#Not just you assuming a bi woman is straight

[pinkprettycure]

i get the sense that white cis gays think "straight passing" works the exact same way as racial passing (which they also dont know how it works tbh) and then get surprised when ppl think their statements about it sound downright bonkers and I think yall would probably have more coherent discussions about this stuff if u like, actually looked into what "passing" actually entails and how black people could historically pass as white lol

[dashiellqvverty]

so funny seeing people on tiktok go "i didnt want to watch that 911 show because i didn't want to be baited but now maybe i'll check it out" personally i hadn't bothered with it because i got the impression that it wasn't baity ENOUGH for me!! i didnt think there was that much there!! like the first thing i knew about it was that there was gay characters because i saw a gifset of a lesbian couple so i knew it was a Gay Show but im not looking for positive canon gay rep. i want to be baited and i want it to be really evil otherwise theres no fun! (obviously in the grand scheme of things i think positive gay rep is good but its not what will make a ryan murphy procedural drama a fun watch for me) and i will say i watched the clip leading up to that gay kiss and the fact that the whole conversation was about the other guy yall ship him with was a little insane and if its always like that then i get it now! i was not familiar with your game!

[froggybowtie]

Interesting that I will hear people complain about straight women writing m/m in a condescending way, and how they should stop because it's fetishized. Then you will look up the author and it's either a queer woman or a trans person.

[emblazons]

is Matt Duffer gay?

I was hesitant to answer this question because I am not at all a fan of speculating about people's sexualities, but: Matt has never made a comment about it, and there is no public confirmation of his sexuality anywhere, so no one knows!

He isn't married to anyone's knowledge, though he does have a daughter (Ross mentions Matt's newborn meeting Winona in this podcast, around 47:10), with who I'm pretty sure is Sarah Hindsgaul, the Stranger Things hair designer. Beyond that I have zero insight, and don't think there's much to be gleaned considering M&R are notoriously (and rightfully) private about their personal lives.

Regardless of his sexuality though, I think he and Ross are invested and intentional about Will, Robin (and Byler) in a way I appreciate, so that's what I primarily focus on.

Thanks for the ask!

[eldritchmochi]

im absolutely losing my god damned mind at how my boss insinuated a whole ass affair between my work crush-husband and myself, which is wildly inappropriate in so many ways just any way you look at it

option a:

- im married

- to a "woman"

- and have explicitly described myself as "a lesbian" several times, to several people, including less than a week ago

option b:

- hes straight*

- i am not a woman

regardless of how you wanna cut it, its not only arguably sexual harassment but also queer discrimination bc the insinuation SUPER fucking invalidates my queerness. theres nobody else she could be making the insinuation about too, because he and i are the only people close who "could" be in a relationship bc the rest of the office are all straight** women

otoh tho i think its real fukken funny that i was not the only one who noticed his lil furtive glances at me yesterday when i was all dressed up in a skirt. like, its not great that theres apparently gossip about us but i am vindicated

[maximus-gluteus]

nothing to see here

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

just remembered the mermaid dungeon, what am i supposed to be doing w the genderbend AU there (sound of crying)

[linuxbian]

There these seemingly contradictory societal double binds that are used to enforce conformity.

Example: A Lesbian is told that "everyone is actually bi" while a bisexual woman is told to "pick a side". Seems contradictory but really they just want us to be straight lmao.

Another one: A woman who does not perform womanhood to society's standard is not a real woman vs. You can never change the gender you were born with. One is butchphobic/anti gnc women, the other is transphobic. Clearly both enforce transmisogyny.

The insidious thing is that these double binds also foster inter community division. Its easy to hear one side of these, for example: "everyone is a little bi" and assume that means bisexuality is more accepted. But on the other side bisexual people are getting the same shit.

None of these are contradictory when you realize that bigots simply don't want lgbtq+ to exist at all.

[mx-paint]

Hilarious that in both queer media and straight* media, people will still argue about the characters sexualities being either canon or not

[genderqueerdykes]

thank you both for this, i was literally in the process of writing a post about this as i saw these.

