#NOT ENOUGH FUCKING SOUP IN COLLEGE

[soup-soup-soup-soup-soup]

pain, suffering, hell on earth, i am LITCHERALLY dying over here, i am ill and going to be taken over by the Disease soon (soup deficiency)

[astrxealis]

i am so used to my pinned post i kinda don't want to change the format but i want to

[fingertipsmp3]

Can’t tell if I actually genuinely think this job interview tomorrow is a bad idea, or I’m just trying to convince myself it is because I don’t want to do it

[aphvanity]

i become a different creature when i am confronted with bread and soup. doing stat homework and going downstairs during a break for tea before deciding to make a life changing decision. "i will make some soup" no you will not. you will change your life. you will become something else entirely. no longer will you be a simple minded creature. all of your motivations. all of your desires. all of your needs. they will become nothing more than a bowl of soup and some bread. you are no longer yourself. you are dipping rolls and multigrain slices into a heated up can of chicken and rice soup poured in a cracked bowl like nothing ever has before. your life becomes meaningless beyond finding the perfect balance of "before soup content (simply broth)" bread and "mopping the dredges" bread. you are smiling. you are devastated. you are the happiest you have ever been. it doesnt matter. theres only soup and bread on a plate.

[chelseeebe]

still into you

after abruptly leaving hawkins (and you) seven years ago, eddie munson, ex-boyfriend turned rockstar, makes a grand return. how will things pan out when your lives couldn’t be further apart?

this has been in the drafts for god knows how long and you can definitely tell where my writing started to improve as i came back to it.. hope y’all enjoy anyway! this is so long good lord. also includes a bit of bestfriendism with stevie!

18+. mdni. smut. mentions of alcohol. eddie is a dickhead. no use of y/n!

read part two here.

‎♡‧₊˚

‘you know he’s coming back next weekend?’ steve mutters, nodding towards you as you rip the sellotape from the brown box, beginning to stack the cans of soup.

‘is he? oh my god oh my god,’ feigning excitement with a straight face.

you’d already known he was coming back, you’d received the invitation just like everybody else. except, you’d swiftly put the gimmicky piece of paper into the trash and got on with your day. confused why everyone else seemed to be losing their goddamn minds over it.

he huffs quietly, helping you with the heavy tins, ‘are you gonna go?’ steve didn’t actually work in melvalds but came in on his breaks purely to chat and distract you from your work.

‘am i gonna go? hmm, let me think.. no.’

‘he wants to see you.. you should come,’ prodding his elbow into your side, collapsing the box into a flat piece of cardboard.

‘you spoke to him?’ ears perking up. you didn’t care if he’d mentioned you. no, really.

‘yeah.. he called a few weeks ago, y’know when the invitations got sent out,’ picking up the next box to start filling the shelf.

‘oh! it’s nice to know he called you and just hilarious to know i never got a phone call,’ getting frankly quite sick of hearing about eddie fucking munson and his grand return.

once upon a time, eddie had actually been your boyfriend. must’ve been 7 or so years ago by this point.. anyway, that was before he’d got his big break and decided that he was going to completely forget about hawkins.. and about you. you’d still been together after his first tiny tour, excitedly waiting for him to come home when he just.. never did.

he’d had the decency to at least call and tell you that he was breaking up with you.. we’re just in different places right now.. it’s not you.. i don’t want you to ruin your life waiting for me..

it was essentially a whole bunch of bullshit, because the very next month he was spotted with some bottle blonde model looking suspiciously close at some club he’d have absolutely hated the year prior. it was like a punch to the gut, flicking through the pages of the trashy magazine just knowing that you hadn’t been enough for this new lifestyle of his.

from then on, you’d decided to disengage with any and everything about him. turning the tv off when corroded coffin came on one of the morning talk shows, leaving the room at parties when one of his song’s inevitably came on and just completely blanking out of the conversation when his name was brought up. it was easier that way, saved your feelings and the awkward glances you’d get.

at some point things had become slightly more complicated and you’re not sure how exactly it had happened but you had wound up pregnant. and by jason carver no less. maybe it was your shared disdain for eddie that had brought you together. who knows?

but it had happened and now you had to deal with it. and although jason may come in a close second to world’s biggest assholes.. you had gained a beautiful daughter from it all and had become quite content with your single mom life.

people had come and gone, robin jetting off to some fancy college in california.. jonathan and nancy ending up in new york at some hot-shot newspaper.. the kids you’d sort of gathered had all gone off to various colleges, becoming adults themselves. all except for steve.

steve had stayed in hawkins like you, begrudgingly following his father’s footsteps, getting a job at his accounting firm. it was good money and kept his dad happy so he couldn’t fault it really. he’d even got his own place just down the street from your house and at some point you’d just accepted that he was probably your only friend in hawkins.

it had brought the two of you undeniably closer and maybe you’d even call him your best friend now. well, except for right now as he was beginning to piss you off with all this fussing over eddie.

‘you have to come.. it’s not just for him, everyone is going.. it’s a reunion,’ steve continues to pester you despite your efforts to shut him down.

‘steve, i’m not going and that’s that.’

he sighs, staring at you with a blank expression, ‘okay, well.. i’ll tell him it’s a maybe,’ checking his watch before frowning, ‘shit, i’m late.. i’ll see you later,’ throwing the empty cardboard to the floor before dashing off down the aisle, giving you an exaggerated wave as he disappears.

you just knew that he was not going to drop this until you agreed to go. but he could kick and scream as much as he liked, you had absolutely zero desire to go this flimsy reunion and even less desire to see eddie in the flesh.

-

it’s another dull week of stacking shelves and managing a team of absolute morons and before you know it, it’s the day before that fucking reunion and steve is still as incessant as ever that you must go.

‘my mom can look after ella.. please just come,’ he sounded like he was a second away from getting on his knees to actually beg you to go.

you’d started to just ignore him now, getting on with whatever you were doing, choosing to give him the silent treatment. he hated that.

‘you’re so annoying,’ he scoffs, still helping you unbox the bags of chips, ‘will you just come for five minutes.. you don’t even have to talk to eddie, it’s the first time we’ll all be together again.. puh-leaseee,’ breaking into a weird sort of sing-song tone.

you exhale through your nose, visibly frustrated by the man, ‘i’m going to ban you in a minute,’ raising your eyebrows, taking the same tone you used when ella was being a brat.

‘no you won’t,’ furrowing his brows, ‘what if i promise to stand in between you the whole night? i’ll beat him with a stick if he even tries to talk to you,’ completely serious with what he just said.

you chortle, covering your mouth as one of the elderly customers walks past, slightly bewildered by the noise that just escaped your mouth, ‘couldn’t you just beat him with a stick anyway?’

‘ehh.. not really, he is paying for the whole thing,’ straightening the bags of air he’d just placed on the shelf, ‘i mean, i could if you really want me to.’

you roll your eyes, of course he was. he’d rented the fanciest restaurant just outside of town for your gaggle of pals. any chance to flaunt the fact that he’d made it out of this hell hole and left the rest of you in the dirt.

‘i have a child, steve, i can’t just go out and leave her at home.. some of us aren’t free like you are,’ turning to face him with a stern hand on your hip.

‘i just told you my mom’ll look after her.. she hasn’t seen her in so long and.. and you can stay at mine and i’ll take you to her first thing in the morning,’ his eyes are round, glimmering in the harsh overhead lights.

‘i don’t have anything to wear,’ shrugging, you really didn’t. becoming a mother isn’t quite so glamorous and a lot of clothes you’d once fit into had become a little tight.

‘when d’you finish?’

narrowing your eyes at him, ‘two..’

‘great.. okay well, i’ll take a half-day and we can go shopping.. on me,’ wiggling his eyebrows at you. the thing about steve is that he believes that most problems can be solved by throwing money at it.

he wasn’t wrong, of course.

because you reluctantly agree to go shopping with him on the condition that you weren’t definitely going to this thing. you were just going to try on dresses. that was it.

-

you get a cab to the restaurant, there was no way in hell you were doing this sober nor did you want to subject steve to being sober for your sake. palms clammy as you clamber out of the vehicle, immediately regretting your decision.

no one would care if you didn’t go, right? you could quite easily just get back into the taxi and go home without forcing yourself to endure the night.

steve’s one step ahead of you, grabbing your hand so you can’t run away. throwing him an awful glare but you weren’t really mad, just annoyed that he’d succeeded in persuading you to come.

‘c’mon.. it won’t be so bad once you’re in there,’ smoothing down his fresh shirt as he begins to walk up the winding path, dragging you along behind him.

he’s wrong. it’s so much worse inside. the place was huge, extravagantly decorated and full of people you’d once regarded as your best friends, all too busy in their own conversations to notice you and steve walk in.

it wasn’t like you hadn’t heard from them, it had just been through occasional letters and christmas cards rather than seeing them face to face. robin would call sometimes, fill you in on whatever she had been up to and beg to speak to ella who absolutely loved it. you were sure they were on the same wavelength.

you look to steve with wary eyes, digging your fingertips into his hand, ‘we could just leave right now.. no one would even know,’ tugging gently on his arm.

‘hey,’ he whispers, ‘it’s okay.. look, robin’s coming over, we’ll say hi and see how you feel,’ using his spare hand to wave at the bubbly girl, dropping your hand to give her a hug.

‘oh my god,’ she rushes, ‘how are you? you look so good.. and i don’t mean you,’ pulling away from steve to throw her arms around you, her gentle hands rubbing on your back.

‘hah, it’s nice to see you too,’ steve rolls his eyes, grabbing two of the champagne flutes being ferried around by fancy waiters.

she pulls back, ‘i didn’t think you were coming.. how are you doing? how’s ella?’ the words falling out of her mouth at super speed, it was as if her mouth moved before her brain did.

‘i wasn’t gonna but i wanted to see you guys,’ you nod, taking the glass from steve’s outstretched hand and taking a lengthy sip, ‘i’m okay.. ella’s okay.. you’ll have to come and see her before you leave.’

‘i will i will! i literally landed like two hours ago and had to rush but i’m back until friday,’ her hands flying around as she spoke, ‘come and say hello..’ her arm intertwines with yours as she leans in closer to your ear, ‘he’s staring y’know..’

your eyes roll back on their own, not even wanting to search the room for him, ‘i’m not speaking to him so he can stare all he likes,’ straightening up as you approach the group robin had left.

nancy’s talking to max about something in incredible detail but is quite to stop when you approach, mouth in a small ‘o’ as she hugs you, ‘you came? i thought we were gonna miss you,’ grinning wide when she pulls back.

you give an overdramatic sigh, ‘of course i had to come.. you’d all miss me too much,’ waving to the rest of the group.

there are a lot of small pleasantries swapped, asking about their journey’s here and how they’d been.. standard small talk. but then el asks to see a picture of ella, ecstatic that their names were so similar. you’d come prepared, pulling the creased picture out of your bag.

they all gush and coo over her, it was a picture you’d snapped from her first day of kindergarten, cheesing with her pigtails and pink hair bobbles. passing it around the gathered group, still steadily sipping on the bitter champagne.

‘who’s that?’ eddie asks, you hadn’t noticed him sidle over to the crowd, stood peering over lucas’ shoulder at the photograph.

your eyes meet his, seeing his face for the first time in what felt like centuries. he looked older, obviously, still sporting the same long curls except now it actually looked as if it’d been styled. he’s in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, forearms now littered with tattoos and a nice looking watch. your heart just about stops beating when you realise you’ll now have to explain exactly who that is.

‘uh.. that’s ella,’ you nod, not quite meeting his eyes, ‘..my daughter,’ taking the photo from lucas’ hand, the atmosphere had quite suddenly shifted and people begin to scatter, starting their own conversations so they don’t have to bare witness to this one.

‘oh.. oh, right.. well, congratulations then,’ the shadow of a smile on his lips, could he feel how fucking awkward this was?

‘thank you,’ giving him a half nod, startled as steve’s hand brushes the small of your back. he’d seen that you were in conversation and had left dustin to fulfil his security guard promise.

‘it’s nice that you two found each other.. you have a beautiful daughter,’ still not fully committed to smiling but he was getting there.

your face contorts, immediately looking to steve before letting out a god awful cackle, ‘oh no.. she’s not steve’s,’ covering your mouth before another taunting laugh comes out.

steve is trying to stifle his grin but fails, reaching his hand out to shake eddie’s hand, ‘ah man, no ella’s not mine but she is beautiful, isn’t she? how are you?’

you’re eternally grateful that he he’s managed to sway the conversation and you aren’t forced to explain why or how you’d had a child with jason fucking carver. turning back to robin as you hear steve ramble on about work and corroded coffin’s new album, something you had absolutely no care about.

‘shall we get another drink?’ robin asks, eyeing the open bar and your empty glass.

‘please.’

the rest of the night is going.. relatively well. it’s kinda unsettling to watch the younger kids drink legally, getting more boisterous and loud as the night progresses. it’s nice, if not a little sad just thinking about how you weren’t really able to enjoy yourself at their age because you had a newborn.

you must’ve been deep in thought as you don’t even notice eddie creep up to the empty table, standing awkwardly besides your chair, ‘can we talk?’

your eyes shoot up to meet his, baffled by his presence, ‘what could we possibly have to talk about?’

he exhales through his nose, ‘uh.. a lot? we don’t have to do it here.. i have a room upstairs or.. outside?’

‘no,’ gripping onto your glass of wine, desperately trying to grab the attention of someone behind eddie to come and save you, ‘i don’t want to speak to you.’

he’s exasperated, clutching onto his beer with strained white knuckles. how were you ever supposed to move past this when you wouldn’t even give him the opportunity to explain himself. but that was exactly it. you didn’t care about any of the silly excuses you’re sure he’d conjured up, he did what he did and that was that.

‘i’m trying here..’ sounding exasperated, ‘how ‘bout dinner? sometime this week, on me,’ his voice is deeper now, raspier. you figure as a result of constant partying and chain smoking while on tour.

‘i have a child and a job.. i don’t have time for dinner with you on top of that,’ swallowing the rest of the sweet white wine, putting the empty glass back on the table with a forceful slam.

you make brief eye contact with will who was passing behind eddie and decide to take the opportunity to pounce, standing from your chair and rushing over the second he nears your table.

‘will.. hey,’ speeding to catch him up, mouthing a small save me, clinging to his arm as you move away from eddie who was stood deflated at the table.

will thankfully catches your drift, steering you towards the bar, ‘you okay? i was just about to leave..’ placing his empty glass onto the bar with a soft sigh.

‘what? no.. if i can’t go then you’re not allowed either,’ talking sternly to the boy even though he now towered above you and just about everybody else in here.

he screws up his face, looking over to the dance floor, ‘it’s just..’ sighing once again, ‘awful, isn’t it?’ following his gaze to an intoxicated mike performing an elaborate air guitar routine in the middle of the floor.

it wasn’t exactly the same, but you could empathise with the difficult situation and that foul feeling in your stomach that you were sure he could feel too. you could imagine that it wasn’t easy to see the man you’d once, or perhaps still loved after so long. in fact, you didn’t really need to imagine at all.

deciding it was better to change the subject, distract him from the unraveling scene on the dance floor, ‘d’you smoke?’

he looks around quickly, watching out for a listening jonathan, you assume before he nods quickly, ‘but no one can know,’ a hint of a smile creeping onto his face.

you return the devilish grin before hooking your arm in his, pulling him towards the door where you could get the hell away from annoying men and their long black hair.

-

it’s gone three by the time you get back to steve’s, genuinely having to coax him from the party and into the cab you’d shared with a belligerent dustin, making sure he had got home safely.

‘i wasn’t too mean, was i?’ snuggled up in steve’s blankets, facing each other in the low light of his room.

‘nooo, no you were on fire,’ he laughs, he was still tipsy and slightly reeking of booze as he lay next to you.

‘really? you’re sure?’ he was definitely just drunk and blabbing on but you’d take it.

‘yes.. it was perfect,’ he hiccups, interrupting his sentence, ‘buuut.. and i’m not the only one who said this so don’t kill me..’ kissing the back of his teeth, ‘you’re not gonna like what i have to say.’

‘what? what is it?’ prodding his shoulder with a quick jab. knowing eddie, he’d probably gone round the party whispering some bullshit about the two of you.

‘well..’ holding his hands in the air, ‘there’s still chemistry there.. y’know i could see it,’ raising his eyebrows, hands collapsing onto the blanket.

‘right, i’m going to sleep.. you’re drunk and just saying stupid shit now,’ rolling your eyes as you settle into the soft pillow, closing your eyes so you no longer had to entertain his idiotic nonsense.

he chortles, hiccuping mid-laugh which makes a horrid choking noise, ‘i’m not that drunk.. robin said it too,’ the lamp clicks off, darkening the room, ‘and dustin..’

‘go to sleep steve,’ unamused and tired.

‘okay okay.. goodnight,’ he calls, you can hear the smile in his voice as he turns to face the other way, taking that as your opportunity to rest your head on his back, nuzzling into the soft cotton t-shirt.

-

monday is particularly awful and you’re reminded exactly why you don’t drink often. two days on and you’re still exhausted, half-heartedly filling the shelves and just trying to make it to two o’clock.

in your tired state, one of the bottles of shampoo you were putting out, falls out of your hand and rolls off somewhere down the aisle. you sigh, a deep, fed-up, exhaustive sigh and get up to go and fetch it when the bottle appears before your face, a tattooed, ring-filled hand latched onto it.

‘carver? really?’ eddie frowns, watching you from above, eyebrows furrowed together.

you place the bottle onto it’s rightful spot on the shelf and choose to ignore him. if he’d come all the way down here just to piss you off about your poor life choices then he could get fucked.

‘when’d that happen?’

blanking him again as you continue to put stuff onto the shelves. this was the easiest way to guarantee that you weren’t going to get yourself fired for being rude to him.

‘you gonna ignore me? i just wanna know,’ still poking and prodding, he clearly wasn’t very good at picking up on context clues.

nothing.

‘fuck, can you just talk to me for five minutes?’ your silence was driving him crazy, aggravating him to no end.

‘i’m at work, so no,’ hurriedly trying to finish the stock you had so you had an excuse to rush out the back and away from him.

he was fortunate that it was a quiet monday, the store full of mostly older ladies who had no idea who he was. you sorta hoped that he’d get mobbed and would have to hurry off and leave you alone.

‘why jason? out of literally everyone else in this shithole you choose jason?’ screwing his face up in disgust.

you slam the box cutter down with a loud clatter, causing a few turned heads and raised eyebrows. fuck ‘em. if you had done what you’d really wanted to do, you’d be locked up forever.

‘i don’t know if you remember this but my boyfriend of like, two years ran away and never came home so yeah.. that kinda fucked with me a little and lucky for me, jason carver was there and also hated my ex’s guts.. so it was perfect, you know?’ staring flatly at him, you were not dealing with his shit today.

eddie scoffs, ‘so you had a kid with him? and now.. what? you play happy families just to spite me? is that it?’

‘yes eddie, i had a whole child just to piss you off.’

he gawps back at you, clearly also did not possess the ability to sense sarcasm.

‘no,’ scowling at him, ‘it was an accident and now he’s.. i dunno, coaching basketball at some school in ohio or some shit.. why don’t you go and bother him?’

‘so you’re not together?’

you can only roll your eyes in response, in sheer disbelief that he’d made such a fuss because he couldn’t just outright ask if you were single.

un-fucking-believable.

you’ve had just about enough of this conversation, pulling your little trolley back towards the swing doors that lead to the warehouse. at least he wasn’t allowed in there.

‘wait! wait..’ he grabs onto the other side of the trolley, stopping you from walking off, ‘have dinner with me tonight or.. tomorrow?’ eyes big and pleading.

‘now why would i do that?’

‘because i want to explain myself.. i need to.’

one of the younger shoppers notices who he is and begins trying to talk to him, coming over to where you two stood rather excitedly. eddie is kind enough to smile and give her a few polite words, eyes still latched onto yours despite the ecstatic woman beside him.

‘okay,’ honestly just wanting to get away from all this commotion, ‘tomorrow.’

his scowl subsides, replaced by a gleaming grin, ‘six o’clock.. pino’s, i’ll sort it, okay?’ already starting to walk away from the crazy woman.

‘right,’ you nod, pulling your trolley away and into the back warehouse, leaning against the concrete wall. the whole exchange was tiring, knocking whatever tiny bit of energy out of you.

were you actually gonna go?

absolutely fucking not.

-

by the time six rolls around the next night, you really had forgotten all about it. rushing to get ella her dinner after swimming lessons, already worrying about paying for yet another field trip she’d sprung on you earlier. you’d begun to wonder if they even taught in the classrooms anymore with the amount of permission slips she brought home.

she’s finally settled into bed, after much protesting and a lot of coaxing. you’re just about to finally relax on the couch when someone hammers on your front door. and if you weren’t already pissed off with ella’s whining, you were most definitely about to be with whichever mindless prick was banging on your door.

‘what do you want?’ you hiss, jerking the door open to reveal a pathetic looking eddie on the other side, face forlorn and dejected.

he’s in that white shirt again. it makes you sick to your stomach to admit that it really does look good on him. his arms now more defined, the cotton sticking to his muscles, briefly showcasing the new tattoos underneath. maybe he’d actually got off of his ass and did something other than smoke weed all day.

‘oh so you are alive, d’you forget about something?’ he’s snarling now, having conjured up some elaborate excuse in his head as to why you hadn’t showed, only to find you at home, seemingly with no care in the world.

‘oops,’ the corners of your mouth twitching into a smile, you hadn’t even actually meant to stand him up, you were just gonna call his hotel and cancel but the thought had just completely slipped your mind.

and even if it shouldn’t, it really did feel good. knowing he was the one sat waiting for you for once.

‘oops? i sat there for an hour waiting for you and then spent the last hour trying to convince dustin to give me your fucking address.. and all you can say is oops?’

you shrug, ‘feels pretty shitty to be forgotten about, doesn’t it?’ tilting your head, watching as his face falls. he’d been got.

‘okay.. okay, i get it, and i’m sorry.. there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t feel like shit for how i treated you,’ his head dips low, looking particularly sorry for himself.

and for a second you do too. not that he deserved it. quickly having to remind yourself exactly what he had done to you, which was not at all helped by the fact that he now had everything he’d ever wanted in life.

and you couldn’t fault your life. truly. but fuck did it sting sometimes, to know that your life had stagnated, stuck in the same shitty town you’d grown up in while he was on the other side of the country, more money than sense and a hoard of doting fans that would do absolutely anything he’d ask of them.

‘good,’ you bark, going to slam the door shut only for it to bang against his black boot wedged in the door, ‘if you don’t move your foot i’ll- i’ll call the police.’

‘no you won’t,’ his hand reaches out to grab onto the other side of the handle, he could’ve easily pushed his way in if he’d really wanted, ‘let’s talk.. like adults,’ begging you now, ‘please.’

you huff, this would end with you either letting him in or being forced to wake ella after you bashed his head into the doorframe. it was easier to just accept the first option and you’d find some bullshit to get him to leave later on.

opening the door wider to let him in, keeping your eyes square on the ground as he walks through, peering around at your home. probably comparing it to his mansion in the hollywood hills the pretentious fuck.

‘nice..’ he nods, leaning in to look at the photo of you and ella a few christmas’ ago, she was tiny then, sporting a miniature santa hat.

‘yeah well, she’s asleep upstairs so.. make it quick,’ you frown, closing the door behind him, watching as his eyes take in the cluttered room, smile fading when he catches sight of the singular picture you have up of jason and ella.

‘i can’t believe you chose to fuck jason of all people.. i mean, i’ve made some shitty decisions in my life but..’ he stops himself from going any further when he sees your face, if looks could kill, he’d be long gone by now.

‘did you come here for a reason? or are you here to talk about my life decisions.. because i really don’t want to hear it from you,’ crossing your arms over your chest, wanting him out of your house.

‘no.. no, shit- i’m sorry,’ he shuffles on his feet, banging his head, ‘i wanna talk.. properly.’

you roll your hand to motion for him to continue, ‘go on..’

he inhales, chewing on the inside of his cheek, trying to psyche himself up to actually say what he wanted to say. it wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say, he just couldn’t string it together to make sense.

‘i’m sorry for the way i treated you.. it wasn’t right and i know that now,’ his hand coming to rub the back of his clammy next, why was your house so fucking hot?

‘okay.. apology accepted, was that everything?’ you say flatly, glancing up the stairs to make sure ella wasn’t awake and out of her room.

his face falls, ‘can you just.. just let me explain,’ his adam apple bobbing as he swallows, ‘why don’t you sit down..’ motioning towards your ratty couch.

you relent your stern stature, hesitantly going to sit on the couch, trying to ensure that he couldn’t possibly sit next to you by sprawling your legs out onto the empty cushion. so he takes the seat furthest away, running his hands down his tight jeans. designer, no less.. the only person you knew stupid enough to spend thousands on designer jeans just to tear holes in them.

‘when i ended things with you, i wasn’t.. well, it was me, but i had my manager screaming in my ear that it’d never work and he could hook me up with some fuckin’ model.. it’d help the band.. so that’s what i did,’ and for once, he looked genuinely remorseful, fiddling with the loose threads on his expensive jeans.

‘so you sold out? that’s your excuse?’

his head shoots up, mouth hung open with absolute disgust all over his face, ‘i am not a sell out.’

which is incredibly refutable, you’d heard a snippet of one of their recent songs on the radio at work and it had sounded exactly like the commercial shit he used to rag on when you were together. not a touch on the corroded coffin you sat and watched practice for hours on end.

‘oh? so you didn’t break up with me to further your career? you just wanted to fuck hot models? which one is it ‘cause i’m a little confused here,’ completely losing it, springing up from your slouched position.

‘okay, yeah.. yeah i did, i broke up with you because i wanted to fuckin’ make something of my life.. and look at where i am and look at-,’

‘-don’t you dare finish that sentence,’ you snap, gritting your teeth together as you near his face, positively shaking with rage.

‘what’re you gonna do? you gonna hit me? do it,’ his chin tilted to match your elevated position, eyes glued to yours.

‘i should.’

his lips twitch into a smirk, ‘you won’t.’

and before your brain has the time to really process your next movements, he balls his fist into your t-shirt, causing your chest to collide into his as his lips smash into yours, knocking the air out of your lungs.

scrambling to find his shoulders for balance, sliding one hand onto his stubbly cheek. it’s all teeth and tongues, he’s ravenous and unrelenting, letting go of his grip on your shirt to place his hands on your hips, ‘move,’ mumbling against your lips as he attempts to manoeuvre you onto his lap while twisting around.

he slides down the couch, keeping a solid hold of your body as you find the right position. your legs are either side of his waist, sliding into the gap between his body and the couch sitting right on his crotch. wasting absolutely zero time in connecting your lips against, honestly not wanting to run the risk of him opening his mouth and ruining this.

his large hands find solace on your ass, creeping up to remove the oversized shirt you’d thrown on. you place your hand above his, restricting him from moving any further. it’s not that you were embarrassed- okay, maybe you were a little. but your body had changed since becoming a mom and eddie had become accustomed to gorgeous models and perfect women that he’d certainly not want to see your boring, frumpy mom body.

he groans in protest, trying again to lift the shirt further only for your fingernails to dig into his hand, ‘no,’ speaking into the filthy kiss.

eddie pulls away from the kiss, fingers coming to gently brush the hair from your face, ‘you can’t be serious? i’ve seen it all before,’ he grumbles, fingers itching to try lift it again.

‘not like this you haven’t.. i just.. want it on, okay?’

‘no- why won’t you let me take this off?’ fingers curling around the hem, already trying his luck with getting it up again.

you sigh, meeting his blown out eyes with your glossy ones, ‘i don’t even know what i’m doing.. fuck,’ attempting to climb off of his lap while the spare hand he has on your ass clamps you down, keeping you pressed to him.

‘hey.. hey, keep it on.. i don’t care,’ already trying to chase your lips, ‘i’m just saying, you don’t need to,’ the denim covering his growing erection starting to rub against your throbbing clit, the sparse material of your pajama shorts were not leaving much to the imagination.

‘jesus christ, just take it off,’ giving up in your protest, it was useless against eddie’s persistence.

you press your lips to his the second your shirt is off, there was no time to judge your body if he couldn’t see it. pulling at his jacket to get it off, the metal buttons digging into your now bare skin.

‘i didn’t.. i didn’t mean.. what i said..’ babbling through the kiss as he shimmies out of the jacket, landing on the floor with a soft thud.

‘shut up,’ you whine, running your hand along the length of his chest until you reach the hem of his black shirt, gripping your fingers around the fabric and lifting it slightly, exposing his midriff, the soft trail of hair ascending the skin.

his head jerks backwards, allowing you to tug the shirt off, finally allowing his eyes to wander to your chest. ‘holy shit,’ he remarks like he’d never seen a pair of tits before. it’s futile for him to pretend that he hadn’t seen some amazing boobs in his time so you scoff, rolling your eyes.

working your hand at his belt buckle, fiddling with the metal until it pops undone. he’s hard already and it makes you groan, brushing your hand over the raised denim. this week seriously must’ve been difficult if he was getting hard so easily over you.

it doesn’t ever occur to you how much of a mistake this was. and even if it did, you didn’t have much time to ponder on it as his hands are grabbing at your breasts, palming them as his lips suck at your jaw and down onto your neck softly. guaranteed to leave a lovely violet mark that the old ladies at work would certainly gasp at.

he’s helping you with his jeans, one hand gripping onto your waist to keep you steady as he lifts his hips from the couch and the other hurriedly yanking them down just enough to reveal his boxers. that’s the next port of call, fingers grabbing at the thin black cotton, pulling them down his thighs as his cock springs into action.

eddie’s lips are still on your neck while you mindlessly wrap your hand around his cock, pumping your fist as you shuffle upwards. his breath hitches in his throat, still peppering sloppy kisses to the sensitive skin.

‘oh god,’ he whines into your collarbone, feeling his eyelashes flutter against your jaw. for a man who had been painted as womaniser in the media, he sure was still just as pathetic as he used to be underneath you.

you’re a little annoyed that it’s you who’s taking control right now. after so many years of disrespect from his end, you think he at least owed it to you to take charge.

your hand grabs onto his shoulder, pulling his face from your neck, ‘be quiet, okay?’ sitting taller to position yourself comfortably, the harsh fabric of the couch grazing your knees.

he nods, sliding his hand up your waist and back to your hip, taking in the sight of you. you wouldn’t ever admit it aloud, but truthfully, you really did miss him sometimes. missed the way his pretty pink lips looked after being glued to yours or the way he gazed at you doing the most mundane tasks.

you cant your hips, sinking down onto his length slowly, biting down onto your bottom lip as his cock fills you to the hilt. his eyelids flicker, fingernails digging into your doughy hips. it’s been a little while since you’d done this so you have to take a second to become accustomed to the slight stretch. it’s good, in the most masochistic way.

your hands cling onto his shoulders, watching his slack jaw, tiny breaths escaping from his mouth as you attempt to move. painstakingly slow at first, knees beginning to shake as you try to remember what you should even be doing. your cheeks flushing, feeling so incredibly embarrassed. the man was fucking models and then you’re here, pitifully trying to ride him. it’s awful, you know it’s awful.

his arm comes to snake around your waist, taking matters into his own hands and flipping the two of you around, your back suddenly pressed into the couch. holy shit. you appreciate the initiative, wrapping your legs around his waist, readjusting your grip on his shoulders.

‘need you a little faster than that darling,’ large hands digging into the couch either side of your head. you’d feel utterly mortified if you weren’t thoroughly enjoying the sight of him looming over you, his hair falling beautifully into your face.

eddie starts slow at first, moving his hips slowly, obviously well versed. your mouth opens but no noise escapes, well aware that you weren’t the only ones in your house. instead you pant softly, desperate for his lips to grace yours again.

it’s not long before he’s quickening his pace, unable to contain himself when you feel so perfect around him. ‘i missed you- fuck, i’ve missed you so much,’ he groans, keeping his voice low despite wanting to start screaming.

you don’t reply, too fucked-out to even think about words. eyes drooping as his cock nudges against the soft spongy spot no one other than him had been able to reach.

the couch creaks beneath you, the old thing unable to keep up with his rutting hips, the top of your head knocking into the arm rest every time his hips collided with yours. your living room had never bore witness to such filth and as quiet as you were trying to be, the sounds are indistinguishable.

having to bite down onto your lip when his thumb meets your clit, legs tightening around his waist with every soft circle he draws around the sensitive bud. eddie was never bad in bed but holy shit, maybe money had done something right for him.

he sits up, soft sighs falling out of his lips as his hand disconnects from your clit, sliding toward your knee and positioning your leg onto his shoulder. your nails press into his forearm, willing yourself to stay quiet even now he’s seemingly trying to kill you.

and through it all, he’s smirking. relishing the way you’re writhing around, trying not to cum when he nudges against that sweet, spongy spot this position allowed.

his thumb finds your clit again, ‘holy shit sweetheart.. you gonna cum?’ grunting softly with every thrust.

you’re positively wrecked beneath him, face pressed into the couch cushion as your stomach flips. panting into the fabric, incoherent ramblings of eddie’s name and a bunch of curse words fill the room.

‘cum for me baby.. shit,’ struggling to keep his own pace as you tighten around him, leg trembling around his neck as your orgasm takes over. pleasure overtaking your limbs as your hips buck instinctively, thankfully muffled by the couch.

‘oh my god,’ you breathe, struggling to see straight when your eyes eventually reopen, gazing up at eddie above, certain he’s about to draw blood from his teeth digging in to his lip.

‘where.. where shall i- shit,’ he squeezes out, feeling his hips begin to stutter, eyes rolling to the back of his head. he’s just about quick enough to pull out, thick ropes of cum paint your thighs. narrowly avoiding the couch.

if you had the energy to get annoyed, you would’ve snapped, but in all honesty, your brain was still reeling and anger was the last thing you felt.

eddie reaches over, ever the gentleman and grabs his shirt to clean his mess. didn’t matter to him obviously, he had more than enough money to buy another.

and there it is. the bitterness filling your body again the second he’s no longer on top of you, or inside of you rather. you attempt to bite it down.

‘you wanna talk now?’ he asks, pulling his boxers back up to a more respectable position.

‘i’m tired eddie,’ and you are, on a school night like tonight you’d have been fast asleep by now.

he sighs, shoulders slumping over. even after you’d just had the most mind-altering sex, you couldn’t speak to him. ‘please,’ pleading with you almost, desperate for one more chance.

maybe it’s the exhaustion or maybe the dopamine still pumping through your brain but you concede, pulling your shirt back over your head before motioning for him to speak.

‘i don’t have any excuses, i’m just-,’ he sighs, turning on the couch to face you fully, ‘i’m sorry for hurting you, i was wrong and i know that,’ his eyes are dipped, peering at you from underneath his spindly lashes, ‘why d’you think i’ve avoided this place for so long?’

‘i don’t know? because you’re a pussy? because you’re too scared to face me?’ letting the words rattle off your tongue without much thought.

‘because i’m embarrassed,’ he corrects, without much offence, ‘because i’m ashamed and feel like i owe you more than some dick and a shitty apology.. i just didn’t know how i could ever make it up to you,’ half-moon eyes glossy in the low light.

your heart thumps in your chest, blood echoing through your ears. eddie munson, world renowned rockstar was sat on your couch, apologising for something you should’ve forgotten about a long time ago.

the years of hatred and avoidance come tumbling down in a millisecond. all you’d ever wanted was to hear him say sorry. to admit that he’d fucked you over for a life of fame and now you had it, you weren’t exactly sure what to even do with it.

‘okay.. now what? are you gonna make it up to me? because i want to believe you eddie, i do.. but you can’t just traipse in here and expect me to forgive you like that,’ the tears roll over, sliding down your warm cheeks.

he nods, grabbing onto your hands in a last ditch gesture to show his sincerity, ‘i’m going to.. i-i want to,’ he’s still nodding, bringing his face closer to yours, ‘tell me how, i’ll do anything,’ adam’s apple bobbing with every word.

‘stay here,’ your eyes are trained on him, ignoring the blurred vision, ‘not forever, just for now,’ lips pursed, ready to be broken once more.

you half-expect him to come out with some sorry excuse, tell you he had to get back to his hotel so he couldn’t possible stay here.

but he doesn’t.

eddie takes your hand, tugging it gently and with words you don’t register, babbles something about bed. so you follow him, allowing him to guide you to your room and slide in between the sheets next to you.

everything is so gentle, soft and pure. something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

-

‘hey.. sweetheart,’ eddie’s hand gently shakes your arm, whispering into your ear, ‘you awake?’

you squint in the dim light, feeling his hand descend onto your waist, chest pressed against your back, ‘i am now,’ you grumble, it was early.. early even by ella’s standards.

‘i gotta go.. you got work today?’ he asks, making no effort to actually get up and leave your bed though.

you nod into the pillow, rubbing your sleep heavy eyes. in your sleep hazed state, you shuffle, moving backwards against him.

‘okay.. shit- don’t do that,’ strained as you shift against him, unknowingly brushing against his cock, ‘i’ll be back.. after you..’ he’s losing it a little now, ‘after you finish..’ lips pressed to your ear.

you were moving deliberately now, just ever-so-slightly rocking your hips back and forth, you could feel him growing against your ass.

‘i can’t..’ he groans, grip tightening on your hip,

‘please,’ you breathe, reaching backwards to find his mop of curls, taking a fistful for leverage as his own hip’s thrust into your backside, his low growls only spurring you on.

you had been on your own for so long now, could he really blame you?

eddie doesn’t leave for another hour, creeping out of your house with his head low and a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

-

the key turns in your door as you’re loading the dishwasher. you’d given steve a spare for emergencies but it seemed to get used for anything but.

he slinks into the kitchen where you stand with your back to him, ‘hey,’ already knowing who it was.

‘well hello,’ announcing his presence, something about his tone of voice already seemed off, he sounded short, annoyed almost, ‘how have you been?’

‘i’m good..’ you spin to face him, puzzled by his strange demeanour, ‘how are you?’

he’s holding onto something behind his back but you can’t quite catch a glimpse, ‘actually.. i’m a little pissed off,’ you can tell he’s not completely serious by the hint of a smile on his face.

‘hmm? why’s that?’

he looks around the room expectedly, ‘oh i don’t know.. you don’t have anything to tell me, do you?’ shaking his head, still gripping onto this mystery object.

‘no..’ narrowing your eyes, determining whether he knew what you thought he knew.

he did, he one hundred percent did. holy fuck. he’d figured you out already. eddie had opened his big, stupid mouth and told dustin, who would’ve told steve and god knows who else. fucking moron.

‘no? soo..’ his pulls the magazine from behind his back, flipping it to the page he’d already saved, ‘this isn’t real then?’ shoving the glossy pages into your face, ‘because to me.. this looks an awful lot like eddie.. at this very house,’ he jabs his finger at the pixelated image, ‘and this little blob here.. that’s you, no?’

you’re utterly gobsmacked. mouth hung open in pure shock. because that most definitely was eddie.. and your house.. and you. you hadn’t seen anyone with a camera, hell, you hadn’t seen anyone on the street at all.

‘and correct me if i’m wrong, but is this not our friend eddie leaving your house the next morning?’ showing the next image of him leaving your house the day after, hair unruly and messed up, holding his denim jacket in his arms as he climbs into his car.

your mouth moves but no words come out, croaking as you struggle to meet steve’s eyes. completely speechless, there was no feasible excuse. you had been caught with your pants down. literally.

‘i can explain,’ waving your hands around while steve stands smug against the kitchen counter. ‘..no i can’t,’ shoulders slumped as you blink at your best friend, no you really couldn’t. suppose you could’ve come up with some lie about a look-a-like you’d been seeing but that would’ve made you look particularly strange.

‘were you ever gonna tell me?’ he’s almost hurt that you hadn’t ran to him to tell him immediately. this was true best friend gossip and you’d kept him from it.

