#NEVER ASKED A QUESTION AGAIN
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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me when i get the opportunity to think about speculative biology and non-existent game mechanics in media i like
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#the candle creatures are revamps#i had created the idea for them years ago but i wanted to redo them slightly with new eyes#the “dark variants” of the mantas and birds are variants of them that have adapted for life in wasteland and the forests#and also#i like the idea of candle creatures that live in villages or within communities#that are sort of akin to strays that the whole community takes care of#means alot to me#this isnt everything ive been thinking about#ill make a couple diagrams about the large birds#yknow the ones from rhythm that we see once and never again. yeah.#they exist in my heart#anyway#skycotl#sky cotl#sky children of the light#sky#sky:cotl#sky: cotl#thatskygame#speculative biology#<- i guess?#im having fun ok#im happy to answer questions about my thoughts btw!#might be answered on my main if i cant muster a doodle or something#but i love answering asks#so if ur interested id love to hear thoughts :)
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Oooo I love the way you draw Jeff he's cute <333
I hope I did Jeff justice.. gotta love tired men
#ask reply#I’m unsurprised that yall here were immediately into Jeff#we love some pathetic guys#TBH I ACTUALLY really like Jeff’s character#despite being so tired he actually really nice to Oswald#never scolding him or questioning hard to why he’s at the pizzeria#mean from his POV he probably just sees Oswald needing a place to stay#while his parents work so why ever integrate him#Jeff doesn’t even mind when Oswald walks into the backroom to talk to him#JEFF IS chill he’s a homie#no doubt I’ll be drawing him and Oswald again soon#I’m a sucker for tired incompetent adult and their spunky more competent kid#Mike and Abby now Jeff and Oswald#peak I love them all BAHA
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too many books written by people who don't read books and only read fanfic. to counteract this there should be more fanfic made by people who don't read fanfic and only read books
#my posts#edit:#if you reblog this arguing against shit i never said please know that i hate you#and if you read this post as 'books are better than fanfiction' you don't get it.#either read it again and figure it out or ask a question or move on and say nothing#bc every time someone starts jumping to conclusions and projecting shit i don't believe onto me i take one step closer to becoming the joker
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Morbid curiosity.
#ask stupid questions get stupid answers clover.#also the patterned sock is adopted from starlo#I headcanon starlo wearing matching patterned socks under his funky boots#the one clover is wearing lost its pair a long time ago… starlo was never going to wear it again after that#undertale yellow#uty#undertale yellow fanart#undertale yellow clover#undertale yellow starlo#undertale yellow North Star#uty clover#uty starlo#uty North Star#uty fanart#video games#artists on tumblr
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ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story
#you know. the one with the pendulum#'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this'#'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!'#'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you'#like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine#it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences.#but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification#and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs#when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck.#you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck.#and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters!#and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that#anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately#it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel#which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about.#but we'll have to do our best with what we have#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#aroace#talking#aspec#asexual#asexuality
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They did not need to make the Fragmented Depiction That Heavily Implies That Little Girl Got SHOT look this cinematic but i am extremely glad they did.
As awesome as it is heartbreaking HERE WE ARE GUYS!!!
#and they went over the firing squad thing with gerald again so thats a point to make too#i was shocked when Shadow asked the question of if Gerald was dead or not bc im like??? are they tying this in with the movie law???#*lore WHOOPS#never in a million years would i have ever thought they were gonna suddenly imply that gerald has been alive THE WHOLE TIME but ok then#dunno how i feel about it#depends on how theyre gonna explain it away if hes actually still alive#how sad would it be if it turns out Black Doom just got Shadow's hopes up by toying with his memories...#anyways STILL HYPED AS EVER LETS GO!!! WE'RE SO WINNING!!!#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#ark siblings#sonic x shadow generations#sxsg#dark beginnings
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Saw a Take earlier today like "Ed stans have only 1 argument and it's accusing everyone who likes Izzy of being problematic" or something to that effect
and it made me think "Nah babe, you're not problematic. You're just wrong."
And then I thought. Huh. Why do I think that?
It's a perfectly respectable thing to read a text in a way it wasn't intended to be read. In fact, "reading against the grain", doing critical readings, shifting perspectives when engaging with a text - all of thee are important skills! You can, and should, do feminist, antiracist, postcolonial, queer, etc readings of texts that were never intended to be read that way. Hell, all fandom (often) is, is doing queer readings! Ask the text uncomfortable questions it doesn't want to answer!
However. It's pretty difficult to do a queer reading when the text already is a queer narrative. The questions you would ask the text if you did a queer reading, or a reading focused on gender roles, or similar things - those are questions the text is already actively exploring.
If you want to do a subversive reading of a text that is already quite subversive - what do you end up with?
"What's the story like from Izzy's perspective?" is a question ofmd deliberately doesn't focus too much on because Izzy's perspective is the default and ofmd wants to challenge that. There's a reason the angry white man is the antagonist in this show, and if you ask "Okay, but could he be right though?" you're missing the point.
Or rather, you're turning everything that's interesting about ofmd back around. You're asking "Okay, but why don't we focus on a white perspective that strictly adheres to oppressive power structures?" of a narrative who already asked itself this question and gave the answer "Because that's been done enough and there are other stories worth telling."
And I think people are aware of that, which is how we end up with completely bizarre takes like "Izzy has the only queer character arc". He hasn't, but he has the only arc that a queer reading can be done on - for everyone else it's text, plain and simple. Refusing to engage with that text in favour of centering Izzy is basically doing a heteronormative reading without being willing to admit it to yourself.
And no, interpreting Izzy as a queer man doesn't change that.
