#No CGI will ever come close to this

[evilfloralfoolery]

Love that you mentioned Dog Soldiers in Werewolf movies, one of my absolute favourites. I think it's so visceral as the werewolves are intelligent as well as vicious, they make sure every encounter the odds are stacked in their favour. Also you WANT to root for the squaddies as they are fleshed out characters, even though you know they are outgunned in every respect, which makes each death hurt (particularly "there is no Spoon")

"Dog Soldiers" is a fucking masterpiece and is highly underappreciated amongst werewolf enthusiasts! Everyone says "American Werewolf in London," which is, of course, a classic, but I don't agree that it's the best one out there. Perhaps the best KNOWN, but not the best, imho.

[ellieslittlewh0re]

╰┈➤ 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - 𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐧! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 - you and ellie have been dating for a few months. everything is great- perfect even, but you two haven’t had sex yet… ellie is always telling you to take your time, there’s no rush- but you’re finally ready, and ellie is going to give you the proper experience.

𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 - this is v self indulgent lol, fluff, canon jackson ellie behavior, smut, MINORS DNI

Her hands were chill to the touch, and rough against the skin of your thigh, but you didn't mind.

It had been 3 months since you started dating Jackson's designated "it" girl, and by "it" girl- that really means that everyone seems to be a little scared of her for one reason or another. Maybe it was because her face screamed "don't fucking talk to me".

That didn't stop you though. 

You had your eyes on her since you arrived through those gates- baby faced and painfully ignorant to Jackson's way of living. It was scary- terrifying even. You weren't sure if you could ever get used to it, but with time and the loving care you had received from the community, it slowly became your normal, and Ellie became your main focus.

"Babe, you're not paying attention to the movie." Ellie huffed, annoyed that you weren't as invested in the film as she was- it was one of her favorites after all.

Little does she know, you were too busy thinking about her, and how far you've come to get to this point.

You giggled, sinking further into her on the bed of her detached garage/home. You wrapped both your arms around her bicep, smiling as you place a kiss on the apple of her cheek, "m' sorry Els, guess I was just distracted." You shrugged, not really expecting her to understand.

But she did understand- painfully so. She may not be good at showing it, but when she saw you that day- day fucking one of you showing up in Jackson- she knew that you would make things that much harder for her. And of fucking course it was her luck that you got paired with her during your first outing of patrol.

Seeing you up close- that sparkle in your eye and the way you laughed so freely like the world wasn't actively ending... it did something to her, something she couldn't explain. Her thoughts were consumed of you- wether it was a glimpse of you she stole earlier in the day or her imagination running wild when she too pent up to sleep.

Now, she doesn't have to imagine it. It was real- YOU were real, and you were hers.

"Distracted? How can you be distracted when there's dinosaurs on the tv?" She asked perplexed, throwing her hand up motioning to the not-so-great looking cgi creatures.

Tension between you two had been rising exponentially high these past few weeks. Even though you have been dating for a while, you two hadn't had sex yet, and that was because of you.

It's not like you didn't want to or you hadn't thought about it, but you were still a virgin, and Ellie always made it clear that it's on your terms- no one else's.

But your birthday just passed, and Ellie made sure you had the best day- making you breakfast, taking you to her super secret spot down by the lake that she guaranteed only the "coolest" people knew about, and you wanted to show your gratitude and appreciation for her- plus the urges whenever you were around her were growing harder to ignore.

Your stomach fluttered, feeling the heat from her body pressed against yours, her hand that never seemed to want to leave your thigh- it felt like the right moment.

You slightly lift yourself off the bed, swinging your leg over her hips as gracefully as you could so you could straddle her. Ellie holds her hands up, not touching you because she was genuinely surprised by your actions. She lets out a chuckle, thinking you were in one of your moods where'd you'd hold her down and borderline torture her with your ruthless tickle attacks, but instead- you leaned in, ghosting your lips over her neck before placing kisses to the skin below her ear.

Ellie's hands move from your hips to the plush of your ass, squeezing the flesh gently in her hands, "oh yeah? Is this is what we're doing now?" She let out a breathy chuckle, tilting her head to the side to give you more access.

"Mmhm." You muffled a response into neck before sucking lightly, pulsing the skin between your lips like how she had done to you so many times before.

Ellie's eyes squeeze shut, relishing in the hot, wet sensation of your mouth on her. Her fingers tightened on your ass, body shifting slightly underneath you because her boxers suddenly felt way too fucking tight.

"Fuck- do you have any idea what you do to me?" She almost confesses, biting down on her bottom lip enough to leave a metallic taste on her tongue.

"I'm not doing anything, just kissing ya." You act innocent, but in your defense you really didn't know what you were doing, but you could tell it was doing something to her by the way her hands grabbed more harshly at your hips and sides, littering your skin with crescent indents everywhere her fingers went.

As hard as Ellie was trying to be patient with you, she was slowly losing control. Mentally, she was punching her head- knocking some morals back into her brain, but fuck-

Your teeth grazed her skin, sending goosebumps down her limbs, "I wanna do it, Els... m'ready."

You pull away, cheeks flushed and lips even more so- batting your eyelashes, and embarrassed out of your mind because you weren't sure how dumb you sounded to your more experienced girlfriend.

But Ellie doesn't think that you sound dumb- instead, she's kicking her feet inside her head, jumping around in a field of wildflowers because you trusted her enough to give yourself over to her at your most vulnerable.

"Babe, are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you have-" Ellie rambles, and honestly, it's quite cute. She was trying so hard to be the good girlfriend, but it didn't matter because you were already cutting her off mid sentence with your finger pressed against her lips, "m'sure" you nod your head in assurance before leaning forward to kiss her lips.

She smiled into the kiss as her tongue slipped inside, her arms wrapping around the the smallest part of your waist to pull you closer to her.

She molded herself into you- or maybe you molded yourself to her- just two bodies holding each other, touching skin, and tasting. You've always loved the way she tasted- the way she smelled when she was this close. It was sweet like honeysuckle and wild berries on the vine when the sun was at its highest in the sky.

Ellie's hands came between you two, snaking underneath the leg of your shorts to squeeze the skin. A moan slips passed your lips and into Ellie's mouth, causing her to chuckle into the kiss, "someone's excited."

"Ellieee~" you pouted, shoving your hands between your legs because you felt weird- a bubbling sensation in your lower stomach, waves

of hot and cold pulsating up and down your body,

"oh, I'm sorry baby, did I embarrass you?"

You nodded shyly, swirling your hips on her lap without notice.

Ellie fakes a sympathetic pout, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, "you poor thing," she said with not a hint of sympathy- instead, dripping with malice.

Ellie wasn't doing it on purpose though, she could never. She was going to savor this moment- the moment right before the storm until it was long past, forgotten between bare skin, linen sheets, and her senses filled with you.

Her hands hold your face, stroking her thumb over the apple of your cheek, pulling you into to her to kiss you. It was slow, deep- the kind of kiss that felt like a goodbye.

You moan into it, arching your back under her touch, mind fuzzy because all you could focus on was getting friction in any way you could, "el-ellie, please." You begged in your sweet, shaky tone that drove her fucking crazy no matter how many times she heard it after a make out session went a little too far.

Ellie's jaw clenches slightly, fisting the sheets beside your knees because she was painfully horny, but tried her best to hide it in front of you. She couldn't bare the embarrassment if you knew all the little things that you did that made her like this- your voice, the way you smelled or even the way you looked at her sometimes. All of it would engrave itself into Ellie's mind, replaying over and over which would slowly shift to all the things she'd want to do to you- wether it'd be something simple like kissing parts of your body that she had never seen before, and the more sinful desires of hers which mostly consisted of your face buried into a pillow, ass high in the air as she uses your hips as handlebars, driving her cock deep inside your dripping cunt-

Yeah, she'd definitely take those secrets to the grave if she could help it...

Her hand travel up your back before her fingers intertwine with your hair, squeezing close to the scalp- not hard, but hard enough to send a shiver down your spine.

Ellie's eyes gleamed with something evil as she relished in the sight on top of her- your half hooded eyes that screamed 'fuck me', your mouth slightly ajar as short quickened breaths escape them.

She used her grip in your hair to pull you in once more, clashing her lips against yours. Your teeth would occasionally bump against hers, but it didn't slow her down.

Things quickly escalated, her hands wrapping around the underside of your thighs as she turned both of you over- leaving you beneath her. Her mouth never left yours as her hand slipped underneath your thin cotton shirt, gently but urgently feeling the plush of your tummy before palming your breast.

You whimper at the sensation of her calloused fingers brushing over your hardened peak- your back arching off the mattress to get closer to her.

She breaks the kiss panting as she lowers to your ear, her warm breath dancing off your skin, "can I take it off?"

You nodded, not trusting your voice to remain steady. She trails kisses along your jaw before sitting up, grabbing the hem of your shirt. You sit up as the fabric is dragged over your back and over your head, leaving your chest on display.

"Fuck-" Ellie breaths out, her eyes twinkling in the warm glow from the bedside lamp, "you're beautiful- so fuckin’ beautiful.." she leans in again for a kiss, but your put your hands to her chest to stop her, "what about you?.. can I see?"

Ellie smirked, flashing a hint of her teeth, "dyin' to catch a glimpse, huh?"

Yes, oh my god, absolutely you were. You can't help feel a little embarrassed by the fact that your girlfriend indirectly called you a pervert, but if your a perv, what does that make her?

Ellie crosses her hands at the bottom of her hoodie, lifting it over her torso and head in one swift motion. You ogle at her toned stomach, slim waist, and prominent v lines that lead your eyes further down.

"This up to your standards?" She quipped, placing her hands on either side of your head.

"Mmm-" you think out loud, tilting your head to the side, "what about this?" You slip a finger into the underside of her sport bra, running it along the hem.

She raises an eyebrow skeptically as you bat your doe eyes at her, "s' only fair." You added, using your sickly sweet voice that made her obey your every command.

She groaned, rolling her eyes, but her cheeks told a different story- bright red and full from the smile she couldn't shake.

She sits back up, removing the article of clothing before coming back down, "happy?"

You nodded your head enthusiastically, wrapping your arms around her to feel her back. Your hands caress the skin- free of the distractions of clothes- from her shoulder blades, spine, and the curve of every muscle- you take your time to familiarize yourself with it all.

She kissed you, holding your face in one hand as the other propped herself up. It was slow, sweet and full of love, but also impatiently brutish- full of desire.

Her lips trialed down, kissing your chin, down your neck and collarbones, and scattering them over the delicate skin- leaving a trail to find her way back home to your lips.

"What about this?" She asked quietly, her breath brushing against the skin above your waistband.

You met her eyes and nod, quickly throwing your head back against the pillow because you were too embarrassed to make eye contact with her as she starts to tug down your shorts.

You lift your hips up, allowing her to drag the fabric down your legs- tossing your shorts to the side as it reaches your ankles.

"Huh-" Ellie scoffed to herself which caught your attention, "what?" You asked all worried something was wrong.

"You do this yourself?" She raised an eyebrow- the corner of her lips tugging up into a lopsided smirk as her fingers brush over the pink embroidered heart in the middle of your panties.

"Oh my god-" you whined as you cover your face in your hands, but Ellie couldn't find it more endearing.

It got her going honestly- how pure, innocent, and untainted you were- knowing that no one has ever seen or touched you like this.

She shimmied lower on the bed, positioning herself between your legs- eye level with your clothed covered cunt. She kissed your inner thighs, her tongue trialing over the skin so delicately.

You close your eyes, toes curling inside of your socks as you focus on her touch. It was hot- burning almost, and it felt magnified. Every pore, hair, and fiber was reacting to her.

Her warm breathed brushed against you as she tugged your panties to the side so it only covered your center, sucking your outer lips- pulling the skin back and letting it fall back into place with a soft *plop*.

She fisted the fabric between her fingers, letting it fold into you as she pulled it upwards- letting it grind against your clit. As soft wine emits from you as you start to squirm, letting your knees drift further apart.

Ellie isn't done teasing you. She loved getting you all worked up over something so small- it's not like it was hard.

Next, she smooths your panties over your puffy cunt, palming it roughly with the base of her wrist bumping your bud as she locked her eyes into your face- watching your eyebrows pinch in aroused frustration, your bottom lip sinking between your teeth. "El-Ellie, please." You barely make out, almost like a dogs beloved toy- airy and only faintly squeaky. "Mm-? What is it? Use your words, baby- I need words." She mocked in her annoyingly cocky tone as she kissed the center of your soaked panties, tasting you through the cotton.

You hiccup- finding the strength to talk, "I need- mmhm.. need your tongue, Els." Your bottom lip pouty and glistening from your spit as you look down at her with begging eyes. Ellie chuckled into your center, sending a vibration through core, "see? That wasn't so hard." Again with the cocky remarks, but really it was just a cover to hide how fucking eager she was.

You lift your hips as her fingers laced into the hem of your underwear, pulling them down to to reveal you in you're most natural form. Her hands quickly found shelter on top of your thighs, hooking her arms underneath your legs to secure you further. You were locked in tight- no one was getting in or out like a panic room or a sealed vault.. not unless Ellie says otherwise. The tip of her tongue tempted a tease- feathering delicate swipes over your glistening folds, but once she had a a taste, there was no point to holding back. She was instantly hooked on the tangy taste mixed with a sweet cider- hooked on no matter how wet you already were, your slick only seemed to keep coming like a never ending supply. "All for her" she thought, and she's not one to let something go to waste.

You fisted the sheets by your side, threatening to close your thighs around her head but she forced them open- her fingers tugging apart the skin on thighs to spread you open further. "this all for me, huh?- " She heaved between the laps of her tongue before flexing the muscle and sinking into your cunt. You cry out as your nails sink into the inked lines of her forearm. Ellie must have liked this reaction, but she wanted more, "answer me, baby." She commanded in a tone that you've only ever heard her use when she was being dead serious. It startled you a little so you meet her eyes with your glossy ones, giving her a nod. 

She chuckled lowly, a deep rattle coming from her chest as she brought her hand down, running a finger through your glossy mixture, "say it-" she sunk her finger into you, but not enough to make you feel full. You wine in frustration, a tear spilling over the full of your cheek, "f-for you.. mmph- 's all for you, ellie-"

The air inside your lungs gets cut off as her finger plunged into you, slipping it out only to repeat.

She takes her time- relishing in the sounds of your sopping cunt sucking her back in, and the soft moans that danced off your tongue.

Her mouth latched back onto your neglected bud as she continued to stretch you out- curling her finger inside before she added a second one, "so good, baby.. - fuck.. such a good fuckin' girl." She panted- more liked chanted praises, but not really directed at anyone in particular- more like she was drunk off you- delirious, and wide eyed like making you cum was the only thing she was put on this earth to do.

A pressure was building inside your tummy, and if she kept going- it had nowhere else to go. "El... feels- feels weird.." you choke between each thrust, your voice shaky as it got caught in your throat. Ellie flicks her tongue over your swollen, clit "it's okay, baby. I got you" she cooed, using her free hand to press on the back of your thigh so your knee bounced off your chest with each thrust. But this time- it reached deeper, hitting against your spongy core harder than before. She suctioned your clit between her lips, letting it go as she pulled back.

She sat up, never faltering her pace inside you as you ass bounced against her crotch with each blow she gave you.

You marvel at her- even though her chest was exposed, the position of her towering over you, her crotch lined up with your entrance as you became mush underneath her- you can't help but feel a power dynamic was at play.

