#Narcissistic Parent

[forkaround]

As someone diagnosed with psychosis I understand when folks with NPD don't want to be associated with Narcissistic Abuse. But I don't think it's accurate to say that the abuse doesn't exist. We don't have the vocabulary to separate them like we don't with psychosis/ psychotic/ psychopath/ potential serial killer. But it doesn't negate the abuse people have suffered at the hands of psychotic or narcissistic people who don't want to accept their diagnosis or don't want to change their ways to cause less harm. (Let me be clear I'm not talking about changing as a person but we can all learn to lessen harm, psychotic, npd or able-bodied.) Removing language that helps explain trauma isn't the way to go.

[little-tiffany]

My love language is when you communicate your feelings in a direct way so I don't have to do the emotional labor to try and decode wtf you're even trying to say.

-Todd Baratz

[xxrobotessaxx]

Why did you hate me so much. I was just a little girl... I was just trying my best. I had only my drones...Father left me alone with you, and you hurt me so badly. I... wanted to be loved, I wanted to feel safe, I wanted to be treated better.

I hope I never am like you... ever... I hope you burn in hell, I hope the Solver has it's hooks in you and is tearing you limb for limb, "Mother"

[mickeyandscroogefangirl]

When a piece of media related to your special interest contains a trigger for your oddly specific trauma and the resulting anxiety 😔 Unfortunately, for me, nowhere is safe because no one else has this particular trigger. But doggone it, I wish my SpIns were safer.

[unofficialchronicle]

[mischiefmanifold]

What do you have to say about the so-called 'narcissistic parent'? I hear of it a lot, but I don't know much. And I like how you talk so I would really like to hear what you have to say.

(Only if you can/want to of course)

Hi, and thank you for the compliment!

I do not ascribe to the concept of a "narcissistic parent," mostly because it is always used in a negative light and any parent who is actually "narcissistic" and not simply self-centered in fact has NPD.

Additionally, every single description of "narcissistic parents" that I can find is simply a list of emotionally, financially, and spiritually abusive behaviors, and these lists never mention anything about underlying psychology or internal processes. Most people are content with just slapping the label "narcissistic" onto any abusive behavior and even go so far as to compare "narcissistic parents" to cult leaders, which is incredibly incorrect and offensive.

I understand that these people are abuse victims who are desperate for a way to make their abuse sound as horrible as the way they experienced it, but they are going about it without a single regard for the people they're hurting. The solution to this problem is to create more widespread awareness for commonly unrecognized forms of abuse and neglect, and to validate the struggles of these people, not to demonize a whole disorder and the people who have it.

I hope this makes sense and was helpful, and if you have any more questions or would like me to elaborate on anything, please feel free to let me know.

[some1s-sista]

Whoever wrote this obviously never spoke with my mother

[savythenillerwaffer]

Please donate or at least share this around! I don't want my friend to live somewhere she isn't comfortable!

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We would both really appreciate it if you made a donation and/or shared this around!

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[yourlocalbadgerscales]

My version of “THE DINER” by Billie Eilish

“Don't be afraid of me You have no reason to” I saw you with your friends I know that you saw me You're starrin' in my dreams Saw you in the news

You're lookin' right at me I'm here around the clock I'm waitin' on your block But please don't call the cops They'll make me stop And I just wanna talk

I miss you in my life Please don’t put up a fight You know I’m always right Just say I’m right We hug and you stay silent

I waited sitting on that rock, saw you get up and leave Was easy going over, mind my business as you flee Got a job in your school kitchen, saw your friends recognising me I saw you looking up at me, looked down but you’d already seen me

She tried to win it, but she failed 250 thousand-euros paid (250 thousand-euros) While I'm away, please read my texts (please read my texts) Just bring a smile (just bring a smile) No, you’ll never see me in jail (see me in jail)

I'll go back to your house I'll leave another sign (I'll leave another hint) I hope you'll notice this time You did?

The cops around the corner stopped me when I tried to leave They told me I should stop, but guess what? They’re now on their knees (they told me I should stop now) I fooled them, I misled them, got your old friends on my team Got them all hooked round my finger, they won’t learn what I did

You blocked me on all platforms, got a new number, hi, it’s me I tried to keep a distance, but guess what? Again, it’s me I saw you in the car, your mum was driving you, not me If somethin' happens to her, I bet you you’ll end up with me

–(phone number I won’t leak)

[furiousgoldfish]

hi! been silently following for years and its been a huge help to read thru your posts.

my experience has been a strange one where my non-abusive parent did manage (at huge cost!) to take myself + my sibling and leave my narcissistic parent.

the legal system enforced regular contact with that parent (inc. weeks spent at their house) and communication between my parents until we reached 18.

because of this, abuse continued even without them always being physically in my household - it still continues now with myself + sibling in our early 20s and that parent still opening legal disputes over last 10 years of family court + child maintenance cases, and the impact on the parent who tried to be stable for us despite their own severe ptsd from the marriage

but just want to say the behaviour has been exposed. They cycled through another family (step-parent + step-siblings) plus a further partner whose lives and mental health they systematically ruined. But, by the 3rd partner the entire extended family saw a pattern of behaviour as abusive parent got overconfident, and then lashed out, further proving suspicions.

