#Nick was like sure Jan

[horseshoe-bay-ledger]

Nancy and Tristan Like a Few Episodes Ago: get trapped in a giant spider’s ghost web, get stuck at prom in 1972 and Nancy nearly dies twice

Ryan, like, last episode: tells Nancy its too late and he’s started a war with the Glasses

Nancy: I want something uncomplicated and that’s Tristan Glass 

[the-woman-upstairs]

Every time I replay The Quarry and the game tries to convince me that Ryan and Laura make sense as a couple:

[5ummit]

AO3 Ship Stats: Year In Bad Data

You may have seen this AO3 Year In Review.

It hasn’t crossed my tumblr dash but it sure is circulating on twitter with 3.5M views, 10K likes, 17K retweets and counting. Normally this would be great! I love data and charts and comparisons!

Except this data is GARBAGE and belongs in the TRASH.

I first noticed something fishy when I realized that Steve/Bucky – the 5th largest ship on AO3 by total fic count – wasn’t on this Top 100 list anywhere. I know Marvel’s popularity has fallen in recent years, but not that much. Especially considering some of the other ships that made it on the list. You mean to tell me a femslash HP ship (Mary MacDonald/Lily Potter) in which one half of the pairing was so minor I had to look up her name because she was only mentioned once in a single flashback scene beat fandom juggernaut Stucky? I call bullshit.

Now obviously jumping to conclusions based on gut instinct alone is horrible practice... but it is a good place to start. So let’s look at the actual numbers and discover why this entire dataset sits on a throne of lies.

Here are the results of filtering the Steve/Bucky tag for all works created between Jan 1, 2023 and Dec 31, 2023:

Not only would that place Steve/Bucky at #23 on this list, if the other counts are correct (hint: they're not), it’s also well above the 1520-new-work cutoff of the #100 spot. So how the fuck is it not on the list? Let’s check out the author’s FAQ to see if there’s some important factor we’re missing.

The first thing you’ll probably notice in the FAQ is that the data is being scraped from publicly available works. That means anything privated and only accessible to logged-in users isn’t counted. This is Sin #1. Already the data is inaccurate because we’re not actually counting all of the published fics, but the bots needed to do data collection on this scale can't easily scrape privated fics so I kinda get it. We’ll roll with this for now and see if it at least makes the numbers make more sense:

Nope. Logging out only reduced the total by a couple hundred. Even if one were to choose the most restrictive possible definition of "new works" and filter out all crossovers and incomplete fics, Steve/Bucky would still have a yearly total of 2,305. Yet the list claims their total is somewhere below 1,500? What the fuck is going on here?

Let’s look at another ship for comparison. This time one that’s very recent and popular enough to make it on the list so we have an actual reference value for comparison: Nick/Charlie (Heartstopper). According to the list, this ship sits at #34 this year with a total of 2630 new works. But what’s AO3 say?

Off by a hundred or so but the values are much closer at least!

If we dig further into the FAQ though we discover Sin #2 (and the most egregious): the counting method. The yearly fic counts are NOT determined by filtering for a certain time period, they’re determined by simply taking a snapshot of the total number of fics in a ship tag at the end of the year and subtracting the previous end-of-year total. For example, if you check a ship tag on Jan 1, 2023 and it has 10,000 fics and check it again on Jan 1, 2024 and it now has 12,000 fics, the difference (2,000) would be the number of "new works" on this chart.

At first glance this subtraction method might seem like a perfectly valid way to count fics, and it’s certainly the easiest way, but it can and did have major consequences to the point of making the entire dataset functionally meaningless. Why? If any older works are deleted or privated, every single one of those will be subtracted from the current year fic count. And to make the problem even worse, beginning at the end of last year there was a big scare about AI scraping fics from AO3, which caused hundreds, if not thousands, of users to lock down their fics or delete them.

The magnitude of this fuck up may not be immediately obvious so let’s look at an example to see how this works in practice.

Say we have two ships. Ship A is more than a decade old with a large fanbase. Ship B is only a couple years old but gaining traction. On Jan 1, 2023, Ship A had a catalog of 50,000 fics and ship B had 5,000. Both ships have 3,000 new works published in 2023. However, 4% of the older works in each fandom were either privated or deleted during that same time (this percentage is was just chosen to make the math easy but it’s close to reality).

Ship A: 50,000 x 4% = 2,000 removed works Ship B: 5,000 x 4% = 200 removed works

Ship A: 3,000 - 2,000 = 1,000 "new" works Ship B: 3,000 - 200 = 2,800 "new" works

This gives Ship A a net gain of 1,000 and Ship B a net gain of 2,800 despite both fandoms producing the exact same number of new works that year. And neither one of these reported counts are the actual new works count (3,000). THIS explains the drastic difference in ranking between a ship like Steve/Bucky and Nick/Charlie.

How is this a useful measure of anything? You can't draw any conclusions about the current size and popularity of a fandom based on this data.

With this system, not only is the reported "new works" count incorrect, the older, larger fandom will always be punished and it’s count disproportionately reduced simply for the sin of being an older, larger fandom. This example doesn’t even take into account that people are going to be way more likely to delete an old fic they're no longer proud of in a fandom they no longer care about than a fic that was just written, so the deletion percentage for the older fandom should theoretically be even larger in comparison.

And if that wasn't bad enough, the author of this "study" KNEW the data was tainted and chose to present it as meaningful anyway. You will only find this if you click through to the FAQ and read about the author’s methodology, something 99.99% of people will NOT do (and even those who do may not understand the true significance of this problem):

The author may try to argue their post states that the tags "which had the greatest gain in total public fanworks” are shown on the chart, which makes it not a lie, but a error on the viewer’s part in not interpreting their data correctly. This is bullshit. Their chart CLEARLY titles the fic count column “New Works” which it explicitly is NOT, by their own admission! It should be titled “Net Gain in Works” or something similar.

Even if it were correctly titled though, the general public would not understand the difference, would interpret the numbers as new works anyway (because net gain is functionally meaningless as we've just discovered), and would base conclusions on their incorrect assumptions. There’s no getting around that… other than doing the counts correctly in the first place. This would be a much larger task but I strongly believe you shouldn’t take on a project like this if you can’t do it right.

To sum up, just because someone put a lot of work into gathering data and making a nice color-coded chart, doesn’t mean the data is GOOD or VALUABLE.

[nemhaine42]

29.07.24 | i spend way too long thinking about the vast amounts of resources and infrastructure freeza must have had at his disposal and what might have happened to all of it after his death.

it's why i enjoy vegeta's anime-only scouring of the universe 'looking for goku.' Like, sure, Jan. i bet he was also taking apart and nicking whatever tech and supplies he could fit into that spaceship. which obviously was only a small dent in the overall amount of post-freeza detritus...

so i like imagining the various worlds that are now littered with abandoned bases, ships and scouters. i like thinking about who else might have picked through the remains of freeza's empire, about the once subjugated peoples and how they might reuse (or reject) the bits let behind.

[a-manicured-lawn]

So. Wind and Spirit as Sages with Secret Stones. It probably wouldn't make sense but I think the NotTwins having those things has good potential for both crack and angst.

OKAY

OHHHHHKAY

you've made me roll this around in my brain for a WHILE anon and i'm going to go HAM (long enough to need a 'keep reading')

to start with, we need to know their magic types. we've got several such as Time, Wind, Spirit, Lightning, Gloom, Light, Water, and Fire. for obvious reasons, Wind and Spirit will be the ones we'll focus on today considering it's both these Links' names and the best matches for their personality and game usages.

the Wind secret stone has the ability to create gusts, right? WRONG. The gusts were already made by Tulin before he got the Stone, and the stone allowed for the avatar summoning and possibly enhancement of the power. By the same token, Wind's secret Stone would of course be Spirit Wind, and his control over the wind would be enhanced since that's his original usage of the element. depending on how juiced up he is, it's possible that he wouldn't necessarily need the Wind Waker to direct the breeze if he had a Secret Stone on board, but that means he'd be able to create an avatar to help Wild out.

Spirit, obviously, would be getting a new ability with his Secret Stone. In canon lore Spirit has no connection to ghostiness aside from seeing the dead similar to Wind, but i personally like to add the concept that Spirit can, in fact, separate soul from body at will alongside his Zelda. This Secret Stone could perhaps be the reason for this gift, allowing him to "die" at will and use his soul to possess Phantoms, scout around, and ignore anyone who tries to put him on bedrest. it's not as flashy as, say, Wind's, but it's still both impressive and useful and can be used for a variety of situations (until someone's got a bug net!).

now that we've got the whole concept of their powers mapped out, though, we have to figure out why, exactly, these two children have world-ending power in the palm of their hand. You mentioned Crack, you mentioned Angst, and both are so delicious that there's no reason why we can't do both.

Following the defeat of Ganondorf, there are a LOT of Secret Stones hanging around. Mineru's, Ganondorf's, Zelda's, and the Sages depending on whether they'd be asked to give them up. Naturally, the safest place for these extra stones would be with someone who's uninterested in them, i.e. Wild and his Purah Pad/Sheikah Slate. who cares about power, he's got Recall and unlimited bombs at the same time!

Crack: Everyone is hanging around the campfire, chatting and having a great time. They get into a conversation as to the most impressive things all of them can do, with Wind loudly declaring that he's got the Wind Waker and is thus the flashiest and most epic Hero of them all. Spirit is next to him, quietly knowing that he doesn't have all that impressive of items himself without his train.

Since they're both kids, everyone gives them a patronizing "Sure, Jan." and ignores them. And. Well. Wild *does* tend to love his brothers.

Wind insists on a demonstration of his coolness, and Wild decides to have some fun. As he pulls out the Wind Waker, Wild taps him on the ankle with one of the Stones. the light breeze turns into a blistering gale with a loud yelp, and the Stone makes an ankle band to tie it to the new Sage Of Winds!

Cue Wild cackling in the background, tapping the other one to Spirit. THAT one goes even worse, as the new Sage of Spirit promptly dies as soon as the Stone touches him. there is a LOT of panic, a hundred apologies, and a very excited Hero once Spirit learns he can do it on command.

The Sages are both delighted at their new powers, refusing to take them off and using them for minor inconveniences. Thanks to Timeline Shenanigans they can even turn back time to TotK, saving Link in the nick of time from Aerocudas or angry Constructs and vanishing with a cheeky salute or a shy wave. if this particular Wild went to LU before TotK, that would throw him WELL off his game even after both boys had vanished.