#its not about your headcanon its about the questions you ask the text!!!#'do the people who abuse and bully stede have a point?'#no says the text. NEVER. theres nothing wrong with being a gnc weirdo.#if you want to answer yes - okay why? why do you think the text is wrong in answering no?#'is ed changing how he acts and presents himself behaviour that needs to be corrected?'#no says the text. a lot what we are taught about being a man is wrong.#again. if your answer is yes. ask yourself why.#and so on. like im not saying youre committing a thought crime just. be honest about what your interpretation is actually asking yk#our flag means death#izzy hands#thoughts#the izcourse
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saw a few posts talking about ganondorf and while i dont want to uh .. risk having to argue with strangers ... i cant shut up entirely (you know me)
(in my opinion that is probably missing alot or just not as well read as a lot of others since i really just say what i feel instead of knowing what im talking about-)
its kinda hard to really talk about him bc hes so .... steeped into tired old stereotypes and harmful tropes with intentionally so little else, if anything, that you almost always end up playing into them if you just take what canon tells you (and alot of people love defending it too :/ )
to what degree is it really his character and what is literally just some things that were decided he does to make it clear hes the one note evil guy, to justify whatever horror is done to him and overshadow/bury what anyone else has done, to not think about maybe he had a point bc look how much bad stuff he does! if you made him fight for the freedom/sovereignity of his own people against an oppressive hyrule he would be in the right- so ACTUALLY he opresses them violently and selfishly even WORSE and then wants to murder everyone tm that dont bow to him bc thats what evil people do! and hyrule is justified in taking them over in turn bc their rule wont opress them :)
its like a game of trying to one up whatever hyrule did with something more bad tm bc otherwise it gets hard to justify killing him over and over
im not saying hes not allowed to be prideful, selfish or violent of whatever, but you gotta know that all of that IS one of those ways that is supposed to make it clear how evil tm the desert guy is; it doesnt matter what hyrule has done bc look! ganondorf is so much worse! and im sure hyrule had their reasons :)
hes never actually allowed to interact with his own people, hes isolated/alienated from them and their culture constantly, hes their king yet he .... violently takes over "free" gerudo villages (what? what for?? what does "free" even mean? they werent following him? their king?? were they .. allied with hyrule, who are good tm, which means they were living in paradise aka "free"? (bc they are good ones tm bc they rejected their evil one in a hundred year man king ruling violently over only women .. *cough*)), yet hes never seen fighting alongside his own people (the most is them .. silently serving him in what, one scene??) and then he drops them the second he has evil MONSTERS to fight for him instead and orders them to kill every living thing or something bc thats obviously evil, he doesnt even care about his own people! how evil! why would he do that? idk, hes the sole, selfish violent evil man opressing his own people, who are all women! that what they do! and WE need to free them from HIM (and they should be thankful to us for it and try to attone for ever having birthed him in the first place) (or he is the reason tm why they suffered/were wiped out and he is literally the sole survivor of his people, bc he doesnt care about ANYONE but himself)
i dont mean he has to be a goody two shoes character (you can be an ass and still do good/be in the right btw) bc more often than not what that actually means is being allied with hyrule bc those are the designated good guys and being on their side makes you automatically good (eugh) but do you rly want to just ... play along with all the propaganda?
imo, aside from being obviously racist, thats also so boring? does selfish, violent evil man king with no people (bc hes not part of them or fighting for them, hes always presented as the worse oppressor) and nothing else to him that only wants to murder bc ... idk evil? sound interesting to you? (to the point that the ONLY time we were shown literally any sort of vunerabillity, end of ww, that theres people trying to argue he was trying to to manipulate you even there?? what for? why? are you trying to reject literally the one glimpse we are allowed into his perspective qoq)
why do alot of people reject the idea so much to consider he actually cared about them, how maybe that prideful and selfish look is just a facade, or even a fabrication? violence that had to be met with violence, not for any sort of selfish reasons, but for his people and was met with a fight he could not win yet kept fighting on, perhaps losing himself more and more in the process, or a lie told so often that it became reality, if someone has nothign left to lose, if all was taken from them, maybe even blamed on them, why not play into what you where made out to be, you cant convince them otherwise anyway its the reason hes never shown to have done a single nice thing, never seen non angry/smug smiling, how he has no one at his side unless he forced them, how he is not allowed to be human even a little bit, never shown being anything but a boring ass trope personified, hes less a character and more a big bundle of racist tropes that fights you at the end (sorry) while looking epic so trying to meaningfully analyze him just by what we are told and shown in canon will always fall kinda flat or end up playing righ into every shitty trope
that is my opinion :I
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondorf#ganondoodles rants#yeah it got longer again#im not that well versed with words but maybe i got my point across#i will never not ask why and question everything#i didnt want to get into all the specific tropes bc .. its so many#this part:#or a lie told so often that it became reality -if someone has nothign left to lose -if all was taken from them#maybe even blamed on them - why not play into what you where made out to be- you cant convince them otherwise anyway#that part is what my demise boils down to btw#also this isnt meant as a response to anyones post#but i saw quite a few gan themed ones floating around today so i had to open my mouth again#possibly a mistake ... will be ready to delete if necessary
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individual stills of miguel Scampering on all fours and showing off his more distinct individual movement style (that he has because of his spider-man's Similar-but-still-distinctly-Weird-and-unique powers as compared to the more-graceful Others) so that i don't have 2 keep rewinding the clip(s) to see it. im REALLY excited to see him scuttling and skittering all over the place in the film just like he does in the comics-- and, like, seriously, Miguel Specifically being just. made Massive for some reason in his atsv design will never NOT be funny to me hes SO freakin Bouncy why did they Do That.
