#NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE ITS NOT MAY 4TH YET

[is-that-sand-in-my-waffles]

ANIMATED THRAWN IN THE CLONE WARS STYLE ALERT!!!!!!

I AM SO SO SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!

[genderlessghoul]

Okay I'm gonna ramble about what I think ghoul genetics look like cuz I made up an entire system JUST to wreak it with Swiss. (I hc that hybrid ghouls are pretty common but Swiss is the only ghoul ever to have been born with all 5 elements)

There's essentially 4 important ghoul generations. There's obviously been way more over the thousands of years of life of the species but those 4 are the ones that determined everything.

Generation Zero were the first ghouls ever created by the Devil. There were 5 of them, a test drive to see how He liked them. Fire (Alpha), Quintessence (Omega), Water, Earth, Air.

(Don't ask me how the Clergy got the 5 OGs in the same place at the same time to play in their little band because I do not have an explanation for that yet. They just kinda went "Pokémon! Gotta catch them all!" With the OGs.)

The Devil liked his tiny little hell creatures that were not quite demons so much that he made a bunch more. All pure elementals too. That's Generation One. Gen One includes but is not limited to Zephyr, Pebble, Mist, Ifrit and Aether.

Eventually, those ghouls started doing what sinful creatures do and making more tiny ghouls. Some keeping to their elements, some mixing with the others and this is how we got Generation 2. This is where ghoul genetics starts to become a thing, on a quite simple level. Elements will show up in Gen 2 ghouls in a specific order : Fire is the most dominant one, Water and Earth are on the same level, then Air and finally Quintessence. Gen 2 ghouls can be Fire and Water but they couldn't be Water and Fire. (More affinities with Fire than Water).

Now THOSE perfect hybrids eventually grew up and started doing exactly what their parents did, but with a way more diverse gene pool. There's nothing stopping a Fire and Earth ghoul from getting down and dirty with a Quintessence and Air ghoul. A kit will only inherit 2 elements from their parents. This is where Gen 3 gets a little bit complicated on the genetics, let's break it down.

Fire is still the most dominant element (Hell... Fire... It just makes sense you know). No matter what you mix with Fire, the kit will have it in them. If both parents have it, it will either be the dominant element OR, not quite uncommonly, the only element. If only one parent has it, it will depend on what their other elements are but it WILL be there.

Earth and Water, as previously mentioned, are both on the same level. They're the second most common elements to be found in ghouls with very diverse parents. They can also make a full elemental ghoul if both parents have it (like Mountain and Rain).

Air is in 4th place in the dominance race, not to say it's uncommon. It's usually found in second place. It can also find its way to first place if both parents have it but it can also, very rarely, make a full elemental ghoul. Cirrus and Sunshine are examples of Air making it to first place, Cirrus being Air and Water and Sunshine being Air and surprisingly Fire.

Quintessence... It kinda does it's own thing. It's the rarest element to see in a ghoul, it's the least dominant and it's almost impossible to make a kit who has Quintessence in them. In a pairing of four different elements (coming back to our Fire/EarthxQuint/Air parents from earlier), Quintessence will never come out on top. Both parents need to have it. And they will never make a full elemental ghoul. However, the second it finally gets added to the mix, it becomes the dominant element. Phantom is an example of this, being a Quint and Earth ghoul.

Now Swiss... He's at least a Gen 3 but no one truly recounts who was born when, only that it happened. His mother was Fire and Water and his father was Earth and Air. His most likely mix would've been Fire and Earth or Fire and Water but SOMEHOW, he inherited all 5. Where does the Quintessence come from, you may ask. His grandfather on his mother's side.

He has a twin sister, Nova, who's Quintessence and Air. Inheriting an element from a grandparent was absolutely unheard of until they were born, especially Quintessence. Not to mention Nova only inherited Air from her parents, the most unlikely element to get from such a mix.

They're both a complete mystery to everyone around them, they're not part of the youngest ghouls in Hell by any means, but it hadn't happened before and it hasn't happened since.

Nova gets to go about her life pretty normally, others couldn't know about how much of an anomaly she is unless they asked. Swiss gets all the weird stares and mean comments. He simply looks different, displaying a bit of everything all at once. Not even creatures from Hell are exempt from prejudice on some level.

He butted heads with Ifrit about it a lot when he first got topside, the Fire ghoul taking every possible opportunity to call him a mutt (the most popular insult to be thrown at him back in the pit). It eventually got settled the more they got to know each other, but Omega had to break up quite a few fights before they got to the point of being friends.

Okay, I did my rambling! Thanks for sticking around 'til the end if you did!

[xxx-rozes-xxx]

Offenderman Headcannons and Lore:

TW: TALKS OF SA*, OFFENDERMAN AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF STALKING AND MENSTERAL CYCLES!!

These are just my own personal headcannons of Offenderman and some character cleaning up.______________________________________

Sexual Offenderman is probably one creepypasta that could genuinely pass for something scary.

Sure, Slenderman is scary but nothing is more fearful than something that happens in real life.

His charater had so much potential but now its swamped by the fandom (which I don't blame them, he does honesty suck) but it could've been something greater.

Slenderman is scary because we know nothing of him solidly, we know what he does but not why. Offenderman wasn't the case and what potential he had was dismissed.

Personality, I believe Creepypastas are supposed to scary in an authentic way, dark or edgy. Offenderman misses that mark because of his unnecessary characteristics.

I'm not sending hate to the creator when I say this, they are not to be blamed. This is just the result of fandom culture. That's why I choose to write Offender the way I write him, I make the gore of it more digestible.

He isn't some loose cannon that "takes" women because he can, he "takes" for the power he looses. When they say "no" to him, he'll take advantage of them, not stalk them and move their furniture and unnecessary stuff like that. He's an eldritch horror, he should atleast be an interesting monster.

So with that out of the way, let's get into it.

The Offenderman;

Offenderman doesn't kill all willy-nilly, it isn't his style.

Similar to his brothers, he had his own taste. Even when that taste was foul.

He'll only pick the best of the best, a gardener will always pick the freshest flowers out of the field.

He'll watch and wait for the perfect time to strike.

Finding you alone before seducing you with his charm. Coming upfront about his 'proposal'. Offering a rose as a "sign of your beauty", but really a trap. Putting on a false 'gentlemanly look'.

If you accept his offering and take the Red rose:

If you fall for his act and decide to spend the night with him. You'll live but become violently ill with slender sickness, and in my own personal headcannon - all of the slender brothers' sickness have different side effects.

The first day to the 2d day you'd have amnesia, forgetting your night with him but also forgetting where you are and what you were doing 5 minutes ago coupled with flu symptoms.

By the 3rd to 4th day, you'd be violently coughing, thorns wrap around the inside of your throat as you cough up rose petals. Red rose petals. (Like hanahaki disease)

The side effects cause changes in your body and mind.

Hallucinations will occur of him following when he's not

Dissociation and mood swings

If your AFAB, you'd miss your monthly or start it early, throwing your hormones all over the place.

You'd get hot flushes and headaches, as well as putting yourself in danger on purpose.

Walking down dark alleys at night. Leaving your doors unlocked, ect. All because that's what his sickness does, make you a target to other horrible men similar to him.

Luckily, the sickness is the shortest one of the brothers. Only lasting 7 days.

But even if it may be the shortest, it is the most vital.

You could die from chocking in your sleep from the roses growing in your lungs in the early stages of sickness.

You could die from the dangerous situation you were compelled in.

Some take their own life because the pain is too much to bare.

However some do recover, yet none can remember the night that it happened.

2. If you denied him and did not take the rose:

If you denied him, he would then simply take what he wants from you.

Violating you then killing you.

Leaving behind a blue rose, indicating your "impossible nature".

He'd so carefully selected you and you turned out a bust. Pity, he'd think but not out of your remorse.

Either way, you'd most likely die at the end. An awful fate to those who were cursed with intimacy.

He'd take your body after death and bring it back to his garden and feed your poor soul to the soil in which he grows his roses...

They say the God Apollo had many tragic lovers all who died loving him, but most died trying to escape him, turned into flowers to escape his love for them.

I'd apply a similar anatomy to Offenderman. He is the incarnation of 'male rejections', not stopping until he gets what he wants.

He does not do this out of revenge, like his background expressed, does it because he is a greedy evil horror who cares for no real life but only how they reflect a beauty that he wishes to obtained. Like porcelain dolls in a glass case, each body fed to his garden, each rose, a head of his previous "lovers", crying out to the Gods for forgiveness. Crying to be set free from the thorns binding them to the earth.

It does not matter what sex you have, beauty in his eyes is something he sees as a collection because he was never able to grow that beauty himself.

Offenderman is not a pimp, a rebel nor a delinquent. He's a dark unearthly being who craves what is not his but what he believes he is entitled to. He doesn't care for human lifes or relationships, he is the avatar of lust and greed. Selfish and ruthless. The ghost that preys on younger women and men. Simply not a r*pist nor a seducer, no, he is a monster. A monster who carefully picks out his meals because that's what he believes is his saving grace.

Even the Devil shakes in fear when he hears his laugh...

[1111jenx]

Hey beautiful,

You guys know I talked about Lilith a lot and I will always be;) But now I think it's about time we have a conversation about Chiron, one of the very important centaur that I have yet to see people dig deep in!

So what is Chiron exactly?

Chiron is a small planet, or 'planetoid,' that was only discovered in 1977 but has already proven to be very influential in a person's birth chart. It is named after the centaur physician of Greek myth who taught ancient wisdom to mankind, and it orbits between Saturn and Uranus in an eccentric orbit.

Chiron is synonymous with shamanism and moving inward to cure oneself, and reflects the archetype of the "Wounded Healer." It was discovered at the same time that the holistic wellness movement was gaining popularity. Chiron's location in the horoscope shows where one has been injured, as well as where there is the possibility of finding healing from inside and sharing it with others since our sympathy for others' pain stems from our wounds. By house and sign, the role of Chiron will reveal where we have talent and access to ancient wisdom, as well as where we might deviate from the mainstream in service to a higher practicality. Educators and spiritual healers are likely to have influential Chiron.

As the first house rules over the body, our physical appearance, our conscious sense of self and our focus in life. I used to talk about how Lilith present here means the native literally embodies and exudes the truest form of Lilith, of sexuality and such restraints and burdens. So what about the case of Chiron?

🧿Chiron in the first🧿

As someone who has Chiron in the 4th house, I can't imagine what it's really like to have Chiron in the first house. The placement discuss problems with one's ability to be, act, and initiate. Disturbing realizations and traumatic memories can challenge one's very sense of self with Chiron in this position.

Chiron in the first don't feel belong in their body or their mind. Its like they feel suffocated inside a cover thats nothing but a shell.

One can obsess over a feature of theirs that they believe is flawed or unlovable, and be hypersensitive to how others respond to this aspect of themselves.

It is these reoccurring thoughts that haunt them. To the point where they fail to realize that it is not their fault. Every trauma has its own reasoning.

Significant adult figures in your life may have made you feel belittled and dismissed during your formative years, rather than encouraging you. Even after the native reach adulthood, they can face challenges that keep them from realizing their full potential.

These challenges will create a cycle of disappointment in which the individual work more from a fear of failing than from the hope of success, which breeds faith in their ability to succeed in the future. This can present itself in the form of behaving not on their own interests, in furthering their own aims, but rather on behalf of other people's goals, which seem to be more relevant or at least receive priority care.

They will be acutely aware of a lack of accomplishment in your own life and want to compensate by working excessively hard to assist these people, thereby throwing yourself in the past. Since these habits work more unintentionally, it's impossible to break them, so the first move is to become more aware about their own suffering, recognizing and learning more about what happened in the past to make one feel dissatisfied about their own capacities.

At that moment, these people begin to emerge from the shadows of their painful and traumatic memories and really reveal themselves. Through a better understanding of their own dynamics, they will start to genuinely assist others with how they cope with related challenges, as they approach them from a position of genuine friendship and helpfulness rather than a hollow sense of vicarious accomplishment.

So here is the first post for my new Chiron in the houses series:) This will constantly be updated and you can use this to apply to any Chiron-ASC or Chiron-1st House planets aspects🤎 Thank you guys for bearing it to the end, stay tuned beautiful;)

love,

saint jenx🪐

[lwt28brave]

LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

[the-broken-truth]

I really engoy your writing and may i ask if you could make a re8 hc how would the Lord's be with a stone top S/O( same sex somebody who gives but doesn't receive alot of times) (I wrote this ask but forgot to write something in)

Broken Truth: A Stone-Top, huh? Never heard of that before. So - it's a person who gives in a relationship but doesn't receive. This shall be interesting. Let the words weave together!

[Alcina Dimitrescu]

Alcina woke up to yet another bottle of rare vintage wine waiting for her in her study when she decided to do the numbers of the month's intake and exports.

Well, she would have done that if it wasn't already done for her and placed in neat stacks in folders with date stickers on the flap.

