#NIGHT SO MUCH BETTER THANK YOU SO MUCH
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Suki - Chimera Falin amv
I present before you: The Chimera Falin Edit.
#This took me like prolly 6 or so hours to do so feast well y'all and take ur meds and drink water#had to get in that “WOAH HEY” somehow#tiddies out for falin (and marcille she would love to see them)#anime watchers not finna get the uardlle joke but manga readers y'all BETTER LAUGH OR ITS BACK TO NO CONTENT.#if the manga readers dont laugh im never finna acknowledge them again and this will be their only acknowledgement from me good day /jjjj#if you caught the lesbian flag being in front of marcille at the end you are entitled to a kiss on the forehead and a membership to the +#farcille fanclub below#fun fact: I had to MAKE THAT FUCKING MARCILLE REACTION IMAGE MYSELF WHY WAS IT NOT ALREADY A THING#TOOK UP SO MUCH TIME.#also thank whoever reads the tags y'all are my favorite pookies#farcille#falin thorden#falin dungeon meshi#falin dunmeshi#falin touden#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#marcille dunmeshi#marcille dungeon meshi#marcille x falin#falin x marcille#chimera falin#falin chimera#faligon#dragon falin#delicious in dungeon amv#falin delicious in dungeon#marcille delicious in dungeon#oh also ig toshiro is here but i dont care about that man good night.#if you saw this last tag im literally giving you a kiss.
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Results from the ‘Who is the tallest MDZS Character poll! Thank you all for voting!
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#nie mingjue#lan wunian#lan xichen#lan wangij#poll#Thank you all for showing up with your whimsy! I saw so many funny tags and messages! What a blast it has been!!!#Nie Mingjue was the distractor answer - word of god *does* say he's the tallest but...he *was* dismembered and beheaded.#It's still a grey area though! This was all for fun after all B*)#Jin Ling uses his hair as a little lasso. Good for night hunting and asserting dominance!#Not the tallest due to his hair gel getting stuck on his hands and reducing the height of his throw during the judging.#And yes- Poorly Drawn Jin Ling is ~4cm tall. Grab you rulers out an visualize that <3 My Friday Treat for you all.#Real feminism is the fact that all the men who won did so by technically cheating and the woman (horse) did it the honest way.#Real feminism is being a horse. Everyone better start getting on that. New Year's resolution. Horse time.#My apologies to the Jin Zixuan likers (lowest votes): He's a bit of a fail wife but that's okay.#I like to imagine that It's the ghost of JYL committing voter fraud to give him pity votes.#(It is still voter fraud if a ghost votes right? Has anyone looked into the legality of ghost voting?)#Much to think about....Hey speaking of the ghosts of women: See you all tomorrow for the new poll!
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eternally grateful that no matter the verse within cherik either one of them will always have long lushish hair the other can lovingly comb through
#xmen#xmen 92#xmen 97#xmen apocalypse#xmen dofp#cherik#professor x#charles xavier#magneto#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap chats#if i had a nickel for every ship i liked that included a bald bitch and his long-haired lover id have two nickels and im crying#anyway its simply important to me.. i just think its neat yk ....#no concrete throughts i just really like the idea of charles combing through magnus' hair 😔#never getting over my initial reaction to his 97 hair like girlfriend it is so voluminous#charles better than me wdym youre not gonna fold like an omelette after seeing that mane#movieverse is just as good too ofc ... how could it not be .....#im thinking too much i must stop before i throw open google docs#i have to take a train in like eight years and that means waking up in six hours vjVALKEJ good night everyone#thank you for once again joining me in my nightly cherik rambling as i slowly lose my mind day by day
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gaping, helmet/mask, caught for maxiel
doing a little double-entendre for caught
kink list here
XXX
By the time Daniel herds Max into the nearest room with a door that closes--a storage closet by the looks of it, piled with boxes, one of them spilling Red Bull polos in their crinkly packages--he's so desperately horny that he's actually light-headed. He usually doesn't get the spins like this unless he's been drinking lots, or maybe out on the first free practice after a long vacation. But Max, he--
"Show me," Daniel demands. Begs, breathless.
