#New experiences

[wondering-whispers]

The feminine urge to just leave everything behind and travel the world forever. To see the different cultures. To know their history and literature. To wake up and see the sunrise from each location. To pet the stray animals. To have new experiences. To not fall prey to the monotony and boredom that life brings.

[thelasthippie]

[katiekate5172]

Learning to say “yes” to more of the things✨

[ravencincaide]

A Beauty In His Eyes

Summary:  You were extremely self conscious about your appearance and your body, making beauty treatments, including massage, a luxury you could not afford. OR the time Chuuya asked you to join him on his massage day and you did not have the heart to tell him no. 

Pairing: fem! Reader who is self conscious/body issues x  Chuuya Nakahara

Inspired by Sweetober prompt 15: Massaging 

Warnings: Cursing, being uncomfortable with ones own appearance, fluff and sweetness

______________________________________________________________

You did not know if you wanted to do it. More importantly, you didn’t know if you could. 

Wiping your sweaty hands on a tissue, you looked your body up and down in the full length mirror of the elegant stall- a dressing room completely devoted to you and you alone. You were dressed in a simple bikini- the closest you would ever go to being nude and a white fluffy bathrobe thrown over your shoulders, waiting to be tied into place with a large, thick and long equally fluffy belt. On your feet was a pair of simple yet high quality sandals with no socks, showing off your home made manicure. The colour was an endearing red- one you desperately wished you had removed before coming to the salong.

At the time, painting your nails felt like a fun and luxurious thing to do- a way to make your otherwise bland self more appealing. Right now though it felt sloppy and unprofessional- cheap fake against the expensive interior of the dressing room. You felt like an imposter who was not meant to be in this aristocratic space. Yet here you were, studying each and every crevasse, stretch mark and scar on your less-than-perfect body. 

God what were you doing? Why did you agree to this? 

“M’girl, is everything okay?” You heard Chuuya’s concerned voice echo through the door, followed by the gentle rapping of knuckles. A melodic sound that tapped out an all too familiar tune. A joke between you that would normally keep your anxiety at bay. 

Not today. 

“ Just a moment Chuu” you called, moving to quickly wipe your hands on the reminisce of the soaked serviette. Then you tossed it in the bin, cursing under your breath as you felt the palms of your hands growing sweaty in seconds. Again. Your heart pounded loudly, the quick thuds echoing in your ears like thunder. It was so loud, you were certain Chuuya would be able to hear it through the door separating you two. This made you feel all the more nervous. Your eyes scanned the room for anything to wipe your hands on- failing to see any paper you sloppily wiped on the expensive inside material of the bathrobe, promising yourself it was going to be a one time occasion. 

“ Sweets, you've been in there twenty minutes already, hmm. No one takes so long to get naked!” Chuuya’s voice sounded amused- teasing even, but you could hear the undertone of worry in it. A slight shake which showed his concern for you. Along with the heavy sigh- a worry that you would back out despite your promise- the metaphorical chain around your neck which prevented you from leaving. You both knew you hated showing off your body, but you hated breaking a promise even more than that. Especially to Chuuya. 

“ Just give me another five, okay?” you called out to him, your voice unnecessarily loud. A pitch so high it would be able to crack glass. You flinched at it then hurried to tie the bathrobe haphazardly around your waist. The last thing you needed was for Chuuya to get worried, stroll in, and get some weird idea about what you were doing, staring and studying your almost naked body in the full length mirror. Despite your skin being now almost completely covered by the soft material, somehow it did not make you feel any better. 

Somehow seeing yourself like this actually made you feel worse. 

The only thing you wanted to do was change back into your regular clothes, covering each inch of your skin in lace and silk, shapewear and other material until your reflection was bearable for you to look at. Makeup to hide the marks on your face- perfume to mask your smell. Hair out- extensions in. Not beautiful but at the very least not disgustingly ugly. 

“ Sweetheart?” You heard Chuuya call out again, his voice much more worried this time. Much more sober. You licked your lips, about to reply when you heard the door click then open. It gave away to his hand with ease and into the room he strolled. Perfect as always. The fancy suit and coak were gone, replaced by a bathrobe identical to your own. It was tied perfectly around his waist gracefully, like picture perfect art. The white of the robe made his ginger ponytail pop even more than usual. His lips were set into a straight line, his eyes quickly scanning the dressing room for anything out of the ordinary- anything that would not meet his high standards. 

The standards that borderline ridiculous whenever it was something concerning you. 

You looked away from the mirror and his reflection. If there was anything in that room that felt out of place and ‘lacking standard’ then it was you. But you didn’t dare utter those words aloud- you knew how important these self care days were for Chuuya. The wonders they did to his sanity, and you were not about to stress him with your own troubles when he was already facing hell at work. And especially not when he basically begged you to join him- a few extra moments together- a glance at the private Chuuya not many knew. 

“ What’s the matter?” Chuuya questioned as he finished scanning the room. Deeming it satisfactory he came to stand beside you. Then with gentle hands he turned your body until you were facing him, a hand under your chin kept your gaze locked with his. “ What’s wrong baby?” 