Not to mention, her study was spotless - how can someone get bloodstains out of the carpet? Alcina thought it was impossible.

There was only one person who could have done this and she was going to talk some sense into her.

[Y/N] [L/N] was the lover of Alcina Dimitrescu and the 'Mama' of the Dimitrescu Daughters.

She was the only human who respected them for what they were and helped them with whatever they needed.

She would cook for them when they asked about dishes from her past in the human world.

She would find things that would interest them and get that thing for Alcina or her daughters.

When she found out that Alcina loved vintage wines - she made connections with the Vineyard of France and they began sending crates containing ten bottles of wine to Castle Dimitrescu every month - [Y/N] would give Alcina 2 bottles a week and whatever she didn't drink was placed in the wine room that [Y/N] made from one of the old rooms Alcina never used.

What Alcina and the daughters didn't like was that [Y/N] would do everything for everyone but refused to let anyone do something for her.

She gave so much but didn't receive anything.

She would say: "You can have it, you would use it much better than could." Then she would walk off before anyone could tell her anything.

Alcina loved her mortal and she wanted to give her the world.

First, she had to figure out a way to get her to accept the world.

[Donna Beneviento]

Donna opened the box and gave a sad smile at its contents - new doll parts made of different types of wood & rolls of different kinds of fabrics; wool, cotton, silks, and everything else under the sun and moon.

This was everything the doll maker could ask for when it came to making her doll but she was upset at the fact her lover gave them to her.

She wasn't ungrateful but she knew that she couldn't do anything for her lover - what can you do for a woman who would give you everything but won't accept anything?

Donna looked into the den at watched as her romantic partner - [Y/N] [L/N] - sat there with her eyes focused on the book in her hands. Donna loved her with everything she was, and she wasn't the only one; Angie and all the dolls loved her as if she was part of the Beneviento Family.

[Y/N] accepted everything about Donna: from the scar on her face to the High Priestess she called her Mother. [Y/N] give Donna, Angie, and the Dolls her time, skill, and love to make them feel like a real family but they were secretly upset that they couldn't do the same for her.

She would give but never take.

She would provide but never allow herself to be taken care of for a moment.

Donna wanted to return the love [Y/N] gave to her somehow but how was she going to do that if it wouldn't be accepted?

Maybe she could use her pollen to find out why her girlfriend is the ultimate provider then she can learn how to provide for her.

[Salvatore Moreau]

"Beloved, I brought you something to drink." The 3rd Lord said as he watched the man who loved him more than anything hammer away at the wall of the new house he was building for Moreau.

"That's alright, My Darling. I'm alright. You can have it, I don't want you to get hot for being out of your water for too long." The man said as he continued to hammer away at the wall.

Salvatore looked at the drink in his hand with disappointment.

Why won't his love let him take care of him just as he takes care of him?

It had been a year since Salvatore met [Y/N] - a beefcake of a man with a heart made out of teddy bear fluffy. [Y/N] gave Sal real love, something that no one - not even the mother he idealized - would give him.

When Sal had his freak-outs - [Y/N] was right there to hold him and whisper sweet nothings in her ear until he calmed down but he would still hold him.

When Sal threw up in front of him - [Y/N] did some research at Sal's old clinic on plants that help soothe an upset stomach and made an herbal elixir that helped him relax his stomach and stopped him from throwing up. He has the drink it every month, it has a funny taste but it's worth it.

When he laid eyes on the place Sal calls him - [Y/N] used his power (Superstrength) to clear the reservoir of debris and cleared the lake of anything that wasn't water, plants, or fish; Salvatore was really happy about being able to swim around with crashing or bumping into anything.

Once the lake was clear, [Y/N] began construction of the new dock and new house for Salvatore to live in.

He would do all this for Sal but refused any kindness from Sal if it wasn't his loving words.

Sal wanted to do something for the man who gave him everything...but how is that possible when he won't accept anything?

[Karl Heisenberg]

"Babe! You need any help with that?" The 4th Lord asked the man across the room from him - working on some new kind of machine that Karl never saw before.

"No, Love. Thanks." The man answered as he dropped the wrench and picked a screwdriver.

"[Y/N], you've been working that for 3 days without rest; take a rest, Babe," Karl said as he removed his glasses.

"I'm good, love. Thanks for being considered. You should rest - the army is going to need its leader."

Karl hated when his boyfriend was like this - he would overwork himself for the sake of Karl's Army but would be pissed off if the actual Army Leader tried to work more than 6 hours a day on his own project.

That wasn't far to [Y/N] but he wouldn't listen to Karl when the 4th Lord tried to take care of him.

He was hardheaded in that regard.

Karl wanted to do something as a thank you to [Y/N] for helping him make his army better but the mortal wouldn't accept anything.

Hell, he even made Karl's Hammer ore badass.

Oh, did he forget the mention the metal horse that Karl rides whenever he wants that never gets tired or breaks? How the hell did the human know to make something like that?!

Karl had to do something for his boyfriend and he was going to make him accept it somehow.

That man had done too much for Karl for him not to get something I return somehow.

[End]

Broken Truth: I hope I did that right. Never heard of a Stone-Top before.

[amenomiko]

Thank you @amymarple for the request and Thank You so much for liking my writing 🤗🤗🤗😍😍😍❤❤❤! There's no element in your request that makes me uncomfortable so it's okay ✨✨✨. Hope you like this!

First Game - Quiz Game

Team 1 - Masamune, Ranmaru, Yukimura

Team 2 - Sasuke, Nobunaga, Mitsunari

Prize : A photo of MC

❤💖❤💖❤💖❤💖❤💖❤💖❤💖❤

Team 1 be like (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)(✿❛◡❛)ಠ_ಠ

Team 2 be like (´・ｪ・｀)😏(❁´◡`❁)

Yukimura's one and only question before it started be like "Why am I here again?"

But it was ignored.

Then drum roll.... Start!

Question 1: What is the substitute for wine in dish? To the lords and ninjas of Sengoku era, Wine is a type of alcoholic drink in foreign country.

Masamune: Hoooh substitute eh? I'd say sake? Cause it's also an alcoholic drink.

Ranmaru: But didn't you immediately k.o even after a sip? Why would you want to make anything that required alcohol, Masamune-sama?

Masamune:

Yukimura: PFFFFT- ehem.

Mitsunari: Uhm.. Uhm.. I think.. Maybe.. *Butterfly passes by 🦋🦋🦋* Oh OAO. *Distracted*

Nobunaga: That's easy. It will be MC's tears 😏.

MC: (눈‸눈)...

Sasuke: Grape (´・ｪ・｀)✨.

BING! BING! BING! "Sasuke wins! Points goes to Team 2!"

Sasuke: *Dabs*

Question 2: Margaret has 5 childrens. It's Olivia, Johnathan, Liam, Shana, and Who is the youngest.

Them:

Sasuke: Oh. Ooooh. Okay.

Yukimura: What? What?? Who is the youngest? Who?

Masamune: Hoooh.. This is tricky.

Nobunaga: I think it's Mitsunari. Because our Mitsunari is like the youngest who's mind needed to be protected 😏.

Mitsunari: Thank you, My Lord. I'm honored (❁´◡`❁).

Ranmaru: But wow. This Margaret person is a super woman. She have five kids 😲✨✨✨.

Sasuke: The people in this era is really... *sigh* must protecc!

Yukimura: Sasuke, stop talking in your weird language, I bet you already have the answer don't you?

Sasuke: Yes I do.

Yukimura: So who's the youngest?

Sasuke: Yes.

Yukimura: What-

Sasuke: Who is the youngest.

Yukimura: No, I'm asking you ಠ_ಠ.

Sasuke: Yes bro. Who is the youngest.

Yukimura: I SWEAR TO GOD SASUKE WHO IS THE YOUNGEST??

Sasuke: You don't have to swear it like that, bro. Yes. Who is the youngest.

Yukimura: *SCREEEEEECH*

Final question: If a castle is a home, then a bed is a ______.

Masamune: Kitten meowing my name 😏✨✨✨✨

Hideyoshi in the background: *sighhhhh* 😑😑😑😑

Ranmaru: A place to sleep (✿❛◡❛)!

Nobunaga: Place for MC to be ready for my kiss 😏.

Sasuke: ......

Yukimura: A place to sleep obviously. What else it is for 😒?

Sasuke: *Grabs megaphone* VIRGINNNNNNN~~~~~

Yukimura: What?? (　☉д⊙)

Shingen among the crowd: Oh, my Yuki. And here you are, playing the game so you can win over our Goddess (��ω；。).

Yukimura: *Misheard* What? You want to bring a horses on your bed??

Meanwhile Mitsunari: *Still distracted with the butterfly 😳🦋✨✨✨

Winner: Team 2. Thanks to Sasuke.

Mitsunari: I don't know what happened but yaaaay (❁´◡`❁)❤❤❤~~

Nobunaga: *Smiles at MC's photo of sleeping* Hm 😏. *Puts it inside his inner kimono*

Sasuke: *stares at photo of MC cooking in an apron* Oh mah waifu. Le mademoiselle making me a sandwich. *kiss kiss kiss*

Nobunaga: ........

Sasuke: *Cough* Excuse me (´・ｪ・｀).

Second Game - Eating Competition

Team 1 - Shingen, Kennyo

Team 2 - Yukimura, Mitsuhide

Prize: Gold Trophy of MC statue in wedding dress.

Shingen: We can do this, Kennyo 😏. Let's do our best to win our Goddess's heart~

Kennyo: Tsk. I don't see any points of winning this game over a food eating competition-

MC: Alright the food is here~ I cooked it myself ☺☺☺. The dish for this eating competition is fried rice with anchovies, edamame, tempura, and a mix of foreign country, Korea's infamous Kimchi ❤.

Kennyo: I won't lose 😒.

Shingen: ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^)...

Yukimura: Why did I team up with you again?

Mitsuhide: Now, now, don't say that. We might win, you know?

-FOOD EATING COMPETITION... START!-

Shingen: Aaaah it smells so nice. When the Goddess prepared something as divine as this, I couldn't ask for more, aaah such a sin to be eating heavenly food~~

Kennyo: Just be quiet and start eating will you ಠ_ಠ? Nevermind I will start first- *Eats* ....MMF-

Yukimura: GAH WHAT THE HECK WILD BOAR?? It's so salty!!

MC: ☺💢...... My, have I forgotten to tell you that the dishes is not what it taste like? Oh I didn't. Of course. Especially for someone like you, Yukimura.

Kennyo: The rice is salty, the edamame is sour, the tempura is sweet and the kimchi is-- what a combination..! Sh- Shingen- *turns around*

Shingen: X w X.......

Kennyo: He fainted with anchovies hanging in his mouth 😱😱😱 OI! WAKE UP!

Yukimura: *Hurls* Oh f-- hey, are you oka-

Mitsuhide: *Has mixed everything into one bowl and already ate it until halfway* Hm ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^)?

Yukimura: ʕʘ̅͜ʘ̅ʔ....

Winner: Team 2. Thanks to Mitsuhide and his sense of taste.

Mitsuhide: *Chuckles to the trophy* Ah, I can't wait for the real person to wear it. *Smiles at MC*

MC: (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)?

And Yukimura: *Holding the gold trophy with ʕʘ̅͜ʘ̅ʔ face*

Final Game - Pass the Baton

Team 1- Kenshin, Shingen, Yukimura, Ranmaru, Kennyo

Team 2 - Hideyoshi, Masamune, Mitsunari, Ieyasu, Mitsuhide

Prize: A handmade kimono by MC.

Point 1: Masamune and Shingen

Bang!

Both of them dash for the second point, clearly glaring at one another within the race.

"Heh. Handmade Kimono or not, I will make sure I claim many more from her!"

"Aren't we a greedy one, One Eyed Dragon? That will be impossible for you to do so as Team 1 will win this no matter what!" Shingen focused to his front, all more than ready to pass the baton.

Both of them manage to pass the baton!

"Go! Ieyasu / Yuki!"

Sasuke: *Gasp* The Tsunderes of History (´・д・｀)! *Takes out phone out of no where and takes picture (which is attached with orange to charge its battery)*

MC: ಠ_ಠ...

"Heh, I won't lose to you!"

"Focus on your front, future loser."

"EXCUSE ME (　☉д⊙)??"

"Excuse you 😒."

"Damn it..! Ah Kenshin-sama--"

Yukimura: *Saw something + slipped* GAH- *Fell and land like an airplane, flat on the floor* Why are you drinking during a race???

Kenshin: Hmh. I was bored, you are too slow (눈‸눈).

Mitsunari: I'm honored to get the baton from you, Ieyasu-sama (❁´◡`❁)✨✨✨

Ieyasu: Just start with the running already

ヽ(`д´；)/!!!

3rd point, Kenshin and Mitsunari. Despite the slight delay, both of them running in par with one another.

"You are amazing despite having a drink just now, Kenshin-sama."