don't be Weird on my post or i'll kill you for real
#talking tag#atsv#across the spiderverse#spider-man 2099#spiderman 2099#miguel o'hara#the question is rhetorical btw i am not actually asking that in earnest.#i Already Know the reason why.#many different combined factors that came together to simultaneously make one of his Best designs and ALSO make My Life hell.#but. sigh. anyways. it's really genuinely been bringing me a lot of joy to see this kind of loving attention to detail. yknow.#god. mig never Gets That yknow?? christ. forget abt the stupid Freaks for a second. hes a c-lister. an alternate costume in a game. a Cameo.#a side character who gets a couple lines of dialogue At Best and then his entire universe is rebooted nine zillion times Again and hes gone.#and marvel only ever brings him back to choke the life out of whatevers left#so.. Yeah. that he is going to feature so prominently in atsv IS actually kinda a big deal to me! i KNOW it'll never happen again!#i dont believe in posting while Angry which is why i have not been making as many Original Posts lately but. just. god.#im not like Actually A Danger 2 anyone im just hyperbolizing out of Frustration but#oh my FOD#there r some ppl on this site that i just want 2 kill with my teeth while screaming the whole while like a howler monkey. lordt.
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Tbh I am a multishipper but I think the only reason Hori didn't make Izu//Ocha canon was bc he likes 'open endings' kinda, and it worked in his favor by just letting things implied. He gave Izu//Ocha specific romantic-coded materials to go with anyway. He made Izuku call her his hero, acknowledge her as his savior and acknowledge her help throughout the story. That's pretty much romantic subtext in the story. And this happened in the penultimate moment. There is no scene like that between BKDK at the climax. If Hori really wanted to shut the ship down, why did he include such a scene anyway? Now people are criticizing it and are angry because it seems like Hori chickened out.
Out of context, I’d agree with you that the MC calling the main girl his hero would be considered a romantic sentiment in a shonen manga. However, I honestly don’t think that’s the case here.
I don’t think they were implied and I don’t think their relationship had an open ending either, because that would imply that they had something mutually romantic going on when they really didn’t. The only romantic implications, are the fact that other characters poke fun at Ochako and just assume she likes Deku because they’re close friends. She has a crush projected onto her that she never really admits to outside of referring to it in past tense. Everything else about their relationship, feels like it could’ve been interchangeable with him and Iida, and it still would’ve had the same effect.
I actually believe that narrowing down Izuku’s admission of Ochako being his hero to romantic subtext makes the scene less impactful, almost like he’s only saying that to her because he wants her to like him, instead of saying it because he genuinely believes it and feels like she deserves to know.
Ochako was in an emotional state where she was mourning the loss of Himiko and questioned her heroism because she couldn’t save her, when the girl who was supposed to be the villain, was the one to save her life. Izuku reassuring her that she’s still a hero—still his hero—is something he would’ve done for anyone and I’m genuinely happy he was the one to do it for Ochako.
It’s implied that he considers a lot of people to be his hero. All Might, Katsuki, Iida, Todoroki, are all people who have continuously helped him through out the story too. And he has his internal thoughts praising all of them and thanks all of them as well. He doesn’t have to voice it because those characters weren’t in a situation where they needed to hear those words from him. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it, and I think it’s silly to assume that he doesn’t. It’s in character for Izuku to not say such things unless he feels like it’s necessary.
Horikoshi didn’t have to shut the ship down, because the ship was never implied to be mutual. He included such a scene, because Ochako needed someone to understand her, and Izuku was the only one who would’ve. They both sought out to save their villains and neither of them succeeded, so yes they’re the only ones who understand each other in that light even if their motives and the way they felt about their villains were different.
It’d be different if they had made this decision together and were trying to save their villains for the sake of each other, but they had both made their decisions individually before even speaking to each other about it. So they’re not relating because they actively tried to, they’re able to relate cuz they both had the same goal by coincidence. The way I see it, I think it’s meant to show that once Ochako stopped actively trying to be like Deku, is when she realized she was already like him in a way, even though she knew being exactly like him wouldn’t be good for her.
Also bkdk didn’t have a scene like that in the climax? In the climax of what? The story as a whole? The war? The epilogue?
Chapter 1? Deku vs Kacchan? Their final exam? Deku vs Kacchan part 2? The beginning of the Paranormal Liberation War Front arc? Katsuki’s apology? Katsuki’s confession in the hospital room after the war?
Ochako and Deku’s conversation was probably the first time they talked about each other to each other and explained what the other meant to them (even if it was mostly Izuku doing the talking). That kind of conversation had happened with not only bkdk countless times (yes it still counts even if it’s in the form of them screaming their feelings at each other), but also with Iida and Todoroki to a certain extent too. Not mention, literally every villain minus AFO.
To me, while their conversation is important and I appreciated it a lot and thought it was really sweet, it didn’t really feel different or more special than other conversations Izuku had with his other friends before that.
I think the reason Horikoshi didn’t make izcha canon, is because he genuinely never planned to…
#bnha#bakudeku#bkdk#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#ask puff#puff speaks#puff answers#honestly I feel like I’m answering the same question over and over again at this point#no one is gonna change my opinion about Ochako#uraraka ochako#I love her and my stance on her being an independent girlboss who don’t need deku will never falter#unless Horikoshi decides to randomly make them canon one day
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Super silly but I’m picturing a scenario where Shanks can’t really read all that well (raised by pirates etc) but he still figures out Mihawk’s little hobby and then becomes Determined to Get Better so he can keep up with the smut. Benn is like oh finally, you’re actually putting some effort into this, good, and then immediately regrets everything when shanks tries to persuade him to use Mihawk’s books for his reading lessons
No not silly at all! That’s not a headcannon I have but I can definitely see how it’s so popular Shanks doesn’t not look like he was the “education” type when he was young so I can defiently see him not knowing how to read.
