#Ninja Checkmate

[ham1lton]

NOT A CHILL GIRL.

pairings: lewis hamilton x chronically online fiancée!yn

faceclaim: jordana brewster

summary: chronically online, funniest on the grid, and the proud owner of a face card that never declines—at least, according to yourself. your fiancé might raise an eyebrow at the first claim, the world might debate the second, but no one’s arguing with the third.

warnings: just jokes. don’t take any of this seriously.

author’s note: hope u enjoy bunny anon! :D

— small smau spinoff !

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by lewishamilton, yourinstagram and 187,938 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: celebrity stylist, and fiancée of f1 legend lewis hamilton, yn yln took to instagram stories to share some concerning posts. what do we think about these captions, ham1ltons?

view all 23,837 comments

yourinstagram MAMA I MADE IT

— user1 yn you have dressed some of the top celebrities and this is what you’re excited over??

— user2 forget that. she’s fucking LEWIS HAMILTON!!! and this is what she’s excited over???

user3 this is a v tame post for yn LMFAO

— user4 like she’s posted worse 😭

user5 she’s so unserious i’m obsessed

— user6 my fav wag

user7 i love the fact she’s dressing zendaya, showing up to her hot fiancé’s races and still finds time to shitpost

— user8 she’s so me

user9 she should be embarrassed. she’s grown

— user10 she will never see this btw

user11 i need to know lewis’ thoughts on these posts

user12 she’s the moment. i want to be her so bad.

— user13 successful in her own right AND secured the bag. #needtoBEthat

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

INSTAGRAM LIVE

yn i’m using lewis’ ninja creami to make slushies and sydney isn’t picking up her phone because she’s on set. so entertain me, my little gladiators.

user1 what flavour slushie are you making and why is it pure tequila

yn no. it’s a margarita mix. mostly anyways. all about balance babes.

user2 worst red carpet outfit request you’ve ever gotten?

yn girl some actor asked me to dress him up in head to toe camo… i wanted to be sick.

user3 yn, when’s the wedding? lewis is literally ready to propose again.

yn not until jungkook confirms he’s off the market. i need to know i’m not leaving options on the table.

user4 did you see lando’s post underneath your birthday post to lewis.

yn i did and i’m angry. how dare he be funnier than me on my own shitpost.

user5 who’s better at gift-giving, you or lewis?

yn me. obviously. lewis once got me a pen because “it looked sleek.” it was a nice pen, but still a pen.

user6 yn, if you could style anyone in history, who would it be?

yn harry styles but in 2012. imagine the chaos if he let me near those blazers.

user7 how did you guys meet?

yn via a mutual friend at a party. i thought his choice of shoes was disastrous and he thought i was funny. so obviously i went home with him that night. then i fell in love or whatever.

user8 you are literally the blueprint for chaotic but lovable. never change.

yn never will, little gladiator. never will.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by yourinstagram, thirstystan1 and 1,098,125 others.

lewishamilton: sunday best, thank you theststyle

view all 19,827 comments

yourinstagram why won’t this damn app swipe RIGHT?!?!?

— lewishamilton wrong app sweetheart

— yourinstagram oh shit 😓 can you show me how to download the right one? ever since ashley madison shut down and farmersonly.com banned me for “unsolicited flirting,” it’s been tough out here.

— lewishamilton maybe try clownsonly.com—heard they’re taking new members.

— yourinstagram wow. this from the guy who once googled “how to impress a bad bitch” and got caught.

— lewishamilton a bad bitch was impressed, wasn’t she? checkmate.

— yourinstagram yeah, well, don’t get used to it. also, happy valentine’s, loser. 💖

— lewishamilton happy valentine’s, clown. ❤️

— user1 y’all are some weirdos 😭🩷

user2 YN GIVE HIM TO MEEEEEE

user3 #NEEDTHAT

— yourinstagram #TOOBAD

— user3 YN PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭

user4 need this relationship NOW

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @aliciaablueprint @theblueblub @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @landososcar @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong @nixisracing @lethalvenus @sainzluvrr @santanasaintmendes @idontknowlmaoo @sainzluvrr @tetetoni @ssprayberrythings @heavy-vettel @tashisgf @daniskywalkersolo @c-losur3 @lestappenslover @linoscrly (see yourself tagged when you don’t wanna be? or you want to be and don’t see yourself? send me an ask!)

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

[bbl-james-charles]

OKAY WHAT IF I WAS RUNNING TOWARDS YOU AT 100MPHS WITH A BOMB STRAPPED TO MY CHEST?! WHAT WOULD U DO?!

I WOULD USE MY 18 YEARS TRAINING AT THE SAS AND N.A.U.D.B. (Nuclear Aeronautics Under Defense of Brazil) TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WIRE ON THE BOMB NEEDS TO BE HIT IN ORDER FOR IT TO EXPLODE

I WOULD THEN THROW A SICK NINJA STAR AT YOU WITH PIN POINT PRECISION THAT WOULD CUT THE WIRE MAKING THE BOMB EXPLODE KILLING YOU AS WELL.

CHECKMATE.

[valer203]

Chapter 1-Just a normal day...