"Heh. That is nothing much. Besides, you are not bad yourself."

Meanwhile, at the 4th point...

Mitsuhide: ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^) My, hello fellow betrayer.

Ranmaru: QAQ Don't put it that way please~~

Now the baton in both of their respective hands, Ranmaru didn't hesitate to use his ninja skills for a quick stride, and that won't stop Mitsuhide either.

The final point: Hideyoshi and Kennyo.

Both: *Glares at one another*

Kennyo: To think that Nobunaga's lap dog would participate.

Hideyoshi: What did you say ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨?? Ah, here he comes..! Pass it here, Mitsuhide!

Mitsuhide: ( ͡^ ͜ʖ ͡^) My, my, someone is impatient. Did you miss me, Hideyoshi?

Hideyoshi: GSHJSKAALF JUST BE QUICK WILL YOU ヽ(`д´；)/??

Mitsuhide: Okay~~

Also Mitsuhide: Ah-

*S T A B*

Everyone in the field: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 *GASSSPPPPP*

Mitsuhide: My apologies, Hideyoshi. The running makes my legs tire witn fatigue it seems.

Current Hideyoshi's state: *Baton sticking out in his butthole* A-are you trying to kill me, Mitsuhide--- ugh- *faints*

Ranmaru: *Is stuck between helping Hideyoshi but also want to pass the baton to Kennyo* Aaaah I'm sorry, Hideyoshi-sama 😭!! Kennyo-sama!! Here!! *Pass the baton*

Kennyo: *Wince with an eye twitch to Hideyoshi* I pray for the health of your.. W-well. *Runs*

Winner: Team 1.

Kenshin: Kimono is great. But a kiss from you is better.

MC: Wha wha wha o////o..!

Shingen: Are you stealing my lines 😒? So rude~

Kennyo: Hands off your filthy hands on her, Shingen.

Ranmaru: Yaaaay Kimono by Princess (∩´∀`∩)💕!!

Yukimura: *Looking at Hideyoshi who is surrounded by the Azuchi lots* That's.. The most horrifying thing ever ʕʘ̅͜ʘ̅ʔ *shivers*

Meanwhile..

Nobunaga: Your sacrifice will be remembered and honoured, Hideyoshi.

Mitsunari: Noooo Hideyoshi-sama is not a virgin anymoreeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ieyasu: Mitsunari what in the smoking duck-

Mitsunari: Huh? But MC said like that since Hideyoshi-sama is Nobunaga-sama's wife or something just now.. Huh? Ieyasu-sama, a duck can smoke 😱😱😱???

Ieyasu: Yes, just like you 😒.

Mitsuhide: May you rest in peace, my fellow right hand.

Masamune: May your butt rest well, lad. *sighs*

Hideyoshi:

Hideyoshi:

Hideyoshi: HEY S T O P!! I'M NOT DEAD YET ୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨!!!

[xtruss]

After Clown Johnson, Britain’s Relationship With The EU May Get Worse! Those Hoping For An Improvement Face Disappointment

— Britain, Brussels | Through a Glass Darkly | The Economist | July 08, 2022

The immediate reaction across Europe to Boris Johnson’s decision to resign was relief. The departing prime minister was a principal architect of Brexit; his chaotic government constantly needled Brussels. Michel Barnier, the eu’s former Brexit negotiator, greeted the news by saying it opened “a new page in relations” between Britain and the bloc. That is too optimistic. Indeed, as Fabian Zuleeg of the European Policy Centre, a think-tank, puts it, relations may deteriorate further rather than improve.

The biggest bone of contention is the bill to allow the government unilaterally to rewrite the Northern Ireland protocol, which by keeping the province (but not Great Britain) in the single market for goods necessitates a customs border in the Irish Sea. Maros Sefcovic of the European Commission says that the bill “illegally rips up the protocol and is highly damaging to mutual trust”. He notes that this part of the Brexit withdrawal treaty was negotiated at Britain’s express wish three years ago. Cheekily aping Mr Johnson’s own election-winning slogan, he has said it is time we “got Brexit done”.

Introducing the bill to Parliament last month, Liz Truss, the foreign secretary, said her preference was to negotiate changes to the protocol; the bill was insurance in case this fails. But Mr Sefcovic detects no appetite among eu leaders to reopen a treaty sealed after years of talks. Diplomats say serious political negotiation is impossible when they see a gun on the table. The eu feels that, were it to concede to unilateral threats, that would weaken it in all international negotiations.

The eu has resumed legal action against Britain for failure to apply the protocol in full. Diplomats in Brussels are also watching the bill’s passage carefully. It has passed its second reading in the House of Commons and is due to go to committee stage next week, where it may be amended. Some question whether the interim government that Mr Johnson still leads has the constitutional authority to push ahead with legislation this controversial; there are also hopes it might be blocked in the House of Lords.

Yet even if there are impediments to the bill’s progress, it is fanciful to expect any new Tory prime minister simply to junk it. Candidates to take over from Mr Johnson must seek support from hardline mps in the European Research Group, a Eurosceptic group of Tory mps. They know that Conservative Party members, who will make the final choice of leader, are more pro-Brexit than most backbenchers. Ms Truss herself is a contender; she is most unlikely to soften her attitude to the eu when canvassing support.

If the bill is enacted, even under a new and more emollient British prime minister, Brussels is bound to respond strongly. Mr Sefcovic has said that nothing is ruled out. The terms of Britain’s trade agreement allow retaliation for a failure to stick to the withdrawal treaty. That could include targeted tariffs and might even extend to scrapping the entire post-Brexit trade deal.

The bill has soured broader relations. Mr Sefcovic says it has made it impossible to strike deals on British participation in the Horizon scientific-research programme or over financial services. Co-operation over Russia’s war in Ukraine is a partial exception to this gloomy picture. But British hopes that their new fans in eastern Europe might stop trade retaliation are overblown: east European leaders are clear that sticking to treaty commitments and protecting the single market are higher priorities.

The eu clearly regrets Brexit, but it also sees some advantages in the absence of a curmudgeonly member. The view that Brexit is causing economic damage is widespread, and may be responsible for a rise in popular support for the club outside Britain. There is no prospect of a reversal even if the opposition Labour Party wins the next election. In a speech on July 4th Sir Keir Starmer, the Labour leader, promised that his party will seek neither to overturn Brexit nor to rejoin the single market or customs union.

Sir Keir has suggested that a more harmonious relationship with the eu could make Brexit work better, however, and diplomats in Brussels agree. Mr Sefcovic thinks more changes could be negotiated without changing the treaty text—he claims to have trimmed the form needed for a mixed-goods lorry to enter Northern Ireland from a theoretical 700 pages to just three—but only if mutual trust is restored. Mr Johnson’s departure may have been necessary for that happen, but it is not sufficient. ■

[yeenybeanies]

A Little Lost

it’s star wars day!! what a fine day to have my heart torn from my chest with the clone wars finale :’) WELL THIS IS VERY OLD LMAO it’s been in my drafts since may 4th i did not proofread this & i probably will not do so until tomorrow EDIT i have proofread it & made my tweaks & it is Good To Go :>

star wars | rex & pomfree ( oc ) 

4,395 words

mild language warnings

reblogs > likes!! feel free to leave comments in the tags!! thanks!!

Breathe! Air and dust and dirt rush into his lungs. The clone jolts, consciousness returning like a punch to the face. If only it was a simple punch that knocked him out, though. That would have been way less painful . . ..

Soft grunts and groans fill the air as the clone trooper pulls himself from the him-shaped indentation in the dirt. He can still stand. He can move his arms and his back and his neck. Nothing seems broken ( miraculously ), but everything is sore regardless.

“ This is Captain Rex; can anyone hear me? I was––– ”  static. He looks down to the comlink on his forearm, all the buttons smashed and broken. Useless. He grimaces, then turns his attention to the surrounding jungle. Where is he? Where’s the ship? . . . Where is his helmet? A cursory glance at his immediate surroundings shows no signs of the blue-painted headgear.

Rex stands up with a final groan and takes a few steps, searching for signs of––well, of anything. Smoke, blaster fire, voices, tracks . . .. The ship was going down, and he fell out of it before it crashed. Surely it’s not too far off. He curses a little under his breath; the jungle canopies of this planet are too damn high and thick for him to be able to see anything more than a few feet away. The only option now, as far as he can see, is to start walking in the direction he thinks the ship landed in.

“ Hello? Anyone out there? ”  Even cupping his hands around his mouth doesn’t help his yells travel very far. The jungle is tight. It’s a hassle just to walk around. Rex grumbles as his boot catches on a ground vine for the umpteenth time. He hasn’t tripped yet, but––ack! Spoke too soon. Just seconds later, he’s snagged again, and falls forward, onto his hands and knees. Teeth clenched, the trooper slams a fist into the spongy jungle floor, allowing his frustration to vent for just a moment. How the hell is he going to get out of this one?

Calm. He needs to be calm. Getting mad isn’t going to solve anything. ( Blast, he sounds like a Jedi. ) Rex takes a breath and tugs his foot free yet again. He shifts himself into a crouch, runs a hand over his short, blond hair, and tries once more to assess his surroundings. In every direction, there is just more jungle. But––oh? He catches a glimpse of white amidst all the green undergrowth to his right. One brow raised, Rex pushes his way through the brush to investigate. He parts the vines and leaves and finds . . . yes! His helmet! At least something is going his way in this god-forsaken jungle. Rex leans forward to pick the familiar item up, silently praising that he managed to stumble across it ( literally ). As he brings it to his head to put it on, though, a startled cry makes him jump. Rex looks up to see a little . . . creature dangling from the helmet lip. It screams when it looks at him, and he yelps right back, immediately dropping both it and the helmet. The latter clatters to the jungle floor, but the former––unexpectedly, the former drifts down in a much more controlled manner, gliding on thin membranes––or perhaps clothing––between its arms & legs. It lands a few feet away and stares up at Rex, eyes wide.

What the hell?

Rex stares back for a long moment. It . . . isn’t running away. It’s not attacking either, though. It’s a curious-looking little thing. It looks almost human, though significantly smaller––maybe five, six inches tall at most. Slowly, tentatively, Rex kneels down to retrieve his helmet, though he doesn’t take his eyes off of the creature.

“ Easy now . . . ”  he says, hoping to placate any potential hostilities.  “ Not gonna hurt you. I’m with the Grand Army of the Republic. ”  Hell, he doesn’t even know if the damn thing speaks Basic.

“ You are a clone. ”  Ah. So it does speak. Rex blinks, a little surprised, but nods his head. The creature looks up, way up to the high canopies.  “ You came from the crashed ship? ” 

“ Huh––erm, yeah. Yeah, I, uh, fell out of it. Did you see where it landed? ”  A spark of hope flares up in his chest. This little critter might be the key to finding his comrades!

They shake their head––a gesture that nearly goes unnoticed due to their size.  “ Knocked me down from the top when it came through. Best way to see would be . . .. ”  They point up. This time, Rex follows their gaze, confused. 

The top? This thing was at the top? The trees have to be a couple hundred feet high! How could they have gotten all the way up there? So many questions flood the trooper’s mind, but he shakes his head. Focus.

“ I gotta climb all the way up there? ”  The very thought is daunting. ( Really, how could something so small make it up there? ) Rex gives the creature a disbelieving look, but they just nod right back at him.

“ It is the best chance, ”  they assure.  “ I need to go up too. It’s dangerous down here for us. I need to get back home. ” 

Rex narrows his eyes.  “ So what you really need is for me to take you up there. There’s no benefit at all for me. Just a waste of time. ” 

“ No! ”  The creature waves their little hands, alarmed.  “ No! You really can see! And it’s easier to move up there! ”  There’s obvious panic in their voice, but Rex isn’t sure if it’s because of him, or because he might leave them. He rolls his eyes and takes another look up the giant tree trunks.

One thing is for certain: he cannot see anything down there. Flares wouldn’t go above the treetops either, so they’d be useless from the ground. Rex contemplates, tossing the idea around in his head, and wrinkles his nose when he reaches a decision.

“ Alright. I’m going up there. I’ll take you too, but if this turns out to be for nothing, I’m gonna drop you back down. ”  It’s an empty threat––something the little creature quickly picks up on. They beam up at him, looking just elated. Rex dons his ( now unoccupied ) helmet and . . .––well, he isn’t sure if he should just grab them, or if he should go about carrying them some other way. Thankfully, they solve the problem for him. They’re fast; they race to his boot and scale his leg like it’s nothing, and then the rest of him, all the way up to his shoulder pauldron. He wasn’t expecting that, but . . . it works.

“ Right . . .. Hold on tight. ”  Rex pulls a blaster from his holster and attaches an ascension cable. The lowest branch on the tree before him is . . . still pretty damn high up. His grimace deepens; he isn’t sure that the cable is long enough to reach, but he takes aim and shoots. It flies out with a hiss, racing parallel to the trunk for a good few seconds before . . . yes! It just barely reaches  the branch’s underside. Were Rex a few inches shorter, he’s not sure it would have made it. 