You tense under her, your limbs and stomach tightening as you come undone around her fingers. She fucked you through it, whispering sweet praises of "good girl- you're doing so good, baby... such a pretty little thing "

She slow to exit you, knowing your sensitive right now. She leans over you, placing her hands either side of your head to plant a simple kiss to your lips before she leaves to the bathroom, coming back with a washcloth that was damp with warm water. She sits back down with your legs over hers, carefully cleaning you up. When she's done, she helps you get dressed- dressing you in her t-shirt and her comfiest pair of boxers.

Your head instantly finds sanctuary on her chest as soon as she joins you in the bed. She holds you close, placing a kiss to the top of your head- not bothering to continue the movie, just laying together in the silence that was occasionally broken up between hums and soft breathing.

Her fingers dance over the bare skin of your upper arm, resting her chin into of your head, "well-" she chuckles, "was it everything you hoped for?"

You looked up at her, stretching your neck to peck her lips before nuzzling into her, "no, it was more."

☆ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 @machetegirl109

[lemoniiiiiii]

not like the movies

(virgin!luke cooper x fem!reader) in where your boyfriend invites you over to his house to watch a movie, but there seems to be a change of plans not long after you arrive content: pure smut (p in v), y/n is also an intern, fluff a bit? definitely not proofread a/n: kinda got obsessed with the way luke looks like he's never felt the touch of a woman (this is a very self serving write) THIS IS A WIP FROM A VERY LONG TIME AGO and i'm not good at smut sorry

--

in an act of courage, luke had invited you over to his place to watch a movie- which meant he hovered around your desk all day pestering you until you begrudgingly asked him what he wanted.

"come to my house" the words blurted out of his mouth, more blunt than he intended. "tonight, i mean- please"

your features softened as you listened to luke's proposal, finding it absolutely endearing how his nonchalant demeanor did an 180 when he was around you. his hands were stuffed in his pockets (probably to hide the fact they were shaking) and he was looking off into the distance as he spoke to avoid eye contact. he only periodically looked down to make sure you were still listening. which, of course you were.

that's what he loved about you.

you were the only person (other than his two friends) who could stand listening to his endless ramblings about whatever movie had his attention at the moment.

and that night was no different.

luke had picked inception (how he already had the DVD you had no clue, since the movie only came out 3 months prior) and was explaining in great detail how the effects for the café scene were done.

he sat crossed legged on the couch, dark eyes vibrant as he excitedly spoke.

"so basically they took like a shitton of plate shots of all these things just flying in the air-"

you had absolutely no idea what a plate shot was but that didn't matter. you were just happy to see him so passionate. it really surprised you how talkative he could get since he was always so quiet at work. and as he rambled on your eyes got lost in his features, the way his curls lay on his head, the softness of his cheeks and his smile...

"y/n?"

"sorry- what were you saying?"

luke grabs a bit of popcorn before continuing. "i said nolan is like a fucking genius when it comes to special effects. practical is ALWAYS better. none of that CGI crap. speaking of, I went to go see transformers and-"

you cut luke off with a kiss, the popcorn in his hand immediately falling out of his grasp and onto the couch. you tongued him deeply, hands lightly tugging his hair. luke responds with a moan, somehow finding the confidence to guide you into his lap to straddle him. he'd watched enough movies to know where this was going.

but once you had reached down to the bulging crotch of his sweats, his breath hitched, and he slightly pulled away.

"oh.. sorry-" you murmured.

"uh- no it's okay it's just-"

"we can take things slow-"

"no it's- i haven't done this... before..."

oh. oh.

well that made sense. it made perfect sense actually. between the both of you, you had always initiated anything intimate. luke always completely fell apart whenever things got a little pg-13. you thought he was just shy.

he must've noticed your surprised expression, because even in the dark of the living room you could tell he was blushing. you brought your head down to put your lips against his again, caressing his cheek.

"I don't mind" you whispered.

and that's how you both ended up on the couch, half naked. luke didn't have any condoms, but luckily you had a hunch this would go down when he invited you over, so you had some in your bag.

as you lowered yourself onto him, luke let out an embarrassingly loud mewl, your wet cunt cocooning his cock.

this was nothing like the movies.

absolutely nothing like them.

no matter how it was done, no close-up montage of half naked celebrities getting it on could ever compare to the euphoric feeling of you on top of him.

and you hadn't even started moving yet.

wait, you hadn't started moving yet?

luke eyes shot open, lifting his head off the back of the couch. you tilted your head, looking down at him with an intrigued smirk.

"you okay?"

his gaze flickered over your figure once before he gulped and slowly nodded, unable to open his mouth in fear of letting out another embarrassing sound.

despite luke's assurance, you seriously considered simply getting off him and just giving him a blowjob. i mean the poor boy looked delirious, body trembling and all.

but before you could act on your thought, a shock of pleasure coursed through you. luke had begun to roll his hips, his face still wearing a strained expression as he familiarized himself with the feeling of sliding in and out of you.

in response, you matched his slow rhythm then gradually picked up speed, coaxing him to follow. immediately, his jaw fell again, his eyes shut tight.

"ah.. fuck- fuck- shi- oh my god" he heaved and groaned, gripping your hips harder to guide your movements.

with how things were going, he was about to skip to the third act and didn't want to disappoint you by pushing things along too quickly. but god you were making it hard for him to hold back.

reaching a hand to his curly mess of hair, you combed it back and kissed his forehead. "look at me.." you whispered into his ear, the hot air sending a shiver down his spine.

luke opened his eyes and stared up at you riding him. only the flashing light of the tv behind you provided any illumination, the sounds of grunting from the fight scene playing mirroring both of your own moans. the way it brought out your silhouette was almost angelic to him, like a perfect movie still.

he wished he could capture it.

but a frame is short, just like how long he could hold out.

with a couple of deep moans followed by a high-pitched whine, you felt the warmth of luke's release through the condom. your body twitched from the sensation and as you continued to grind your hips to bring him down from his high, you reached yours, your moan a perfect soundbite into his ear. something that's definitely going to echo in his mind forever. you lazily draped your arms around his shoulders trying to catch your breath, when you felt luke shift underneath you.

"oh wait fuck-" luke tapped your shoulder and pointed to the tv, turning up the volume with the remote. "this part is so good- watch watch-"

--

tags (ask to be added or removed anytime!): @fear-is-truth @juliamaximoff @jazz-berry @violetsghosts @quickreider @tiffysdeath @honeymoon8 @wcnderlnds @lacucarachapisser @xrag-dollx @oceanblvd111 @andiloveher @vi0l3tgard3ns @acrosstheunivcrse

[sapphire-weapon]

I also want to draw attention to this:

When I said that the reason why Leon is in every CGI thing is because no one would watch that shit without him, I wasn't kidding. Leon isn't "overused." He's actually probably not used enough.

There's a gulf of 14,000 votes between him and the #2 most loved character. It's not even close. He's in a completely separate universe when it comes to his fandom. Capcom has every reason in the world to want to keep Leon's fans happy and give them whatever they ask for.

And there's a gulf of 20,000 votes between him and Ada.

People love Leon despite his "romance" with Ada, not because of it. She's not what actual players of this series find interesting or compelling about him. Her presence is tolerated (mostly because she's hot) but not necessary.

These numbers are a good view of the fan ratios at play. Aeon fans probably only make up about 8-10% of Leon fans.

This is why Capcom peeled the fuck off of the aeon track after RE6 and hasn't looked back.

After RE6's catastrophic reception, RE players said "fuck you, you turned Leon into a simp and a pussy" and Capcom went "I hear you, core fanbase that pays our investors." And so RE2make kneecapped their romance to the point of Leon telling Ada to fuck off in RE4make. And Ada hasn't been seen back in the OG timeline since.

And as you can see from the numbers, no one misses her. Not just these numbers, even. Take a look at the sales for RE2make and RE4make. RE4make would have won GOTY if not for BG3. Killing aeon is one of the best decisions Capcom has ever made for the series. The players would rather have another Leon and Claire game before another Leon and Ada game.

This is probably why Claire is the one who keeps appearing with Leon in these CGI projects. She's in 3 of 5 with him -- more than any other character.

But more than that, the players would rather have a Leon and Jill game.

And that's exactly what we're getting in RE9.

Does this series make a little more sense now? Is it starting to click? Do you understand why I say the things I say? I'm not speaking from personal desire. I'm using actual data and evidence when I say shit.

Capcom isn't out of touch with the fandom. The fandom is out of touch with Capcom.

[twainxavier]

I am genuinely so devastated right now.

It might sound silly but I have actually been crying today. I'm not sure this post will properly articulate my thoughts but I'm going to try because this show and this fandom deserves that at the very least.

Dead Boy Detectives was one of the most amazing, agonisingly beautiful, and in my opinion perfect shows I have ever watched. The writing, the acting, the camera work, the cgi, all of it. Every single part. I honestly don't think I could name another show that comes close for me that I have actually watched all the way through and over and over again.

Losing this show has genuinely broken me. And I am not just upset for myself, and the fact we won't see a true end to the story that was started. I am upset for every single person who also found a home with this show and this fandom like I have. And possibly most of all I am upset for the cast and crew and everyone who was involved in making Dead Boy Detectives happen.

To speak on the first point, I know that everyone I personally helped find the show genuinely enjoyed it, even if it wasn't their typical thing. Every single one said that they would love to see where the show takes things in future. To have that taken from all of us is painful enough.

And I know that myself, and many others, found a home and a safe place within this fandom. I remember how we watched the show over and over again desperate to stop this from happening. We all came together and gave this show all the love we had, and I know we will continue to do so through the fandom and fanfiction and everything we can.

But for me, one of the things that possibly hurts the most is that this has been taken not only from us, but from the cast and crew as well. I think it is clear to see how much they loved this show as well, the characters they played, the scenes they crafted. They all deserve so much better than this.

And I think, personally, this proves that Netflix never will be better. They will always cancel the shows that people genuinely love and highly review (a 92% and 90% rotten tomatoes score clearly meant nothing to them) purely because it doesn't align with the views of the higher ups with the money. Funny how every single queer show with a strong queer fanbase doesn't last more than a season. To me, it feels like the platform is trying to queerbait. Not the show of course, never that, but it feels like every now and then Netflix will make a queer show to get us all back on their platform watching it, and then delays their cancellation decision to squeeze every last view from us. So much so I am not sure I will be able to watch it on Netflix's platform again, I don't know on that point just yet but that is how I feel in this moment. Dead Boy Detectives did not deserve this treatment, and I'm not sure why, but I still have hope that perhaps a different and better platform might pick it up. But even that feels sadly not plausible.

Rant aside, this show meant everything to me. It was raw and honest and funny and just everything it should have been. I hope that we as a fandom make sure this show never dies in our love for it and the fan works we create and will continue to create.

I have run out of words for now, eventhough I am sure there is more I could say.

I have so much love for this fandom and the cast and crew, all of whom poured all their love into this show. I hope we will continue to do so, however we can. And thank you, all of you, for giving me a home I felt safe in.

Dead Boy Detectives, forever 💜

[badomensbaby]

so into you. lrh

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: luke hemmings, a voice actor you've been working closely with for quite some time, ends up confessing just how into you he really is.

warnings: 18+ only. minors DNI. flirting/flustering, protected smut, degradation, praise kink, slight sir kink, dom/sub undertones, swearing, oral sex (female receiving), mask kink, explicit sexual content.

words: 4,680

a/n: iiiiii cannot express where i came up with this idea. i don't mention explicitly in this fic what video game luke's working on but in my head, it's COD MW3. (i may have a small obsession with ghost. whatever.) but alas, i left this fic alone for like a week and finished it on a whim. enjoy. x

feedback and constructive criticism welcome. requests are open!

Copyright © 2024 badomensbaby. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

Ah, Luke Hemmings, the bane of your existence. 

It’s not that you hate him or anything, unless feeling so sick to your stomach because he’s too damn pretty to be working as a voice actor counts as hate, then maybe. But it’s really quite the opposite. 

You’ve been working at the video game development studio for almost two years. Your title has changed far too many times, as well as your responsibilities, but you get to see ideas come to life from the loose concept to the console screen so you can’t complain too much. 

Right now, you’re in the middle of a contract for a multiplayer war game. It’s a sequel, or a prequel- whatever, it doesn’t really matter. The franchise has been around for ages but they’re always coming up with new content and it’s part of your job to make sure every voice and cgi actor are dressed and ready to perform accordingly. 

Even though your manager can be a little overkill, like how he demands any voice actor be in full dress while they’re in the recording booth. It really doesn’t do much for their performance but your manager refuses to listen. 

You’re in the middle of skimming through your to-do list for the day. There’s three people who still need to get some lines of dialogue done for the storyline of the video game so it’s your responsibility to make sure they don’t fuck around in the booth all afternoon. First up, and is already late, is none other than Luke. 

It doesn’t surprise you. Despite looking like a total diva with his sharp jaw and soft, fluffy blonde curls that seem to be immune to any humidity, always laying so perfectly, he was probably the sweetest guy in the industry you’d ever met. Always polite and charming. Sometimes you think he might be flirting with you but it’s likely he’s just that nice. 

A paper cup of branded coffee suddenly invades your vision, blocking your view of the list you’ve been working on all morning. It’s warm and smells like cinnamon, your favorite. Looking up, way way up because he’s impossibly tall, is Luke, with a half-crooked smile and bright blue eyes. 

“Mornin’ Miss Y/N,” he says, despite the cheeriness on his face his voice is slightly raspy. You try not to think about it too much. It’s only eight am and you’re stuck listening to Luke in the booth until noon. “Blonde roast with cinnamon. You still drink that, right?”

Skeptically, you take the cup from him. Luke doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest by your hesitance. “Thank you?” It’s meant to be a statement but it slips out as more of a question. “Is this why you’re late, Hemmings?”

A glint of mischief flickers in his eyes. “Why, were you worried about me?”

Your stomach seems to flutter rather easily at his words. Shut up, brain! Luke’s a coworker, stop it. “We’ve only got four hours in the booth and almost fifty lines of dialogue,” You roll your eyes, trying to remain professional. “We need every minute we can get.”

“Fair enough, I’ll go get dressed. Have you got my gear ready?” Luke sips at his own drink and you can smell it from where you stand only a foot away. Chai tea latte with hazelnut. Man has taste. 

“Yeah,” You clear your throat, trying to keep your eyes away from the frothy milk of his latte dribbling down the side of his lip. Christ. “Yeah everything’s ready to go. Just get your gear on and meet me in the booth.”

“Aye aye, captain,” The blonde mock-salutes you with a wink, before heading off to his dressing room down the hall. Thankful for the ability to properly breathe again, you quickly shake your head and go inside of the small recording studio and begin to organize the dialogue Luke’s meant to be working on this morning. 

It’s almost as if you forget how to operate when Luke steps into the small room. It’s only the two of you today, as the sound technician won’t be in until later but you have a decent grasp on which recorded lines will sound best in the final production. 

Luke’s already absurdly tall, well over six feet but with his full gear on he’s pushing halfway to seven feet. With thick combat boots on his feet, and full camo gear covering every inch of his lengthy body. A thick, heavy armor carrier plate is fixed against his chest, and his mask is held loosely in his hand. You force yourself to swallow the thick lump stuck in your throat. 

“Can you turn the air on?” Luke asks, oblivious to how you’re struggling to breathe when he looks like that. “M’gonna fuckin’ roast in there if you don’t.”