‘i was! steve.. i don’t even know what happened- he came over to apologise and then we were arguing and then.. then we had sex and it’s not my fault..’ you’re trying, and failing, to contain your smile, flashing your cheeky grin to your best friend in the hopes he would let this slide.

‘i can’t believe you didn’t tell me!’ jutting his bottom lip out, ‘so, you’re getting back together?’ his eyes sceptical yet sparkling with a sense of hope. you’re grateful that all he seems to care about is the fact you lied. or actually, withheld the truth as you preferred it.

‘no.. well.. no, we had dinner together yesterday and he might’ve stayed over but no..’ shaking your head, ‘he’s leaving again soon and we both know what happened last time..’ you shrug, leaning back against the counter, ‘i guess i don’t hate him now, that’s good isn’t it?’

steve looks perplexed, ‘wait wait wait.. so you’re just.. screwing around? and then he leaves again, that’s it? what’s the point?’ taking a seat at the small kitchen table, fully engrossed in the conversation.

‘i dunno.. i guess that’s it?’ you hadn’t really thought about the fact that he’d be leaving again, in fact, you hadn’t really had time to think much at all about what was happening.

you’d just sort of acknowledged that at some point he’d go back to california and you’d stay here and whatever was happening would.. end? it wasn’t as if you were going to be super upset about it like you once were. lots of people fuck their ex’s.. this was fine.

because that’s what this is, right?

just sex with an ex?

‘that’s it?’ steve reiterates, looking completely flabbergasted that the woman who once left the room whenever eddie munson’s name was mentioned was now being so casual about this.

‘yeah,’ you shrug, not wanting to make a massive deal out of it though you could always rely on steve to be over dramatic on your behalf.

‘no,’ he straightens up in the chair, ‘all of this can’t be for nothing,’ sounding utterly exasperated, ‘you two obviously belong together so why don’t you go for it? i could see you living it up out in la.. big house, big car-,’

you cut him off before he can divulge into his delusions any further, ‘i think you’re getting ahead of yourself steve,’ shaking your head at his ludicrous attitude.

you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it once or twice but it seemed silly to start imagining this crazy life together after all these years. he’d barely just made it into your good graces again, you were hardly going to run off to california with him. it was utter delusion.

‘okay okay..’ he scoffs, ‘but i still think you need to talk to him. i don’t want you getting hurt again, okay? just make sure that you’re both on the same page,’ nodding as he stands from his seat and begins to rummage through your cupboards for something to eat.

he was probably right and you knew it deep down. you weren’t keen on being the one to bring the conversation up, not after that first night. after you had sobbed in his arms in bed, letting him soothe you to sleep with a bunch of probable empty promises.

-

when eddie lets himself into your house a few hours later, steve’s eyebrows fly up his forehead but he doesn’t say a word. instead, he nods at the man, keeping his opinions to himself.

the pair of you resemble an old married couple, except you’re the grumpy old man with your wife cuddled into your side. your wife being steve that is.

‘oh.. is this uh, something that happens often?’ eddie asks, settling into the empty chair across from you. slightly miffed that steve was nestled into your side.

‘yup,’ you nod, smiling at him your chin resting on steve’s head. he hadn’t a reason to be jealous, you’d really rather poke your eyeballs out with a fork than do anything remotely sexual with steve.

‘right.. yeah okay,’ eddie says, looking perplexed but sitting back in the chair. if he was going to stick around then this would have to be something that he got used to. because you sure as hell weren’t going to stop being so close with steve for the guy that broke your heart at eighteen.

‘you want a drink?’ you ask, realising that you should probably be a good host even if it was only eddie.

‘yeah sure.’

you untangle yourself from steve and trundle off into the kitchen. steve takes this as the perfect opportunity to grill eddie on his intentions, sitting up straight and making sure that you were really gone before beginning his interrogation.

‘so.. you two?’

eddie shrugs, not wanting to get into it with steve after such a long day.

steve sighs, leaning toward eddie, ‘i’m gonna say this once.. but if you hurt her again, i will kill you,’ staring the other man down. contempt in his eyes. he was dead serious too.

‘i’m not- i’m not gonna hurt her,’ eddie sits up, praying that you’d hurry back with this damn drink.

‘i mean it eddie,’ raising his eyebrows, ‘you didn’t see how she was after you left.. i’m not going through that again, i’m not letting her go through that again.’

‘steve-,’ eddie blinks, stopping himself as you re-enter the room. hoping that you hadn’t heard their conversation, he’d only just got you to stop hating him. he wasn’t prepared to go back to that like, ever.

‘what’re you talking about?’ placing the bottle of beer in front of eddie and collapsing back into your spot on the couch.

‘football,’ steve answers quickly, groaning as he pushes himself off of the sofa, ‘i’m gonna head home, got work in the morning but i’ll see you tomorrow,’ he smiles, winking at you from above.

‘okay,’ you utter, sounding more like a question than a statement, watching carefully as he gathers his things without so much as a glance at eddie. you can only imagine what was actually said but that was truly none of your business.

you’d just grill eddie later to make sure steve hasn’t been too much of an asshole.

‘byee,’ you call out behind him, already eyeing a sheepish eddie. this’d probably be it. you’d known it was coming at some point, you just weren’t sure of when.

if steve’s sudden departure was anything to go off, you were probably right.

the door clicks shut and you turn your attention to eddie who was still sat on the solemn chair. oh god. maybe you had got a little used to having him around again and now to know that it’d all be coming to an abrupt end once again.. yeah you felt a tad shit.

‘what’d you say?’ you ask outright, it made zero sense to beat around the bush.

‘me?’ he looks almost offended, ‘i didn’t say shit.. didn’t get the chance to,’ but he’s smiling ever so slightly and your heart relaxes.

christ you were so stupid. letting him back into your life just to let him walk away a second time. perhaps you’d done something horrific in a past life to deserve this same fate twice.

‘so what did he say?’ you press, unsure of if your even wanted the answer.

eddie sighs before coming to collapse on the couch next to you, ‘it wasn’t important.. look, i wanna be honest with you,’ his hand comes to grab yours and you freeze, bracing yourself for what was inevitably going to come next. ‘you mean a lot to me and.. and i don’t want you to think that i don’t care or that i’m just leaving you again,’ his eyes are focussed on yours, full of what you hope is sincerity.

you don’t reply, instead you nod slightly and urge him to continue. this was it. the kicker. 

‘i’ve gotta go back to la next week,’ his grip tightens around your hand, ‘but i’m coming back as soon as i can, okay?’ he’s serious too and you’d like to believe him but if the past was anything to go by, you weren’t eager.

you nod silently. fuck this. once again, you were sat before eddie munson, listening to his plans to jet off to la. it felt like the cruelest case of deja-vu. if anything, you want to kick yourself for even allowing him to wiggle his way back into your heart. most people know better after the first time.

‘it’s three weeks.. maybe a month, but i’m coming back, i promise,’ he pleads, hanging his head low. he knows there’s absolutely nothing he could say to you that would make you believe him but he had to try.

you hum, frowning just a little before finally replying, ‘i’ve heard that before,’ not meaning to sound as snarky as you did, but it was true.

‘i’m serious, i’m not.. not gonna lose you again, i’ve learnt my lesson,’ his eyes are big and pleading and you’re thrown right back to being eighteen, listening to him convince you how going to la would be the best decision.

‘so.. what? you’re gonna come back to hawkins just to see me? i don’t-,’ you sigh, as much as you wanted to believe him, it just wasn’t plausible in your mind, ‘i just don’t understand, are we together or are you just coming back to fuck? you don’t have to, you know? i’ve made peace with it all and i’m fine.. you don’t have to lie to me anymore.’

if anyone was going to fuck this up, it would be you. that’s for certain.

‘what the fuck?’ he exclaims, genuinely flabbergasted, ‘this is me telling you that i’m serious about this.. about you,’ he takes your hand into his properly, scooting around to face you fully, ‘i love being here with you, and ella and there is nothing out in la worth more than this,’ you think he might just start crying, or you might. or perhaps both of you.

you sniff, not wanting to speak in fear of bursting into hysterics. it was all just so confusing and weird. you’d grown accustomed to eddie being on the other side of the country and now suddenly he was back in your life with what seemed like a a declaration of love. it was just too much to handle. and maybe you blame yourself a little, for not truly thinking about the implications of fucking your ex that had abandoned you years prior. but now it all just seemed to be hurtling in the most intense direction.

you were the one that had told him to stay after all. because really, you could’ve kicked him out, refused to ever even acknowledge him again. but you hadn’t.

‘are you telling me the truth?’ is all that you manage to squeak out. baring resemblance to a small child.

you really must’ve looked pathetic, eyes brimming with tears, bottom lip quivering as you hold in the implosion of emotions. it’s always scary being vulnerable with someone, let alone someone that once meant so much to you.

he still did. as much as you’re absolutely petrified to admit it, he’d weaselled his way back into your heart and now here you are, a mess of emotions and perplexing feelings that are too complicated to handle.

‘i promise you,’ he sighs, clearly fed up of your whining, ‘i’m coming back this time.’

and maybe you’re stupid. maybe you’re still hung up on some high school relationship that ended long ago but you can’t help it, you nod.

idiotically believing him because what else can you do after letting him into your home and your heart again.

[hoseok666]

and they were roommates - ch. 7

pairings: jungkook x reader/taehyung x reader

genre: strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, eventual angst, eventual smut, fluff, pretty much everything . college!jungkook AU, college!taehyung AU, tsundere! jungkook, warm personality taehyung, slowburn

word count: 32.8 k (😏)

series summary: it all started with a rejection from your longtime crush, jeon jungkook. you decided to confess to him on your last day of high school. after a harsh rejection and a rough summer dealing with the heartbreak, you were starting anew once your freshman year of college came. you were going to be sharing an apartment with two other roommates that you don’t even know. what a surprise you’re going to be in for once you find out it’s the one and only: jeon jungkook and kim taehyung.

ch. 1 | ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch. 4 | ch. 5 | ch. 6 | ch. 7

It’s around 8 in the morning when you wake up from your slumber. You’re greeted with a shock of pain shooting through your head and your body is feeling as if it’s floating on water. “Fucking hangover.” you grumble to yourself. You press a hand onto one of your temples. 

You managed to get up from your comfy bed and walk to your desk drawer, where you found a small bottle of pain reliever pills. You pop two of the capsules into your mouth, washing it down with a random bottle of water you had on top of your desk. The hangover wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. After all, you were able to sober up a lot faster than your friends did. 

You were about to lay back down on your bed until you felt your stomach rumble. It was making gassy noises and hunger cues at the same time. Great. I have to shit and eat. You open your bedroom door and are met with the smell of a rich, salty umami scent surfing around the apartment floor. The smell caused your stomach to growl even more. 

Before you went to check out whoever and whatever was in the kitchen, you used the restroom to release whatever your body wanted to waste out. After brushing your teeth and washing your hands, you applied heavy concealer where Jungkook had left his hickies on your neck from last night. You entered the kitchen and caught the sight of Taehyung stirring a large pot of miso soup with a ladle. Jimin was already sitting on the table sipping the soup. When Taehyung notices your presence, he greets you with his signature grin. “Morning, __. Sleep well?” 

“Yeah, I guess so. Woke up with a slight hangover though, so I just popped some pills. Do you guys need some?” you ask the two. Jimin shakes his head, rejecting your offer. “This soup is enough to cure me.” He says after swallowing down the rest of his bowl. “I’m good too but thanks for asking, ___.” Taehyung softened at you just being…you. Considerate, selfless you. It was one of the reasons why he fell in love with you. His stomach flip flops after he is reminded about the realization from last night. 

“Do you want some miso? It’ll help with rehydrating yourself.” Taehyung offered. You accepted his offer and joined Jimin at the table. “Can I sip on some of your water?” You ask Jimin. “Go ahead.” You gladly reach his large glass of fresh cold water, and your ‘sip’ turns into you finishing it completely. 

“So, I said you could have a sip, not finish it.” Jimin stared at you as if he wanted to kill you. “Relax, I’ll refill it for you.” You chuckle, and went to the sink, refilling the water that you indirectly declared was half yours now. 

After Taehyung serves you a medium-sized bowl of miso, he joins the table with you and Jimin with his own bowl too. He chose to sit next to you. You give Taehyung a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for the meal, Tae. I’ll eat it well.” Taehyung ruffles your hair and gives you a gentle pat on your back. “Enjoy.” 

As per usual, Jimin rolls his eyes at Taehyung being oblivious to his own feelings. There was a comfortable silence in the kitchen. Jimin was just scrolling through his phone while you and Taehyung were devouring the miso. 

While Jimin is scrolling through his Instagram stories, he sees that Namjoon has posted a couple of things on his story. Jimin skips through the ones of him just recording the party, and himself with his friends. Jimin was about to just skip his story entirely until he gets to a post of you and Namjoon posing in front of the mirror together. He had arm around you and you were holding up a peace sign. His eyes widened at the sight. “Wow, not Namjoon already posting you on his Instagram story.” Jimin excitedly shoves his phone in front of you. 

When you see the picture, your face heats up. “Oh, yea that happened.” You say sheepishly. Taehyung tried not to get jealous but he’s just naturally a jealous person. It doesn’t feel good for him to see you potentially seeing another guy, especially upon recently learning that Taehyung indeed has strong feelings for you. 

“Well? Are you just gonna say that? What else happened?” Jimin pressed. You debated on telling the boys that Namjoon had asked you out on a date later this week. You felt shy to say out loud that you were going on a first date with someone…ever. Namjoon is your first ever real date. You’ve kissed only two people in your life; Kim Seokjin, and one guy you had lost your virginity to when you were a third year in high school. His name was Hwang Hyunjin. You and Hyunjin were not an official couple. It was more like what they call nowadays; a “sneaky link”. Hyunjin was attracted to you, you thought he was hot enough to fuck. The two of you were just horny teenagers and wanted to get your virginities over with. It was just sex and kisses, no dates and no feelings. Hyunjin ended up transferring to a new school for his senior year and you haven’t heard from him since. 

You decided that you shouldn't make it a huge deal to hide the date from them. “He, uh, actually asked me out on a date later this week.” You confess. Jimin’s eyes immediately fixated on Taehyung's reaction. Taehyung tried to get himself to say something. Anything. But he felt as if his throat was closed. 

“That’s…great, __. Are you excited?” Jimin began. You nodded. “Yeah, I am. He seems nice.” You didn’t want to admit that he was your first date ever because you knew they were going to just tease you for being an inexperienced loser. “He’s supposed to text me later today to confirm the time and date.” You added. You chugged down a large spoonful of your miso. 

Taehyung remained silent. He wasn’t heartbroken but he felt challenged. If Taehyung wanted you, he had to get you one way or another. He doesn’t know if he should suppress his feelings or express it the best way he can. 

Suddenly, the three of you heard a bedroom door opening. It had to be Jungkook. Your stomach felt as if it was fluttering with anxiety. This would be the first time you would be facing Jungkook since you decided to end whatever relationship the two of you had. Enemies? Frenemies? Whatever the title was, you didn’t want anything to do with Jungkook for right now. 

It came to your surprise when it wasn’t Jungkook who entered the kitchen. The three of you made eye contact with a foreign figure standing in the kitchen entrance. It was a girl. A pretty girl. This pretty girl was wearing an oversized black t-shirt. Your stomach and heart dropped in realization when you knew who the shirt belonged to. 

“Morning.” she spoke out, giving you guys a short bow. She looked a bit nervous, as if she was meeting Jungkook’s parents. The three of you didn’t verbally say anything; you all slightly bowed back to her. “Would it be alright if I grabbed some water from the sink?” she asks, while playing her fingers. Taehyung motioned her where she could find the cups. “Go ahead.” He said. 

She smiled at him graciously, and grabbed herself not one but two small glasses. She filled them both up with water and gave you guys one final bow before walking back to Jungkook’s room. The slamming of the door brought the three of you back to reality. 

“Uhm.” Jimin starts. “Yeah..” Taehyung continues. “So, does he do this often?” Jimin asked you both. Taehyung shakes his head. “This is the first girl he’s ever brought back.” He informs. The emotion that was coursing through you was a mixture of pain, jolt, and numbness. “She’s pretty.” You admit. Jimin nodded in agreement. “Yeah, she is but..aren’t one night stands supposed to not interact with household members? That’s like against the law of hookups.” 

Taehyung snorted at Jimin’s sentence. “You’re so dumb.” He playfully hits his head. “Jungkook though? He’s really entering his hoe phase now. About time.” Jimin sighs in relief, crossing his arms behind his head as he leaned back into the chair. It was silent for a few seconds. Jimin sat up quickly at a realization. “That’s why I heard moaning when I came home last night. I thought it was Taehyung watching porn.” 

You managed to crack out a chuckle at Jimin’s abruptness. Jimin is the comedic relief in this household that you, Taehyung and Jungkook needed. 

. . .

When Yeri returned back to Jungkook’s room, he was still asleep. He was snoring quietly, his pink lips slightly parted. He was shirtless and bottomless underneath the covers. Yeri sat on her side of the bed and simply stared at Jungkook. She was in awe at his natural beauty. She could stare at him for hours. When Yeri took notice of him at the party last night, he was all she could stare at all night. His beauty was striking. When Yeri knows she wants something, she gets it. And that’s exactly what went down last night. 

Jungkook leant down to whisper in her ear and ask if she wanted to go back to his place. Without even thinking about it, she agreed. Yeri and Jungkook took an Uber back to the apartment. On the way there, the two of them were in a heavy makeout session throughout the entire ride. Poor Uber driver. At least the heavy tip Jungkook left for the driver made up for the trauma. The rest of the night was pure bliss for Yeri. She hasn’t cummed that many times in a one night stand since…ever. Jungkook was a god with his fingers, mouth, and with his dick. Yeri took a glance at her thighs to see if he left any marks on her. He was kissing them like crazy last night. She was met to see no hickies on her thighs, or neck or anywhere. 

Yeri knew that Jungkook shared his apartment with roommates but when she saw you in the kitchen with the other men, she wasn’t expecting one of his roommates to be a woman. And Yeri recognized you too. Yeri has only known Jungkook for twelve hours so she knew that it wasn’t any of her concern of what kind of people live with Jungkook. However, when she had seen Jungkook at the party, she knew that she did not want to use him to be any kind of a casual hookup. She wanted more. 

Jungkook’s eyes began to flutter open from his sleep. He was a light sleeper so he could feel that someone had been in his room and observing him. When his eyes fully opened, he was met with the sight of Yeri staring at him. He almost screamed, if he was being honest. He wasn’t expecting her to still be here when he awoke from his slumber. 

“Why hello there, Jungkook.” She cooed at him. She handed him a glass of water and two pain reliever capsules. 

Jungkook stared at her for a bit. He didn’t understand why she was still here and giving him pills and water as if she was his girlfriend or something. “Thanks.” he muttered and hesitantly took the water and medicine. 

He gulped it down and placed the empty glass on his nightstand. “How did you sleep?” Yeri asks. She reached down to tuck a piece of his jet-black hair behind his pierced ears. Jungkook shuddered at her touch. Her hands were freezing cold. 

Before he could answer, he looked around his bedroom. Their clothes were scattered throughout the floor. The messiest his room has ever been in awhile. He hates mess. He hates anything that isn’t in his order. 

When he attempted to sit up, his back instantly began to sting. It was as if his skin was ripped open. He hissed in pain and attempted to turn his head to examine the cause of the pain. Yeri got up from the bed and went to look at his back for him. When she noticed all the scratch marks she left on him, she winced hard. 

“Oh..I’m sorry. Seems like I scratched you a bit too hard.” She flashed him an apologetic smile. His mind flashbacked to Yeri riding him and digging her nails, piercing through his skin, from her pleasure. 

He cringed at the memory, not wanting to reminisce on what the two of them did last night. He felt awful to admit that he was embarrassed his drunk self caused him to engage into another hookup. Two hookups in one night was an extremely rare occasion for him. 

Over the summer, prior to beginning his freshman year at Konkuk, Jungkook decided to gain sexual experience to prepare himself for the college girls. He found girls on Tinder or Hinge that were willing to fuck and fuck only. As much as Jungkook tried to act like he didn’t care about girls and dating, he knew that he didn’t want to waste his college years without any sexual experience. He wanted to have stories to look back on, like Taehyung did. Jungkook didn’t like catching himself trying to follow Taehyung’s playboy footsteps however it was hard for him. Both Jungkook and Taehyung were extremely popular with women and it was overwhelming trying to contain the amount of attention the two of them had. 

“S’okay.” he mumbled back to Yeri’s apology. He got up from his bed and reached into his drawer to look for an outfit to change into. “I saw your roommates. They were eating in the kitchen.” Yeri mentioned. Jungkook silently panicked to himself. Everyone met her already? Why would she go into the kitchen and introduce herself?

“Are you hungry? We can join them in the kitchen, if you want?” She continued to talk. Jungkook wondered to himself why the hell Yeri won’t stop talking. He put on a gray plain sweatshirt, solid black boxers and matching gray sweatpants. “I, uh, actually have to be somewhere and am running late.” He indirectly asks her to leave. Yeri gets the message clearly. “So you live with her then?” She asks without any context. Jungkook cocks a brow up. “Who?” 

“The girl in the kitchen. I saw the two of you going somewhere in private last night.” If she was upset, she wasn’t showing it. “Oh. Her. She’s just my roommate. Needed to talk about her boy problems and came to me for advice.” He fed another lie. Yeri took a second to process what he said. She had a feeling that Jungkook wasn’t telling her the full truth. She remembered seeing you look annoyed with him and vice versa. 

“I see. Just wondering.” she ends the conversation. “So, I guess I’m going home in my Playboy bunny costume then?” She asks rhetorically, expecting Jungkook to give her an outfit to go home into. 

“Oh, sorry.” Jungkook went digging into his drawer to find a pair of shorts that he hoped would fit Yeri’s petite frame. He found a pair of biker shorts that should be able to fit Yeri. “Try this on.” She slides the shorts on. They were a bit loose on her waist but the oversized shirt she had on should be able to cover that. Jungkook then went into his closet and grabbed an unused trash bag. “You can put your costume inside this.” “I’ll order you an uber right now too.”

Yeri’s expectations for him were met expeditiously and she gave Jungkook bonus points for the trash bag. “Thank you.” She gives him a soft smile, which he returns back. “I’ll be going now. Hopefully, I’ll see you around to return your clothes sometime?” She asks with desperation laced in her tone.

Jungkook nodded in agreement. He had actually no plans to get in contact with Yeri again. He just needed to release the sexual frustration that was left in him after not being cum from the hookup with you. However, Yeri was wearing his most favorite black shirt so he definitely wanted that back. 

“Can I walk you to the door?” he offered. “Of course.” Jungkook opened his bedroom door for Yeri and the two of them made their way to the apartment door. Jungkook took a quick glance into the kitchen as he and Yeri walked past it. You were no longer in the kitchen. It was just Taehyung by himself and he was washing the dishes. 

When Yeri grabs onto the doorknob, she gives Jungkook one last look. “See you around, Jeon Jungkook.” She gives him one final flirty smile and exits the apartment. Jungkook breathes out a breath he was holding in. 

“So you’re hooking up now?” Taehyung approached him, slapping a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, Tae. I know I shouldn’t do that. I won’t do it again.” Jungkook apologized. “What? I’m not upset. I’m beaming with joy! See?” He flashed him a toothy grin.

Jungkook smirked at his brother. “Very funny.” 

“So...how’d you guys meet? What’s her name?” Taehyung gave Jungkook a hyped up smile, finally happy that Jungkook is doing ‘regular-guy-things’ and not just sitting in his room doing homework and watching anime all day.

“This is where I stop talking to you.” Jungkook attempted to flee away from his annoying step-brother, but Taehyung wasn’t having any of that. “Bro, just tell me. I promise I’m not gonna stalk her or anything like that. Yet.” 

“What?”

“Kidding. Now tell me her name.”

Jungkook sighs in defeat. “Yeri. Just Yeri, I don’t know anything else about her. I literally just met her at the party last night.” 

As Jungkook said that, he was on his phone as if he wasn’t paying him any attention. This ticked Jungkook off. “How are you gonna make me tell you stuff about her when you’re on your ph-“

“Got it. I found her Instagram. Lee Yerim. Must go by Yeri for short.” Taehyung interrupted and shoved his cellphone in front of his face. Jungkook didn’t care to look at her Instagram page that was right in front of him. He doesn’t care about Yeri.

“I didn’t ask to see her Insta, dude.” 

“You don’t wanna follow her? At all?”

Jungkook groaned in annoyance. “I’m not like you. I don’t crawl back to every woman I touch.” 

Taehyung clicked his phone’s off button and tucked it into one of his pockets. He chuckled at Jungkook’s shade. “When are you gonna meet someone you genuinely care about?” he asked abruptly.

Jungkook was taken aback by his question. “Why are you asking this?”

Tae shrugged. “I just would like to see you experiencing love. Or a crush. Or even tolerate someone.” 

Jungkook’s jaw clenched a bit. Jungkook can’t remember the last time he felt romantic emotions toward someone. It’s not like he doesn’t do romance, though. It is just not a priority for him right now. He doesn’t prioritize anything that doesn’t benefit himself or his career in any way. Besides, love hasn’t done anything spectacular for his life. Love is like an estranged parent for him: knows it exists, but not familiar to it.

Jungkook is aware that his estranged relationship with love is why he has a cold personality. The closest person in his life that he can confidently know that he loves is Taehyung. 

“I don’t have time for love.” He simply answered. Taehyung let out a breath. He knew he was going to say that. Jungkook doesn’t make time for anything that doesn’t have to do with his studies or work.

“Love doesn’t care about timing. You can’t always push the thought of a relationship away.” 

“I can do what I want.” Jungkook stubbornly continued. Taehyung rolled his eyes at his brother. “You’re so annoying.” Taehyung walked away from Jungkook and made his way towards his bedroom. “I’m gonna get ready for work.” 

Jungkook stared at his figure until he disappeared into his bedroom. After being left alone, he released a long breath of air. Taehyung and his weird questions reminded Jungkook of you. He remembered the question you had asked him a while ago: “Are you content with your life?”

Jungkook still doesn’t know the answer to that question.

. . .

 It was the next week, a Saturday afternoon, when you were in the middle of cleaning your room until you heard a ding sound from your phone. 

You walked over to where you had left your cell phone charging on your bed. 

Namjoon: So how does tomorrow at 5pm sound? Dinner on me. 

Your heart quickened at Namjoon finally texting you. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t waiting on his text all day. You didn’t want to respond right away, it would look too desperate.

Instead, you immediately texted Hoseok. 

you: guess who’s going on a date tomorrow :)

Immediately, he responded. Typical Hoseok.

hobi: uhm WHAT..

 with who???

you: guess 😝

hobi: taehyung ??

You groaned in annoyance. Taehyung and I will never happen.

you: no. -.-

hobi: then i don’t care

you: LOL ur so annoying. Do you remember the guy I was dancing with last night?

hobi: wait him? he’s actually so fine. GO AHEAD 🥸

you: hehe thanks :) I can't wait to see where he’ll take me. 

hobi: bring protection <3

you: i don't let them hit on the first date 💋

. . .

“You know Namjoon and __’s date is today, right?” Jimin joined Taehyung in the living room. “Yeah, I do.” 

Jimin searched for a sign of jealousy on his best friend’s face. “So, what do you think of the two? Think they’re cute together?” Jimin decided to play with him. 

“Yeah, they’re alright.” Taehyung replied dryly. “Hey. Cut it out,” Jimin snapped. Taehyung looked up from his phone and shot Jimin a bewildered look. “Fuck are you talking about?” 

“Cut your little act. I’ve been your best friend since we were fucking five. Do you really think you can hide shit from me? I know you like __. Heck, I’m shocked that no one else caught onto it because you make it obvious as hell. When she enters the room, she’s all you’re looking at.” Jimin spat. He was beyond irritated at this point. “Why are you just gonna sit there and let your feelings continue to build up?”

Taehyung remained silent. This time, he didn’t want to lie and say that he didn’t like you when he really did. And he was desperate to talk about it with someone. Someone he trusts. 

“She’s my friend,” He starts off. Jimin was about to call him out again until Taehyung continued.

“And I don’t want to ruin the friendship we’ve built together. Plus, she seems happy dating around right now.” 

“I don’t understand. Are you admitting that you have feelings for her?” Jimin asked for clarification.

Taehyung takes a deep breath. He’s nervous as fuck. Jimin will never leave him alone once he confirms it to him. 

“I do.” 

Immediately, Jimin jumps to his feet and runs toward Taehyung, plopping his butt down the couch, next to him.

“Finally! Fucking finally! When did you come to your senses?” Taehyung couldn’t help but to laugh at Jimin’s excitement. He expected Jimin to be happy but not this happy. 

“Last night, I guess? I don’t know man. We were just on the way home after the party. And I felt…just so happy doing the most mundane thing with her.” 

Jimin smiled in pure genuinity at hearing his best friend babble himself over you. As a good best friend would be, he wanted his best friend to be happy more than anything. 

“Wow, this is so crazy, Tae. My boy is in love.” He sings out ‘love’. “Please shut up.” 

Jimin topples over in happiness and laughter with Taehyung. “So, what’s next now? You’re just gonna continue being her friend? Even though it'll literally kill you on the inside?” 

“For now, yes. I don’t wanna overwhelm her. She’s probably just trying to date around and live life. Doesn't wanna settle down with a simple guy like me yet, right?” Jimin groaned as soon as he finished his sentence. “With that mentality, you will never have a girlfriend. Tae, you have a good personality, good looks, and have a great sense of humor. You have the golden trio! Why not use it to your advantage and get the girl? It’s not like Namjoon is her boyfriend.” 

“I just need to be sure that our friendship is ready to go to the next level. I don’t want to just confess, and make it awkward for us if she doesn’t feel the same. Also, you can’t forget that we are literally roommates. It would be a stressful living situation for not just her, but you and Kook would be affected as well. There’s a lot to consider here.” Taehyung rambled on. He knew he was making valid points. Potentially dating your roommate is one of the most awkward and stressful decisions anyone could make. Jimin could see where he was coming from. 

“You’re right. Sorry for pestering you about it, I’m just excited to be right about you.” Taehyung snorted at that. “Dickhead.”

“Do I actually only stare at __ when she’s in the room?”

“You literally drool.” 

Jimin suddenly had an idea. But it was a bad idea. It was…sort of manipulative. And this idea hit him out of nowhere. Seeing the way Taehyung lit up talking about you, it was something Jimin had never seen before. Like Jimin and all of their highschool population, they all knew that Taehyung used to be quite a player. Therefore, the sight of Taehyung genuinely liking a girl was very new and refreshing. And as his best friend in the whole world, Jimin has the right to do anything to make his friend happy. 

. . .

Drip.

A singular droplet plopped on the top of your head. You looked up to the sky, only to be met with incoming dark gray clouds. Fuck. Of course it would rain right now. 

As if on cue, one singular droplet turned into two, three, four and many more. 

The smell of wet concrete and humidity filled the air. The rain began to drench you. You sighed heavily with great annoyance at this inconvenience. The bus stop you were at had no benches nor a shelter. It was just a pole and a sign. You held your hands up above you, as if you could successfully umbrella yourself on your own.

You checked your cell phone for the millionth time, hoping for a text from Namjoon…again. 

Your date was supposed to start thirty minutes ago. You were waiting outside for him, mentally giving him the benefit of the doubt. But you knew he wasn’t coming. He didn’t even have the audacity to call or text that he wasn’t going to make it. You felt humiliated and angry. You’ve never been stood up before and you didn’t know why or if you did anything for Namjoon to ditch you. 

You sigh of defeat and begin to make your way home. Even though you were literally at a bus stop, you felt that walking in the rain would match the mood you were feeling. A bit dramatic of you but it was suitable for the situation.

As you were walking, a dark, moody presence was felt behind you. Its presence was so calming yet uncomfortable at the same time. And familiar too.

The rain that was drenching you seconds ago came to a halt. 

You were looking down at the ground as you turned and you were met with a pair of black Doc Marten boots. Immediately recognizing whose shoes it belonged to, you looked up and was unsurprisingly met with the sight of Jeon Jungkook, holding an umbrella above you.

You and Jungkook remained in intense eye contact. Your breath was hitched in your throat. This was the last thing you would’ve expected to happen to you. He was the last person you would expect to hold an umbrella for you.

“Hi.” Jungkook spoke. “Hi.” you say back, looking intensely into his soulless eyes. 

It was extremely uncomfortable to be alone with him after what happened at the Halloween party. You had been successfully doing your best to avoid him. It was still hard for your mind to wrap around the fact the two of you had hooked up together. 

“W-what’s up?” You croaked out. “I’m heading home.” 

“So am I.” He said. “Let’s go home together.” Jungkook stood beside you, trying his best to make the umbrella completely cover the both of you. Your heart was beating erratically right now. Jungkook remained quiet as the two of you walked together. “Wait, weren’t we just at a bus stop?” Jungkook halted. You hesitantly nodded. “Then why are we walking? Let’s just head back to the stop. I’m sure the bus will be coming soon.” He said monotonically. You followed him as if you were a lost puppy and the two of you sat on the bus stop bench. 

The awkward tension was thick enough to slice your skull open. Your heart’s beating only got quicker and if you felt as if you could faint at any moment. You hated this; why is he here? Why is he talking to you as if nothing went down between you both? You wanted to so badly run away and never come back to your apartment. 

The bus finally arrived after what felt like an eternity. Jungkook got up and motioned you to get in first. 

You sped away and hopped on the bus and tried to sit as far as you could, hoping that Jungkook would get his own seat.

Unfortunately that did not happen. 

“What are you..” You stammer. Jungkook closed his umbrella and readjusted his sitting position.

Jungkook stared straight ahead from his seat, as if he didn't have a single thought running through his head. Soon after, you felt the bus rumbling. As the bus drove away from your stop, you looked out the window.

Just five minutes ago, you were waiting impatiently for your date to arrive, you gave up and tried to go home alone but now you are taking the bus home with Jeon Jungkook sitting right next to you.

It has been a couple of days since the Halloween party incident and you have done a great job at distancing yourself from Jungkook. You hadn’t spoken a word to him since then and have not seen him physically. It drove you a bit mad, though. Not seeing him, not having any contact with him while trying to avoid making the apartment’s tension awkward. You were willing to take the Halloween incident to the grave with you. 

“So, I’m guessing the date didn’t go well?” 

You snapped your head to face him. “Huh? What makes you say that?” You scoffed. 

“If it went well, you wouldn’t be riding the bus home alone right now, would you?” 

You scoffed again, completely blown. “This guy..” you mumbled under your breath. “What if I took the bus alon to meet up with him? I’m going home the same way I went. Alone.” you lied. It was for your pride. 

“Why would a guy let his date go home alone?” He asked. Why is he asking so many questions? Why does he want to pick on you so bad? Wasn’t the Halloween incident enough?

You decided to ignore him. You weren’t going to feed into what he wants to hear. Silence fell between the two of you for a moment. 

Not wanting to sit in silence with Jungkook, you opened your bag and reached your earpods. As soon as you were about to insert a pod into an ear, the annoying boy spoke again. 

“Namjoon isn’t a serious guy.”

This got your attention. “What?”

“Going on a date with Kim Namjoon and expecting anything after is like waiting for world peace to happen: impossible. You should’ve known better.” He scolded you. Your eyebrow twitched upward. “Why are you telling me to do better? It was just for fun.” You lied again. You were embarrassed to admit that you were hoping your date with Namjoon would turn into something new and exciting and serious.

“Frat guys are a waste of time. They are not fun nor serious. Don’t waste your precious time with them.” He continued. 

This made you angrier. Why does he care so much? 

“Well, I got stood up. So, it doesn’t really matter anymore. You won’t catch me trying to hang out with a frat guy ever again.”

You didn’t like that you were venting out your feelings to Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook was the last person to care about your feelings and thoughts on just about anything. 

“You can’t just let any guy date you. You have to be careful and selective with whom you choose to date.” Jungkook annoyingly analyzed. You chuckle at him. “What are you, Aristotle? No, he just faked his personality at the party to get himself some pussy.” You shot back. This earned an arrogant smile from Jungkook. “Maybe so.” 

“Where did you come from?” You decided to prompt. Might as well try to continue whatever conversation the two of you were sharing. “Just errands.” He cracked his knuckles. Something tells you that Jungkook was doing more than errands. Perhaps he went out with the girl from the party that he fucked last night. You hate the fact that you still feel hurt whenever you think about Jungkook doing things with another girl that wasn’t you.

“Are you okay?” You turned to look at Jungkook. You were shocked to hear him ask you this type of question. 

“Why are you asking?” 

“Just answer me.” 

You gulped down saliva and nodded. “I’m fine. Not my fault that he didn’t have the balls to tell me he didn’t wanna go out anymore.” 

Jungkook liked hearing that you weren’t gonna let Namjoon ruin your mood. It made you seem strong. “Was he gonna be your first date?” He continued to ask. Suddenly, this bus ride felt way too long. You didn’t know that Jungkook had such a nosey side to him.

Immediately, you became defensive, like always. “Hey, Jungkook. I’m not this bitchless loser you are making me out to be. I’ve been on dates before,” you lied. “I’ve been kissed before, I’ve had sex before, I’ve done everything, okay?” You said a bit too loudly. You tried ignoring the stares you were getting from other bus passengers. Jungkook stifled back a laugh at your irritated response. “Everything?” He repeated.

You couldn’t help but wheeze out a brief laugh. “Shut up.” You groaned, biting your lower lip to restrict more laughter to come out. 

“I am still doubting it. You have no game.” It was as if Jungkook’s favorite game in the world was to get under your skin and you despised how easy it was for you to give him the power to constantly and consistently piss you off. 

“Really? Do you remember Hwang Hyunjin? He was one of the cutest guys in our grade,” you looked Jungkook straight in the eyes. He was still facing straight but it seemed like he was listening. “Well, we fucked back then. And when I say fuck I mean actually fucked. Like dick-inside-vagina fuck.” Again, you got more stares from the person sitting in front of you. You returned back a scowl. 

Jungkook slowly began to face you. To say that he was shocked was an understatement. Hwang Hyunjin used to be one of the guys that every girl in their school wanted. It was like a competition between him and Jungkook on who was the most popular guy in their grade. Jungkook didn’t give a single fuck about him but Hyunjin constantly tried to belittle him to make him feel better about himself. At first he would try to bully him for being the smartest student in their class and for Jungkook’s preference of sitting alone everywhere. However, Jungkook had to teach Hyunjin a lesson on not to mess with him; a violent lesson.

After that, Hyunjin kept his distance from Jungkook for the rest of the school year; all the way until his transfer to a different high school in the middle of their third year. He was surprised that you were previously sexually involved with Hyunjin. He wasn’t exactly the nicest guy nor was he the type of guy he thought you would go for. 

“You…used to sleep with Hyunjin?” He asked. You nodded proudly. “Wow. Maybe you are dumb after all.” 

You rolled your eyes heavily and didn’t feel like continuing this conversation with him anymore. “Why don’t I remember seeing the two of you interact?” 

“We weren’t in a relationship. Just fuck buddies or whatever.” You mumbled. You have moved on from Hyunjin after he transferred but the memory of Hyunjin’s commitment issues and his treatment towards you still hurts to remember. 

You thought that he could’ve been the one. However, he strictly wanted your fling to be sexual only. No strings attached whatsoever. But in your head, Hyunjin was the most ‘thoughtful’ guy you had ever known. He was ‘thoughtful’ enough to worry about you to make sure you don’t get hurt or get led on this situationship. You thought he was careful, articulate, and set on what he wants in life. You thought he cared about you by the way he would caress your body and leave sweet kisses all over you after sex. You thought he cared about you by the way he would give you secret winks at the school hallway, as if he was flirting with you. You thought he liked you by the way he would moan your name and your name only during sex. He would say how good you felt, how good you tasted, how your kisses are the best. You thought he liked you when he would act like he didn’t know you at school. He was just trying to protect your identity, right?