One last check to make sure the creature is secure on his shoulder ( somehow they seem even smaller up close ), then Rex starts the climb. He has to pull himself up the trunk a few steps so he can secure the cable to his belt, but then he’s able to activate the wench that gradually pulls them up.

“ So. ”  Even with the wench, it’s still going to take a while to scale a tree this tall. Rex keeps his eyes upward, but he does nod slightly towards his company.  “ Got a name? ” 

“ Yes. I am Pomfree. My friends call me Pom. ”

“ Pom. My name’s Rex. You, uh . . . you said you live up in the canopies? How’d you get up there to begin with? ”

“ Oh, my kind comes from up in the treetops. We are many tribes that have always been up there. Those that fall to the floor . . . ”  Rex feels them shudder,  “ usually they do not come back up. It is dangerous. And impossible for us to climb so far. ”

“ No kidding . . .. ”  Rex isn’t sure he would be able to climb this thing without an ascension cable, let alone someone like Pom.  “ You can glide, though, right? ”

“ Yes, but . . . ”  they pull one of the membranes from their sides––Rex can now see from his peripherals that it is indeed clothing––and show a stitched-up tear, presumably recent.  “ I tore it on a branch in the confusion, and I hit my head shortly after, so . . .. ”

So that’s how they got to the ground. Rex feels a pang of sympathy for the little creature. He knows all about being thrown into hostile environments, but he’s a soldier. Pom, he imagines, is not.

“ Why are you here? ”  Their question pulls Rex from his thoughts. He shoots them a glance, a brow raised under his helmet.

“ Told you: I fell from my ship while it was––– ”

“ No––why are you on our planet? We are not a part of the war . . . are we? ”  There’s a twinge of fear in their voice––something Rex is, unfortunately, quite familiar with. This terrible war has ravaged many planets.

“ Erm . . . well, the Separatists have established a fort here, despite your apparent neutrality, so we’ve come in to deal with it. ”  That’s putting things a little lightly. He doesn’t really want to scare Pom more.  “ It’s pretty far from here, though. Don’t think you’ll be seeing any part of it anytime soon––if at all. ”  Hopefully. Civilian casualties happen, but Rex still would like to minimize them wherever and whenever he can.

His answer seems to calm Pom, if only a little. They look up the cable that’s pulling them along. They’ve almost reached the branch. Once Rex gets a hold on it, Pom moves to somewhere a bit more stable so the clone can have his full range of motion and climb his way up to the branch’s top. It’s easier said than done; the damn thing is thicker than Rex is tall. He nearly slips once, and gets both of their hearts racing. He does assure Pom that he’s okay and he’s got them, and manages to make it to the dorsal surface. Thank God the bark is rough and filled with handholds.

They’re not even halfway up the tree, though. Rex cranes his neck, looking up at the vertical distance still ahead of them, and sighs. The droop of his shoulders makes Pom scramble for a moment to maintain balance.

“ This . . . is gonna take a while. ”  Dismayed but determined, the captain readies his cable again, takes aim, and shoots for the next-nearest branch, way high up. It’s going to take, he suspects, at least three or four more cable trips to get up to where they need to be.

Pom is fairly chatty, full of questions. Rex answers what he can. Being an older clone, he’s a bit more aware of the universe around him, and of the nuances of the war. The little being watches him with those wide, curious eyes, soaking up all he has to say. It’s cute, in a way; Rex just wishes he had more to tell them than stories and news about violence and suffering. He’s sorry that the war has come to this planet.

Once they reach the underside of the second branch, the two rinse and repeat as they’d done with the first. Rex expels a breath bordering on exasperation as he looks upward. Only now are they about halfway up the gigantic tree. He notices that, at their current height, their surroundings look different than they had on the jungle floor. It’s brighter, if only marginally so. The foliage is comprised more of leaves and vines, as opposed to the heavy roots and trunks and ferns on the jungle floor. Rex pushes past a curtain of moss as he walks along the bough, searching for another spot to aim his cable.

“ Wait. ”  Pom knocks their little fist on the side of the trooper’s helmet.

“ What? You see something? ”  He does not like the sudden worry in their voice. Reflexively he rests a hand on the hilt of one of his blasters.

“ No, I hear . . . –––get down! ” 

Rex ducks just in time. Mere moments after their warning, a beast erupts from the foliage, its claws and teeth just barely missing his head. Rex crawls forward a few feet and twists onto his seat. Whatever it is, it seems to be only about half the size of a man, but it is mean. It looks like an alien cross between feline and reptile, and sports two sets of climbing arms and a smaller set of what appear to be prey-grabbing arms. He doesn’t get to observe much more of it before it launches at him, all arms outstretched. Rex falls backward, letting the beast sail over him again. He quickly flips himself over and jumps to his feet, ready to move, when a sharp cry brings his attention back to his passenger. The little being clings to his pauldron, legs flailing. Dammit. He’d nearly forgotten about them in the–––

“ Look out! ” 

Rex throws up an arm just as the beast reaches him, its teeth clamping down on his gauntlet. A few reach his skin, but he pays it no mind, much more distracted by the claws slashing at him.

No . . ..

The beast isn’t aiming for him; it’s aiming for Pom! The little one yelps and struggles to maintain their hold amidst the panic and the pandemonium. Rex shoves the creature off with a heavy knee to its gut and, without really thinking, grabs Pom. They squeak and struggle in his hold, but he keeps firm. He turns and dashes to put some distance between them and the creature while its still recuperating, his free hand aiming the cable launcher upward. There isn’t any time to pick an optimal branch; he selects one that looks suitable enough, shoots, and starts ascending as soon as it hooks in.

“ I’ve gotcha, kid, ”  Rex says,  “ that thing isn’t gonna–––augh! ” 

Sharp pains pierce the flesh between his armor. The beast jumped up after them, and has its claws dug into his left leg. With both hands occupied, the trooper can only curse and kick at it, quickly growing desperate to shake it off. It’s not interested in him in the slightest; it’s trying to climb him to reach Pom, now held as far out as possible.

Bastard. Rex grits his teeth and rams his heel into the creature’s face. His grip on the blaster is starting to slip; he needs to ditch this thing fast.

“ Pom, I’m gonna throw you, ”  he says. He doesn’t give the little one any time to protest before he launches them upward. Their fear-filled yell doesn’t sit well with him, but he’s left with one hand free to grab his other blaster. He shoots the beast in the shoulder, making it shriek out in pain, and pistol whips it right along its temple. Its claws unhook from his person, leaving it to fall a few feet and land bodily onto a branch below. It’s still alive, but stunned, and hopefully convinced to leave them be. Rex watches it for a second, then snaps his head upwards, eyes searching the foliage.

“ Pom? “  He doesn’t see them, which sends a pang of worry through his brain. They fixed the tear in their gliding suit; surely they managed to slow their fall . . . right?  “ Where are you, kid?  That thing’s gone now. Pom? ” 

The longer the silence persists, the more unsettled Rex grows. He stops his ascent and pulls himself up the cable enough to hook it to his belt, then looks down to the branches below. The creature is nowhere to be seen, but the same can be said for Pom.

“ Hey, Pom! Come on, kid! Tell me you’re alright! ”  What if they fell back to the floor? What if the thing ultimately managed to snatch them and run off? Dank Farrik, what if–––

“ Rex! ”  The tiny voice snaps his attention upward. Relief washes over him when he spots them perched atop a branch several feet above him. They jump, gliders spread, and drift down towards him. He meets them with both hands outstretched, giving them a platform to land on. Immediately he can feel the shivers coursing through their body. Another pang spikes in his mind. Carefully, he draws them nearer.

“ Pom, I––listen, kid, I’m sorry. I should’a given you some more warning. You alright? ”  Other than their pallid features, they don’t look any worse for wear physically. They nod, still shaking.

“ It’s––n-no, I am okay. I am just . . . I have never seen a grekesa up close . . . and I never want to again. ”  They pull their gliders in and sit in his hands, hugging their knees to their chest. Rex presses his lips together. It does make him feel a little better to know that his actions didn’t scare them so much as the beast. As a soldier, he’s faced things far worse than that  “ grekesa, ”  but he recognizes that he is both battle-hardened and far to big for most things to make a meal out of. Pom would be but a snack.

“ I’ve got you, kid. We ought’a keep moving before another one shows up. “  Were that to happen, he’d drop the bastard where it stands. Rex deposits Pom onto his shoulder where they quickly huddle up to his neck, and resumes their ascent.

Pom is much quieter now, but, after a few minutes, Rex feels their tension start to ease. A part of him wants to reach up and comfort them, but he’s not sure how he’d do that. What, would he rub their back or shoulder with his finger? Give them a little hair ruffle? How would he comfort someone so small?

“ Thank you, ”  they say, drawing Rex from his thoughts.

“ Hm? What for? ” 

Pom shrugs, though the gesture goes unseen.  “ For saving me from the grekesa. For helping me get back home. ”

A tinge of warmth fills the trooper’s heart. He shakes his head.  “ Don’t mention it. In fact, don’t thank me just yet; we still have a ways to go before we get to the canopy. ”

As they climb ever higher into the treetops, Rex takes note of the drastic changes in scenery. The difference between the jungle floor and the upper levels is like night and day––literally. While the floor was quite dark, at this height, there isn’t nearly as much foliage to block out the sunlight. Something as simple as a bit of sun has Rex feeling more optimistic that he’ll be able to see his fallen ship when they reach the top.

Once they reach their next branch, Rex pauses a moment and removes his helmet. He’s mindful of Pom as he does so, careful not to jostle them too much. He fishes into one of his pockets to retrieve a rations bar. All of this crashing and climbing and fighting with local fauna has his stomach growling. Before he takes a bite, though, he breaks off a piece and offers it to his companion, who gratefully accepts.

“ Shouldn’t be too much longer, ”  Rex says after swallowing down a few bites.  “ One more good placement of the cable and we’ll be up near the top. Any of this starting to look familiar to you? ”

Pom finishes off their piece of ration, then stands up on the trooper’s shoulder, one hand to his neck for balance.  “ Hmm . . .. Not really. I have never left the canopy before. But . . .. ”  They leap from their perch, gliders unfolding. They drift over to a cluster of leaves on a neighboring branch. Rex watches with one brow raised as they inspect the branch, looking for who-knows-what.

“ Aha! ”  They declare. They hold up a leaf that, to Rex, looks like any other dead leaf. He blinks, confused.  “ This is from my tribe! We must be approaching one of the lower villages! ”

“ That leaf . . .? ”  He tilts his head, still lost.  “ How do you know it’s not just . . . some leaf? ”

“ Because! ”  Pom jumps and glides back to Rex, who holds out a hand for them to land on. They hold up the leaf to him.  “ Each tribe grows special leaves that we graft onto trees to mark our territories. This one––see these? ”  they point to the veins in the leaf, which swirl in intricate patterns.  “ Over the generations, my tribe has designed this pattern and color. It is unique to us. ”

“ Uh hunh . . .. ”  Rex squints. Upon closer inspection, it does stand out. However, other than the color––a bright red to contrast the greens––he wouldn’t think anything of it. Then again, this isn’t his culture; he wouldn’t think to think anything of it.  “ That’s good news then. Means we’re gettin’ somewhere. ”

Pom beams up at the trooper. They scurry along his arm, back to his shoulder, and settle down for the continued journey. Rex finishes off the last of his ration bar, replaces his helmet, and takes aim at another branch. This one, he hopes, will be the last stretch. He clips himself in and activates the wench, thus resuming their ascent.

It doesn’t take long for Pom to point out more markers of their tribe. There are carvings and paintings in the bark, more clusters of leaves, and even a few abandoned homes––all of which would have gone under Rex’s radar were he alone. The more he sees, the more he realizes how resourceful Pom’s people must be to live up here.

The excitement and wonder come to a grinding halt, however, when the ascension cable lurches. Rex only has a moment to realize what’s happening before it comes loose. After a brief fall and an undignified yell, he manages to catch himself on a branch, hands clinging to the bark and legs dangling.

“ Dammit! Pom, are you––– ”  He looks to his shoulder to find it unoccupied. He isn’t given any time to process this, though. A sharp smack to the side of his helmet draws the trooper’s attention to his left, where he finds four little humanoids, each armed with a slingshot.  “ What the hell . . .? ”

“ Stop! Leave him alone! ”  Calls a familiar voice from up above. Pom drifts down, landing atop Rex’s helmet.  “ He is my friend! ”

The four beings pause, each of them looking shocked and confused.  “ Pomfree? Is that you? ”  One asks. All at once, they rush forward towards Rex and Pom. He has to stop himself from flinching as they scale his arms and shoulders. The one that spoke clambers up to meet Pom on his helmet where the two embrace. Rex feels . . . awkward.

“ We saw you fall into the dark beyond! ”  The one––Rex assumes them to be the leader of the group––says.