“Yeah- yeah, sure,” You stumble both verbally and physically, barely managing to catch yourself as you twist behind you to turn the air a little cooler in the small room. It won’t help the flush that’s spreading across every inch of your body. You can’t face him yet, so you pretend like changing the temperature is a little more time consuming than it really is. “You can go ahead whenever.”

The sound booth’s door shuts with a soft click. Your heart’s beating a little hard but at least there’s thick glass separating yourself and Luke now, and once you’re sitting with headphones on you’ll barely be able to see him. God, what a terrible time to remember that stupid masked man fantasy of yours. 

Luke does well, as usual, hitting the perfect low pitch for his character that your manager hired him for. He plays the character well, you have to admit, hearing his voice rasped and grovely is almost too much. You lower the volume on the headphones just to spare yourself the embarrassment of getting worked up. 

It’s eleven-thirty when he finishes up. Every line of dialogue is near perfect and you’re sure they’ll make production without a hitch, so you have no qualms about turning off the recording light that illuminates the hall outside of the small studio. 

You’re in the process of organizing the recorded files for the sound technician to look over when Luke steps out of the booth. 

Instead of peeling the mask from his head, he left it on, his gloved hands clasped on the doorframe a few inches above his head. Christ, he looks like he stepped out of a fairly inappropriate fantasy dream you could conjure up after a glass or two of wine. “Even got time to spare.”

You can tell Luke’s smirking beneath the black and white mask, if the glimmer in his baby blue eyes is anything to go by. You just blink, too dumb to come up with anything to say, pulling the headphones to rest around your neck. “Uh- you- you did great.”

“Thanks, Miss Y/N,” his head cocks, helmet almost knocking into the side of the door frame but Luke doesn’t notice. “I love when you compliment me. I know you mean it.”

Your cheeks feel hot. It’s too warm in here, that’s all. Maybe the air isn’t working or something. “I do mean it,” you say softly. “You’re a great voice actor. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.”

Luke drops his hands from the door frame, instead leaning against it, his eyes still fixed on you. “You okay over there? You look a bit flushed.”

“M’fine sir- Luke,” You quickly clear your throat, hoping Luke hadn’t caught your stupid slip up. How fucking embarrassing, do you not have a filter? Suddenly a man all dressed up in gear and a mask has you calling him sir? Get a grip! 

“Sir?” Luke echoes, his voice syrupy sweet and laced with curiosity. “That’s a new one. Usually all I get from you is Hemmings. I like that, you should call me sir more often.”

You want to look away but it’s impossible. Like a damn car crash, your eyes are fixated on the tall man. It’s fucking sinful how good he looks like that. “It was- it was nothing, don’t read into it.” You deflect. 

“Yeah, okay,” Luke says sarcastically, followed up by a slow, dramatic sigh. “It’s a shame, though. Figured you’d finally admit you’re into me so I can stop pining after you in silence.”

Your eyes widen. “What?” 

A low laugh erupts from Luke’s chest. “Don’t tell me you’re that oblivious, Y/N. I’ve been obsessed with you since day one. Why do you think we’re always working together?”

“My manager said I’m doing well-“

“That was after I gave him season passes to every game the Dodgers play, sweetheart. Told him I won’t work for him unless m’with you.”

Your brows knit in confusion. Has your growth within your position all been at Luke’s doing? You’ve been working with him nearly as long as you’ve been with the company. And suddenly it all makes sense. 

Why your manager never seemed to care what you’ve been working so hard for, complimenting you regardless of any efforts shown to him. Why he doesn’t hang around the studio anymore to micromanage your every move. 

You stand abruptly. “You asshole!” The words escape without a second thought. “You bribed my manager so you could work with me? That’s- that’s…”

“I thought you’d be flattered,” Luke says, almost somberly but you know he’s anything but. He’s a voice actor for crying out loud, he can make himself sound however he wants, regardless if it’s real. “What’s the big deal anyway? You have almost total freedom and you’re stuck with me all the time. It’s a win-win.”

Whatever attraction you have towards Luke is pushed to the back burner of your mind. Yeah, you have a stupid crush on him but how could he meddle with your job like that? The two of you aren’t even friends, he had no right.

“That wasn’t your decision to make. Who knows now if I’m doing well because of me or because of you? Terry could be spewing bullshit about my performance reviews to keep you happy!”

“You’re being dramatic,” Luke drones lazily. “Of course you’re doing well because of you. All I did was keep us working together, s’not like I fucking paid Terry off to give you a promotion.”

“I don’t know that!” You yell frustratedly, fists balling at your sides. “God- you- take that fucking mask off, would you?”

Luke remains still. “Now why would I do that?” he asks lowly, stepping toward you. Your shoulders draw inward, despite your attempt to keep confident. “Clearly it’s distracting you. Which I think is working in my favor.”

“It’s not.” You mutter weakly. 

“Liars aren’t cute,” Luke tuts. “What, does my mask get you all hot and bothered, Miss Y/N? Huh? Because I’m bigger than you? Because I can do anything I want to you and you can’t stop me?”

“Luke-“

“Tell me I’m wrong, Y/N,” his voice impossibly lowers, until it’s a hushed rasp, his chest only a mere few inches from yours. Craning your neck to look up at him easily makes you weak in the knees. You know he’s right and you can’t find the words to tell him otherwise. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

Your lip quivers nervously. The words are right there, the lie you could easily spew but it won’t make it off of your tongue. His eyes are too dark to resist, swirls of pretty blue swallowed by his pupils. Blown out and expectant. “You..”

“You can’t, can you? Because you know I’m right,” Luke continues, clearly feeding off of the nerves you’re trying to swallow down. It’s written all over your face, you’re sure of it. Like a book printed in size twenty bold font. “I’m not stupid, Y/N. I see the way you look at me. I watch you quiver every time I put my gear on,”

Nothing escapes you except a helpless, trembling whimper. One of Luke’s gloved hands slowly raises to push a strand of loose hair behind your ear. Your eyes are nearly brimming with tears of frustration, of how badly you’re ready to give in to him, of how stupid you feel, wet and desperate between your thighs. It’s the mask, you try to tell yourself, but it’s useless because you know damn well it’s a lie. 

It isn’t the mask, rather the person behind it. Luke’s probably the most attractive person you’ve met in a long time, it was inevitable you’d end up crushing on him, but when he’s in full dress you can’t deny there’s something inside of you that seems to light a flame inside of you that’s impossible to put out. 

“What is it you like so much, hm?” Luke’s head cocks curiously, his cloudy eyes slowly raking over your body. You can tell he’s smirking beneath the mask at how tightly your hands are balled into fists at your sides, holding yourself back from doing something you shouldn’t. “You know what I think? I think you like giving up control. Obeying. Submitting. And when I’m dressed like this you really have no choice but to listen to me.”

“Luke..” your lips weakly spew the man’s name out. He seems to hum in content, he knows you’re close to giving in. He wants to push you over that line. Cross it with no shame. “I..”

Luke’s gloved hand grasps your jaw, firmly but delicately, so much so that it makes your head feel dizzy. “Speak up,” he demands lowly. “Tell me what you want.”

“I..” You can hardly meet his eyes. It’s pathetic of you, trembling like this and stuttering over yourself. Luke knows it too. “I want.. you.”

“Me?” He echoes, but it sounds a little demeaning the way it falls from his mouth. “You’re not giving me much to work with here, Y/N. Better spit it out.”

“I.. want..” Your eyes threaten to fall shut. You’ve never really been confident when it comes to sex but there’s something about the way Luke’s speaking to you that makes you feel a bit bold. Maybe it’s a leap but fuck, you won’t know unless you try. 

With a trembling, hesitant hand, you grasp Luke’s unoccupied wrist, slowly drawing his hand downwards until it’s caressing your clothed core. “You. Please.”

Luke actually whimpers. It could easily be mistaken for a breathy sigh but you’ve been listening to this man’s every vocality for years, you know nearly every noise he can make. “Christ, Y/N,” It’s as if he wasn’t expecting your bold move. “I swear to God I’ll fuck you right here. I will, if you’ll let me.”

“Yeah- yes,” You frantically nod, too dizzy to provide any other words of confirmation. It’s all Luke needs, really, before he’s pressing his hand harder against your damp underwear, warm and inviting, he swears he can almost feel your arousal through his glove. “Luke, please.”

“Yeah, m’gonna take care of you, promise,” Luke releases your jaw, working to strip his gloves from his hands. You almost whimper from the loss of contact but you know what’s coming next is far better than a measly touch outside of your pants. “Gonna be a good girl for me, Y/N?”

You whimper out something along the lines of “yes” that Luke seems to be satisfied with because he’s planting a firm hand on your shoulder and spinning you around, using his grip to shove your body forward until your palms collide with the sound booth’s desk. Careful to avoid pressing any buttons you shouldn’t, you adjust yourself slightly, breaths heavy as Luke shuffles behind you. 

You can feel how hard he is through the thick, camo pants he’s wearing, cock strained against the fabric and digging into your backside. Your toes curl inside of your shoes. He feels big. You feel Luke’s fingers tease at the waistband of your jeans. “Can I?”

“Yes- fuck,” You mutter through gritted teeth. There isn’t anything for you to properly hold on to while Luke’s fingers work to unbutton and unzip your jeans, before shimmying them down your hips and the swell of your ass, leaving them pooled just above your knees. 

“Don’t have a lot of time, Y/N, Mark’s up next isn’t he?” Luke slowly teases his fingers along the dampened material of your underwear, resulting in the soft arch of your back as your hips move closer to him. “Such a shame. The things I’d do for a taste of that pretty pussy..”

“Luke, can you just-“ You’re filled to the brim with frustration, desperately wet and on the edge of bratty at the amount of time Luke’s wasting. He seems to understand easily, because a hand comes down on your left cheek, leaving a pretty little pink handprint on your skin. 

“Don’t be a fuckin’ brat,” Luke says around a scoff, sliding your underwear down to join your jeans a little rougher than necessary. “Just for that, m’gonna fuckin’ do it. Don’t care if Mark comes in here to see my tongue deep inside your needy cunt.”

Luke’s words are sent straight to your core, stupidly wet and braindead from how badly you’re soaking the skin between your thighs. You hear the sound of Luke’s knees hitting the carpeted floor, the sound of his mask shuffling and the feeling of his warm breath on your flushed skin. 

Luke’s thumbs sink into your flesh easily, spreading you fully for him, your body falling further forward and ass in the air. You know you’re glistening pathetically, all for a hot blonde voice actor in some stupid war gear. “Y/N, you’re fuckin’ drenched. Holy shit,” Luke mumbles in disbelief. “You’re so goddamn pretty.”

You aren’t sure if Luke’s going to continue speaking but it doesn’t matter, his tongue’s busy trailing a fat, long stripe along your heat. Christ, his tongue is so goddamn warm, humming happily against you as he works, alternating between suckling your clit between his teeth and nuzzling his nose against you. Like he just can’t get enough. 

Blindly, your hand slips and without either of you being aware, the recording light outside of the small room has been illuminated. 

“You taste so fucking good, Y/N. So goddamn good,” He hums again before diving back in, practically fucking his tongue inside of you every which way, like he’s claiming you and drawing his name with every lick. You let out a soft, helpless cry when his teeth graze your clit again. “Could eat your pretty pussy for hours, baby. Wanna spread you out on my bed like a fuckin’ feast.”

“Luke-“ Your voice wobbles, a desperate breath following. You’re so fucking lightheaded it’s insane, all you crave is Luke inside of you. “Luke, please. Please fuck me.”

“Yeah baby, gonna fuck you,” Luke presses a quick, messy kiss against your clit before he pulls back, running his tongue along his lips to gather any excess. You don’t hear him slip the mask back on but you definitely hear his belt unbuckle, along with the fly of his camo pants. “Look at you, what a fuckin’ dream. Bent over and fuckin’ soaked, begging for my cock.”

The sound of Luke tearing a condom packet open with his teeth catches your attention. You hardly have enough strength to look over your shoulder but he’s already rolling the latex over his dick that’s just out of your view. “Where did you get-“ You don’t get to finish your sentence because the words die out in your throat, replaced with a strangled gasp as you feel the head of Luke’s cock slowly trail up your wetness. “Oh, fuck.”

Luke makes a smug, pleased sound before slowly pressing inside of you. And yeah, fuck, he’s definitely bigger than anyone you’ve slept with. Which, honestly, hasn’t been very many people. “Yeah, that’s it,” You hear Luke sigh behind you, hands attaching to your hips as he continues to feed his dick further inside. “Fuck, you’re swallowing my cock up. So desperate for it, aren’t you?”

It’s almost too much. Your eyes pinch shut, teeth sinking into your lower lip to keep the tears at bay. He’s stretching you out so good every inch he sinks inside, until he’s buried to the hilt and stills his hips. “Luke.. fuck, you’re- you’re big.”

You hear Luke chuckle behind you. His fingertips press harder into your hips. “What’s the point of being so cocky if I don’t have anything to show for it?” he says, amused but a little breathless. He’s just as affected by your tight warmth as you are by his sizable dick. “Don’t tell me it’s too much for you, Y/N. You’re a big girl, I know you can take it.”

“Just.. give me a minute?”

“We don’t have enough time, baby,” Luke says soothingly, almost somberly. “I promise you’ll get used to it.”

You intake a sharp, quick breath as Luke withdraws his hips. It’s definitely too big. There’s no way you’ll be able to fuck anyone ever again without remembering how full Luke made you feel.

 Then Luke snaps his hips forward and the tears you were desperately trying to hold back fall freely down your cheeks. A borderline scream falls from your mouth and you tighten around his dick, only drawing a groan deep from Luke’s throat as he begins thrusting in a steady, needy rhythm. 

So quick and forceful that the sound of his hips snapping against your backside echoes the sound room. So desperate that your body falls forward, chest splayed against the desk and Luke’s carrier plate wedged into your back, his masked breaths deep and warm on your neck. You cry out from the new angle, hitting that perfect spot inside of you. “Oh fuck- Luke- god- right there, fuck-“

“Yeah?” Luke asks in a low moan, digging his blunt fingernails into your waist as his thrusts grow more determined and quick, your body rucking upwards from his forceful movements. All you can do is wail and whine against the desk helplessly. “God, Y/N, you feel so good wrapped around my cock. Lettin’ me fuck you, such a good girl.”

Your position is definitely uncomfortable but you’re too cockdrunk to even care. You know you’ll cum soon, especially when Luke’s fucking you at such a brutal pace there’s a tingling that’s spreading from your toes all the way to your spine. You clench around Luke’s cock, only soaking your thighs further as more arousal coats his covered length. 

“Baby, fuck,” Luke’s voice is strained, one hand detaching from your hip to grab at your hair, fisting the strands between his fingers, craning your neck upwards until his masked mouth settles near your ear. “You’re fuckin’ soakin’ my cock, Y/N. Wonder what Mark would think if he found me buried in this sweet little pussy, huh? Think he’d be jealous? Of how desperate you are for me?”

“Oh my god-“ You know it’s coming, your legs feel like static and your head is spinning. Your vision’s beginning to blur as the beginning of your orgasm starts to crash over you. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Luke-“

“Call me sir,” He’s fucking relentless, pounding into you like he’s got something to prove. It’s messy and slippery and wet, echoing the small room. “Call me sir and you can cum, Y/N.”

“Oh sir, oh my god sir-“

“Come on baby, that’s it, cum all over my cock,” Luke coaxes you, breathing warmly against the skin of your neck. Your nails scratch desperately on the desk as you finally let go, letting out a long string of pleading moans as you finish, clenching tightly around him. “Oh christ- Y/N- yeah, that’s my good girl.”