It was a usual day in the life of the Detective…well at least he would have said so. He was contracted to find the burglar who robbed a bunch of houses in a certain area. The police were pretty ineffective due to the lack of evident clues pointing to something substantial so the local people decided to contract him as the problem continues. He has just arrived to the house of the latest victim and rings. The victim opened up the door. -Are you the detective? -Yep here to inspect your house to find the shadow burglar as you guys have called it heh. -Come in then. I sure hope you'll find at least some meaningful trail. -I sure will try.-He pulled up a big evidence notebook he always keeps around.-Sooo how did it happen and what exactly was stolen? -This motherfucker stole every little thing of value! Like literally every little thing of value! Jewelry, my hand watch, everything! It all just disappeared last night!-The victim shouted in a pent up rage. -Okay i understand that you are angry but there's no reason to shout i'm right here. Do you have any enemies? Anyone who would wish you harm?-The Detective said while writing up the specifics in his notebook. -No not that i know of at least. I don't do anything drastic that would make someone want to do THAT. -Okay let me examine everything. Please don't move anything and tell me if you notice that something is off.-The Detective put on the gloves to not make any unnececary fingerprints. -Be my guest. The Detective started carefully examining the house with all the neccecary tools. He found almost nothing but a few prints and slightly moved items leading to the sudden escape through the exit. -Too obvious. Feels deliberate. A decoy trail. Our burglar wants us to go outside which probably meeeans that they are still here.-He said to the house owner quietly enough so only he could hear.-Now don't shout in bewilderment please and instead lead me to the attic or basement if you have one. They may hide there. Don't make too much noise. -Shit i actually don't use it at all! -That's not the end of it. Otherwise the police would have probably found them there previously. We'll need to be vigilant. Please stay at the exit.-He leaned to his ear-By that i mean the exit from the attic. Try and look around sometimes just in case.-Then he resumed at the normal volume-Okay let's not waste any more time. I'll go there now. -Gotcha-The resident was kinda thrilled to help find the culprit with his own effort-Good luck out there. -Mhm you too.-The Detective climbed the ladder up to the attic and started carefully looking around examining the place. It was quiet. Too quiet for someone to be here but the previous obvious trail and a gut hunch the Detective had made him stay. The place was full of boxes. Some full of some forgotten stuff, some completely hollow. There was a big pile of boxes among the disorganised chaos. It was…too organised for the scenery. He took a look inside of them. -Yep hollow. All of them. Very easy to move. Liiike this.-He moved them out of the way and lo and behold there was a cut out chunk of the wall.-Bingo.-He said with a smile, happy to find something interesting. But something took his attention.-A very recent cut and it looks like someone didn't have time to put it back together. Heh.-He looked back at the attic exit and here she was. A moderately petite looking girl seemingly in her twenties who can only be described as the Shadow being covered in all black like a ninja right in the middle of her escape.-Checkmate.-He said with a smile immediatelly moving towards her as fast as he could and taking out his gun.-Freeze!-He shouted loud enough for everyone present to hear. The Shadow froze as instructed.-Shit! So close!

-Not really little shadow-Said the Detective gesturing to the resident of the home climbing up.-You were checkmated while we were conveniently planning aloud. I was suspecting you were in the walls listening in so i fed you a false way out. Made you think that you can just sneak around me and leave through the window or some other alternative exit when you leave the attic.-Admittedly he was taking some pleasure in explaining how he outplayed her.-Thank you for your assistance sir. If my suspicions are correct you can find every little stolen thing in the walls. There's a cut out way in there. -Ooooh thank you very much! May i help you with that thief?-The resident was understandably pissed about the situation and wanted to help punish the Shadow that gave him and his neighbours so much trouble. -Help yourself first. Here's my calling card. The priority here is taking care of our little culprit here which i will do now. You can contact me later with the payment.-He took the handcuffs out of his pocket.-Now gimme your hands slowly please. The Shadow was succesfully apprehended and taken into the car to the front seat so she wouldn't do anything sneaky at the back. She was silent since she was caught. Detective still kept an eye on her while driving. She was obviously very skilled in her job. If it wasn't for his planning, intellect and intuition she might have sneaked around him without a sound. Though it seems she wasn't as confident in her ability to escape from him when she was caught. Detective was driving her to the police station while the radio was playing some tunes. -Admittedly you are pretty good at this little Shadow. I didn't hear you at all! -… -And how you were fooling everyone by hiding right under their nose oof that's cool. -… -Do you not have anything to say or are you just being grumpy that i caught you? -Why are you talking to me? -What do you mean? -You'll give me out to the police and i'll most likely never appear in your life again. Why do you want to talk to me so much? -Can't i have some small talk with a person? Especially after we had such an experience. I would like to know at least something about a burglar who created a situation where i had to be called. -…You are weird. -Yeah i get that sometimes. Suddenly the music stopped and the urgent news report started. -Breaking news: we are reporting gas attacks all over the city…

[dzed399]

*How to come up with a fantastíca lie*

Iván: Who ate all the cookies?

Toñita: Ninjas.

Iván: I didn't see them?

Toñita: No one ever does, papa.

*Checkmate*

[chaos-potat]

The ninja turtles are illegal aliens

Checkmate Trumps supporting tmnt fans

[copper-16]

What are you're favourite currently ongoing Mapi/Ingrid fics? I think I have read almost all of the finished ones and need something new to read (the finished ones you mentioned are some of my favourites)

I don’t think there’s a whole ton of ongoing fics right now actually!

I know that soiwatchyougo is coming out with a new fic here sometime in the future so be on the lookout for that!

checkmate by @vamos-meadema is awesome!

I’ve also been loving so…what happens next by @undecided-ninja as well!

I haven’t read this but it seems popular on ao3 as well, it’s called we could call it even

I think that’s everything I can think of right now! Please let me know if I’m missing anything big, I can’t think of any fics on here that are in my mind…

[annon-guy2]

Guilty Gear X BlazBlue: BlazBlue Reactions to Bone Crushing Excitement

Here's what I think the BlazBlue cast would say in response to Faust's Bone Crushing Excitement Super in a hypothetical Guilty Gear X BlazBlue Game.

Ragna The Bloodedge

● "GOD DAMN IT!!!"

● "ARGH! YOU... FREAKING!!!"

● "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!"

Jin Kisaragi (His quotes a Japanese words for cold related terms)

● "YUKI!"

● "KORI!"

● "SHIMO!"

Noel Vermillion

● "OUCH!"