“ I did! I fell all the way to the floor, ”  they say.  “ I tried to stop myself, but I tore my wing and hit my head and then I woke up down there. This one––– ”  they pat Rex’s helmet,  “ helped me back up. He saved me from a grekesa too! ” 

Though he can’t see any of the little ones from where they are on his person, he can feel all of their eyes on him. Rex clears his throat.  “ Er, hi. I hate to break up the reunion, but do you mind letting me pull myself up? I don’t really want to stay hanging here. ” 

Pom is the first to disembark. The others are quick to follow. Once they’re all off, Rex hauls himself up to straddle the branch. He breathes a sigh of relief, and rolls his shoulders to work out some of the stiffness from holding himself in place.

All five of the little beings stare at him. Pom is the only one that does not look wary. Rex can’t blame them, he supposes. He clears his throat again.  “ Right. I am Captain Rex of the Army of the Grand Republic. It’s true, I met Pom down on the jungle floor. “

“ He is good, ”  Pom insists, though their companions do not seem fully convinced. They huff and approach Rex, frowning. They climb up onto his thigh and gesture to him.  “ Show your face. Let them see you. ”

With some hesitancy, the trooper complies. He pulls his helmet off and tucks it under his arm. This somehow feels even more awkward.

“ Look, I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than we already have. I’m just trying to find my squadron; Pom told me I’d have a better shot at seeing where they landed up here. Only fair I bring them up with me. ”

The four regard him with scrutiny, then huddle up to whisper amongst themselves. Every few seconds, one of them glances back at him before returning to the conversation. Rex grimaces.

“ Well, Pom, I think this is where we’re gonna have to part ways. ”  Gently, he scoops the little being off of his leg and sets them down on the branch. Before he can pull his hand away, though, they catch his thumb and wrap their arms around it. This, he realizes, is the closest thing to a hug they can share. He glances to the group, all of whom are staring at him again, then gently lets his fingers curl around their back.

“ Hey now, no need for any waterworks, kid, ”  he says, mustering a half-smile.  “ Glad I could get you back to your people. You be good now, alright? ”

Pom gives his thumb a squeeze before letting go. They take the leaf they’d kept from when they’d first found signs of their tribe and place it in Rex’s palm.  “ Thank you, Rex. I am sad I cannot do more to help you than wish you luck in finding your own people. ”

“ Don’t worry about it. ”  His half-smile grows into something softer, more genuine. Fingers close around the leaf, then he pushes himself to stand. The four new little ones retreat a few feet, and Pom joins them after a moment. Rex offers a small wave, then puts on his helmet and tucks the leaf into one of his pockets. He takes his blaster and launches his ascension cable to a higher branch.

Pom is home. That’s good. Now he needs to figure out how the hell he’s going to keep the war away from them and their people.

[nadiris-hq]

GOOD EVENING. IT’S SATURDAY SEPTEMBER FOURTH, IN DOWNTOWN NADIRIS CITY, AND THIS IS EYEWITNESS FUJI NEWS, REPORTING ON LOCATION. BUILDING LOT 666 IS NOW SURROUNDED IN WHAT APPEARS TO BE A SHADOW OF FUMES — 

Neon lights bled through puffs of smoke to fashion a haze of beautiful transparent clouds. Truth be told, the city had never looked so beautiful. The phenomenon was reported on for the entire weekend. Stories streamed by various institutions, stations, and vloggers accounted for a high speed chase that ended in the demolition of the building. Roads were marked off, and safety officials were stationed at intersections to redirect traffic away from the main street. From Friday, 11 o’clock at night, well into the daybreak of Sunday morning, most entries into downtown Nadiris were heavily monitored by law enforcement drones and AI patrol bots.  

Those of the underground know the real story, which began weeks prior... 

The orders started out simple. Parking Lot 666 was gaining the attention of a team of respected investigators. Uncleared foot traffic, reports of suspicious activity, and the snarling sounds coming from the building were signs the CCG couldn’t exactly ignore any longer. The board of directors were split in their decisions: hearsay, recordings of masked individuals, and anonymous tips were not substantiated. Half of the team wanted more time to explore their options– the other half wished for nothing but extermination.

A team of undercover investigators were instructed to gather enough evidence to surround the building, and take a peek inside, nothing more. And yet, later that night, the CCG would initiate a code red. 

The raid would then begin unplanned. Despite the much needed caution, the investigation unfurled, and because the order was given exactly how it shouldn’t have been,– fueled by emotion, and in haste–– the board of directors have since been on edge. Never has the CCG ever had to defend their competency in leading their investigations against the Aogiri. 

Regardless, the outcome was a bit of a success. The first grenade of its kind was launched into the depths of the dark lot, where many of the suspects were rendered incapacitated. RC grenades, as they’ve been called, were but the only defense the Doves had until back-up was reinforced. Their efforts were valiant, but those on the front lines of the investigation were soon to lose their lives, since the RC grenades couldn’t hold the hordes and waves of newborn hybrids. 

Stronger mildly-harmed ghouls were able to trigger what CCG investigators have only heard of myths of. Kagune signals were sent by subordinates of the Aogiri tree, and down the line, their own reinforcements came in droves. The fight for life and dominance piqued well into the night. As Doves rained fires of Q bullets, Kagune walls and Traps would help defend the tattering shambles of the now found Aogiri hide out. Though the unplanned ambush surprised the Aogiri, the faction had plans of their own–

The final battle ended in a siren blaring through the city which served as a warning for those wounded to retreat and evacuate the area. Once the dust and ash finally settled, Fuji News was on the scene and the first to report on the citywide curfew enacted by city officials, any other news reports have been deleted from the cloud. 

OOC INFO:

SUMMARY: 

PARKING LOT 666 —much like its sister space LOT 668, this is an abandoned lot in the lower Fuji District, just north of Downtown Nadiris. Or rather, it was. The building was recently rumored to be a hangout for hybrid ghouls who’ve been recruited to the Aogiri faction and through use of anonymous tips, undercover spy drones, and hidden alliances, the CCG were able to confirm such rumors as fact. Plans were drafted and quickly executed thereafter, leaving an array of bullet shells and bloodshed from the skirmishes between the Aogiri and the CCG. Casualties were had on both sides, as well as some unaffiliated ghouls caught in the crossfires.

The event occurred in game the first weekend of September, beginning roughly around 11 PM FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 3RD and lasted until 7 AM SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 4TH. The building was completely surrounded and marked off at 8 AM THAT SATURDAY and heavily patrolled and guarded until SUNDAY EVENING SEPTEMBER 5TH. The building is still enclosed with crime scene tape, but is finally free of any CCG activity.

1. FUJI NEWS HAS REPORTED ON ONE STORY ONLY: THE FAKE ONE. 

FUJI eyewitness news has reported on a false high speed chase involving an armed robbery which started at Fuji Mall, and ended at the crime scene. Highway lanes and nearby streets were sectioned off and closed for transportation to and from downtown. Reports claim the suspects were cornered and ultimately brought in for questioning September 4th, 8:00am. 

2. LOCKDOWN INSTATED.

Nadiris City is officially on an unjustifiable lockdown, which is raising some eyebrows of concern. No traveling in, or out of the city for the foreseeable future. All flight plans for traveling to the outer islands have been canceled as well as any autotrain tickets. 

3. DESPITE THE LACK OF PLANNING THE CCG CONSIDERS THIS A VICTORY 

Now that Lot 666 has been fully evacuated and raided, Lot 668 is currently being investigated — this time with more caution. CCG investigators are using all their efforts to infiltrate and gain any evidence to provide more insight on the building. Ghouls are discouraged from meeting in the parking lot, and Aogiri are now being briefed to eliminate any drones, spyware devices, or other outsiders who may incriminate their cause. 

INTRODUCING:

The following have been added to our glossary and are strongly encouraged to be used in any future interactions.

RC GRENADES — otherwise known as control RC gas. an experimental weapon made by the CCG. when released and inhaled by ghouls or hybrids, it begins to affect the respiratory system, weakening and impairing ghouls or hybrids to the point of unconsciousness. 

KAGUNE WALL — a defense mechanism used by ghouls which burrows into the ground and sprouts like a thorn bush or other organic barriers. It extends itself to fill the entire area, making passage impossible.

KAGUNE TRAP — a protective measure, in which the kagune can be buried within any surface, and springs forward for an offensive strike. These traps will lie in wait until nearby movement triggers them, bursting from their hiding place to impale what has set them off.

KAGUNE SIGNAL — a signal for help that is able to relay a distress call to any neighboring ghouls. Signals are typically only responded to by a ghoul who is part of the same faction as the one who utilizes the signal, however most ghouls can hear and respond to the signal should they wish to.

IC INFO ( PARTICIPATION IS NOT MANDATORY ):

IN CHARACTER TASK PROMPTS:

Consider how / if your muse was involved in or contributed to the raid. CCG agents would have been alerted by the CODE RED. Ghouls in proximity may have reached kagune signals. Humans and the unaffiliated could have been caught in the crossfires !!

Feel free to explore how your muse feels about the raid. Are they scared or hurt ? Are they feeling successful ? Are they still feeling rage ? 

Will the raid provide caution for your muse? What was the damage to your muse? And did they inflict damage on others? 

What’s the aftermath? Do they know anyone who was injured ? Are they grieving a casualty ? Are they guilty of a body count ? 

How do they feel about the citywide lockdown? Does this derail any of their plans ?

Will they believe Fuji News, or will they be coming up with their own conspiracy theories ?

Reflective self paras are also encouraged should you choose to engage in the task !!

STARTERS:

Starters may consist of any events after the plot drop but are not limited to the previous event !! Reacting to the plot drop IC is completely optional !!

You may also post any flashbacks or travel back in time should muses have any participation in the plot drop !! 

Please tag any flashback interactions, threads, or self paras as ;; nadiris: event, ;; nadiris: task and/or ;; nadiris: plot drop i.

[rant-2-me]

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you��and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.

[thetruthisthat]

I left without word and without reason. I hurt you, but most importantly i betrayed you by replicating the same pain you once felt with another. I made promises i couldn't keep, promises of being better than the last. Promises of being yours, forever.

But where am i?

I can't tell you why I'm gone, it was like the world suddenly became real again. Our fantasy, became real. And it scared me. The vulnerability, the feeling of being in love with somebody that i knew i couldn't have, or perhaps the opposite.

It wasn't supposed to be this complicated, right?

We created a false reality for ourselves, lying to each other. Pretending to love, pretending to bond, pretending to care. But for me, these acts of pretending became real. I started to believe in our lies, and our hopeless dreams of make-believe.

So i pulled away, before i got hurt.

Because trust me when i say this, I'm always afraid. I didn't want to let anybody know me because the truth is that i don't even know myself enough to let that happen. But you started to unfold me, piece by piece. You started to soothe my rough edges, smooth my walls. You started to build a home in my heart, and that's a dangerous thing.

You were a dangerous thing.

I've never been good with words because i learned to stop understanding myself as soon as i knew i didn't like what i saw, but when you tried to change that it made me distant. It made me feel scared. Because i know I'm not the person i want to be, that I'm not the person you think i am, that i know deep down the person I'm hiding you from isn't good enough for you. And it might sound dramatic, but it's true.

So, leaving you right now feels like a justified pain.

But what is pain when it comes to love? And what does love really feel like? We're so young, so naive. What we had couldn't possibly be love, right? We're just meant to be two strangers, thousands of miles apart texting through phone screens with dumb smiles on our faces. But it wasn't nothing. It was something, and it was powerful enough to scare me. Powerful enough to shake me, and confront me with feelings i had tried to drown.

But you're not to blame for this.

No, you're not. You never did anything wrong, nothing at all. Or at least, that's what i tell myself. That's what i make myself believe, and right now i have no reason to blame you for this circumstance. Maybe because you're the one asking me why, because you're the one that's reaching out for answers. And me? I'm hiding. I'm hiding because I'm scared of you, I'm scared of telling you how i feel because now it feels like you've heard too much. That you've seen more parts of me than my own family, my own friends.

But the scariest part?

Was the not knowing. Not knowing if you were believing in these lies, these stories we told ourselves, too. The words we exchanged, the music we dedicated to each other. Not knowing if the love you claimed to have towards me was real, or if it was just another lie. Just another fantasy.

Because we all like the idea of love, don't we?

The kind of love that feels just right. The kind of love that makes you smile at a simple text. The kind of love where you feel safe in their arms. The kind of love that feels like there's only the two of you in existence, the kind of love that makes you realize just how little time you have in this world. The kind of love that makes you believe in soulmates, makes you believe in the impossible, makes you believe that maybe- just maybe, fate has brought you together. That the universe became the ultimate matchmaker, and that cupid has flown by and struck you with the same arrow.

But this can't be love, right?

