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severeearthquakebanana · 1 month ago

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Ooooh boy, guess who FINALLY got around to watching the Sailor Moon Cosmos movies. ✨ME✨ so now you allll get to hear about allll my thoughts because thats exactly what tumblr is for😜 anyway

So starting off, i would say that overall this is a good movie. Depending on what metric you use can definitely rank it even higher. But i found a few personal flaws that kept it from being great. Mainly, i just don’t quite like the Stars arc as much as i do the others lol which isnt really on the movie, it just is the plot. And this movie was an EXCELLENT adaption of the manga. I had just reread the last two arcs yesterday so it was very fresh, and yeah, this movie was by far and away the most excellent and spot on adaptation of the manga. If thats your metric, this movie is great.

Additionally, by nature of being animated, all of the jokes and small asides can be cranked up to 11. And they totally did that, which is one of my favorite parts of the movie. Minako fangirling over the three lights and the whole notebook scene was hysterical, and it brought my heart joy that she was allowed to do that. Part of the reason i prefer the 90s anime is because of how much breathing room and comedic gags you get from the characters, its just so fun! So see that here was great.

I also really loved the transformation sequences. Some were unique, some were callbacks to the anime. And i think all of them were executed flawlessly. I really really liked the score behind the transformations too, like the second to last one for Usagi was a complete callback to all the previous versions, with the animation matching the 90s season 1 and the music pulling cues from Crystal season 1. And how could i forget Chibiusa!! Her transformation was kickass, and i’m so excited she got such an awesome and unique transformation for herself this time around.

Speaking of chibi characters, i still didn’t like ChibiChibi. They kept harping so much on “oh we just dont know who you are but we trust you anyway!” Which is in line with the manga! But MAN. I still hate the character. Sailor Cosmos is cool, and like i’d LOVE to cosplay her (if i ever got off my ass and did cosplay but thats another story) but i still feel like shes just an extra body shoehorned in to help move the story along.

Which brings me to my next unfavorable point, so much of this plot is telling not showing. Like don’t get me wrong, the first half when they animate Usagi’s eyes to be solid blue to show her disconnect with reality? AMAZING. The starlight concerts? Also great. But so much plot is “heres all the lore let me talk at you for 5 minutes” and like i KNOW thats a halmark of this style of show but MAN its all just crammed in there especially WITH the sailor cosmos stuff. Its all just very confusing.

Also! Also! This might just be main character syndrome, but like why does Usagi get to grieve the loss of her friends/Mamoru, and shut down entirely, but the rest of the sailor scouts don’t? Like Usagi’s allowed to take the losses personally but Minako isn’t? yeah, it was really great to see Usagi step up by the end of it and be all determined. And yeah, i really really loved the “why is she coming after my friends if she just wants me?” Breakdown because i too would respond the same way. If you’ve got a problem with me, take it up with me. Not my loved ones. If my loved ones step into help and get hurt fine, i will be upset but significantly less so because they chose to intervene. Idk man just bugs me.

Also speaking of Mamoru, i still LOVE his english voice actor. Omg this man needs to play more love interests, his voice is like silk and it’s fantastic lol

Now my last complaint is more just because my dumbass apparently was real blind a year ago when watchig this all the first time. Why is Sailor Lead Crow a dominatrix? Why is she wearing basically lingerie? Same with Sailor Iron Mouse. Her outfit too is basically lingerie. I’m all for cool and interesting outfits, but like Sailor Aluminum Siren had strappy and skimpy clothes, but her outfit didn’t look NEAR as questionable. Idk i just thought it was dumb. I also find the starlight’s outfits to be dumb as well. Mainly just the pants tho. The rest of it is fine, but their pants could be just a little longer ya know? Maybe i’m just being old and crotchety. Also on this topic, i’ve never like Haruka’s dress in the final scene. Yeah she’d definitely be more modest than the others but damn. Not that bad. I’d picture her in something closer to what Meghan Markle wore for her dress, except with maybe a crew neck instead of a boat neck. And make the whole damn think sparkly if you must. Not a high collar like in the 1800s.

Anyway to close this off with a final positive! I, like everyone else, ADORED the additional scene after the cauldron but before the wedding where Usagi makes it back to her parents house and Shingo picks at her. If there was ANYTHING that brought this full circle, it was that. And like i said in my original read thru of this arc, i don’t care about sailor cosmos, i care about Usagi and if SHES okay. And this bridge scene really shows that yes, everyone was able to be reborn and continue on their current paths, and Usagi made it home to her parents and brother and Luna. And i think it also helped make the bed/wedding scenes feel more like an epilogue, like that time really had passed and they didn’t just jump from the cauldron to that part of their life, which is appreciated.

So yeah, overall, good movie. Excellent adaption of the manga, and added several things in that i thought elevated the work. I’ve got my nitpicks, but i think if the purpose of this arc was to bring Usagi to her lowest after the high of last arc’s coronation, it executed. Great way to spend 3 hours, i highly recommend 🤗

#sailor moon #sailor moon spoilers #sailor moon cosmos #my thoughts not an actual correctly structured move review

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richardsphere · 2 months ago

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Im going to respond to this with the assumption that you are legitimately misunderstanding the meaning of the term "toxic positivity". And as such im going to write an explanation of what i understand the meaning of the term to be. But before i do so i want to point out: Happiness Merchants exists. Thats literally the point of most media making companies, to sell "happiness" in one form of another. Every time that your favourite franchise releases a new teaser-trailer to get you hyped for the next season of "Show you used to like but thats been retooled so often its now only a shadow of its former self and you're legitimately unsure if it'll ever go back to being the show you used to love"? Thats them "selling happiness", selling the promise that this next season will make you happy. Every marketing department from the big guys like Disney and WB to the smaller indies like the former Roosterteeth and Team Cherry, are the "happiness merchants" you are looking for. Now onto Toxic Positivity. Toxic positivity is a form of Social pressure, used to silence dissent and criticism by accusing the Critic of being a Burden to Others by Bringing The Mood Down. the classic example is a father telling their kids to "Be happy with your greens, your mother worked hard to make them" (note: This example might seem related to "kids in africa are starving" but they are entirely different forms of social pressure, Kids in Africa is what is called the Appeal to Worse Problems). Toxic positivity is the idea that people have a moral obligation to be happy with the status quo, to maintain others' satisfaction. Its a way of supressing criticism because "people worked hard to make this terrible thing" and "your criticism is bringing the mood down for the Mindless Consumers who just want to eat their slop" Its a pressure to silence the critic by saying that a critic holding a creative work accountable to its flaws by pointing those out isnt helping, because pointing out flaws "brings the mood down", so instead of adressing the problems, those unsatisfied just need to lower their standards and feign Happiness (TM). The best example of a portrayal of Toxic Positivity in Media, is in the Disney/Pixar movie: Inside Out. Riley's deeply miserable as a result of the alienation from moving across the country and the loss of her friends and old life. But because her mom says "you need to be Happy(TM) for your father" she tries to put on the brave face and her life cannot improve, the entire movie is a masterfull depiction of the damage that Toxic Positivity does to a person.

Because Toxic Positivity is a way of warping a persons compassion into a pressure for self-censorship and conformity to the group, "You shouldnt tell your dad you're miserable here, because that'll make it worse for everyone". Or in fandom spaces "Critics should just shut up, and let the rest of us enjoy the show uncritically, as-is".

At the core, toxic positivity springs from a utilitarian notion that you must feign Happiness (TM), to provide the Most Happiness for the Most People.

There is no such thing as "toxic positivity."

I mean, on the internet? We call them Outrage Merchants for a reason. Where are the Happiness Merchants? Where are the clickbait-y video titles that elicit glee?

#really hoping that the OP is legitimately confused about the meaning of Toxic Positivity #and not just trying to dismiss it as a concept or maliciously trolling

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oh-my-moomin · 3 years ago

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NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it.

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him.

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents.

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection.

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels.

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman.

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection.

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real.

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means.

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful.

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels.

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn.

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems.

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture”

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji.

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series.

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji.

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important.

I want to talk to you, to know you.

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected.

You are worthy of my affection.

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you.

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live.

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future.

I am glad I could meet you, thank you.

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

#nge #neon genesis evangelion #shinji ikari #nge analysis #asuka langley sohryu #misato katsuragi #rei ayanami #ritsuko akagi #gendo ikari #kaworu nagisa

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tomdiddlyumptious · 4 years ago

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A.R| Just cry Already

Summary: did arvin take you on a date- oop.

Warning: slight sexual tension, just a little tense, NOT SEXUAL- terrible flirt, and of course unedited

A/n: smack my ass like a drumb ✌️😌- YALL I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE ABOUT BEING LATE- IM HAVING A FEW PROBLEMS AND I HAVE TO RE WRITE THE SHIT I RIGHT BECAUSE IT SEEMS RUSHED!

Chapters -> one ✨ two 🤠 three ✨ four 🤠 five

Arvin isnt a stalker, he just wanted to know where you live, turns out just across the woods. Lenora called him ‘freakin crazy’ while his grandmother called him ‘in love’. He wants to sneak you out so he does, he grabs his coat and nicer pants, he cleaned himself up, brushed his hair back with some water and brushrd his teeth.

“She is gonna love you man” he says to himself in the mirror, after checking himself out. He grabbed his keys and headed out.

You on the other hnd were right awake, thinking about the preacher and how disrespectful he was. “God he just seems-“ you cut yourself off, you were honestly having the second hand embarrassment, how it is to be in his place.

“Im not falling in fucking love, hes a white boy god dammit” you murmured, the room dark and the door closed while you placed your hands under your ear, closing your eyes.

Until you heard a light knock.

You jumped as you looked out your window, a hat appearing as hands start to open the window, you quickly got up and grabbed your heel. You grabbed the foot of it and held the heel up.

“Oh shit- how hard can it be to open a damn window?” You hear youre guessing a man groan, you walk up to the window and see white hands, your first instinct is to pierce it but you soon realize who it is.

“Shit arvin you scared me! I almost put a whole in your hand!” You whisper yelled as you put down the heel softly to not wake anyone up. You grab his hands and let him inside, softly planting his feet on the ground and looking at you with his chocolate brown eyes that the moon shone on.

“Hey” he let out a chuckle as he looked at you. “My dad is gonna kill me and you, what do you want arvin?” You ask seriously, placing your hands on your hips and honestly missing your bed.

“I-uh wanted to take you on a date- as i said theres a drive through and a movie is playing” “is this your ticket to makeout with me?” “I mean no- but that would be nice” you sigh, then you hear wood creak. “Shit! In the closet- NOW” you whisper yell, pushing him to the closet and closing it, throwing yourself on the bed and under the sheets.

Your door opens as your eyes are wide open, your father entering. “Why are you up? And why is your window open?” “Its hot and my head hurts a bit” “not sneakin boys in here are ya?” He switches on the light looking around in your room. “Now why would i do that, dad?” You let out a giggle. “I dont know, i hope you know your my little girl and your never leaving, ever” he lets out rather harshly. Arvin crinkled his eyebrows and mentally added notes about your father, now understanding what you meant earlier.

You gulp and nod, not wanting to answer. He smiles and turns off the light, closing your door all the way shut before stepping off. Sooner or later the closet door opened with a smiling arvin.

“Get changed! We gotta go!” He whisper yells, you smack your lips and sigh in defeat before getting up and walking over to your closet. “Well you gotta get out!” You say, he raises an eyebrow in confusion “of my closet?” He lets out an ‘ohh’ before standing up and dusting his pants off.

