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marzmeltdown · 1 year

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Familiar Taste of Poison - pt.3

⌦ Pairing: Wonwoo x Fem!Reader ⌦ Genre(s): series,, angst,, fluff ⌦ chapter specific genre: fluff,, angst ⌦ Warning(s): !!TW: LIGHT MENTIONS OF Drug Use, Alcohol Abuse, mentions of depression!!, reader kinda uses Wonwoo, a lot of this will be in multiple pov's(I will clarify when it changes pov's), some mention of being sick, swearing, most of this chapter is all Wonwoo's pov, Wonwoo goes on a date with someone else. ⌦ Word count: 3.07k ⌦ Summary: You and Wonwoo have been friends since childhood, though you're both a little estranged from one another, the only contact being when you call Wonwoo for help. ⌦ A/N: This chapter is a bit longer than the last two but a lot happens to push the plot forward. It's really random that I put skz in here but I needed someone who had a sister. Fun fact about me, cause it's brought up in this chapter: I'm allergic to apples. The end of this chapter almost had a bitch crying at 4 am. If there's anything you feel I should improve on in the future, don't hesitate to let me know! You can find progress updates on this story and everything else I write in my pinned post every Wednesday.:) ⌦ I have attached a link to a website with help hotlines around the world, this series has heavy themes of mental health and substance abuse. This link will be added to every chapter. ⌦ International Mental Health hotlines

⌦ Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6

⌦ marz’s tag list ⌦ marz’s req form

⌦(Wonwoo's pov) It had been a little while since he had heard from you; granted, you had never gone longer than a month without needing him to clean up your messes. This new-found silence from being your knight in shining armor allowed him to begin streaming again. For awhile, he had stopped because your calls of need would come in at least 4-5 times a week.

To say he missed you would be an understatement; he would lie awake after a long night of streaming, waiting for his phone to ring so he could pick you up. After three weeks of no calls, he began to believe that you had fully forgotten about him, all because of a little spat that he could've handled better. He had plans to express how he felt about you, but the world had different plans that day. Maybe you two just weren't meant to be friends anymore.

Wonwoo had tried to take his mind off things; he would distract himself by playing video games until the sun went down. That night, like every other night, he stayed up to play online with a few friends.

"If I die one more time because you're not paying attention, I'm gonna strangle you," Vernon threatened through Wonwoo's headphones. To be honest, Wonwoo was a little distracted today; he kept glancing down at his phone, hoping for a call, a text, or something.

"Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind," Wonwoo replied, the sounds of his mouse clicking and keys clacking filling his room and his eyes beginning to grow tired from staring at such a bright screen for an extended period of time.

"Woo, you need to let her go. She's clearly not interested in your friendship and hasn't been for awhile," Minghao said. If Minghao were talking to anyone else, they surely would've been offended, appalled that he could say something so cold so calmly, but Wonwoo appreciated his honesty; he wouldn't want Minghao to be any other way.

"I agree with Hao; you should put yourself out there; stop waiting for someone who isn't hurting without you," Seungcheol chimed in, everyone having paused their game to give Wonwoo some free therapy while they sat in the Fortnite lobby.

"Are you guys suggesting a date?" Wonwoo asked, pushing his glasses up as he put his hands on his face, muffling his question just a bit.

"Well, I wasn't, but I know someone who'd be great for you," Seungcheol said. He could hear the shrug in his voice, playing matchmaker so nonchalantly. "I'll send you her info; she thinks you're cute anyway," he added. Within seconds, his words were emphasized by the sound of Wonwoo getting a text message. He glanced at the notification, half hoping it was from you and half hoping it wasn't.

It wasn't.

Wonwoo opened his phone, seeing that Seungcheol had sent her Instagram profile along with her phone number. He clicked on the link, leaning back in his chair as he scrolled through the professionally taken photos that filled the girl's profile.

"She is really cute," Wonwoo said, clicking on a few photos. There was a familiar face in a few of the photos, though they looked too much alike to be anything more than siblings.

"Seungcheol, is this Chan's sister?" Wonwoo asked, zooming in on one of the photos to get a better look at the girl's alleged brother.

"Bang Chan?" Seungcheol asked.

"Yea, Bang Chan,"

"Yea, why?"

"Just curious," Wonwoo said. He chewed on his bottom lip as he swiped back into his messaging app, looking down at the series of numbers Seungcheol had given him. "You said she thinks I'm cute?"

"Yeah, she talks about you all the time at work," Seungcheol said.

"Well, I'll text her when we get off. Wanna go for one more round?" Wonwoo asked, setting his phone down and getting ready to unpause the game.

"Sounds good," everyone said, continuing with their match.

One game turned into two.

Two games turned into four.

4 turned into 6.

By the time Wonwoo looked at the clock on the PC that displayed his Discord server, he was shocked.

3:26 a.m.

Wonwoo must have really had a lot on his mind; he never stayed up this late, not unless you had needed his help. He yawned, stretching his back when they were back to the games lobby, cracking his neck as it had grown stiff from sitting hunched over a keyboard for so long.

"I think I'm gonna get off guys, I'm getting tired," he said, not waiting for them to object before closing the game and turning his headphones, mic, and pc's off. Wonwoo grabbed his phone as he got up, walking to his closet to grab a pair of night pants and changing into them.

He unlocked his phone, looking at the number again as he began brushing his teeth. After a moment of hesitation, he finally added Hannah's contact information to his phone, messaging her as soon as he finished brushing his teeth.

⌦ Wonwoo: Hey, it's Wonwoo. I know this is super random, but Seungcheol gave me your number, if that's okay.

Wonwoo didn't expect an immediate answer; it was almost 4:00 in the morning. He looked at the unopened message as he left the bathroom, slipping his phone into his pocket and turning off the light. His phone dinged as soon as he walked into his room, and he only opened it once he had lied down in bed.

⌦ 3:55 a.m.

⌦ Hannah: Hey, Wonwoo! It's totally chill; why're you up so late? (Read 3:55 a.m.)

Wonwoo found himself smiling at her message and answering immediately.

⌦Wonwoo: I could ask you the same thing, lol. (Read: 3:57 a.m.) ⌦Wonwoo: But I was playing Fortnite with Cheol and a few other friends and lost track of time. (Read: 3:57 a.m.)

⌦Hannah: That sounds like a lot of fun. (Read: 4:00a.m.) ⌦Hannah: Why did Cheol give you my number anyway? (read: 4:00 a.m.)

⌦Wonwoo: Uh, he's trying to play matchmaker. (Read: 4:00 a.m.)

⌦Hannah: Right (Read: 4:01 a.m.) ⌦Hannah: Well, what are you doing tomorrow? (Read: 4:01 a.m.)

⌦Wonwoo: Nothing as of right now. (Read: 4:02 a.m.) ⌦Wonwoo: Why are you trying to ask me out? (Read: 4:02 a.m.)

⌦Hannah: Yea. (Read: 4:02 a.m.) ⌦Hannah: How's coffee sound tomorrow at noon? (Read: 4:02 a.m.)

⌦Wonwoo: You're straight to the point, aren't you? lol (Read: 4:03 a.m.) ⌦Wonwoo: But, noon tomorrow sounds great! (Read: 4:03 a.m.)

⌦Hannah: Great, I'll send you the cafe's info tomorrow. I'm about to fall asleep (Read: 4:03 a.m.)

⌦Wonwoo: Awesome, sleep well (Delivered: 4:04 a.m.)

Wonwoo reread the small interaction he had with Bang Chan's sister, smiling softly as he put his phone on the charger. He turned off his light, took his glasses off, and went to bed.

⌦(Wonwoo's POV cont) Wonwoo was thankful for his habitual routine of waking up at 9:00 a.m. every morning, regardless of when he went to bed. He forgot to set an alarm, having fallen asleep as soon as he put his glasses on his nightstand. Waking up this early gave him a few hours to kill before he had to get around, creating a schedule in his head for how long it would take him to eat breakfast, take a shower, shave, get dressed, and drive to the cafe. He planned on being 15 minutes early; he was always early.

Hannah had already sent Wonwoo the address of the cafe; thankfully, it was only a fifteen-minute drive from his apartment complex with traffic. He ate a light breakfast of two pieces of toast and a glass of apple juice; he'd be damned if he were going to willingly drink orange juice. He rarely ate toast, but with few food ingredients in his fridge or cabinet, toast was his only option.

With thirty minutes to spare after getting ready, Wonwoo grabbed his keys, locking his door as he left to go to his car. Hannah was already at the cafe when he got there, sitting in her car as she waited. Wonwoo parked next to her, pulling out his phone to let her know he was there. When she looked up from her phone, he waved at her with a smile, stepping out of her car to greet her on the sidewalk.

"Hey! I'm so glad you could make it," Hannah smiled as she pulled the taller male into a hug. Wonwoo was stunned at first; she surely was a bold woman, which he seemed to like about her.

"Why wouldn't I?" He chuckled, hugging her back for a moment before they pulled away and walked into the cafe.

It was a small cafe owned by a sweet elderly couple from France. The cafe always had French music playing softly through the store speakers; normally, Wonwoo would have found it nice and cozy, but today it felt cheesy. The two sat down after having ordered their drinks, exposing the poor barista to a small argument over who was paying for their drinks. Hannah won.

"So, tell me about yourself." Hannah smiled, taking a sip from her cappuccino before moving it to the side of the table so she could place her elbows on it, letting her chest rest against her forearms.

"There's not much to know," Wonwoo chuckled, swirling his straw around in his Americano and watching the ice move around with it. "But I'm in college for mechanical engineering, I stream on Twitch sometimes, and I'm a big Marvel buff," he said after a moment.

"Mechanical engineering? So you're smart and cute, huh?" Hannah teased, smiling at the redness that grew on Wonwoo's cheeks from her compliment.

"Tell me about yourself," Wonwoo said, directing the conversation back to the original topic.

"Well, I'm in college for fashion design; I also really like Marvel; and I want to get into PC gaming," she said. Wonwoo looked up at her, stunned that Seungcheol had finally set him up with a girl who shared some of his same interests, and he was already friends with her brother.

Wonwoo was pulled out of his thoughts as his phone rang in his pocket. He looked down at his pants and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Your name and contact photo were displayed on his screen; seeing this made his smile drop slightly. He clicked the side button, silencing the call, before looking up at the girl he was on a date with. "Sorry about that; I thought I put my phone on silent," he said as he placed it back into his pocket.

"It's no problem; if it's important, you can step out and answer it; I won't be upset," Hannah said, gesturing to the window that the two were sitting by. Wonwoo shook his head.

"It wasn't, and besides, it'd be rude to answer a call on our first date," he said.

"And you're considerate? Well damn, I might ask you to marry me right here," she laughed. She stood up after a moment, and in that moment, Wonwoo half expected her to get down on one knee and ask her to marry him. Instead, she grabbed her coffee with one hand and his hand with the other, pulling him up from his seat. "Wanna go on a walk?" She asked, swaying their hands back and forth.

"Are you gonna murder me?" Wonwoo asked, grabbing his coffee from the table.

"I might," she winked, sipping her cappuccino once more.

"At least you're honest," Wonwoo chuckled. His phone began to ring again once they left the building. He looked at it and canceled the phone call.

"Wonwoo, if you need to answer that, I don't mind," Hannah reassured as they began walking along the pathway.

"I don't, I promise." He said.

The walk was nice, and Wonwoo and Hannah seemed to be getting along a lot better than he would have ever imagined. It didn't take long for it to start raining. May's weather was never consistent, which seemed to be the only consistent thing in Wonwoo's life. Inconsistency. Wonwoo had given Hannah his sweater as they walked back to their cars; only when Hannah safely got into her car and pulled out of the parking lot did he leave.

He looked at his phone for a moment, seeing that he had five missed calls and ten messages from you, asking for your help. He almost answered the texts, apologizing that he was busy and couldn't get to his phone. Just as he was about to send his text, he sighed, thinking about what his friends had told him only 12 hours ago. Instead of sending the text, he closed his phone and drove home.

⌦(Reader's POV) You groaned angrily when your phone went to voicemail for the second time. Where was he? Why wasn't he answering? Was he still mad? Your head began spinning, even though you couldn't tell if it was because of your impaired state or because Wonwoo was finally giving you a taste of your own medicine. You had ghosted Wonwoo for the better half of your freshman year of college, having found new friends and devoting all of your weekends to partying, so when you finally got ahold of him, he was shocked.

"He works from home; where is he?" You said it angrily, your plethora of messages having been delivered but unread for the better part of two hours. That was what really set you off. He couldn't even give you the respect to apologize.

Against your better judgment, you snatched the keys from your kitchen counter and stumbled out of your apartment, having decided to confront him at his apartment. You've had a few years of practice when it came to driving under the influence, taking back roads, watching the road extra carefully, and driving cautiously, it was easy. Parking your car, you stormed up to his apartment, noting that his car wasn't in the parking lot when you had gotten there.

You called him again.

and again.

Until finally, you gave up on calling him and decided to send him a hundred more text messages.

⌦You: Wonwoo, I need your help... (Delivered: 11:00 a.m.)

⌦12:45 p.m.

⌦You: Wonwoo, why aren't you answering me??? (Delivered: 12:46 p.m.)

⌦12:57 p.m.

⌦You: Hello? Where are you??? (Delivered: 12:58 p.m.)

⌦1:05 p.m.

⌦You: I'm at your place (Delivered: 1:05 p.m.) ⌦You: Hello!!!!! (Delivered: 1:05 p.m.)

Just as you were about to call him again, you saw that all of your delivered messages had been read. You watched as the three dots by Wonwoo's name appeared.

Then disappeared.

Appeared again.

Until they disappeared for a final time.

Your texts to Wonwoo began to be sent one right after the other, sitting with your back against his front door as you drunkenly blew up his phone. Fifteen minutes had passed before you saw a pair of feet standing in front of you. You looked up and saw the man in question.

Angrily, you stood up shoving your phone in his face as you began to speak.

"I've been trying to get ahold of you for two hours now! Where were you?!" You yelled, and Wonwoo gently pushed your phone out of his face. He looked down, unlocking his front door before opening it to let you in. He waited for you to walk inside, quietly apologizing to his elderly neighbor before stepping inside himself.

"I got coffee," he said, setting his keys on the table by his front door and taking his shoes off.

"It took you two hours to get coffee." You asked in disbelief, crossing your arms as your blurred vision did its best to lock onto him.

"You didn't let me finish," he continued. He sat the now-empty to-go cup on his kitchen counter. "I was on a date."

Your heart dropped, and you weren't sure why either. He was only your friend, your shoulder to cry on, and your emergency contact because you knew he would bend over backwards for you.

"Oh," you said.

"Yea."

"You still could have answered after she left," you said. Your anger had softened just a little bit.

"Why? So I can pick your drunk ass up from some stranger's front lawn? It's 2:30, and you're already fucked up." He said, "Your jaw dropped. What was his deal? Why was he being like this?

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you being such a dick all of a sudden?" You asked.

"Because I'm tired of only seeing my best friend when she needs me to be her chauffeur because her other friends left her strung out on God knows what in some stranger's bathroom because she's too drunk to get home." He said. You could see that his words were hurting him just as much as they were hurting you; he wasn't making eye contact with you either. "I can't drop everything to come save you every time you need me; I have a life too," he said. This time his words were soft, almost upset that he'd finally told you how he really felt.

"Fine. I'll leave then." You said this, stepping toward the door only to have the pathway blocked off. "Wonwoo, get out of my way."

"No, I can't let you drive home like this," he said.

"Wonwoo. Get out of my way." You repeated. He didn't move.

"No," He said.

"Now you care about my safety?"

"I've always cared about your safety!"

"Evidently not; evidently it was a burden to you!"

"Do you know why I always dropped everything to come get you?" He snapped.

"To feel better about yourself?" You asked, your words laced with anger. Your eyes began brimming with tears, and your body began to shake. You need to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Because I love you, y/n!" Wonwoo snapped back. He stopped for a second, realizing what he had just said.

"What?" You asked, finally looking up at him.

"I love you.. and it kills me that you're killing yourself like this, but I can't be around you anymore if you're going to continue to hurt yourself. I will always love you, y/n; I hope you know that." He said this, grabbing his keys off the table once more. "Let's go; I'll take you home." You were sure this would be the last time you'd ever hear from him again.

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jerzwriter · 2 years

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Sunday Six

So, I should show my WIP file to my therapist right now - she'd be like "Yeah, the ADHD meds might need a little adjustment." lol And she'd be accurate.

Here's a list of what I've got coming up. Anything in orange has a Sunday Six/Sneak Peek below the break.

Friends 6 - Finale / T/C will be out by this Tuesday

Vegas Part 3 / E/C will be out by Saturday 10.15 no fic preview because y'all have already seen enough, BUT I have a sneak peek of an art commission associated with the chapter below.

Grandparents Day 3 / T/C will also be out by Saturday 10.15

4 Halloween Requests 3 for E/K and 1 for T/C, are in the works

The first Delaying the Inevitable: What If... is in progress, and t is for this ask: Ethan & Casey find their way back to each other many years later (aka Elsa's other version lol)

3 Smut Fics - one for each pairing - will be up before the end of the month in honor of smutober/kinktober - whatever you want to call it, lol

Tobias & Casey's HC I'll be focusing a lot on this since I want to get their wedding up by their "Wedding Date" of November 12th because... mental health issues. lol So After Grandparent's Day 3, I'm going to loop back to their HC - which will take us to the chemical attack.

Wake the Dead, I think I'm going to start at the start - shorter fics to expand on canon. As I progress, I think I'm going to write a different ending - one my HC and the other a really angsty AU.