All we had was our games. Our beautiful lies. Our escape from reality, pretending to be people we both knew weren't ourselves. How could that ever be love? How could i fall in love with somebody i never truly knew. Nameless, faceless, but we weren't heartless. We acted out or dreams together, we exchanged parts of our lives in return for comfort and support. We told other strangers that we were in love, and they believed it just as much as us.

But this isn't love, is it?

Because, in the end. I left, without words and without warning. I couldn't tell you why at first, and i didn't want to tell you why when i started to understand the reasoning behind my escape later. Its only been a few days since i vanished from your life, yet I'm still craving to talk to you again. Are these withdrawals? Because they feel like it. But i know I'll be okay, that I'll eventually move on. That I'm happy it ended now, rather than later when so much more could be at stake.

I just want to say one last thing before i go,

I'm going to be okay and i hope you will too. And i also hope that you can feel my love, wherever you may be in this cosmos, even if it isn't the type of love we both pretended to have with each other. When you said you'd never be able to get over me, that you'd never love somebody the same way, did you mean it? The late nights, staying awake to talk to you about our future, to talk about how many lives we've had together.

If you really are my soulmate, my one true love, maybe we'll find each other again someday. That our paths will cross again, fate working in our favor.

But for now,

The distance between us will remain. So, thank you for giving me this opportunity to understand what love feels like. Even if it was only on borrowed time.

— a letter to V from B

May 4th, 2021.

[marley-warriors]

2000 years ago

Who was Ymir? What was Ymir’s titan?

Was Ymir really named Ymir? She never spoke, and it seems unlikely that her oppressirs would have cared to ask her name. So perhaps her name wadn’t even Ymir. As I though, the Eldians were indeed Germanics and Vikings, and based in this it may be that the Eldians actually gave Ymir her name after she first turned into a titan. They would probably have known what the name Ymir means: Progenitor of all Giants.

Ymir herself was not actually an Eldian. Her nation was devestated by the Eldians before being taken as slaves. Perhaps it could be that Ymir’s real name was actually Krista. I think this to be possible, considering Frieda called her Krista. After all why else would Frieda, whom knew Ymir, call her by that name? Perhaps we will get more on Ymir’s backstory. She has yet to speak as well, and we know nothing of her before she became a slave.

Many people seem to assume Ymir just willingly went back to the King. But this was never shown. Instead we know that some Eldians saw her transform. Most shifters are out cold for a while after inheriting their titans. If this was the case the Eldians may have found Ymir and retrieved her. Perhaps some would argue the Eldians to be too scared. But these were Vikings, whom may have even worshipped giants in norse mythology. I just doubt Ymir would have returned to the King on her own considering he ordered her to be ‘free’.

Ymir’s Progenitor titan is not the godess we expected. That was just Eldian propaganda to make Ymir look good. Instead she is a very large titan unlike any of the 9 titans. Because she is a combination of all 9 titans Ymir would have had qualities from each if them. It also seems tht she may be about 40 meter tall, taking into account her largest Titan: 60 meters, and smallest: 4 meters. The lack of any eyes or tunge in titan form seem to further represent her slave nature. The slaves were threatened to have an eye goughed out, and we did see their tongues being cut out.

Why was the power split into only 9 powers?

Ymir was the Progenitor. The first of all titans. Upon her death, she was cannibalised by her daughters: Maria, Rose and Sheena. We even see the Paths tree branch off into 3. Upon their fathers dying wishes, Maria, Rose and Sheena too would have probably birthed 3 children each and passed on their powers.

So Ymir had 9 powers within her. Then Maria, Rose and Sheena each held 3 powers within them. And their children, Or Ymir’s 9 grandchildren each held 1 power within them. But assuming those 9 grandchildren held up the tradition of each bearing 3 children and passing on the powers, why did it not split into 27 powers? I imagine this 4th generation of shifters would have been equally confused by this.

Here are some possible reasons:

1. The Eldian empire realised that each time the power was split, it grew weaker compared to the original Progenitor. So they limited it to 9.

2. The 9 realsm of norse mythology might be represented through the titans. So it was impossible for the Eldians to split up the 9 reals or titan powers any further, no matter how hard they tried.

3. The ‘parasite’ or source had 9 pairs of legs. Perhaps the source itself could not split itself into more than 9. The Eldians once again would have tried, but to no avail.

Are all Eldians Ymir’s decendants? Dosen’t that make them all royal?

[[MORE]]

This was pretty confusing. Ymir herself isn’t even an Eldian, only the King and father of her children was. But I do think all current Eldians are subjects of Ymir. The Eldian empire would have tried its damm hardest to have all Eldians be part of Ymir’s blood. All other Eldians that were not of Ymirs blood would have been considered unworthy and no one would have reproduced with them. Hence those Eldians would have died out.

So then if all Eldians and titan powers are decendants of Ymir, does that not make them royal? Well I don’t think so. Being ‘royal’ does not seem to have anything to do with being related to the first King Fritz, nor Ymir. We know only a very few Eldians are ‘royal’. I think what is considered royal here is the genetic makeup of the founding titan specifically. So being royal is not a title, its genetics. The genetics of the founding titan, which was the ‘heart’ or the core of the Progenitor Titan.

Hence all decendants of only the Founding titan are considered royal. The Founding titan among two other titans wpuld have been passed down to one of Ymir’s daughters. Im going to go with Maria, since she was the oldest and hence would be the next Queen of Eldia. Maria would then have passed the Founding Titan on to one of her own children. That child would be the first founding titan, and all its children, regardless of if they became a titan or not, would have had been royal. Meanwhile the children of the other 8 titans would just be considered normal Eldians.

As for the Eldians that were used as mindless titans. I imagine it possible that the Eldian empire would have tried relentlessly to increase the number of its 9 shifters, perhaps by doing so they gave some Eldians some spinal fluid to drink. But since those Eldians did not consume the actual spine they only turned into mindless titans. The King or Queen at the time might have screamed for order, realising that the mindless titans obeyed them, and only them. Hence a new opportunity for a greater weapon was born.

The outcasts, criminals and lower classes would have been used for mindless titans. The besiged nations whom had been enslaved and raped would have produced children that were probably also used as mindless titans.

What is up with the 13 year curse? And why could Ymir not regenerate?

There could be many possible answers. Some think she could not regenerate because no one was in paths to ‘repair’ her. But this theory is based on the idea that Ymir heals all injuries sustained by shifters. None of this is confirmed or canon. I think shifters don’t neex Ymir’s help to regenerate. It seems Ymir only builds titans, with no sign of her doing any repairs. But she did repair Zeke! Zeke was different. He was dying. He was not just injured, he was actually dying. And as a royal he made a wish not for this to end here. Ymir had to save him because of his royal blood.

Secondly, if Ymir died because no one was in paths to repair her, then who even built her titan in the first place? Its a contradiction. Because Ymir was the first she may not have needed anyone to build her titan body. Perhaps the source did it for her.

Or perhaps since time is infinite and non-linear in paths, Ymir actually built her own titan after her death. But if that were the case and she could heal others, then she could have just healed herself.

I think Ymir died because she lost the will to live. Isayama has addressed that before and must have mentioned it for a reason. So possibly Ymir died because she didn’t want to live anymore. She gave her all for the King. She brought him wealth, fought and killed his enemies, extended his empire, built infrastructure, bore him 3 heirs and saved his life. And what was the thanks? Nothing, no compassion, not even a helping hand. I think Ymir thought she could win the King’s love. She just wanted to be loved. We even see her as a child watching longingly as an Eldian pair kissed. But when Ymir realised that the King would never love her, never see her as more than just a slave and tool... well what was there to live for? Not even saving the Kings life earned her any love or compassion, and so she knew that nothing ever would.

Its not clear if she died 13 years after inheriting her power, but judging from her age, and the age of her daughters it seems very likely that it was indeed 13 years. Perhaps the curse is as simple as that. But it must also be noted that when taking the blame of her people upon herself, it was 13 hands that condemed her. 13 people decided her fate and blamed her for the pigs. It is this that would lead to her accidentally inheriting her power. Another thing is the source under the tree. It had 13 pairs of ‘tentacles’ on its back which extended upward to connect to Ymir. Perhaps this source feeds from its host for 13 years before seeking out a new healthy host.

Was that Marleyan the great Hero Helos?

No. Simply put, he was not. Yes he was a captive Marleyan and he did kill the Progenito Titan, but he was not Helos. Helos story is only from 1700 years later. By then no one would have remembered that one Marleyan. No one even knew the true story after 1700 years. It was all myths and legends by then. Besides, that Marleyan would have been killed instantly riggt there and then, and so would his comarades most likely. I doubt any of them lived to tell the tale. Even if they did, while at first that Marleyan may have been hailed a Hero, he would have very likely soon be cursed and shunned. After all because of him, Marley now had to deal with 3 titans instead of 1.

Further, Helos was never real. He never existed. Helos was a story invented by King Fritz the 145th, and the head of the Tybur Family. None of it was real, as is confirmed later by Willy Tybur. Helos would also not have been inspired by the Marleyan, as no one even remembers him in the current time.

What was the source under the tree?

I really don’t know... Yams will hopefully expand on that in future chapters. But I have heard some interesting theories about it being Nidhogg, the serpent dragon under Yggdrasil. Another theory is that it some alien life form that crashed to earth with a meteor. There were also suggestions it could be the roots of Yggdrasil, but the clearer scans debunk that. Others think its still the actual devil himself, perhaps hiding his true form.

I myself really do not know. But check out other peoples ideas, there are some really interesting ones.

Are there any other spoilers in the season 2 ending?

I don’t think so. There is already a clear shot of the unleashed Colossus titans in there, but that frame was already used in season 3 when the restorationists discussed the rumbeling. The panel of the 9 titans with a godess looking Founder was also already in season 3, as were many other shots.

But I have seen some people get confused about the titans coming from the ocean and attacking a town. Just to remind some people, that was the battle of Lago. The humans travelling out into the dessert was also part of the battle of Lago. It was said that the survivors fled to the dessert, where titans arose and killed them. That would represent the shot of the titans rising with the sun. So really none of these images are about the future or the rumbeling.

[kenkamishiro]

Ishida Sui’s Review of 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever finish this with my onslaught of classes including pharmacology, but I somehow managed! 6k word count, the longest TL I’ve done to date besides Parvati’s interlude for FGO. Lots of insight into Jack Jeanne’s production and what Ishida’s been up to for the past year. It was tough to translate because it was so long, but I had a lot of fun.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch. Have fun reading!

Original can be found here.

＊＊＊

2019. I’m reflecting on this past year while flipping through my agenda. Since I’m writing this for my sake, there’s going to be a lot of sections without much explanation.

January

○ This was when Jack Jeanne had yet to be announced, so I was mostly doing preliminary work at the time. Stuff like “BU” and “character facial expressions” will be finished some time this month, is written in my schedule book.

○ New Year’s party in Tokyo from the 16th - 19th. The New Year’s party is a joint party that’s comprised of the 4th editorial department (Shueisha’s seinen magazine branch) that’s held every year in January. I attended the party with the staff every year during serialization, minus my first year.

2019 will be the first New Year’s party since the series ended, but I thought I should stop inviting the staff to attend since we’re not working together anymore (plus it’d be a hassle), so I didn’t really invite anyone. But the day before the event, Editor M brought up the topic inside the taxi and asked, “Are none of the staff coming this year?” (Even if they’re invited now, it’s going to be impossible, asking them to fly the next day and causing a ruckus…) When I replied, “Hey, I’m sure it’d be fun if you invited them and they all came~”, the editor contacted Goubaru-kun, and after said, “He said he’s going.” Guess he wasn’t busy. In the end, the staff during serialization and several people from OB and OG came, almost identical to the lineup from previous years, and it occurred to me that maybe I should have just invited them from the start.

Anyway, at this year’s New Year’s party, I don’t really remember much of what happened. I talked with my senpais from back when I was an assistant for Kingdom, and outside the venue I sobered up from the agoraphobic dizziness I was feeling inside. At the second party I remember people talking to me haphazardly and being photographed. I wish I’d refused. Also, I was sexually harassed by Rikudou Matsubara, my senpai from the same region as me. This New Year’s party will be my last.

February

Briefing session for the game held in Tokyo. Key visual created. It says here [on the agenda] that I want to go to Kagoshima. Every week there’s a checklist for 10 km of jogging and weight training 2-3 times a week. I spent about a week doing some composition work. It ended up being helpful for me, but it made me decide not to work anymore with people with different levels of interest from me.

○ TRPG is written for the 28th. Usually we use the DX (Double Cross) system, but this time one of our participating players, M’s schedule was under mysterious attack. As game master, taking consideration of everyone who’d made time in their schedules for tonight, I thought we could switch to Cthulhu and asked them to wait an hour. 2 hours later I finished coming up with a scenario and began the session. It was fairly fun.