i came out as bisexual when i was about 19 or 20 years old, in 2011 - 2012. this was such a difficult thing because everyone around me suddenly had very pointed opinions on me. suddenly i wasn't queer anymore, i was a straight person. i asked people why and they said well bisexual people are half straight, which makes you straight, which means gay people don't want to be around you. i was told nobody likes bisexuals because they're too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight

i had a literal personal dilemma because i didn't feel like that at all. when i was realizing i was bisexual i was realizing i was attracted to all genders in a queer way. i did NOT feel like my attraction to men, women or genderqueer people was straight in any way, shape or form. i've always fit in much better in both gay and lesbian circles. those have always been my home, and my community

in the early days of my transition, when "genderqueer" wasn't even remotely heard of, i had to try to transition into being a man to be seen as trans at all. i went from being forced into lesbian spaces to being forced into gay male spaces. nobody let me pick where i was existing. i was being pushed around. i liked both lesbian and gay male spaces, but i was being told when i could and couldn't occupy the spaces. and then when it came out i was bi everyone called me a traitor and said i was a straight person

my best friend at the time came with me to pride meetings and when her mom found out about that, and that i was bi, she told my friend she couldn't come to those pride meetings anymore, and that i was turning her daughter into a lesbian. her mother would not stop calling me a lesbian all throughout my life. from early childhood, she thought me and her daughter were dating because i was butch and she was femme and we were very close. her mom carried this belief into adulthood, asking her outright if we were lovers. her brother thought we were, too, and taunted us about it.

my own mom weaponized lesbianism against me. she hated how butch i was. she hated that i "looked and acted like a lesbian". she called me a butch and a bulldyke hatefully. she told me not to dress or look certain ways or else people would assume i, and her by some proxy, were lesbians. my mom was insanely butch so i don't really know why this was being leveraged against me but either way when i became a young adult and my mom was trying to force me to learn to drive (something i am terrified of doing due to having 2 dissociative disorders), she asked what kind of car i would ideally like. i said a truck. i was standing there in a purple plaid shirt and she just sighed and went "I knew you were a lesbian." she pointed out my shirt. she was weaponizing lesbophobic and butchphobic stereotypes against me, but either way, reinforcing that i was a lesbian in one capacity or another

i got so tired of my friends harassing me for saying that if i was bi that meant i was straight and i needed to stop calling myself gay because i wasn't, and that it was an "insult" to the gay community. note that nobody gave a singular flying fuck about the bisexual community at all. i was literally bullied out of identifying as bi, because my straight cishet male friends hated it, and my lesbian identifying GF was uncomfortable with it because it made me sound too straight.

the thing is, none of these people asked what being bisexual meant to me.

i actually liked the lesbian community a lot. i really love other lesbians. i have always been attracted to lesbian and butch identifying people for as long as i could remember. i loved seeing strong butch women on TV, even if there were rude jokes. i loved the idea of being a masculine person who is sometimes a queer masculine woman. i loved the idea of being with femmes, i loved queer women and people who took femininity to the next level. i also loved seeing gay men when and wherever they existed. i always felt like i fit right in, and like i was seeing a reflection of a part of myself i needed help discovering.

i have almost always, as long as i can remember, identified as a gay man, and a lesbian, at the same time. my attraction to men, women, and people of all genders is queer no matter what gender of mine is involved. it doesn't matter. i have never felt "half gay half straight" which is why people weaponizing heterosexuality against me as a bisexual forced me to strictly identify as a gay man for almost a decade. it was painful to ignore my butch lesbian side, and to stop identifying as gay, because people would criticize how attractive i found women, and other people

if people had let me exist and explain what bisexuality means to me, they could've understood that bisexual is an inherently deeply queer attraction no matter what genders are involved, but NOBODY cares to listen to the bisexual. everyone LOVES to speak for us because we're just "straight people invading the queer community."

we've had it. bisexuals are queer. even if they DO identify as "half straight" they're STILL queer. let bisexuals define bisexuality. there is no one size fits all form of bisexuality. every single bisexual defines it differently and that's the point. it's a very complex identity with many layers that often relate to gender and presentation as well as attraction.

let bisexuals define bisexuality.

[cardentist]

people fixate on bi-lesbians as being problematic despite bi-gay men existing (as well as any and every combination of sexuality and romantic attraction you can think of) because terfs and radfems deliberately don't want bi women to associate with lesbians and are deeply invested with framing attraction to men As Bad. a sentiment which has invaded queer culture inside and out, intentionally And incidentally.

people fixate on straight cis aromantic men when straight cis aromantic women exist because framing aromantic people as inherently predatory and dangerous by the simple nature of existing is easier to do when you intentionally force the association with predatory dangerous behavior displayed by (and associated with) misogynistic men.

people are still bigoted against bi-gay men and woman aromatics (and any flavor of trans within these groups), but pay attention to the way these conversations are Framed and it's clear the way gender essentialism is being used as a tool to control the narrative.

radfems' gender essentialism says you're supposed to think men are inherently scary, inherently take advantage of women, so Naturally (it is assumed) a man who is sexually attracted to women but not romantically attracted them Must Inherently be predatory and scary. and now you're being asked to take that feeling of unease you've been manipulated into feeling and associate it with the entirety of a sexuality.

