#NEVER ENOUGH | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

azrielsdove · 1 year ago

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Hello :) Can I ask for a Cassian x f!reader angst? One where, from the moment they meet, S/n really likes him and tries to get his attention, but all she gets is a Cassian who is stiff and cold with her and fun with the others, and yet she somehow keeps going after him. Then he notices her, but she gives up for a while and now it's up to him to pursue her.

Never Enough: Cassian x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Suggestive, 18+

***

The General never showed any interest in you, despite your numerous attempts to capture his attention. You trained as hard as possible to try to get any word of praise from him, becoming one of the most deadly high fae in the Night Court. You laughed at all his jokes, agreed to all his ideas, and supported any plan he put out.

All so he could mostly ignore you.

If you got lucky enough he may look at you. Not kindly, really. Usually just a sharp glare or a blank stare. You were embarrassed by how badly you wanted him to like you when he so clearly didn’t. You spent many nights drinking with Rhys, complaining about his brother.

“I don’t understand it. I’ve done nothing to him. Nothing! Why does he hate me?” You grumbled, tipping a shot back as your friend laughed.

“As i’ve said a thousand times, he doesn’t hate you. I think he’s just not used to someone being better than him at everything.” Rhys teased, pouring you another one.

“That’s ridiculous! I am not better at him in anything. And besides, if that’s his problem he has some things to work on.” You rolled your eyes, welcoming the burning feeling of the alcohol going down your throat.

“I think he’s intimidated by you. You are funnier, sneakier, and way more beautiful than he is.” You glared at the High Lord, struggling to not roll your eyes again. You plucked the bottle from his hands, abandoning your glass.

“I’m serious, Rhys.” You said, voice a little somber. “Why am I not good enough for him? I wish I could just let it go.” You stared down at the bottle in your hands, swirling the liquid slowly.

“Hey, no,” your friend replied, coming to sit next to you. “He’s a fool if he doesn’t realize what’s in front of him. What if you step back for a little, let him realize what he’s missing without your constant presence.” You nodded, willing to try anything at this point. Even if he isn’t interested, maybe backing away will allow your heart to call for someone else.

***

CASSIAN POV

He didn’t even realize he was waiting for her to show up until Azriel asked where she was. “How am I supposed to know? I’m not her keeper.” Cassian had answered gruffly, annoyed at her tardiness. He started warming up, sparring with his brother to get his blood flowing. They made it through the whole training session, and still she never showed up.

Cassian tried to pretend he didn’t care. It wasn’t his problem that she seems to have given up on training. She must think she’s too good for us now he thought, ignoring the small bit of worry creeping up in him. It was most unlike her to miss a training session.

It was then that she came strolling into the ring. Cassian looked at her, prepared to nag her for skipping out on training. He lost all train of thought as he took in how she looked in the Illyrian fighting leathers she donned. She had never worn them before, opting for simple athletic attire instead. No doubt another way to piss him off. The leather was tight on her thighs and chest, moving with each step she took. Her hair was pulled back into a simple braid that made Cassian wonder how it would feel to have it wrapped around his hand, tugging her head back as he pushed into her from behind.

He shook his head at that last image. No, he cursed himself, She’s untouchable. He watched as Rhys joined her in his matching leathers, the two of them dangerous together. She has decided to train with him now? Cassian pushed down the spurt of jealousy that ran through him, knowing Rhys didn’t know. How could he? Cassian prided himself on not reacting around her, on not exposing how desperately he wanted to bury himself between those thighs. She was not his to have, as he reminded himself constantly.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Cassian asked, gesturing between the two of them. He ignored the way Rhys’ hands were tightening the straps around her chest, fingers brushing the skin Cassian so desperately craved. His brother looked at him curiously, stepping away from her.

“We are training magic today. She asked for my help. Is that going to be a problem, General?” Rhys inquired, standing tall against his brother.

Cassian shook his head, placing his weapons back in their place. “Not at all.” He said curtly, before turning and leaving the ring.

***

The sudden change in her bothered Cassian for the next few days. She no longer laughed at his jokes or tried to get his attention, instead acting rather indifferently to him. He supposed he couldn’t be too upset, as this was how he had been treating her since they met. It was only deserved that she now threw it back at him.

He sipped a whiskey and watched her laugh and talk to Rhys, noticing the way his hand rested on her thigh. He hated the disgusted feeling that bubbled through him. No one should get to touch her like that but him. Cassian’s hand clenched on the glass as he saw her lean ever closer to his brother, whispering into his ear.