“Oh my god..” Luke doesn’t stop even after you’ve finished, snapping his hips more forcefully than before. 

“Fuck, gonna cum,” Luke pants out. “Wanna cum all over your pretty face. Can I? Please baby, want it so bad.”

“Ye-yeah,” You half mumble, half moan. 

Your body’s in Luke’s hands as he quickly slips out of you, discarding the condom and wrapping a hand around himself, helping you slink back until you’re on your knees. Confused, you’re unable to question why you’re facing the wrong way until Luke’s hand is on your jaw and tilting your head backwards. 

And that’s a fucking view. It’s upside down, Luke’s masked face staring down at you as his hand works furiously over his leaking, hard cock, groaning and panting. “Fuck, open your mouth.”

You comply, happily letting your tongue fall flat over your lower lip, eyelashes fluttering until you hear a low, guttural groan from Luke’s throat, painting your cheeks and lips and eyelashes in pretty ropes of milky white. 

“Ohhh fuck,” Luke’s strokes slow, milking himself until every last drop is coating some part of your face. “Fuck Y/N… you look so goddamn pretty covered in my cum.”

What doesn’t stay on your face ends up dribbling onto your t-shirt. You don’t really care at the moment, fucked dumb as you curiously swipe your tongue along anywhere you can reach to taste Luke’s release. You let out a soft, pleased and rasped, “Thank you, sir.”

Luke finds some tissues to clean you up, helping you slide your underwear and jeans back on. Once you’ve regained your breath, and began the short trip back to reality, you feel your cheeks grow stupidly hot. Luke slips his mask off. 

“Where the hell is Mark?” he asks curiously. 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” You ask in a soft voice. You really want to ask what this means, the two of you hooking up like this. Was he actually into you or using that as an excuse to get in your pants? 

“He’s like thirty minutes late,” Luke shrugs, running a hand through his flattened curls. “Why? What’re you worried about?”

Your mouth clasps shut. “Nothing, it doesn’t matter,” You turn away, busying yourself with the paperwork you’d brought inside with you. “I have more recording sessions to do. And you probably have somewhere to be.”

“Y/N..” Luke frowns. 

“What?” You snap unintentionally, turning to face Luke with narrowed eyes. “What, Luke?”

“This wasn’t like..” he trails off, looking a bit nervous. It almost makes you feel bad for snapping at him like that. “A one-time thing for me, Y/N. I.. I’m into you.”

“Really?” You ask softly. “You’re not just saying that because I let you.. fuck me?”

“No,” Luke slips out a short chuckle, stepping towards you. “No, I told you m’obsessed with you. This only makes it worse. You’re not getting rid of me.”

“We can talk about this after my recording sessions, alright Hemmings?” Your lips lift into a soft, almost shy smile. Luke does the same, his eyes hopeful. 

“Maybe over dinner?” He asks. 

“Pick me up at six.” You counter. 

Luke dips to press a soft kiss against your cheek. “Text me your address. I’ll go figure out where Mark is and kick his ass for being late.”

You roll your eyes. “If he would’ve been on time that wouldn’t have ended well for both of us, Hemmings,” Luke’s halfway out the door, pausing and turning to you with a sly grin. “What? What is it?”

“Someone left the recording light on. No wonder Mark didn’t bother,” Luke chuckles, amused. “Hey.. I wonder what else we did by accident..” His eyes flicker towards the sound table’s knobs and buttons, your own widening in fear. Which switches were off before? You hadn’t paid attention to anything when your chest was pressed against it. Fuck, what if you-

You turn to reprimand Luke for putting that thought into your head but he’s gone. Before you text Mark, letting him know that you’re available to record, you double check the recording logs for anything out of the ordinary. With pink cheeks, you text Luke your address and a vague note. 

you: [123 Main St]

you: also.. seems we might’ve had an accident. 

you: file.mp3

[wa1kerbait4592]

planet of the apes 🦧

dude… i have now seen the new kingdom of the planet of the apes in cinema twice and the first time around i wasn’t all that impressed and i left the theatre kinda disappointed but the second time around i left a little more impressed and a little less disappointed.

the movie was still weak compared to the first three films, (the rise, dawn and war) but im glad it was made.

as a whole i believe this franchise is criminally underrated on multiple different levels. The poetic nature of the films is something i don’t think i would ever articulate or write on paper to perfectly capture how beautifully made these films are, they are just chefs kiss

proximus caesar was a funny villain that i think deserved more screen time and back story, it makes me kinda sad to think that we wont really see his character again.

the symbolism that links all four films together is incredibly well done and throughout the entire series there are crumbs of the films that came before them, which is a part of the reason why i love these films so much. i like how they made noa so similar to caesar, not only in his appearance but in his characteristics. i like to believe it was intentional that noa and caesar (particularly in dawn of the planet of the apes with malcolm) cautiously but willingly trusted a human. noa is so incredibly similar to caesar it would be criminal to suggest otherwise.

dude these films are so visually well done you almost forget you are watching cgi. the visual effects alone blow my mind but the accuracy and attention to detail when it comes to the mannerisms of the apes is out of this world and deserves more recognition. in terms of cinematography planet of the apes have always been amazing at beautifully capturing emotions from all the apes and even better at showing the wonders of a post-human run world. the forests and surroundings that the apes find themselves in continue to amaze me, especially in this newest film were we see a variety of different landscapes.

as much as i am growing to love kingdom of the planet of the apes, i feel as though we could have waited for noa and his story. i think cornelius and the others that were left behind after caesars death deserved a closing chapter. i would have loved to know how the community handled the loss of their leader and saviour and how they all moved on. also i feel as though we needed back story on how the apes separated and became different clans spread all across the continent. as an example i would have also loved to see how the misinterpretation of caesar and what he stood for became so strong and wide spread, as well as why noas clan and their elders knew nothing of caesar or chose to leave him out of their history. there were a lot of open ends and unfinished stories that deserved more screen time, but in saying that, that could mean an eternity of story telling that everyone may not want to see.

at the end of kingdom of the planet of the apes they left it open for another film which i am looking forward to seeing where they take story line. are they going to fully circle around to the original films were they capture more humans and start to use them as slaves or will the story begin to get repetitive? i hope repetition won’t sneak its way into these films like is has with so many other franchises, but we can only hope right?

anyways-

long live monkeys… i love monkeys and we need more monkey movies

also- i know i don’t really do this sort of this thing on this account but i was beginning to genuinely tweak if i didn’t word vomit my thoughts on these movies <3

[thegainingdesk]

The Grommr Profile of Dorian Grey

Dorian finished the last chicken wing, delicately wiping his hands with a napkin, before dabbing at the sides of his mouth. “And one hundred!” He beamed at the camera, and rubbed his middle, not-so-subtly lifting his t-shirt to reveal taut, flat six-pack abs. “Guess that will sort me until dinner,” he said with a wink to his audience.

He looked at the comments on his livestream. Most were in awe, as usual, at how much he could eat while maintaining his stick-thin figure and classically handsome good looks. Others, frustratingly, accused him of being a fake - of using some contraption or camera trickery to make the food disappear, of editing in CGI food, of bullimia. He'd done live shows, week-long streams, streams in nothing but his boxers, but nothing would ever convince some of his viewers.

One in particular caught his attention: lol, why are you all commenting like he'll respond? everyone knows he films these over like a week and then edits it together after

Dorian gritted his teeth. “Actually, user WelcomeToMyFistedMind, comment at fifteen thirty-two and eighteen seconds, this is very much live. And actually, I don't think I am done quite yet.” He stood and walked to the kitchen, coming back with a box of two dozen donuts he'd bought for tomorrow's stream. He sat back down and pushed the first one into his mouth, grinning around the custard that oozed out.

Forty-five minutes and twenty-four donuts later, Dorian flashed one last smug grin at the camera and closed twitch. He leant back, lifted up his t-shirt and ran his fingers lazily up and down his treasure-trail, following the center line between his abdominals. Despite the literal pounds of food he'd eaten in the last couple of hours, his stomach was as flat as ever, his twinkish frame showing none of the effects of the food he ate day in, day out.

His channel, MukbangBangYoureDead, had exploded in viewers ever since he started it a few years ago, until he was now one of the most famous mukbangers on the internet. He could not only eat more than all of his competitors, he made it look easy, and all without gaining a pound.

Of course, he had something that they didn't - the deal. He'd been hesitant at first, didn't believe the strange visitor that had come to him one night could or would deliver on its promises. But here he was, years later, making tens of thousands of pounds a month, all without consequence.

Thinking about the deal, he opened Grommr on his phone and brought up his profile. He whistled as he saw the updated weight - 576 pounds. He'd been flirting with 570 for a while now, and was pleased to see how far he'd stepped over that threshold. Time, he thought, for an update for his loyal fans on that platform too.

He pulled his trousers off and threw them to the side, leaving his t-shirt on. He walked to the mirror and admired his toned, pencil-like legs, his lightly muscled arms, the way his t-shirt draped from broad shoulders and tight pecs over his narrow waist, and his large bulge constrained by a designer jock-strap in bright yellow. He raised his phone up and took a picture, and proceeded to take his shirt off. He raised one hand to a lightly-haired pec and gave it a squeeze as he took a second picture. Finally, he lay down on his bed, snaked some long-slender fingers into his waistband, and raised his phone to take another photo from above.

He uploaded the pictures to Grommr without even looking at them - he knew there'd be no point, that they'd look completely different in just a moment or two. They appeared one by one as they uploaded.

Each showed a behemoth of a man. In the first the man stood in a mirror, wearing a t-shirt that cut into fat hanging from his sides and strained to cover large, pendulous breasts. His gut hung out and down, covering his genitals - a small pop of yellow beneath his love handles was the only hint that he was wearing any underwear. The man's face was huge and round, his features almost amorphous. Small, piggy eyes sat above bulbous cheeks, which merged into a ring of fat around his head, his chin a mere dimple in the fat around his neck. Even in the still image, it was clear that the man's arm was straining against its own weight to hold the phone up.

The next photo was much the same. The same morbidly obese figure stood in the same mirror. This time, the pitifully small t-shirt had been discarded to reveal cascading flesh hanging to the side, lying on the mountainous belly. One hand grasped one of the tits, bloated fingers digging into the soft flesh.

In the next, the figure was laid prone. Gravity had pulled down on the soft flesh and caused it to drop down and pool around the figure. The moobs lifted up towards the man's non-existant neck and chin, his gut spread out, his face expanded in all directions. New rolls and folds had formed - where arm met shoulder, where joints bent, or where his gut bunched up against itself. In the brighter lighting, painfully red stretch marks bloomed across the man's skin, circling his thighs, his love handles like loaves, across his dropping breasts. The man's left hand struggled to reach around his gut to grasp at the waistband of a straining jock strap, within which a small bump suggested some long-forgotten nub of a cock, sunk deep within the fat that spilled out around the underwear’s pouch. The man’s face was red, and seemed to strain as he struggled to maneuver his own flesh.

Dorian watched on in boredom as the first few comments rolled in. The usual adoring fans, begging to know the secrets to his titanic weight, proclaiming they’d soon look the same, asking to meet up. He would wait until a few of his regulars sent their customary tips, then go on with the rest of his day. In the meantime, a couple of the comments caused a smile to spread across his angular face.

MayContainDonuts: MealWithTheDevil looking great as ever! I don't know what it is, but he always looks so much like that one mukbang guy? Obviously fatter, but just the eyes and nose and stuff? I wonder if they're related?

BloatGoat: Do you mean MukbangBangYoureDead? If you can find some of his old photos the resemblance is uncanny. People used to think they were the same person but obviously not. Definitely could be related!

Dorian smirked and went to close the app, stopping only to check a small notification that popped up at the top of his screen. There would be routine server maintenance the next day, and the site would be down for around eight hours, starting mid-morning for the UK.

Dorian sighed. He hated server shutdowns, and this would be the longest he'd experienced yet. Still, he had a while to prepare. He'd have to cancel some lunch plans, but he could make up some lie about being ill. He got dressed, stood up and left to go buy enough food for tomorrow.

Dorian paced around his flat nervously the next morning. He checked his watch - 10:01. He quickly tried to bring up Grommr - sure enough, he was met with an error message about the server being down. It would start soon enough.

The first sign of it was his t-shirt. Previously loose, after about five minutes he found he was having to fuss with it to get it to sit right. another five minutes and it had begun riding up around puffy lovehandles and a firm paunch, while his sweatpants were starting to slip down an expanding rear. Another ten minutes and he took the t-shirt off, freeing a large beer gut that bounced when he walked. His sweatpants had grown almost skin tight around hefty thighs and would soon be too tight for comfort. He knew that this was only the start.

The hunger started then; sickly, stabbing pains in his newly expanded gut. He put two pizzas in the oven and sat with a donuts while he waited, knowing that soon his body, and his appetite along with it, would soon be able to accommodate all the food.

Just under thirty minutes in, Dorian's gut started to rest on his lap when he sat. He leant back, the swollen sack of fat at his middle dragging along his lap as he did so, and his cock began to harden. He reached a hand up to scratch the pink stretch marks beginning to form below his budding moobs.

While stuffed to the point of breathlessness just five minutes before, his stomach was still expanding, and he could feel the gnawing hunger begin to creep back in. He belched and stood, tottering slightly at the near-total shift in center of gravity since he’d sat down. He peeled off his sweatpants, struggling past his wide arse and flabby thighs, then gathered as much food as he could in his arms, using the top of his gut as a shelf and cautiously made his way back to his sofa, where he collapsed down, put on a trashy movie, and continued to eat.

Dorian continued to grow as his pile of junk food diminished. He savoured the feeling of soft, supple skin sliding past skin as he swelled - his growing tits pouring out onto his behemoth gut, his underbelly coursing forwards across rotund thighs dimpled with cellulite, his fat pad oozing around his perpetually hard dick. He knew to wait though; the bigger he was, the hotter his eventual orgasm would be.

Dorian looked down and surveyed himself. His body was beginning to be defined by rolls upons rolls. He estimated himself to be around the size he reached last time there was some server downtime; his profile had put on at least a hundred pounds since then. He lifted a heavy arm and used a hand to probe his plush flesh, sighing at the way his newly chubby fingers sank into the fat.

Still, the hunger increased. Dorian tried to lean forward to grab his phone, but found his own sheer bulk resisted him, pushing him back. He spread his legs and allowed his gut to fall down between them, the shift pulling his body forward in his seat and causing a dull ache in his lower back. He picked up his phone and with clumsy sausage-like fingers brought up a delivery app. He allowed instinct and hunger to take over - spring rolls, beef, chilli beef, sweet and sour chicken, duck pancakes, chilli chips, everything he saw he was ravenous for. He'd not been this big before and the hunger was deep. He pressed order, only briefly worrying about how he'd answer the door when he had no clothes that could hope to fit him.

Dorian’s body continued to expand. There was an alienness to his new size; his thighs had to splay around his hanging gut, his arms sat uncomfortably on top of thick pillows of fat at his sides, each joint filled with lard, and most of all was the awareness of gravity, how it pulled at his body and how his body answered in kind by dropping down and down.

Half an hour of nagging hunger later, his doorbell rang. He threw himself forward, but fell back to the sofa. Even that unsuccessful effort left him winded. He rolled to the side, fat cascading over fat as he did so, and staggered to stand sideways, his arms shaking as he heaved with all his might against the sofa. He grabbed a blanket and draped it over him; it barely covered his torso, but it was the best he could do.