Meanwhile, over in Lurelin, two young boys kick back with virgin banana dacquiris and watch the boat races while comparing the speed of a boat to the speed of a train. Neither win, of course, considering that there are no trains in TotK (hmpf.)

Angst: Within Zonai architecture, twin dragons have always been a recurring motif. Some pieces, like the Shock head, tend to look like the dragons Wild has seen in his adventures. Farosh, Dinraal, Naydra.... Zelda.

But for the rest, Wild has never seen these twin dragons before. An architectural liberty, perhaps? or a memory of dragons long-vanished?

It's only during a particularly ugly bout with the Black Lizalfos that he discovers exactly why. As a club shatters his leg and the Twins rush over to cover him, he sees them both shoot glances at each other.

At the twin Secret Stones, lying placidly on their wrists.

He can't do more than whimper out "no!" as one twin, then the other protect each other as they grab the stones from their holders.

Then, as one, swallow.

Twin Heroes no more as the shockwave obliterates the nearby monsters and Twin Dragons rise into the sky with simultaneous howls.

(cue an epic quest for them to revive their brothers, because if it happened for Zelda once then Wild is NOT giving up.)

hhhhhhholy fuck this went on longer than i expected. Surprise?

if you want to write any of this be my guest!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hypocrisy

Alright, I didn’t know what I wanted to write about for today’s episode of Only Friends and @colourme-feral suggested hypocrisy and @writerwithoutsound suggested Nick and or BostonNick, so let’s try to kill two birds with one stone. 

[I was floating the idea of hypocrisy anyway so this ended up being perfect]. 

OKAY SO, if there is one thing that is true about Only Friends it is that every character is judging or hates another character for a behavior they themselves have engaged in and have no problems with.

Sure, Jan.

Which is just such a human trait, “my behavior was justified, but their behavior was not” type of bullshit that we do because we are only ever capable of understanding to the fullest extent our own thoughts and feelings and motivations, and aren’t always capable of extending the same critical thought to others. 

What’s fun about Only Friends is that in order to discuss the hypocrisy that existed in Episode 9, we have to understand that almost none of the hypocritical behavior is new. Everyone has been falling in to the same patterns of the people they judge the harshest.

So, what hypocrisies did we see today? 

Top

Top wants Mew back, Top claims to care about Mew’s feelings, and Top spends the entire episode consistently, continuously, and pointedly ignoring Mew’s established boundaries by appealing to Mew’s moms. After having his own relationship ruined by a recording, Top takes the initiative to get back at Sand and at Ray by filming them making out, as evidence for Mew. And he is fully prepared to use it, to try to show Mew that Ray is cheating on him just like Top did. But he pulls himself back at the last minute, why? Because he knows that Mew has, until their breakup, always considered himself as morally superior, and a strong sense of morality is an attractive feature for Mew.

It is, in my mind, part of why Mew has never been romantically interested in Ray, because Ray engages in almost every single behavior that Mew looks down on as morally reprehensible. By choosing not to share the video, Top is playing to the moral high ground, but he still took the video in the first place, and you know he is holding on to it in case he needs it later, and you know Top had intended to use the video, and had tried on several occasions to show Mew. It was only at the last second that he decided to change tactics. And it worked in his favor, but his actions are still entirely hypocritical because he says he is doing all of this because he cares about Mew’s feelings, when in actuality he doesn’t care about Mew’s feelings, he cares about manipulating Mew’s feelings. 

Sand

We have established time and time again that Sand hates Top, and Top similarly has no love for Sand. We have also heard repeatedly that the reason for this is because Top stole Sand’s ex. I am hoping we get some sort of flash back to what he means by that next episode. But either way there is an implication here that Boeing either cheated on Sand or that Top was making moves on Boeing while he was with Sand, they broke up, and then Boeing started dating Top. Either way, Sand has exhibited zero amount of understand or willingness to move on or move past Top’s transgressions. Except, this episode we see Sand actively be made aware of the fact that Ray is lying to Mew about the fact that he and Sand are still fucking, acknowledges that he is being used as a secret lover for Ray, and deciding to have sex with Ray anyway, therefore helping Ray cheat on Mew, the very thing that Mew was initially spiraling over with Top.

Sand is the one that stole the audio recording and started the distribution train that led to the downfall of Top and Mew’s relationship, so that he could ruin Top’s relationship because Top had ruined his and Boeing’s. I do think Sand did release the audio file to Ray in some capacity to get Ray to go to Mew, either it was going to ruin Mew and Ray’s relationship leaving Ray open for him, or it would bring Mew and Ray together, and allow Sand to move on from his compulsive need to yield to Ray. (Though Sand is, like many of the others, a contradictory character who keeps saying that he won’t wait for Ray, and waits for him anyway; or says he doesn’t want Ray to come meet him, but then they end up fucking when Ray does inevitably show up). 

oh honey, we know.

And like I said in a post the other day, except for the brief moment in Episode 1 where Mew apologizes to Sand on Ray’s behalf when Ray is drunk and trying to fight Sand in the bathroom, Mew and Sand have not said a single word to each other since, yet they keep radically impacting each other’s lives, mostly by nature of playing the world’s largest and most convoluted game of ping pong with a one Ray Pakorn.  

I would like to just acknowledge the masterful way that Jojo and co have handled this show, and the maturing of their characters. We have spent eight episodes watching these boys do everything under the sun to protect what they want, besides you know…talking to each other about it like reasonable adults. But that is expressly because they aren’t reasonable adults. They are barely even adults. Most of them are just learning how to exist in the world as people, how to navigate relationships, how to be mature; and those characters like Sand who have had no choice but to get independent and self sufficient quickly can appear mature compared to everyone else, or may consider themselves more mature than others around them, which I for one think Sand absolutely does think he is more mature than the other people he knows. But he is the same age as the rest of them, he is just as susceptible to being a petty little asshole, to lying, to cheating, to manipulating to get what he wants when talking openly and honestly would have saved him a whole lot of time and heartache. 

Nick 

oh how the camera loves Mark Pakin

Honestly, I am trying to think about whether or not Nick has been hypocritical at all, and I don’t think he was in this episode. I think after his conversation with Boston at the Halloween party he has admitted defeat and was trying to move on. He tried making out with Sand to see how it felt, they both realized they were very much only friends. He tried making out with Daddy Dan and it went fine. But Nick saw Boston at the bar, and decided it was time to finish this once and for all, so he went to go apologize to Boston, sincerely, and to tell him, honestly, what his feelings were. Then he left and went back to his date with Dan without once looking back behind him to see if Boston was following. Good job, Nick, if I am remembering all events of Episode 9 correctly, you made it out the other end of this episode without being a hypocrite!

Boston

It cannot be denied that in past episodes, Boston has been extremely hypocritical. He broke it off with Nick because Nick recorded Boston and Top having sex. You know, something Boston thought (correctly) was an egregious violation of privacy. Yet fails to see how him recording Ray and Mew was doing precisely the same thing. 

However….you know, I don’t think Boston was much of a hypocrite this episode either. I think as a character, similarly to Sand, he is very contradictory. Boston has been saying for a long time that his heart is frozen at sub zero temperatures, he doesn’t want a relationship, he has never loved Nick, etc. etc, and yet we are beginning to see the cracks in that. Boston doesn’t take pictures of himself, yet he and Nick both have selfies of both of them together. Boston tries to maintain some sort of morals, trying to convince his friends younger brother not to sleep with him, but Atom keeps pushing. Boston spends this episode minding his own goddamn business for what appears to be the first time in his entire life. As a result, he gets Nick, interrupting his bathroom hook up to give a truly mature, and expert apology about the ways he has hurt Boston, and how he feels about Boston. Boston says he doesn’t like drama, but he leaves his hook up the second his hook up says Nick is being dramatic. 

As an aside, I absolutely loved every single one of Boston’s reactions to everything Nick was saying about him. Because Boston for the last x period of time, since the reveal that Boston and Top fucked while Top was dating Mew, Boston has literally been getting his ass beat repeatedly, and has been explicitly told that he was not welcome in the events the rest of the friend group are in. He’s always given off a kind of lone wolf vibe to me, but I don’t think he actually is one, and I think he is actually starting to feel the impacts of his decisions. As @shortpplfedup says “when Boston starts realizing that not everybody thinks like him, he’ll be okay.” 

Anyway, good job Boston and Nick for managing not to commit egregious acts of moral failure this episode. So proud of you!

Cheum 

Okay, listen. Jojo is content in showing that The Lesbians are a) capable of doing the thing all these boys need to learn and communicating openly and honestly about their issues in order to preserve their relationship and b) are simultaneously capable of being messy bitches. I love Jojo for this. Cheum this episode, as with every episode, continues her attack on Ray, “the evil spirit left you already, huh?” and sure there is an argument here that she is speaking generally. But I am holding fast to the read that she is talking about Ray, because at no point before this has she blamed Mew for his own behavior. She spends all this time praising Top, and then finishes by saying “but what he did was damn evil. It’s too much to forgive. I understand that.” 

Ma’am. 

My dear. 

Darling. 

Were you not the one desperately trying to get Top and Mew back together? Were you not the one ignoring that very knowledge in order to try to get Mew to forgive Top? Were you not the one that gave Top the invitation in the desperate hope that these two would get back together? Are you really only now seeing what Mew was so upset about, or have you understood the entire time, and were just okay with potentially making Mew uncomfortable for the sake of preserving the relationship you want your friend to have? These are rhetorical questions, I know the answer. 

Mew

Mew has, in my opinion at least, not been the most hypocritical person out there, but he certainly has been one of, if not the most judgemental people out there. In this episode, though, we get a kind of hypocrisy from Mew that doesn’t actually bother me, or really make me roll my eyes because it is so effectively utilized, and it all has to do with Mew’s relationship to Ray. 

Because Mew went scorched earth on Top when he found out Top cheated. He felt hurt, he felt betrayed, he spiraled into a wave of insecurity so hard he adopted Ray’s aesthetic and personality. He started partying, he started drinking, he tried to change every part of himself. And he was fucking pissed. He wouldn’t talk to Top, he flaunted Ray around because he knew it would piss Top off, he got escalated on multiple occasions, and fought Boston cause he was so upset about being cheated on. 

And then Ray goes and does the very same thing that Top did. On multiple occasions. He kisses Sand at the Halloween party, he makes out with Sand at school, he lives in the middle of the night, drives two hours out of his way, just so he can meet up with Sand, interrupts A GAY BOY CUDDLE (it is the sin of all sins to break up a gay boy cuddle) and then has sex with Sand all while he is still dating Mew. 