TWO UPCOMING MINI-SERIES: RESET - Ethan x F!MC, Ethan x F!OC, Other pairings, and WHERE IT GOES FROM HERE - Tobias x F!OC, Tobias x F!MC (Past) These are both in the works - but I have decided that I'm not putting either up until they are fully written. Then, when I post them, it will be one chapter a week without break. I think that's best for my readers and me. :)

I told you - it's a dark and scary place...

Friends 6 - Finale / Tobias x Casey (F!MC) "You know," Jake laughed, "I totally thought the two of them were a thing when we met."

"Wait!" Claudia exclaimed, "How did you and Casey meet?" "At s Sox game...."

Tobias's eyes met Casey's for a brief second before she turned away, the look on her face left him desperate to stop the exchange. "It's not important..." Tobias interrupted, but Jake continued.

"... I was sitting behind them, and she impressed the hell out of me. No man in his right mind lets a woman this smart, this beautiful, and who knows this much about our hometown heroes getaway. That and the way they bantered... plus she never called me after... so I assumed..."

"We covered this before," Bryce interjected. "We all did."

Delaying the Inevitable: What If... / Ethan x Casey, Tobias x Casey

"Do you ever hear from him?" she whispered.

"Tobias?" Ethan asked, an array of emotions awash on his face. "No...it's been... years. Hardly at all since he left Boston."

"I'm sorry," she lamented. "Sometimes I feel like... you know, never mind."

"No," he replied, instinctively grabbing her hand as if he feared she would disappear. "I want you to continue. Casey, we have been able to talk about anything except him, and I think that should stop."

"Why bring up bad memories, Ethan? How does that help either of us?"

Their Start, Chapter 10 (T/C HC) / Tobias x Casey

He rushed through the halls with conviction, he had to see her. His heart refused to accept that she could be gone within days... within hours, the thought too painful to conceive. But he was a doctor and he knew her chances, and they were slim. If she were a patient he'd convince the family to pray for a miracle... but he didn't think miracles were real.

Losing her would be unbearable, but if she left this world before he could apologize, before he could atone and let her know the regret that was eating him inside, that he could not bear. He had to see her.

But as he came to a quick stop before the glass that was her only view into the outside world, his pounding heart went still.

"Casey..." he muttered, his voice but a painful plea... this was a mistake.

Wake the Dead Unnamed / Eli x Zoe (F!MC)