You take out some of your brothers jeans, a tank top and some 2 inch black heels. “Arent women not aloud to wear pants?” “So you arent a feminist?” Arvin lets out a ‘pffft’ “of course i am, Especially for you” “oh shut up and let me change” it became awkward of course as you had to hide yourself from arvin.

Of course you didnt have a bra on, so when you took off your night gown your breats slapped on your stomach, arvin just leaning against the window seal with his arm as he watchs you without hesitation “you are such a creep, i can feel you staring at me” you comment. He only giggles as he watches your back move, your glowing back move to put your black tank top on.

You turn to him and meet his eyes “turn around arvin” “why?” “So i can take off i pants?” “O-oh yeah” you give a smile while he turns around, dropping your pants still facing him you grab the jeans and slide them on.

Arvin really wanted to see you, he knows you arent shapped like these others, he wants to touch and admire you everywhere, every flaw would be his favorite part, he just needed his fingers on you. “You almsot done-“ “look?” You ask, he immediately turns around and meets your dressed body, well you didnt button your pants all the way, he smiled as he looked at you up and down “gorgeous” he licks his lips. “Havent took me on the first date” you remind him making him roll his eyes silently.

You both sat in the car, music distantly playing as he had his hand on your thigh, looking at you for some moments while you looked straight ahead. He looked again and you caught him “what?” You giggle, making him smile and blush “your like, really beautiful- i hope you believe me” you bite your lip and shrug “i dont know just yet”.

He bought you the famous pineapple upside down cake and some Bees Knees, as you guys pulled up in the drive through. “Scary movie, classic move arvin” you rolled your eyes. He only laughed as he continued to look for a spot “do like them?” “Yeah i do, which one is this?” “Only the famous Nosferatu” “cool” he chuckled as he parked his Chevrolet Bel Air in one of the best spots.

“I hope you dont think your getting me tonight” you look at him while he sios his drink, he only shrugs “you dont know” he winks. You smirk but turn away from him as you turn on the radio to the right channel, hearing the movie you grabbed a fork and took a bite out of the pineapple-cake.

About an hour in he tried his best to flirt with you. “Hey y/n” he said, you turned to him as he picked up the same fork you had and took a bite, sexually. You sucked in your lower lip to keep you from laughing as he continued to eat it and make eye contact with you. And then he wasn’t expecting it, you started cackling.

He didn’t understand why as he made sure to lick the fork clean. You were out of breath as he rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “I-im so-sorry” you only started to laugh harder “b-but that! I cant-“ “whatever” “dont get mad at me, im sorry” you sucked in your laughs and patted his shoulder, giving a playful frown as he looked back at you with his lips tucked to the side.

“Im not mad, no need to apologize hun” “oh we’re doing pet names?” “I mean, yeah” “alright sweetcheeks” you said as he smacked his lips and couldnt fight the urge smile.

He turned off the radio and turned to you, you had your heels off showing your pretty piggies that arvin laughed at, he looked up at you and seen you smiling at him. “What?” He asks, his cheeks slowly heating up. “Youre beautiful arvin” you complement as his cheeks become scarlet. “Your too sweet” he says back, biting his lip to stop himself from grinning more “well tell me about yourself, will ya?”

“What do you wanna know?” You ask as you lean back, your lower lip popping out over your top. “Your favorite color, movie something like that?” “Well, i like F/C my favorite movie is F/M my favorite food is F/F and i love rainy and cloudy days” “how come?” “My little brother, and because they are relaxing” you sigh and give a small smile.

“Well i like red, i dont really have a favorite movie? I love my grandmas cooking so i also dont have one, but i like sunny days- even though we rarely get those” he chuckles, you place your hand on top of his “how nice” you grin.

“I-i feel so embarrassed- about in church- god” he groans. “Dont be arvin- i dont care and nobdy else does- well i dont mean it like that but you know-“ “yeah” he sighs, relaxing a bit as his legs slightly open, his elbow on the ontop of the closed window as he rested his head on his cheek.

You felt happy but sad, you dont want him to feel that way at all, nobody deserves it, not even the racists deserve it. “Look let go of it, it was a moment and you are moving on” “you say that like it was a week ago” “oh well, arvin”

“So you snuck out last night?” Cloudy asks again for clarification, you look at him annoyed but nodded. He chukcled as he shuck his head “ what?!” You ask, slapping his arm as you guys walked down to the lake for a bit.

“Dad is gonna fucking kill you, do you even like this boy?” “We went in one date! And it was nice, we actually have an emotional connection” “how much?” He asks looking at you. “We talked the whole movie through” “i swear if he-“ “calm the hell down cloudy” you giggle, he only rolls his eyes as he huffs.

“I hope you know no one is gonna be happy” “well I guess im thankful for you” you wrap your arm around his arms, holding his shoulder in your hand and rubbing it some as he chukles. “How was school by the way?” You ask suddenly, he only shrugs as he looks at his moving feet “talk to me cloud”. “I seen lenora around and stuff” “did you talk to her?” “No” you sigh as you shake your head in disappointment.

“Well get out of your comfort zone- do something” you raise your eyebrow at him, slightly annoyed. “And who are you to tell me what to do?” He says, cocking the same eyebrow. “I am your sister, your older sister- the one who-“ “changed my diapers” cloudy mocks, already knowing what you were gonna say.

“Exactly, although we might not be able to do a whole lot of things that doesnt mean we cant bend the rules just a bit, right?” You give him a small smile as he chuckles “you are the exact opposite of dad” “i know- thats why you love me so much” you giggle as you take your hand from his shoulder and start walking normally side by side.

“Hey y/n?” Cloudy asked after a few minutes of silence, he looked at you as you hummed and told him to continue,” you know how you promise me and mom that youre gonna take us out of here?” You looked at him and nodded.

“Do you ever rethink it? Or even think about leaving us?” He hesitated. “Well- i dont pray, i dont work, and i barely help anyone. So sometimes i do think about it- think about if we do get stuck here, if we dont leave and if we are gonna stay miserable” “so yes?” You nod and poke your lower lip out.

“But when you saved lenora- do you think that god seen that as a good sign for you?- like arvin is a good sign?” He asks curiously, you only shrug and bite the side of your lip. “Are you telling me your believing in god now cloud?” You ask him. “I mean- he did make this earth right?”

You stop dead in your tracks and he follows turning to you as you put your hands on his shoulders and gives them a squeeze, making cloudy groan but pay attention. “Look here- i dont care that you belive in god- but what you wont do is put faith in that god damn preacher, ya hear?” You say sternly.

You were never really serious when you talked with cloud, you had no reason to be hard or hate him. Hes your younger brother after all right? But he knew when you gave him those talks he needed to agree, he always puts faith in you and believes what you say because your really all he has.

Dad is manipulative- whatever mom said to him was because dad told her to. When you were young you barely listened so he kinda gave up on you, so when cloudy was born you took him under your wing because you utterly refused for him to be brain washed by the asshole of a dad. Why did your mother even get with your dad? Because she was desperate and vulnerable.

She killed her brother, on purpose. Your uncle is sick- was sick. He tried to touch your mom also- to all the black folks she was the prettiest girl in the small town- and your father took advantage of it. Your mother was always a free woman and doesnt like to be trapped, but as she got older she grew tired and just gave up- just listened- it meant less work for her anyway.

He nodded “yes ma’am”. You give him a weak smile as you find yourself next to the river already. You heard giggles and the water waves as pictures flashed, then a strong punch. You silently slapped your brother as you told him to get down, both crouching knowing you had to get out of there.

“I want you to go the car cloud” you whisper at him, crawling ahead and turning to the bushes, slightly getting a view of the people- of course white people.

“Im not leaving you y/n-“

Shots fired.

“Get your dumbass to to the fuckin car NOW!” You whisper yell, cloud stunned but quickly taking the keys from you and running to the car. You start crawling more and see an old man, well mid-30s with a camera around his neck and a women fixing herself- and of course a dead man bare naked with bloody coming from between his legs.

You sat there, shaking, your hand making its way up to cover your mouth, your eyes widening with shock as they started to take care of it.

Now you knew better then to report it because it only meant bad for you, but what happend- what you just saw is absolutley horrible. You only froze and continued to watch almost forgetting about cloudy, you look back at the parked cars and back at the couple your guessing- but they’ve disappeared.

You took your chance now to run back to the car, lifting your pink dress and running in those combat boots. You saw cloudy basically mesmerized- paying no attention as he just looked ahead- the keys already in and the car started as you just drove away.

Taggie! @jeyramarie

#tom holland x reader #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel x black!reader #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x you #jb writes

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thegreatimpersonator · 4 years ago

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well since y’all asked

everything will be below the cut so people can just ignore this lol

the wild thing is like... everything everyone was saying from both sides makes sense. the good and the bad. i’ll start off with a pro and cons and then do a short track by track

pros:

i agree with what people are saying about how well this style suits her voice, it perfect. it’s smooth and calming but also doesnt stick her in a box and will allow her to kinda move with it and change things up as she sings, which i know she loves to do.

the production is exactly her too. it’s r&b beats with classic strings... liek that’s completely ariana grande. it’s so interesting and it weirdly works well?

i feel like you can tell she was just in her element making these songs. i feel like she tapped into something that can be so endless for her and new ideas will be constant.

idk if it’s just me adjusting to hearing her sing but her pronunciation is getting a lot better

every song has at least one good and attractive part to it... there are no songs that i am so completely confused as to why it’s on the album.

it’s for sure my favorite era for her in terms of style

also her best album cover (but sweeter is close second)

cons:

okay... there is a pattern with this album. every song had a really solid start. so many times i was in love with the verses and the melodies she was singing but... my god are the choruses weak. it’s just one line... repeated... like 4 times... then we move on... and i was sitting here like ‘oh that’s what we were building up to?’ and it happened with every song. so i completely agree about it kind of falling flat most of the time.

it’s so repetitive. besides the choruses mostly all being weak, the themes are all the same. like the 14 songs on the album are all about two things: her being horny or her being in love. that’s it. why did we need 14 songs to tell us two things.

another point: why were there 14 songs? so many filler tracks that just add nothing to the album for me. she could’ve honestly made a solid 10 track album and it would’ve been a good clean piece of work.

the lyrics... oh my god the lyrics. the one thing i saw people saying, both fans of the album and not, was that the lyrics were really bad... liek they had to prepare people. and my god. there were some points that straight up sounded like 14 year old stan accounts arguing on twitter... ‘you sound dumb... shut up’ SHE USED THAT LYRIC AS A HOOK... she thought it was so good it deserved to be the hook like? and also there’s a lyric that just straight up says ‘read a fucking book’ lol. the good or tolerable lyrics are basically ones she already used before on other songs? like how many time's has this woman sung about fucking while watching movies...

she needs to stop putting out albums so frequently. a lot of the complaints i see people having is just that it doesnt feel finished or polished enough to be an album. like she should have waiting a few months and refined things. it feels like a stepping stone rather than a destination. she doesnt have a clear vision, narrative or purpose driving the album at all.

track by track

shut up: this was the first taste of bad lyrics like this is the song about being dumb and i fully was like omfg this is the whole song isnt it. i dig the production though.. this might have the best production of the whole album for me.