You can imagine after Episode 8, how my brain was spinning thinking about Mew finding out that Ray cheated on him at the party, getting super pissed, and having a blow out fight that ended in a break up. So you can imagine my (very pleasant and happy) surprise at Mew and Ray at the end of Episode 9 just talking it through. I say Mew’s hypocrisy this episode is something I really liked because it felt like such a natural and organic demonstration of where Mew and Ray’s feelings for each other truly lie. Mew is using Ray to get back at Top. Ray knows Mew is using him to get back at Top. They have a calm conversation and an amicable break up, and Mew doesn’t seem at all upset that Ray cheated on him. Because Mew does not care about Ray like that. 

I do think Mew truly loves Ray, as a friend. I do think that Mew certainly has some compassion fatigue from navigating Ray’s substance use issues for multiple years, at a very young age, but it seems very clear to me in the way that friend group interacts with Ray that the only reason Ray has any friends at all is because Mew keeps him in his life. 

Ray

Ohhhhh Ray. Ray, Ray, Ray I love you dude, but Jesus Fucking Christ. Here you are once again, proving my point. Ray, I don’t know if you are *the* biggest hypocrite of the evening, but you are certainly in the running. I know you’re hurting, but damn dude you’re self-sabotaging. Ray has spent so much of his time in this show simping for Mew, wanting to be with Mew, saying that he loves and cares for Mew. And the second that he is able to shoot his shot and have Mew even remotely entertain the idea of them being a couple, he shifts all of his attention to Sand. 

Which, to be clear, Ray being interested in Sand is not the hypocritical part of all of this. Because, despite the fact that Ray was being kind of a massive piece of shit when he said it to Sand, he’s not wrong that he is allowed to like as many people as he wants. BUT Ray fucking hates Top, for a number of reasons, primarily because he is dating Mew and therefore getting in the way of Ray being able to do the same. 

But also because Ray jumps in to play hero, Ray tells Mew repeatedly that Ray has been nothing but good to Mew, and that Mew has been nothing but good to Ray. And, then the second that Ray has everything he thinks he wants, he turns around and pulls exactly the same bullshit that Top did. Ray cheats on Mew, multiple times depending on what Mew’s definition of cheating would be. Whereas Top was able to wait to have sex with Mew, Ray after however many denials of sex erupts on Mew, he gets upset about it, and Mew calls him on his bullshit a bit, but the fact remains that as much as Ray says he cares about Mew, he isn’t showing it when push comes to shove. 

I want to wrap this post up by saying that I think Jojo, Ninew, Den, and the others have done a truly remarkable job navigating the mentality of 21 year old boys. I love that after two months of watching these kids constantly come up with the most convoluted shit to hold on to the things they want, including recording intercourse, stealing said recording of intercourse, low-key stalking someone, and timing a playlist to incorporate the sounds of said recorded intercourse, they have finally finally started thinking “hmmm…what if we just…talked about it?” All our boys started showing some impressive blossoms of maturity this episode and I cannot wait for their inevitable backslide because they are- and I cannot stress this enough -all suffering from a chronic illness called Being In Your Early 20s.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I found a transcript of the Jan 98 Q interview but it won’t let me post a link

https:// groups.google .com/g/rec.music.beatles/c/7clhNbsz3jE/m/stFmXJnzJSMJ

Maybe see if you can view it by removing the space between google and .com. If not I can screenshot and send you pictures

Oh wow, amazing!! thank you so much! this is an old usenet post from December 1997 and the user named Alison Fiddler kindly typed it up 27 years ago :)

I'll post the full transcript (and a bit reformated for legibility) below the cut for everyone.

Paul McCartney Interview for Q Magazine, January 1998 edition

Q. When you first wrote a song with John Lennon, did you realise you would play one of the biggest parts in rock 'n' roll?

(Michael McConnell, Crawley, West Sussex)

Q. If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him?

A. Obviously not. But even with all the so-called "historical" events that followed, you're just too inside it all, too busy doing it to realise anything's "historical". You just get on with it. I'm not a great ponderer. Some people would say that's a mistake but it's just the way I am. It's quite cool not to always get the overall picture because it leaves something to be found out. The musicologists get paid to discover the differences between me and John. I'm only just beginning to see it now, based probably on their analysis. So John is often one note, I'm often more melodic. (McCartney is thinking especially of Ian McDonald's book Revolution in the Head, where he describes the ace partnership in contrasts: Lennon's method is "harmonic, dissonant", McCartney's that of the "natural melodist".) It might sound amazing but we never spotted that when we were writing. We just did our thing. But it is kind of apparent when you bother to analyse it.

(Mark Wilson, Deeside, Flintshire)

A. In bed.

Q. Were you ever envious that Brian Epstein didn't fancy you?

(Nick Gibson, London)

Q. What were the last records you bought?

A. No, I didn't mind. We just used to go to these clubs at night and wonder why there were so many men. It was OK. Brian was very cool about his side to things. I think the nearest any of us got to it was the John-going-to-Spain thing (it inspired the movie, The Hours And The Times) and I'm not sure what the strength of all that was. I think it was power play on John's part. But Brian kept his private life aside. He kept it out of our faces (pause, possibly for effect). He kept it out of mine, anyway.

(Chris Timms, Harrogate)

A. The Prodigy's The Fat Of The Land, Radiohead's OK Computer and Chopin's Nocturnes.

Q. How do you feel about all the animosity between you and Oasis right now?

(Christina Vellano, Syracuse, New York, USA)

A. There is none as far as I'm concerned. What happened was I'd said, Good group, good singer, good songwriters. But people asked me about it so much that one time I decided to take it further and say that they don't mean anything to me. I am not related to Oasis. I wish them good luck and everything. But my kids mean something to me, John Lennon means something to me, but Oasis ....

Q. Who would you pick to play with in your dream six-piece band?

(Alan Thatcher, Essex)

A. Dream? So we're into fantasy, aren't we? Ringo, John, George, that's three. Me. Jimi Hendrix. That makes lots of guitarists, so Little Richard on keyboards.

Q. With Wings, did you feel pressurised to live up to The Beatles?

(Andrew Williams, Neath)

A. Yes, it was a case of "follow that!". Impossible to do. Looking back on it, it's a lot better than I thought, though some of it is just not PLAYED as well as The Beatles. My son (James, co-worker on McCartney's last pop album, Flaming Pie) plays a lot of Wings, so I'm re-listening, and there's good shit that I'd forgotten about. A lot of the lyrics were off the wall, drug stimulated. Things like "Soily - the cat in the satin trousers says its oily". What was I on? I think the answer is stimulants.

Q. Do you still support the legislation of cannabis?

(Grahame Woods, Northwood, Middlesex)

A. I would make a distinction between legalising and decriminalising. I'm in favour of the latter. The problem is that jails are stuffed full of kids doing what a lot of people do. Why stuff the jails with young kids? Plus it's one of the best places to score. I remember when I got busted in Japan, nobody made the slightest effort to rehabilitate me (laughs). Just stuck me in a box for nine days. Obviously you come out and you are fairly resentful.

Q. Do you roll a wicked joint?

(Steve Kline, Bury)

A. I have nothing to say in answer to that question, m'lud. I wasn't even at the venue.

Q. The critics have been harsh on your solo work. Did this ever

discourageyou?

(Robert Hemauer, Madison, Wisconsin, USA)

A. Yeah, sure, but you don't let it kill you. It's a difficult one, because it's never cool for someone to tell you you're shit. Many people through history were damned by the critics of their own time - Cezanne, Van Gogh, Stravinsky, all great painters! Ha ha!

Q. We'd like to see your paintings but can't get to the exhibition in

Germany (McCartney unveils his work for the first time in Siegen, Germany, next year). Any thoughts about putting your paintings on "tour", or publishing a book of them?

(Kathy Goodman, San Diego, CA, USA)

Q. You've done so many things - classical, films, music, art, drugs - is there anything left you might have a go at?

A. A difficult one. If you're a so-called celebrity - like Bowie, Anthony Quinn, Tony Curtis - and you exhibit any art, inevitably, people are not going to think of you as a real painter. Gallery owners come up to me and offer to give me exhibitions. I say, You haven't seen my pictures, and they say, It doesn't matter. Well, it does to me. Otherwise, it's just trading on the name. However, this guy from Germany came over, looked at all my paintings, seems to like them. He's telling me what they're all about.

(Tim Bowler, Swansea)

A. The thing is how reluctant I've often been to have a go. I think we were brought up pretty repressed. Brought up to be seen and not heard, to stay in your place, particularly a working class thing. And I think - I hope - with The Beatles, we got rid of a lot of that. With the painting, for instance, it was Willem de Kooning who liberated me. I used to go to his studio, took in one of my paintings, said, Hey Bill, I hope you don't mind but can you tell me what it is? (Affects American drawl) "Oh, looks "like a couch." Well it looked like a purple mountain to me. And he says, "Well, whatever." Here's one of the greats, his works go for one million, and it was great to see how little bullshit he was bringing to it all. It's really important to explode these myths that surround the arts, music, painting. It's Wizard of Oz time - so many myths, and it's often just a little man behind the screen. The paraphernalia that surrounds them gets in the way. Often you meet leaders in their field and they have none of that. I remember asking a great painter - Peter Blake, maybe - for some advice once, and he said "Just paint a lot". Similar to my approach to music.

Q. How do you know when a song's finished?

(Joyce Slavik, Palatine, Illinois)

A. It's full up. You've answered all of your questions. Normally, I start following a thread: "Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice ... " The thread might come out of nowhere, and I follow it and complete it, like crossword puzzle. When the crossword is full up, the song is finished.

Q. What's more embarrassing: writing Hi Hi Hi or Say Say Say?

(Tien Vu, Costa Mesa, California)

A. (Weighs up pros and cons). Say Say Say.

Q. Why did you give such extensive interviews for an authorised biography (Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now) instead of writing an autobiography?

(Deena Hochberg, Southampton, Pennsylvania)

Q. I'd like to know if Sir Paul sings in the shower, and if so, what does he sing?

A. I don't think I'm a writer. I've never been moved to do it. You have to have a pretty big fire in the belly to do something as big as that. I fancy music more. I'm happier writing in songs rather than in prose, or poetry. Though I wrote something that was never published about the time I got busted in Japan - for my kids. Because I knew one day they'd say, "Hey dad, what was it like, nine days in a Tokyo jail?". So I had a mate of mind, who did all our printing, knock up a few copies, one for each of the kids.