He sat in a darkened corner, removed from the rest under the guise of keeping watch. And keep watch he did, for drones, of course, but also over this cluster of strangers he found himself inadvertently aligned with. All the years of voluntary solitude, solitude he instituted for his very survival, was relinquished in an instant. He expected to be angry, enraged, making plans to find his way off on his own... but instead, he sat watch over a group of people he didn't even want to know but somehow felt responsible for.

~~~~~

She had wanted to sit by the window, and he was baffled that she wouldn't listen to reason. In spite of everything, she had seemed to be so sensible before. But that was their first scuffle on the first of many nights they were now bound to spend together. It wasn't safe, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Grabbing a blanket, she turned away from him and sat on the floor, her glassy eyes focused on a large painting of a meadow. She was almost entranced. That's where he had left her hours before, so he was shocked to find her still there, gaunt, pale, almost unrecognizable from the woman he saw in action that day.

He should keep walking. There was no reason for him to stay. No words he was required to offer. But he found himself standing over her; she didn't so much as flinch.

"The others are already asleep." He stated the obvious. His voice was heavy, almost robotic in tone. Several moments of silence hung and started to turn away.

"The others didn't lose their sister today," she croaked.

He shut his eyes and turned his head away, even as he moved several steps closer.

"I know. And I know you may not feel it now, but you'll be OK."

His voice was cold, yet somehow comforting. She didn't know how, but she knew he understood.

"I know," she said with a deep sigh. "I'll be fine by the time the sun rises. I have no choice. There's work to be done. But right now, I don't have to be OK."

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#sunday six #cfwc sunday six #open heart fanfic #wake the dead #choices fanfic #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick #eli sipes #playchoices fanfic

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the-delta-quadrant · 1 year

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ok, so what the actual fuck?

so at this point i'm very certain i have cptsd, and for a bit over 2 years i've been desperately looking for therapy on the nhs due to lots of struggles. i got a bpd diagnosis from the community mental health team in the process but they discharged me without actually giving me any therapy. so all i had left was those 6 session iapt talking therapy bullshit things. i was rejected from some services after mentioning i was diagnosed with bpd, saying it's too severe for them to deal with, so i was stuck with nothing as the cmht wouldn't have me back either. blablabla, i got an autism and adhd diagnosis too and was actually advised to not tell the iapt people about my bpd diagnosis (you know a service is fucked when you have to lie). i actually did one of those 6 sessions things and of course it did fuck all because my problem is way too big and they weren't autism friendly like at all.

anyway, fast forward to may, for a few months i've known that all my problems are most likely cptsd. my partner and i will be moving soon so i thought i'll try the iapt services one last time (there are multiple to choose from) and i'll just be upfront about anything. if they reject me they reject me, but if they say they can help, why not fucking try.

so in may i referred myself to a service called vita minds via online referral form. i explicitly stated that this was about cptsd. i also told them i'm autistic and adhd. i had to fill out some questionnaires for anxiety, depression and ptsd. nowhere in the referral form did i get anything telling me they can't deal with this. (this was a different service than the ones rejecting me for bpd.)

a few days later, on a friday, i got a text asking me to book an assessment. i did. i was meant to have it the monday after.

i got a phone call that monday from the assessor. they asked me stuff about my referral and had me confirm that this is about cptsd as well as me being autistic and adhd. they explicitly told me that they can help with that, but that my assessment would have to be another day. i thought, cool. maybe they can actually help.

the assessor had me fill out those questionnaires again.

then i had the actual assessment on thursday. as usual i was told this would be recorded. nothing new. this was the same person i spoke to on monday and the same person who looked at my referral so i assumed that they knew what this was about. i thought this assessment would be to determine my main struggles DUE TO CPTSD. (who wouldn't? i already told them twice.) i was told i would hear back from them about therapy within 30 days.

about a week later i got an email saying that i've been put on a waiting list for therapy for "depression and anxiety", when that's not what i fucking told them. i mean yeah it's part of it, but it's so much bigger. i felt deceived. i felt lied to. i felt not taken seriously. i told them about my cptsd and they boiled it down to depression and anxiety. i'd rather they just told me they couldn't deal with me than basically have me believe that they could. it's cruel to mess with desperate people like that.

i sent an email back saying basically that, as well as addressing misinformation about me being on antidepressants (i was asked if i was ever on psych meds, i was very explicit that i was an antidepressants in 2018 for 6 months only, but not currently). heard nothing for a while.

until now.

i got an email back with a document addressing the issue. they're now saying i'm making it up because they listened to the recording of my assessment and because on that day, i never explicitly said the words "i have cptsd", it's all my fault. DESPITE it having been in my referral. DESPITE me having told the assessor three days prior on the phone.

but conveniently, that first phone call was never recorded, which in hindsight seems fucking deliberate because look how they're twisting it now. look how they're blaming me for their shit communication.

never during the actual assessment was i asked to confirm the reason for my referral again, and i didn't think i had to do it a third time. they should already have it in their system.

but no, apparently me being deceived and not being communicated with properly is now my fault. me being told "we can help with cptsd" OFF THE RECORD and believing it is my fault.

this is shitty communication all over and just lies. i mean especially knowing i'm autistic they should have been more fucking explicit.

anyway, if you have anything beyond mild to moderate depression or anxiety, avoid vita minds at all costs.

#disabled #disability #trauma #ableism #saneism #traumatised #cptsd #ptsd #complex trauma #complex ptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder #mental health #mental illness #mentally ill #mental healthcare

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mandyjane-lifedesign · 10 months

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How to help a suicidal teenager

I know how hard it is to find help for a suicidal teenager. I put together this guide to help you help your own. Sadly, mental health services are stretched and there just isn't enough help available for young people (and people in general) suffering from mental health issues. Help with Distress tolerance It might fall on deaf ears but say it anyway - "You won't always feel this low. Things will improve." When you feel suicidal, the brain is so depleted of the good hormones/chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin and logical thinking goes out of the window. Sleeping on it can help and remind them to take life one day at a time. Suicide can make life seem so bleak, as if there is no hope. It's vital to remind a suicidal teenager that as bad as it may seem, it's important to hang in there. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It might seem unbelievable but the sun will come out one day and a different perspective will emerge. Minimise overthinking Overthinking is dangerous when a suicidal teenager is in a bad place. Their thoughts will be doom and gloom and they won't just be able to "snap out of it". Never ever say those words. Be kind and patient and let them know they are loved. A suicidal teenager will dwell on what is bad and how awful they feel. When they are in their mind they are in 'enemy territory'. Go for walks, get a pet, get in the sun if possible - Vitamin D is good. Do your best to get your teen out. get them to DO SOMETHING. Activity improves the positive hormones in the brain. You may have to literally drag them out (in a nice patient way) but it will do them good to be in nature, even if you walk together in silence. Don't trust thoughts when feeling low When a person is depressed or suicidal, their thoughts aren't working for them. Thoughts are distorted and depressed people tend to feel worthless and hopeless. They feel they can't do anything right, can't see any good in the world around them and just want their despair to end. Let your teen know that their thoughts should not be listened to. I experience depression and when I am low my thinking is dark. I am no good. I am a liability and a waste of space. my thoughts dish up thoughts that lead to my feelings dipping even more. I always tell myself that my thoughts are wrong and that they are distorted. I wait for the normal healthy thoughts to return. Increase activity!! Action and distraction Activity helps a low mood. Pets help too! Go visit a friend with a pet if you don't own one. Animals are accepting and offer affection. Two amazing things that teenagers need. They live a life where everything seems scary. Fitting in with others, deciding what they want to do with their future, negotiating life at home - especially if parents are insensitive to their teenager's mental health needs. Social media also adds to a person feeling inadequate and not good enough. Anxiety is growing and young people feel more isolated. Get your teen out of the house. If this is hard to achieve - ask them about the music they like. Take an interest and find something to talk about. It's a good idea to distract your teeanger from their anguish. Watch a funny move together. Bake them a cake or even better, try involve them. Make them a happy play list, do a puzzle with them - these activities are often called "occupational therapy" by the mental health community and they absolutely help a person's mental health. Be gentle and don't get angry if your teen doesn't want to engage. Just keep gently trying. Get help Anti-depressants This can be difficult with services being so stretched. You could also contact your GP. Research has shown that anti-depressants combined with therapy has the best outcome for depression. Be open minded about anti-depressants as they truly can be life-saving for some people. Sometimes a young person needs a 6 month course to correct the hormonal imbalance. I can't stress enough that anti-depressants can be a life-saver. The anti-depressants that are usually prescribed initially are: Fluoxetine, Citalopram of Sertraline. When someone is suicidal and not engaging at all, they might need an anti-depressant to pull them up before taking therapy will be effective. Normalise the situation Remind your suicidal teenager that they are not alone and that many young people feel isolated. Some teens feel they are alone and that can deepen their depression. They feel that every one else is having a fabulous life and that they are the only one who isn't coping. They can ask what's wrong with them and feel they are a failure. The truth is that depression and feeling suicidal happens to the best of us. Instill hope as much as possible Whatever you do, try to keep hope alive. Take life one day at a time and if your teen is very low, keep a close eye on them. In my opinion, keeping your teen feeling that there is hope and that change will come is vital. Distract them, involve them and be gentle. Get to your GP to find out about medication - especially if depression runs in the family. There is life beyond suicide. Feeling that they belong, having hope and knowing that change will happen is key. Group therapy can also be useful as teens can find a place where they belong and tye can talk without judgment. Get in touch if you need help with a suicidal teenager. there is help and hope for their futures. Mandy X Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash Read the full article

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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

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I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED TLND 🥳

Im pretty sure my whole family hates me at this point. I have spent my whole weekend doing nothing but reading tlnd.

Yeah yeah you said to take my time w with tlnd but I've been waiting for this shit for MONTHS I was obviously gonna binge read it. No regrets 😎

Anyways, is there a tlnd support group I can join?

Okay now just. Here's a whole list of incoherent ramblings -

1) Every single Lightwood Bane deserves a medal in saying hurtful shit like. OUCH

2) when Anjali said the lightwood banes run more on testosterone than brain cells? I FELT THAT :')

3) MAGNUS. FUCK. LIKE. THE EPISODES LEADING UP TO THE DIVORCE. FUCK. THAT SHIT HURTED SO BAD. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

4) Something I liked - from an angst writer perspective and not a readers mind you - was how instead of Magnus single-handedly serving the divorce you prolonged that shit and had Alec realise just how much Magnus was hurting and have HIM initiate the divorce instead. Something Something poetic cinema but also. You sadistic motherfucker.

5) Alec realizing he CAN live without Magnus but choosing not to >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

6) The way Magnus and Alec's views on divorce during the 1st timeline completely shift when it comes to their own marriage :')

7) BROOKLYN :')

8) MAX OMG MAX MY ICONIC BABY. ALSO MAVID>>>>>>>>>

9) I fully expected to hate Shinyun going into this fic and even expected some sort of plot twist at the end but??? I'm pleasantly surprised lol

10) THE RING. HE KEPT HIS WEDDING RING IN HIS BACK POCKET HE ALWAYS YTOUCHES HIS RING WHEN HES NERVOUS WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKING SOBBED

11) HE HATES RAISINS HES ALWAYS HATED RAISINS BUT HE EATS THEM FOR HIS HUSBAND FUCK

12) Alecs lil gasp when he found that magazine poster thingy in Magnus’s closet :')))

13) TWO MOMENTS WHEN I ALMOST THREW MY PHONE AT THE WALL - ONE, WHEN ALEC SEES MINYUN (EW) KISSING AND TWO, WHEN MAGNUS GETS INTO THE FUCKING ACCIDENT LIKE. CMOOOONNNNNNNN YALL WERE SO CLASE

14) The way Alec sits down and dies research everytimes he hears of some political issue or just. Anything to do with Magnus and his mental health. My boy ❤❤❤

15) Rafael. Fuck. His whole arc was just. HNNNNGGGG PAIN. I kinda thought Rafael would be the kind of child who saw the divorce coming and didn't mind it but HE DIDNT WANT THEM TO DIVORCE AND THATS JUST. SO MUCH WORSE. IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION MY POOR BABY 😭😭😭

16) ANJALI. my beautiful scary badass babe I love her.

17) DAVID MY SWEET SWEET RWRB LOVING ASS BOY. I WANNA EAT HIS DESSERTS

18) You did not. YOU DID NOT FUCKING HAVE ALEC ENGRAVE "TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES" IN LATIN INTO MAGNUS’S RING. THE LITERAL TITLE. I FUCKING SOBBED.

19) Must actions have consequences? Must I not be satisfied with Alec beating up and breaking the hand of the asshole who tried to hurt Magnus?? Yeah angst this angst that but also. How very rude of you :(( #letAlecbeatupmfswithnoconsequences2k22

20) THERAPY. AND ALL THEIR HEALING JOURNEYS I JUST. AHHHHHH

21) No but reading about how Alec made that clause to make Magnus stay back in NY and triggering that wholeass angsty petty war and reading the scene with Alec asking Rafe choose Magnus some 20 chapters all like. ...Oh :((((

22) DAVID PUSHING ASMODEUS INTO THE POOL. FUCKING TOP TIER CONTENT.

23) I literally went OH SHIT when Magnus found that gun in Alec’s safe cause fuck his trust must've been shattered in that moment but then reading on he always knew Alec kept the gun and where he kept and I just. HNNNNNNGGGG

24) AND. The way Magnus sometimes seemed to attribute blame on Alec when shit happened like. When the nudes were leaked and later with the assault case like. Shit was heartbreaking af :') idk where I'm going with this but yeah. Why :')

25) Anyways, I'm glad Magnus realised that shit was hard on Alec too - he saw the media hurting his family, hurting the fucking love of his life but he couldnt do about it and just- Ooooofffff

26) Literally every fucking moment Alec cried. 😭😭😭😭😭

27) THE WHOLE LAST CHAPTER. TIMELINE 3 OF THE LAST 2-3 CHAPTERS. ALEC WAITING FOR MAGNUS TO REACH OUT TO HIM AND HE FINALLY DOES AND AHHHHH

28) Jace finally retiring after the divorce so he could be there for Alec :')

29) Magnus dating Shinyun keeping Rafe and talking to Luca all because they reminded him of Alec :') also 2D Alec sksjsjsjzjzkzkzk

30) THE EPILOGUE THE REMARRIAGE HECK EVEN THE ORIGINAL MARRIAGE 😭😭😭😭😭 LIL MINERVAAAAA

Oof okay I think I'm done rambling now.

Anyways, I'm fucking proud of you. You wrote a wholeass 600k fic and you wrote it BRILLIANTLY. THE THREE TIMELINES. FUCK. Kudos for keeping the plot straight and cohesive and extra kudos to the middle timeline. Non linear narratives are a clusterfuck and I will never touch them cause they scare me so I have extra respect for those who tackle them.

Thanks for writing this fic. Thanks for being amazing. And Thanks for ruining my life these past 6 months while I waited zksjsksk now that I've scratched that hugeass tlnd itch, I'll hopefully be functional again 😭

Love ya 😘

The way I'm sooooo happy you read it 🥺🥺🥺🥺

There is always something special (and utterly terrifying) about another writer reading our stories. You are a writer I love and respect so this means so much coming from you 💚

i won't have much time in the coming weeks to write (i think - i don't trust myself lol) so i am hoping to catch up on my TBR and fanfic recs. Cannot wait to read the latest chappy of the Kanthony au.

Love ya too 😘

ps - mad respect for people who had the self-control and discipline to wait to read tlnd until it was over. CANNOT RELATE.

#tlnd

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ahockeywrites · 4 years

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One Chance is All Some Get - 1

Part Two - Masterlist

Word Count: 10.3k Warnings: swearing, talk of blood, talk of needles, discussion of mental health

The monthly blood drive that happened in the winter at NYU Langone on Long Island was one of the few times the Islanders voluntarily went to the hospital. This time, Mathew had a fling going on with one of the nurses who would be helping so dragged Anthony along for moral support. It wasn’t that Anthony didn’t want to go, he just hated needles. Anything he could do to stay away from needles, he did. He hated blood tests, vaccinations and was certain that donating blood would only bring him closer to his fear. Mathew knew of his fear but hoped that he could get over it temporarily to be his wingman.

Sarah adjusted her short white coat, being on the accelerated MD program at NYU Long Island meant that she had less time to learn the same skills most student doctors learnt in 4 years. However, it did mean that she was able to take part in the blood drive, even if it was just taking the observations of the patients that came in. It was something she took pride in as she was doing one of the most basic tasks, she was always willing to do the tasks that no one else wanted to do because she knew it was the only way she could work her way up the ranks to becoming a qualified doctor.

Her short brown hair was tied back into a small bun and she had her stethoscope around her neck, allowing her to check the most basic functions of the human body. She read her list of things to do one more time before leaving the staff room:

Introduce yourself to them

Make sure they have signed the consent forms

Take their height and weight and check that their blood volume is enough to donate a pint of blood

Take a small amount of blood from their finger and ensure that there is enough iron in their blood to be able to donate

Ask them about their travel history and if they have undertaken any risky behaviour that may mean they are unable to donate

Invite them to take a seat in the chair and give them a drink of water

Answer any questions they may have

Only seven simple tasks to remember, she reminded herself. Sarah walked out of the staff room and made her way to the attending doctor who was in charge of the drive. They had each been given a tablet with the names of the patients they would be seeing and when they checked in to their appointment. A few names jumped out, namely Mathew Barzal and Anthony Beauvillier.

Now, Sarah wasn’t a massive New York hockey fan, especially coming from New Jersey, but anyone who spent more than one day on Long Island had heard of them. They were the up and coming players for the New York Islanders and had a large social media following. Their looks were just an addition to their spectacular hockey skills.

Anthony kept tapping his foot. It was his way of showing nerves, his plan for the day before Mat had dragged him here was to enjoy his day off, maybe try cooking something fancy and watch Netflix all day. But no, he was sitting in a stuffy hospital waiting room, waiting for some doctor or nurse to hook him up to some machine that was going to steal his blood, then he was going to be told that he couldn’t do any heavy lifting on that arm for the rest of the day. It was the same procedure as every blood test that he had for the Islanders and he was going to hate every moment of it. The soft voice of the receptionist called him and Mat over to collect the papers they needed then they had to wait for one of the student doctors to call them through. They both nodded and went to fill in the paperwork. She had also given them some water that they were told to drink slowly, which apparently was going to help when donating blood. Anything Anthony could do to make the donation go quicker, he would do.

It was an unfamiliar room to Sarah, but familiar equipment and she thanked the heavens that she had been trained on similar machines. She swiped her identification badge on the reader attached to the keyboard and signed in to the computer. Quickly, she read through the patient information for Andrew Parkinson, he was her first appointment of the day and noted that he previously had iron deficiency anaemia but had been treated for this using iron tablets and knew that this could be a potential boundary for him donating blood today. She collected her stethoscope from the desk and left the small room to enter the waiting room.

“Mr Parkinson for the blood donation?” Sarah asked, trying to be confident. Sarah looked over the room and noticed a man, with blond hair walking over to her and when he was close enough she offered him her hand to shake which he accepted. “Hi there, I’m student doctor Sarah Milkins and I’m going to be taking you through the first stages of your donation today if that’s okay with you sir.”

“Of course it is,” Andrew said, “lead the way.”

As soon as Anthony heard the soft voice, he looked up wanting to see who it could belong to. He saw a young woman, she couldn’t be older than 25, pushing up her black-rimmed glasses which matched the stethoscope on her shoulders. Even the pens that were in the pocket of her white coat matched. But what made her stand out was her scrubs, he had never seen someone wear a pair of dark blue, unfitted scrubs so well. He smiled at her, but she had already turned her back to him and was leading another man to her consultation room.

“Mat, what was the name of the nurse you were seeing?” Anthony asked his friend, hoping that it wasn’t her because he would do anything but break the bro code.

“Urm,” Mat had to rack his brain to try and remember her name, “I can’t remember but she was definitely a blonde, and she was tall.” Tito let out a sigh that he didn’t even realise he was holding. “Why?” Mat asked, “got your eye on one here?”

“If I do, just be glad it's not your girl,” Anthony replied, with a roll of his eyes.

Sarah was glad to hear that Mr Parkinson had been keeping up to date with his family doctor with regards to his anaemia and was even happier when she completed the finger prick test to show that his blood contained enough iron for him to donate. It was even better when he mentioned that he hadn’t travelled out of the state in the past 6 months. “Mr Parkinson, I am happy to report that your blood volume and iron levels are high enough to donate today,” she said with a smile. “Do you have any questions for me?” she asked, he replied with a shake of his head so Sarah continued, “so, if you could just finish your water whilst you’re waiting in the chair, I’ll send one of the nurses over to you.” She pointed towards chair number 6 and walked him there. “Thank you again for donating.”