bi-lesbians are threatening to radfems because they want to draw inherent lines between these two groups. insist that attraction to and with a man is inherently dirty and dangerous. the same reason why "gold star lesbian" is a radfem concept. if it turns out that the lines between sexualities, between identity as a whole, is blurrier than they want it to be then that Must be framed as inherently dangerous.

if a single Kind of a marginalized group is being singled out to convince you that this group is dangerous or that they don't belong It's For A Reason. they're trying to manipulate you based on Biases (their biases and the ones they hope you have). the reaction to this isn't to abandon the type of person they're convinced are the worst of these groups, it's in solidarity.

aromantics who are men aren't any different from aromantics who are women, bi-lesbians deserve to live in peace just as much as bi-gay men. don't let people control the narrative Either by cutting down vast array of experiences that exist within any given identity, Or by convincing you that particular kinds of people within your communities are lesser than.

[olderthannetfic]

I was reading a fic and genuinely enjoying myself up until the author decided to make a huge deal, in their AN, about how their protagonist is bi. As in ACTUALLY bi, not that stupid "straight with one exception" trash homophobic fujoshits write. I'm a cis man. I am heterosexual with exactly one exception. I don't know why. I went through years telling myself I was just confused. I heard from my queer friends at the time that only being interested in one other man wasn't a thing, that it was actually me being confused in the other direction, hiding all my crushes and desires from myself.

My family was convinced I was straight. My friends were convinced I was bi for a lot of men, I just wasn't admitting it. My now husband was the only one who told me it was fine. He's gay and he had a crush on one woman, once. Exceptions happen.

So at the risk of siding with the dreaded (presumed cis, presumed het, presumed white) enemy known as women, I... actually like the whole "if it's you, it's okay" thing. I don't assume an evil fetishizer who hates queers is writing it. It never reads that way. It reads as a story, just like any other story. A way to be queer just like any other valid option. Queerness is a spectrum. Not everyone is bi in the same way or gay or lesbian or anything else. The Kinsey Scale exists for a reason.

I spent five years in and out of therapy and church trying to fix myself. Being bi in any way was too much for my family. It was "get rid of the gay or get out" territory of panic. I could have a family or I could have my feelings for him. Choosing him involved giving up everyone I had grown up with. It involved years further of "so you can admit now that you had other male crushes, right?" no matter how many times I said no until I had to cut some queer friends out of my life, too.

And I'm not "ACTUALLY bi", apparently. I'm a trashy homophobic stereotype fujoshi came up with. I'm not actually bi. Real bi men have an equal number of women and men they're into. Bi is code for 50/50 or else you're, you know. Basically fictional. Definitely doing it wrong.

Upon some digging, I found out the writer is a lesbian woman. You would think with all the shit lesbians get she'd know better. I've seen people try to tell lesbians they aren't lesbians because "oh you dated a guy once" or "uh, you had sex with a man, you can't be" and all kind of shit that makes no sense whatsoever. So for her to turn around and go, "there is a single correct way to be a bi man" is just insane. Ma'am. Ma'am. You should know that's not how queerness works! You're queer!

This has annoyed me so much that for the first time in nine years I have pulled up a Microsoft Word document and I am writing fanfic. I am going to write so much It's Okay If It's You, one-exception-only queer fanfic.

Because it's fine to be queer even if it's this way, actually. It's fine to be queer, period! There are not rigid rules to it, that's one of the biggest joys of it!

I feel so old and tired and I'm only 40. Jesus Christ. "ACTUALLY bi". Fuck. The world is broken.

--

[tirfpikachu]

the most flamboyantly "gay-looking" man/woman you can think of...

has at least one person looking exactly like them who is straight.

because gay isn't an aesthetic. gay isn't a look. it's a sexuality you're born with. and femininity in men, masculinity in women, doesn't make you more gay or less gay or whatever. that's gender roles babey! that's what the left is claiming it's fighting against!