I was 21 years old before anyone was brave enough to start asking questions. The family then found out parent had lied to and played them off against one another for decades.

because of the hurt caused, they have been isolated by their own side of the family. Unfortunately, this happened soon after the birth of a new half-sibling, and the moving in of another step-parent and step-sibling, but we’ve had to let it go. We are all trying to accept and move on from the games and manipulations

even if people can never understand the impact of growing up with it, a time comes when they will see it and believe you. wishing you and everyone else the best with your own journeys

Thank you so much for telling us your story! It is incredibly encouraging to see the situation where the non-abusive parent realizes their children are being hurt, and gets out of that marriage, it is incredibly scary but it's what a good parent does.

It's so upsetting that despite this person being removed from your household, the law was on their side and enabled them to further abuse you, making it so that even your non abusive parent cannot completely protect you, when they know you're in danger of abuse.

The abusers whose partner manages to get out is on a path to get exposed publicly. Once one person leaves, that person becomes a safety point for everyone else who wants info, needs to figure out if the person is abusive, or taken as a proof that escape is possible, that one can leave.

It's again, upsetting that it takes so much time for everyone to catch on and realize what's going on! If anything they should believe the victim implicitly - nobody breaks up their family for nothing. I'm glad that finally the time is coming where everyone is starting to see it, I would love nothing more than this happening for me and every other victim of abuse.

Thank you for sharing your story, it's a very good one, with abuse finally coming to light and people communicating what's been done to them. It would be great if we could all get to this point. Abusers who manage to keep their marriage hostage usually will have far less public exposure of their abuse, and their spouse and children will not be allowed to talk about it, because they constantly have the abuser in their home. So keeping family together protects the abuser more than anyone. Leaving is a great way to expose the abuse to public, and to put them on the path of reveal. I'm proud of your parent who made it happen, and of you for figuring it all out and speaking about it.

[the-bpd-diaries]

I'm scared I'll be like this forever

[little-tiffany]

Learn who you are. Unlearn who they told you to be.

[stormhasbpd]

Is having a narcissistic mother just the fucking staple when it comes to bpd, bc I’m getting real sick of her shit at this point 🙄

[lovehealgrow]

What are the Effects of a Narcissistic Parent?

One of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing that our parents are people, too– and that sometimes they aren’t very nice people or very good parents. Sometimes our parents’ flaws create insecurities and challenges in our adult lives that have stuck with us since childhood. Today, let’s talk about narcissism and what happens when you grow up with a narcissistic parent. It’s a tough topic, and might stir up some old hurts– but bear with us, because if this resonates with you, some of the advice we have might just help.

The Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

While not all narcissistic parents are the same, there are several common signs that many of them share.

Excessive Need for Validation

Narcissistic parents often display an insatiable need for validation and admiration. They may constantly seek praise and approval, making every conversation revolve around their achievements or perceived superiority. This behavior can leave you feeling neglected, as your own accomplishments and feelings are overshadowed.

Lack of Empathy

Empathy is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, but narcissistic parents struggle to understand and connect with others’ emotions. They may dismiss or belittle your feelings, making it challenging for you to express yourself openly. This emotional disconnect can hinder your ability to develop a strong sense of self-worth.

Conditional Love

Narcissistic parents often love conditionally, basing their affection on your ability to fulfill their expectations and needs. This can create an environment where you constantly strive for their approval, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Recognizing that love should be unconditional is a crucial step in breaking free from this cycle.

Manipulative Behavior

A narcissistic parent may employ manipulative tactics to maintain control. This can include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and other forms of emotional abuse. Recognizing these manipulations is key to reclaiming your autonomy and establishing healthier boundaries.

Boundary Violation

Narcissistic parents may have a disregard for personal boundaries, treating you as an extension of themselves rather than an individual with your own needs and desires. Learning to set and enforce boundaries is essential for your mental and emotional well-being.

Inconsistent Support

While narcissistic parents may offer support when it aligns with their interests or when it enhances their image, they can be notably absent when you genuinely need them. This inconsistency can leave you feeling abandoned and create a sense of distrust in relationships.