"Hold on a second," Max says, voice muffled behind his helmet. He sounds like he does on the radio, and Daniel makes a mental note to dig up those recordings later. How well could Max have hidden it, giving feedback to GP or cussing when things didn't go his way?
Max struggles to get the helmet off. The HANS is still clipped to it, and it's snagged on something.
"No time," Daniel snaps, going for the zip on Max's suit and yanking it down. He dropped his own helmet and gloves on his car, and it's too bad that Max didn't do the same, but Daniel needs to see.
Daniel shoves down the sleeves of Max's suit, and the HANS comes undone with a gentle give, just caught on some thread. He spins Max around and pushes him up against the wall. Then, finally, he wrangles Max's suit over the plump curve of his ass, taking his snug briefs along with it.
And there it is: the plug Max said he'd put inside himself, just before they went out for Q1. The wide, translucent silicone base is snug between his cheeks. And also like Max had said, it's hollow. He's gaped wide open and Daniel can see right through to the dark, warm core of him.
Max is panting inside his helmet. "Well?" He asks. "What do you think?"
He'd been in the car with the plug inside him. It was probably vibrating with every turn.
"You slut," Daniel gasps, reverent. He puts two fingers inside the plug, inside Max's ass, and Max probably can only feel the echoes of sensation. He's completely vulnerable to whatever pleasure Daniel wants to take from him. "You're so hot, Max, god."
"If you come in me, it will probably leak while I'm driving again," Max offers, and Daniel stops breathing for a moment.
They really don't have the time. The whole rest of the garage is on the other side of the door. Any of them could walk in at any moment--it's not like it locks from the inside. They really really don't have the time, but Daniel hauls Max's body back against his, and grasps Max's full, sweaty tits through his fireproofs.
"You wouldn't be able to hold it in. My come," Daniel says. He mouths across the back of Max's helmet, tasting gas fumes and salt, the surface lightly gritty from the sand blowing across the track. He ruts his clothed cock against the ridge of the plug like an animal.
"It would get all over the place," Max agrees.
Daniel whines and licks the helmet, laves his tongue over Max's logo on the back, leaving a shiny trail through the dusting of grime. "Wanna fuck you so bad. Want you covered in it."
An announcement pings through the garage. "Hurry up," says Max.
"I know, I know," Daniel says, and at the same moment, the doorknob rattles. Daniel throws himself back against the door, pinning it closed. Max scrambles back into his race suit as they both hear someone say what the fuck on the other side. They look at each other, eyes wide. Not that Daniel is looking, but they probably both have enormous boners right now. Probably visible from space.
"You wait," Max instructs after they hear the receding footsteps. "I'll go out first."
"What? No," Daniel says, because he's not going to slink out behind Max. "I'm first."
Max huffs a breath into his helmet. "No, I'm first--"
"Max, c'mon, I should be first--"
"No, you're going after me. I'm first--"
"If anyone is coming second, it's you--"
#and so it goes until they really do get caught#maxiel#my fic#in my head this scene is longer but i have a lot of prompts!! :))#anyways the long and the short of it is that they do have sex but much later#thanks to my local sex shop for inspiring me with the Master Series Gape Glory Clear Hollow Plug#''The Gape Glory allows you to discover a whole new part of your partner as you peer into the depths of their ass!''#better yet is the accompanying photograph of some guy peering through the plug to the camera#late night post for europe!! i'll schedule the others for later methinks#kink prompts
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Might be a hot take as a bkdk and tgck truther here, but I find izuocha endlessly fascinating, beautiful, but also tearfully tragic.
I see their love for each other as something representative of their innocence and naivety when they only knew so little about who they were, and what was to come.
I think the main barrier of their relationship is that its rooted in how they see each other very idealistically, specifically that they're attached to the image of their Best Heroic Selves, and not the deeply selfish, destructive, freaky, and egotistical parts of them. To each other, they need to keep fulfilling that image or else that same person they looked up to would almost die in front of them, and that would be too cruel. Although that hero is still there, that same person they looked up to is not the same now because of...well...everything.