And I am obsessed with the idea that his main motivation for learning how to read is so he can keep up with Mihawk’s smut publishing. I love it so much! Like he had no interest in learning how to properly read he could get on fine and Benn was always there but the moment he finds out that Mihawk is publishing smut? About them? He has to get on that’s hit immediately. That’s his new favorite hobby he is constantly buying books his crew is soooo confused.
Benn who has previously offered and encouraged Shanks yo learn is initially ecstatic but then he sees just what shanks is so excited about reading and god these fucking freaky dorks (Mihawk & Shanks) need to stop dragging him into their fucking foreplay. He is also very exasperated by just how much he features in these books and very wary of Shanks’ idea look he can see forming. (He’s not opposed to joining in but he also knows that those two weirdos have never been direct about emotions a day in their lives and so are going to go about enticing him in the weirdest most exhibitionist way possible.)
He does like to see how slightly jealous and turned on Shanks gets when Mihawk’s reader is fucking different pirates tho.
#the next time Shanks meets up with Rayleigh he tells him about how he picked up reading again and Ray is estatic because finally#he asks shanks what he’s been reading and he’s never regretted a question more in his life#because he did not need to know all that about his son and the man who took his title#Rayleigh can never look at a romance novel again haunted that one of them could have been written by the fucking worlds strongest swordsman#Benn and Ray share a very silent very heavy drink#one piece#KC’s ask mes🌸#thanks for the ask anon!#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#mishanks#Benn Beckman#op#red haired shanks#shanks#akataka
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RealAgeAU - Doctor Visit
*whispers* pppssssttt @spotaus the next one is here :3
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
We do have a warning for this one though, as it will refer child abuse, mental and physical. And wounds and what comes with it.
I am not going to make it graphic but if it bothers you please be careful with reading :)
Otherwise no beta or edits. I write these in one go and just let them live :D
Fun fact, this was originally going to be a Dust pov chapter but I realised that Ngihtmare pov would be more interesting! Also fun fact!! This was suposed to be a lot shorter but then i got typing and i realised some characters were not going to accept certain things without a good explanation and well... here we are.... i regret nothing.
*-------------------*
Nightmare pulls on his shirt as he looks down at it.
Cross hums "Nervous?"
Ngihtmare huffs and shrugs. Yes. but he doesn't want to say so.
Cross gently rubs his spine through the shirt "Yeah I get it. I never liked my health backups either."
Nightmare frowns but feels a bit less stupid about not wanting this health check. It is just stupid! His four... his four already check his old wounds! There is a reason they don't let him bath alone.
Nightmare finally finds the right words and mutters "It is just... not needed... You guys check them."
Cross is silent before Nightmare yelps as he is picked up easily. He shoots Cross a glare but Cross just keeps smiling and hugs him close with a purr "We get it Night. But we are worried too. We need to make sure that everything really is healing as we think it is. None of us are medical professionals." Cross smiles at him "please?"
Nightmare shrugs as he leans into the hold. It is nice. comfortable and warm. He hadn't realised how much he had missed hugs and being held. Last time anyone wanted to hug him this much was when he still lived with Dream and even Dream's hugs had been short or more of just leaning. His four just, hold him for as long as they like. Which can go on for the whole day.
It is nice.
Cross nuzzles his skull "And you won't be alone. Dust will be with you the whole time."
Nightmare nods. He ahd asked the day before why just Dust. Dust had explained they had agreed it would be for the best to just have one of them there to keep an eye on it. Killer hadn't wanted to get attention on him because of his soul and Horror had had much the same reason. His skull may look like a mess but it is very stable. Neither had wanted to take the focus away from Nightmare as he, according to them, needed it most.
And with Cross now again admitting health checks make him nervous. It is no wonder it would be Dust.
Nightmare gives a slow nod "true..." and you can't remove Dust unless he wants to be removed. Nightmare had known that since he first met the other skeleton.
Cross nods and smiles "See? Perfectly okay." he stands up and Nightmare gets lifted wiht him. Nightmare for his part just grabs hold on Cross's shirt to stay steady as they leave their attic.
The week they had been here is honestly amazing. Nightmare gets to relax more and read his book on the couch. At elast one of them is always nearby.
It is still weird that Crop, and his brother Straw, are so... nice. Nightmare isn't used to others being nice to him.
It is weird.
He can accept it from his four. But that is different, they are different. They are special and actually care, that is why they are nice and came back to him... for him.
Nightmare leans against Cross as they get downstairs. Dust and Horror are discussing things as Killer sits by the window staring outside.
Cross grins at the others "All clean and ready ti mingle!" Cross easily walks over to Dust and Nightmare feels himself be handed over to the other skeleton.
Nightmare can feel the difference between their holds and feels the other magic near. It is nice and familiar nad Nightmare just leans agaisnt Dust.
Dust leans close and nuzzles him "You okay? We can still call it off." Cross shoots Dust a disapproving look but Dust ignores him.
Nightmare is appreciates it but shakes his skull "It is fine. It is needed..." He huffs and crosses his arms as he looks to the side "It is just stupid." he doesnt want to do this.
Dust nods "Needed things often are stupid. It is honestly a terrible system." and another nuzzle and Ngihtmare feels a bit better.
Crop, who had been watching from the kitchen, walks over "so... who is gonna go the talking? Do you all want to be there?" and he waits.
Killer doens't look away from the window but answers "Dusty will stay with Nightmare throuhg it all. We will stay in the living room."
Crop nods "Right right." he looks a bit more nervous "You got a story straight?"
