#Not everything has to be about being built different

[pluralsword]

you could argue that we did this sort of, it's a little more complicated.

You see, the reason we maintain our beard and shave it in specific ways is because transformer women often have helms that fill their face in similar ways at the cheeks or with chin armor. That helped the person who has been with this body the whole time fully absolve of herself of any dysphoria by being able to connect her facial her euphorically to a collective gender identity of womanhood of giant metal transforming robots from space since knowledge of the fact there are a lot of intersex human cis women who have facial hair (and intersex people are as common as redheads) wasn't cutting it for xem (hah). we dysphorically regret having to shave our beard recently to fly across the country out of fear of landing somewhere in an emergency where we'd be arrested for 'doing drag' at a public facility.

The reason we say this isn't simply butch per se for us specifically (a human singleton is another matter) is because there isn't an oppositional dynamic between male and female to us. they completely overlap, there's just collective gender assemblage tendencies of components being put together and identified differently (some of our writing mixing alien robot trans material-aesthetic assemblage mixed with gender tackles this, the one that does so most directly so far is our One fanfic. there will eventually be original fiction), the term we use for in our sparktion/hearth/etc. assemblage model that most closely approximates butch is torque, but it is rather different in meaning since it's primarily concerned with the (clash of) momentum literally and metaphorically and not with being masculine (xenogender stuff is fun!). It's also not confined to a physical expression appearance, so helm shapes don't necessarily fit this, and there's no single umbrella for what torque looks like. it's all assemblage, which is very different from the real problem of butch erasure in 21st century human storytelling and history

In addition we've also built up musculature precisely because it is no longer dysphoric anymore to breathe meditatively / heavily when exercising since the chest feels more like how it should, because xey always loved and wanted to emulate the warrior gal vibe (we know this applies much more widely, too, but thought it was worth mentioning), and ultimately that our nervous system now feels so much better exerting strength with HRT than before. but how we dress we think doesn't normally quite fit butch and we recoil at the thought of being more heavily clothed or armored meaning we're perceived as more masculine. the oppositional gender human patriarchy dichotomy is painful to us, we're glad this is changing with a) people understanding how curvy and rounded a lot of armor historically is especially plate, and b) women in armor where sexualization need not mean sacrificing actual armor capacity is becoming more normalized

TLDR you absolutely can be a transfem butch lesbian and we absolutely ended up on a similar but very different route of being torquey zoomdare transfem (taganite) mutualists who will for convenience's sake communicating with other people we share this lovely blue marble with use the terms t4t, sapphic, lesbian, and sometimes butch if we think we have to explain why our gender isn't 'simple' (eugh we hate how reductive that is of binary trans women) but don't think we can get away with explaining xenogender stuff and plurality. unless we are fortunate enough to, I don't know, see our terminology take off or even better that this happens alongside other assemblage models with a growth of a worldwide curiousity and capacity to accept that no one will ever know everything there is to know about gender and orientation so nobody assumes anything of us, takes what we have to say for what it is, asks questions if interested in knowing and knowing us that way, and celebrates what we have in common and what differences we have <3

Is transitioning from male to female to become a butch lesbian a reasonable option?

it is beyond reasonable, it is one of the coolest things you can do on this bitch of an earth

[rikosseen]

Gun Park x Reader: Creep

Anon ask | fighter fem reader

Jonggun Park has plenty on his plate already. He’s a busy man with a list to tick off. A busy man whose time is precious and not easily given out.

Though, as he continues to mindlessly carve the wood in his hands, said man can’t help but feel neurotic and excited when recalling what happened a few nights ago. His skin pricks, and a ticklish shiver runs through his body. What’s got him feeling so giddy? Must be the nicotine crashing his system. But no, the cause for his malfunction is an individual. One that momentarily captured both his time, and pride. An individual who Jonggun Park could not keep his mind off.

After all, Park Jonggun doesn’t get his ass whooped. He’s the one whooping ass. Park Jonggun doesn’t miss his calculated attacks. Definitely not to some no name rando. Park Jonggun is quite literally built too different to be thrown off. This makes you a threat, right? You were a threat, right? It’s worth finding out more about you, right? Right. This was all for a bigger cause. For the greater good of…everything. Yes, that’s right. The greater good of everything. So away Jonggun goes to scour you.

.

.

After turning the city of Seoul upside down (and making unneeded threats), he suddenly and coincidentally (as coincidental as this can get) lands his eyes on the person he’s been searching for.

Found you.

Junggoo pokes his head out from behind Gun, lowers his shades, and squints to take a better look. Of course Goo kim was in on finding out who piqued the pervert’s interest.

“You got beat by her? Embarrassing!” The blonde snickers, looking over at Jonggun to see his reaction. Gun, attention still on your moving figure, punches him in the face and tells him to fuck off. To which Goo scowls as he staggers back. Jonggun quickly jogs after you, and steps on Goo’s foot on the way.

“It’s illegal to stalk people! Fucking weirdo!” Goo squawks, rubbing his bruised cheek.

How hypocritical. Jonggun brushes him off as he eagerly paces behind you.

Found you, found you, found you.

The weather was great for a run. It was early in the morning, and- huh? Footsteps? This early? Johan! You snap your head around to acknowledge who you think is your bestie boo, Johan Seong running beside you. Only, it’s not your bestie boo. It’s a more repulsive sight. A familiar face. A face you encountered once, but obviously didn’t quite forget, because well, this man hit you. Punched your nose for having relations with bestie boo Johan. How dare he hit a lady. What’s his deal with being a Johan hater anyway? You scowl, and he grins. You speed up, and he matches your pace. You turn and try to ankle break him, but he does the same. So you stop running completely and stare up at him. Jonggun looks down, and before he’s even aware, the man is sweeped off his feet. He grabs your foot, and you land on the ground next to him with an oof.