He wanted to stop them. He wanted to barge over there, pull her off of Rhys and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. He wanted to show everyone that she was made for him, and only him. Instead he took a deep breath, taking a long drink from his glass.

No one could know. Cassian saw the way his brother had looked at her from the day they all met. He refused to take away any chance Rhys had at love, knowing that no one deserved it more than he did.

Even if it meant he gave him his mate.

***

“Cass,” Rhys called, looking for the General after dinner. Cassian poked his head out of his room, gesturing for his brother to come in. “Are you okay?”

He stilled at the question, unsure how to answer. He wanted to be honest with his brother, but he was too scared to upset him. “Yea, why?” Cassian finally said, clearing his throat.

Rhys leaned against the General’s desk, crossing his arms with a sly smile on his face. “You do like her.”

“What are you talking about?” Cassian shot out far too quickly, knowing he was failing to hide his ever-growing emotions.

Rhys laughed. “Oh brother, I had a sneaking suspicion you did. Why have you been so cold to her then?” His question was earnest, his eyes bright.

Cassian was confused. “I- Well. Don’t you like her?” He asked dumbly, mind struggling to handle this new information.

“Me? No, Cass. She is just my friend. Is that why you haven’t been going after her?” Rhys seemed stunned by this realization, arms uncrossing as he stepped towards Cassian.

He felt stupid. Idiotic. This whole time he had been reading their friendship as something more. “Well, yea Rhys.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve wanted her since the day I saw her. I just assumed she was with you, and I didn’t want to interrupt that.” Saying it out loud, Cassian realized how ridiculous he had been acting.

Rhys placed a hand on his arm, squeezing reassuringly. “It’s not too late,” he said gently, “but it won’t be easy. I’ve spent far too many nights drying up her tears over you.”

The sentence felt like a stab in Cassian’s heart, a deep disappointment in himself. “Oh,” was all he said, too upset with himself to continue this discussion.

“Don’t give up, brother. Let me know if you need any help.” Rhys finished, giving his arm one last squeeze as he departed the room, leaving Cassian to figure out how to fix the mess he had created.

***

READER POV

You were reading on the balcony when you felt a presence behind you. You turned, surprised to see Cassian there. “Hello,” you greeted, turning back to your book. You were still hurt by how he constantly acted around you, tired of putting up with it.

“Hi,” he said, almost shyly. He took the lounger next to you, sitting on it sideways so he faced you. “What are you reading?”

You looked at him sideways, confused by his question. “And you care, why?” You asked back, eyes returning to the book in front of you.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking down at the ground. “I just, uh, am trying to get to know you a little better.”

You sighed, placing the bookmark in your book and looking towards him. “No offense, General, but I really do not care to get to know you right now. So please, either be quiet or leave.” You felt a little guilty as you saw the crestfallen expression on his face, but a year of treating you like shit wouldn’t be forgotten because he suddenly ‘wanted to know you’.

You picked your book back up, pretending you didn’t notice the way his footsteps fell a little too hard as he left.

***

A few days later Cassian tried again, coming up to the training ring while you were with Rhys. You were too focused on controlling your power to notice him watching you. You breathed in, allowing the power radiating from you to wash over the ring. It was then that you sensed him.

You pulled a dagger from your belt, swiftly turning and pinning him against the edge with your blade on his neck. Your power slunk back into you, vision returning to normal as you realized it was Cassian under your hold. You couldn’t hide the small smile at the sight of him, eyes wide and at your mercy. “Spying on me, General?” You asked sweetly, pressing the dagger in slightly harder.

“N-No!” He gasped out, hands raised in surrender. You slowly removed your blade, stepping back from him. “I was wondering if you wanted to weapons train, that’s all.”

You pondered his answer, ignoring Rhys’ attempt to get inside your mind. “Fine,” you said, placing your dagger back into your belt. “I could use a good sweat.” You didn’t miss Cassian’s flush at your words.

You walked over to Rhys, shaking your head at him. “Stay out of my mind, High Lord.” You whispered, not enjoying the laugh that came from him. He grabbed your arm, tugging you close so he could whisper to you.

“Go easy on him. He’s not what you think.” You sent him a glare, mouth open.

“He was the one acting like a jerk until recently! Why am I expected to get over that because he’s been a bit nicer recently.” You shot out, annoyed at your friend.

