#NOT for me in the state its in
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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post-graduation trip airport looks
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itafushikugi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jujutsu kaisen fanart#these took ages but fr once i am choosing to forgive myself given th fact tht i was coming out of A State when i drew them#im normal now dw drawing the first years wearing merch of my comfort content fixed me#when in doubt play dress up. life hack#i am holding fast 2 my hc tht megumi is a fiend @ indie platformers and is a household name on the celeste speedrun leaderboards#argue with a wall this is my jujutsu kaisen#megumi designated Drink Runner also#alr in line at a cafe texts their gc 'what do you guys want' n gets mad @ nobara fr making him go to a Second shop 2 get her bubble tea#anyway theres not much 2 say abt these just bc i needed sth Light n Easy 2 get me out of my head#no lore to fashion pieces which is both a blessing and a curse but it Is what i needed#nobara serving looks fr a flight i love u so much. it's probably 8 in the morning n she is in a fully coordinated fit#its so criminal tht we don't have more alt hairstyle official art fr her???? iirc it's Just the lost in paradise mv with her in buns no????#robbed. i am fixing it immediately.#wonder where the 3 of them wld go on a trip
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What is it about laying on the floor when you're overwhelmed that makes everything feel so much better?
#like its better than laying on a bed when it comes to that very specific state of absolutely out of your gourd overwhelmed#it takes serious self control for me some days to just not lay on the floor if things are too much#floor time is best time
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hey! for todays protest, i made this little zine about palestine (holding just simple and basic information).
you can download the zine here, fold it yourself, and distribute it around.
no credit is needed. feel free to leave it around bars, protests, or wherever. simply print it (borderless) and fold it. here is a tutorial on how to do it.
dont stay silent. there is a genocide of horrendous, atrocious proportions going on. also if you are a zionist here to argue with me, i dont plan to entertain you at all, not on my art blog. fuck off, you'll be swiftly blocked. i see enough of you clowns on my main and i have no energy for you. you can skip the death threats too bc i dont give a shit.
(i'm off to get ready for a surgery now, i just wanted to post it before this. if you need anything, i might take a bit to reply)
#free palestine#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#anti zionisim#israel is a terrorist state#israel is an apartheid state#palestine resources#gaza#palestine#art#comics art#art zine#p.s. i usually put my socials on the end of my zines#i didnt do it here not bc i dont stand behind my words#but bc im not interested in self-promotion over palestinian dead bodies!#srsly you dont have to credit me i just hope this zine gets distributed#and as always do *not* sell this.#its a free resource based in what ive learnt from palestinians themselves#its not made for monetary or followers gain
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For those outside of America going "why don't you fight back" or "don't you guys know what's going on?" let me explain something to you.
We know.
There is nothing a lot of us can do right now.
We are either minorities surrounded by Trump supporters or struggling to make ends meet or (most likely) both.
These first few days are designed to exhaust us. It's the same tactic he used during his first administration. Overwhelm the media and the masses so that the more sinister things he does gets swept under the rug.
And honestly, a lot of us are checked out because we spent the last four years warning people about a second term because our lives were on the line and those we thought cared about us proved they didn't.
And now we're just trying to find some sort of semblance of happiness in this joyless world we're now living in. We fight when we can, we bring attention to what we can, but a lot of us are just fucking exhausted.
So please, cut us some slack. We've been fighting for the last eight years, we still have to fight for the next four.
Right now, survival is the only rebellion we have.
#us politics#politics#america#trump#united states#anti trump#american politics#fuck donald trump#inauguration#fuck elon musk#elon musk#the rebellion can wait our lives can't#there can't be a rebellion if the masses are deported or the population is dead or incarcerated#we take care of ourselves while taking care of others#we do what we can where we can#but believe me we know what's going on#its all we talk about
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i was just wondering, do you know of any ways we can support nex's family? im stuck on my phone atm but i would love to send some support
here’s is the family’s gofundme for the funeral, but they’ve already far surpassed their goal. like. three times what they were asking for, which is wonderful.
if you’re looking for other places to donate, there is the american indian college fund, which is exactly what it says, a nonprofit that works on sending indigenous kids to college and i think they even have some colleges of their own. nex was a part of the choctaw nation(i think there was confusion because they lived on a cherokee reservation?) and will never go to college, but it’s a good place to donate nonetheless.
there is also freedom oaklahoma, which is an advocacy group from nex’s state that focuses on queer/trans rights i believe from an indigenous and anti-colonization perspective. on that page they have a donate button as well.
if anyone else has more organizations they’d like to promote, i’d appreciate it.