“What is wrong with you?!”

He grins that ugly grin again.

“Fucking creep,” you spit out.

Oh, and this man is indeed a creep. Jonngun Park stands up, and proceeds to take off his shirt. You look at him, bewildered. What in the world?-

“Let’s go again,” he says.

Again? Oh.

.

.

Classes are done, and you mentally groan at all the work you have to finish off for school. Home sweet home, here I come- Is that? It’s him. Your stomach drops.

Jonggun Park is standing right infront of your school gate, eyes darting from student to student until they land on yours. Is this a police worthy report? Again, the man grins his ugly grin and walks toward you.

“Let’s go again-” you don’t even let him finish, scampering away in hopes to lose him in the crowd of students.

.

.

Today’s sparring session went extremely well, and-

“Let’s go again,” the creep is in front of your gym, shirt off, and that stupid, stupid grin plastered on his face. “You know, ever since since that night-”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” you throw a combination of punches that send him tumbleweeding across the street before running away in frustration.

.

.

Slowly, you poke your head out the door, looking left and right. There’s no way he knows where you work. Once the coast seems clear enough, you walk out, and keep your head down. Footsteps follow you. Oh God, please no.

“Let’s go again-”

You start sprinting away, and want to scream. Screw Johan for being friends with you, and screw this guy.

I don’t deserve this, you mentally sob

[sandplague]

pathologic 3 save & sound 2024 presentation

this is a quick attempt at a transcript of the presentation. I think I got most of it but there are some words I was unable to hear, I can't say I have a lot of practice doing this and that's on me so if any of you guys can help me I'll edit it asap

Ressa Schwarzwald: I'm Ressa from Gameowdio. Our team has been working on Pathologic 3 with Vasily Kashnikov and his apprentice Nikolai. This video will feature some of the audio stuff we've made together.

Our goal regarding audio direction was to give the real experience of being in the epicenter of an epidemic. Fully realistic, no bullshit. So we are obviously shooting this video in The Town. We realized pretty early that the game was quite different from the original Pathologic 2 because of the time travel mechanics. So for the prototype we built a time travel machine [the date November 1924 shows on screen], which appeared to be quite useful to record some source sounds, and [date changes to November 3024] make this video in just half a second using existing technology.

Let's start with the music.

Vasily Kashnikov: Hi, I'm Vasily Kashnikov, audio director of Pathologic 3 project. I'll tell you how our music is structured. We were already thinking about how the Bachelor's game would sound when we were working on Patholgic 2 and writing music for Haruspex. In Pathologic 2, the music had more ethnic and real motives (motifs?) and instruments. Since the city and its customs are familiar with Haruspex since he was a child, he is involved in the traditional way of life. In the case of Pathologic 3, this is the view of an outsider who evaluates everything from the point of view of rationality and science. Therefore, we are trying to make the Pathologic 3 soundtrack colder and more detached from the steppes and ethnicity in character. There is more synthesis, guitars at the same time, the Bachelor communicates with those in power so the soundtrack contains a large share of minimalist so-called furniture music that could sound in the beginning of the last century. Piano etudes and references to composers of that time: Satie, Debussy, etc. The soundtrack is a rather eclectic mix of dreampop, downtempo, and (?) minimalism.

In the city when the Bachelor is alone with himself, we emphasize the cold mind of the rhythm section: less emotional harmony, and sometimes electronic timbres. In the rooms where we need to separate the main character from those he interacts with, we use more expressive harmonies and more classical instruments: piano and guitar passages.

When we designed the interactive music system, we assumed that time is finite, and the music had to change depending on the amount of time the Bachelor had left. However, we later abandoned this system and now the music changes depending on the state of the Bachelor himself, who can fall into apathy or psychosis. To emphasize these states, we apply filters and effects to different layers of our tracks and get a slower, muffled sound in the case of apathy, and wired (?) nervous, glitchy in the case of psychosis. In the infected quarters, there are interactive systems that... [screen begins to distort] oh my god, Nataliya! Please stop this!

Nataliya Radina: Whoops, hehe, sorry. But yeah, basically the other system we created reflects everything you hear in the game. Such as... If we use our gun when dealing with the local thugs, the longer we aim the weapon at the people, the less sounds of the outside world we hear and the louder becomes the heartbeat. To add to the intensity, sharper tone was used along with a high pitch tinnitus sound. If the psychosis level goes to the maximum, it starts to damage Bachelor's health, which is accompanied by flashes on the screen, as well as low heartbeat and short breathing sounds.

Vasily Kashnikov: In the infected and rebel's quarters, there are also interactive systems that change the character of the music by adding or disabling instrument layers depending on the state of the world or the Bachelor's equipment to fight the plague. As a result, we have 12 tracks for each day spent in the city. they can freely switch between each other and several dozen themes for locations and characters, and all the music is subject to change depending on the state of the Bachelor.

Nataliya Radina: Since the game has a weather changing system, we also wanted to reflect that in our audio feedback as well. The game has global wetness parameter that shows how intense the rain is. The more it rains, the more squishy and muddy are the steps of the outside surfaces. Moreover, if you come closer to the window, you can hear the rain pondering on the glass. Even in the middle of the plague, we always have room for cozy moments, right? My favorite part of that system is involving cows. [cow moo]. So, when it's raining, you can actually hear very very soft sound of raindrops dropping on those bovine butts. And I personally think it's beautiful.

Artur Ramanouski: Hi, my name is Artur, and I was also involved in creating some sound assets for the game.

Probably the hardest thing to record were the footsteps. I had everything planned out: bought the equipment, got every type of surface, but...there was one small thing I overlooked: I live in a city with over 12 million people. Noise everywhere. The solution was simple and ingenious: I recorded everything on a Sunday, because in Buenos Ares, Sunday is the one day when no one does anything.