How had he never realised how easy walking was before? Now, every step needed to be purposeful and required a conscious effort to propel his weight forwards. He had to wheel each thigh out and around past the other, each one a lead weight to be lifted. Dorian reached the door panting and sweaty, his hips burning with the beginnings of pain. The delivery driver looked on in shock, and then in slow horror. Dorian didn't care, he just grabbed his bags and slammed the door, before making his slow way back to his seat.

As he fell back, the sofa made a loud crunching sound and he felt himself sink deep into the cushions. He shuffled over the other side as best he could, each movement sending shockwaves across his body. He piled his bags into the crater left on the other side of the sofa and ate directly out of them, the table now wholly unreachable.

Dorian suspected he stopped growing around the time that he'd finished his food. If nothing else, the hunger had stopped. His torso had become a series of rolls, each one wrapped around his entire body and piled on top of the next. His limbs had become huge sacks of flesh, spreading out beneath him, the only evidence of his joints small, soft dimples in the thick casing of his body.

Dorian knew he'd waited long enough now. He pushed a stubby paw into the deep fold underneath his gut, reaching for the hard nub of his cock not yet swallowed by his fat pad. It was no use however, the heavy weight of his belly pressing down and closing off his own groin from himself. He leant to the side and spread his thighs, freeing up access and shifting his weight off from his lap, but still his fingers had to squirm past sweaty flesh into the small crevice left of his crotch. He grasped at the hard head of his cock, finding it in a shallow depression of flab nestled in dense pubes. With two fingers he did his best to jerk himself off, but to no avail - there was simply not enough cock left and not enough space to handle it in. Desperate for release he began to thrust, rocking his pelvis back and forth, so that the thick shaft of his penis slid within his own blubber, fucking his own body. He closed his eyes and ignored the tortured groans of the sofa below him as his pleasure grew. It only took a few minutes for him to cum, semen coating his fat pad and thighs as he yelled out.

Dorian slumped back, gasping for air, and exhausted, drifted off into a sleep.

When he woke up, it was dark. He could still feel the weight of his body pulling down. This wasn't right. As slow as it took for the weight to pile on, usually it melted away in seconds once the servers were back online, which should have happened hours ago. He checked the time - 23:24. Had something gone wrong?

He checked Grommr - the site was back up. He tried to log in - nothing. App - no. Browser - no. He tried to type his password in again, fat fingers mashing against the keyboard so that he had to try again slowly, deliberately. Nothing worked. He felt his heart pounding somewhere beneath his bosom.

Finally, he noticed an email in his inbox.

Grommr admin team - lost profile

During our recent scheduled server update, a small number of user profiles were unfortunately lost. We are sorry to tell you that your profile was one of those that we have not been able to recover. We are doing everything we can to recover lost profiles, but we are sadly not…

Dorian stopped reading. He looked down at the acres of flesh that were now his body. He lifted an arm up and let it fall, watching it shake and wobble in the dim light. What would he tell his family? His friends? His fans? This couldn't be happening.

Through his panicked breathing and heavy heartbeat, another feeling began to grow - Dorian Grey was beginning to feel hungry.

[shijiujun]

Why You Should Watch 少年歌行 | The Blood of Youth

TLDR: Super good, you should absolutely watch this! Not at all a BL/danmei but from what the donghua gave, there’s quite a healthy bit of bromance and brotherhood between the two male leads, and this show has comedy, plot, excellent pacing, exciting wugong moves and conspiracy, plus tons of gorgeous women and men who can all fight!!! CGI is great too, I initially thought this was gonna be a trashy but funny and moderately good wuxia drama but it’s really well-made and it is still funny and really good on all fronts.

*It has a donghua but I haven’t watched it!!!

---

Summary: 

Xiao Se is a handsome but relatively poor inn owner in the middle of nowhere on some snowtop mountain, and said inn barely sees any visitors year after year. Just as Xiao Se is deciding whether or not to sell the inn, they finally get one visitor, a young traveler, Lei Wujie who’s traversing jianghu for the very first time on his own, and then they soon get a bunch of hooligans who want to rob the inn. Lei Wujie ‘saves’ Xiao Se by defeating the hooligans but in the process damage the inn; Xiao Se demands payment and Lei Wujie says he needs to get to Xue Yue City to find money to pay him back essentially, so Xiao Se follows him out of his inn in the mountains on a journey.

Along the way, they stumble upon Tang Lian, a skilled and well-known disciple of a famous shifu from Xue Yue City, who’s guarding and escorting a golden coffin to another city, not knowing what is in the coffin. He’s been hunted down repeatedly and ambushed by multiple groups of skilled experts, all coveting what’s inside the golden coffin. Xiao Se and Lei Wujie get accidentally embroiled in the mess, and then realize along the way that a monk - Wu Xin - is in the coffin. And everyone is after Wu Xin, from the demonic sects to other sects in the pugilistic world, all the way to the royal palace. 

As Xiao Se and Lei Wujie end up traveling with Wu Xin, conspiracies and past feuds unravel, and Xiao Se is not who he seems to be.

Watch on Youku (YT): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1xIuBPN-lk (Total 39 episodes, from Dec. 2022 - Jan. 2023)

---

Main Characters:

Xiao Se/Xiao Chuhe (Li Hongyi): The exiled 6th prince who was once a prodigy in martial arts and cultivation before he lost all of it after an attack, and he’s been at the inn ever since. Very well informed of everyone and who’s who, plus all the big happenings in the pugilistic world. Nonchalant, dealing with some issues, very bold and haughty (rightfully so), and this man was a prince and skilled fighter from before too, HAS A LOT OF BAGGAGE, banters a lot with Lei Wujie (cuz this boy is dumb) and is forced to face his demons with the help of Wu Xin. Mysterious, but not really because the moment he walks out everyone knows him like come on he’s the beloved 6th prince before he was exiled

Wu Xin (Liu Xueyi): The son of the demonic sect head before his dad went to war with the royals and was betrayed and defeated, and the demonic sect had to send him over to the royal palace as a hostage, but he gets ‘adopted’ by an old monk and is taught everything that he knows (and was loved) by the old monk. He looks very demonic LMAO more than a monk, super skilled, known for his magic eyes, and he kidnaps Xiao Se and Lei Wujie to be his companions, has a bit of daddy issues too and a lot of pent up anger from when he was younger, but also like super zen at times, and then flippant at other times

Lei Wujie: Dumb husky or golden retriever. Very skilled, pure-hearted, but still very young. SO DAMN FUNNY!!! 

---

Why You Should Watch This:

1. Possible bromance between Wu Xin and Xiao Se - So far they’ve been very brotherhood but I expect that all to change soon, their first meeting is hilarious af this is the first thing they say to each other, when Wu Xin asked if Xiao Se would accompany him to place and bro went “No wtf”

I mean look at how demonic and slutty Wu Xin is with his eyes and that jawline and see how close they sitting to each other even though Xiao Se is like get-away-from-me

GUYS WE REALY DO GET BROMANCE!!! HAHAHAHA also i was wrong xiao se at this point isn’t the 团宠 just yet, wu xin is!!! he’s the center of attention do you know how many people ran to catch him when he fainted?!?!??!

AND THEY WERE FORCED TO BE SEPARATED FOR A BIT AND LOOK AT HOW THEY TEARED UP WHEN THEY WERE BACK FACING EACH OTHER WTF YALL WERE BARELY BROS FOR AN HOUR

2. Gorgeous men and women and they all can fight and murder you with their eyes?!?!?! (There’s more than the below LIKE A LOT MORE)

3. COMEDY

Example this dumb boy introducing his big name to everyone and then hitting his head 

Example the whole fucking carriage has been exploded to smithereens BUT guess who is literally untouched and still in his bed?? Sleeping beauty Wu Xin

Example Xiao Se praising how amazing Wu Xin is but then like “We’re his hostages but we’re praising him” wtf

4. The CGI!!!! And the fighting sequences are really amazing!!!

---

And lastly am I the only one thinking about Xue Xian and Xuan Min from Copper Coins!!

[takerfoxx]

Okay.

I don't often gush about movies on this blog. Hell, I don't often go to the movies anymore. I just don't have the attention span for it. And I honestly was going to give this one a miss until someone who's opinion I trust was adamant that I needed to see this film right now on the biggest screen possible while I still had the chance. So, FOMO out won over, and I went to go see Godzilla Minus One in Imax.

...

Look, I've been a Godzilla fan practically all my life. My family used to rent those old english dubs of the films on VHS from Blockbuster in the early nineties. I grew up with these monsters. But I have to admit, I've never seen the original, nor have I seen Shin Godzilla. To me, Godzilla is about one thing and one thing only.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Gimme the big monsters just going HAM on each other. Rubber suits, CGI, I don't care! I want the big boys with beef to beef with a large side of cheese!

I guess that's why Godzilla 2014 ultimately left me feeling kind of cold while I absolutely loved KOTM despite how stupid a lot of it was. I just want my big monsters absolutely wrecking shit.

This was different. I knew it was going to be different. A remake of the original Godzilla, this time from the viewpoint of the common citizens still trying to get their lives together after WW2? I knew I was in for some heavy drama.

What I didn't expect was one of the most amazing theater experience I have ever had.

And I'm not just saying that because the movie is good, even though it is.

I'm not just saying that because the movie is great, even though it is.

I'm not just saying that because it's a goddamn masterpiece, even though it is.

I'm saying that because it's about as close to perfect of a film as you can get, and not just of a Godzilla movie, but just as a movie!

Like, it's a running joke that you can cut the human characters out of any Godzilla movie. Here, you could cut Godzilla out and still have a great movie. That's how good the human side of things was.

Like, you really grow attached to these people who have literally lost everything. You grow invested in their struggles, in their relationships, in their baggage, in their love for one another. You come to care about them and are genuinely happy as they eke out a new life after having their homes literally blown to bits. You just want to see them succeed and be happy together.

And that's when Godzilla shows up.

This movie is called Godzilla Minus One in reference to how post-war Japan was basically a Zero Society, left devastated by the conflict. And these people who literally were left with nothing suddenly find even that ripped away as an enormous monster just starts rampaging through the recovering cities.

And this time, Godzilla isn't an avenging hero. He's not a destructive anti-hero. He's not a fun mascot. He's not even a poor, suffering monster unaware of the destruction that he's wreaking. This Godzilla is goddamn menace, an outright monster that is absolutely terrifying. He wants to crush, kill, and destroy. This is Godzilla at his most actively malicious, and all you can do is gape up in horror with these people that you've come to care so much about, wondering how in the hell are they supposed to deal with this!

I won't give away how the day is eventually saved, only to say that it is a masterclass of character-driven suspense and emotion. You honestly come to root for the humans for once. You want to see them succeed, and are genuinely in fear for their lives. No exaggeration, I had my heart in my throat and tears in my eyes all throughout the climax. I don't cry during movies, and this movie made me sob like a baby. It was that good.

And it also had so much to say! Not only about Japan's collective trauma following the nuclear bombs or the other bombing raids like the original, but also about how the Japanese government dehumanized its own people during the war, treating them as expendable resources to fuel the war machine. The main character is a freaking kamikaze pilot who lost his nerve and abandoned his mission, and that plus another act of what he saw as cowardice haunts him throughout the movie, and while it realistically shows how such a person would be treated like a pariah by his former friends and neighbors, it is nothing but sympathetic toward him. He blames himself constantly, but the narrative never seems to.

And there's just this wonderful moment near the end, when it's clear that the government isn't coming to the rescue, so it's up to the common man to band together and find a solution, when a few men leave the mission for fear of their lives and that of their families, and are not condemned for it. And the scientist spearheading the whole thing gives this lovely little speech about how carelessly life has been treated during the war, from the kamikazes to the poorly maintained supply chains to how the common folk were left to fend for themselves, and he hopes to just once be able to secure a win that doesn't sacrifice any more lives. Wow.

I know it's probably too late for anyone else to see it, because I'm pretty sure it's theatrical run ends today. I just wanted to get this review off my chest, because wow, this was the best movie I've seen all year. What a goddamn masterpiece.

[blackmoonlightexpress]

About the mixed response in China & why I think TTEOTM will prevail in the end 💪

Saw the "Badly Received in China?" post earlier and thought to share a longer take on the situation in China, why are there so many antis, and my own predictions on its future.

First, a clarification, TTEOTM has been an massive hit in China. The data speaks for itself in every way you can measure commercial success: viewership, platform membership, app downloads, social media heat index, advertisements, merchandise sales, unintended tourism GDP contribution. The drama has shattered records and outperformed all the recent xianxias, which you'd never dare to expect for a drama with no dingliu (顶流) that airs exclusively in the dead April slot on a platform that's 3rd (sometimes 4th) amongst online streamers. (Some day I'll create a master post just on the stats.)

The only area it falls short on is critical response. It's not just the low Douban rating (opened at 6.x and now dropped to 5.6). The three Bs - Douban, Weibo, and Bilibili (which you can think of as China's IMDB, Twitter, and Youtube) were full of attacks against the show. This included trending topics on how the actors looked (LYX too thin, BL looking old/big/overshadowed by CDL, CDL 照骗 not looking as good as in photo) as well as allegations of plagiarism and drama behind the scenes between cast & crew members. A lot of people watched video edits that twisted the facts and had a poor impression of the drama and even left 1/2-star reviews on Douban without ever watching an episode. (This type of brainwashing is more effective than you'd think. I've been reading a lot of negative posts about the Little Mermaid movie and almost caught myself writing something negative about it without ever watching.)

As all of this unfolded, I kept asking myself, why all the smearing? Who is behind it? And why TTEOTM in particular?

A lot of what appears to be normal user activity is driven by water armies, marketing accounts, and "black" hot search ranking, all paid. This is all backed up by photo evidence captured by netizens. It comes down to commercial interests of rival platforms, productions, actors. This actually happens to every drama that is threatening in some way (almost a proof of success), but TTEOTM attracted more anti $$$. Why? For one, it's seen as the secret weapon that could elevate Youku's status as a 3rd/4th player to a close 2nd to rival and even at times overshadow Tencent. It's no coincidence that, Bilibili, which is owned by Tencent and has way more daily active users than Youku, has promoted hate videos and limited the traffic of fan videos - at some point not even recognizing the drama's Chinese title in search results. (Bilibili used to be a haven for LYX fans and a platform LYX has partnered with extensively. This flipped 180 degrees since he no longer has any unaired dramas with Tencent.)

TTEOTM is also a target for rival productions. It's got big name stars with solid acting reputation, one of the hottest IPs, and high anticipation from all the promotional materials - they've been super loud in letting everyone know that they have better costumes, special effects etc Meanwhile, there's a massive pipeline of unaired xianxia dramas that stick to the old formula and will likely feel dated after people have watched TTEOTM. People even started questioning how some productions with bigger rumored budgets ended up with cheaper-looking promotional materials, costumes, CGI (read: embezzling). So if you've invested in xianxia 101, you'd really want to discredit TTEOTM and stop people from watching it.

But there's also rival fandom jealousy, which is almost worse. Someone asked which fandom is behind it, I would say everyone. There are only so many "resources" to go around in the "entertainment winter" and it's a zero sum game. LYX and BL are both already big stars but still not at the top yet. They are big enough to threaten the dinglius, but not big enough to be accepted as having "made it" by other rising stars. E.g. Yang Mi, Yang Zi, Xiao Zhan receive a lot of hate too, but it's less realistic as a prospect to bring them down. In contrast, the smearing of Bai Lu actually kind of worked. (And I'm really talking about the fans. The actors probably leave it to their agencies/companies.)