34+35: i felt like i was listening to a horny 13 year old boy during the chorus lol. it just felt really immature at some points... like the giggling every time she alluded to 69 wasnt necessary. also the end where she says ‘mean i wanna 69 with ya’..... sweetie you didnt have to tell us we know we can add. i did like the melody of the pre-chorus. the ‘i’ve been drinkin coffee, i’ve been eatin healthy’ is really catchy and good

motive: god i had such high hopes for this. it first started and i loved the production and the prechorus worked really well... but again that chorus weakness really fucked it. and doja’s part doesnt really fit the song for me? it feels out of place and like she should’ve been put on a more upbeat song

just like magic: first song i actually liked and added to my library! i finally heard a good chorus that didnt feel like it completely slowed down the momentum of the song and helped move it along. and the lyrics are cute. i think for me she needs to improve on the difference between a cute lyric and a cringy lyric... like cute: ‘middle finger to my thumb and then I snap it’ and cringy: the rest of the album. also one thing there’s a lyric about her listening to music she wrote and like girl you had 34 writers on this album... what are you listening to two words? every time she brags about writing it’s kinda embarrassing like.... at no point am i impressed

off the table: this production would have been so good.... if it actually did anything else or went anywhere. it stayed the same the entire time.... for 4 minutes. also stop letting men on women’s music because it seriously never works. her vocals are really pretty though.

six thirty: i really like her vocal delivery in this... like kinda dropping off at the end and just starting to talk? it’s interesting. also the chorus really had potential because it actually got bigger and more layered and interesting but again with the one lyric ‘are you down’ repeated like 3 times then the chorus is just over it’s like... oh okay

safety net: again amazing verse delivery and melody... IF SHE TOOK IT ANYWHERE it would have been great. and again with the male features... not necessary. the bridge is cool with them both singing but other than that it feel flat for me.

my hair: that smooth electric guitar intro is everything. and this sound of this song is so good.... but.... am i the only person who kinda feels weird about ariana, a white girl, being like ‘you can run your hands through me hair... dont be scared’ like?? why would they be scared... your hair is straight lol. it just toys with the whole idea of ‘don’t touch a black women’s hair’ for me. idk it could totally be a me overanalyzing thing. but god is she sang about anything else this would be my favorite song. second song i added to my library.

nasty: if i had to pick one song that was my exact expectations for this album before listening to it it would be this one. the electronic hip-hop beat with the harmonies and vocals, all paired together for a song about her being horny (again), like yeah this all fits. it feels lost in some places though. like some points i feel like i have no idea what part for the song we’re on or what’s happening and we’re just treading water. and another weak chorus with 1 lyric repeated over and over again. (also random side not that intro of her talking reminded me of when she gave that billboard interview and people were mad at her bc she starting talking with an accent even though shes white... like thats what i thought of i was like ma’am you are a rich white theater kid form florida you do not speak like that)

west side: the production in the beginning is so cool? where is sounds like a tape rewinding kinda? love that. but other than that like... no point to this song being included on the album... it’s 2 minutes and it falls flat pretty early on.

love language: this was the one i saw most people agreeing was the best one/most hyped. i expected to be a ballad but it’s one of the more upbeat ones and honestly thank god. a chorus that actually has structure and goes somewhere? wild. good and creative lyrics? WILD. anyway the production is great and reintroduces that kinda 70s vibe from motive but in a refreshing way. really good tie in. third song added to the library.

positions: i honestly didn’t even listen to this when it came out so i really had no idea what to expect. again the strings and orchestral pairs so well together... one of my favorite instrumentals on the whole album. i 100% see why this was the lead single and i agree with it completely. the most catchy chorus and it moves the song forward WHAT A CONCEPT. also very good placement on the tracklist because it was really refreshing. at this point it kinda started to drag on a little but this picked it right up. it also kinda threw me completely off balance because i was so familiar with the pattern of good verse weak chorus good verse weak chorus, but this is the opposite? weak verses but amazing chorus. forth song added to library. also i am genuinely curious why it’s the album title? it doesnt really fit the theme of the album but then again one of my complaints is that it doesnt really have a theme to begin with so...

obvious: the imagery i got when the music came in was like a dark 80′s lounge with dark wood furniture and i loved it lol. the same thing with positions, a surprising and refreshing combo of weak verse but good chorus which was nice. i can see it easily getting me stuck in my head, especially that hook. fifth song added to my library.

pov: this is the other song off the album i heard everyone generally loved. i would say this has the best theme and story of the entire album. it has an interesting concept that isnt overly used and the whole song is pretty good decent verse and decent chorus. i love the end where she gets powerful and has more grit in her voice and we get more emotion out of her... wish she didnt wait until the last 30 seconds of the whole album to finally deliver with that but sure. sixth song to be added to the library.

overall i was pretty surprised at how much i enjoyed it? i really expected not to the way everyone was talking about it. i think it is a good album with just some clear flaws, that could have been easily fixed if she didnt rush the album out so quickly. better lyrics and better judgement/deliberation of which songs deserve to be on the album and it would have been so solid. i would give it an overall rating of 6/10.

here’s my current ranking:

#text #send me asks about yalls opinons too!!

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bonniebird · 6 years ago

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The Girl Next Door

Hvitserk x Reader

AN: This started as a dream. Thank you @honestsycrets for letting me borrow her Marco gifs and then talking to me about my weird plot ideas until the ball started rolling xD.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” You shouted as you rushed to get the bus. You could see the back of Ivar’s head sat at the back of the bus which pulled off as you reached the stop. You glanced back at the college and sighed. You could try and find someone to give you a lift. With a quick glance up at the cloudy sky you decided that it would be better if you walked home.

Rain began to gently patted down and you cursed Ivar’s offer of ‘Oh I could pick up (Y/N)’s uniform Mrs (Y/L/N)!” Of course your parents who were often travelling were so happy to have lovely, helpful neighbours next door. You doubted they’d be so happy if they knew Ivar had several inches cut off your uniforms skirts before delivering them to you.

“Hey sweetie!” Someone called as you took a wrong turn. Glancing around you saw a few men stood around the warehouses. You hated this part of town but it was the quickest way home and the rain was starting to get heavier. “Come on. Don’t be shy.”

“Come on baby!” With a last shout you started to hurry faster, almost running. You hadn’t seen Hvitserk flicking away his cigarette as he sipped from a can of beer, expecting to have a quick meeting at one of his warehouses.

He spotted you rushing away, giving the men calling after you a quick glare, he sighed, reminding himself to bring up buying them out to Ubbe when they next had a meeting.

“Babygirl, keep walking.” You jumped when you heard the voice coming much closer than the other voices.

Glancing around you spotted the men who had been catcalling you were slowly settling their way after you. A hand snaked around your back, making you jump. “Hvitserk?” You asked in sunrise.

“The fuck are you doing out here looking like that? Should know better than coming down here.” Hvitserk muttered to you as he marched you the way he’d come, towards his car.

“Ivar was the one that had the seamstress change my uniform. Also the bus left so it’s not like I’m out here on purpose.” You said, trying to keep some form of confidence all the while focusing entirely on the fact that Hvitserk had his arm neatly around you.

“Stay here.” He said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked his car. You sat in the car and the lock clicked shut again. He strolled away and you decided to sort through your bag until he came back. After a few minutes you realised that he hadn’t actually said how long he would be.

You jumped when several loud bangs echoed off the buildings there was a lot of shouting that followed. Hvitserk walked back up to the car, shaking his head as he got into the car, still sipping his beer.

“Did you hear that?” You asked, glancing around to see where the noise had come from.

“Huh? Oh the bang? Yeah that’s one of the places around here, they work on old cars and they backfire pretty loud. He watched you carefully when you thought about what he said.

“Oh.” Was all you said as the clouds gave up and rain poured down so heavily you couldn’t see in front of you.

“Picked a good day to miss the bus.” Hvitserk grumbled as he stared ahead. “I’ll give you a lift home.”

The ride home was awkwardly quiet. You were more than happy to see your houses pull into view. “Thank you.” You said quietly and waited for a response as he rubbed his chin.

“So you were just walking home?” He asked you and leant in, making you nervous.

“I took the wrong turn, I never remember which road it is there’s no sign.” You admitted and started feeling flustered when he sighed and chuckled a little.

“Do me a favour and don’t tell anyone I was down that way? I was supposed to be somewhere else… Aslaug you know.” hvitserk lied so sweetly that you didn’t doubt him.

“Of course! I know how she gets.” You said sheepishly.

He smirked and looked you up and down. It had always amused him that you were more than eager to please. “That’s a good girl.” He said softly and watched you squirm. For good measure he strokes your cheek, leant over a little more and kissed you softly. When a whimper slipped out Hvitserk groaned softly, hand travelling to your thigh, stroking the soft skin. When one of your hands dug into his jacket and the other pulled at the back of his neck, to ensure he deepened the kiss, he had to wander what the hell Ivar did with you all those days up in his room. You were either a needy little thing or Ivar was honestly studying with you. A waist of a nice girl he decided as he pulled away, pushing you off him.

“Well in you go babygirl.” Hvitserk said as he gestured to the house.

He watched you head inside before moving up closer to the Ragnarssons drive. “Hvitserk!” Ivar’s friend said cheerfully as he leaned against the gate. “Good to see you again.” Hvitserk meerly grunted at him as he passed.

***********************************************

“Hey!” Ivar called and motioned for his friend. “Two study coffees.” He joked and gestured outside where you were balancing several huge books and trying to order a taxi.

“Oh! Isn’t Hvitserk giving you guys a lift?” The friend popped up causing Ivar to frown. “It’s just he dropped her off yesterday and he’s normally not working today… right?”

“She was home last night… We watched a movie.” Ivar said and shook his head. “You must be thinking of someone else, Hvit always has girls round.”

When the coffees were ready Ivar met you out in the taxi, proudly balancing two coffees under his chin as he tapped through the crowd with his crutches. Once in the car there was a long silence.

“So are you fucking my brother?” Ivar asked and your jaw dropped as you looked at him over the mountain of books between the two of you.

“No!” You spluttered out and Ivar rolled his eyes. “I’m not Ivar honest!”

“So you weren’t with Hvitserk late night?” He smirked when you chose to ignore him. You couldn’t get away with lying to Ivar so you would often choose to ignore him instead. Which was equally flawed.

“We have one more exam and we graduate Ivar, can’t we focus on that?” You said hopefully.

“I can. But you might accidentally wonder off with one of my siblings.” Ivar said quickly, sirking when you started to fidget and flip through the books. “I’ll just ask Hvitserk later.”

****************************************************

Hvitserk nodded to the barkeeper who handed him a huge wad of cash. Hvitserk slid him a few bills before he left. “Does mother know what you and Ubbe do or does she not care?” Ivar asked as he shuffled into the room.

“A little of both. What’re you doing here?” Hvitserk asked as Ivar took a seat at the bar.

“Are you fucking (Y/N)?” Ivar asked and Hvitserk scoffed.

“Why, she say we did?” He asked cautiously and Ivar cocked his head with a smile.

“No. she doesn’t know a friend of mine saw you in your car.” Ivar grinned wickedly when his brother realised he was trapped.

“Alright, she missed the bus, it was raining and I gave her a lift. What about it?” Hvitserk snapped and glared at Ivar who gave him an innocent look.

“And you just gave her a lift for free?” both brothers started the other down until Hvitserk shrugged.

“Yeah I did, how low do you think I am to make (Y/N) fuck me for a lift, we both know she’s not getting any. You’re not fucking her, I’m not… maybe your friend is.” Hvitserk grinned when Ivar rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think so. You’ve done something, she’s gone all love eyed over you. It’s awful.” Ivar complained as hvitserk made him a drink.