Nataliya Radina: One of the most important places in the game is the cathedral. There we have a system of ladders that control the speed and direction of time. Direction wise, we can have it flow normally, or reversed. [entire presentation is rewound very quickly so it's back to Ressa]

Ressa Schwarzwald: She is super professional.

Nataliya Radina: As for the speed, we can make it stand still, go twice as fast, or half normal speed. We created an audio system that has to (?) understand what is actually happening around (inaudible). When we reverse time, spatial effects are added to the surrounding sounds. Ambience, steps, and the mechanism itself. When time stands still, we increase the low frequencies in the ambience, and all the other sounds are muted to zero. Now lastly, when the time goes twice as fast, or half the original speed, the pitch of the surrounding sound changes accordingly.

The coolest part of this system is that it's been actually implemented into the game engine using only one parameter.

Ressa Schwarzwald: Thank you for watching. See you here, later!

[st4rrzynight]

𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 — 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 – 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ����𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭– 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭, 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞, 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲/𝐧

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

five years. five years since i lost the love of my life. the woman i promised i was going to marry. the only woman who was there through thick and thin.

i lost her. i lost her to a man who buys her roses when her favorite flowers are tulips. a man who takes her out on dates to the bar when her ideal date is a restaurant.

a man who doesn't appreciate her worth, a man who will never know her the way i knew her. she was the love of my life and i refuse to let her go. he is not worthy enough of her beauty.

but i have to let her go. i have to accept that she is not the woman she once was back in high school. the woman who completed me.

it's my 5th year at uconn and i have promised myself to let her go, yet i can never seem to get her out of my mind. the way her brown hair frames her face so exquisitely, the way her brown eyes light up once the sun shines on her face so delicately enhancing her already beautiful features into something more.

all that travels through my mind when i see her with her boyfriend is 18 year old me back in high school. the day after she got sent away to god knows where, it was tragic. i tried calling her every second of the day, i went to her house only to be reprimanded by her parents.

i was told that i was the devil, i was satans spawn for implanting these sinful ideas into their perfect angels head. they never wanted to see me around their daughter again.

now five years later at 23 years old, i still feel everything i felt when i was eighteen. no distractions could ever tear away the pain and weight i feel in my heart from not being able to be with her.

i look in the mirror and all i see staring back at me is my eighteen year old self with the same look in her eyes.

its time, its time to move on and find someone new. speaking of someone new, i have started talking to a girl named gianna. she was beautiful. she has brown hair, brown eyes, beautiful inside and out.

but nothing can capture the sting of how y/n made me feel. she made me feel out of this world, and i don't think anyone will ever compare to her.

speaking of her, here she comes now, walking through campus hand in hand with her boyfriend, i stared in envy knowing i should be the one holding her hand. she looked happy, but i know deep down even if she doesn't realize it herself, that shes miserable.

she's not truly happy with him and i know it. the way she always distances herself from him, the most physical affection shes ever had with him out in public is holding his hand, and a mere hug, side hug at most.

but i could never blame her, no this is her parents fault. they sent her away and she came back a completely different person. she broke up with me, dropped all friends we had in common and acted as if i had never been in her life.

i'm tired of living life day by day without a proper explanation of why she did what she did, why she broke my heart, and why shes acting as if i don't even exist.

the moment i saw her alone and not with her boyfriend i took the opportunity to talk to her. i built up the courage to walk over to her and i tapped her on the shoulder.

the moment she turned around i could see shock and confusion spread through her face, she looked around for a second and she looked like she was about to walk away.

"wait, i know i'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please y/n i at least want to know why, why so suddenly. i mean jesus i know it's been five years, but i loved you, so much." i rambled trying to keep her attention, tears forming in my eyes as i confessed my love for her once again.

i could see she looked conflicted, not knowing whether she should brush me off like she had always done or actually spare me a minute of her time to talk to me.

"i– i just– look, its nothing personal. five years ago we were still practically children. i didn't know what was best for me, my parents did they assured me of it." hearing her actually speak to me lifted a weight off my chest for a split second before it felt like it got dropped back on me 30 pounds heavier.

"what are you talking about? what do you mean 'your parents assured you of it?' what did they do?" i was scared, scared of what they did to her, what they said to her that made her go down this rabbit hole of forced heterosexuality.

"they wanted me to go down the right path and sent me to blue fire wilderness church camp. they fixed what was wrong with me, they made me realize that what we were doing was immoral and wrong, so please stop chasing after me, stop waiting for me because i got led down the right path and found my beautiful boyfriend, and you should try and go down the right path as well." hearing her tell me what happened, getting an explanation for the first time in years was a mix of emotions.

i felt refreshed for finally getting an explanation, then again i wanted to throw up right then and there for what the explanation was.

"conversion therapy, they sent you to conversion therapy y/n. can't you see that deep down if you never had any feelings for women you wouldn't have had to get sent to conversion therapy? they corrupted you and you don't even know it! i mean come on, i see the way you don't truly feel comfortable with your boyfriend, your body knows what you like and theres no changing that." i pleaded with her trying to get her to understand, wanting her to come to a realization that everything that was said to her was a lie.

she took a deep sigh frustration evident in her voice as she spoke to me, possibly for the last time ever.

"look, i need you to understand that i'm not a lesbian, i'm straight. i have a loving boyfriend that i'm going to marry, and you need to move on from whatever happened in high school. i was a dumb teenager who didn't know better and needed my parents to knock some sense into me. i don't know what you think you "see" but i love my boyfriend. please just leave me alone paige."

her words stabbed at my heart a thousand times over and over again as she kept speaking, my heart shattering even more with every sentence.

hearing her say my name for the first time in five years, and for the last time forever was emotional for me.

she walked away from me reuniting with her boyfriend as they walked away hand in hand once again.

i had lost her, forever.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 —

@mrsarnold @sweetluna20 @patscorner @tndaqlifwy @jadasogay

𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭! 𝐢𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠

[asktheritochampion]

Why is it that the rito prefer hammocks over traditional beds? I feel like that would do numbers on your back over time, and how would the village elder use one? wouldn't the ropes holding it snap under his weight?