March

Finish BU this month, is clearly noted down. BU stands for bust-up, which are drawings of characters in standing poses [sprites] that are common in ADV games. Normally, since it takes a huge amount of work, the BU work is always divided up. The original drawings are done by the illustrator, in this case I do the base illustrations (line drawing & colouring), and using them as the base, the department sharing the work cleans up the line drawings and recolours it...that’s how the process goes. But since I’m a mangaka and don’t have the technology needed to make gaming assets, I thought it’d be best to leave it to the pros in that field, so that was how that stage proceeded. At that point in time at least.

I also had plans written down to go to Kagoshima. Looks like I didn’t go.

○ TRPG on the 25th. Player M’s schedule lined up with ours, so we played DX with 6 PL plus me as GM. We went to the aquarium, were attacked by witches, and so on.

April

Finish BU, is faintly written down. It seems like the work was more or less completed earlier this month.

○ High school friend K’s wedding on the 6th. Up until then I’d only been to two other wedding receptions. The weddings were for a different friend from high school, and Tajika-san, one of my senpais from Kingdom. This suddenly reminds me of that time at Tajika-san’s reception, when I took a super early flight because I absolutely didn’t want to be late whatsoever, but I ended up not being able to fly for about an hour and a half because of engine trouble or whatever, so I entered at almost the same time as the bride and groom during the reception…

K’s wedding was the first time in my life where I was present all the way from the wedding to the reception, but how should I put it, I was struck by a beam of light. I don’t know who he’s getting married to, I have no clue what their relationship is like. But I was somehow bombarded...by all these thoughts that became jumbled in my head, like the energy in this place, the power of their oaths, questioning what it was, how light isn’t always justice.

I got the feeling that this was what proper, respectable humans take part in, but since I'm fine with not being a proper, respectable human, I decided to not do anything other than what my heart desires.

I'm definitely not good with places where I’m in the spotlight. But congratulations.

○ “Play Sekiro” is strongly noted down. Thank you for supporting me in the first half of 2019.

○ TRPG for the 29th - 30th. DX. Player M’s character dies.

May - June

My schedule book is starting to look more scattered now. On the other hand, since I’ve got a good memory of this time, I can write while recalling the events.

○ I did the covers for the Touken stage play book.

I drew the cover illustrations for the Touken [Ranbu] stage play that Mikasano-san, who I’m grateful to for his work on the anime and movie scripts for TG, worked on. In my mind, it feels like I'm watching the back of who I'd consider my older brother in the creative world, or a fellow comrade on another battlefield fighting to the death. I think it came out quite charmingly, so I’ll include the links for now. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3

During this time of work for Jack Jeanne, I was working on “model sheets”. Blueprints for the characters’ attire, not just from the front but also the internal structure.

Unlike most other games, Jack Jeanne has “performance costumes” in addition to normal attire. Because of its “revue” theme, costumes that will be worn onstage needed to be prepared. I was shocked when I suddenly admitted that I needed model sheets for 5 different performances (spring, summer, fall, winter, final) for the 6 main characters, making 30 designs in total.

Back in the TG era, these kind of drawings that I just explained, or drawings that needed a lot of layers, were a pain in the ass. Plus I wasn’t good at them, so I thought that I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life if possible. But it seems like I have to do this myself. With a sense of determination, I decided to work solely on this for all of May. At the same time, I made nothing but curry for all my meals. There’s no deep reason behind it, but my aim was to kinda boost my ability to concentrate daily by choosing to be decisive in that action.

○ Working on model sheets It came with an unintended effect. Because I spent a month on work that required balance and consistency, my right-left checking skills got better, and completely unrelated, I improved in drawing perfect copies. The design work for the model sheets itself became really fun to do, starting around when I became obsessed with the scarf design (sumo wrestler drawing) I definitely couldn’t use for Neji’s summer costume. I discovered that it’s precisely because I’m not good at this that my labour bore fruit. I feel like this was my experience for the latter half of the year.

July

The cast members were chosen. Unlike TG, there are 6 people + 1 person who can be referred to as the main character, so it was interesting to have a cast with some breadth.

Seems like lyrical work was the main thing I worked on.

Lyrical work. In Jack Jeanne, each performance contains several songs to sing and dance to, so each one is supposed to be sung. ...hence the lyrics.

The topic of what to do with the lyrics was brought up in November 2018. What happens typically is that, let’s say there’s singing in an idol game, then a company that specializes in it is asked to produce the songs. Even for Jack Jeanne, there were several candidates I could pick and choose from. But after a quick look-through, frankly speaking, they all looked the same to me. There’s one person that’s good, it’d be great if we could get them...is what I thought, but, “Even though I don’t have the skills, I’m the one who understands this world the best,” crossed my mind. ...should I try? I tried it. To be honest, I was super embarrassed since it’d be seen by a lot of people, but it evolved into, “Who cares if you’re doing it?” And so Jack Jeanne’s lyrics were tasked to me.

I mentioned this earlier, but there are multiple songs for each performance. So if you combine those plus the opening and ending songs, that makes 17 songs in total. Lyrics for 17 songs that I’m fully responsible for. What the hell...am I doing? Maybe it was from that moment that I started losing it.

Including the lyrics that I’d been working on bit by bit every month, the remaining ones were finished in one go this July. By the time I finished everything, my current state was, “Give me more songs...let me write more lyrics!” But it wasn’t over just yet.

August

Every time I meet someone I tell this story. I’m thinking of keeping it up. Here I am, relieved to have finished the lyrics, when a message pops up on the Skype group chat. It’s from Yamashita Daisuke of Broccoli.

To briefly touch upon Yamashita Daisuke, he is a young man who’s been involved with this project since October of 2018, and a poor soul who was tasked with conducting very important meetings on his third day of working at the company.

The producer from Broccoli was going on maternity leave, so he was scouted as her replacement. As an aside, if I have to be honest, the exchanges between me and Towada-san, and Broccoli’s Jack Jeanne team up until then were quite frustrating. “How about doing it like this?” they would counter. And we’d respond with something like, “This part is going to be developed later on, and since this will become foreshadowing for the entirety of the story, it can’t be modified that easily.” This kind of situation, having to explain everything in detail one by one, going 3 steps forward and being held 2 steps back, had been going on for about 3 years, so the two of us would often whine about it over drinks, going, “When should we quit, this is ridiculous,” etc.

Finally when things began going more smoothly, the producer who was leading the project took her leave, so I wondered if we’d be able to get along with Yamashita Daisuke, but he was, how should I put it, very diligent. For the last year I've been working with people who don’t put in their best effort, so I was very hopeful and thankful to him.

But I digress. This was the gist of the message that Daisuke sent.

“Kosemura-san’s who’s in charge of musical composition wants ‘scratch vocal tracks’ for when the singers are recording.” “Does Ishida-sensei happen to know anyone he could ask for this favour?” “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you!” “Frankly speaking, it’s okay even if they’re bad.”

Huh. Well, as you might have already guessed, even with the lyrics, it’s impossible to really understand the song at first sight without knowing what kind of rhythm, what kind of emotions are being expressed in the bar measure. Of course we’d need ‘scratch vocal tracks’ to explain the general feeling of the song.

Now, what Daisuke said was, “Do you have anyone you can ask? It’s okay even if they’re bad. Or even you can do it.” But if I found a “it’s okay even if they’re bad” kind of person, we’d still have to show them how to sing it and explain how the rhythm goes. Daisuke already knew which was probably why he asked for the favour. “The person writing the lyrics would be able to make the scratch vocal tracks the fastest.” ...come to think of it, the demo songs that Kunimitsu sent me every time that were sung using Vocaloid, weren’t they also scratch vocal tracks?

Daisuke must have been in a pinch trying to figure out how he should ask me candidly. Ishida-sensei, I couldn’t just ask you to sing it, so I had to ask in a roundabout manner.

I’d already given my answer, but I was still hesitant. It’s true that after I finished writing the lyrics for the 17 songs I’d already lost sight of myself, but if I sang, my singing would reach Broccoli and Kosemura-san’s team’s ears. But I couldn’t just leave poor Daisuke hanging.

So I consult Towada-shi, whom I’d been collaborating with in creating the scripts for Jack Jeanne, for advice. (He had been in charge of TG’s novels, and I’ve known him for a long time.) “Did you check Skype?” “I did.” “What do you think?” “Start by looking up scratch vocal tracks,” so we paid a visit to YouTube. The first search result that came up for ‘scratch vocal track’ was a video of a vocalist who was used to sing a scratch track for AKB or something. I see, so that’s what it looks like. Innocuous, but I could see it was very professionally done.

And the second result that came up was Tsunku♂-shi. The figure of Tsunku♂-shi himself recording a scratch track for his idols. The producer himself became an idol, and was singing really cutely, in his emotions and how he sang it. “This is it?” I said. “Yeah, it is,” Towada-shi agreed. If Kosemura-san and his team, and the people who will be performing the songs have to listen to it, it’d be a disservice to them to half-ass it. I don’t like people who don’t try their best. That means I have to show that attitude myself. Let’s come out of my shell for poor Daisuke as well.

“You’re gonna become Tsunku♂.” “Yeah...I’m gonna be Tsunku♂!” And that was how I became Tsunku♂.

I replied to Daisuke on the Skype group chat. “Understood, I’ll do what I can.”

So this guy, who doesn’t even know what the ‘D’ in DTM stands for, first downloads the software, and begins setting up a recording environment. Other work is pushed aside. I set 3 days to work on this.

I timidly begin working on the scratch tracks. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have to listen to their singing for a living, it starts out as a living hell, but you get used to it as you listen to it over and over.

And so I kept learning new things. I noticed I was harmonizing with myself.

Just like Tsunku♂-shi, I’d change the voice for each character. If it was Jack (male in a male role) I’d sing like a man, and if it was Jeanne (male in a female role), then like a woman, while the main character Kisa (female) should sound cute... No, Kisa needs to be cuter! I re-recorded her part many times. Depending on the song, I’d sing for 7 people. I was Jack Jeanne now.

Tsunku♂ (I) recorded 17 songs in 3 days, and sent the data first to Towada-shi. Since I was now Tsunku♂, I no longer felt any sense of embarrassment.

“I listened to it,” the reply came, and I called him. Towada-shi was roaring with laughter. I regained the embarrassment I’d forgotten.

“Oh no, I was laughing ‘cause I was impressed,” he said, but my heart was already as fragile as that of an abandoned dog.

“Even this is a big help to Kosemura-san, and Daisuke should be grateful, right?” Yeah. Although Towada-shi guffawed at me, Daisuke will surely thank me. And then he’ll definitely tell me what a good job I did!

I dumped the music into the Skype group chat. “I did what I could,” I added.

How will Daisuke react to my Tsunku♂? I waited restlessly. Three days later on August 5th, a formal message arrived after it was received.

“Thank you very much. We will schedule a meeting with Kosemura-san…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My hard work got dismissed with, “Thank you very much.”

Daisuke, why? I thought you were in a pinch, so I...were...were you fooling with me from the start? Answer me! Daisuke! Just tell me I did a good job, or follow up with something, I’m fine with anything! So much for my heart being like an abandoned dog, it’s more like a grown-ass man left naked on a snowy mountain. I did what I could! This feeling was welling up inside me, but was it myself that managed to do it?

○ Later, at a meeting with Kosemura-san “It’s great that you could do this much for us. You didn’t have to do all that.” With the gist of those words, a warm blanket was finally placed over my heart, which had almost frozen to death.

“I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if Sensei was the most who did it in the first place,” Daisuke said, so I decided to satisfy myself by threatening, “I’m gonna tell this story until the day I die.”

September

○ Responses to the Questions to Ishida Sui contest We did a “Ask anything to Ishida Sui” contest as a project for the art book “zakki:re”, where purchasers could apply with a postcard. I was writing the replies for them.

I thought there’d be a lot more questions about TG or its contents, but surprisingly there were a lot of questions asking for life advice. There were quite a few questions that I had to seriously think about to answer.

It was kinda tough since there were over a hundred of them, but I thought it’d be nice to get in touch like this every once in a while.

○ BU work for Jack Jeanne Once the music-related tasks like lyrical composition and scratch vocal tracks were completed, I worked on BU. ...BU work? Wasn’t it finished back in April?

Well, a similar situation arose just like what happened with the lyrics. Regarding sprite quality I might not be able to beat the pros, but since I’m the one who best understands how the characters look best and their body balance, I had decided to do all the line drawing colouring myself in June. I had no clue whether I’d make the deadline or maintain the quality, but thanks to Broccoli’s understanding, I was allowed to make it myself.

I realized once again that I’m terrible at splitting up work. If I can do it by myself, I will.

Plus, it’s, how should I put it, starting from my TG days, even though it wasn’t a lot I got to see various types of workplaces. I’d see places where there was no sense of responsibility whatsoever, or the work may have been divvied up appropriately, but it felt like they were making something without a sense of purpose, like a main plot line that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s impossible to accomplish big things with that kind of stance, and I understand that the more people that intervene, the more uncertain the core becomes, so I didn’t like that kind of approach. It makes me wonder whether there’s any meaning in creating a work that’s conservative and unchallenged, and if it’s nothing more than a money grab.