(Jennifer Nash, Bursville, Minnesota)

Q. As a kid you used to play pranks at school by throwing balloons filled with something "worse than water". If you had one of those balloons right now who would you like to hit with it?

A. It's normally the bath. I prefer a good bath. And the answer's Firestarter - "I'm a firestarter, de-de-de-de-dera."

(Brett Yuskiewicz, Leipzig, Germany)

A. Jonathan King. He's a prat from way back.

Q. Which football team did/does each Beatle support?

(WC Chan, Maryland, USA)

A. None of us were big footie types. We weren't very sporty, unlike other groups who were always having knock-arounds. My dad was an Everton fan, which I was most of my life. But then Liverpool started playing well, and Everton didn't, so I took the unprecedented move of supporting them both. It's not allowed, I know, but there you go.

Q. For years, you've claimed it's you in the Walrus costume in the Magical Mystery Tour film. But watching the footage shows that for it to be you, you and John would have had to exchange all your clothes. Are you winding us up, or have you not watched the film in 30 years?

(Dorothy Northcutt, Tucker, Georgia)

Q. What is the quality of each of the other Beatles that you like(d) the best about?

A. The big one. Very good question. I tell you what it was. In the stills we had taken, I was the one with the Walrus head on – in the film it's different. So John then immortalised it in Glass Onion, "I've got news for you all, the walrus was Paul". Obviously at the time you don't care, it's just a Walrus head. You don't realise years later people like our friend from Georgia will analyse it.

(S. Breggles, Richmond)

A. All of them – musical talent. All of them – honesty. Ringo – funny, and kind-hearted. George – straightforward and open. John – witty with a soft centre, or maybe hard with a soft centre.

Q. Do the copulating beetles on the sleeve of Ram (1970) stand for F**k The Beatles?

(Luc Van de Wiele, Wemmel, Belgium)

A. It happened to be a picture Linda had taken. We couldn't resist it just because of the way it looked. She'd caught these two beetles f**king, and then the significance hit us. We saw that pun, yeah, thought why not?

Q. Was there ever a third Lennon song for Anthology 3?

(Jake Lennington, Rush City, MN, USA)

A. There was, but George didn't like it. The Beatles being a democracy, we didn't do it.

Q. I have a Beatles t-shirt which I bought from The Grapes (celebrated Liverpool pub). I was told the band are pictured in their favourite seats - adjacent to the Ladies where you would often catch a glimpse of the girls changing for an evening at The Cavern. True?

(Alan Tomkins, Goring, West Sussex)

A. I hope so. It SOUNDS true. Had there been an opportunity to spot the girls changing, I'm sure we would have sat there.

Q. If you hadn't been a musician, what do you think you would have been?

(Tony Carter, Manchester)

A. The only thing I could have probably qualified for was teaching. So I might have been an English teacher.

Q. Does it do your head in - stuff like the handwritten lyrics to Getting Better selling for $249,000 at Sothebys?

(Peggy Robinson, Trinant, Gwent)

A. It's the price of fame - literally. You scribble them on the back of an envelope, and it gets to be famous. People want it, so it becomes a desirable object. Like Mozart's bog paper, which is another highly desirable object, apparently. More valuable obviously if it's been used.

Q. What is the inscription on the ID bracelet you wear?

(Rachel Hyland, West Harford, Connecticut)

A. It says Paul - for when I forget who I am.

Q. How does it feel to have a star named after you (the christening courtesy of American astronomy fans)?

(John Sales, Barry, Glamorgan)

A. Really cool. The good thing is that as you get on, your fans get on too. And some of them are pretty swotty. Like the people who started Apple, they were just Beatles fans, hence the name. You don't sit around looking at the sky, trying to find it, but it's like getting a very nice birthday present. I'm not religious, I don't believe in any one system - I sort fo think the universe is basically benevolent and we f**k it up - but I am spiritual. I saw Stephen Hawking on TV the other night, and he was saying that we are made of the same stuff as the stars. Which is great. We are all stardust, luv.

Q. What do you want written on your gravestone?

(Tom Mangold, Exeter)

A. Here lies Gracie Fields. Anything to keep people away.

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina, yes this account that posted about an anon who "works" in the industry is anti and believes in hamille. She and pubanon always post how they know things about behind the scenes because they have "contacts". I don't doubt that she herself sends this type of anon, just to reinforce the narrative that their relationship is a stunt, and the only one that was real was Hamille

Why are all these people like this? I swear it’s only because they all showed up after it ended.

Hamille was literally as fake as every other beard. The start of it was teased on Nick Grimshaw’s radio show, you could absolutely tell Nick, Harry L, and Lou Teasdale were taking the piss. They did the same fake ass nonsense like being seen together at a concert before it was reported in the tabloids, walking outside that stupid sushi restaurant where every celebrity gets papped, and then ending right after tour ends when you’d think he’d have all the free time in the world to spend with his gf that he loves so much, but no, the “break up” is announced almost exactly 1 years to the day they started. Sure, Jan.

Hamille was the realest. 🤡🤡🤡

Here’s a timeline to see just how real (first part is in Spanish, scroll down to see English translation)

[skippyv20]

Spotlight on Markus Anderson + SOHO House

Hi Skippy & Friends-Pilgrim here thinking it is ABOUT TIME an intense spotlight unearths the truth of what has been going on at SOHO Houses since their beginning in London. We do know their specially designed wallpaper that looked like flowers was really private body parts up close. We have read and deducted that Markle basically lived in them, having her own place to store luggage in London. Didn’t JH describe in Spare being taken thru secret hallways to get to her door? Together Markus & Markle, who act like friends with hot benefits in photos, enjoy playing gaslighting games together. It seems he can go either way as it has been written he had a fling with Edward Enniful-who did the disastrous Vogue issue with Markle and is just now retiring as the editor-in-chief of British Vogue. As for her, well, she sends wedding rings back in manila envelopes saying it’s over while having been living with the new guy and is in the process of moving onto the next victim. She changes religion with a snap of her fingers. Don’t forget all those foreign business trips to famous playgrounds on yachts in-between, proudly photographed and presented on her Tig site as if she was on her own dime- sure Jan. 6 degrees of separation with this group is more like 2.

We do know that Markus Anderson was born in Ontario, not far from a private school a 17-year-old Randy Andy attended for one semester. (Hmmmmm-dare I wonder about the older, half-brother/cousin possibility?) Anderson started impressing the bosses at Toronto’s SOHO House and is now their global membership director helping drive the company’s international expansion. He was/is? the guy rich patrons called looking for easy, classy, hook-ups. From the U.S. Sun, “He started working for the company as a waiter but quickly moved up through the ranks, turning his hand to practically every position at the company on his way up the ladder. The stylish chap is the right-hand man to company CEO Nick Jones and personally crafts the guest lists to some of the biggest celebrity parties - including an annual Oscars bash. He was named one of Toronto Life’s 50 Most Influential in 2014.”

We do know he and Markle have been in cahoots for years, (she went to Toronto for Suits in 2011) travelling together often. I have so many questions about this man it’s not funny. He was photographed at the Montecito polo fields babysitting a weird acting Markle, seemingly calming down tempers after a huge fight. He was THE one ushering Markle closer to Prince Harry, be it polo matches in the UK, parties with international magnates or the 2017 Invictus Games. He was one of 4 who was in the IG’s suite waiting for the prince to come up and say a formal GOODBYE to Meghan but instead, was met by Doria who told PH what was reeeallly going to happen. He was the one who gladly showed up at her half million-dollar, bogus baby shower in Manhattan to take her out to dinner. She told the paps what door to be at and they were photographed as she walked out NOT wearing the huge baby bump she sported when she arrived! He is the one who babysat her now orphaned dogs staying behind in Canada. He was around so much many said he was living with them starting on Vancouver Island. I even think Archie looks just like HIM! I’m referring to the child shown off with Rev. Tutu and reading the Duck/Rabbit book. This whole dang thing stinks to high heaven.

Yes, shine a big spotlight on this man and company. If short sellers discover there is not enough to sure up the value of their stocks…well then SELL!!!

Thank you Pilgrim!  Great post!!!!❤️

[regan-thatslife]

ages of dance moms dancers by each competition season:

i have been on a dance moms kick recently, and i thought it would be interesting to put into perspective the ages these girls were competing each season! i go by age of jan 1st of the year of the season :))

i am also only counting dancers who were members of the aldc team at some point, including dancers like nicaya who went to multiple studios during their time on the show

season 1:

elite team:

6: kenzie, vivi anne

8: maddie

9: chloe, nia

10: paige

12: brooke

guests:

15: brandon

season 2:

elite team:

7: kenzie

9: maddie, kendall

10: chloe, nia

11: paige

13: brooke

guests:

14: payton, nick, katherine

16: nina, auriel

(all in land unforgiving besides peyton and nick)

season 3:

elite team:

7: asia

8: kenzie

10: maddie, kendall

11: chloe, nia

12: paige

14: brooke

new team/guests:

10: sophia

11: bella

12: kaeli

13: ally

15: payton, nick

season 4

elite team:

9: kenzie

11: maddie, kendall

12: chloe, nia

13: paige, kalani

15: brooke

select team:

8: sarah h

9: tea

11: ava

12: chloe n

13: kamryn, sarah r

14: jade

guests:

11: fallon

12: nicaya

13: gino, kaleigh c (seven dwarfs dance)

season 5:

elite team:

10: kenzie

11: jojo

12: maddie, kendall

13: nia

14: kalani

guests:

9: sarah h

11: brynn

14: sarah e

season 6:

elite team:

11: kenzie

12: jojo, brynn

13: maddie, kendall

14: nia

15: kalani

mini team:

6: peyton

7: lilliana, kendyl

8: alexus, elliana

9: alysa

10: areana

guests:

7: coco

9: rihanna

10: blake h (straight outta pittsburg), sarah h, romeo b (the champ)

11: kaylee, saryna j (the champ), jayden b (the champ)

13: kenneth s (straight outta pittsburgh)

14: yadiel (scary sweetheart+other groups), jalen p (nia trio)

14/15?: daylen t (straight outta pittsburgh)

15: will s (bag borrow steal+other groups)

not sure: simeon j (nia trio)

season 7:

elite team:

8: lilliana

9: elliana

11: maesi

13: brynn

14: kendall, camryn, daviana

15: nia, chloe

16: kalani

mini team (minus ellie and lilly):

7: peyton

9: alexus

11: areana

guests:

11: reagan

14: jane d (blush&bashful)

not sure: darrion s (where have all the children gone)

season 8:

7: kamryn

10: lilliana, berkleigh

11: sarah, paris, elliana, savannah

12: pressley

13: brady, gianina, hannah

[hils79]

Hils Watches Only Friends - Ep 6

Halfway through already!