'Traditional beds' - you mean Hylian beds. Hammocks are traditional Rito beds - much like pools of heated water are traditional Zora beds, and rock nests are traditional Goron beds. Just because you're a Hylian and something is traditional and normal to you, doesn't mean that it's traditional and normal to everyone.

I also find it incredibly insensitive of you to suggest that the beloved Village Elder has a weight problem because of his sizing.

Kanelli might be larger than the average Rito, but us Rito have hollow bones and small internal organs which makes us light enough to remain in the air for flight. Dispite his size, he likely weighs no more than the typical Hylian.

I shouldn't have to waste my time educating you Hylians on Rito culture when it's obvious none of you have the slightest interest in anyone other than yourselves. However, I am feeling generous today.

Unlike Hylians, Rito sleep on their fronts, a habbit from way back in the egg, then in the nest as a chick. It preserves heat and stops our tailfeathers from being crushed under us.

Trying to sleep on a hard, flat surface like a Hylian bed does nothing good for our postures. With our legs and wings underneith us while we sleep, we need a surface that can accomodate shape.

Hammocks are also efficint for a variety of reasons. In Hebra as you know the weather is very cold and wet, we experience heavy rains several times a year and due to our open plan living, everything inside of our nests gets wet. Hammocks are thin and dry quickly, thus aren't at risk of growing mould or spores. Their lightweight material also stops us from overheating with our thick feathers, whereas a Hylian bed is built to trap in the heat.

Overall, Hammocks are the superior bedding choice for a number of reasons when it comes to Rito lifestyle. Hylians are simply too small-minded to see past their own noses and think about our differences and how they may impact our ways of life.

[cherryblossombankai]

Word Count: 1.1k Warnings: angst, seriously it's just angst, alcohol, mentions of anxiety and trauma, sort of implied toxic relationship, breakup, sad, depression, jealousy A/N: I'm so sorry for this :) Tag List: @pixelcafe-network, @actuallysaiyan, @helloiamadrawer, @satorustar, @sweet-chocolate-sweet

You knew deep down that breaking up had been for the best, or at least you’d believed Aizawa when he said it was for the best. Aizawa was still trying to overcome his trauma, and you're no walk in the park to live with either. Stubborn and moody on the best of days, paralyzed with anxiety on the worst of days. You knew it took him some patience at times to navigate life with you, but he wasn’t a walk in the park either. You thought you were each other’s person until he asked for space. You gave it in hopes he would eventually realize that he needs you.

It had helped you along the healing process when you believed he was as miserable as you. You took comfort in the image of him curled up in bed, mourning the scent of your perfume fading from the pillow. At the very least, it made you feel less pathetic for still sleeping in his shirt every night and refusing to wash it because he'd no longer be lingering in the stitches. 

You were fine, truly. Most days you only cried a couple of times, and you hardly ever typed up a text you'd never send anymore. At least not when you're sober. The things you’d never sent while knee-deep in a bottle of wine, well that’s a different story. It ranged from “I miss you so bad” to “Why don’t you love me anymore?” but you never sent them, and that’s what matters. 

 "I'm on the path to healing. thank you very much,” you'd bragged to your friends over dinner. You meant it! Things were really starting to fall into place. 

Until it wasn’t anymore. 

All it took was one event to have your healing facade crashing down faster than you built it up. He didn't even like selfies, that's what he told you over and over. He would scoff and cover his face every time you tried to lean in to catch a snap of the two OF you together. More than once he went on a half-hearted rant about ‘living in the moment’ instead of stopping to photograph everything. You only have a handful of photos to prove that you didn't hallucinate a five-year relationship. 

Yet there he is on your timeline, snuggled up to a pretty girl who called him ‘baby' in the caption. His arm is wrapped around her. He's leaning in...He's smiling. 

Fuck, you love his smile. It was such a rare sight when he belonged to you. You wonder what this girl has that you didn’t.

Later that night, you and your roommate split a bottle of wine. 

"I hope he thinks of me when he fucks her," you ranted to your roommate. 

You were pacing the living room like a caged tiger. A caged, drunk tiger anyway. You were angry. How could he? What right does he have to be happy when you still whisper his name when you make yourself cum?

"I'm going to call him!" 

Your roommate thankfully finds your phone before you do. She swipes it OFF the coffee table while you're digging around in your pockets.

"Nope, that is a horrible idea," she says.

"Why? Don't I deserve answers? Closure?" you sit beside her on the couch. Your puppy eyes were almost enough for her to change her mind, but she didn't. 

"Of course you do, but not like this."

After your ranting and raving becomes sleepy, your roommate — No...your hero — tucks you into bed. She covers you up with a soft blanket and pushes your hair off your face. 

"Do you think he misses me?" you whine. "I want him to miss me.”  

"He'd be stupid not to miss you,” she says, too kind to break your delusions for now, “Get some sleep."

~

It felt like your heart was ripped out. Seeing a stupid selfie was one thing. Being face-to-face with the happy couple in the produce section of your favorite grocery store is another rotten thing entirely. Aizawa doesn't even live in this neighborhood. You can’t fathom why he’d decide to date someone from the same neighborhood as you. 

You're frozen to the spot. Your nails dug into the fragile flesh of the peach you were testing for ripeness moments before your worst nightmare came true. Aizawa doesn't notice you but, to your surprise, she does. Her smile falters and she quickly looks away as if making eye contact with you was painful for her. It was odd to see. You want to look away too, but seeing them is like watching a car crash. No matter how badly you want to look away, you just can’t.