Ngihtmare huffs and mutters against Dust's shoulder "There is nothing straight about that story."
Dust freezes before snorting and trying to smother his laughing. Horror, who had been close enough to hear too, grins widely.
Cross and Killer btoh turn to them confused, same for Crop.
Dust snorts and shrugs but Horror answers "We spoke about it before hand." and Horror shoots Dust a look.
Dust looks actively pained "Yes we spoke about it."
Cross smiles at Crop's worried look "it is fine! Dust is great at this stuff. He won't share everything of what happened but will tell the healer enough to really sell it and get rumours flowing."
Ngihtmare nods and feels... happy? Pride? he isn't sure but he always knew his four were special and amazing and this just proves it again.
Crop blinks and nods "okay. As long as that is the case... She should be here any moment. She is the head doctor and head healer in our town and anything in her clinic goes through her. She is really nice and just wants to help though so no worries okay?" and he grins.
Nightmare is once again reminded of what is coming and feels hismelf grow more tense as he turns slightly to be clsoer to Dust. Dust just holds him closer and nuzzles him. Dust doesn't say anyhting but it still helps. it feels nice... it is safe.
Crop looks troubled but before he can say anything Killer turns sharply to the window again "Car just stopped. a deer monster got out." and he glances at Crop.
Crop smiles and rushes to the door "That is her. euh. just act-" he turns but before he can say anything Dust and Ngihtmare are already on the couch, Nightmare is still in his lap and has a book in his hands. Nightmare cna spot Killer by the table wiht some playing cards, already having a few made to form a house of cards. Cross is by the tv playing around with the channels as Horror sets water up for tea.
Crop blinks as he softly mutters the rest of his sentence "-act natural..." moments later a knock on the door.
Ngihtmare pushes closer to Dust and Dust takes the book from his shaking hands and starts reading it out loud.
Crop opens the door and Nightmare can't even focus on the calm voice of Dust or the fact the others are around. as Killer had said, the doctor is a deer monster of some kind. she has rather impressive antlers for her kind as she greets Crop with a familiarity.
Crop turns to the room and grins "Guys. This is Fauna. She is the head doctor in town and she is nice and very profesional!" and he waits.
Nightmare watches as Killer huffs as he looks her up and down "... I see." he walks over to Dust and Nightmare and Nightmare suddenly gets another skull nuzzling him.
Dust chuckles as he calmly puts the book away "Careful Kills, he just had a bath and your goop tends to stick."
Killer pouts at him "kill joy."
Nightmare blinks between them as he lounges against Dust. He glances back and sees a soft smile on Fauna's face. Ah. Right. make sure to show what you want them to see.
Dust looks up at Fauna and nods "I will be staying with him through his checkup." it is an announcement.
Fauna smiles and crosses her arms "oh really? I am sure we will discuss that." she looks at Crop "Where can we have this conversation and checkup?"
Crop smiles "The kitchen! come this way." and Crop leads Fauna there.
Dust rises to his feet and Nightmare cna see both Cross and Killer shoot him nervous glances.
Dust just huffs "I got this." and walks towards the kitchen. Just in time to see Horror pour some mugs of tea and setting two aside.
Horror looks at Dust "Chamomile and lemon." He smiles at Nightmare and points to the other "Lavender and peach." he nods to Crop and Fauna and silently leaves the kitchen.
Dust takes a seat before taking a sip of his own tea. Nightmare grabs his own mug and sips it. It is nice, easily with the intent Horror put into it when he made it. It helps him relax.
Crop grabs a mug for Fauna and Fauna quickly makes her own tea. Then she gives Crop a very pointed look "I know this is your house but just because you are now technically their landlord does not mean you are allowed to have this information. out you go."
Crop doesn't fight it at all "Of course. you know your way around." he grins at Dust and Nightmare "Take it easy okay?" and he leaves.
A long silence in the room.
Fauna takes asip from her own tea and looks at Dust critically "Now. Before we start I have to ask you two a few questions. Foremost and before anything else. I am here for the wellbeing of that child." she smiles at him "That is my goal." she gives Dust a colder look "Understood?"
Dust raises a brow "That is fine." then slower "However. Before we answers any questions I have one very important one for you. What are your privacy policies?" Dust nudges Ngihtmare and Nightmare is quick to take another sip, it helps to calm his shaking a bit.
Dust stares Fauna down easily "Just like you want to make sure he is okay. we just want him safe. If you are a risk to that safety we will not answer anything."
Fauna glares but nods "Insulting to be questioned like that but understanding. When I took this profesion I took a few oaths. One, to always help those in need no matter who they are. Two, to always put the health of my patient first. Three, to never disclose private matters of a patient to other people." she turns her spoon in her mug "I take these oaths very seriously. You can't help people if you are not trustworthy."
Dust rolls his eyes "Of course you took oaths. I mean who will get access to this information? You knowing it is one thing. You making physical notes that someone else can read is another. We don't want... certain people to have access to information about him." and Nightmare feels Dust hug him closer.
Obviously not a lie. They have always been careful with another about his situation geting known to other people. But that is multiverse level. And unless they would visit this universe and ask the right people the chance of the stars finding this file are very low. But... for their backstory? It is crusial. Dust having been on the run with a babybones that had been stolen and he just stole back? That means this type of information is very dangerous to just lay around.
Fauna frowns and seems to make the conclusion that Dust wants her to make. Her voice gets a bit softer as she answers slowly "Patient files are under lock and key... however. I have a special case which only I can access where I keep the more sensitive information that only i know. If i have information that I deem to sensitive for others to hear I make sure to lock it away tightly." hse has a stubborn look "And no one knows where that is."