#man i have friends in that state#theyre white and cis and safe but. still its fucking with me#i’m not removed from this one#our queer experience#nex benedict#mutual aid#transphobia#racism#trans activism#indigenous activism#asks
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every time i remotely look at some type of art school i google the opinions of professionals and remember how 99% of them go if youre not rich fuck no
#either way it would be very scholarship dependant#not 2 get emo or whatever BUT#i have felt listless since i dreamt kind of big as a kid#and then had t o dial that back bc the good animation schools arent here. and are pricey#then i luck up by local communicty college offering it and the education was ok but i learned it was ummm#NOT for me in the state its in#and then realizing art careers arent the best but i dont know what to even do#grabbing graphic arts / designs coruses from the same college since fasfa covers me#adjacent enough. in demand enough. pays decently i guess#SAD!!!!#I do say ive been listless but i am slowly leaning into wanting to just do concept art bc it does lean into what i looove to do#and its not like i cant work towards that slowly#Hi everyone#floyd.txt
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DP x DC Prompt #16
When Hal had asked him which town he protected, Danny was more than happy to tell him, "Amity Park!" When Hal asked Danny where it was, Danny hadn't thought the response, "At this moment? Or where it was last week?" would've caused such chaos in the meeting.
Danny knew not everyone's town traveled across the country, but he didn't think it was odd enough to warrant this kind of reaction.
#finemeal prompt#dp x dc#danny fenton#justice league#hal jordon#amity park#amity park moves around#ya know how a lot of people put amity park in different states?#this is my “in universe” reason for it#like amity park just moves from city to city#just living its best life#one day you go to bed in Minnesota#and wake up in California#just another day in the life of Amity Parkers#they're used to it#don't ask me how this works practically#it just works#trust me
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pathologic 3 announcement made me return to the classic game and finally play it properly! i think my favorite part of the bachelor's route is when he talks to maria kaina (or whoever's in her body at the time) and they explain that their planned Utopia isn’t even supposed to be a 'perfect' place but instead 'the mystical manifestation of a world inscrutable and inaccessible to men' going back to the original meaning of the word irl and instead of despairing Daniil fervently agrees that this kind of unimaginable leap is worth it, no matter where it actually leads
#pathologic#the bachelor#daniil dankovsky#andrey stamatin#peter stamatin#maria kaina#nina kaina#recent interview with dybowski made me kind of apprehensive#because i love the idea of an emotional state as a fundamental game mechanic for the bachelor but#he was very focused on the idea of following the 'teacher' in Simon and in the process learning everything he was meant to learn#despite never really 'catching' the dead guy in his time loops#i feel that the head of the studio is just projecting again#and in a way that old version of the bachelor made back when he was a student in his twenties#could end up seeming more compelling in the end#but we'll SEE#i am still wildly hopeful and hype#my artwork#ALSO anybody who likes the bachelor and reads those rambling tags#you should totally check out blank monk by chekhov#its short
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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my first thought was them lmao
#pixel art#csp#illustration#digital art#my art#fear and hunger#funger#enki ankarian#enki#ragnvaldr#enkivaldr#why dis look so mad meme#i drew this whole thing at once in a sort of fugue state#id only meant to thumb it! they possessed me...#at least ive finally drawn a meme while its relevant lmao
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I was inspired (gay thoughts)
#merlin#merthur#fem merthur#genderbent merthur#merlin with messy wild curly hair my beloved#i will only imagine her as such#imagine the halfhearted jests arthur would make about the state of her hair#arthur has her hair in a braid almost always but anytime she takes it out for bed merlin nearly faints#its very etheral#merlin brushing/washing arthur's hair send tweet#love gay people#i think they should kiss#save me sapphic merthur#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin fanart#merthur fanart#merlin sketch
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sometimes u just gotta. mini itfs. to cope.