Three minutes. Three minutes to fill in all of the information that the system needed. Sarah was thankful that she had been making notes on the computer as she spoke to Mr Parkinson as it made filling in the additional things a lot easier. She took a quick look at her next patient and saw that they would be accompanied by a social media team. This confused her until she saw the names, it was the New York Islanders who she noticed on the list before. A little sigh escaped her lips before she covered her tablet with the case and walked out of her consultation room.

Anthony noticed as soon as she walked back out from the consultation rooms. He noticed how she looked a little awkward standing there, but it allowed him to take in her beauty even if he knew this was likely to be the only time he ever saw her. New York was a big city, 8 million people and she was just one of them.

“Mr Barzal, Mr Beauvillier and camera crew?” Sarah asked meekly, not wanting to accidentally say the wrong thing.

Placing his hands on his thighs to help him stand, Mat said, “I guess that’s us.” Anthony nodded not believing that he was going to be in the same room as her, let alone caught on video with her.

“I’m student doctor Sarah Milkins and I’m gonna be conducting your observations today,” Sarah began as she started leading the gaggle of people down the corridor. She opened the door to her little room and offered Mat and Anthony the seats on the opposite side of her chair. “I’m not too sure what the camera crew want to do, but I’m just gonna ask you guys a few questions, take your height and weight then do a little blood draw which is just a pinprick on your finger. If you guys don’t have any immediate questions, shall we get started?”

“We’re just gonna be filming the guys, so just try and keep this as normal as possible,” one of the guys with a camera said.

“I’ll try my best. So, I’ve got both of your files up so as long as you don’t mind answering the questions in front of each other, I’ll ask you both at the same time,” Sarah questioned the boys.

“I haven’t got an issue with it,” Anthony said, looking up into Sarah’s green eyes. Her eyes then flicked to Mat who agreed with his friend.

“First question, any new tattoos and piercings in the last three months?” Both boys shook their head and Sarah quickly typed the information into the computer but something kept drawing her back to Anthony’s eyes. “Second of all, any trips out of the United States, not including Canada, in the last three months?” Another nod from both of them confirmed that she was able to move onto the height and weight measurements.

“Now, it’s not that I trust the official NHL data, but if you don’t mind I’d like to take your height and weight, this is to make sure that your blood volume is high enough to donate,” she had to keep this professional, it wasn’t like she had them sat in their boxers in front of her, they were there to do something she did every other month. The boys nodded and the camera crew started giggling when they noticed the height difference between Sarah, Anthony and especially Mat.

Sarah knew she was short, standing at 5 foot exactly, but she didn’t take into account how much shorter she was than the two hockey players as she walked through the hospital corridors. “If you don’t mind, Miss Milkins, could we film this?” one of the camera crew suggested, and Sarah knew that this would be quite funny.

“Yes, just don’t make fun of how short I am,” she said with a laugh. She was used to the jokes about her height and even made some herself when she could think of them. Everyone in the room agreed and made sure they were camera ready. As Sarah motioned for one of the boys to make their way to the height and weight measure, Anthony gave Mat a look to silently tell him to go first. He was incredibly flustered, he didn’t even know why. This was a professional setting and all he had to do was ignore the pretty girl who was looking after him at this moment. Oh, and the needles that he would have to encounter slightly later on.

Sarah took the notepad out of her pocket and found a pen on the desk too. “So, Mat,” Sarah whispered, but she then remembered that she was being filmed so would have to speak up a bit more. “Mat,” this time she was able to get the attention of everyone in the room. “Height is 6’0, and weight 189lbs. Perfect blood volume for donating today! Anthony, would you like to replace Mat on the machine?” Sarah asked politely, whilst writing down these numbers.

Anthony nodded and went to stand on the machine. He noticed Sarah’s eyes as he stood in front of here, slightly awkwardly. They glistened emerald green under the annoyingly bright medical lights and he just wanted to stare into them, but he knew that it would be strange, especially as they had barely known each other for 10 minutes and would probably never see each other again.

“Anthony, just shuffle to your left to make sure we can get the most accurate reading if you can,” Sarah spoke softly, she didn’t want to make this too awkward for him as she could sense that he had some nerves around donating blood. She sent a smile his way, just to ease him.

“Urm, yeah, sure,” Anthony grunted as he moved less than an inch but this allowed Sarah to get the correct readings.

“That’s, 5’11 and 182lbs,” Sarah said and quickly wrote that down. “So, boys, both of you have got enough blood to donate about a pint today! Have you got any questions for me?”

Mat and Anthony shook their heads and looked towards the camera crew who did the same action. Sarah thanked everyone in the room for their time and encouraged the boys to finish drinking a pint of water. She also pointed them towards some of the nurses who would be taking their blood today.

“Miss Milkins, would we be able to get a photo of you and the boys for social media? If you don’t want to, that’s fine but it’ll be nice to get one,” one of the camera crew suggested. Sarah was slightly shocked but agreed nonetheless. She slotted herself between Mat and Anthony and let the crew do their thing with some portable lights and a professional camera. This was not what she expected to be doing when she woke up that morning.

“And we’re done,” the man said, “just jot down your Instagram and Twitter handles for us so we can tag you and send you the photos.” He handed her a small pad of paper and she scribbled it down and handed it back.

“Right, if you head over to Jane, my colleague over there. She’s the one waving,” Sarah laughed. “She’ll get you set up for your donation! Thanks for coming today and donating and I hope to see you soon!” Anthony and Mat waved to Sarah as she went back to the small examination room to put the information into the computer.

Sarah let out a sigh, she didn’t even realise she was holding one in. Mathew Barzal and Anthony Beauvillier were not your average blood donors and the fact that she had been the person to take their observations was incredible. She had never tended to anyone of their star nature and was thankful for the existence of patient confidentiality.

Even if her photo was going to be posted online, she wished that it wasn’t the Islanders that had come in to donate. It would have been a better story to tell to her parents if Jack Hughes and Nico Hischer came in because then she would have been star-struck and probably would have collected autographs for her sister, who swore that Hischer’s hair was the best thing known to man.

Rebecca, the receptionist, one of Sarah’s friends from high school and her housemate, was star struck when Sarah said that she did their observations. “I am going to need a drink after this,” Sarah exclaimed, “I hope my face doesn’t get plastered all over the internet.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Rebecca asked, “You know I think you should get out more.”

“Getting out more is not the same as a hockey team that I don’t even like posting photos about me,” Sarah sighed. “If it was the Devils, I might not be as concerned, but I guess that’s what we get for living in New York.”

“We're still on for the Mets game and drinks after on Saturday?” Rebecca asked, hoping she didn’t shoot down the idea. Sarah knew she needed to take a night off from studying and she did enjoy baseball, it was the drinks after she knew she wasn’t a massive fan of the idea of.

“We won’t stay out too late?” Sarah needed her sleep and was not prepared to give up too much of that for the nightlife of New York.

“Of course, we can’t have little miss perfect staying out past her bedtime now, can we,” Rebecca joked. Sarah responded with a swift roll of her eyes and told her to get lost. She sent Rebecca a quick wave as she headed back to the waiting room to collect the next donor.

Mat had seen that look in Anthony’s eyes before but didn’t want to prod too far because he was about to be hooked up to donate blood. “Marie, you have to come and see these veins,” the nurse exclaimed. Her accent was definitely southern, Texas perhaps, Anthony thought. He wondered why the nurses were getting so excited over their veins, to him these were just the vessels that allowed his blood to get back to the heart and reoxygenate so he could perform at his best on the ice. Yes, they were pretty prominent, but he had seen people on his own hockey team with more visible veins than his.

“My lord,” the second nurse exclaimed, “I’d certainly have wanted test subjects like these two when I was learning.” Anthony shot Mat a worrying look, slightly concerned about what the nurses could be plotting against them. They wouldn't be held hostage for all the student nurses to learn their skills on, would they? He was thinking too much, surely? “Aw sweetie, no need to worry,” the second nurse told him. “Just a quick pinprick.” Yeah, like he hadn’t heard that before.

Anthony looked over to see Mat in conversation with the southern nurse as his blood started to collect on the machine. He needed to relax, that’s what they always told him when he was preparing for a blood test. Sighing, he closed his eyes and balled his hand into a fist. Thinking of rural Quebec and how he couldn’t wait to get back over the summer when the season was finished. The greenery, the sun beating down on his bare chest, a beautiful girl on his arm, anything to take his mind off of the needle that was being placed into his arm.

He was nervous, to say the least, but was glad that the camera crew were currently occupied filming Mat talking to one of the nurses. The nurse was able to get the donation needle the first time and Anthony was able to start his muscle tension exercises. Deep breaths, he told himself, it will be no longer than ten minutes, last time you were done in 6. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the laugh of a girl, was it the nurse that did their observations? He hoped not as he really did not want a cute girl to see him like this. Without opening his eyes too far, he peeked across to see her walking someone to the consultation room.

As he let out a deep breath, Anthony heard the beeping of the machine. Success! He had finished his blood donation and this time without tears. It was the little wins, he told himself. The southern nurse made her way across to detach Anthony from the death trap and he waltzed over to join Mat who was drinking a mug of coffee to rehydrate himself. He picked up a Gatorade from the selection along with a small bag of chips and sat in the comfy chair. The camera crew wanted him to do a small piece to camera about how easy it was to donate, he sniggered at that one, and where people in Long Island could come and donate.

It was easier than he thought and was happy to only have to record it twice, it took Mat at least 5 attempts to even get the first bit right. Anthony was happy, he had donated blood to a good cause and now all he wanted to do was leave and get some Chinese food in his stomach. Mat and Anthony made their way back through the donation area, signing a few cards that the team had brought for them. He felt on top of the world, and had no idea why. As he walked outside the hospital, the cold New York air hit him straight in the face.

“So, which one was she, eh?” Mat asked, to which Anthony replied with a roll of his eyes. Like he was openly going to tell his best friend but more importantly the big mouth of the team which of the healthcare staff he had a tiny crush on.

“None of your business and I’m probably never going to see her again so it doesn’t matter,” he replied, trying to convince himself more than his teammate.

Sarah sighed, one more patient to triage then she could have her Wednesday evening to herself, a bottle of wine and whatever takeout she ordered. She looked at Rebecca and the two of them shared a look that only they could decipher. It meant they would be having sushi for dinner and Rebecca started to place the rolls that she knew the two of them would want in her UberEats basket from their favourite place. All Sarah had to do was get her head down and finish her day of work quickly. Luckily, the next patient was a regular donator and knew the whole procedure. She was able to get them processed quickly and headed to the staff room to collect the small number of belongings she had brought with her.

Her locker was the furthest away from the entrance, but she didn’t mind. She looked forward to graduating to a bigger and more accessible locker in the future, but hopefully in the emergency department. Backpack, wallet, phone, coat, scarf, beanie. One more once over of the locker to ensure that it was fully empty, which it was, and Sarah was ready to go home. She was incredibly thankful that she did not have any classes or have to be up early for her psychiatry rotation so she could have the entire bottle of wine she desired that evening.

As she passed the reception desk, Sarah saw that Rebecca was waiting for her with a hot chocolate for her to keep her hands warm on the drive back to their apartment in Bay Ridge. The two shared a car as it kept the cost of maintaining it low, they both worked at the same hospital so driving was shared between the two of them. Sarah would take the morning drive and Rebecca would drive them home in the evening. It was a dynamic that worked, and they couldn’t thank the heavens more for each other.

The drive to their apartment wasn’t too long, and after watching the world go by for 45 minutes or so, Rebecca pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex. They both exited the car at the same time and Sarah was faster to reach the elevator so called it down for them. Music softly played in the car and Rebecca informed Sarah that she had ordered dinner and it should be at their door in about 20 minutes which gave both of them time to change into something comfier and get started on a bottle of wine.

Time passed quickly once the food arrived and the girls enjoyed being in each other’s company for the first time in what seemed like ages. Sarah was always busy with assignments or in the hospital and Rebecca was working full time as a receptionist whilst taking night classes to try and get into law school. They were focussed women which is why they were the friends that everyone would marry each other if they hadn’t found other people by the age of 40. Platonic soulmates, that’s what everyone called them and it was the best way to define them.

Thursday was filled with assignments for the two roommates. Rebecca had a 2000 word introduction to property law and a 3000-word essay on an interesting criminal case that she had found. It wasn’t like Sarah had the day easy, she was tasked with reading and taking notes from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Section II, on depressive disorders. The book wasn’t light reading in the slightest, but this interested Sarah. She worked through the chapter and was able to do some outside reading into how they are treated, through a combined approach of medication and what is sometimes referred to as ‘talk therapy’.

The two had consumed more coffee in one day than was considered healthy, but they did this to ensure that they had a free weekend and could ensure that they were able to enjoy their time off. It was uncommon for them to have an entirely free weekend but it was worth it so they could see Rebecca’s family. They were coming across from Trenton to spend the Saturday with the girls and both of them couldn’t wait to spend time with them. Both of their families were close, but when Rebecca’s family had moved from Newark to Trenton when they were in college, it became more difficult for them to meet up regularly. This was why it was special for the two girls.

By 7 in the evening, they had both decided they had done enough work for the day and made their way to the kitchen to try and decide what they should make for dinner. After a quick rummage through the cupboards, they settled on a simple carbonara. It wasn’t overly simple but didn’t stretch either of their culinary abilities. “Want to watch anything in particular on tv tonight?” Rebecca shouted from the living room. Sarah popped her head out from behind the door frame to say that she didn’t care as long as it wasn’t reality tv to which they both laughed. “How about your hockey boys?” Rebecca questioned.

Sarah raised one of her eyebrows in confusion, unsure of what Rebecca was talking about until she checked the TV set to see the Islanders warming up before their game that evening. “Eugh,” she sighed. At this point, Rebecca was the only person who knew that she had helped them with their blood donation, but Sarah kept reminding her that it was only observations and not actually taking the blood for their donation. The difference was subtle to the majority of people, but Sarah always tried her best to explain different medical terms to people, sometimes it was easier than others.

They agreed to watch the game together so Sarah quickly finished plating up their food and Rebecca walked through to collect some glasses of water. Due to the fact their apartment was pretty small, they didn’t have a proper dining table to sit at and eat food, usually, it was a quick affair at the kitchen island but the girls chose to change the scenery up for once by eating on the couch. The game was only a few minutes into the first period and it didn’t look like they had missed much which they were thankful for.

It was a well-fought game for the Islanders, even Sarah had to admit a 2-1 OT win over the Bruins was impressive even if they weren’t Jersey. She did sneak a look at Anthony during the intermission interviews and it hit her that she had met, not just one, but two hockey players. Sarah knew that she didn’t have a chance with a professional hockey player because that would involve actually seeing them again and in a city as large as New York, the stars would have to align for them to even notice each other in passing.

The Islanders social media team had waited until after their Thursday night win to post about Mathew and Anthony visiting the hospital to donate blood. They even found out that Anthony’s blood had made its way to the neonatal unit at the hospital and it had helped to save the life of a baby girl. As soon as he had discovered this, Anthony made a mental note to try and get in contact with the family and invite the girl, when she was well, to a game on his behalf. He felt proud, he was able to overcome his fear and help save the life of someone. Before, he thought it was silly to voluntarily go and get poked with a needle, but when he heard that it had saved someone’s life, it felt different. He knew he would donate blood again.

The photo taken at the blood drive was present on the screens around the arena and was also posted online. The team made sure not to tag Sarah in the Instagram and Twitter posts to try and avoid the chance of harassment but included her handles on the attached articles because they knew that fewer people would read the article. It was smart, but Anthony didn’t read the article, he just went on Instagram and saw that she hadn’t been tagged so he assumed that she would be the one that got away.

Anthony checked his calendar, realising that he had an appearance to make at the New York Mets game and questioned why his past self had agreed to it. He wasn’t the biggest fan of baseball but as he thought over it, he was relatively happy to have said yes. A night off, with some of his teammates, a few beers and nachos. What could possibly go wrong?

Everything, everything seemed to be going wrong for Sarah. First of all, her alarm didn’t go off on time so she had to rush to get ready for lunch with Rebecca’s parents. Second of all, the red shirt that she had planned on pairing with black skinny jeans had just disappeared so she had to settle on one that was black and covered in small flowers. It showed off a bit more of her shoulder than she was hoping but it was nothing that her puffer jacket wouldn’t keep warm. Third of all, their apartment was out of coffee, so instead of making a vanilla latte and putting it into her travel mug, Sarah had to fork out five dollars for one made at Starbucks. Finally, after all of this, she had to run to catch the train into the city but missed the one she had planned on taking, closed its doors the moment her foot touched the platform.

She audibly sighed when she sat down at the table alongside Rebecca’s parents. James and Rachel were lovely people and Sarah couldn’t have picked a better set of parent’s to be friends with. They understood the demands of a college degree such as an M.D. as they had both attended college followed by graduate school. Nonetheless, they were glad to see that their daughter and her best friend were enjoying themselves living in the Big Apple. It wasn’t too much of a culture shock for the girls, as they had grown up on the other side of the Hudson river and often went across to New York for the shopping experience but living in a city that big was. The difference from living in college dorms to an apartment was something the girls knew they wanted to share.

Lunch passed quickly, and the four of them made their way across to Citi Field in preparation for the afternoon game. As they were waiting for some food to snack on during the game, an announcement caught Sarah off guard. “And today we welcome as special guests, your very own, New York Islanders!”

She had to make sure she had heard the announcer properly and she did when she saw the faces of two people she had helped at the hospital just days prior on the big screen. Aside from Mathew and Anthony, there wasn’t any face that rang a bell, even when they introduced each of them. It must have been because she would rather settle down with a book rather than watching grown men balancing on a knife’s edge on ice and body slam into everything.

Even being a fan of the Devils, she enjoyed the atmosphere of the game as opposed to the actual game on the ice. Occasionally going to a game was a simple way to meet up with old friends and catch up with how they had been doing. The social side was what interested her rather than the actual sporting side. Sarah did have to admit that following some of the Devils players on social media was amusing, especially P.K Subban, he seemed to think he was a social media star alongside being a defenceman. But this was the team she had grown up watching, not the Islanders.

The four made their way to their seats and were happy that they hadn’t missed any of the game. It was an interesting first experience for Sarah, as she had never been to a baseball game. Her parents never really took her along to sporting events but she grew up learning ballet and she attributed her patience and perseverance to that. She wished that she had more time and money to continue the hobby, but a college degree brought her classes constantly and more debt than she wished to make sense of.

Although she had never been to a game before, she was able to pick the game up quickly, especially with a few pointers from James and Rachel. Yes, there were a few things that she struggled to understand but to a first-time viewer, she knew that she wasn’t going to be able to understand everything immediately. It turned out to be a rather exciting game and the four were enjoying the atmosphere, eating the snacks they had bought and watching sports.

She wondered if her life would have been different had she spent more time watching professional sports rather than studying and dancing. But then she realised that she wouldn’t have become the person she was and she loved herself for who she was, and anyone who tried to get her to change wasn’t worthy of her friendship. Sarah prided herself on only being friends with people who respected her, especially after an incident in high school. It was never spoken about, but the people who cared about her knew about it and always looked after Sarah when she dealt with friendship issues. She kept her friendship group small and her walls high, but sometimes that was necessary.