“She’ll get over it. Now get out of here I have a meeting.” He said as he poured the drink into a to go cup. “Don’t let mum know you’re drinking again.”

#hvitserk ragnarsson #hvitserk x reader #hvitserk ragnarsson imagine #bonniebird

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goddamnmuses-a · 5 years ago

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Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode I -The Phantom Menace

So.. I got the idea of writing my thoughts up as I go basically as they get to the Gungan city so.. i’ll try and remember my thoughts before that and then I’ll do it kinda live. Under the cut cus long.

Alright.. So the opening crawl was very.. politics which to be honest as i’ve got older I actually kind of enjoy that side of Star Wars but it doesn’t really add anyhting to the actual film because I think everything thats in it could be picked up by just watching the film.

I kinda like the battle droids.. weird soft spot for them. I like the big ship ones too and Droidekas i thought were the coolest shit ever when i was a kid and i stand by that.

I’m not all that bothered by the racial stereotypes because like.. i’m not the races they’re sterotyping but i can see why it’d be problematic.

Jar Jar isn’t as annoying as everyone makes him out to be.. don’t get me wrong.. he’s annoying.. but he’s not cancer.

Aesthetically the Gungan City is pretty cool, giant underwater bubble city.. i bet there’s cool fan art of it somewhere.

Alright now we’re live.. The duck things the Gungans ride are weird.

Do Gungans like JarJar eventually become the giant Green guy? .. I googled apparently they’re just two different races of Gungan despite looking like totally different Aliens.

It’s nice that all races are like “Life debt? Oh yeah thats a legit thing.”

Gungans speak like English or Common or.. i forget the Star Wars term.. Basic? is their second language.. but it isnt.

Yooo Qui Gon just made JarJar go to sleep using the force.. Why is Force Sleep not a thing in more stuff... gotta keep an eye out for that now.

Naboo is pretty.

Padme is so extra, she’s in her iconic red dress that’s already extra as fuck and then sees that she’s been captured and is like “Alright.. but first.. wardrobe change!” and then shows up in some black number. I’m not sure if at this point she’s actually Padme or if Padme is pretending to be one of her servants now but either way she had a costume change and nobody questions it so she must be having costume changes all the time.

When Qui Gon force pushes two battle droids theres a really weird sound effect that sounds like it belongs in a mario game.

Pretty sure Padme is the handmaid now and this new Queen should take the opportunity to be like “Yoo peace out bitches.” Then we get Keira Knightley’s adventures in Star Wars.

Also who was she before this swaparoo? Was she a handmaid and just suddenly got promoted to queen? Like she could be saying all sorts of shit. I know she gets revealed later on but think of how much she could do whilst Padme is away.

The first words ever spoken to R2 in Star Wars, chronologically, (although inderectly) are “Hello Boyos”. Just sit with that.

The first words spoken to him directly are “How rude.” which seems about right tbf with how sassy he is.

Darth Maul is awesome.

Keira Knightly or Sabe (I looked it up) is like “Yo actual queen, clean that droid!” i think she just wanted to feel more powerful than the actual queen there, little power trip.

Nice Poncho Qui Gon. Cal approves.

I wonder how long Padme took to convince the others to let her go off alone with Qui Gon and Jar Jar and R2 (Dunno why R2 joins them?) on a planet thats ruled by the Hutts

I kinda like Watto.. not as a person.. he just amuses me.

Kinda cool that Anakin can speak Huttese, wish he spoke it more often.. just cursing in Huttese as Obi Wan tries to teach him stuff.

“Are you an Angel.” Smooooth kid. Smoooth, you’re gonna get with her. Despite her being way older than you. They couldn’t have just made him the same age as her?

Toydarians should be used for more things, especially involving force users.

Anakin. The slave. Is like “Here Qui Gon, you’ll like this food.” and he’s just like “Cheers” and pockets it for later. Dude. Try it.

I really hope they do go into more High Republic stuff next, give me a Destiny-type game where you play as a Jedi with your mates.

Quigons like “You must have Jedi reflexes to race pods” Then he catches Jar Jars tongue in a blink of an eye and Anakins like “You’re a Jedi Knight aren’t you?” And Qui-Gon is like “What makes you think that?” ...? .. You just fucking.. God damn it Qui-Gon.

Anakin: “No one can kill a Jedi”. Palpatine: “Hold my Blue milk.”

I feel like im becoming fluent in Gungan broken basic which is worrying.

Anakins mom whos name i’ve literally just forgot is like “He was meant to help you.” ... bitch.. what? Why does nobody question that?

WHY DOES JAR JARS MOUTH MOVE WITH OTHER PEOPLES LINES!? ... Darth Jar Jar. #PlagueisTheWiseWasAGungan. I mean not rly but seriously.. that would have been a really cool plot twist.

Jar Jar got numbed and got his hand stuck.. so like.. perhaps not.. otherwise you’re playing a little too dumb mate.

The look of worry from Shmi, good stuff.

The two Headed announcer speaking basic and Huttese is pretty smart like, the one doing one and the other doing the other.

What the fuck is Clegg Holdfast?

What the fuck are any of these races? Like.. where are these races throughout the rest of the franchise?

Crazy that lightly bending that one part of the podracer can fuck it up so bad.

Who the fuck is that other Hutt? Oh yeah I’m watching the like updated version with Geroge Lucas’ “Fixes” in it. Probably should have said that earlier.

I cant remember if this is true but I’m pretty sure Qui-Gon knows Padme is the Queen and is just fucking with her at this point.

Man Pod Racing is cool, fuck whoever says it isnt.

Gimmie an updated Pod Racing ps4 game.

What the fuck is that long thin alien thats selling food to the crowd? Gimmie a Jedi version of him.

Havent commented in a while because i just kept watching it tbh.

Coruscant looks cool. Still want more High Republic stuff.

What the fuck is that driver alien, he looks in pain to exist.

“There is no civility, there is only politics” The Chancellor code.

Is it too late to call a vote of no confidence on Palpatine?

I see you there in the background Yaddle. Get it girl.

Fuck me the added extra of this long neck ass Jedi Master is so distracting.

Where Jaro Tapal at tho?

You’d think after Padme’s like “Surprise bitch it’s me” moment coming up the Jedi would be like “Well shit.. maybe we’re less aware of things than we think... Yoda.. are you just a short human painted green?”

Amedala... So extra with these outfits. I get that she’s a Queen but Jesus.

Eyyyyyyyyyyyy it’s ET.

Qui-Gon is such a bad boy.

I kinda get why Jedi take kids when they’re really young, so they can’t remember their parents so they aren’t constantly worried about their parents and then fall to the dark side... doesn’t make it any nicer though.

My vote went to Bail Antilles.

To be fair not training Anakin could have been very bad. He could have like gone even more Darkside and Palpatine could swooped in and trained him himself completely.

Maul is barely in this but fuck is he still cool.

You know what I don’t hate Midichlorians. They’re just like atoms that stick to certain people and thats what gives them access to the force, it doens’t really change anything it’s just a scientific explination.

You know what.. During the middle of the film, Jar Jar keeps his mouth shut and just lets people get on with it, that’s alright.

How old is Obiwan supposed to be in this film?

A little more variation in these creepy ass gungans would be nice.

Damn the Viceroy and the other guy are huge or Maul is smol.

Love that Gungan dindgeridoo horn thing.

I also love the giant bubble shields.

Are they watching a Star Wars battle tactics pc game on that screen?

Fuck The Darth Maul fight is badass.

I don’t buy Anakin at all, he wants to fly out there and get involved, the little shit.

Quigon doesnt even flip when he jumps, he’s just like “I’m too old for this shit.”

Yeah R2 is like “Go back” and Anakins like “Naaa fuck that”... Tut tut. Boys gonna be trouble.

The way Maul stalks back and forth the other side of that barrier like a Sith Tiger.. Good shit.

Aaaaand Quigon is dead. RIP.

“Now This is Pod Racing.”.. It’s not though is it?

Nice to have something blow up and actually have debris instead of just all being gone completely.

Anddd there goes Maul to go get robot spider legs and then be found by his bro Savage.

Why do you wanna bring balance to the force anyway if it’s currently so one sided favouring the light side? Surely bringing balance is a bad thing at that point.

Yoda’s already soooo old.

Alright so they know there’s a Sith out there and the guy is still just like right next to them and they don’t know. Tut.

That Jedi behind Mace Windu at the end looks intimidating as shit.

Padme, he’s a kid, calm yourself down woman. You predator.

Alright.. Film done. 10/10 Best movie ever. Naa tbh I enjoy the prequels more than most, obviously if you’ve stuck with me this long you know that but it clearly has its flaws.. still.. I enjoyed it! Feel free to ask me my opinions on specific things if you want. Also shamelessly gonna plug my two star wars muses Cal and Savage here, rp with me you cowards. Also I’m down to star wars verse any of my other characters, literally any of them, i have ideas for all.

#ooc #dan watches #dan reacts

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ghostmaggie · 5 years ago

Note

hey so in your MKAT post (which you’re 100% correct about) you also mention you’ve had some issues with RT in the past. i’m fairly new in the fandom and also watch his other show iZombie, but i wanted to ask what issues they were?? i like to be informed about the media i consume lmao

Oof okay so I'm on mobile and therefore this will probably be more rant-y and opinion-based than you might be looking for, so I invite anyone with opinions or sources or thoughts or contradictions to reply or shoot me asks and I'll share them (plus I'm curious of other thoughts) but,,

Idk if this was clear in my original post, but my issues are mainly contained within the actual show as opposed to things about him irl, because idk that much outside of secondhand info, so take it with a grain of salt I guess, lol

Also, I feel like I need to say that this is really negative about vmars--which, to be clear, is a show I love dearly--and I know sometimes I like to avoid negative commentary on things I enjoy because it gets stuck in my head and ruins my enjoyment. So if that's you, feel free to skip this! I wont be offended and you shouldn't feel bad about it! It's also just one person's opinion, and I'm most definitely not always right :)

So mostly setting aside the brand new season because I have no clue how to talk around spoilers effectively, in short (with spoilers up through the movie and maybe some spoilers for the books and new season, I cant really tell at this point):

(Editor's note post finishing writing: it's not even all my thoughts, but it's not short. Sorry.)

RT shares in the grand tradition of showrunners I do not care for along with Steven Moffat and Jason Rothenberg, for many parallel reasons. Moffat thinks hes cleverer than he really is, jroth is a douche about romance and character motivation, and both are smug jerks who drove me away from shows I used to love, so.

So number one I guess would just be the sense that he really fucking does not care about the fans. It's especially egregious, as I've seen others point out, when he literally would never have gotten his show back (after driving it to the ground) without the LITERAL MONEY donated by devoted fans. I'm not saying you have to do things just because fans want them, but to go out of your way to do things you know fans will hate just to be contrary is,, yeah.

He thinks he's so very smart, and yet his plots are riddled with holes and inconsistencies (hello, Moffat). It speaks, to me, of a lack of respect for everyone involved--fans, writers, actors, crew, critics, just everyone. Write down a timeline. Something. Try.