Other fandoms are especially bitter in this case because TTEOTM really upset the status quo and commonly accepted truths in a way that kind of discredits everyone else. A lot of the below have been used by fans of dinglius as excuses for when a drama doesn't perform:

Youku is a rubbish platform and Youku exclusive web dramas will never have high viewership

It’s impossible for an actor to break out twice within the same genre

An actor can only develop a big dedicated fan base with CP marketing

Breakout hits are always unanticipated dramas that come out of nowhere

Autumn/Spring is a dead slot. Hits can only come out of the summer and winter holidays.

IMHO A lot of the intense hatred comes from long held beliefs being proven wrong. LYX has always been thought of someone who’s borderline A list and B list, yet the opening viewership of TTEOTM is like double that of dramas led by bigger stars. It would have been less threatening if it started low and slowly gained traction because the drama proved to be good. But the initial hype speaks to the market power of a LYX xianxia, so a lot of people wanted to see it fail and looked for faults everywhere.

Moreover, because TTEOTM had an explosive opening, it did not have enough time for word of mouth to develop before people started bashing it. If you look at Douban ratings, shows that fewer people watched tend to have better reviews because only fans bother to rate it. Starry Love and Back from the Brink, both harshly dismissed as flops by the industry, both have >7.0 on Douban. Meanwhile, people love to hate on a show that is receiving a lot of hype - suddenly they are held to completely different standards even if the budget is similar. Why are people more accepting of the rise of Dylan Wang and Esther Yu in LBFAD? In the end because the expectations were pretty low. They were able to build up a fan base while no one was watching.

Finally, TTEOTM does have lots of production problems, some of their own doing and others not their fault. Either way this left the drama less defensible in the face of scrutiny or tucao (吐槽) culture. The production is very ambitious and took risks, but did not deliver everywhere. It's got parts that look like a blockbuster film and parts that look like a B grade TV show. I personally did not like some of the editing, lighting, cinematography, color grading, special effects, makeup. AND this is precisely the type of production details Chinese viewers LOVE to fixate on. Meanwhile, compared to western viewers, they are more forgiving about things like mediocre acting, dubbing, slow pacing, repetitive tropes or storylines, uninteresting characters. (I think this has something to do with cultural differences around rewarding perfect execution over innovation/risk-taking, sum of the parts over parts that carry the sum.)

And then, there are creative choices that are daring and controversial. These are not problems per se - for every viewer that hates it, someone loves it because it's different. But this perhaps explain why its score has dropped further, even in non-Chinese platforms like MDL, even amongst fans of the show. For example... (spoilers ahead)

Opting for a bad/open ending, knowing that it'll upset some fans, but sticking to it because they feel that it protects the overall integrity of the story (no deus ex machina). Of course, most viewers prefer a happy ending. It would have been easy to just give people what they want. The screenwriter doesn't even have to come up with a new ending for god's sake! However, almost every xianxia that has come before has resurrected the lead character after the big climax. Viewers have been making fun of the cop out: What's the significance of life and death if everyone just reincarnates?

Packing lots of details in a fast-paced, highly complicated, non-linear plot, trusting viewers to be engaged enough to use their brain, rewatch, and discuss outside the show (a bit like Christopher Nolan films). The downside of this is that it's hard to edit out a scene. There's also high risk of viewers getting confused and complaining that the plot makes no sense. Even though most things do if you go several layers down, some rightly point out that they just want to be entertained and the drama should stand on its own.

Making this a male lead centric (大男主) drama, which is rare in the xianxia genre that more recently has targeted young women exclusively. The story shifts from focusing on LSS's mission to TTJ overcoming his fate, perhaps at the expense of the romance (a criticism I see a lot from viewers looking for a pure love story). However, for context, viewers in China (including CCTV itself) have been complaining that the xianxia genre has lost the "xia” (heroism). It's gone from Chinese Paladin, which is about ordinary people overcoming odds to become heroes, to stories that are just about pretty people, who happen to be gods, falling in love since the success of Eternal Love and Journey of the Flower. TTEOTM brings the focus back to "zero to hero" character development, so this is also a change that many welcome.

Allocating a crazy portion of budget and screentime to superhero fight sequences. I agree with all the critics who say these scenes don't add much to the story, the B roll looks better without CGI, and they could have kept other scenes instead. BUT guess which scenes I find myself rewatching and showing off to friends the most? Episodes 14, 15, 32. Because it is thrilling and glorious. Plus after enduring so many Marvel films over the years, I'm pleased to see a version that's genuinely Chinese (not some pan-Asian BS), rooted in our philosophy and martial arts tradition, featuring Chinese faces that have real kungfu training.

Going over the top on aesthetics - colorful costumes, hair accessories, and heavy makeup. A violent reaction against the simple pastel aesthetics that have dominated xianxias over the years. Of course, lots of people hated on the eyeliner and found the extravagant visuals distracting.

However, even with all its flaws, I'm glad it aired and did not wait for perfection. (A lot of May dramas did not go live last minute due to "technical problems" i.e. government censorship. These days, airing = success.) In addition, I predict that over time people will come to appreciate TTEOTM more. Here's why:

1) A lot of dramas now widely lauded as classics started out with poor ratings. Over time, the noise will die down and make way for what really matters - compelling acting and story. Empresses in the Palace (2011) opened with a Douban rating of 2.7 out of 10 (yes, this bad). Viewers didn't like the casting choice. They thought the actors looked bad. There were also issues with the costumes. Over time, its rating increased to 9.4. It's now a show rewatched so loyally that data analysts use its viewership to track market size. Similarly, a lot of the issues people have with TTEOTM are superficial. The things that matter most like acting are good, and even if you dislike the story and editing choices, it did manage to keep 70M people watching and engaged till the end, incl. people who don't watch a lot of TV or like this genre.

2) Moreover, when people look back or rewatch, they tend to focus on just the highlights, and TTEOTM is full of memorable scenes. There are also so many standout memes/gags (出圈梗) that will live in our cultural fabric forever. Fans on Douban were surveyed on who they would have chosen as the director instead and still overwhelming "rehired" Kuk Kok Leung. Biases aside, I think people realize that you could have a better executed drama overall - higher production value, greater consistency, more attention to detail, BUT you might also lose a lot of the things we loved. I don't know if another director would have allowed TTJ go full creepy/evil/weak in the first few episodes or filmed all the steamy love scenes without a modesty backlight. TTEOTM feels so different because it breaks ALL the rules (see above) that I'm not sure if dramas in the future will try to replicate. If they do, TTEOTM would have started a trend. If they don't, TTEOTM will remain the only option.

3) Only dramas that inspire passion will stand the test of time. There are plenty of dramas that score well but don't inspire passion - they will fade away over time. The TTEOTM fan community is intense - there's so much discussion and engagement everywhere. Its Douban group is the #3 most active ever (measured by # of comments). Its MDL page has 68K comments, highest of all aired CDrama. Its Douyin topic has close to 29B views, highest of all costume drama. (Interesting to note that TTEOTM has an excellent reputation on Douyin, the platform with the most active users and least amount of toxic fan activity.) Fans have spent >25M RMB on merchandise, an unprecedented amount - 3M RMB on a character that appears for <10 mins (OG Devil God). It's got to have done something right because this is way more buying power than the fans of LYX and BL combined. And in my N=1, I've not been this excited about a franchise since Game of Thrones and then Harry Potter.

Bottom line, you might have liked it, liked it with regrets, hated it... but if you're spending the time to read this post, all the way till the end, you've become a luna-tic (or 烬��病人)!

[aight-griffin]

There are many, many reasons that Godzilla: Minus One is better than other modern Godzilla movies like King of the Monsters or Godzilla vs. Kong, but the most fundamental piece, I think, is that Minus One is Japanese.

The Monsterverse movies, as I believe that franchise is called, are just so, so USAmerican. Those bitches are Uncle Sam, oil wars, capitalism driven, pure-bred USA in a bottle. The movies literally feature Kaiju fighting each other on goddamn aircraft carriers, the with this track record the next movie is going to have a red white and blue filter for the whole runtime. Mind you, being extremely American doesn’t necessarily make a bad movie, Top Gun: Maverick is straight-up navy propaganda and it’s incredible, but in the context of Godzilla, it means they just kinda don’t understand what the character is about, or any of the context behind him.

Godzilla, or Gojira, is, at least in his original conception, a trauma response for the Japanese nation. It came out about nine years after the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, and was made both in response to those, and to USAmerican nuclear testing in the Pacific Ocean, which was causing radioactive and mutated fish to wash up on Japanese beaches. Ishirō Honda combined the principles of those incidents to create a radioactive, mutated monster that comes from the sea out of nowhere, a Japanese city, and leaves without a trace. Godzilla was created as a direct, and unsubtle, reaction to Japan’s collective trauma, without that context he’s, for lack of a better term, soulless.

. . . Which brings me to the Monsterverse movies, which remove Godzilla from that context almost completely. Warner Bros. seems to operate under the belief that Godzilla (and King Kong but that's a different conversation) is exclusively a kaiju, and all people want to see out of him is kaiju. He’s a big monster, and the only reason people would ever watch a movie with a big monster is to see them fight other big monsters and cause billions of dollars worth of property damage.

That's why Godzilla is the protagonist of those movies as well, when the movie is just ‘big kaiju fight’ and not ‘a representation of Japan’s collective nuclear trauma in the form of a kaiju’ of course the guy on the cover is going to win.

No wonder, then, that the Monsterverse movies are made by USAmericans. Especially in 2019(when Godzilla: King of the Monsters came out), we don't have the same collective trauma, and even if we know the character’s origin, it's treated as a fun fact, not a really important piece of the lizard’s characterization. USAmericans’ think of Godzilla almost exclusively as a big monster, we don't factor in the origin.

Godzilla: Minus One, to contrast, understands why Godzilla exists in the first place, it factors in the origin. Thus, in this movie, Godzilla isn’t a hero, or a fun thing to watch, he’s a nuke; an incomprehensible monster who comes out of nowhere, causes untold destruction, and leaves just as quickly as he appeared. It understands the horror inherent to the character and brings it to the forefront.

Objectively doesn’t exist in criticism, but Minus One is as close at it comes to objectively better than the Monsterverse movies. The latter are mostly cgi action nonsense, whereas the former is a masterpiece in almost every category, despite working with less than a tenth of the budget. There’s a massive amount of raw craft that went into making that movie as good as it is, and I discrediting that is my last intention.

Fundamentally though, and not to sound like a massive weeb, but at the core, Minus One is a good Godzilla movie because it is Japanese, while the Monsterverse has bad Godzilla movies because it is American. Those extremely different cultural paradigms around the character is what brought the Japanese studio to make a masterpiece, and the American studio to make hollow eye candy.

[poorlittleyaoyao]

Okay, I have officially gotten to the post-timeskip era of the show in my rewatch, so time for some overarching thoughts!

Basically, I owe my past self an apology, because a lot of things I'd assumed I missed the first time around due to being overwhelmed with information/ relying on Netflix's iffy subs/ not paying close attention... are simply not present in CQL canon and/or aren't explained.

Sunshot, for example. I came away from the show thinking Sunshot had only lasted for a few months, and up till now had felt very silly because it's a massive multi-year war, right? NOT IN THE SHOW IT ISN'T. Sunshot begins in earnest in response to Lotus Pier's destruction; it is introduced alongside the core transfer, which occurs 1-2 weeks after Lotus Pier's destruction. When WWX returns from the Burial Mounts three months + 1 week later, he hangs out with everyone in the Unclean Realm for around a month before they make a final push against Nightless City. No other military action is shown during this time. Based on all the timestamps given, the active combat portion of this war took place over a period of less than 6 months.

(the following is said with the full understanding that I might sound like an insufferable CinemaSins video)

The consolidation of the Massacre at Nightless City and the First Siege of the Burial Mounds to one terrible, horrible, no-good very bad couple of days also diminishes it. All the Wen remnants--every single one of them!! nobody is left there when WWX wakes up!--just decide to let themselves be executed on the off-chance that WWX will be left alone with his sought-after cursed object and get to happily rejoin society after accidentally killing his brother-in-law. Why on earth would they all agree to that, especially without consulting WWX first? WQ and WN alone, sure, but ALL of them? Even A-Yuan's caregivers? WQ herself says that the jianghu gentry already decided WWX is guilty no matter what proof WWX offers! How will this solve anything!

(On the topic of the Burial Mounds: I assume that the reason the Burial Mounds are inhabitable and people are freely able to come and go without getting obliterated by ghosts is that WWX tamed the place during his time there earlier. Otherwise, it isn't "WWX spent 3 months cultivating resentment to survive until he was powerful enough to escape thanks to his hard-fought refinement of the Yin Tiger Tally" and more "WWX spent 3 months doing evil ghost science in a desolate yet fully habitable haunted forest just because.")

I also didn't get what the big deal was about WWX, because he... didn't really do anything? And again, I figured I must've just missed something, but no! He does atrocities at Yiling as he pursues Wen Chao and then he just sits there dodging concerned questions from loved ones and punching JZX over soup until the last minutes of the final battle, during which he summons some evil clouds that make people fall down. That's it. And then everyone, himself included, acts like he's the strongest and scariest dude ever. Part of the problem is that they only have like 50 extras in any of the battle scenes so there's no sense of scale, but even if there WERE hordes of CGI dudes... that is one battle, one time. Declaring himself an instrumental part of Sunshot is an overstatement, and it also raises the question of why he didn't use Chenqing or the Yin Tiger Tally sooner. He does nothing but use Chenqing as a baton until things get truly dire. I'd be suspicious of him too, if I'm honest!

And Wen Ning! Wen Ning, the oh-so-scary Ghost General, kills like a dozen guys one time and people think he's a terrifying death machine. This could have been chalked up to overblown rumors--oh, WN is just a little guy! he is just sitting there with his turnips! it's so messed up that people think WWX's trusty soft-spoken friend is a mindless tool for violence! UNTIL QIONGQI PASS 2.0, where WWX uses him as PRECISELY THAT. Why is WN coming with him to Jinlintai anyway, if not as a weapon? He certainly wasn't invited as a guest! Does he really think JGS is going to let the not-zombie who killed his employees come to his grandson's party when JC isn't even willing to let WN attend the surprise soup picnic?

Speaking of Qiongqi Pass 2.0, I do not understand why, if the whole thing was a nefarious scheme orchestrated by JGY to kill his brother and cause turmoil, WWX and WN were allowed to return to the Burial Mounds. SMS has the ability to control WN, and WWX can't fly on a sword. Just use WN to subdue WWX, capture them both, take the Yin Tiger Tally from WWX, and gain your father's esteem for obtaining the cursed object he wants and bringing his favorite son's murderers to justice! Come ON, JGY! If you're going to be extra evil, at least be clever about it! You aren't even at your breaking point yet!

I think the adaptation changes--the Yin Iron stuff, the not-zombies, XY working with WRH, the fairy statue backstory with WN's soul being easily detachable--actually do work in the front half of the show, where it's not following the text as closely. These things go together decently on their own! But from Sunshot onward, the new lore and changed characterizations that can't be fully discarded clashes with novel canon plot points that are too major to skip. It's a weird reversal of what happened with the first FMA anime, where the first half more or less follows the manga with some core changes baked in, and the second half deviates based off those changes since it outpaced the manga and didn't want to spoil it, resulting in two high-quality but fully distinct canons. Here, with the story unfolding chronologically, we have a first half that deviates with a lot of new content, and a second half that has a text to follow, resulting in ????

