#NEW YEA

[auzlon]

Status update

In the last few days I've had no sleep. lets go over the key points - in order.

SIGNED AN NDA

Kicked out of bar

made out with a guy

Yelled on the street at 2am at a guy

got sent $200 for texting an older guy

managed have no sex.

Some how I feel both progressed and regressed. I was reminded of my nature that he so sot to remove with ultimatly no avail. I think I said it once 'you can take the girl out of the city, but you can't take the city of the girl'.

In a younger version I would text a random guy and do the thing. Have an orgasm (If i was lucky) then repeat. This time with a little maturity. AND FINALY fucken self value. I won't throw myself at just anyone because I'm horny. I've given it up too much for too little and only lost friends in the process. I don't know what I was trying to find validation or thrill.

But I don't want love, Either. I'll reserve my love for two individuals.

Him, the imaginary one he exist only the boundlessness of my mind and creation. He - this person, can more then he, she, they? this person is me. They inhibit all of me, my fictious perfection exist in them.

And --him, the soul mate. The only one person who I've met physically who is more me than I am myself. I love him, in a away that is, complicated. because its survived through time and lovers- its been my beacon in the time when the love of my life is not enough. And somehow its my beacon now. He's mine. even with her. He's mine, but not like he is to her. Our love, exist only in the thought, nothing we can touch or see. It belongs only to a space we've agreed never to talk about because he is with her. My family makes comments about him, he's hung in the air of each failed relationship.

I enter the new year with a new version of me, she smokes cigarettes, drinks sparkling water to suppresses the alcohol craving, bought a new wardrobe, takes her son to the library, and I got bangs.

self reflections and revelations.

25 years old - 2025

tell me about You ??? have you changed this year

[patientno7]

[miamimerchant]

Cheers to New Year 2025 Fireworks & Fun Gifts, phone & mugs Sweatshirt

Cheers to New Year 2025 Fireworks & Fun Gifts, phone & mugs Sweatshirt https://a.co/d/2qwbt6P

[keferon]

Don’t mind me I just like to see him go bananas about cartoonish Autobot rules

Maaan…..if Prowl was in tfp he would spontaneously combust at least once a day

[nordsea-horizons]

lily’s home on nixie, with video bc the ✨vibes✨🌱🫧🍀

[possumtion]

Kinda cracky Animal crossing! AU

[gremlingirlsmell]

what's really baffling me is when people argue some point against something someone said or against terminology and they go "if i replace this term with this other term this sounds awfully bigoted" like. YOU changed the word. YOU changed the meaning. YOU changed the context ?????

[the-geeky-fangirl]

yes i know heartstopper is "cringe" and yes I know you think it's not that deep but you've endured years of cringe oversexualized shows about high schoolers where the gays are delegated to sub plots I'm sure a few hours of queer people being safe and happy and loved won't kill you so please shut the fuck up

[auzlon]

Oh where, thou art sweet slumber.

I can't sleep I think its the panic attack I gave myself in the car today. It's 2:28 am, I slept 10 hours yesterday and I think today 5 will be a god send.

Why the panic attack? Him. He still lives here in me. I thought again of how he his telling the story our separation, is he telling people I was an ungrateful bitch, that I just wanted the single life, that I wouldn't have sex with him, or something subtle or worse nothing at all. I thought of confrontation and i do that on regular basis think of a scenario in which I cause more emotional damage to myself than anything. In this one he's telling everyone I wouldn't have sex with him.

I say to him

"I didn't want to have sex? that's why everything fell apart? Be so fucking for real!", my eyes watering, my voice pitching. "I loved you of course I wanted you. I was attracted to you, I wanted to get fucked by you every day. It was never an issue of me not wanting to have sex, it was issue of the fucking disappointment in your eyes and words when wasn't good enough. You were injured I got that it wasn't solely up to you, but you expected me to lead and just suck you off for your sake. To demonstrate that I wasn't selfish, that I could give without expecting. But Jesus, I would do it then your yelling at me a week later because I haven't done it again. I couldn't have sex with you unless the lights were off and I was blasted, and as soon as I finished I showered. It became a fucken chore, became you made it seem like a clock was fucken ticking for me to initiate and do it, TOO YOU. Your questioning why I didn't enjoy it? You were a body, when I initiated you didn't kiss, or touch me or show any kind of want for me. And that destroyed my confidence." I am in pain in those word, my breathe hicks, my hands are shaking. "You told me once crying wouldn't get me anywhere, as If I was child crying over candy. I was crying because I couldn't understand how you could yell at me and say some of the things you did. You said be open, transparent I cried and you turned it on me. You wonder why I fell out of love?

I am nauseated for allowing you to treat me the way you did for as long as you did."

I imagine that when those words are said, I wear a bitterly won face. The tear falling but keeping my expression firm. It's not about giving him the satisfaction but knowing I won't sob over this anymore. Over him, what he did, what he said, and how we laughed.

it's 2:56 AM now.

I wonder much and know none. I knew your voice in the dark,

I knew your moans once upon a time.

I knew what it was to be a goddess and they a priest.

I knew you in the dark my mind clouded.

I wonder when the priest chose a new religion.

I knew when,

I no longer wanted your prayers.

[suntails]

sleep cycles

[psalidodont]

insane little critter

[steelsuit]

little messy shockop doodle from november

[keferon]

I keep drawing Roddy as this (•‿•) thing lol. I need to give him a proper design asap haha

[patrothestupid]

The fridge kobold is real !! he'll keep your vegetables safe and warm ! Uuw

(avaiable as a print, link here !)

[tubbytarchia]

I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional

[gradelstuff]

League of Villains - Cyberpunk outfits from My Hero Ultra Rumble