One of my bigger issues, though, is that the misogyny in vmars is just...beyond appalling. Not just narratively--i understand representing the flaws in society, I guess, but veronica is honestly one of the most misogynistic parts of the show, and she is never ever ever held accountable for it. Ever. The show never sends the message that she's wrong for the atrocious way she treats, to name a few, Madison, Kendall, Gia, and even Carrie during the s1 plot with Adam Scott. The carrie thing is especially fucked up bc iirc the narrative only condemns her for guessing the victim wrong. (As another note, her treatment of other marginalized groups or basically anyone she ever treats badly--logan, Keith, Wallace, weevil, the list goes on--is rarely or never narratively critiqued. Veronica mars can do no wrong, apparently, even when she's obviously wrong.)

She's far from the only example of misyogny, of course--duncan's s2 dream about madonna/whore meg/veronica comes to mind in screaming color, yet donut is somehow treated like a prince forever and ever and v's lost true love even though he's basically the scum of the earth (pardon, my true feelings are coming out a little here).

Somewhat connected is, of course, the show's treatment of rape in general (hi, season 3), but especially Duncan's rape of veronica. I'm still not over the way they walked it back to "not a rape" and took back holding him accountable. I live for all the fanfiction that addresses it, because at least there people remember that, whether he "thought she could consent" or not, he literally thought she was his sister and didnt know. That's uninformed consent at best, babe!

And if that wasn't bad enough, to "resolve" that plotline and then come back at the end of season 2 to be all, "jk! You WERE raped, by SOMEONE ELSE [too]! Enjoy that reenabled trauma, and some chlamidya to boot!"

Speaking of retconned instances of sex, how about that piz/veronica tape that suddenly became full on sex in the movie? Fun times.

My favorite bout of misogynistic writing, you ask? That would have to be "narratively-enforced nicest girl in school who stands by her friends and is sweet and loyal becomes a raging hell bitch yet also the representation of misogynistic virginal innocence because she was knocked up and abandoned by Mr. Narratively-Claimed-to-be-Perfect-but-Actually-the-Worst and completely undergoes a 180 personality change then dies for plot reasons" because holy fucking shit.

Okay sorry I got way more into that than I meant to. I'll try to wrap up.

RT does a very jroth job of treating fans like shit for giving a shit about a romantic relationship he created. He acts like fans are a bunch of stupid girls for caring about romance, but then pushed it at every level of promo to reel us back in. Make up your mind, asshole. It's desperately unfair to bait fans with romantic promo (even in the form of an inane and ooc love triangle) and then snap back with "oooh it's noir, shut up about the romance!"

If that's how you feel, stop making every other plot point and promo about the fucking romance.

RT seems to want to be making a show that he isnt. He wants to be grimdark and angsty and awful, I guess, and while there have been elements of effective darkness throughout vmars, they have been tempered by the show as a whole. That made it (mostly palatable) for people like me. To flip the script now does a disservice to long term fans and does nothing to attract new viewers. If you want to make a different show, make a different show. Don't drive beloved characters into the ground because you're bitter about how your work is perceived post-death of the author.

To wrap up--he hates character growth. He must really hate it. This is dipping a little into the new season, but he just. Won't let anyone develop. Well. Maybe some people. A very few. But not veronica. Never veronica. Because heaven forbid your main character, the person we've followed for 15 years, be anything other than she was at 16. Her personality, her approach to the world, none of it has changed. Which begs the question: what has been the fucking point?

Sorry this is so long. I'm not sure I even answered your question, so feel free to ask me to try again 😂

#post #vmars #vmars spoilers #maybe #thanks for asking

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meanderfall · 5 years ago

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thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.)

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)

#about #this took.... so long #also the 'recently obsessed with' section is no longer all that accurate lmao #though i am still loving them to death and listen to them on repeat so it's cool #istg it's been so long #we were different people back then

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a-group-of-remarkable-people · 6 years ago

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A Night To Remember - Peter Parker X Reader

A/N: Yes, the title of this fic is named after that one song from High School Musical. Fight me. My first fic! Terrifying. Extra terrifying because I have never written anything in the second person. There should probably be a lot more description but oh well. Hope y'all enjoy tho!!! Feedback is appreciated!!!!!!!! Word Count: 5k, which sounds like a fuckton, but I still feel like I need to establish the relationship more lolllllll... Warnings: None. Poorly defined relationships. Cliché as FUCK. Genre: 5% angst, but becomes so fluffy you could cuddle it.

Synopsis: Tonight is prom, and you have taken a day off from Avenger duty to pretend to be a normal girl for once. You even have a date. It seems like for once you might be able to have the prom you have always dreamed about. But when the night goes sour, you find yourself alone, and realise that this will be a night to remember, but not for the reason you think...

Every girl gets a chance to go to prom. Even an Avenger.

By the fading light of the sun, you twisted and turned in front of your bedroom mirror, attempting to check that you had shaved every hair from your legs without having to walk across the room to the light switch. A quick glance at the clock on the wall told you that you had approximately half an hour before you were being picked up.

Half an hour. That definitely was not as much time as you thought you had.

Your eyes darted to your bedroom floor, where you could hear a distinct thumping.

"Y/N! Turn that music down!"

You cringed, remembering that your mother had a business call that night. "Sorry, Mom!"

You reached for the remote control that was blasting Beyoncé through your speakers and turned the volume down, resting it on your dressing table as you hummed to the tune of Love On Top. There were several finishing touches that needed to be made.

The first one was another spritz of setting spray, if only to reassure your fear that your makeup would start to slide down your face mid-dance. The second was picking up the necklace that your grandmother had given you for your eighteenth and draping it around your neck, adjusting it a few times to make sure it rested in the centre of your collarbone. The final touch was your shoes, but just staring at the stiletto heels made your feet ache, so you decided to wait until the last second to put those on.

The sensation that you had become a 'normal teenager' again was a strange one. For once, school was not taking the backseat to tangling with criminals and defending your city on a day-to-day basis. The Avengers had offered to take care of anything that came up while you were at prom - Bucky "I think I would look good wearing your super-suit, to be honest" Barnes leading the charge - and a small part of you wondered what you would have been doing tonight if that offer wasn't there.

But today, you could just put on some music and a pretty dress and pretend, even only for a few hours, that you were just like every other kid in that room.

You even had a date.

That was the most remarkable thing. With all the time you had dodged your friends and your responsibilities at school you didn't think that anyone had noticed you existed, but you walked into AP Physics one day to find an elaborate bouquet of flowers at your desk. As you admired them, you hadn't noticed the presence behind you until you turned around to find Jordan, your lab partner, holding a posterboard with PROM? written on it in large red letters. He had clearly walked straight off the football pitch, as he was breathing heavily and his hair was wet, but the smile on his face was genuine.

He was way out of your league. He was ridiculously out of your league.

The overwhelming fact that the most popular boy in your school had asked you to prom was screaming in your brain as you squeaked, "Yes!"

He laughed, and the students around you applauded politely as he confirmed he would pick you up at 7. That was a month or so ago, and now you looked at the clock again and realised that you had ten minutes.

When you stood up, the train of your floor-length dress tumbled off your lap, swishing as you walked towards the bed to pick up your clutch bag. You twirled a few times for good measure, admiring the way the fabric of the dress rippled as you made yourself slightly dizzy, though whether it was from the spinning or the excitement building in your stomach you couldn't tell.

Was it vanity or self-confidence that you couldn't stop looking at yourself in the mirror?

Thank God for Pepper, you thought, thinking back to your first attempt at choosing a dress. At the first opportunity, you had gone to the mall for an afternoon to pick out the perfect prom outfit. The one small flaw with that problem was that your sense of style was much more sophisticated in your head than it turned out to be in real life. The fuschia, ruffled dress you brought back to the compound - without trying it on - made you look like a cross between grandmother from the 1960s and one of Cinderella's ugly sisters.

You remembered running up to the nearest guest bedroom and trying it on, only to see Peter in the doorway, giggling.

"What is wrong with it?" You cried, exasperated, as your best friend attempted to control himself. You noticed that he kept his distance, possibly because of the fact that you looked like you would murder him if he dared to insult the dress. And with your martial arts training, it was more than possible.

"Well..." he began, scratching the back of his head as his voice trailed off. "It's not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just..."

"You don't even like prom, so your opinion doesn't count," you said, sticking your tongue out as you continued to stare in the mirror. Did it look more ridiculous the longer you looked?

He shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to win prom king or queen, I don't want to drink the punch, especially if there's alcohol in it, you know the stoners will be doing drugs in the corner and get it shut down, and Ned isn't going either, so I wouldn't have anyon-"

"Shhhh, Peter. Can't you just get caught up in the shallow and superficial magic of prom, even for one night? Jordan has asked me to prom, this is going to be the best night of my life."

If you had been looking at him instead of debating if the dress was the one, you would have seen him wince and smile wistfully at you.

"I hope it is, Y/N."

Thankfully for both of you, Pepper appeared to call the two of you to dinner. She took one look at the dress and ordered you to take it off.

"Really, Y/N?" She sighed, shaking her head. "I think if you took that home your mother would have a heart attack."

Ignoring your feeble protests, she insisted on taking you shopping, which was - admittedly - much better for your prom prospects than if you had attempted to choose a dress alone.

And now you were wearing a midnight blue ballgown - a new colour you had learned, courtesy of the dressmaker - with a lace bodice and tiny sequins that shifted in the light, somehow making it look as though you were wearing constellations.

It made you look sophisticated. It made you look mature. It made you so much more confident.

Somehow it seemed as though your dreams of a perfect prom were coming true. You had an incredibly attractive date, a dress that made you feel like you were floating, and for once you didn't have to worry about being summoned to stop a bank robbery twelve times a night.

Deep down, you recognised the superficiality of it all. You knew there were much more important things to do in life, but there was just something about prom that made you want to forget all about it.

You couldn't help but miss Peter, though. When you had said goodbye afterschool the feeling of guilt was unmistakeable.

"You sure you don't want to stay home and have a movie marathon with me? Ned will be there, we were going to get popcorn, and-"

You cut him off gently, but firmly. "After tonight I will have plenty of time for movie marathons, I promise."

"Okay," he smiled at you, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Send me loads of pictures!"

"I will!" You called, speeding up so you could catch your bus before it pulled off. You took a moment just to imagine what would have happened if you had turned up to prom with Peter and Ned instead of with Jordan. You would have had a lot of fun, but it definitely wouldn’t have lived up to the image of prom that you had in your head.

For every image in your head of slow dancing with Jordan, another one appeared of you sitting with your friends, devouring the buffet and laughing at everyone who was taking the night way too seriously.

You felt like you were betraying him, but the thought of one perfect moment was too tempting to let go. Well, that was what you told yourself every time your heart ached.

A knock at the door made you jump and the fantasy immediately fell away.

"The lab is going to call me back any minute, are you..." Your mother let out a soft gasp as she saw you standing in front of the mirror. "My god, Y/N, you look gorgeous."

You blushed, staring down at the floor as your mother came to adjust the pins in your hair. "You're my mother, you're supposed to say that."

"Okay, don't believe me." She said, folding her arms and fixing you with one of those mother knows best looks. "But every single person at that prom will agree with me."

But what about the people who aren't at prom? What about the person who isn’t at prom? You thought, and then caught yourself.

You hadn't noticed that your mother was waiting for you to approve the changes she had made to your hair until she cleared her throat. You also hadn't noticed that you were standing there with a wistful smile on your face until you made eye contact with yourself in the mirror.

"Sorry Mom, thank you."

"Do I need to stay home tonight to keep an eye on you?" She said, raising her eyebrows. "How much trouble are you going to get yourself into with that smile?"