“That’s not what i’m saying! There’s more to how he acted than just him being rude.” He gave you his charming smile and clapped your arm. “Now go train, lady!”

You rolled your eyes at your friend, sticking your tongue out in a very un-ladylike way as you made your way over to Cassian. He tossed you a sword that you caught deftly, twirling it around in your hand. As much as you loved learning how to control your magic, nothing compared to holding a deadly weapon in your hand. You prepped into a fighting stance, eyeing the male in front of you.

“Give me all you got, General.”

You shouldn’t have been surprised when he did. He swung at you, moving so quick the blade was but a flash in the sky. You dodged it in the nick of time, heart beating rapidly. This was the challenge you needed. You swung back at him, his sword coming up to clash against yours. The two of your carried on, every move becoming harder and deadlier.

You pushed your anger into fighting him, blocking everything he threw your way. You made a vicious swipe, coming close to slicing his arm. He rolled out of the way, countering with his own. The blade nicked the skin on your wrist, frustration coursing through you. You needed to win.

You pulled your blade back, placing the sword into its home on the edge of the ring. You turned, unnerved to see Cassian still kneeling in the sand. He had sunk down onto his legs, his head bowed to the ground. You hated the spark of worry that shot through you. You had never seen him so small.

You walked over to him, sliding down to your knees as well. “Hey, Cass, I didn’t mean it.” You said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. It took everything in you not to jump back in shock when he looked up at you, tears streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry.” He said hoarsely, more tears coming. “I’m so, so sorry.” You instinctively pulled him into a hug, wrapping your arms tight around him. You had no idea why he was apologizing to you.

“For what? I was just teasing Cass, theres no hard feelings.” You soothed, running a hand through his hair.

The action only made him cry harder.

“I was so needlessly mean to you for no reason. I pushed you away and made you hate me. I wish I could take it all back.” He sobbed out. The words made you pull away and lean back to look at him.

“I don’t hate you.” You murmured, reaching up to cup his face in your hands. You brushed your fingers over his wet cheeks, wiping away the falling tears. “I could never hate you.”

His eyes searched yours, trying to find the truth in them. “I was horrible to you when you were only ever kind to me. I thought-“ he cut himself off, eyes casting downwards in embarrassment.

“You thought what?” You pried, running your thumbs over his cheeks again.

“I thought you were with Rhysand. I didn’t want to get in the way, so I tried to keep my feelings hidden. The only way I knew how was to push you away.” His words were quiet, ashamed.

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you. “Me and Rhys? No, Cass, no! He’s just a friend.” You took a moment to process his words. “Your feelings?”

His eyes shot back up to yours, pupils blown and tears gone. “The second I saw you I knew I had to have you. I stayed away for his sake, only to find out how terribly wrong I was.”

You smiled wide, tears beginning to prick at your own eyes. “You stupid, stupid bat.” You cursed, laughter behind your words. “You couldn’t tell I was hopelessly in love with you?”

Cassian’s eyes flashed and he pulled you onto his lap, his lips catching yours. You sighed into the kiss, letting the hands on his cheeks fall back to tangle in his hair. One of his hands held tight to your waist, the other coming to cup the back of your neck. The kiss was hurried, needy. His tongue slid between your lips, exploring your mouth in a downright sinful way.

You kissed him until you thought your lungs were going to explode, pulling away to rest your forehead against his. You were both breathing heavy, the hand on your waist now drawing small circles on your thigh. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your neck.

“I’ve always loved you.” You responded, tilting your head back and closing your eyes as his lips ran over your neck. You gave a small moan when his teeth dragged over a sensitive spot, tugging on his hair as he bit down. “Cass,” you gasped out, pulling his face back up to look at you. You took one look into his eyes and the golden rope in your heart shot out, latching onto him.

It knocked the breath out of you, eyes wide as you looked at him. You assumed the unknown tug towards Cassian was your own foolish lovesick heart, certainly not the mating bond. You blinked at him, not breathing. He brought a hand up to your face, rubbing his thumb on your cheek like you had been doing to him half an hour earlier.

“Breathe, mate. Breathe.”

Air rushed back into your lungs, gone as quickly as it came when you pressed your lips back to his.

***

I hope this was what you wanted!!!! Thank you for waiting patiently while I completed this <3. Please let me know what you think!!

Also for all my Love and Loss readers, here’s some sweet friendship Rhys to heal your hearts 🫶🏻

#acotar x reader #acotar #cassian #cassian x reader #cassian x you #cassian x y/n #requests #never enough

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