Ngihtmare considers it for only a moment and assumes it is in her inventory. Slightly high risk as if she were to dust that information would disappear forever and be lost forever. However, no one can force someone to take something out of their inventory.
Dust frowns and gives a slow nod "Ask your questions." then he looks at Nightmare and nuzzles his skull again "If you don't want to answer her you can say so okay?" Nightmare nods and waits.
Fauna stares at them for a moment longer ebfore smilign at Nightmare "Hello... before anythign else... Do you have a name you would be okay with me calling you and knowing you as?"
Ngihtamre thinks it over before answering "My name is Nightmare, miss."
Fauna smiles and writes it on a file she has pulled out of nowhere, see? Inventory.
Fauna nods and looks back at him "How would you like to refer to you? A boy? a girl? neither? both?"
Ngihtamre shrugs as he leans against Dust. "I prefer he... but anything is fine honestly..." an afterthought and he shoots Dust an uncertain look. Dust just gives him a nod. Nightmare looks at the table "Just... no 'it' please." there. He doesn't like that. He knows some monsters are fine with that but he isn't.
Fauna nods "Of course." she smiles "Nightmare. That is not a name i hear often. Did you pick it yourself or was it given to you?"
Ngihtmare holds tighter unto Dust and mutters "Given."
Fauna nods again before smiling "by who?"
Nightmare freezes and turns to Dust for a moment. dust just nuzzles him "Your choice."
meaning he will figure out their story and edit it if he needs to. Ngihtmare feels bad about the idea of not telling his name for given by Nim... she had been his mother! yet... yet...
yet...
Nightmare shrugs as he leans against Dust "What everyone always said i was..." not a lie.
DUst frowns and holds him closer. Fauna frowns as well "Are you sure then you want to be called tht then?"
Ngihtmae nods and spekas with more confidence "fits fine wtih everyone." and more importantly "it is my name." his. Even if everyone always made it out to be something bad. It was his!
Fauna blinks before smiling "Yeah. your name is the first thing that is truely yours. and so that means it is your choice what you do with it." she notes down the name and looks at them "no family name?"
Ngihtmare shakes his skull and looks at Dust and waits.
Dust shrugs "never needed one."
Fauna chuckles nad nods "I can imagine that your names aren't in the list of most popular babynames. This will work just fine for now." she looks back at him "now nightmare. a very important question. Are you really okay wiht Dust being here for your examination?"
Nightmare is alreayd nodding and holds unto Dust tighter. Dust hugs him "I am not leaving unless he tells me to leave."
Fauna nods, not at all btohered by the glare Dust sends her way "of course. Is it okay for Dust to then be noted down as someone who is allowed to know your medical records and information?"
Nightmare nods nad pauses for a moment "So are the others."
Fauna raises her pen and waits.
Nightmare rolls his eye lights "Killer, Horror and Cross. They cna all know as well. They know things." everything he is willing to share that is.
Dust raises a brow "are you done yet with your interrogation? I thought this was suposed to be about how he is doing."
Fauna hums and looks unbothered as she updates the file "I want to be sure that I know who i can share what with." she looks at Dsut "privacy policies."
Dust looks beyond annoyed and huffs before his face goes back to being calm and bored looking.
Fauna nods and looks at Nightmare "Now. We will start easy. an examination can be a lot and with what Crop told me he knew it makes me worried about your health. we will go as far as you feel comfortable with. I will start with asking soem questions, ease you in. okay?" and she waits with a gentle smile.
Ngihtamre thinks it over before nodding.
Fauna nods again as she grabs a list "Does anything hurt?"
Nightmare rolls his eye lights and nods. Duh. He is healing.
She immediantly frowns and pulls out a shard with frowning faces "now... which face would show you how you feel about this pain?"
Ngihtmare knows he is pulling a face as Dust chuckles. Nightmare looks unimpressed at Fauna "It hurts a lot. I would say a ten when it happened. about an eight on days it hurts more and about a six otherwise."
She stares in shock and Dsut shrugs "the.... people.. he was stuck with... did not treat him as a child... we are still working on that." and he looks at Nightmare but Dust can see the pride and amusement.
Fauna frowns but makes careful notes "okay... can you explain to me what hurts? in your words."
Ngihtamre waits a moment before speaking "ribs... always... spine aches easily. legs normally don't hurt unless i walk a lot... skull doesn't hurt unless i use do magic. arms also always hurt but not as bad..." he tries to think what else but then shrugs.
Fauna however looks horrified and moves closer but she immediantly stops. Nightmare only realises later that the second she moved he flinched back and fully against Dust.
Fauna nods "okay.... That is very serious. You say using your magic also harms you?"
Ngihtmare nods slowly "not like... eating and stuff... or lighting up my eyes... but bigger things... spell stuff." it sucks but luckily the balance doens't need him anymore. He hadn't flet any new calling and figures he has time.
Fauna nods and frowns at Dust and Nightmare both "crop mentioned that there had been magic at play. somekind of shielding?"
Nightmare looks helplessly at Dust. he had no idea how to explain that!
Dust nods to nightmare before looking at Fauna "if you don't mind i will answer that." Fauna nods and Dust continues "We aren't quite sure of the details. we never saw the magic or studied the spell up close. We think he got into contact with something very powerful, probably with old magic. maybe an artifect. We never actually saw what it was. But it formed a sort of shield or bubble. It enclosed him, his soul and magic. but eventually it warn off and Nightmare appeared again. I saw him reappear and after some confusion on our end we got to work to get Nightmare back with us for safety..."
Fauna nods "You have seen this bubble or shielding?"
Dust nods "I have, it left Nightmare completely unrecognizeable from who he truly was. You wouldn't even be able to guess he was in there..."