You swallowed, licked your lips then looked down at the floor as a wave of shame and self hate washed over you. “ I don’t know if I can do it” you admitted, your lip quivering. You didn’t want to see his disappointed expression, so you studied the floor instead. Like a guilty child- a failure. 

 Chuuya’s hand rested on your shoulder, his other on your waist as he pulled you a tiny bit closer to himself. He stayed silent for a long moment before he broke the silence; “ You tied it too hard sweets, let me” he muttered, his blue orbs focused on yours. His statement made your head snap up. Then you looked down again, a dark red colouring your cheeks. The same shade as your nails. You gave a weak nod, holding your breath as he undid the belt of your bathrobe. His eyes just once glancing down at you and the plain, nude coloured bikini, before he turned his attention back to your face. A dusty pink blush covered his cheeks as his hands carefully worked on folding the bathrobe over your body and then tying the belt more loosely around your waist. Now it was a little bit easier to breathe “ You’re beautiful m’darlin” he mumbled his lips finding your forehead. “ So beautiful.” 

You shuddered slightly, tears gathering in your eyes. A lump in your throat. You opened and closed your lips, silent protests you didn’t dare speak aloud. The darkest thoughts in your brain were twisting his words into something sinister- something ‘not Chuuya’. “ So beautiful” he said again more firmly this time before beginning to deal with the elephant in the room. 

“ It’s just a massage dollface” Chuya mumbled his lips ghosting over every inch of your face. “ The girl who’ll be massaging you is the best of the best and her job is to rub out every tension and sore muscle in your body. So if she as much as looks at m’girl weirdly, I’ll see to it that she discovers a new level of G-force.” 

The slight joke made the corners of your lips twist up. Your mind grasping at the one inch of sanity among the sea of darkness. “ Darlin I don’t doubt your Gravity manipulation but a new G-force is highly unlikely- even for you!” 

Chuuya chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before he moved back and reached for your hand. You flinched back from his fingers, feeling self conscious, making his hand grasp your wrist instead. You instantly regretted the action, but Chuuya seemed the least bit bothered by it. As if he had expected that reaction; “ Come, I’ll show you the room. Its much nicer and more relaxing than this shoebox and I wanna start on you” he muttered, pulling you out of the dressing room and into another room, where there were two massage tables parallel to each other. It seemed Chuuya was keeping his promise of making sure you would be close. 

His words didn’t register in your mind until he came up to one of the tables and motioned for you to lie down so he could start. 

“ You what? Wanna start massaging me?” You gaped at him, making him roll his eyes at your confused expression. 

“ Damn right! I’ve been going to massages for years now. How hard can it be? Hop hop” he made a motion for you to strip and lay down. You bit your lip, hesitating. You could feel the nerves pooling in your stomach again and grasped at the bathrobe tighter. A raised eyebrow from your boyfriend was all it took for you to undo the bathrobe and let it drop to the floor before jumping up onto the table. You moved to lay down on your stomach, your eyes set on the floor, glaring at it. 

“ Relax baby, it’s me” Chuuya muttered, his fingers trailing your spine, pausing when they came to your bra strap. He worked around it for a moment, brushing the skin under it with the tips of his fingers before he moved lower. Following the curve of your spine he began applying more pressure, brushing out the skin, feeling for tensions and knots. Finding the right spots he’d focus on them, much to your enjoyment.  

“ Ahh” you breathed as he worked on a particularly sore spot. 

“ Feels good, right love?” Chuuya smiled down at you, his hands trailing upwards. As he came up to your bra strap he unclipped it with ease. He felt you tense for a moment, then relax as his hands continued to touch your back. “ Good girl, now think how much better it will be when its someone who knows what they’re doing, mmm” as he said that you felt a different touch on your back. The hands were smaller, softer, the long nails just barely scratching your skin. But the way they touched you was different; more confident, almost instantly applying pressure in just the right spots. A mix of pain as female hands worked the tension out, and then pleasure as muscles relaxed.  

When Chuuya brought you here, you didn’t want to go in. Now you didn’t want to leave.

Seeing your lack of protests Chuuya chuckled and moved away from you. “ Enjoy it my love, this massage will do your tense shoulders good” he muttered, pressing a kiss to your head before he went and laid down on the bed beside yours. You felt the masseuses working on your back put a little more effort on your shoulders, and you let out a sigh of relief as you felt the tension you didn’t know you carried was slowly kneaded out of your skin. 

Maybe Chuuya was right; maybe a massage wasn’t so bad after all.

[dinosaurwithablog]

I have met so many great people on Tumblr who have brought me so much joy, laughter, wisdom, and friendship... so many people who have broadened my horizons and shown me things that I wouldn't have ever seen... so many people who have shared their feelings and insights, their hopes, their souls, themselves... it's overwhelmingly beautiful. It has changed my life and myself for the better. I have made great friends here, and I want to say thank you to you all... thank you. And to those I have yet to meet...I look forward to meeting you. I can't wait!!! Thank you so much. 😊😍🙏🏼💜 I love the Tumblr community very much!! 💜💜💜

[yeesiine]

If it excites you and scares you at the same time, it might be a good thing to try.