Excellent episode title. I'm sure this is going to go well.

I half expected Top to turn evil and leave Mew once they had sex but nope they are still sickeningly in love

Aww I love that for them!

I love that even after having sex with Top, Mew still is under no illusions about their relationship. I mean I'm assuming at some point someone is going to show him the video of Top and Boston having sex in Boston's car but still he's not all 'you've changed and I know we'll be together forever'

I legit forgot they're still in school

Sure, Jan.

I can't work out if at some point we're going to get a tragic backstory for why Boston is like this, or if he's just here to be the antagonist.

Oh, now it's Mew's birthday? I assumed the episode title was about Sand who also just had a birthday.

Thank you, Nick.

Oh, hey, it's Drake again! I wasn't expecting to see him beyond one of Boston's many casual hookups

Oh HE'S the dude who sneakily recorded him that he mentioned in the previous episode. Yeah, fuck of Drake that's not cool.

Unsure if this is part of the plot or just an ad for LASIK

Oh, yeah, I also forgot these two have beef

(Now pausing the episode to find out why having conflict with someone is called having beef)

Londoners used to cry “hot beef!” (rhymes with: “stop thief!”) to raise the alarm in a touch-and-go situation. “Beef” came to be equated with “to shout”, and it evolved from there to represent what we know it as in its modern form.

I haven't said this for a while but BRO DON'T DO IT!

Huh! I assumed he was going to send the recording to Mew but he gave it to Ray instead. I guess Ray can tell Mew? And then be in with a shot himself? Ray does not deserve Sand.

Wow you are actually the worst

Kind of hope Ray punches Boston in every episode now

BRO DON'T DO IT!

Oh my god he's going to fuck up everyone's relationships. DUUUUUDE!

So he outed everyone's secrets except the fact that Top and Boston fucked, because he didn't want Mew to be sad. God, he is such a mess.

PLEASE

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Mew took Top home, initiated sex and then played the video right in the middle of it. HE'S HAD IT THIS WHOLE TIME! Mew might be the most stone cold of everyone in this drama! Damn, son!

Ray told him and gave him the video even before the whole drunking assholery! Wow!

Holy shit look at his face! This is awful but also amazing where is my popcorn?

Absolutely devastating

That was awful but also so fucking good!

[blackjackkent]

Poking at Jaheira and Rasaad dialogue from Baldur's Gate 2 to get their voices more in my head for fic writing... some of my favorite bits from the wiki that I didn't get in Caden's playthrough:

Jaheira: You musn't let yourself get so wounded, Aerie. I won't always be around to bandage you, you know. Aerie: I'm a healer too, Jaheira. Jaheira: And what good are your spells now? You should be more frugal and not cast them all at once. Aerie: Y-yes, ma'am. Jaheira: And don't stutter; it doesn't become you.

Jaheira: I see you are hurt, child. I will carry what extra I can if it will lighten your load. Aerie: I am not weak, Jaheira, and you were as likely to be hurt as I! Jaheira: I have more experience in battle, Aerie. Any wound I received might have killed you comparatively. Aerie: So you say, but I shall not learn avoidance of such by cowering behind you.

Dorn: You have fire. I respect that. But I warn you, druid: Attempt to poison me again and you will not see the next sunrise. Jaheira: What nonsense are you babbling? Dorn: This concoction. You neglected to account for my orc blood. Next time, try something more potent. Jaheira: Do not be ridiculous. I am a druid, not an assassin. Dorn: Then how do you explain this vile brew? Jaheira: It is a mixture of myrtle and willow— Dorn: IT IS POISON. Jaheira: Drink it, Il-Khan. Or next time I will leave your wounds untended.

Jan: You know, Jaheira, in all our travels, your smile has eluded me. Jaheira: Oh, come now. Certainly I reserve my emotions for matters of great import, but... Jan: That is the thing. Perhaps I have moved you on occasion, but any fleeting glimmer of a smile is gone before it properly lights the room. Jaheira: Well, have you a relative that might remedy the situation Jan: Eh, perhaps illustrating the horror of unappreciated storytelling? Well... I had an Uncle Richard that tried to bring nude theater to a festival in Waterdeep...Exposure is usually good for an actor's career, but even so, a cold reception for the play caused the cast to shrink steadily. Blackballed, my uncle tried to recruit from the thieves' guild, but they wouldn't let their nick-ers go."Just bare with me," he would say, but they were afraid of being stripped of their dignity. He gave up the lead to attract new members, and eventually the production's genius was uncovered, even with his part left out. Jaheira: Ah... Jan: Verdict? Jaheira: Not... one of your best. *snicker* Jan: They can't all take the brass ring. Jaheira: Keep trying? Jan: I will if you will, my dear.

Keldorn: So this is home to your mysterious Harpers, is it Jaheira: Less and less mysterious with every day of your scrutiny, Lord Keldorn. Had I my choice, I would rather none but me were here at all. Keldorn: Then I thank the gods you do not have your choice more often. Your opinions run often towards the brash, my dear. Jaheira: I am Harper, Keldorn, I am discreet when I wish. I just find other methods to be... more effective. Now, may I suggest you keep your next thoughts to yourself? Keldorn: Ah... yes... aye, m'lady.

Korgan: That's a fine wooden staff you've there, woman. Tell me, ye crack acorns with it? Or call some rarebit friends to frolic with ye? Jaheira: Nature's servant makes no judgment on the woodlands. Your tone betrays you, Korgan. Korgan: Perhaps ye could summon a horde of squirrels to take the day, or make a lovely leaf stew? Make sure ye and yer twig be of some use, though that use be lost on me. Jaheira: A great many things are lost to you, I would think.

Jaheira: My injuries sting, but I think it is mostly my pride that hurts. But we did well enough in our last battle, did we not? I'll wager we may outlive the season if we are careful. Mazzy: That we might, though this was surely but a small scuffle. Our battles will loom larger as we garner more enemies. Jaheira: You do not seem worried at this prospect. Mazzy: Our virtue will guide the way. We shall not falter.

Minsc: Oh! Squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts! Jaheira: Minsc, could you please maintain a little grace while in nature's presence? Sometimes I simply do not know how you came by your title of ranger. Minsc: Do you wish me dour and sour like most others? No, I say not. The animals run and play without care, and I would too... if such a thing would not squish Boo flat. Jaheira: But your duties are serious things, Minsc. Do you realize that? Minsc: I am very serious! Boo would not let me shirk my duties! I would not want to shirk anything! No, ma'am, no shirking! Jaheira: Admirable, Minsc, but you use that word like you don't know what it means. Minsc: Eh, well... no... but it sounds sharp and painful, and I always reserve such things for freaks that might steal those squirrels' nuts! Jaheira: Good job, Minsc. You keep it up.

Jaheira: Well, little Nalia, it would seem you have grown quite accustomed to the power you now wield. Nalia: Why do you bring this up now, Jaheira? You have that tone in your voice again. Jaheira: "That" tone? I do not understand what you mean. Nalia: Yes, you do. It's that "time for an unnecessary lecture" tone that means you are about to caution me on the use of the power I have earned. Jaheira: I see. And what do you think the outcome of such a conversation would be? Nalia: Well, I believe that I would tell you I have found my true calling, that you should probably butt out, and that I would really prefer you to refrain from calling me "little Nalia." Jaheira: Determined to do good works no matter what the world thinks, is that the gist of it? Nalia: Yes, that would be the gist of it. Jaheira: Then I agree that the lecture would be unnecessary. I need say nothing. Nalia: You... what? Thank you, Jaheira.

Jaheira: I am curious, Neera. What does a wild surge feel like? Neera: It depends. I never know what to expect. The surges are all different from each other. How does it feel when you cast spells? Jaheira: Not the same, I am sure. I may feel wrath if the nature of my spell is violent, or calm if it is for healing. Beneath it all, I feel a oneness with nature that never changes. Neera: Maybe it's not so different after all. Jaheira: Why? You have this sense of oneness when you use magic? Neera: Sort of. My mind becomes part of... something. What, I don't know—I don't think it's nature. The Weave, I guess? Or maybe chaos? But yeah, it's kind of like "oneness," except it seems more like I'm looking at it through a window. When my magic is working properly, anyway. Jaheira: And when it's not? Neera: A wild surge is like that window shattering into a million pieces of glass. Jaheira: That sounds... unsafe. Neera: I don't mind. If you've been indoors a long time, sometimes you like the feel of a cold gust of wind. Jaheira: We are not talking about wind and windows. We are talking about power and your mind. Be careful of that glass.

Neera: Ohmigosh. Oh, Jaheira, I am so, so sorry! Jaheira: What have you to apologize for? Neera: A lot of things, actually, like the time I lit your hair on fire or the time I elbowed you in the stomach trying to get out of your way or— Jaheira: What have you to apologize for NOW? Neera: I just realized—I never said I was sorry about Khalid. Jaheira: Thank you, Neera. I appreciate that. Neera: I liked Khalid; he was nice. He made me soup once, when we were in Bridgefort.Come to think of it, it was REALLY GOOD soup. You wouldn't happen to know the recipe, would you?Er. Never mind. Not the time.

Viconia: Tell me, Harper, who was who with your parentage? Father the darthiir, mother the rivvil? Or father human, mother elven? It's always confusing with crossbred mongrels. Jaheira: Two people in love, swine. A rain not likely to soak your parade of scabbed obscenity anytime soon.

Voghiln: Come on. Just a little peck on the cheek. What's the harm in that? Jaheira: It'll be in my husband's fists if he finds out about it. Voghiln: Vot? Your husband raises his hand to you? This is not acceptable. Jaheira: No, you idiot. He'll raise his hand to you. And then bring it down on you, over and over again, like a hammer from the heavens. Voghiln: Oh, he'd hit ME? Ja, this makes more sense.

Rasaad: Forgive me, Jaheira, but I do not understand. I thought you a champion of goodness. You say you are not? Jaheira: There is no good in nature, nor evil, either. The wolf devours the rabbit. Is this good or evil, do you think? Rasaad: Well... neither, I suppose. Jaheira: You monks sit in libraries, perusing musty tomes about good and evil. I do not make such distinctions. My world - the natural world - simply is. Rasaad: An... interesting perspective. I shall have to think upon it. Jaheira: Perhaps you could find a book to help clear the matter up. Rasaad: An excellent idea. Have you any suggest... oh. You are teasing me now, yes? Jaheira: There may be hope for you yet, Rasaad.