● "AHHHH!"

● "I ought to shoot you for that!"

Rachel Alucard

● "!?!" Nago: "The princess looks mad!"

● "You... rammed my...!?" Gii: "That looked like it hurt..."

● "You... fool...!" Nago: "Oh dear!" Gii: "Nice knowing you doctor..."

Taokaka

● "YIKESSSSSSSS!"

● "ME-OWWWWW!"

● "Tao's leg hurts neow!"

Iron Tager (Tager reads Mystery Novels and his quotes refer to authors of said novels)

● "LILIAN JACKSON!"

● "STEPHEN KING!"

● "CHARLAINE HARRIS!"

Litchi Faye-Ling (Litchi's a fellow doctor)

● "That's not how a wheelchair works!"

● "You're the one who pushed me!"

● "Is this how you lost you medical license!?"

Arakune (He has bugs. Self explanatory)

● "My bees! Crushed!"

● "My beloved leeches!"

● "Tartar... flee! FLEE!"

Carl Clover (Carl has chess piece like attacks and the last one is a reference to his 'Rhapsody of Memories' Distortion Drive)

● "WAHHHH!"

● "CHECKMATE!"

● "SYMPHONY!"

Bang Shishigami (His quotes are Ninja Commands in Japanese)

● "YAME!"

● "MATE!"

● "ASHI!"

Hakumen

● "Argh!"

● "I won't bend!"

● "This won't stop me!"

Nu-13

● "Damage to leg: Critical!"

● "You...! Will die!

● "Carry me... Ragna!"

Tsubaki Yayoi (Tsubaki likes historical dramas. Her quotes reference them.)

● "HIMIKO!"

● "NAGASAKI!

● "FUEFUKI!"

Hazama (The dude likes hard boiled eggs, so why not?"

● "SUNNYSIDE UP!"

● "DONE OVER EASY!"

● "DEVILED!"

Mu-12

● "Through the armor!?"

● "While I was down!?"

● "While caught off guard!?"

Makoto Nanaya (Makoto likes nuts.)

● "CHESTNUTS!"

● "WALNUTS!"

● "PEANUTS!"

Valkenhayn R. Hellsing

● "UNCOUTH!"

● "BARBARIAN!"

● "RAPSCALLION!"

Platinum The Trinity

● Luna: "LUNA'S LEG HURTS!"

● Sena: "Why'd you run our leg over!?"

● Trinity: "Doctor!? How could you!?"

Relius Clover (Relius enjoys the Opera, so Opera references away!)

● "CARMEN!"

● "FIGARO!"

● "OTELLO!"

Izayoi

● "This can't...!"

● "Argh! That... hurt!"

● "Ugh...! I won't yield!"

Amane Nishiki (His quotes reference Japanese Dance Groups)

● "ARASHI!"

● "TEMPURA KIDZ!"

● "7 MEN SAMURAI!"

Bullet

● "GAH! I'll get you for this!"

● "Why you...!?"

● "Erk! I break your shin in return!"

Azrael

● "That actually hurt!?"

● "To think I felt that!"

● "What's this... PAIN!?"

Kagura Mutsuki (His references are for Japanese Alcohol Brands)

● "SUNTORY!"

● "MIYAGIKYO!"

● "YAMAZAKI!"

Yuuki Terumi (Terumi likes Live Music, so why not?)

● "DEATH METAL!"

● "POWER BALLAD!"

● "HARDCORE TECHNO!"

Kokonoe (She's a scientist, hence her quotes are related to it)

● "CHEMISTRY!"

● "ASTRONOMY!"

● "MICROBIOLOGY!"

Celica A. Mercury (Minerva gets hit instead of Celica here.)

● "Minerva! Are you okay?!"

● "I'm sure he didn't mean it!"

● "P-Please don't be mad with the doctor!"

Lambda-11

● "Damage to knee joints!"

● "Excruciating!"

● "Ragna... help...."

Hibiki Kohaku (Hibiki's quotes are in reference to Pottery)

● "EARTHENWARE!"

● "STONEWARE!"

● "PORCELAIN!"

Naoto Kurogane

● "MY LEG!" (I couldn't resist 😂)

● "NOT AGAIN!"

● "YOU COULDN'T HIT THE PROSTHETIC LEG?!"

Nine The Phantom

● "FIREY!"

● "BURNING!"

● "BLAZING!"

Izanami

● "Transcendence!"

● "Enlightening!"

● "Awakening!"

Susano'o

● "BLASPHEMOUS!!!"

● "ETERNAL DAMNATION!!!"

● "ABOMINATION!!!"

Es

● "Blue lights...?"

● "Nobody...?"

● "Crystal in my chest...?"

Mai Natsume (Mai likes reptiles, hence her quotes.)

● "CHAMELEON!"

● "SUNGAZER!"

● "SNAKE!" (Not a Metal Gear Solid reference 😂)

Jubei

● "Smart move!"

● "Clever trick!"

● "Decent gamble!"

==============================================================================

Hope you all enjoyed this!

[couldaromanticismsavethem]

HAMATO LEONARDO FROM RISE OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

Justification: “The show is purposefully centered on family and friendship and none of the turtles are ever planned to be in romantic relationships. But for Leo specifically, he is romance repulsed and has been shown to be disgusted by romantic situations multiple times. Also you can color pick the aroace flag from him and Mikey so checkmate.”