Hwang Hyunjin was not thoughtful. He was not careful, not articulate, and not set on what he wanted. He didn’t care about you nor did he like you. It was all in your head.  As if your situation wasn’t any more cliché, Hyunjin was just a popular guy hooking up with a not-so popular girl and he was too ashamed to be associated with you. When in the privacy of your childhood bedroom, that was when he was being his true self. Outside of those walls, he was ashamed of you. Embarrassed of you. He just wanted you for sex and sex only. He used you and a part of you—no—all of you knew that. You just thought, in your little idealized mind, he actually wanted you at all. 

And that’s what hurt you in the end. Your fantasies. 

After Hyunjin, Jeon Jungkook returned to the picture:

It’s common knowledge that Jungkook was the genius of your high school. He was too focused on his schoolwork to have fun and date around. And you had admired that about him. Jungkook was one of the many school’s heartthrob, but he was the top. The ultimate one, the one that every single girl in Busan knew of and wanted. Due to his prestigious awards and national acknowledgments, your entire hometown knew of Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook was not only idealized by you but every other girl who had a crush on him. You thought he was mysterious, suave, introverted, and humble. 

The Jungkook that you know as of right now is still the same introverted intelligent guy but he’s abrasive, cold, and self centered. He’s not emotionally intelligent. He only thinks for and about himself. He’s extremely blunt and honest with his words and he doesn’t know how to read the room. He has the beauty and the brains but you’re not sure if he has the basic foundation of being a good person. 

“I’m guessing your type is selfish assholes.” Jungkook spoke. You smirked. “I mean yeah, I used to like you, right?” 

Jungkook's eyes darkened at that, slightly intimidating you. “What? Are you not a selfish asshole?” You edged. “I don’t care what you think of me. I could care less of what anyone thinks of me. If you want to think of me as a selfish asshole, then go ahead.” He hissed. He was so irritated with you.

“I don’t have to think about it, I know it. And you’re also someone I was dumb enough to like. You even said so yourself.” 

Jungkook looked confused. “You said you don’t like dumb girls, remember that?” 

“You’re expecting me to remember any conversations I’ve had with you?” 

“I’m not the one who’s trying to engage in conversing with you. You chose to sit next to me and ask about Namjoon. Maybe go sit somewhere else so you can continue to forget about this conversation too.” You couldn’t help your anger at the moment. Jungkook gets under your skin so badly, as if he yearns to piss you off. You’ve never had anyone push your buttons the way Jungkook did. 

Jungkook remained silent yet continued to stare at you. A new, indescribable emotion quickly flew through him when he saw the way your lips were pouting softly and seeing the way your eyebrows were crinkled in frustration. He had to hold back a chuckle seeing you so upset with him. You looked as if you were a child that was denied candy. Jungkook kind of melted in a way seeing you in this state. “Didn’t realize you were so whiny,” he continued to tease. 

“Jungkook, I swear to god if yo-”

Two small bottles of banana milk and strawberry milk were shoved in front of your face. “Pick one.” He interrupted. You quickly shut up and angrily eyed the two milks. “Why?” 

“You don’t want them?” 

“No, I do, it’s just…,” 

“Just what?” 

You gave him a suspicious look. “You poisoned them, right?” This earned a hearty chuckle from Jungkook. “Look at you being a comedian.” 

You pouted again as you snatched the banana milk from one of his hands. 

“I’m done with boys.” You say out of nowhere. This gets Jungkook’s attention. “What do you mean?”

“I’m done with boys. I’m…not going on another date with a guy unless I truly know him. You know, I’m here to get good grades, make memories and have fun. Not to waste my time on dudes who just want to dip their dick in anything that has a hole.” You vented out once again. “And I meant it when I said that I was done liking you. In case you remembered what went down on Halloween. I don’t know you well, therefore there is no use of me to continue liking you. I hope that we can move forward from what happened on that day.”

Jungkook, stunned, stared at you. He had no idea what to say. He suddenly felt a bit intimidated to be sitting near you. Especially since you brought up that forbidden night between the two of you. 

And then, he too, felt pity towards you. The past few months he had gotten to know you had been full of arguing and distance. Here you are, apologizing to him for simply liking him—or liked—him and not knowing him well. Jungkook felt uncomfortable. He didn’t like that you were still being kind to him after everything he’s done to you. 

“I’m sorry you haven’t seen the real me yet. I’ll work on that.” He replied.

You gave him a perplexed look. “Real you? You mean you aren’t an asshole?” Jungkook let out a laugh at that, rolling his eyes. “You’re the asshole.” He mumbled.

“Are we on good terms now?” Jungkook bored his doe eyes onto yours. Of course, he’s still gorgeous, that’s never going to change. 

“Yeah. Good terms. Good roommates!” You grin. Jungkook rolled his eyes at you again. “Good terms, good roommates. Okay.” And the two of you shared a kind smile with each other.

“Konkuk University.” An automated voice called out the next stop. “We’re home.” You say. The two of you get up from your seats and ride off the bus.

Jungkook felt a sense of satisfaction in his chest after the two of you agreed to remain on good terms. Before, he felt as if he was walking on millions of eggshells around you, trying to avoid the extreme tension between you both. He didn’t want to live in a household where he needed to avoid a single roommate that hated his guts. He didn’t want that energy soaring through the apartment. And so, he needed to reach good terms with you. Not just regular okay terms, it needed to be good for him. For some reason, he didn’t want bad blood between you and him.

It was just you and him walking together towards your apartment. The rain turned into a slight drizzle, pitter pattering on the pavement. Jungkook whipped out the umbrella and placed it above the two of you again.

“It’s just drizzling.” You say.

“Don’t ruin the moment.” 

. . .

It was one in the morning when Jungkook was interrupted by his studying when he received a text message from a random number. He dropped his pen on the desk and picked up his iPhone.

unknown: what are u doing tomorrow?

He raised a brow up. Who could be texting me? I have everyone’s number saved.

He decided to reply back to the mysterious human. Maybe it was just a bot?

jungkook: Who is this?

Almost immediately, the person/bot responded. 

unknown: wow are you seriously asking this

Jungkook was starting to get annoyed. He wasn’t in the mood to play games, he has a fucking exam tomorrow. He thought that maybe his roommates would know who the mysterious number was. Maybe it was a friend of theirs?

He got up from his desk and opened his door. You, Jimin and Taehyung were in the kitchen baking brownies. The three of them offered Jungkook to join but he declined the offer. “Do any of you guys know who the hell this number belongs to?” He showed the contact to the three, furrowing his brows in annoyance. 

“No idea, Kook.” Jimin answered. You and Taehyung shook your heads, also not knowing who the number belonged to.

“Seems like you should know who they are.” Taehyung smirked. Jungkook tilted his head, still thinking about who it could be. “I seriously save everyone’s number, brother. It might just be a bot or someth-“ The mysterious number double texted.

unknown: its yeri. We exchanged numbers the other night? lol.

Jungkook’s confused expression turned into a solemn deadpanned look. “Nevermind. I know who it is.” Jungkook sighed.

“Well who is it?” Jimin asked as he licked raw brownie batter off the mixing spoon. “None of your business. I’m going back to studying. Let me know when the brownies are ready.” Jimin didn’t let him walk away so easily. He jumped on Jungkook’s back, causing an uproar from him. “What the-“ 

Taehyung joined in and grabbed the phone from him while Jimin physically held him back. “What are you assholes doing?” Jungkook shouted. You were stifling back a laugh at the sight of Jungkook being thrown around. 

“Well well well. If it isn't Ms. Yeri hitting you up, eh?” Taehyung cooed out. He reread Yeri’s text over and over. A grin spread on his face. Taehyung was happy that Yeri and Jungkook were still keeping in contact. Finally a girl that could make him happy, right?

Your heart admittedly sank at hearing that sentence. It was obvious that Yeri must be the girl that Jungkook slept with from the Halloween party. You could tell that she was into Jungkook at the night of the party but you didn’t think that the two of them would still keep in contact after the party. He must really like her.

Jungkook was finally able to push Jimin off of him. “She’s the one hitting me up. I had no idea she had my phone number.” Jungkook groaned. He took a quick glance at you and Taehyung. And another quick glance at you. 

“Well we aren’t gonna let you leave until you respond to her.” Jimin jumped on his back again, causing Jungkook to whimper in pain. “You’re so heavy, Jimin.” 

“Quit stalling and text her back already.” Taehyung snapped. “I’m not stalli-” 

“Now.”

Jungkook snatched the phone away from Taehyung and quickly replied back a “hey yeri” to her. “Okay, I replied.” The two boys gave a congratulatory slap on his back, grinning from ear to ear. “Look at you! Finally hitting it off with a girl. Don’t they grow up so fast, Jimin?” 

“They sure do, Taehyung.” The boy's unseriousness caused you to giggle. “You guys are traumatizing Jungkook.” you say. Jungkook nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re traumatizing me. Why are you two happy that you are traumatizing me? I’m supposed to be studying.”

“Fuck you and your studies and come hang out with us.” Taehyung sneered. 

Jungkook wanted to kill himself. It is now close to four in the morning and his three other roommates were up laughing their asses off at a movie Taehyung had chosen. It was supposedly a comedy but it was anything but funny. Jungkook just wanted to desperately go back to his room and continue studying. And it didn’t help that Yeri wouldn’t get the hint that Jungkook didn’t want to be texting her at the moment. He was sending the driest texts and she would still find something else to talk about. 

yeri: So what are u up to right now?

Jungkook rolled his eyes. She’s already asked this question like five times now. He caught sight of your eyes drifting back and forth into a slumber. It was as if you were trying hard to fight the sleep away. No one else noticed this but Jungkook. 

jungkook: Watching a movie. 

yeri: oh cool! What's it called?

jungkook: Idk. 

At this point, you were averaging a couple seconds of sleep, and returned back to watching the movie. Taehyung and Jimin still had their eyes glued onto the screen, fully awake, like children who didn’t want to go to bed at all.

yeri: we should watch a movie together! How does tomorrow night sound?

Jungkook’s eyes widened at the text. Yeri boldly just asked him out on a date. He didn’t know what to say. He has never been asked out on a date before. It wasn’t like he was nervous or anything but he hardly knows Yeri. Jungkook debated whether or not he should even agree to the date or not. 

Taehyung turned his head over to glance at you. You were in the middle of sleeping. Your lips were slightly parted open, with just a trickle of drool dropping down from your lips. You were snoring as soft as a baby. Taehyung’s heart clenched at the sight of you deep in sleep. This was the second time he had seen you like this. He doesn’t think he will ever get tired of this view of you looking so gorgeous. It’s all he can look at. The movie wasn’t as interesting as seeing you subconsciously away from the world.

And then out of nowhere, you screeched out a heavy snore. Immediately, Jimin yelped at the horrific sound. “What the fuck?” Taehyung bursted out laughing, not being able to hold it in. Jungkook too had a smile twitching from the corner of his lips. “Has she always been a snorer?” Jimin asked in a whispered voice. “Yeah. She snores pretty often.” Jungkook answered without a second thought. Taehyung and Jimin gave him a shocked stare, as if they weren’t expecting him to know that. 

“What? She literally lives right next to me? Our walls are thin.” Taehyung and Jimin nodded understandably. Still, Jungkook found his cheeks warming slightly at them being surprised of Jungkook knowing a sleeping habit of yours. 

Your loud snores shifted into soft purrs. “Let’s wake her up after the movie ends. There’s a few minutes left.” Jimin suggested. Jungkook kept glancing back at Yeri's text. It was just there staring back at him, taunting for a response. He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go but he hardly knew Yeri at all. All they did was hookup once and now she’s asking to go out on a date. Okay, so maybe Jungkook wasn’t cool with the idea: He’s a practical guy. He sees himself going out on dates with women he’s physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to. He has to like her looks, like her personality, and see himself sleeping with her at some point. He’s not into wasting his time on just any girl. 

Suddenly, Jungkook remembered his conversation with you on the bus earlier. You apologized to him for liking him. Apologized. As if you liking him was some kind of crime. 

You apologized for not liking the real Jungkook, just the version you liked in your head. It was at that moment that Jungkook thought to himself that your mentality was more mature than it seemed. You gave up on your longtime crush on him and accepted to be friendly with him, even after the messy hookup the two of you shared on Halloween. He thought to himself that if you can give Jungkook another chance of being “friendly roommates” then he can give Yeri a chance of possibly showing a different impression of herself. Jungkook was ready to reply back to Yeri’s proposal. 

jungkook: Okay. When and where?

When he locked his phone after replying, his breath halted at a weird sight in front of him. 

Taehyung wasn’t watching the film on the tv screen anymore. He was watching you sleep. He was watching the way your chest heaved up and down. Taehyung was absorbing the view of you sleeping because it was such a precious sight to him. Seeing you so quiet and away from the world was like a new kryptonite unlocked. 

Jungkook immediately caught on that the way Taehyung was staring wasn’t like his usual self. He knew that this was different. It was as if he didn’t want to believe the sight that was in front of him was real and happening.

Jimin stood up from his chair and stretched big. “Movie’s over, guys. I’m gonna do my skincare routine and then knock.” Jimin’s voice woke you up. “Damn, I was trying hard not to sleep.” You yawned. Taehyung smirked at you. “You were snoring, by the way.” Your eyes widened and you threw your head back out of embarrassment. “Fuck, you guys should’ve woken me up as soon as you heard me snoring. You know snoring is bad, right? I’m basically choking on my spit.” Taehyung chuckled at your dramatic response and reached out his hand for you to grab, to get you up from the chair. 

“Okay, drama queen. Go to your bed. I got to work in a few hours, I need to sleep badly.” Taehyung pulled you up from your chair. You pouted at the nickname he called you. “Fine. Goodnight, boys.” You waved at Jungkook and Taehyung before walking slowly towards your bedroom. It was just the two brothers left.

Jungkook felt uneasy at the moment. He witnessed Taehyung giving you a longing glare as you slept. Taehyung began cleaning up the dishes that were scattered throughout the living room, humming a little song to himself. Jungkook found himself thinking about the way Taehyung looked at you. He can’t seem to think that the way he looked at you was actually sincere; as if it held a meaning to it. With the way Jungkook had studied Taehyung's past history with women, he was feeling a mixture of being bitter and confused. What is it about you that has Taehyung acting not like himself? 

. . .

It was around 5 o’clock in the evening when Jungkook entered the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. He was dressed and ready to head out to his movie date with Yeri. He wasn’t looking forward to it, as expected, but he didn’t want to flake on Yeri. 

You were completing an assignment on your laptop at the kitchen table as he was getting his water glass. 

“Heading out for the night?” You asked him without looking up from your laptop screen. Jungkook took a large gulp and nodded. “Mhm.”

“Lucky you.” You chuckled. “Are you studying for once?” Jungkook asked. He walked over to take a glance over your screen. You were writing an essay and he saw that you were about 10 pages in. “Wow, ten pages?” 

You nodded and sighed in exhaustion. “Yeah, it’s some dumb critical analysis essay I have to write for my women and gender studies class. It has to be at least 15 pages.” 

Jungkook's eyes widened. “I don’t think I’ve ever written that much before.” 

“Yeah well that’s because you’re a dumb little STEM major. You have to code an entire website and create a whole new periodic element for homework, right?” You joked. Jungkook grabbed your earlobes and lightly pinched it, earning a loud yelp from you. “Shut up, undecided major.” 

You rolled your eyes as a response and reverted back to writing your essay. “So where are you going?” You asked. Jungkook hesitated and thought if it was a good idea to tell you about the date. Not because he thought that you would be sad or anything because according to you, you are “over him”, but because he didn’t want you running off to tell Taehyung and Jimin about the date. Knowing them, they would persuade Jungkook to keep seeing Yeri. 

However, he couldn’t come up with an excuse. “I’m hanging out with some friends from my internship.” He lied. You snorted. “Friends? Since when did you have other friends aside from Yoongi?” You laughed. “You don’t know my personal life.” He defended. “You’re right, I don’t but I know for sure that you’re too much of an antisocial asshole to tolerate having more than one friend. You can barely stand Taehyung and Jimin.”

Jungkook hated knowing that you were right. Maybe you knew him better than he thought. “Are you lying about your whereabouts, Jeon Jungkook?” You turned to face him. With the direct eye contact, Jungkook found himself stuttering and trembling on what to say. He’s a terrible liar. 

“N-No, I’m not. You’re being nosy.” He groaned, chugging down the rest of his water. This caused you to stand up from your chair and you began to face Jungkook directly. “Tell me the truth! Are you going to sell some drugs?”

I wish I was, he thought to himself. “___.” He warned. “Are you going to meet up with someone?” 

Before Jungkook could reply, you noticed something sticking out of the pockets of the puffer jacket he was wearing. Immediately, you snatched the mysterious items out of his pockets and inspected it. 

“___, give me that!” Jungkook snapped, trying to reach over your shoulder to grab them out of your hands but you were able to run away from his reach. 

You glanced over at the two movie tickets in your hands. “You’re going to the movies?” You giggled. 

Jungkook pursed his lips together in annoyance and snatched the tickets out of your hands. “You make it hard for me to be nice to you.” He sighs in frustration. “You have two tickets too, so you’re going to see it with someone.” You teased. “Is it with Yoongi? Does Hoseok know? Hoseok will get sad knowing him. He gets FOMO so easily.”

Jungkook decided to tell the truth since he doesn't know what other lies to say since he knows for sure that you would most likely blab to Hoseok about the movie. “No…I’m going to see it with just a girl I met.” 

Your eyes widened at hearing that. “A-A girl?” You stuttered. “Like a…date?” 

Jungkook nodded. He examined the look on your face however you had an unreadable expression. “Oh geez, sorry about keeping you here then. You should probably head out now, right? Wouldn’t want to keep your date waiting!” You forced a smile on your face and shuffled your way back to your laptop to continue writing your essay. 

Jungkook stood where he was, not knowing what to say or what to do next. Jungkook found himself wanting to stay home and preferring to spend his night sleeping in bed, reading his manga or even continuing to stay in the kitchen with you to bug you some more and chat. However, he knew that you were right. He had to leave soon or else Yeri would be waiting for him for too long. 

“Just don’t tell my brother or Jimin, please. I don’t want them to bug me about it.” Jungkook pleaded. You nodded in agreement. “I understand.” 

Jungkook shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. “Okay, well I’m leaving now.” 

Jungkook was about to leave until he heard you calling his name. “Jungkook!” He slowly reentered the room. 

“Good luck on your date.” You gave him a soft smile. 

Jungkook simply nodded back and left. 

. . .

Jungkook had been gone for over two hours now and you were still stuck on page 10 of your essay. You couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of Jungkook going on a date with someone. It was even harder to swallow the fact that that someone isn’t you. 

You hated to admit it but getting over Jungkook wasn’t going as easy as you thought it would’ve been. Of course you are aware of the fact that Jungkook would never like you back and that you only liked an idealized version of Jungkook, however you still held strong romantic feelings for Jungkook either way. 

The past two hours, you kept comparing yourself to the girl that he went on the date with. Was she prettier? Was she smarter than you? Did they meet through his engineering classes? What does Jungkook like about her? Was he having a good time right now?

Your heart clenched at the possibilities. 

“Hey.” You heard a voice coming from behind. You jumped and turned your head to see Taehyung smiling at you. 

Immediately, you returned a genuine smile back at him. “Hi Tae!” 

“What are you doing?” 

You sighed. “I’m just struggling on this essay. I haven’t written anything.” Taehyung snaked an arm around your shoulder. “Well, when exactly is this essay due?” 

“Tomorrow, I think? I was on a roll but now I’ve lost all my concentration.” You pout. “Hm. Maybe some fresh air will do you some good?” Taehyung suggested. He began to snake both of his arms around you, constricting you in a tight embrace. 

“If I were to agree to go outside, where would I go?” Your voice cracked from Taehyung’s tight hug. “Maybe to walk to that new sushi restaurant that just opened up by our place? With your favorite roommate?” You snorted at him and pushed his arms off of you. “

I guess my mind would appreciate a nice dinner break.” You hummed in pleasure. “Let’s go, then! I’ve been dying to take you ever since they opened last week!” 

You were shocked to hear that. “You were waiting to take me?” Taehyung affirmed by nodding his head. “Oh!” You laughed nervously. “Well, let me go ahead and quickly change into something suitable for our sushi adventure!” 

You ran off to your room and changed out of your comfortable hoodie and sweats and transformed into a nice jean mini skirt, oversized sweater vest and into a pair of black loafers. 

“Honestly, you mentioning sushi has my stomach already growling like crazy.” Taehyung chuckled at you. “Come on, let’s go.” 

As you both walked down the street together, you began to observe the beautiful city that engulfs you. The high-rise apartments, the hustle and bustle of the college town you grew to love living in. Being outside was enough to reduce the inner stress you had going on; the essay, the upcoming exams, and…the unfortunate heartache of Jungkook being on a date with someone. You’ve realized that the feelings you harbor for him were a lot harder to let go than you thought it would’ve. At first when it was just a little highschool crush, you were able to like him from afar. It was more of a physical, vain crush. However, you live with him. You have gotten closer to him in a more intimate way compared to the high school crush. Yes, he’s still an asshole to you. Yes, he’s closed off and doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you past as being his roommate. It hurts. And you’re trying to let go, you really are. What else can you do to help yourself get over him quickly? 

“We’re here.” Taehyung brought you out of your endless thoughts. He held the door open for you as you entered the sushi restaurant. The scent of the raw fish, ramen broth, and cooked rice infiltrate your nostrils. “God, it smells amazing here.” Taehyung chuckled at you admiring the restaurant. “Hopefully the food is just as good.” 

“Hello, for many?” The hostess asked. “For two, please.” Taehyung answered. “Follow me.” 

As the hostess led you and Taehyung to your tables, you hesitantly stared at Taehyung as discreetly as you could. Suddenly, you could hear Hoseok’s voice in your head, remembering all the nonsense he would say to you about Taehyung.

“How haven’t you hooked up with him yet? He’s so good looking!” 

“Taehyung seems to care about you a lot”

“You guys are practically Han and Anna from Frozen; always finishing each other’s sentences and getting excited over the littlest things and you both enjoy each other’s company like crazy.”

And then you remembered what Chaeyoung said from a previous phone call,

“___, you’re telling me that you’re just friends with a beautiful man like that?”

Some of your closest friends kept pushing you to get with Taehyung and you just never saw him that way. But why? They were right; Taehyung is good looking, he does care about you, and you guys get along extremely well together. Did you just not allow yourself to see Taehyung past friends for the sake of your feelings for Jungkook? Admittedly, if you had met Taehyung first, he would be the one high school-you would’ve been crushing over. Taehyung is kind hearted, mature, he is beyond artistically intelligent, he cares for others and financially provides for Jungkook. You looked up to him in so many ways, he inspires you to be a better version of yourself. So, why didn’t you find yourself romantically attracted to Taehyung? 

Taehyung pulled the chair out for you. “Why thank you.” You giggled. “Absolutely.” 

The hostess leaves you both with the silverware and menus. “What sounds good to you?” Taehyung asked as he scanned the menu. 

“You.” You smile.

Taehyung chokes on air. You slightly chuckle at his cute reaction and hide yourself in the menu. “How unexpected of you to say, y/n.” He blushes. “I don’t know where that came from, honestly.” 

“Neither do I.” Taehyung blushes as well. You could feel your chest tighten at the adorable sight of Taehyung looking shy and awkward. “You look cute when you blush.” You admit. You wanted to see him blush harder and so he did. Taehyung bursted out a nervous laugh and pressed his palms against his cheeks. “You’re making my cheeks burn, y/n.” His box-like smile appears. 

“Okay, I’m done..for now.” You give him a reassuring smile and look down at your lap. You honestly don’t know where the sudden flirting came from. You meant in a playful friendly way however you didn’t seem to mind if Taehyung was to take your flirting seriously. Which he didn’t really seem to since he was laughing and smiling along with you. 

The thing with Taehyung was that he had an incredibly comfortable aura to him. You felt safe with him, you felt at ease. Maybe that was something you were looking for in an amicable way? You had your two childhood best friends abroad, living their own lives. Sure, you had Hoseok, however he is a busy individual and is often spending his free time with his boyfriend, as he should. You felt lonely and your heart was yearning for someone to confide in, hang with, be yourself with. Taehyung simply checked all those boxes. For now, you had settled with the fact that Taehyung was who you needed for amicable and sanity reasons. Any other feelings would come naturally if it was meant to be for.

Your server approached you and Taehyung and offered you both water and if you guys were ready to order. After ordering your choice of dishes, you were back in a comfortable silence. “Tell me how your week has been going.” Taehyung asks, taking a sip of his water right after. “Mm…not much honestly. Just been going to classes, studying. Nothing interesting.” 

“What do you mean ‘nothing interesting’, didn’t you have a date earlier this week with that guy from the party?” Taehyung brought up Namjoon. Your face dropped in annoyance at the memory of him ghosting you so suddenly. Especially when he seemed so interested in you from that night. “Let’s just say that the date didn’t happen. He kind of…ghosted me.” You admit, biting your lip from remembering how embarrassing it was. Taehyung’s eyes widened. “He what?” You nodded, validating his disbelief. 

“Yeah, believe me I was in shock too. I have no idea what I did.” Taehyung scoffed at you. “I could bet you a million dollars that it wasn’t anything that you did; it was just Namjoon being the typical frat boy slash fuck boy that he is. He’s a dickhead and I don’t know why I encouraged him to ask you out.” Taehyung spat. “You encouraged it?” You asked in shock. “Yeah, he kept asking Jimin and I if you were single and if it was alright for him to ask you out, since he knew you were our friend.” Taehyung could feel the warmth of anger in his chest as he spilled out what had happened at the party.

You responded with silence. Namjoon’s sudden rejection hurts less now however Taehyung’s anger made you feel slightly guilty. Not because you thought you did anything wrong but because you didn’t want to be a reason as to why Taehyung would hold anger against a good friend of his. Taehyung tried to read your expression. He could tell you had some guilt mixed with embarrassment. “Are you okay?” He asked. He leaned and tried to attempt to reach for your hand but he went against doing so. 

You nodded and tried to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay. I was able to get over it well.” Taehyung let out a sigh of relief. “It’s his loss.” 

You chuckled softly at that. “His loss, indeed.” Taehyung leaned back against his chair and was trying to read your expression again. He could tell you didn’t want to continue talking about this and so he changed topics. “Well, are you interested in anyone else?” You choked on a little water and gently coughed. 

“Geez, Tae. Nice change of topics.” You laughed awkwardly. Taehyung shrugged it off and smirked at you. “I’m just in my gossip era.” You rolled your eyes at him and dabbed some water from the corner of your lips with a napkin. “Uh, no. I’m not interested in anyone. I’m trying to enjoy my single life.” You answered. Taehyung could only nod at that. Of course he wasn’t expecting much of an answer from you. He knows you’ve been through a lot with Jungkook and now with Namjoon. He just wanted reassurance that there wasn’t any…competition in his way. 

Actually, he wanted to double check if Jungkook was no longer an option for you. “So…anything going on with you and Jungkook?” He asked again. Your eyes widened at his abrupt question. You didn’t expect him to suddenly mention his brother out of nowhere. “Taehyung..” You started off. He locked his dark brown eyes with yours, not afraid of how intrusive his question was. He was set on trying to get you to see how he feels for you one way or another. 

“Uhm..” You hesitated. “I mean there was always nothing going on between us. However, if you meant to ask about my previous feelings for him then…I don’t think I like him that way anymore. I see him as just an acquaintance and roommate. I’m sure the same goes for him. And…yeah.” You finished. Again, Taehyung was trying to read your expression, your tone, your body language. From the way you didn’t look directly into his eyes when you answered, the way you fiddled with your fingers, the way you chewed on your bottom lip when you were thinking of your response, and the way your voice sounded defeated, as if you had lost something you didn’t want to lose, was enough for Taehyung to know the true answer lying underneath your surface.

You were lying. 

You still harbored feelings for his brother. You don’t see him as just an acquaintance and roommate. He doesn’t know what you see Jungkook as but it is certainly not as platonic as you’re making it seem. He could feel his chest throb in pain slightly at the realization. Taehyung had no idea if Jungkook’s feelings towards you were mutual or not because he never seemed to care to notice or study the way Jungkook was around you. He was certain that Jungkook most likely saw you in a platonic way. From what he knows of, the two of you don’t spend a lot of time together. Nor do you both talk to each other one-on-one a lot. Taehyung thinks that the kind of relationship you and Jungkook have is currently a contractual mutualistic relationship: you guys are supposed to just put up with each other’s antics and that was that. 

“I see.” He forced a smile onto his face. “Are you comfortable living with us three guys still?” You laughed at his question and nodded. “Of course. I love you guys.” 

Taehyung leaned forward to you again and this time, he actually reached his hand out to yours. You gladly gave your hand to him to hold. “I couldn’t have chosen a better roommate to deal with our bullshit. We love you too, y/n.” Your heart glowed at Taehyung’s sentimental confession. “Awe, Tae..” You cooed softly. 

“Okay, I have one family-sized sushi boat and your sides for the lovely couple here.” Your server interrupted and placed a large wooden boat of the gorgeous raw fish onto your table. You and Taehyung gave each other a look and snorted at the ‘couple’ remark. However, you indirectly agreed to go along with it. You figured that couples usually receive free dessert at the end of the dinner either way. “Let’s dig in, shall we?” You eagerly smiled at Taehyung. He returned the gleeful expression and the two of you pigged out together. 

. . .

How can a 115-minute movie suddenly feel like an eight hour shift? 

Jungkook was feeling incredibly bored out of his mind as he watched the sci-fi movie that Yeri had picked out for them. He looked over at you and could tell that she was very into the movie. Her eyes were locked onto the film and was mindlessly chomping down the bucket of popcorn she was hoarding. Jungkook wanted to melt like the butter on the popcorn and slither his ass out of the theater. 

He would rather spend 115 minutes walking barefoot on the asphalt in the middle of the summer than be here on this date he didn’t want to go on. Jungkook had tried to give Yeri a chance to redeem herself but she just wasn’t…interesting. Nothing about her was intriguing to Jungkook. He asked her questions to attempt to get to know her. She’s in college studying to be an actress, she’s a part time pilates instructor at a nearby gym, she’s also a full-time content creator on YouTube and likes to make makeup tutorials and skincare videos. She likes horror and sci-fi movies but Jungkook prefers rom-coms. She likes to spend her free time outside in the city and bar hopping with friends, meanwhile Jungkook prefers staying in and isolating himself in his room. She doesn’t like to fraternize with anyone that isn’t wealthy, socially popular, good-looking, or just anyone that isn’t similar to her lifestyle and interests. She’s shallow and vain and Jungkook wasn’t vibing with that. 

When Yeri told him about her close friend circle, it raised a huge red flag for Jungkook. He was familiar with her groupie. They were all influencers that posted beauty and fashion content, only dating within their wealth level and socialite class. They would still talk bad about other students on campus as if they were still stuck in their high school bully era. After getting to know all this about Yeri, Jungkook was quite ready to ghost her as soon as the movie ended. 

All of a sudden, a jumpscare happened on the screen, causing half of the theater to scream and throw their popcorn in the air. Yeri was one of the few who screamed and instinctually clenched her arms around Jungkook’s. 

“That was so scary, Jungkook.” Yeri pouted and buried her head into his arms. Jungkook responded by rolling his eyes but didn’t mind letting Yeri borrow his arms for a bit. He looked around the theater to see what appeared to be other dates, and the women were grabbing onto their dates like Yeri was. He grew to be even more annoyed with Yeri. He didn’t like how typical she was. She was like every other girl. Nothing special about her. It’s harsh but true, according to Jungkook. 

He suddenly found himself comparing Yeri to you. Would you react the same way Yeri did? Would you hold onto him during a scary scene? Jungkook can confidently say that the answer was no. 

You wouldn’t react the same way. You wouldn’t hold onto him. No, you would be asleep halfway through the movie and the jumpscare would awaken you from your slumber, and you would jump and scream obnoxiously. You would spill whatever food was on your lap and you would most likely run away from the room. Had you been watching the movie in the comfort of your apartment, instead of running away from the room you would just turn the movie off and change the mood by making an unfunny joke to ease up the tension. That’s what you would do. And for some reason, Jungkook found himself smiling and quietly laughing at the imagination he created in his head. 

Yeri could hear Jungkook chuckling to himself and gave him a concerned look. “Jungkook? Why are you laughing? The main character’s best friend just died?” 

Jungkook immediately shut up and cleared his throat. “I just thought of something funny.” He answered. Yeri curled an eyebrow up. “What were you thinking about?” She whispered. Jungkook shook his head. “It’s nothing. It’s just that this scene reminded me of an inside joke between me and a friend.” He lied. Yeri just nodded understandably and refocused her attention back to the movie. 

Jungkook allowed another smile and a snort to escape from his lips before making himself regain his attention back to the “heartbreaking” scene of the death of the best friend. 

. . .

“I had fun tonight, Jungkook.” Yeri shyly smiles at him. Jungkook forced a smile onto his face. “I’m glad. I had fun too.” He lies. “Thank you for walking me home.” She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Not a problem.” He replies dryly. Yeri stops at a large modern looking building. “This is my dorm building.” Jungkook nods in response. “Goodnight, Kook.” Jungkook tried his hardest not to physically cringe at the nickname she decided to give him. He managed to wave at her. “Goodnight, Yeri.” He began to turn around to walk to his apartment but Yeri called out to him and ran to grab his jacket. “Wait,” 

“Hm?” 

“Do you want to do this again sometime soon? Maybe next week?” She bit her lower lip in anticipation. Jungkook could see a shimmer of hope and a dash of nervousness in her eyes. He genuinely did not know what Yeri saw him and why she still wanted to continue seeing him. He tried his hardest to remain stoic and dry with her to show his lack of interest but she wasn’t getting the hint. He tried to think of a good response that will give a hint of rejection without straight up saying so. 

“I’ll see. I have a lot of exams coming up so I’ll let you know when is a good time to meet up again.” Jungkook answered. Yeri remained quiet for a moment before nodding in agreement. “Okay, sure! Text me when you make it home safely!” She waved at him. Jungkook smirked. “I only live about five minutes walking distance from here. I’ll be okay.” 

Yeri chuckled, “Alright, fine. But let me know when you’re free again!” She reminded him. Jungkook simply nodded and began to trail away from Yeri. “Bye Jungkook!” She unnecessarily yelled out. He was only a few feet away. He gave an awkward smile and waved back at her, and began to speed walk. 

His speed walking shortened the walking distance by half and he was able to make it home comfortably. He entered the apartment and was met with the sound of laughter and the smell of alcohol. He took off his shoes, slid his feet into his house slippers and headed into the living room. He saw you, Taehyung, and Jimin sitting in a circle. It seemed as if the three of you were just talking and spending time together. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of FOMO. He would much rather have spent his night like this than be out on a date with a random girl.

“Hey, Kook is home! Where were you tonight, young man?” Taehyung slurred. “Uh, I was just out with Yoongi.” He chuckled nervously. He shared a quick glance with you, and you gave him a reassured look; a look that said he was okay and that no one knew of the date. 

“You need to stop hanging out with Yoongi and hang out more with your brothers and y/n.” Jimin slurred out, taking a quick swig of soju. Jungkook shared another glance with you. He looked confused. “Why are they drinking?” He asked. “Jimin begged Taehyung to share a drink with him and well…one drink turned into many. I’ve just been here giving them company.” 

“Jungkook! Come have a shot of soju with us!” Jimin patted on the ground for him to sit. “Uh, I think I’m just going to call it a night. I’ve had a long da-,” Jungkook got interrupted by Taehyung’s loud groan. “Oh my god, we don’t care, come over and sit with us now.” 

Jungkook squinted his eyes at his brother in annoyance. You stifled back a laugh at this interaction. “You’re taking a shot with us too, miss y/n.” Taehyung targeted you. You gave him the exact same annoyed look that Jungkook had given him. Regardless, Jungkook listened to his two seniors and sat where Jimin had patted him to sit in. He sat between you and Jimin. 

You scooted your body away from Jungkook little by little. “Now, take a shot.” Jimin slammed the shot glass onto the coffee table. “Here’s your shot glass too, y/n.” Jimin handed yours. Taehyung administered the pouring of the shots to you and Jungkook. You both turned to each other hesitantly. “I just wanted to give them company.” you whispered to Jungkook. “And I just wanted to go to bed.” He whispered back. “I’ll take my shot if you take yours.” You suggested. Jungkook just sighed in response. “There’s no such thing as saying no to these two.” He groaned. You both tapped your shot glasses onto the table and then threw the alcohol down your throats, earning a loud sound of approval from the two best friends. 

“Let’s go! All of the roomies are getting fucked up tonight!” Jimin yelled. “Uh, I’m just going to take this one shot with you guys. I still have that paper to write and I have class tomorrow morning.” You halted the two boys from encouraging drunkenness from you. 

“Me too. I have an eight AM class.” Jungkook added. Jimin rolled his eyes at you both and some fingers through his dark locks. “You goddamn scholars.” He cursed under his breath. “Do you work tomorrow?” You asked Taehyung. “Nope. I’m off from work and I have a late afternoon class so I get to sleep in!” He and Jimin dapped each other up, earning a scoff from Jungkook. 

“Hey, by the way, where were you guys earlier today? I came home and the apartment was silent.” Jimin asked you and Taehyung. “Oh, Tae took me out to try the new sushi place that opened up in town! You guys seriously should go sometime soon, it was so delicious.” You were bouncing in excitement as you bragged about the restaurant. “Oh, and if you want free dessert, you should go with a girl. Our server thought that ___ and I were a couple and they gave us a slice of tiramisu cake.” Taehyung looked over at you and you both laughed at the memory. 

Jungkook darted his eyes between you and his brother. “He thought that you both were a couple?” Jimin repeated back, laughing along. “I know right.” You cackled. Jungkook remained silent as three of you guys laughed. He began to glance at the way Taehyung looked at you. Lately, he has been picking up way too many weird signs from Taehyung when it comes to you. 

Logically, if Jungkook could sense that his brother was acting differently around a certain girl then he would conclude that he is interested in her but Jungkook couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of Taehyung being interested in you. Not that there was anything wrong with you, it was just that he didn’t think of you being the type to sway Taehyung. Jungkook simply thought you two were not romantically compatible. Jungkook may not know you that well but he certainly knows his brother. 

“Taehyung, let’s go take a smoke outside real quick.” Jimin stands up from the floor and massages his butt. “Fuck, my ass is so sore.” He mumbled. Taehyung got up and was beginning to follow Jimin from behind until he took a quick glance at you and Jungkook sitting together. He felt a small ache in his chest from the thought of leaving you two alone. Especially with him knowing that you very much still had some feelings left for Jungkook. They’ll be alright. 

Taehyung and Jimin go out to the balcony and shut the door behind them. “Since when did Taehyung smoke?” You ask Jungkook. “He occasionally smokes whenever he’s drunk. But I’ve seen him smoke out of stress too. He just does it when he feels like it.” 

“Ah, I see. I’m kinda like that too.” You chuckle. Jungkook snapped his head towards you and gaped his mouth open in surprise. “I wouldn’t take you as the type to smoke.” He curled his lips up at your confession. “It’s my little personal secret. I’ve been smoking since I was 16.” 

Intrigued by this, Jungkook leans his body back, using his wrists to hold him up. “Now what caused 16-year old you to pick up cigarettes?” 

You smirked at him. “My parents were going through a rough patch together. They were literally on the brink of divorce and kept dragging me into their problems. It was way too much stress for me to harbor as a high schooler that was also dealing with pounds of homework and exams every week. Luckily, they were able to work things out because they went to counseling but as of today, I like to puff puff a little bit sometimes to relieve some stress.” 

Jungkook nodded understandably. He had no idea that you had gone through some family hardships as well. “I see,” 

“So I’m the only one that knows this secret of yours?” You nodded. A part of him was a little pleased that he was the only one who knew.  