Sarah looked around, trying to find the correct route to the bathrooms. Every arena was different and that never made needing to go any easier. She asked Rachel if she knew the route, thankfully she was able to pass across some basic directions to help Sarah. Head up and just follow what Rachel told you, it’s not that far, she told herself. There wasn’t a line so she was able to head straight in and out quickly.

It took her a few moments to regain her bearings and start walking again because it seemed like as soon as she started she was stopped by a firm chest. “God, I’m so sorry,” she started apologising to the mysterious stranger she had just crashed into.

“Hey, no worries,” the stranger replied as Sarah stepped back to notice who it actually was that she had walked into. “Aren’t you that nurse from the blood drive?” Anthony asked, thanking the heavens that he might have actually found the girl.

“I was at the blood drive, but I’m not a nurse,” she laughed. He wasn’t the first person to think she was a nurse and wouldn’t be the last. “I’m one of the student doctors, I’m in my final year and help out at the blood drive once a week.”

“Well, urm,” Anthony stuttered, “thanks. Maybe I’ll see you again?”

“Yeah, if you come along on the same date in two months I’ll be there,” Sarah smiled.

“Thanks, and sorry for crashing into you,” Anthony apologised.

“No worries,” Sarah replied, “maybe see you then?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, watching her turn around and walk back to where she was sitting.

You’re an idiot, Anthony thought to himself. Surely, there was something better he could have said other than maybe I’ll come to the blood bank again. It might have been a good cause, but it would involve him overcoming his fear once again, but maybe for her, he could?

Sarah returned and the Mets had just started the fourth innings. She informed Rebecca, who she was sat next to about who she had walked into. Rebecca’s mouth hung open and her mother had to ensure that she was okay before asking why the hell her daughter was catching flies. Immediately, Rebecca launched into the entire story of two of New York’s elite sportsmen who had come to their hospital and how Sarah was the one to do their observations. If that wasn’t enough to shock James and Rachel, Sarah bumping into Anthony outside the toilets would have been.

“How crazy,” James exclaimed. His wife agreed and told the girls that fate must have been on their side that day. Sarah thought about it as the game continued, on the train home and in bed that night. Was it really fate? Or just two people who lived in the same city accidentally meeting in the same place twice? Meeting might have been exaggerating slightly, they had been in professional circumstances the first time and bumping into someone accidentally at a sports event certainly wasn’t ideal either. She tried to push the constant confusing thoughts out of her head as she tried to sleep.

Anthony was thinking the same things as he made his way to bed that night. Why couldn’t he have struck up a proper conversation with her? Why did he assume she was a nurse when she clearly told them she was a student doctor? He was a self-aware idiot who needed help talking to girls. But it wasn’t like he could just go back to the hospital, with the description of the girl and ask them to tell him who she was. He had to hope that fate would bring them together once again.

He thought about asking Mat for help, but then remembered all the failed dates he was always going on. It had to be one of the older guys on the team, the ones who were married. Anders, as the captain, was always a safe bet. He was caring and commanding in the way only the captain of an NHL team could be. Anders was also amazing when it came to giving advice.

“Tito,” Anders spoke at practice the following day, “I just don’t know how you expect me to give you advice when you know basically nothing about this girl.” Anthony’s face frowned, but he understood where he was coming from. It wasn’t like the two of them had been on a few dates and he wanted to take the next step. “General advice though, don’t fuck up when talking to a girl.” Anthony had to let out a laugh, it wasn’t like he wanted to destroy any of his chances with any girl, it was that sometimes his awkward side came out. He knew it was normal to get slightly flustered when talking to someone attractive, but all he wanted was to meet her again so he would be able to have another chance.

Sarah checked the order on her phone one more time. Being the student doctor meant that she was often tasked with going on a coffee run. She didn’t mind though, she was just looking forward to the days when she could be the one offering treatment, even if the psychiatry ward wasn’t where she saw herself in the future. Unfortunately, she had to head to a Starbucks that was slightly further away from the hospital due to the usual one being out of almond milk which is what Dr Jones had in his coffee. Sarah warned the staff about this but they informed her that it was okay and rounds could wait until she got back. They also said that they would let her help with some procedures on the patients when she returned which made her become more excited to return to the hospital.

The scarf the young girl was wearing engulfed her body, but it kept her warm, and that was all that she cared about. Fashion was second to being warm and comfortable, especially in the New York winter. It was only a five-minute walk to the coffee shop which Sarah was thankful for as she wanted to spend as much time in a building with heating as possible which was completely understandable. She watched the small amount of snow as it fell on her short walk and some of it stayed on her coat until she entered the shop. It wasn’t a busy day, but she had arrived earlier than the estimated time suggested so she found an unoccupied seat easily and busied herself on her phone. The peace and quiet was something Sarah rarely had time to enjoy working in a hospital so she savoured the short amount of time she was in it for.

Her enjoyment was cut short by a group of rowdy people who walked in to collect a to-go order like she was. They were directed to sit down near where Sarah was sitting and she hoped that her order was almost ready so she could try and get away from the people causing all of the noise. “Fancy seeing you here,” Sarah heard a voice from behind where she was sitting and slightly turned her head to see a slightly dishevelled Anthony Beauvillier. She greeted him awkwardly, not really sure how to address someone you had only met twice and one of those times she was being filmed and the other was a complete accident.

“Are you waiting for coffee?” he asked, mentally face palming as he asked. Of course, she’s here for coffee, it’s a coffee shop, what else would she be here for? Anders said don’t fuck up and what was the first thing he did? Fuck up.

“Yeah,” Sarah replied, trying to hide a laugh at how nervous he seemed. “As the med student, I’ve been tasked with grabbing some coffees before we start rounds.”

“Isn’t there a coffee place closer to the hospital?” Anthony asked, genuinely curious. He was almost certain that when he brought Mat for an operation the other month he stopped by the one that was right outside.

“There is, but they were out of almond milk. So here I am,” she said, laughing slightly. Anthony nodded in understanding hoping that he would be able to ask for her number rather than stutter over his words once again.

“I know this seems really random,” he started, not really sure how to phrase it without seeming weird, “but fate had brought us together three times and I’d rather not risk it again. Could I maybe get your number?” Anthony reached up to scratch the back of his neck, he couldn’t have fucked up another time, could he?

“Yeah sure, pass me your phone,” Sarah responded with a smile. She was glad that he had asked her rather than her asking because she would never have been able to. She was always the quiet one in her group of friends, but she didn’t need to be loud to be noticed. Her academic achievements showed off more than she could ever say. Anthony quickly pulled his phone out of

his pocket, unlocked it and found the contacts section. Sarah found the add new contact section and typed in her name and number. “There you go,” she exclaimed just as the barista called her name. “Text me?” she asked Anthony who responded with a swift nod of his head.

He was still in shock, how on earth was he actually able to ask her for her number and why on earth did she actually give it to him? Anthony made his way back to the group of hockey players and Anders quickly pulled him aside. He asked Anthony if she was the girl and a few questions about her so he could attempt to figure out the situation. It wasn’t like he was going to share anything that he found out, he just wanted the best for his young winger and if that involved a girl, he was going to be happy for him.

The entire conversation with Anthony had thrown Sarah off but she knew that she couldn’t let it bother her professionally so went back to the ward as if nothing had ever happened, and was able to help with a few patient diagnoses and even suggested medications to her superiors who were impressed with the knowledge that she had in the subject. They even asked if she was considering a residency in the field because they would love to have her on board. It wasn’t like she could say no, instead she told them that she was keeping her options open and wanted to experience as many fields as possible before choosing her field. Even though she knew that there was only one place that she saw herself, in the emergency department.

She eventually found time in the day, 4 in the afternoon, to rest her legs for the first time in what seemed like days. Sarah loved the time she spent in the hospital and was beginning to learn how to survive on little sleep and lots of coffee. She also enjoyed the variety of patients she was seeing and the fact that they were actual human beings not just case studies on a piece of paper. Helping people was always something that she enjoyed doing.

Rebecca was adding the final touches to the roasted vegetables as Sarah made her presence known in their apartment. Sarah placed her backpack down on the couch and quickly followed the scent of salmon to the kitchen. “Becca,” she groaned, “you take too good care of me.” Rebecca shook her head as she continued to plate up the dinner. The conversation that the two had over their food, and a glass of red wine which according to Sarah was acceptable because it promoted blood thinning.

Sarah mentioned it when they were clearing up, which wasn’t the smartest idea she had ever had because Rebecca almost dropped the dishes into the sink. “You saw him again?” Rebecca exclaimed, wanting to make sure she had heard her best friend right because there was no way that she had seen a group of the Islanders in a Starbucks and had given her number to Anthony Beauvillier.

“Yeah,” Sarah replied, “I mean, I gave him my number so it’s probably gonna be hidden in a pile of other, prettier girls numbers, but hey. I tried, and that’s all I can do.” Rebecca sent a soft smile in her housemate’s direction, she knew that there had to be a reason for fate to bring them to the same place three times. It couldn’t just be a coincidence anymore, could it?

Anthony sunk into the soft material of his and Mat’s main couch, wishing the world would just engulf him. He groaned into one of the cushions as he tried to release all of the awkwardness that his body held. Mat tried to get him to talk, especially when he noticed that he was talking to a girl at the coffee shop but Anthony was stubborn and refused to say anything. Mat was the one who had a better track record out of the two, but Anthony didn’t need to hear his best friend bragging about all the different ways he had seduced different women into his bed in different states across the country. He needed advice on keeping the same woman around him.

Yes, he had previous girlfriends but none stayed around longer than two months or however long it took for them to get intimate a few times and he hated that. Anthony wanted to form a connection with someone, he wanted to come home from a long road trip to someone waiting in bed for him, he wanted someone who was available to go on dates with him regularly. He wanted love. And it was proving harder than he wanted it to be to find.

Matt Martin had decided that this losing streak needed to end, so he took them to an all-expenses-paid training camp on Cape Cod during the few days they had between games. As an experienced player, he knew that taking some time away from watching tape and having failed set plays occur during training was the best thing they could do. So he found a place that fit their needs and was able to cater to their weird athlete diet. They kept in shape by taking part in a variety of watersports and using the spacious gym facilities that were on offer. It also allowed Anthony to pull Anders aside once more to try and get advice on what to do.

At this point, Anders was close to telling him that he needed to do something but refrained from saying it in those words as he knew that this was a difficult thing for a teammate to bring to him. “Just text her,” Anders told him, collecting a towel to wipe away the sweat forming on his brow as the two completed some interval training on the treadmill.

“I would,” Anthony replied sarcastically, “but what do I say?” Anders noticed the genuine concern in his voice, did this girl he had met all of three times really have such a hold over him? All he could do was give the most sensible advice he could think of and told him that he would try and ask some people under the radar for more information but stressed that he needed to actually get in contact with her.

Anthony told his captain that he would try his best but his anxious feeling never seemed to go away, especially when he opened up her contact to send her a message. He kept thinking of everything that could go wrong, and never the positives that he could get out of it. Yes, he might not get a girlfriend out of it, but even gaining a new friend would be much better than not even trying. But he pushed these thoughts to the side, well, as best as he could, before moving to work on some hand-eye coordination tasks alongside some of his potential linemates.

The three day trip to Massachusetts came to an end much quicker than all of the Islanders wanted, but Barry Trotz was pleased to see that they were rejuvenated from their time away and was able to try the same drills they had done previously and this time they were a lot more successful. This translated to a successful win streak against the Rangers and Flyers and they all decided that it was the right time to celebrate.

Vodka shots, tequila shots, sambuca shots. If it was liquor, it could be found in the private room that the Islanders had booked for their celebration. Anthony had meant to invite Sarah, he did send her a simple text telling her that this was his number, but he couldn’t justify throwing her into the life of a WAG when they were barely even friends, so he simply told her that he was going on a night out in celebration which she completely understood, he had worked hard for his job as an athlete and deserved to celebrate.

Sarah didn’t want to scare Anthony by mentioning that she was doing her rotation in the emergency department in case she was at the closest hospital to him and someone needed immediate attention. She thought it was a long shot, but at around 1 am she heard a voice that she recognised. Dr Stevens was the doctor she was shadowing and he had just been introducing the two of them to the patient who was a lovely elderly couple where one of them had a fall and they were recommended to visit the ED to make sure that they were all okay.

She was instructed to begin some basic observations and took a few samples of blood to send down to the labs; it was a procedure that she had done many times on her colleagues and models but one she was unfamiliar with on elderly people as their veins weren’t always as visible. The couple were lovely and continued to encourage her even as she struggled but it was the motivation she needed as she was able to collect the appropriate number of vials needed to test for a variety of conditions.

James, one of the nurses, had begun to start looking after the crowd of boys by first, taking some general observations of each of them to make sure that they were not suffering from over intoxication. He thanked the lord, even though he was an atheist, that they were just drunk. He was able to collect some water for the two who weren’t injured then was able to take a quick look at Mat’s hand. James quickly called over Sarah for help when it came to attaching an IV and Dr Stevens had made sure that if he wasn’t looking after her that the most experienced nurse would be assisting her, tonight that being James.

Sarah was shocked to see Mat with a bloody rag covering his wrist, covering what looked like a relatively deep graze. James informed her of the situation and that she needed to attach him to an IV and would be observing him putting in a set of absorbable stitches to quickly solve the small issue of his graze. She agreed but Anthony and Matt, who for some reason thought that they needed a father figure at the hospital, kept trying to distract her. It wasn’t like she minded chatty patients, in fact, they were some of her favourites because it meant that she was able to find out more information about conditions they had, but drunk people weren’t her forte. However, she was beginning to notice that a night shift in the emergency department consisted of more drunk people than she thought.

One of the other nurses, Shelly, was able to lead Anthony and Matt to an empty bay where they were given a few more bottles of water and some snacks to help them sober up. Occasionally, someone would stick their head in to make sure that New York’s Long Island’s finest were doing okay.

It was relatively easy to hook Mat to the IV and he was pretty comfortable when James began to stitch up his graze. He had experienced it multiple times and more often than not there was no pain relief so the small amount he had been given was a lifesaver. He did continue to chat to Sarah as if he was competing for Canada but she understood why. Hospitals were not a nice place to be at the best of times and if this made him more comfortable, then he should do that. It wasn’t up to her to tell him what made him comfortable, that was completely out of bounds.

A few minutes passed, and Sarah had begun to start Mat’s discharge paperwork and that included sending a small report to the doctors at their training facilities. She imagined if she were one of them, she wouldn’t be too impressed to hear that one of her star forwards had slightly injured himself, but that was for Mat to explain. She was simply documenting what she saw and the procedures that were undertaken.

2:53 in the morning. Anthony had sobered up enough to call the three of them an Uber to their respective places and he also thanked Sarah profusely for looking after them too. She was humble, simply letting him know that it was her job, even if she wasn’t getting paid for it. He also promised that as a thank you, he would take her out on a date. Sarah was almost sure that when he woke up, hopefully fully sober, he would have completely forgotten about that so she simply brushed it off with an “of course Anthony.” What else was she meant to say? It wasn’t like she could whip out her phone and just say, tell me the date and time and I’ll be there. This placement was preparing her for a job in a hospital. She couldn’t do that to any other patient, or their family members, so why was Anthony different?

“Professional hockey player, absolutely filled out, oh, and you have a crush on him,” Rebecca told Sarah like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sarah felt her cheeks heat up as Rebecca went further down the list, it wasn’t like anything that she said was wrong, it just wasn’t what she had hoped to hear at 8 am over a coffee with her best friend. She sighed as she went to pick up the steaming mug of coffee, not sure how to respond.

“Yes, yes and maybe?” Sarah replied, not really sure how to admit to the small amount of feelings she had begun to feel about the winger. The pair had been sporadically messaging each other, mainly a well done for a three-point night or how was the er today? Nothing more than that, but Sarah wanted more but knew that he might not feel the same way and accepted the small amount of communication with him.

Anthony, on the other hand, was sweating and not just from the painful workout that they had just been subjected to. He knew he needed to ask Sarah out on a date, sooner rather than later, because he was certain that she would be able to find someone with whom she could hold more intelligent conversations. She was a medical student, after all, he told himself. As he sat on the small couch in his bedroom, he checked Google Maps searching for a small coffee shop where he could ask her on a weekend, casual date. He picked one that looked nice enough, and just went for it.

Anthony: Hey, this might seem out of the blue but I was wondering if you wanted to go for coffee sometime this weekend? I’m not playing until Monday and I’d really like to see you

And now he had to play a waiting game, but he didn’t have to wait as long. Once he had returned from collecting a parcel, a care package from his mother containing things that he missed from Quebec, he checked his phone to see a reply. He smiled to himself, even if it was a rejection, he wasn’t being ignored which in his books was a massive win.

Sarah: Hiya! That sounds like a great idea, I’ve got a small research thing to do, but I can do that whenever. Text me when and where and I’ll be there :)

The first thing Anthony did was text Anders and let him know. His captain was pleased for him and was happy to hear that he had taken the initiative even if he was worried. But now, Anthony had three more days to worry about something else.

Rebecca shouted through the hallway to try and get Sarah’s attention. Sarah had left her phone in the lounge as she went to change into something more comfortable and it wasn’t like she expected Anthony to reply so quickly either. “It says,” Rebecca started before Sarah swooped in to take the phone out of her hand and held it to her chest. There was no way in hell that Sarah was going to let Rebecca find out that she was going on her first date in 4 years, let alone with Anthony Beauvillier of the New York Islanders.

As she raised one of her eyebrows, Rebecca looked over quizzically at her best friend. “Tell me who that text was from and I’ll drop it completely,” she bargained knowing that even though she was studying law there was no way in hell she would be able to get any more information out of Sarah.

The two shared a look and Sarah knew that Rebecca wouldn’t push, or at least she hoped. “Anthony,” she said, wishing that she either assumed who he was or didn’t care enough to ask. Rebecca’s jaw dropped in shock, did Sarah Milkins really just say that she was going to go for coffee with Anthony. Anthony Beauvillier. Number 18 for the New York Islanders. It wasn’t like it could be a different Anthony as he was the only one who both of them knew and that Sarah would have told Rebecca if she had even been talking to anyone else.

Rebecca tried to get hold of the phone but Sarah quickly ran back into her room and locked the door before she could be asked any more questions. “I’m saying yes, we’re going to Maman at 3 o’clock on Sunday, I’ll be back before nine,” Sarah shouted through the door. Eventually, Sarah let Rebecca into her room and let out a little scream of excitement. They spent the rest of their afternoon discussing date attire and just tried to stay as calm as possible.

#ahockeywrites #ociasg story #anthony beauvillier fic #anthony beauvillier story #anthony beauvillier imagine #anthony beauvillier #islanders18 #new york islanders #hockey writing #hockey fic #hockey imagine #nhl writing #nhl fic #nhl imagine

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lalahbug · 3 years

Text

Guidance - Zuko x Reader Chapter 6

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender Word Count: 3,232 My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: General 18+ Angst

Author’s Note: under story ___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting.

Story under cut, 6 of 8, Guidance Masterlist

A few weeks had passed, ___ was healed and quickly became the new mother figure of the group. Teaching about survival, chi blocking, and helping with most of the chores. Of course, she also played with the group and lectured them like a mother as well.

___ and Aang were meditating together, during a sunrise, which Aang wasn’t too happy about after being up most of the night traveling. Aang peaked at her as she exhaled deeply, relaxing further, still keeping her posture.

“Staring at me isn’t going to help your mediating, Avatar.”

“You didn’t even open your eyes; how did you know?” He pouted but started meditating again.

“Your breathing went normal instead of trained.”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Hear so well, know when I’m doing something I’m not supposed to do.”