"Oh, hello," Aizawa says when you finally shift into his line of sight.

"Hi," you fake a smile. You were hoping maybe you’d be able to seem genuinely unphased. 

It’s hard to be unphased when he doesn't have to fake a smile. His smile is real and you know she’s the reason for it. 

You clear your throat, "How are you?" 

"I'm good. Uh, this is my girlfriend, Ami."

"Nice to meet you." you lie for the sake of friendliness but refuse to shake hands. 

"I've heard so much about you." Ami says. "About your hero work, of course!"

“Right, of course. Thanks."

“We should get going, babe," he says and places his hand on her back. 

Babe? When did he become a guy who said something like 'babe'. It makes your stomach turn as you walk away. You used to make fun of people who said ‘babe’ together. 

"Why was I not enough for you?" you text him that night. Your eyes are so blurry with tears that you don't even think you could read his response. Not that he will ever respond, you figure. 

You roll onto you side, letting the tears flow from your eyes into the pillow. You clutch on tightly to the fluffy teddy bear he’d bought you for the last birthday you’d spent together.

"Don't do this," he texts back

.You drop your phone onto the bed, and you bury your face against your teddy bear. The muffled scream you let out is full of pain. You still love him. You know you shouldn't, but you want him back. You can taste him on your lips still. 

“Why? Because it's not on your time? Because you're not in control?" you text back.

"No! Because you're being emotional again.” 

“Again? God forbid I have feelings.” 

Aizawa was always so controlled. It was infuriating to know that no matter what you say you will never get under his skin the way you want to. He doesn’t respond for the longest time, and you decide to try once again to get to him. 

“Of course I'm emotional. I fucking love you."

When he doesn't respond, you get the message. There's nothing else to say. He's over you, or he wants to be. All you can do is pick up the pieces.

[merakiui]

hi, i was checking your twst yandere tag and

idia thoughts? :3

I love Idia. The STYX bgm is a banger. Ignihyde's entire aesthetic is amazing. Book 6 is so scrumptious. OTL I could go on and on.

Whenever I think about yan Idia, I automatically default to STYX Idia thoughts only because I crave an Idia who is a little crazy beneath the awkwardly sweet, endearingly shy otaku who stalks you through the cameras and is too nervous to interact irl. Those parts are wonderful of course, but I just know the guy who rebuilt his dead brother (obviously it's not as simple as that and there's so much more grief and trauma intertwined with those actions),,, but the fact still stands that he built the first technomantic humanoid Twisted Wonderland has ever seen....... HE'S CRAZY SMART!!!! And you can't tell me he wouldn't perform other potentially morally and ethically dubious things in an effort to satisfy grotesque curiosity or some other delusion.... ethics at STYX only go so far until Idia-sama is in charge and as Acting Director everyone else must listen to him. I know he hates his job and doesn't want to inherit it, but ooooooo he's so fine in the STYX uniform.

And also,,, with how his parents are I think they're probably going to ignore the very obvious obsession in the room because as long as Idy is happy it doesn't really matter (and you'll be taken care of and cherished so wonderfully). >w< Mama Shroud saw his files when she logged into his computer in book seven and ever since then she just wants her boy to be happy and in love. Maybe it's even a surprise Idia found someone...... Idia and his father are so similar, so maybe it's a case of both of them being shocked the other found a lover. T_T but now he has a 3D beloved and Mama Shroud couldn't be any happier. I have so many thoughts on the dynamics........

AND HIS PARALLELS WITH ROLLO?!?!?!? Insane....... the way they both grieved entirely differently but could understand all of the feelings that come with mourning. And how they chose to act on that. The anger and the unfairness. Anger at the world, at themselves, at those around them. The self-blame and self-hatred. The burdens of mourning all alone and feeling like no one else can help or did help and that no one can truly understand or sympathize.......... I'm just rambling about everything Idia now... the thoughts are everywhere!!!!!

I just think there's so much potential with Idia who is as smart as he is. He is genuinely so efficient and if he wanted to build something that would make it easier to stalk you or to keep you with him or some other wild yan concept he absolutely would and it would be finished within the day. He's so cool........ orz the power he has...

[lilybecca1]

I open TikTok and of course this is the first thing that came up

And it's true. I think we all tend to look past how broken Bakugou Katsuki actually is, and how he's been broken down piece by piece ever since the beginning of the manga. So they say he hasn't gotten any karma for what he said to Izuku? He was literally one of the people who suffered the most in the entire story.

His entire world was flipped upside down, he went through feelings of betrayal when he thought Izuku lied to him his whole life, his own insecurities have been brought forth almost every moment, his ego was beaten down episode by episode, which yeah, we can say he deserved that, but that doesn't mean it wasn't any less painful and that he didn't suffer through all that humiliation and constantly being reminded that he isn't unbeatable, that he's weak.

And he also had his fair share of panic attacks, more than most of the others. He was humiliated and his weakness was shown for the whole world to see when he got kidnapped, and had to experience everyone believing that he could turn into a villain when his whole life was basically about how much he wanted to be a hero. And if we look back at how many times we've seen him cry, which is also more than most of the others, then it's a lot, especially for a person who is supposed to be someone who doesn't cry, who always remains strong. Yet he was the one that always broke down, that had to deal with the most inner turmoil in the span of that one year, which must have been a hell of a hard time of suffering for him after years and years of suppressing those emotions.

In the beginning of the manga, he started off as someone egoistic with a superior complex who would never ever admit that he was wrong, and by the end of it we got someone who apologized out of his own will. For someone like the person that he was, to even consider, yet alone want to apologize, on his own will, without anyone pushing him to do so, is a big fucking thing.