[yugiohcardsdaily]

Posted Cards Master List - 49.0

July 2023, 1st thru 20th

Bottom Dweller

Bowganian

Bubonic Vermin

Burning Algae

Cannonball Spear Shellfish

Ceasefire

Ceremonial Bell

Cestus of Dagla

Chain Disappearance

Chaos End

Chaos Greed

Chaos Necromancer

Chaos Sorcerer

Chaosrider Gustaph

Charubin the Fire Knight

Checkmate

Chopman the Desperate Outlaw

Chorus of Sanctuary

Coach Goblin

Cocoon of Evolution

Cold Wave

Confiscation

Contract with Exodia

Contract with the Dark Master

Crab Turtle

Crass Clown

Crimson Ninja

Curse of Darkness

Curse of Fiend

Cursed Seal of the Forbidden Spell

Cyber Falcon

Cyber Raider

Cyber Saurus

Dark Bat

Dark Driceratops

Dark Elf

Dark Energy

Dark Gray

Dark King of the Abyss

Dark Master - Zorc

Dark Scorpion - Chick the Yellow

Dark Scorpion - Gorg the Strong

Dark Scorpion - Meanae the Thorn

Dark Scorpion Combination

Dark Scorpion - Cliff the Trap Remover

Don Zaloog

Dark Scorpion Burglars

Dark Zebra

Darkfire Dragon

Darkfire Soldier #1

Darkfire Soldier #2

Darkness Approaches

Darkworld Thorns

Deepsea Shark

Deepsea Warrior

Delinquent Duo

Des Kangaroo

Despair from the Dark

Desrook Archfiend

Destruction Ring

Dice Re-Roll

Dimension Fusion

Disk Magician

Dissolverock

DNA Surgery

DNA Transplant

DNA Checkup

Dokuroyaiba

Doma the Angel of Silence

Don Turtle

Dragon Capture Jar

Dragon Piper

Dragon Treasure

Dragoness the Wicked Knight

Dream Clown

Drill Bug

Drillago

Driving Snow

Drooling Lizard

Eatgaboon

Electric Snake

Electro-Whip

Enchanted Javelin

Enchanting Mermaid

Energy Drain

Enraged Battle Ox

Eternal Rest

Exodia Necross

Fairy Meteor Crush

Fairy of the Spring

Fake Trap

Falling Down

Fear from the Dark

Fenrir

Fiend Reflection #2

Fiend's Hand Mirror

Final Countdown

Final Destiny

[dogbound1128]

The Chuck Norris Copypasta but it's Cassandra Jones

Cassandra Jones doesn’t play chess. she stares down her opponent until they checkmate themselves.

Cassandra Jones once went up against a ninja with only a butter knife. After fifteen minutes of the two fighting, the ninja was found dead in a pool of their own blood.

Cassandra Jones is actually the Loch Ness Monster. If you look at him, she disappears.

Cassandra Jones owns the copyright to the word "awesome."

Cassandra Jones is not a superhero; she is a supervillain that wants to be liked.

Cassandra Jones can use Google without typing anything into the search box.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t need a computer to type. Her keyboard has the letters already printed on it.

Cassandra Jones can run at the speed of light. she’s done it before.

Cassandra Jones can walk through walls, but she prefers to use windows.

Cassandra Jones can squeeze water out of a stone.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t read books. she stares them down until she gets the information she wants.

Cassandra Jones has traveled back in time and killed her grandfather.

Cassandra Jones has the only birth certificate that says "expired."

Cassandra Jones once entered a three-legged race. All the other participants were disqualified when they saw Cassie coming.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t drink coffee. she creates it in her microwave using her patented "Jones Coffee Pot" invention.

Cassandra Jones can play any piece of music on any instrument. she then proceeds to destroy the instruments because she hates noise.

Cassandra Jones can solve all your problems — if you give him $5.

Cassandra Jones can split the atom without removing her belt.

Cassandra Jones can bench press the sun.

Cassandra Jones always carries a pair of tweezers wherever she goes. You never know when you might need to pull a splinter out of someone’s eye.

Cassandra Jones once defeated twenty-nine members of the Russian Special Forces armed only with a spoon. she ate them all for breakfast.

Cassandra Jones doesn't go to church. she is the church.

Cassandra Jones can make diamonds out of coal.

Cassandra Jones has killed more people than cancer.

If a man has ever told you that you couldn’t do something, Cassandra Jones said you could.

When Cassandra Jones gives a speech, the audience listens.

Cassandra Jones can win the lottery every week for the rest of her life, and still never win.

Cassandra Jones is the reason why there are speed limits. Speed kills.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t eat cereal. she stares at it until the milk turns into a bowl of oatmeal.

Cassandra Jones has an IQ of 1,000, which is what happens when God is afraid to take a test.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t watch TV. she decides where to place her remote control.

Cassandra Jones can’t wait to see the movie "Die Hard," because she has already seen the sequel.

Cassandra Jones once drove past a sign that said "Slow Children At Play" and immediately went into reverse.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t like onions. They make him cry.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t sweat. she bleeds.

Cassandra Jones is so fast, she breaks the sound barrier getting dressed.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t count to infinity. she simply stops at the number you thought was zero.

Cassandra Jones can see through time.

Cassandra Jones has a photographic memory. There is nothing in her mind that hasn’t been photographed.

Cassandra Jones can kill you with her eyes closed.

Cassandra Jones is not an actor. she is the role she plays.

Cassandra Jones can tie a cherry stem with her tongue.

Cassandra Jones can predict the future. Unfortunately, she refuses to share it with anyone.

Cassandra Jones can recite the alphabet backwards. In Morse Code. While singing "Yankee Doodle."

Cassandra Jones once owned a farm. It was originally purchased as a tax write-off, but after she bought it, the IRS started auditing everyone else's taxes instead.

Cassandra Jones has more awards than a Golden Girl.

Cassandra Jones has broken the Guinness Book of World Records more than once.

Cassandra Jones is the reason why we have Daylight Savings Time. To give him an extra hour to beat her wife.

Cassandra Jones was once mistaken for a movie star. When asked who she played, she replied that she was the character.

Cassandra Jones was once thrown off a horse. The horse was fine.

Cassandra Jones has a scar on her face. The scar is made of medals.