[stacysutton01]

bored accountant

[paper-starz]

HEY GUYS HAVE YOU HEARD????

CUE THE CONFETTI its my bday!

[creatingnikki]

But life is mundane. And routine. I've lately been thinking about this thing which is like I want to be okay with the normal and neutral. I experienced so many highs in the last one year, just so many new experiences because I moved out of my parents' house and was in a new city that I then reached a point that I was just so restless. That I needed to feel that sort of high on a daily basis or everything was just feeling not good and boring and annoying and dissatisfying. Some sort of dopamine depletion. The daily, the nice, the normal seemed to upset me. It's not that I did not recognize or acknowledge the little things or the beauty of my daily life. I heard the birds chirp in the voice notes I sent to my friend and I romanticized my daily cup of iced coffee and I took a minute or two to look up and admire the sky every time I stepped out. But that was not enough. Not anymore. I needed to feel a sort of high. And it wasn't going to come from such things no matter how lovely and sweet. Feeling ecstasy either from new people or new sexual experiences or new emotions had become the new normal. Of course it wasn't going to last. Of course it wasn't healthy. If you feel so high, you're going to feel the lowest of lows. But that wasn't even the worrying part to me. Even crashing and having breakdowns was some form of heightened emotions and feeling intensely. I was seemingly okay with it. What I couldn't be okay with was the neutral, the normal. And I've been working so very hard these last few months to just not be that way anymore. To just sit by myself and be okay with not being on some sort of dopamine expressway. Not everyday can or should be some mad new experience. I've been in therapy again for a little over three months now. I bought myself a word search puzzle book that I sit with on most mornings as I start my day. I bought a cute journal from muji and I'm trying to journal by hand again, focusing on night pages to ground myself. These things, though? They don't help until I am willing to just sit with my feelings. If I am not willing to accept that normal is normal for a reason. If I am not willing to see that I will have new and more fun experiences just not consecutively and not in a way that will make my emotions and mental health so volatile. I need to accept all of this first. Otherwise no amount of therapy or journalling or puzzles can help me.

[mypreciousdream968]

How does the necessity of stimming and doing stimming feel like? Would you like to share your experiences? :)

[bloominginsilence]

Life is too short and unpredictable to hold yourself back.

[wellexecuted]

My 2023 in pictures, part one. January- April

[monstrouslycutecomic]

Monstrously Cute #009

[zakna-the-real-human]

I decided to go to the cinema yesterday, I wanted to see the fnaf movie, but non of my friends like fnaf, so I went alone.

It is liberating to go alone. Now I am able to go alone. I WILL NEVER BE AFRAID OF THIS AGAIN.

[abybweisse]

Why is it that Sebastian seems to somehow be in control when dealing with Our Ciel, but appears to be dumbfounded when dealing with BD Real Ciel? Has something changed within this demon butler? Where is Sebastian's sneakiness, and underhanded cleverness?

The best I can tell is because Sebastian is bound to our earl in that contract, which has some wiggle room for him... and even though there's some novelty about this contract, it's not his first. He knows the loopholes in the contract and can act accordingly. And he knows what makes his young master tick.

But he's still trying to process exactly how real Ciel even functions as well as he does. He ate real Ciel's soul, but that doesn't seem to bond them together. Not like that, anyway. He's honestly confused.

He has no control over anyone who is soulless. I don't think he can comprehend their thought processes and might not be able to anticipate their moves or choices too well, because of that. Hell, he can't even tell a bizarre doll is in the same room, let alone anywhere within the vicinity, without actually seeing them. That's why he couldn't detect Arden and his friends at Weston when he used demon senses to search for them, felt weirded out when he touched Agares' hand, and couldn't locate any of the star lords at Sphere Music Hall -- they were probably simply hiding just out of sight.

This is a major learning experience for the demon. This is completely outside the purview of his knowledge. It's new to him... and kind of scary.

I should think it worries him also because he must now question what he's said in the past about not being able to get back what was lost.

Of course, what has returned isn't quite the real Ciel that our earl once knew and cherished. It's a nightmarish approximation. Merely a physical manifestation, literally without soul. But the physical manifestation still evokes deep emotions.

So, the demon finds himself in the weeds on this one. How do you handle a reanimated corpse that's "chock full of episodes"? Can you just cut it down in front of its loved ones? Our earl doesn't accept this bizarre doll of his brother as "his brother returned", but I don't think he would handle it well if Sebastian just went over and crushed real Ciel's head. He has to let his young master decide how to handle the situation.

I still anticipate their final confrontation to be more emotional than physical, between the twins. Maybe real Ciel will be more physically aggressive than our earl. And for Sebastian to be somehow barred from intervening on his young master's behalf... much like how Lucas didn't want to harm his dead and reanimated older mirror twin, Claus... and how Boney couldn't protect or fight on Lucas' behalf... during the twins' final confrontation in Mother3.