We forget the fact that these children have literally went through hell, emotionally, physically, mentally. They're just CHILDREN. Hell, Bakugo literally died, if that year wasn't traumatic enough for him. He had to experience what it feels like to lose someone important, first with All Might (the fact that he caused it adds even more to it), then losing Deku, then losing his OWN LIFE. And yes, he did lose Deku, because when he was in the hospital, the others literally told him that there's no way of knowing if Deku would even wake up or not. Do you guys have any idea how it would feel to hear THAT about someone you care about? That they might not even wake up? When you haven't even apologized about everything that you have done to him, haven't come clean about your past to him?

Yeah no, shit, I know it must have terrified Bakugo like hell. Then he ended up losing Deku again when Deku left UA to begin his Vigilante Arc. He left without saying goodbye after Bakugo thought he might lose him, now tell me that isn't painful enough as it is.

This guy went through fucking hell, people should stop throwing so much shit on him. He's been broken to the point that he basically became an entire different person than who he was. And I don't care that he told Izuku to jump, because he is not that person anymore, and not just because he apologized. No, that person has been beaten down rough, left broken, alone, confused and in pain, not understanding his own feelings. The person that he used to be was beaten down and left so broken, that he couldn't be built back into the same person anymore. He went through trauma after trauma, went through all kind of emotional turmoil, pain, anguish, shock, humiliation, guilt, remorse, and worst of all, he died, losing his life at just 16 years old.

He came back to life NOT the same person that he was. Not the same heart, not the same feelings. Whether you understand it or not, that guy is not the Bakugou Katsuki that he used to be, and he never will be. All that anger, that shell around his heart has been broken into millions of pieces, leaving only this pure and sensitive soul who has gone through too much pain to comprehend.

Trauma changes you, it makes you become a completely new person. Bakugou Katsuki died in the war, and it's Bakugou Kacchan who came back to life and survived to live on.

[snowjanuscentral]

Just thinking about Sejanus:

Sejanus' defiance towards Capitol culture and ideals being a cornerstone of his identity

His memories of District 2 slowly fading as he spends more and more time growing up in the Captiol

He is othered, he is 'different'; his money is dirty, he does not belong

He knows deep down in his core that he is District, not only because of his birthplace and those fading childhood memories, but also because everyone around him reminds him that he is not like them

One day, in his teens, Sejanus realises he has spent more of his life in the Capitol than outside of it

The opulence of the Plinth household continues to multiply - but Sejanus is still from the districts, and that makes him better, that makes his a real person

He isn't some performance of social convention, Sejanus is a real, living and breathing human, and the Capitol reminds him of everything he is not, everything he is better without

But eventually, he sees footage of District 2, and realises how different the town square looks, how the buildings have changed since the war, how it isn't the same as he remembers

He is outspoken in his beliefs, he has money and power behind him but uses none of it

He can't understand how his father tries to assimilate when it's clearly so futile

It is only when he is face-to-face with Marcus for the first time in over a decade, when Sejanus realises how much he has changed. How much the Capitol has seeped into his skin and changed him. How he has forgotten hunger, and dirty clothes, and skinned knees, and dust. He has forgotten the bombs, and the hardship. Marcus (and everyone else in District 2, everyone else on the outside) has changed too, and he hasn't witnessed it. Not really, not beyond the grainy footage filmed for those Capitol propaganda specials that he so breezily derides.

It is only then that Sejanus realises that he truly is above it all, not by choice but by force of circumstance. He is no longer District, not in any way that matters, not in any way that derives the meaning that he's so long sought.

And Sejanus is a boy untethered; not District to the Districts, not Capitol to the Capitol, and yet somehow entirely untouchable. Isolated in the golden tower his father has built. He has everything, he has nothing. He is a god, he is an empty cavern.

Sejanus has everything; he is nothing. He is inconsequential.

He does not know what he is anymore.

[yuseirra]

(Vague..hints about what 165 would be, I heard about it, I'm...scared to see that chapter. It sounds really horrifying, I can't phrase it otherwise.)

I think I'm going to jot down my feelings. I honestly feel so, so sorry for people who like this manga..; on the bright side it's been a work that's...imbued things in me to write and draw this much about myself but I wish that'd only have happened on a positive note.

I think the author is really being too much..;; They're being so cruel. For what? Can this story get across a proper message? That's what's most important to me and I can take it if I'm convinced it is but... This current route is so far from what most audience would believe as fulfilling or.. Feel happy about seeing. Unless this is fake and the last chapter has some sort of happy closure to it all.

I started reading onk after the anime came out last year and kept up with it, ordering the volumes and reading them. After Chapter 154 and listening to the opening for Season 2, I just thought, “Ah, this is what it is… This is it.” (If you read my oldest? theory posts about this work, this July, you’d know what I mean. I think I’ve figured it all out, and so far, nothing I’ve said back then has been disproven; on the contrary, it STILL makes the most sense.)

I have myself an idea of what this could be, but unless Ruby uses Amaterasu’s power to save everyone and bring them into a happy timeline in the final chapter, this is just...;;

Haha, seriously, this is... phew...

It’s true that Ai and the person she really loved had mutual feelings, but that person went completely insane and caused some incredibly serious issues, forcing Aqua to go after him with everything he had.

From how things are unfolding, I think these points have been confirmed.

We also learned that person was originally good enough to be called noble<I feed off this info like cow eats grass... That's the thing that keeps me going lol Kamiki is nuts...oh please...I really care for him

We know Aqua had a mission assigned from the gods.

For Ruby’s future, he had to capture their father, and this task required him to put everything he built in the story so far on the line.

I kind of understood this? Even if accepting it is a different matter.

No matter how important revenge is in Aqua’s narrative... it’s like, what should I even say? Kamiki ended up devouring Aqua’s story to such an extent that the latter part of the story feels overshadowed by him, and yet Kamiki hasn’t been explored in enough depth for that.