Fauna frowns heavily as she makes notes "That may have impacted his magical growth and development, which may also be part of the reason shy using complex magic hurts him."
Nightmare stares at Dsut in shock. How had he just... made that up?! On the spot? It wasn't even a lie!
Dust sees him look and winks back wiht a grin before pulling his face back to the blank worried one of before.
Fauna nods as she sits up striaghter "okay. that is most of the verbal examination. I am very sorry but I really need to look at the physical wounds and your magic. I understand you have had very bad experiences with others who were suposed to keep your safe. Will you please allow me to see if i can help?"
Nightmare frowns as he thinks before answering "only wiht Dusty here." Dust will keep him safe. he can't keep himself safe but that is okay because Dust will.
Fauna nods "of course. Where would you like to start?"
Ngihtmare thinks before answering "magic and skull." that is easy to do together and as soon as he stops using his magic his skull will be healed again.
Dust pushes the chair they are sitting on a bit backwards and moves them around. Nightmare sits wiht his spine and back against Dust's front and he feels the slow and even soulbeat of him against his spine.
It helps calm his own racing soul.
Fauna sits in front of them. a reasonable amount of space between them.
Nightmare takes a deep breatha dn leans against Dust as he calls up his magic. It is still tought but a bit easier. It answers his call but it doesn't take any shape. It doesn't have a purpose. Nightmare tries to use it to feel the healer's general emotions and his head starts to ache.
He tells them as much and starts to feel what the lady is feeling. Worry, just so much worry and grief. Grief for him.
Ngihtmare doesn't get it. People don't like Nightmare. Ngihtmare is a bad omen and makes bad things happen. Why would she be worried for him? She doesn't even know him.
A loud gasp and even more worry and horrified feelings and Nightmare knows the cracks are visible.
Nightmare doesn't look at her but instead at the table. the light of his scars is bright enoguh to light up the room in a strange combination or purple and cyan.
Dust speaks softly "His own magic is purple... the cyan was from whatever the shielding bubble thing had been." a soft hand rubbing his shoulders. helping him relax.
Fauna swallows before speaking softly "Can I come closer and examine it?"
Nightmare answers himself "may as well... I managed to do it now anyway." it aches so badly "just... quickly please."
Dust mumbles "and carefully. This is very painful."
Fauna moves carefully and even a feather light touch causes agony as he shakes and a whimper escapes him.
Dust pulls him further back "Ngihtamre i think that is enough. can you dispell your magic again?"
His skull is swimming in pain and emotions not his own. He can't feel adn understand them on the same level anymore... can't sperate them from himself as easily anymore.
The light disappears and Nightmare just lays shaking in Dust's hold. Dust frowns at him and mutters "It got worse again..."
Ngihtamre looks away but nods. Dust just rubs his back and looks at Fauna "So yeah... pretty much all his magic still has that... cyan colour to it but as you saw it isn't helping him."
Fauna is writing quickly in her notes "It is almost an invasive magic on him. However it doesn't seem like he makes this cyan magic himself. I think it are still left overs but we would have to try and messure the two different forms of magic which is hard to do in the same person. those wounds..." and she looks at them.
Dust sighs "THe newest... wounds he got on... on his way out... on his way away from those he was with before... We always thought that whatever the magic was it saved him." again, no lies, just selective with the information and how he tells it.
Fauna taps the notes and nods "Well worrying. I think you are right on the magic having saved him. Especially as when he isn't using magic it isn't harming him. What i think that is happening is that the magic is keeping the head wounds close and whole. I think him trying to use his magic makes the cyan magic react as well, but as he can't make that it is pulled from whatever source he has. which in this cause is the very thing helping him." she nods and writes on another paper "For now. don't use any complex spells. only use very light and natural magic. things that don't bother or tire him. This way you can keep his own magic active and practise to help it grow stronger without disrupting the magic in his skull. If he at any moments starts to regularly have headaches we will need to look into somekind of magic transfer."
Dust frowns "why not do a transfer now?"
Fauna sighs "Magical transfers can be dangerous. if your soul doesn't accept the transfer you are suddenly without any magic in you. For children, especially those with very little magic themselves, it has an added risk of completely overwriting their own magic. meaning that their soul will only accept the new type of magic, but as the soul can't make this they will still have the same fate." she gives Dust a cold stare "this is not something done lightly."
Dust nods and mutters "We will keep an eye out for headaches." he give shim a look "any. headache."
Nightmare pouts and huffs at him "Okay. I will tell you."
Dust nods "good."he nudges their skulls together softly. "What next?"
nightmare frowns and sighs "ribs... it is the worst.. if that is okay the rest should be too." even if he hates losing his shirt and showing anyone the wounds and barely healed bones.
Dust nods and looks at fauna "Nightmare is going to have to sit with his back to you. You will need to announce any movement you make and keep making somekind of sound or noise."
Fauna accepts it easily and waits. Nightmare turns to sit towards Dust nad lets Dust help get him out of his loose shirt. Cross had specificlaly picked this one for today to make this easier. It is also why they skipped the bandages for today.
A loud gasp and Nightmare quickly hides his face in the bright red scarf.
Dust rubs the back or his skull "Yeah. we know. We try to get him to take a bath each day to clean the wounds out. He can bath himself but the wounds demand extra attention and care that he as a six year old just doesn't have the dexterity for." hearing Dust talk helps him calm down. he isn't alone. he isn't alone. he isn't alone.
Fauna swallows and speaks in a soft voice "I am going to sit a bit closer and take a closer look at some of your wounds near your spine." slow movements and Ngihtmare feels hismelf grow more tense. Fauna continues to talk "you are being very brave. thank you for trusting me, or at least trusting Dust enough to allow me to try and help you." she sits closer and Ngihtmare cna hear her breathing now. Fauna hums softly "Even if they look bad and still very hurt, which i know they do, they are very clean and seem to be healing well. YOu are all taking very good care of these breaks and missing chips."