“I’ve never tried it before.” He says out of the blue. The two of you shared eye contact at that. You were quizzically checking him out, wondering if he was hinting something. “Well, I suggest you not to do it. Once you try it a few times, there’s no going back.” 

Jungkook had an idea but it was an extremely bizarre one. He didn’t know where the idea came from or why it was created. But he was amused at the thought of it and didn’t mind encouraging the idea to blossom. “You could do it with me. Just once wouldn’t hurt.” He suggested but it came out more as a question.

Your eyes popped open. “What?” 

Bashfully, Jungkook looked away. “Nevermind.” 

“Wait, no! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised that you would consider doing it with me. I mean…”

Jungkook made eye contact with you again. “If I was to try a cigarette for the first time, you’re one of the people I’d be okay with trying it with. I’d be okay if I was to do it with Jimin or Taehyung too. You’re my roommate, so I kind of trust you too.” 

You nervously looked away and had to release an exhale that was being clogged inside of you. “Oh, sure! Of course, I get it. I trust you three as well.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. By Jungkook admitting that he would want to experience something, anything with you meant that he was admitting that he felt comfortable with you. That he trusted you. Despite your history together, you didn’t think that Jungkook would carry intimate feelings of trust and comfort around you. Was it because he sees you as more than “just a roommate”? He sees you as something more? Like a friend? 

“Let me know when you would want to do so.” You said. Jungkook nodded. “Sure.” A slight comfortable silence fell upon you two. “Do you want to take another shot?” You asked. Jungkook thought about it before he agreed. “It’s not like they’ll know we took another one.” 

“But this is actually my last one. After four or five shots, I’m done.” You warned. “Four or five? You’re such a lightweight.” Jungkook teased. “How many shots does it take for you to get wasted?” 

Jungkook calculated in his head for a moment. Taehyung used to throw parties whenever their parents were out of town back when he was in eighth grade so they’ve both had a bit of experience with alcohol. “I’d say around ten is when I’m beginning to feel a buzz.” Your mouth dropped. “Ten? For a buzz? That’s borderline alcoholic.” Jungkook smirked at that. “Yeah, well when you’ve been drinking for as long as Taehyung and I have then you’d know.” “Well then tell me how long you’ve both been drinking for.” 

“Since I was thirteen. For Taehyung, since he was fifteen.” 

“Thirteen? Fifteen? That’s insane.” 

He shrugged. “Well, our parents were barely around to notice. If they were around, I doubt that they’d care.” You gave him a sympathetic smile. “Also, we went to a rich private school so a bunch of kids like us began drinking at an early age. It was the privilege and the fact that almost all of our parents were wealthy assholes that didn’t give a fuck about us.” You groaned at Jungkook. “You’re being such a downer. You’re making me sad.” You whined. Jungkook let out a chuckle and ran fingers through his hair. “Alright, I’ll stop ambushing you with my depressive lore.” You both laughed together. 

You liked this. You liked being able to be civil with Jungkook and laugh about things together. You liked whatever kind of moment was happening between you both. 

You hesitated on whether or not you should bring up his date. You didn’t want him seeing that you cared to know about every single detail that happened tonight and you didn’t want him seeing that you were a little bit jealous too. 

Suddenly, Jungkook’s phone buzzed. He reached his hand into his pockets and brought the phone out. It was an Instagram notification from Yeri’s account. He clicked on the notification and saw that she had tagged Jungkook onto her story and posted a picture of their two drinks and the singular bucket of popcorn and she had captioned it with a heart. 

Jungkook let out the most irritated groan of his life. How did she even find his Instagram account? He never followed her and she never followed him? His username was very discreet, it did not explicitly say his name. It was actually an extremely long username: @abcdefghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz.

“What’s wrong?” You asked as you finally took your second shot. “Nothing.” He mumbled. “What? Tell me.” You edged. 

Jungkook debated on telling you. He didn’t know if you would be a good confidante for this certain situation for many obvious reasons. However, you both agreed to remain just friends right? A civil relationship with each other? Once he had decided on telling you, the patio door opened and Jimin and Taehyung stumbled back inside the living room. 

He gave you an apologetic look. Maybe you didn’t need to know and it was the universe telling him so. 

Taehyung took a quick glance at you. You looked annoyed. Not at Jungkook, not at Jimin, and not at himself. It seemed as if you were annoyed with yourself. You were looking down at the ground and picking at the rug on the floor. “Are you okay?” Taehyung asked, placing a hand on your knee. 

Jungkook and Jimin peer over at this, with Jimin smirking to himself and Jungkook keeping his eyes glued to his brother’s hand. You fixed Taehyung with a brief smile and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just going to call it a night, I’m getting tired.” You fake-yawn. Taehyung nodded understandably and withdrew his hand from your knee. You get up and stretch. “Goodnight guys.” You wave to the three roommates and begin to drag yourself to your bedroom. 

Jungkook watches you as you disappear into the doors of your room. He could tell that you weren’t being truthful with the way you quickly came up with an excuse. You didn’t appear to be sleepy a minute ago. He didn’t want to stay and hang out with Jimin and Taehyung alone for the rest of the night. He knew that they would pressure him to drink more and he would eventually oversleep his classes, his job, and it was also a weekday. There was no need to be drunk this early into the week. “Be right back.” He muttered to Jimin and Taehyung. Jimin watched Jungkook leaving. He didn’t think too much into it. He turned his attention to Taehyung.

“I saw you placing your hand on ___’s knee earlier.” He cheesed. Taehyung groaned a jumble of words that Jimin couldn’t comprehend for the life of him. “I didn’t understand a single word you just said.” Jimin laughed. “Sorry, it’s just all those shots we took back to back that are catching up to me now. Everything’s spinning. All I can think about is ___. Where is she? Is she here? Does she know?” Taehyung rubbed his hands all over his face as an attempt to get himself together. 

Jimin laughed even harder. “You’re a mess. She’s not here, it’s just you and me. Keep your voice down.” He chuckled. “Since when did your tolerance get better than mines? Fuck, I’m so out of it.” Taehyung groaned even louder. “Where did Jungkook go?” Taehyung asked. Jimin looked towards his bedroom door, which was where he assumed Jungkook went. “Probably went to bed. He said he’d be right back but you know he didn’t want to hang. He’s spiritually an old man.” 

“Does ___ know?” Taehyung mumbles again. “Know about what?” Jimin scooted closer to him. 

Jungkook opened the door of his bedroom and was heading towards the bathroom until he heard Taehyung’s constant repetition of “does ___ know?”. He stopped in his tracks, and stood right outside of the bathroom door. There was a wall blocking and separating the living room from the hallway that contains the bathroom and the bedrooms, therefore Jungkook couldn’t be seen from where he was. 

“Just say yes or no, Jimin.” “Taehyung, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Be specific.” 

Taehyung let out an irritated groan. “About you-know-what. About me. About me and her.” 

Jimin shushed him, in case either Jungkook or you could hear. “No, man. No one knows except me. I’m the only one. No one will ever know between us two.” 

Taehyung’s drunken eyes looked up to meet with Jimin’s exasperated expression. “You promise?” He slurred. “I promise.” Taehyung smiled in satisfaction. “I’m sorry for being a mess right now.” 

Jimin snorted. “You’re always a mess.” “Says the one who is a college dropout and is crashing at their best friend’s place.” The two of them laughed together. Jungkook remained where he was, in confusion. What was Taehyung talking about? What was going on between you and him that you didn’t know about? That he didn't know about? 

“Should we go to bed?” Jungkook heard Jimin asking Taehyung. Without hesitation or thinking, Jungkook ran back to his bedroom, no longer needing to urinate. He heard the shuffling of their feets dragging on the floor. Jimin put Taehyung to sleep and walked back to the living room.

. . .

It was a week into Christmas break when Taehyung had the idea for the group to go ice skating. “The place is open until 10. We can get food from the convenience store afterwards. Come on, it’s only 6:30, we have time to get ready!” He eagerly said. You sipped your peppermint tea and thought about it. “I mean, I haven’t properly enjoyed myself ever since the semester ended. I’ve been rotting in bed ever since I submitted my last final. I’m down!” You agreed.

Taehyung smiled at you and then turned his head towards Jimin and Jungkook. “I’m down too. I have nothing better to do tonight.” Jimin said. “Why is it that it’s down to you for the last vote? Why do you always have to be such a grandpa?” Taehyung pestered his brother. Jungkook couldn’t hide the smile that crept to his face. “This grandpa was planning to go on a jog before dinner and bed.” He ran a finger through his now silky dark brown hair. He dyed it dark brown last week after feeling like he needed a change with his appearance. 

“Well now you can spend it with ice skating instead. Come on, you can even bring Yeri with you! You two have been inseparable ever since she came over for our Thanksgiving dinner.” 

You couldn’t help but to shudder at the mention of her name. You didn’t expect for Jungkook to continue dating her after the movie date but he is. She’s been coming over to the apartment almost every single day. Your bedroom was right next door to Jungkook’s and you could hear her giggles, their conversations, their snores when they slept. It was as if you were given a sneak peek as to what hell must feel like. 

Jungkook looked down at his phone and opened his text messages with Yeri. She had been begging to hangout today and do something. She was texting him nonstop and kept mentioning how bored she was and how she missed him as if they didn’t see each other less than 24 hours ago. Having a girl like Yeri by his side was tiresome. He knew that he'd rather go ice-skating and bring Yeri than have to hear her blowing up his phone with whines and complaints of wanting to do something throughout his peaceful jog, his peaceful dinner, and his peaceful bedtime. 

“Sure.” He said. Taehyung smiled, in shock seeing that he actually agreed. He thought that having Yeri in his life was causing him to become more social. “Let’s leave around 7.” 

Jimin immediately got up to get ready with you following behind. Taehyung looked at Jungkook and smirked. “I see Yeri has your shell opening up. I like that.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. “She isn’t opening my shell. I just feel like ice-skating.” Taehyung shrugged. “You’re still going out more ever since you started dating her.” 

Jungkook didn’t care to explain anything to him. He doesn’t know what goes on in his mind and what goes on between him and Yeri. He doesn’t need to know that they only have a sexual relationship and that Jungkook doesn’t harbor an ounce of romantic feelings towards her. He doesn’t need to know that Yeri is in a one-sided situationship with him. Taehyung doesn’t need to know anything. 

“If you think so.” He bites the inside of his cheek and stands up. “I’m gonna get ready.” He walks past Taehyung and texts Yeri to get ready. 

Why do I feel like I will never be able to understand him, Taehyung thinks.

. . .

You fell on your ass for what felt like the fiftieth time. “I can’t fucking skate!” You cried out, holding back a laugh. Jimin skated towards you and reached his hands out to pick you up. “Why do you keep falling? Stop embarrassing us.” Jimin teased, causing your laugh to burst out of you. “I’m trying!” 

You were having a great time. Seeing families, friends, couples being together made you sonder with happiness. Something about being able to be silly and kid-like without embarrassment made yourself feel as if you were on cloud nine. 

You attempted to continue skating after Jimin had helped you get up. Each time you attempted, it got easier for you. You didn’t mind falling, you liked the “trial and error”-ness. You looked ahead and saw Jimin and Taehyung holding hands and skating together. You giggled at them. Seeing the two having fun together made you miss Jihyo and Chaeyoung. Every winter break, the three of you would ice skate, sled, drink hot chocolates, bake cookies together, and rewatch all your favorite holiday movies. You spent more than half of your life with them and this was the longest you have been apart and with minimal contact too with the time difference and busyness. 

You knew that Chaeyoung was coming home in less than two days and Jihyo would arrive the day after to spend Christmas with their families. No plans were fully confirmed since they would also be busy during their holiday break with their family. Your prior blissful mood transitioned into disappointment. 

You decided to attempt to catch up with Jimin and Taehyung to get your mind off of your dear friends. You attempted to skate faster and successfully did so. 

Taehyung felt you bump against his back. “___!” He reached an arm backward to pull you from his behind and place you next to him. “You got better at skating.” He complimented. “I think I got the hang of it this time. I always remember during the season but then once winter is over, it’s like I get rusty for a bit.” Taehyung nodded understandably. 

You heard a loud giggle coming from behind you. You turned to check quickly but was met with the sight of Yeri and Jungkook skating together. He was holding her hand to keep her steady but her legs were wobbling like crazy. “I can’t do it, Kookie!” She yelped out. You internally cringed at the nickname she gave him. You also internally winced at the inevitable heartache seeing him like that. Seemingly happy with the small smile that curled up on his usual inexpressible face. 

He looked happy. He looked like he was enjoying himself for once. You studied his smile to question whether it was genuine or not. You felt terrible wishing for the latter. He deserved happiness. He deserved to be with someone that made him feel out of the world. He deserved good things and good people in his life, despite all the shit he emotionally burdened you with. 

You hoped that his relationship with Yeri would eventually cure you with the hopeless crush you still held onto him. You forced yourself to look away after what felt like an eternity watching them. 

What you didn’t notice was that Taehyung was watching you watching them. He noticed the hurt that was gleaming in your eyes. The yearning, the pain was written all over you. He was so pleased with Jungkook putting himself out there that he forgot to take account of your feelings towards them. He didn’t want your mood to be sour for the rest of the night, he wanted you to have fun. He wanted to see you happy. 

“Hey you.” Taehyung nudged. You looked up to meet his eyes. “Wanna race?” He suggested, raising his brows. You smiled and nodded. “From where to where?”

Taehyung hummed, calculating where to end. “Let’s stop at the exit door. Loser buys the winner hot chocolate.” He pointed at the hot chocolate stand that was just outside of the rink. “On the count of three.” You say. 

“One,” You start

“Two,” Taehyung continues

“Three” You shout. Taehyung is already speeding ahead of you, causing you to shout curse words at him. He laughed and looked behind to see you failing to catch up. 

“Is that Taehyung and your roommate racing each other?” Yeri asked Jungkook. Jungkook turned his head to where he could hear the commotion going on between you two. You had a beaming grin on your face and was attempting to pull Taehyung backwards to make him lose the race. Taehyung’s box-shaped grin was plastered onto his face and he was giggling non-stop. “___, you’re cheating!” He laughed hard. 

Jungkook couldn’t look away. He didn’t know why or what was making him not want to look away but he felt as if his eyes were glued onto you and Taehyung. He felt that same uncomfortable feeling washing through him. He felt a knot forming in his stomach and a sense of unease at the same time. Jungkook couldn’t comprehend for the life of him as to why he couldn't shake the unexpected pang of–whatever it was that he was feeling– away. 

Yeri eyed Jungkook as he watched you and Taehyung racing. She noticed the way his jaw was slightly clenched and the way his hand that was gripping onto her arm to help her skate was tightening around her. “Jungkook?” She nudged him. His attention resumed back to her. He tried his best to give her a smile. “Hm?” He said. 

“You okay?” She asked. “Yeah, I was just looking at them racing. Seems silly to race on ice. They could get hurt.” He lied. She only nodded, not knowing what else to say. She looked over at you and Taehyung again and caught sight of you both already off the rink, and were removing your skates. 

Taehyung reached for your hand and dragged you to the hot chocolate and pastry stand that was outside of the rink. 

“Don’t you think they could be cute together?” Yeri asked Jungkook with a playful smile on her face. Jungkook couldn’t help but to scoff out loud at that. “She’s not Taehyung’s type.” He clarified. Yeri gave him a confused glare. “What do you mean? She’s pretty. And they seem to get along well.” Yeri explained. She studied his face again but she couldn’t make anything out of it. It seemed as if he was in deep thought yet at the same time it looked like he didn’t care about the topic. His stare was completely blank yet it could be interpreted in many different ways. 

“You don’t know Taehyung like I do.” He defended. Yeri decided to leave the conversation at that. “Wanna get hot chocolate too?” She asked, looking at him with pleading eyes. Jungkook shook his head. “Not in the mood.” He said dryly. 

He felt bad being suddenly passive-aggressive towards her. He didn’t understand why he was being like this either. “Let’s sit for a bit.” He began to hold Yeri’s hand and pulled her to the benches. 

Yeri begins to scroll on her phone meanwhile Jungkook’s eyes automatically drag itself to observe you and Taehyung again. The two of you were sitting on a bench across from them. You were showing him something on your phone. Whatever it was that you were showing, he was laughing at it. His laugh was contagious and it made you laugh harder. “I was dying at that video for a good hour yesterday.” You breathed out, trying to catch your breath. “Send that to me, send that to me.” Taehyung said. 

Jungkook didn’t miss that Taehyung was slowly attempting to scoot closer to you, to the point where your left knee and his right knee were practically touching and your shoulders were a good millimeter apart. “Oo, let’s take a picture to post on my story!” You squealed. You hold your phone out and Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to close the minimal space that was between. He presses his cheek against yours and poses with his eyes squeezed shut and a peace sign held next to the other cheek.

You beam at him and post the story. “You look so cute!” You squeal again. Jungkook couldn't help but to laugh to himself at the sight that was in front of him. He was in denial for the longest but he admits now that Taehyung was indeed attempting to flirt with you. He knows his flirtatious tricks and anyone with a human brain can comprehend that he is blatantly flirting with you. He knows you’re too oblivious to this because you are an oblivious person in general. Jungkook knows you’re too naive to understand that Taehyung was being a little too touchy for someone he considers to be “just a friend”. 

Just because Taehyung was flirting with you doesn’t confirm that he’s doing it out of a genuine romantic interest, Jungkook thinks. It could be because he is simply in a flirty mood or maybe he just wants to see if you would fold for him like how other girls do. That's what the old player Taehyung would do. 

Jimin interrupts Jungkook’s thoughts and plops down next to him. “Are you ready to go? I’m starving.” Jimin sighed out. He reeked of cigarettes. “You’re smoking too often.” Jungkook lectured him. “I got nothing better to do with myself. I’m in my flop era or whatever the kids say these days.” He runs a finger through his hair. Jungkook chuckled at him. “I think you’re doing whatever you can to cope.” Jungkook comforts. “I’m ready if they’re ready.” Jungkook nudges his chin toward you and Taehyung that were still in the middle of a deep conversation, probably not even noticing Jimin and Jungkook right in front of them. 

Jimin chuckles and sighs in amusement. “They’re so silly together.” Jimin mumbles under his breath but Jungkook picks it up. Jimin searches for a piece of gum in his pockets. He shoves a piece into his mouth and throws the wrapper to Taehyung’s head, getting your attention. “Let’s go eat.” Jimin shouts. Taehyung looks at you, inverbally asking if you are good to go. You nod in agreement. “Convenience store right?” Taehyung confirms.

“Yes!” Jimin jumps. Yeri checks out Jimin walking towards you and starts to poke your body, just to tease you. Taehyung joins along and starts to pull onto some strands of your hair. You attempt to shove the boys off and fall into a fit of laughter. Yeri couldn’t help but feel jealous seeing how well you got along with them. Yeri was aware that Jimin and Taehyung were extremely close to Jungkook and desperately wanted to get close with them, as a way to make herself feel accepted into his circle. 

The three of you were already walking ahead, leaving you and Jungkook behind. Jungkook was just staring at the bench where you and Taehyung were sitting a second ago. “Let’s go, Kookie.” Yeri nudges him. He simply nods and stands up. “Sure.” He walks ahead, leaving Yeri alone. 

She grew irritated with Jungkook. A while ago, Jungkook was being gentlemanly with her and was seemingly having a good time with her. She doesn’t understand what suddenly went wrong with him for him to be so cold and distant now.

Jungkook stops in his tracks and turns behind to see why Yeri wasn’t following him yet. “What’s wrong?” He asked. She shakes her head, not wanting to bring it up. “Nothing.” She gets up from the bench and catches up with him. 

The rest of the night was spent with a brief convenience store run, a brief ‘dinner’ together inside of the apartment, and a brief conversation before everyone went to bed for the night. 

. . .

“Are you sure you don’t wanna spend Christmas and New Year’ with us, ___?” Taehyung asked for the millionth time. You nodded. “I’m very sure, Tae. I’ll be okay. I’ll make sure to enjoy my week alone.” You reassured. Taehyung clenched his jaw, feeling hurt that you were going to spend the holidays alone. Your parents went on vacation in Bali, wanting to spend the holidays with just them two. 

You and your parents were never that close when it came to quality time. They were supportive, attentive and loving parents but when it came to family-bonding quality time, it was practically nonexistent. It was what you grew up with. This was the norm for you. It was disappointing, of course, but that’s how it was. 

Jihyo suddenly came down with a terrible cold and was unable to come down and spend the week with you and Chaeyoung’s family dragged her down to Busan to spend the holidays with her grandparents. To be honest, you were kind of expecting her to offer you to spend the week with her and her family since they know you well and love you but she didn’t. Maybe it wasn’t on her mind and you didn’t want to burden her to make her feel as if she had to ask and invite you.

It was Christmas Eve and Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin were on the way back home to Busan to spend their holidays with their family–Jimin spending it with the brothers’ family. Although Jungkook didn’t verbally express it, he too felt bad leaving you alone for the holidays. He didn’t know much about how your family functioned but he was curious as to why you weren’t going to be spending it with them. 

Jimin gave you a pitiful look and hugged you. “Okay, well we should be leaving now. Our bus departs in 30 minutes.” Jimin said. You hugged him and chuckled. “Go on then! Let me know when you guys make it safely! I’ll be sure to update you guys on what I’ll be up to so you guys won’t be too worried.” You pulled away and nodded. Taehyung didn’t say anything but gave you a forced tight-lipped smile. “Alright. Merry Christmas, ___.” Taehyung walked over and hugged you tightly. You returned the tightness. “Merry Christmas.” You whispered. 

After Taehyung finally pulled away, you glanced over to Jungkook. He was glaring at you back. You weren’t able to understand the look on his face but you could swear it seemed as if he too had a look of pity. “Merry Christmas, Jungkook.” You said. You didn’t know if Jungkook wanted a hug from you as well so you decided to just wave. 

“Merry Christmas.” He replied, holding a hand up. After a slightly uncomfortable silence, Jimin goes ahead to open the front door and heads out first. Taehyung gives you a final smile before he follows behind. Jungkooks remains where he was for a little bit. 

“Let me know if you need anything.” He gives an actual wave and exits. He closes the door slowly and softly. 

You were now finally left alone for the entire week and you had no idea what to do now. The void of being alone hasn’t hit you yet and you hope it doesn’t ever or else you would end up crying yourself to sleep. 

. . .

“Boys, over here!” Jungkook heard his mother calling out to him. His mother and Taehyung’s father were standing next to their large black SUV, waving at them. “We’re home, Kook.” Taehyung mumbled sarcastically to him. Jungkook smirked, shaking his head at him. “So glad.” He replied back. 

Jimin ran up to their parents and hugged them. “It’s been so long, Mom and Dad!” Jimin cheered. He liked to call their parents mother and father since they practically raised Jimin along with Jungkook and Taehyung. 

“Oh, Jimin! You get so handsome every time I see you!” Jungkook’s mom pinches his cheeks. 

Taehyung’s father pulls Taehyung in for a hug and pats his back. “My son, welcome home.” He smiles. Taehyung fakes a smile back. “Missed you, dad.” 

After greeting Jimin, Jungkook’s mom pulls him in for a hug and kisses his forehead. “How have you been, my son?” She grins at him. Jungkook thinks to himself that being away from college has made his mother and Taehyung’s father extra affectionate with them. “I’ve been good. How have you been taking care of yourself?” He asks. She shrugs. “I’ve been picking up on yoga and pilates. It’s been relaxing me from my usual heavy workload.” She smiles. 

Jungkook noticed that there wasn’t a driver to pick them up like usual. Everyday, on his commute to school or anywhere else, he would have a driver to drop him off and pick him up. “No driver today?” Jungkook asked his parents. Taehyung’s father shook his head. “We both had the afternoon off and decided to get you guys ourselves.” He smiled. 

Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other in surprise. “I see.” Taehyung said. “Come, let’s go have lunch.” Jungkook’s mother held onto him and pulled him to the car. Jungkook certainly wasn’t used to the sudden physical touch his mother was giving him and the sudden quality time as well. 

. . .

It was now dinnertime and Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin, and their parents were all sitting at the table together. 

“Tell me about your living situation. Are you guys enjoying living together?” Jungkook’s mom asked Jungkook and Taehyung. Taehyung nodded. “Yea, I’ve trained Jungkook well. He cleans up after himself, he’s a great cook, and he likes to hang out with me and Jimin whenever he isn’t busy.” 

Jungkook’s mom darts her eyes between the three. “Jimin?” She asks. “Mhm. Jimin is living with us for the time being.” Taehyung clarifies. Jungkook’s mom mouth gapes open and turns her attention to Jimin. “Oh really? Jimin, what happened to your schooling? Are you not going anymore?” She asks. 

Jimin debates whether or not he should be honest with them. Taehyung and Jungkook’s parents were a lot like his parents in the sense of needing their children to attend prestigious universities, getting good grades, and getting a good job after graduation. 

“I’m taking a short break from school. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the strict academic regulations that came with being a pre-med student. I feel like I need to be mentally prepared and confident with my decision to study medicine and I was not.” 

Taehyung’s father nodded understandably. “Of course, studying medicine is a serious decision. You’re going to be saving lives. You made the right decision, son.” He boasted. Taehyung gave a quick glance to Jungkook. He was already returning the same look he had: shock. What was going on with their parents? Had Taehyung or Jungkook told their parents that they wanted to take a break from school, they would most likely faint or die from a heart attack. 

“Do you like living with our sons?” Jungkook’s mother asked, giving Jimin an amused smile. Jimin chuckled, looking at the two. “Yeah, they’re the best. They and ___ made me feel very welcomed into their humble abode.” He smiled. 

Their parents gave him a perplexed look. “Who’s ___?” Taehyung’s father asked. Jungkook stopped chewing his food and only stared ahead at his mother who was giving him a confused look. Taehyung turned his head to Jimin and silently cursed him out. He explicitly told him during the busride to not bring you up to them. He knew that his parents wouldn’t be okay with a woman living with him and on top of that, they would know that Taehyung was struggling to make ends meet when it came to rent. It was their decision to cut them off financially, therefore they had no need to know what was going on in his life financially-wise. 

“Uh-,” Jimin stuttered. One thing about Jimin was that he was a terrible liar. He couldn’t lie for the life of him. “____ is Taehyung and Jungkook’s next door neighbor! She comes over often and hangs out with us. She’s very nice.” He spat out. Jungkook let his silverware clang onto his bowl of soup and groaned out loud. Taehyung blinked and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. 

“What? Are we not allowed to know about the kind of new friends you’ve made in Seoul?” Taehyung’s father protruded. “Yeah, tell us about ___. We would love to get to know your new female friend that is very close with you guys.” Jungkook’s mother chimed in. Taehyung chuckled nervously. “No, of course we can talk about ___. Like Jimin said, she is very nice. She’s a good friend of ours. She goes to Konkuk with us.” He explained.

Jungkook’s mother nodded. “What is she studying?” His father asked. “She’s studying to be a doctor.” He lied. If he was to expose that you were an undecided student, their parents would immediately disapprove of you. It would be worse than being a gap student, like Jimin. 

Taehyung’s father nodded in approval. “Smart girl.” He smiled. “Yes, very smart indeed. Is she originally from Seoul?” Jungkook’s mom leaned close to the table, seemingly very interested in learning more about you. 

“She’s from Busan like us. She actually went to the same school as Jungkook.” Taehyung nudged him. Jungkook choked on the soup he was trying to swallow. “What?” He muffled. “No way! What a funny coincidence! Jungkook, is she a good friend of yours too?” His mom grinned. 

He tried to swallow the rest of the liquid and pondered on the question. “Uh, I guess, yes.” He answered. “That’s so nice. We probably know her parents well.” Taehyung’s father nodded. “Oh, I don’t think so. She doesn’t come from an affluent family. She’s kind of…regular.” Taehyung said. 

He winced at the usage of “regular” to describe you but it was the only word he could think of for his parents to understand you and your background. It was the only word they’d understand. 

“Oh, I see.” She nodded. “She must be pretty, right?” This caused Jungkook and Taehyung to both choke on their food and Jimin to snort out a laugh. 

“What did I say?” she asked, worried as hell. 

Taehyung’s father chuckled at his sons. “They’re blushing, love. She must be very pretty indeed.” He teased. Taehyung dabbed the corner of his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat. “Why do you guys care?” He said with a muffled voice. 

“We’re just curious.” She edged. 

Taehyung tried to brush off the question but Jungkook’s mother kept pestering. “She’s as pretty as every other girl in the world.” He tried to play it off. His father chuckled at his choice of wording. “To me, that translates to she’s pretty to you. Do any of you boys like her?”

Jimin laughed harder. “Dad, stop.” Taehyung hissed. “Is she in Busan for the holidays? We would love to meet her, you should invite her to spend New Year’s with us!” 

Jimin answered for them. “She stayed home for the break. Her parents are out of town.” 

“Jimin-,” Taehyung warned. “So you mean to tell me that she’s alone for the holidays? Why?” Taehyung’s father asked, with concern. “No idea. We had asked her to spend the holidays with us too but she insisted against it. The three of us didn’t want to leave her behind too.” Jimin continued to yap on. Taehyung pinched his leg and he yelped from pain. 

“Taehyung, Jungkook? Do invite her to come down and spend the week with us. We would love to have her here.” Jungkook’s mother suggested. “I-I think she will be okay. She might have other plans made and we shouldn’t disrupt that.” Taehyung said. 

“But-,”

“Mom, just drop it. She’s busy with another family that lives in Seoul. She told me herself. Don’t get worked up over it.” Jungkook chimed in. His mother remained silent but nodded. “I just think that no one should be spending the holidays alone. I recommend you guys text her and make sure she has company of some sort. Especially since she’s a woman living alone. Who knows what could happen to her.” 

That was probably the last thing the three of them wanted to hear. Although they felt reassured enough by you that you were going to be okay alone, they should’ve considered the fact that you were still a woman residing alone for a week and any weirdo could possibly hurt you and if not that, you were going to feel lonely regardless. Why would they just be okay with leaving you alone?

The three of them remained silent for the rest of the conversation. Taehyung’s father got the hint that they were now preoccupied with the thought of you being alone and decided to change the topic for the rest of dinner. 

“Are any of you boys seeing someone?” 

Jimin turned to look at Jungkook. “Jungkook, are you seeing someone?” His mother gasped. Jungkook kept his head down at his soup and remained silent some more. “You are?” 

“I’m not seeing anyone.” He lied. “Who is she? Who are her parents? Where is she from?”

Taehyung chuckled at him. “Her name is Yeri. They’ve been seeing each other for over a month now. She’s nice.” He answered for him. Jungkook kicked his legs under the table and Taehyung let out an abrupt chuckle. 

“I can’t believe how grown our son has gotten. He has his first girlfriend.” His mother cooes to her husband. “We would love to meet her whenever you’re ready to introduce us to her. I know it won’t be for a little while longer since it is still so new and fresh.”

Jungkook suddenly felt hot with irritation. Where was all this coming from? His parents suddenly showing an interest in his life? To Taehyung’s life? Why are they abnormally understanding of Jimin's drop out situation? Why now? Why now after he’s been gone for months that they suddenly want to act attentive and caring?

“What’s going with you both?” He asks. They give each other a perplexed look. “What are you talking about, son?” His mom asks innocently. “You know exactly what I mean. Why are you guys being like this? What did we do? What do you want from us?” He hissed. 

Taehyung wanted to attempt to control him but to be honest, he was quite relieved that he took the initiative to say something. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic with his parent’s sudden switch up. 

His parents remained quiet and uncomfortably looked at each other. Jungkook and Taehyung could sense tension oozing off of their silence. They knew that something was actually going on. 

The father cleared his throat and dabbed the corner of his lips with a napkin. “I think it’s time we tell them.” He said sternly. Jungkook’s mother didn’t react. She instead responded by taking a long chug of her red wine. 

Her sweet mother demeanor switched into a cold yet seemingly anxious attitude. “Tell us what?” Taehyung asked. 

“I’ll say it.” Jungkook’s mom spoke up. Her voice was deep. She darted her eyes between her son, Taehyung and Jimin. Her eyes softened as she glanced between the three boys she deeply cared for and loved. 

“Two months ago..,” She started off. 

“Two months ago…I got diagnosed with stage two cancer. Breast cancer.” She stated. 

All of a sudden, Jungkook felt as if his chair was sunken into a black void that was hungry to capture him. He felt as if he was disassociated from where he was. Is this a dream? Is it reality? Is he somewhere in between? Did he hear her correctly? 

Is this actually real life? 

With the silence in the room, you could hear a pin drop. You could hear thoughts.

“Your mother has her first chemotherapy session scheduled about two weeks from now. Doctors say that it is still possible they can remove the tumor inside.” He spoke up. 

Taehyung slightly turned his head to Jungkook, if he could figure out whatever was going through his head. If he even had anything going through his head at all. 

His face was as white as the wall, lips as white as him. His doe eyes were a combination of grief, anger, shock, and nothing at the same time. Jungkook could throw up at this very moment. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this sooner?” He whispered to her. She looked at him with regret and with pain. Pain for her only child having the bear this kind of news. 

“I figured it could wait. I didn’t want this to distract you from your studies.” She said matter-of-factly. Jungkook slammed his silverware to the table. 

“It took for you to get cancer to suddenly care about me? Care about my feelings? Consider me into your life for once?” He spat out. She jumped from the sudden harsh words he said to her.

“Now that you’re sick, you want to suddenly act like you have a son to talk to?” He continued. He tried to fight the tears that were threatening to spill but he couldn’t bear it anymore. He was destroyed. He was furious. He couldn’t even look at her without wanting to say bad words.

“Jungkook-,” Taehyung’s father tried to get him to stop but Jungkook seriously could not manage to stay in the same room as her. He stands up from his seat and storms upstairs to his bedroom.

“Jungkook, come back please.” His father yelled out for him. Taehyung watched him as he left. He understood where this was coming from. It was a mixture of grief of the devastating news and it was a mixture of him genuinely being furious at how his mother was acting like everything was fine between them when it just wasn’t.

Jungkook slammed his door and sat onto the side of his bed. He expected the rest of the tears to fall out but it felt as if he finally became mentally strong enough to block it. He was struggling to catch his breath, to catch a single ounce of a breath to exhale. His chest felt as if he swallowed a flame, growing hotter and painful to withstand.

He didn’t have the capacity to think rationally, act logically, and be stable. He was dealing with a surge of insanely different emotions and didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to see his mother, he didn’t want to see his step-father, he didn’t want to see Taehyung or Jimin or have either of the two come to his bedroom to confront him. He didn’t want to be here. Not at this home, not in Busan, all he knew was that he wanted to be as far away from here as possible. 

Without thinking, he grabbed his duffel bag,–which luckily hasn’t been unpacked yet–his phone, keys, and wallet and immediately left his childhood bedroom. He stomped down the stairs, not caring if they could hear him coming down, and headed straight towards the front door. 

The nearest bus station was a 30 minute drive, about a two hour walk from his house, but he didn’t care. He stormed outside of the house, ignoring the calls from his mother and father. 

Taehyung remained where he sat, knowing that Jungkook would be too stubborn to listen to him. He knew that Jungkook was just in shock and just wasn’t handling the news in the best and mature way. 

“Where could he possibly be going at this time?” Jungkook’s mother breathed out heavily. “Relax, he probably went on a walk to clear his mind. Give him some time to breathe.” His father soothed. 

“Taehyung,” His mother called out. He managed to look up from his plate and made eye contact with her. “Please call Jungkook if he doesn’t return within an hour.” She pleaded. Taehyung nodded in response. 

“Promise me? It is almost sunset, he shouldn’t be walking in the dark all alone.” 

“I promise.” He croaked out. Jungkook’s mother places her head into her palms and lets out an exasperated sigh. The table was filled with a painfully awkward silence. Jimin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was suddenly missing his own home—the home where he is disowned from. 

“I’m going to get Mirae to clear our plates if we are all done eating now.” Taehyung’s father spoke up. Mirae was the housekeeper. 

“Mirae, come please. We’re all done here.” He called out, after using the silence as a collective response. 

. . .

After an hour and a half of speed walking, Jungkook finally made it to the bus station. His shoulders were aching, his legs were throbbing, and he was sweating like crazy. He felt pity for the people around him that could smell his sweat from walking over 20,000 steps across town. 

He approached the guest service desk. “Good evening, do you have an available ticket for a bus to Seoul? Soonest one, preferably.” 

As he was walking to the station, he decided he would head straight home to the apartment. He didn’t want to spend an entire week with his mother and pretend that everything was fine when it wasn’t. He didn’t want to spend Christmas and the New Year’s and pretend that he was having a good time when he wouldn’t. 

“The next bus to Seoul is arriving in twenty minutes. You’re lucky, there was one available seat left. Would you like to purchase it?” The attendant asked. He immediately reached for his wallet and handed his credit card, not caring about the price of the ticket. 

After purchasing his ticket, he sat at the nearest bench and closed his eyes. 

All he could replay in the back of his mind was the sight of his mother at the dinner table. He didn’t realize how frail she appeared, how deepened her wrinkles grew to be, and how pale her skin was. Her hair was thinner and grayer. She barely touched her dinner as well. How could he have not noticed how sick his own mother looked? His own mother was sick with cancer and he didn’t even notice it. 

His guilt shifted to resentment; how could she suddenly want to repair their damaged relationship now? Why now? Why after being diagnosed with a sickness does she suddenly want to make things better between them? Why didn’t she care prior? Would she have still reached out if she was never sick? Would she still care about him? 

He refused to let the tears that were pooling fall. He didn’t want to care about this. He didn’t want to admit that he is still a hurting child inside. He is still a young boy that misses and needs his mom. He didn’t want to be that boy anymore. He wanted to be the 20-year old man that was a college student, living on his own, and heading off into the real world.

Jungkook suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his hands. Taehyung was calling him.

After letting the phone ring for several moments, he decided to pick up. 

“What?” He said. 

“Where are you?” Taehyung asked. He sounded as if he was keeping his voice hushed, as if he didn’t want anyone to eavesdrop on the conversation.

Jungkook debated for a moment if he should just straight up tell him. He decided to lie. “I’m going to Yeri’s.” 

“Yeri’s? What, why?” He stuttered. “I, uh, don’t think I can handle being around my mom right now. Yeri’s with her family in Seoul for the holidays, so I’m just going to spend the week with her.” 

Taehyung sighed against the speaker. “Kook, your mom is sick. She…she needs you right now? Don’t do this.” He said quietly. Jungkook assumes that his mother is nearby and Taehyung didn’t want her to listen to the phone call. 

“She’s got you, your dad, and Jimin. She’ll be fine. She didn’t need me before and she certainly doesn’t need me now.” He spat out. 

Taehyung remained silent on the line, not knowing what to say to convince Jungkook to come back. He didn’t know what to say in general.

“Alright. Do what you want. Should I tell our parents you’re with Yeri?” He asked.

“I don’t care. Tell them whatever you want, I couldn’t give a single shit.” Jungkook hangs up without letting Taehyung say anything back. He swallowed the guilt he felt after talking to Taehyung so harshly. He knew that he shouldn’t take his anger out on him. Jungkook didn’t know how to handle this situation at all. He just wanted to leave Busan. He wanted to be home.

. . .

It was 11 o’clock at night and you were awake, with a sheet mask on, painting your toenails, and were on your third glass of red wine. Faye Webster was playing on your speakers in the background and you were humming along to the lyrics as you lightly brushed your pinky toe white. 

You were in a blissful mood; tipsy with wine, good music and good wine. Your chicken you ordered for delivery was on the way. Maybe this week alone wouldn’t be so awful after all. Maybe a week to yourself was what your soul was craving. 

Your phone was on DND, the LED living room lamp was cozy and warmly yellow. You were in paradise. Although at the same time you did miss the boys. You missed the chaotic energy they brought. You missed the Friday night movie watches, the constant bickering, the smell of Taehyung cooking dinner, the gossip you shared with Jimin, and the rare presence of Jungkook. 