Izuku had barely even talked to girls when he first met her. She was Izuku's first ever real friend (Sorry Kats, everyone and him knows he was terrible), so he saved her in that entrance exam even if it was so dangerous. She gave a new meaning to his derogatory nickname just by being a friend that believed in him. After that, she saved him several more times (Blackwhip and Megaphone are the biggest samples iirc). It makes perfect sense that she is Deku's hero.
Ochako hardly knew what it meant to be a hero when she first got into UA. Just by reaching out to some kid tripping, she made a new friend who would then save her in that exam, then save him again in return. This boy then became someone who was always working so hard to save everyone in trouble, and she realized she wanted to be just like him too. "I want to save people"
But...Deku changes. The weight of One for All is on his shoulders and he needs someone to carry this burden with him. He continues to want to save other people at the expense of himself, still not letting his true selfishness and ego ever show- and it only grows more and more unbearable.
Then...Ochako fell in love with Himiko. Truly, relentlessly, selfishly and devotedly in love with a girl who then dies giving her blood to her- the greatest expression of love Himiko could ever give.
Not that they can't love each other because of this happening (and...so many other things oh god), I'm honestly not sure how to explain it- But them ending up together after losing that innocence and naivety? After Ochako will forever grieve the girl who showed her love in its most beautiful and ugly form? After Izuku changed so fundamentally as a person that the butterflies of a nice girl talking to you doesn't exist anymore? After that simple image of being a hero and being in love has completely changed for them both?
Even so, I believe they still love each other. There is no label I know of that can properly describe them though. They are each other's image of being a hero when it comes to saving people. Aside from Shoto, no one else can grasp the grief of the person you tried to save dying in your hands. They would no doubt try to cope with these losses together, and just try to get better together...but so much has changed. They've changed. The world changed. What are they now? Who are they now?
"What happened...to us?"
#I just think the tragedy of falling out of love for the person who represents who they Used to be is so...so painful#Kacchan isn't even here yet and it's already so complicated.#also. Izch healing together after all this would also be really nice#if u like them ending up together thats also perfectly fine too. im just a bkdk and tgck truther myself. thats kinda my whole thing#but izch forming a deep bond from their experiences and saving eachother#and maybe later on trying to date too...oh boy#and them being able to just...be more casual again. talk abt their lives and dreams together too just so they know they have each other#oh itd be so healing and beautiful#im so glad izuku talked to ochako on that cliff man oh man...#izuocha the underrated tragic love that they could've been if ppl werent so close minded abt them#only the real izch fans understand just how much these two actually mean to each other. god bless yall I swear even if I dont ship ship it#thank u to that person who wrote abt them being characters than run in parallel#that narrative structure for them is permanently in my brain. I love these two so much its no joke#my Extra hot take is that izch wouldve been treated better by the fandom if it was gay.#but we'd still agree on bkdk as the endgame after all that happened. maybe. idk this is a hypothetical.#if you switch ock and kats genders...this wouldve been a very different story and fandom. insane food for thought with this one.#ok thats my yap for the night oh god i have so many feelings about them...#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#izuocha#actually confidently putting this tag now. sorry for the angst you guys...and maybe being seen as a traitor#im a strong girl I could take on potential haters hahaha...#izuku midoriya#ochako uraraka
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Daniel Ricciardo and Max Verstappen in Tokyo ahead of the 2016 Japanese GP | x
#max verstappen#daniel ricciardo#autumn posts#filing under things that are just new to me#escaping the dread for a moment with making some little gifs#thinking of everyone today#I've been numb with dread but I've been thinking of that Justin Mc Elroy quote like I'll keep doing good and no one can vote on that#I'll keep helping and supporting my friends and community and taking care of myself too#and one of those ways will be momentary escapes here in F1blr#I won't ramble too much but I'm just so heartbroken and dissapointed ... I had such hope#but we'll keep going and keep being strong ❤️ or I keep telling myself that!!#I gotta get back to the office#but sending everyone lots of energy and good thoughts and thank you for this space to get away and feel better for a little moment#have a restful day night and morning ahead 🏙️🌃🌆#be back soon!!#mentally will be at Daniel singing in the car and Max vibing along with him#maxiel hours in my heart only always
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good morning friendz & happy monday ! chased some pretty sunsets over the last two nights so i wanted to share <3 i hope everyone had a good weekend and their monday is off to a good start (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ᡣ𐭩
#almost missed the one last night SOB !#going to try and chase a few more hehe#i’ve been camping the last few days & i got a couple more days ahead of me hehe#just blooping in whenever i have a lil service / downtime#it’s been sm fun <3#but i apologize for slow interactions sob#WILL BE YAPPING SO MUCH WHEN I GET BACK ! <3#u better believe it mwehehehe#going to answer some more collab asks sooooon !!#thank you sm to everyone that’s joined omg i am so very excited !!!#sending out lots of loveeeee ^_^#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME IT WAS UR BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY...