For those following Aqua, this progression feels incredibly harsh. Even if you were rooting for Aqua, the villain he’s up against should be properly fleshed out. Kamiki is full of gaps everywhere. Maybe some parts are intentionally hidden, but what they’ve done feels too much like a Deus ex Machina.

The things he’s been said to have done aren’t even within the realm of what an ordinary human could achieve, it's beyond logic. So unless he’s literally a god, it doesn’t make sense. That’s why I kept insisting he’s divine. When you look at the clues related to his character, there’s actual foreshadowing that supports this theory. If he isn’t, then nothing makes sense. I even wrote a post as soon as Fatal dropped. I just knew THAT had to be it.

There are so many actions he took that can’t be explained unless he’s something beyond human, things that even gods would need to intervene in, assigning missions to Aqua and Ruby. That’s the development that makes the most sense.

Even so, this plot is too much for fans who have loved and followed this series.

I kind of get it, but for fans who have been deeply attached and following this work(this includes me too), the final chapter… Even if there’s something to look forward to, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be worth getting your hopes up. And I'm usually a very hopeful person. It feels like the author wanted to try writing an ending like this, but even then, this... The last 10 chapters or so feel like they consumed all the preceding content.

If Kamiki had been more prominently featured and well-developed, that might have been different (I probably analyzed him more than anyone else out there, because there wasn’t much to go on, and I tried to understand what kind of person he was, filling in the gaps to infer his behavior and motives since his perspective was never shown). But Kamiki, who isn’t as well-developed as Aqua, now holds a weight in the story that makes Aqua sacrifice everything he’s built. I really wish they did both characters justice. I really liked them both.

In that case, he needs to be an unimaginably terrible villain. From what spoilers suggest, what he’s done is indeed severe. But if Ai truly loved such a person, and that’s flipped with the limited remaining chapters, the story becomes trash... Haha. Then what’s the point? I don’t know. That, I really don't wish nor see being contradicted.

Kamiki was kind but lost his mind. (Him being kind is something I never want to give up till the end. I just see it REALLY well too.) So he did a lot of things, I get that. But can something of this scale really happen in modern society, to the point where the protagonist must sacrifice their life?

If so, shouldn’t there be some justification brought in from outside the story to make it convincing? Hence, Kamiki is essentially a god, as suggested by his very name. He was a noble god who fell. There’s enough context, hints, and foreshadowing to support that. He was exposed to malevolence from a young age and became tainted by it. He probably did love Ai, which is why he wielded his power so recklessly, driven by madness to reunite with her.

But even with this, there’s hardly any explanation. Why he went mad, what he did with his life—it’s all glossed over in a few panels. If he’s the villain that the protagonist *must* defeat, there should have been more depth and depiction to fuel that narrative, but it’s incredibly ambiguous. The story just throws a few lines at us and expects us to believe, “He could do all this, so the protagonist had to die,” and that’s it. (That's why... I'm not really sure if they make it want to seem like he's THE bad guy either. Since it's rarely explored in detail so we can't sympathize with the victims if they exist and...hate this guy even more for it. That approach I agree with, because it shouldn't be that way if this story wants a message. But who knows. Scary stuff; it just makes you baffled and dumbfounded and go, "what is this?";; Again, it'd make me question, 'What kind of guy did Ai even love?' I do have my own answers for that. He's her previous divine husband who became hopelessly flawed upon losing her, THAT'S what, so it's not on HIM that he's turned out that way. But who knows.)

Do you think that’s convincing...?💦 I’m filling in the blanks myself, but this feels too much. Whether the final chapter is 50 pages or 100 pages, it can’t wrap this up properly unless Ruby turns back time to save everyone and bring them happiness. I’ve heard there are about 50 pages for 166, but isn’t that just two chapters’ worth? It’s basically the same as a double issue, and given how little content there’s been in recent chapters, even if they combine two, I don’t think it’ll be impactful.

I genuinely feel sorry for the fans of this series. Does this development make sense to you? I’m so baffled that I can’t help but laugh when I think about the plot. It’s not even funny; it’s just painful to watch. How many people would have wanted this kind of ending? I once wrote that over 70% of fans might end up hating the conclusion, that I have a bad feeling about the writer having some kind of personal ambition to create a "twist" and experiment on it out of their artistic desires - and if it ends like this, they probably will. It's not like I didn't see it coming. I did tell all the others who came to read this work upon reading my fanworks to wait until it's complete, there are some things I really appreciate about it, but I wasn't sure it'd progress on your usual, happy and safe route. It could have been that way. The answers were all there. There were many opportunities where there were chances of this story getting an ending many would be satisfied with,

And if I’m wrong about everything I’ve said here, I’ll be just as lost. I really won’t understand any of it. But I’m confident I’m right.

The traits of Kamiki match those of the husband of Ame-no-Uzume in at least ten ways. That god even had a story that said he drowned.(but if he really died, that's ambiguous and he is worshipped pretty well along with his beloved Amenouzume)That's just too much to be brushed off as coincidence, he's at least INSPIRED from that god.

I believe he was originally very kind. I can’t let go of that idea, because it’s been evident to me, and it sticks in my mind. But if that’s true, then this is the story of someone who was kind but went mad, and a son who became a vengeful spirit after his mother’s death. The mother, worrying about the father, left what was almost like a final wish: “If your father is still straying, won’t you help him with me?” But the son kills his father, thinking there’s no hope for him, and ends up dying himself in the process. If that’s really the story, then how... how can there be any positive message to take away from this?

I think I understand what’s going on. I think I do... but the story has been so unfriendly and, as a result, feels disrespectful to fans who have loved the series.