Since I don’t have any desire for material things, getting fed up about it is useless, but I just can’t help thinking about it.

Of course, it may be difficult to get what I want 100% of the time, but I want to create things in an environment that I think is beautiful, even in places that I’m slightly involved in.

...in other words, BU work is tough, but I began remaking the sprites once again by myself. This was the toughest work I’ve ever done out of everything, including the serialization...

○ Scratch vocals training camp at the end of September I went to the recording for the scratch vocal tracks. Based on the scratch tracks that I made, we got professional vocalists to sing it again properly. This is what the actual cast would use as a reference to sing. (So my version was like the pre-scratch vocal track.)

I was stuck in Tokyo for almost a week. Wake up, get ready, go to the recording studio. Come back at 8 or 9 pm, rest and sleep, repeat.

It was like I was back in school, and since I don’t have a steady lifestyle, I enjoyed it.

Kosemura-san’s team is really great, and I know I mentioned this before, but I felt like their workplace was a very healthy production site. When I was drawing manga, I never had much time to talk with fellow manga artists, and I’ve never had the chance to experience what other professionals’ workplaces were like, so it was very exciting for me to see people as professionals tackle one thing seriously. The vocalists were as amazing as I expected, and although my scratch tracks were played at a loud volume to annoy me, I had a great time.

The game might have a high level of entry, but it’s worth listening to just for the songs, is what I truly thought.

○ Parting words to Editor M-shi This might have been back in August, but from 2018 to 2019 I had a lot of things on my mind, so I began talking to the editor.

In between the 11 years of serialization starting from my rookie days, I’d received guidance from him so it wasn’t easy, but I expressed to him that we should keep our distance for any future works.

“I want to become absorbed in myself, not to Ishida Sui or Tokyo Ghoul,” I told him. The other part said he also felt the same way, and accepted it. The next time we meet, I hope we can talk about what we’re into, what we’re going crazy over, he said.

And so, 2 months after that conversation was the scratch vocals training camp in Tokyo, and I had the chance for the two of us to talk again. That day I was completely tuckered out from recording the scratch track, but it was a day filled with accomplishments.

He took me to a restaurant with delicious food in Ebisu or somewhere, and after concluding our brief business meeting, I tried throwing out the cliched, “So, what are you up to lately?” As the lead writer, there was a part of me that was curious about how he was doing after that talk we had.

The editor began talking about homemade curry.

...that’s what he’s into? I decide everything from selecting and picking the ingredients myself, and next time I want Ishida-kun to also see how delicious the curry is...he told me passionately, but how should I put it, the conversation wasn’t very spicy.

The food was delicious.

October

○ BU work

What’s hard about BU work is that it’s difficult to separate the layers according to the face, hair and clothes, and they all have to have the same style and touch to it. If it was manga, then maybe...no, even in manga, there’s still some need to match the outfits, but it doesn’t really matter to that extent.

It’s because I don’t like game sprites. “This character has so much energy from their sideways pose! Amazing!” This never happens…

Around this time of the year, my older sister called this elaborate task, “the task you’re probably the worst at.”

○ The bean life I’m not really fat in particular, but I made up my mind to try dieting. At the time, my body fat percentage was at 18%, and I’ve never been below 10% ever in my entire life, so I’m thinking of aiming for that. Instead of eating rice with unseasoned chickpeas and black soybeans, I began my lifestyle of consuming vegetables and cuts of meat with less fat. Hopefully I can achieve my goal in about six months’ time.

○ Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke, and I After Ano-chan left “You’ll Melt More!”, her official Twitter account removed every single account she was following, but for some reason only two people remained. Those two people were Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui. To Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui belonged in the same category. After some time passed, even we were removed, but I consider this one of my hottest mysteries of 2019. Ano-chan! I’ll always be waiting, so let’s have tea some time with Honda Keisuke!

November

○ BU Need I say more.

○ Main cast’s first recording session from the 26th - 27th.

I visited Tokyo with Towada-shi to supervise the main cast members’ recording session. Wow, everyone was so amazing~

Of course, not just the main characters. Terasaki Yuka-san who plays the main character, Tachibana Kisa, was wonderful as well.

In this kind of game genre, the position as the main character feels less important than the male characters, but I want her to stand firmly in this story’s script. I thought it’d be nice to have the main character not stand out too much and have her watch over the male characters, and I felt that Terasaki-san’s voice and acting fit that image perfectly.

About the cast members, it seems like there’ll be a chance to speak to them eventually, so I’ll come back again.

○ 1 month into the bean life I’m steadily losing weight. Basically I always work from home. I go to the gym and supermarket 2-3 times a week. I started cooking for myself. I got a brand new refrigerator to replace the one that suddenly broke. It actually cools things down now. Living standards have risen.

December

○ I break off ties with M who I played TRPG together with. He was a former classmate who was even chief assistant at some point during the series’ run, but eventually he ended up getting fired due to falling asleep at work. He said he’d attend the last session for the story that day (although his own character had already died), and I was working on a schedule to accommodate him, but once again he cancelled at the last minute.

It’s fine to cause trouble for me (although I’ll probably get pissed), but I can’t overlook treating others the same way. And it’s not the fact that his schedule didn’t match up, it’s because he was complete trash who didn’t know how to behave like an adult once he made plans with others, that I felt sorry for the other TRPG people who took time out of their schedules. Since I felt ashamed when I was together with him, I decided I’d had enough.

This was a year where I cut ties with a lot of people, but I think what they had in common was that I was ashamed to be with them. From now on, I don’t want to associate with such people.

What’s more, when I finally told him, he didn’t even try to deal with it and just gave up, responding, “So that’s how you felt about me. Okay. My bad.”

I won’t go anywhere with those kind of people again.

○ The bean life ⇒ the potato life. I changed it to potatoes.

○ BU is over...

On December 17th, I finally finished the BU work that I spent ageeeeeeeees on.

Although I said that serialization is tough, as long as I finished 18 pages a week that was it (although there were times where I was chasing myself with other work), so I could finish it as long as I didn’t sleep. I somehow managed to finish both the manuscripts and the colour illustrations this way, so expecting BU to be similar, I wasn’t really scared about it never ending, but BU truly was despair. When is this gonna end? I’m even working super hard… This is how it went on the entire time for over a month.

There were about 200 different sprites I had to make myself, including the different costumes and poses, and I had to do all of them.

For one thing, when, “This process is necessary,” came out, I had to go through the same process roughly 200 times, that it felt like I was facing the final boss who already transformed many times. Also, it’s like not equipping myself with a lot of equipment and recovery items in the previous town, but the dungeon I somehow managed to enter is extremely dangerous and even though there’s no safe points anywhere in sight, the boss suddenly comes up behind you, and you go I’m gonna die I’m gonna die

○ If you eat a lot while you’re losing weight, you’re going to have a bad time.

On December 15th I had trouble concentrating, so I tidied up the living room, created a space in the middle of the room, and darkened the lights. After an hour of meditating, only the sound of my breathing could be heard in the room, and so I went back to work with renewed concentration after confronting the issue (like a monk?).

On December 16th, I’ve been working the entire time since morning. I thought today was going to be the last day, but an entire day has passed and I don’t have any energy...

I’ll buy a midnight snack, replenish my energy, and end it once and for all. I’m trying to lose weight, but I went to the convenience store while thinking about how I’m gonna eat a katsu sandwich (I didn’t have the energy to cook).

While looking for something at a convenience store I can eat during weight loss, I think back over the last few months.

Like how it seems like BU is finally over, how a lot of things have happened, how I’m working hard, how lately I’ve been eating only potatoes, vegetables and meat.

And then I suddenly thought, “I wonder if the reason I don’t have any energy is because I haven’t had any rice lately.”

...I thought I should go on a diet in October, so I’ve been living a very modest life since then. Thanks to that, my weight has steadily decreased, and my body fat percentage has gone down 3% to 15%. What will happen if I continue with my relatively strict dietary restrictions during this difficult time?

...even if you’re losing weight, there’s a technique you can set up to binge eat during periods where weight loss stagnates, called cheat day (though results may vary), but what is it that makes no-cheating so inefficient even for weight loss?

...should I have a cheat day today?

“Huh, is it really okay?” I asked my mind. “Do it!” was the answer I got. From that moment, everything around me morphed into things I could eat.

No exaggeration, my knees trembled.

I crammed into my shopping basket carbohydrates, carbs, more carbs… It’s okay just for today, I say as I shove cream puffs, dorayaki, pudding, Family Mart chicken and ice cream. (Even if it's a cheat day, it’s probably not a good idea to take non-nutritional foods, but shh.)

With food in both hands and in high spirits, the first thing I ate was the delicious part of the Family Mart chicken.

I groaned loudly, all alone in the room.

Alright, let’s finish this work! I was energized, but my blood sugar levels spiked so much that I felt extremely sleepy and went to bed instead.

The next day on the 17th, I wake up at 4 am and immediately notice something unusual. My body is burning. I’m sweating.

I immediately wake up, and overflowing with energy, I head for my desk. I’m working actively, and I finish the BU work. It felt like I was pushing forward with only positive energy, feeling uplifted.

I break out a laugh at a slight joke I found funny from a foreign drama (The Mentalist) I’m playing while working. The greenery of the plants and the lighted sink glisten, and the scenery is vivid.

What is this?

I suddenly recall the story of a YouTuber I saw recently. He lives in a region where medical marijuana is legalized, and he explained in detail what changes would occur if you smoked cannabis.

To put it roughly, you feel calm and your senses sharpen. Trivial things can become funny, and funny videos can make you roar with laughter.

Then maybe...I thought, I'll watch Nagareboshi (a comedy duo) on YouTube. Usually I go, haha, that's funny! But that day I exploded with laughter...all of their videos were just too funny.

I learned that when you’re losing weight and suddenly eat a lot, it alters your mind and body as if you smoked cannabis. (※ Just to be clear, I don’t know what cannabis is like.)

Thus the BU work ended with me being high as a kite.

(※ I’m covering it with mosaics for now. I’ll remove it once I can announce it.)

○ I stopped playing TRPGs. I’ve been doing it for about two and a half years, but it also helped me in honing my creative skills. I’d sometimes perform, so it was useful when I was recording the scratch vocals… It was a good experience, managing to vicariously live the energy of ending a story. It was a story about a group of friends, so it was easy to appreciate.

Summing up 2019

After the weekly series finished in 2018, I was in a daze for a few months, but in 2019 I worked only on Jack Jeanne for the year.

This year I tried various things, and trite as it may seem, felt the possibilities within myself expanding. I had many opportunities to realize how important it is to keep a distance from bad things that don’t do anything for me.

During my work on Jack Jeanne, I vaguely thought about my future creations. The work I’m doing now in game production is fun so I wonder if I can keep working in this field, but I’d also like an environment where I can release things more constantly.

I can’t promise anything specific, but I’m going to work on things that I want to do.

I look forward to what 2020 has to offer. Have a happy New Year.

2019.12.31 Ishida Sui

[teagrl]

These days I shove my free time to writing/editing, even with that I barely read slash, I don’t really do nu!canon, I never read non-sci fi AUs, and yet, and yet, and yet:

The historians called it the Starkiller War, though as with all history — and all names — it fell short of reality. Palpatine’s scientists had created a weapon, one that could destroy a city in a single blow; with it they leveled Naboo and advanced on Alderaan, where the Queen’s Rebellion had retreated under the protection of King Bail. Leia’s victory was impossible against such odds; but she continued to fight, her army growing and shrinking with each new offensive, with each new slaughter.

It might have dragged on for years if not for Luke the Skywalker, prince turned pilot turned spy; whose mission, it was whispered years later, was at odds with his sister’s, meant not to grant her victory but ensure his own. He infiltrated the Emperor’s inner circle, claiming to bow to Palpatine and Vader, and for months played the puppet flawlessly (too flawlessly, it was said). And then one night he seized control of the Starkiller weapon and turned it on the Emperor — and the capital itself, killing three hundred thousand people in a matter of moments.

There was nothing but rubble and silence in its wake.

And the Light that Shines in Darkness by leupagus, wobblycompetencies

It’s a gothic. It’s THE gothiccest (cathedrals, ossuaries, flying buttresses, ravens, spies, letters). 

Also priest kink which I may or may not be into -- I don’t necessarily think it’s my thing but my love for Stigmata and Quills means my id is flipping me off AGAIN (fuck you, asshole). 

It’s Poe/Luke and I DON’T EVEN GO HERE AT ALL LIKE IN A MILLION YEARS THE FUCK WHY DID THIS FIC EAT MY BRAIN but sometimes a fic is so well written and absorbing, it makes you have a fannish identity crisis while biting your fist.To the sky without wings

is also unnervingly affecting. UNNERVING. IN SO MANY WAYS. So I offer the culprits of my current fannish identity crisis for May the 4th.