IK ITS NOT MUCH BUT. IVE BEEN MEANING TO GET AROUND 2 DRAWING HONNO OK!!!!!!!!!! BETTER NOW THAN NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!
KLEOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I CATCH YOU KLEO OMG/???????? KLEO IM EATING THIS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DRAWING HONNO I LOVE THIS SO MUCH HONNOOOO HOW YOU DREW THEM IM JUMPING OFF THE WALLS RN KLEO🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 THANK YOU FOR THIS IM GOING TO STARE FOR HOURS NOW THANK YOU
#artwork by cool peeps#smoredraws#other peeps ocs#peeps art 4 me#oc honno#asks#you have healed my soul and made me actually draw something today so please have this silly#Its been a long day feeling sluggish after work and I see this today have made me feel better thank you Kleo qoq I love this sm fr#You have very much made my night thank you very much!!! for draw my silly goober i can explode /pos
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I made myself a personal playlist with the fnaf songs I like (because wow I’ve missed out on like five years of bangers and need to catch up!!). I thought I would make myself a playlist cover with my precious Helpy bear to inspire even more joy from it!! He stole/borrowed DJ Music Man’s headphones. :3
#I’d share the playlist itself but it is very much not done lol#also most of the songs are probably not unique to my playlist snd simply the ones I’ve liked most so far#there’s definitely better playlists out there for fnaf music fans haha#I mean if anyone REALLY REALLY wants to see it I can share but it’s too imcomplete to put on here do ya get me#anyway I love Helpy he became like my number two comfort character overnight lol#I love everything about him. his eyeshadow. his little buck teeth. those giant blue eyes#and I needed to experiment with bold line art and color so here we are! a win win win situation!#also I got a Helpy plush today and can finally kiss him on the forehead#life is really turning around for old jojo#anyway if you read this far you rock. thanks for reading this silly woman’s streams of consciousness hehe#fnaf#five nights at Freddy’s#Helpy#freddy fazbear pizzeria simulator#art
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rewatching night at the museum for the first time in a while and wow. i missed this film.
#JEDTAVIUS#MY BELOVEDS#got into a heated argument w my brother on jedediah's name#cause no he isnt called JEREMY#thats bmc#thx robin williams for teaching me what teddy roosevelt did since my history teacher sure didnt#as much as i love this movie sadly i can ignore the plot holes#how did larry manage to learn enough things about the majority of the stuff at the museum#in a day#teach me your ways#Opinions on the animals?#the t rex is a treasure#fuck dexter tho#i dont wanna see that primate ever again in my life#btw its so funny how teddy talking to ahkmenrah is like#HA! YOU DIDNT GO OUT FOR 54 YEARS SURE AS HELL IM NOT FREEING YOU TONIGHT#meanwhile 2 nights later#idk how y'all watched the film but in the italian dub ahkmenrah has the most OUTRAGEOUS british accent#and while he probably has it even in english in italian it sounds very weird and very funny#a new thing crossed my mind this rewatch tho#wow those are civil war fighters. would have been cool to have the founding fathers too.#soooooo did anyone write a night at the museum au for hamilton#asking for a friend#and if someone is actually reading this.#Idk how much ive written but people dont you have anything better to do than to read my thoughts on this 2006 film#(thank you for reading my thoughts on this 2006 film)#lastquickthought#rebecca fangirling over sakagawea is me at convention w cosplayers#thanks for coming to the impromptu ted talk#ig???