Aerie: The weather is turning. Rasaad: It is a little chilly. Aerie: If we didn't have bad weather, we'd never appreciate it when it was good. You taught me that. Rasaad: I did? Aerie: Without the dark, how does one recognize the light?

Rasaad: I admire your devotion, Cernd. Cernd: My devotion? Rasaad: To nature. Has your faith in the Mother ever been tested? Cernd: Winds may sway the trunk, but this oak's roots are buried deep. Rasaad: What happens when the storm tears the tree from its holdings? What then? Cernd: When it happens—if it happens—another tree will take its place. Life goes on, Rasaad. Forever and always.

Edwin: Your head is very smooth, monk. Tell me, are you naturally bald? Rasaad: No. I shave it each day. Edwin: You shave it yourself, do you? Tell me, how do you do that? Rasaad: Surely you know how to shave. Edwin: Of course I know how to shave my own head, you impudent baboon!Uh, I merely seek to add to my considerable knowledge on the subject. So tell me—how do you shave your head? Rasaad: Having the correct tools helps. Come, I'll show you what I use.

Haer'Dalis: Yours is a story as old as time, but still as enthralling as the first time it was told. Rasaad: I am fairly sure my story is mine and mine alone. How could you have heard of it before? Haer'Dalis: The narrative shares many similarities with great plays and poems from times past. A stalwart soldier of light, his beliefs thrown into question by forces beyond his control, seeking revenge against those forces in an attempt to right that which was wronged. Classic. Rasaad: I see. And how do these other stories end? Haer'Dalis: The endings are many and varied, Rasaad, but all share one element. Rasaad: Which is? Haer'Dalis: Tragedy.

Hexxat: Still suspicious, Rasaad? Don't you think if I wanted your blood, I'd have taken it by now? Rasaad: Perhaps you are just biding your time, waiting for the right moment to strike. Hexxat: Rest easy. I would never partake of a friend of <CHARNAME>—at least, not uninvited. It would be... discourteous. Rasaad: Courtesy is not something I'd expect from a vampire. Hexxat: It is, however, something I'd expect from a Selûnite monk. Expectations are such slippery things, aren't they?

Imoen: What do you think? Rasaad: About what, Imoen? Imoen: My hair, dummy. What do you think? Rasaad: Has it changed? Imoen: YES! Look at it. Does it LOOK the same? Rasaad: I... yes? Imoen: You could at least TRY lying convincingly. Rasaad: You would have me lie to you? Imoen: Forget it. Don't worry about it. Rasaad: Have I done something wrong? Imoen: If you have to ask, then yeah, you probably have.

Mazzy: Take heart, Rasaad! The day is fine and our victories plentiful. Melancholy ill suits you. Rasaad: You mistake contemplation for melancholy. Do not be deceived. I am glad of our success. Mazzy: Your eyes tell a different story. Whatever demons you wrestle with, my friend, know that we stand steadfast behind you. Rasaad: I appreciate that, Mazzy, truly. But there is nothing to worry about.

Rasaad: You are always impeccably dressed, Nalia, yet I rarely see you shop for clothes. Nalia: I've always been good with a needle—one of the few skills Aunt Delcia managed to successfully impart, much to her chagrin. Rasaad: You sew your own garments? Nalia: Do not sound so surprised. Sewing relaxes me. It keeps the hands busy while letting the mind work. It's really not all that hard, once you get the basics down. The rest is just practice. Rasaad: And a little magic, I presume? Nalia: Here and there, Rasaad. Here and there.

Minsc: Friend Rasaad, I have a question, and Boo is being most uncooperative. What is a honeymoon? Rasaad: After two people are joined in marriage, they are provided with mead for a month in order to... ah... grow comfortable with one another. Minsc: So there are no bees? Rasaad: I have never been married, so I would not know. Jaheira: I can assure you, children, there are no bees on a honeymoon. Minsc: I shall take your word for it. Boo's answer involved both bees and birds. It was... confusing.

[hatchetfieldtheories]

Hatchetfield Theories: Nerdy Prudes Must Die

(As of 12th Jan)

Right all, it is time.

I've been putting this off until the new year due to being extensively ill but I'm now ready to post my - most likely incorrect - theories about Nerdy Prudes Must Die.

Honestly, I'm starting to think its more entertaining when I'm completely wrong.

As a reminder these are all just my theories based on what we have had so far from Starkid and previous HF installments. I'm definitely not considering being accurate and most is just speculative.

I'm splitting this down into sections:

Storyline

Characters

Lore insights

Other

1 - Storyline

When the biggest losers at Hatchetfield High unwittingly complete an ancient, evil ritual, they unleash an all- powerful, angry spirit with a grudge against nerds. That’s when Stephanie Lauter, Grace Chasity, and a cast of social rejects must fight to save themselves and nerdy prudes everywhere. But can any of them survive the fury of a bully from beyond the grave?

I think the biggest question regarding the storyline is how does the angry spirit come into being, and well - ancient, evil ritual is definitely going to be from the Black Book right? We've seen rituals indicated in the book before - notably this one:

That is a ritual if I ever did see one.

With this, there is the implication of who in this group of losers has the Gift. One of them surely must unknowingly have it in order to accidentally activate an ancient ritual. Or maybe they all do? And that is why the evil bully from beyond the grave wants their souls.

In terms of how the ancient ritual is activated, my guess would be that its due to the "losers" wishing for better or to be better in some way. In High School is Killing Me we see in Nick's words 'high schoolers lamenting their miserable existence", and in Cool As I Think I Am, we get Pete's lines:

But what if all my thoughts

Were stronger?

What if my beliefs

Were taller?

What if I were king of the hill?

Captain of the team?

Oooh dear Peter. You're expressing a Want in a Hatchetfield musical - never a great idea. That's how the Monstars get you. (If you get that joke you get a prize!)

2 - Characters

Max:

Literal Monster involves all the nerds of Hatchetfield High singing about Max in a way only equalled by Regina George.

One time, Max stole my soul. It was awesome.

I am assuming Max is the big bully who comes back from beyond the grave - which unless someone can correct me (and please do!!!) - I think is still an assumption at this point, albeit a reasonable one. But if that is the case, then Max must die at some point early in the show, specifically murdered. This would explain why Karen is a "murder suspect". Additionally could be a reason why Max is the "enemy of nerdy prudes" - perhaps it was a nerdy prude who killed him.

Grace:

I think Grace will get a love interest and Best of You will be her song either to or with said person.

I wanted, i needed, the kind of love from someone else

I believe in you, you believe in me

My theory is this is Grace's song because "the kind of love from someone else" feels like a reference to religious, god given love. And the use of the word "believe" also gives me religious connotations.

3 - Lore Insights:

Holloduke:

Yeah, I too think its very possible we get Holloduke in this show. Whether its in crumbs or more fully integrated into the story.

The only counter to this possibility I can think of is whether Starkid would want the same two people playing two different couples in the same show.

But if we get only one of them, its more likely to be Miss H. If I am right that the ancient ritual comes from the Black Book it makes sense for her to be in the show. Plus she could be at the school like she is at the end of Killer Track - Duke feels less likely with this group of teens.

Hatchet Town:

I definitely think we'll get some more lore about Hatchetfield itself and the song Hatchet Town is absolutely boggling my brain. Particularly the following lines:

Before the lockdown

Larry on a murder spree and that changed the town.

who stepped on our hallowed ground

The song demo talks about how great Hatchetfield used to be, sunshine, rainbows, kids safe on the street. And then a change. A lockdown, a murder spree, a dude named Larry.

Do I think we'll get confirmation on the intricacies of why Hatchetfield is such a special town? No. But Nick said a whole verse was cut for the livestream as it contained spoilers so I do think we'll get some more crumbs in this song about Hatchetfield's weirdness.

Suddenly this show is upsetting

Starkid breaking the 4th wall in a Hatchetfield musical - groundbreaking. I jest, but out of context this is definitely a line to add to the "these shows are fictional within universe and the Black and White is the writing on the pages of the script" theories - so I am very curious what the context of this line will be.

Finally, a small hint that we're going to find out more about the town is that we are getting two characters who are a realtor and the mayor. I feel like if anyone would know about the strange goings on in Hatchetfield, it would be the people in charge of and buying/selling the properties.

Lords in Black:

This was the first musical written or at least envisioned, so I think it might be possible that we don't see or get any explicit reference to a Lord in Black. I think we may see evidence of their influence through the angry spirit, kind of like Car!Jane and Evil!Ethan - something that has gone through the Black and White after death. And come back different.

My main resoning here is that I can't really place any of Spooky Spice and the Gang into this based on what we know of them so far, so if we do get any of them explicitly either we will be learning something new about their intentions with Hatchetfield or possibly even a new being all together.

4 - Other Fun Bits:

PEIP:

Fun Fact: I say PEIP in my head the same way the Pen Pineapple Apple Pen fella says PPAP and I can't unhear it.

Back in Jon's TGDLM and Black Friday watch parties he mentioned that Nick said "Theres a PEIP joke for every hatchetfield musical"

It would make sense that PEIP make an appearance in this show, we have seen them face the Extraterrestrial and the Interdimensional. And now we're getting the Paranormal. Surely PEIP will follow.

Does this necessarily mean Mac? No. But it would make sense for Bryce's HFPD officer to have a military counterpart to butt heads with.

Or maybe we'll hear neither head nor tail of them. Not even a peep.

Clivesdale:

Is this wishful thinking? Yes. But I would be OVER THE MOON if we got some hint to what is up with Clivesdale. I have my theories, and I definitely think there is something more to those folks across the bridge.

-

So I think that's it for now. But what do you think? Anything you disagree with? Anything additional you think we may see?

[writerobscura]

Heartstopper Season 2, Episode 1

Yeah, lots of us bisexual ladies are laddish and sporty and we get called lesbians. 0_o

PLEASE keep in mind that my worldview may not be the same as yours - nor are we the same age (I guarantee it!) The way I enjoy Heartstopper may not be the way you do--but neither of us is wrong, and if you take issue with how I interact with the show as a fan, it's YOUR ISSUE and I don't care.

My live watch impressions under the cut:

It’s astounding how much height Nick gained in 24 hours. Those Kentish growth spurts should be studied by scientists.

This scene alone was worth sitting through this entire sexless montage.