Projection of Insecurities

Narcissistic parents often project their own insecurities onto their children. They may criticize and belittle you for traits they dislike in themselves. Recognizing that these criticisms are not a reflection of your worth but rather a manifestation of their own issues is crucial for breaking free from the emotional burden.

Difficulty Accepting Criticism

A narcissistic parent may react poorly to any form of criticism, perceiving it as a personal attack. This can hinder healthy communication and prevent the resolution of conflicts. Learning effective communication skills is vital for navigating these difficult conversations.

Living Vicariously Through Their Children

Narcissistic parents may see their children as extensions of themselves and attempt to live vicariously through their accomplishments. While parental pride is natural, this extreme involvement can stifle your individuality and autonomy.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Living with a narcissistic parent can feel like an emotional roller coaster, with unpredictable highs and lows. Understanding the cyclical nature of their behavior can help you detach emotionally and foster resilience.

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing and establishing healthier relationships. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, and that you are more than what your narcissistic parent thinks of you.

The Effects of a Narcissistic Parent

Once you’ve recognized the signs of a narcissistic parent, it becomes easier to see the effects this kind of relational trauma created. Here are some of the most common effects that a narcissistic parent can have on your adult life.

Emotional Scars

Growing up with a narcissistic parent often leaves emotional scars that persist into adulthood. The constant need for validation and approval may have overshadowed your own emotional needs, making it challenging to develop a strong sense of self-worth. As adults, this can manifest as deep-seated insecurities and difficulties in forming healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Challenges in Establishing Boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries is a skill often undermined by the dynamics of a narcissistic parent-child relationship. As an adult, you may grapple with establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries in personal and professional relationships. Learning to prioritize your well-being without feeling guilty is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection and, at times, professional guidance.

Self-Esteem Struggles

The conditional love and approval that narcissistic parents often provide can deeply impact self-esteem. Adult children may find themselves seeking external validation to fill the void left by a lack of genuine affirmation during their formative years. Building a robust sense of self-worth becomes crucial in breaking free from this cycle.

Fear of Rejection

A constant fear of rejection may linger into adulthood as a result of having a narcissistic parent. The fear of not meeting expectations or being deemed unworthy can paralyze personal growth and hinder the pursuit of one’s passions. Overcoming this fear involves challenging negative thought patterns and cultivating self-compassion.

Repetition of Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Adult children of narcissistic parents may unknowingly replicate unhealthy relationship patterns witnessed in their formative years. Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, breaking free from these patterns requires self-awareness and a commitment to fostering healthy connections. These unhealthy patterns can extend to the rest of your family, too, potentially leading to family estrangement.

How To Cope With A Narcissistic Parent

Coping with a narcissistic parent can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can help navigate this difficult relationship. Boundary-building is the most important. You must establish and enforce clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Recognize and validate your feelings, understanding that your emotions are valid even if your parent dismisses them. Building these boundaries can be hard, but support from friends, family, and mental health professionals can help.

Practice self-care to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation, fostering a sense of balance in your life. Develop a strong support network to counteract the isolation that often accompanies narcissistic relationships. You may find support groups for the children of narcissistic parents to be helpful; there are many of these online and in-person.

Educate yourself about narcissistic behavior to gain insight into your parent’s actions, helping you detach emotionally. Consider setting realistic expectations, acknowledging that change in the narcissistic parent may be limited. Prioritize your personal growth and self-discovery, focusing on building a resilient sense of self-worth independent of external validation.

Remember, coping with a narcissistic parent is an ongoing process, and the cumulative effect of these challenges can take a toll on your mental health. Anxiety, depression, and even symptoms of C-PTSD may surface. Seeking professional support, such as therapy, can be instrumental in addressing and managing these mental health concerns. If you are dealing with a narcissistic parent, don’t hesitate to reach out to the therapy team at Love Heal Grow. Our therapists are here to help with coping strategies, boundary setting, and so much more.

[sowhatnotcreative]

I'm sure that when a regular person has hurt you in some way, it can be worth trying to communicate that. It could be a misunderstanding, or maybe they will understand that they hurt you and apologize.

If the person that hurt you is a narcissist however, it's not worth it. They will never admit fault amd even if it was just a miscommunication they will always blame you. You will not come away from it happier or relieved or feeling like you solved something. There is no resolution to be had when dealing with a narcissist.

Of course it's not fun carrying that hurt alone. It's not fun being told "maybe they didn't mean it?" Or "you should talk to them about it" when you know that that's not how it works. Some things will continue to feel unresolved. You will never know ~why~ they hurt you - there is no why.