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my og podcast men !!
[ID: Night Vale fanart of Carlos and Cecil. Cecil is a tall white man with four eyes posing with a grin, wearing a crop top that says “I can see you,” a neon green puffy jacket, and floral pants. Carlos a long-haired brown man wearing a lab coat splattered in colorful stains over a purple outfit, and he’s holding Cecil’s arm with a smile. End ID]
ID by @princess-of-purple-prose thank you for the ID!!!
#i love nightvale so much im so happy its still going#cant wait to se what happens to cecil next episode O_O#ive had a cecil design for a very long time but i thought i would revamp him with better outfits lol#and my carlos has always been the same just bc i love his ''plain until you look down and see his labcoat'' vibe#i had to draw paisley patterns for this tho ToT dont regret it bc i love the way it looks but damn... never again#also i am a 4 eyed cecil believer. he has 4 eyes and thats the truth :)#welcome to night vale#wtnv#cecil gershwin palmer#carlos the scientist#my art#if you dont want to be tagged i can take it out but i wanted to credit and thank you!
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This whole "you're responsible for your triggers, nobody else >:(!" argument is weird to me because it's like... we know that ultimately, we are in charge of our trauma and our trauma responses, and I don't think everybody genuinely thinks that they have no agency over how their trauma can impact their life and the way they navigate it. So it's weird to me when peoples' first response is to remind us that our trauma is only up to us.
To me, it comes across like people are upset that traumatized people and people with triggers have boundaries related to their triggers and that it would be an asshole move to be like "fuck your boundaries! I do what I want around you!"
It is completely understandable if you're not able to accommodate somebody's triggers, but you don't have to put up a veneer of putting the blame on everybody else. It's okay to have conflicting needs, and that isn't really anybody's fault. Just move on, and don't engage with that person. There doesn't always have to be a Bad Guy in every situation.
#trauma#mental health#mental health advocacy#and like... in general our requests might be 'please don't talk about [x] AROUND me'#not 'never ever even THINK about [x] or i will actually kill you'#like there is a difference and too often people take boundaries as like... a personal affront or accusation#i have some triggers and sometimes i have to put up boundaries about it and it's shitty when people act like i've killed them#like once i tried *talking* about my triggers with my dad and he acted like i was so unreasonable for being triggered by my abuse#(he's much better now that he has sorted his own things out and i'm actually proud of him for that)#(last night i talked about a boundary and he was like 'oh because it's a trauma trigger?' and i was like YES. THANK YOU FOR GETTING IT)
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Love that prompt list! How about 24 - “Did you just bite me?” - for the DV'Cule, please?
In honour of the fact I've just quit my weekend job - DC please humbly accept my first outrightedly suggestive prose answer: praise the soup and your patience, here we go:
TLDR: Venomous bites and kinky viziers is certainly a match, and not one made in heaven, even for gods.
TW: Suggestive themes, biting, nothing overtly described. Implied threesome.
Did you just Bite Me?! - The DVCule: Jafar x Hades X Facilier
The yelp that cuts though the warm, heavy air startles them so badly that someone – Facilier maybe – tumbles off the bed with a swear, helped by one of Hades legs as the god flails. Flames roar between blue and orange as he grabs the back of Jafar’s head and tries to yank, grunting at the teeth buried in his shoulder.
The sorcerer remains locked in place – dazed and cross eyed as he clings - sweaty, sinuous, satisfied and apparently on another fucking planet for all that he was paying attention.
“Did you seriously just bite me?!” Hades croaks incredulously. “Jaf- Jafar, what the fuck-”
Muffled groans and what sound like an aborted reply leak between wet flesh. Hades winces as he tries to pry the sorcerers head away but finds him all but locked into the muscle – golden ichor dribbling between them. Despite the sudden burst of flame all the sorcerer does is grip harder, tongue idly flicking at the blood as it dribbles down his skin and smears the sheets.
Facilier stumbles up, nursing a bruised backside and scowling - swatting at Jafar to move but only getting a strangled hiss and an unfocused red glare for his trouble. The bokor blinks, noticing the odd..smooth sheen of Jafars skin, and the subtle red and black banding beginning to show.