“I’ve had heightened senses for a long time. But as for knowing when you’re doing something, we’ll chalk it up to Mother Instinct.” She chuckled softly. “You’re really not in the mood to meditate, are you?”

“No!” Aang groaned before falling backward.

“Okay, practice your breathing with me for a bit then I’ll let you go.”

“Okay!” Aang agreed with a smile while sitting up.

Aang and Katara were practicing some waterbending, while ___ watched their movements.

“Why don’t you come join us? Aang could use the opportunity to fend off two waterbending foes.” Katara smiled and splashed some water at Aang.

“Thank you, but I don’t know many waterbending moves, I’d be an easy target. I can only whip water and create waves.”

“That’s right, being from the North Pole, they never taught you. But didn’t you learn on your own?”

“I only got the water whip and the wave, that’s all I learned on my own.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? We could have taught you.” Aang urged.

“I’ve never been a good waterbender, there’s no point in teaching me. I’m an average healer and I can do pretty movements with a full moon, but that’s it. My strength is chi blocking and fast reflexes.”

“Well, I think you could be a good waterbender. Why don’t you practice with us? You can learn some new moves and there is no pressure if you can’t do it well. Because like you said, your strength is chi blocking.” Katara urged, ___ shrugged before disrobing a bit, and getting into the water with the two masters.

One day before the invasion, The Day of Black Sun, and Aang wasn’t able to sleep. ___ was up with him, just after sunset.

“You can’t stay awake before the invasion. You need to be rested. But I think if you’re alone, it’ll be worse. So, would you like to go over the chakras to help you with the Avatar State?”

“I think I know them; I just can’t do the last one.”

“Ah, you mean the Thought Chakra? Is it because of Katara?”

Aang blushed a bit before sighing. “Yes, but also, I don’t know how to let go of Earthly attachments when I have to protect them.”

“The Avatar is bound to this earth to protect it. You must learn to balance these or they will be your downfall. You let Katara go completely at Ba Sing Se, you were then attached to cosmic, too attached to cosmic energy. As the Avatar, you must find balance with your cosmic energy and your Earthly attachments. You can open the Thought Chakra, by learning to balance your attachments. Earthly, Avatar, cosmic, love, spirit, and even your nomad teachings.”

“What about my nomad teachings?”

“There will be a day where you might have to sacrifice your beliefs for the greater good, to keep balance in the world. But because of your teachings, I know you’ll find a way to balance the good with your morals.”

“You’re talking about the Fire Lord, aren’t you?” Aang curled up and placed his weary head on his knees.

___ smiled at him gently, examining the bags under his eyes. “You can face him, you can beat him, we all believe in you, especially as he is powerless during the eclipse. But, what if, you can’t get to him in time. Don’t get me wrong, Sokka’s plan is amazing. Things don’t always go as planned. If you can’t get to him in time, you will have to fight him someday. How will you restrain him? Or will you have to take his life? I worry about the outcome of this plan a lot. From my talks with Roku to how devious the Fire Nation is. I just hope you know, if this fails. It’s not your fault. There will be some other factor that makes it so you can’t get to him in time. I have no doubt about you facing him, just our timing.”

“It’s terrifying to even think of facing Ozai, but hearing the faith you have in me helps. Hearing that you don’t expect me to defeat him tomorrow, really helps. But your question haunts me. How will I restrain him?”

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I believe in you Aang, the world does. But in the end, you are just one kid, and you will need to listen to words of wisdom from your past lives. From ancient sources, and learn to bend life and energy itself if you are to defeat Ozai without taking his life.”

“Bend life and energy? How do I do that?”

“I’m not sure, I only read about it in the spirit library. You will have to hope that an ancient source shows you.”

“Well, with you and the Spirit World to access, I think I’ll be able to find it if needed.”

She smiled at him before meditating with him. She knew of the group's plan to make a bed for Aang so he could finally sleep, she was just keeping him company in the meantime.

“___?” She hummed softly in reply, still meditating. “What if we see Zuko during the invasion? What will you do?” She opened her eyes, a sorrowful smile formed as their eyes met.

“Depending on where he is in his journey, I’ll either have to disable him or listen to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“My first night in the Spirit World with Roku. He let me know of my future, to help me mentally prepare for it. He told me a beautiful tale of me falling in love, with his great-grandson. But he warned me, his great-grandson has the ability to be good or bad. As Roku and Sozin are both his great grandfathers.”

Aang gasped, “Zuko’s mom is the granddaughter of Roku?”

“Yes, that’s why he is at war within himself. Between his two natures. He also didn’t have the healthiest of families to help him cope with it either. His uncle, although wonderful, found his path in life a bit late. I hope Zuko will find that path one day too, but I can no longer be the one to guide him, he must find it himself. But only time will tell if he will find it soon or if he will live a long life trying to find it.”

“Do you still love him?”

Her eyes fell to her stomach and the bump there. “I do, but when he took another woman because I was unconscious for weeks, I feel as though maybe my love might have been blinded by the fairy tale Ruko told me. For he never mentioned a child. He only mentioned I would have to choose to forgive Zuko or not, and that it would be very difficult for me. I love him, but I'm not sure if I can forgive him just yet."

"It must be hard, not knowing if he loves you or not, yet still having this child."

"It hurts not knowing, but it's not too hard. I'm not worried for some reason, not when it comes to this baby."

Aang had a flash of the small baby named Hope that Katara had helped deliver a few months back. "Babies are a beautiful thing, especially when you have someone to share it with."

"Katara asked me to stay until the baby is born at the very minimum, so in a way I will, you guys are the closest thing I have to family right now. So, I'll share that experience with you."

"So, I get to be an uncle?" He smiled.

"You'll be the best uncle!" They giggled softly and she smiled at him fondly as the group approached them, ready to help Aang finally sleep.

After the invasion, Aang wanted nothing to do with the planning for the next steps, next attack. ___ shut herself away from the group and the others with them now. She should have been left behind with the other adults, but they wouldn’t hear her protest, since she was pregnant.

Walking along one of the many corridors of the Western Air Temple, she hummed softly to herself, enjoying her solitude, wanting to fix her mental state before joining everyone. No one needed a pouty pregnant woman around, all because they didn’t listen to her. They had her and the baby’s health in mind, they weren’t trying to make her feel more useless or weak. So; she needed to be alone to fix the brewing thoughts before they burnt anyone needlessly.

She walked until she felt lost and sighed and started to head back to the group, for dinner. But when she arrived everyone was sulking and arguing about something.

“What’s wrong?” ___ asked while getting some food after Sokka said something about not adding animal cruelty to the list.

“I’ll tell you-” Katara started, ready to vent to someone else.

“Wait,” Toph cut off Katara. "___ how would you feel, if Zuko came here asking for forgiveness and to teach Aang firebending?”

She understood what had happened just from Toph’s question, her heart sped up, the broken pieces throbbing, she took a breath to reply. “Aang needs a firebending teacher, and Zuko, well he’s a good firebender. I don’t know how I feel about him asking for forgiveness, but if you thought he was sincere, Toph, I would let him stay. Because if you think he was sincere the whole time, it hopefully means he’s finally found the correct path.” She looked to Aang with a sad smile, reminding him of their conversation when he was so sleep-deprived.

“How?” Katara asked softly. “How can you just allow him here? Forgive him and trust him? Especially after what he’s done to you?”

“I don’t forgive him; I don’t trust him. But the options of firebending teachers are pretty limited to Aang. Only time can tell if he can earn trust and forgiveness from any of us. We have to look past ourselves. The world needs the Avatar, the world needs Aang to learn firebending. If we still can’t trust him after he’s with us and he’s taught Aang, then you can give him the boot and send him packing.”

“I hate when mother is right,” Sokka grumbled.

“I am not your mother,” ___ snapped. “I’m a friend. I’m tired of being treated like some soft pregnant woman with motherly love. I’m a fighter. My pregnancy doesn’t change that. I will only let motherly change take me when the world is no longer at war. I can’t soften and hold everyone’s hand through this. You’re all kids to me, but the world can’t have the Avatar, a master of waterbending, master of earthbending, and a sword master, be kids. You have to keep the goal in your mind.”

“You’re still mad at us for making you come with us? Instead of letting you stay with the other adults, aren’t you?” Aang asked softly.

“Yes.” She exhaled sharply before taking a deep breath. “But I know you did it because you care about me,” she rested a hand on her stomach. “About the baby. But you wanted me here, so I’m here. And I think you should listen to what Zuko has to say without emotion.”

“All I know is that while he was talking to us, he was sincere. Maybe you’re all just letting your hurt feelings keep you from thinking clearly.” Toph said in agreement with ___.

“Easy for you to say, you weren’t there when he had us attacked by pirates.” Katara spat.

“Or when he burned down Kyoshi Island,” Sokka added.

“Or when he tried to capture me at the fire temple.” Aang finished.

“Why would you two even try to defend him?” Katara said so frustratedly she was shaking.

“Because, Katara, you’re all ignoring one crucial fact. One ___ has already told you!” Toph stomped up to Aang and poked him in the chest. “Aang needs a firebending teacher! We can’t think of a single person in the world to do the job. Now one shows up on a silver platter and you won’t even think about it?” She shook the ground with a couple more stomps.

“I’m not having Zuko as my teacher!” Aang walked away from ___ and Toph.

“Aang-” ___ started before Sokka cut her off.

“You’re darn right, you’re not buddy.” Sokka stood tall, finalizing his backup with Aang.

“Well, I guess that’s settled,” Katara said smugly. ___ sighed before looking at Toph.

“I’m beginning to wonder who’s really the blind one around here.” Toph stormed off, ___ followed behind her.

Toph and ___ were walking through the forest, to find Zuko.

“You didn’t have to come with me,” Toph sighed.

“I know, but I would like to talk to Zuko too. I think I know him well enough to tell when he’s lying, whether you can detect it or not.”

Toph giggled pointing to ___’s stomach, “I would hope you knew him well enough.”

“Oh shush,” she pushed Toph playfully, but it was clear she was a bit exasperated by the comment.

“Do you think Zuko would try to trick us all; like he did to you and Katara?”

“Zuko didn’t trick me. I don’t think he meant to trick Katara either. I think he loved me in his own way. He was good in Ba Sing Se. But the allure of home was stronger than the good.”

“But now that he’s here, you think the good called him back?”

“I’m hoping that. I’m hoping he found his true destiny.”

“I’m hoping you’re right,” Toph said with a sigh.

While moving through the brush the women alerted Zuko.

“Who’s there?” His voice was groggy, the sound of it stung ___’s heart. As they got closer, he yelled. “Stay back.”

“It’s me!” Toph shouted back, but it was too late, Zuko had already lashed out fire in his fear, Toph even tried to make herself an earth shield. She fell as the flames licked the soles of her feet “Ow! You burned my feet!”

Zuko was up and running towards her as she started to crawl away. “I’m sorry, it was a mistake!” He cried while chasing after Toph, but sudden strikes to his body made him collapse.

“Get away, Zuko!” ___ shouted while scooping up Toph.

“___?” He gasped, trying to sit up, she only chi blocked his right side. As she started to walk away, he called out to them. “No, please, come back! I’m sorry!” He tried to get up, but the weight of his right side would not shift and he fell back. He groaned along with his heart ache seeing ___ walk away and ignore his plea, his apology. “Why am I so bad at being good!” He cried to the sky, wishing to be able to rewind time.

He’d go back so far if he could, but he pleaded now silently inside his head. “Please let me go back, even just 5 minutes.” He exhaled in defeat, wondering what the girls had wanted to say, but now he’d never know.

Days passed and the threat of Combustion Man was gone, Hokada and Suki back. While sitting around the fire with everyone, Zuko served tea again, while he did so, he noticed ___ left the group. Excusing herself to go lie down. And the night where he burned Toph’s feet came to mind. She came with Toph, what did she want to say?

After his failed joke and everyone had settled their laughter. “Does ___ leave the group often after dinner or is that because of me?” Zuko asked softly, silence rang afterward. Katara and Aang shared a soft look.

“Before the invasion, I was restless, ___ was meditating with me. I asked how she would react if we were to run into you since, at the time, you were still an enemy, a threat.” Aang sipped his tea before continuing. “She simply said she'd either disable you or listen to you. She believed in you even then, she just wasn’t sure when you'd find your correct path in life.”

“But when she thinks about you, hears your name, or even just briefly has a polite encounter with you. Her heart beats sickeningly. Like the broken pieces are trying to pull together.” Toph added since she was able to hear and feel ___’s heartbeat.

“I want to explain myself, talk to her. But I want to do it alone.”

“You should be thankful she even acknowledges you exist,” Katara spat, still angry.

“I am, she’s always been forgiving. But I don’t know how forgiving she’ll be with me.”

“___ still loves you,” Toph encouraged him.

“But before we allowed you in the group, she did say only time would show if you deserved trust and forgiveness,” Sokka added, Suki elbowed him. “What? He should know the truth, the good and the bad.”

“Thank you, that helps. Maybe she’s not ready to hear my apology, because she doesn’t forgive me or trust me yet.”

“Make sense, you engaged her, impregnated her, broke your promise then left her for another woman because she was basically in a coma,” Katara stated with venom.

“I never left her, but I was too cowardly to tell my father no to the arranged marriage. Scared to not be his perfect son again.”

“Mai still seems to love you, since she helped with the prison break,” Sokka said.

“Another heart I broke, by being a misleading person. She loves someone within me that I’m not. She doesn’t understand that I’m trying to save my country, my kingdom. The world fears and hates the Fire Nation. I need to try and heal that and help the Avatar bring balance back into the world.”

“I think ___ just needs a little time, she was for having you here from the get-go with me,” Toph popped some more food in her mouth. “She’s just not ready to deal with you. Since she’s been having some health issues with the baby, every time we have stress, she gets sick.” Toph said sadly.

“Well with the invasion being over, Combustion Man gone. Hopefully, things will calm down.” Katara said before standing up. “I should go check on her and the baby before we sleep.” She stood and left towards the way ___ had left earlier.

Zuko sighed and sipped his tea. He would need to be patient a bit, wait for some alone time with his love, and keep an eye on her troubled health with the baby.

Author’s Note:

Hello, I know I’ve been gone for awhile, but I’m getting better mentally and personally. I can’t promise when the next chapter will come out, but I’m hoping by the end of May.

I’d like to thank everyone that’s liked previous chapters and stayed with me on this. This is still my indulgence, anime fanfics, but after this series. I might go into show/movie fanfics (like Marvel and Supernatural), make a list of who I’d be willing to write for and open a for request for a bit.

Also, for the one lovely who wanted to be added/tagged for new chapters, here you go; thank you for your love on this <3

@eridanuswave

#guidance series #fanfic #fic #zukoxreader #zuko/reader #avatar zuko #atla fic #lalah writes #lalahbug #reader insert #xreader #self insert #fire lord zuko #firelord zuko #x reader

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mrs-bingley · 3 years

Note

Would you recommend living in Italy? My husband and I are trying to move out of America and Italy is on our minds at the moment!

Oh, anon. That's...a really tough question that requires a really long answer.

I don't think I can give you a definite yes or no, there are some things to consider. And I put them all in a list, in handy bullet points, for your consideration:

We have public health, which means that you'll never not get cared for. HOWEVER, you must note that due to the last 30 years of cuts to the public health sector we started making people pay for their visits and exams more than before, and it could take forever to schedule a visit. If you, like me, have conditions like asthma you're exempted from paying tickets: all my medicine and visits and exams are covered by the public at precisely 0€. However, I have to schedule my annual visit 12 to 16 months in advance (this is specifically a Lombardy problem, because they wanted to be like the US and cut money from public hospitals and then gave them to private hospitals).

People don't generally speak English that much, even the younger generations (because of the cuts to the public school system *sigh*). Especially if you plan to go living in the south, be sure to speak Italian at least a little bit. The good thing about this is that Italians, generally, are kinda friendly: we're (mostly) accustomed to tourists and will try to help people regardless of language. Our talking hands will make sure you understand everything!

Previous point might impact your work a lot, unless you intend to work remotely for a company that uses English as their first language. There must be companies that use English as their first language, but I personally don't have first-hand experience.

Again, on work: I've writtend about it in this post this morning, we do tend to have better working conditions. Law states you have at least 4 weeks of vacation and no one will count your sick days (unless you're sick for more than 6 months in a year). Which doesn't mean *you* specifically will benefit from it. Internships sucks (which, I think, is universal) and there's a lot of people trying to scam the system because this is Italy. Italians are always trying to scam the system.

However, we're not about the hustle as americans seems to be. I mean, if you have a 9-5 job you rarely have a second job (and I think most company WON'T hire someone if they have a job already?). Some small and medium realities won't ask you "why do you want to work with us", bigger corporations will though.

A minimum wage salary pays 1000-1200€, here in north Italy. It's the bare minimum to keep you going. Don't accept less and ask for more if you're qualified.

Rent is around 600-800€ for a two or three bedroom apartment, depending on where you are (again, in the north because that's where I live) but the bigger the city the more you'll have to pay.

As for expenses, we're two adults and I budget a lot but we spend around 200€ for groceries and around 200-300€ on utilities (just to give you an idea)

Italy is a super backward country. It's the mentality: this country has more >65 than <18, people are hella old and love to do things in their old ways, hate new ways of doing things, and technology is evil. I mean "a librarian didn't want a computer because she had book registers in 2020" level of backward. It can get pretty tiresome, also it's basically sinking the country in a deep hole.

You'll always have something to do in the weekend, because there's actually A LOT to see and explore. Most cities have something historical to see, and some natural landscape are pretty as a painting. Travelling is easy both by car, by train and by plane. The northern regions are better connected than the south, both places have a lot of problems running buses and trains on time though (I remember fondly the day I was waiting to get home after uni, I was on the platform and a train with 600 minutes of delay was announced).

Sun doesn't always shine. I mean, there's this idea that Italy is super hot. In the south it can be, but there's also the alps (where you have 15°C in August). Ah, and the area of Milan is deep into fog from October to March. Just to say that if you prefer cold weather there's still a place for you!

And I don't know what else to add. Is it perfect? Hardly, but no country is. I hope I've given you a perspective and if you're curious or want more details, feel free to message me again! I'm happy to help.

#blue answers #italy #long post

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imaginesupply · 4 years

Text

Homecoming - Chapter Six

(I know it's Henry and not Sy in the photo, but it just fit too well with this chapter.)

Summary: The day has arrived, Captain Syverson is going home. For good, this time. He is going home to a civilian life he can hardly remember and a wife he barely knows, with memories of the war still fresh on his mind. Love might not be able to heal everything on its own, but it’s a good start.

Genres: Romance, drama.

Story warnings: Smut (always fully consensual), mentions of PTSD and nightmares and mental health, angst, hurt and comfort, fluff, mentions of war (minor), mentions of cheating (minor), mentions of pregnancy (very minor), police appearance (very minor), violence (very minor).

Notes:

It’s my first time writing for one of Henry’s characters and I’m unsure I did Sy’s character any justice.

This is a Capt. Syverson x OFC (Ada) story, written in 3rd person POV but OFC’s physical description is very limited so it could also be read as Capt. Syverson x Reader, I think.

English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Proofread, but not beta’ed. We die like men and all that.

Timeline is a little wacky: The movie takes place in 2003 and the U.S. forces were withdrawn from Iraq in 2011, but I never set a precise date because I don’t think it’s essential for this story. However, some elements might not be realistic because if we set this story in 2003: Phone cameras quality was not as good as it’s now, but for the purpose of the chapters, I will need you to imagine you could film great videos with your flip phone haha. Plus, it says Sy is coming back after being deployed for more than three years which makes no sense unless we set this in 2006 or later. I am asking you disregard any time inconsistencies.

Also: I am not American. I only lived in the US for six months and it was in the Midwest, not Texas so please bear with me if I write something stupid.

Finally: This will be a Christmas fic and I intend to post the last chapter (there will be seven in total) on or before Christmas. However, religion is never mentioned in this story and the Christmas-sy elements of this story are limited to family gathering, gift giving and tree decorating.

Chapter Six starts after the cut. (Chapter Five can be found here.) Let me know if you wish to be tagged in the last chapter or if you wish to be removed from the tag list.

I will post a master list soon and put the link in the comments to make it easier to navigate.

Chapter 6

Chapter warnings: Smut, Christmas themes, mentions of therapy, embarrassing moments.

Ada didn't mind being woken up with soft fluttering kisses on her neck. She definitely didn't mind starting the day with the tantalizing rub of his beard on her sensitive skin and the hard press of his torso against her back, their legs entwined and his morning erection nuzzled against her butt.

What she did mind, however, was when any of this happened at the butt crack of dawn. Ada opened her eyes just enough to read 6:50am on the alarm clock.

"Sy," she groaned, stopping his wandering hands with hers, trying to trap them beneath her breasts. "Hold that thought for later, okay?"