You could only hope that they were enjoying their time at home. You missed Busan like crazy and wish that you could be back in your hometown too. 

You chugged down the rest of your wine and immediately began pouring yourself another glass. Being wine drunk was the move for tonight’s solemn mood. 

Your last toenail was painted and you placed the toe dividers in between. You sighed in delight and sipped your wine gracefully, still humming along to the song playing. 

Your relaxed mood was paused after hearing the sound of someone knocking on the door. You perked up, knowing that your fried chicken had arrived. You waddled over to the door, and eagerly opened the door.

Your breath was caught in your throat as you were not met with the sight of the delivery man. You were met with the sight of Jungkook.

“Jungkook?” You gasped, still in disbelief that he was here right in front of you. 

“Hey.” He said. 

You couldn’t manage to say anything else. You could only just stare at him. He looked physically exhausted. His hair was disheveled and looked greasy. His lips were cracked and dry and his eyes had dark bags hanging underneath.

“Come in.” You said but it managed to come out as a question. He entered the apartment and removed his shoes. He walked straight to the kitchen right after and grabbed a glass cup. He poured himself water from the sink and chugged it down in one second. You were still staring at him in disbelief.

“Um…can I ask why you’re home so soon?” You asked. He observed your shock-ridden face that was being covered by the sheet mask you had on your face. Your hair was tied up into a low bun and was pulled back by a plush headwrap with kitten ears attached to it. You had on your pink gingham patterned matching pajamas and he looked down to your freshly painted toenails and the toes being separated by the divider. He let out a chuckle at your relaxed appearance. 

“Sorry for interrupting your self care night.” He smirked at you. You embarrassingly walked away and headed back to the living room. Jungkook followed you. “Whatever.” You mumbled to yourself. Your solo night was now ruined by Jungkook’s random return.

You reached for your wine glass and took a large gulp. Your palms were suddenly sweaty and your heart was beating fast. You were nervous. You were now no longer alone in the apartment. It was just you and Jungkook. 

“Why are you home?” You asked again. Jungkook shrugged. “I didn’t want to be there anymore. I felt like coming back.” 

You stared at him down, still extremely confused. All you could think to yourself was why. Why, why, why? What happened?

“Does Taehyung know you’re here?” You asked. Jungkook shook his head no. “He doesn’t. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell him I am. He thinks I’m somewhere else.” He shoved his pants into his pockets and kept strong eye contact with you. He knows you’re confused and that you must have thousands of questions running through your mind right now. 

You nodded in agreement. “Are you going to stay? The entire holiday break?” 

Jungkook nodded. “Oh.” You manage to say. You couldn’t hide the disappointment laced in your voice. “Again, sorry for interrupting you. I should’ve told you I was coming.” He ran his fingers through his greasy hair.

“Don’t apologize. This is your home too. You can come and go as you please.” You chuckle nervously. You were extremely nervous to be alone with Jungkook for an entire week. This reminded you of the time when Taehyung was gone for a weekend to go interview for his candidacy as a recipient of the ‘best film’ award. You and Jungkook were in a heated argument, like usual, and you remember how awkward it was to be alone for a weekend. Now, it was for a whole week. Seven days.

“You want to join me? I’m just drinking wine and listening to music.” You offered, trying to break the awkward tension that was brewing. Jungkook debated for a moment. He didn’t know if he was in the mood to socialize anymore for the day. He was on a crowded 4-hour bus ride, and desperately craved to be back in his bed after a long day of commuting. 

Despite that, he felt bad to decline your offer. “Sure. Do you mind if I shower first? I’m pretty gross and greasy right now.” 

You immediately reassured him. “A-Absolutely, go ahead and shower and do whatever you need to do. No rush!” You blabbered. Jungkook gave you a curt nod and dragged his duffel bag and himself ahead to his bedroom. 

You breathed out a long stressed out sigh. You reached for your phone and tracked your chicken which was beginning to take too long to arrive. The driver was five minutes away. 

You groaned into a pillow, not caring that you were staining it with your sheet mask serums. 

. . .

After forty-five minutes passed by, you were gnawing on your third chicken leg with Jungkook devouring the food as well. He didn’t realize how hungry he had been. He barely ate the entire day. 

“This is some of the best chicken I’ve ever had in my entire life.” Jungkook said with his mouth full. You chuckled as you were chewing. “This is my go-to chicken restaurant. They never miss.” You dabbed the corner of your cheeks with a napkin and rinsed the chicken down your throat with a nice cold beer. 

You shouldn’t be mixing alcohol right now but you forgot that you had ordered beer with the order and didn’t want to mix fried chicken with wine; it wasn’t a good match. You were slightly past tipsy and entering drunk territory. 

Jungkook was also drinking his beer of the night. A fresh hot shower, fresh pair of pajamas, a cold beer, and crispy Korean fried chicken was the perfect way to end his shitty long day. 

The two of you were devouring the chicken in a comfortable silence. Faye Webster was still playing quietly in the background. “I like Faye Webster too.” Jungkook said. 

Your eyes widened. “You listen to her too?” He nodded. “I like to play her music whenever I study or read. Keeps me focused.” He said. You couldn’t help but to smile at that. “That’s so cool. I haven’t met anyone that also listened to her. She makes great music.” 

Jungkook nodded in agreement. “Same here. Sucks that she probably might not ever tour in Korea.” He sighed, tossing a chicken bone into the box. 

“Never say never.” You wagged a finger at him. 

The two of you were sitting quite far apart; both sitting on each end of the couch. He was freshly showered and the entire living room was filled with the scent of his shampoo. He smelled like fresh and clean laundry. You admired the way his damp wet hair stuck to his forehead and how his ends sprung and curled outwards. 

Another comfortable silence fell upon. 

“So, how was your short time with your family?” You asked, trying to make some conversation. After all, you did invite him to hang with you.

Jungkook took a gulp of beer and pondered on how to respond to your question. 

How straight forward should he be? He has come to the conclusion awhile ago that you are someone who is trustworthy and someone easy to confide problems with. You are good at comforting others. However, he constantly mentally struggles whether the two of you are considered to be ‘friends’ enough to discuss any dilemmas with. The two of you have a weird so-called friendship.

However, despite all the complications, he’d rather communicate honestly to someone who wasn’t biased to his family for once. 

“If I had to describe it in one word, it would be: weird. It was weird.”

“How come?” You pestered.

He sighed. “They were being abnormally…nice for once. Like they were trying to act like actual parents and wanted to know what we were up to since we last chatted. Immediately, that was a huge red flag for me because since when did they care about that, right? What other way was there to describe that other than weird? It was so weird.” 

You cocked your head to the side. “I see.” You nodded. Jungkook continued on.

“It was such bullshit. They picked us up from the bus stop themselves and actually sat down to eat dinner with us.”

You were in shock hearing at how distant and fucked up Jungkook’s relationship with his parents was. The fact that he was shocked that they ate dinner with them said a lot. 

“Eventually, I made them stop the bullshit. I asked them why they were acting so differently and comes to turn out that my mother has fucking cancer.” He said nonchalantly. 

Without hesitation, you immediately got up from your spot and sat right in front of Jungkook. “I’m sorry, what? Your mom has cancer?” Your eyes were wide open, with your heart thumping against your chest from the shock.

“Yeah, stage two breast cancer. She’s known for two months and broke the news over dinner.” He chugged another gulp of beer. He could feel his chest burning from the emotions arising again and his eyes stinging from the tears threatening to form. 

“Oh, Jungkook…” You cooed. You hesitantly placed your hand above his hand, debating whether you should touch it out of comfort. You decided to just place your hand over his forearm. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, I’m truly so sorry.” Your eyes met with his and Jungkook could easily read the immense sympathy you had for him. Your eyes looked glassy, as if you were going to cry. 

He shook his head and let out a cold laugh. “Is it bad that I’m so fucking pissed at her, ____? I’m genuinely so furious with her. Why is it that now after finding out she’s sick, she wants to become more present in my life and start wanting to know how I’ve been? She has never cared before so why should she switch up and care now?” 

You allowed Jungkook to continue venting. You knew he had more to let out of his system. 

“Am I a bad son for storming out after she broke the news? Was I supposed to get over it and stay for the rest of the break and be there for her? Am I in the wrong for being upset?” He was fuming. His nose was turning pink from his arising emotions and he continued to withhold the tears. He refused to cry. He refused to cave in.

“You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel. I think you have every right to feel this way,” You started off, beginning to rubbing circles on his forearm with your fingertips. Jungkook looked up to make eye contact with you.

“I also think you’re in shock and this is you reacting out of shock and the lifelong resentment you hold against your mom. The shock is coming out of worry and fear. And you carry worry and fear over your mom’s news because you love her despite the resentment. You love your mother and you’re scared to lose her. You also have so much reason to be furious at her as a secondary emotion.”

“I don’t want to worry about her, she’s never worried about me. She practically let me raise myself. Taehyung was more of a mother to me than she was.” 

You stopped rubbing circles and removed your hands from his space. 

“Do you want to hear advice or do you just want a friend to listen to you? I can do whatever you need.” You asked. Jungkook could only stare into your soft and kind eyes. He didn’t know how to answer that. He’s never been asked that before. 

The fact that you called yourself his friend comforted him slightly. He needed a friend by his side. 

“I don’t want to talk about her anymore.” He firmly stated. Jungkook’s an avoidant person. When he struggles with an issue, he pretends it doesn’t exist. 

You could tell Jungkook was truly hurting from this. You could see the pain tattooed in his eyes. You also didn’t want to force him to talk about something that was distressing him and that he was clearly still in the process of accepting to believe. 

“Let’s finish this bottle of wine together, yeah?” You smiled at him. He tried to suppress the smile that was trying to respond to yours but he couldn’t. It’s something about the way you always manage to get his soft emotions out of him that he can’t hide well. 

. . .

Throughout the week, you and Jungkook were co-existing well. The two of you would accompany each other during breakfast and dinner, and occasionally grab iced Americanos for lunch. 

There was a holiday market on campus and you invited him to tag along. The two of you spent a good hour at the market and checked out everything together; even playing the Christmas-themed arcade games provided. 

You continued your Christmas tradition of watching classic holiday movies in your coziest pajamas while eating fresh baked cookies and hot chocolate. Normally, you would do this with Jihyo and Chaeyoung and had assumed you would continue the tradition alone this year but Jungkook surprisingly joined you. 

Jungkook was beginning to grow comfortable with considering you as an actual friend and not just someone whom he likes to bicker with. He liked your company. He liked how you used him as Jimin’s replacement to discuss any gossip and how you used him as Taehyung’s replacement to become the chef of the household. He cooked everything for you; breakfast and dinner. He realized while he was cooking breakfast one morning that one his love languages for his friends was doing acts of service. He liked cooking for you, he liked helping Yoongi out with any assignments he had trouble with, he liked doing extra household chores to make Taehyung’s day easier whenever he had a busy day of working and going to school, and he liked tagging along with Jimin to the gym to spot him during their weight lifting sessions, even tags along without Jimin asking. 

He didn’t regret leaving Busan. He knew he needed time away to process and needed time apart from his mom to understand her and her reasoning on why she did what she did. After all, she can’t just ignore the emotional negligence she’s done to him since he was a child. He was enjoying his break back at home. 

It was New Year’s Eve morning when you and Jungkook were sitting at the table and enjoying each other’s company as per usual. 

“I forgot, will Tae and Jimin come back tonight or tomorrow morning?” You asked Jungkook. “I think tomorrow morning. My parent’s usually like to throw New Year’s parties and probably want the two to celebrate with them and their asshole friends.” Jungkook sipped his tea.

You chuckled at how nonchalantly he insults people. “Do you want to come with me to Hoseok’s New Year’s party? He texted me about it last night. It was a last minute he and Yoongi made.” 

Jungkook immediately nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been missing Yoongi like crazy.” You gaped your mouth open. “Are you actually missing someone? That’s crazy.” 

Jungkook tossed a raspberry at you. “I’m not an emotionless psychopath, ___.” He rolled his eyes. You groaned in annoyance. “I don’t know why you can’t admit that you indeed are an emotionless psychopath.” 

“Just because I’m not nice to everyone doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart.” He argued. “I think it means you have unsolved trauma you need to get through.” You argued back, causing Jungkook to snort at you. 

“Therapy is expensive, being an asshole is free.”

You laughed at him, shaking your head in amusement. “Let’s leave at around 10:30.” You suggested. He nodded in agreement and went back to reading the news on his phone.

You suddenly got a Facetime call from Taehyung. Excitedly, you answered quickly.

“Good morning, ___!” Taehyung beamed at you. This was the first time you were seeing his face after he left to go home. The two of you continued to text everyday but this was the first time he called to Facetime after being gone throughout the week. 

“Tae! What’s up! I’ve missed you a lot.” You smiled at him. Jimin popped his head into the screen and waved at you. “Jimin! Hi, I’ve missed you too!” You grinned at the two. 

“We just wanted to say hi on the last day of the year. We miss you too. Wish you were spending the New Year’s with us but we’ll be back tomorrow morning. We were supposed to be back today but my parents want Jimin and I to stay and hang with them and their asshole friends.” Taehyung said. You choke out a giggle, remembering how Jungkook said the exact same thing a minute ago. A reminder of how closely similar they can be. 

A text from Jungkook slides to the top of your screen:

jungkook: Remember, they don’t know I’m here. 

You quickly text back a thumbs up emoji and return back to the video call.

“So, where’s Jungkook? Is he still asleep?” You asked. “Oh, he’s not here in Busan. He went to spend the holidays with Yeri and her family. I have no idea where in Korea he’s at.” 

Your face fell at what Taehyung said. You peered over to look at Jungkook and he was still just reading the news on his phone, as if he didn’t hear Taehyung. 

You felt so stupid to remember that Jungkook had a whole girlfriend. He’s barely mentioned her the entire time he’s been home. 

“Oh, right. Well, I’ll probably text him to wish a happy new year’s after midnight. How have you guys been, what were you guys up to all week?” You quickly dismissed the Jungkook topic.

Jimin groaned. “Tae’s dad asks us to play golf and tennis with him every morning at the country club he goes to everyday. Then, in the evening, Jungkook’s mom asks us to go to her pilates and yoga classes with her. We’ve literally been exercising every single day. Three entirely different sports and exercises everyday. At night, Tae and I try to sneak out and get drinks and go to clubs to let loose.” Jimin whined. You giggled at them.

“That actually sounds like a lot of fun, I wish I could attend pilates classes for free. It’s such an expensive hobby.” You chuckle. “At least we burn so many calories a day that we have extra space to drink our sorrows away.” Jimin groaned again. Taehyung chuckled and nodded in agreement. 

“Wish you were here, ___. How have you been spending your break? Enjoying the silence in the apartment? Do you keep the door locked every night?” Taehyung pestered you.

“I’ve been having a great time alone. I spent Christmas with Hoseok and plan to spend tonight with him again. He and Yoongi are throwing a party.” You lied. You didn’t want Taehyung to have the idea that you spent Christmas alone like a lonely loser. 

“Ah, I’m so glad he’s giving you company. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m always here for you.” Taehyung urged. Jungkook tried to hold back a scoff at his obvious desperate attempts to woo you over. 

“I promise, Tae. See you tomorrow, okay? Thanks for calling to check in.” You smiled and waved. 

“Taehyung and I are gonna head out to the club with his dad now. Wish us luck. See ya, ___.” Jimin hung up on the call before you had a chance to say something back. 

You sighed in happiness, realizing that you truly missed the two and enjoyed seeing their faces and hearing their voices after so long. 

“Why do you look so happy? You missed Tae-Tae?” Jungkook mocked you. You rolled your eyes at him, already annoyed. “I miss both of them, not just Tae. What’s with everyone thinking I like Taehyung or something?” You groaned.

Jungkook snapped his head up at that. “Who thinks that?” He asked. “Literally, everyone. Hoseok and my friends Jihyo and Chaeyoung, too. Hoseok even has the audacity to think that Taehyung has some kind of crush on me. Ridiculous, right?” 

Jungkook kept quiet for a second but laughed it off. “Extremely ridiculous.” 

For some reason, this annoyed you. “‘Extremely’? Is it that weird if someone like Tae was to like me? As if I’m so unlikable or something?” You spat. Jungkook laughed again, not expecting you to get so heated at that.

“Did I say that? Tell me what exactly I said that hinted at that?” He snickered. You scoff at him. “You said ‘extremely’ really honestly. I could tell by the way you dragged out the word. You said ‘extreeemeleey’.” You mocked.

Jungkook was growing to be more amused with you. He didn’t know you had a dramatic side to you. “As if you are such a catch yourself! I’m surprised you even have a girlfriend that can handle you.” You pick on him.

It took Jungkook a second to remember who you were even talking about. He hasn’t thought about Yeri since the ice-skating date. He doesn’t even remember if he’s replied to the last text she sent.

Admittedly, Jungkook felt bad that he cared little about Yeri. He knows that she’s a nice girl and genuinely deserved better than the treatment he’s giving her. It’s clear she wants more than sex from him. He made a mental note to have a chat with Yeri about their relationship after the New Year’s. He knows that he can’t be the one to give her the kind of relationship she’s seeking for and that it was shitty of him to lead her on like this for so long. Maybe he really can be an emotionless psychopath. 

“Didn’t highschool you harbor a big ass crush on me? Clearly, I must be a catch.” He teased. Everytime Jungkook mentions your stupid crush on him, you mentally kill yourself. What in the world made you think it was a good idea to confess to him on the last day of school? Why were you so confident that you wouldn’t run into him again after graduation? You should’ve known that you were going to lose your freshman dorm and end up living in an apartment with him and his brother somehow. 

“Why don’t you go tease your girlfriend instead of teasing me all the time. Do you even know what she’s up to lately? You’ve barely even talked about her and haven’t heard you talk to her on the phone or anything.” The bickering continued. 

“Why do you care though?” Jungkook’s smile grew bigger. You couldn’t help but laugh along with him. The lover girl in you couldn’t help but get butterflies at the grin he’s giving you. It’s rare to see Jungkook smile but it’s even rarer to make him smile. You forget how pretty his teeth are and how gorgeous he looks when he’s smiling.

“Stop smiling at me, you look like a creep.” You lied. Jungkook snorts at you and goes back to reading the news on his phone. You take the opportunity to secretly admire him and his beauty. God, you hated how he still makes you feel like that giddy high schooler all over again. It wasn’t fair. 

What will it take and how long will it take for you to get over that stupid feeling he makes you feel? When will it hit you that Jungkook is into someone else, someone that isn’t you? Your heart panged at the constant reminder that Jungkook once had your heart and stomped all over it til it was no longer existent and relevant in his eyes. 

. . .

“___! You’re here! And…Jungkook too?” Hoseok gave you a confused glance. 

“He had nothing better to do and he said he missed Yoongi so I had no choice but to drag him.” You whispered through your teeth. Hoseok nodded understandably. 

Hoseok’s apartment was surprisingly packed. You didn’t realize how many friends he and Yoongi collectively shared. It was around 30 people together inside their large studio apartment. 

You and Jungkook had pregamed together before heading out to Hoseok’s. You both took three shots of soju together and made small conversation before leaving. You were feeling happily buzzed right now. 

“Let’s take a shot together, my love.” Hoseok handed you a small plastic shot glass of a mysteriously pungent clear liquid. “What is this? It smells so strong.” You scrunched your nose. “Tequila. Don Julio Blanco.” He smiled at you mischievously. 

“Oh, you want me fucked up tonight.” You chuckled at him. You both clinked your cups together and tossed the hot liquor down your poor throats and poor liver.

“I’m thankful for our friendship, ___. We only met a few months ago but you’re already one of the most important people in my life. I love you.” Hoseok pulled you into a tight embrace. “I love you too, Hobi. Thank you for being my friend. To another year of friendship.” 

Hoseok kissed your temple and leaned down to whisper against your ear. “I have something to tell you but I’m afraid you’re going to kill me.” 

You chuckled and leaned into his ears. “Nothing you can do could possibly make me hate you.” You began to mentally prepare yourself for whatever he was going to tell you.

“Promise?” 

“Depends on what it is.” You smirked. “Namjoon is here.”

Your smile dropped instantly. How the fuck is he here? “How the fuck is he-”

“Some of Yoongi’s friends spread the word to him and next thing I know, he’s here with them.” 

You groaned out of annoyance and stress. “Fuck me.” You sighed.

“I just wanted to let you know in case you run into him.” Hoseok gave you a sympathetic glare. “Thanks, I guess. I mean, I wasn’t really into him like that either way, it’s just going to be so awkward if I was to run into him after he just randomly ghosted me. I don’t know what I’d even say to him.”

“You don’t owe him an explanation. He does. So, don’t feel obliged to make conversation if you do happen to run into him. Just stick by me and Yoongi’s side the entire night, we’ll look out for you.” Hoseok reassures you. 

You nod in agreement. “I’m gonna go greet my friends that just walked in, give me a second, okay?” Hoseok patted reassuringly on your shoulder and walked past to greet his newly arrived guests.

You sighed in annoyance to yourself, not knowing what to do as you were left alone. Jungkook went off to find Yoongi. You looked around the room to see if you could spot Namjoon. 

Luckily, you couldn’t see him anywhere. Hopefully, he left for the night?

It was creeping to a quarter past 11. You caught sight of Jungkook and Yoongi in the middle of a conversation. You didn’t know how to distract yourself by looking all lonely so you reached your phone and randomly scrolled through different apps.

After a few minutes of doing so, you decided to go to the cooler and search for a drink to emotionally rely on for the time being. As you were searching, you reached for a Wild Basin Mango Mai Tai seltzer. Your hands were grabbing to the can until another hand suddenly reached over the same seltzer can. 

You looked up and were unfortunately met with the sight of Namjoon.

“Great.” You mumble to yourself. 

“Hey, ___! Nice seeing you here.” Namjoon chuckled nervously. You flashed him a fake smile and instantly stopped reaching for the drink. “H-How have you been?” Namjoon attempted to make conversation with you. You couldn’t help but to scoff and roll your eyes at him. You tried to walk away from him but he chased after you.

“___, wait please. I can explain, okay?” 

Namjoon led you to a quiet corner and placed your back against the wall. “Seriously, I can explain.” He pleaded.

“I don’t think I want to hear your excuses tonight, Namjoon.” You tried to walk away but Namjoon gently stopped you. “Seriously, give me just a minute of your time to explain. I promise to leave you alone after.” You held his right hand up, as if he was genuinely swearing to do so.

“You have five minutes.” You crossed your arms.

He breathed out and scratched his neck. “Well, I don’t really know how else to explain it but…I swear I was serious when I asked you out on that date. I had true genuine intentions. I was really into you that night we met but…I was sort of blackmailed to not go on that date with you?” He admitted.

Your heart sunk at that. “I’m sorry?” You asked in disbelief. Namjoon nodded understandably. “I know how crazy that fucking sounds but I swear, I was told to not go on that date with you from a friend of mine. He said he would make the date wouldn’t happen under any circumstance. And he’s a pretty scary guy so I just did what he told me. I know I should’ve told you this as soon as he threatened me but he said not to tell you and … now here we are.”

Namjoon looked genuinely sincere. He had a worried expression mirroring his eyes. He wasn’t avoiding eye contact with you or anything that expressed that he could be possibly lying. You could sense in your gut that he was telling the truth.

“Who told you not to go on that date with me?” You asked. 

“___, I wish I could tell you but I can-”

“If you want me to forgive you, tell me who told you, please. Please Namjoon.” You begged.

He remained silent for a moment, obviously mentally debating whether he should confess or not.

“Promise you won’t confront him about it? I feel like he had good intentions with the blackmailing, I genuinely trust that he must’ve had a good reason to do so. Don’t confront him, please.” He pleaded. 

You nodded in agreement. “I promise.” 

Namjoon sighed, to prepare himself. “It was Jimin.”

You gape your mouth wide open. “J-Jimin? Are you serious?”

Namjoon reached his hands into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He went into his text messages and shoved his phone in front of your face. “Read the texts.”

Jimin: Joon, you busy?

Namjoon: Nah, not really. What’s up?

Jimin: Meet me in front of your apartment in ten minutes. got a huge favor to ask you

“He came over to ask me to not show up to our date. He said it was important and didn’t give a clear enough reason as to why. He just kept emphasizing how important it was and that he would eventually explain why but he never did. I swear to you, ___. I seriously didn’t mean to ghost you like that.” Namjoon explained. 

You took a moment to absorb everything. As expected, you had thousands of questions running through your mind: Why would Jimin want your date with Namjoon to not happen? Why would he set you two up together to only make him ghost on you like that? Why would he comfort you as if he wasn’t the reason as to why the date never happened. Why would Jimin do that? 

You grew to be extremely irritated. You didn’t want to bring this negative energy into the new year. This was a problem for next year you to handle. Tonight, you wanted to just enjoy yourself. 

“Thank you for telling me this, Namjoon. Seriously.” You smiled. He returned the grin at you. “You don’t hate me, right?” 

You chuckle at him. “Not anymore.” The two of you chuckle together. “Let’s go back to where everyone is.” You suggested. You pulled on his arm, making him be dragged from behind. 

Jungkook caught sight of you pulling Namjoon back to the crowd and immediately felt himself grow to be confused. “Is that Namjoon?” Jungkook asked Yoongi. Yoongi swiveled his head to check out the direction Jungkook was facing. He saw you and Namjoon in the middle of the conversation, drinking seltzers together. 

“Yeah, some of my friends brought him along. I guess the frat king had nothing better to do tonight.” Yoongi turned his attention back to Jungkook. He was still eyeing you and Namjoon down. Yoongi knew that Namjoon had randomly ghosted you the day of the date and knew that Jungkook would naturally be feeling slightly overprotective over you. Yoongi knew that despite Jungkook’s cold exterior towards you, you held a soft spot in him. He could tell by the Jungkook’s eyes softened whenever he was around you, the way his defensive avoidant traits have diminished and how he’s become more open and welcoming to allow you in his trusted circle. 

“You’re not going to get drunk and shit on her again, right?” Yoongi teased. Jungkook chuckled and swirled his tongue around his inner cheek. “Nah, not anymore. We’re…she’s a friend to me now. I don’t do that to my friends.” Jungkook said, shyly. 

Yoongi felt proud of Jungkook. He can see how Jungkook is shifting away from his angsty teenage self and is trying to transition into an emotionally composed man. 

It was now five minutes until the New Year countdown. Hoseok had passed out hats, glasses, and glasses of champagne to everyone. After passing everything, he walked over to you and Namjoon. “Nice to meet you again.” Hoseok flashed him his best fake-smile. 

Namjoon obliviously smiled at him back and waved at him. “You too! Thanks for hosting this party.” He gave him a curt nod. Hoseok smiled again and nodded. “Of course, thank you for coming! Make sure you get your New Year’s kiss for good luck!” Unbeknownst to Namjoon, Hoseok lightly pinched your elbow, causing you to yelp. You gave him a death glare but he didn’t bother to give you a glance. “I’m going to look for my New Year's kiss partner. See you next year!” He joked, giving you a quick wink before disappearing into the crowd.

You glanced at Namjoon and nervously chuckled. “That’s Hoseok, by the way, if you didn’t know. He’s one of my best friends.” Namjoon nodded. “Of course, I remember him from the Halloween party. He’s Yoongi’s boyfriend or something like that, right?” 

“Yeah, he is.”

There was a slight uncomfortable silence between the two of you. All of a sudden, the room was filled with countdown chants. 

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…,”

“___?” Namjoon faced you. You looked up at him. “Yes?”

“Five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year’s!”

He looked down to your lips and his eyes were asking for permission to kiss you. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol hitting your system all at once or if it was the fact that you had forgiven him for what he did but you decided to not give a fuck and not make the kiss a big deal.

You gave him a single nod and he immediately bent down to plant a gentle and soft kiss on your lips. 

It was a sweet kiss. He didn’t try to barge his tongue down your throat nor did he try to slobber your face full of his saliva.

You hummed in pleasure and kissed him back, cupping one of your hands onto his face. Namjoon breaks the kiss after a few moments and flashes a soft smile at you. “That was nice.” His eyes turned into crescents. 

You giggled and nodded in agreement. “It was. Happy New Year’s, Namjoon.” You held your champagne glass up to clink with his. “Happy New Year’s, ___.” You felt the need to clarify your intention of the kiss. “That was just a friendly kiss, right? Just so that you could get good luck this year?” 

Namjoon’s grin grew wider and nodded. “Yeah, just a friendly kiss.” He understood why you asked the question and felt the same way about you; just friends. 

. . .

It was the next morning. The first morning of the new year. You were awake at 7 in the morning with Jungkook. You were slightly hungover but luckily you had remembered to take Tylenol and drink water when you had arrived home at two in the morning.

Taehyung and Jimin would be arriving home in an hour and Jungkook had asked you to help freshen up the apartment with him. Strangely, Jungkook had barely said a word to you all morning. Just a gruff “good morning”. 

“What’s gonna be your excuse when they see you home already? You gonna say you came home last night or something?” You asked, as you were fluffing the couch pillows. Jungkook shrugged. “I guess so. I got nothing else to come up with. I’ll say I came home right before midnight.”

“Yeah, that’s smart.” You nodded. 

Jungkook continued to sweep the floor in silence. You could sense that something was up with him. He was avoiding eye-contact with you and you felt as if he was purposely physically distancing himself from you. “You okay? Hungover or something?” You asked. 

Jungkook snorted at that. “You forget that I have a way higher tolerance than you, ___.” “Right, I completely forgot you’re the king of alcohol, my bad.” You rolled your eyes. 

Jungkook was starting to feel bad that he was being moody with his hot and cold emotions towards you. He didn’t want to continue his toxic habit of giving you the cold shoulder and taking his feelings out on you. He wanted to try and actually treat you like the friend you are to him. 

“Are you back together with Namjoon?” He finally decides to ask. You swivel your head to his direction and feel yourself become speechless. 

“I saw you with him last night. You guys seemed friendly.” He continued to say, without looking at you as he swept the floor.

You mentally debated with yourself. Did he deserve to know or care? He wasn’t even that close with Namjoon. Did he see you two share the kiss? 

“He found me at the party and asked me to hear his explanation as to why he ghosted me. I decided to forgive him.” 

Jungkook nodded, still feeling unsure. He wasn’t sure if he was okay with you surrounding yourself with people like Namjoon, from the perspective of a friend and the perspective of a man who knows how other men operate.

“Well, what was the reason?” He asked. You instantly got reminded of the fact that Jimin was behind the reason as to why he flaked on the date. 

You felt your face turn pale and cold from the anxiety and confusion. You still can’t pinpoint on why Jimin would go out of his way to sabotage a situation that he encouraged to start in the first place? Did Jimin have bad intentions against you? You didn’t know if you should confess to Jungkook and if you did, would he even believe you? Would he gaslight you and claim that Namjoon was making it up and that you were being too gullible? However, you felt that if anyone would truly understand where Jimin was coming from, it would be either Jungkook or Taehyung. 

“It’s gonna sound crazy…like really fucking crazy. But he explained to me that he was told by Jimin to not go on that date with me.” 

Jungkook shared a similar wave of confusion wash over his face. His eyebrows furrowed furiously with his pink and plush lips gaped open slightly. “Yeah, weird right? I can’t pinpoint a single fucking reason as to why Jimin would go out of his way to do that. I can’t think of anything that's valid enough to hijack a date that he knew I was looking forward to. Especially since he was the one who got us to get to know each other at the Halloween party.” 

Jungkook agreed with you. He couldn’t think of anything as well. “Just ignore it, ___. I’m sure Jimin did it for an urgent reason. Forget I even asked about it.” He tried to reassure you. His eyes darted over the clock that was placed on the wall, hinting that Jimin and Taehyung’s arrival is coming near; about less than thirty minutes from now. 

“But–,” 

“If I hear anything from Jimin’s perspective, I’ll be sure to let you know, okay? I think the place looks clean enough. Thanks for helping.” He gives you a forced smile and nods curtly. 

You decide to go along with Jungkook’s suggestion for the time being. You could tell that Jungkook is trying to avoid the topic. He had a cloud of tense aura surrounding him. After being acquainted with Jungkook for some time now, you knew when and when not to press his buttons. 

“Alright…just text me when the boy’s arrive. I’m gonna go shower real quick.” You leave before he could respond. 

Jungkook sits on one of the reclining chairs and simply stares at the wall. He gets lost into his thoughts about possible reasons as to why Jimin would sabotage your date. He has this uncomfortable feeling brewing in his gut. It was as if Jungkook’s gut knew the answer but he mentally could not pinpoint it for the life of him. He didn’t like how much he was bothered by this new information. 

Jungkook let out a heavy breath and felt conflicted with himself. He knew that he wanted to intervene but also he knew that he shouldn’t. Nothing in this situation required his immediate attention at all. But something in him compelled his need for action. He needed to know and he needed to know now. He needed to help you get closure for this. Thirty minutes suddenly felt like thirty hours. The seconds were going agonizingly slow. 

“What’s up, Kook?” He heard his brother’s voice through the speaker of his phone. “Huh?” He said.

“You…you just called me?” Taehyung said, with confusion laced in his tone. Jungkook was in his head about this that he didn’t realize he had unconsciously called Taehyng just to see how far away he was from home. 

“Right, s-sorry. I must’ve butt-dialed you.” Jungkook hung up immediately. He felt pathetic. He felt as if he was beginning to go crazy with the way he was so pressed about this. Jungkook decided to go and cook a quick breakfast to welcome Jimin and Taehyung in order to distract himself and to make time go by faster. 

During the cook prep and the actual cooking time, thoughts and possible explanations as to why Jimin would force Namjoon to ditch the date plagued his mind: Did Jimin suddenly find out something was wrong with Namjoon? Was he toxic? Did he have an infamous cheating history? Was he protecting you from something? Something so serious that he had to stop the date from happening? 

His blabbering thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. He was welcomed to the sight of Jimin and Taehyung stumbling inside the apartment with their heavy luggages. 

“Kook?” Jimin grinned. He jumped into his arms and embraced him tightly. “Kook, what are you doing here!” Jimin placed his hands onto his shoulder and pulled him back into another embrace. 

“We thought you weren’t gonna be back until tomorrow?” Taehyung didn’t look as shocked as Jimin. He appeared to be genuinely confused and in utter shock. 

“Well, I-”

The sound of your squeal interrupted Jungkook’s explanation. “You guys are back!” You jumped into Taehyung’s arms, launching him enough for him to almost fall backwards. “What a nice welcome.” Taehyung chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist. He felt his heart soaring at the fact that you immediately ran to him first and welcomed him in such a wholesome way. 

Jimin chuckled to himself at the sight and shook his head. “Where’s my hug?” He fake-pouted. You pulled yourself away from Taehyung’s embrace and pulled into Jimin’s arms, a bit hesitant. Jimin didn’t sense your reluctant energy that was obviously oozing out—at least in Jungkook’s perspective. 

“I’ve missed you too, Jimin!” You smiled at him. Jimin ruffled your semi-wet hair and pulled you back into a side hug. “Tell me everything. Tell me how your entire week has been without us three.” 

You nervously darted your eyes towards Jungkook for a second before clearing your throat. “It was great, y’know? Got some real needed alone time and spent Christmas and New Year’s with Hoseok, as you already know. Other than that, I had a good time. I’ve missed you guys like crazy.” You tried to steer the conversation away from your so-called “alone time”. 

Jimin turned his attention back to Jungkook. “Right, we completely forgot to continue our conversation. When did you come home? Like Tae said, we thought you weren’t gonna be back til at least tomorrow?” Jungkook wasn’t nervous nor was he scared to lie to them. 

“I came home last night around 9-ish. Yeri’s family went to celebrate the New Year’s with family in the area so I decided to come home that same night.” Jungkook said. He darted his eyes between Jimin and Taehyung to see if they believed a single thing he said. Jimin was nodding his head, as if he didn't doubt him. 

When Jungkook moved his eyes to Taehyung, he seemed bothered. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his eyes were a chilling almost-black color. “So did you spend New Year’s with Yeri’s other family as well?” Taehyung asked. 

Jungkook paused. He didn’t bother to look at you because he knew that you were already looking at him, eagerly seeing what he would say. Would he tell the truth or would he lie again?

“No, I spent New Year’s with ___.” He said. 

There was a brief silence between the brothers. It was a silence that only the two of them could feel. As if they were the only ones who could feel the sudden tension brewing between them. 

Jimin could tell that Taehyung was bothered at the fact that you and Jungkook spent the night together unknowingly. He didn’t really get why Taehyung would feel bothered at that since everyone knows that you and Jungkook would never get along no matter what, right? Assumingly, the night was spent with unstoppable bickering and negative tension. 

“You didn’t spend it with Yeri?” Taehyung asked again. Jungkook shook his head. “She wanted to spend it with family and well, I…wanted to accompany ____.” He said. Taehyung’s Adam-apple bobbed up and down. 

“Right,” He started off. “I’m glad you kept each other company.” Taehyung looked between you and Jungkook and reached for his luggage. “Breakfast smells amazing, Kook. I’m gonna go settle my things in my room and come back out to eat.” Taehyung rolled his luggage away from the kitchen and headed towards his bedroom. 

You could tell that something was off with Taehyung. His entire mood did a whole 180. “Let’s eat, guys.” You suggested, to ease the tension that was beginning to affect you and Jimin as well.

The breakfast between the four quickly aided to resume the usual comfortable vibe with everyone. Jimin and Taehyung filled you and Jungkook in on how their week went in more detail. Their Christmas and New Year’s went by smoothly, they talked about the horrendous bruise that Taehyung got from straining his calves during a pilates session with Jungkook’s mother, how Jimin got along surprisingly well with Taehyung’s father’s golfing buddies, and all the girl’s numbers that Jimin and Taehyung received from their secret nights out clubbing. You shared in every detail how you spent your week except you left out the minor fact that Jungkook had been with you throughout all of those events: the wine nights, the holiday market stroll, watching Christmas movies till you knocked out, et cetera. Jungkook was with you throughout all of that. 

The recollection of all those memories as you were sharing them made you unconsciously smile from ear to ear as you blabbered on. You didn’t realize how nice it was to have had Jungkook’s presence with you the entire time. In fact, it made you feel as if you got to know him better in a more intimate and vulnerable way. You were able to fully get along and connect as people, as roommates, as friends. You no longer view Jungkook as the handsome stranger that you just randomly harbored a crush on for years. You knew him as your anti-social yet dorky and nerdy roommate who lived in the bedroom next to yours that had a great taste in music, is a phenomenal cook, a person who loves to provide acts of service for those he cares about, is a genuinely intelligent person when it comes to the books but not so smart when it comes to real-life and its complex problems and people. All of that and more made you start to love Jungkook not in a romantic way but as a person. As a friend.

Breakfast wrapped up nicely, with Taehyung claiming that he needed to take a nap or else “he would die”. You decided to go back into your bedroom and catch up on your current read of the month. “Do you guys need help cleaning?” You asked Jimin and Jungkook. “We’re all good here, ___. Thanks for asking.” Jimin smiled softly at you. You returned the smile, ignoring the slight discomfort as you made eye-contact with him. 

After breakfast, Jungkook had volunteered to help Jimin clean up. He decided that this would be the best way to corner Jimin and get him to spill the truth as to why he sabotaged your date with Namjoon. He tried his best to just not give a single fuck about this but he truly couldn’t. Something was gnawing at his gut to fulfill the need to know what happened. 

The two were at the sink; Jimin was washing and Jungkook was drying. 

“So, did you enjoy your stay with Yeri and her family?” Jimin asked. Jungkook nodded. “It was alright.” He said. 

“Do you see yourself getting serious with her? Like full commitment?” Jimin looked at him, giving him a cheeky grin. Jungkook snorted at that. “Slow down there. I don’t even take myself seriously, what makes you think I’ll take someone else seriously?” Jimin chuckled at him. “It wouldn’t kill you if you actually had feelings for someone, Kook. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel sometimes.” 

