for a special feeling I like to call AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[onrainynights]

I'm about to be so annoying btw

[infizero]

im genuinely going to be INSUFFERABLE when chapters 3 and 4 come out like you have no idea.