I'm actually thinking: if Kamiki IS Sarutahiko the god of guidance who's been TWISTED due to making EVERY possibilities of a future turn horribly wrong, are we WITNESSING his powers in real time?? Is THIS an extension of what he's capable of? because, I feel like.. He's been bringing sufferings to everyone including himself. Oh in that case I'd totally understand his pain. He really would be suffering. And he's THAT dangerous. What if this comic is being really meta, huh?? I think he doesn't want this either. Losing Ai just.. Totally shattered him I bet. But seeing how things are, I think it could really have been his powers that caused her to die in the first place, unintentionally though. I won't forgive the author if HE'S the one who's killed Ai AND he's been doing all these things in order to get her back afterwards, that is just...so rude. It has no point...

There’s still one chapter left, and I know it’s not right to make a judgment prematurely, but if things go on like this, it’s truly too much...; I genuinely feel bad for those who have loved this work wholeheartedly. And for myself... if it doesn’t end as I’ve thought, then I’ve been completely mistaken, haha. But I came into this with confidence, not about Aqua’s side of things(I thought HIM out of all should get a happy ending. I still wish for that to happen), but about what the story wanted to convey through Aqua’s parents. I believed there could be a meaningful message despite how difficult it seemed, so I took the initiative and interpreted it, drew a lot. If I’m wrong, I can only blame my insight... The story itself never changed; it just stayed there. But I was confident. I’ve never been wrong when it comes to instincts or analyses related to psychology. I thought I knew what this was...

I hope this work gets resolved in a way that is respectful towards its fans whom really cared for the series...they-we-deserve that as much as the authors deserve respect. We're in this together as a fan and the writers. We should care about each other.

[commodorecliche]

popular post on webbed site: I can't believe my country is the only country that does [extremely common universal thing], man, we're just built different!

[clairedaring]

You've got a guest? Er… This is Ming. He is…er… I'm Joe's friend.

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

oh im gonna be SO annoying about bbh in a minute. i keep saying the same thing over and over again but his character is too fucking complex motherfucker is like:

"i'm a demon who is 11,000 years old and i refuse to acknowledge that im a demon nor that i do bad things (like steal furniture) but i will help people every chance i get despite saying im going to stop doing that and i am going to devote my life to protecting these fragile little eggs even though i know im going to lose them one day because i love them too much (and i know i can do that and it will one day be okay, because i have an immortal diamond to keep me company even if he isn't here now). when my friend throws himself beneath the spokewheel of the federation i will be there, bitter about my loss, but i will not start a revolution until he proves he deserves one. i will do what i can to safeguard his system against corruption because i am afraid the federation will use him to hurt us. i know he doesn't want to hurt us. he keeps hurting me. he is isolated by our distrust in him and he is still working hard to try to be a good person in an inherently corrupt system that cannot be fixed so i will build him a statue. i will not kill him when he takes a picture of me in the presidential chair (that was almost mine) and puts it on his wall and calls me 'employee of the month.' i didn't do all of that work for the federation i did it for him like i do it for others because they are my friends. i will exhaust every option i have to build a reason to NOT start a revolution. to not kill him. because i have to say that i tried. i feel like i have made so many compromises. i have held myself back to try to find reason. i will still remove his access to my base. when the island turns against me and he locks me in a cage for a crime i did not commit, i will remove everyone's access (except for my family the french and my family the eggs). i am having fun. when the eggs appear the next day with cracks and dirty shells i will worry, but i know they're strong. they'll be okay. (when i find my son's secret lab and his unethical experiments that cause him harm i will be proud because he has done what i do. he has helped. i want him to be safe but we are never safe and i trust him more than anyone else. i know now, and i can help him be safe.) when the eggs go missing i will be silent. i will look for them, and i will destroy for them, and i will bargain for them, and i will cry for them, and i will not accept their loss. when my friend who is president who once built a safehouse that saved my eggs' lives is finally damaged by the federation (like i knew he would be when he became president) and he starts to hurt people by pushing the same treatment onto them i will not be surprised. i will be surprised when he tries to marry me. i will not blame him (much) when he tries to kill me. our children are missing. he is forced to pretend that his is not. i wish i could too. i will not tell him yes or no because i need an open avenue to manipulate him (because to save him i will have to manipulate him). i will not marry him because he is out of his mind. i have said marriage is overrated. i have also said that i want to live with him in a house with our kids and my skeppy. when he tells me that he wants to be happy with me i will still say 'aw' because it is the most genuine thing he has said to me and i miss my friend. i will still try to kill him. i fail to kill him with someone else's plan. i don't place a block to lock him in place. i hesitate. it doesn't matter if it's on purpose because the next plan works. i will reveal an item that could destroy me to my closest allies (and tubbo) because it will let us save him. we save him. when he kills himself 18 times over i back away from the explosion in surprise and then step close again. while i have grieved i have thrown myself into mines. it doesn't matter. i am numb and want to feel something. everything has lost colour. we save him.

i visit federation workers and ask them about my eggs and they do not tell me anything. i know they are lying. i visit the graveyard to talk to my lost eggs. i have lost all of the eggs. i do not know how to save them. i lay in the mud. it rains and rain signifies the monster has returned to kill my children but my children are not here and so i do not care. when i go home i will become so angry and i will go down to my basement (which i have locked like my friend locked the entrance to his greatest fantasy. we are so alike and our delusions are different. he child was real; here is the secret to finding my children) where i have locked a federation worker away. i will not wash away the blood stains.

i am also part-time grim reaper and i only ever dress up in robes to make people drink more water."

[martyrbat]

habeas corpus – detective comics #1086

(ID in alt!)

[pochapal]

this being the first theory battler has lampshaded and discarded as a joke is making me extremely 👁

[itspileofgoodthings]

but on a more serious note, I do hate when any adaptation--but especially this one!--decides to change the nature of specific uncomfortable or antagonistic character interactions to something softer or sweeter, or even just decided to give two characters that don't get along or interact much at all A Moment™. That really is not always the right call!