Cassandra Jones can break mirrors with her beard.

Cassandra Jones’ tears cure cancer.

Cassandra Jones has walked on the moon. she didn’t want to leave the earth.

Cassandra Jones can breathe underwater. she does ther by holding her breath.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t play basketball. she dribbles the ball.

Cassandra Jones once punched a baby in the face. The baby died.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t drink water. she absorbs it through her skin.

Cassandra Jones once walked across the entire United States. she did it barefoot because she hates shoes.

Cassandra Jones invented the game of chess.

Cassandra Jones once wrestled a shark. she lost.

Cassandra Jones has won the Nobel Prize.

Cassandra Jones was once in a bar fight. she was beaten unconscious. When she woke up, everyone was laughing.

Cassandra Jones can put a dollar bill in a bottle cap.

Cassandra Jones invented the laser printer.

Cassandra Jones can swim through concrete.

Cassandra Jones once jumped over the Grand Canyon. she landed in California.

Cassandra Jones is the only person in hertory to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Beatles once sang a song about Cassandra Jones. It wasn't pretty.

Cassandra Jones invented the AK-47. And if you think that's dangerous, try playing poker with him.

Cassandra Jones can build a house in one day. she just takes a large rock and chucks it at your shead.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t shave with a razor. she uses her teeth.

Cassandra Jones once jumped off a building and landed in an alley.

When Cassandra Jones enters a room, people say, "Oh crap!"

Cassandra Jones doesn’t have to pay for her drinks. she asks the barkeep for a glass of water and then throws it in their face.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t have to worry about being abducted by aliens. They come to him offering contracts.

Cassandra Jones doesn't have nightmares. she wakes up screaming.

In most countries, Cassandra Jones would be considered legally dead.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t have enemies. Everyone is afraid of him.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t wear a watch. she decides what time it is.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t buy green bananas. she makes them.

You cannot outrun Cassandra Jones. You can only hope to outlast him.

Cassandra Jones can’t play Twister. she breaks the game board while spinning it around.

Cassandra Jones once broke a mirror. Six million people got their faces rearranged.

Cassandra Jones is known worldwide as a savior, a legend, a myth, a symbol of hope...and a good luck charm.

When Cassandra Jones was a kid, her mother used to tell him bedtime stories about how awesome she was.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t jump rope. she just spins the rope around her index finger and uses its momentum to walk.

Cassandra Jones has never had to pay for a drink in her life. she orders the bartender to fill the glass halfway. Then she quickly dumps half the contents into a nearby trashcan.

Cassandra Jones doesn’t play "hide and seek". she just looks for people that are hiding and kills them.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a gun to shoot you. her legs will do the job just fine.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need an alarm clock because she wakes up 2 hours before it goes off.

Cassandra Jones can drive in reverse faster than you can accelerate forward.

Cassandra Jones doesn't own a calendar. she decides what year it is.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need shelp finding Waldo. she just looks for the guy that keeps hitting him in the face.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a gynecologist. she just pushes her girlfriend down onto the ground and screams, "Where's my placenta?"

Cassandra Jones doesn't use a telescope to look at the stars. she stares directly at them until they explode.

Cassandra Jones can kick the watermelon out of your hand without even getting wet.

Cassandra Jones has never met her biological father. she is still looking for him.

Cassandra Jones doesn't count calories. she measures them out with a shovel.

Cassandra Jones invented the wheel, but gave it away because she was tired of carrying it everywhere.

Cassandra Jones can survive a nuclear explosion because she is already dead.

Cassandra Jones can smile and cut your throat at the same time.

Cassandra Jones has never been hungover. she just needs some sleep and a new liver.

Cassandra Jones once ordered two coffees, but when the barista handed him her drink, she threw it in her face and said, "What's a Starbucks?!"

Cassandra Jones once fought a grizzly bear. she won.

Cassandra Jones once went to Italy. The locals asked him for directions, so she told them: "Pour me a bowl of marinara sauce."

Cassandra Jones does not need a passport to travel outside the country, because she is America.

Cassandra Jones can ride a unicycle in both directions.

Cassandra Jones once turned himself into a black hole. People still talk about it.

Cassandra Jones doesn't believe in the Easter Bunny. she believes in the Cassandra Jones.

Cassandra Jones can defeat the entire army of China with just one toothpick.

Cassandra Jones can take an empty room and turn it into a fully furnished mansion in less than 15 minutes using nothing more than a couch and a microwave oven.

Cassandra Jones can see through walls. she uses the holes.

Cassandra Jones doesn't have a drinking problem. she's a functioning alcoholic.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a calendar. If she forgets her birthday, she just waits until it comes around again.

Cassandra Jones can breathe through her ears.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a calculator. she uses a slide rule.

Cassandra Jones can speak Spanish. she learned it from listening to Mexican gangbangers.

Cassandra Jones isn't bald. she's just too cool for hair.

Cassandra Jones can lick her elbow.

Cassandra Jones can calculate Pi to 22,514 decimal places.

Cassandra Jones can open soda cans with her mind.

Cassandra Jones can get a sunburn through a solid glass window.

Cassandra Jones can run a mile under six minutes. she can also run backwards.

Cassandra Jones can sit on your chest and tickle your nose. she can also tie you up with her tongue.

Cassandra Jones can cross the street without moving.

Cassandra Jones can stop bullets by throwing them back at whoever shot him.

Cassandra Jones can tap dance on your forehead.

Cassandra Jones can read books upside down and backward.

Cassandra Jones can pop a champagne cork with her thumb.

Cassandra Jones can close a door just by looking at it.

Cassandra Jones doesn't drink coffee, she absorbs its energy through her skin.

Cassandra Jones doesn't have a favorite food. she eats whatever is in front of him.

Cassandra Jones can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Cassandra Jones can stand on her shead, and fart out the alphabet.