Issac finally put the smackdown on Tao’s anti-Nick stance. I was waiting for that page-turning hand to swipe the back of that head.

Sure Jan.

The Hopechest in all his glory.

46? That’s his band size. Not complaining.

Wow, the Hopechest starting shit early in the game. There best be an ass-kicking in his future.

Yes, you are Mr. Farouk, and you can spank me with that ruler anytime you see fit.

Hey, at least they're not fisting at school.

Hey Darce, that shit was iconically hilarious.

His game is so strong when he’s not playing.

Never take a book from a bibliophile’s hands. You’re just inviting homicide. ALSO – bitch don’t lie, we know you can dance—we all saw you at London Pride.

THIS IS WHAT AN ALLY LOOKS LIKE, ‘KAY DARCE?

Meme-able for sure...

I am so glad the hanky-panky panels made it into the show. ALSO, why did Charlie’s dad get hotter this season?

Tori’s response to cringe idioms are peak television

[astreetcarnamedkendall]

some random thoughts i've had during this reread of the great gatsby:

obsessed with how after describing his encounter in the elevator with mr. mckee nick just uses ellipses to randomly say he was standing by mckee's bedside (who was in his own bed in just his underwear) and then suddenly jumps to him falling asleep in the lower level of Penn Station .... like nick let's be serious here.... you DIDNT think it would be slightly eyebrow raising to write it Like That?

i love the line "reading over what I have written so far I see I have given the impression that the events of three nights several weeks apart were all that absorbed me" and then says they were actually just very "casual events" .... nick again let's be serious here. this has the energy of someone saying "no i don't care at all it's fine" but it's really Not Fine. like you write and pay attention to what you care about - even if it's unconscious - like let's take a second and think (which is so interesting because he spends so much time obsessing over gatsby but alright). you're the most honest man you know ... sure jan

[shads-shipposts]

So, my sailor fic Anachronism won't be released in full until at least 2029 due to other projects in my neverending queue, but! There's a profound lack of Karaboudjan crew content on this site and I feel like rectifying that. Plus I haven't cursed this hellsite with my nonsense in ages, and that's gotta be fixed.

So, here's a touch-up/completion of something I'm fairly certain I posted a while back. Ch 2 of Anachronism, called Run and Gun! It takes place the morning of the Tintin movie's beginning, but don't worry about not having chapter 1 to read yet. Honestly, things will probably make less sense if you read chapter one. Plus I haven't written it yet.

All you need to know is Anachronism involves a literal self-insert (I get sucked into the movie) but with the twist of its actually the same universe as one of my old Tintin fanfics that was never finished. Hence why Allan is after me, he's got bits of memory missing and ain't happy about it. Also, being a black belt ain't made up. I trained for 4 1/2 years and got it in 2019. This story takes place in 2020, specifically Jan 1.

Enough ramble, on with the show! Depending on the reception, I may post more book snippets as I go along. So be sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed! Or if you have thoughts on characterization, it's been a while since I've written with these guys.

CW: Langauge, minor peril, utter chaos

Word Count: 3700

---------------------------

“Catch that kid! I want her alive!”

Well ain’t this dandy? All I wanted to do was sketch the ship, now I’m in a run and gun chase scene! This is what I get for being curious!

At least this was just a dream, so I couldn’t really get hurt.

Right?

Usually my dream would have shifted into something unhinged by now. Things were too stable, too realistic. Too… what was the word? Linear.

Footsteps came quick behind me, and close. Blackbelt or not, running was not my forte. My fighting style was quick and brutal, so I never had to worry about stamina. Fights were only supposed to last a few seconds, otherwise they were brawls.

I was not trained for that.

I just really hoped it wasn’t Allan right behind me. He had questions, and to be fair I had a hell of a lot of my own, but I didn’t think he’d be keen on sitting down and having a calm chat about them.

I risked a glance behind me.

Not Allan, or any other sailor I recognized, but a young guy. No older than me, or taller, but probably faster.

“No hard feelin’, doll!” he called. “Boss wants you back, so I’m takin’ ya back!”

“Ain’t you precious!” I retorted, anger sparking through me at the nickname. “Call me that again and I’ll drop your ass!”

“That fire won’t do you any favors with the boss!”

“And your smooth talk won’t do you any favors with me!”

I had to lose this guy, he was getting close.

Spotting a brick wall maybe eight feet high, I changed course and headed straight for it. Hopefully this young fella couldn’t vault walls like I could.

Let’s see if all that self taught parkour pays off!

Jumping at the wall, right foot first, the treads of my boot caught the rough brick and I propelled myself over the obstacle. I landed in a puddle, but at least I was gone from the bad side of the wall.

“Oh what the hell?!”

Ha! Lost him!

“Nick! Where’d she go?”

“She vaulted the wall!”

Well, that was no good. That sounded like Neil, and he could probably toss Nick over the wall.

Time to make like my name and vanish!

Spying an open door, I darted inside a warehouse and climbed up behind some crates. I was careful to not put myself into a corner, however, because I knew my harsh breathing would give myself away. I could control it decently well, but even still.

My reprieve was horrifically short lived.

Voices, inside the warehouse.

“Those footprints led in here.”

Damn puddle.

“Be careful, fellas. She’s feisty!” came Nick’s laugh.

“Anyone would be annoyed to deal with you,” another sailor snorted. “Remember, boss wants her alive. Preferably unharmed, but use force to get her down if needed.”

Oh, it’s gonna be needed.

Noise came from my right, and I turned in anticipation as I waited for the sailor to show himself. He sure was making a lot of noise, and I thought I even heard a crate tumble down to the floor.

The reason for all the excess noise soon revealed itself.

“Gotcha!” Nick laughed, arms wrapping around my middle. He hauled me up and towards himself, but that gave me an idea.

Throwing all my weight back into him, he yelped and we both tumbled backwards, heels over head, down the tall stack of crates. Something that should have hurt like the dickens, but didn’t.

This was a dream after all.

Down we went, Nick having a much worse time than me. It was a long way to the cobblestone floor, the sailor who made all the noise rushing to beat us to the bottom where another sailor waited. I didn’t recognize them, so I didn’t feel too bad when I kicked off the pile of crates and launched us both into the legs into one sailor as he darted below us to grab me.

He went down, he and Nick ending up in tangled a pile of sore limbs, leaving me free to spring free and ready myself to square up with the remaining sailor.

Though I honestly wished he would have been the one Nick currently struggled to detangle himself from. I’d faced off some big guys in karate, but this fella was on another level.

Leverage. I’d have to use leverage.

In a way that did not anger this big guy.

“Little girl has skill,” he remarked in a thick Russian accent, giving me a smile that was surprisingly more good-natured than sinister. “But sadly will not make safe.”

“Get ‘er, Ollie!”

Diving into a shoulder roll, I sprang up and immediately changed direction and dove into another one just as his arms closed over the spot I just was. I darted out the door, immediately slamming into another sailor and taking us into the street.

I could not catch a break!

A car horn sounded, but before I could react, the sailor I ran into snatched the back of my jeans’ waistband and rolled us out of the way to the other side of the street. I kicked off with my legs, aiding him the best I could.

Neither of us were gonna be able to fight if we both got flattened by multiple tons of steel.

Angry yelling followed from the driver, but I didn’t really have the time to say sorry as I found myself locked in a grappling match with the sailor who saved both our skins.

Why couldn’t the other black belts have just ignored the awkwardness and taught me grappling?! I didn’t know dick about this!

But I did know one thing.

As an arm came down and tried to loop around my neck, I bared my teeth and sank them into his bare arm.

It tasted like sweat, dirt, sea-water, and engine grease.

Not that I knew what the last tasted like.

“Youch!” a semi-familiar voice yelled, quickly releasing his hold on me.

Diving away, I sprang up but stopped in horror as I found myself staring down a dead-end alley. Spinning around into a right fighting-stance, guard up and front leg ready to strike, I finally saw the sailor I’d nearly gotten run over.

Neil knelt on the ground, blocking my way out as he nursed his wounded arm. I hadn’t bitten too hard, more concerned with just getting free via surprise, so all he had to worry about was spit and a bruise. Inspecting the bite mark, he then looked up at me with an expression halfway between amusement and shock.

“You just bite me, Shortie?”

“Well pardon me for wantin’ to escape!”

He snorted in amusement, a partial smile on his face. “Apology accepted, but afraid I can’t grant that escape.”

As if on cue, more sailors joined him at the entrance to the alley. Hobbs, Tom, Ollie, Nick, the unnamed sailor Nick fell on, and…

“Shit,” I hissed, locking eyes with Allan.

“What’s the rush?” he asked. “It’s rude to not say goodbye, kid.”

That easy-going and nonthreatening smile don’t fool me, Al.  Tom’s the Golden Retriever, not you. You’re a German Shepherd with anger management issues or some shit.

Nick and the unnamed sailor stood on either side of the entrance, looking the opposite directions as they presumably kept a look out for any passersby. The others moved into the alley, pushing me further back.

Hobbs laughed, looking me up and down. “What’re we all standin’ around for? She’s not so tough, watch!”

He came forward, reaching for my arm. I waited until he got just close enough, subtly shifting my weight to my left leg, before letting it fly.

It caught him in the chest, knocking him off his feet and back towards the group.

“Nice strike,” Ollie said, arms crossed and stance relaxed as Neil erupted into laughter.

“Don’t encourage her!” Hobbs spat, slowly staggering to his feet.

“Looks like we got a martial artist on our hands, boys,” Allan remarked, looking me up and down. “No wonder they felt so safe takin’ a stroll down the docks.”

Not my brightest idea, but even in a dream I can gather ideas.

“Now I get why you said it was reflex after you smacked me in the face,” Neil said, still laughing at a wounded Hobbs.  

“Sad to say, kid, all that fancy dojo-learnin’ won’t do you much good here on the street. But we can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Allan said, tone now conversational and even charismatic in a way. “Up to you.”

Of course he’d switch to charming and agreeable now, he had me cornered. Ol’ good cop bad cop, except Allan Thompson played both roles. Good trick, scare someone out of their wits then act all friendly so they would be more likely to cooperate and “make it easier for everyone”.

Unfortunately, I never in my life “made it easy” for anyone and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna start now.  

“All we need from you is some answers,” Allan continued, stance relaxed and arms loose by his sides.

“You and me both,” I muttered.

The way you shift from threatening to trustworthy is amazing, sir. Were you not out for blood, I’d study you like a prison psychologist.

“Quit fightin’,” Hobbs growled, coming up on the right. “You’re just gonna get yourself hurt.” He emphasized his words by pulling a blade out.