I'm still having fun, but I knowwww thinking about literally anything is gonna be such a mess from here on out. It's a testament to how much I like the actors' work and the expanded time with the supporting characters (and how much I do NOT vibe with Book Wangxian lol) that this is still my preferred canon.

[z-saint-box]

Tara Duncan (2010) Series Review

"also known as, How Tara is Not a Spellbinder"

[this series review was originally posted on deviantArt]

"also known as, reviewing the first season, because the show is not good enough for a second."

"I want to like it, but I can only analyze it, because it didn't live up to my hype."

Physically attractive, yet fundamentally bland, Tara Duncan is yet another typical heroine of a standard, uninteresting girl show. Unlike the other girls, she does not have charm or personality. Rose (Regal Academy) is cute and silly, Iris (Lolirock) has an outstanding art and character design, and even Raf (Angel's Friends) has identity through how bad her show is.

As for Tara, she comes from a book series I never knew about until I learned about her equally obscure show. The former never saw widespread publication and the latter never saw widespread broadcast. Ironically, to non-French speakers, the animated series is more well-known than the book series. For perspective, I didn't even know about the Kabillion channel that she was on until I learned more about her franchise. And for that matter, only the first two Tara Duncan books have ever been translated into English whereas all twenty-six episodes of the animated series has been. Despite this, there are very few methods for Anglophones to watch the latter. A few years ago, the entire series was available on the official youtube channel until they were removed or deleted for unknown reasons; and at the beginning of 2023, it was removed from Amazon's streaming service Freevee.

However, I have a low opinion of the show, and this may have been the issue of adapting a book series into a cartoon; alternatively, the English dub may even be a bad translation. As a result, this is not necessarily a review of the show in its original voice.

One reason why I had such high hopes for Tara Duncan is the theme song. It is legitimately one of the best intro music for any cartoon ever. Each episode begins with high energy to create anticipation for Tara's next adventure. While Dania Gio slurs the lyrics to the English intro, the opening theme is still just as strong as the original French version. A complete English version does not exist; but the song is so good, I recommend listening to the original, which I can listen to multiple times despite having no knowledge of French. If anything , my opinion also applies to every language the theme song has been adapted into, such as Spanish, Castellano, Portuguese, and Arabic. The only caveat though is, the German version sounds terrible.

Either way, I'm disappointed that I could not write episode reviews for this series, unlike what I did for Regal Academy and Lolirock. It's because there is very little for me to talk about. Every draft proved difficult to write, owing to a lack of opinion. For these reasons, I even had trouble remembering episode titles. Not helping is that I can barely remember specific plot points for the majority of episodes. This very review was incredibly difficult, due to how hard it is to articulate my thoughts. It took an entire year of editing and revising, because Tara Duncan lacks creativity and personality.

The show's aesthetics are presentable, but the art and character design looks similar to W.I.T.C.H, to the point where Tara is comparable to Cornelia; and the resemblance is not only close, but understandable. Tara's line art however, is cleaner, and her color palette is brighter.

Unlike W.I.T.C.H, Tara uses CGI, and even though it is limited to just the vehicles, it looks terrible. I have to mention this because car, trolley, boat, or airplane looks completely detached from the overall art style. They look so poor, that their time on-screen is limited; or, their time on-screen is limited because of how poor they look. I understand that vehicles are harder to draw than characters, but they must look cohesive with the world they are in; otherwise it will seem that they are a separate entity, even if the intention is to save time, effort, and money. However, this may explain why the 2022 reboot of Tara Duncan is presented entirely in CGI.

Tara uses the most basic fantasy tropes without anything unique to distinguish herself. Werewolves are vulnerable against silver, dragons love gold, and mermaids swim in the ocean. In some fairness, I was unaware of the first two before watching her; but this may explain why the original books were rejected by up to three hundred publishers, at least according to the author herself.

Ironically, vampires on the show can survive in broad daylight and they are uninterested in drinking blood. It is unknown if the latter is the result of censorship, or a design choice to show that they are different from conventional vampires. Still, their most predominant traits are not present, although Serena does order raw steak in the second episode, albeit in the morning.

Despite the variety of mythological creatures at the show's disposal, they are the same kinds that viewers are already familiar with, which also includes sirens, harpies, elves, and mummies.

Although it makes no difference when newcomers to the animated series will not understand a significant portion of her world. Sparrow's actual name is Gloria Davile. Cal's full name is Caliban Dal Salan. And Serena's name in the original French language is Selenba. I did not know the former two until later episodes, and the latter is information I had to search for on my own.

More importantly, a spellbinder is someone who has magic powers, or someone that can use spells; but at the same time, I have also read that Tara is a witch. After having watched the entire series multiple times, a witch is a spellbinder, but a spellbinder is not a witch. If I am wrong, it is the show's fault for not making this any more clear. Not only that, but the original title of the theme song is "Sortceliere," which technically does not translate into "sorceress."

[see, I told you]

And to add confusion, the official youtube channel says that Tara is a "spellweaver," but this could be a mistranslation. For convenience, "spellbinder" will be used instead of spellweaver. Not only is the former used in the English theme song, the characters use the same word in the English dub. And for a long time, I thought the first letter is meant to be capitalized, because it is an important word that specifies an important person.

I suspect that the show was created with fans of the book series in mind; in which case, the lack of exposition is understandable, albeit only for fans who have read the original text(s). But compounding this issue is Tara herself.

Being the main protagonist, she must have the strongest personality. She must have the most unique, interesting, or remarkable traits that define who she is and why she is the central character. Her physical beauty is not enough, and despite how noticeable and distinct it is, no character ever mentions or references the front portion of her hair, which is a different color from the rest of her head. While it is obviously genetics, due to her mother having the same abnormality, there is no explanation, let alone suggestion or why it is unique to her family. Because of this, it also gives the impression that it is just hair dye, or even that Tara is bad or lazy at dying her hair.

[there is something abnormal in this shot, and it's not the vampire]

Beyond this, she is not just attractive, she is a powerful magic user who lives in a luxurious manor that can literally defend her against trespassers. One of her romantic interests is Robin, a handsome elf that her rivals, Sandra and Olivia drool over. Tara even has her own majestic pegasus, and most importantly, her name is the title of the show. These elements prove that she is a Mary Su.

I honestly wonder if her creator, Sophie Audouin-Mamikonian, is actually going to read this, because Tara is a self-insert of herself; and she has admitted to this. I think I should also mention that she likes to be addressed as "Princess," because I honestly believe that the book and show were specifically created be her wish fulfillment. If they were, I'm glad she had (has?) fun, but that would explain the quality of the writing. Nothing is inherently wrong with self-inserts, but they risk becoming  flawless characters, hollow with no personality.

Tara's worst flaw is using via transportus incorrectly, and this does not happen often. If it did, it would present believable irony; she might have powerful magic, but she does not have the experience to use it correctly. And she doesn't even use other spells incorrectly or inefficiently.

In the episode "BFF," Tara says she has trouble making friends on Earth, and that she is a social outcast, but later episodes contradict this. Secondary characters such as Edward have no problem with her, and because she plays basketball, she has no issue with befriending the twins. Either that, or Sandra is less effective at suppressing Tara than she thinks, or Tara is effective at allowing Sandra to inhibit her, because at the end of the same episode, the twins walk over and socialize with her and her friends. I should also mention that in a later episode "Guardian of My Heart," the antagonist completely suspends his objective just because Tara is beautiful, I kid you not.

Even though Sparrow and Cal are not any more interesting as characters, they would make better protagonists. The former has spontaneous transformations that she cannot control, and better demonstrates naivety or lack of experience than Tara. As for Cal, his constant misuse of common Earth phrases exhibit his lack of familiarity in a new environment. But because Tara has blonde hair and blue eyes, the network decided she must be the main character.

[Even though Tara is the main character, how is she any different from the girls you see here?]

In spite of her being a Mary Su, I am legitimately interested in her role as Earth guardian. This enormous responsibility, which was passed down via mother and grandmother, is delegated to a teenage girl with teenage problems, which is highly ironic.

Being the next person in a lineage of spellbinders, Tara Duncan's plots work best when they are focused on the dilemma of balancing life as a spellbinder with the life of a non-spell, as seen in the episodes "Assault on the Manor" and "Heart of Stone."

Speaking of her magic, her powers are not based on any element, so she and her friends are not limited to one specific ability. Having an unlimited range of spells at their disposal, they have teleportation, transformation, miniaturization, memory wiping, and vocal transformation. In spite of this, these are not only basic, but they are not as interesting as they can be; and ironically, the characters limit themselves from using their powers to the full extent of their uniqueness; and due to how broad they are, the characters are not as vulnerable as they should be.

Although one good thing is, unlike the magic in Lolirock, I can not only understand the spells that Tara and friends vocalize, I can even spell them correctly without having to look them up. For example, "via reformis" is a spell that reforms or fixes things; while in Lolirock, I still don't know what "crystal collaida" is. Consequently, via reformis is a boring, uninteresting spell while crystal collaida launches a volley of crystal shards.

In general, Tara's magic is mild and subdued, to the point where climactic battles merely have characters standing back and releasing a beam, or stream of magic. I understand that these moments are meant to be intense, but the animation does not complement the action that is supposedly happening. There is not enough damage, let alone collateral damage to show the impact of what they do. Or just as egregious, when the show makes several action cuts, such as in the climax of "Four Parchments."

But it matters less when every episode follows a typical formula. A semchanach comes to Earth and Alpha team, lead by Tara, is dispatched to subdue him, her, or it. The slow pacing, excess exposition, and copious amounts of dialogue will deter new viewers. A lot of the episodes feel padded; to stretch every story to twenty-four minutes. And the runtime will feel longer if you are completely new to Tara Duncan. After passing through continuity lock-out, the show is better on a second viewing, albeit not by much. For comparison, Lolirock episodes do not require background knowledge of a pre-existing book series, especially when the show specifically takes place between the seventh and eighth book, long after basic exposition has been presented. The only good thing is that episodes can be watched out of order.

Tara is so uninteresting that I actually adore Sandra, despite her function as Tara's sworn rival. Being a direct anti-thesis to the main protagonist, straight down to her physical appearance, this may explain why she has more personality than her; even if admittedly, her worst offenses are physically attacking Tara and stealing Sparrow's diary. Although she is callous and otherwise nasty, she has more potential for growth and development than Tara does.

Whether she is unintelligent or ignorant of how to be a better person, she is a child-like brat without the same responsibilities as Tara. For these reasons, she is cuter and more fun to watch, such as the moment when she breaks down crying because she did not invite enough girls to her party.

Sandra makes every episode she appears in more entertaining. She brings the show closer to reality that Tara must deal with as a result of living on Earth. I would genuinely like to know about her than the title character, because Mary is a Tara Su

Understanding all the elements at play here, the show could have been Tara battling her grandmother. Because her mother is missing, Isabella is responsible for taking care of (or parenting) her. Due to the generation gap, Tara and Isabella could have had more intense conflict between them. Tara would like to be a regular, teenage girl while Isabella demands that she fulfill her obligation as Earth guardian. These issues are lightly discussed in episodes like "Gold Fever" and "Mirror of Youth," but they do not make a major bulk of the show. Furthermore, Master Chem is a surrogate father to Tara, and he is more liberal to her than her grandmother. For these reasons, I think the episode "Summer School" is good, because Master Chem and Isabella literally battle each other over what Tara should do for summer break. I also love the episode "Master Chem's Honor," due to Chem being stripped of his authority over Alpha Team; and consequently, his guardianship over Tara.

[you would think with a dvd cover like this, the show would be more exciting]

But this review is not entirely critical. Aside from Sandra, Sparrow is my favorite character for being cute and feminine. Aside from being attractively girly, she is also half animal, i.e. a big, hairy beast that she transforms into when she is upset or loses control. She is descended not only from the Beauty, but also the Beast, which explains her unusual, but charming quirk.

I also like the character Fafnir for her similarity to Carissa from Lolirock. Like Carissa, she has the energy of a warrior girl she makes very few appearances on the show. Unlike Carissa, she is a dwarf; but this does not stop her from using her full strength.

Master Chem is my favorite adult on the show, and beyond what I explained above, he has unique, and fun ways of debriefing Alpha Team. When Tara and Sparrow are looking through a clothing rack, he startles them by hiding in the clothes. In "Four Parchments," Chem sneaks into Tara's bedroom in the middle of night and scares her. Beyond this, he is sensible and fair to Tara and Alpha Team.

Beyond these three character, I also adore the show's use of split-screens. This is when two scenes play at the same time with a line splitting the screen. This happens when two characters are talking to each other, and they may even interact with the screen itself, usually by pulling or pushing it out. This makes the show a bit more charming, and it uses animation to its advantage. A good example is in the episode "Mirror of Youth," when Isabella pulls the split-screen from off-camera so that Tara can give her powers back to her. Another good example is in the episode "Alpha Male," when a miniature version of Tara pushes it away so that Robin can resume his mission. The creators use animation to the show's advantage, if not embraces it.

Characters and backgrounds are hand-drawn; and surprisingly, the show does not utilize flash animation, even though its production studio could have easily done this to save money. I would rather watch Tara Duncan over Angel's Friends because of this; and overall, character animation is equally good. Even though she and her friends do not wear anything interesting or unique, they are practical and conventional for everyday assignments in an urban environment.

The voice acting is nice, even if is too soft to capture a range of feelings, and even if it comes across as dull sometimes. Tara's voice in particular, is the nicest to listen to, even when it doesn't produce raw (RAWR?!) expressive emotions.

And admittedly, she is a bit less bland or dull than other girl show protagonists such as Iris from Lolirock. Not only does she play basketball with boys, she is also a fan of Madney Spears; and idolizing her, would like to dance just like her, triggering the events of "Gold Fever." So she is also athletic. I should also mention that unlike Iris, Tara is a bad singer.

And what makes her a bit more respectable than other girl shows is that she does not have a line of dolls like Winx, Bratz, or Ever After High. Instead, her series was produced to sell or promote the books, and as said before, maybe even satisfy the author's fantasies. Not only that, but Tara does not attend a special or magical school, a trope that is too common with girl shows.

Because she only lasted one season, she didn't waste all that much time, and it's still better than Angel's Friends, which got two seasons. And in a bizarre twist, I am weirdly nostalgic for her , even though I didn't catch (meet?) her back in 2010 when she was first broadcast, or when she first introduced herself.

But Tara does not have a meaningful premise, nor does she have as much spirit, or girl power, as other shows. It's quite baffling how little creativity she has, yet she was somehow given an entire, twenty-six episode animated series. I am not even the first to criticize her. For that matter, I am not even the first person to scrutinize her writing. And like I said earlier, she has another animated series. There is still no explanation for why her original incarnation did not continue for another season. Although the easiest explanation may be everything I just detailed above, because Tara is clearly lacking magic.

Overall Grade: D / D +

[the D stands for "Duncan"]

[Tara's face when she reads how bad her show is]

[liliasmaestra]

Well, that was the completely unsatisfactory male-centred bullshit I was worried about.

The Wonder Twink can make the Road real but doesn't even try to fix the Coven's deaths despite his crying about it.

Literally the entire show was a vehicle for his manpain, including the suffering and deaths of the women, gee, if only some of us saw this coming.