Jungkook ignored him. “How are things going with you?” Jungkook changed the subject. Jimin chuckled again, aware that Jungkook was purposely avoiding the topic. “I’ve been okay. Going back to Busan made me realize how confident I am in my decision to drop school and move in with you guys for the time being. Busan is not for me right now.” Jungkook nodded understandably. “I know we’ve said this a million times but you can stay for as long as you’d like. We love having you here.” Jungkook said. Jimin smiled at that. 

Jungkook was having trouble coming up with a way to nonchalantly bring up the topic. “How was the New Year’s party? Did you hang with Yoongi the entire night?” Jimin asked. Jungkook mentally thanked Jimin for bringing up the party as it can lead to the perfect segway to mention Namjoon’s appearance at the party. 

“I did, actually. You know me too well. Yoongi’s my only friend.” Jungkook fake-chuckled. “Did ___ have a good time? At least from what you saw?” Jungkook’s immediate thought was the memory of you and Namjoon in conversation. 

“I think so. She was with Hoseok and his friends the whole night,” He started off. He decided it was a good time to mention Namjoon now. “I saw her with Kim Namjoon too.” He finally said. 

Jimin stopped washing a cup that was in his hand. He paused for a second but remained avoiding eye-contact with Jungkook. “Namjoon was there?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I guess word spread real fast about Yoongi’s and Hoseok’s party.”

Jimin nodded slowly. He didn’t know what to say. “___ and Namjoon were talking?” He asked again.

“Yes. It was an odd sight to see. From what I remember, Namjoon ghosted her after a planned date, right? At least that’s what Taehyung told me. He told me not to mention Namjoon in front of ____ anymore out of concern that it would bother her.” Jungkook continued. 

Jimin managed to look at Jungkook. “Uh, yeah, he did ghost her.” 

Jungkook was debating whether or not to bite the bullet. “Huh,” He said. 

“Do you happen to know why he would do such a thing?” He finally asked. Jimin’s face turned slightly pale. If there was one thing Jungkook knew about Jimin after a decade of friendship, it was that Jimin was a terrible liar, especially under pressure. He breaks easily.

“I have no idea. That’s something Tae and I have been wondering too.” He stuttered slightly. Jimin’s sudden change in demeanor confirmed to Jungkook that Jimin for sure had something to do with the sudden ghosting of Namjoon. Namjoon wasn’t lying to you after all.

Jungkook suddenly felt confident enough to continue pressuring Jimin into telling him the truth now that Jimin was vulnerable enough to crack. 

“Huh. That’s weird.” Jungkook was fake-pondering. Jimin shared a confused glare. “What do you mean?” 

Jungkook shrugged. “I mean, I heard something weird from ___, that’s all.” Jimin turned even paler. The water from the faucet was still running and Jimin was holding the same mug from earlier in his hands. 

“What did she say?” Jimin asked, with his voice getting low. Jungkook confidently gave Jimin a firm stare. His eyes darkening and his amused mood from earlier was dispersing into a somber glare. 

“That you told Namjoon not to go on the date.” 

Jimin remained silent. His silence confirmed it all. 

He remained speechless for another moment before suddenly turning off the sink. His wet hands gripped onto Jungkook’s wrist and he pulled him to the front door. “Let’s take this outside.” He muttered under his breath. 

He dragged him outside of the apartment before softly shutting the door. Jungkook wasn’t scared nor confused. He was eager to hear what Jimin had to say. 

“Explain exactly what she said.” Jimin looked afraid and helpless. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were gleaming with fear and anxiety. 

Jungkook sighed. “According to ___, Namjoon approached her at the party and apologized for not going on the date. He blamed it on you. ___ told me that Namjoon told her it was your doing as to why she got ghosted.” Jungkook explained. 

Jimin ran his sweaty fingers through his hair. “Listen, Kook. I have a good reason as to why I did that. I didn’t do it out of malicious intent towards ____ whatsoever. But I can’t tell you nor can ___ know too. I really can’t.” Jimin pleaded. 

Jungkook shook his head. “Look, I know ___ and I aren’t the bestest of friends but I can feel how confused, shocked, and hurt she is. Imagine finding out that one of her good friends was behind the reason as to why her date got ruined. Especially by the same friend that set her up with the guy in the first place.” Jungkook reasoned. “I don’t know if you noticed but ____ has been a bit distant from you ever since you came back home. I don’t want either of us to live in this kind of uncomfortable environment.” Jungkook continued.

Jimin took a moment to absorb everything Jungkook said. He felt extremely conflicted between doing what he should or shouldn’t do. 

“Do you know if Namjoon told her anything else?” Jimin asked. Jungkook scoffed. “Is that all you care about?” 

“Just tell me, Jungkook.” Jimin snapped. 

After a moment, Jungkook shook his head. “That’s all she and I know.”

Jimin placed his hands onto Jungkook’s shoulders. “Listen to me Kook. What I’m about to tell you, you have to swear and promise me that you are not going to tell a single soul about this, okay?”

Jungkook was suddenly nervous. He didn’t know exactly how to prepare himself for the information he was about to receive. 

“I want to promise that but it really depends on what it is, Jimin. If I think it’s something ___ should know about then I’ll tell her.” 

Jimin shook his head. “I swear to you that this is something that ___ shouldn’t know about. At least for now.”

Jungkook cocked his head to the side, out of confusion. “What is it, Jimin?”

Jimin continued to mentally debate with himself for another minute or so. He kept running his fingers through his hair and letting out exasperated sighs over and over again. 

“No one else knows this, okay? Not even Namjoon,” He starts off. Jungkook was listening patiently.

“I…I told him not to go on that date because of Taehyung.” Jimin says. Jungkook’s entire stomach dropped. “What do you mea-”

“Because… of Taehyung.” He repeats. “Because Taehyung likes ___.” 

Jungkook felt as if he had dissociated from reality for a second. Was this real? Was what Jimin said real? Was he in a dream? “What?” Was all he could bring himself to say.

“Taehyung is in love with ___.” 

[acowardinmordor]

You Left Me - You Miss Me - Six

Sup, I finally wrote the next part. Mostly because of someone trying to find it via the fic finder blog, which gave me a big ol spike in anxiety about the lack of update.

Part One .... Part Four - Part Five

---

“Rob, no.”

“Don’t you tell me ‘no,’ Steven Dingus Harrington!”

“You can’t drive to Hawkins and kill the guy.”

“Oh yes I can! I'll take your bat with me!”

“Babe, you still don’t know how to drive, and I have work in the morning so I can’t take you.” 

“I’ll figure it out on the way!”

She wouldn’t. She wasn't going to drive to Hawkins. She would definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent kill Munson if she had the chance and Steve didn’t talk her out of it, but Robin wasn’t going to leave him alone when he’d had a breakdown an hour earlier. She wouldn’t let him sleep alone for the next few days, and she would go to work with him in the morning, and she’d probably skip her Stats class so she could stick by him after work too. 

It took Robin about thirty seconds to realize something had happened. 

That was the gap between her opening the car door, and Steve speaking. All he said was “hey, Robs” and she cut off her ramble about chlorofluorocarbons. The same way he could tell by the sound of her stirring soup, or which color eye shadow she wore, she knew immediately something had happened. 

She touched his arm.

And he had a breakdown in the college parking lot. 

Steve updated the tag on the side of the box and put it back on the shelf. He was,technically, working. Robin was ranting and using a tie-dye shirt as a prop. 

“You don’t need to crash our car trying to go kill a guy I’m not even mad at.”

“Ugh,” she flapped the shirt at him and slouched against the edge of the shelving unit. “Why not? Why are you not mad at him? How? I’m mad at him! He took the kids away from you! They’re annoying little shitheads but you loved them and he jus---”

“Rob,” he interrupted softly. He couldn’t get into that side of it right now. 

“Sorry. Sorry. But you’re not this nice, Stevie. You’re wonderfully bitchy and petty and it’s one of my favorite things about you, and I don’t get this. He sucks! This was super shitty! Why aren’t you mad at him for being an asshole?”

“It’s not his fault.”

“He said it was his fault!”

Eddie blamed himself, and maybe it was his fault, but it didn’t matter. Not in comparison.

“Are you going to inventory anything tonight, or is this just going to be me?”

“No! And why are you working?”

Because if he stopped, if he let himself turn his full attention towards it, he was going to fall apart again, and stupid as it was, checking inventory used up just enough of his focus that he couldn’t drown. Steve flicked through the stack of size smalls, and wrote it down on the list. “Uh, because we’re at work?”

“We both work tomorrow tonight and there is no way that Mary or Nick have ever looked at the stock sheets in their life, they aren’t going to look tomorrow either. No one will know.”

“I’ll know.” He glanced up to make eye contact for a second, and she caved with a groan. 

“If you were anyone but my soulmate, buddy…” She folded the shirt terribly, shoved it into the gap between the cardboard and the other shirts, and finally closed the box. 

Letting the silence settle gave Steve a minute to breathe, and reset himself without the rising tension. She knew that, and waited until, unspoken, she knew he was ready to keep going. 

“Steve.”

“I am mad, Robs. I am. You know that it’s.. At the kids, and at Hopper, and at myself for agreeing to this stupid idea, but I’m not mad at him.” 

“Why does he get special treatment?”

Hearing how that sounded, he tried again, “No, uh. I’m mad at him, but, like, the same way you get mad when the grandma in the crosswalk is going really slow and then drops something and goes back, and you end up stuck waiting again even though you should have made it through the light before. Yeah, it sucks, but it’s not like grandma was doing it specifically to fuck with you. She’s just, you know, shopping or whatever. 

“It wasn’t like there was a friendship there that he betrayed. He did something for his own life and it was sorta sucky, and it sucks for me, but he feels really shitty about it, so I don’t think he meant for them to, you know, vanish.”

Robin thumbed down the stack of Levis, whispering the count as she went. Three more sizes got counted before she responded. 

“You carried him out of there. You saved his life.”

Steve hummed absently. “He wasn’t bleeding that bad. His trash lid kept most of them off. I panicked when I saw blood and picked him up.”

“And that doesn’t make you friends?”

“It’s not like I only saved him because it was him. Not like I stopped and thought about whether I should get the bleeding guy to the hospital. Lifeguard, remember?” 

The other half of the thought, he bit back. He’d had nightmares about Billy after Starcourt. Dreams where he could have saved him, and didn’t. Where he could have saved Max from having to see that, having to recover from that. He saw Eddie bleeding, he saw one of his kids screaming, and there wasn’t a thought in his head. Just the need not to let it happen again. Not again. Not Dustin too. 

He kept his eyes on the inventory form so she didn’t see that part. 

“Still think it should have mattered more. Life saving creates friendships.”

“He was unconscious. I know you don’t know much about how guys act with each other, but generally both dudes are awake when they become friends.”

She snorted at his weak joke, throwing her pencil at him. It wasn’t anywhere near her. 

“New record, champ,  that one wasn’t even close enough for me to pretend to dodge it.”

“Ugh, I hate you.”

“Love you too, Robs.”

He got through a full set of kids dress shirts in peace, counted and listed. Then he pulled down the crate of kid’s dresses, next on the list to check. 

The whole can of worms would tear open when, if, when Eddie showed up with something from the kids. There was no version of that day that wouldn’t end with him falling apart. If he skimmed them, if he burned them, if he read them, if he wrote back, if he refused to take them at all, it didn’t matter. He was going to fall to pieces. 

If they wrote and it was real, if it was petty, if it was anger, if it was grief, if it was gloating he was gone, if it was begging him to come back, if it was proof that it was always fake, always a temporary placeholder until they found someone they actually like. The imminent breakdown was going to be bad no matter what. 

Like those safety videos in school about seat belts. 

Like knowing the car crash was coming, knowing it couldn’t be stopped, and knowing that nothing he did was going to make it any easier to bear. Slow motion, watching a car come -- a beat up old van come towards him. No time to put on a seat belt, no way to brace for it, just accept that it was going to happen and hope you survived.  

Robin cleared her throat to get his attention, and Steve blinked back to himself. 

“Did, uh, did you say something?”

Robin watched him for a minute. He let her this time. It was easier to let her see what he was feeling than try to turn it into words, and he needed her to let it go for now.. 

“I’m going to skip my bio lecture on Friday afternoon.”

“Birdie, you don’t--” 

“You are going to call in sick at the skate rink. We are going to make snickerdoodles and brownies and the cracker bark thing, and order pizza, and we’re going to make ourselves sick eating too much, and we’re going to watch some random movie on mute and make up our own story and dialogue. Got it?”

“Got it,” he smiled.

And it wasn’t going to make it all better. Eating two pounds of butter in a day wasn’t going to make it easier when Eddie showed up, but it was like hitting pause on that video. Car crash was still coming, but he could look away for a while. 

***

Steve clung to the pass shelf from the kitchen as the expected car crash hit him on Monday. John, always eager for the chance to throw someone out of the diner, looked over Steve’s shoulder. It was a nice moment. A nice little thought before he had to face what he’d agreed to. If he asked, John would throw Eddie out. Literally. Nice image, but not the one he got to see.

Instead, he declined the offer, and grabbed the plates. 

“Gimme a minute,” he mumbled to Eddie, heading to the sweet elderly couple celebrating the birth of their second granddaughter with a leisurely breakfast. If he spent an extra minute talking to them, complimenting the polaroid of what seemed to be some kind of mashed potato swaddled in white and pink, it was to get a good tip, not because he was stalling. 

Eddie hadn’t moved when he got back. He was a step back from the counter, stiff, holding a paper grocery bag under one arm, eyes trained on the ugly teal of the stool’s seat.

“Well?” Steve asked bitchily, “Did you bring milk and eggs and bread, honey?”

He put it on the counter, clutching the folded top hard, like he was making sure it stayed shut. 

Like it was full of spiders or something. Mutual sentiment.

Steve grabbed it, tossing it onto the shelf where they kept personal belongings and the leftovers they’d called dibs on. He hadn’t expected Eddie Munson to be up to Franklin at eight am on a Monday. Eddie wasn’t a morning person. Steve thought he’d have a few more hours to brace. Now he had to deal with customers while that bag burned a hole in the back of his head. 

Luckily, Rebecca was serious when she said he could get mean with guests if he wanted to. Today wasn’t a want. It was going to be a necessity. 

Eddie was still standing there. 

“You can tell them I got it, or whatever,” he tried to dismiss him.

Something that looked like the tortured remains of a smile flickered on Eddie’s face. He gave up after a second and nodded too many times. “Thanks. Thank you. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, right?”

It took a minute for Steve to catch up to the question. 

“I haven’t said I’m going to answer them. Or open them. Or keep them.”

Eddie was quiet for a minute, still not looking up, and Steve’s Travel-Size-Robin was vibrating with the need to make him so they could guess what the hell he was thinking. 

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday mornings?” he repeated. 

“Yeah. Sure, yeah,” Steve gave up. 

Eddie left, and Steve did the entire day’s front of house prep before Susan got in, trying to keep his head away from that damn bag. 

***

Steve didn’t open it. 

He fell asleep in Robin’s bed, grateful he didn’t have other work that evening, and doubly grateful when she made him eat some crackers and drink some water before they passed out for the night. 

If he was waiting for the impact the day before, seeing Eddie again the next day was so unexpected that the crash whooshed past him without an impact. He didn’t sit down, and he looked a little rough, probably from driving to Franklin in the early morning twice in two days. 

“Do you have…?”

“No? No,” Steve boggled at him, “How could I have anything for you to even -- No. Man, no.” 

Eddie nodded. 

Eddie left. 

***

Steve stared at the bag instead of taking a nap before their shift in the stockroom. Didn’t open it, that was way, way beyond him, but he did manage to look directly at it, and it was only a few saltines, but he did successfully eat. 

Robin, angel, light of his life, soulmate and perfect person got in the car after class, handed him a kinda gross protein bar that she stole from an athlete in her class who she didn’t like, and made him eat it. 

She didn’t make him talk about the bag shaped elephant in their apartment, and she spent the entire shift explaining the way Ann Carson’s translations of Greek plays had totally shifted how people read them, making them more accessible, and how the push to do the same with Shakespeare was incredible. 

When he went to crawl into his own bed that night, she grumbled, brought her favorite pillow, and climbed in after him. 

***

Eddie walked in at quarter to seven, right after three four tops seated.

“No.”

“Okay. Yeah.” Eddie looked small, probably because he was speaking at a normal volume, sounding like a normal human, which ran opposite to how Eddie was in Hawkins. He also looked like crap. 

“Why are you here, dude? You hate mornings. You don’t have to leave that early, I work until one.”

Eddie scrunched his face, but didn’t answer that. 

“No?” he asked instead.

Someone at table six shouted ‘waiter!’ 

“I’ll bring your coffee in a damn minute!” Steve yelled back, half turning with the carafe in his hand.

“Steve?”

“Look, I don’t have anything for you. Nothing. You don’t need to waste your time. I haven’t opened it.”

“There’s more than one -- oh,” Eddie scrubbed over his face. “Okay. Yeah. Okay. Do-- Are you going to? Open it.”

Thinking about opening it made him want to run away to Canada. 

Thinking about never knowing made him want to puke. 

Whatever weird face Steve made was something Eddie could translate. He only raised his head for a moment, just long enough to look. But then he covered his face with both hands, taking a deep breath that shuddered on the exhale. 

“See you Monday,” he said as a goodbye.

“Where’s my coffee?” the same guy yelled. Steve didn’t have the energy to deal with customers and whatever the fuck was going on with Eddie’s early morning emotional mess. 

“Wait a second,” he complained to both of them at once. Steve grabbed one of the big mugs, the ones they used for the expensive hot chocolate, filled it with coffee, and set the pour jar of sugar next to it. He looked from Eddie to the cup, pointedly. “Don’t crash. Bring the cup back with you.”

The asshole yelled for him again, and Steve turned on the terrifyingly polite smile that Robin had helped him hone. Then he deployed it on the asshole at table six. 

---------------

We are headed towards Steddie, on a path that will, hopefully, not feel like I brushed off all this to get there. However. Wow, they're hurting right now. You can't have Eddie's pov yet, it would spoil things, but. just. trust me. ow.

Still don't do tag lists. Once I know how many parts it'll be, this will go to Ao3, promise.

[scoops-aboy86]

By The Heart (Secret Admirer pt 2)

Steddie Week 2024, July 2: Hands / touch starved / Invisible Touch by Genesis

wc: 2136 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

After the world fell apart a second time in November of ‘84, Steve had finished out the rest of his senior year in a daze. Partly because Billy Hargrove had broken a fucking plate over his head, giving him a small scar by his hairline that the doctor said would fade and recurring headaches that the doctor said might stick around anywhere from a few months to forever. 

It’s been more than a few months and the headaches are only slightly less frequent and a tiny bit less severe. 

He graduated, barely. His dad keeps dropping pointed comments about how his parents let him stay in their house rent-free after high school, how he’d saved up while attending a nearby college by not having to worry about the cost of a dorm or basic meals, and that it is his gratitude towards them that has moved him to offer the same to Steve. Usually said comments come after Steve tries to sidestep some sort of menial task, and it always feels like a threat.Steve just grits his teeth and takes it—refills his dad’s drink when the bottle is already literally right by the man’s hand, washes the family car after dinner when both his parents know that Steve has a shift at Scoops first thing in the morning, whatever. He can’t afford to get kicked out right now. 

His job at Scoops Ahoy is shit, all bright fluorescent lights and kids screaming and everything getting sticky for a measly minimum wage, but that probably reflects the quality of the job application he’d submitted. 

He has no friends, no prospects, no one in his corner except a bunch of incoming freshmen and the only one who really seems to want him around is off at some sort of smart people camp that he’d never even heard of… Go figure. 

But he has Secret Admirer. 

Okay, what Steve has is a pen pal who has a PO box and prefers to remain anonymous, possibly because Steve is an embarrassing person to have a crush on these days. And it’s really stupid that he thinks of them as first name Secret, last name Admirer, but it’s not like he hasn’t tried to come up with better names! Unfortunately, there are so many things Secret Admirer has called him (sweetheart, darling, dearest, honey, baby) that he can’t really think of anything original with those constantly rotating in his head… He can’t use them, though. It’d be weird. 

The first letter had been shoved into his locker in the last few weeks of school, looking like someone either wrote it with their non-dominant hand or had also suffered a blow to the head recently, and he hadn’t known what to make of it at first. In fact, he’d considered the possibility that Tommy or Billy were playing some sort of prank on him… but he didn’t think either of them could write “To Steve, the heart of my heart” without bursting into homophobic flames, and if it was Carol she would’ve done her girliest handwriting with hearts dotting the eyes. And his Secret Admirer had mentioned things no one else in his life seemed to care about. 

Like, 

I hope you’re feeling better. Sometimes I notice you squinting or grimacing in the classes we have in common… Are you still getting headaches? Do you get enough rest? You probably already know this, but mental and physical rest are super important for getting your handsome self all recovered, big boy. 

And,

I had a concussion once, not a bad one but it really left an impression. Felt like I was trying to think through a head full of soup for weeks. It sucks that teachers didn’t seem to cut you much slack because, just saying, I noticed they used to do that a lot more when you were still on the basketball and swim teams. Jock privilege placed above consideration of an actual, serious injury? I’m sorry, but that’s the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril, sweetheart, and you deserve better. 

So, yeah. Clearly his Secret Admirer is a nerd who doesn’t necessarily have the best opinion of jocks… but still took the time to notice all those things and write kindly about them. It felt nice, knowing that at least one person out there noticed, maybe even cared. 

And when that letter turned out not to be a one-off, a few more letters in his locker and then one in his mailbox, postmarked and everything, after graduation? Steve was hooked, enough to start writing self-consciously back. 

Which has brought him to the point of wanting so badly to meet this person that he’s stooped to begging, and it’s not even getting him anywhere. 

It’s occurred to him that it could be a guy, of course it has. Steve might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he knows it happens. He’d had a friend in middle school, Todd Fischer, nice guy, totally normal kid—got caught kissing some boy in the next grade up behind the gym and turned out to be the worst sprinter of the two. The Fischers had moved out of Hawkins a few weeks later and Steve hadn’t heard anything from or about Todd since. They’d been halfway through reading Romeo & Juliet in English at the time, and Steve remembers thinking when they got to the end of the play that at least things hadn’t gone that badly for Todd and whoever the other kid was. He’s old enough now to know that it could have; between Todd being such a nice kid, Barb dying in his own backyard, and the threat of government agents coming out of the woodwork if he ever breathes a word about certain secrets, the thought leaves a bad taste in Steve’s mouth. 

Anyway, if it is a guy, that would explain why Secret Admirer keeps dancing around his pleas to meet. And the initially disguised handwriting—which had been dropped by the second mailed letter, along with a brief, sheepish apology. 

But it could also be a girl who’s really shy or something. Steve doesn’t want to assume and then look like a total idiot further down the road. Whoever it is, all Steve knows is that he doesn’t want to lose them. He has to play this smart, play it cool… because he knows himself, and already knows that they have him by the heart based on words alone. 

The latest letter is in his hands, crinkled a little at the edges, and Steve can’t help himself from rereading the fifth paragraph yet again. 

… those indecently tiny shorts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running my fingers up the inside of those thighs. Or my mouth. Whichever you think you’d like best, baby, I’m not picky. And while I do like ice cream, particularly strawberry with rainbow sprinkles in a cone, I can think of something else I’d love to wrap my hand around and run my tongue over before any drips can escape. You just think about that, hmm? Maybe share some of those thoughts in your reply, if I haven’t scared you off…

He’s not scared off. Doesn’t need to know exactly who put pen to paper to imagine hands and lips running up his legs, either, an invisible touch that sends shivers along his spine. 

Okay, maybe it’s been a while. Between striking out from behind the Scoops counter and not really trying all that hard anyway, the only action Steve’s seen is from his own hand… and this letter. He has thoughts, alright, but has a much better idea of how to translate them into action than words. And this is his problem with the whole pen pal only thing, his natural charm (if he has any left) is absolutely useless in this medium. 

The other problem is that he really, really wants to jerk off about this, except he’s got almost no details to fuel the fantasy. He knows that Secret Admirer had a concussion once, but not what color or length or texture or style their hair is; knows they’re on the fringes of popularity and not really into sports, but nothing about their height or build or how they might move against him. Hell, he doesn’t even know if they’re a girl or a guy, isn’t sure if he should try to imagine boobies and painted nails or stubbled cheeks and big hands. 

Secret Admirer has mentioned being a smoker though, of both tobacco and grass, and Steve is not exactly proud of how strongly this makes him want a cigarette just because it’s all he has to go on. He has work in under an hour and Robin hates the smell of cigarettes, will be extra vicious for their entire shift if he comes in reeking of smoke. 

He’ll have to figure out something else…

Dear Secret Admirer, Thanks for writing again, I was really glad to get your letter. I don’t sleep with them under my pillow because sometimes my pillow ends up on the floor and I don’t want to drool all over them. I keep them in a box in the back of my closet, because sometimes my parents have the cleaning lady do my bedroom without telling me and I don’t want her going through my stuff or putting it in weird places that I can never find again.  Sorry for laughing at you You must not have seen me last week when I threw a banana peel at my coworker for It’s not being humble if I don’t deserve Yeah, fuck high school.  Sorry for not rewriting this, I’m running out of paper and my dad’ll kill me if I break into his office to get more I definitely thought about what you said in your last letter. I thought about it a lot. It’s hard to figure out how to explain what though, because I wanted to picture you like you were probably picturing me when you were writing it. You obviously know what I look like, but I don’t know who you are so I had to get creative. (Which isn’t my strong suit. So if this is stupid maybe we could just never mention it again?) Since I don’t know what you look like and it’d be weird to try and picture you anyway, and then what if I’m not even close and that makes it seem like I don’t like you for who you are? I’m not sure if that makes sense. But anyway, since I don’t know what you look like I pictured you dressed like a ninja.  Hear me out, okay? You’re such a mystery. Ninjas are mysterious, and dressed all black to blend in with the shadows. You can’t see their hair or face and they wear gloves because you can tell a lot about a person by their hands. I guess what I’m saying is I imagined you sneaking into my room at night when the lights are off. Totally silent but with this powerful presence, you know? I think if I were in the same room as you it’d feel like that moment right before the whistle goes off at a swim meet, because that’s just like, holy shit it’s about to happen and your muscles are all tense but ready but you’re waiting, coiled like a snake. So I’m coiled like a snake and you’re still a ninja and I’m not very good at this. I’ve done it over the phone a few times but that’s different. I don’t know where I’m going with this just sitting writing this alone in my room with Genesis playing in the background so I’m going to stop. Just trust me, it was hot. If you ever want to exchange numbers I’d be happy to tell you all about it sometime.  It feels weird to end like that, so I’ll also tell you that I tried reading that Hobbit book you suggested and you were right, it’s a lot easier than the Rings book that the kids I babysit tried to bully me into reading. Bibo is freaking out about all these dwarves in his house and I can relate, it sounds like when those kids all show up and try to rope me into driving them around town. At least they haven’t tried to make me steal anything or try to take on a damn dragon yet. Hopefully this book won’t give them any ideas.  — Steve PS If that was so dumb you changed your mind about still writing to me, please let me down easy. Seriously it would be no hard feelings. At least I still have a great ass and great hair, so I’ve got that going for me.

Tag list (open): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @thetinymm

@practicallybegging @fuzzyduxk @greatwerewolfbeliever

[buckyispunk]

Aloha

Aloha part one ~ Bucky Barnes x f!Reader (no use of Y/N), read part two here!

masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (no use of Y/N)

Summary: You arrive at a Hawaiian resort for your ex's wedding and a man named Bucky buys you a drink. You proceed to spend the next day with him, getting to know him and his friends.

A/N: New series! There will probably be five or so parts, with much more smut, angst, and fluff to come :) let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list for this series!

Warnings: unwanted touching (not by Bucky), dom!bucky, unprotected PiV sex, creampie, spitting, choking, orgasm delay/denial, oral (f receiving), fingering, drinking, Bucky's got a filthy mouth

Word Count: 11k

Fucking Brock. You sit on the couch staring at the little cardstock rectangle in disbelief.

Join us in celebrating Brock and Marisssa’s special day! surrounded by hibiscus flowers and a tropical design. The flowery invitation theme makes sense when you read that the wedding is in Hawaii. 

You hadn’t seen Brock in years. Three, to be exact. It had been in the soup aisle of the grocery store.

You had been reaching for a can of tomato paste to make spaghetti to eat alone in your little apartment. You looked a mess, having stopped at the store on your way home from a long day of work. You heard him call your name - his nonchalant, egotistical voice recognizable anywhere. 

“Oh my god, how’ve you been? It’s been too long!” He had said, as if he had made any attempts to reach out to you - or had any desire to - since you had broken up. 

“Oh,” you turned around to face him, “fine, you?”

“I’m doing great! Just here to buy some soup for my girlfriend, she’s been under the weather lately.”

Not even a minute into conversation and he’d mentiioned his new girlfriend. You had just broken up two months before. You tried your best to keep the look of shock and sadness from your face. How had he moved on so quick? Did your almost four year relationship meant so little to him? 

You managed to give a small noncommittal smile and nod. He wasn’t paying enough attention to you to notice anyway, grabbing a couple of cans of chicken noodle soup and turning back the way he came. 

“We should get together and catch up sometime!” he had shouted over his shoulder as he walked away.

That was the last time you had seen him. It wasn’t like the two of you were on bad terms or anything. The break up had been civil - civil as a breakup can be, anyway. You and Brock had begun dating in your freshman year of college. One day, in the middle of you and Brock’s senior year, he sat you down and said he needed to talk to you. He said that you were great and he’d always have a special place in his heart for you, but he just couldn’t picture himself with you for the rest of his life - so there’s no point in wasting anymore time, as he had put it. To be honest, you didn’t disagree.

You had been unhappy towards the end of the relationship. You could tell that Brock was distancing himself and the two of you got in little fights almost every day. You knew it wasn’t going to work out, but it had still left a huge hole in your heart. Brock was a big part of your life every day for four years, then all of a sudden he was just gone. A big piece of you was missing and you had to rebuild it yourself. Turns out Brock rebuilt that piece with another girl. If he ever had a piece that needed rebuilding in the first place, that is. 

You really had wanted to stay friends with him after the breakup, or at least remain civil with him. He had never reached out after that day in the grocery store and you had no desire to reach out to him - you had healed yourself and decided you were better off without him. 

You sit on the couch running your fingers over the rough material, rereading the words over and over again, trying to make sense of it all. You really don’t care that Brock is getting married, it’s not like you want him back or anything. But, at the same time, you weren’t necessarily chomping at the bit to go watch him and his fiancee celebrate their special day. 

A vacation did sound nice, though. You’d always wanted to go to Hawaii. Plus, you figured some of you and Brock’s friends from college would be in attendance. The two of you had been in the same friend group when he asked you out. You lost touch with the friend group after the break up. You would see some of them in passing or in classes and share small talk, but you had stopped getting invitations to hang out with them. You weren’t one to hold a grudge, though, and it would be nice to see them again. 

You mull it over for a little while before deciding that it would be a good move on your part to go, show Brock that you were still on good terms with him and that him getting married doesn’t bother you. You could take a break from work and get some much-needed sun and relaxation. You RSVP and check no, you will not be bringing a plus one.  

The months leading up to the wedding follow the same, monotonous routine. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. Occasionally your coworkers would drag you out to the bar after work and you would go - desperate to feel some sort of belonging. Despite your efforts over the years, you had never gotten close with any of the girls at work. You got along with them okay, but you wouldn’t exactly call them your friends. Acquaintances was a more fitting term.

You do, however, have one best friend. The only issue is that she lives almost a thousand miles away. You had moved to New York for school and she had stayed back home in Illinois. You stay in contact with her and your family. Most days, talking to them makes you more homesick than anything else. You’d considered moving back more than once, but had ultimately decided against it each time - you’re scared to look like a failure. You don’t want to come running back home at the first signs of struggle. You want to prove to everyone back home that you can make it in the big city by yourself. 

As the days go by, you find yourself looking forward to the special day. Not because of the wedding, but because you’re ready to escape the numb hell that your life has become. The wedding is on a Friday. You’re flying in on Monday and leaving Sunday morning. Six nights at the tropical resort Brock and Marissa have picked. 

It’s the Sunday night before you leave. Your bags are packed and waiting by the door. Sleep comes easy, knowing that by this time tomorrow you’ll be drinking cocktailas at a pool-side bar, free from work stress and city traffic. Away from the city where you feel lonely among millions of people.

Usually when the ear-piercing, dread instilling sound of your alarm rings, you hit the snooze button and pull the covers tighter in attempt to hang on to your last moments of comfort and peace - or as close as you can get to that, these days. Today, however, is different. When you hear the all-too familiar noise coming from your phone, it leaves you with a feeling of excitement rather than depression. 

You sit up, smile on your face, and get ready for the day. After showering and putting on your comfiest plane clothes, you grab your bags and head outside. You hail a taxi and can’t even bring yourself to be upset when he doesn’t offer to help you with your luggage. You smile the whole way to the airport.

I repeat, flight DL4567 is delayed by two hours. Boarding will begin at 12:10.

The universe has found a way to put you in a bad mood again. You’re certain whatever higher power there is had sent this sudden thunderstorm just for you. You look at your phone to check the time - 9:45. You had been sitting here for an hour already. The hard chair is starting to get uncomfortable, so you decide to get your second cup of coffee for the morning. You stand and grab your luggage, making your way to the end of the Starbucks line. You order your go-to drink and some breakfast.

Once you get your coffee and food you find a little table to sit at and pull out your book. You find yourself enthralled in your book and the time flies. A voice over the loudspeaker breaks you out of your trance. 

Flight DL4567 now boarding. 

You snap your book shut and clean up your table. You grab your bags and head back to your gate. After waiting in line for a little while, you finally take your seat on the plane. You put in your earbuds and watch the grey clouds outside - thankful you got a window seat. By the time the plane starts moving, you’re smiling again and counting down the time until your arrival. 

You spend the first five hours of your flight reading and watching TV - you’re pleasantly surprised to see that they have your favorite show. Sometime after they serve lunch, you fall asleep. When you wake up, there’s only two hours left until arrival. 

You watch the fluffy clouds outside your window and find that time passes quickly when you think about all the things you want to do in Hawaii. You also find that the time passes impossibly slow when you let your mind drift to New York and all your responsibilities. How is it that you haven’t even landed in Hawaii yet and you’re already dreading returning back home?

You see the beaches and the luscious green that fill the ground beneath you. You take in all the sights as best you can as you get closer and closer to the ground, preparing for landing. Your ears hurt slightly from the pressure change, but you’ve got other things on your mind.

After waiting some more to get your luggage, you finally manage to get on a shuttle and you’re on your way to the resort. You watch the mountains in the distance and the palm trees on the drive. You’re listening to your playlist through your earbuds and this is the happiest you’ve felt in a while. You could get used to this, you think. 

Your jaw drops when you pull up to the hotel. The huge building is right on the beach. Sure, that’s what it had said online, but the real thing it’s even more staggering in person than it had been in the pictures. The sun beats down on you as soon as you step out of the shuttle, but there’s a nice breeze that makes it enjoyable. A worker hands you your bags from the back of the bus and you thank him. You roll them inside the resort, eyes widening even more when you see the inside of the place. You can’t wait to get your bags in your room and explore. 

The receptionist is nice as can be and tells you to enjoy your stay as she hands you your key cards - like you’ll be needing more than one. You wheel your luggage into the elevator and press the number five. You’re astonished by the view when you step into your room. Your balcony faces the beach and you can see mountains in the distance. The evening sun is still shining bright and there’s not a cloud in the sky. 

It’s just after seven o’clock by the time you’re done changing. You head down to the main floor and set off to explore. There’s a spa, an indoor and outdoor bar, a pool, a hot tub, a gym, and a restaurant. You decide to hit the outdoor bar and enjoy the last of the daylight. 

You slide into a barstool. The warmth of the sun and the refreshing sea-side breeze, along with a couple cocktails, quickly put you into a relaxed headspace. You’d been looking forward to this for so long and it’s definitely all you’d imagined it would be. 

The resort is pretty full, but not to the point where it gets on your nerves. The bar is occupied by a group of girls who look a little younger than you and some married couples.

You’re just finishing your second drink when something catches your attention - a loud, boisterous laugh coming from the other end of the bar. You lean forward to see a group of guys you hadn’t noticed before. The laugh comes from a man with chocolatey, smooth skin. He’s sitting with a gigantic blond man who is currently looking down at the bartop and shaking his head, a half smile on his face. The last man, though, is what makes you do a double take. 

He’s got dark, fluffy hair. Though his stubble tries to hide it, you notice his sharp jawline. His shoulders are broad and his biceps stretch the sleeve of his t-shirt. He’s smiling, pearly white teeth on display. You find that you’re still watching him as he brings a bottle of beer to his lips and takes a swig. 

You’re only snapped out of your trance when he looks in your direction. You quickly divert your eyes, but you aren’t quick enough. He catches your gaze for the briefest of seconds. You might be imagining things, but you swear you see the corner of his mouth curl up into a smile before he looks back to his friends - still laughing and yelling about something.

The sun has finally set and you decide on having one more of the fun, tropical drinks before heading up to your room. 

You prepare to flag down the bartender, surprised when you find him already stopping in front of you, one of the cocktails you’d been drinking in hand. 

“Courtesy of the gentleman at the other end of the bar.”

You quickly thank the bartender and look back to the other end of the bar where the group of guys had been sitting. They’re the only men sitting at that end of the bar.

The brunette is already looking at you. He gives you a million dollar smile and shoots you a wink before he turns, following his friends back into the hotel.

You sit in shock for a solid minute, replaying the wink over and over in your mind. Sure you’ve got a solid buzz and you haven’t been laid in a long time, but even if that wasn’t the case, you’re sure it would’ve been just as sexy. You’re only slightly ashamed of the small amount of wetness you feel in your panties.

You down the free drink and head back into the hotel. On your way to the elevator, you notice the man that’s been occupying your thoughts for the last 30 or so minutes standing at the reception desk. His hair is wet and his clothes are soaking through. 

You quickly make your way to the elevator and repeatedly press the up arrow. You’re not sure where the sudden embarrassment is coming from, but your cheeks are red and you don’t want him to see you right now. 

Unfortunately for you, you hear footsteps behind you and turn to find the same piercing blue eyes you had met across the bar staring back at you. 

“Friends stole all the towels out of my room,” he tells you, holding up a stack of fresh ones.

Well that explains why he was at the reception desk, also why he’s soaking wet. 

“Oh,” you manage a small chuckle as you look down at your feet. 

You can’t help but feel embarrassed when he’s looking at you so intently, like you’re the only thing on his mind right now. It doesn’t help that he’s one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen and he’s talking to you of all people. 

You force yourself to meet his eyes again, “Thank you, um, for the drink earlier,” you manage in a somewhat steady voice. 

 “Course, doll,” another smile. 

The elevator doors finally open and he extends his arm, “After you.”

He follows you into the elevator and presses the number five. 

“What floor are you on?” he turns, waiting for your response.

“Same as you, apparently,” you smile up at him. 

You weren’t close enough to tell before, but he’s tall. At least six feet. 

“I’m Bucky, by the way. Sorry ‘bout leaving before I could introduce myself earlier, but my friends were being a pain in the ass - pardon my language.”

You tell him your own name and he holds out his hand. You put your hand in his and expect him to shake it, but what he does next surprises you.

He gently raises your hand to his mouth and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“Pleasure to meet you,” he rolls your name off his tongue, still holding your hand.

You try your best not to make it obvious that you’re swooning over this man. Heat returns to your core at the feeling of his rough hand engulfing yours. 

The elevator bell dings, letting you know you’ve reached your floor. Bucky carefully drops your hand as the doors open. The two of you step out of the elevator and he stops.

“I’ll be seeing you around,” he says, holding eye contact with you.

“I hope so,” your buzz encourages you. 