“Ah, fuck. Is he-”
“Fanged up? No shit.” Hades hisses, feeling the two white hot, needle-like fangs twitch and flex what feels like down to his bones. “I don’t- fucking- need an anatomy discussion doc, get him off-!”
“I’m tryin-!”
Mood murdered - they attempt to wrangle the punch-drunk half-transformed sorcerer off the larger god, trading swears every time the teeth buried in his neck jostle, grimacing as Jafar swallows more and more godblood and slowly begins to giggle and produce some kind of awful hissy purr that shakes the bed and makes Hades especially regret the fireproof spells written into it.
Eventually they manage to pop Jafar’s unnervingly stretchy jaw off, tossing the ex vizier to the side while Facilier grabs rags for the bleeding and Hades glares at his lover. Slitted red eyes blink out of sync back as the half snake curls languidly in place, sleepy and pleased.
Hades scowls. “Memo to me – add a clause about biting...” He pinches his nose and sighs explosively, letting Facilier swipe at his shoulder where the wounds are already closing. “Oy, he’s such a freak.”
Facilier chuckles at that. “Yeah. An’ you like it, so what does that make you?”
“A pincusion apparently, oy-” He rolls his eyes and rubs his temples, feeling a headache coming on. “Was just starting to relax too...”
Facilier makes a sympathetic noise and throws the rag away. He slides back up, all smooth grace now that tall dark and twisted was slightly snoring. He gently cards a hand through the flames, letting them wrap around his fingers as Hades leans into the touch. “You wanna keep goin? Or leave it here? I’m game for either.”
Hades hums as he mulls it over and leans into him. Facilier’s brows pinch as he realises he’s… actually having to brace the god kinda hard. “Uh...Cher?”
Yellow eyes slowly blink open, and alarm bells start ringing as he sees just how wide the pupils are. “Hades..??”
“Faci...” He mumbles. “...have...have there always been three of you?”
The bokor feels his stomach tie into knots as he suddenly connects some dots - snapping his head around to see Jafar yawn, yellow drops of venom still clinging to his fangs.
He about launches himself out of bed – ignoring Hades sudden whine - and scrambles for his trousers, slung over the dresser. “Gotta get Ursula darlin’ - berightback-!”
#thalassa responds#disney villains#the DVCule#DVCule#hades x jafar#Hades x Dr Facilier#gotta negotiate these things man#gotta bring up the fact that while venom won't kill you it will make you trip out of your mind#drinking godblood side effects include increased megalomania and temporary immortality related to bad decisions#Facilier just wanted a nice evening with wine and a good time but noooo-#You better belive Ursula and Maleficent are going to rememeber their date night being ruined because the boys got too kinky#disney jafar#disney hades#disney dr faciler#oh yeah shapeshifters get a little loosey goosey with their forms when in the middle of things#scalies arise-#thank you so much DC!!
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now i aint ever had no one on the enemy team call me out.... lol ...... abysmal they say this right as the mvp screen pops up too.....
#marvel rivals#snap chats#the line of Thank You in the chat PLEASe ... my bad for always thanking my supports erjALKAJ#just got the mag skin so its only reasonable i focus on getting my wanda hours up JRLKJAJi i need that lord icon ....#tbh getting mvp as wanda isnt hard considering you get credit for Breathing on an enemy but we take them regardless#stats not even that crazy tbh like i avg 25-30 elims as wanda durin my good games... like surprising i didnt die more i guess but jvLEKJLAK#i think at this point ive got a healthy grasp on how to use wanda. very fun lady :) i love her very much#even with her ult im. at least good at Not Dying when using it vjLKJKLAJ when playin an FPS Not Dying is the best you can do#stats dont mean too much to me tbh like yeah they can be an indication to how much value someones MAYBE giving#but they never give the full story .... ive had games where all our stats were Less Than Ideal but we won by just playin objective..#do you know. how many people Dont play objective. jesus christ it drives me mad#i get pushing ahead if its payload but at least be NEARBY so help me lord#anyway whats funny is that i considered recording my matches today right before i went into this one#lol. lmao even. prob my best wanda game i fear .... not gonna get better than this jVLKEKLAJ#ok bye bye im gonna go finish a thing i sketched last night then ima work
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Thinking about the convolution of Eleventh Doctor's expressions of love for River Song in Season 7B. He does not trust Clara. He is utterly (wrongly) convinced that he and Clara are playing a grand manipulative game together. “What are you, eh?! A trick? A trap?!!”