Agatha experiences 0 growth. She's still avoiding everything, still just power hungry, no coven only using the zombie for her agenda.

Agatha literally dies for the narrative purpose of becoming his "guide" ("iN ThE cOmICs" a lot of things that happen in comics are in fact terribly written dogshit!)

The fight between Agatha and Rio was boring and ruined by Pound Land Superman's useless interjections, they wasted Aubrey's big moment.

Literally the same fatal flaw as Wandavision in turning into a typical superhero CGI fest at the end.

Apparently Agatha COULD control her powers this entire time? If only the narrative confronted that at all.

I did like Rio's indignation at being called evil; her use of nature and explanation of herself were the best part of the finale.

Pacing was a mess both episodes, zipping through what should've been the big scenes and crawling through everything else.

The Kaplans get five seconds of screentime where nothing gets explained except one line of exposition that dipshit mcgee was gone 24 hours.

Jen flying away looked weird, then again all the flying in the MCU looks laughable to me

Her being the Path Ahead was, what, set up for Midnight Sons(/Suns)? A weird vaguerie about her flying into a new day? Because we got two minutes of grappling with Agatha being the reason she was bound and then poof. Disappointing.

I did like that we got time with Jen's grief over Lilia. I'm going to headcanon that she took care of closing up Lilia's business and is the real carrier of Lilia and Alice's memories.

RIP Sharon you were just a redshirt after all.

What happened to Senor Scratchy?

The forced Wandavision parallel after the big battle.... embarrassing.

Poor Tommy/Whoever has the most fucked up existence that will not be appropriately confronted ever.

The kids shouldn't exist, Rio's right.

No explanation of Mr Magoo suddenly having a costume or his full abilities. OK.

I don't mind Agatha being a villainous bitch, it's sexy and fun, but it doesn't jive with what we've been watching even with the winks and nods, or with her becoming Wonderbread's personal ghost.

Lilia saw the future to warn Agatha how, exactly? Her visions that we explicitly saw on the show are a result of her being unbound in time and experiencing moments randomly. They did not show us a witch with pure divination powers ala Trelawney. I can believe she has those powers but they never showed us that clearly.

Actually quite shitty to have Alice lampshade how unfair her death is!

I can't get over Jac Schaeffer bragging about breaking MCU death norms because, honey, killing off or otherwise shoving to the margins all the women around your special white man who faces no real danger or consequence or test is in fact the most tired trope on fiction not just the MCU.

Agatha creating the Ballad with Nicky was a a bit of a foregone conclusion, and Nicky in general only existed as a plot device so its hard for me to care about him either way.

They really wasted Agatha's true rage, which was engaging and earnt, and the idea of being trapped on the Road.

Even the flashbacks are just set up for her imprinting on Mr Misogyny.

Agatha hates Rio now? Full on? It was all manipulation but also she's an idiot who apparently doesn't understand that if she wasn't a serial killer she wouldn't be stalked by Death so much?

The entire 'end' to that relationship is nonsensical and the beginning is nonexistent.

Agatha does a 180 because Billy No Boundaries invades her mind and invokes Nicky, ugh.

I guess "Agatha All Along" refers to the Road being a scam/her turning into a ghost?

No real time spent exploring the ramifications of everything being created by Billiam, just him whining about his manpain over it.

Honestly, I was just so very bored as soon as it became clear everything was indeed going to be about Palette-Swapped-Arrow.

Everyone I know IRL is confused and unsatisfied by the ending, and these are people who were so excited the past two months and some of them even started watching MCU stuff just because of this show. So that's sad.

[midethefangirl]

out of control

tags: bireena, the closest you will get to a love confession, jealousy, one-sided tomas/sareena, jealousy, bi han being a dickhead, actually bi han as a warning tag himself, internal conflict (on sareena's part), spy!sareena, lin kuei!sareena, bi han not knowing how to properly express his emotions, fem!cyrax (her name is bontle in this fic), morning after (more like weeks after), sexual tension (kinda)

summary: (inspired by @ladybug023's spy!sareena headcanons) bi han finds himself strung out after that night at the shack and seeks closure. sareena, on the other hand, has to deal with her feelings for a certain cryomancer and the internal conflict she faces.

part ii of "i'm weak so what is wrong with that". part i can be found here.

word count => 2.5k words

also cross posted on AO3.

Not that he was not always in a bad mood but leaving Zhāofēi’s study room had him in a particular state of mind where he might actually murder anyone who was unfortunate to cross his path. 

That was unusual as while most of his morning discussions with his father were marked by their constant disagreement on him taking on the role of grandmaster, this particular one was intense, to say the least. 

Ever since coming back from the Tengu, he had noticed how sour his temperament got and he could only pin it on one person and one person only. 

How can one woman affect you so greatly?  

A huff of annoyance escaped him as he walked down the thankfully empty hallway. It was as if the elder gods had chosen to keep any unsuspecting Lin Kuei initiate out of his way today. 

A small unnoticeable smile fell on his face until it dropped once his ears picked up a voice from one of the rooms. 

He was so quick to turn his head, in recognition of Tomas’ voice squealing at something like he was a teenage girl. That was soon accompanied by that lilt he had come to missed. 

What was she doing with him? Of all people . 

He had no time for questions as he followed in the direction. It seemed to be coming from Bontle’s room. 

What are they doing in Cyrax’s room? Was the next question that dominated the cryomancer’s mind as that now-familiar emotion reared its ugly head. 

Soon, he was close to the room, opting to stay hidden and away from where any of them could see him. He hated how pathetic he looked right now, eavesdropping on a conversation that probably had nothing to do with him. 

“-woah, it’s cool, isn’t it?” That was Tomas, his voice tinged with child-like wonder. At that point, Bi Han decided he was going to also observe and there she was. 

Sareena . 

She had that look he had never seen before - like she was just discovering something she had never seen before. 

“What magic is this?” She asked, her fingers going through the holographic image. 

“Oh, this?” Bi Han’s head snapped towards the other direction and that was when he noticed Bontle, her elbows on the workbench as she watched the other two admire her new invention. 

“Sektor and I have spent years building this prototype,” she continued. “It is not magic by the way.” 

A heady chuckle escaped Sareena as she toyed with the control, causing the hologram to rotate. 

“This looks like those things I see in those American movies of yours, Tomas.”

What the-? A frown was now etched on the cryomancer’s face. She watches those stupid movies with this fool?!

It was then his treacherous mind took him to a certain dark path. Was she also sleeping with him? Was that why she acted like that night at the shack did not exist? 

“Those ones are CGI effects,” Bontle chipped in. “This one here is the real deal. Sektor and I are still working on this, it is just a beta for now.”

“Would Sareena and I be treated to seeing more of your inventions again?” Tomas asked, and it was at this point that Bi Han decided he was making his presence known as he stepped into the room. 

It took a few seconds before the three would realize that they had an extra presence in the room with them. Bontle immediately stood up straight, a wide smile plastered on her face as she acknowledged him. 

“Bi Han!” The dark-skinned assassin greeted. “We did not expect to have you here. We were just-.”

He seemed to be distracted as his eyes fell on Sareena who carefully placed the holographic projector on the workbench. It was as if she was doing everything within her power to avoid making eye contact with him but it was all a matter of minutes when her eyes finally met his. 

His eyes did not miss the way Tomas’ hand was at her back and Bi Han could only clench his fists when his jealousy came slithering in again. He was starting to not appreciate the way the typhokinetic was getting handsy with Sareena. Or the fact that she goes into his room to participate in such foolish drivel . 

“Is anything the matter, Bi Han?” The gray ninja just had to open his mouth and worsen his already sour mood. 

But, for some reason, his gaze did not waver from Sareena’s, holding eyes contact for as long as possible. Their communication required no words as his eyes said all it needed to send across to her. 

“The training grounds at 7.”

He watched as her eyes widened, it started with shock before finally taking the form of latent rage. 

“Today was supposed to be my day-off!”

If she was any other Lin Kuei initiate, he would have put her in her place but her defiance sparked something dark within him and he would entertain that for as long as possible if he had to. 

“You would defy my commands?” He questioned, his gravelly voice carrying a threatening undertone with it and his eyes watched as she seemed to battle whether to stand her ground or comply. They might have spent a night of passion together but she would not dare do that, right? 

In his peripheral vision, Bontle and Tomas exchanged cautious looks between each other. Everything about their exchanged glances screamed worry for his protégée as they observed their interaction silently. 

Time seemed to slowly move before Sareena finally made her decision, her shoulders now relaxed but that hardened stare did not leave her face. 

“No, Shifu, I would not. I will be there.”

“Is there anything going on between you and Bi Han?” Tomas had asked once he was sure the cryomancer was out of earshot. 

“I was about to ask the same,” Bontle had asked. “I could have cut through that tension with a knife.”

If only they knew…

She was not the one to kiss and tell, not in the Netherrealm and especially not here. She preferred to keep her escapades to herself, they were personal, after all. 

However, she had not expected Bi Han to be the one who would want to talk about it. Why else had he asked her to be at their usual training room at a time where everyone was supposed to wind down at the common area? 

Here she was, with Tomas by her side as they walked down the stony pavement to where the training grounds stood at. The 6’5 tall Czech had her arm linked to his, holding her and Sareena could not help but wonder how things would have gone if she reciprocated his feelings instead. 

He was a genuine gentleman and had been among the first to welcome her into the Lin Kuei, even going as far as inviting her to sit with him and the rest of the group during her first week. 

Even after telling him that she did not feel the same way about him, he remained her friend. And right now, she appreciated his presence - it kept her grounded for the time being as the thought of being alone with Bi Han had her feeling jittery. 

It just had to be cliche that she found herself pining after the cryomancer. Like those classic American movies, the good girl pining after the bad boy . 

Who was she kidding? Maybe she and Bi Han shared more similarities than she gave herself credit for. She was no good girl, considering the reason why she was in this clan in the first place. 

How would they feel when the truth comes out? When they finally find out that I am a spy and a demon? That I lied to them?

Ever since that night at the shack, those thoughts grew more frequent. She had fallen in too deep and now she was scrambling her way to get out of this mess. She had to find a way to extend this lie for as long as possible, even if it meant groveling before Quan Chi-.

“Sareena.”

She felt herself snap out of her reverie, her eyes meeting the dark brown hardwood door. Tomas stood by her side, a reassuring smile on his face. 

“I guess this is where I leave, right?” His hand reached to scratch lightly at the back of his neck. His eyes seemed to read that he was reluctant to leave her with Bi Han all alone and for good reasons.

Every interaction between the two assassins felt like walking around eggshells, one single misstep and things would go down to the Netherrealm. 

“Yeah, thank you, Tomas,” she said softly, prompting him to leave, yet, he lingered. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Letting out a sigh, she nodded in the affirmative.

“I will see you tomorrow at breakfast then,” he replied, his body turning in the opposite direction and she watched as his figure grew smaller in the distance. 

Now facing the door, Sareena’s heart rate accelerated as her hand reached forward for the knob. She hesitated midway, eying the knob when the door opened suddenly and a hand reached out, pulling her into the room.

She yelped and winced the moment her back met the wall. She was definitely leaving this place with a terrible bruise on her back and she had only one person to blame for that. 

This asshole-.

“Took you long enough.”

A low growl erupted from the back of her throat as she pushed against him, “What the fuck, Bi Han?!”

He did not budge, his body holding her against the wall and it had her wondering for a moment: how long had he been within these four walls waiting patiently for Tomas to leave her alone so that he could manhandle her? 

The way he has been doing these past two-going-on-three years? 

She hated his stealth and all that came with it and she could already sense a lecture from him on how she should always be on alert. 

“Why was he here with you?”

The hell-?!

“I owe you no explanation, Bi Han,” she replied, her eyes blazing with fury. He had quite the audacity bringing her out here and tossing her like she was a little rag doll. This was one of the many times she cursed the limitations of her human disguise. 

If she was in her demonic form, she would not be the only one leaving this room with a bruising back. 

She could already see the moment the cryomancer’s features morphed into that familiar emotion which manifested each time he had his authority challenged. 

His eyes darkened and his grip on her tightened, an obvious sign that he was doing everything in his power to restrain himself. 

Yet, it was not enough to stop his next words which came spilling. 

“Are you fucking him too?” His accusation revealing his jealousy. “Is that why you act as if that night never existed? You’re fucking Tomas?”

Her eyes widened in realization, it became more obvious why he called her here. He wanted closure. 

The urge to laugh at the ridicule of this situation was almost overpowering. If only he knew…

But, watching the cryomancer lose control was the entertainment in itself and what were demons known for? Mischief and she could only indulge in her nature for the time being.

Her eyes held that mirth and she could see how it affected him, his brows furrowed as his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched.

“Jealous, are we, Sub Zero?” her voice held a playful tone mixed with a tinge of the need to push as many buttons of his as possible. 

He might be the future grandmaster of the Lin Kuei but she held all the control in her hands. 

“What the fuck are you playing at, Sareena?” His voice was now a dangerous whisper and her heart raced at the way he said her name.

She was definitely playing with fire.

“I don’t know, Bi Han. You are the one who is almost losing it, so you tell me,” she shot back at him, holding his gaze. “We slept together for one night and you act like we’re suddenly exclusive.”

“What if I do not want that night to be a one-time thing? What if I want us to be exclusive?”

His admission had her heart skipping a beat, it had her momentarily stunned as her lips parted slightly, her mouth now dry.

It was his turn to look away, a faint blush adorning his cheeks, his eyes avoiding hers as he let go of her, stepping away, a frown now etched on his face.

Her fingers came to touch her arms where he had gripped her earlier, her eyes observing the man standing a few feet away from her.

Was that his way of telling her that he liked her?

“Bi Han-,” her voice was now soft but he turned away from her. 

A groan of frustration escaped him, “I cannot stop thinking about that night, Sareena. I have done everything to forget about it and yet-.”

His confession was left hanging in the air and her heart was racing in her chest. The tension in the room had shifted to something else, the air was electric and her breathing became labored.

What was this?

Bi Han snorted again as he paced before turning back to her. His cold hands cupped her cheeks and Sareena felt herself shiver slightly. 

“What enchantment have you used on me?” His voice was a rough whisper and she could only shake her head.

How could she answer that question when she had no idea?

The next thing she felt were his lips on hers, gentle and tentative. It took a moment before he pulled away, his forehead now against hers.

“I- I do not know why I feel this way yet I would give everything up if it meant being with you.”

At that, Sareena’s eyes flew open to gaze at Bi Han and it was no joke at all. Knowing the kind of man he was, this was probably the closest to a love confession he would make and it unsettled her. 

She was going to break his heart once he found out the truth. Quan Chi might not have shown up yet but she knew it was a matter of time. 

She shook her head, pulling away from his embrace. 

“Don’t- don’t do that because of me, Bi Han. I- I am not worth all that,” she tried to tell him, her eyes avoiding his.

"That is not going to change my mind,” he said with an air of finality. 

Sareena could only let out a humorless laugh, she was not going to change his mind at this rate. She nodded. 

Maybe she could keep up with this for as long as she could. She could try to buy more time and confess the truth to Bi Han. In this moment, she could not let him know the truth. No matter how badly she wanted him to. Maybe another time.

I am not really satisfied with how the ending came to be but I hope it is good to your liking. also, Bi Han may be a bit ooc but hear me out, he would not be the type to outrightly express his feelings and shit like that. and yeah, I added a one-sided Tomas/Sareena bit cause why not? that being said, constructive criticism is always welcome.

tagging: @livingdeadgirly