you can make jokes about looking like a lesbian or whatever. but i could wear the most hyperfem shit ever and still look lesbian. bc i am lesbian. whatever i do, whatever i wear, however i act, is lesbian coded. because i'm a lesbian. i'm just expanding what it means to be a lesbian by being myself. and feminine straight men and masculine straight women are expanding what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman, which is a win for feminism and fighting strict gender norms. it helps everyone. we should make the boxes of man & woman bigger, funkier, cooler. we shouldn't assume it's "queerifying" manhood or womanhood when it's just making them be neutral. it means that if you're a human being you can do WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT and still be whatever gender/sex/etc you are. you aren't any less of a straight man for being feminine. that's what the patriarchy wants. the rightwing hated so-called metrosexuals and goths and emos etc because of it. and you aren't any less of a straight woman for not being feminine. and you being masculine, or unfeminine, is the most natural thing in the world. it's just you being your natural self without makeup, shaving, tight clothes, etc. but some ofc find pride in being masc too. that doesn't make you more likely to be gay. it doesn't make you less womanly. there is no way that exists to make you less womanly bc it's the most neutral, irrelevant thing about you. it's a "duh!" type of thing that you don't need to care about. you don't need to do fuckall to be "good" at womanhood. and a dude can wear and do and say whatever he wants and be secure in being a guy and not being trans or gay or bi

masculinity in women doesn't make them more likely to be gay. femininity in men doesn't make them more likely to be gay.

gays & feminists have been trying to fight this shit for decades. yet mainstream qweer communities keep reinforcing that rhetoric!!! it's so fucking exhausting. there's no way to look, sound, act etc gay. there's literally none outside of saying you're into other men or other women, and being lovelydovey or having sex with other men or other women. that's it. that's literally it. free yourself from gender boxes!!!

[femmedionysus]

something something we have this discourse every year but like. re: the “bi girls bringing their straight boyfriend to pride” thing I feel like we on tumblr need to rediscover the lost art of Minding Your Business

my fiancée & I were in new york last weekend for eir birthday & we went to cubbyhole, famously a lesbian bar, & there were in fact a couple of guys there! & literally no one in that bar gave a shit that they were there, bc they were just having a drink with their friends & not bothering anyone!

& like even leaving aside all the very valid points about people assuming some bi girl’s boyfriend is cishet when he’s actually bi4bi and/or t4t (many such cases) - when a cishet guy is at pride with his bi girlfriend & he knows how to be normal, you might not even notice him being there. if a straight guy is in an lgbt space being supportive of his friends or partner, & he’s not harassing anyone or being obnoxious, literally why do we care? bc quite frankly I would rather have Straight Steve at the party holding his gf’s drink than have a big “no straights allowed 😠” sign at the door & make it a hostile space for, say, a gnc trans woman who someone mistakes for a straight man, or a nb/transfem who’s not ready to be out yet, or a bi man who’s not ready to be out yet, or anyone else who has every right to be there. because you don’t know anything about someone just by looking at them! if they’re not being an asshole, mind your business!! I say this as a man-hating lesbian myself but oh my god some of y���all have never grown past the “boys have cooties” stage.

[consumedbyfeels]

To those people saying Tevan can't be endgame because Buck needs to explore his sexuality. He's done enough exploring, he has sampled the buffet and gone for seconds and mixed flavors and even sampled in places you have no business sampling and with things from janitor's closet. Now he want to settle down at a nice restaurant with one meal for the rest of his life that no else samples.

He wants commitment he wants someone to love. And maybe he didn't sample all sides of the table but he can still explore what he might like with the one meal just switch out salad for fries every once in a while or trying adding pear even if it seems strange. You can get creative and explore with one person. It's probably even better with feelings and trust and love. And it's a safe space. So yeah he may not be at the buffet table anymore but he can still explore. And besides he hasn't been at the buffet table in a long while. he has been searching for that one meal since Abby that's what all these years he was doing with Ali, Taylor, and Natalia he wants to settle down.

You don't tell Straight people they have to explore their options. You don't tell people who come out in high school to explore their options. So why is this different?

Edit: I wanted to clarify cuz I think there might have been a little confusion. I'm not saying Tevan will be endgame its too early in the relationship to know what will become of them (yes I love Tevan and would love for them to end the series together but mostly I just want both Buck and Tommy to be happy) The thing this post was ment to address is the fact that a certain subset of the fandom (not naming names but we all know the ones) have been trying to perpetuate the bi people are all ho's stereotype, some even going as far as to want Buck to cheat on Tommy (leading into another horrible stereotype about bi people being cheaters) just because they don't like a ship. They would all be fine with Buck marrying the first man he dated if it was we all know who but since it isn't it's a problem. Assuming Buck and Tommy aren't endgame (again too early to say one way or another) but assuming they aren't Buck doesn't have to sleep around after they break up he can date seriously like he was doing before, now just with this new part of himself on the surface. He could go on dates with men and women. I stand by my point earlier regardless of who it is or what gender they are Buck wants commitment. Who knows maybe when the show is all said and done he marries a woman but that doesn't negate his sexuality or make this point in his life any less valid. We should just be happy that he is happy and living his best most authentic life. That boy deserves a break. Please be kind to each other and be careful what harmful stereotypes and rhetoric you perpetuate intentionally or otherwise. its harmful. Even if you are doing so with fictional characters and not real people. It still causes harm in the real world.