She heard him chuckle behind her, his chest vibrating against her body as he freed his hands from her weak grip. "Later is for putting up the Christmas tree and the decorations," he teased, his right hand now drawing circles low on her stomach.

Ada groaned again, wanting to fight his tempting touch but unwilling to move away from his body heat. "I'll get up at 7:30." Those were the last words out of her mouth before she had drifted off again.

When she woke up once more, forty minutes later with the blast of her alarm clock, her back was cold and the smell of breakfast wafted through the air, filling her nostrils. Damn Syverson and his military sleep schedule! She had taken all her days off to spend them with him only to wake up even earlier than when she was working.

With barely open eyes, Ada threw on his shirt that hung on the chair and slowly made her way downstairs, following the scent of pancakes. She found Sy in front of the stove, just finishing up the last one before setting it on the huge pile of pancakes that looked fluffier than clouds. Ada had quickly learnt that while Sy was a disaster when it came to the art of cooking, he was the master of pancakes and barbecue.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," he greeted her and then smirked when he noticed her attire.

"Morning captain," she mumbled, walking up to him before patiently waiting until he leant down so that they could share a kiss. It always made him laugh when she did that: the adorable pout on her face when he didn't bend down for a kiss fast enough was worth waiting the extra second every time.

They ate in relative silence, mostly because Ada definitely wasn't a morning person, but the fact that Sy had a habit of stuffing his mouth full of food also played a role. When she was done eating, Ada pushed her plate and glass away, and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging her legs on the chair. She eyed her husband intently, waiting for him to finish eating with a grin on her lips.

"Why are you looking at me like that, darlin'?" Sy asked, eyebrow raised suspiciously before taking the last sip of his morning coffee.

Ada blushed, suddenly looking bashful. "Well… I was hoping we could go back upstairs and continue what you started earlier," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Sy laughed, a booming sound that filled the entire room before a shit-eating grin spread on his lips. "Tough luck, darlin'." He got up from his chair, standing in front of her across the narrow table. "Should have thought about that before falling asleep on me earlier."

Ada's mouth fell open. The cheek on this man! And what made it worse, was his huge smile that made him look like a very amused bear, with his hairy, tempting chest. He was toying with her. "Are you really saying no to sex?" She asked, cocking her brow. Sy wasn't really the type to turn down-

"Yes, no sex." He stated, suddenly looking very serious. "We have to head to the store to buy decorations, then put up the tree and hang the lights outside." Ada tried her best not to laugh. He sounded as if he were explaining a major, life or death, mission to her – not Christmas preparations. "You’re dismissed but I expect you back here in fifteen minutes, dressed and ready to go." With that, he turned around and started gathering the plates and silverware to put them in the dishwasher.

"Yes, sir."

Ada knew better than to talk back. First, when he had something in mind, it was nearly impossible to talk him out of it. Second, she hoped that the sooner they were done with this, the sooner she could get laid. Third, he had used his Captain voice that somehow always managed to make an obedient little soldier out of her.

Though, rationally, she also didn't want to make it any more difficult for him. He had confessed to her a few nights ago why he'd felt so uneasy when they had gone grocery shopping: the gondolas were too tall which led to lots of blind spots and the amount of people meant he couldn't rely on his hearing sense to detect potential danger. 'It just screams ambush,' he told her.

Ada couldn't quite imagine what he must have experienced that a supermarket or a store would translate into danger, but it was not her place to question him. Instead, she had kissed his forehead in bed and offered to start doing their shopping on her own. Sy had promptly refused, suggesting they simply go early in the mornings, when there were less people and less distracting noises.

Now at Target, she was immensely glad she had gotten out of bed, the sight alone was worth it. It wasn't everyday you'd see Sy pick up a bunch of Christmas tree baubles and inspect each one of them carefully before determining which ones were worthy enough to make it to their living room. Ada sneaked a picture for safekeeping and then decided to send it to his mom as well. Family dinner was fast-approaching, and she'd seize all the cookie points she could get.

"Darlin'," Sy called, catching her attention. He was holding up an inflatable Santa who, instead of carrying gifts, dragged a bag full of liquor bottles and sported a drunk grin on his face. It was tacky beyond words. "Do 'you think we should get this, or will it just upset the neighborhood kids?"

Ada grimaced but tried to disguise it with a smile. She’d die before letting that thing on their lawn. “I think a neighborhood dog would tear it to bits within a second," she lied, trying to appear apologetic.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

°°°

The lights were up. It was a much quicker process with Sy's help. It was also the occasion for Ada to just sit back and relax because he was adamant, she shouldn’t step on a ladder to help. Instead, she had a glass of bourbon waiting for him for when he finished. It was 5pm somewhere after all.

"You said we had a tree!" Sy's deep voice reached her from the basement.

Ada threw her head back, sighing, before hurrying downstairs after him. "Yes, it's in that box over there," she pointed at a white cardboard box behind a couple of spare tires.

"Woman, it's tiny!" Sy complained, picking up the box and setting it down between them. It was about as tall as her. It was not that small.

"It's the one I've used every year since I moved in. It's pretty enough and doesn't take up too much space,” she defended.

In front of her, Sy exhaled loudly through his nostrils before rubbing his beard. She knew that move. It's what he did to remind himself she was not a soldier under his command, but his wife, and that he better measure his words unless he wanted to sleep on the sofa.

"Look, darlin'," he said calmly, enclosing her small hands in his much bigger ones. "This is my first Christmas home with my wife. I refuse to put up a minuscule, fake sapling in my home and call it a Christmas tree."

Ada was slightly taken aback. She didn’t know Christmas was this important to him. Though it was true he had been overseas on Christmas the past two years, so she could understand where he was coming from with wanting this Christmas to matter. Besides, it was endearing when he put it like that.

With a nibble on her lip, Ada gave in. "Okay. They're selling trees in that parking lot by the pharmacy."

Sy slowly shook his head, a mischievous look on his face. "No. We're going to get our own pine tree from the woods."

You gotta be kidding me, she groaned internally.

°°°

Ada had no idea where they were. It hadn’t been that long of a ride, but there were no more houses or streets to be seen around them, just endless fields and a forest. It was only when Sy took a right turn, that she started spotting cars and what looked to be a very colorful barn which had been converted into a cozy boutique.

“Where are we?” She asked, staring out of the window as Sy looked for a place to park his truck.

“The Dallagher’s ranch,” he replied. “They do a corn maze and a pumpkin patch in the Fall, and in the Winter, you can pick up your own Christmas tree. My dad used to take Claire and I here every year.”

Oh… This was a family tradition. No wonder Sy made such a big deal about having a real tree for Christmas.

Once out of the car, they walked hand in hand through the dirt road until they reached the makeshift counter made of hay where you could get a handcart before heading out into the man-made pine forest and select a Christmas tree. Most people she saw, however, were already returning the handcarts and happily carrying their trees to their parked cars.

The old man by the cash register seemed to recognize Sy instantly, smiling warmly as he greeted him with a one-armed hug. Ada realized it was the ranch’s owner. “I haven’t seen you in years, Jack!” The old man exclaimed with a laugh before turning to Ada. “And who’s this pretty lady?”

“This is Ada, my wife,” Sy said, introducing them. He watched with amusement as Ada stumbled as the old man hugged her without a warning, taking her by surprise.

“Well, it’s great to meet you, Ada,” the man nodded once he had retreated, and then turned back to Sy. “Should I be offended I wasn’t invited to the wedding?” He teased.

Sy was already wrapping his arm around her shoulders, chuckling. “To be honest, Dallagher, there were no guests at the wedding,” he replied, amused at the way the old man frowned in a confused manner at that piece of information. “Actually, we came here to get a tree.”

“Of course!” Dallagher immediately turned and ordered the young boy in overalls to fetch them a handcart. “What size did you have in mind?”

“Something around seven feet,” Sy said, looking pensive as Ada looked up at him suspiciously, trying to figure out how much seven feet converted to in the metric system. Once she’d done the math, she pulled at Sy’s flannel sleeve to protest – that was way too big, it’d take up the whole living room – but the Dallagher’s grandson was already handing them the cart and leading them to the entrance.

“Trees that big are at the very back of the forest, you’ll have to walk a little.”

This turned out to be quite an understatement. Ada felt like they had been walking for literal years. While they had still come across other people at the beginning, mostly families, they were on their own now – that is if you didn’t count the many squirrels that kept appearing out of nowhere.

She stopped, grabbing the back of Sy’s red tartan shirt so he would be forced to pause as well. “Can’t we just take one of these?” Ads suggested, gesturing at the countless trees all around them. They were all pretty enough and considerably taller than her.

Sy huffed, biting his lip in amusement as he looked at her dispirited face. He’d told her she should probably get changed and wear more comfortable shoes before they left home, but she had insisted she wasn’t going to change clothes just to get a goddamn tree. “These are only around six feet, darlin’. And,” he paused, eyeing the trees more closely, “they’re not Nordmann firs. I want a Nordmann.”

Ada sighed defeatedly, but nodded all the same, starting to walk again when Sy took pity on her. “Do you want to sit on the handcart?”

The change on his wife’s face was instant, the frown lifting into a smile as she climbed on the cart and sat down in the middle, evening out her weight for him. “Is that better, darlin?” He asked teasingly.

She turned her head back just to make sure he saw her rolling her eyes.

By the time they reached an area with Nordmann trees that Sy considered nice and big enough, her butt was sore from the conjunction of the hard, wooden surface and the uneven ground. She wasn’t even sure she had made the better call or whether it would have been better to suffer in her new ankle boots instead.

“Which one is better?” Sy asked, pointing at two pine trees that looked virtually identical to her.

Ada shrugged, almost saying that he should choose before realizing how much time that would take. The man wasn’t picky about food, bedlinen or even the pillow he slept with, but apparently, he had to make sure he brought home the most perfect tree. She still couldn’t wrap her head around that. “The left one,” she said finally.

“Which one? Your left or my left?”

Breathing in deeply, she decided to just point at the tree she was talking about. Sy nodded thoughtfully and grabbed the saw he had brought with him and started to work on the tree. While she had been most eager to get this whole thing over with, it became an entirely different story now as she dreamily stared at her husband getting to work.

With most of his back facing her and one knee on the forest’s soft ground as he started sawing off the Nordmann fin, Sy looked absolutely delicious. The red flannel shirt unbuttoned over his white t-shirt and the jeans made him perfect sight with anyone with a lumberjack fantasy. Ada had never considered herself as having such a kink. A uniformed soldier, or even better, a captain? Hell yes. A strong, rugged husband capable of her breaking her in half? Also a big yes. A lumberjack? The thought had never crossed her mind in the past but there was no point in denying it now as she sat back on the wooden cart, watching Sy carefully saw down the giant tree.

She was wet. Horny. Aroused. You name it. It also didn’t help that they hadn’t had sex that day. Yet.

"Sy," she whined, just loud enough to get his attention, while swinging her legs in the air like a child.

"I'm almost done, darlin'," Sy responded, not bothering to turn around to look at her. "I want a nice, clean cut."

Yeah, and she want a nice, dirty fuck. Pouting, she watched him for a couple more seconds as he knelt in front of the base of the tree, deciding from which side he should bring the saw to the trunk next in order to make it even.

That was when Ada decided she was tired of waiting. Shuffling quietly, she slipped off her wet panties from under her dress and rolled them into a small ball before throwing it at her husband. It hit his left shoulder and rolled down his chest. Grinning wickedly, she leaned back on her shoulders and enjoyed the view, the muscles on his back shifting as he picked up the garment off the ground. If this didn't get her laid, nothing else would.

"Ada Metz Syverson," Sy groaned out her full name slowly, his voice even deeper than usual. He got back up on his feet and turned to face her, looking stern.

Suddenly she didn't feel so brave anymore, not when he had crossed the distance to her in two determined strides and went to tower over her small, sitting frame. His jaw was set, and his eyes were a darker shade of blue than usual. Ada moved her eyes down his body, her eyes pausing at the defined pectorals on his chest before sliding lower. He was definitely hard, the bulge on his jeans prominent.

"Just remember you asked for this."

She wanted to ask what this was supposed to be, but he didn’t give her the chance. “Legs,” he ordered, patting his shoulder as he came to stand just inches away from her. Almost unconsciously, she obeyed his order, her ankles coming to rest on the front of his shoulders, her feet framing his neck. “That’s a good girl,” he praised her with a quick kiss to her right calf before his large hands moved to the front of his jeans, just over the protruding tent and began undoing the belt and snap.

From this angle, Sy’s cock looked even bigger, the shiny glans flushed a deep pink. Ada swallowed tightly, her legs already shaking with anticipation and he hadn’t even touched her yet. Pumping his shaft with his right hand, Sy brought his left one to her core, rubbing the rough pad of his thumb over clit once or twice before sliding it between her folds. She was a dripping mess. Sy smirked when she keened eagerly at his touch, enjoying his ministrations until he pulled his hand away and brought it to his mouth, licking off her slick. “It’s good you’re so wet already because I just can’t wait to take you, darlin’.”

He wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t wait. The next thing he did, was grabbing hold of his throbbing, hard cock and guiding himself into her. Ada moaned loudly at the intrusion, drowning out Sy’s own growl as her walls clenched around his cock, trying to get used to the abruptness and depth of the penetration.

“Fuck, Sy!” She cried out, not even sure what it was she wanted. “Don’t stop,” was all she could muster as he ploughed into her like there was no tomorrow, hitting her pleasure all at once.

He knew they were being too loud. They might be alone, but they were still out in the open air, and yet he just couldn’t find it in himself to care – not when she felt this good around his cock and her noises only heightened his fervor. If someone happened to stumble upon them, then they’d simply be in for a premium show,

It wasn’t long until her legs started shaking almost uncontrollably up in the air, prompting him to remove one hand from his steely grip on her hip and wrap his arms around her legs to keep them steady as he continued with jackhammer thrusts. “Are you going to cum for me, darlin’?” Sy panted, groaning out the question between clenched teeth even though he already knew the answer.

Ada didn’t manage to reply, the first waves of her orgasm already coursing through her when she moaned his name. Her hips canted up, her body tensed up like a bolt, and Sy knew he was done for right then. Her warm walls squeezed him impossibly tight inside of her, milking the cum right out of his cock while he fought to keep his balance as pleasure overtook him.

They came down from their heights slowly, chests heaving. Sy lazily removed her legs from his shoulders, massaging the strained muscles on her inner thighs before he set her legs down. This woman would be the end of him. “That was…” he panted, bending forward over her body to kiss her forehead, unable to find a proper adjective to describe what had just happened.

“Yeah,” Ada breathed out, nodding slowly.

Sy ended up having to carry her and the tree on the cart back to his truck because there was no way she was able to walk straight after that.

°°°

They finished decorating the giant tree. Ada had to admit it looked pretty although the red and gold decorations clashed with the color theme of their living room. She handed Sy the newly purchased baubles one by one – he was the only one capable of reaching the top.

On their way back home, she had somehow managed to convince Sy to stop at the therapist’s office – the one she had found had the highest ratings on Google. They had booked the first available appointment, which was just after the New Year and Sy had made it very clear to their secretary it was just a ‘testing appointment’ and that there was no need to set aside time slots for follow-up sessions yet because there was no guarantee he’d be back. His reluctance was palpable, but Ada was glad he was giving it a try at least. And if he didn’t like, then they’d figure out something else.

In the background, their wedding video kept playing and she wondered for how much longer she'd have to hear the sound of camera flashes as the chapel assistant took way too many photos of them in the most cliché poses you could imagine. Sy has insisted they put on their wedding video since they’d never gotten around to watch it and it fit the season, according to him. Slowly, the annoying sounds began fading away and Ada sighed with relief. Watching herself on TV sparked too much embarrassment in her.

"Hand me the big one with Rudolph, will you, darlin'," Sy asked from behind her, still meticulously decorating the tree.

Ada nodded, searching for the bauble he had in mind. It was still in the shopping bag, she remembered, lifting it off the floor to dig inside it.

Ada froze as a female chuckle was heard, unconsciously gripping the glass ornament too tightly in her hand. "Not that fast, Captain."

Behind her, Sy frowned. "What did you say?"

"Tonight, I'm in charge," she heard her own voice say - no, it was more like a purr.

"Shit!" Ada cursed loudly, letting the bauble fall back inside the bag and she hurried to the TV, her worst fear confirmed.

Sy followed her quickly, stopping just behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "Is that from our wedding night?" He asked slowly, his eyes locked on the screen as he watched his younger self being tied up to the bedposts by his wife.

"Yes," Ada cringed, her face a painful grimace. "I didn't even remember the sex tape."

"Me neither," Sy swallowed loudly, admittedly rapidly becoming aroused at the sight of his Ada doing a striptease on camera. She wore that red ensemble with the garter belt.

"I think the assistant never really ended the video after our wedding, only paused it and we later continued filming in the hotel instead of starting a new video," Ada commented, now understanding what had happened. How they’d even came up with the idea of filming a sex tape on their wedding night, she didn't know. Alcohol had probably played a part in it.

Sy was still staring in awe at the TV, enthralled by the sight of his wife deviously edging him, her hips swaying slowly, when her words slowly registered in his head. "Didn't we send copies of the video to our families?" He stammered, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and hesitant.

Silence fell between them as they both realized they had been dumb enough to send copies before watching it themselves. "Fuck!" Ada barked, seizing the remote to pause the video. "We sent that to my parents, your parents, your sister...," she listed, her face losing all color.

Suddenly, the sound of Sy's deep laughter filled her ears. She turned to him, aghast. How could he find this funny? This was peak cringe! She’d be one needing therapy after this!

"You know, darlin', watching this video was the first time my parents ever saw their daughter-in-law, before even meeting you in person." Sy explained, shaking his head with amusement.

Ada was mortified. No wonder Mr. Syverson had seemed on the verge of laughter the first time they'd met and Helen had given her the side eye. The woman had a USB stick in her home with an hour-long video of Ada fucking her son. "You know, Sy, this wedding video is also the first thing my parents saw of you." He stopped laughing abruptly, his face red, all amusement gone.

They both sat down on the couch next to each other, slowly coming to terms with the fact that pretty much their whole families had seen this, and never said anything, probably keeping it as an inside joke.

Sy broke the silence, his large hand reaching to rub her naked thigh. "You know, I don't think we should be embarrassed," he said, prompting her to stare back up at him, eyebrow raised dubiously. "The way you tied up my arms really enhanced my biceps and you looked adorably hot like a vicious kitten from hell."

°°°

@colourmeinblue @hail-horror-queen @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl @kmuir1 @madbaddic7ed @coffeebreathy @purplelove75 @summersong69 @helenaellie @rn7rocks

#henry cavill smut #syverson smut #henry cavill x reader #syverson x reader #henry cavill x ofc #syverson x ofc

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supernatural-jackles · 5 years

Text

The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 6

Title: The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 6

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 5,106

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Periods, Pregnancy, Tears, Mentions of Abuse, Cheating, Depression, Toxic Relationships, Fluff.

Summary: Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road - Masterlist

A/N: I hope y’all enjoy this part! As always feedback is greatly appreciated!! Happy Reading!!!!

You loved Friday’s. They were your absolute favourite day of the week. It was the end of the school week. Your classes finished at noon. You had the entire weekend to look forward to and you couldn’t wait to sleep in as late as you wanted to. It was the first weekend since school started that you had off. No working at the hospital. No interruptions. Just a weekend of you time.

You had a lot planned this weekend, in a good sense anyways. There was so much that needed done in the short amount of time you had. You knew you couldn’t put it off any longer. It was all necessary things. Dean had given you the car for the day, and you dropped him off at work this time around. He was going to continue working on baby on Sunday, and you agreed to come with him. He wanted to teach you a few things about cars, as he put it anyways. You had to get some laundry done. It was your turn to do the groceries.

You walked off campus, heading towards your car to leave for the day. It was a cooler day than most had been. You were having a really off day, and you couldn’t take your mind off of everything. You didn’t know if there was something going on, or if it was just the day itself. Something just felt off. You needed to get some air and take some time for yourself.

“Y/N, wait up!” a voice called out from behind you. The person was too far away for you to recognize their voice, but by the sounds of it, it was a girl. You turned around to find Ruby running towards you with her bag. A slightly panicked look on her face.

“Hey!” you smiled at her.

“I have an emergency,” she called out, almost completely out of breath. Her brown hair clinging to her face just a little. “I just got my period, and I don’t have anything. Do you?”