You smile at each other and when he turns to head to his room, you do the same. 

“Goodnight, doll,” he shouts over his shoulder before disappearing into his room.

You can’t keep the smile off of your face the rest of the night. You’re in fucking Hawaii. A man straight out of your fantasies had bought you a drink, and he plans on seeing you around. You know it’s too soon to be thinking this, but maybe you’ll find a more unconventional way to relieve stress this week. 

After you wake up and get dressed for the day, you head down to get breakfast from the buffet. You load your plate and find a table. You’re in the middle of chewing a bite of waffle when you see Brock. Him and a woman, you assume it’s Marissa, are grabbing plates and getting into the breakfast line. 

Brock doesn’t notice you until after him and the woman have gotten their own food. You watch him as he scans the room for a table, his eyes eventually landing on you. 

He calls out your name and leans down to tell the woman something. 

“So glad you’re here! Are these seats taken?” he asks, not waiting for a response as he sits down, leaving the woman to follow. 

“Go ahead,” you say. You’re somewhat glad to have some company, even if it’s a little awkward.

“This is my fiancée, Marissa.”

“So nice to meet you,” she offers her hand and you shake it. 

Breakfast is filled with awkward conversation. You and Brock catch up a little bit, telling each other what you’re up to these days. After a few minutes, Brock pulls out his phone and doesn’t put it away for the rest of the meal. You talk to Marissa about the wedding planning and do your best to seem interested as she talks about flower arrangements for ten minutes. 

Eventually, conversation lulls and you take the opportunity to get up. 

“So nice catching up with you, Brock. And nice to meet you Marissa!” you say, heading to your room.

You decide on heading to the pool today and change into your bikini. It’s a black set that shows off your body without being too skimpy. You throw some clothes over it and grab your book before stepping out of your room. 

Before you reach the elevator, you hear your name being called. You turn and see Bucky standing by his door.

“Where are you headed to?” 

“I’m gonna go lay by the pool for a bit, wanna join me?” you answer, not sure where your courage is coming from.

Bucky grins as he responds, “Nothing else I’d rather do.”

You feel your face heat up.

“Lemme put some trunks on and I’ll meet you down there?”

“Sounds great, Bucky,” you nod at him before slipping into the elevator.

Once at the pool, you grab two towels. By some miracle, you manage to find two empty lounge chairs together. You set your things down and lay the towels over the chairs. You strip out of your clothes, leaving you clad in only the bikini, and apply sunscreen before laying down. You put your earbuds in and close your eyes and bask in the sun. 

Maybe it's the sunshine, maybe it’s the fresh ocean air, or maybe it’s something else entirely, but you’re feeling the happiest you’ve been in a long time. You notice that instead of your usual RBF, you've been smiling almost constantly since your arrival.

When you open your eyes, you see Bucky standing a few feet away from you, steel blue eyes raking up and down your body. 

“Oh, Bucky,” you pause your music, blush returning to your cheeks, “how long have you been standing there?”

“Shit,” he says your name, realizing he’d been caught staring, “I swear I just got here like ten seconds ago. I’m so sorry. Feel free to revoke my invitation because I was being a creep,” he grimaces, expecting you to be mad at him.

The way he looked at you was different than the way most men would look at you in a bikini, though. It wasn’t gross or pervy. It looked like he was genuinely just appreciating your body, rather than plotting how to get you into his bed. And he didn't make any disgusting comments or cat call you like other guys have in the past. Besides, you'd be lying if you said you didn’t get a boost of confidence from the way he looked at you.  

“Hmm,” you put your finger on your chin, pretending to mull it over, “I’ll let you sit down, but only if you buy me another drink first.”

That familiar grin spreads across his face again. 

“You got yourself a deal. You want another one of those gross cocktails you were drinking last night?”

“Um, excuse you, Mr. I’m too manly to drink cocktails, but I’ll have you know those were delicious.”

He chuckles and promises to be back shortly before walking toward the bar. 

You play your music and wait for him to return. After a couple minutes, he returns holding a colorful, fruit filled cocktail and a beer bottle.

Bucky takes his seat next to you, beer bottle in hand. He lets out a sigh of relief as he lays back in his chair. 

“So, not to be rude, but is Bucky your real name?”

“My full name is James Buchanan Barnes, if you must know. All my friends and family call me Bucky.” 

You nod and take a sip of your drink. 

“Man, it’s hot,” Bucky takes a drink from his bottle before setting it down and reaching down to grab the bottom of his shirt. You find it’s your turn to stare as he pulls it over his head, exposing tan skin and rippling muscle. Bucky gives you a cocky smirk when he notices you staring with your drink frozen midair, on its way to your mouth. 

You quickly avert your eyes and feel the familiar dusting of pink return to your cheeks. 

“Like what you see, doll?”

You simply shake your head at his teasing and smile, flustered as can be.

“So what do you do for work, Bucky?”

“Well I was in the army until a couple years ago. Now I’m a mechanic, I got my own shop with my buddies.” 

You make a mental note to thank the army for mandating PT as you watch a drop of sweat roll down Bucky’s washboard abs.  

“Is that who you’re here with?”

“Yeah. Me and Steve have known each other since we were little, actually. We met Sam when we joined up and after we all got out we opened up shop together,” a reminiscent smile plays upon his lips. “Those two knuckleheads are basically family. We decided to take a trip to celebrate the shop’s one year anniversary.”

“Speaking of family, do you have any?”

“My, uh,” his brows furrow, “my dad died when I was little, but I have a mom and a sister who’s a little younger than me. About your age, probably.” 

His expression returns to normal in a split second, “Enough about me. Do you have family?”

“Yeah, but I moved away for college and never went back home.”

“Where’s home?”

“Ohio. I live in New York now.”

Bucky seems almost excited at this bit of information. 

“Is that so?” he raises an eyebrow. “I live in Brooklyn.”

“Me too,” you share a smile.

Needing a break from the sweltering sun, you stand and grab your drink. 

“I'm getting in the pool, care to join?”

Bucky wordlessly stands and follows you to the pool, smiling. You walk down the steps, drink in hand. Bucky, however, stops at the edge of the pool and watches you. 

“You coming in or what?”

“In a minute, doll.”

Surprisingly, the pool isn’t that crowded. It’s huge, so the people that are in the pool are able to spread out and stay out of each other’s way. 

It’s only once you’re standing in the pool, water up to your bikini top, that Bucky decides to enter. 

Via cannonball. 

You register what he’s about to do as he jumps in the air and wraps his hands around his knees and you yell at him, Barnes don’t you dare! but it’s too late. Next thing you know, you’re drenched. Your hair and face are soaked and there’s pool water in your drink.

Bucky emerges from under the water, smirk dancing across his lips. His expression falters for a second when he notices your angry expression, but you can’t keep the smile from your face when he shakes his hair out like a wet dog. 

“You ruined my drink.”

“I’ll buy you another,” he says, taking the drink out of your hands and setting it on the edge of the pool. 

He walks closer and closer to you until you’re just inches apart. He tentatively moves his hands under the water until they’re resting on your bare hips. His grip is soft, barely there. He’s giving you a chance to reject his touch, but all you do is gently move into his hands. 

His grip becomes more firm and his eyes light up with a glint of mischief. Before you know what hit you, you’re being lifted out of the water, Bucky’s muscles flexing as he raises you up. Before you have a chance to stop him - as if you’d stand any chance against his nearly super human physique - he launches you back into the water. 

When you emerge from the water, you see Bucky nearly doubled over laughing at the angry expression on your face. You really do try your best to be mad at him, but his shimmering smile and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes makes it hard. 

“What. The. Hell,” you make your way back to him and move to smack his chest. Bucky has quick reflexes, though, and you find that your hand is trapped between one of his own and his muscular pec. 

“That was revenge for the way you’ve been staring at me all morning when I’m unable to do anything about it.”

You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at his flirty words in an effort to keep up your mad facade.

“What if I drowned Bucky?” you deadpan.

“Wouldn’t let that happen,” he says matter-of-factly. 

“Well, you’re still a jerk.”

“A jerk who’s talking to the prettiest girl in this resort,” he counters with a shit-eating grin.

Bucky drops his hand and, instead of moving yours away, you wrap both your arms around the back of his neck. 

“Not for much longer if you pull another stunt like that, Barnes.”

“Sorry, doll,” the amused grin he’s still sporting makes you doubt his apology.

His hands return to your hips and he pulls you closer. He’s a fair bit taller than you and you have to tilt your head up to look at him. The sun is reflected in his ocean blue eyes and water drips down his face, getting caught in the scruff spanning his jaw. 

Bucky leans down and lifts one of his hands to gently grab your chin between two long fingers. He softly directs you toward his own face. You can’t stop your eyes from flicking down to his pink, pillowy lips. You close the rest of the distance on your own. 

Bucky is quick to kiss you back after your lips meet his. He caresses your lips with his own and he moves his hand to the back of your neck, pressing you against him harder. He swipes his tongue across your lips and you part them for him. You let out a small moan into his mouth and he gently takes your bottom lip between his teeth.

He pulls away, letting your lip free. You feel a throb in between your legs when he gives your neck a quick squeeze before letting his hand fall back to his own person. 

“Fuck, doll. Don’t make me throw you into the water again.” He waits until he thinks you’re not looking before reaching down to adjust his swim trunks.

“You started it,” you reply as you make your way to the steps and climb out of the pool. “I need another drink,” you make sure to sway your hips as you walk back toward the bar, not needing to look back to know he’s watching. 

You lean against the bar and are waiting to be helped when you suddenly feel a hand on your hip. You turn around and expect to see Bucky, only to be met with the sight of a man you’ve never seen before.

“Can I help you?” you remove the man’s hand from you.

“Nice bikini, baby. Lemme buy you a drink,” the slur in his words and his unsteady stance letting you know that he’s certainly not sober.

“No, thanks,” you turn back to the bar, making it clear you’re not interested. 

The man either doesn’t get the hint or decides to keep trying anyway, because you feel both his hands land on your hips this time. He steps closer to you, his chest pressed up against your back.

Just as you’re preparing to throw an elbow into the man’s ribs, you feel his hands being ripped off of you. You turn around to see the man falling to the ground, Bucky standing over him. 

“Get up,” Bucky demands, looking down.

The man, surprisingly, manages to get back on his feet and gives Bucky a death glare. Before he has a chance to give Bucky a piece of his mind, as you’re sure he was about to, Bucky grabs him by the collar of his shirt and leans into the man’s ear. He says something too quiet for you to hear and emphasizes it by using his grip on the man’s shirt to shake him. A few people around you are starting to stare.

The man’s face goes slack and he nods in response to whatever Bucky had said. Bucky shoves the man away and he nearly falls to the ground again. Bucky stares him down as he turns and walks away. Once he’s sure the man isn’t coming back, he returns his attention to you. Thankfully, everyone’s attention seems to be back to whatever they were doing before the commotion.

“You okay, doll? I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault, Bucky,” you give him a half smile to let him know you’re okay, just sick of men thinking they have a right to touch you. “I’m okay.”

“You still want another drink? Told you I’d buy it,” he goes to flag down the bartender. 

You gently rest your hand on his bicep and he looks at you “Thank you, Buck,” you hope your genuine expression conveys that you’re not just thanking him for the drink.

He gives you a curt nod, “Don’t mention it. Just trying to be a gentleman.”

A few minutes later, armed with another round of drinks, you and Bucky are making your way back to the lounge chairs.

“So where are your friends today?” you inquire.

“Finally got those punks outta my hair for a little while. They went to hike up some mountain. Or maybe it was a volcano, I really don’t know.”

“You didn’t want to go with them?”

“I-uh,” he rubs a hand across the back of his neck, “let’s just say heights aren’t really my thing,” an adorable redness spreads across his face.

You nod, deciding to spare him any further embarrassment from teasing. The two of you sit down on the sides of your chairs, facing each other. 

“So why are you here?”

You figured the question would arise eventually, but you had been dreading telling him the reason. It just sounds embarrassing to admit that you’re attending your ex’s wedding. 

“I’m actually here for a wedding.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s getting married? Not you, I hope,” Bucky chuckles at his own joke but stops when you don’t so much as crack a smile. His face drops and he stares at you for a second before you notice his expression.

“No. God- no. I’m not engaged, Bucky. Very much single. It’s my ex’s wedding.”

His eyebrows shoot up, “Oh, wow,” you can tell he’s unsure how to respond.

“I’ve hardly talked to him since the breakup a few years ago. We’re on good terms, though. Actually ate breakfast with him and his fiancee this morning.”

“Well that’s good, I guess. That you’re on good terms, I mean. Why did you choose to come? Sorry if I’m being nosy, you dont have to answer.” “No, it’s fine. It’s a little weird, I get it. For the most part, it was a good excuse to take a vacation and hopefully see some old friends. It’s not like I still have feelings for Brock or anything, so I really couldn’t care less that he’s getting married. His fiancee seems nice enough. And things went okay this morning, so I’m hopeful that things won’t be too awkward at the wedding. Plus there’ll be an open bar at the reception,” you crack a smile.

Bucky listens and nods along. “Well I hope everything goes okay. I’m certainly not complaining that you’re here,” he gives you a soft smile.

Sunbathing next to Bucky and sharing laughter-filled conversation leaves you with such a serene feeling that you physically feel lighter and your mind feels clearer. You decide in that moment that this vacation was definitely worth it, you can feel your mental health improving by the hour.

At one point, you doze off and are woken to Bucky’s hand gently shaking your shoulder. You open your eyes and see him leaning over you, radiant smile on his face. 

“Probably shouldn’t stay out here too long or you’ll burn to a crisp.”

You sit up and nod, “Good point.”

You and Bucky get dressed and gather your things before depositing your towels in the proper bin and heading inside the hotel. Once you and Bucky reach your floor, you stand and shuffle your feet, unsure of what to do next. Bucky sets a hand on your arm and you look up at him. 

“My friends and I are going out to dinner tonight and, I’m sorry if this seems weird, but would you want to come with us? You don’t have to say yes, just thought I’d throw it out there,” he has a nervous look on his face and he chews on his lip while he waits for an answer.

You couldn’t be more thrilled at the fact that he still wants to spend more time with you, even though you’d been together a large chunk of the day already. You want to say yes, both because you have no other plans and because you’d love to spend more time with the man in front of you, but you don’t want to seem overly eager. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. Only if you’re sure your friends won’t mind, that is.”

Bucky looks almost relieved and gives you a boyish grin. “Nah, Steve and Sam will be fine. I’m sure you guys will get along great.”

“Okay, Buck, looking forward to it.”

“Can’t wait, doll. I’ll meet you here at seven.”

Bucky seems to hesitate for a moment, but then leans down and places a soft kiss on your lips, which you happily return. He pulls back and heads off to his room.

“See you tonight, sweetheart.”

You decide you have a bit of time before you need to start getting ready for dinner, so you grab your book and sit out on the balcony. You find that you have a hard time focusing on the words in front of you, though. The ocean waves and palm trees blowing in the breeze paired with the distant sounds of laughter and music coming from below makes for a pleasant distraction. Before you know it, it’s 6:45 and you scramble to get back inside and start getting dressed. 

It isn’t until you’re searching through your clothes that you realize you don’t know where you’re going for dinner or how to dress. You only packed three dresses, a sundress, the dress you’re wearing to the wedding, and the one you decide on for tonight.

The black dress comes down to your knees with a slit up the thigh. It’s tight and shows off your curves. The back is open, with straps crossing in the center of your shoulder blades. The cut in the front is low enough that it shows off your cleavage while maintaining a classy enough appearance. 

You decide to dress it up with heels - also black. They’re only a couple inches tall, so you can still walk in them somewhat comfortably. You’re thankful that you packed a decent selection of jewelry and throw on some silver earrings and a necklace.

You take a quick look at yourself in the mirror and can’t help but smile - damn you look good. You grab your clutch and open your door. You nearly walk into Bucky as you step into the hallway. 

Bucky is wearing tight grey dress pants with a snug-fitting short sleeve black button up. The first few buttons of his shirt are undone, giving you a peek of the toned chest hiding beneath. He’s paired the outfit with a black belt and matching shoes. He speaks before you have a chance to compliment him.

“Doll,” he looks you up and down, eyes wide, “wow. You look gorgeous.”

You feel yourself flush as you thank him. 

“You look really good too, Buck. Where’s Steve and Sam?”

“I told them to wait downstairs for us. Wanted to prepare you for them. They can be a bit,” he pauses, searching for the right word, “much, sometimes. I told them to be on their best behavior tonight. They just have a way of embarrassing people, Sam especially. I’m sure they’ll be teasing me nonstop, so just ignore anything they say.”

You chuckle lightly, “Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

You and Bucky step into the elevator and take turns sneaking glaces at each other. Just before you reach the ground floor, Bucky leans over you, effectively trapping you between him and the elevator wall. Even in your heels, he has to lean down to be eye level with you. “I mean it, doll, you look stunning,” his eyes search yours, “Can I kiss you?”

You respond by closing the distance between the two of you. He reaches up and places a hand on the back of your head, holding you to him. The feel of his soft lips on yours makes you forget where you are. All too soon, the elevator door is opening and before you and Bucky have a chance to break away from each other, you hear a whistle.

“Damn, Barnes! Moving quick!” 

Bucky quickly steps away from you but stays in front of you, shielding you while you take a second to collect yourself. 

“Shut it, Sam,” Bucky says sternly. You don’t miss the red that creeps up the back of his neck. Nor do you miss how his tight pants do wonders for his ass.

After a second you step out from behind Bucky and extend a hand to the man, deciding to play it off.

“So you must be Sam,” you introduce yourself as he shakes your hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Steve responds when you shake his hand.

Steve and Sam lead the way out of the resort and you trail behind with Bucky. 

“We heard about this place some locals recommended that’s supposed to be really good. We’re gonna take a taxi there. That okay with you?”

“Sounds great,” you smile up at him.

The four of you wait in front of the resort for the taxi. 

“So,” Steve says your name, “you really spent all day with Bucky and he hasn’t made a fool of himself yet?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, I never said that. He’s lucky I’m even here right not after he threw me into the pool earlier. Although he did almost get into a fist fight defending me, so I guess it cancels out.”

Sam gives Bucky a grin, “Attaboy.”

“When me and Buck were younger, I used to get myself into all kinds of trouble and Bucky would have to end up kicking some dude’s ass for me almost daily,” Steve reminisces.

Bucky huffs and nods his head, “Punk dragged me into all kinds of trouble. Believe it or not, he wasn’t always this big. Needed to help him out or he woulda ended up bleeding out in an alley somewhere in Brooklyn.”

Steve’s cheeks heat up, but you have trouble picturing the man in front of you as anything other than he is now - huge and intimidating. 

After a couple minutes of getting to know Steve and Sam a little bit, the taxi arrives. It’s a five seater car, Steve sits in the front with the driver and you, Bucky, and Sam climb into the back. Bucky sits in between you and Sam. The car is plenty roomy enough, but Bucky makes sure to sit close enough that his thigh is pressed up against yours. The drive is short and Steve pays the driver when you arrive. Everyone gets out of the car. Bucky offers you his elbow and you link your arm in his. He leads the four of you into the building.

“Hi, we have a reservation for Barnes.”

The hostess leads you out back to the outdoor seating and your jaw drops. The palm tree surrounded patio is right on the beach and you have a perfect view of the sun setting on the water. Fairy lights and tiki torches give the place a soft glow. A live band plays soft Hawaiian music on a stage. 

Once you reach your table, the hostess sets down menus and silverware, before heading back inside. Bucky unlinks his arm from yours and he pulls out a chair for you. Before you sit, you turn to him.

“Bucky, this place is beautiful.”

“Glad you like it, darling.”

You sit and Bucky takes the seat next to you. By the time you snap out of your awestruck trance, Sam and Steve are both holding menus and arguing about something. You go to pick up a menu and notice Bucky’s eyes trained on you. He gives you a smile before looking down at his own menu. 

The waitress comes to take drink orders and the three men all order whiskey. You decide to get something other than a fruity cocktail.

“I’ll have the same,” you say when the server looks to you. 

You notice the way all three of their eyebrows jump at your choice. The waitress leaves and Bucky gently sets a hand just above your knee. He turns to look at you, as if asking for permission and you give him a reassuring smile. Conversation flows and when the waitress returns with the drinks, Sam and Steve immediately take a sip of theirs. Bucky’s eyes fall on you as you raise the glass to your lips. You keep eye contact with him as you take a drink, holding a straight face. You see of flash of something dark flash in his eyes and he moves his hand higher up your thigh and gives it a firm squeeze. 

You continue to read the menu and decide on seafood - you have to, you’re in Hawaii - and so does everyone else at the table. It is the restaurant’s specialty, after all. By the time the waitress comes to take your order, the four of you are all getting along great.

“So you guys all work on cars, huh?” 

“And bikes,” Sam nods at you.

“Do you guys all have motorcycles?” you glance around the table.

“Yeah, we do,” Bucky confirms.

You can easily picture him leather-clad, thick thighs straddling a Harley and his hand resting on the throttle. The thought makes you clench your thighs together and, based on the way Bucky’s thumb begins to rub circles into your thigh and he smirks at you, you assume he notices. 

“So what do you have planned for the rest of the week?” Steve questions you, oblivious to Bucky’s hand on you underneath the table.

“Well I’m going snorkeling tomorrow. I also want to hit the beach, maybe take a surf lesson. Horseback riding and hiking sounds fun too, though. What all have you guys done?”

“Well,” Sam starts, “we just got in yesterday, so we haven’t really done much yet.”

“Oh, so you guys got here the same day I did, then. When are you guys leaving?”

“Saturday, how about you?” Bucky answers you. 

“Sunday morning.”

“I’m sure you’ll be sick of Bucky by then,” Sam chortles.

Thinking about spending the rest of the week with Bucky puts a smile on your face and you hope he wants to spend more time with you, too. Eventually, the food comes and you all dig in. It’s so delicious that you’re not even mad about how expensive it was. Bucky lets out a groan of delight as he takes his first bite. 

“This is so good, doll. You want to try?” 

You nod and he raises his fork to your lips. He feeds you a bite of his food and you agree, it is delicious. You pull your attention away from Bucky just in time to see Sam whispering something into Steve’s ear, to which Steve chortles and nods.

“What are you guys talking about?” Bucky returns his attention to his friends.

“Nothing, man,” Steve dismisses him.

Bucky shoots them a warning look but drops it. 

The rest of the meal is filled with stories from their time in the army and Steve informs you that Bucky was a sergeant. You’re thankful that they don’t pressure you with too many questions about your boring life back in the city. The conversation flows easy and after a couple more rounds of drinks, the four of you are laughing so hard that you’re drawing attention from other tables. When everyone finishes eating, you excuse yourself to the bathroom and find your waitress. You give her your credit card, insisting that she charges the bill to your card.

You’d been having a great time with Bucky and his friends so far and you wanted to thank them for inviting you to have dinner with them. They had been so welcoming to you and have made your trip less lonely, even if only for one night. You return to the table.

When the waitress comes back to your table, she returns your credit card to you and the three men share a confused look.

Bucky cocks his head at you, “Did you pay for yourself already, doll? I was going to.”

“She actually covered the whole table,” the server informs them before leaving.

“Wait, what? You paid for us all?” Steve asks in disbelief.

Sam looks to you, waiting for an answer. Bucky just looks at you, brows furrowed. 

“Yeah. I just wanted to thank you guys for being so inviting. I enjoyed hanging out with you all tonight,” you look down at the table, feeling almost as if you’d done something wrong. 

Sam says your name, “That was really unnecessary, but thank you. We enjoyed your company. We get sick of each other, it was nice to have you join us. I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah,” Steve concurs, “I’m glad you could come. You really didn’t have to do that, but thank you, sincerely.”

“It’s not a big deal, guys. It was no problem.”

You turn to look at Bucky. He’s still in the same position - eyes trained on you and brows furrowed. You worry you’ve done something wrong and gently reach between the two of you and take his hand in yours. He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze and finally speaks. 

“Thank you,” you can tell there’s more he wants to say, though. Your group stands and heads to the front to wait for another taxi. After you step out the front doors, Bucky softly grabs your arm, holding you back. Steve and Sam continue walking. 

“Thank you for paying, I really appreciate the gesture. But I invited you tonight because I enjoy spending time with you and I wanted you to meet my friends. You shouldn’t have had to pay for your own dinner tonight, let alone everyone else’s. I do appreciate it, though, and I know Steve and Sam did too,” he gives you a sincere look and you sheepishly look down at the ground. He lifts his hand to cup your face and tilts it up to him, forcing you to make eye contact. “But all that being said, don’t you dare try and pull that again,” he says in a more authoritative tone.

You feel a wetness forming in your panties at the soft yet demanding tone he uses. You’re too shocked at the sudden dominance that you can’t bring yourself to do anything but nod up at him. 

“Good girl,” he praises in a low voice.

“You guys coming or what?” you hear Sam’s voice call.

You hadn’t even realized that taxi had arrived. Bucky leans down and presses a kiss to your lips before leading you to the car with a hand on the small of your back. Bucky sits inbetween you and Sam again and rests a hand on your thigh, dangerously close to slipping underneath the hem of your dress that had ridden halfway up your thighs. All you can focus on the whole car ride back to the resort is the feel of Bucky’s calloused hands on your leg and the pulsing at the apex of your thighs.

After what feels like hours, the cars pulls to a stop in front of the resort and you step out of car, followed by Bucky, who places his hand back on you immediately after he gets out. Steve and Sam make conversation, Bucky occasionally making a noncommittal grunt in response. After the elevator brings all of you to the fifth floor, Steve and Sam say goodnight and thank you again for dinner. You don’t miss the way Bucky’s hand tightens around your hip when they mention you paying for dinner. You say goodnight to them and they look at Bucky, probably expecting him to say goodnight and follow them back to their rooms. 

You’re not quite sure what you expect Bucky to do, but all you know is that the tension is thicker than Bucky’s biceps that are currently straining against his shirt sleeves.

“I’ll catch up with you guys in a little bit,” he tells his friends without taking his eyes off you.

“Okayyy,” Steve drags out the word as him and Sam turn and walk away, muttering and laughing to themselves.

Once you and Bucky are alone in the hall, he gently backs you up against the wall. He leaves one hand on your hips and tangles the other in your hair. He pulls you into a kiss that you fervently reciprocate. You’re sure that your panties are soaked at this point. You clench your thighs together, desperate for some friction. Bucky spreads your legs with his knee and slots his thigh against your center, forcing your dress to rise up. You moan into his mouth at the relief and buck your hips into him, your drenched underwear are dragging across his pants and you’re sure they’ll leave a dark spot from your arousal. 

Bucky pulls away from the kiss, but pushes his thigh harder against you. He leans down to whisper in your ear. “Dirty fuckin’ girl,” his voice is filled with lust, “Rutting up against my thigh in the middle of the hallway, skirt up so anyone can see how soaked your panties are for me.”

You whimper into Bucky’s ear. It turns you on to hear such filthy things coming from his usually polite mouth.

“Please, Bucky,” you beg, desparate for release.

“Please what, babydoll? Tell me what you need,” he demands.

He presses his bulge into your stomach and you can’t string together a sentence.

“I know, honey. You just wanna come, huh?” he looks down at you with a pitying expression and you nod your head so hard you get dizzy, too fuzzy-headed to care how desperate you look. He chuckles at you, “Say it. Tell me you need me to take care of you.”

“Please, Bucky! Make me come, take care of me. Just do something, please!” you sound absolutely wrecked and the groan Bucky lets out while he rocks his hips into you lets you know he gets off on it. 

“Fuck. Unlock your door, princess,” he tells you, pulling away and waiting by your door.

You’re surprised at how quickly you manage to dig you key card out of your purse and open the door in your aroused state. As soon as the door is open, Bucky grabs you and spins you around to face him.

“Jump,” he orders.

You drop throw your purse onto the table and wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck before jumping. He catches you by the backs of your thighs and effortlessly carries you to the bed, peppering kisses along your face and neck the whole way.

He throws you onto the bed and pulls off your shoes, placing a kiss to each of your shins. He then flips you onto your stomach and unties your dress. The way he manhandles you so easily sends a fresh gush of arousal to your core. He helps you shimmy out of your dress as he kicks off his shoes. You’re left in only your panties and he takes in the sight of your practically naked body and groans. He uses one hand to undo his belt and uses the other to reach down and palm your breast. 

“Goddamn, babydoll. No bra?” 

You don’t have the mental capacity to explain that you wouldn’t have been able to wear one with the open back dress, settling instead for reaching up and pulling him down by his collar until he’s straddling your hips. He leans back and unbuttons his shirt, exposing his broad chest and defined abs one button at a time, throwing it to the floor when he’s done. He has a dark trail of hair leading down into his dress pants where you can see the large outline of his hardened cock. He leans down atop of you, veiny forearms resting on either side of your head. 

He snakes a hand down between the two of you and dips his fingers in the waistband. “Can I take these off, babydoll?”

You nod and reach to his neck, trying to pull him down for a kiss. Much to your dismay, he doesn’t budge. 

“Need words, honey.”

“Yes Bucky, please.”

“Good girl,” he rewards you by leaning down and pressing his lips to yours.

His hand makes its way beneath your panties and he runs a finger through your abundant wetness, dragging it up to your clit. He uses your slick to rub circles into the sensitive bud. He pulls away from the kiss and you try to chase his mouth. He stops you by holding your head to the mattress with a hand on your jaw. He squeezes your cheeks until your mouth opens. He looks down at you and spits directly into your mouth.

“Swallow for me, baby.”

You follow his order without a second thought. Once you swallow, he brings his hand down to your neck. He rewards you by bringing a finger to your entrance and slowly pushing into your tight hole. 

“Fuck, doll. I wanna be in this perfect little pussy. Do you want that? Want me to fill you up with my big cock? Wanna feel me deep inside you?”

“Yes, Bucky! Fu- I want it so-fuck so bad.”

He quickly adds a second finger and begins pumping them inside you at a brutal pace. His hand on your throat tightens ever so slightly and he watches your face to gauge your reaction. When your eyes roll back into your head and your pussy clamps down on his fingers, he grins and tightens his grip a little more.

The lack of blood flow to your head makes you feel fuzzy in the best way. You feel yourself getting close to your orgasm. Bucky keeps his pace as he fucks you on his fingers and keeps a careful eye on you, watching for the telltale signals of your climax. When he sees you squeeze your eyes shut and feels your pussy clench, he pulls his hand out altogether. 

You look up at Bucky and loosens his grip on your neck, but keeps his hand resting there. You buck your hips up, your orgasm fading away rapidly. Bucky uses one hand to pin your hips to the bed.

“Bucky, no,” you whine, “I was so close.”

“I know, doll,” he gives you a mischievous smirk. “You were a bad girl earlier when you paid for dinner. You’re supposed to let me treat you. Let me take care of you. You wouldn’t let me take care of you then, so I’m not sure I should take care of you now.”

“Bucky please,” you beg, “Won’t do it again, promise. Just-nngh just take care of me please. Need you to make me come,” you hope your pleading is enough to convince him.

Bucky lets out a deep groan and smashes his lips against yours. He makes his way down your torso, stopping to pay special attention to your nipples. He ever so softly bites down on your nipple and you thread your fingers through his hair. He continues to trail kisses down your stomach. When he reaches your panties, he places wet kisses against the soaked fabric. You try to buck up into his mouth, but his hand is still pinning you down.

Finally, he reaches into the waistband of your panties and you raise your hips, allowing him to pull them down your legs and throw them on the floor with your dress. You get another glimpse of the rock-hard bulge in his dress pants and you know that can’t be comfortable for him, but his attention is all on you right now. He makes himself comfortable between your legs and uses his hands to spread your pussy apart, getting a good look at it.

“Fucking perfect. Prettiest damn pussy I’ve ever seen, baby.”

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, his lips are on you. He sucks your clit into his mouth and flicks at it with his tongue. You grab onto his hair with one hand and grab the sheets with the other. The screams you let out are almost pornographic. He alternates between licking your arousal up from where it’s seeping out of your hole and giving your sensitive clit attention. In an embarrassingly short amount of time, you feel yourself returning to the edge of the orgasm you’d just been denied. 

He laps at your core and uses both hands to hold your hips down onto the bed. When your heavy breathing and the movement of your hips give away your oncoming orgasm, he pulls away again. 

“NOO,” you practically scream, on the verge of tears. “Bucky,” you sob. 

“That one was for giving me a hard on at dinner when you downed that whiskey.”

Before you have a chance to complain anymore, he places one last kiss on your clit and stands from the bed. You watch as he undoes his pants and they pool at his ankles. You can see a wet spot on his boxers where he’d been leaking precum. He drops those too and you’re met with the sight of him. His cock bobs up against his stomach.

He’s thick and long, with a patch of dark curly hair at his base. The tip is pink and shiny with his arousal. Your mouth waters at the sight and you want nothing more than to lick it off, but he crawls back onto the bed before you can make any move to do so. He hovers over you and you can feel the weight of his cock resting on your lower stomach. 

“You want this, honey? Want to come all over my cock? Want me to fuck you so hard you can’t walk in the morning?” he ruts against your stomach, waiting for a response.

“Please, Bucky. ‘S all I want. Ah- fuck. Need it so bad. I need to come.”

“I got you, sweet girl,” he gives you a reassuring look as he grabs his base and guides himself to your drenched core.

He pushes his fat tip into you, watching your face for any signs of pain. You’re so wet and aroused that he almost slides right in. You try to push your hips down, desparate to feel him deeper. He’s quick to pin you down again. 

“Greedy girl.”

He eases himself into you at his own pace until his hips are flush against yours. You feel his pubic hair rubbing at your clit and begin to claw at his back, needing him to move.

“Fuck me, Bucky. Ah- god damn it,” you look up at him with pleading eyes, “Need you to move, baby.”

For the first time tonight, he listens to one of your demands. He slowly pulls all the way out, letting you feel every inch of his cock before he slams back in so hard it pushes you up the mattress. He braces himself with one arm on the bed and holds your hip with his other hand and sets a brutal pace. He thrusts deep and hard, tip pounding against your cervix with every punishing thrust. He moves the hand on your hip to rub at your clit.

“I’m not gonna last long baby. Fuck- be ah- be a good girl and come for me.”

You’re not far off and when he hits that spongy spot inside of you, you let out a scream. 

“Fuck, right there!” you pant.

He rubs at your clit and thrusts into your g-spot. You feel yourself hurdling toward your orgasm for the third time tonight. Except this time, when you clamp down around Bucky’s cock, he redoubles his efforts instead of stopping. You see stars when you reach your peak and you drag your nails down Bucky’s back. 

“Such a good girl for me, fuck. Where-ah where do you want me baby?”

“Inside, Bucky, please,” you want to know what it feels like to be full of his cum. “I’m on the pill.”

“Fuck, doll. So fucking good for me. My girl’s so good.”

You don’t miss the way he calls you his girl. And you certainly don’t mind it.

Bucky’s thrusts become shallow and his pace falters. He slams into you one last time and buries himself as deep as he can before shooting hot ropes of his seed into you. Once he empties his balls into you, he leans down, bracing himself on his forearms so as not to crush you. He slots his lips against yours and the two of you share breaths as you come down from your highs.

Once the two of you have caught your breath, he slowly pulls out of you. He places a kiss on your forehead and walks to the bathroom. You eye the dimples in his buttcheeks as he walks away. He returns shortly with a wet cloth and kneels between your thighs. He gingerly cleans his mess, aware of how sensitive you are. 

When he finishes, he throws the cloth onto the floor and climbs up the bed to join you. You climb under the sheets and fold them over on the other side, offering Bucky the space. He happily lays down next to you and pulls you into his chest.

“You’re beautiful, doll. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.”

“It was so good, Buck,” you manage to respond in your exhausted state. 

“I’m sure you’d enjoy it more if I didn’t have to punish you, too,” you can’t see his face, but you know he has a cocky smirk on his face.

“You’ll have to show me, then.”

“Oh, believe me, sweet girl, I plan to.”

You fall asleep against Bucky’s strong chest, his hand scratching soothingly at your back.

[tarjapearce]

soccer family Miguel meeting wife’s family for the first time and vice versa?

Oh dear. What a bumpy ride. 🙃

Bit of angst in the end. (Will do her meeting his family later, don't worry ~)

Pt 2 here

Teeth pulled at the inner soft skin on your lips, chewing and biting away the waves of raw anxiety that washed over you.

"Stop that. You'll hurt yourself."

Miguel mumbled as he drove to your family's home. It was an unsettling surprise for you to know that your family wanted to meet him. But what truly surprised you was the fact that they knew.

Ever since you moved out from your family's home at 18, many things stopped happening. Fights, verbal and emotional abuse that went both ways, the constant comparison to your other same age family members and you, and of course, you being pushed around and invalidated.

College was a different kind of freedom for you. And the start of a new life without them. You barely visited them, even skipped the most important holidays to be away from them. In a way, it was thanks to that that you met Jessica. She had been a wonderful support on your life.

"I know... just-"

His large hand covered yours to then give a kiss on the back of your palm

"You'll be fine. And if you don't feel comfortable enough, we can go."

"I'm uncomfortable already and we haven't even arrived yet."

"They can't be that bad"

You deadpanned and sighed.

"Corazón, look. I know family's difficult. I really do, but a couple of hours won't kill you. It's a good chance to prove them wrong."

"I've got nothing to prove them, Miguel."

"Right. Still, won't be a bad idea for them to see you doing fine. Talvez asi se callan el hocico y te dejan en paz" (Maybe that way they'll shut the fuck up and leave you alone)

You giggled at his words.

In truth was that you told him everything, it was sort of sad yet amusing that you bonded over trauma sharing. It was a mutual catharsis that somehow ended up strengthening your relationship. He didn't know them, but for the things you had shared with him, he knew he'd be curt and polite.

You'd warn him about their modus operandi. They'd present themselves as kind and welcoming, but bit by bit the snide and passive aggressive remarks and comments would show up. You had hope that after years of barely visiting they'd change.

Something you were about to find out as he parked outside the colonial looking home.

"No matter what, stay away from the Horchata. My auntie thinks she is good at it but... it's yuck."

He chuckled and soon, you'd get out the car. Miguel rubbed your shoulders soothingly in an attempt to ease your restless nerves.

----

"Buenas gente" (Hey, People)

One of your elder aunts, the only one you truly liked and always supported you back in college came to greet you with a loving hug, "Mija!"

"Hola tía" (Hey auntie)

You hugged her back and mumbled a quick 'I missed you' before letting Miguel come into view.

"Tía, This is Miguel. My boyfriend."

Auntie gasped at the sheer size of him but gave him a gentle smile.

"Nice to meet you, mijo."

"El gusto es mío, madrecita" (The pleasure is mine)

"Oh! He speaks Spanish!"

The two shared a brief laugh as auntie invited you further. With a hand Miguel held a small present, a bottle of your dad's favorite rum and bunch of roses for your mother. and the other one he held your hand.

It seemed like a regular carneada for him, except that this time there wasn't meats to roast, but soup. Your mom's special seafood soup that was only done in special occasions. You could tell it would be difficult to leave emotionally unscathed when your mom and dad, three aunties, two cousins, and your brother were there.

Upon you making an appearance before all of them, the world stopped for a second, your breath was caught in your throat as you mentally prepared for the game of pretense.

"Mi niña! Come here!"

Your dad followed by your brother made the first ones in making an approach. The size difference sure was shocking for them all. Your father and brother had to crane his head up to see Miguel.

"¿Qué tal? Un gusto conocerte." (How's it going? Nice to meet you)

Miguel shook his hand with him firmly, something your dad approved. And then Miguel handed the packaged rum to him.

He had explained how you'd told him about his favorite drink. Your dad invited you and introduced Miguel to the whole family.

Some of your cousins oggled him shamelessly. Earning a frown from you.

However the biggest challenge laid ahead. Your mother had been watching both from afar, tending to the food with some of your aunties.