[sexy-sapphic-sorcerer]

1: Magic is a Metaphor < 2: Morgana is a Lesbian < 3: Merlin is Gay > 4: Arthur is Bi

Again with the whole metaphor thing, Merlin's entire character is about having to hide his identity and wishing that he could be free to be himself so that he wouldn't have to lie about how much Arthur means to him. So that's all very gay, but he's also just very queer-coded generally. There are so many jokes about him being more effeminate or wearing women's clothing, most notably in this episode where he dresses in full drag and then takes the opportunity to shamelessly flirt with Arthur. Unhinged.

Basically every other character seems to just assume that he's gay, at least towards the end, because Gaius and Arthur are in utter disbelief that Merlin would be 'seeing a girl'. And of course he isn't, he's actually sneaking around with that druid guy, leading Arthur to question how courting a girl would leave him 'walking with a limp.'

I also think it's very interesting how often Merlin has to pretend to be attracted to women to avoid people discovering his secret, like with Gwen in Series 1 or Morgana in Series 2. Or this scene, where Gwen and Merlin are the only people not affected by the Lamia's seduction charm and they're trying to figure out why. And Merlin says, 'it doesn't affect you because you're a woman'. And firstly, Gwen is like, 'so what?' So, bisexual queen. And then Merlin says, "it only affects men," and Gwen says, "so then why haven't you fallen under her spell?" And Merlin is just like, 'oh shit, I don't know. I can't think of any reason why I wouldn't be seduced by a woman.'

Now, you might be saying, "but Merlin is attracted to women! what about that one female love interest he had for literally one episode who immediately died?" Oh, you mean:

I'm sorry to all of the Freylin shippers out there, but this was so clearly just the writers' last-ditch attempt to make Merlin straight. If you think about it, Freya also 'has magic' if you catch my drift, and that is the only thing that she and Merlin have in common, and the only thing that they talk about. And if you look at their dialogue out of context, it really doesn't seem like it's magic that they're talking about. It's just gay/lesbian solidarity. Also, never forget when Colin Morgan accidentally referred to Merlin's potential love interests as "him or her." So who else could he have been thinking of?

Merlin definitely had a crush on Lancelot. From the moment that they first meet, he just keeps going on about, 'omg, isn't Lancelot so strong and brave and chivalrous? God, I hope he becomes a knight, he would look so good in a suit of armour.' And then he says to Gwen, completely unprompted, "so just for the sake of argument– Arthur or Lancelot?" Why are you thinking about that Merlin? Then that scene ends with Merlin and Lancelot getting drunk and stumbling home together and waking up the next morning having shared Merlin's single bed. So take from that what you will. I don't necessarily think that anything happened between them, not because I think Lancelot is straight, don't get it twisted, just because I think he's a fucking virgin.

But certified pansexual manwhore Gwaine on the other hand, oh they definitely fucked. And it's a very similar situation to Lancelot, Merlin's only flirting technique is just to find some buff guy who's just saved his life and be like, 'oh my god what can I possibly do to repay you? Maybe you could come back to my place and I could tend to your wounds and then we could go down to the tavern, have a few drinks'.

And it works. Merlin literally used his job as apprentice physician to the Knights of the Round Table as his own personal Grindr, and i love that for him. But, of course, these are just side hoes to Merlin's main bitch, Arthur.

You can deny everything else that I've said, but you cannot deny that Merlin was in love with Arthur. And don't even try to say, 'but it's just because it was his destiny'. Because, yeah, like that's any less gay. They're two sides of the same coin, destined to be together, Merlin 'uses magic only for Arthur'. Come on.

Also, it's pretty clear that Merlin cares about Arthur more than he cares about his destiny, throughout the entire show. But it culminates in this scene in series five where, because of very contrived plot reasons, Arthur has to choose between legalizing magic and saving the life of Mordred. And Merlin convinces Arthur not to legalise magic so that he will let Mordred die. He literally enables the genocide of his own people and condemns himself to a lifetime of suffering just on the off chance that he can spend a bit more time with Arthur.

And if that isn't heartbreaking enough, of course, every action that Merlin makes only confirms Arthur's fate. And after he very platonically dies in Merlin's arms, as dudebros do, what does Merlin do? does he go back to Camelot and live a full happy heterosexual life? Of course not. No, he spends the next one and a half thousand years just waiting at Arthur's resting place, waiting for the day that Arthur will be resurrected and they can be together again. What the fuck kind of Greek tragedy, Achilles and Patroclus level shit is that? That is fucking gay.