You laughed. "Don't I get into enough trouble on a daily basis?"

She rolled her eyes, playfully smacking you on the arm. "This is different, and you know it." Taking your arm, you could see the pride in her face as she spoke, eyes brimming with tears. "You look so grown up."

"I'll send you as many pictures as I can," you promised.

The sound of her phone buzzing made your mother groan, smiling apologetically as she looked at the screen. "It's Martin."

She mouthed have fun as she walked out talking about thorium and the methodology of various experimental techniques and other things you had elected that you would not understand a long time ago.

An alarm on your phone alerted you to the fact that you had five minutes until you were supposed to be being picked up, so you sat on your bed, strapping each heel on your feet and touching up your lipstick one last time as you heard the door slam beneath you, signaling the fact that your mother had left for work.

Standing at the top of the stairs made you aware of a new problem. How were you going to walk down the stairs in these heels? You settled for taking it one step at a time, clinging to the banister like a cat to the rim of a bathtub. Eventually, face slightly flushed, you were standing in front of the front door.

Where you remained for a further half an hour.

The realm of "Oh, he must just be late," had passed about ten minutes ago. You were pacing up and down your living room, pressing the dial button on your friends' numbers with increasing frustration when they all went to voicemail. The excitement in your stomach had long vanished, though there was something still in there. A kind of creeping dread that gave you shivers the longer the agonising minutes ticked by.

Your mind was racing through everything that could have possibly happened to make Jordan late. Maybe his car broke down. Maybe he was on his way and his phone was out of battery. No, that one is a lie, you sighed. It was prom, everyone would want to be using their phones to take as many pictures as physically possible.

Or maybe, the dread in your stomach whispered, maybe he forgot about you.

Maybe it's worse. Maybe he's injured or caught up in the kind of mess you would be taking care of any other night.

Fifteen minutes prior you would have brushed those intrusive thoughts off with a laugh. You knew him well, of course he wouldn't forget about you.

But now, as the time inched closer to 7pm and the beginning of prom, it didn't seem funny anymore.

You got up from where you were perched on the edge of the couch to pace back and forth on the floor, having discarded your heels by the door long ago. If you weren't going to get a ride, how were you going to get to prom? Your mom was at work, your friends either together or with their own dates, and you couldn't exactly walk to the Avengers compound to ask them for help, they were definitely busy. The more you thought about having to call a taxi - which would be expensive - or call someone else - who would you call? - the more your stomach sank and the more the idea of prom seemed less appealing.

Your phone buzzed from the coffee table and you almost tripped over in attempts to reach it. The knot in your stomach twisted tighter when you saw it was an Instagram notification.

New Post from _jordan._

Torturously slow, you entered your password and the sound of the phone unlocking filled the otherwise silent room. In the stark light of the phone screen, you could feel your eyes filling with tears as you took in the image in front of you.

Jordan stood in the centre with a winning smile, arms around another girl with a matching grin.

He did forget about me. As soon as you thought the words, they repeated over and over in your mind. Stumbling backwards, you caught your leg on the arm of the couch, physical pain blending into the emotional as you stood alone in your living room fighting tears. He replaced me. With every repetition it was like the knife was twisting deeper.

You knew that you hadn't had time to see anyone at school as much in the past few months, but hell, you were coming to terms with being a literal superhero.

Not that they knew that.

You couldn't count the number of times you and your friends had excitedly sat down to lunch in the cafeteria to discuss how you were all going to prom together. The number of times that you had talked about the music they would play, the decorations that would cover the gym, the boys that you would take - although the identity of those boys had changed what seemed like hundreds of times over the years.

You felt like such an idiot. He was a football player, had pretty much every girl at school wrapped around his finger. Why would he ever choose you? Clearly he wouldn't, if there was the option to replace you for a pretty cheerleader in a mermaid tail dress.

Your grip on your phone was so tight that you had left the impression of its edge on your palm, but you didn't notice until the notification sound went off again.

Spiderboi: Are you ready yet??? Has he picked you up? Spiderboi: I wanna see your dress!!!

The sound that came out of your mouth was almost a laugh. Your fingers danced over the keys, typing the first words of ten different replies, then deleting them with a sigh.

Y/N: not rly feeling prom anymore

His reply was almost instantaneous, and it grounded you a little. You moved from where you had been stood aimlessly in the middle of the living room to the windowsill, leaning against it as you typed.

Spiderboi: What? Spiderboi: Why??? I thought you were looking forward to prom Spiderboi: It is literally all you have been talking about for WEEKS

His innocent response threatened to provoke a fresh wave of tears, but you sniffed and held them back as you sent Peter a screenshot of the Instagram post, deciding that in this case no words was the best way to communicate.

You stared at it, the image practically burning itself into your brain as the label underneath the picture went from Sent to Delivered to Read. Within seconds, your phone started buzzing and you picked it up.

He must be able to hear your shallow breathing on the other end of the line. You could feel the flutter of your heartbeat in your chest but you forced yourself to focus on breathing in and out.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry. That's so shitty of him. So unbelievably and massively shitty of him."

"It's fi-" You began, but sighed, realising there was no point in pretending. "I just didn't think he would actually do that to me." The betrayal in your voice was evident even to you.

"I'm sure the rest of them didn't forget about you," he reasoned, and you were forced to admit that he was probably right. "You said that you weren't going to go to the pre-prom because of Jordan, weren't you?"

Yes. "I'm so stupid. I am so so stupid."

"You're not stupid."

"Peter, I am. I've literally lost count of the amount of times I've nearly died, and I am sat here crying because I've been stood up at prom by some fuckboy."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone, then a tentative, "I... I bet you look beautiful."

Despite everything, you blushed, and you felt the corners of your mouth lifting up. Trust Peter to find a way to break you out of your spiral, even if it was only for a few seconds.

Why were you blushing?

"Thank you," you said in a small voice, wondering if Peter would still think you looked beautiful if he could actually see you. Your mascara had run down your cheeks in two ashen stripes, your hair had been pulled out of its meticulous styling from all the times that you had run your hands through it, and your lipstick was peeling off from biting your lip so much. If you were going to prom as a glam version of No Face from Spirited Away, you would have fit right in.

The silences between his responses were getting longer and longer, and you felt a twinge in the pit of your stomach when you realised that he was distracted by something. Of course, you then felt incredibly guilty for demanding his undivided attention, especially when it was you who had ditched him tonight. But, he was the only person that had bothered to answer you and if he left you would be back to being alone.

"Hey, Y/N, I'm so sorry but I have to go." And there it was. He didn't sound apologetic though; you could swear that there was a touch of something that sounded like excitement in his hurried words. "Mr Stark sent for me... he said it was important.”

A mission. It must be.

"It's...it's okay, Peter. I'm sure you're busy."

What else could you say?

Don’t go. Let me come with you.

“Message me, okay? I'll reply when I get the chance. Sorry, Y/N, I really am."

"Bye, Peter," you said just as the phone clicked with the sound of him hanging up, leaving you back where you were in the first place.

Should you go to prom? Did you even want to go to prom at this point?

The immediate answer was of course not, but the petty part of you imagined walking into prom looking better than you ever had and decking Jordan on sight. You played with the fantasy for a few minutes, replaying it over and over in your mind until it gave you some sort of satisfaction.

When you focused on yourself in the reflection of the window, you saw someone who, sure, might look like a mess at that point, but there was a new kind of resigned determination in your eyes that no matter what, you were going to enjoy your damn prom as much as you could. Fuck him.

And that started with doing your hair and makeup again.

You rushed upstairs and sat down at your dresser. The therapeutic power of putting makeup on was incredible, and twenty minutes of concealing, bronzing and highlighting had calmed you down enough that you were singing to your music. You were going to be late to prom, of course, but you wouldn't be crying anymore.

Your phone was going off with continuous Instagram notifications, so you decided to turn it off and sacrifice responding to a possible message from Peter for not dying a little inside every time you saw photos of your friends singing karaoke in a limo or posing outside your school.

You weren't going to be pathetic, you had decided that, but the loneliness was the thing that threatened to dismantle your newfound positivity. Would you even enjoy yourself if you went to prom?

Your date had ditched you for another girl. Surely that story had circulated around the school by now. Most people wouldn't see you as determined. They'd see you as embarrassed and sad.

You put your head in your hands, indecisive yet again, startled when there was a sharp rapping on your front door.

You scowled as you ran down the stairs, imagining opening the door to a confused delivery guy in a dress fit for a masquerade ball.

You stared at the floor as you opened the door, eyes unfocused. "I'm sorry, I-"

Your words died in your throat

"Peter?"

He was stood in the corridor of your apartment complex in a black tuxedo, holding a small bouquet of roses with a soft smile on his face. His eyes widened at the sight of you, taking in every inch of your outfit, and he must realise that you were doing the same to him.

Somehow, seeing him dressed to the nines was doing something to you. You didn't feel like you were looking at your best friend.

"Peter..." you said, keeping one hand on the doorframe as you struggled to form sentences.

What came out was, "what are you doing here?" But you would have been lying if you said you didn't have an idea.

He stopped fiddling with the cufflinks on his suit jacket and looked up at you bashfully, clearing his throat. "I didn't want you to be alone."

You could practically feel your heart melting. Fuck Jordan. Fuck him, the cocky shit. Right here was your favourite person, your superhero. And no, this time it wasn't Spider-Man coming to your rescue, it was Peter Parker, and he was still the hero you needed.

Perhaps not the hero you deserved, though.

"Peter, you hate prom," you began, "you've told me you didn't want to go so many times..."

He visibly squirmed, and then looked down at the floor. "I would have gone if it was with you."

And with those words, all your struggles, your worries and your petty revenge evaporated and you practically flew into Peter's arms, knocking the beautiful flowers out of his hand.

"You are the best," You murmured in his ear, to which he simply smiled and said, "I couldn't stand seeing him fuck you over like that."

You frowned. What the fuck were you doing? Hastily you untangled your arms from around his neck and took a step backwards, smoothing your dress down as your face flushed.

You didn't deserve this. You had spent months taking Peter for granted as you raved about some shallow asshole, and he had made the selfless decision to save you when you deserved to sit at home. The guilt gnawed at you, and looking up at his confused face made your stomach constrict tighter.

Say something.

"I don't deserve this," you began, playing with the fabric of your skirt as you refused to meet his eyes. Your voice hushed to a whisper. "I was shallow, I got excited by a guy that could offer me popularity and I took you for granted. You don't have to do this for me, Peter."

You finally gained the courage to look into his eyes, and what you found there only confused you more. The softness in his face hadn't gone away, he didn't look upset, he didn't look like he was about to walk away. If anything, he looked content.

"Peter?"

Now it was his turn to stare at the floor. His breathing was shaky, like he was steeling himself up for something.

You started to say his name again, but were cut off when he looked up at you with an urgency that came out of nowhere. Words came out of his mouth at a million miles an hour.

"Y/N, you're my best friend... no, you're more than that. It is always you who is there for me, you put up with everything I throw at you. I would never want to run a mission without you at this point."

As he rambled you felt a tightness in the pit of your stomach, and you met his gaze with shining eyes.

"So yeah, I let you get excited when Jordan asked you to prom, because you looked so happy. I let you get excited when I was dying inside because..." He muttered something you couldn't hear, going an even deeper shade of red.

You inched towards him, trying to get him to look you in the eye. It was like trying to comfort a startled puppy. "Because...?" You said, gently.