So naturally, the last thing he should do in this game is to clue his opponent in on something that could be used to hurt him. Something like River, so painfully near the end of their time together, whose data ghost he can always see, who “it would hurt too much” to acknowledge. He can't let Clara know of the loss which constantly floods his senses; (“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he professes, once Clara has vanished into his timestream).
And yet. River fills his every moment (irregardless of any sneaking out for dates with increasingly-young Rivers while Clara is asleep like he did while the Ponds slept, which would explain his absence when the TARDIS is hiding Clara's bedroom). Even though it's not strategic, he can’t help but tell Clara about her. The best defense he can manage is to phrase it as if River isn’t as important to him as she is. Not only is avoiding her first name in his grief; he's also completely avoiding pronouns; which seems extreme given that he's still mentioning her as often as: “Oh yeah, of course he has! Professor Song! Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”
Leave out the emotion — leave out the details — don't show the cracks in the armor — play the part — win the game.
“Well, there's no point now. We're about to die. JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.”
#I mean we KNOW that the doctor immediately started pouring his hearts out to Clara as soon as NotD ended <3#Clara tells the war doctor “he's always talking about the day he did it” okay so he's always talking about it starting after the prev ep#eleventh doctor#river song#clara oswald#words by seaweed#yeah I know the implication in Name of the Doctor is that eleven is two-timing them / worried abt Clara being jealous. which. eh. maybe.#but I like this better. also both things can be true if we want them to be#eleven is in SUCH a bad way in Season 7B too he needs to be held#“I thought it would hurt too much and I was right” ever think about how Clara was there for in the deepest moments of his grief?#whether his sad victorian cloud… on the Last Day… or on the day he was finally able to say Rivers name. he thought it would hurt too much#Tia made a really insightful post recently about how eleven can’t speak rivers name when she's gone and like. god. yeah.#it also made me think about. who would he even talk to River about? if he could? after years on a cloud drowning in her present nonpresence#ever think how if HoRS had happened before Hell Bent he never could've dealt with it and coulda broke the universe for River instead#Series 9 was a continuation/escelation of eleven's (and next twelve's) “he hates endings” - endings for Amy and Rory. for River. for Clara.#he hit rock bottom. and then Clara saved him#“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become Songs.”#thank you Clara <3#one episode later:#“When the wind stands fair and the night is perfect when you least expect it but always when you need it the most- there is a Song.”#bc this is NOT to undervalue the Doctor's love for Clara he has a Duty of Care she's more Breakable than him (also than river!)#but it can it really be a coincidence? bc he is talking abt river in the second one. unless Moffat is obsessed with Song imagery? I MEAN
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ty to the people who continuously support me and love me I just. I love yall a lot <3
#camera talks#I’m going to bed right after this#but I really just wanted to say like. the hearts in my ask box really do mean something to me#and saying your giving virtual hugs and blankets etc like. it gets me through sometimes#and moo i know I say this all the time but I love you so much. genuinely my biggest supporter and you make me feel so so cared for#I don’t think there are words to express it#you all make me feel really close and warm when I realize people see me and care about me#also my irls too. he’s not on here lol but shoutout Ben. I really needed that hug#totally unprompted someone I’ve never hugged before and he just hugged me and I think he knew I needed it and yeah I did.#I really appreciated that. I know that’s what all of yall would have done too <3#I’m still not doing 100%. I’m going to bed now hoping I can feel better we will see#but I talked about some important stuff with my mom and it went well I think and I’ve been crying all day but I’m going to make it through#I want to live and I love my life so much. I want to see everything else that’s in store for me because I want to keep living <3#sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m tired#okay. good night yall <33 I love you so much and thank you for everything. I know I can get through this#and I dedicate a lot of that to yall so <33
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