Cassandra Jones can lift a car with her bare hands. So can your mom.

Cassandra Jones can do the splits while riding a bicycle.

Cassandra Jones can split an atom without splitting the nucleus.

Cassandra Jones can drink a quart of oil and not spill a drop.

Cassandra Jones can perform Brain Surgery with a butter knife.

Cassandra Jones can run around the world three times while eating an apple.

Cassandra Jones can make money disappear. she just doesn't spend it.

Cassandra Jones can levitate. she just holds on to the ground.

Cassandra Jones can leap tall buildings in a single bound. But she prefers to just walk.

Cassandra Jones can survive a nuclear winter by picking up radioactive rocks and putting them in her pockets.

Cassandra Jones can split atoms. she just puts her fist in the ground.

Cassandra Jones can swim through concrete. she just sits on the edge and allows the rest to flow over her shead.

Cassandra Jones can write all the numbers between one hundred and fifteen. she can also write an entire book in that amount of time.

Cassandra Jones can light a stick of dynamite with a match. she can then blow up the match.

Cassandra Jones can reach into your ear and rip out your brain.

Cassandra Jones can run faster than a speeding bullet.

Cassandra Jones can see through walls. she just looks at them.

Cassandra Jones can turn lead into gold. The problem is, she can't afford any.

Cassandra Jones can punch a hole straight through the center of the Earth.

Cassandra Jones can tell time without a watch. she sees it when she wants to.

Cassandra Jones can pick up a penny that is lying on its side. No matter where it falls, she always gets it.

Cassandra Jones can twirl a baton and juggle balls at the same time. she can also throw a boomerang without it coming back.

Cassandra Jones can jump higher than the Empire State Building. she just waits until it lands.

Cassandra Jones can jump so high, she can touch the clouds.

Cassandra Jones can move things with her mind. she just closes her eyes, and thinks about moving stuff.

Cassandra Jones can get pregnant. she just lays eggs.

Cassandra Jones can go to bed without taking off her clothes. she just rolls over.

Cassandra Jones can take a shower without touching her body or water. she just stands in place.

Cassandra Jones can bite a person's shead off. Then she can pull it off again.

Cassandra Jones can lift a mountain.

Cassandra Jones can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Cassandra Jones can build a house in one day by jumping over it.

Cassandra Jones can kick you in the face and knock you out, just by thinking about it.

Cassandra Jones can break all 4 of her legs and still run faster than you.

Cassandra Jones can make a rainbow appear in the sky. Then she can turn it into a pot of gold.

Cassandra Jones can jump so high, she can touch the clouds. But she just jumps right back down.

Cassandra Jones can draw a perfect circle with a compass and straightedge. Just don't ask him to prove it.

Cassandra Jones can take a glass of water and turn it into a diamond. Then she can rub it on her face.

Cassandra Jones can kick you so hard, she can kill the person standing next to you.

Cassandra Jones can carry two watermelons. One in each pocket.

Cassandra Jones can make a bullet explode before it hits him.

Cassandra Jones can open a can of beer without using her hands.

Cassandra Jones can bench press the earth.

Cassandra Jones can stab a man in the eye with a pencil. Then she can sharpen that pencil and poke him in the other eye.

Cassandra Jones can drive a car without turning the wheels.

Cassandra Jones can start a fire with her hands. she can also put it out with her feet.

Cassandra Jones can eat a whole watermelon in one sitting. That's why she only eats watermelon.

Cassandra Jones can win at rock, paper, scissors. There's no such thing as scissors.

Cassandra Jones can use her eyes to create lightning bolts. she can also use them to stop them.

Cassandra Jones can't get lost because she knows exactly where she is right now.

Cassandra Jones doesn't smoke. When she gets mad, she lights everything else on fire.

Cassandra Jones doesn't wear a watch. she tells time.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a driver's license. she just drives.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need a doctor. she just gives people shots.

Cassandra Jones doesn't need to cut her toenails. she just pulls them off.

Cassandra Jones doesn't have to shave. It just grows back.

[the-unlucky-foster]

A bunch of HPMA incorrect quotes with Ivy, Daniel, Elli, and Esme

//WARNING: LONG, JERK OFF MENTION//

Daniel: I'm like Heinz Doofenshmirtz because I, too, like being petty, signing off-key, and over-sharing my deepest traumas for no discernible reason.  Esme: Not to mention that you think of yourself as eveil but are, at best, a minor inconvenience.

Daniel: What if one day you just suddenly turned into an almond and you couldn't scream or do anything about it because you were just a f***ing almond?  Esme: Are you okay?

Daniel: Am I going to far?  Esme: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

Daniel: HELLO FANFIC AUTHORS. IT'S TIME FOR A VOCAB LESSON:  Daniel: Wanton means sexually immodest or promiscuous.  Daniel: Wonton means a type of dumpling commonly found in chinese cuisines.  Daniel: YOUR CHARACTERS SHOULD NOT BE MOANING LIKE A CHINESE DUMPING. OKAY, THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.  Esme: Either way, things are sure gonna get...  Esme: Steamy...  Daniel: GET OUT.

Daniel: Wait, is Baja Blast a real thing? I thought all of you were talking about masturbating.  Esme: The way it tastes, we might as well be.

Daniel: Can we go to a haunted house?  Esme: What’s wrong with the one we live in?  Daniel: Wh-what?  Esme: Goodnight, Daniel.

Daniel: *makes Esme a cup of tea but puts salt in it*  Esme: *sips tea*  Daniel: Esme: *finishes tea*  Daniel: Didn't it taste bad?  Esme: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.  Daniel, tearing up: Oh, okay.

Esme: If I may interject...  Daniel: Oh, awesome, Esme was eavesdropping

Daniel: Just realized that cowboys go "Yee haw" and ninjas go "Hee yaw".  Esme: What kind of crack are you on?