Fauna shifts a tiny bit and Nightmare tightens his hold on Dust's hoody. Nightmare relaly likes the material that Dust wears. it is soft and makes it easy for him to sink his tiny claws into. Not let go.
Fauna speaks again "Mayb i touch the bones on your spine? I need to check how sensitive and hurt the still healthy bones are."
Nightmare takes a moment and nods before grabbing Dusts arm. DUst luckily understnads him "He will grip me if it hurts and i will tell you. is that okay?"
Fauna speaks with relieve "That is fine. Thank you for letting me examine this. I am going to touch your spine in 3. 2. 1. now." the touch on his spine still surprises him but aside from the tiny flinch nothing happens. Fauna hums and speaks "I am goign to touch a tiny bit lower." the touch moves but no pain. "very good. a bit lower again." the touch moves lower but his whole spine lights up in pain and Nightmare whimpers as he clams down on Dust's hand.
"It hurts him very badly." the hand on his spine is already gone before Dust finishes his sentence.
Fauna speaks with full praise "Thank you Nightmare. you did amazing. You are very brave."
Nightmare can't help it as he pushes closer to Dust "dusty... it is weird."
silence and Dust hums "what is?"
Nightmare pushes clsoer to Dust "her being nice." people aren't nice to him. they hate him at first sight. why is she different. why...
"Why weren't they nice?" he hates how he sounds but he just wants to know.
Dust holds him clsoer, Dust's hands and arms always know were to hold wihtout hurting him. same for the others. they are safe.
Dust mutters "I don't know. I think they were just dumb." a bit louder "I think we shuld stop."
Fauna is quick to agree "absolutely. I am sorry for not realising we had already hit his limit."
Dust helps him put on his shirt again "Nightmare is an amazing person. but he has the habit of not saying what bothers him." dust holds him close in a hug and dust looks at fauna "the spine is the worst by far. What do you think?"
Fauna writes some things down before speaking "I think you four have been doing a good job with trying to help him heal the pain he was caused. The spine is going to be a slow healing process, even slower because of his magic situation. All you cna do is keep cleanign it daily and making sure it is wrapped up." she finishes writing something.
Dust takes the note and speaks "understood. keep cleaning the wounds daily, wrap them up and check to make sure the wounds don't get bigger. Aside from that he isn't suposed to use his magic aside from easy and stressless things. if he at any moment starts to have headaches we are to call immediantly"
Fauna answers him "indeed. If you have any questions or worries feel free to call. I put the number for my clinic on there as well. Just ask for me and saywho you are and they will call me. I am going to amke sure that everyone knows you are on the emergancy list." slow steps towards the door and exit of the kitchen when she stops "He is a very sweet babybones. I am sorry to hear he got this hurt."
Dust chuckles and just holds him clsoer "we know... we agree..."
a moment of silence before Fauna speaks again "I am going to talk with Crop that you will have to use his bathroom a lot, doctors orders. What else you tlel him is up to you. Have a good day." and she is gone.
They sit in silence nad Dust just helps Nightmare finish his now much colder tea. The taste is still good even when cold...
DUst nuzzles his skull "You oaky?"
Ngihtmare just pushes closer "tired."
Dust chuckles "Yeah... me too... how about this? I am going to help you wrap up your ribs. after that we will lay in the living room together and nap while Killer and Cross get competitive over a card game?"
Nightamre nods and relaxes "yeah" that sounds great. Dust picks him up and takes him to their attic to help him get ready for the rest of the day.
Dust will tell the others how it went and what to watch out for. Nightmare just has to relax and trust him.
And that is okay. Nightmare has gotten a lot better at trusting others.
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First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
#utmv#realageau#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#dusttale sans#killer sans#horrortale sans#cross sans#farmtale sans#bad sanses#writing#drabble#I once again failed to write a short drabble. oh i never learn. shame on me#look it was only suposed to be the examination but then i wanted a softer start and i realised that a doctor would be more cautious#and so would dust! So. you got the whole interview/interogation#Look if you guys expected fluff you should have known better#it is an medical examination of a kid who has been mistreated for his whole short life and only just started to heal from that#also yes Dust would ahve 100% killed the doctor if she made one wrong more. no questions asked.#he didn't need to but it was an option! The doctor may have been slightly aware of this and got more and more aware as she realised#how hurt the baby had been and still is.#but yeah! Dust set the scene for the rumors to start and to start building the backstory for their slightly longer stay#And yes it was originally going to be a dust pov but then i realised i hadn't had nightmare one in a while and thgouth 'huh. Nightmare now#is reacting very differently because he knows he is a child even if he is still frustrated about it but also has adults treating him like 1#So we got a nightmare POV :D
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Buddy making Bakarath real make the fact Porter couldn't just make his own god even funnier.
Like, ok maybe Kristen is just the most gifted cleric of her age and she spoke to the void and created a god (that she almost immediately ditched). But Buddy almost certainly didn't get banished to the void. Buddy created Bakarath out of pure belief. If Porter just had a really dedicated cleric (who he didn't have to kill first) he could have had his god of war without having to do all this messy shit. But no.
And I get thematically conquering the last god of conquest is great but do you want it to be thematically good or do you want it done?
#dimension 20#fantasy high#again I think I'm recycling thoughts but it keeps coming back to me#“do you want it to be thematically good or do you want it to be done?” is definitely a question Jace asked at some point#to which Porter just responded “yes”#and Jace reached for the medicinal vodka#porter cliffbreaker#they could never make me respect you
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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