I ain’t the one that got Sparta-kicked just a minute ago.

“No need for violence,” Allan called over to him, but he said nothing about sheathing the blade. He looked back over at me. “I’d suggest playin’ nice, kid. No more of that warehouse nonsense, these fellas won’t be as easy to deal with as the new guy.”

“Drop the act, Allan,” I growled. “You and I both know that sweet talkin’ is empty and I ain’t so stupid as to be charmed by honeyed words like that.”

His expression changed, the easy-going smile shifting to something not quite sinister but definitely not friendly. “We’re gettin’ those answers, kid. One way or another.” His tone darkened. “You want to play rough, we can play rough.”

Hobbs flanked his right with a blade, Neil his left with nothing but his bare hands. Tom stood back, waiting and watching the scene unfold with sharp eyes and a hand on his hip close to what I knew to be a firearm.

“Four corners, huh?” I asked, shifting into a ready stance with my weight on my toes. “A gun, a knife, and fists. All I need is a kicker. You good at round-house kicks, Allan?”

He didn’t say anything, still bearing that dangerous smile that sent shivers down my spine yet also brought a similar smile to my own face.

“Think this is a game?” Hobbs demanded.

I flashed a toothy grin his way. “Play ball, bitch.”

Allan shrugged. “If you insist.”

Hobbs came first, blade aimed for my leg. A simple horse stance to horse stance paired with a wrist throw took care of him.

Neil was next, swinging wide with a haymaker that didn’t make much sense but he’d already proved enigmatic in his methods so I didn’t spend time questioning him. I just stepped in, blocked the punch on the inside of his arm, and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck. By a stroke of luck, I threw him into Hobbs and they both went down.

But now I found myself facing Tom, or rather, not facing him.

He locked me in a bear hug from behind, but unlucky for him this was one of the easiest attacks to break.

Drive my heel onto the top of his foot, punch out and step into a horse stance to break the hold, elbow to the gut to wind him, grab the arm, kneel, bend, and flip.

Tom fell hard onto the cobblestones in front of me, arm trapped in an armbar, but as I drew back a fist to strike his ribs, I found myself unable to commit.

Instead, I threw his arm away and dove into a shoulder roll to escape before he could spring up and grab me.

But what was waiting for me was worse, and I sprang to my feet to find Allan’s pistol pointed straight at my chest.

He was in arms reach, and I knew how to disarm him, but I risked the trigger getting pulled and the bullet hitting one of the others. If I could just get him to shift slightly, then I only risked the wall getting hit.

Unless it ricocheted…

“Hey, what gives?” Hobbs groaned, cradling his wrist. “Why does Tom get let off easy?”

“Maybe because he didn’t try stabbin’ the kid!” Neil smacked him over the head. “What were you thinkin’, dickhead?!”

“I was just aimin’ for ‘er leg! I wouldn’t hit anythin’ vital!”

My attention slipped, focused on the bickering pair.

Allan immediately took advantage of the mistake.

“Tom.”

Act!

I stepped in, both hands grabbing the top of Allan’s and forcing the gun down. For some reason, it didn’t go off. Snatching it from his grasp, I slammed my foot into his gut and drove him back. The force sent him off his feet, just like Hobbs, but before he recovered I had the gun ready and aimed at him.

I’d never be able to pull the trigger, even with it just aimed at his foot, but I just hoped they wouldn’t know that.

Allan did notice, however, where I was aiming and where my finger was; resting along the barrel, far from the trigger. Still kneeling, his eyes traveled from the gun to me, slightly narrowed. Tom came up from the side, cautiously, but Allan stopped him with a hand.

“Why would you risk gettin’ shot to get the gun,” he asked, one hand over his stomach where I nailed him. He stood, eyes trained on mine. “Only to aim it somewhere that wouldn’t even stop your attacker?”

“Mind your business.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Considerin’ I have my gun aimed at my foot, think it is my business.”

“I ain’t lookin’ for a murder charge.”

Dream or no dream. Not that that is the whole reason.

“Did not stop you from trying to break neck in warehouse,” Ollie commented, still standing calm as could be near the front of the alley.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.”

He tilted his head. “You are not desperate. Dedicated to escape, but not desperately seeking.”

“Didn’t realize I was bein’ chased by a buncha shrinks.”

“He’s right, though,” Allan said. “You’ve not once been lethal. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“Sure was painful,” Hobbs grumbled, shaking his wrist.

Allan stepped closer, and I raised my gun to his arm.

He shook his head. “Again, not lethal.”

“Good trigger discipline,” Ollie commented.

“Won’t help.” Allan stepped closer again, hands still at his sides.

I still couldn’t bring myself to aim at his face. You never aimed a gun at something you didn’t intend to shoot. Aiming it anywhere near him was already breaking that rule.

Instead, I warned, “Back! Don’t test me, mate, I’ll pull this trigger.”

Lies. All of it lies.

I knew that… and so did Allan. We were in the 2011 movie, but I was not dealing with movie!Allan. I was dealing with some variant of the one I originally wrote with all those years ago, which was closer to the comics; smarter, more cunning, and a lot sharper than anything the movie even hinted at. The charismatic side was new, but very unwelcome. I didn’t know how to even begin thwarting it, and he fucking knew that.

“Come on, then.” He opened his arms. “Pull the trigger, kid. Shoot me down.”

I looked into his eyes, reading the challenge there clear as day. The moment I pulled the trigger and hit any part of him, the others would pounce. They’d already tried attacking separately once before; they would not make the same mistake twice.

We were both within striking range, both able to absolutely ruin the other’s day. But still we remained, unmoving, staring the other down. Locked in a battle of wits, a battle which neither party was going to give up easily. There was too much at stake to walk away.

We both wanted answers. The only question was… who wanted them more?

Tom stepped into my field of view, slowly. “Shadow, just drop the gun, yeah?” he tried, a hand reaching out. “Ya can’t hurt us.”

“Don’t mistake my inaction for inability,” I growled, not taking my eyes off Allan. “I know my way around a gun.”

“It’s not that. You don’t want to pull that trigger, trust me.”

Neil and Hobbs were cautiously approaching now too, staying back at a gesture from Allan. The first mate didn’t take his eyes from me, however.

They were way too calm considering I had a loaded gun. Or…

My eyes widened.

Did I?

Grabbing the slide, I aimed away from Allan and looked inside to find an empty chamber. Ejecting the clip, I found it to also be empty.

They weren’t scared of the gun because there was no reason to be scared of it. It was useless, unless I threw it at one of them. That wouldn’t do any good.

“You gotta be shittin’ me!” I whined, dropping the gun.

Allan reached out with his foot and slid the gun behind him, where Ollie picked it up. “Tough luck, kid.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled.

“It’d be best if ya just came with us,” Tom said, stepping forward only to stop when I shifted into a fighting stance and brought my guard up.

“Er, not a good idea,” Neil said, shaking his head. “Can’t win a boxin’ match wit’ Tom, Shortie. You got lucky he grabbed you. He usually just punches.”

“A, I’m taller than him,” I grumbled, gesturing at Hobbs and earning a venomous glare. “B, I know I can’t beat him.” I looked between the men, heart pounding against my ribs. “But I sure as hell can make you wish you left me alone.”

Dismay crossed Tom’s face. “Doesn’t ‘ave to be like this.”

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I prepared to go down fighting. “We both know it does. Unless you let me walk outta here.” I smiled humorlessly. “And that clearly ain’t happenin’.”

Dream or not, this was gonna hurt. Emotionally, and physically. Getting beat up by Tom was not something I ever wanted to go through. Something told me he would take it relatively easy on me, but even a light yet solid hit to the diaphragm from him would take me down. If I was bad at grappling, boxing was even worse.

And we already established I wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

“We won’t ask again, kid,” Allan warned as the men all took a step toward me. “This has gone on long enough.” There was no smile on his face and no amused tolerance in his voice with his next command. “Stand down.”

I shook my head. “No. Y’all square up.”

“Yoooo, Shadow!”

We all looked up, fight briefly paused, and rage filled me as I saw Trevor looking down at us from the roof.

“You miserable and worthless list of terms and conditions!” I hissed. “Get your ass down here so I can at least fuck up your face ‘fore I’m torn to bits!”

He laughed. “What, after I was gonna offer you an escape?”

“Oh yeah?” I gestured angrily at the sailors. “Little late!”

“Not really! Got a little magic trick!”

“Now ain’t the time for games!”

“Not a game! Watch!” He threw a small sphere at us. “Abracadabra!”

It bounced off a crate and landed at my feet, making the men jump back.

“Grenade!”

A hiss and explosion of smoke later thankfully disproved Neil’s initial theory, but left us all with sore throats and watery eyes.

Not that it stopped one sailor.

A shoulder slammed into my stomach, driving me back into the wall. I brought my elbow down, hitting the tender spot between the shoulder blade and neck, but the man grabbed me as he fell and we both went down. Arms tightened around my middle, whoever it was trying to pin me to the ground.

Allan, judging by the feel of rolled up sleeves.

He brought his full weight down, nearly knocking the breath from me and almost causing my arms to buckle. The man was heavy! A hand grabbed one elbow, yanking it back, and down I went. I rolled as I fell, teeth aimed for his shoulder. I missed the bulk of it, but managed to at least catch the cloth.

Tasted and smelled heavily like tobacco and what I assumed was some time of smokey yet slightly sweet alcohol. Bourbon, maybe?

Writer brain off, Fighter brain on!

“Damn it all, kid, quit bitin’!” came the raspy yell, but I couldn’t tell if it was anger or smoke that caused his tone.

“Nien!” I growled through a mouthful of shirt.

He rolled us both out of the alley onto the sidewalk, out of the smoke. I ended up on top as we came to a stop right by the curb, but before I could strike, a hand snatched my arm and dragged me away from Allan.

“Time to go, Shadow!”

“Trevor?! Get off-!”

“Let’s go, let’s go, no time for slow!” Trevor sang, yanking me to my feet before turning to Allan. The hair all along my body stood on end before Trevor hit him smack in the chest with a small blast of lightning.

It sent Allan back to the sidewalk, and damn near sent me into shock.

“Trevor, are you tryin’ to fuckin’ kill him?!” I screamed, frozen as Allan laid groaning on the ground.

“Relax, he’s fine!” Trevor yanked me down the road, away from the alley and the docks. “C’mon!”

Giving one last look at Allan, who was indeed slowly recovering and coming back up on one knee, I turned and followed Trevor away from the scene.