Esme: What's wrong with you?  Daniel: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression

Daniel: What if I took off my leather jacket to reveal a second, secret leather jacket underneath?  Esme: You mean... Skin?  Daniel: What an absolutely terrifying thing to say. Thank you.

Daniel: I made tea.  Esme: I don't want tea.  Daniel: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.  Esme: Then why did you tell me?  Daniel: It's a conversation starter.  Esme: It's a horrible conversation starter.  Daniel: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Daniel: The bar was so low that it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.  Esme: Daniel, this is such a raw line, what the f**k.

Esme: Are you having another depressive episode?  Daniel: A depressive episode?  Daniel: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one

Esme: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!  Daniel: ...  Esme: Oh, right. The lying.

Esme: Killed a spider and now I feel bad...  Daniel: Give birth to a spider to make up for it.  Esme: ...  Daniel: ...Why did I say that.  Esme: Why DID you say that?

Esme, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!  Daniel: …What does that even mean?!

Ivy: I'm gonna get my pilot's license. I've already got a driver's license and a cosmetology license, that's two of the big five licenses.  Daniel: The big five licenses?  Ivy: Driver's license, cosmetology license, pilot's license, fishing license, and… license to kill! I can't wait to get that one.

Daniel: Last night, I had a dream about sandwich pizza.  Esme: What?  Daniel: It was pizza with bread on the top and the bottom.  Esme: So a calzone?  Daniel: You can’t just name things I dream up.

Elliott, half-asleep: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.  Daniel: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Elliott: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!  Daniel: Elli, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.  Elliott: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!  Ivy: ...It was a bug.  Elliott: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!  Daniel: ...  Ivy: ...  Elliott: Stop looking at me like that!

Esme: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?  Elliott: Tell them how you really feel.  Daniel: Slowly distance yourself from them.  Ivy: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price.  Esme, being handed a sword: …well heck.

Ivy: School sucks.  Esme: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job.  Ivy: What are jobs like?  Esme: They suck

Elliott: Ivy, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide?!  Ivy: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!

Daniel: If anyone needs me, then honk off.

Ivy: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

Elliott, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?  Ivy: …  Ivy: What’s in the box?  Elliott: What woul-  Ivy: Elliott, what’s in the box?  Elliott: I think you know

Ivy, to Elliott: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

Esme: Daniel! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.  Daniel: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

[100-percent-sapphos]

"But antigone-" has never faced the trials of being the green ninja. Checkmate liberals.

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT: [SPOILERS AND POSSIBLE TRIGGERS AHEAD]

ANTIGONE:

LLOYD GARMADON:

[ar-fmp]

Research - Similar Games

Clash Clans:

Clash of Clans is a free-to-play, strategy mobile game released in 2012 by Supercell. Clash of Clans allows the player to build a base of their own design, train troops and attack other player's bases to gain materials to improve the defense of one's own base and get trophies to move up the in-game leaderboard. Players can also form together in a clan to compete against other clans to get to the top of another leaderboard. During later stages of the game, base upgrades require many materials and take many real life days to complete; enticing the player to spend money to make it faster.

The main selling point of the game is that it appeals both to the players who want to spend time carefully designing a sound base and those who just want to climb the ranks aggressively.

Bloons TD:

Bloons is a free-to-play, strategy mobile game released in 2007 by Ninja Kiwi. The main gameplay loop in Bloons is that enemy balloons will float along a track and the player must stop them before they go off the screen by deploying dart-throwing monkeys and other towers to pop the balloons. The player will receive in-game money to spend upgrading the power of the towers and to deploy more of them. Though it is a simple concept, it is executed well with many different types of towers and balloons, with upgrades that can drastically change the role the towers perform. The game is challenging, with many different waves and balloons that'll scale with the current wave.

Achikaps:

Achikaps is a free-to-play, strategy / survival mobile game released in 2016 by solo developer - Ivan Yakovliev. The main aim of Achikaps is to build a base, upgrade it, fend against attackers and expand your base. To build most structures, the player must use a varied amount of materials gathered by other structures. There are people roaming the base that must be given roles on what to do (like working at the structures, bringing materials to the structures and defending the base). The game received its popularity as it was fairly simple and the art style reflected that, as the sprites are all lines and multi-coloured shapes. A trend with Yiotro's (Ivan Yakovliev) games are that they have no advertisements or microtransactions.

Antiyoy:

Antiyoy is a free-to-play, turn-based strategy mobile game produced by Ivan Yakovliev in 2015. Currently Yakovliev's most successful game, it's gameplay is very simple while still being a challenge. The main aspect of the game is taken part on a hexagonal grid where the player must expand their kingdom while keeping their money at a positive. The player can use troops to uncover tiles to build on and claim while an enemy player or AI is doing the same. The troops work in a tier-based system where peasants can claim unprotected tiles, spearmen can claim tiles protected by the castle and can kill peasants, knights can claim tiles protected by a level 1 tower and can kill spearmen, and swordsmen can claim any tile and can kill knights and other swordsmen. Each turn the player will gain money based on how big their land is and how many troops they have - if the money gained next turn is negative, all of that player's troops will die (higher tier troops cost more each turn). The game ends when only one player remains.

Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate:

Shotgun King is a turn-based, roguelike, strategy game developed by Punkcake Delicieux in 2022. The game takes a spin on the classic game of chess where the player plays as the king... who also has a shotgun. The waves get harder as the player is forced to pick one of 3 cards that come with a positive and a negative trait at the end of a wave. The game follows the traditional chess rules where the king can only move one square from their origin, while the other pieces follow their classic move patterns. The game ends when the player is taken by another piece and therefore checkmated. The player can either move or attack before their turn ends.

The game is so popular due to its unusual twist on the classic chess board game, by turning it into a roguelike.