"Because I wish it could have been me."

You couldn't say anything. Your mouth was open in shock, and try as you might, you had lost the capability of speech.

He looked up at you with something like panic in his features. "Please... just let me keep going, I have to say this before I go crazy keeping it from you."

You made no attempts to stop him.

“The truth is… I wish I could be the type of guy that could take you to prom. So badly. I want your mom to take cute pictures of us... and I want to spin you around on the dancefloor and I want to do one of those cute promposals that you watch on YouTube all the time."

You could feel tears start to form in your eyes.

"Tonight, Y/N, God, you look beautiful. I want to tell you that you look like magic because that's how you make me feel when I'm around you. You make my life so much fun, and I don't want to ruin that, but I want you to know that if I had the chance... I would want to be with you every second of every day."

His voice trailed off, and he started to run his fingers through his hair. You felt like you were looking at him for the first time.

"I am so blind."

"What?" He choked out, taking a step back so there were a few inches between you.

Time seemed to elongate, every millisecond you spent staring into his gorgeous eyes felt like an eternity.

Your gaze drifted down to his lips, causing you to subconsciously bite your own.

There were so many things that you could say.

So you decided instead to softly press your lips to his. Instinctively your eyes closed, and you kissed him with all the things that you weren't able to say. It wasn't what your first kiss had imagined, not fireworks or epiphanies. It felt like you had just turned the key into your home, or curled up by a fireplace. He tasted of warmth, of safety.

The lunacy of what you just did hit you when the two of you pulled away and Peter's eyes were wide with shock.

Silence filled the room for what seemed like years as you gazed into each other's eyes.

What the fuck was that? "God, Peter, I am so sorry, that probably wasn't what you-"

He cut you off with another kiss, deeper and more insistent. His fingers tangled themselves in your hair as your arms fell naturally around his neck.

You weren't sure where this desire had come from, but you suddenly started to see your memories in a different way. Your terror that Peter had been injured during a mission wasn't just because he was your best friend. The fury when Liz Allen had broken his heart wasn't just because he deserved better. Your intense feelings of loneliness whenever he left you wasn't just because there was no one else around.

You had been kidding yourself for what must have been months.

When you pulled apart he was smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, and you couldn't help but grin back. His happiness was infectious.

"Are we actually going to go to prom?"

"It's up to you," he smiled, kissing your hand as you giggled. "But I think there is no way that you can look this good and we don't show anyone."

"Peter."

"Besides, I want to show this Jordan that he has fucked up, and he has fucked up hard."

"Peter."

A/N: So... I had a fantasy for an alternate ending to this fic where Peter and Y/N show up to prom and they have to suit up and save the day because something goes down. Let me know if that's something y'all would be interested in! Also let me know what you think of this mess!

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choko-flan · 7 years ago

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How does one get started in making rpg games? What do you do first? Also could you recommend some rpg maker devs to follow?

۹(ÒvÓ)۶ Thankyou for this ask btw!For how to get started in making rpg games there’s many factors to take accountwhich are:

Are you new to rpg maker?

If you never use rpg maker I strongly say thatyou

SHOULDN’T go head first and make a super long game. Youcan, but just note that you are going to get stuck on everything. Just making asmall test project to get to know the engine really helps you to know how tobasically use the engine.

USE YOUTUBE ITS YOUR FRIEND.

Whattype of story do you want to make?

Try to write down the basic ideas of thetype of game you want to make. For example: a game about a young elf girl istrying to find the shard pieces for a star she broke. Just something basic, fora concept it doesn’t have to have a million endings and everything the fullgame is going to have.

Demon Tea’s concept idea was basically ademon girl that ran from home and found a village where she met a happy golucky person.

Concepts =/= the final game, your concept is just the foundation/ plan ofthe game. Like how you draw guide lines for a drawing, the guide lines aren’tgoing to be in the final picture but its there to help you.

Don’t go crazy on your game: Don’t get trap in remake hell [PERFECTIONISM]

We all want to make our games amazing and the bestthing ever, but please take in account that nothing can be perfect. Its not abad thing it’s the truth, there is no such thing as a perfect game. Every gamehas flaws but even if a game isn’t perfect it can still be enjoyable. Perfect=/= enjoyable.

Enjoyable= how a person felt about a certain thing. I enjoy sonic adventure 2 and it’s avery flaw game but I still enjoy it. Like how people enjoy the movie the room, it’sa very flaw movie but people love it because of the flaws since it makes themovie.

Thoughjust because the game isn’t perfect =/= not to care how you made the game, youshould put effort and care into the game. Just remember that the game is somethingyou are doing for fun and enjoyment. Don’t go crazy over wanting to make thebest game in the world, since this is a subjective term. Meaning what peopleview as the best is different from you.

Justdo your best and the work will pay off for sure.

Whatis the reason you want to create the game?

Understand your true motive on why youwant to create the game you are making the game and make sure you always rememberwhy you are making the game.

But please note: that you should be makingthe game for fun and because you want to do it, making a game just to be popularcan be a reason but it would be something that drives perfectionist since youare trying to make a game people like rather than a game you care about. This would lead to self-doubt andredoing things over and over never making progress. You can dream about seeingpopular lets players playing your game and having a bunch of people playing it.BUT DON’T think its going to be the next Undertale and get ahuge fanbase of people all around you go crazy about things. Don’t expect yourgame to go off the day you release it, don’t get upset that you only got 10downloads on day one. Be happy that you did it, that you let your game out inthe world.Everything will pay off but don’t justthink you’ll get super popular, popularity takes time and just happens. Don’tgo crazy on being popular, rather think of the main reason you want to createthat story.

Popular =/= happiness, it’s nice to havepeople caring about your work, just don’t have it all go to your head andstress yourself out into a perfectionist cycle.

Trynot to compare yourself to others:

This is something I’m familiar with, comparingyourself to other devs or games and bashing yourself because “why can’t I bethat good”. Please understand this:

YOU ARE YOU!

I mean this you are you, don’t look at othersand put yourself down since what I learn is that there always someone behindyou looking up to you. You think you are the worst but there’s people who findyour work amazing. Your work is blind to yourself because you see it every day,but to someone else its amazing.

You must be you, not like dev x and devy. You can be inspired by them but don’t doubt yourself on how you can’t do thingslike them.

EVERYONE CAN DRAW AND CAN-DO THINGS. It’s the matter of learning the skill to getbetter at it. Art is a skill not a talent, its something you master and keepgetting better at. Same with being a dev you get exp points and you level up.Like a rpg tbh since you get exp and level up the more you practice a skill.

Learnto take feedback:

When someone gives you feedback on yourgame there are different types which I won’t cover all of them. Just know youare letting your game out in the public eye, you will have people who tell youthey like your game and others who tell you they didn’t enjoy it. If its civilthat’s A-Okay, since its their opinion.

You will get feedback that is critiques whichisn’t a bad thing, just understand if it’s someone who is just saying “Yourgame sucks” or “The protag looks weird” without context, this isn’t a critique.Don’t censor critiques btw, like if people are pointing out things like thegame has plot holes or things that are feedback that can help your work. Don’tyell at them or shut them down, take the advice. Just because the player doesn’tmake games don’t mean they can’t give you feedback.

Feedback is free and helpful so take all you can get from it.

Justdo it:

I canlist everything about being a dev, but this is what I can say to you, just doit. If you are passionate about wanting to create a game just do it. Once Iheard about rpg maker games I didn’t ask anyone I just dive head first into it.OvO/ It’s amazing now that people can ask other devs things like this about howto get into making games.

Beinga dev =/= an alien. No, we are just people who have a huge passionate in storytelling,art, music, games, etc. Making games is a media that lets a person get to seethe world in the eyes of the character.

Withrpg maker it makes it easier for people to get into game making which helpsthem get into another engine. It doesn’t matter if you are making a rpg makerbattle system, a spooky horror game, a walking simulator, etc. Make the gameyou dream of making and just do it.

Everythingin the world has been done before, but just take your spin at it, make a gameyou enjoy and don’t let others put you down since you want to make a game abouta young sweet female protag that wakes up in a strange world but can’t rememberwho they are. Just make the game you want to make.

Amazing Devs to Follow:Here’s some amazing devs to follow, who all haveamazing games.

ClockworkPrince

@rukomura-games

@zmakesgames

@akademia-project

@toxicshroomswamp

@virgovsthezodiac

@blinking4soup

@lonestargame

@land-sea-entropy

@living-playground

@pannacotta1

@plueschkatzeart

@overcast-rpg

@arcadea-rpg

@blackcrystalsrpg

@teal-crown

@midnighttrain-project @teamstellaria

@pakilusin

@akuinome

@purple-game

I do hope this was helpful in some way,I drop what dev work I was doing to answer this since it just made my day. Ihope this helps anon, and if you need anything just ask. I hope this informationwas helpful, I tried my best not to make a text wall. In the future I’ll make agoogle document about things I took and learn from being a game dev. ( I really hope this text wall was okay)

(≧∇≦*) I hope you have a wonderful day btw.

#Choko talking about rpg maker stuff #question #rpg maker #rpg maker talk #I hope the rambling was okay and interesting #sorry with the lack of pictures #I actually like the Shia labeouf do it since its actually is really helpful to me #like it pumps me up #OvO/ if you guys like this type of stuff I don't mind writing a doc #if I do that I would draw pictures #;v; was going to draw for this but I really wanted to post this #ALSO I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT ENGINE COST SORRY ABOUT THAT #you can poke me again and I can ramble for another hour about engines

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tibby · 6 years ago

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hey! i hope your layover isnt too horrible and that you manage to survive 💓💓 please try and convince me to watch the social network because honestly i really cant comprehend how a movie about mark zuckerberg can be anything but awful lol

omg thank you lovely

first of all, i just wanna say that i totally felt the same way before i watched it. to me, a movie about facebook seemed so bad and uninteresting. i didn’t care about mark zuckerberg at 13. i don’t care about him now, outside of wanting him to redistribute his wealth and then die. so i see where you’re coming from, and i want you to know that this movie is worth it.

however, i feel like this movie is only about mark zuckerberg on a surface level. it’s the story of facebook and it’s creation, but i think it’s primarily a social commentary: on nerd culture and privilege and male entitlement and money and how social media impacts our relationships. i don’t think it would’ve gotten the acclaim it’s gotten if it was just a movie about mark zuckerberg.

anyway, under the cut because this got LONG:

let’s start with my favourite part of this movie: mark and eduardo. i know it’s weird to think about mark zuckerberg in a) a romantic context and b) a gay context, but i think there’s intentional homoerotic undertones to their dynamic. fincher and sorkin are both so specific about the stuff they make, that i don’t think they would’ve let this get through unless they intended it that way. additionally, andrew garfield has called it a love story. more than once. even if it wasn’t a romantic relationship, it’s a great dynamic: two people who love each other deeply (in whatever way) and change the face of human communication together, only to have their own relationship destroyed due to their lack of it. it’s tragic, and it plays out so well.

jesse and andrew bring such life to the characters. in the director commentary, fincher has this whole spiel about how mark is a character, and was written as a fictional one, even if he’s based off a real person. and so it gives us jesse’s mark, who is cold and petty and smart but is also a 19 year old who finds himself making decisions he’s not prepared to make. a character who’s not an asshole, he’s just trying so hard to be. jesse talks about how he studied real mark zuckerberg a lot to prepare for this movie, and you can see it in his weird quirks and sense of superiority - but he also brings such his own heart and wit to the role. you see mark at 19/20 but also at 25, see him go from a bratty college kid so desperate for recognition to someone who learns how to be slightly more considerate towards others, who regrets hurting the person who cared about him most.