And when it was her time to be greeted, you held tighter on his hand. His thumb rubbing on your skin, reassuring.

You'll be fine.

"Mamá" You mumbled and her so ever deep stare settled on Miguel. Not even in you first, but Miguel.

"Fo you, Ma'am" Miguel gave her the roses which she took with a strained smile.

"Thank you very much. Miguel was it, right?"

"Así es." (Correct)

"Are you hungry? Made your favorite soup."

Her stalking gaze shifted between Miguel and you.

"Thanks. A bit would be nice."

"Hm. Go sit, Miguel. We'll tend to this."

Her gaze returned to the food and you nodded at him. He wasn't comfortable with the idea to just sit and watch. But by the things you had told him, it was better to not create unnecessary drama for you.

-----

Everyone seemed at the expectance of something happening between you and your mother. Your brother was trying to make casual conversation with Miguel, but his curt and simple answers made him desist. Plus, it didn't help his mahogany eyes seemed lighter.

If they were nervous about him looking so big with deep red eyes, they'd surely freak out by his fangs. It instantly made your stomach churn, you knew Miguel didn't appreciate people pointing at his insecurities so brazenly, even worse without knowing him.

Everyone sat down, a little blessing before anything and soon the feast begun.

Of course, eyes were settled on both of you and your interactions. Miguel followed your instructions to then help you break the crab.

One of your aunties smiled at it.

"So, Miguel, where do you work?"

Here we go

"Lab Manager at Alchemax."

Your brother whistled and nodded approvingly, just like your father.

Your relationships with him sure was strained, but at least he seemed to have a bit more self criterion than the rest when it came to pick sides. You'd rather him neutral. Just like your dad.

"Wow, you surely outdid yourself this time, cariño."

That cariño sat sickly fake in your stomach. She was the one that always instigated the fights further when you thought everything would calm down. You didn't smile, just ate.

Miguel was given a beer, a round of collective gasps as he tried to open the beer with his fangs. Your other auntie made a cross sign on herself and your mother's eyes widened.

A custom you still couldn't get out of him.

"Do they hurt?"

"How does one get those? They look so cool!"

"Are they comfortable?"

Your eyes caught the glimpse of him tightening his grip on the spoon.

"Ya pues!" (Knock it off!)

"There is no need to yell"

Silence immediately came to the table as your gaze and your mother's clashed.

"Disculpa eso, Miguel." (Im sorry for that, Miguel)

your dad shook his head at your cousins.

"Do you plan on having kids?"

You couldn't help but hide your face in your palm.

"Mamá, stop."

"What? I just wanna know! You're getting old enough to have kids. And Emanuel is always asking about you."

"We haven't discussed it yet." Miguel cleaned his hands with lemon, rinsing away the fishy smell out of his fingers. The coldness in his voice only matched your mom's icy stare.

"Oh."

"But do you want to have kids, Miguel?"

"Dios mío, ma! Ya basta." (My god, Mom! Enough.)

"Why are you so mad over a question?"

Miguel's jaw clenched. It made sense for him why you didn't visit. The way you rolled your eyes, made the ones that had finished already to stand up and leave. Their cue to leave things unfold.

Your elder auntie seized your mom with a glare. Your dad only recoiled to himself and your brother sighed.

"Ma, eso no se pregunta." The only attempt of him to calm the boiling tension between the two. (Mom, you don't ask such things)

Miguel gave you a 'do you wanna go now' stare. And you shook your head. Leaving would only make things worse. But you found the perfect excuse to leave the table.

"Need help, mi amor?"

"Sure."

He was perceptive to pick up your cues, the both cleared up the table and took the dishes to the sink.

---

"I'm so sorry you had to put up with it." You mumbled as you washed and he dried. The kitchen felt tiny for him.

"S'fine."

"Are you mad?"

"A bit uncomfortable. But no, not mad."

"We're leaving after we're done here." a deep sigh escaped your lips, "This is exactly why I don't come here."

"Whose Emanuel?" You groaned and shook your head.

"A man mom thought it was fun to pair me with a long time ago. I never indulged him but he never got the memo ever since I left this place"

"Sounds like he never got over you."

"Yeah, cause mom kept feeding his hopes of me getting with him together."

"Is that why you moved out?"

"One of the reasons, yeah."

You finished the dishes and Miguel excused himself to the bathroom.

He could hear the voices from the other side. One of your aunts surely and your mom.

"I give them a year."

"Did you see his... fangs? I've never seen something like that! And his eyes too!"

"Esta niña... Me va a sacar canas verdes. From all The guys she could pick, she gets one that is twice her size. Why she can't pick up normal guys?" (This girl, will get me green hairs)

Miguel's eyes turned apprehensive as his mouth settled in a straight line.

He had to hunch over the sink to take a look of himself in the mirror. He looked pretty normal, by any standards, until of course, he smiled. Pointy canines bigger than the average people stood out the most. His eyes were a different shade of brown. That was all.

He was fine.

He was normal.

He knew things like this would happen, he expected a bit of trouble. Not this.

His head felt heavy. Sudden spiral thoughts plagued his mind, corrupting the good things he held dear in his mind.

"As long as he's rich, don't care."

"Emanuel's surely richer than him"

That was the final straw. He knew you weren't that type of woman. Hell, you had invited him multiple times, knowing that you'd get broke for a couple of weeks. And still did it anyways. You loved to pamper him.

Why?

His steps guided him back to you. You were stressed and surely would cry at night. But so far you were keeping it together.

Your heart sunk a bit when looking at him. Neither of the both could stand being a second longer in the house. He followed you as you said your goodbyes. You didn't hug none but your elder aunt, and your dad, though the latter got an awkward hug.

You went back home. Neither of you said much during the trip back.

[hollewdz]

Quinn and Jaz - Ch 1

word count: ~2.1k

_______________________

Quinn sometimes wondered if she was cursed. 

Not with a big, life-altering curse; she didn’t believe she was important enough for one of those. She wondered if someone, somewhere, decided she was worth fucking with, and decided, every day, to do little things to make her life just that much harder. Right now, she was wondering if this mystery-being decided to make her bus late. 

Pacing a circle into the snow at the bus stop, a flash of ice bit at Quinn’s heel. Looking down, she saw a pathetic old winter boot, ripped at the seam and gulping in muddy ice slush.

“Because the bus being late just wasn’t fun enough, huh?” she griped, trying and failing to shake the ice from her boot. She hated this. Hated these long, exhausting days of classes and overtime shifts, which would have been bearable, if the damn bus was even half as efficient as she was.

A long, forced sigh shot into the air in a dramatic cloud. Instead of standing around for 20 minutes in the cold for a slimy bus, she could walk for 15 minutes back to her apartment. It would suck, but at least she could choose the suckiness she had to deal with. Briskly trudging her way through the slush and muck on the cracked sidewalks home, chunky snowflakes began drifting through the air around her. Quinn wanted to cry, but refused to permit herself the catharsis. She’d been through so much worse; and heavy college textbooks, a long shift at Shelly’s, a late bus, a broken shoe and walking in the snow was nothing compared to that. 

This isn’t for forever, Quinn’s calming mantra surfaced in her mind. It’s not even for the next 20 minutes. Get home and you can take a steaming hot shower and have some soup.

Slowing to a stop at a crosswalk, Quinn nearly tripped on a wet heap of something piled right next to the crosswalk button. What the hell? After mashing the button a few times, she used her good boot to shove some of the snow away. A pile of soaking wet clothes, some sneakers and an expensive-looking bag stared back glumly at her.

Who would strip in this weather? Crouching down to balance sitting on her ankles, she unzipped the bag and rummaged through it. Tugging out a heavy metal clip wallet, tapped out the cards to see that this bag -and presumably outfit- belonged to…

“...Jasper Ross” she breathed absent-mindedly. Why does that sound familiar? Quinn was hardly a socialite, and she only knew the names of the people she had to deal with for projects and such. There was a sudden stirring from the pile of clothes. With a yelp reminiscent of a scared chihuahua, Quinn splashed clumsily from her half-perch-half-crouch into a slush of muddy ice. Oh God, a rat?? Not even caring that her backside was now soaking wet, Quinn tried and failed to push herself away from the nest of laundry, her old worn boots refusing to grip the ice. Then, she heard the most peculiar noise that gave her pause- an almost unhearable, muffled shout came from within the pile of clothes. “What the fuck?! Where am I?” 

Quinn’s eyes grew wide as she saw a… a… tiny guy.  There was a tiny guy, emerging from the pile in front of her. Frozen in place, Quinn couldn’t tear her eyes away, she needed to download every bit of information about this new phenomena in front of her. 

He looked proportionate, and fit. Even, golden-brown skin with a mop of dark brown hair. He seemed to be assessing his surroundings, hands exploring the fabric around him. He could have been muttering something, too, but Quinn wasn’t close enough to hear. Miniscule eyes finally swiveled towards Quinn, and for a moment Quinn thought he looked quite a lot like an action figure with how still he went. His face slowly traced from her boots to finally meet her bewildered gaze. 

A long silence yawned between the two- Quinn had no idea how to approach this situation. Usually she’d blame her awkward personality, but she figured most people would be struggling for words right about now. Thankfully, she didn’t need to worry about what to say.

 “Oh hell no,” the man said with an exasperated groan. He began to rub his eyes vigorously. Quinn blinked. “Excuse me?” “Hey, lady, um, I think my vision is fucked. You look absolutely massive,” the man stated plainly. He righted himself and offered another comment, “And not in, like, a fat way. It’s like, a sky-scraper, ‘massive’ way. You think you could call an ambulance for me? That bitch from last night probably drugged me.” She ignored anything that could have been implied. Quinn’s throat had gone dry from the cold, but she managed to force out a response.

“Your vision has nothing to do with it. You’re, like, a borrower, dude,” Quinn half laughed. She had no clue how to react to this. The laughter built into a chuckle, then a full-blown fit. “W-what the fuck!” She managed to say between laughs of disbelief. She slapped her gloved hands firmly clasped over her mouth, failing to quell her convulsive laughter. She felt a heat begin to rise in her face, and darted her eyes along the street, head on a swivel. Thank god there’s no people around. “Lady, you’re a total psycho,” the diminutive man offered, going back to scrubbing his eyes.

A lazy snowflake slowly drifted down and planted atop the man’s head. Quinn steadied her breathing, watching him reach up and break a bit of the snowflake off in a crystal shard and then melt in his doll-sized hand. 

“Hm.” He started shivering then, enough for Quinn to notice. In fact, her own jeans had been soaking in ice-water since she slipped, and it was becoming very clear she needed to take control of the situation before things got worse. 

Drawing in a deep breath and loosing a cloud of fog into the chilled air, Quinn composed herself as well as she could manage. Chill out, he’s just…some guy. A very, very small guy, but still, she thought. She closed her eyes and breathed, then looked back to the doll-sized man. “Are you Jasper Ross?” she asked, holding up his wallet and sliding out his ID for him to see.

“First of all, looking through other peoples’ things is pretty invasive- but yes, that’s me. Secondly,” he pointed at her, “no one calls me ‘Jasper’. Ew. It’s Jaz.” He ran his hands over the folded cloth in front of him to dry his hands, and started rubbing his arms sharply. “Seriously, it’s too fucking cold out.” 

Quinn started feeling a bit bad for Jasper- or, Jaz, despite him being all sorts of rude. He was the size of a hamster, of course the cold would be biting at him hard. “Do you have any place I could take you to-”

“No,” Jaz shot, slumping into a grumble. “No I don’t.”

“For real?” Quinn furrowed her brow. “I would offer to take you to, like, the police, but I don’t think you’d like it there, either.”

“So you’re abducting me?”

“I’ll take you to the police station if you want.”

Jaz thought for a moment. “Yeah, I’d rather not be a lab rat. Do you have a place?”

“Wuh- me?” Quinn sat back again, but this time in shock at how forward he was being. A gust of icy wind made her shudder, and the cold concrete was making her legs go numb. “I-I mean, I do have a place, but-”

“Perfect, take me there.”

“I’m not ready for, uh, company-”

“Lady, I’m about to freeze to death, that doesn’t matter.” 

Quinn pursed her lips, holding her breath. He does look like he’s in the early stages of popsicle… And, realistically, what’s the worst that can happen? Pinching the crease between her brows and sighing, she shifted and replaced the wallet in the bookbag. “Fine. Just let me plan out how to carry everything, alright?”

“Roger that, Goliath,” Jaz shot back, gathering fabric to cloak himself, making him look even smaller than before. “What is your name, anyway, lady?”

Quinn was unamused by Jaz’s nickname. “What a skill, you guessed it right on the very first try. People usually say I look more like a Gulliver, though.” She finished packing up Jaz’s bag and swung it over her vacant shoulder. How should I tackle the clothes?

“I think you look like a perfect Goliath. Same stature, and all,” Jaz quipped. 

“Quinn. Is my, uh, name,” she offered lamely, rolling her eyes. “So. I assume you’re naked. And you’re standing in the middle of the clothes. I dunno what to do, champ.”

“You can’t just grab everything all at once?” 

She gave a huff, “All of that shit is like 20 pounds, it’s soaked. Maybe I can shove it in your bag? I don’t want to ruin anything-”

“Just do that, then, I can get a new bag.” 

Quinn’s eyes went wide at how wasteful of a thought that was, even if he could have been joking. She was slightly angry on behalf of the bag. “Whatever, it’s your shit. You want to go in the bag too?”

“You literally just said it’s freezing and soaked.”

“Well then I guess you’re walking,” Quinn huffed, growing tired of his less-than-pleasant attitude.

“Can’t you just…” Jaz trailed off, eyeing her gloved hands. He lingered there, and… gulped? Quinn couldn’t really tell. “What if you let me have your glove?”

“You’re naked.” 

“And freezing.”

Quinn looked down at her left hand for a long, disgusted moment. The gloves were the only things she had that were actually high quality- a gift from her younger brother. Her eyes scrunched tight at the thought of them being treated the same way this guy treated his bag. She summoned her courage, “You have to be clean. If you get them dirty you own me new ones.”

“God, is that not obvious? Anyway hurry it up, this isn’t funny anymore. It’s getting actually painful to be this cold.”

Quinn was surprised by how quickly he offered to pay for the gloves, and would have been suspicious he was lying if not for how disinterested he seemed by it. She pushed a finger under the cuff of her left glove, got it halfway up her hand, then pinched and tugged the glove off from her middle finger. She quickly went to lay it down next to Jaz, but stuttered when she saw how her hands truly dwarfed him. 

Quinn had never felt big, compared to anything before. Even though she was taller than average, her nature was to minimize herself; withdraw until no one could tell she took up any space at all. So much of her life was dedicated to remaining unseen, that she might have convinced herself that she didn’t even exist. 

Maybe that was why she grew queasy at seeing the truly baffling difference in size between them, why she felt more than ever that she had to shrink smaller than this finger-sized man before her. She basically lost sight of him behind her hand, as if there wasn’t a tiny person in the heap of clothing at all. 

She ripped her hands back from the glove as if it had burned her, “Whatever, don’t worry about the glove. Just get in and yell when you’re good to go.” She slouched and waited for him to call out, shrugging his bag back to the ground and unzipping it. She heard a muffled Okay let’s get a move on, and she pinched the opening of the glove to hover it above the clothes, then used her free hand to quickly and clumsily shove the sopping outfit into his really nice bag. 

She was able to ignore that queasy feeling with Jaz out of sight, thankfully. She tried to be as careful as she could standing up, figuring the best way to keep her gloves clean was to give Jaz a steady ride so he wouldn’t blow chunks, and she slipped the glove gingerly into one of her winter coat’s inner pockets. Still, the thought of Jaz spilling his guts didn’t stop her from basically jogging home- the promise of soup had never been so desirable.

__________ Chapter 2

This drawing is from like, 2020 and is definitely more of a concept image than 100% accurate X] I'll have to redraw it! I've actually been sitting on this story for so long, and I've gone back and forth about whether or not I wanted to do a comic or not, I just decided "fuck it write the damn thing and go from there" so here we are! :3

[d1s1ntegrated]

Your headcanons and fics are so real and true to me… Would it be possible to make a fic/ list of headcanons in a college/ school AU where shigaraki is weirdly obsessed with y/n ? please and thank you🙏

i had this as a draft and it got deleted </3 but YASSSSSS i love creepy shig! also sorry in advance...

to be seen (slight nsfw)

stalker!shiggy x friendly and slightly naive!reader oneshot

quirkless college au !

summary: shigaraki is obsessed with you. you like being his friend. mistakes happen.

cw: painnnnn, unrequited love, pining, stalker activities, masturbation mentioned, pervert mindset, language, slight mention of drunk sex, panty sniffing? is that what i call it????

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

shigaraki was your classmate in creative writing. he was a little reclusive, but you didn't mind. you just sat next to the guy (when he decided to show up to class anyways). what you knew about him was minimal, but oh, the things he knew about you. he had memorized your class schedule, he knew when your period started and ended. he knew when you were going out, and when you'd come back. he knew you lost your pens frequently, so he bought a pack for when you inevitably asked to borrow one from him. and licked them all, in hopes you'd chew on the ends like you usually do.

he never meant to get this bad, actually.

see, it all started when you were assigned a workshopping assignment for a story, so he invited you to his dorm to work on it. he wasn't prepared, you showed up ten minutes after you texted him. he didn't even have time to shower, he was still sitting in cum-stained sweats and his favorite (albeit a bit gross) hoodie. but you cared nonetheless, you just wanted to finish the work. so you sat in his bed in your little shorts as he perched at his desk and ogled.

after you left, he shoved his face in the small imprint on his mattress and came buckets to the mere idea of your ass on his sheets. the obsession grew from there. his lack of attendance turned perfect, punctual even. he said hi every fucking day, even when you weren't really in the mood to talk. you didn't mind the company, hell, he was nice enough and surprisingly smart for someone so...like him. he texted you, too. reminders about due dates, notes, etc. you usually just replied with a "thanks!" or "okay ty", but it was more than enough for him.

he asked to come to your dorm to work one day-he lied and said his ac was broken. you bit the offer anyways and he showed up right on time, papers in hand like a proud child showing off their artwork. this time, you were in basic sweatpants and a tank top. he didn't mind- you were on your period this week, he knew that. the idea actually made his toes curl in his converse. when you went to grab a snack, he jumped for the dirty laundry basket and snagged the first pair of panties he could find, shoving them hastily into his hoodie pocket. he went back to his dorm that night and jerked off with the soft cotton in his mouth, sucking up every ounce of you he could.

he couldn't get enough of you. you were a drug to him, a lethal one at that. he couldn't eat or sleep without the idea of you easing him. he couldn't cum to anything other than your social media profile and the little smiley faces you texted him.

when you skipped class because of a cold, he showed up at your door with hot soup that he spit in and the notes from that day's lecture.

on your birthday, he bought you a pretty pink cupcake and a new pair of headphones because yours mysteriously went missing.

when you left for home on winter break, he cried every night while jerking off because he missed you so badly. you were his only friend, his lover, his prized possession.

the next semester, he made sure his schedule was an exact replica of yours. even though half of the classes he didn't even need, or have interest in. but fuck, any reason to see you was good enough for him. he didn't want to take it too far, but he ended up there anyways. he started to bring you little gifts almost every day. a new notebook, a coffee, he even bought you a new water bottle because he was there when yours fell on the tiled floor in the great hall and dented to shit. even when you said it was okay and still functional, a new (and better) one was on your desk the next day, already full with ice water and a little purple bow on the top of it.

you didn't need to know that he was cumming on the things he brought, or shoving them into his mouth and "cleaning them off" lazily because he needed you to have him so fucking badly.

it got to the point where he was begging you to hang out every day after class, and you stupidly agreeing every night because you had nothing better to do. because you felt bad for him. even with his...faults, you found a comfort in him. he was just a really good friend, which is hard to come by in college.

so you played video games with him and went out for coffee and lunch dates because that's what friends do. you fell asleep in his bed while studying a few times and he never minded, because that's what friends do. you went home in his clothes one night because he accidentally spilt a drink on you and offered to wash your clothes with his laundry, because that's. what. friends. do.

nevermind the pictures he had of you asleep in his bed. or your ass when you bent over in building 130 to pick up your phone. or your tits pressed against the table from coffee date number 2. all in a little folder tucked away in a calculator app.

nevermind all the pairs of your socks and underwear, hair ties and used napkins, empty bottles, the sample size of your perfume, all shoved away in his dresser drawer.

nevermind the returned clothes you wore that you never did get to washing because when you went, all the machines were in use and he needed them back. that he also never washed.

shigaraki was a weird kid. but you were friends, in your mind. you were lovers eternal in his.

so when you dragged him to a frat party and got drunk with him, stumbling back into his dorm at 3am, it wasn't a big deal.

it wasn't a big deal when he kissed you, hard. because you were friends, lovers, dramatically doomed from the start because of two very different life paths. the kind of love story that ends with cardboard boxes and good lucks. it wasn't a big deal to you when you took his virginity, sloppy and intoxicated, because you promised yourself you wouldn't fall for a guy you met in class.

but it was a big deal, and it wasn't a mistake, not to him. it wasn't a mistake when he came inside of you, crying, repeating the worst three words known to those who just wanted to be friends. it was a big deal and it was a mistake to tell him you loved him too, not because it was a lie, but because you knew full and goddamned well what you had done to such a broken man like him.

he never deserved your kindness. he never deserved the taste of you. but you let him have it, and he would never let that go.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

okay ouchie im sorry this was a beautiful prompt and i fear i brought the vibes sooooo down with this one. but i cant always write smut lads, sorryyyyyy!

i hope you enjoyed. also i hope i made this as stalker-creepy vibes as possible

i didnt wanna go full sicko mode w his stalker tendencies in this one bc in my mind, he just wants to be loved ;-;

thank you for the request and lmk if this one hits or not! i can try again if it doesnt spark joy lol

[transmascsteveharrington]

Sometimes Eddie can't believe that they've made it. He'll look at Steve, like right now across the lawn, watches him teaching little Emma how to put sausages and burgers on the grill, and Eddie still can't believe it.

For the longest time as a teen Eddie was convinced he would end up in the 27 Club. Trying to escape the reality of his meager life expectancy as a queer freak trailer trash kid in a small town in bumfuck Indiana by glamorizing going out with a sex, rock'n'roll, and drugs fuelled bang before the age of 30. He never thought it would be an angry mob of jocks and a thunderstorm of bloodhungry demobats that would almost take him out before the age of 20.

Eddie only managed to step away from death's door thanks to the miracle that is Steve Harrington. And he truly is a miracle. Not just because he carried Eddie's half-dead body out of the upside down and nursed him back to health. Not just because he helped get Eddie's name cleared and his charges dropped. No, everything about Steve felt like a goddamn miracle. The way he smiled, his bitchy but entertaining little jabs, the taste of his chicken noodle soup, the way he would comfort everyone who needed it. But the most miraculous thing to Eddie had been that Steve had chosen him. Had fallen in love with him. Had stayed with him.

Still feels like a miracle every morning when Eddie wakes up in Steve's arms both of their bodies aching. As if he could tell what Eddie is thinking Steve looks up from the grill and finds Eddie's eyes. He gives Eddie that private little smile, the smile that means, "you too are my miracle." Because Steve feels the exact same.

It took a couple more months and for Eddie and Steve to leave the god-forsaken small town of Hawkins behind for Eddie to believe that he might make it past 27. They moved to Indy first and then later to Chicago. Shabby apartments became home and strangers became friends, confidants, people that turned out to be just like Steve and Eddie and Robin. And then some of those friends started dying. Eddie kinda lost count of how many funerals they went to during those years. Is thankful every day that they made it, is thankful for all the friends that did make it.

He watches some of them across the lawn or on the porch, chatting, carrying potato salad, laughing and lifting up their kids or even grandkids. Eddie watches them all and takes in the miracle that is grey hair and wrinkles, looks at Steve and loves how the nickname "The Hair" doesn't quite apply anymore, curses the pain in his own back and kinda sees it a little bit as a blessing at the same time. As a reminder that they have made it. As a reminder that they get to have this, that despite supernatural powers and bigoted people they got to have this.

They got to grow older and will continue to grow older. They got to get married (three times: once in Amsterdam, once in Massachusetts and once last year in their backyard renewing their vows, celebrating gay marriage being legalized). Two arms warp around Eddie from behind and a soft kiss is pressed into his cheek.

"Hi dad," Allison, their eldest, says and let's go of him.

"Hey honey," Eddie says and pulls her into a proper hug, holding her tight.

She moved to West Coast for college, near where Will and Mike are located now, so Eddie and Steve don't get to see her all that much, as opposed to George who just moved to Detroit. It's nice, means Eddie and Steve get to see little Emma relatively often. As if on cue Emma turns around and looks from Steve to Eddie and Allison.

"Aunt Allie," she yells and runs across the yard to hug her aunt, leaving Steve all alone at the grill.

While Emma and Allison hug, Eddie makes his way over to Steve. Thinks once more how lucky they are that they got to adopt two beautiful kids, now have a grandkid too. Fucking miracle. Eddie reaches Steve and sneaks his arms around him, chin hooked over his shoulder.

"Oh hello," Steve says and turns his head enough to steal a quick peck. "What are you doing here?"

"Missed you," Eddie mumbles and buries his face in Steve's neck, nose brushing against Steve's scar.

"Sap," Steve says, but then adds, "Missed you too, baby."

Eddie closes his eyes and just drifts. Takes in the smell of Steve and bbq, hears children laughing and friends talking, feels Steve's warm body pressed against his. With the lives they have led, the places they came from the odds have never been in their favor. But somehow, by pure luck, miracle, determination and stubbornness they made it. And Eddie is thankful for it every day. Thankful for Steve, and Allision and George, and little Emma and everyone else part of their little miracle.

They've made it. Eddie still sometimes can't believe it.

[blouisparadise]

Today we have the fourth part of our hurt/comfort rec list for you! There are tons of amazing fics on this list that we hope you'll show some love to. If you missed the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Wanna Feel the Edges Start to Burn | Explicit | 6,111 words

Harry gives him a gentle smile. “Feeling a little bit better?” Louis nods tentatively. “I think so yeah. Thank you so much for being so kind, but you really didn’t need to do this.” He lifts his unfortunately still shaky hand and runs it haphazardly through his hair. “It was just a spilled tea, I totally overreacted. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest.” Harry scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Don’t be. I saw the whole thing, that guy was way out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis gives him what he’s sure is a watery smile. “Erm thank you. I wouldn’t normally admit this to a stranger, but you’ve already seen me cry today so what the hell?” He forces himself to let out a weak laugh. “The thing is, my period is due any day now and sometimes the birth control pills make my emotions go a little haywire. I think that’s what happened.”

2) To Love Without Reason | Explicit | 8,894 words

“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind. Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic. “I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.” Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.

3) Wanna Do Nothing With You | Explicit | 9,606 words

The accident happens in the stupidest way possible. One minute Louis is demonstrating a skateboard trick he’d just learned for Lottie, the next he’s waking up in a hospital. He’s told that he wasn’t unconscious the entire ride, but he has absolutely no recollection of it. One second he’s fucking around in his own garden and the next he’s being assaulted with the strong sterile scent of a hospital. So. There’s that.

4) Let Me Be Your Good Night | Explicit | 10,520 words

Louis goes on a shit Valentines date and Harry's the cute waiter who takes him home

5) For The Love Of Biscuits | Mature | 16,574 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

The thing about hybrids is that their animal instincts make them jumpy. And quite often lends them to being owned. Harry Styles wasn't looking to purchase a half-breed. But sometimes things just happen. And owning a fox/human hybrid was something that happened.

6) Works Like A Charm | Explicit | 18,088 words

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone. One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts. Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts. Three: They do not get along. So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.

7) Soup Of The Day | Explicit | 19,958 words

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm. What could possibly go wrong?

8) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20,667 words

Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays. Louis didn’t tell his mum about their breakup so staying with them is not ideal. Harry stays.

9) Heart Eyes | Explicit | 21,467 words

Harry is a dedicated sentinel with a strong aversion to demons, and Louis is the lovesick incubus who will go to any lengths to win Harry's heart.

10) It Was All By Design (‘Cause I’m A Mastermind) | Explicit | 21,986 words

“You can’t be serious. You think I would be so awful to work for - you would rather quit?” “Don’t be all high and mighty about it,” Harry scoffs. “Surely you would do the same.” “I’m not being high and mighty. It’s called being professional.” “Really?” Harry pushes. “You’d work diligently under me with no complaints? You’d do whatever I asked of you?” “That would be my job, so yeah.” Harry shakes his head. “I’d work you so fucking hard,” he says slowly, “that you’d have to quit.”

11) Thrown To The Wolves | Explicit | 21,681 words

Louis is a human living in the Styles' wolf pack who can't stop getting into trouble, and Harry is the soon-to-be alpha who thinks keeping Louis at arm's length is the safest option.

12) Letters To June | Mature | 41,150 words

It's 1915, Europe is in the middle of the Great War. Omega Louis decides to join the Letter Home Project to become someone’s penfriend. Through this he meets a lovely soldier who hasn't got anyone else to send a letter to. Along with his letter, comes a picture of the most handsome alpha Louis has ever seen.

13) Catch Me If I Fall | Explicit | 47,099 words

Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.

14) As We Are | Explicit | 48,268 words

Louis doesn't think much when he's asked to meet up with the alpha of the pack two hours from his own - he figures it's business as usual. But Harry Styles is anything but usual.

15) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words

Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who’s never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?

16) Of Lost Things | Explicit | 57,890 words

Louis comes with a familiarity Harry has never felt with anyone else before. After their fateful meeting, their chemistry became undeniable, and soon after, Harry had felt like he hit the jackpot when it came to finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with. But all relationships come with their own unique problems, and Harry soon realizes that their relationship is no different. When their problems go from unordinary to nearly bizarre in nature, he takes it upon himself to find an answer to their troubles. What he stumbles upon are terrifying coincidences between his and Louis’ story, and the ill-fated mythological couple, Orpheus and Eury. But it’s all they are; just coincidences, ones that feel as frighteningly familiar as Louis. Except… what if none of this is a coincidence? What if everything Harry has always seen as fiction is true, and myth—or rather, history, is about to repeat itself?

17) Sink Into Your Sunlight | Explicit | 79,562 words

In the grand scheme of things Louis did believe in love, what he didn’t believe was that he would ever find it in his life time for himself. Low and behold he would find it with someone he didn’t anticipate, now it was just a matter of having it work out the way he dreamed of.

18) Invisible String | Explicit | 84,726 words

Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on. For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.

19) Wind Beneath My Wings | Explicit | 93,131 words

As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.

20) You Were My Because | Explicit | 109,089 words

Note: Please be sure to read the tags and any warnings.

Louis has battled the demons of his past for years now and has little hope of finding happiness for himself. Especially now that a school reunion is taking place and the memories of his school days are suddenly coming back with full force. But after rain always comes sunshine, in Louis’ case in the form of his old schoolmate Harry. A story about healing, friendship, finding trust and love.

21) Drops of Jupiter | Mature | 121,826 words

In a small, sleepy town ruled by prejudice, Louis Tomlinson runs his grandmothers shop for the occult. He finds comfort in his tarot cards, his friends, and a dog that he doesn't have room for. He thought the worst he'd have to deal with would be bigotry, until a new sheriff arrives with a headstrong little girl that's impossible not to fall in love with. But what happens when a string of break-ins leads to a brutal attack, and the towns' darling is murdered right under their Sunday hats? A murder that just so happens to bear the same modus operandi as similar homicides in neighbouring states. Has the killer been circling Virginia, or is he a local of Lavender Hills? And what will Louis do when the charming Sheriff Styles starts to suspect him of such a heinous crime?

22) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167,485 words | Sequel

Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[winonaparadise]

short story 💯

wrote a very quick story about a class i took in college. if you like my writing in my videos you may like this

Five years ago today I was clawing through state university. I had switched majors in an effort to come away with something more material from my college experience – but I was also trying to earn as many credits with as few courses to keep my schooling short and cheap.

I took a heavy weighted class in “media law.” A subject notoriously as intricate as it is absolutely fucking stupid. Anything you could learn, Disney will change tommorrow. The professor was an adjunct, splitting his time between the humble basement where boys with Pulp Fiction posters in their dorms fiddled with cameras and the actual law school where he was employed some miles down the road. I have never seen Pulp Fiction, but I’ve fiddled with enough cameras and enough of the boys who own them to have reviewed it twice. This is not a problem to me now.

Then I was stupid. Twenty. And basically friendless. I spent all my time trying to make something the same way the universe spent billions of years pouring hot soup into holes and hoping life would bubble out. I studied Japanese during quiet matches of PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds. I never got a win, and I never got an “A” in Japanese.

Weeks of school went by as I skimmed textbooks, got high, and thought about talking to literally anyone. Academic words danced around the edges of my brain like sand. I wrote essays on the same autopilot I write today. Feverish. Flowing. Fantasizing about what it would be like to go out with someone instead of texting a girl who now lived in Japan and making ramen noodles while listening for footsteps in a digital warzone.

I did all my work. I submitted it on something called “canvas” that the muscle memory in my fingers still types in search bars to this day. I never checked my grades. I knew they were bad.

Classes dragged me through the week on a bungee cord. I lived a block away from the bulk of them and found myself drifting in halls of buildings I’d never attended just to keep myself from meandering back home to draw a bad comic about a girl who lived in hell. 

I knew nobody. I went nowhere. I struggled to do classwork alone on outdoor benches dreaming of someone speaking to me. I needed to live in hell instead.

My media law professor was late the weekend after our first term essays were due. I don’t know what mode of transportation he took to get from one school to the other but today the Carolina sun had drenched him sweaty. We were chilly waiting for him to begin.

“Just about every single one of you failed.” He spat and chugged coffee through the entire period. “While I first was grading I thought I was the one who failed.”

He didn’t let the moment of respite last. “But I also did something I’ve never done before.” He paced like my father did when a restaurant was closed early. “I gave out my first perfect score. Which prevents me from grading on a curve.”

He huffed, he assigned a new reading, and he rushed out like he had lit dynamite. “Do better!” “What an asshole.” The girl who sat next to me in every class spoke as if she had been holding her breath. “Fuck him and fuck whoever got that hundred.”

“I know right!” I launched in on her anger, feeling it too. Back and forth we complained. We walked off campus together. She had long blonde hair and towered over me. I had felt ugly and mousey next to her, but today I felt like her equal. It felt good to bitch.

“I got a fucking 50. What about you?”

“It wasn’t pretty.” I recalled how I stayed up the night before the assignment was due. I milked bullshit into a puree. I got a rush of adrenaline from killing someone with a shotgun through a door in an abandoned house on the outskirts of Pochinki. I was probably close to being expelled. “This class is too fucking hard,” she smoked and shook her head by a bus stop on Tate Street. “I’m not about to lose my freetime over it.”

“Right.” I imagined her at parties. Black silhouettes against colored lights and deafening music. Like The Social Network. “We should be partners for the next assignment,” she got out her phone and passed it to me for my number. I typed it in. I waved her off on the bus. We did the assignment together. We texted each other about our studies. We joked about finding the guy who got the perfect score and beating him senseless. I thought about talking to her about my art or what we were making in other classes, but never did.

Towards the end of the semester I had to plan the next. A whirlpool churned in my stomach as I clicked on “grades” on my campus’ online portal. I had an A+ in a single course. 

Media Law.

My friend from class texted me that she was dreading the final. I texted her that if we failed I would kill Mr. Perfect Score. She texted “lol.”

She passed the course. I got my degree so I assume I did too. We stopped texting.

That professor emailed me asking me to take a course at the law school down the road. He said he would let me sit in and see if I wanted to change majors a third time. I never replied.

A law degree would just make Mr. Perfect Score a hundred times more punchable.

[whateveryouiguess]

let me in.| roommate! eddie munson x reader

warnings: angst to fluff, not that serious tho, reader is sad and eddie tweaks bc he’s in love w her lol. no use of y/n, reader is described as wearing a bonnet to sleep. takes place in modern day :)

a/n: heyyy remember when i started this blog five months ago lmao. anyway. college is hard gimme a break. this wasn’t requested but i think it’s Neat. enjoy!

eddie can’t fuckin cook.

he can work the shit out of a hungry man and boxed macaroni but a genuine, effort-given, home cooked meal? forget about it. this lack of talent hasn’t ever bothered him though, he’s not a particularly picky guy (being dirt poor you learn to just eat what’s in front of you till you get full) so his ineptitude hasn’t created much of a hindrance. until now.

she’s not much into sharing her emotions; she’s always there with open arms when eddie falls apart, but she’s never asked for it in return. instead, she resorts to sulking in her bedroom and waiting till eddie’s left the common area to utilize the space. eddie is a grade a eavesdropper, and he wouldn’t put himself above listening through the wall to check on her when he’s especially worried. he gives her the space she knows he wants, doesn’t pry, but when he stays in the living room all day and doesn’t hear her come out of her room once, not even to eat, he knows it’s time to warp some boundaries.

“soup and self care,” she once described her catch-all sadness remedy. she’s used it on him more times than he can count and he knows for certain that it works like a charm (when accompanied by a tight hug over the shoulders and a warm kiss on the cheek, that is. she never misses.)

—————————————————————————

an hour and a half into fucking up a tomato bisque, eddie considers throwing in the towel and just ordering panera, but he worries the sentiment won’t ring true enough if it’s not from scratch. he groans loudly and drops the still warm pot of a soup homage into the sink, wiping the sweat off his brow with the black handkerchief ever tucked into his back pocket. defeated, he slumps against the marble countertop and heaves a big sigh, eyes trained on the closed, sticker decorated door directly across from the kitchen.

it’s just my period.

his poor girl.

i’m being dramatic.

she was so damn strong.

don’t worry about me.

he would give her the world. he had to.

“fuck it.”

ed slides towards her bedroom door, knocking gently. he hears her clear her throat and reinject the pep into her voice as she calls out a strained “yeah?”

“can i come in?”

“i-“ he hears shuffling, her voice gets closer to the door. “what’s up?” the shakiness in her voice makes his palms tingle and his cheeks burn. he’s hurting for her, and she won’t tell him why.

“sweetheart, please let me in. i know you’re not okay and i-i don’t wanna pry, or make you uncomfortable, y’know, i respect your boundaries and all that, but i…” the words leave him as his hand slumps over the brass knob of her door. “i can’t let you sulk anymore, kid.” his throat aches under the weight of the words that leave his lips. he doesn’t realize how heavy they are until he lets them go. “please.” with a quiet sniffle and a slow turn of the knob, eddie’s made privy to the pitch black mess of her room. she’s back in bed as soon as the door is open. tip toeing around her discarded bra and work clothes, a textbook and her open laptop, he crawls into bed beside her, leaving just enough space for her to roll over and cuddle into him. he craves her surrender, but he wants her to do so willingly. his shoulders feel hollow without the acupressure of her arms around him, he wants nothing more than to scoop her up and cradle her like she does him, but he’d rather be a gorgons lunch before pushing her beyond her limits. so, he settles on resting a hand between her shoulder blades and toying with the little curls at the nape of her neck, picking at the fairy knots and brushing them back under her bonnet when he’s done with them.

“i don’t wanna talk.” she huffs, as if he’d said anything to refute her. he just nods silently and rubs her back, smiling she presses herself up against him shyly.

“tomato bisque or french onion?” she coughs a little and sits up, squinting at him. the pale moonlight bleeding from the window and the blue cast of the doordash order screen on his phone lights him up like a freshwater pearl as he smiles at her confusion. “i’m getting panera, do you want tomato or french onion soup with your grilled cheese?” the scrunch in her nose scares him for a second, until she rolls over onto her other side and curls into his chest. the white flag has risen. his arms are quick to find her waist and shoulders holding her tight, tight, tight, to him. a slow, heated kiss to her temple is the nail in the coffin, and he’s sure he can coax her into a face mask or a back rub later on to complete the usual routine.

homemade or not, he was gonna get his girl some soup. he would get her the world.