“Of course I do,” you nodded. You opened up your bag, reaching in the side pocket to grab her a tampon out of it. You were always prepared for those days. Having an accident once changes everything. “Here.”

“You are a lifesaver! Thank god we’re on the same cycle,” she breathed out. “I gotta go, I’ll see you Monday morning. Have a good weekend with Dean.”

“Thanks,” you smiled. Ruby took off towards the campus a little slower than she was before. You knew her next class didn’t start for another half hour. She had time to get ready before then.

You opened up your car door, slipping inside. You put your bag in the passenger’s seat, and pulled your phone out to plug in your music. Something Dean helped you set up. You were pretty sure he used it when he dropped you off but he would likely never admit it. Your heart completely dropped in your chest. Ruby said that she was happy you were on the same cycle, and she was more than right. You had been for the longest time. You opened up your tracking app instantly, searching to see if she was right.

You were late. Your last period was the day before your wedding day, and it didn’t last more than a few days. Oh god no. No!

You peeled out of the parking lot, heading straight for the drug store. Just when you thought that you were finally done with Ketch. When you were finally free of him and could move on. This had to happen. You knew you should have stayed on the pill. You knew you should have taken more care of yourself. You knew you should have kept your word about not sleeping with him until after your wedding day like you both wanted to, to make it special. This was never the plan. This was never supposed to happen. Not this soon. You weren’t ready for something like this.

The last month and a bit had been crazy. Between leaving Ketch, finding Dean. Living with Dean, school and homework. Your mental health and his. You remember getting your last period but it was much lighter than what it was usually like. It was better to be safe than sorry. You wanted to be one hundred percent sure that you were okay. You needed to move past that time of your life and start the new beginning. You had no idea why parts of him kept coming back to you, dragging you down.

You headed straight for the women’s health section, going straight to the end of the aisle. All the brands were there. You had no idea what test was the best. You had never been in this position before. You were always cautious up until this point. You went with the clear blue test because it was advertised the most. It had to be one of the best.

You knew you had to get some grocery shopping done and that would help ease your mind. It was your week to do it after all, and you didn’t want to make Dean wait for his stuff. You didn’t want him to have to run out later and pick up a few things. You were already out and you had the car. The test could wait until after. The results weren’t going to change. You were going to go crazy if you went home this early.

Dean gave you a list of a few things he needed. Shaving cream, shampoo, and razors. You figured you’d pick him up one of those pies you heat up in the oven for twenty minutes. It wasn’t homemade persay, but it would satisfy him no matter what. You had no idea what the plan was for dinner tonight so you picked up taco shells, and some other supplies to make for a good night. Then you grabbed the usual things you needed. Granola bars, fruits and vegetables, bread, chips. Before you knew it, you were one hundred and fifty dollars poorer and had groceries. The joys of being a responsible adult.

You threw your test in one of the grocery bags before chucking them all in the trunk of the car. Dean wasn’t going to be home to help you put them away. He didn’t finish until after six. By then you’d know and you could go about your usual Friday night. Today marked six weeks since you met Dean. You wanted to celebrate a little, and that was what the pie was for. You wanted to show him you were happy he was there with you. He was the best roommate you could ever ask for.

You pulled into your driveway, taking up half of it. You couldn’t wait to get the rest of the garage cleaned up so you could park in there, or Dean could when he got his car all fixed up. You popped the trunk. You knew you weren’t going to get all the groceries in the house in one go. It was going to be at least another two trips.

“Need some help?” a deep voice filled your ears.

“Dean!” you grinned, seeing him in his dirty jeans and fitted t-shirt from work. “It’s three in the afternoon. Did you get off early?”

“Yeah. Finished everything early. Bobby has something he needs to do. He dropped me off,” he told you. He had the last two remaining bags in his hands. “I see you went grocery shopping.”

“I picked up your stuff. It’s in one of these bags,” you chuckled.

“We’ll find it when we put it away,” he half smiled.

“I bought taco shells, and stuff to go with it if you want to do that for dinner,” you suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds awesome,” he nodded. “I see you bought pie.”

“For you,” you winked.

“Bestest friend in the world,” he let out a laugh. “We’re having this tonight.”

“That we are,” you agreed.

You stuck with putting away the fruit and vegetables while Dean put away the other stuff. It was quite the team effort. It was nice to have someone help you put it away. It made it much quicker. You were really looking forward to the dinner you had planned. Even if it was messy.

“Uh Y/N,” Dean called out.

“What’s up?” you questioned, turning around to look at him. Your body went rigid. He held the pregnancy test in his hand. You completely forgot you put it in one of the grocery bags, thinking he wouldn’t see it. He wasn’t supposed to be home after all.

“Are - is this yours?” he asked calmly.

“Uh,” you sighed in defeat. “I - yeah.” Your eyes cast downwards. You were hit with it all again. The potential reality of your situation. The rest of your life was going to be determined by that test. Now Dean knew too. This wasn’t what you had planned.

“I can sit with you if you’d like. You know, while you wait,” he offered. You glanced up, meeting his eyes, seeing the concern in them.

“Yeah?” you breathed out nervously.

“Of course,” he nodded.

“Thank you,” you mouthed.

You lead Dean to your room. He had the test in his hand. You couldn’t deny just how scared you were. The mere thought of something growing inside you was enough to make your stomach uneasy. That something was going to turn into a human one day. Something that was a part of you and a part of Ketch. You weren’t ready for that. You weren’t nearly prepared for that.

“I’m just going to go do this,” you whispered. “I’ll let you know when you can come in.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

You headed in your bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You could do this. Dean was right out there with you. You weren’t doing this alone. No matter what that test said, you had Dean tonight. He was your friend. He was your best friend. He was the bestest friend you could ever ask for. He was the one here for you when no one else was.

You pushed your jeans and panties down your legs, taking a seat on the toilet. You took the box, reading over the instructions quickly before taking the test out. You positioned it between your legs, your hand shaking profusely as you did so. You took a deep breath, trying to relax as you peed on the tiny, life changing stick.

You grabbed some toilet paper, placing the stick on top of it on the counter before you cleaned up. You had to wait three minutes until the test would be finished. That was a fucking lifetime. You flushed the toilet and washed your hands. You didn’t want to leave the bathroom. You couldn’t. You wanted to leave knowing what was happening with your life. You took a seat on the floor, your back resting against the wall.

“You can come in now, “ you called out to Dean. Seconds later, the bathroom door opened and Dean’s eyes scanned the room, soon falling on your figure on the floor. Dean’s lip curled up as he made his way to the floor next to you. His arm brushed against yours as he sat.

“How long do we have to wait?”

“Three minutes or so,” you answered.

“I know this is probably a stupid question. I’m going to ask it anyways,” he breathed out, “are you okay?”

“I’m trying my hardest to be, Dean,” you told him. Your lip quivered just a little.

“I want you to know that whatever that test says; I’ll stick by you. I know that the little peanut isn’t mine, but I’ll be there,” he stated, reaching his hand over to yours, taking it in his own.

“Dean-”

“I mean it. You’re not going through this alone,” he declared.

“I honestly thought I had seen the last of Ketch. I thought he was out of my life now and then this. I’m hoping that I’m not,” you told him.

“Well, I’ve been here for a little over a month now. How late are you?” he asked you. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I got my period last month. I started the day before my wedding was supposed to be, but it didn’t feel like a full period,” you shared. “So it either could be a lighter period or spotting. Either way, I gotta check.”

“Yeah, definitely,” he nodded. “I hope you’re not so you won’t have to talk to Ketch anymore. You seemed to be doing better.”

“Me too,” you nodded.

“Did you love him?” he asked you. If you were being honest, you were waiting for him to ask you something along those lines. Especially after he found out it was Ketch.

“I want to be able to say yes,” you started, taking a deep breath. “I really do. At one point, my answer would have been yes. But I think I loved the idea of him more and what he came with. Our relationship wasn’t always arguments. Not in the beginning anyway.”

“What do you mean?” he cocked his eyebrow.

“When he asked me out the night we met, I was excited. It was the first time a guy had asked me out. It was the first time a guy had shown interest in me first, and it was strange. It was exciting. This older, good looking guy wants to take me out to dinner. Little did I know what I was in for back then. When I told my mom who I was going out with, she was ecstatic. It was the first time I felt like I had done something to make her proud of me. Everyone knew who Ketch and his family were. Ketch had connections. His parents were friends with my mom and had been for a long time according to them. Although, my dad says differently when I asked him. All I’ve ever wanted my entire life was for my mom to love me unconditionally like my dad did. I want her to be proud of me, and care about me and I felt like Ketch made ther care. Because I was with someone who was classy, and their family was great and would take care of me. I didn’t care about any of that. I just wanted to feel like I was loved. Like I meant something to someone. That’s one of the reasons why I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I would finally do something to make my mom love me like my dad always has. I just said yes without thinking about it. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make her love me. But I’ll never be the perfect daughter that she always dreamed about. I’ll never be Mrs Ketch, and the perfect housewife. Our relationship was good before everyone else got involved, that's how I know that there was a part of me that did love him. But I know that the love I had for him hasn’t been there for a lot longer than I’d like to admit.”

“You shouldn’t have to fight for your mom’s love, Y/N,” Dean reminded you. “That’s not how it works.”

“I know,” you nodded. “I really hope that I’m not pregnant. Not now. Not yet.”

“You want kids?” he questioned, squeezing your hand.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “I’d love one or two at some point. But not like this. I want my kid to have two parents that love each other to raise them. I never pictured having one with Ketch. It would have been just like my parents when I was growing up. I don’t want to put them through a divorce at twelve and weekends at dads. I want to raise mine completely different. My kid is never going to doubt my love for them. They are never going to feel the regret and disappointment I felt when my mom looked at me. They are never going to doubt whether they are beautiful or smart. They are going to know that I’m proud of them everyday.”

“If you are, whatever you decide, I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured you. “You’re going to make an amazing mother. I don’t doubt that for a second.”

“Thank you,” you breathed out.

“And for the record, your mother doesn't know what she is missing out on. It really sucks to be her, because you are amazing. I’m proud of you. I’m proud to be your friend, hell I’m proud to know you. You are going to have a family someday. You’re going to marry someone and he’s going to be the luckiest guy in the world.”

“I really hope you’re right,” you breathed out. “And for the record, I’m proud of you too, Dean. I’m proud of you everyday. I don’t tell you that enough. You’re doing so good. I wish you could see it from where I am.”

“Me too,” he nodded. “I’m only doing so good ‘cause I’ve got a badass on my side.”

“Oh stop,” you giggled. “Can you check the test for me? I’m too scared.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, releasing your hand. He pushed off the wall, standing up tall before heading over to the counter. He picked the test up, carefully reading whatever was on it. “Negative. Not pregnant.”

“Thank fucking god,” you breathed out, burying your head in your hands. You let out a sob of relief. That was the final straw. You were completely free from Ketch. It was all over. You had no ties left.

“Hey,” Dean muttered, taking his seat next to you once more “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

“I know,” you sniffled. “Just scary.”

“You’re tough,” he told you. “You can handle anything life throws at you.”

“I’m so happy to have someone like you in my life,” you confessed. You lifted your head up, turning to look at him. He gave you a soft smile. “I wish I would have met you sooner.”

“Me too,” he agreed. “But we’re here now.”

“Yeah. And there is no one I’d rather spend my Friday nights with than you,” you stated. A small smile spread across your cheeks. You watched his lips curl upwards at your words. It meant the world to you that he sat with you and waited. Even more that he said he’d stick around if that test turned out to be positive. Your eyes focused on his gorgeous green eyes as you leaned over, not even thinking about it, you brushed your lips against his stubbly cheek.

“What was that for?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“For saying you’d stick around if I was. No one would have done that. Not for me,” you shrugged. “And because I wanted to.”

“C’mon,” he stood up once more. He held his hand out to you, offering to help you up. “Let’s go make some tacos. You haven’t had them Winchester style. And I’m starving.”

It took you and Dean an hour to get everything for the tacos ready. Dean explained to you that Winchester style meant adding a lot of cheese to whatever it was. In this case, he added cheese to the taco shells before he put them in the oven. Then added it into the taco meat along with a little extra spice that he wouldn’t tell you about. You didn’t care. It was just making dinner with him that you loved the most.

Sitting down and eating it together was even better. Watching him try and eat the taco without making a mess made you laugh more than anything. There was a part of you that thought he was trying to make you laugh, but even he couldn’t do some of it on purpose. It was nice of you to relieve the tension from the day. It was really nice to have someone to laugh with. Someone who understood you.

“Let’s just put these in the dishwasher. I don’t feel like doing the dishes tonight,” you suggested.

“Me either,” he chuckled. “What do you want to do tonight?”

“You wanna have a campfire out back? I picked up marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate when I went grocery shopping.”

“Yeah lets do that,” he said with excitement. “I haven’t had a s’more in a long time.”

You had to grab a sweater from your room before you headed outside. It was getting colder at night now that fall was on its way. Sure the campfire would keep you both warm, you just needed something a little extra, just in case. Dean had grabbed an oversized hoodie from his room. It was far too big, even for him. He looked comfortable in it. It made you smile to see it hang off his body.

You were able to get the fire started with just a few logs you had. Dean had brought over the table so you could put the box of graham crackers on and the marshmallows. You took a seat on the swing right by the fire pit. It had been years since you had a campfire in the backyard. You always planned to have one, and every time it either rained or something came up.

“Every fourth of July, my dad would have a campfire out back,” Dean began. “We’d roast hotdogs over the fire, and my little brother would always complain that his was too burnt to eat. My dad would have to cook him another one that wasn’t burnt for him to eat it.”

“Let me guess, you had to eat the burnt one?” you giggled.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I didn’t mind.”

“You miss your brother?” you asked him.

“Sometimes,” he shrugged. “He doesn’t want to hear from me, so I don’t really try. I got tired of the unanswered calls, and the ignored voicemails. It’s clear he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life.”

“You said it’s been awhile since you last saw him.”

“Seven years,” he breathed out. “He never came back when dad died.”

“That’s rough,” you frowned. “Have you tried visiting? It’s kind of hard to avoid someone if they are right there.”

“Yeah I’ve thought about it. But what’s the point?”

“Just to see him. He may not care, but it’s very clear to me that you do,” you pointed out. “I have a week off coming up in the middle of October. Why don’t you take some time off work and we can take a road trip to see him? And if he doesn’t, then we can explore. Road Trips are fun. Maybe you’ll have baby done by then too.”

“You’d really go on a road trip with me? It’s like a thirty hour drive,” he reminded you.

“So? We can stop along the way. I’ve only been outside Kansas like twice. We’d have the week. We could take turns driving.”

“I’ll think about it,” he nodded with a soft smile. “Thanks for the offer.”

You started roasting your first marshmallow, trying to get it as perfect as you could. You wanted a nice golden brown before you could eat it. You knew that somehow, someway, you were going to burn it. The odd time, you glanced over at Dean, taking him in the best you could when you did. He really was doing much better. He was getting better and better everyday that went by. That’s all you wanted.

Your phone buzzed in your front pocket, catching you completely off guard. You reached in, pulling it out. Ruby’s name spread across the top of your screen, along with her picture. You had no idea why she was calling. As far as you know, she had plans for the night. She usually did on Friday nights. You slid your thumb across the bottom of the screen.

“Hey Ruby,” you greeted her, “everything okay?”

“What? Yeah,” she asked confused. “Are you sitting down?”

“Uh yeah. Why?”

“I’m about to tell you something and I don’t know how well you’re going to take this,” she said nervously. “You didn’t hear this from me okay? I’m sure you’re going to hear it from more than just me but I had to be the first one.”

“Ruby, you’re making me really nervous here. Can you just spill it? How bad can it be?” you asked her.

“Jo’s four months pregnant,” she revealed. You swore your heart sank in your chest. You felt a lump forming in your throat.

“Is - is it-”

“Yeah. It’s Ketch’s,” she breathed out. “She told us all earlier tonight. Ketch is the only one she’s been with for a while now.”

“Did she tell you how long they had been - been together?”

“Two years. Y/N, I’m really sorry,” she said sadly. “You know I would have told you if I knew sooner than I did. I just found out tonight. Suzy knew the whole time. Anna didn’t know, and she’s pissed for you. I’m not going to talk to her anymore, I promise. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you breathed out, tears welling up in your eyes. “I’m fine. I’m okay. Look, I’m going to go.”

“Y/N, don’t bury this underneath everything like you’ve been doing,” she warned you.

“Ruby. I’m okay,” you reassured her. “I’m okay. I’m happy that everyone is going to find out about this.”

“A lot of people already know,” she shared. “That’s why I had to tell you before you found out from someone else.”

“Thanks for telling me,” you muttered.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine. I’m just going to continue my night with Dean. Nothing has changed,” you stated. “See you when I see you.”

“What was that about?” Dean furrowed his brows.

“Uh, that was Ruby,” you took a deep breath. “Jo is four months pregnant. It’s his.”

“W-what?” his jaw dropped.

“They’ve apparently been together for two years. Behind my back,” you whispered. “Thank god that test was negative.”

“I know you said you’re fine on the phone, but are you really?” he questioned.

“No. I’m not,” you shook your head. “I feel like I wasted the last three years of my life with someone who literally lied, cheated, and abused me. God knows what else to me.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this, Y/N,” he frowned.

“It’s hard not to, Dean,” you sniffled. “I spent so much time trying to fix everything when he didn’t care nearly as much as I did. I feel like a fucking idiot. Two years he was with my best friend. Two years! I - I don’t even know what to think right now.”

“You’re not an idiot,” he stated, reaching his hand over to you. “It says a lot about him. Not you. You were faithful the entire time. You did nothing wrong in this. You have a right to feel absolutely everything you’re feeling.”

“I should have trusted my gut when it told me that Ketch and I weren’t going to last. I should have trusted myself more and not him,” you whispered. “I should have gotten out sooner.”

“It’s going to be okay, Y/N. You’re going to be okay,” he reminded you.

“I’m totally selling my wedding dress tomorrow,” you sniffled. “Could make a couple grand off it. Not my money anyways. I don’t want a single reminder of him in her. Not a single thing.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” he nodded. “C’mere. Let’s just enjoy the evening by the fire.” Dean opened his arm for you to move into. For a second, you were hesitant, but eventually, gave into his embrace. You didn’t want to admit just how much you needed it. You felt this ache in your chest from the damage that Ketch has caused. Sure he was going to look like an asshole, and that made you feel pretty good. But Ketch was the first guy who told you he loved you. He was the first guy who showed interest in you. Who’s to say what happened with him won’t happen with the next person you were with. You weren’t the kind of girl that guys drooled over. You were simple, and you had a shit ton of issues with you. No one was going to want to be with someone like you. Someone that needed fixed.

You weren’t fucking good enough.

“You feel better?” he asked you.

“I wish I could say yes,” you swallowed hard. “But I don’t.”

“That’s okay. I’d be concerned if you did,” he let out a dry chuckle. “For the record, Ketch is a dick.”

“Oh I know,” you let out a laugh. “I should probably tell you that I have emergency money stashed in my room. In case I see him, punch him in the face and get arrested.”

“Good to know,” he smiled. “I meant what I said earlier. Anyone would be lucky to be with you.”

“How is a guy like you single?” you inquired. “You’re cute, funny, smart. You’re one of the best cooks I know. You’re sweet. I don’t know how you don’t have girls lining up to date you.”

“No girl wants a guy with severe depression,” he shrugged. “I’m not really a long term kind of guy.”

“That’s fair. You’re right. No girl wants to date a guy they have to take care of,” you agreed. “You need a woman. They can handle anything.”

“Exactly,” he laughed. “Eh, maybe I’ll put myself out there again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, why not?” he licked his lips. “I haven’t been doing so bad lately. Maybe I’m up for a date or two.”

“I’m proud of you,” you smiled. “You’ve come so far in such little time.”

“I have you to thank for that. Bestest friend I could ask for. I know that it’s not going to be easy all the time, and I know there are going to be days where I feel horrible, but I know I’ve got you on those days. I know I’m going to be okay.”

“Yeah you are,” you smiled. His words really sank in. In a way, you were jealous. He was getting better and you were slowly getting worse. Things weren’t getting easier for you, and you just couldn’t bear to put it all on Dean. He was doing good, and you didn’t want to ruin his improvement by telling him that you weren’t. It was hard enough the day you had a panic attack. It wasn’t fair to hurt someone else. You’d be okay over time. You’d survive.

You had so far.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 7 Coming Tuesday!

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