and eduardo....ugh, my favourite boy! andrew was robbed of an oscar nomination for this role, he really was. he’s so open and honest and loving at the start, and watching him go from that to someone who is closed off and heartbroken and angry always gets me. he twirls when he gets into the phoenix club and rolls his eyes at sean parker. eduardo’s father is mentioned three (3) times in the movie but it’s enough to know that it’s not a healthy relationship, that eduardo’s biggest fear is disappointing him. his fatal flaw is that he loves and trusts mark too much. he’s so well-meaning and that’s ultimately what screws him over in the end. he’s objectively the only main player in this movie that always had good intentions, and he’s the character that loses the most.

we spend two hours with the 2 main characters but it’s enough to let us know that there’s a history there, that they’re best friends and have been for a long time, that they’re smart enough to change the world together but not smart enough to save their relationship. it’s a tragedy. mark and eduardo, as we know them in this film, aren’t the Mark and Eduardo of the real world. they’re college kids thrown into the adult world in the blink of an eye, and it’s bittersweet to compare them in the flashbacks to how they are in the depositions. they’re fascinating characters with such a wonderful dynamic.

honourable cast shoutouts go to: brenda song for being the most intimidating character in the film (if you end up watching the movie and enjoy it, PLEASE watch the director commentary, david fincher won’t shut ip about how great she is), justin timberlake for being so insufferable that he’s the only movie counterpart who is worse than the rl version, armie hammer for being twins, josh pence for doing parts of the better twin, max minghella for the comedic performance of our generation, rooney mara for killing mark zuckerberg twice in one film, and joe mazzello for playing my son dustin moskovitz.

fincher!!! i actually won’t elaborate here we all know how good david is. i know this site has an understandable love of gone girl but i’d argue that the social network is the superior film.

sorkin: this movie gets quoted all the time because this screenplay is fucking iconic. i love that it won an oscar because it deserved it, but primarily i love that it won for best adapted screenplay because i’ve read parts of the accidental billionaires by ben mezrich (which is what TSN is ~loosely~ based on) and most of this is just stuff sorkin came up with. i could post the whole script because it’s all golden but instead just look at this gifset. and also this one.

this movie has the most beautiful soundtrack. if you follow me on twitter, you know that hand covers bruise is my whole heart and makes me cry every goddam time. and then you have in motion and a familiar taste, which are the ultimate Get Pumped songs. intriguing possibilities and painted sun in abstract are perfect pieces of music for watching facebook get created and go live. almost home is simple but intense, and hurts like hell when you remember what scene it is from. really i could talk about the entire score, because trent reznor and atticus ross really gave their all.

deposition cutaways: so many scenes in this movie pull you in and either make you smile or break your heart, and then it cuts back to a room with the main characters and lawyers and you remember! you’re watching the aftermath of what happened, you’re watching mark and eduardo smile at each other right before you’re reminded that they’re in the middle of a lawsuit. the way the two sections of this movie contrast is so well-done and it gets me every time.

on that note, the editing in this film? superb. i’d argue that the facemash scene is the best example, but the office scene and the club scene deserve love and praise as well. like, god, even if you don’t wanna watch this movie for the story, watch it for the technical stuff because it’s all so well done.

like, i can’t really discuss is that much but the rowing scenes? fucking incredible sir david fincher take my whole life.

what i think really works in this movie’s favour though, is that it does take you by surprise. i know so many people who were like you and me. didn’t think they’d be interested in a movie about facebook. but because absolutely everyone involved in this film gave it their all, and they turned a story about a shitty rich dude who made a website into a fictional love story slash social commentary...it’s just beautiful to watch. there’s a reason that critics and the gays of this hellsite all agree that this is one hell of a movie. and this sounds like a cop out, but i really feel like you can’t really give a reason why that is: it’s just something you have to experience.

also, if nothing else: who doesn’t want to watch andrew garfield wear a suit with several buttons undone while he smashes laptops and says the words FUCK YOU FLIP FLOPS?

#SORRY IDEK IF THIS IS CONVINCING OR MAKES SENSE BUT PLEASE WATCH THIS MOVIE #ask #Anonymous

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wazm · 5 years ago

Text

kinda lost blog

I just wish to feel genuine joy in my life. I'm so afraid of chasing my goals cos what if I get to where I need to be and it's not exactly what I want. nevermind trying to reach for my goals cos I've been doing that..working every day..trying to bring myself closer to my goals but fail...struggling to sit down and just write music...i can't get myself to do it... I can't get myself to create anything.. I procrastinate the things I'm supposed to do with irrelevant big tasks..trying to distract myself constantly... I just feel empty inside...

what makes my hallow chest even deeper is the fact that all my relationships remind me of the bad decisions I've made..and theyre, not even bad decisions..its just meh...average..nothing worthwhile noting really..combined with abunch of negative outcomes...like he fact that i know a shit ton of people but i have zero real friends...i once had a friend who knew me for more than 7 years but he never exactly knew his boundaries...he’d show up to my house unannounced...id never get space...but at least i still had a friend..id do countless favors for him and never ask him anything in return but giving me space...one time i tried distancing myself from him and when i started to notice, he got so offended...after this happened, we never spoke to months...probs the longest time apart since we’ve been friends...then we kinda rekindled things...and he decided to plan a guys trip to bring us closer together...trip was okay...but ended really bad...he blocked me off everything..games, facebook, whatsapp...everything...he lives up the road from me...but ive never seen him since....idk if its a blessing or a curse...i hope things are okay with him...he wasnt the smartest but he was smart enough to comprehend certain sitautions ive been going through...good enough for me to vent to and console me...thats kinda all i need sometimes...but no more of that...he was kinda my bridge to a group of other friends we had...and after the boys trip it was like i lost everyone..social life took a hard knock...im sorry..just wish you trusted me more...

i tried filling the void by making my gf do things i did with my friends...never went down well...she just seems like someone who never knows how to have fun anymore..we used to have interesting chats..i was so inlove with her, I never saw her flaws...and she taught me this word “resentment”...well its not tht i never saw her flaws...i just chose to ignore them..and told myself that things will get better, and she’ll grow..and change...but i feel like shes been making me more like her since we’ve been dating...i swear i did so much things before her...but we’ve been together so long, i dont even know who that person is anymore...i bet, even if i left her, i wouldnt be able to bounce back...and the odd thing is that, when we started dating almost 5 years ago, i made it our philosphy that we are individuals in a relationship, we are not the relationship but it seems like she wasnt even herself back then and started being me...and now its like, shes nothing without me and my whole life has grown so much onto her, i kinda feel the same in return...just less attached to her since i felt like i was feeding her nucleas...might be exaggerating but homegirl cant initiate anything without me. nevermind choosing a meal when we go out, she cant even make a plan without needing 90% input from my side...and thats how most things are between us...if shes upset, ill fix it...risk my life and beyond to fix it...physically have done this many times before...walked from my house to hers at 2am in the morning, through the ghettos, more than a kilometer away..even been gun pointed and got things stolen from me, just to make her feel better when she was upset in the middle of the night...im not expecting that in return but she lits does the bare minimum in return...id be sad, then she be like...awww...im sad you’re sad...done..thats it...she’d lits be like...what can i do to fix things....again wanting my input...i might as well be dating myself...idk why im with this girl anymore...i hurt inside everytime i tell her i love her...cos i just dont anymore...and its been like this for a while...i wish she found this post and decided to leave me..cos i cant leave her...ive broken her heart so many times and told her i wanted to leave but i just end up coming back to her cos im sucha fucking pussy seeking some sort of social acceptence or friendship and i feel like shes all i have rn...not much of a gf hey...but its not like im worth anything either...idk...im so paranoid shes cheated on me in the past cos shes lied to me in the past and told me 3 years later about those lies...you know when someone lies to you and then when you find out about the lies and you ask why’d you do it and shes like...idk...i just feel like its lies ontop of lies...really cant trust her....i wish i had it in me to cheat on her...but i just dont like most females...id be infatuated with someone but would be put off so easily by the slightest thign...things would make so much sense if i was secretly gay but im not...the longer i seem to be in this place, the deeper im digging my grave...i feel like the time with my almost 5 year relationship feels like its getting harder to leave the longer i stay in it....i really dont know what to do...but i feel like i fuck up most of my relationships...not just my romantic one...

my relationship with my parents are just a nightmare...same goes for my other family members...and you know what...i do so much for people...countless favors...countless volunteer jobs...extra miles for people who wont even move an inch for me...but just let me mention this to anyone, then im in the wrong...i just feel like i cant voice any shortcomings to anyone and im made out to be the bad guy for doing this....whether its my parents or my sisters...id do everything for them, and i do everything for them, even things they dont ask me for...but let me raise an opinion that doesnt resonate with them, and it turns into an argument and if i decide to step out before things get sour, im still made out to be the bad guy cos how dare i do something so rude....i just feel like no1 wants to listen to me at all...for my last birthday i tried staying away from my family and decided to work on a few movies with my friends and i had fun, we arent the closes friends but, campus friends...theyre actually in a whole other faculty..so we just barely know eachother but we’ve worked on movies before and thats kinda our history together as friends....so its my birthday and i agreed to work with them on this day...all day..from like 7am until almost 10pm..and my family, not communicating with me, decides to go out for supper for my birthday...and just expects me to leave this project im working on for them...so they invite people to join them for this birthday supper...without having me there...anyways after i finished my day shooting, i was pretty smug about working instead of spending the day with my family...and on the last few moments of my birthday my sister makes a shitty comment, wanting me to shut the fuck up cos she doesnt have the energy to listen to my voice..it really broken my heart, how my whole birthday was spoilt in moments....wish she couldve just waited a tiny bit longer...i wouldve been happy with that..but naa...no1 wants to listen to anything i have to say, let alone have me around in their presence....i just feel like starting a new life somewhere else...and thats kinda what i had planned...

really thought i was going to leave south africa and immigrate to australia to go sound study there...filled in all the paper work...spoke back-and-forth with the uni over there and they extended the communication so long, i thought things were set...seemed like i was so close to getting the big change ive been seeking for so long...but they sent me this stinky ‘ol email with extra modules id have to do and the tuition fees went from $11,000 to $35,000 which is ridiculous as my countries currency isnt australian dollars and is 10 units weaker than theirs...never in my life have i ever felt like money defined my life...lits had my life in limbo cos i was waiting for responses from this people...and when i finally got a response it was too late to apply at the local college...idk what im doing this year...i tried looking for work online, but no response...made ads for work on fiverr...tried upwork, tried quickengig...even rev...all these sites people advertise as quick ways to make money....a bunch of lies...i made $0, 3 weeks going now. nothing. i even invested in making a business logo, wrote descriptions...adjusted my ads multiple times...still...blue ticks from the online work field...i applied for jobs ive seen on indeed and on gumtree and jobfinder....but no response...nothing...blue ticked...ima say luckily im working part-time for this events company and its kinda an opportunity to network with the sound industry but the live sound industry is filled with racist pricks who patronize you when you’ve done the time to learn the work they know...so no work online freelancing, no work applying for work..no work physically meeting people...really makes me feel like this isnt a viable option for me...cant even study locally or internationally anymore...

im just so lost...alone..hurt..wish someone would save me the way ive saved others before..

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