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#i sketched the pose intending to draw them normally but then i thought. nah i wanna draw real Chunky shapes today im keeping them small#i dont usually break out the chibi style fr anything other than .scribbles#u know canon is in a state when tumblr user hinamie starts drawing chibi#i dont even really know if calling this chibi is accurate tbh . its chibi compared 2 what i normally draw but still#who cares honestly . they r Squishy and drawing them made me happy
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As cameras becomes more normalized (Sarah Bernhardt encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use cameras because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by manufacturing companies. I paint not because I want a painting but because I love the process of painting. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.
if i have to explain to you that using a camera to take a picture is not the same as using generative ai to generate an image then you are a fucking moron.
#ask me#anon#no more patience for this#i've heard this for the past 2 years#“an object created and controlled by companies” anon the company cannot barge into your home and take your camera away#or randomly change how it works on a whim. you OWN the camera that's the whole POINT#the entire point of a camera is that i can control it and my body to produce art. photography is one of the most PHYSICAL forms of artmakin#you have to communicate with your space and subjects and be conscious of your position in a physical world.#that's what makes a camera a tool. generative ai (if used wholesale) is not a tool because it's not an implement that helps you#do a task. it just does the task for you. you wouldn't call a microwave a “tool”#but most importantly a camera captures a REPRESENTATION of reality. it captures a specific irreproducible moment and all its data#read Roland Barthes: Studium & Punctum#generative ai creates an algorithmic IMITATION of reality. it isn't truth. it's the average of truths.#while conceptually that's interesting (if we wanna get into media theory) but that alone should tell you why a camera and ai aren't the sam#ai is incomparable to all previous mediums of art because no medium has ever solely relied on generative automation for its creation#no medium of art has also been so thoroughly constructed to be merged into online digital surveillance capitalism#so reliant on the collection and commodification of personal information for production#if you think using a camera is “automation” you have worms in your brain and you need to see a doctor#if you continue to deny that ai is an apparatus of tech capitalism and is being weaponized against you the consumer you're delusional#the fact that SO many tumblr lefists are ready to defend ai while talking about smashing the surveillance state is baffling to me#and their defense is always “well i don't engage in systems that would make me vulnerable to ai so if you own an apple phone that's on you”#you aren't a communist you're just self-centered
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Captain Francis Crozier, at Furthest North.
#the terror amc#francis crozier#my art#can't believe it took me 2 rewatches AND getting refs for this to realize it's the hungarian state opera house. girl i was there last month#anyway yeah i was looking at gifsets of the last shot of the show and feeling nauseous with emptiness etc etc when#the thought struck me that it looks an awful lot like the tableau vivants from the ep1 flashbacks in its stillness#i have no idea whether that was an intentional reference (a sort of twisted mockery of how that scrubbed and polished portrayal of history#contrasted with the deeply sad and inglorious reality#or some sort of meta about storytelling itself. i'm not really smart enough to say lol) but i made this anyways. enjoy#pattern recognition go brrrrrrrrrrrrrr#i bent over backwards trying to make this symmetric and harmonious. it isn't but if i don't post it now i never will
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TW- GORE / BODY HORROR
Currently toying with the idea that if Shadow abuses the doom morphing powers too much/ too quickly sometimes his body will fail or struggle to return to it's original state cause his cells get confused and it results in some craaaazy painful and grotesque moments he has to endure for a hot minute till his cells remember what they're supposed to be doing!!!
god forbid he has to harbor in Sonic's (Tails') house instead of his own or Rouge's if it happens
#yeah its lowkey an excuse for me to draw gore#catch me posting the entire fic blueprint i had written out for this concept during a state of mania at 5 am#tears apart your little meow meow#sorry for the gore jumpscare gang#sth#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sonic x shadow generations#shadow the hedgehog#sonadow#shadonic#doom morph#tw gore#tw body horror#sonics a FREAK freak#my art
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