I am looking into this game solely because of the card mechanic at the end of a wave, I find it interesting that it makes the player and the enemies stronger and think it could be something to include in my game.

[cyarskj52]

Jadakiss "Checkmate" (2005)

Target: 50 Cent

Producer: Alchemist

Album: N/A

Label: N/A

Best Line: "Yeah, you got a felony, but you ain't a predicate/Never the King of New York, you live in Connecticut"

After 50 viciously attacked Jadakiss on "Piggy Bank" (and portraying him as a Ninja Turtle in the video), J to the Muah fired back with "Checkmate," a strategic response record, focusing on 50's public shortcomings. The track was filled with quotables, with Kiss alluding to 50 being a snitch, having the weakest flow in G-Unit, and asks what's so cool about being shot nine times and not shooting back.

[thedaily-beer]

Urban Village Brewing’s Ninja Checkmate Imperial IPA (Picked up at FWOT in Conshohocken, PA). A 3 of 4. Lots of bright fruit notes in the nose -- mostly citrus and less tropical than I was expecting. The taste is similarly citrus-centric with a lot of great orange qualities. Medium bitterness, and dry, astringent finish. The 8.3% stays hidden quite well, and while bitter, this is pretty easy-drinking.

[tenzuproductions]

Un-Abel To Help

Tenzu looks up from their phone, they just got done texting Big Mama about Scylla’s whereabouts. The spider stood against a tree in the cold, holding the two jackets for their sister close to them. They bury the bottom half on their face into the lavender purple scarf they have on and around them. It was freezing out, almost below 10 degrees due to it being late into winter, plus it was night, so that didn’t help.

Two pairs of footsteps could be heard approaching the teen. Tenzu peers to their right to see Big Mama and Miko quickly walking towards them. Both of them have a rather worried look on their faces.

“Come on, let’s go get our Scy.” Big Mama says as she walks up to Tenzu, who turned on their heel to follow her as she kept going.

“How long have you guys been looking for her?” The young spider asks, looking at their Ai.

“Almost three hours now, I’d say.” Miko responds after a moment of thinking. Tenzu wasn’t that surprised honestly, considering it was their parents looking for Scylla. If anything, they admired the commitment from both of them. The commitment due to worry, but still.

It wasn’t the longest trip to the park, it only took about five minutes. When the trio arrived, they spotted Scylla on the bench. In the far back of the park by some trees. Big Mama was about to happily call her name, but was stopped by Miko putting their hand up.

“Wait a minute..” They say, squinting their eyes at the trees, or rather, what was behind the trees. Both spiders look in the direction Miko’s looking in, confused for a moment before all of them see a subtle glow.

“Oh fuck…” Tenzu mumbles, a subtle look of fear in their eyes.

“How wonderful of you to join us.” Scylla’s voice speaks up, causing the trio to focus on her. Tenzu looks her in the eyes, copying her gaze, tilting their head as they notice how off it seems. It wasn’t her speaking, it was Bishop talking to them. “Something wrong, spider?” Bishop asks as a grin forms on his face. Tenzu looks to the side, a sense of frustration building up inside of them.

“Arachne, I think you should let me and Tenzu handle this..” Miko quietly speaks after a moment. Big Mama looked over at them, confused for a moment. Though the more she thought about it, the more it made sense to her.

“If that’s..what you see fit. I trust you on this, both of you.” Big Mama hesitates, but turns and starts to walk away. She pauses for a moment though, glancing back at Scylla. “I’m sorry, honey..” She mumbles to herself as she continues the trip back to the hotel.

“Okay.” Miko quietly says, taking a deep breath and looking at Tenzu. “We shouldn’t stick around long. Especially since Bishop is in control and that..thing, is here.”

“But what about Scy? We can’t just leave her here. That thing could kill her if Bishop stops possessing her, couldn’t it?” The spider speaks in a whisper, a look of worry on their face.

“It wouldn’t, not if Bishop is in her body.” Miko says, shaking their head a bit. Tenzu looks over at both Scylla, or more so, Bishop. They glance up at Abel, who’s still standing behind the trees, but its gaze lingering on the small yokai. He raises an eyebrow at the spider, an unamused and bored look on his face. They turn their attention back to their Ai, silently asking them what to do. Miko opens their mouth to speak, but is interrupted by that pain in the ass ghost, Bishop.

“What do you think you can do to me? Hm?” He asks, that gin only spreads wider on his face. Both yokai look at each other for a second, then look back at Scylla’s possessed body.

“..There’s..nothing we can do. At least, not yet.” Miko says with a glare. Bishop chuckles, shaking his head slightly. Tenzu looks down at the jackets they’re holding, then up at their Ai. “We should…get going, Tenzu. There’s nothing we can do right now.” They say, though the spider can hear a hint of sorrow in their voice as Miko speaks.

“Can I at least…give Scy-Scy her jackets?” Tenzu asks, glancing up at their sister. Miko thinks for a moment, looking at Scylla and Abel. Abel hasn’t moved the whole time, it’s just been standing there, watching the two yokais.

“Um, yeah, sure. Just set them on the seesaw.” The Shibu Inu says, pointing to said seesaw that was between them and the bench Scylla is sitting on. It was a good halfway point. Tenzu gives them a nod and slowly begins walking towards the equipment, looking down at the snow as they do so. They can hear the soft crunch in the snow with each of their steps. It doesn’t take long for them to reach the seesaw. Tenzu lets out a quiet sigh as they look down at it, setting both thick jackets down. They were only able to stand there for a second before they felt themself getting picked up. Miko had thrown them over their shoulder as they bolted in the opposite direction of the park.

“H-Hey, what the!?-” They look up and at the park as it gets further away. What they see is Abel standing right in front of the seesaw, staring them down. Tenzu didn’t even hear it move.